Question about mixing past and present tenses???!!!

[tuboludo]

I am seriously wondering if it is wrong of me to mix past and present the way I am mixing it. I am wondering if it in any ways is wrong or confusing. To me it just seems natural to write actions scenes in present tense.

Below is an example of my writing. Please tell me if you think it’s Okay to be writing in this manner????

(The ‘Kiss’um’mak’ and ‘Ahul’man’juke’ in the text are Arabic profanities, like ‘**** you mother****er’ etc. And the ‘TACK, TACK, TACK’ are noise coming from backgammon board.)

The socks are neatly put on so they fit perfectly. The old fighter continues his preparations. Shaft stands up and proceeds to his wardrobe. With stoic calmness he chooses a pair of tight blue jeans, a tight red T-shirt with rolled-up sleeves, and a pair of brand new white sneakers so he can stand firmly on the battleground. Then he straps on a leather belt. The leather belt is accompanied by his beloved old Greek iron chain that just fits in a snap around his waist. The Hook at one end of the chain grabs a ring at the other end so it quickly can be detached and used as a nasty weapon in close combat.
Shaft finds his 9mm Browning semi-automatic pistol on top of the bar in the living room and puts it in his belt. Then he chooses the right pair of sunglasses for the occasion and puts them on in a way that only he, Schwarzenegger and the other He-Man heroes can do it. And this is not some Hollywood fantasy Box Office movie, no this is a real life person in flesh and blood, this is Dr. Shaft Al-Bundy and he is ready for action, and I **** you not, he is on his way into a real life battle if necessary!
Once Dr. Shaft is up on the street he quickly locates the balcony where the old gentlemen are sitting and enjoying themselves. ‘TACK, TACK, TACK’ and before the wife and kids have time to react Dr. Shaft has forced his way out onto the balcony where he immediately starts shouting, waving his arms aggressively as he cocks his Browning and hits the old men on the back of their heads with an open hand. Not hard in a damaging way, but enough to get his messages through if the old gentlemen should consider trying to fight him off.
The Backgammon board with all its checkers flies over the balcony as Shaft fires five rapid shots into the air with his 9mm Browning. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. Everybody nearby in the neighbourhood stops with whatever they are doing and observes in awe what is going on up on the third floor balcony. Those who knows who Dr. Shaft is, looks away and continues with their business. Among them a local police officer on the street who just continues his walk back to the local police station.
Shaft is swearing at the old gentlemen, cursing them to hell, reminding them that if they ever again will deprive him his divine sleep, he will kill them and their entire families! This is HIS neighbourhood and if they don’t like it here they can **** off back to whatever graveyard their ancestors are buried in.
‘Kiss’um’mak’ this and ‘kiss’um’mak’ that. ‘Ahul’man’juke’ one thing and ‘ahul’man’juke’ another. Some of the kids in the apartment might just have learned some new profanities on that hot afternoon in Damascus. No one spoke a word against Dr. Shaft Al-Bundy. They knew who he was, they knew about his powerful connections. After being sure that his message got through, Dr. Shaft left the apartment as nothing had ever happened and a few minutes later he was again fast asleep, dreaming of young women and ancient weapons. ‘Me Tarzan, You Jane.’

Or maybe the following is an better example of how I sometimes mix past and present tenses:

