I'm a new writer and I'm working on my first novel. I have some writing experience, but I've never tried something as BIG as a full length novel before. Therefore, I'd really appreciate any advice you guys have. This is the first 7 pages of my book. It's called Grae and it's about the eponymous extraterrestrial who finds himself pursued by the police after accidentally kidnapping a human. But that doesn't happen for a while, so here's the first part, in which he wakes up to find himself in a terrible mood.
Edit: All the formatting disappeared when I posted this. Any way to get it back?
EditEdit: Upon Calidore's suggestion, I put whitespace between paragraphs. It should be a bit easier to read now.
A note to human readers: For your convenience, most dialogue, text, and measurements of time and distance have been translated to English as closely as possible. For help on Galactic Common linguistics and pronunciation, you may consult Kei-Ei-Bi-Koma!, a guide for the English speaker trying to learn Common. There is a short list of Common words, as well as an encyclopedia of various intelligent species, located near the end of this book.
“Mabi Short, are you ready to provide your defense?”
“No, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be.”
“Very well. Grae Short, after evading capture for approximately one Standard year, you now stand trial for the following crimes; Several counts of murder, vehicular theft, assaulting an officer of the Galactic Military Police Force, terrorism, disrupting Quati development on Sol-3, also known as Earth, resisting arrest, harboring a fugitive, kidnapping, and other, lesser crimes too numerous to mention. You may now provide your account of these accusations, that the court can make a fair and honest judgment and take necessary punitive action.”
“I'm going to have to start from the beginning. It's a long story.”
“I understand. You have as much time as you need to speak.”
"Okay. [sigh] Here's my story.
-Excerpt from audio recordings of the trial of Grae Short versus the Galactic Republic of Planets.
Grae felt like crap. He wanted to just lie in his bed for a few hours, but a nagging voice in the back of his head was whispering, Get up, as though there was something very important he was supposed to be doing. But what? With a great deal of difficulty, he opened his eyes and looked around the small hotel room.
The hideous wall pattern glared at him with its mosaic of ugly colors, the dim lights crackled to life above his head upon sensing that he was awake, the clock – He stared at the clock. His tired brain took several seconds to read the numbers, and then another few seconds to register what they meant. In this case, they meant that he was supposed to be awake over three hours ago.
Three hours late!
Grae sat up suddenly. There was a sharp crack as he hit his head on the monitor screen he had left lowered when he had fallen asleep watching some stupid television show the previous night. Somehow he had not noticed it when he was looking around the room.
Grae let out a surprised cry and fell down on his back. Rolling out of bed, he stood up on his short, stubby legs, brushed himself off, and turned towards the closet, his hand on his forehead. He muttered a few choice swear words as he shuffled over to the closet.
He had picked his clothes out before he went to bed. Grae put on an old T-shirt, a pair of tan cargo shorts meant for a species twice his height that ran down to his ankles, and a red checkered bandanna. The bandanna was completely unnecessary. After all, he was going to be spending most of the day in space, not in the middle of a desert, but he wore it anyways. He just liked it.
Fully dressed, Grae grabbed the small blue suitcase that held all of his possessions. Three pairs of clothes, a few old notebooks, some knickknacks, and a gun. It made Grae a little happy this suitcase was all that remained of his old self, the part of him he had killed. Today was a new day, and he didn't have to worry about his past anymore. Leera had promised him that she would see to that.
The tiny spark of happiness quickly died when he tripped clumsily over his bed on his way out, landing hard on his elbow. He groaned. Slowly getting to his feet, Grae unlocked the deadbolt on his door and pushed it open. He then slammed the door behind him.
Grae let out a high pitched yelp, yanked the door open again, and pulled his tail free. Mumbling profanities, the small furry creature quickly made his way down the hallway and over to the hotel lobby. He stopped by a vending machine and fed his identification card into it. It spat out something slightly resembling a sandwich. Grae watched it carefully for a few moments to make sure it wasn't moving, then picked it up, retrieved his card and ate the sad meal as he continued on his way to the front desk.
The lobby wasn't busy at the moment. Anyone who needed to be somewhere had already left and new guests wouldn't arrive for a few hours. Grae climbed up onto a chair to reach the small scanner on the desk. He swiped his card to check out from the hotel and hopped down. Seething, running horrifically late, and sporting a headache, an injured tail, and a bruised elbow, Grae left the Ferik Hotel and stepped into the streets of Undercity.
It was going to be a long, long day.
For the past five Standard days, Grae Short had been staying in Quann, a huge city on a small planet with the same name. It had been a fascinating, if thoroughly unpleasant experience.
