# Writing > General Writing >  Please review my first college essay on "First Impressions"

## VictoriaRose

First Impressions
They say that you should never judge a book by its cover, and, especially regarding people, its true. In this case, the cover is not necessarily meaning the appearance, but the first impression of another person. Like the cover of a book, first impressions are not always as appealing as what is really there. Its not until after you start reading, or get to know someone, when you really find out that what you see is not always what you get. There are several factors that can affect the first impression that one receives from another. Differing personality, situations and presentation of a person, make first impressions often the worst means of judging people.
A persons personality has a big effect on the first impression that they emit. Everybody is different, but when it comes down to it, first impressions are really based off of whether youre shy or not. I met my best friend after moving during my junior year, at my new high school. Before I knew her, she never said a word to me or anyone else in the classes that we shared together. I received the impression that she was kind of odd, but then realized that I was the same way. I didnt talk to many people either because of my personality. I knew that I was a shy person and that after I get to know someone, I put down my front and show my true colors. I thought that maybe she would be same way. After starting to talk to her a little more each day, our friendship grew and I learned that she wasnt odd at all, but just like me- an outgoing person hidden by their shyness. Some people, like me and my friend, are shy and put up a reserved and quiet front when facing new people. Based on my first impression of my friend, I thought something that was far from the truth. One who has a shy personality might in reality be outgoing, but uncomfortable showing it at first, making the first impression of that person a mistaken one. 
Your first impression of someone is not suitable because you do not know of the situation they may be in. When seeing or meeting someone new, you have no idea the kind of day, difficulties or kind of disappointments that person may be experiencing. They may have had a rough morning, may have recently lost someone, or could be somewhere new and yet still have to deal with the routines and stresses of going through out their day. All of these situations can create a barrier between themselves and others, and setting off a good impression is probably not at the top of their list of important things to do. On my first day of college, I walked hurriedly to my first class, even though I had plenty time to get there. When I walked into my first class, the only thing on my mind was to find a seat right away, no matter if it was by another person or not. When the time came to eat lunch, I sat by myself and ate it quickly so I could proceed to my next class. I was a nervous wreck because I was somewhere new. I was so worried about being late for a class, finding a seat and just doing things right, that I didnt have time to try to leave any good first impressions on any of my peers. It wasnt even on my mind to do so. My peers received the impression that I was a nervous and not sociable person, when really I was acting the way I was because of the situation that I was in.
The way someone presents themselves doesnt always suit their personality and show who they are. Unfortunately ones presentation is the first thing that others see, and the first thing that people are judged on. Some people look and dress a certain way either because they want to, or because they have to, based on their financial situation or to fulfill some type of status. My older sister works at a print shop, where she gets many different customers looking to get printing done. One frequent customer in particular is a member of the Devil's Disciples motorcycle gang. I happened to be helping at the shop when he stopped in one day. When I first saw him, my first instinct was to back into a corner. He was a big guy, had tattoos, and was wearing a lot of leather. After he chatted with us for a little bit, I calmed down. He was just a regular guy and I felt silly for thinking I was in danger. His appearance didnt match his personality at all. He was nice enough to invite us to a barbeque he was having, and when my sisters birthday came around, he sent her a basket of lotions. I received the wrong first impression from him because of the way he dressed and presented himself.
There are many factors that lead to someones first impression of another. Someones personality, current situation, or the way they happen to present themselves all influence the way someone thinks about a another when seeing or meeting them for the first time. Since what they think is based off of these judgments, their first impression is usually wrong. If all friendships were based upon first impressions, there would be a lot less of them in the world. First impressions are often the worst means of judging a person because its not until you get to really know a person, you are better equipped to understand what kind person they truly are, and really know the individual based on real values, rather than their first impression, or book cover.

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## Jassy Melson

The content in this essay is fine, but you need to separate paragraphs by a space.

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## hillwalker

This has a number of valid points regarding prejudice and how we make instant assumptions about people based on their appearance.

As far as the style and content are concerned I would suggest there is room for a few slight improvements:

1) para 1 is very long-winded  it is not the most effective way of gaining the readers attention or sympathy -




> In this case, the cover is not necessarily meaning the appearance, but the first impression of another person. Like the cover of a book, first impressions are not always as appealing as what is really there. Its not until after you start reading, or get to know someone, when you really find out that what you see is not always what you get.


All this could be better summed up in one simple sentence.
Something along the lines of  

*The cover we wear, our clothing, appearance or behaviour, can often misrepresent what actually lies between our pages.*

2) para 2s opening line is weak  

*persons personality*  yeugh

and do we *emit* an impression or *present* one?

L2 is not much better really 




> Everybody is different, but when it comes down to it, first impressions are really based off of whether youre shy or not.


The first 2 phrases are clichés which say nothing at all  and *based off of whether* is clumsy.

What you are suggesting, but not saying, is that shy people often make incorrect value judgements about other people because they will only ever to get to know strangers superficially.

And the phrase *first impressions* is repeated too many times. Its difficult to refer to something without naming it I know, but thats what you need to try and do in order to make the essay more interesting.

The description of your behaviour towards your shy friend is very effective. Revealing how your personal experience has led you to reach your conclusions in an essay is a great way of making a point, and engaging the reader.

You might want to trim the end part of the paragraph though because you are almost saying the same thing twice. Theres no need to hammer the message home when its already been done so effectively. 

3) para 3 - again, the opening sentence is poorly expressed  I would consider replacing *not suitable* with *unfair* or *unwise*.

But again, putting a personal perspective on your argument makes it much more meaningful.

4) the rest is very good.

You might want to explore _stereotypes_ a little more  why do we assume all Hells Angels are violent sociopaths? why do we always respect someone who wears a collar and tie more than someone in a grotty t-shirt? Is it because we have less time in this busy world to actually take the care and trouble to get to know people better  so a shortcut is the easiest way to sum up people and give them labels.

But on the whole this is a very worthwhile effort. Theres a lot of good anecdotal stuff here that adds strength to your argument. Bear in mind that the opening sentence of each paragraph will usually impact on whether or not the reader is willing to read any further, or to listen to your reasoning. So keep them short, simple and to the point.

With just a few touches this could become an excellent piece of work.

Good luck

H

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## VictoriaRose

Great advice, thank you SO much, I really appreciate it.

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## rickyjhon

very nice. I think your essay is made me happy. well said, i think you are a good writer and you said very nicely about the topic. writing a essay is really a hard task for me and i using so many writing service to complete my essay work. because my writing skill is very poor. now i am jealousy on you after read your essay. because you wrote it very perfectly. some Top 10 Research Writing Companies are available in internet and i am always using these site help to complete my essay work. anyway my best wishes for you and i think you have a good future on the essay writing filed.

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## louisgarcia

Good essay

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## Anaya Roy

Good Essay!!

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## krishna_lit

> My older sister works at a print shop, where she gets many different customers looking to get printing done. One frequent customer in particular is a member of the Devil's Disciples motorcycle gang. I happened to be helping at the shop when he stopped in one day. When I first saw him, my first instinct was to back into a corner. He was a big guy, had tattoos, and was wearing a lot of leather. After he chatted with us for a little bit, I calmed down. He was just a regular guy and I felt silly for thinking I was in danger. His appearance didn’t match his personality at all. He was nice enough to invite us to a barbeque he was having, and when my sister’s birthday came around, he sent her a basket of lotions. I received the wrong first impression from him because of the way he dressed and presented himself.


This incident really qualifies the essay! And yes spaces between paragraphs would do good and also small paragraphs might be still better. Just saying!

Good work!! All the best for your other essays  :Smile:

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