# Writing > Short Story Sharing >  Short Story Assignment- The orphan child by Tayfun Bayanbas

## tayfun.bys.bys

The Orphan Child


The weather is cold and frigid. Living in such weather with poor facilities is very difficult, especially for the woman who has lost her only partner in life, her beloved husband."' Mama, why have we left our house to come all the way to this old house in the village?" her only child, Pal, asked her. 
"Because we cant afford to live in the city anymore and we must try to live in this house" She said. "And I will work here and prepare all the facilities, so you can study and become a famous girl one day, don't worry honey," she answered, and then kissed her.
Pal is a 7 year old girl, but she is very, very smart .She still remembers the behaviors of her father, his actions, his sayings, his advices and 
They were very delighted together, but everything went wrong when Jamagul died, because of an unknown disease, so they had to move from their city and come to the old house, which was inherited from her grandfather.
Khan of village is very cruel. He has many wives, maids and servants. The first time he met Sara, he accepted her as a servant for his big house. He used to meet all the new people living in this village. His sayings are the rule for the people, he does everything he wants and he doesnt care about the poor people. 
Mama, I am hungry said Pal.

_ Ok, my daughter, the cleaning is finishing. I will prepare something, wait, said Sara. Suddenly they heard door knocking. And there was an old woman carrying a dish
_ Hi, welcome. I am Qandigul your neighbor, I live alone here. Here is something to eat. I thought you were busy today cleaning the house, so I cooked some potatoes. I hope it is delicious, this house is very old and it needs some fixing. Oh my god, is she your daughter, she is so cute.

_Thank you so much, yes, she is. I decided to live here after my husband died. Sara said 

_ I am so sorry for you, may God bless him .I am sorry you know I am old. See you soon.

_ See you, thanks once again.

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## hillwalker

When does the story start??????

H

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## Shaman_Raman

I've noted this to some of your other class mates, but I'll say it again: don't start your first sentence with the weather or season. Think of any form of writing, short stories aside. You want a hook, something that's going to reel in the reader. Perhaps begin with the mother and daughter scene, an leave the surrounding setting to be described later.

This isn't the end of the world, but who's the orphan? The girl has a mother, so a more appropriate title would be "The Widow".

I see where this could go as a story. I think your intention was to draw to the hardship a mother and daughter face after losing their father/husband. You can do this in a more creative way, such as writing a scene with the polygamist pig, rather than just summarizing the characters and plot for us.

Revise, expand, and please come up with a better ending.

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