# Writing > Short Story Sharing >  The Heroine of Jienda. (With light illustrations)

## gene777

I cant post URL picture links here. So if you're interested and want to look at some illustrations for the story, do PM me for the link!

Hello everyone,
I'll post some story that originated from myself. I just thought of a story during all those insomnia nights. Well, enjoy. I'm ready to take criticisms and ill learn on the way! Its just a normal story so don't expect it to be too good, i'm not an author or anything XD well its my first story, sorry for grammar mistakes/spelling mistakes and poor grammar.

Legend:
Words with - = map. Eg. -Aoich-
Words with * = actions Eg. *Place the fingers on the keyboard* or 3rd person's view.
Words with <> = Entering the scene.
Words with () = Thoughts inside the head.

Ely = Currency of the world

The Heroine of Jiendia
Written by: Amicute
Illustration by: Sesshadegozaru

*Chapter 1. Lost Memories*

-Red Crop Storage-

<Enters Isabelle, Boy1 and Boy2>
Boy1: Come on Keith, hurry up! we've got to return to Yong Gyoung before it gets dark!

Keith(Boy2): I know, I'm trying to run as fast as i can. You two are monsters, running at that speed and show no sign of tiredness or fatigue at all.

Boy1: As weak as usual Keith! Hahahaha! We're going ahead without you!

Isabelle: Dont be so mean to Keith, I'll stay here with him, you can go ahead and reserve us a seat in Rantien's restaurant before its too late!.

Boy1: Isa, you sure you wanna stay with keith, well fine by me! Alright then I'll be going on ahead, you can accompany that slowpoke! Hahaha! Be sure to thank me for the seats later, weak legs Keith! Hahaha!


<Exits Boy1>

Isabelle: Don't mind him Keith, he just likes too show off. And we've finally saved enough Ely to dine in Rantien's restaurant that you said you always wanted to go, he forked out a huge sum of money too. So lets move quickly!

Keith: He's all brawns with no brains. And don't be ridiculous, my parents brought me to higher class restaurants such as Elfa, where they serve gigantic dungeness crabs caught from the Orca Beach. And in Ves, they serve huge chunks of Javawalk's thigh meat(o.o). And in Atlant...

Isabelle: What? Why did you stop? Its fine, you can carry on.

Keith: Pardon me Isabelle, I got carried away. Im sorry.

*Isabelle tries to give a smile to Keith, but the smile looks more like a snuke*

Isabelle: Its been 6 years since i lost my parents, its a long time, as long I have you two with me i'll be fine. I'm already accustomed to the life of an orphan. Just don't talk about this to him, he's really sensitive towards this matter.

Keith: That brainless happy-go-lucky guy? I doubt he even cares about the incident anymore. Look at him, flaunting his strength and stamina. Always taking the lead and laughing away. Remember that time where we went to the Lair Of The Evil Dragon? He reckless charged towards the end of the dungeon to look for invoke. Leaving us behind with all the small fries. We even had trouble with Nue, and when we got to where invoke was, what we see was a corpse that belonged to invoke. He just likes attention and loves to get all the credit. I hate people like him.

Isabelle: But he did leave the drops for us right? He said that he's gonna become the strongest warlord in jiendia and fight as a Midgard Knight in the front lines, just like your dad. That's his goal. 

Keith: Well, even though my dad's a Midgard Knight, i have no intention of taking his footsteps. I just want to work hard, get stronger, become wealthy and get a house. I would never risk my life in the front lines for the people. How about-

*Suddenly a bullet fly across them and was aimed to the ground*

<Enter bandits>
Bandit gang leader(Holding a gun): Hello lads, what are you kids doing here?

*Bandits form a circle and surrounds Keith and Isabelle*

Bandit gang leader: Hand over your weapons, valuables and Ely and you will all be fine! Bahahahaha! (Ely is the currency of this world)

Isabelle: Keith! Keith! are you okay?

Keith: Im.. Im fine. We have to surrender our weapons.

Isabelle: What!? No! But this [Invoke flame sword] was borrowed by him. It is not my property to begin with, I refuse to surrender my weapon to these hooligans.

*Isabelle quickly glanced at all the bandits*

Isabelle: (There are around 8 bandits, one of them carrying a gun, which means that he is definitely high leveled. He must be at least level 50 to be a gunslinger. I can't win this battle. But I cannot surrender my weapon, if not.. if not how am I supposed to face him)

Bandit head leader: No one will know even if I were to kill one brat or two. BRING THEM INTO THE WAREHOUSE.


<Exits Bandits, Keith, and Isabelle>

-Red Crop Field Abandoned Warehouse-

Bandit gang leader: Now confiscate their weapons and tie them up! Put them in separate room!

Isabelle: Don't touch me, you barbarian.

*Bandits slaps Isabelle on the face, tied both of them up*

Bandit: Shut up brat!