The taxi driver turns his back to Dr. Shaft with great arrogance and leans over the newly polished roof of the dark-blue Mazda 929 and examines the plastic card with the imprinted photograph. In his agitated mind he is cursing in a mumbling way at this weird little man with the ugly sunglasses. He begins to wonder why this Dr. Shaft Al-Bundy also is wearing the same sunglasses in the photo on his driver’s license.
The name ‘Al-Bundy’ is ringing some sort of bell deep inside the memory bank of the taxi driver’s brain. Shaft Al-Bundy, the taxi driver thinks to himself, this is really strange, could this be the same Al-Bundy….. SLAM-BANG, no more thinking for the taxi driver that day!
Shaft had already taken a good hold of him and smashed his head straight down into the roof of the car with such force that his nose now was squeezed halfway into his skull. Blood everywhere. Smashing someone’s nose always generates a lot of blood. Now it was clear that Dr. Shaft had loosened his tongue and retorted the taxi driver.
‘Kiss’ach’tak arrsa, kiss’um’mak be’eri, ahul’man’juke, bidi’nik a’buk arras,’ the words were flowing from the mouth of Dr. Shaft like a poem of anger and madness with an unimaginable odious voice.
He was repeatedly smashing his head into the roof of his car while the taxi driver feverishly and in severe pain gasped for breath in an abundance of blood, broken teeth and a fractured jaw. Shaft let go his hold of him and is kicking the taxi driver recklessly as he slides down on the tarmac and finally lies there barely moving. The taxi driver's body only moves now and then in convulsions, but he is no longer conscious.
Just as abruptly as he started Shaft stops his acts of violence again. He corrects his short-sleeved shirt, bends down and rips off a big chunk of the taxi driver's T-shirt from his back.
In anger and with hectic movements Shaft gets most of the blood wiped off from the roof of his car and then he throws the bloody ‘rag’ back onto the head of the taxi driver. Shaft nicely picks up his driver’s license and gets back into his car. Shaft turns the car’s engine back on and reverses it a bit to get it free from the taxi that is blocking most of the street.

[Mohammad Ahmad]

I am in suspect that you asked about tenses sequence, so if that, look to the follows;
simple present tense --------- simple present tense\ present continuous \ present perfect \ simple future
simple past tense -----------simple past tense\ past continuous\ past perfect \ future in the past ( conditional ) in rare actions
When you start your sentence in the past you must finish it in the past or gradually you can change the shift for present, but if you start your sentence in the present you can't return to the past immediately in the same paragraph unless you have parenthetical clause.
Also the present perfect can refer to uncertain or non-definite period in the past
If you have more questions about sentences structure or tenses, please write short paragraph

[tuboludo]

So the way I am mixing past and present isn’t necessarily wrong or confusing?

I am in suspect that you asked about tenses sequence, so if that, look to the follows;
simple present tense --------- simple present tense\ present continuous \ present perfect \ simple future
simple past tense -----------simple past tense\ past continuous\ past perfect \ future in the past ( conditional ) in rare actions
When you start your sentence in the past you must finish it in the past or gradually you can change the shift for present, but if you start your sentence in the present you can't return to the past immediately in the same paragraph unless you have parenthetical clause.
Also the present perfect can refer to uncertain or non-definite period in the past
If you have more questions about sentences structure or tenses, please write short paragraph

[DocHeart]

Don't worry about it. It's not the worst thing about your writing.

[tuboludo]

Don't worry about it. It's not the worst thing about your writing.

LOL Is that a positive, negative or a sarcastic note?

[Pumpkin337]

The socks are n̶e̶a̶t̶l̶y̶ put on so they fit perfectly. The old fighter continued his preparations. Shaft stood up and p̶r̶o̶c̶e̶e̶d̶s̶ went to his wardrobe.̶W̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶s̶t̶o̶i̶c̶ Calmly he chose a pair of t̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶b̶l̶u̶e̶ jeans, a t̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ red T-shirt w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶r̶o̶l̶l̶e̶d̶-̶u̶p̶ ̶s̶l̶e̶e̶v̶e̶s̶, and a pair of b̶r̶a̶n̶d̶ new white sneakers so he can stand firmly on the battleground. T̶h̶e̶n̶ He strapped on a leather belt.̶ ̶T̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶b̶e̶l̶t̶ which was accompanied by his beloved old Greek i̶r̶o̶n̶ chain that j̶u̶s̶t̶ fit i̶n̶ with a snap around his waist. T̶h̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶c̶h̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶g̶r̶a̶b̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶o̶t̶h̶e̶r̶ ̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶ It can quickly be detached and used as a nasty weapon in close combat.

