One Happy Meal (Kindly comment)

[Nikhar]

It was a good story, Nikhar.

One thing...

Vijay lived in a village where female infanticide was common and he did what he thought best to save his daughters life, he showed his strength of chatracter and his ability to take a stand against evil practices; then why could he not do it when Seth Tewari was asking for more dowry?

It could be that in my mind I didnt want the story to end like that, but based on my understanding a person who could take a stand against one evil practice will not fall to such Seth Tewari's that easily.

It could also be that you wanted to show that the father could not take more humiliation after his daughter was rejected a day before her wedding, and that, the society, finally, did have its way?

Thanks Madhuri.


Firstly, I always knew my story had to end that way. I did not have a definitve beginning but the end was quite clear in my little grey cells. (lol ).

Many years had passed since he had left the village and the night of the main story.
Regarding your question, well, Vijay's daughter had already been rejected twice (I have mentioned it in my story), and the third one was the last straw. He was mentally defeated and did not have any courage left in him.
many years had passed since he had left the village and the night of the main story.

I hope I could satisfy your query.


I'd be grateful if you could share your idea of the climax.

[Nikhar]

Any more comments would be greatly appreciated.

[The Walker]

he Nikhar. I'll comment as soon as I have the time to reread it.
Have a greatday!

[Nikhar]

he Nikhar. I'll comment as soon as I have the time to reread it.
Have a greatday!

Thanks. Eagerly waiting for your comments.

[Nikhar]

Anyone else?



Walker, still waiting!

[Steven Hunley]

P.2 ...she was in labor that night, expecting a child..
...she had got up,just managing to look out...
p.3 ...she turned in the direction of the disturbance. Her eyes soon caught..
p.4 ...comparatively, instead of a staff he had what seemed
It's just that the word "and", being a conjunction, serves only to connect other words together, so it isn't too powerful or packed with meaning itself. I have to agree you did get alot of response to this story. Good job.

[Nikhar]

Thanks again Steven.

I am indeed happy that people liked this little piece.

[Steven Hunley]

I agree with some of the comments above, especially about there being no definete beginning middle and end. Also, the start is a bit long. I don't find dialogue until quite a bit later. You got some of the most perceptive people on the site to comment. That's a good point, and proves it has merit.

[Nikhar]

Thanks once again Steven.



Does anyone know a synonym for thanks, I think I'm getting too monotonous

[Jackiemaggio]

I really liked your story and you should be very proud! You got a bunch of comments from a bunch of different people so even though they're finding some flaws in your story they still took the time to read and comment. That means they liked it too. Anyway I just have one comment, some of your descriptive words are a little too over the top, like when you say gargantuan and forlorn, it's almost too much. Other than that I loved it, and would also love it if you took a peak at my story, Skimming the Surface! :x