*Keith shows no sign of struggle at all and is trembling with fear*

Keith: Ban...bandits, I can give you my weapon and all of my equipment. Take all the Ely you want, please just spare my... my life. My dad is a knight of midgard, if you touch me, you'll definitely get into trouble. If you want to kill someone for the fun of it, kill her instead! She's just an orphan!

Bandit gang leader: WHAT!? You're a son of a Midgard Knight!? Release him immediately- is what you think i would say!? Well I don't give a dirty crap whether your dad or your granddad is a Midgard Knight. Wait.. actually i do care, your family must be wealthy then, maybe we can get some ransom from your family. Keep the boy alive, put him in a separate room! We shall wait for the boss's order on what to do with the brats. its a great catch, son of amidgard knight. Look at him, he looks so pale and he's trembling all over. Two of you, stay guard here, they are just brats. To the rest of you, we shall go and have a drink!

*BanditA drag Keith away from Isabelle*
Keith: No!! ISABELLE!

<Exits Keith and BanditA>

Isabelle: KEITH!

BanditB: Shut up BRAT.

*BanditB slaps the face of Isabelle*

<Exits Isabelle and BanditB>

-Dark Room-

<Enters Isabelle>

*Isabelle tries to move her arms but its tied up*

Isabelle: (Stupid rope. Damn it.)

*Isabelle tries to speak but a tape is over her mouth*

Isabelle: (Its all dark here.. Im hungry and thirsty)

*30 Minutes passed*

Isabelle: (Im scared.. i wanna get out of here)

*1 hour passed*

Isabelle: ( I think im going to faint.. Am i going to die here?)

Isabelle: (Someone is coming)

*She could hear the tympanic rhythm of her captor's boots as they beat against the hard ground*

*Or that is what she thinks. A thin yet muscular, tanned-skinned boy who is holding on to a Wolf Spear by his right arm appeared in front of Isabelle. He reached out his hand, his blue eyes gazed towards Isabelle's dilating pupils. He pulled off that is covering Isabelle's lips gently.

*Beside him there was another pale-skinned boy holding a staff, who is skinny and frail, the sclera of his eyes are red and swollen beside his hazel-brown eyes. His lower eyelids are swollen and puffy. The eyes of someone who have cried for a long time.

<Enters Boy1 and Keith>

*Boy1 unties Isabelle* 

Boy1: Come on lets go Isa! Keith told me the situation of what happened. I took down two of the bandits outside. They will come for us soon.

Isabelle: Okay.. but these legs have been trembling for quite a long time, its all numb. Its dark here and how long has it been.

*Isabelle stuttered a little while speaking and is trembling with fear*

Boy1: Isa, dont be afraid, we're here now okay?

*Boy1 gives Isabelle a short hug* (3 second maybe? XD)

Boy1: Lets move and talk.

<Exits Boy1, Isabelle, Keith>

-Red crop storage-

<Enters Boy1, Isabelle, Keith>

#BANG BANG#

<Enters bandit gang leader and two henchmen holding bows>

bandit gang leader: Where do you think you are going brats?!

Isabelle: Watch out!

*Bandit gang leader uses [Sitting and shooting] Gun skill
BANGBANGBANGBANG*

*Boy1 uses his spear skill [Windmill] to deflect the bullets. However some of the bullets grazed his shoulders*

Boy1: Im fine! You two go back to the town and ask for help, I'll meet you there after i get rid of these pests.

*Keith takes off immediately and ran towards the town*

*Isabelle stays rooted to the ground*

Boy1: QUICK! KEITH, DRAG HER TO THE TOWN!

#Boy1 turns around a give a faint smile towards Isabelle

Keith: Isabelle! Lets go! I know it's not right but we HAVE TO. That guy is a gunslinger, we have to ask for guards to help!

*Keith hold Isabelle's hands and run towards the town*

Isabelle: NO!! Dylan! Dylan!!!!!!!

<Exits Keith and Isabelle>

-???-

<Enters Isabelle>

*Isabelle woke with a start, her eyes flashed opened*

Isabelle: (What was that dream about. Why am i here?)

*Beside Isabelle was something huge, long and slender, it shone dully in yellow light*

Isabelle: (Sphinx golden sword? wait, where did i get that name from.. my head hurts. More importantly what is this place)

*Isabelle stares at all the blue poles around her, her body felt light as though there is no gravity in this area at all. Holograms of aeroplane models can be observed at corners, Computers are seen everywhere and the place felt cold. The platform that she was lying on was circular in shape, a giant pillar can be seen extended skywards at the center of the platform. Most of the platforms there are circular. She looked outside from a window from inside of the building. There was nothing outside, absolutely nothing.*


Isabelle: Bi...Frost.

*Isabelle muttered softly*

*Suddenly, BANGBANGBANGBANG. A Machine that looks like a young girl appears. It had a propeller on her head spinning, while holding a aeroplane-shaped gun that was summoned using its pseudo-arms. It was floating in midair. A mustang.*

Isabelle: (wha.. What the, mustang? wait how did i know its name)

Isabelle: Hello! Can you teach me how to go to the-

*Mustang fires a few shots that grazed her forearms*

Isabelle: Ouch! :cry: 

*Isabelle grabs the giant sword beside her and just as she tries to run, she stopped and stumbled*

Isabelle: OUCH! My right leg! 

*Isabelle looks at her right calf, it was cut deeply into the fibula bone. One distinct line of deep cut was extended from the back of the knee to the ankle. The wound was so deep that she could not believe it herself. Blood was oozing out as the wound opened. That's when she realized, she can't escape but have to defeat the robot head-to-head to protect herself*

*Mustang continues to shower Isabelle with bullets with its aeroplane-looking gun, the bullets were targeted on Isabelle's chest. Isabelle closed her eyes, bracing herself for the impact.*

*TZING, TZING TZING. Isabelle was pushed back a little due to the force. But her steel-white Vintor armor saved her from her tragedy. The bullets repelled off her armor.*

Isabelle: (Now is my chance for counterattack, but how do i use this gigantic weapon)

*Isabelle swings her sword towards mustang and her reflexes caught on immediately. It is as though her body remembers the action and move automatically by its own to launch the skill. Isabelle throws her great sword towards the Mustang and the sword that was spinning forward in midair came in contact with mustang, sliced the robot into two and then circled back to its owner. The skill [Blade Thrower] was used. Mustang exploded into small machine parts.*

Isabelle: How did i..

*Before Isabelle could rest, 3 mustangs was seen approaching her*

Isabelle: (What is this place!? Am i just going to die here? Just like that?)

*The mustangs summons their aeroplane-looking gun and they are about to fire. Isabelle gave up and just close her eyes*

*Just then, a man furiously strums his guitar*

Man: Plays the [Evil sound]

*A music is heard coming out from the guitar the man was holding. And the tune is absolutely unpleasant. The mustangs, listening to the same tune, appears to get damaged by that unpleasant tune and exploded into small pieces of machine parts.*



Man: Isabelle!? What are you doing here?

*[SIZE=5]To be Continued[/FONT]*

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## hillwalker

I'm assuming this is meant to be a script. So not my cup of tea.

Fan Art? I've no idea where you got that idea from. This is where most members post their short stories.

H

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## cafolini

Even if I were to accept a script in this thread, I couldn't get anything out of this. I gave up after a few lines.

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## gene777

Oh man that was bad.. try reading it with a bit of Shakespeare style of writing, you will get it.

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## hillwalker

'a bit of Shakespeare style of writing'? You're taking the p1ss, surely. It's like something conjured up for a video-game.

H

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## gene777

> 'a bit of Shakespeare style of writing'? You're taking the p1ss, surely. It's like something conjured up for a video-game.
> 
> H


Oh well, i expected replies like that, whats new. Haters gonna hate, this isn't the only forum i post to anyway.

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## hillwalker

I don't hate you - I just don't understand how you can compare this to Shakespeare. . . just because it's written in the form of a drama rather than as a short story.

If you're looking for plaudits then this isn't the place. Try a gamers forum where your readers will perhaps be more attuned to the constant action description and artless dialogue.

However much you dress this up it's not a short story.

H

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## Calidore

Bit of a contradiction between this...




> I'm ready to take criticisms and ill learn on the way!


...and this:




> Oh well, i expected replies like that, whats new. Haters gonna hate, this isn't the only forum i post to anyway.


No haters here, just honest criticism (and shirt-rending matryrdom won't exactly convince people to take you more seriously).

If you pick your sites based on how positive the feedback is, rather than how honest, then best of luck to you.

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## gene777

> I don't hate you - I just don't understand how you can compare this to Shakespeare. . . just because it's written in the form of a drama rather than as a short story.
> 
> If you're looking for plaudits then this isn't the place. Try a gamers forum where your readers will perhaps be more attuned to the constant action description and artless dialogue.
> 
> However much you dress this up it's not a short story.
> 
> H


Well i admit that i posted onto the wrong category in the forums. First time using this website though, my bad.

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## gene777

> Bit of a contradiction between this...
> 
> 
> 
> ...and this:
> 
> 
> 
> No haters here, just honest criticism (and shirt-rending matryrdom won't exactly convince people to take you more seriously).
> ...


Okay good for you. thanks though.

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## Silas Thorne

I guess you forgot to put your work in the section entitled 'Please praise me because I wrote something. Yes I'm brilliant.' 
You don't always have to agree with the criticism, but the fact that it's there is a good thing. Especially if someone who writes themselves took some time out of their day to give their opinion on your writing. What was written is criticism, yes, but it looks like you need it. Think on what specific areas of your writing were criticized.

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## gene777

> I guess you forgot to put your work in the section entitled 'Please praise me because I wrote something. Yes I'm brilliant.' 
> You don't always have to agree with the criticism, but the fact that it's there is a good thing. Especially if someone who writes themselves took some time out of their day to give their opinion on your writing. What was written is criticism, yes, but it looks like you need it. Think on what specific areas of your writing were criticized.


Why thank you.

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