# General > General Chat >  Cold Ale - The Blokes' Thread!

## The Atheist

Bah, every time I come in here, that girly, "No Boys Allowed" thread is somewhere near the top. God knows what goes on in there - probably the typical girlie stuff about love, babies, quiche, who has a crush on whom and those things no Real Bloke [TM] would ever stoop to discuss.

What we need is a place for a man to pull up a chair, draw a fresh beer, and shoot the breeze about the important things in life - hunting, fishing, sports, beer, fine scotch, sports, almost-raw fillet steaks, sports, the latest Sports Illustrated photo shoot, Miss World, poker, gambling and sports.

Kind of a sin city without any women to keep us in line!

C'mon, *men*, can we keep a thread alive with real blokey subjects, or are we a bunch of wannabe girls who'd rather sip a cappachino than stand up and be stereotypes?

First off - beer is possibly the best chance christians have of proving a god exists. How something so beautiful - when made properly, which doesn't mean in some gigantic factory - can be made out of such unassuming ingredients, is a true miracle!

Like good wine, good beer should be savoured, not guzzled - and the best thing to do that with a really cold bottle of micro-brewed dark ale.

Other people may differ in opinion, but if so, their opinion won't count anyway!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## kilted exile

bah, dont need dark ale to be really chilled - leave that to the beers for women (eg coors light, bud - well really any american wannabe beer)

however that is not a serious enough topic for disagreement. Pass another of those barely cooked steaks over this way & where's the rugby ball gone?

----------


## Niamh

The last attempt of a Blokes thread died miserably pretty fast.  :Biggrin: 

*sneaks out with rugby ball*

----------


## librarius_qui

It's the first and possibly the last time I step in here, but I had to say this: a chess club would help you more.

Good luck!  :FRlol: 

(Funny thing is ... I read "a thread for men" and first thing I see is a girl inside! haha! that's indeed a place for men  :Thumbs Up:  You begin well, very well.)

In fact, I think girls NEED this. Men don't. That's my thought, and this is why I'll possibly not come back.

(It'll stink soon!  :Sick:  )

Arrr!~

----------


## The Atheist

> bah, dont need dark ale to be really chilled - leave that to the beers for women (eg coors light, bud - well really any american wannabe beer)


Cultural bias - we drink our beer ice cold here.




> however that is not a serious enough topic for disagreement. Pass another of those barely cooked steaks over this way & where's the rugby ball gone?


Quite right!

Rugby season started here a couple of weeks back - Super 14.




> It's the first and possibly the last time I step in here, but I had to say this: a chess club would help you more.


Well, it wouldn't help me any, since I can't play it.

But feel free to talk about it. Is Kasparov the best player ever?




> (Funny thing is ... I read "a thread for men" and first thing I see is a girl inside! haha! that's indeed a place for men  You begin well, very well.)


Yes, I'm about to deal with her....




> In fact, I think girls NEED this. Men don't. That's my thought, and this is why I'll possibly not come back.
> 
> (It'll stink soon!  )
> 
> Arrr!~


Nah, it'll be the best thread ever!

(so long as we can find some posters...)




> The last attempt of a Blokes thread died miserably pretty fast. 
> 
> *sneaks out with rugby ball*


Now, look you! Just because the girlie thread has 8 million views does not give you any bragging rights at all!

----------


## Zee.

This thread will not last.

----------


## bazarov

OK. Alan, I am opening two 


and would like to ask you who you consider as the prettiest women tennis player?
Is it


or maybe 



or maybe



???

----------


## Silas Thorne

I'd have to say the first one. Does she grunt when she hits the ball though? I like me female tennis players who grunt well. LOL been drinking...yes, beer.

----------


## PoeticPassions

Ah, men! 

(oh and really the last tennis player is the prettiest.)  :Wink: 


(but I am with lima on this... the thread will not last! muahahaha)

----------


## Virgil

Yeah I've seen that no boys allowed thread and always thought, there are roughly double the women than men here on lit net and they need their own thread?  :FRlol:  Count me in too.  :Biggrin: 

Kilt is right about our beer iin the US, at least the major brands. If you try the small micro breweries you can find some good beer in America. 

But cheers.

----------


## papayahed

I step in and I immediately have the urge to grunt and spit. I think i'll go back to the coffee talk thread.

----------


## Chava

For a thread that's meant for 'blokes', 5 out of 12 posts, have now been made by women

----------


## Emil Miller

> For a thread that's meant for 'blokes', 5 out of 12 posts, have now been made by women


Which only goes to show that, no matter what men do, women can't leave them alone.

----------


## The Atheist

> OK. Alan, I am opening two ...


Nice looking beer, but I'd be shooting the barman with that much froth!

And Kirilenko - by a mile!

Of retired players, Steffi Graf. If there's one thing I hate about Andre Agassi, it's that he married two women I could fall madly in love with.




> Yeah I've seen that no boys allowed thread and always thought, there are roughly double the women than men here on lit net and they need their own thread?  Count me in too. 
> 
> Kilt is right about our beer iin the US, at least the major brands. If you try the small micro breweries you can find some good beer in America. 
> 
> But cheers.


Cheers!




> For a thread that's meant for 'blokes', 5 out of 12 posts, have now been made by women


Yes indeed - we smell the fear.

----------


## Virgil

> Which only goes to show that, no matter what men do, women can't leave them alone.


God, don't I know it. My wife has been nagging me all weekend.  :FRlol:

----------


## Madhuri

Even if women do not participate....the only topic that will keep this thread alive has to be on women....

I can see that most of the posts that guys have made are about women tennis players.... 

That is what guys talk about....all the time..... don't believe me....just have a look at Dori's latest blog entry....  :Wink:

----------


## Lokasenna

What about those of us who don't drink beer? Might I get away with a G&T? Or perhaps a glass of Pimms?

Nor do I follow tennis, but the second lady is certainly a looker, with the third one only a little behind. I suspect the photo of the first lass doesn't do her any favours, mind...

----------


## Virgil

> Even if women do not participate....the only topic that will keep this thread alive has to be on women....
> 
> I can see that most of the posts that guys have made are about women tennis players.... 
> 
> That is what guys talk about....all the time..... don't believe me....just have a look at Dori's latest blog entry....


Ok if not tennis players, how about Anastasia Ashley, a professional surfer.


 :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Even if women do not participate....the only topic that will keep this thread alive has to be on women....
> 
> I can see that most of the posts that guys have made are about women tennis players.... 
> 
> That is what guys talk about....all the time..... don't believe me....just have a look at Dori's latest blog entry....


With all due respect, Dori is 17 ( If I remember rightly ) and any heterosexual male of that age who doesn't continually think and talk about women has a problem.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I suspect the photo of the first lass doesn't do her any favours, mind...


It certainly does me one!

----------


## Zee.

This thread is going to turn in to a perve-athon.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Ok if not tennis players, how about Anastasia Ashley, a professional surfer.


She's certainly a charmer Virgil but did the surfboard have to be in that position?

----------


## The Atheist

> Which only goes to show that, no matter what men do, women can't leave them alone.


Bravo!

Look at 'em, they keep on coming in.

That's it, I'm password protecting the thread!




> Even if women do not participate....the only topic that will keep this thread alive has to be on women....


Ah, but there's a huge difference in male reverence for the female form and women busting in on our party!




> What about those of us who don't drink beer? Might I get away with a G&T? Or perhaps a glass of Pimms?


Hell yeah, G&T is ok.

As long as it's a good quality and the tonic is real tonic water. Angostura and a slice of lemon or lime is perfectly acceptable.

Pimms.... Hmmm. Bit "sherry", if you know what I mean - stick to G&T.




> Nor do I follow tennis, but the second lady is certainly a looker, with the third one only a little behind. I suspect the photo of the first lass doesn't do her any favours, mind...


Plenty of other women's sports to consider - hockey (the one played on grass), soccer, netball, and surfing!




> Ok if not tennis players, how about Anastasia Ashley, a professional surfer.


Wow.

I'm now sitting trying to figure why I've never followed surfing!




> This thread is going to turn in to a perve-athon.


Yeah! Great eh?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> With all due respect, Dori is 17 ( If I remember rightly ) and any heterosexual male of that age who doesn't continually think and talk about women has a problem.


What's my excuse?  :Biggrin:

----------


## skib

> Ok if not tennis players, how about Anastasia Ashley, a professional surfer.


Ahh, Virgil, that is refreshing! I'm a-gonna go with the second tennis player, as well. The first and last did not do much for me. 

Lets see- my thoughts about beer . . . local breweries are okay, beer in general is great every once in a while, but I think I'll throw a shout out to my best friends in Lynchburg. 
So, gentlemen, what are your thoughts on what all the lovely pictured ladies on this thread choose to imbibe?

----------


## The Comedian

I hope this is the right thread for this little tidbit: but I just stepped outside my house, walked across the yard, took a few steps into the woods, and peed. And you know what I felt when the experience was over? PRIDE.  :FRlol:

----------


## skib

Fantastic! Peeing outside is the ultimate pride and joy of a man, in my opinion.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I hope this is the right thread for this little tidbit: but I just stepped outside my house, walked across the yard, took a few steps into the woods, and peed. And you know what I felt when the experience was over? PRIDE.


Isn't that carrying your liking for Walden a little too far? Why didn't you use the toilet?

----------


## The Atheist

> What's my excuse?


Good point - it doesn't make much difference how old you are.

These are still as good as ever:

Female brain
Male brain




> Ahh, Virgil, that is refreshing! I'm a-gonna go with the second tennis player, as well. The first and last did not do much for me.


I will have to say that, as already noted, Sharapova's photo doesn't do her justice.

Check here, along with any others. 

It could be that women's tennis was the greatest beneficiary of the fall of the Berlin Wall. I can recall the days when Chris Evert was the babest of them. She wouldn't make today's top 20.




> So, gentlemen, what are your thoughts on what all the lovely pictured ladies on this thread choose to imbibe?


I'd find it hard to believe that a surfer chick wouldn't have a beer now and then.

----------


## skib

> Good point - it doesn't make much difference how old you are.
> 
> These are still as good as ever:
> 
> Female brain
> Male brain
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Yes, those pics are much better . . .

Those brain diagrams almost made me pee myself. :FRlol:  :Thumbs Up: 

I wouldn't know much about the Berlin wall- that was WAY before my time.

----------


## The Atheist

> Those brain diagrams almost made me pee myself.


Ah, you know what they say, inside every stereotype lies a prototype...

 :Biggrin: 




> I wouldn't know much about the Berlin wall- that was WAY before my time.


Ouch, you must be a young 'un.

Are you old enough to drink beer? (That's not compulsory, by the way - I'd expect that most people here have a good attitude towards drinking.)

----------


## Chava

I'm no bloke, but I couldn't resist a bit of a british remark concerning american beer; in the words of eminent Monty Python, 




> American beer is like making love in a canoe.
> _It's f******* close to water_.



Oh, and since this is a forum about great thinkers, and this is a thread about alcohol, this second contribution is in order:




> Immanuel Kant was a real pissant 
> Who was very rarely stable 
> Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar 
> Who could take you under the table 
> David Hume could out-consume 
> Schopenhauer and Hegel 
> And Wittgenstein was a beery swine 
> Who was just as sloshed as Schlegel 
> There's nothing Nietszche couldn't teach ya
> ...


That's it for me, I'll go away now  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm no bloke, but I couldn't resist a bit of a british remark concerning american beer; in the words of eminent Monty Python,


That's still true!

But if you're not a bloke, what are you doing in the men's thread?

Jeez, if ever there needed to be an example of why males need a place away from females, this thread is surely it! Can't go two posts without some interfering woman sticking her beak in.

I'm warning you - I will bring beer into the girlie thread if this continues. This is the War of the Sexes at the front line!

 :Biggrin:  




> That's it for me, I'll go away now


Don't let that url hit you in the rear on the way!

----------


## Chava

> I'm warning you - I will bring beer into the girlie thread if this continues.


Please do, I'd rather have a good dark Belgien ale, then a mug of tea.  :Smile:  You can't intimidate me at all.

----------


## Emil Miller

> What's my excuse?


Retarded development or you have been lying about your age.

----------


## The Atheist

Are we allowed to talk about kids in a Real Blokes thread?

I think it's probably ok as long as you stick to describing how awful they are, how much you'd like to strangle them on occasions and how much you think you could sell your family for on ebay.

No "My little princess is so wonderful, she can count to a million and she's only 9 months old...." stuff, ok? Leave that for that coffee thread.




> Please do, I'd rather have a good dark Belgien ale, then a mug of tea.  You can't intimidate me at all.


Haha! I certainly can:




> I hope this is the right thread for this little tidbit: but I just stepped outside my house, walked across the yard, took a few steps into the woods, and peed. And you know what I felt when the experience was over? PRIDE.


Beat that!

You know you can't. Just face it - men *rule*.

(And if in doubt, check here  :Wink:  )




> Retarded development or you have been lying about your age.


Yikes! I must be in trouble then, and my 80-year old mate reckons his brain still works the same way, so he's in even bigger trouble.

----------


## Chava

> Haha! I certainly can


No, that isn't the least bit scary. Back in the days of the rainforest, we didn't even have toilet paper, we had leaves. You're going to have to try harder.  :Wink:

----------


## skib

If we ABSOLUTELY must bring age into it, legally, no, I'm 19, but since when has that stopped anybody?  :Wink: 

And on the topic of kids! I hate kids. Kids are crawling/climbing nightmares. Every time a kid screams at a restaurant or in a store, I cringe, and whoever I am with says, "You were just like that once," I can say, "No, I wasn't. My 'rents whacked me every time I made a scene in public!" Needless to say, I didn't make scenes in public.

When one of my cousins was very little (around five or six) we were visiting the new house, and he just walked up behind me and bit me right square on the ***. No warning, just CHOMP! I've hated kids ever since.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I wouldn't know much about the Berlin wall- that was WAY before my time.


For those of us who had to go through it, you don't know how lucky you are.

----------


## skib

Must have been pretty bad then? (please pardon my historical ignorance- I have a hard enough time analyzing the present!) :Redface:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Must have been pretty bad then? (please pardon my historical ignorance- I have a hard enough time analyzing the present!)


Could it have something to do with the Jack Daniel's?

----------


## skib

Possibly in the past, but as of late the adult indulgences have been few and far between. It may also have something to do with the fact that half the time I am in the mountains cut off from the rest of the world. In all likelihood, it is a combination of things.

----------


## Scheherazade

Here is the url for the previous boys-only thread:

http://www.online-literature.com/for...hlight=allowed

----------


## Virgil

> Here is the url for the previous boys-only thread:
> 
> http://www.online-literature.com/for...hlight=allowed


The very first comment in there after it was started was by me and I asked if I could brng beer.  :FRlol:  Some things never change.  :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Some things never change.


Can never decide whether that is a good thing or not!  :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

> Can never decide whether that is a good thing or not!


For better or worse, the basics of men are universal and constant.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Janine

Curiosity killed the cat - here I am, the cat! 

 :FRlol:  


> For better or worse, the basics of men are universal and constant


and say what??? 
........ummm what exactly are the basics?  :FRlol: 

Whose got the beer?

----------


## higley

Beer, checking out ladies, and an intimate knowledge of Chuck Norris movies.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

higley...you ARE one of the ladies...

----------


## mono

Fight Song for the Men of LitNet
by mono

Kindly, gentlemen, of the LitNet, lend me your ears,
Even you, our Creator Admin, and hold up your beers,
For a time has come that we keep our thread alive,
And we, the men of LitNet, will surely survive!

Come Atheist, Virgil, JBI, Brian, and kilted alike,
And bazarov, and Silas, and Taliesen, we can do as we like,
And we can speak in masculine tones that we connive,
For we, the men of LitNet, shall certainly survive!

Come skib, Lokasenna, and crisaor we cannot forget,
And Comedian and Aimus, we can do like we shall never regret,
And librarius and NikolaiI, let us make this our testosterone hive,
Since we, the men of LitNet, can definitely survive!

In other places, we can speak of literature and poetry,
Or of religion, or quotations, and even philosophy;
Here we may collect and let our manlyhood drive,
Hence we, the men of LitNet, do indeed survive!

Let us roar, and boast, and brag of sounds from our orfices,
And fantasize of secretaries working in our offices,
Since our endowed competitiveness cannot let this thread dive,
Because we, the men of LitNet, are to survive!

We can argue and parade of our various sports,
And leave the women to volleyball and tennis courts,
Yet as the very best we can always strive,
But we, the men of LitNet, come here to survive!

So hold up your ales, your lagers, and Ill have my porter,
Since among we men, we can have no hoarder;
Bless us with a Cheers! as we have brought this to life,
For we, the men of LitNet, will of course survive!



*shakes fist in the air, with a vegetarian hotdog in the other hand*  :Biggrin:

----------


## higley

Pffft I know some of you boys drink girly cocktails.

Very impressive poem mono, however it seems you feel oppressed by our female presence? Or perhaps--threatened?  :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> Curiosity killed the cat - here I am, the cat! 
> 
>  
> 
> and say what??? 
> ........ummm what exactly are the basics?


If you have to ask, you're not too familiar with men.  :FRlol: 

This thread is a ball of laughs.  :Biggrin:

----------


## mono

> Very impressive poem mono, however it seems you feel oppressed by our female presence? Or perhaps--threatened?


Nah, not at all!  :FRlol: 
If I ever ended up as one of the members of the Little Rascals, I would have seemed more like Alfalfa than Spanky, Buckwheat, or Stymie - the one who still has an affinity for women, despite co-owning the "He-Man Woman Haters Club."  :Biggrin:

----------


## skib

> Fight Song for the Men of LitNet
> by mono
> 
> Kindly, gentlemen, of the LitNet, lend me your ears,
> Even you, our Creator Admin, and hold up your beers,
> For a time has come that we keep our thread alive,
> And we, the men of LitNet, will surely survive!
> 
> Come Atheist, Virgil, JBI, Brian, and kilted alike,
> ...



I love it! I'm adopting it as my new theme song for party entries!! :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> And on the topic of kids! I hate kids. Kids are crawling/climbing nightmares.


Never lose sight of that!




> Beer, checking out ladies, and an intimate knowledge of Chuck Norris movies.


Chuck Norris?

We're men, not neaderthals!

----------


## skib

Chuck Norris really died fifty years ago, but the Grim Reaper is too scared to tell him . . .
sorry. I couldn't resist!


I must say, though, Mrs. Higley has it down pretty close to pat. Kudos! You are close to understanding a mans purpose in life.

----------


## higley

It's only Ms. Higley, I don't understand men THAT well....  :Biggrin:

----------


## skib

I apologize!! I feel awful!! I hope I didn't offend too terribly??

----------


## higley

Not at all!

----------


## skib

Oh good!
I can remove my foot from my mouth now.
Now, gentlemen. What other topic of extraordinary manliness shall we discuss?
1)the hair on our chests
2) our manly vehicle
3) our bench-press maximum
4) our . . . )think of something manly)
5) . . . .

----------


## Silas Thorne

Our fight stories, boxing, martial arts, rugby...
The time I drank a whole litre of vodka, in about 20 minutes, and didn't die. yay!  :Smile:  although the next morning I wish I did!

----------


## The Atheist

> Now, gentlemen. What other topic of extraordinary manliness shall we discuss?
> 1)the hair on our chests


Nah, might embarrass the young fellas




> 2) our manly vehicle


Hmmm. I could have last year, but since I sold my Falcon, I'm driving the least manly car in the world, a 1300cc Toyota.

Feel free to really upset me by talking V8s.




> 3) our bench-press maximum


Ah, now you're talking. I never used to do weights, but when I was gardening and lawnmowing - about 20 years back - I once lifted a log that two others oculdn't move between them. Probably about 14kg of it.




> 4) our . . . )think of something manly)


Sure will!




> Our fight stories, boxing, martial arts, rugby...
> The time I drank a whole litre of vodka, in about 20 minutes, and didn't die. yay!  although the next morning I wish I did!


Oh don't start that...

I have so many bad stories from years past that we just should not go there!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## SleepyWitch

> You know you can't. Just face it - men *rule*.


women can't pee in the woods? I do it all the time! Well, not standing up, of course.. anyway, when it comes to taking a crap in the woods we're all the same, boys, girls, blokes, men, women ...

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> when it comes to taking a crap in the woods we're all the same, boys, girls, blokes, men, women ...


You might just be my new favourite person in the whole world :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

And really, gents, you don't seem to have accomplished much for having five pages of responses here. Where's the nitty gritty man conversation? I don't see many conclusions being drawn or problems being solved the way we do over in the Coffee thread!!  :Cool:

----------


## kevinthediltz

> And really, gents, you don't seem to have accomplished much for having five pages of responses here. Where's the nitty gritty man conversation? I don't see many conclusions being drawn or problems being solved the way we do over in the Coffee thread!!


Because we already know the two answer to every question.
A:Boobs
B:Use a bigger hammer

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> Because we already know the two answer to every question.
> A:Boobs
> B:Use a bigger hammer


Well played :Wink:

----------


## a_little_wisp

*puts on a fake beard and flops into the biggest, manliest chair*

Hey guys.  :Cool:  How 'bout them girls, eh? Heh. *Sip beer*  :Sick: - I mean,  :Cool:  I've killed a few squirrels in my day, ya know? Yeap.

----------


## SleepyWitch

> *puts on a fake beard and flops into the biggest, manliest chair*


yeah? My fake beard is longer than yours!!! In fact, I have to tie it up in a man-bun, otherwise it would dangle down so low I couldn't reach my fake b*lls to scratch them!

----------


## Emil Miller

> It's only Ms. Higley, I don't understand men THAT well....


You have no idea what joys await you.

----------


## kevinthediltz

Its seems we have two manly, manly men joining us. Well boys, whats your favorite type of scotch? favorite tool company? And favorite pair of boobs?
Being men like you are I'm sure you will have no problem answering these questions...

----------


## Emil Miller

> women can't pee in the woods? I do it all the time! Well, not standing up, of course.. anyway, when it comes to taking a crap in the woods we're all the same, boys, girls, blokes, men, women ...


I hate to say it Sleepywitch but you have just proved that women usually end up talking crap.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> Its seems we have two manly, manly men joining us. Well boys, whats your favorite type of scotch? favorite tool company? And favorite pair of boobs?
> Being men like you are I'm sure you will have no problem answering these questions...


Glenfiddich!
Bosch!
All of them!

Am I a man or what? :Brow: 

Also, to the other manly-men around, my fake back hair is longer than all of your fake beards put together!  :Brow:

----------


## a_little_wisp

(<--- new manly avatar)


*Spits, in a manly way.* Well, Kev. I'm a Glenlivet gir- guy myself. Ermm.. I'm not too picky about my tools, ya know - because with tools, it kinda all depends on the man usin' 'em, you know? HEH HEH, if you get my drift - HEH. 

Best, erm - *hastily flips through blog* - Bodacious Tatas:

----------


## The Atheist

> And really, gents, you don't seem to have accomplished much for having five pages of responses here. Where's the nitty gritty man conversation?


Well, at this stage, we're struggling to get rid of the women so we can *have* some nitty gritty manly conversation.




> I don't see many conclusions being drawn or problems being solved the way we do over in the Coffee thread!!


Conclusions? Problem solving?

We're men, dammit - we don't have a thread to solve problems or draw conclusions; that stuff's in philosophy, which has already been covered by Mr Python.

Get thee back to the coffee thread!

There must be an axiom in this thread somewhere - half the females on the board have posted in it already.

They love us so much, they just can't leave us alone!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## a_little_wisp

Classic, you're a much better man than I am. 

But I'm STILL A MAN. (Which, Kevin, makes our internet relationship somewhat more complicated, I'm sorry.) 

What females you talkin' 'bout, Atheist? Eh?

----------


## Silas Thorne

Yes,that must be true!  :Wink:  

Just saw 'Best, erm - *hastily flips through blog* - Bodacious Tatas: '
hehemhem clearing my throat...  :Smile:

----------


## a_little_wisp

Classic, you're a much better man than I am. 

But I'm STILL A MAN. (Which, Kevin, makes our internet relationship somewhat more complicated, I'm sorry.) 

What females you talkin' 'bout, Atheist? Eh?

----------


## kevinthediltz

> But I'm STILL A MAN. (Which, Kevin, makes our internet relationship somewhat more complicated, I'm sorry.)


Is there something we need to talk about, dear?

Oh, good boob choice.  :FRlol:

----------


## a_little_wisp

(Oh wow, it posted twice! o_o)

Nah, nah, Kev'. S'all good. EH HEM. later, later!

... Dude, it's kinda hard to be a man.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> ... Dude, it's kinda hard to be a man.


Yeah, this constant need to eat, expel noxious gasses, and check out women is tiring!! WOW we men have got it tough  :Rolleyes:

----------


## a_little_wisp

So Classic.  :Biggrin:  About Jane Austen.

----------


## PoeticPassions

boobs are overrated. it's all about the butt... 

yeah.

----------


## kevinthediltz

> boobs are overrated. it's all about the butt... 
> 
> yeah.


Could this be a genuine man we have come across?  :Biggrin: 
He speaks the way of the grunt...

----------


## a_little_wisp

I gotcha, Poetic, I gotcha.  :Cool:  But you know, its the legs for me.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

Well I like a woman with a brain!! Am I right, men? Anyone? 

**listens for the crickets**

----------


## a_little_wisp

(Mulan reference, Classic? No?  :Biggrin:  Yes?) 

**Crickets**

----------


## kevinthediltz

I am resorting to TRUE man talk to sort out the fakies...

Grunt, grunt, gruntgrunt, grunt, gur-unt, grunt. *Points at female body* GURRRRRUNT!

----------


## PoeticPassions

Sometimes I wish I was a man, for at least a week. Oh all the things that I would do...

But hey, sometimes I want to talk about butts and boobs and alcohol... why must we have these classifications??? I don't like talking about make-up, designers, or any of that stuff anyway... the one girly thing I do talk about is hot men. Other than that, I don't see why all these supposedly male things must exclude women?? Down with the old ways of thinking, I say!  :Biggrin:

----------


## kevinthediltz

> Well I like a woman with a brain!! Am I right, men? Anyone? 
> 
> **listens for the crickets**


Yes. Ill take a brain over a body anyday.

----------


## PoeticPassions

Intelligence is the sexiest ASSet. Sorry, I have an obsession with butts.