Shaft found his 9mm Browning semi-automatic pistol on top of the bar in the living room and put it in his belt (only seriously stupid people do this!). Then he chose the right pair of sunglasses for the occasion and put them on in the way that only he, Schwarzenegger and other He-Man heroes can̶ d̶o̶ ̶i̶t̶.̶ A̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶H̶o̶l̶l̶y̶w̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶f̶a̶n̶t̶a̶s̶y̶ ̶B̶o̶x̶ ̶O̶f̶f̶i̶c̶e̶ ̶m̶o̶v̶i̶e̶,̶ ̶n̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶f̶l̶e̶s̶h̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶l̶o̶o̶d̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶D̶r̶.̶ ̶S̶h̶a̶f̶t̶ ̶A̶l̶-̶B̶u̶n̶d̶y̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶d̶y̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶c̶t̶i̶o̶n̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶*̶*̶*̶*̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶,̶ ̶h̶e̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶w̶a̶y̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶a̶l̶ ̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ ̶b̶a̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶n̶e̶c̶e̶s̶s̶a̶r̶y̶!̶

Once̶ D̶r̶.̶ Shaft (decide on one name and stick to it) was u̶p̶ out on the street he quickly located the balcony where the old gentlemen were sitting and enjoying themselves. ‘TACK, TACK, TACK’ and before the wife and kids have time to react ̶D̶r̶.̶ Shaft has forced his way o̶u̶t̶ onto the balcony where he immediately started shouting, waving his arms aggressively as he cocked his Browning and hit the old men on the back of their heads with an open hand. Not hard in a damaging way, but enough to get his message through if the old gentlemen should consider trying to fight him off.

(hold an imaginary gun in one hand and wave your arms about then try to hit some one - play act your action to see if it is believable / possible)

The backgammon board ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶i̶t̶s̶ ̶c̶h̶e̶c̶k̶e̶r̶s̶ flew over the balcony as Shaft fired five rapid shots into the air w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶h̶i̶s̶ ̶9̶m̶m̶ ̶B̶r̶o̶w̶n̶i̶n̶g̶. BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG. Everybody nearby̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶n̶e̶i̶g̶h̶b̶o̶u̶r̶h̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶stopped whatever they were doing to observe what was happening on the third floor balcony in awe. Those who knew who Shaft was, looked away and continued about their business. Amongst them was a local police officer o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶s̶t̶r̶e̶e̶t̶ who j̶u̶s̶t̶ continued his walk back to the l̶o̶c̶a̶l̶ ̶p̶o̶l̶i̶c̶e̶ station.

Shaft swore at the old gentlemen, cursing them to hell, reminding them that if they ever again w̶i̶l̶l̶ ̶ deprived him of his divine sleep, he will kill them and their entire families! This is HIS neighbourhood and if they don’t like it here they can **** off back to whatever graveyard their ancestors are buried in.

‘Kiss’um’mak’ this and ‘kiss’um’mak’ that. ‘Ahul’man’juke’ one thing and ‘ahul’man’juke’ another. Some of the kids in the apartment might just have learned some new profanities on that hot afternoon in Damascus. No one spoke a word against Shaft Al-Bundy. They knew who he was, they knew about his powerful connections (and? this is an incomplete fragment). After being sure that his message got through, Shaft left the apartment as nothing had ever happened and a few minutes later he was a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶ fast asleep, dreaming of young women and ancient weapons. ‘Me Tarzan, You Jane.’

*******************************

Ok I did a quick edit on this for you. Nearly everything I crossed out is redundant - information that has already been given earlier in the text or in the sentence and does not need to be repeated. Or it is just incorrect or adds nothing by being there.

I think that there is a lot that needs to be rethought in this - act out your action sequences and see if they work. Yours don't.

Think of things like - old men with wives and kids - it doesn't make sense. If they are old enough to be sitting playing backgammon then they are not likely to be young enough to have wives with kids.

Also, although this guy clearly has some serious anger issues, would he take out his gun, and then just slap the old guys? Again the actions do not fit the profile of the character you have portrayed.

Watch your adjectives. Less is more.

Watch your tenses! Past tense third person is much better than present tense.

[free]

I think it is not too complicated, but I am stll not 100% sure about the sequence of tenses in English.

http://grammar.ccc.commnet.edu/grammar/sequence.htm