The first thing the average traveler thinks on their first trip to Quann is, "Wow". The second thought that passes through their mind is also often "Wow", which is usually followed by three or four more "Wows" as the sheer size of the city slowly starts to sink in.
Quann was, after all, the second largest city in recorded history, after Schlora. It covered almost twenty five percent of the otherwise uninhabited planet. Not only that, but the city had a second layer beneath the surface, a complex maze of subways, basements, run down hotels, and underground farms to feed the hungry masses of the planet.
This labyrinth was called Yoshtaka, or Undercity, and Grae hated it. It was hot, bright, and crowded, and anything but beautiful to him, though every travel agency in the galaxy seemed to disagree. In Undercity, all looking up rewarded you with was an unpleasant view of the thousands of flashing, shining, whirling advertisements on the gigantic television screens above.
The massive city was supported in a variety of ways, but selling advertising space was an impressively large source of revenue. Ads covered the ceiling, the walls, the billboards, the windows, some printed, others actual videos and animations, all projecting streams upon streams of useless information at the young Farbian making his way through the city streets. He cast his gaze down at the sidewalk, the only unused space where he could rest his eyes.
Grae, quite unlike the average traveler, was not so easily impressed by Quann's light show of capitalism. He had lived on Schlora for far too long to believe that any city was without its – figurative – underground.
And then there was the noise. Grae had never liked the city. He sported a set of “cave ears.” His acute hearing meant that a migraine followed him everywhere he went, especially in the city.
It came as a great relief to him that soon he could leave this city behind forever. It reminded him too much of his home world.
Grae was miserable here. Even without the memories, the ads, the noise, there was something about the city that made him feel uncomfortable. He wasn't a “people person,” he supposed.
It didn't help that he came from a Cave society. His heightened senses made him inherently oversensitive to touch, light, heat, and sound, all of which were in abundance in Quann. He was incredibly grateful that he wouldn't have to come back here. Ever.
“Wow.” A nearby traveled chirped. Grae glanced up at the Arriak who had stepped out of the rivers of people and was standing under the low ceiling of the entrance of the hotel. The Arriak was, at the very least, twice Grae's height, but Grae wasn't very tall, even for a Farbian. “Wow.” the gigantic arthropod said again, waving his antennae back and forth. Noticing Grae, he smiled. At least, Grae thought it was a smile.
Reading Arriak facial expressions always presented an interesting challenge. The large Mabi didn't have many facial features in common with other species. Bulbous compund pupils, a thin row of mandibles for a mouth, and, long thin arms and legs made the Arriak body language extremely... well, alien.
“Beautiful, isn't it?” He asked Grae. “All the colors, all the different... stuff...” The Arriak didn't seem to be particularly articulate. On a day like this, neither was Grae.
The Farbian mumbled something, though even he himself wasn't quite sure of what it was. The traveler gave him a strange look and shook his head, said “Wow.” one last time, and turned around, disappearing inside the Ferik Hotel.
Grae was traveling to the Duran district, about a fifteen minute trip on the SnapTrain. The nearest Snaptrain station was... He took out a small box that fit neatly into his palm and unfolded it. The pocket computer took a few seconds to turn on, before flashing the Scio Kio company logo, a blue triangle cut into a green rectangle. He tapped a few keys on the device. It only took him a few seconds to find his destination on the map. Taking a breath, as if preparing to enter a physical river, Grae stepped into the flow of traffic and began to make his way south.
It was only a short walk to the train station, but the streets were crowded. A small Farbian like himself could easily get stepped on by someone larger. He carefully avoided the other species on the streets, especially the Arriaks and their spiny exoskeletons, or the Katamains, who were just as unpleasant to run into, with their sharp jointed legs.
It wasn't that he disliked other Mabi. He wasn't racist, after all, some of his friends were Katamain...
Actually Grae didn't really have any friends. In any case, he just didn't like being stepped on by one of the three foot long spiky chitinous swords that the Katamains called their legs.
Grae was frustrated with himself more than anyone else. He had planned to get up earlier to beat the rush of foot traffic, but any hope of that had passed by. One can't afford to be late in a place like Quann.
After much difficulty, Grae reached the Snaptrain station, Quann's supersonic subway transportation system. He purchased a ticket for the next train to Duran. He had already bought one the day before to save time, but that train had left over two hours ago.
As it was, he was fortunate, for once. There was a train bound for Duran scheduled to arrive at his station in a few minutes. With a crack like a gunshot, the train was suddenly there, arriving far too fast for the eye to see. As he boarded the train, stepping carefully up the metal stairs, he suddenly realized that he had no shoes on.
“Well, Tarrak.” Grae muttered. It wasn't a problem, of course, Farbians like himself went without shoes all the time. He just preferred to wear them. There were all sorts of nasty things to step on when one is out in a city like Quann.
As if to illustrate this, he tripped his way up the stairs and bumped into the passenger in front of him, a young Kerrik.
The tiny, white-furred batlike creature shrieked in surprise and whipped around to face him, his bright blue eyes wide with confusion and fear. A small plastic cup of Tak shook in his hands. Kerriks couldn't metabolize the caffeine in Tak very well, and the one facing him now was more than a little on edge.
“Watch where you're going, you idiot!” He squeaked. He was shaking slightly.
“Sorry.” Grae mumbled, trying to walk around the small creature.
“Yeah, you should be sorry.” The Kerrik muttered as Grae stepped around him, in a failed attempt to seem threatening. On any other day, Grae would have thought of something clever to say, but today he was in a hurry and not really at his cleverest. He apologized again and turned away from the over-caffeinated creature, who snorted indignantly and made his way to a seat near the back of the crowded train.
Grae walked down the aisle after the Kerrik had found his spot and sat down in the first available chair, glaring at the floor. Just like in Undercity, most of the train was plastered with advertisements. Dental products, food, the latest gadget, it was all overwhelming. Just like in Undercity, Grae preferred to keep his head down.
There was a slight lurch and a loud snap as the train suddenly accelerated to about three times the speed of sound in under a second. The Snaptrain's local Kinetic Absorption Shield did its job, keeping the passengers comfortable and safe as the train accelerated, decelerated, and flew around sharp corners at impossible speeds.
It was only a fifteen minute trip to the spaceport in Duran where the ship Leera had provided was docked. He hadn't seen the shuttle yet, but as long as it was something he could fly without too much trouble, he didn't really care. He occupied himself by checking the news on his pocket computer. Most of the news was Tarrak, but he read anyway.
“Well, Kata-eh, stranger.” The woman next to Grae greeted him. He blinked, startled. He hadn't even noticed her sit down. She was a Farbian like him, but she had much lighter fur. He turned his gaze back to his computer and kept reading. Maybe on any other day he would have talked back, but he wasn't exactly in the best of moods on this particular morning.
“Not a talkative one, are you?”
“Mmph.” Grae mumbled.
“You know, it would be nice to speak with a fellow Farbian once and a while. There aren't a whole lot of us here on Quann.”
“Gee, I wonder why.” Grae tilted his head a little to look at her, his ears falling back against his head in annoyance. “Maybe it's because if I had to live here, I'd dig my own doran eardrums out with a penknife first.” He spat.
The woman smiled shyly. “The noise isn't so bad, once you get used to it. Anyway, being all grumpy like this is no good for the soul.”
“My soul gets along just fine without me.” Grae wondered why she was still talking to him. Sure, she probably hadn't seen someone of her own species in a while, but that wasn't an excuse for being so annoying.
“And if I wanted cheering up, I'd throw a party.” He continued. “But right now I just want to get off this Tarrak-feh planet. I was supposed to be starbound hours ago.”
“Heading off planet? Where to?” She was determined to find a way to keep talking to him.
Grae sighed. “Menta. I've got a job to do there, and I don't imagine my boss would be too pleased if I didn't show up. Now if you're quite done interrogating me, you can go find someone else to annoy.”
The Farbian woman made a snorting sound and turned away from him. “Well, excuse me for trying to be friendly! I can see this has been a waste of my time!”
“Mine too, Mabi.”
Nothing happened for the rest of the train ride, and Grae quickly went back to his sulking. He could feel the woman next to him glaring at him every so often, but at least she wasn't talking anymore.
After a few minutes, with a sound like a gunshot, the train stopped at the station and Grae stepped off, along with a few other passengers, including the lady who had sat next to him, who shot him one last annoyed glance before she disappeared into the crowd. Like he cared.
The station was practically right across the street from the Duran Municipal Spaceport. As he stepped though the door into the spaceport lobby, he was struck by the amount of life in the huge room, just like in the city. Travelers coming and going, venders hawking Tarrak, Mabi of all species squeezing through the crowd. So much movement, so many people.
With great difficulty, Grae dragged his suitcase behind him as he pushed and shoved his way to hanger 2034, where the ship Leera had provided was located. He punched in a code, scanned his identification, and stood back as the door rose up, revealing the form inside the hanger. His mouth opened wide with disbelief as he saw the ship inside.
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Originally Posted by Hwo Thumb