----------


## a_little_wisp

Ah HAH. We've weeded out the woman imposter!! -

It's Kevinella. Nice job, Classic.

----------


## kevinthediltz

> Ah HAH. We've weeded out the woman imposter!! -
> 
> It's Kevinella. Nice job, Classic.


Damn you.....

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

Yessss high fives! I mean...props? (I mean that awkward thing guys do with their hands)

??

----------


## The Atheist

> Yeah, this constant need to eat, expel noxious gasses,...


Ah, but at least blokes do it honestly - my kids crack up with the finger-pull fart. Not like those sneaky girls who quietly let off a stinker then try to blame the dog!




> I gotcha, Poetic, I gotcha.  But you know, its the legs for me.


Yes indeed, a great pair of legs takes all sorts of beating. (Says he married to a dancer....  :Wink:  )




> Well I like a woman with a brain!! Am I right, men? Anyone? 
> 
> **listens for the crickets**


*splutter*

A brain? God no! Those ones have their brain attached to their mouth and they *talk!* No, a lobotomy is an ideal trait in a woman.




> Yessss high fives! I mean...props? (I mean that awkward thing guys do with their hands)
> 
> ??


The high five slap is a tough one to learn.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> The high five slap is a tough one to learn.


No it's not! Look at each other's elbows and just give 'er. You'll never miss, guaranteed. Try it!

----------


## Scheherazade

> Yes. Ill take a brain over a body anyday.


As long as it is attached to a curvy female body? 

 :Wink: 


Even though it is "boys-only" thread here, could I address the girls in this thread please?

What are you doing?

I am a little embarrassed that _some_ (will not name names but I am sure they know who they are) are claiming to be men and post in this thread pretending to be _men_! That is very disappointing. 

Why, oh, why would anyone to pretend to be men? Want to be a man?

We have to give it to the guys that even if occassionally they post in the Coffee thread, none of them come in high heels and say things like "Why do my nails keek chipping? Should I have caramel or light blond highlights? Does my bum look big in this?"

I might even propose that those who have made that unfortunate choice get banned from the "girls-only" thread for a week or so!

----------


## PoeticPassions

I hope I wasn't pretending to be a guy... I think it was obvious I was just a girl wanting to talk about guy things  :Biggrin: 

guy talk is more fun than girl talk sometimes.

----------


## Niamh

> Fight Song for the Men of LitNet
> by mono
> 
> Kindly, gentlemen, of the LitNet, lend me your ears,
> Even you, our Creator Admin, and hold up your beers,
> For a time has come that we keep our thread alive,
> And we, the men of LitNet, will surely survive!
> 
> Come Atheist, Virgil, JBI, Brian, and kilted alike,
> ...


That is really cool Mono!!!!! :Thumbs Up:  Found myself punching the air along with it and i'm not even a man!  :FRlol: 

Ok for all the "men" in this thread... you all asked for it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0lUjhEHlh7s

----------


## Chava

> Fight Song for the Men of LitNet
> by mono
> 
> Kindly, gentlemen, of the LitNet, lend me your ears,
> Even you, our Creator Admin, and hold up your beers,
> For a time has come that we keep our thread alive,
> And we, the men of LitNet, will surely survive!
> 
> Come Atheist, Virgil, JBI, Brian, and kilted alike,
> ...


So... Does this come with a manly dance routine? Testosterone hive, indeed.  :FRlol:

----------


## Lokasenna

Mono, you are officially brilliant!

----------


## Emil Miller

> We have to give it to the guys that even if occassionally they post in the Coffee thread, none of them come in high heels and say things like "Why do my nails keek chipping? Should I have caramel or light blond highlights? Does my bum look big in this?"



There might be a few who would.

----------


## The Comedian

mono -- awesome poem, I plan to read it again the next time I have to hit the head. 

To the rest of the men: I offer us to reflect on one of life's great pleasures. The pleasure of which I speak, of course, is drinking cold beer in the shower. Now, if you have not had the wherewithal to crack open a cold Budweiser (or brew of choice) before reaching for that bar of Ivory soap, then you are missing out. 

In undergrad, drinking beer in the shower was so popular, that we had a miniature refrigerator well socked with the cheapest brew from the cheapest liquor store next to the toilet. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to shower up before I go to work.

Good Hunting!

----------


## papayahed

> To the rest of the men: I offer us to reflect on one of life's great pleasures. The pleasure of which I speak, of course, is drinking cold beer in the shower. Now, if you have not had the wherewithal to crack open a cold Budweiser (or brew of choice) before reaching for that bar of Ivory soap, then you are missing out. 
> 
> In undergrad, drinking beer in the shower was so popular, that we had a miniature refrigerator well socked with the cheapest brew from the cheapest liquor store next to the toilet.


Really? :FRlol:

----------


## Whifflingpin

"In undergrad, drinking beer in the shower was so popular, that we had a miniature refrigerator well socked with the cheapest brew from the cheapest liquor store next to the toilet. "

"Really?"

I expect they poured it straight in, just to cut out the middle man.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Fight Song for the Men of LitNet
> by mono
> 
> Kindly, gentlemen, of the LitNet, lend me your ears,
> Even you, our Creator Admin, and hold up your beers,
> For a time has come that we keep our thread alive,
> And we, the men of LitNet, will surely survive!
> 
> 
> ...


This ought to be published...

What thread am I missing out on here?

----------


## kevinthediltz

We talk about boobs and hammers. But the women couldnt resist joining us. Tired of talking about purses it seems...

----------


## bazarov

Mono - BRAVO!!!  :Biggrin: 

Atheist - agree on the beer, 45 angle rule was somehow forgotten  :FRlol: 

Some of you remember Denise Richards in early days? Or hate hairs in nose (I cried yesterday because of it)?

Smile and eyes are top; boobs and *** will be ruined after first child or after hard break up  :Smile: 

Pilsner, wheat/white beer or black beer? What do you prefer?

P.S. Bud and something from Australia (Forest ?)- only two outside from Europe I tried and also two worst beers I ever tried. :Sick:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> We talk about boobs and hammers. But the women couldnt resist joining us. Tired of talking about purses it seems...


Well...I don't have any boobs yet, but as I guess as I get older, I'll have to get me one of Kramer's Bro contraptions (Seinfeld episode). But I do work in the construction field...that's where we hoot and holler...and make cat calls...right?

----------


## kevinthediltz

> Well...I don't have any boobs yet, but as I guess as I get older, I'll have to get me one of Kramer's Bro contraptions (Seinfeld episode). But I do work in the construction field...that's where we hoot and holler...and make cat calls...right?


The construction site is where we create all our philosophy.

----------


## SleepyWitch

> Pilsner, wheat/white beer or black beer? What do you prefer?
> 
> P.S. Bud and something from Australia (Forest ?)- only two outside from Europe I tried and also two worst beers I ever tried.


Fosters? Does it come in a dark blue can? They can't be worse than Stella Atois (sp?)

----------


## The Comedian

Hey guys, 

I'm loving all the wonderful topics that this thread addresses: beer, chicks, poetry, beer, chicks, beer. . . But something was missing (to me at least): fish. Do any of you all go fishing? If so, I can' think of a better place than here to tell your "big fish" stories.

When I'm not at work, I'll post a picture of a beautiful brook trout (speckled trout, for the Canucks here) that I have mounted to the wall of my reading room. 

 :Smile:

----------


## Niamh

> P.S. Bud and something from Australia (Forest ?)- only two outside from Europe I tried and also two worst beers I ever tried.





> Fosters? Does it come in a dark blue can? They can't be worse than Stella Atois (sp?)


Yeah i reckon hes on about Fosters. Possibly the rankest beer on the planet.
You forgot the R in Artois. And its not that bad...
*spots an Erdinger Weiss, grabs it, and sneaks out of "the blokes thread" and heads for "Who wants a Beer!"*

----------


## The Atheist

> Or hate hairs in nose (I cried yesterday because of it)?


Nose hair!

That's another of the things which prove that god is really a woman. I mean, childbirth, periods, bah - they're nothing; women would give up if they had to go through what we men do. 




> Smile and eyes are top; boobs and *** will be ruined after first child or after hard break up


Shhh - we don't want the young fellas to get the right idea.




> P.S. Bud and something from Australia (Forest ?)- only two outside from Europe I tried and also two worst beers I ever tried.





> Fosters? Does it come in a dark blue can? They can't be worse than Stella Atois (sp?)


It would definitely be Fosters, because that is the second-worst beer in the world.

Just behind Budweiser as the worst.




> Hey guys, 
> 
> I'm loving all the wonderful topics that this thread addresses: beer, chicks, poetry, beer, chicks, beer. . . But something was missing (to me at least): fish. Do any of you all go fishing? If so, I can' think of a better place than here to tell your "big fish" stories.
> 
> When I'm not at work, I'll post a picture of a beautiful brook trout (speckled trout, for the Canucks here) that I have mounted to the wall of my reading room.


Fishing? You bet.

I dunno about that stuff you catch in rivers & lakes though - fishing is what we do in the sea and I don't think the excuse that the sea is 8000 miles away is much of an excuse.

This is just my daughter's best catch from a while back:

----------


## Mathor

In response to the aforementioned female tennis players, Ana Ivanovic (the third one) is by far the most attractive. Brunettes. 

Are men obsessed with beer or something? I'd take straight whiskey over it any day.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Fosters? Does it come in a dark blue can? They can't be worse than Stella Atois (sp?)


Yes it is in a dark blue can and tastes absolutely dreadful but because it is weak and cheaper than many other beers, it is popular with teenagers. One must be carefull in pubs when talking about beers though because it could cause trouble. I went into a pub and asked for a pint of lager. The barman asked if I wanted Fosters and I said "That's only for women and children" and ordered something else. When the barman asked a guy standing next to me what he wanted, he replied "Fosters."
Stella Artois is a better drink but no match for Leffe Blonde which is the best lager in the world and rather expensive.
You must remember that we do not have the Reinheitsgebot in the UK, so most German lagers are made here under licence and bear no relation to the original German beers.

----------


## Mathor

> Yes it is in a dark blue can and tastes absolutely dreadful but because it is weak and cheaper than many other beers, it is popular with teenagers. One must be carefull in pubs when talking about beers though because it could cause trouble. I went into a pub and asked for a pint of lager. The barman asked if I wanted Fosters and I said "That's only for women and children" and ordered something else. When the barman asked a guy standing next to me what he wanted, he replied "Fosters."
> Stella Artois is a better drink but no match for Leffe Blonde which is the best lager in the world and rather expensive.
> You must remember that we do not have the Reinheitsgebot in the UK, so most German lagers are made here under licence and bear no relation to the original German beers.


Stella Artois makes me want to kill myself. I do not mind some Fosters, though. There are a lot of American beers that can compete with both of those on the 'nasty' scale.

I prefer the Vermont beer Magic Hat Number 9

EDIT: but then again, I'm American, what do I know

----------


## Emil Miller

> Stella Artois makes me want to kill myself. I do not mind some Fosters, though. There are a lot of American beers that can compete with both of those on the 'nasty' scale.
> 
> I prefer the Vermont beer Magic Hat Number 9
> 
> EDIT: but then again, I'm American, what do I know


I admit that I haven't had Stella Artois for some time so perhaps it has deteriorated in the interim. There are a number of American beers other than Budweiser available in the UK such as Coors and Miller Light but they are all pretty tasteless, as are the majority of British lagers. There is one really powerfull British lager called Tennants Super which does live up to its name but is very strong and, as far as I know, cannot be bought in pubs but is sold in tins. Americans and others coming to these shores are often puzzled by English Ale, colloquially known as bitter, and is completely different from lager and drunk by a large part of the male drinking public. It is, in my view, a much tatstier beer than lager and is also cheaper. The one drawback is the calorie count which means an increase in weight greater than that for lager drinkers. I like it but for visiting foreigners it is an acquired taste, I heard one German describe it as like drinking diesel oil.

----------


## Janine

> If you have to ask, you're not too familiar with men.


No, I don't have to ask; and I am quite familar with men's ways, thank you! And now, I see a lot of women invaders to this thread....it's getting more posts than any other threads, I noticed...quite the place to hang out these days.... :Biggrin: 

....and *Mono,* I loved your poem!  :Thumbs Up:  :FRlol:  




> This thread is a ball of laughs.


hahaah...is that a play on words, *Virgil?* Like I don't know by now how you think.  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Play on words...you ought to check out the Thread about clothing...would that be a Thread of threads?

----------


## skib

> In response to the aforementioned female tennis players, Ana Ivanovic (the third one) is by far the most attractive. Brunettes. 
> 
> Are men obsessed with beer or something? I'd take straight whiskey over it any day.


I'm with you, Mathor! Jack me! Or Jim me. Or Knob me. **** it. Just whiskey me.

----------


## skib

So, on hammers. Who here thinks he owns the most expensive hammer? Sledge and trim hammers excluded. I'm talking framing hammers/framing hatchets.
And while we're here, how heavy a hammer do you swing?  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> So, on hammers. Who here thinks he owns the most expensive hammer? Sledge and trim hammers excluded. I'm talking framing hammers/framing hatchets.
> And while we're here, how heavy a hammer do you swing?


Hammers are of limited interest to most people, even men, can't we get back to the booze and women ? The two most important things in a man's life.

----------


## Silas Thorne

Just about any kind of Speights lager is great. 

Drinking Fosters I'd imagine would be like drinking urinary excretions of the equine variety. 

But I also like Guinness, though since I've never been to Ireland I'll never know what the real stuff is like... 

And watch this sketch, 'Four Yorkshiremen', from Monty Python if you think you're tough these days...:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FatHLHG2uGY

----------


## Janine

> Play on words...you ought to check out the Thread about clothing...would that be a Thread of threads?


Oh no, how did I miss that one; can you direct me to it, *BienvenuJDC?* I would accept that - 'a thread of threads'...sure why not.

----------


## Janine

> Hammers are of limited interest to most people, even men, can't we get back to the booze and women ? The two most important things in a man's life.


Yeah, for women! And I like Peter Gabriel's song 'Sledge Hammer'! There's a double meaning in that. :Wink:  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> ....


Janine... Funny name for a bloke.




> So, on hammers. Who here thinks he owns the most expensive hammer? Sledge and trim hammers excluded. I'm talking framing hammers/framing hatchets.
> And while we're here, how heavy a hammer do you swing?


14oz Stanley.

I'm not really a tool guy, but I do like to use good quality tools.

Knives, however, I like.

I have a hand-crafted Buck which cost me $300 a few years back.




> Just about any kind of Speights lager is great.


Hey, a Southern Man! Now, that's a real man. 




> Drinking Fosters I'd imagine would be like drinking urinary excretions of the equine variety.


Feline. 




> And watch this sketch, 'Four Yorkshiremen', from Monty Python if you think you're tough these days...:


Haha. I love seeing all these - I can recall watching them on tv when they were originally made.

----------


## Silas Thorne

:Wink:

----------


## Silas Thorne

oops, bigger than I thought! oh well!  :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

> oops, bigger than I thought! oh well!


Yeah, she starred in "Attack of the 50 Foot Woman"?

 :Wink:

----------


## Silas Thorne

oh, but sometimes bigger is better! LOL

----------


## Scheherazade

> oh, but sometimes bigger is better! LOL


You mean size matters?

----------


## Silas Thorne

sometimes, was what I said.  :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

> hahaah...is that a play on words, *Virgil?* Like I don't know by now how you think.


I didn't intend it that way but now that you mention it.  :Wink: 

I think we can separate the men from the ladies by urinal.  :Biggrin:

----------


## higley

I dunno Virg, that bathroom looks suspiciously clean.  :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

> I dunno Virg, that bathroom looks suspiciously clean.


Women cleaning ladies.  :Tongue:

----------


## skib

Or men peeing outside like they're supposed to.

----------


## Janine

> Women cleaning ladies.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: !!!!!........ :FRlol:  I am peeing my pants!

----------


## skib

> Hammers are of limited interest to most people, even men, can't we get back to the booze and women ? The two most important things in a man's life.


I dunno . . . there was a point where my hammer was my livelihood. 
14 oz Titanium Stilletto, and it cost me a pretty penny.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> I dunno . . . there was a point where my hammer was my livelihood. 
> 14 oz Titanium Stilletto, and it cost me a pretty penny.


Isn't it interesting that your hammer is named after a woman's shoe... :Idea:

----------


## skib

Hmm . . . which came first, the hammer or the shoe?  :Wink:

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> Hmm . . . which came first, the hammer or the shoe?


This is a stilletto

----------


## Silas Thorne

It's still a bloody shoe, however you look at it, it just doesn't function well as one. A hammer does its job well though.  :Smile:

----------


## Janine

> This is a stilletto


**Classic*,* do you remember the song.....

"These stilettos are made for walking and that's just what they'll do; one of these days these stilettos will walk all over you!"

...or was it boots???  :Confused:

----------


## Silas Thorne

boots. I don't think a woman in stillettos could move fast enough to do it.  :Wink:  ...unless you're the sort of person that keeps tripping over when zombies are chasing after you.

----------


## skib

I would really rather nobody walked on me at all, especially if there's zombies about!

----------


## Silas Thorne

I just meant boots are made for walking, not stilettos.  :Smile:  It's easy to run away from people who are wearing stilettos if you are not, unless you're drunk, or keep tripping over.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> boots. I don't think a woman in stillettos could move fast enough to do it.  ...unless you're the sort of person that keeps tripping over when zombies are chasing after you.


It was Boots, Janine. 

HA! Come on Silas, are you telling me you've never seen a woman run in stillettos? I can run in stellettos and manage to stay on my feet!

----------


## Silas Thorne

can you run on cobblestones, or bumpy ground, though?  :Wink:  You'll break off the heels. 

A hammer is has that manly sense of functionality and goodness about it. Rugged and does the job well.  :Smile:

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> can you run on cobblestones, or bumpy ground, though?  You'll break off the heels. 
> 
> A hammer is has that manly sense of functionality and goodness about it. Rugged and does the job well.



The first time I wore heels, I ended up walking the cobble streets of Old Quebec city for three hours. No broken heels!  :Biggrin: 



And let's face it, Silas, as functional as it may be, there's just nothing attractive about your hammer  :Biggrin:

----------


## Janine

> can you run on cobblestones, or bumpy ground, though?  You'll break off the heels. 
> 
> A hammer is has that manly sense of functionality and goodness about it. Rugged and does the job well.


Personally I prefer a nice manly screwdriver.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

*Forrest:* _Momma always says there's an awful lot you could tell about a person by their shoes. Where they're going. Where they've been. I've worn lots of shoes._

----------


## skib

> The first time I wore heels, I ended up walking the cobble streets of Old Quebec city for three hours. No broken heels! 
> 
> 
> 
> And let's face it, Silas, as functional as it may be, there's just nothing attractive about your hammer


I can't help but think of the scene in Romancing the Stone, where the lady is having trouble walking (in her stilettos,) so the guy pushes her over, yanks the shoes off and hacks off the heels with his machete.  :FRlol:  Priceless!

Who said anything about needing an attractive hammer?!?!? I don't know about yall, but my hammer is a chick magnet. There was this one time, where the lady contractor noticed my hammer. . . :Tongue:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Hmmm...one thought comes to mind...

Hammer...Payback (Mel Gibson)...need for proper footwear...

New thought comes to mind...Celebrity Death Match

Hammer vs. Stilettos

----------


## Janine

> I can't help but think of the scene in Romancing the Stone, where the lady is having trouble walking (in her stilettos,) so the guy pushes her over, yanks the shoes off and hacks off the heels with his machete.  Priceless!


I saw that movie. It was a riot and that scene is classic! :FRlol: 




> Who said anything about needing an attractive hammer?!?!? I don't know about yall, but my hammer is a chick magnet. There was this one time, where the lady contractor noticed my hammer. . .


I saw that in a Nick Nolte movie, too. He played Lucky and man, women really went wild over his hammer. He had a very nice hammer and cool tool belt as well.

----------


## skib

> I saw that movie. It was a riot and that scene is classic!
> 
> 
> 
> I saw that in a Nick Nolte movie, too. He played Lucky and man, women really went wild over his hammer. He had a very nice hammer and cool tool belt as well.


Darn! Here I am thinking I'm being original!

Bien, I think you're right. I'm going to arrange a death match here soon.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> Darn! Here I am thinking I'm being original!
> 
> Bien, I think you're right. I'm going to arrange a death match here soon.


Don't worry Skib, my stilletto heel will go easy on your flimsy old hammer! :Tongue:

----------


## skib

SSSHH! Let it think it might have a chance!

----------


## The Atheist

> Women cleaning ladies.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

Nice!




> Isn't it interesting that your hammer is named after a woman's shoe...


Actually, your shoe is named after a weapon, and since all weapons were invented by men (except for psychological weapons, which were invented by women), it's a manly thing.

I'm pretty sure women wear stiletto shoes to impress men rather than for comfort.

And just to get back onto more manly things, here's a fish.

This is a hapuku, to give it it's NZ name, better known overseas as a grouper.

Delicious, white, meaty steaks - cook 'em in tinfoil, seasoned with lemon & herbs.

----------


## Emil Miller

Hey Fellas!

Can't you see what's happening? The women have invaded this thread and have got us talking about stilleto heels, soon it will be lipstick and hair dyes until eventually thay have taken the Bloke's thread over. Would it not be be better if we warned them off with a " No girls allowed" addition to the thread's title? Of course we want to talk about women, among other things, but do we want to put up with them talking?

----------


## Mathor

> The first time I wore heels, I ended up walking the cobble streets of Old Quebec city for three hours. No broken heels!


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## The Comedian

Hello Blokes,

Just wanted to post a couple of things here. The first image (below) is of my fish mount (a 4lb brook trout), which is in my pine-paneled reading room. 




Beauty isn't she? She fell for the oldest trick in the book: a worm on a hook.

So long, I'm off to smoke a cigar.

 :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Hey Fellas!
> 
> Can't you see what's happening? The women have invaded this thread and have got us talking about stilleto heels, soon it will be lipstick and hair dyes until eventually thay have taken the Bloke's thread over. Would it not be be better if we warned them off with a " No girls allowed" addition to the thread's title? Of course we want to talk about women, among other things, but do we want to put up with them talking?


That's what I've been saying - we come in here to escape them

I think we should be ok now - Scheherazade's got them sorted out.




> Hello Blokes,
> 
> Just wanted to post a couple of things here. The first image (below) is of my fish mount (a 4lb brook trout), which is in my pine-paneled reading room.
> 
> Beauty isn't she? She fell for the oldest trick in the book: a worm on a hook.
> 
> So long, I'm off to smoke a cigar.


Bravo!

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> And just to get back onto more manly things, here's a fish.
> 
> This is a hapuku, to give it it's NZ name, better known overseas as a grouper.
> 
> Delicious, white, meaty steaks - cook 'em in tinfoil, seasoned with lemon & herbs.


If we're going to go in that direction...let's bring in the grill too...

  :Brow:

----------


## skib

I'm grilling my lunch right now.  :Nod:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Let's talk marinades and meats!!!!!!!!



Any preferences in cuts or marinades?

 

**_guttural grunt_**

----------


## Virgil

Bienvenu - That is a great idea. I have yet to fire up the grill this spring. Perhaps this weekend.  :Smile:

----------


## Silas Thorne

Barbeques! Yes, let's stand around and cook meat. Anyone for lamb chops? Or venison sausages?

----------


## Janine

Yes, I will have a filet mignon, please....eeekkk.....high maintance women!..... :FRlol:

----------


## Silas Thorne

Who let this woman near the barbie?  :Smile:  This is a man's cooking place.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I'd go out and fire mine up right now... I am ashamed to say that I allowed a travesty to happen...I let my wife grill the hamburgers this past weekend and when she was done, she left the propane burning...and now there's none left. But we will get it filled soon...

And this time we'll leaving the Grilling to the MEN!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> If we're going to go in that direction...let's bring in the grill too...


Looks great!




> Let's talk marinades and meats!!!!!!!!
> 
> Any preferences in cuts or marinades?


Fillet steak. I make my own marinade from red wine, Worcestershire sauce, soy sauce, garlic and a secret blend of home-grown herbs.

People have killed for my steaks.

Other people have been killed by them! (They are not well cooked)




> Bienvenu - That is a great idea. I have yet to fire up the grill this spring. Perhaps this weekend.


Autimn here, almost time to pack it away for the winter.




> Barbeques! Yes, let's stand around and cook meat. Anyone for lamb chops? Or venison sausages?


You can keep the lamb chops, but some marinated rump fillets of lamb are good. Venison, anytime!




> I'd go out and fire mine up right now... I am ashamed to say that I allowed a travesty to happen...I let my wife grill the hamburgers this past weekend and when she was done, she left the propane burning...and now there's none left.


Your punishment shall be to self-flagellate for 30 minutes.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Autumn here, almost time to pack it away for the winter.


Atheist...you are about to commit a cardinal sin! I have grilled in rain, and sleet, and dark of night!!!

Quoting from the Cold Ale Bloke's Bible...
The book of Testosteronicus chapter five, "_Thou shalt burn the altar of Bar-B all us your days. Thou shalt burn upon it the legs of lamb. Thou shalt burn upon it the fillet of Mignon. Thou shalt burn upon it venison of the woods. Thou shalt burn upon it the creatures of the sea, the birds of the air, and all creeping things that roam the earth. Thou shalt rub on them the herbs of the field. And the embers of the altar shall be a perpetual reminder that you are a MAN!_"

----------


## Janine

> Who let this woman near the barbie?  This is a man's cooking place.


Yes, and MEN were the first ones to rub sticks together to produce fire! 

Ah, men and their marinades!  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist...you are about to commit a cardinal sin! I have grilled in rain, and sleet, and dark of night!!!


Ha. Come and live in Auckland and tell me that! It was Auckland rain that started the Noah myth. 40 days and 40 nights is nothing.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Ha. Come and live in Auckland and tell me that! It was Auckland rain that started the Noah myth. 40 days and 40 nights is nothing.


Gopher wood man! Build a boat!!!! :Smash:

----------


## Silas Thorne

'It was Auckland rain that started the Noah myth. 40 days and 40 nights is nothing.'

Baah! Don't talk to me about Auckland rain!  :Smile:  Nothing compared to the West Coast of the South Island! West Coasters don't need to use taps for water, they just walk outside and open their mouths, but not more than 5 seconds mind, otherwise their lungs will fill up and they'll drown.

----------


## skib

yeah? Well . . . while we're boasting about our manly state of living, here in Colorado, we're lucky to see water once a year! We can go a whole year without seeing a single drop of rain! 
wow. that really sounds kind of pathetic, now that I think about it.  :Frown:

----------


## Janine

This thread is getting a little damp.

----------


## Silas Thorne

jack daniels replaces the need for water then?  :Wink:

----------


## skib

Yes! Ever played the game "Whiskeysize me?"
That's what we do when everything else dries up.

----------


## The Atheist

> Nothing compared to the West Coast of the South Island!


Nobody lives there!

----------


## Emil Miller

I know an Englishman who told me that when he was in Singapore, he just couldn't stop looking at the oriental girls when he was out with his wife, who kept reprimanding him for it.
Therefore, and this is strictly for the blokes, should men be allowed to look at other women without having to suffer a rebuke from their partners whether married or otherwise?

----------


## The Atheist

> I know an Englishman who told me that when he was in Singapore, he just couldn't stop looking at the oriental girls when he was out with his wife, who kept reprimanding him for it.
> Therefore, and this is strictly for the blokes, should men be allowed to look at other women without having to suffer a rebuke from their partners whether married or otherwise?


Good question, to which the answer is a conditional yes.

My wife gives me a nudge when she thinks I might have missed a tasty blonde, so she has no problem with it. Window-shopping is fine.

I think it all depends on the strength of the relationship, because I'm sure that if Mrs Atheist thought I might go and buy some of the goods on display, she wouldn't be quite so relaxed about the window-shopping.

Another thing which comes into it is figure. Men tend to check out the types of figures on display in this thread, while many wives and mothers no longer have that kind of figure. I can understand a somewhat chubby wife with body/self esteem issues being pretty upset by hubby checking out a load of skinny chicks.

Not as cut and dried as it should be.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I agree with Atheist about the strength of the relationship. When I married Mrs Bien, she'd been through two unfaithful relationships (meaning both guys were cheaters). I had to establish trustworthiness in me so that she knew I was TRUE. Now she knows that I won't wander.

But also...are we glancing from the peripheral, looking respectfully, staring intently, ogling T&A, whiplash double-take, tongue hanging/drooling, or sampling?  :Wink:  :Blush:  :Redface:  :Nod:  :Eek2:  :Brow:  :Banana: 

Some people might find some of those choices distasteful...and unfortunately some people wouldn't...

Again...I agree with Atheist (which I'm going to have to stop doing) concerning the confidence level of a woman. If a man let's his wife know that he thinks that she is beautiful (not only saying it, but acting it too), she will be less likely be put out by respectful glances. My wife's uncle will comment about a woman's beauty (usually on TV) then qualify the statement with a compliment to his wife's appearance. Men...you can honestly say..."That girl is attractive, but not nearly as beautiful as you, Hun!"...because you know the inner beauty of your wife. I don't think that there is anything wrong with admiring beauty...whether created by an artist...or by God.

----------


## Emil Miller

> My wife's uncle will comment about a woman's beauty (usually on TV) then qualify the statement with a compliment to his wife's appearance. Men...you can honestly say..."That girl is attractive, but not nearly as beautiful as you, Hun!"...because you know the inner beauty of your wife. .


Or is it because they don't want, to use a rather indelicate American phrase, a 'smack in the kisser?'

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Or is it because they don't want, to use a rather indelicate American phrase, a 'smack in the kisser?'


No...I think it's that they don't want the 'cold shoulder'...and the ATTITUDE...

----------


## skib

Rather happily not married, so I don't worry about it.  :Smile: 

Though, if I were, I would have to agree to Mr. Athiest as well. My mother and father both look at attractive women out in public, and my mother will point one out to my father, who in turn will direct my own single-oriented eyes.

----------


## mono

Wow, this thread has gone a long way!  :Biggrin: 



> Originally Posted by higley
> 
> I dunno Virg, that bathroom looks suspiciously clean.
> 
> 
> Women cleaning ladies.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 



> I know an Englishman who told me that when he was in Singapore, he just couldn't stop looking at the oriental girls when he was out with his wife, who kept reprimanding him for it.
> Therefore, and this is strictly for the blokes, should men be allowed to look at other women without having to suffer a rebuke from their partners whether married or otherwise?





> Good question, to which the answer is a conditional yes.
> 
> My wife gives me a nudge when she thinks I might have missed a tasty blonde, so she has no problem with it. Window-shopping is fine.
> 
> I think it all depends on the strength of the relationship, because I'm sure that if Mrs Atheist thought I might go and buy some of the goods on display, she wouldn't be quite so relaxed about the window-shopping.
> 
> Another thing which comes into it is figure. Men tend to check out the types of figures on display in this thread, while many wives and mothers no longer have that kind of figure. I can understand a somewhat chubby wife with body/self esteem issues being pretty upset by hubby checking out a load of skinny chicks.
> 
> Not as cut and dried as it should be.


I mostly agree with Atheist, and know too well the instinctive drive to "window shop," but hold true to the look-but-don't-touch rule - also not to look too much or too often. Taking the situation the other way around, I do not feel in the least offended in a girlfriend of mine checking out other men, nor even if she nudges me playfully and says "he has a nice @$$!" As long as she holds true to the look-but-don't-touch-rule, I do not mind in the least. Most humans have the ability to suppress their natural sexual appetites, and I would like to think I would never date someone who could not (but have gotten deceived a time or two); if they cannot suppress their desire to play on the field, then obviously they seem unready for or unhappy in a relationship.
We have more or less appropriate things to note. If you note that another woman has beautiful eyes and remark that to your girlfriend/wife, somehow it seems so much more acceptable than noticing that the other woman also wears a thin t-shirt, and evidently feels awfully cold; I would likely comment on that, too, in a joking manner, so she can share a laugh with me.

----------


## Virgil

I window shop too, but my wife doesn't particularly like it. So I have to do it out of the corner of my eye.  :Biggrin:  Oh and for the record, I only look.

----------


## The Atheist

> Again...I agree with Atheist (which I'm going to have to stop doing) ...


Crikey, yes!

There are parts of the internet agreeing with me will get you much worse than the cold shoulder!

 :Biggrin: 




> Wow, this thread has gone a long way!


See how easy it is when a few blokes chew the fat without women listening?




> Taking the situation the other way around, I do not feel in the least offended in a girlfriend of mine checking out other men, nor even if she nudges me playfully and says "he has a nice @$$!" As long as she holds true to the look-but-don't-touch-rule, I do not mind in the least.


Hell yes - goose/gander and all that. Can't stand jealousy.

I know men who would commit an assault on someone indulging in admiration of "his" woman. Some of them are already in jail. That's one area of man-dom (does that sound like a bdsm come-on or what?  :Biggrin: ) which needs some serious damage control - women are not chattels. Unfortunately, lots of blokes don't know that.

----------


## Silas Thorne

> See how easy it is when a few blokes chew the fat without women listening?


I don't think this is happening though.  :Smile:  They're always in the background, watching our movements.... We can only pretend they're not here. Look! I saw one hiding in the bushes over by the fence, trying to sneak over near the barbie.  :Biggrin:  Ninjas! (looking around) They're everywhere! Quickly get out your hammers, I'm sure someone's going to jump over the fence wielding stillettos! 





> I know men who would commit an assault on someone indulging in admiration of "his" woman. Some of them are already in jail. That's one area of man-dom (does that sound like a bdsm come-on or what? ) which needs some serious damage control - women are not chattels. Unfortunately, lots of blokes don't know that.


Yes, I hate these idiots! 
And there are, unfortunately, a few women (the dangerous minority) who try to get men to dance with them at nightclubs, or actively seek attention, precisely because they have boyfriends like this, and want to make them jealous.

----------


## Janine

> don't think this is happening though. They're always in the background, watching our movements.... We can only pretend they're not here. Look! I saw one hiding in the bushes over by the fence, trying to sneak over near the barbie. Ninjas! (looking around) They're everywhere! Quickly get out your hammers, I'm sure someone's going to jump over the fence wielding stillettos!


Yes, indeed; better get out those hammers!  :FRlol:  

All us females have been reading your posts. 

This thread is most enlightening.

----------


## Virgil

> Yes, indeed; better get out those hammers!  
> 
> All us females have been reading your posts. 
> 
> This thread is most enlightening.


 :FRlol:  Uh oh. They are on to me.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Silas Thorne

I looked at the women's thread and they were talking about handbags. It didn't seem that interesting to me. Why are we men so interesting to women?  :Wink:

----------


## Janine

> All us females have been reading your posts.
> 
> yes, but 'all your base are belong to us!'


What say? don't get that, sorry something lost in the translation.... :Confused: 


uh um, Virgil,  :Wink:  definitely....like I said 'enlightening' in here. I bet a lot of you guy's who are married or have girlfriends have eyes that don't quite match by now, since one eye wanders.  :Goof: 




> I looked at the women's thread and they were talking about handbags. It didn't seem that interesting to me. Why are we men so interesting to women?


Silas, some men carry handbags!

Answer to question: because you guys are so incredibly laughable!

----------


## Emil Miller

> No...I think it's that they don't want the 'cold shoulder'...and the ATTITUDE...


Come to think of it you are absolutely right and recalls an incident that I had forgotten about. 
An English friend of mine was working in Oslo and, like virtually all of the other foreign contract workers at the company that hired him, he had a girl friend, even though though practically all of them were married and living away from their respective countries. Every six weeks his wife would travel to Norway to stay for a week and the girlfriend, naturally, had to disappear from the scene during that time. On one occasion, the day before his wife was due, his girlfriend said that she couldn't find one of her earings and they searched the bed for a long time but were unable to find it. Needless to say, the day after her arrival, his wife found it while making the bed; he told me that she didn't speak to him for the whole time she was there.

----------


## prendrelemick

The missus, not talking for a week, sounds like bliss  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Silas, some men carry handbags!


Those ones aren't men... :FRlol: 

Unless the handbag contains black powder accessories...

----------


## Carrolb2

I have a hand bag. It's filled with chalk (for climbing) and super glue (for first aid)

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I have a hand bag. It's filled with chalk (for climbing) and super glue (for first aid)


Now we're talkin'...
I guess handbags aren't that bad...it depends what's in it...

 :Cool: 
What's in YOUR handbag?

----------


## Emil Miller

> I have a hand bag. It's filled with chalk (for climbing) and super glue (for first aid)


Your name seems to indicate a woman, although I know that Carrol can sometimes be used by men but I am intrigued to know why chalk is used in climbing; I'm not sure about the superglue either.

----------


## LostPrincess13

*wears dark cloak, peeks in the room, and glides quietly towards a table in the corner* 
*orders a beer from the waiter, careful not to let him see her face*
*sips the beer, and giggles to herself as she listens in to the conversations*

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I think that superglue can mend any cuts...seals them right up...

I don't know if it works on a compound leg fracture though...




> *wears dark cloak, peeks in the room, and glides quietly towards a table in the corner* 
> *orders a beer from the waiter, careful not to let him see her face*
> *sips the beer, and giggles to herself as she listens in to the conversations*


Did anybody check to see if this girl is old enough to be drinking a beer? :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Did anybody check to see if this girl is old enough to be drinking a beer?


Hey! :Tongue:  I'm seventeen! :Tongue:  That's old enough... :Blush:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Hey! I'm seventeen! That's old enough...


I'm not gong to say a thing then...I've never even had one myself!

----------


## LostPrincess13

Then pull up a chair then and take a swig matey! :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

We must protect this masculine preserve from these pesky women....especially the young and pretty ones who will put our resolve to the test.

----------


## LostPrincess13

Can I stay if I say my purpose is merely academic? :Wink:  I'm doing research on the male species. :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Can I stay if I say my purpose is merely academic? I'm doing research on the male species.


All women do that and start long before they are 17.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Maybe she can stay if she cleans the bathrooms...and sweeps the floors...

----------


## Emil Miller

> Maybe she can stay if she cleans the bathrooms...and sweeps the floors...


But don't you think it's unwise to let a 17-year-old hang around with a bunch of older guys? She might hear a few things that will offend her delicate ears.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> But don't you think it's unwise to let a 17-year-old hang around with a bunch of older guys? She might hear a few things that will offend her delicate ears.


She might even say something that could offend my delicate ears... :Blush: 
...kids these days... :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

"Pint o Newkie and a bag of pork scratchin's, please darlin'." (I assume barmaids are exception to no women rule.) 

Walks over to juke box, chooses Paranoid, by Black Sabbath.

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't think this is happening though.  They're always in the background, watching our movements.... We can only pretend they're not here. Look! I saw one hiding in the bushes over by the fence, trying to sneak over near the barbie.  Ninjas! (looking around) They're everywhere! Quickly get out your hammers, I'm sure someone's going to jump over the fence wielding stillettos!


Actually, the chicks hunkering down on the sidelines doesn't matter in here - somehow, we've created the perfect blokes' room.

See those old oak panels beside the library? Women used to hide behind those and listen through the cracks in the late 1800s.

Little good it did them - whatever they heard, saw or smelt, there was nothing they could do, because *what happens in the Blokes' Club, stays in the Blokes' Club* and if some demure wee thing was silly enough to admit she'd been caught eavesdropping on gentlemen*, it would have been akin to Queen Victoria admitting to having taken seven of her footmen as lovers at the same time.

These days, the social penury may not be to those lengths, but any Real Woman [TM] would certainly think little of her sister who stooped to such depths.

The cigar smoke always gets them in the end.

 :Wink: 

*I am referring to gentlemen members of that past - while I am in no position to comment on whether any other participants fit the description, I most certainly, do not.




> Yes, I hate these idiots! 
> And there are, unfortunately, a few women (the dangerous minority) who try to get men to dance with them at nightclubs, or actively seek attention, precisely because they have boyfriends like this, and want to make them jealous.


Yep, some women, are turned on by violence and possessiveness, but luckily, very few.




> Yes, indeed; better get out those hammers!  
> 
> All us females have been reading your posts. 
> 
> This thread is most enlightening.


See above.




> I looked at the women's thread and they were talking about handbags.


 :Smile: 

Proof!




> It didn't seem that interesting to me. Why are we men so interesting to women?


Not that hard to tell in the end, is it?




> We must protect this masculine preserve from these pesky women....especially the young and pretty ones who will put our resolve to the test.


Perish the thought.

Just treat them exactly as one would the soft sounds of the string quartet in the far corner by the fire.




> Maybe she can stay if she cleans the bathrooms...and sweeps the floors...


There isn't an emoticon here to describe how I exploded with laughter at that!

Classic.

And spit-polish my shoes!

 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

> (I assume barmaids are exception to no women rule.) .



Well if there has to be an exception it's gotta be barmaids. They're among my favourite people.

----------


## Carrolb2

> Your name seems to indicate a woman, although I know that Carrol can sometimes be used by men but I am intrigued to know why chalk is used in climbing; I'm not sure about the superglue either.


Carroll = last name
chalk keeps your hands dry. trying to hold on for dear life is a little hard when your hands are sweaty. and super glue is the best first aid development since the band aid. its like stitches only faster, cheaper, stronger, and it leaves better (and more manly) battle scars.

----------


## The Atheist

> "Pint o Newkie and a bag of pork scratchin's, please darlin'." (I assume barmaids are exception to no women rule.)


You would, alas, assume wrong.

Parker, our commissionaire, is well-versed in the recruitment needs of this establishment and we are presently in no need of new staff members. Our last staff member hired was Johnson, the porter, and that was in 1968.

His *son* has been in training to take over from him later this year, in fact.

In future, please discuss all matters pertaining to the club and employment matters with Mr Parker. His details are here.




> Walks over to juke box, chooses Paranoid, by Black Sabbath.


Juke box?

I have heard the term, I'm sure. 

Isn't that Mozart's Prussian Quartet k575 I can hear?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Juke box?
> 
> I have heard the term, I'm sure. 
> 
> Isn't that Mozart's Prussian Quartet k575 I can hear?




I am desperate to get hold of a copy of Black Sabbath playing Mozart's Prussian Quartet k575 can anyone help?

----------


## The Atheist

> I am desperate to get hold of a copy of Black Sabbath playing Mozart's Prussian Quartet k575 can anyone help?


 :FRlol: 

I can just see Ozzy Osbourne's hair getting tangled in his cello.

----------


## prendrelemick

> "Pint o Newkie and a bag of pork scratchin's, please darlin'." (I assume barmaids are exception to no women rule.) 
> 
> Walks over to juke box, chooses Paranoid, by Black Sabbath.


Ok, ok I get it.

"Whisky with a splash of water please Johnson."

walks over to humador, chooses cuban cigar. sits in leather wing-back by fire.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Carroll = last name
> chalk keeps your hands dry. trying to hold on for dear life is a little hard when your hands are sweaty. and super glue is the best first aid development since the band aid. its like stitches only faster, cheaper, stronger, and it leaves better (and more manly) battle scars.


Thanks for the explanation. Do you go mountaineering to get away from the women or do any of them accompany you on your sweaty-palmed scaling of the heights?

----------


## BienvenuJDC

What's grillin' tonight?

----------


## Emil Miller

> What's grillin' tonight?


Well it's already well into nightime now so I am finishing off with one packet of Prawn cocktail potato chips and one ridge cut cheddar and onion accompanied by two cans of Tennant's Super strong lager and one of Miller Light to soften the blow. You know, the male atmosphere in this club is so congenial I think I will move in permanently.

----------


## The Atheist

> Ok, ok I get it.
> 
> "Whisky with a splash of water please Johnson."
> 
> walks over to humador, chooses cuban cigar. sits in leather wing-back by fire.


Thank you.




> What's grillin' tonight?


Ah, you American chaps and your trans-Atlantic humour!

Parker was mentioning only last week, the time one of your cousins was in the club and asked for something grilled. Sir Nigel was desperate to whip him off to the side room for a proper grilling, but Parker explained that it was a form of cooking used in former colonies rather than a request for de-briefing.

Parker will be pleased to have one of the footmen service your epicurean requests.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Are any of you familiar with Cajun style food?

----------


## skib

Aah, yes! A good friend of mine from Louisiana is Cajun, and he is one of the best cooks I know! Fresh everything, bought on the dock that same day.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Forget the prawns...give me a bucket of crayfish!!!

----------


## skib

. . . sure! I'm certainly no expert on Cajun cooking. Unless we can count eating it. Names? Bah! not necessary.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Thank you.
> 
> 
> 
> Ah, you American chaps and your trans-Atlantic humour!
> 
> Parker was mentioning only last week, the time one of your cousins was in the club and asked for something grilled. Sir Nigel was desperate to whip him off to the side room for a proper grilling, but Parker explained that it was a form of cooking used in former colonies rather than a request for de-briefing.
> 
> Parker will be pleased to have one of the footmen service your epicurean requests.


We must be careful not to alienate our American male members who might be more inclined to a 1920s speakeasy environment than an 1890s gentlemen's club in London. After all, there is a great difference between Blackjack and Poker and Bridge or Whist. Now don't get me wrong, I happen to think that the Gentlemen's club is comensurate with the invention of the wheel but, in the era of the internet, we must be prepared to broaden the scope of the Bloke's domain to include men from all parts of the globe.

----------


## kilted exile

> We must be careful not to alienate our American male members who might be more inclined to a 1920s speakeasy environment than an 1890s gentlemen's club in London. After all, there is a great difference between Blackjack and Poker and Bridge or Whist. Now don't get me wrong, I happen to think that the Gentlemen's club is comensurate with the invention of the wheel but, in the era of the internet, we must be prepared to broaden the scope of the Bloke's domain to include men from all parts of the globe.


This blokes domain used to dingy bars in areas of glasgow you wouldnt let your dog go let alone a relative - I think we can safely exclude that domain

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Atheist...if you are from NZ...wouldn't it be more proper to say trans-Pacific humor...and what kind of humor is that exactly?

----------


## papayahed

> Are any of you familiar with Cajun style food?



blech!

----------


## Mathor

> We must be careful not to alienate our American male members who might be more inclined to a 1920s speakeasy environment than an 1890s gentlemen's club in London. After all, there is a great difference between Blackjack and Poker and Bridge or Whist. Now don't get me wrong, I happen to think that the Gentlemen's club is comensurate with the invention of the wheel but, in the era of the internet, we must be prepared to broaden the scope of the Bloke's domain to include men from all parts of the globe.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

<alienated American

My stepdad has only lived here in America for 4 years (London-area born and raised), and when he goes back for christmas he always brings me back Prawn Cocktail Chips (Crisps), they are frikkin amazing. (as disgusting as that sounds).

----------


## kilted exile

> Atheist...if you are from NZ...wouldn't it be more proper to say trans-Pacific humor...and what kind of humor is that exactly?


nah its not trans pacific because the UK is still the centre of the universe, everything still has to pass through here first

----------


## Emil Miller

> This blokes domain used to dingy bars in areas of glasgow you wouldnt let your dog go let alone a relative - I think we can safely exclude that domain


The tales of the terribleness of some Glasgow pubs is legendary and, as someone who has experienced them personally, you are in a position of being able to underline just how bad they are. But how do you feel about belonging to a male preserve that has leather armchairs and Mozart being played by a string quartet?

----------


## kilted exile

> how do you feel about belonging to a male preserve that has leather armchairs and Mozart being played by a string quartet?


Probably distinctly underdressed :FRlol:

----------


## Virgil

> Come to think of it you are absolutely right and recalls an incident that I had forgotten about. 
> An English friend of mine was working in Oslo and, like virtually all of the other foreign contract workers at the company that hired him, he had a girl friend, even though though practically all of them were married and living away from their respective countries. Every six weeks his wife would travel to Norway to stay for a week and the girlfriend, naturally, had to disappear from the scene during that time. On one occasion, the day before his wife was due, his girlfriend said that she couldn't find one of her earings and they searched the bed for a long time but were unable to find it. Needless to say, the day after her arrival, his wife found it while making the bed; he told me that she didn't speak to him for the whole time she was there.


[/QUOTE]
Oh God. If that had been my wife that would have been the end of the marriage. I think he ought to consider himself lucky. 

Reminds me of a story of a guy who was on continuous business travel for years. He would go back home every so often and every once in a while I would see him at the travel location. I would go every there for a week's time every other month or so, but he was there for like a month at a time. One day I cought up with him and he told me his marriage was on the ropes. I figured it was because he was away so often. It turns out the girl he was meeting up with on his travel got angry he broke up with her and mailed her bright red underwear to his wife with a note that said something like, "for old times sake."  :FRlol:  He had a lot of explaining to do.




> Now we're talkin'...
> I guess handbags aren't that bad...it depends what's in it...
> 
> 
> What's in YOUR handbag?


Lipstick and powder?  :Tongue: 




> Maybe she can stay if she cleans the bathrooms...and sweeps the floors...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 




> What's grillin' tonight?


Actually the wife is cooking. And complaining. I forgot to take the garbage out last night and she was pissed. She actually sent me an email to work.  :Biggrin: 




> This blokes domain used to dingy bars in areas of glasgow you wouldnt let your dog go let alone a relative - I think we can safely exclude that domain


Would have been interesting. I can keep my nose clean but I would probably need a local to be with.  :Wink:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> All women do that and start long before they are 17.


LOL! :FRlol:  Then again, I'm no ordinary 17 year old girl. :Wink:  Let's just say I was 'one of the guys' when I was younger. :Biggrin:  In fact, I still think I am! :FRlol: 




> Maybe she can stay if she cleans the bathrooms...and sweeps the floors...


 :FRlol:  Sorry, I don't do bathrooms. :FRlol:  I could serve you guys beverages though. :Wink:  I make pretty good coffee. :Biggrin: 




> But don't you think it's unwise to let a 17-year-old hang around with a bunch of older guys? She might hear a few things that will offend her delicate ears.


I'm a big girl now! :Biggrin:  And I'm sure whatever you guys say I've heard it before and will come as no surprise to me. :Biggrin: 




> She might even say something that could offend my delicate ears...
> ...kids these days...


Oooh! :Biggrin:  What could I possibly say I wonder? :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> We must be careful not to alienate our American male members who might be more inclined to a 1920s speakeasy environment than an 1890s gentlemen's club in London. After all, there is a great difference between Blackjack and Poker and Bridge or Whist. Now don't get me wrong, I happen to think that the Gentlemen's club is comensurate with the invention of the wheel but, in the era of the internet, we must be prepared to broaden the scope of the Bloke's domain to include men from all parts of the globe.


Maybe we could have the West Louge done out in 1920s speakeasy. I'm a big fan of women's fashion from that time - a touch of class with a touch of hooker. Perfect!




> This blokes domain used to dingy bars in areas of glasgow you wouldnt let your dog go let alone a relative - I think we can safely exclude that domain


I'll bet you a Glasgy pub against Otara's Flying Jug any day.

 :Biggrin: 




> Atheist...if you are from NZ...wouldn't it be more proper to say trans-Pacific humor...and what kind of humor is that exactly?


No, definitely trans-Atlantic. The club is based in London as the centre of the "Old World". I know I'm mixing South Pacific, East London and Harrow idiom, but you'll catch up.




> LOL! Then again, I'm no ordinary 17 year old girl.


Clearly not!

----------


## LostPrincess13

Well hello Mr. Atheist! :Biggrin:  I hope you don't mind my lil intrusion in your thread. :Biggrin:  My curiosity got the best of me, and I just couldn't help myself. :Biggrin:

----------


## Silas Thorne

We can't stop you anyway.  :Smile:  Those perimeter mines around the backyard barbeque area don't seem to be working properly.

----------


## The Atheist

> Well hello Mr. Atheist! I hope you don't mind my lil intrusion in your thread. My curiosity got the best of me, and I just couldn't help myself.


No worries, you're perfectly welcome.

As long as you don't try to play any of that awful music someone mentioned earlier.

Well, it's been a fantastic day here - beautiful, warm autumn day. Took the kids fishing and caught a bucketload. Just right to relax by the fire now.

All will be perfect once those three fingers of Glenfiddich finds it way down my throat.




> We can't stop you anyway.  Those perimeter mines around the backyard barbeque area don't seem to be working properly.


I hear Parker is thinking about a moat with pirhanas.

----------


## NikolaiI

What about those of us who don't drink?

----------


## LostPrincess13

> No worries, you're perfectly welcome.
> 
> As long as you don't try to play any of that awful music someone mentioned earlier.
> 
> Well, it's been a fantastic day here - beautiful, warm autumn day. Took the kids fishing and caught a bucketload. Just right to relax by the fire now.
> 
> All will be perfect once those three fingers of Glenfiddich finds it way down my throat.


Are you referring to Paranoid by the Black Sabbath? Never heard of it. :Wink:  Looks like you had a great day! :Biggrin:  I've never went fishing before. I here it's very relaxing. :Smile:  Who or what is a Glenfiddich?




> We can't stop you anyway.  Those perimeter mines around the backyard barbeque area don't seem to be working properly.





> I hear Parker is thinking about a moat with pirhanas.



LOL! :FRlol:  I suggest that you gentlemen abandon any further attempts to keep us out. :Biggrin:  Your efforts will only be futile. :Wink:  Women, as you all know, are VERY persistent and will do ANYTHING to get their way. :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> What about those of us who don't drink?


What are you, a cactus?

 :Biggrin: 

You must drink something - water, tonic, fruit drinks... It's not essential to drink alcohol.




> Who or what is a Glenfiddich?


Scotch whisky. Old blokes' drink.





> Women, as you all know, are VERY persistent and will do ANYTHING to get their way.


You wish!

----------


## Emil Miller

> What about those of us who don't drink?


Well we realise that, regretable though it is, there are some guys who don't drink but do you follow other traditional masculine pursuits such as smoking and sex? Not necessarily at the same time though.




> Probably distinctly underdressed


Well you should be OK as long as you wear a shirt but you might have a bit of trouble getting in to a men only club if you are wearing a kilt.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Would you happen to have a Sarsaparilla back there, Parker? 

...and it's my opinion that the little lost princess adds some pleasant atmosphere...as long as you don't let too many of them in here!!

----------


## LostPrincess13

*bats eyelashes*  :Blush:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Maybe we could have the West Louge done out in 1920s speakeasy.



Yeah that shoud keep the guys from the other side of the pond happy.
Maybe we could get some cheap booze from that bootlegger chap who keeps popping up in the General Literature forum. I can't remember his name off hand but it will come to me in due course old sport.

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=BienvenuJDC;706176]Would you happen to have a Sarsaparilla back there, Parker? QUOTE]

Carrying a handbag and drinking sarsaparilla could get you talked about.

----------


## Mathor

> Well we realise that, regretable though it is, there are some guys who don't drink but do you follow other traditional masculine pursuits such as smoking and sex? Not necessarily at the same time though.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

QUOTE=Virgil;705975][/QUOTE] Actually the wife is cooking. And complaining. I forgot to take the garbage out last night and she was pissed. [/QUOTE]

You will have to hide the key to the drinks cabinet in future.

----------


## The Atheist

> You will have to hide the key to the drinks cabinet in future.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

There's that trans-Atlantic thing again.

I once asked a sick-looking Yankee mate if he was crook, only to be met by a blank stare. (That's more trans-Pacific, though)

Any suggestions for the online presence of the Club are welcome!

----------


## Virgil

> You will have to hide the key to the drinks cabinet in future.


 :Biggrin:  She doesn't drink. I've got the liquor cabinent to myself.  :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Then I'll take coffee...black...leave the grounds in...

Can I hang by Black Powder satchel (not handbag) on the hook with my rifled muzzle loader?

----------


## Silas Thorne

Here's a poem by John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester: 

The Imperfect Enjoyment


Naked she lay; clasped in my longing arms,
I filled with love, and she all over charms;
Both equally inspired with eager fire,
Melting through kindness in desire.
With arms, legs, lips close clinging to embrace,
She clips me to her breast, and sucks me to her face.
Her nimble tongue, Love's lesser lightning, played
Within my mouth, and to my thoughts conveyed
Swift orders that I should prepare to throw
The all-dissolving thunderbolt below....

I'll have to stop there, the rest is too rude perhaps for the forum. But feel free to read it, it's posted on the wall on the way to the games room: 

http://www.english-gardening.com/poe..._enjoyment.htm

----------


## The Comedian

Just got back from the pub -- had a bacon cheeseburger, sweet potato fries, and cold ale.

----------


## mono

> What about those of us who don't drink?


Ah, no worries, NikolaiI, we can keep a supply of non-alcoholic beer, sparkling cider, soda, coffee, and tea, too. We men ought to come here for a good time, and it does not always have to involve alcohol; in fact, seeing how quickly I down a beer or wine, I may join you for some drinks, NikolaiI, to sober-up as "chasers."

A serious question for the other men of LitNet: why do women insist upon going to the restroom together? I have always wondered if they have confession booths or pinball machines in there, instead of stalls.  :Confused:

----------


## skib

It is written somewhere in their genetic code, to travel in packs, especially to the bathroom where it is easier to gossip without fear of being overheard by males.

----------


## Virgil

> It is written somewhere in their genetic code, to travel in packs, especially to the bathroom where it is easier to gossip without fear of being overheard by males.


 :FRlol:  Good point. I had a friend in school who claimed women were are secretly lesbians.  :Biggrin:  Perhaps that should get edited.

----------


## NikolaiI

> What are you, a cactus?
> 
> You must drink something - water, tonic, fruit drinks... It's not essential to drink alcohol.


Right.  :Smile:  Nope I am not a cactus. I drink water, milk, v8 mainly... but I have a question which has been nagging me. What percentage water are humans? I always thought it was mid to high 90's, but someone else was saying it was lower.




> Well we realise that, regretable though it is, there are some guys who don't drink but do you follow other traditional masculine pursuits such as smoking and sex? Not necessarily at the same time though.


Well, smoking? No, that is not really a good idea. And the other, that is personal.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Right.  Nope I am not a cactus. I drink water, milk, v8 mainly... but I have a question which has been nagging me. What percentage water are humans? I always thought it was mid to high 90's, but someone else was saying it was lower.


Somewhere in the 70-80 range, I think. Lots anyway.


And just to get back to the Club's online presence, I listed it as a dot com, but it should be:

www.TheBlokesClub.info

Parker has been busy.

----------


## NikolaiI

> Somewhere in the 70-80 range, I think. Lots anyway.


That makes more sense actually.  :Smile:  Don't know why I thought it was 90s.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I came in for a nightcap...

**walks over to the hat rack and pulls a cap off, puts it on his head**

----------


## LostPrincess13

> A serious question for the other men of LitNet: why do women insist upon going to the restroom together? I have always wondered if they have confession booths or pinball machines in there, instead of stalls.





> It is written somewhere in their genetic code, to travel in packs, especially to the bathroom where it is easier to gossip without fear of being overheard by males.


I can attest to that! :Biggrin:  It's girl code: _Never let your friend go to the bathroom alone._  :Biggrin:  And no, no pinball machines or confession booths. :Wink:  Just large mirrors that allow you to check your make up and your outfit. :Biggrin: 




> Then I'll take coffee...black...leave the grounds in...
> 
> Can I hang by Black Powder satchel (not handbag) on the hook with my rifled muzzle loader?


Coming right up sir! :Biggrin:  *looks at rifle* Do you men still consider hunting as the ultimate sport?

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

I am wishing for some cold-ale, but in this college town, it is mom's weekend, so the bars are flooded with 40 year old divorcees looking for one night stands.... I think I'll stay in tonight.

----------


## Janine

It got a little too smokey in here for me....*irritated eyeballs*

----------


## LostPrincess13

Can I interest you in some coffee Ms. Janine? :Smile:

----------


## Lokasenna

Smoking is fine, but only so long as its cigars or a (good quality) pipe - I can't stand cigarettes.

Also, I have recently succumbed to the inscrutable exhortations of my masculine soul... I have started shooting things. There is something peculiarly gratifying about stalking about one's own garden like a commando (humming a military tattoo under my breath, of course), taking pot-shots at vermin. The fact that I'm such an abysmal shot, and have yet to so much as wound anything doesn't put me off in the slightest...

----------


## The Atheist

> Do you men still consider hunting as the ultimate sport?


Not the ultimate sport, by any means, but hunting is still a great sport. I don't like trophy hunting and confine my own killing to pests and food, which, if you can find rabbits, serves both uses.

I've tried bowhunting for deer, but so far, the deer have been untroubled by it. Very hard to get close enough for a decent shot.




> I am wishing for some cold-ale, but in this college town, it is mom's weekend, so the bars are flooded with 40 year old divorcees looking for one night stands.... I think I'll stay in tonight.


Oh god - I tell my wife, if she croaks on me, I'd be a confirmed bachelor; if there's a hell on earth, it's middle-aged dating.




> The fact that I'm such an abysmal shot, and have yet to so much as wound anything doesn't put me off in the slightest...


Sounds as though neither of us will be doing much ecological damage!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I am wishing for some cold-ale, but in this college town, it is mom's weekend, so the bars are flooded with 40 year old divorcees looking for one night stands.... I think I'll stay in tonight.


What's the name of that town again?






> Smoking is fine, The fact that I'm such an abysmal shot, and have yet to so much as wound anything doesn't put me off in the slightest...


I had a similar problem when pigeons invaded the garden to eat the seed that fell from the seed containers put out for the smaller birds. I didn't want to kill them but just wing them to frighten them off, but I am such a poor shot that I actually killed two of them; I finally got a cat.



[QUOTE=Silas Thorne;706651]Here's a poem by John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester: 


I'll have to stop there, the rest is too rude perhaps for the forum. But feel free to read it, it's posted on the wall on the way to the games room: QUOTE]


A great poem, I couldn't have put it better myself, but in deference to feminine sensibilties perhaps we ought to have something more anodyne on the reverse side that we could display whenever females hove into view on the horizon. How about**:

She walks in beauty, like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies,
And all that's best of dark and bright
Meet in her aspect and her eyes
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,
Had half impaired the nameless grace
Which waves in every raven tress,
Or softly lightens o'er her face,
Where thoughts serenely sweet express
How pure, how dear their dwelling place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,
But tell of days in goodness spent,
A mind at peace with all below,
A heart whose love is innocent!


Of course, it lacks a certain 'je ne sais quoi' in comparison but we can always return to basics when the women have gone.

----------


## Silas Thorne

> Of course, it lacks a certain 'je ne sais quoi' in comparison but we can always return to basics when the women have gone.


 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Shooting isn't the ultimate sport. (That title goes to Rugby League, of course.) But it is a grand day out for us chaps.

Up at the crack of dawn, a nip of frost in the air, the labradors wimpering to be loosed from the Range Rover. The butler, dressed in his plus fours and deer stalker, carrying the Purdys. The smell of the beaters, the sound of the grouse cackleing amongst the heather. Ah role on the glorious Twelth.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Shooting isn't the ultimate sport. (That title goes to Rugby League, of course.) But it is a grand day out for us chaps.
> 
> Up at the crack of dawn, a nip of frost in the air, the labradors wimpering to be loosed from the Range Rover. The butler dressed in his plus fours and deer stalker, carrying the Purdys. The smell of the beaters, the sound of the grouse cackleing amongst the heather. Ah role on the glorious Twelth.


And at the end of a perfect day's shooting we can repair to the club for a pint o newkie and a packet of pork scratchin's.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Coming right up sir! *looks at rifle* Do you men still consider hunting as the ultimate sport?


Sport?!?!?! It's not a sport, deary... Where do ya' think that Parker got the meat for that Rabbit stew that yer eatin'? There's not a Wal-Mart in 1000 miles and 100 years from here. Oh...ya' didn't know you were eatin' cuddly little rabbits?

Rabbit...the _other_ white meat...that is before you tear that cotton hide off of them.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> Somewhere in the 70-80 range, I think. Lots anyway.





> That makes more sense actually.  Don't know why I thought it was 90s.


I thought it was in the 90's too. Look it up and according to this site it's 80%.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_perce..._body_is_water

----------


## Emil Miller

Now we are on a biological kick, I once had a discussion with a woman about human intelligence. I remarked on the relative size of the male brain as compared to the female and she replied that it is quality not quantity that counts. What are the Blokes' views on this?

----------


## skib

According to women, 'size doesn't matter,' or so I'm told.

----------


## skib

> Sport?!?!?! It's not a sport, deary... Where do ya' think that Parker got the meat for that Rabbit stew that yer eatin'? There's not a Wal-Mart in 1000 miles and 100 years from here. Oh...ya' didn't know you were eatin' cuddly little rabbits?
> 
> Rabbit...the _other_ white meat...that is before you tear that cotton hide off of them.


Hunting is a SPORT as well as a WAY OF LIFE!! My family eats more game meat than anything!

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

I recently purchased a crossbow for urban pest removal. 100 lb tension. Shoots darts that you can attach a line to if you decide to go fishing.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> What's the name of that town again?


 :FRlol: 




> Sport?!?!?! It's not a sport, deary... Where do ya' think that Parker got the meat for that Rabbit stew that yer eatin'? There's not a Wal-Mart in 1000 miles and 100 years from here. Oh...ya' didn't know you were eatin' cuddly little rabbits?
> 
> Rabbit...the _other_ white meat...that is before you tear that cotton hide off of them.


Oh my! I thought rabbits were meant to be pets, not game! Besides, they're adorable!

----------


## LostPrincess13

> I recently purchased a crossbow for urban pest removal. 100 lb tension. Shoots darts that you can attach a line to if you decide to go fishing.


Ooooh, this may sound strange, but I've always been interested in bows and arrows and weaponry similar to it. :Biggrin:  Swords and shields too. :Smile:  Especially those ancient ones with intricate designs and seals. :Smile:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Oh my! I thought rabbits were meant to be pets, not game! Besides, they're adorable!


Well...isn't your meal something to adore?

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Now we are on a biological kick, I once had a discussion with a woman about human intelligence. I remarked on the relative size of the male brain as compared to the female and she replied that it is quality not quantity that counts. What are the Blokes' views on this?


I've read somewhere that men are generally smarter than women. :Alien:

----------


## NikolaiI

> I thought it was in the 90's too. Look it up and according to this site it's 80%.
> http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_perce..._body_is_water


hahaha! great minds think alike, even if wrong!  :Smile:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Now we are on a biological kick, I once had a discussion with a woman about human intelligence. I remarked on the relative size of the male brain as compared to the female and she replied that it is quality not quantity that counts. What are the Blokes' views on this?


It's not the overall size, but the development of the particular parts of the brain. The area of the brain that controls the logical and analytical processes are typically larger and more developed in males. Make whatever conclusion from this that you wish.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

> I've read somewhere that men are generally smarter than women.


All I know is that whichever gender I have had a conversation with last... that seems to be the one I think is less intelligent.... so, as you can imagine, my opinion switches throughout the day.

----------


## Virgil

> I've read somewhere that men are generally smarter than women.





> It's not the overall size, but the development of the particular parts of the brain. The area of the brain that controls the logical and analytical processes are typically larger and more developed in males. Make whatever conclusion from this that you wish.


I've read that men have the more extremes, blathering idiots and super genius and women are more consistent in the average. I don't know about super genius, but I know we have some blathering idots around.  :FRlol:

----------


## Lokasenna

Women also have that scary ability to multitask...

Shame they can't drive well, mind... :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

> Women also have that scary ability to multitask...
> 
> Shame they can't drive well, mind...


 :FRlol:  uh Oh. Now here's another subject to ponder. The differences in driving.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Women also have that scary ability to multitask...


Nah, I don;t buy a bar of that - they pretend to multitask knowing nobody will ever pull them up on it, because they'll resort to PMS mode.




> Shame they can't drive well, mind...


You wrote that in the right place! Lucky no women are here to dispute it.

----------


## prendrelemick

While this thread is testing the waters of misogyny;


How many blonde girls does it take to change a light bulb?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Just one, she holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Nah, I don;t buy a bar of that - they pretend to multitask knowing nobody will ever pull them up on it, because they'll resort to PMS mode.


Atheist...we agree again...

----------


## JBI

> I've read that men have the more extremes, blathering idiots and super genius and women are more consistent in the average. I don't know about super genius, but I know we have some blathering idots around.


I would think the opposite - women to me seem smarter than men - surely today at any rate, but either way, I bet it is all sociological rather than biological. Sciencey people like to pretend neurology or whatever can explain everything, but lets be honest, when it comes down to it, who would one rather trust for an opinion on both the commonplace, and the demanding? I know myself, I'd probably trust a woman over a man, and I think women would trust women over men too.

----------


## Emil Miller

OK guys, here's another one for you.Tonight I was on a train and a guy and a girl got on at a busy station along the line and sat opposite me. They were both in their twenties, I would say, and were discussing a concert they had attended.The girl was not what you would call good looking but she had a striking personality. She was, well, just incredibly nice, with a constant smile and very relaxed disposition. I felt quite envious of the guy, who seemed a bit morose in contrast.
Now the question is, do you consider that looks, for all their pulling power, are more important than a lively personality?

----------


## The Atheist

> Now the question is, do you consider that looks, for all their pulling power, are more important than a lively personality?


Looks fade, personalities change.

It's a conundrum, and I don't think there's an easy or single answer. Because you have to get to know them to know whether the personality is really that good, I think it's quite often hard to tell until it's too late.

----------


## JBI

> OK guys, here's another one for you.Tonight I was on a train and a guy and a girl got on at a busy station along the line and sat opposite me. They were both in their twenties, I would say, and were discussing a concert they had attended.The girl was not what you would call good looking but she had a striking personality. She was, well, just incredibly nice, with a constant smile and very relaxed disposition. I felt quite envious of the guy, who seemed a bit morose in contrast.
> Now the question is, do you consider that looks, for all their pulling power, are more important than a lively personality?


That is built on the assumption that someone cannot be a lively personality while good looking. Quite simply though, as long as they aren't detestable looking, probably the latter, but if they are hideous, like all people, I wouldn't go there, even if she were Santa Maria herself.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What is hideous to one is not so hideous to another. If physical beauty is important to the individual, then that individual shouldn't ignore that fact.

----------


## JBI

> But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What is hideous to one is not so hideous to another. If physical beauty is important to the individual, then that individual shouldn't ignore that fact.


The question though, was not what is beauty, but whether you value beauty or not. For someone who has some weird fetish or whatever, if that fetish is not satisfied, perhaps they will not find the person beautiful, and then choose them over the girl who doesn't have a huge wart, but happens to be the nicest person in the world.

I doubt my aesthetic matches many people, but that makes no difference. The truth is, one needs to sleep with/beside said person over a period of time - if one is engaging in a relationship, perhaps over a large period of time - if one does not find them physically attractive, it could have dire consequences on their relationship. Try having sex with someone you find repulsive - then try doing that regularly.

But of course, the binary goes both ways. Try having dinner with someone you cannot stand, or waking up beside them. Not much fun. One needs to ask themselves what they truly want, and go for it. It is all a matter of preference, but lets be honest, there are two halves of the body, and both need to be satisfied to some extent.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> OK guys, here's another one for you.Tonight I was on a train and a guy and a girl got on at a busy station along the line and sat opposite me. They were both in their twenties, I would say, and were discussing a concert they had attended.The girl was not what you would call good looking but she had a striking personality. She was, well, just incredibly nice, with a constant smile and very relaxed disposition. I felt quite envious of the guy, who seemed a bit morose in contrast.
> Now the question is, do you consider that looks, for all their pulling power, are more important than a lively personality?


Now this is a topic I'm extremely interested to hear about. :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> The question though, was not what is beauty, but whether you value beauty or not. For someone who has some weird fetish or whatever, if that fetish is not satisfied, perhaps they will not find the person beautiful, and then choose them over the girl who doesn't have a huge wart, but happens to be the nicest person in the world.
> 
> I doubt my aesthetic matches many people, but that makes no difference. The truth is, one needs to sleep with/beside said person over a period of time - if one is engaging in a relationship, perhaps over a large period of time - if one does not find them physically attractive, it could have dire consequences on their relationship. Try having sex with someone you find repulsive - then try doing that regularly.
> 
> But of course, the binary goes both ways. Try having dinner with someone you cannot stand, or waking up beside them. Not much fun. One needs to ask themselves what they truly want, and go for it. It is all a matter of preference, but lets be honest, there are two halves of the body, and both need to be satisfied to some extent.


...and that is why I said that if it is important...then they shouldn't ignore it...

----------


## NikolaiI

> But beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What is hideous to one is not so hideous to another. If physical beauty is important to the individual, then that individual shouldn't ignore that fact.


Absolutely true.

----------


## The Atheist

> The question though, was not what is beauty, but whether you value beauty or not.


Haha! We've been here before.




> Try having sex with someone you find repulsive - then try doing that regularly.


In the early stages, I think that applies, but the old expression "love is blind" is often true and attraction to the person can outweigh physical beauty/repulsiveness.

----------


## NikolaiI

I would say personality. But then in the body, the main thing I find attractive is good health...

But personality is definitely... trumping... for instance, physicality can only be so much, but the personality can be so much more. Of course I know some people here don't believe in the soul (*chuckles*...heh, heh  :Biggrin: ), and I am using the term personality, but for me also it is the soul which is more attractive.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Even the Bible mentions body, soul, and spirit, which implies that there is something else on the physical side of it. The physical body, the physical life force/or personality, and the eternal soul. So if you don't believe in the eternal soul, there's still a personality...

----------


## NikolaiI

> Even the Bible mentions body, soul, and spirit, which implies that there is something else on the physical side of it. The physical body, the physical life force/or personality, and the eternal soul. So if you don't believe in the eternal soul, there's still a personality...


Oh I know that. But I was saying, personality is not all of it for me, as the soul is more than just personality.

----------


## Silas Thorne

re beauty




> In the early stages, I think that applies.


Unless you've had a few too many drinks, then beauty is directly proportionate to how much alcohol you've consumed, and whether she keeps laughing at your jokes.  :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Oh I know that. But I was saying, personality is not all of it for me, as the soul is more than just personality.


My wife and I have learned a lot about how much we don't know about the human body when our daughter was born with Down Syndrome...not that you can't learn the same from any child, but I think that we just opened our eyes a little wider. Beauty, personality, intelligence, and so on...it all became redefined. I understand what you are saying...and I couldn't agree more, but I just wasn't very good at explaining that in the last post.




> re beauty
> 
> 
> 
> Unless you've had a few too many drinks, then beauty is directly proportionate to how much alcohol you've consumed, and whether she keeps laughing at your jokes.


Is the amount of alcohol that SHE has consumed directly proportionate to how much she laughs at your jokes?

----------


## Silas Thorne

Ah yes, that too!  :Biggrin:

----------


## Lokasenna

Personality all the way - I made the mistake of dating a good-looking girl simply because she was good-looking; turned out to be a right psycho...

That said, if a woman can have a lovely personality and a face to match it, then so much the better!

----------


## The Atheist

> Unless you've had a few too many drinks, then beauty is directly proportionate to how much alcohol you've consumed, and whether she keeps laughing at your jokes.


Bit like blokes in the outback in Australia. After six months, even the sheep start to look good.




> Is the amount of alcohol that SHE has consumed directly proportionate to how much she laughs at your jokes?


Hell yeah! How many relationships would remain unconsummated without the lubrication of alcohol is approaching a subset of infinity.

----------


## Emil Miller

While we're on the subject of women, another thing has struck me that might be relevant to the discussion i.e. Do you get turned off by a female's accent. I guess we have all seen the gorgeous looking girl who is a complete turn off as soon as she opens her mouth. Like Eliza Doolittle in Pygmalian for example or some of those classy American blondes who speak with a Bronx accent. Of course, one doesn't tend to notice it in women from non- English speaking countries unless one is very familiar with the spoken language. I guess that the same applies for women with regard to men's accents but I don't know to what degree.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

One that would shut me down in a heartbeat...Fran Drescher who played The Nanny. I believe that is the Bronx accent that you are speaking of...it's a tell tale sign of the level of class. (for me, that is)

----------


## LostPrincess13

*takes down notes in clipboard*

----------


## kilted exile

Ok, first up: looks vs personality depends on how I see the relationship going. If I think it is going to be a more long term thing personality. If it may end up some drunken fumbling looks generally win - I'm a pig but an honest one


Accents: the worst have to be the scouse & cockney accents

----------


## Emil Miller

> Accents: the worst have to be the scouse & cockney accents


I''ve got to go along with that, and for good measure I'll throw in Birmingham.
I once worked with a guy from the deep south of Ireland, I think it was Connemara, and for most of the time I just couldn't understand a word he was saying.

----------


## Virgil

I can't say that accents really bother me. For me it expands the personality. It's what's being said that can be a turn off, not the manner. Sure one might be taken a back at first with an accent. But that's just a short term thing.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I can't say that accents really bother me. For me it expands the personality. It's what's being said that can be a turn off, not the manner. Sure one might be taken a back at first with an accent. But that's just a short term thing.


Yes but Virg you should hear some London girls speaking in cockney tones. Dropped aithches, strangulated vowels and glottal stops galore it's the verbal equivalent of Godzilla.

----------


## Lokasenna

More than a bad accent, a hideous laugh puts me off...

Remember Sybil Fawlty? Sounds like "someone machine-gunning a seal"? That kinda thing...

----------


## kilted exile

ah yes the laugh is improtant

whilst we're on the subject of fawlty towers my favourite bit was the scene where polly is trying to guess the name of the horse

----------


## AimusSage

I'm bored already! Men just don't talk as much as girls. We use our time for more important things. Take drinking beer for example you don't have to talk all the time it takes away valuable drinking time. A playstation and a good video game and I'm happy for hours, or give me a car, a football or sports on the TV. Talking too much makes me tired. I need something to look at first.

----------


## Niamh

> I''ve got to go along with that, and for good measure I'll throw in Birmingham.
> I once worked with a guy from the deep south of Ireland, I think it was Connemara, and for most of the time I just couldn't understand a word he was saying.


sure it was connemara and not kerry? connemara being west of Ireland and a kerry or cork accent being hard to understand for most of the rest of the country...

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm bored already! Men just don't talk as much as girls. We use our time for more important things. Take drinking beer for example you don't have to talk all the time it takes away valuable drinking time. A playstation and a good video game and I'm happy for hours, or give me a car, a football or sports on the TV. Talking too much makes me tired. I need something to look at first.


I'm pretty sure that men don't talk as much as women, I regularly get calls from a woman in New York that never last less than an hour and the converation is largely a monologue, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to talk about the things that interest me. Take politics for example, I could happily talk for hours on the subject but, for obvious reasons, it is banned from the Litnet forums. There are, however, other interesting things to talk about such as women and alchoholic beverages and sports and mens lives in general. Now video games are interesting to a point but ultimately they become the province of the zombie and no matter how often a player might win, at the end of a long session, there is always the feeling that you have been wasting your time in a trivial pursuit. Much the same can be said of TV which, in England at any rate, is mind-bendingly boring. I think that if any member of this thread is caught watching Desperate Housewives he should banned from the club and shot the day after.

----------


## The Atheist

> Like Eliza Doolittle in Pygmalian for example or some of those classy American blondes who speak with a Bronx accent.





> One that would shut me down in a heartbeat...Fran Drescher who played The Nanny. I believe that is the Bronx accent that you are speaking of...it's a tell tale sign of the level of class. (for me, that is)


I get one look at Fran Drescher's legs and she could speak Martian through a megaphone and I wouldn't notice.

 :Biggrin: 




> I think that if any member of this thread is caught watching Desperate Housewives he should banned from the club and shot the day after.


That's far too mild.

Sport is the only really acceptable thing to watch on tv - I tried watching the news a year or so ago and realised that tv news is an outlet for morons. I was waiting for the article to tell us that the sea is wet.

For watching and American serial drama, the punishment needs to be a real deterrent, and a simple death goes nowhere near enough - at least a week in the rack beforehand, I feel.

Parker has been known to have a television set up during Ashes series.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I get one look at Fran Drescher's legs and she could speak Martian through a megaphone and I wouldn't notice.


I guess that duct tape could be applied to the mouth... :Idea:

----------


## Emil Miller

> sure it was connemara and not kerry? connemara being west of Ireland and a kerry or cork accent being hard to understand for most of the rest of the country...


Now I come to think of it, I asked him why some Irish men wore such tremendously wide trousers and he replied ( mumbled ) something about them being Connemara men which is, apparently, a Mecca for wearer's of wide trousers. So, yes, he could well have come from Cork or Kerry.

----------


## JBI

> Haha! We've been here before.
> 
> 
> 
> In the early stages, I think that applies, but the old expression "love is blind" is often true and attraction to the person can outweigh physical beauty/repulsiveness.


Do you think someone can be pretty enough to completely outweigh a vileness of character? The question can be applied to anything - the problem is, that many people contain both qualities, and the divide makes an assumption that nice people are ugly, or ugly people are all nice - there are plenty of repulsive looking, vile people in this world.

The real problem though, is discussing it, since one is always weighing two factors, which really are very intermixed, against each other, while the factors themselves are relative. So one could say this person is nice, but one could say that they aren't looking for a "nice" person, but someone who is somewhat aggressive, or mean. I know enough has been written about the archetype of the "B_i_tch" in society, and its supposed appeal to men. One needs to really define what one is truly looking for, a very difficult task, before any value judgments or thoughts on judgments can be made.

In that sense, one when speaking on this subject is weighing one abstract undefined, relative thing against another - I don't think personalities are really that divided. I think the way a person sees them self has too big an effect on their personality to really distinguish between them. People seem to different to really come up with an answer to this question. Generally though, I'm of the mind that people don't want to engage in physical relationships with people they find physically repulsive, whatever that can mean. Is that a general rule? Who knows - even that can vary between people.

----------


## The Atheist

> Do you think someone can be pretty enough to completely outweigh a vileness of character? The question can be applied to anything - the problem is, that many people contain both qualities, and the divide makes an assumption that nice people are ugly, or ugly people are all nice - there are plenty of repulsive looking, vile people in this world.


Yep, and absolute blonde babes with PhDs.

I dunno whether you could say there's a level of beauty which outweighs vileness, but I'd certainly say there's a level of physical attraction which would allow the vileness to be overcome.




> I know enough has been written about the archetype of the "B_i_tch" in society, and its supposed appeal to men.


Just the opposite of those women we touched on before who are attracted to bad guys.




> Generally though, I'm of the mind that people don't want to engage in physical relationships with people they find physically repulsive, whatever that can mean. Is that a general rule? Who knows - even that can vary between people.


I wonder if that's just a cultural construct. Take arranged marriages, which also usually occur in cultures where divorce is hard to obtain, so I'd expect those people to be pretty open regarding physical attraction. 

Also, there's no doubt that sexual needs rise with frustration. In men's prisons, the vast majority of long-term inmates end up having homosexual sex with other inmates, despite clearly not being "gay" to start with. I'd bet most of those men would swap the most gorgeous young male crim for a pretty ugly female.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> ...a pretty ugly female.


Is that an oxymoron?

----------


## prendrelemick

I find a beautiful face, and flawless skin, most attractive in a woman. ( not in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way.) 

But looks in a woman aren't everything. I know this is true becuase my wife says so.

I have no problem with accents, BUT the tone of voice can be off putting. I once knew a lovely girl who sounded like Mrs Thatcher. That didn't last.

Then there was the one whos voice sounded like someone drawing their finger nails across a blackboard. That never got started.

Billiards anyone?

----------


## Emil Miller

> I find a beautiful face, and flawless skin, most attractive in a woman. ( not in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way.) 
> 
> But looks in a woman aren't everything. I know this is true becuase my wife says so.
> 
> I have no problem with accents, BUT the tone of voice can be off putting. I once knew a lovely girl who sounded like Mrs Thatcher. That didn't last.
> 
> Then there was the one whos voice sounded like someone drawing their finger nails across a blackboard. That never got started.
> 
> Billiards anyone?


But how can you know that it is a flawless skin when they as soon as they get up in the morning they are covering their faces with all kinds of stuff.
One of the annoying things in life is to go into a chemists for a tube of toothpaste and spend ages waiting to be served because a couple of females are in front with baskets full of lotions, potions, foundation creams, mascara, false eyelashes and God knows what else. 

I am pretty sure that most women would say the same as your wife but why then do they spend so much time and money on cosmetics. Is it really because they're worth it?

Mrs Thatcher's tone of voice was rather bossy but just right for some of the naughty boys in her cabinet. 


Good to see billiards in the games room; much more civilised than snooker. I understand that US members are pressing for a pool table in the speakeasy. I do hope the club secretary doesn't decide to locate it it the games room. It could lead to other things, such as one-armed bandits and pin ball machines.

----------


## papayahed

> I am pretty sure that most women would say the same as your wife but why then do they spend so much time and money on cosmetics. Is it really because they're worth it?


Yes, we are worth it. Cosmetics and lotions and potions are fun! It is just like guys and tools.

Accents - I thought the lead singer to Godsmack was a down right hottie until he opened his mouth and that New England/Boston accent came flying out. Blech! I just can't get behind the Boston, New York, New Jersey accents, most of the others I'm ok with.

----------


## jekan blazer

what about a secret agent/spy? pm me with your opinions!!!

----------


## Chava

> But how can you know that it is a flawless skin when they as soon as they get up in the morning they are covering their faces with all kinds of stuff.
> One of the annoying things in life is to go into a chemists for a tube of toothpaste and spend ages waiting to be served because a couple of females are in front with baskets full of lotions, potions, foundation creams, mascara, false eyelashes and God knows what else.


Wow, you already know more about it than me.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

How many women are in here now...is the bouncer not doing his job?

I know I was the one who said that one lost princess added atmosphere, but I never said anything about letting any of them talk...  :Wink:

----------


## The Comedian

Hey Blokes,

You might find my latest blog entry, "The Tragedy of Hesitation," entertaining. 

The Comedian

----------


## Lokasenna

Some of the most beautiful women I know wear no make-up.

I actually think it can be singularly unattractive if a woman is wearing too much stuff... kinda reminds me of a clown... and I wouldn't want to date a clown...

----------


## The Atheist

> Billiards anyone?


Absolutely - I'll bring the port through.




> Mrs Thatcher's tone of voice was rather bossy but just right for some of the naughty boys in her cabinet.


A BDSM dream!

 :FRlol:  




> Good to see billiards in the games room; much more civilised than snooker. I understand that US members are pressing for a pool table in the speakeasy. I do hope the club secretary doesn't decide to locate it it the games room. It could lead to other things, such as one-armed bandits and pin ball machines.


Parker was once asked about pool tables.

After displaying astonishment that anyone would want a pool in the club and then why you'd put a table in it, the matter was dropped and never referred to again.




> I know I was the one who said that one lost princess added atmosphere, but I never said anything about letting any of them talk...


Have you ever known a woman who shut up?




> Some of the most beautiful women I know wear no make-up.
> 
> I actually think it can be singularly unattractive if a woman is wearing too much stuff... kinda reminds me of a clown... and I wouldn't want to date a clown...


Agree entirely. I used to chase those heavily made-up types around and they don't look too flash the next day.

Nor do your pillows, clothes, and anything else within smearing distance of the crud they put all over themselves.

----------


## prendrelemick

I believe Mr William Cobbett put it best when he said he would rather lick the sweat from the brow of an honest dairymaid, than kiss the powdered cheek of a Dutchess.

----------


## Virgil

> I find a beautiful face, and flawless skin, most attractive in a woman. ( not in a Hannibal Lecter kind of way.)


Why would anyone but an axe murderer even think of Hannibal Lecter when thinking of flawless skin?  :Tongue:   :FRlol:

----------


## Silas Thorne

Perhaps because of this line, not actually said by Hannibal Lecter, but 'Buffalo Bill', in the 'Silence of the Lambs' movie: 
'It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. '
Maybe through this.  :Smile:  
Axes are too messy anyway, aren't they Virgil?  :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

:FRlol:  I guess. Before prendrelemick takes me seriously, I was only kidding.  :Wink:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> But how can you know that it is a flawless skin when they as soon as they get up in the morning they are covering their faces with all kinds of stuff.
> One of the annoying things in life is to go into a chemists for a tube of toothpaste and spend ages waiting to be served because a couple of females are in front with baskets full of lotions, potions, foundation creams, mascara, false eyelashes and God knows what else. 
> 
> I am pretty sure that most women would say the same as your wife but why then do they spend so much time and money on cosmetics. Is it really because they're worth it?





> Some of the most beautiful women I know wear no make-up.
> 
> I actually think it can be singularly unattractive if a woman is wearing too much stuff... kinda reminds me of a clown... and I wouldn't want to date a clown...


I think the cosmetics were meant to enhance beauty. The fine line is knowing how to put them on such that one wouldn't look like a circus freak.  :FRlol:  Make-up can be an art. The lady's face being the canvas. :Wink: 

And I definitely agree with Loki. :Biggrin:  The loveliest of ladies are often times those without any chemical on her face. :Biggrin: 

And Mr. Bean, men can be as vain as women. :Biggrin:  I know of a guy (yes, he's straight) who's had more beauty products than I do! I mean he's got everything! Lotion, moisturizer, hair care products, cologne, etc... Made me jealous... :FRlol: 





> How many women are in here now...is the bouncer not doing his job?
> 
> I know I was the one who said that one lost princess added atmosphere, but I never said anything about letting any of them talk...


LOL! :FRlol:  Would you fault us for finding this thread engaging? :Wink: 




> Have you ever known a woman who shut up?


True... :Smile:

----------


## Madhuri

> And Mr. Bean, men can be as vain as women. I know of a guy (yes, he's straight) who's had more beauty products than I do! I mean he's got everything! Lotion, moisturizer, hair care products, cologne, etc... Made me jealous...


This reminds me of an incident that happened a few years back. One of my batchmates went to London for an assignment, and was to stay there for a year or so. Now, he found everything very expensive there (the same stuff one can get at 1/10 the cost back home). So, he asked me to send some stuff for him and in that list he asked for..... NOSE STRIPS!!!  :Eek2:  I was like....what is that?? (I got to know from him that there is something called nose strips  :Tongue: ) .... and once he told me the use... I thought... Oh, my! Do guys do _all that_??  :Goof:   :FRlol:  

And, yeah, there was another batchmate of mine...who during the college days would get his eyebrows done.....  :Eek2: 

Can you imagine the shock I got?  :FRlol:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> This reminds me of an incident that happened a few years back. One of my batchmates went to London for an assignment, and was to stay there for a year or so. Now, he found everything very expensive there (the same stuff one can get at 1/10 the cost back home). So, he asked me to send some stuff for him and in that list he asked for..... NOSE STRIPS!!!  I was like....what is that?? (I got to know from him that there is something called nose strips ) .... and once he told me the use... I thought... Oh, my! Do guys do _all that_??   
> 
> And, yeah, there was another batchmate of mine...who during the college days would get his eyebrows done..... 
> 
> Can you imagine the shock I got?


LOL! :FRlol:  What_ are_ nose strips? LOL! :FRlol:  Oh my, I remember I used to fight tooth and nail whenever someone tries to do my eyebrows! :FRlol:  And make-up to... :FRlol:  I don't like that stuff much... :Tongue: 




> ...is the bouncer not doing his job?


Oh by the way, Mr. Bouncer just looovvvees fudge brownies... :Wink: 
 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Harrumph! 

I come in here after a hard day running the Empire, looking forward to some Jovial banter with the chaps, and what do I find? Females discussing make-up!


' place is going to the dogs!

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Oh by the way, Mr. Bouncer just looovvvees fudge brownies...


If you're makin' fudge brownies for the bouncer...you better make some for me too!! :Idea:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Harrumph! 
> 
> I come in here after a hard day running the Empire, looking forward to some Jovial banter with the chaps, and what do I find? Females discussing make-up!
> 
> 
> ' place is going to the dogs!


LOL! :Blush:  Worry not sir, it was just a slight diversion. It wouldn't be happening again. :Smile:  I'm not very fond of the stuff anyways. :Smile:  Would you care for a cup of coffee? A newspaper and some biscuits maybe? Or perhaps some brandy? Let me take your coat and hat and show you to your usual seat. :Smile: 




> If you're makin' fudge brownies for the bouncer...you better make some for me too!!


As you wish! :Biggrin:  Can I get you anything else? :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> LOL! Worry not sir, it was just a slight diversion. It wouldn't be happening again. I'm not very fond of the stuff anyways. Would you care for a cup of coffee? A newspaper and some biscuits maybe? Or perhaps some brandy? Let me take your coat and hat and show you to your usual seat.



Dear lady!

(Bristleing moustache relaxes)

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> As you wish! Can I get you anything else?


Can we keep this one?

----------


## Carrolb2

> Can we keep this one?


Maybe. Depends on how well she makes a martini.

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=LostPrincess13;708332]

And Mr. Bean, men can be as vain as women. :Biggrin:  I know of a guy (yes, he's straight) who's had more beauty products than I do! I mean he's got everything! Lotion, moisturizer, hair care products, cologne, etc... Made me jealous... :FRlol: QUOTE]

Whatever you do, don't tell him about this thread. I dont think he would contribute to the manly mood that currently prevails among the blokes.

----------


## jekan blazer

did anyone hear? there is a spy in the coffee forum!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> I know of a guy (yes, he's straight) who's had more beauty products than I do! I mean he's got everything! Lotion, moisturizer, hair care products, cologne, etc... Made me jealous...


The doorman is trained spot those types at 100' and they will be advised that the place they're looking for is not this one.




> Oh by the way, Mr. Bouncer just looovvvees fudge brownies...


Bouncer?

You must have the wrong establishment.




> ' place is going to the dogs!


Always happens when Parker's away.

It was his annual leave day yesterday and I've already spoken to him this morning.

He just cannot find a suitable Aide de Commissionaire at the moment. He has already sacked the doorman and has a new man in place this morning.

Should be fine now.




> Maybe. Depends on how well she makes a martini.


Ah, yes. When I was a martini drinker, I used to keep both gin and vermouth in the deepest part of the icebox, along with the glasses and shaker.

For me, a properly made martini should be served at about -4 deg C.

I had four at lunchtime once - we won't go into that right now!




> Whatever you do, don't tell him about this thread. I dont think he would contribute to the manly mood that currently prevails among the blokes.


I doubt we'll see him, although it's always great to see new chaps, so we can introduce them to the finer points of English club sports. That last chap who arrived unexpectedly and was encouraged to have a go at "Holding the dartboard" was most excellent fun!

----------


## jekan blazer

hey atheist... how art thou?

----------


## jekan blazer

i sent my sister to spy on the girls thread.... am i good or what?

----------


## prendrelemick

Is espionage necessary ? 

Wait until there is a spider in the bath, they'll be begging us to go over and sort it.



What are they talking about by the way?

----------


## Niamh

:Rolleyes:  Jeez. Not all women are 100% predictable girly.

----------


## Emil Miller

There is story going round that two of our members have been seen in the women's coffee group recently.
Another rumour is that some of the younger US members want to install a juke box in the speakeasy, which doesn't augur well for the relaxed atmosphere required by those who prefer the dulcet tones of the string quartet in the main lounge.
The next thing you know will be pork scratchings among the nibbles placed on the bar counter for the delectation of members and the introduction of Newcastle brown ale on the drinks list.

----------


## The Atheist

> hey atheist... how art thou?


Excellent!




> i sent my sister to spy on the girls thread.... am i good or what?


No, that's no good at all.

This is a men's club, and while the occasional visit from a member of the fairer sex for the purpose of admiring the oak panels is no problem at all, it is most certainly not the done thing to discuss *women's issues*.

Many women have issues, and a room full of them usually has more issues than _The Times'_ archives. 

We do not need them in here.

There are clubs which have women's areas. Luckily, this is not one of them.




> There is story going round that two of our members have been seen in the women's coffee group recently.


Yes, Parker mentioned he'd had to rummage around and find the black balls.

I do trust they're not needed. 1962 was the last occasion apparently.




> Another rumour is that some of the younger US members want to install a juke box in the speakeasy, which doesn't augur well for the relaxed atmosphere required by those who prefer the dulcet tones of the string quartet in the main lounge.


It's one of those thin edge of the wedge movements.

First a juke box, then women, then young men in white suits, then young men wearing those American caps backwards with their trousers halfway down.

Not bloody likely!




> The next thing you know will be pork scratchings among the nibbles placed on the bar counter for the delectation of members and the introduction of Newcastle brown ale on the drinks list.


This, I feel is a little unfair.

While we want to preserve class, we certainly don't want any class distinction, and while raving Geordies mightn't be everyone's cup of tea, neither are Brummies, Scousers, Micks, Taffies, Chelsea supporters and Jocks!

Plus, my dear old mum was a scratching girl. I'd rather eat a dead mouse myself, but each to their own.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Here's your martini Mr. Carrolb2! :Biggrin: 



Your brownies Mr. BienvenuJDC:  :Biggrin: 



And your brandy Mr. Prendrelemick:  :Biggrin: 



Anyone else want anything? :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> There are clubs which have women's areas. Luckily, this is not one of them.


 Womens' areas! That would be the kitchen I presume

----------


## Silas Thorne

The lost one seems perfectly capable behind the bar too. Maybe we'd better not let the liquor authorities know she's serving drinks when she's not old enough to drink them. :Biggrin:

----------


## skib

I'll take a stiff Jack and Coke, easy on the ice.

----------


## Lokasenna

> Womens' areas! That would be the kitchen I presume


That made me chuckle...

And as the weather is so lovely, I'll take a Pimms!

----------


## LostPrincess13

> The lost one seems perfectly capable behind the bar too. Maybe we'd better not let the liquor authorities know she's serving drinks when she's not old enough to drink them.


LOL! :FRlol:  I'm sure it's perfectly fine. It's only three more months till I'm of legal age. :Smile:  My dad and I sometimes bond over a few bottles of beer during occasions. :Smile:  I take mine light of course. :Wink: 




> I'll take a stiff Jack and Coke, easy on the ice.


Here you are sir! :Biggrin: 






> That made me chuckle...
> 
> And as the weather is so lovely, I'll take a Pimms!


Lovely day indeed! :Biggrin:  Any plans for today sir? :Smile:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Strong coffee...with a bit of cream...and I like it sweet...

Are those molasses cookies I see?

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Strong coffee...with a bit of cream...and I like it sweet...
> 
> Are those molasses cookies I see?


On the double! :Biggrin:  And I hope the presentation isn't too feminine for your taste. :Smile:

----------


## Michael T

He pushed the double, heavy oak doors aside and they swung open easily before him, a glint of sunlight flashing on the polished brass ‘MEN ONLY’ signs pinned to each door. The expensive scent of a layer of smoke that hung in the air drifted past as he made his way through the small groups of men, a few in animated conversation, others leaning back languidly, reading the broadsheets or deeply engrossed in some leather bound volume. Others watched, enthralled, the gladiatorial unfolding of a brutal team sport on the wide screen television that hung above the bar between two trophies, huge mounted marlins. There was an air of comfortable assurance about these men, easy in the company of their own sex. Surrounded as they were by the portraits of other men who had shaped the world, that hung everywhere in gilt frames on the panelled walls. Expensive bourbons, whiskeys and foreign beers littered the small tables in crystal glasses and tumblers. As he reached the bar he quickly caught the eye of the one barmaid serving drinks. He made sure to notice the name on the small plastic badge pinned to the chest of her blouse and asked the girl to make sure she put the ice in his glass before the single-malt whisky he had ordered. The girl did as she was asked and as she prepared his drink he made his way to the large humidor at the end of the bar. He picked out a fat, freshly made cigar, instinctively knowing it had been rolled only days before on the glistening thigh of a bronzed eighteen year old Cuban virgin. He put it under his nose and took in the rich, deep satisfying aroma and slowly made his way over to a worn, comfortable-looking red leather armchair and settled down into it. He clipped the end of the cigar, and - taking a match from the silver holder on the table in front of him – struck it on the chin of a brutish looking fellow in a nearby chair, before puffing the cigar into life. An uneasy tension spread about the room, broken only by the swift movement of the barmaid as she slipped lithely between the tables and placed his drink by his side. “Thank you ‘Lostprincess13’” he said, through thickening cigar smoke. “My pleasure ‘Michael T’” she replied smiling back at him. “And may I say… welcome to the Blokes' thread on this forum”.

----------


## The Comedian

> There is story going round that two of our members have been seen in the women's coffee group recently.
> Another rumour is that some of the younger US members want to install a juke box in the speakeasy, which doesn't augur well for the relaxed atmosphere required by those who prefer the dulcet tones of the string quartet in the main lounge.
> The next thing you know will be pork scratchings among the nibbles placed on the bar counter for the delectation of members and the introduction of Newcastle brown ale on the drinks list.


The Comedian, a young American, strolls into the Blokes' Thread: turns the telly to NASCAR:



Orders a beer,



Selects a song by the greatest singer/songwriter known to men:



And says, "I sure do like this here English establishment you all got here. Yes siree. Anyone wanna arm wrestle? I got the next round for anyone who can beat me. . . . . .I'll give you gents a sec to think about it; I have to go take a piss out back"  :Wink:  :Wink:  :Wink:  :Wink:  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> He picked out a fat, freshly made cigar, instinctively knowing it had been rolled only days before on the glistening thigh of a bronzed eighteen year old Cuban virgin. 
> 
> - taking a match from the silver holder on the table in front of him  struck it on the chin of a brutish looking fellow in a nearby chair, before puffing the cigar into life. .


I gave up smoking Cuban cigars when I discovered that their being rolled on the thighs of eighteen-year-old virgins was a myth.
Incidentally, the brutish looking fellow whose chin you used as matchbox wasn't drinking Newcastle brown ale and eating pork scratchings by any chance ?

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> On the double! And I hope the presentation isn't too feminine for your taste.


Hmmm...Now when I say coffee, we don't ever need to bring a saucer. :Wink: 



The the molasses cookies that I was referring to were the once without icing!! No three tiered platters either!! :Sick:

----------


## Michael T

> Incidentally, the brutish looking fellow whose chin you used as matchbox wasn't drinking Newcastle brown ale and eating pork scratchings by any chance ?



Thats exactly the reason I picked him out 'Brian Bean'  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Womens' areas! That would be the kitchen I presume


 :FRlol: 




> And may I say welcome to the Blokes thread on this forum.


Seconded!




> The Comedian, a young American, strolls into the Blokes' Thread: turns the telly to NASCAR...


You must have the wrong club - the television won't be in until the Ashes start.

----------


## prendrelemick

> The Comedian, a young American, strolls into the Blokes' Thread: turns the telly to NASCAR:



Three of the older members Collapse from apoplexy.

----------


## Michael T

> Seconded!



Thank you 'The atheist' glad to be here.  :Smile:

----------


## The Comedian

> :You must have the wrong club - the television won't be in until the Ashes start.


 :FRlol:  nice!

----------


## Niamh

Ashes? Meh!
Stick on some real sport. Rugby!

----------


## kilted exile

> Ashes? Meh!
> Stick on some real sport. Rugby!


The woman talks sense.


The ashes is a real problem for all scotsmen - we have basically 2 choices neither of which are too appealing. we can either:

a) Support the English (yeah, like thats gonna happen.....)

or

b) Support a bunch of convicts



Then of course we remember it is cricket which is a silly game and change the channel to rugby or fitba'

----------


## The Atheist

> Ashes? Meh!
> Stick on some real sport. Rugby!


Whoa. "Real" sport?

You mean that game where 15 blokes run around the paddock, not having a clue what's going on, or who has the ball because the rules are utterly incomprehensible and even the ref just guesses most of the time?

That game where half of all the world cup finals to date have been completed without a single try being scored?

The game where one team can put together brilliant move after brilliant move, driving possession downfield to score 5 points, then 3 minutes later, watch the opposition score three after being penalised because the tighthead prop put his hand on the ground?

The game which still bans padding in its rules, but has 100% of its international players wearing padding?

Is that the one? I've played that once or twice.

 :Biggrin: 




> The ashes is a real problem for all scotsmen - we have basically 2 choices neither of which are too appealing. we can either:
> 
> a) Support the English (yeah, like thats gonna happen.....)
> 
> or
> 
> b) Support a bunch of convicts


How could you not side with the Aussies? Jeez, they're your spirit brothers!

Check it out:

Hate England with a passion.

Prefer beating England to any other team on the planet.

Drink lots of alcohol.

Love fighting.

Hell, most Aussies *are* Scottish!




> Then of course we remember it is cricket which is a silly game and change the channel to rugby or fitba'


I believe Association Football has been permitted here from time to time. Some years back, one of the footmen's grandsons was competing in quite a large competition. Played just over the other side of London, in Wembley, as it happens. Mid May, I think it was. No idea what it was all about, but an awful lot of people seemed very happy that young Southall's team won.

I'm sure Parker won ten pounds from some bookmaker at the time.

----------


## Emil Miller

Let us not argue over the relative merits of Rugby ,Association Football or Cricket, which mean little to our transatlantic cousins, and concentrate on the two greatest sports that encompass both sides of the Atlantic and the Pacific;namely, tennis and golf; which happen to be my own preferred sporting endeavours. I would suggest that the club installs television for the American PGA/Open and Ryder Cup tournaments and also the Wimbledon grass court championships.

----------


## skib

Is golf really a sport? I never knew that . . .
How about the western sport of rodeo? THAT is a man's game.

----------


## Niamh

Golf? might as well be discussing Cricket.

----------


## skib

> Golf? might as well be discussing Cricket.


 :FRlol:  Yay golf! Let us go watch the grass grow.

----------


## Lokasenna

Chaps! Come on! In our world, every day is the Oxbridge boat race - that surely is our sport!

----------


## The Atheist

> I would suggest that the club installs television for the American PGA/Open and Ryder Cup tournaments and also the Wimbledon grass court championships.


Sounds entirely reasonable!

Not to mention the Open Championship, often mistakenly referred to as "The British Open".




> Is golf really a sport? I never knew that . . .
> How about the western sport of rodeo? THAT is a man's game.


Western? The Welsh do rodeo?

----------


## skib

> Western? The Welsh do rodeo?


Apologies- AMERICAN sport . . .

----------


## Silas Thorne

> Yay golf! Let us go watch the grass grow.


 :FRlol:  It would be more interesting if there were zombies (beside the players, I mean) on the golf course, or dinosaurs. Perhaps in an ideal world. 

What about boxing, rugby (mentioned already), full contact martial arts, and ice hockey?

----------


## skib

Anything that dishes out a good bruising and a few broken bones works for me. I enjoy the UFC quite a bit, but boxing will work. 
I think someone should be shooting paintballs at the golfers.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Womens' areas! That would be the kitchen I presume


Where else?

Why do women have smaller feet?

So they can stand closer to the sink.

----------


## skib

> Where else?
> 
> Why do women have smaller feet?
> 
> So they can stand closer to the sink.


Is this an invitation?

----------


## The Atheist

> Apologies- AMERICAN sport . . .


Rodeo's origins go back a lot further than America.

 :Wink: 

"American sport" always conjures up a game which is only played in USA, yet a "world championship" is held annually. Not a bad plan, I guess.

 :Biggrin: 




> It would be more interesting if there were zombies (beside the players, I mean) on the golf course, or dinosaurs. Perhaps in an ideal world.


Spoken like a true 36-handicapper!

Tiger Woods, a zombie? Incredibly rich, married to one of the world's most beautiful women. I wanna be a zombie too! 




> What about boxing, rugby (mentioned already), full contact martial arts, and ice hockey?


I used to love rugby, but since the game's gone professional, it's died as far as I'm concerned - at the senior level anyway. I still coach the school team, but the players and administrators of the game are a bunch of things I can't adequately describe in here.

Boxing! The noble art?

Yeah, count me in there.

I consider myself privileged to have been alive long enough to vividly remember wagging (playing truant) from high school to watch Ali vs Foreman, which I watched again two days ago. Alas, a lot like rugby, boxing has had its share of troubles and is often nowadays a joke. Multiple champions across weight divisions measured in milligrams....

There are still the odd good bouts I'll watch, but I'm pretty selective.

Now, ice hockey, I do have a problem with. If you could cut the pansy fights out and play the damned game, it might actually be a good sport, but the kindergarten staged fights they have every 15 seconds or so just drives me off it.

Don't let the other members hear it, but I'm quite fond of baseball!

----------


## skib

> Rodeo's origins go back a lot further than America.
> 
> 
> 
> "American sport" always conjures up a game which is only played in USA, yet a "world championship" is held annually. Not a bad plan, I guess.


Touche, my friend. You know more about my favorite sport's history than I.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Are there no Canadians in here? I haven't heard one person mention Hockey!!

It's Rugby, Golf, Boxing, and Rodeo wrapped up into one...(well, maybe not the rodeo)  :FRlol:

----------


## skib

Silas mentioned hockey! 

Yes, bulls are a little clumsy in skates and the horses would spook every time someone tackled them. Not to mention the constant cleanup of manure off the ice. That would get out of hand, having to pause the game every twenty minutes, get out the wheelbarrows and poop forks . . .

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

Since there are no REAL men here (and by real, I mean Canadian), I'll throw in that Hockey is by far a better sport than all of the above. 

Also, to Skib, bull and bronc riding ARE NOT SPORTS!!!! 

Anndd..I'm leaving now. Though may I grab a rum and coke on my way out? The coffee thread lacks this little luxury...

----------


## The Atheist

> Since there are no REAL men here (and by real, I mean Canadian),


Phew, if that's the qualification, I'm having a sex change if there's any chance of joining the real men club by accident.

I'll have to come oot of the closet!




> Anndd..I'm leaving now. Though may I grab a rum and coke on my way out? The coffee thread lacks this little luxury...


Coke? That's that black stuff?

Not allowed to have that in the bar, unfortunately. Rots the oak barrels.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Whoa. "Real" sport?
> 
> You mean that game where 15 blokes run around the paddock, not having a clue what's going on, or who has the ball because the rules are utterly incomprehensible and even the ref just guesses most of the time?
> 
> That game where half of all the world cup finals to date have been completed without a single try being scored?
> 
> The game where one team can put together brilliant move after brilliant move, driving possession downfield to score 5 points, then 3 minutes later, watch the opposition score three after being penalised because the tighthead prop put his hand on the ground?
> 
> The game which still bans padding in its rules, but has 100% of its international players wearing padding?
> ...


I can tell you have! :FRlol: 

Might I suggest the members attend a game of Rugby League. Its similar to rugger, or kick 'n' Clap as its called round here, but with the silly bits taken out.

I believe games are now held as far south as The Stoop in London. The march of civilisation goes ever onwards.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

I heard the onion news network is now covering soccer and other women's sports.

----------


## optimisticnad

Woah! This is the first time I've come across this, we had something like this before - it died a quick death, unlike the girls' thread; you men can't stick with anything for long except your boxers.  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> unlike the girls' thread; you men can't stick with anything for long except your boxers.


This is coming from the gender that changes purses and shoes every day.  :FRlol:  
There is a closet at home that is stuffed with purses...another closet that is riddled with shoes. I stick with the same shoes everyday, brown leather...I stick with the same wallet everyday, black leather...and as far as underwear is concerned...you can get at least a week out of one pair (barring no accidents)... :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## The Comedian

Hey Blokes,

I like all this talk about sports -- and limited use of the television in our club. Though, it would be a shame if use our television for golf. Now, if someone were to put a driving lane out back behind our club, where after a few JDs, we could test our skill, I'd be up for that.

As for now, may I suggest that we pour a drink and deal:

----------


## skib

> Since there are no REAL men here (and by real, I mean Canadian), I'll throw in that Hockey is by far a better sport than all of the above. 
> 
> Also, to Skib, bull and bronc riding ARE NOT SPORTS!!!! 
> 
> Anndd..I'm leaving now. Though may I grab a rum and coke on my way out? The coffee thread lacks this little luxury...


If you wish to go that direction, hockey is nothing more than a controlled fight on ice. 
And go, my lady! Run away with your icky Crown!

----------


## LostPrincess13

*at lost with all the sports talk; remembers PE class and chuckles at the her only C grade*

*busies herself with the sweeping and the dishes while listening to Mozart on her Ipod (earphones of course)*

----------


## prendrelemick

> Incidentally, the brutish looking fellow whose chin you used as matchbox wasn't drinking Newcastle brown ale and eating pork scratchings by any chance ?


 Ahh I see You've met my loutish evil twin. Been persona non gratia since the imfamous faux pas with a young lady known as "Shazza" in the long room at Lords

----------


## optimisticnad

> This is coming from the gender that changes purses and shoes every day.



That's style, not the inability to stick with something for long. It's ok, don't trouble yourself, you won't understand.  :Angel:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Can I offer you some tea ms. optimisticand? :Smile:

----------


## optimisticnad

> Can I offer you some tea ms. optimisticand?


 :Eek: 

Didn't I walk into the wrong room? 

Ah, what the hell, might as well make ourselves at home, they need us to keep this place open, yes pleas, got any green tea?

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Can I offer you some tea ms. optimisticand?


Maybe you should have offered her the way to the door? :Idea:

----------


## LostPrincess13

I just serve those who come in.  :Smile:  It's the guards' duty to show people out.

Here you go Ms. Opti!  :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I just serve those who come in.


I might be wrong, but I don't think that Parker will be so agreeable to serving green tea to a female in this establishment. But what do I know...I'm not the owner of this establishment.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> I might be wrong, but I don't think that Parker will be so agreeable to serving green tea to a female in this establishment. But what do I know...I'm not the owner of this establishment.


Oh my! :Frown:

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> If you wish to go that direction, hockey is nothing more than a controlled fight on ice. 
> And go, my lady! Run away with your icky Crown!


First of all, that's not true and you know it. There really isn't that much fighting in hockey. Hockey players require actual skills, unlike bull and bronc riders who only have to have enough upper body strength to hold on (even though they're kind of tied in) and big enough spurs to piss of their animals. Let's award more points to the person who can jab his animal the most, yeah, that sounds good.  :Rolleyes: 

Also, I don't drink Crown. Ew. It's all about the good rum.

----------


## LostPrincess13

*stands by uncertainly*

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> *stands by uncertainly*


It goes in a glass with ice and a little bit of coke LP  :Smile: , if you're still tending the bar, of course  :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Um, here you go! :Biggrin: 



I put a little cherry in there as well; hope you don't mind.  :Smile:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Hockey players require actual skills,
> 
> It's all about the good rum.


Well...I don't know much about Rum...
...but I'd have to agree that hockey players require actual skills...
It's not like running a football past the line, they're on skates too!!! That also means that they are moving at a faster pace, requiring a much quicker hand/eye coordination. And if there happened to be a fight that breaks out...it's like a little intermission!




> Um, here you go!


I don't know about Parker...but I won't say anything about serving a Canadian a little Rum and Coke...  :Wink:

----------


## LostPrincess13

I couldn't refuse the people! It'll be rude! Um, who's Mr. Parker?

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I couldn't refuse the people! It'll be rude! Um, who's Mr. Parker?


Read back through the posts...especially Atheist's...he tends the establishment...

Remember where you are...this isn't the Coffee thread...even though some good coffee is served here...

----------


## LostPrincess13

Oh alright then! I'll give utmost restraint and be more selective of the serving... If that is what you all wish! :Biggrin:  Now if you'll excuse me sir, I must get back to the sweeping. An ashtray has fallen off the counter, and Mr. Michael T had quite a lot of cigars today. :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well...I don't know much about Rum...
> ...but I'd have to agree that hockey players require actual skills...
> It's not like running a football past the line, they're on skates too!!! That also means that they are moving at a faster pace,



Skates! Played hockey m'self for the college mixed 11, played on grass in our plimsoles. Don't remember any fights, but some of the gels used to get a bit cattish.  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Skates! Played hockey m'self for the college mixed 11, played on grass in our plimsoles. Don't remember any fights, but some of the gels used to get a bit cattish.


Sorry, but it seems that some scurvily infected fellow  :Sick:  on the Mayflower didn't bring with them the proper vocabulary. Forgive my ignorance, but could you broaden my poor English vocabulary...

plimsoles...
gels...
cattish...(I deducted that this means rowdy or argumentative  :Argue: )...

----------


## The Atheist

> Might I suggest the members attend a game of Rugby League. Its similar to rugger, or kick 'n' Clap as its called round here, but with the silly bits taken out.
> 
> I believe games are now held as far south as The Stoop in London. The march of civilisation goes ever onwards.


Yeah, it's funny old game. All those years of rugby holding league to the ground by the throat, but give it another five years and it'll be taking over the rugby game. I agree that nowadays, it's a far better game.




> I heard the onion news network is now covering soccer and other women's sports.


 :Biggrin: 




> Now, if someone were to put a driving lane out back behind our club, where after a few JDs, we could test our skill, I'd be up for that.


Just a bit of a problem with space. Anything bigger than a wedge is going straight over th back hedge, and Her Majesty gets worried about the corgis swallowing a golf ball, so no go, I'm afraid.




> I just serve those who come in.  It's the guards' duty to show people out.


Did you fill that cup in the bathroom?




> plimsoles...
> gels...
> cattish...(I deducted that this means rowdy or argumentative )...


Plimsolls are tennis/sport shoes - canvas topped

Gel [hard G] is a gal/girl - very 19th-century

And you don't describe women as catty sometimes? Still strongly in use. Ever seen catfight? All claws, screaming and biting?

----------


## Niamh

there is skill in hockey... but! you should all watch a game of Gaelic or Hurling sometime...

----------


## Emil Miller

> there is skill in hockey... but! you should all watch a game of Gaelic or Hurling sometime...


But only if you are wearing flack jackets and steel helmets. The same goes for those attending an Irish wedding.

----------


## Michael T

The sign of a good sport is, of course, to be measured through it's growth and popularity throughout the world. Those that come immediately to mind are cricket, rugby, football, golfHmm I think I see a pattern developing.  :Biggrin: 

Do I see my drink coming?  :Smile:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I didn't hear you order one?

I don't agree that growth and popularity is a sign of a good sport. I have discovered that the masses don't necessarily have the best taste. People are followers...like lemmings. Consider Reality TV...it is very popular, but that does not mean that it's good.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Do I see my drink coming?


Oh I'm sorry sir! :Biggrin:  All the sports talk had me a little distracted! LOL! :FRlol:  Here you go! :Biggrin: 






> Did you fill that cup in the bathroom?


Ummm, what cup, sir?  :Confused: 

And also, I don't mean to be a bother but I'd have to report that we're running a little low on the beverages. The security cameras indicated the source of the problem:

----------


## Silas Thorne

Quickly skib, get the rifle. Be careful, try not to hit the whiskey!

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Ummm, what cup, sir?


I believe that he was referring to the cup of green tea!!  :Wink:

----------


## Silas Thorne

Can anyone shoot around here, or do I have to get the duelling sabre out of the games room?

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Can anyone shoot around here, or do I have to get the duelling sabre out of the games room?


Are you going to get that weasel? :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

**takes LostPrincess out to see the weasel and looks up to see the meteor shower**

Look up...Wow!! That looks awesome...

----------


## Silas Thorne

Ok then...

I get a dart from the dartboard, kneel down and throw it underhand, impaling the weasel through the throat and lifting it a few feet up in the air, twitching and pinned against the wall. 

'Sorry about the mess!' I shout, as blood trickles onto the floor from its throat, all over the floor.

But luckily the bottle topples over intact, and I put it back on the bar.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Ok then...
> 
> I get a dart from the dartboard, kneel down and throw it underhand, impaling the weasel through the throat and lifting it a few feet up in the air, twitching and pinned against the wall. 
> 
> 'Sorry about the mess!' I shout, as blood trickles onto the floor from its throat, all over the floor.


We have a new dart champion!!

Don't worry...I'll take care of the clean-up. Does anybody have a good recipe for weasel??  :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> **takes LostPrincess out to see the weasel and looks up to see the meteor shower**
> 
> Look up...Wow!! That looks awesome...





> Ok then...
> 
> I get a dart from the dartboard, kneel down and throw it underhand, impaling the weasel through the throat and lifting it a few feet up in the air, twitching and pinned against the wall. 
> 
> 'Sorry about the mess!' I shout, as blood trickles onto the floor from its throat, all over the floor.


Awwww! Thanks you guys! That was awfully nice of you! :Biggrin:  Although, I was kinda thinking of keeping the weasel as a pet... :Tongue:  Oh well... :Tongue: 




> But luckily the bottle topples over intact, and I put it back on the bar.


Thanks very much Silas! That's lucky, I found the bottle in front of the establishment this morning. A gift form a stranger... :Smile: 




> We have a new dart champion!!
> 
> Don't worry...I'll take care of the clean-up. Does anybody have a good recipe for weasel??


 :Banana:  Yey Silas!  :Banana:  And thanks JDC! :Biggrin:  The cleaning materials are in the supply closet. :Smile:  The stain removal liquid was endorsed by Jerry Seinfeld. :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Now the Cricket season is upon us, perhaps we could organise a match against The Groucho or Whites. I would certainly be up for it, I've bowled many a maiden over with my googlies.

I've also got a slow arm over the wicket Chinaman that has bamboozled many a blue.



Lets see what Google translater makes of that one, eh

----------


## The Atheist

> I've also got a slow arm over the wicket Chinaman that has bamboozled many a blue.
> 
> Lets see what Google translater makes of that one, eh


Nice!

----------


## Silas Thorne

> I've bowled many a maiden over with my googlies.


 :FRlol:

----------


## Lokasenna

If I may say, having just checked this thread for the first time today, you all appear to have gone completely insane!

Weasels, meteors and googlies... I'm confused and vaguely terrified...

----------


## Michael T

> If I may say, having just checked this thread for the first time today, you all appear to have gone completely insane!
> 
> Weasels, meteors and googlies... I'm confused and vaguely terrified...


It's all this free-flowing alcohol...Hic!  :Sick:

----------


## Silas Thorne

You know, they're keeping a tab. They know where you live, Michael.

----------


## Niamh

> But only if you are wearing flack jackets and steel helmets. The same goes for those attending an Irish wedding.


 :Eek:  I'm insulted!

----------


## Michael T

Best I put a little something behind the bar then Silas!  :Biggrin: 


 


That should keep the Management happy.  :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

> That should keep the Management happy.


Do you think you could actually "buy" the Management like that?

*pushes the money under the counter swiftly*

However, it might help you keep the thread open for a little longer...

 :Wink:

----------


## Michael T

> However, it might help you keep the thread open for a little longer...



My round then!  :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Now the Cricket season is upon us, perhaps we could organise a match against The Groucho or Whites. I would certainly be up for it, I've bowled many a maiden over with my googlies.
> 
> I've also got a slow arm over the wicket Chinaman that has bamboozled many a blue.
> 
> Lets see what Google translater makes of that one, eh


*at a complete loss* Um, is there a certain language that only men can understand? :Confused: 




> If I may say, having just checked this thread for the first time today, you all appear to have gone completely insane!
> 
> Weasels, meteors and googlies... I'm confused and vaguely terrified...


*giggles* Not to worry Loki! :Biggrin:  Everything's fine. Just a little pest control. :Biggrin:  Though I'm curious to know how the weasel got in here...




> It's all this free-flowing alcohol...Hic!


Looks like someone has exceeded his alcohol limit! :Wink:  Might I suggest coffee instead? :Wink: 




> Best I put a little something behind the bar then Silas! 
> 
> 
>  
> 
> 
> That should keep the Management happy.





> My round then!


That's very generous of you! :Biggrin:  That'll take care of the damage the weasel caused... :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm insulted!



I'm quite upset that you feel offended so to cheer you up I have a little Irish joke for you. 

Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new Buick Rendezvous into an Irish petrol station. An attendant greets him in a typical Irish manner, unaware who the driver is.."top o'the mornin to ya". 

As Tiger gets out of the car, two golfing tees fall out of his pocket. 

"So what are those, son?" ask the attendant. 

"They're called tees," replied Tiger. 

"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquired the Irishman. 

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replied Tiger. 

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary and' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Buick think of everything!"

----------


## Niamh

:FRlol:

----------


## skib

> Quickly skib, get the rifle. Be careful, try not to hit the whiskey!


*runs into the room with deer rifle, sweating* 
Whew! I got here as quick as I could! What's the problem?
*notices dead weasel*
Oh, wow . . . there's a weasel pinned to the dartboard . . .

----------


## Emil Miller

For our Antipodean members I would draw attention to an item in my evening newspaper headed "Topless pub ' insult to our troops.' " It would appear that the Kersbrook Tavern in Adelaide plans to introduce topless barmaids on Australia's rememberance day as a boy's treat to boost business. Veterans have said it is an affront to Anzac Day's annual national memorial to the fIrst World War. What are the members views on topless barmaids?

----------


## skib

I don't see a problem with it at all. Will there be a topless lawnmower race afterward?

----------


## Michael T

> What are the members views on topless barmaids?


As close a one as I can possibly get!  :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> *runs into the room with deer rifle, sweating* 
> Whew! I got here as quick as I could! What's the problem?
> *notices dead weasel*
> Oh, wow . . . there's a weasel pinned to the dartboard . . .


Silas!!?? Another Weasel? I put the last one in the stew.

----------


## Silas Thorne

> For our Antipodean members I would draw attention to an item in my evening newspaper headed "Topless pub ' insult to our troops.' " It would appear that the Kersbrook Tavern in Adelaide plans to introduce topless barmaids on Australia's rememberance day as a boy's treat to boost business. Veterans have said it is an affront to Anzac Day's annual national memorial to the fIrst World War. What are the members views on topless barmaids?


Of course I would like a view. :Biggrin: 

Soldiers object to topless barmaids!? What is the world coming to? 
I'm sure the young soldiers wouldn't object.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I hope Aunty peggy, the septagenarian barmaid at our local doesn't get any ideas!

----------


## Emil Miller

If any of the members are in Adelaide on Anzac day and don't which of the city's pubs is the Kersbrook Tavern, it will be the one with a two mile queue outside.

----------


## prendrelemick

> *runs into the room with deer rifle, sweating* 
> Whew! I got here as quick as I could! What's the problem?
> *notices dead weasel*
> Oh, wow . . . there's a weasel pinned to the dartboard . . .




Too late Skib. But keep the rifle handy, I noticed Bambi loitering with intent round the back.

----------


## skib

> Too late Skib. But keep the rifle handy, I noticed Bambi loitering with intent round the back.


On guard day and ni . . . zzzzzzzzz

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Too late Skib. But keep the rifle handy, I noticed Bambi loitering with intent round the back.


skib...I think some venison would go quite well on the menu!

----------


## skib

I was just thinking that! A bit of tenderloin grilled to perfection, a loaf of homemade bread, a wee bit of salad smothered in Italian dressing and french-fried onions . . . my mouth is watering already. 
PS- somebody throw a few pounds of sweet corn out back for that pesky little deer, and make sure nobody bothers him for a few weeks.  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I couldn't find any sweet corn, but we can see if this corn,


a bucket of water with a bit of molasses...


some apple cider...


a bit of vanilla...


and some apples...

----------


## prendrelemick

> Silas!!?? Another Weasel? I put the last one in the stew.



Aw, thats disgusting, how could you?









Kababs would've been so much nicer  :Tongue:

----------


## skib

Bien, you're absolutely genius!

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Aw, thats disgusting, how could you?
> 
> 
> Kababs would've been so much nicer


Well? Pull the other one off the dart board and grab a skewer!!

----------


## Janine

:FRlol:  talking about dark boards and skewers today, eh? 

I love Kababs; and those are the skewers I use, Bien, disposable with no cleanup; easy!

----------


## BienvenuJDC

So...you like skewered weasel too!!

----------


## prendrelemick

> talking about dark boards and skewers today, eh? 
> 
> I love Kababs; and those are the skewers I use, Bien, disposable with no cleanup; easy!


Hang on a minute, you mean people (females) go into shops and actually assess the relative merits of different types of skewer?

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I guess so...I was thinking that they were just sticks...with a pointy end that wouldn't splinter in my mouth. I'd probably prefer stainless steel that are reusable...but that's that...

----------


## Silas Thorne

:FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

That one's gonna get too done on that side...shouldn't someone turn it over?

----------


## skib

Don't worry, Bien! I've got it covered.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Don't worry, Bien! I've got it covered.


 :FRlol:  I didn't want it covered!!

----------


## Silas Thorne

:Biggrin:  Hey...you sure this wasn't an outtake of the Ewok's village in the Return of the Jedi? Or have I been eating too much datura?

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=Michael T;710652]Those are too small for some of the critters we catch that have wandered into The Blokes' Thread!

I was about to say something highly amusing about this post but we musn't give the moderators ( mostly feminine ) a chance to close down the Blokes' thread.

----------


## Silas Thorne

A few hours later....



Good thing that apple kept the screaming down. It would have been hard to have a decent conversation.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

Looks tasty. Might I pull up for a piece of thigh and a cold Guinness?

----------


## Silas Thorne

OK...Just put on this cap and hide the hair...I can't guarantee the guys are full yet.  :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> A few hours later....
> 
> 
> 
> Good thing that apple kept the screaming down. It would have been hard to have a decent conversation.


I see you have taken the best part.

----------


## Stargazer86

*puts on cap and fake moustache* How do I look? Dashing and masculine, I hope

----------


## Janine

I will take a drumstick. Yikes, the Bloke's thread has now degenerated into the realm of canablism! What next?  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

**Pulls up chair waiting for Classics response...**

Bring me something non-alcoholic...I want to be alert for this! Besides...I always get something non-alcoholic! What's on tap?

----------


## The Atheist

> I was about to say something highly amusing about this post but we musn't give the moderators ( mostly feminine ) a chance to close down the Blokes' thread.





> Those are too small for some of the critters we catch that have wandered into The Blokes' Thread!


Ouch!

Very funny, but I think we do need to remove that pic.

Cheers

----------


## skib

> **Pulls up chair waiting for Classics response...**
> 
> Bring me something non-alcoholic...I want to be alert for this! Besides...I always get something non-alcoholic! What's on tap?


I heard something about there being some Becks and St. Pauli Girl hiding in the back room . . . *sniffs and turns up nose*

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Nah...doesn't interest me...I'll just have coffee!!

----------


## skib

That works as well! No Bailey's, I assume?

----------


## Niamh

> That works as well! No Bailey's, I assume?


Baileys would be considered as alcohol.... :Tongue:

----------


## Michael T

> Ouch!
> 
> Very funny, but I think we do need to remove that pic.
> 
> Cheers


Hi Atheist. In response to your private message, I think my original picture of the girl was just rather comical, fitted within the context of the ongoing thread, and was not too revealing. I even received a message from a female member saying how funny she found it. I find it hard to imagine that my picture and comment would, in itself, have caused any offence to members of the forum. I would be interested to know how many other members of the forum other than you, did, in fact, find my original post to be offensive? 
That being said, I will now remove my post from the thread.
Kind regards, 
Michael.
P.S. I couldn't figure out how to delete the post, so just removed the content. I'd appreciate it if someone could let me know how to delete a post.  :Smile:

----------


## Virgil

Gosh, I keep coming here hoping for more pictures of scantily clad women and all I find is talk about cooking. I could go to the girl's thread for home econimics.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Gosh, I keep coming here hoping for more pictures of scantily clad women and all I find is talk about cooking. I could go to the girl's thread for home econimics.


Sorry Virgil, it wasn't so much the scantily clad young lady but the cooking that has decided us to remove the the picture. 
Actually, the picture would have been better posted on the 'What's cooking tonight' thread ? 

Now chaps, do as Virgil suggests and lets have more girls and less cooking?

----------


## Lokasenna

Yes, the cooking is not attractive. Grace Kelly, however:



Very few women today seem to have elegance and class... they don't make 'em like they used to!

----------


## Michael T

> Yes, the cooking is not attractive. Grace Kelly, however:
> 
> 
> 
> Very few women today seem to have elegance and class... they don't make 'em like they used to!




Not every picture tells a story. Her on-screen persona did indeed exude elegance and class. However, a close look at her private life prior to her marriage would suggest she was a bit of a s***. Still, lets not hold that against her!  :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Not every picture tells a story. Her on-screen persona did indeed exude elegance and class. However, a close look at her private life prior to her marriage would suggest she was a bit of a s***. Still, lets not hold that against her!


She was said to have had an extraordinary sexual appetite. Unfortunately
I wasn't one of the lucky guys.

----------


## Michael T

[QUOTE=Brian Bean;710960]She was said to have had an extraordinary sexual appetite. Unfortunately
I wasn't one of the lucky guys.[/QUOTE


I fear we may have burst young Lokasennas bubble!  :Wink:

----------


## Lokasenna

[QUOTE=Michael T;710972]


> She was said to have had an extraordinary sexual appetite. Unfortunately
> I wasn't one of the lucky guys.[/QUOTE
> 
> 
> I fear we may have burst young Lokasennas bubble!


 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

So thats why Prince Rainier often wore a tired smile.

----------


## Emil Miller

> So thats why Prince Rainier often wore a tired smile.


Yeah, but by the time he got there he was standing at the head of a long line of tired smilers.

----------


## prendrelemick

A bit strong to call her a s**t though, she was just a very giving person.
Like mother Teresa, only in a different field.

----------


## Virgil

I don't know Loki, that's just too classy for a thread like this. I was thinking more along the lines of this:



 :Biggrin:  :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

Those chicks have no asses! C'mon, let's see some curve
holy crap, that one on the left is pretty beefy

----------


## Emil Miller

Now be fair Virgil, are they the sort of females to attract a G&T and Pimms drinker like Lokasenna? They're more likely to attract the Newcastle brown ale and pork scratchings type.

----------


## skib

Looks good to me Virgil. Actually, looks great to me. :Biggrin:

----------


## kevinthediltz

Are these girls afraid of food?

----------


## Stargazer86

> Are these girls afraid of food?


Not the beefy one on the left. She likes protein shakes and raw egg yolks

----------


## skib

> Not the beefy one on the left. She likes protein shakes and raw egg yolks


She puts me to shame . . .

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Not the beefy one on the left. She likes protein shakes and raw egg yolks


Stargazer...we aren't fond of the one on the left are we?  :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

Haha, I don't really see anyone that's beefy to me. Perhaps I just have low standards.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Stargazer...we aren't fond of the one on the left are we?


 :FRlol:  She just stands out the most...seriously..OMG she's really buff!! impressive but odd looking on a woman (in my opinion). I had a baby recently and am not in the shape I was once in. I admit, I'm a little bitter. But its just so easy to make fun of these broads!

Um...*adjusts moustache and cap and hopes no one noticed my womanly slip up*

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> She just stands out the most...seriously..OMG she's really buff!! impressive but odd looking on a woman (in my opinion). I had a baby recently and am not in the shape I was once in. I admit, I'm a little bitter. But its just so easy to make fun of these broads!
> 
> Um...*adjusts mustache and cap and hopes no one noticed my womanly slip up*


Well...you look FINE for one of the guys...I hope that no one saw me checking out the GUY with the mustache and the cap...your mustache doesn't match your beautiful red hair... :Redface: ...I mean your scruffy red hair...

----------


## prendrelemick

> Now be fair Virgil, are they the sort of females to attract a G&T and Pimms drinker like Lokasenna? They're more likely to attract the Newcastle brown ale and pork scratchings type.



Listen after 3 pints of Newkie Brown, Nora Batty starts to look attractive.

----------


## Stargazer86

> Well...you look FINE for one of the guys...I hope that no one saw me checking out the GUY with the mustache and the cap...your mustache doesn't match your beautiful red hair......I mean your scruffy red hair...


*blushes then runs off to make a spinach quiche*

----------


## BienvenuJDC

ok...I think that I just puked a little at the mention of a spinach quiche... :Sick: 

ok...I DID just puked a little after checking out a photo of Nora Batty...maybe I will have a few drinks...or just bring back that red head...

----------


## Stargazer86

> ok...I think that I just puked a little at the mention of a spinach quiche...


Well I do make a fabulous spinach quiche and I was going to offer you a piece. Seriously, I don't get what guys have against spinach quiche. It's really just a glorified omelet. Though I would have to agree that chicharones and beer make a far more appetizing snack. 

But please, someone explain to me what is the big issue with quiche? It's not like eating it will lower your testosterone levels (or will it??)

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Well I do make a fabulous spinach quiche and I was going to offer you a piece. Seriously, I don't get what guys have against spinach quiche. It's really just a glorified omelet. Though I would have to agree that chicharones and beer make a far more appetizing snack. 
> 
> But please, someone explain to me what is the big issue with quiche? It's not like eating it will lower your testosterone levels (or will it??)


Mom used to make quiche...maybe it was the fact that I was a picky little eater then...maybe I ought to try it again... :Wink:

----------


## Michael T

I think we need to get off the topic of quiche...This is a man's man club...and straighten your moustache again Eliz...I mean Clint!  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I think we need to get off the topic of quiche...This is a man's man club...and straighten your moustache again Eliz...I mean Clint!


What about talking about KeeshA...the beautiful dancer?

----------


## Michael T

> What about talking about KeeshA...the beautiful dancer?


I must be getting old or out of touch, I've never heard of her. I googled images and got two girls...one black and one white so I'm at a complete loss!


What about Juliette Binoche?  :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Listen after 3 pints of Newkie Brown, Nora Batty starts to look attractive.


That's a good enough reason to avoid it but there can be no excuse for pork scratchings.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I must be getting old or out of touch, I've never heard of her. I googled images and got two girls...one black and one white so I'm at a complete loss!
> 
> 
> What about Juliette Binoche?


Actually just a nobody name...but we'll go with Juliette... :Smile:

----------


## Virgil

> She just stands out the most...seriously..OMG she's really buff!! impressive but odd looking on a woman (in my opinion). I had a baby recently and am not in the shape I was once in. I admit, I'm a little bitter. But its just so easy to make fun of these broads!
> 
> Um...*adjusts moustache and cap and hopes no one noticed my womanly slip up*


I had no idea of your gender.  :FRlol:  I thought you were male since you kept coming in this thread.  :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I had no idea of your gender.  I thought you were male since you kept coming in this thread.


By no means is she a male...I mean...By NOOOO means... :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

Howsabout Li Gong, Julie Dreyfus, and *drool* Megan Fox? Wouldn't need three pints of anything first

*Throws out quiche, munches on salted peanuts and chicharones*




> I had no idea of your gender.  I thought you were male since you kept coming in this thread.



Well I visited the ladies thread and find this one exceedingly more to my liking. But shh don't tell! I'm incognito. My name's Clint if anyone asks

----------


## Virgil

> Well I visited the ladies thread and find this one exceedingly more to my liking. But shh don't tell! I'm incognito. My name's Clint if anyone asks


Will do.  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Howsabout Li Gong, Julie Dreyfus, and *drool* Megan Fox? Wouldn't need three pints of anything first
> 
> *Throws out quiche, munches on salted peanuts and chicharones*


You mean these?

Li Gong


Megan Fox



I couldn't really find a picture I liked of Julie Dreyfus...

----------


## Stargazer86

Yup. Those are the ladies! I couldnt find any pix I liked of Gong Li nor Julie Dreyfus. But they're both gorgeous. Gong Li in Memoirs of a Geisha and Hannibal Rising (that movie sucked though) GORGEOUS And Julie Dreyfus in Kill Bill. She has a very natural classic beauty. And Megan Fox *faints* although I think what her side tattoo says is kind of dumb and emo. But it still looks good on her. These 3 are my current lady crushes

----------


## AimusSage

You know clint, Megan Fox is mighty fine, but the tattoos? I don't like them. What is it with tattoos anyway? What is their purpose? Too me it's just a remnant of long lost civilization finding its way into our modern society as a status symbol used to assert oneself when behaviour and actions alone are not sufficient.

hehe. or something like that, I just got myself one of these:


It's perfect! Awesome device and sweet beer...  :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

> You know clint, Megan Fox is mighty fine, but the tattoos? I don't like them. What is it with tattoos anyway? What is their purpose? Too me it's just a remnant of long lost civilization finding its way into our modern society as a status symbol used to assert oneself when behaviour and actions alone are not sufficient.
> 
> hehe. or something like that, I just got myself one of these:
> 
> 
> It's perfect! Awesome device and sweet beer...



I'm a tattoo fan myself (I have 5 with plans to add more) but I totally get why some people aren't into them. Hopefully I won't be one of those people in years to come or I'll have a lot to regret :P
But wow, the woman is stunning!

As for your device...that is freakin sweet and I want one. Where did you find it and how much $?

----------


## The Atheist

'Morning all!

Crickey, she's a fast-moving thread, this one.

I calculate that at the rate we're moving, we'll pass the women by October.

I'm not sure whether that's a good or bad thing!




> Hi Atheist. In response to your private message, I think my original picture of the girl was just rather comical, fitted within the context of the ongoing thread, and was not too revealing.


I've replied along these lines to Michael, but I just want to make a note for everyone:

I found it amusing myself, but it's the standards of LitNet which matter, and with a large number of adolescents, it's reasonable to expect a high standard of decency. 

We can play along with that, I think.

The odd bikini beauty is fine, but let's not turn it into a babe-fest. 

And count me in the Grace Kelly camp. That was some kind of class.




> P.S. I couldn't figure out how to delete the post, so just removed the content. I'd appreciate it if someone could let me know how to delete a post.


I don't think you can delete them, but the edit worked.




> Haha, I don't really see anyone that's beefy to me. Perhaps I just have low standards.


 :FRlol: 




> But please, someone explain to me what is the big issue with quiche? It's not like eating it will lower your testosterone levels (or will it??)


Definitely.

Masters & Johnson or some other duo found the correlation.




> You know clint, Megan Fox is mighty fine, but the tattoos? I don't like them. What is it with tattoos anyway?


They got trendy.

----------


## The Comedian

Hello all! 

I had some bacon and potato for dinner and a gin & tonic for desert. . . .a smashing dinner if ever I had one: pig meat and spuds, yes, a dinner that deserved a boast on Cold Ale.

 :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Hello all! 
> 
> I had some bacon . . . . pig meat and ...


Oh noes! You're gonna get swine fever!

----------


## prendrelemick

After three newkies, then you wake up next morning :Sick: 




> That's a good enough reason to avoid it but there can be no excuse for pork scratchings.


http://www.simonandschuster.net/cont...=9781847370662

----------


## Michael T

> http://www.simonandschuster.net/cont...=9781847370662


Ha ha hasad but undeniably true!  :Smile: 




> You know clint, Megan Fox is mighty fine, but the tattoos? I don't like them. What is it with tattoos anyway? What is their purpose? Too me it's just a remnant of long lost civilization finding its way into our modern society as a status symbol used to assert oneself when behaviour and actions alone are not sufficient.
> 
> hehe. or something like that, I just got myself one of these:
> 
> 
> It's perfect! Awesome device and sweet beer...


All Englishmen have one of these in their garden shed.  :Biggrin:

----------


## AimusSage

> All Englishmen have one of these in their garden shed.


Too bad most of them can't serve a proper beer to save their lives.

----------


## Michael T

> Too bad most of them can't serve a proper beer to save their lives.



Thats because were not Australian and thus have little or no experience of that side of the barold chap!  :Biggrin:

----------


## AimusSage

ahaha!  :Biggrin:  That must be it. It should be an obligatory course for everyone reaching the age of 18 though. (or depending on where you are another age.) How to serve beer properly 101. It'll help reduce alcoholism too. People tend to enjoy their beer more and thus don't just drink themselves to death. What use is drinking if you can serve a perfect beer because you're too drunk?

----------


## Michael T

> ahaha!  That must be it. It should be an obligatory course for everyone reaching the age of 18 though. (or depending on where you are another age.) How to serve beer properly 101. It'll help reduce alcoholism too. People tend to enjoy their beer more and thus don't just drink themselves to death. What use is drinking if you can serve a perfect beer because you're too drunk?


We English always know when we've had enough because we fall over! A simple and effective measure to limit our intake.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> After three newkies, then you wake up next morning]


There, let that be a lesson to all you young whipper-snappers who are thinking of visiting the UK. Steer well clear of Newcastle brown ale (colloquially known as newkie) or you could go home with the one on the left and wake up with the one on the right.

----------


## PoeticPassions

^otherwise known as "beer goggles." I just want to let all of you gentlemen know that I have many times tried to stop my friends (girls and guys alike) from going home with people that might look more like the lady on the right (in the photo above), and I pride myself on the fact that I have never had beer goggles... I tend to see clearly even under the influence, and I watch out for my fellow bar goers... but you men don't listen much, and then wake up the next day with regret plastered all over your face. There are more out there like me that are looking out for your interests... if only you'd actually take our advice  :Wink: 

so next time you have a random person tell you, "Beer goggles, man, don't go home with her!" perhaps it would be best to listen  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

Recalling the recent comments on this thread about the lack of curvature in today's girls, it would be foolish to deny that the skinny look has taken over from the hourglass figure of former times. However, there is something waiflike about small slim women that I have always found attractive. They tend to bring out the male protective side which can be a very strong attraction; unless you are in favour of the big brassy type of woman who is always trying to impress with masculine qualities which, I think you will agree, should be the province of men. 
On the other side of the coin, the same goes for those effeminate men who try to behave like women.

----------


## AimusSage

> Recalling the recent comments on this thread about the lack of curvature in today's girls, it would be foolish to deny that the skinny look has taken over from the hourglass figure of former times. However, there is something waiflike about small slim women that I have always found attractive. They tend to bring out the male protective side which can be a very strong attraction; unless you are in favour of the big brassy type of woman who is always trying to impress with masculine qualities which, I think you will agree, should be the province of men. 
> On the other side of the coin, the same goes for those effeminate men who try to behave like women.


How elegantly put.

----------


## skib

I just like women. All it takes is one gorgeous smile, and I'll give everything short of my manhood to her.

----------


## AimusSage

> I just like women. All it takes is one gorgeous smile, and I'll give everything short of my manhood to her.


Maybe you should instead not give that much to her, she'll like you better for it. Seriously, nobody likes a pushover, so don't become one just because a gorgeous woman smiled at you.

hmmm... that sounded a bit harsh, but it's true. backbone. I know you have one, don't let it turn to jelly at the hint of a smile. Stick with it. Be yourself, and don't let anyone walk over you... 

As if I have never let anyone walk all over me, but you learn... *sigh* you learn.  :Goof:

----------


## a_little_wisp

> I just like women. All it takes is one gorgeous smile, and I'll give everything short of my manhood to her.



*INVADE MAN THREAD* 

Hey, skib. Somethin' for you: 

 :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Recalling the recent comments on this thread about the lack of curvature in today's girls, it would be foolish to deny that the skinny look has taken over from the hourglass figure of former times. However, there is something waiflike about small slim women that I have always found attractive. They tend to bring out the male protective side which can be a very strong attraction; unless you are in favour of the big brassy type of woman who is always trying to impress with masculine qualities which, I think you will agree, should be the province of men. 
> On the other side of the coin, the same goes for those effeminate men who try to behave like women.


Here we go to the Speakeasy of the twenties...when the flat chested...petite bodies were popular...BEFORE the buxom figures of the 1940s...

----------


## Stargazer86

Aimus- I still want to know where you got that nifty beer pouring device. I need one for my house

As for the discussion of bodies: There certainly is nothing wrong with a woman being petite or slender even with a lack of curvature. The turn off is when they're skinny just cause they don't eat properly..like when you can start seeing bones and clothes are hanging off...anorexic model ****. I have some very very naturally slender friends who look gorgeous cause they still look healthy and happy. 
I have to agree with Skib: there's a lot to be said for a great genuine smile which is often indicitive of a good personality

----------


## AimusSage

Where I'm from you can get it in just about any electronics or appliance store.

----------


## skib

> Maybe you should instead not give that much to her, she'll like you better for it. Seriously, nobody likes a pushover, so don't become one just because a gorgeous woman smiled at you.
> 
> hmmm... that sounded a bit harsh, but it's true. backbone. I know you have one, don't let it turn to jelly at the hint of a smile. Stick with it. Be yourself, and don't let anyone walk over you... 
> 
> As if I have never let anyone walk all over me, but you learn... *sigh* you learn.


 :FRlol:  I am close to helpless in dealing with women, but I'm not that much of a pushover! (that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I am a sucker for a pretty smile!)

VERY funny Wispy!  :Biggrin:  Hey, do you need my credit card number . . .?




> Aimus- I still want to know where you got that nifty beer pouring device. I need one for my house
> 
> As for the discussion of bodies: There certainly is nothing wrong with a woman being petite or slender even with a lack of curvature. The turn off is when they're skinny just cause they don't eat properly..like when you can start seeing bones and clothes are hanging off...anorexic model ****. I have some very very naturally slender friends who look gorgeous cause they still look healthy and happy. 
> I have to agree with Skib: there's a lot to be said for a great genuine smile which is often indicitive of a good personality


I agree! I like a woman to have her natural body. There is a difference between naturally slender and anorexically scrawny. Skeletons aren't that appealing to me any more.

----------


## Nightshade

I am inclined to point out the obvious contradictions, firstly there is the whole thing with boobs, what is with that anyway? they are annoying things to lug around but having them is supposed to be good and there is the whole boob job palaravar ( can I just say BAD IDEA , big breasts can lead to all sort s of medical complications) and then men turn around and go well actually skinny titless wonders are the most attractive look? what is WITH that? seriously? 
now I think there are some women who look good really good as skinny little things perhaps verging on the titless wonder side of things .. but flesh is there to cover bones not accessorise them. Then of course great bulging waves of fat isn’t what you would call attractive either, but again we get the weird thing where you have the fertility goddess thing...weird. so yes men should stop with the objectifying of women, or at least if that is impossible don't vocalise it, it makes you look shallow and you might end up hearing women objectifying women, which can be really scary and nasty.... it only makes 
And have you ever noticed how its the ugliest people who are always the most fussed about having attractive partners... ?!

But I would like to also add saying " I don’t like skinny women " and leering at someone is only liable to get you a smack upside the head at the very least if said women is in a particularly charitable mood alot worse things can be done with a pair of point high heels!!




 :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Here we go to the Speakeasy of the twenties...when the flat chested...petite bodies were popular...BEFORE the buxom figures of the 1940s...


You are right, but the flat chested little females of the 'twenties' were a revolt against the corseted amazons of pre WW1. By the time of WW2 the need to activate the fighting men required a return to a more, shall we say, fuller figure. The appearence on the scene of Betty Grable and others with similar physical charms gave the American war effort a tremendous boost which enabled US troops to raise the Stars and Stripes over Iwo Jima. Never underestimate the female body in all its glory but enjoy it for what it is.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> I am inclined to point out the obvious contradictions, firstly there is the whole thing with boobs, what is with that anyway? they are annoying things to lug around but having them is supposed to be good and there is the whole boob job palaravar ( can I just say BAD IDEA , big breasts can lead to all sort s of medical complications) and then men turn around and go well actually skinny titless wonders are the most attractive look? what is WITH that? seriously? 
> now I think there are some women who look good really good as skinny little things perhaps verging on the titless wonder side of things .. but flesh is there to cover bones not accessorise them. Then of course great bulging waves of fat isnt what you would call attractive either, but again we get the weird thing where you have the fertility goddess thing...weird. so yes men should stop with the objectifying of women, or at least if that is impossible don't vocalise it, it makes you look shallow and you might end up hearing women objectifying women, which can be really scary and nasty.... it only makes 
> And have you ever noticed how its the ugliest people who are always the most fussed about having attractive partners... ?!
> 
> But I would like to also add saying " I dont like skinny women " and leering at someone is only liable to get you a smack upside the head at the very least if said women is in a particularly charitable mood alot worse things can be done with a pair of point high heels!!


In some ways I agree, and in others, I disagree, Nightie! I agree with you in your wondering about why boobs are apparently so fascinating. But I disagree with you in saying that making a comment about one's physical preferences is automatically objectifying a woman. Everyone has a physical preference, and there's nothing wrong with vocalizing it, as long as it's not done patronizingly. To say that you prefer skinny women isn't saying anything against women who are otherwise, it's simply stating a personal preference. Leering however, is bad under any circumstances  :Biggrin: 

But women do it to. We all have a preference as well, we're just not as outspoken about it.

----------


## AimusSage

Like all other things, the current 'fad' is related to the environment. Look up some studies and you'll find that woman in difficult times are attracted to rich men more so than in good economic times, same goes for men and their attraction to women. Good times = skinny, bad times = not so skinny, as a general rule.

----------


## Nightshade

> In some ways I agree, and in others, I disagree, Nightie! I agree with you in your wondering about why boobs are apparently so fascinating. But I disagree with you in saying that making a comment about one's physical preferences is automatically objectifying a woman. Everyone has a physical preference, and there's nothing wrong with vocalizing it, as long as it's not done patronizingly. To say that you prefer skinny women isn't saying anything against women who are otherwise, it's simply stating a personal preference. Leering however, is bad under any circumstances 
> 
> But women do it to. We all have a preference as well, we're just not as outspoken about it.


Ok granted.. thing is that was an edited down rant and I didnt get all the GAH! out of it. BUt I have to say women sitting around objectifying men pisses me off just as much, if not more. Im not saying dont have a preferance , and state it sure. I mean my flatmates were trying to set me up with this lovley guy ( and he is lovley, and apparntly very attractive and loads of people throwing themselves at him) apparntly hairy hands is a good thing but I can't see it. I guess I just get particuarlly annoyed but this because I have more than once been in the company of males who havet realised I could understandthem and started commenting on every female who walked past. and on one occaison this guy a) knew I could understand and b) was atually commenting to me and I was like Excuse me? so if thats your opinion of women what do you think of me excatly? tell you it shut him up fast.

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> Ok granted.. thing is that was an edited down rant and I didnt get all the GAH! out of it. BUt I have to say women sitting around objectifying men pisses me off just as much, if not more. Im not saying dont have a preferance , and state it sure. I mean my flatmates were trying to set me up with this lovley guy ( and he is lovley, and apparntly very attractive and loads of people throwing themselves at him) apparntly hairy hands is a good thing but I can't see it. I guess I just get particuarlly annoyed but this because I have more than once been in the company of males who havet realised I could understandthem and started commenting on every female who walked past. and on one occaison this guy a) knew I could understand and b) was atually commenting to me and I was like Excuse me? so if thats your opinion of women what do you think of me excatly? tell you it shut him up fast.


I hear ya, though we're gonna get yelled at for this in a minute for invading the boys' thread!!

As it were...

Gentlemen!! Since when is being female, dressed up, and in a bar an invitation to be groped? At what point did you males take it upon yourselves to decide that feeling up a girl without so much as a word to her was acceptable? Just wondering  :Biggrin:

----------


## Nightshade

> I hear ya, though we're gonna get yelled at for this in a minute for invading the boys' thread!!
> 
> As it were...
> 
> Gentlemen!! Since when is being female, dressed up, and in a bar an invitation to be groped? At what point did you males take it upon yourselves to decide that feeling up a girl without so much as a word to her was acceptable? Just wondering


Moddish superpowers dearie, Im not going to get yelled at ....  :Biggrin:  
But yes one would like to know this. along wit the 'accidently' sitting just that much too close on buses. and nuemours other things.

----------


## AimusSage

> Moddish superpowers dearie, Im not going to get yelled at ....  
> But yes one would like to know this. along wit the 'accidently' sitting just that much too close on buses. and nuemours other things.


Men don't yell. They roar. like lions.  :Tongue: 

seriously though, only morons grope women like that in bars. It's the idiots that give men a bad name.

Also, it's the sluts that give women a bad name, don't throw out the entire basket just because there are a few rotten apples in there...

And now get out of this thread, or I will use my own powers to make you.  :Flare:

----------


## *Classic*Charm*

> Moddish superpowers dearie, Im not going to get yelled at ....  
> But yes one would like to know this. along wit the 'accidently' sitting just that much too close on buses. and nuemours other things.


AW Nightie, I forgot that you had those special powers! 

So where have all the men skipped off to? There are questions here that need answering!

----------


## Nightshade

> And now get out of this thread, or I will use my own powers to make you.


Rats! one of the only 2 with the power to maybe equal mine but you forget I have the smilies!!!!
MWAHAHAHAHAHA :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## AimusSage

Darn it, why does great power come with great responsibility...Why am I responsible? Aaarrrgh...

----------


## Nightshade

> Darn it, why does great power come with great responsibility...Why am I responsible? Aaarrrgh...


cause yopu are basically a _edit_: SUPER AWESOME AND UBERCOOL (good) person? and you haven't had as much tea and nice dinner as me obviously!!

Now get out of here all you girls  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> Recalling the recent comments on this thread about the lack of curvature in today's girls, it would be foolish to deny that the skinny look has taken over from the hourglass figure of former times. However, there is something waiflike about small slim women that I have always found attractive. They tend to bring out the male protective side which can be a very strong attraction; unless you are in favour of the big brassy type of woman who is always trying to impress with masculine qualities which, I think you will agree, should be the province of men. 
> On the other side of the coin, the same goes for those effeminate men who try to behave like women.


Ahhh... short tall, I've had 'em all.

One of the advantages of being 6'3" is that most women like to have a boyfriend taller than them, which tends to open the field up to any woman not playing professional basketball!

 :Biggrin: 

Other than grotesquely skinny or fat, body shape isn't high on my list, but I do like those tall slim ones.





> The turn off is when they're skinny just cause they don't eat properly..like when you can start seeing bones and clothes are hanging off...anorexic model ****.


Agree. I find that sickening, actually.




> I hear ya, though we're gonna get yelled at for this in a minute for invading the boys' thread!!


Yell?

One does not "yell" in a quality establishment. One never needs to, and it disrupts the string quartet.




> Moddish superpowers dearie, Im not going to get yelled at ....


Everthing in moderation....

Parker is a moderate himself.

 :Wink: 




> But yes one would like to know this. along wit the 'accidently' sitting just that much too close on buses. and nuemours other things.


You're in the wrong forum.

I'd lay enormous odds that no participant in this thread would ever do such a thing. Now, if you want to go to some forums where the males do carry on like that, I can direct you to ask the question there.

(The answer as to why they do it, is because they're a sub-species of humanity which hasn't evolved past the cave-bear mating ritual yet.)

----------


## prendrelemick

Prefrences of body shape are cultural as well. 
In the Iliad I notice that the women of Troy were "deep bosomed", which is still the preferred body shape in that area . Then on the Greek side of the we have Queen Arete of the "slim ankles". denoting a slender ideal.

Has a Gentleman's preferment with regards to breasts anything to do with the size of his Mother's bosom? Or is that a "don't even go there" scenario.

----------


## Scheherazade

Looking at the size and extent of the recent invasion by girls, I would like to quote an earlier post of mine in this thread:


> Even though it is "boys-only" thread here, could I address the girls in this thread please?
> 
> What are you doing?
> 
> I am a little embarrassed that _some_ (will not name names but I am sure they know who they are) are claiming to be men and post in this thread pretending to be _men_! That is very disappointing. 
> 
> Why, oh, why would anyone to pretend to be men? Want to be a man?
> 
> We have to give it to the guys that even if occassionally they post in the Coffee thread, none of them come in high heels and say things like "Why do my nails keep chipping? Should I have caramel or light blond highlights? Does my bum look big in this?"
> ...

----------


## Nightshade

> Even though it is "boys-only" thread here, could I address the girls in this thread please?
> 
> What are you doing?
> 
> I am a little embarrassed that some (will not name names but I am sure they know who they are) are claiming to be men and post in this thread pretending to be men! That is very disappointing. 
> 
> Why, oh, why would anyone to pretend to be men? Want to be a man?
> 
> We have to give it to the guys that even if occassionally they post in the Coffee thread, none of them come in high heels and say things like "Why do my nails keek chipping? Should I have caramel or light blond highlights? Does my bum look big in this?"
> ...


eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek, runs for the coffee thread ......
Ive been away do yoiu know how many posts turn up in a month? I must have missed it.... :Eek2:

----------


## prendrelemick

> So where have all the men skipped off to? There are questions here that need answering!


We've retreated to the Inner Sanctum. Surely you pesky females wont click below and follow us in there  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> We've retreated to the Inner Sanctum. Surely you pesky females wont click below and follow us in there


 :FRlol: 

As if the Club would have communal urination like that!

----------


## The Atheist

I'm told Parker is so concerned at the Swine Flu pandemic that he has brought a full crate of Macallans from the cellar!

Doubles on the West Counter at 2200.

----------


## Emil Miller

Over a long and misspent life, I have had the good fortune to know women from Oriental and Occidental countries. I have always had a soft spot for the Madame Butterfly delicacy of Japaneses women, as well as oriental women in general, who seem to be more subtle than their western counterparts.
Given that many members of the Bloke's thread are too young to have experienced the Lotus Blossom effect, are there any of the more experienced members who are able to put forward a personal opinion on this issue.

----------


## The Atheist

I agree some of them do have a china-doll quality, but it's never attracted me.

I have a couple of mates who will only date Asian women.

----------


## LostPrincess13

*hangs coat and goes to the bar*

Hello! :Biggrin:  What's been happening? :Smile:

----------


## Lokasenna

> Over a long and misspent life, I have had the good fortune to know women from Oriental and Occidental countries. I have always had a soft spot for the Madame Butterfly delicacy of Japaneses women, as well as oriental women in general, who seem to be more subtle than their western counterparts.
> Given that many members of the Bloke's thread are too young to have experienced the Lotus Blossom effect, are there any of the more experienced members who are able to put forward a personal opinion on this issue.


The thing with Oriental women is that they are incredibly sexy to begin with, but as soon as they hit forty they have a tendency to transform into Yoda...

They can easily go from this:



practically over night to this:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> The thing with Oriental women is that they are incredibly sexy to begin with, but as soon as they hit forty they have a tendency to transform into Yoda...
> 
> They can easily go from this:
> 
> 
> 
> practically over night to this:


I assure you sir, this is total exaggeration! :FRlol:  That woman is practically a hundred years old!

----------


## Carrolb2

I have always had an attraction to half-asian women. I've dated several half-asian women recently and found them all to be extremely attractive. I do, however, work with a half-asian girl and don't find her the least bit attractive (though I think that has more to do with her abhorrent personality).

----------


## LostPrincess13

I feel so privileged to be Asian right now!  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

> The thing with Oriental women is that they are incredibly sexy to begin with, but as soon as they hit forty they have a tendency to transform into Yoda...]


Not so. I have had relationships with oriental women of forty who looked nothing like their age. They age far more slowly than western women. Girls of about twenty often look like schoolgirls; which could get a man into trouble in certain situations if she hasn't got ID.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Not so. I have had relationships with oriental women of forty who looked nothing like their age. They age far more slowly than western women. Girls of about twenty often look like schoolgirls; which could get a man into trouble in certain situations if she hasn't got ID.


How true. :Smile:  American girls who are about my age look like they're already in their twenties.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

> I have always had an attraction to half-asian women. I've dated several half-asian women recently and found them all to be extremely attractive. I do, however, work with a half-asian girl and don't find her the least bit attractive (though I think that has more to do with her abhorrent personality).



I am also attracted to asian and half-asian women. (although I think it has more to do with their stereotypical smarts than anything else)

My first girlfriend was a ballet dancer with beautiful, long hair. I didn't know it when I first met her, however, since she pulled it back into a bun so tight that I thought she was part asian. So I was kind of surprised the first time she wore her hair differently.

----------


## The Atheist

> Not so. I have had relationships with oriental women of forty who looked nothing like their age. They age far more slowly than western women. Girls of about twenty often look like schoolgirls; which could get a man into trouble in certain situations if she hasn't got ID.


Indeed!  :FRlol: 

Not just the women, either - I know Asian men who look 25 but are almost as old as me. (50)




> How true. American girls who are about my age look like they're already in their twenties.


Ha! You should see 'em after they scrape that stuff off their faces!




> My first girlfriend was a ballet dancer with beautiful, long hair.


Ballet dancers.

 :Biggrin: 

I'm married to one.

----------


## Stargazer86

Just had to put in my 2 cents about Asian girls: Gorgeous (for the most part) Although, as with any race, personality and the way one takes care of themselves has a lot to do with attractiveness factor imo

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=The Atheist;713156]Indeed!  :FRlol: 

Not just the women, either - I know Asian men who look 25 but are almost as old as me. (50)


I wouldn't know about that, I don't look at the men.

----------


## The Atheist

> I wouldn't know about that, I don't look at the men.


 :FRlol: 

Nice!

----------


## Lokasenna

Hmm... I must have just been meeting the most unfortunate Asian ladies...

The other thing is they tend to be quite petite - this can be good, but I have a Chinese friend called Phoebe who is fully two feet shorter than I, which makes having a conversation with her while we are walking quite awkward...

----------


## Virgil

> Hmm... I must have just been meeting the most unfortunate Asian ladies...
> 
> The other thing is they tend to be quite petite - this can be good, but I have a Chinese friend called Phoebe who is fully two feet shorter than I, which makes having a conversation with her while we are walking quite awkward...


Oh yes, you said somewhere Loki that you were very tall. 

Let me also add to the list of people who find asian women extremely charming. There's something about their faces and dark hair and eyes that is captivating.  :Smile:

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

Since we are somewhat on the topic: Red Hair: my friends and I have a theory. It is a multiplier. If the woman is attractive or unattractive, it multiplies that positive or negative quality. 

Attractive women with red hair translates into very attractive women. Similarly for the negatives.

----------


## JBI

> Since we are somewhat on the topic: Red Hair: my friends and I have a theory. It is a multiplier. If the woman is attractive or unattractive, it multiplies that positive or negative quality. 
> 
> Attractive women with red hair translates into very attractive women. Similarly for the negatives.


I doubt it - attractive people with any hair look attractive. What your theory implies is, that there are only really, really good looking red-haired women, or really really ugly red-haired women, which sounds quite silly.

----------


## skib

> Since we are somewhat on the topic: Red Hair: my friends and I have a theory. It is a multiplier. If the woman is attractive or unattractive, it multiplies that positive or negative quality. 
> 
> Attractive women with red hair translates into very attractive women. Similarly for the negatives.


I hear you on that one- I have myself noticed before today that red-headed women are either blow-me-away gorgeous, or rather unattractive. Call me shallow, and I will be the first to agree with you.

----------


## The Atheist

> Hmm... I must have just been meeting the most unfortunate Asian ladies...
> 
> The other thing is they tend to be quite petite - this can be good, but I have a Chinese friend called Phoebe who is fully two feet shorter than I, which makes having a conversation with her while we are walking quite awkward...


How the hell tall are you?

I'm 6'3" and the biggest discrepancy I've had is when I went out with a 4'11" woman. That was during the 1970s, when I used to wear 4" platforms and she always wore flat shoes.




> Since we are somewhat on the topic: Red Hair: my friends and I have a theory. It is a multiplier. If the woman is attractive or unattractive, it multiplies that positive or negative quality. 
> 
> Attractive women with red hair translates into very attractive women. Similarly for the negatives.


I've had a few redheads and you might be onto something!




> I doubt it - attractive people with any hair look attractive. What your theory implies is, that there are only really, really good looking red-haired women, or really really ugly red-haired women, which sounds quite silly.


Except that women who colour their hair can often become far more attractive. It is the very reason why women spend so much time and money on their hair - because it makes a huge difference to attractiveness.




> I hear you on that one- I have myself noticed before today that red-headed women are either blow-me-away gorgeous, or rather unattractive. Call me shallow, and I will be the first to agree with you.


You and me both - the depth of a puddle on the highway.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

As LostPrincess is happy to be Asian, so am I to be redhead..well more auburn nowadays since I've gotten older. But oh how we redheaded children get teased! 
You guys should start a poll on what kind of woman you find most attractive Asian v. redhead  :FRlol:  
But seriously with men and women alike...someone can be gorgeous and if they're an a**hole, thier attractive factor just goes right out the window.

----------


## JBI

> As LostPrincess is happy to be Asian, so am I to be redhead..well more auburn nowadays since I've gotten older. But oh how we redheaded children get teased! 
> You guys should start a poll on what kind of woman you find most attractive Asian v. redhead  
> But seriously with men and women alike...someone can be gorgeous and if they're an a**hole, thier attractive factor just goes right out the window.


Or multiplies tenfold.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I have to say that I have always found redheads to be extremely attractive....AND I have for the most part found asians attractive...it would greatly depend on other factors.

----------


## JoeLopp

Asians or Redheads? Hmmm ... the one that would let me get away with the most...  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

How about an Asian Redhead, Who lets you get away with stuff

----------


## IJustMadeThatUp

I have just been through this entire thread and as entertaining as it was, I am mystified by the male species more than ever.

Thanks for the insights guys. 

I'll be off now *goes and hides behind a rather tall potplant*  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Always preferred my women petit, doe eyed, darkhaired, creamy skinned, fiesty, intellegent, healthy and slim. Other than that I'm not too fussy.

----------


## Virgil

> I have just been through this entire thread and as entertaining as it was, I am mystified by the male species more than ever.
> 
> Thanks for the insights guys. 
> 
> I'll be off now *goes and hides behind a rather tall potplant*


 :FRlol:  Have we warped your sense of reality? Men are not the knights in shining armor that women dream of.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Madhuri

> Always preferred my women petit, doe eyed, darkhaired, creamy skinned, fiesty, intellegent, healthy and slim. Other than that I'm not too fussy.


That is ALL??  :FRlol: 

You really are not fussy....it is such a short list  :FRlol:

----------


## IJustMadeThatUp

> Have we warped your sense of reality? Men are not the knights in shining armor that women dream of.


Oh I knew that already!  :FRlol:  Trust me. I've seen worse.

----------


## prendrelemick

You see the trouble with this club/thread is that the members are too far apart, geographically and culturally. So if I say, "didn't Giggsey do well yesterday," or "fancy Vaughan being dropped." It means nothing to our esteemed members from The America's. So thats sport off the agenda.

Now there is nothing more fascinating to we Brits than our weather, But again its a subject that refers to local conditions, so if I say, "Its a bit parky today" or "Its cats and dogs out there," half our members would have to disagree, if they even understood the statement. 

So thank goodness for women, an endlessly fascinating subject for all real men everywhere. Its just a pity we're as shallow as a puddle on the highway, when we analyse our preferences. 


ps. Ricky Hatton, ah well

----------


## Nightshade

can I just say thanks to this thread the litnet is now trying to match me up with Aisian women? 
 :Rolleyes:

----------


## prendrelemick

Go for the one on the end. :Tongue:

----------


## Michael T

> "didn't Giggsey do well yesterday,"


Yes he did...as usual.  :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> You see the trouble with this club/thread is that the members are too far apart, geographically and culturally. So if I say, "didn't Giggsey do well yesterday," or "fancy Vaughan being dropped." It means nothing to our esteemed members from The America's. So thats sport off the agenda.
> 
> Now there is nothing more fascinating to we Brits than our weather, But again its a subject that refers to local conditions, so if I say, "Its a bit parky today" or "Its cats and dogs out there," half our members would have to disagree, if they even understood the statement. 
> 
> So thank goodness for women, an endlessly fascinating subject for all real men everywhere. Its just a pity we're as shallow as a puddle on the highway, when we analyse our preferences. 
> 
> 
> ps. Ricky Hatton, ah well


There should be a Brit to understandable English dictionary.  :FRlol: 
I think you guys are not giving yourself enough credit. Oh sure, there's the outward beauty bit, but I think you guys are more sensitive than you let on. :Wink: 

And Hatton should've changed his fighting style. It was to Pacquiao's advantage! That guy has some killer punch! My dad says that his left punch was what brought down all his Mexican opponents. It can be safe to say that you can expect a sure KO if you get hit with his left. But I must say, Hatton's style was certainly different from what the Pacman was used to. It was such a short fight though...

----------


## JBI

> Go for the one on the end.


Those pictures are standardized - I get the same ones - God knows what the real women look like behind that - I find that a little perverse actually, that the ad generator peeks into our conversation in that sense actually.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

So...based on what we talk about in our threads...the ads change? So if we start talking about laxatives, will we get ads about Ex-Lax?

----------


## LostPrincess13

... I'm lost ... 
 :Confused:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Don't worry about being lost...you're pretty enough to just be sitting there...

----------


## LostPrincess13

:Blush:  Men! LOL! :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Please submit a picture for the Cold Ale Tavern Barmaid calender... :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

LOL! I don't think that would be advisable. I'm under 18 and Silas thinks my employment should be kept under wraps...  :Wink:

----------


## IJustMadeThatUp

> Please submit a picture for the Cold Ale Tavern Barmaid calender...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> LOL! I don't think that would be advisable. I'm under 18 and Silas thinks my employment should be kept under wraps...


Oh...tasteful picture only...  :Smile:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Oh...tasteful picture only...


I'll look like a kid! LOL! I'm Asian! LOL! :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

So it will be easy to mask the fact that you are under-aged...

----------


## LostPrincess13

> So it will be easy to mask the fact that you are under-aged...


Oh, I get it! LOL! :FRlol:  I was lost there again for a minute... :Wink:  Hmmm, here's one with me and my roommates at a cheering competition at school... I'm the at the right...  :Smile: 

We all look silly! :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Hmm, Miss July I think.




> And Hatton should've changed his fighting style. It was to Pacquiao's advantage! That guy has some killer punch! My dad says that his left punch was what brought down all his Mexican opponents. It can be safe to say that you can expect a sure KO if you get hit with his left. But I must say, Hatton's style was certainly different from what the Pacman was used to. It was such a short fight though...



Hattons "style" is to block punches with his head.  :Frown:  He should never have dropped his right hand. How he didn't spot that punch coming I'll never know, it wasn't exactly subtle. 

Pacman looks the business.

I dont believe it! I'm discussing "The Noble Art" with a girlie  :Wink:

----------


## Nightshade

> So...based on what we talk about in our threads...the ads change? So if we start talking about laxatives, will we get ads about Ex-Lax?


yes but it also picks up on siggys. So the appearance of certain people always hearlds certain banners.  :Nod:   :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh, I get it! LOL! I was lost there again for a minute... Hmmm, here's one with me and my roommates at a cheering competition at school... I'm the at the right... 
> 
> We all look silly!


At that age, a certain amount of silliness is fine!

Lucky you, in the Philippines and being a boxing fan.

We had a world champion once...






In about 1876.




> Hmm, Miss July I think.


Let's not get unseemly. The Blokes' Club doesn't do calendars!

A tasteful portfolio in the smoking room might work.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Hattons "style" is to block punches with his head.  He should never have dropped his right hand. How he didn't spot that punch coming I'll never know, it wasn't exactly subtle. 
> 
> Pacman looks the business.
> 
> I dont believe it! I'm discussing "The Noble Art" with a girlie


I believe he's more on the offensive? He just moves on forward. I bet he thought he can take on the Pacman's punches. He should have been more strategic, and also adapt a defensive style. Pacquiao's punches are extremely powerful and he's got incredible speed and footwork. Not to mention that he's got a reach advantage over Hatton. I've also heard that Hatton's not used to south paws? LOL! And Hatton didn't see the punch coming because he was dazed from Pacman's punches in the first round! :FRlol: 

And sir, this 'girlie' happens to be rooting for her country's boxing champion. :Wink:  I just hope he doesn't go into politics though. He's a brilliant athlete, but nowhere near competent in the political arena.




> Lucky you, in the Philippines and being a boxing fan.


I'm not exactly a boxing fan... It's just it's all that people had been talking about for days! It's always some big spectacle when it comes to Pacquiao's matches... I wouldn't be surprised if they declare a Manny Pacquiao Day here! :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

I...er .. um (Obviously out of my depth here.) Any one see the Snooker?

----------


## LostPrincess13

> I...er .. um (Obviously out of my depth here.) Any one see the Snooker?


 :FRlol: 

You've just proved one of my theories sir!

 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

What theory ?

----------


## LostPrincess13

That's for me to know, and you never to find out... :Wink: 

Beer, sir? *offers a nice cold beer*

----------


## prendrelemick

You are wise beyond your years LP. :Wink:  I'll have a Newkie, ta :Thumbs Up:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> You are wise beyond your years LP. I'll have a Newkie, ta


Or so I'm told... :Blush:  I'm beginning to think that's just another way of saying that I'm too old for my age... :FRlol: 

Oh well, here ya go! 

Hmmm, you Brits seem to really like this stuff... What makes it so special?

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah, where to begin. 
Newcastle Brown, also known as Lunatic broth, Neuclear Brown, just Newkie ,or Necter of the Gods, is rich and full bodied. (Like Monica Bellucci) It is dark and mysterious (Like Shilpa Shetty ) Strong yet smooth ( Like Hally Berry) Also you can get drunk relitively quickly and cheaply  :FRlol:

----------


## LostPrincess13

:FRlol:  That's quite a description...  :FRlol: 

Hey, I have to run and make dinner, fold the clothes, and make the term paper due tomorrow...

Mr. Michael T., I have your Glenfiddich whiskey waiting for you here in the counter! Just have your pick! :Biggrin:  Enjoy! :Biggrin:

----------


## Niamh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLkZTJczirU

----------


## Nightshade

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLkZTJczirU


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :d  :Thumbs Up:  :Tongue:

----------


## prendrelemick

> That's quite a description...



Perhaps this describes the whole Newkie Brown experience better.

http://revver.com/video/22499/newkie/

----------


## LostPrincess13

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLkZTJczirU


I just love this show! :Biggrin: 




> Perhaps this describes the whole Newkie Brown experience better.
> 
> http://revver.com/video/22499/newkie/


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  I can't believe how accurate this is!  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

LP...you can join in for the calender submissions on the Lit Net Album thread...I added one... :Wink:

----------


## Michael T

> Mr. Michael T., I have your Glenfiddich whiskey waiting for you here in the counter! Just have your pick! Enjoy!


Thankyou Lost Princess, I'll take a glass of the 21 year old malt...since it's a Bank Holiday here.  :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> LP...you can join in for the calender submissions on the Lit Net Album thread...I added one...


Aww, I couldn't! :Blush:  I'm ever so bashful... :Blush:  I'm more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it. :Biggrin:  I'd like to see the guys in this thread pose for it though... :Wink: 




> Thankyou Lost Princess, I'll take a glass of the 21 year old malt...since it's a Bank Holiday here.


Ooooh, what's a Bank Holiday? :Biggrin:  Do the banks close down for a day or two?

----------


## mono

Whew! I think my liver still aches a bit after the Første maj festival in Copenhagen - very similar to Labor Day elsewhere, but with _loads_ of celebrations! I have never encountered many fields with a few hundred thousand people, all drinking, dancing to extraordinarily humorous Socialist music, and amusement park rides. I still have sunburns as my scars!

----------


## Virgil

> Oh, I get it! LOL! I was lost there again for a minute... Hmmm, here's one with me and my roommates at a cheering competition at school... I'm the at the right... 
> 
> We all look silly!


What pretty young ladies.  :Smile: 




> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLkZTJczirU


I know I shouldn't being saying this in a manly thread  :Wink: , but oh I hate that show. So crass.  :Sick:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Aww, I couldn't! I'm ever so bashful... I'm more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it.


You are such a pretty girl, there is no reason to be bashful. :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm not exactly a boxing fan... It's just it's all that people had been talking about for days! It's always some big spectacle when it comes to Pacquiao's matches... I wouldn't be surprised if they declare a Manny Pacquiao Day here!


Hope so!




> Ah, where to begin. 
> Newcastle Brown, also known as Lunatic broth, Neuclear Brown, just Newkie ,or Necter of the Gods, is rich and full bodied. (Like Monica Bellucci) It is dark and mysterious (Like Shilpa Shetty ) Strong yet smooth ( Like Hally Berry) Also you can get drunk relitively quickly and cheaply


Yes, priorities are important.




> Thankyou Lost Princess, I'll take a glass of the 21 year old malt...since it's a Bank Holiday here.


God, I wish our banks would take a line from your ones and declare a few more of them!




> Whew! I think my liver still aches a bit after the Første maj festival in Copenhagen - very similar to Labor Day elsewhere, but with _loads_ of celebrations! I have never encountered many fields with a few hundred thousand people, all drinking, dancing to extraordinarily humorous Socialist music, and amusement park rides. I still have sunburns as my scars!


 :Biggrin: 




> I know I shouldn't being saying this in a manly thread , but oh I hate that show. So crass.


You can say that anytime. Charlie Sheen is unwatchable and can't act. Luckily, most of his parts, he plays.... Charlie Sheen. He's a moron. You couldn't pay me to watch him. His brother/s and old man can act, though.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> You can say that anytime. Charlie Sheen is unwatchable and can't act. Luckily, most of his parts, he plays.... Charlie Sheen. He's a moron. You couldn't pay me to watch him. His brother/s and old man can act, though.


I was going to say...(and yet we agree again Atheist)... I think that Martin Sheen is a great actor. Who's his brother/s? Emilio?

----------


## The Atheist

> I was going to say...(and yet we agree again Atheist)... I think that Martin Sheen is a great actor. Who's his brother/s? Emilio?


Yep. I've enjoyed him in everything I've seen him in. Quite Sean Penn-like, who I enjoy as well.

I thought there was another one as well, but it seems not.

----------


## NikolaiI

Charlie Sheen and Emilio Estevez were brothers? I never knew. But I can see the resemblance now in my mind's eye.




> I was going to say...(and yet we agree again Atheist)... I think that Martin Sheen is a great actor. Who's his brother/s? Emilio?


Emilio is his son, according to this: (relatives of Martin Sheen)




> Father: Francisco Estevez (machinery inspector, b. 2-Jun-1898, d. 26-Oct-1974)
> Mother: Mary Ann (Phalen) Estevez (b. 22-May-1903, d. 1-Aug-1951)
> Sister: Carmen Estevez (teacher)
> Brother: Joe Estevez (actor, b. 13-Feb-1950)
> Brother: Michael Jude Estevez (b. 4-Aug-1933, d. 12-Jul-1981)
> Brother: Manuel Estevez (b. 14-Dec-1929, d. Aug-1968)
> Brother: Conrad Joseph Estevez (b. 26-Mar-1935, d. 9-Nov-1998)
> Wife: Janet (Templeton) Sheen (m. 23-Dec-1961)
> Son: Emilio Estevez (actor-director, b. 12-May-1962)
> ...


http://www.nndb.com/people/220/000024148/

----------


## Michael T

I remember Emilio Estevez with Harry Dean Stanton in Brian Cox's cult Si-Fi movie 'Repo-Man'  :Alien:  What a strange yet compelling movie it was too! It gives meaning to all those little green trees (air fresheners) that people hang from the mirrors in their cars. Weird film...It makes me laugh just thinking about it.  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I remember Emilio Estevez with Harry Dean Stanton in Brian Cox's cult Si-Fi movie 'Repo-Man'  What a strange yet compelling movie it was too! It gives meaning to all those little green trees (air fresheners) that people hang from the mirrors in their cars. Weird film...It makes me laugh just thinking about it.


Absolutely!

Mind you, any film with Harry Dean Stanton in is worth the price of several admissions. Greatest character actor ever. The end.

He even pops up in a Ry Cooder video - _Get Rhythm_ - which is also brilliant.

----------


## Michael T

> Mind you, any film with Harry Dean Stanton in is worth the price of several admissions. