# Teaching > General Teaching >  Teachers versus Parents

## isidro

We talk all the time about how schools are failing etc, but what responsibility do we give to parents who are literate and do not teach their children from the cradle? We blame video games for students' lack of interest, but who allowed them to have and play them? 

We blame poor teachers who have several classes a day, but how much of this problem can they understandably control?

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## motherhubbard

A lot of parents send their kids to school and expect the school to raise them. It's harsh, but it's the truth. These parents have to blame the schools and the teachers. The person responsible gets the blame. These parents are certainly not the ones responsible.

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## Lokasenna

Furthermore, some parents not only expect the school to raise their children, but also think that their offspring has some God-given right to succeed. One of my mum's friends is a primary school teacher, and she has had parents burst into the classroom to have a slanging match with her because she gave their child a bad mark or a detention. So sad...

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## isidro

So what should we do about it since we recognize the need for an alteration of this theme? What can you and I personally do about it?

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## motherhubbard

we can do our best for our children for one thing. Some of my friends and I run a parenting program. It's really a prevention program but it's good for any parents of preschoolers. I think La Lache League and other kinds of parenting support groups help. I think that most parents want what is best for their children, but just don't realize it's up to them to make that happen. Many were not raised with the example of an active, involved parent. Truly, I know people who needed the teacher to tell them that their child was sleepy in class and needed to goto bed earlier. The parents weren't bad, just didn't realize. Teachers need encouragement and parents need encouragement. It's always better to encourage than to condemn. When that doesn't work I think liability does. Schools are liable, teachers are liable, parents- not so much. I'll start teaching next August. As a teacher, in my work with the parenting program, and even as a La Lache League leader I have been more liable than as a mother. If parents were liable when their children failed in school, were arrested, or in other trouble, things might change.

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## Scheherazade

> Teachers versus Parents


I think the problem is suggested in the thread title as well.

Teachers and parents should not be in a "vs" situation; they should work together to improve child's learning, keeping his/her best interest at heart.

However, most of the time teacher's approach towards "lacking" parents is tainted with contempt and most parents view teachers as someone who is out there to get them and their children. When parents and teachers manage to work together, the result is usually very positive for the children.

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## motherhubbard

That's true, and you make a great point.

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## Lokasenna

> I think the problem is suggested in the thread title as well.
> 
> Teachers and parents should not be in a "vs" situation; they should work together to improve child's learning, keeping his/her best interest at heart.
> 
> However, most of the time teacher's approach towards "lacking" parents is tainted with contempt and most parents view teachers as someone who is out there to get them and their children. When parents and teachers manage to work together, the result is usually very positive for the children.


True, but the these days it is unfortuneatly often the case. I don't know what its like in other countries, but in Britain political correctness is leading to a situation where it is unacceptable for a child to experience either failure or contrition.

My parents were at school when corporal punishment was still very much in use. If either of them got the cane, then when they got home they would also be beaten by a parent, usually with a belt. Although I don't condone that, nonetheless it was common practice. Nowadays, the parents are far more likely to establish an antagonistic relationship with a teacher.

From the point of view of a child in the 50s and 60s, teachers and parents worked together and represented authority. Now, many children see their parents as a force against the control exercised by teachers - as for what can be done, I honestly don't know!

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## LitNetIsGreat

Yes I think Sch has summed it up nicely. If there is a "versus" then you are well and truly on the back foot, it is not going to work at least it is going to be very difficult to go forward. 

Just this week for instance, a young girl told me about when her elder sister threw a chair at a teacher. She went on to say that when she told her dad what she had done the parent gave her a "high five" and congratulated her. I asked her why he did this, and she replied that he did it because that's what he was like at school too. You simply cannot work under these circumstances effectively.

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## Buh4Bee

One thing that is important to remember, it is the job of the public school to educate the child, not necessarily the parent. The parent/s needs to prove care, food, clothing and shelter. It is nice to have a partnership, but sometimes it does turn into one vs. the other. It is the job of the school to provide a free and appropriate public education(FAPE), not the parent's job.

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## Virgil

> From the point of vie[IMG][/IMG]w of a child in the 50s and 60s, teachers and parents worked together and represented authority. Now, many children see their parents as a force against the control exercised by teachers - as for what can be done, I honestly don't know!


No question about it. We have gone to what you described to an attitude that education is thought control. I wonder where that came from.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MAe_w...eature=related

What's amazing is that there are a certain group of people, adult parents that is, that agree with this philosophic trash.



(Great song though I must say, but philosophic trash nonetheless.)

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## Lokasenna

> No question about it. We have gone to what you described to an attitude that education is thought control. I wonder where that came from.


In my more paranoid moments, I wonder whether its some sort of hideous attempt at control by the state. An uneducated populace are probably easier to manipulate and control than a highly educated and aware populace.

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## Scheherazade

> From the point of view of a child in the 50s and 60s, teachers and parents worked together and represented authority


I somewhat disagree. In those days, the teacher was seen as an authority figure because they were considered to be "better" intellectually so the parents did not dare to contradict or question the authority of the teacher rather than "working together".

Today, this has gone from one extreme to the other in most cases. Now, everyone is considered "equal" regardless of their education and knowledge so parents feel free to question teachers at pleasure. 

Parents need to realise and accept that they do not always know what is best for their children in educational terms and teachers also need to realise that parents have access to their children's world. 


> One thing that is important to remember, it is the job of the public school to educate the child, not necessarily the parent.


I don't think anyone so far suggested that it is teachers' duty to educate parents but I think it is where things are going wrong as well. Not the teacher individually but it should be institutions responsibiltiy to educate parents too when necessary. As long as parents' negative attitute towards attitude education remains the same, the children will make little process.

I am glad that in the UK, there are great schemes to change this; many parents are invited to take part in classes to improve their own literacy and numeracy skills so that they can help their children as well as their own chances of employbility. 

Education parents makes a great difference: Children see their parents showing interest in learning and education. They realise that education is a life-long process and also often hear their parents talking about their regrets over not "finishing school" and so on. Also, parents attending such courses are better equiped to help their children with homeworks. And this is a great deal. One of the most important sources of confrontation between parents and teachers is homeworks. One of my own students was livid with her child's teachers because she was expected to help her son with timestable... And it was mainly because she herself did not know it to begin with.

So, in my opinion, parents and teachers need to work together; what's more, teachers do need to get involved in "educating" the parents whenever necessary.

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## Lokasenna

> So, in my opinion, parents and teachers need to work together; what's more, teachers do need to get involved in "educating" the parents whenever necessary.


That really does depend on how receptive the parents are. Also, a lack of education does not necessarily make a bad parent. Neither of my parents have any qualifications, both coming from working-class, inner-city backgrounds, and yet they have always been extremely helpful and supportive of me. If I struggled with an academic problem at school, then I went to a teacher. Certainly, it must be nice if your parents can help you with the work, but I don't think its massively necessary.

That said, I absolutely support life-long learning initiatives. They're a brilliant idea!

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## Scheherazade

> That really does depend on how receptive the parents are. Also, a lack of education does not necessarily make a bad parent.


I agree that parents' initial attitude is very important; however, it is my personal impression from working with such parents for many years that a big part of negative attitude is a defence mechanism.

And I would like to make it clear that "bad" parenting has never become part of the discussion in this thread so far. Lack of education does not equate to bad parenting (of course, definition of "bad" parenting or "bad" parent differ and there will one or two challeng me on this  :Tongue: )

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## Virgil

> That really does depend on how receptive the parents are. Also, a lack of education does not necessarily make a bad parent. Neither of my parents have any qualifications, both coming from working-class, inner-city backgrounds, and yet they have always been extremely helpful and supportive of me.


Agree that a parent's education has nothing to do a child's enthusiasim for education. Both my parents came from small town rural society in southern Italy and neither had more than a grade school education. But for some reason they really understood the importance of education and did everything, including letting us buy books when they barely could make payment on thier bills, to encourage learning. Of their three children, two have PhDs and I'm the slacker with only a masters.  :Wink:

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## mal4mac

> Agree that a parent's education has nothing to do a child's enthusiasim for education. Both my parents came from small town rural society in southern Italy and neither had more than a grade school education. But for some reason they really understood the importance of education and did everything, including letting us buy books when they barely could make payment on thier bills, to encourage learning. Of their three children, two have PhDs and I'm the slacker with only a masters.


In the UK the immigrant Asian population has the reputation for being educationally supportive in this way. The white British working class population (in general, from my experience) has little 'love for learning'. The parents don't encourage children to learn, instead parents & kids view teachers as authority figure out to spoil their fun by trying to cram their heads with boring facts when they could be watching football, drinking, or listening to pop music. When working class adult discussion moves on to teachers, in the pub, or at home in front of kids, the tales usually told of teachers are of strict fascists, lazy good-for-nothings, and child molesters, and of the 'uselessness' of 'all that school learning'. Nothing is said about the (many) good teachers and life enhancing education that the few, happy students somehow manage to access, against the flow of negative, anti-educational propoganda.

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## Virgil

> In the UK the immigrant Asian population has the reputation for being educationally supportive in this way. The white British working class population (in general, from my experience) has little 'love for learning'. The parents don't encourage children to learn, instead parents & kids view teachers as authority figure out to spoil their fun by trying to cram their heads with boring facts when they could be watching football, drinking, or listening to pop music. When working class adult discussion moves on to teachers, in the pub, or at home in front of kids, the tales usually told of teachers are of strict fascists, lazy good-for-nothings, and child molesters, and of the 'uselessness' of 'all that school learning'. Nothing is said about the (many) good teachers and life enhancing education that the few, happy students somehow manage to access, against the flow of negative, anti-educational propoganda.


You practically describe the same in the US, though i will say it varies widely between the native born population. Also here is the remarkable, and I really mean remarkable, achievements from the asian students. 

I was being quite serious about the attitude expressed in that Pink Floyd song. People truely believe it.

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## SFG75

> So what should we do about it since we recognize the need for an alteration of this theme? What can you and I personally do about it?


Very good question. The best thing is to get involved. Become a part of the PTA. Attend parent-teachers conferences and have regular contact with the teacher via e-mail or phone. This doesn't have to be a daily thing, but an exchanging of notes or e-mail on ocasion to "check in" in is good.

I'm a teacher of ten years and I have to say that it wasn't until I became a parent that I more fully understood the feelings that parents of my students had. Children are the asset that you love and cherish the most. It isn't right to be offended, but there is no greater connection than that between a parent and a child. With that being said, that also means that you as a parent should take a step back and help work with the teacher for the betterment of your child and his/her education. 

Quite frankly, I don't mind the parent who chews my butt because their kid earned a 94% on a test. I'm more bothered by the parent of the failing for 9 weeks student who has received "down slips" and who skips parent-teachers conference.

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## Scheherazade

> Quite frankly, I don't mind the parent who chews my butt because their kid earned a 94% on a test. I'm more bothered by the parent of the failing for 9 weeks student who has received "down slips" and who skips parent-teachers conference.


DNA Parents = Parents who Do Not Attend

 :Biggrin:

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## Gladys

> We talk all the time about how schools are failing etc, but what responsibility do we give to parents who are literate and do not teach their children from the cradle?


Teaching in a classroom with a dozen or more students is usually problematic for all concerned because unruly students, with bad attitude, abound. Apathetic parents are the rule and teachers soon learn to treat parents with unhelpful suspicion.

Ideally, children would spend less time at school and more time learning in the company of parents and friends. But most parents fall far short of Asian parents in their commitment to home education, and with wives now working, home education is problematic. 

In time, many parents can be encouraged, like Asian parents, to take a greater role although Western cultural bias will deter most. The ingrained belief that every child needs regular _success experiences_ is also a barrier to learning; every child needs realism seasoned with perennial patience and encouragement. Sadly teachers and parents rarely co-operate in this.

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## isidro

I work two days a week, etc, but it seems that if a person loves education and learning for themselves will naturally teach their own children with a vengeance. Does anyone know anything of the Asian manner of teaching one's children? Since yoga has caught on with such heated popularity, perhaps promoting that type of pedagogy might do the same. A child needs first and foremost to be reared in a situation that constantly has the virtues of learning in everything they do. As an exec really and university professor wannabe, I simply incorporate my kids in what I do myself and thus they learn remarkably in several languages, classical music and the like, according to my own interests. How can we have parents do this?

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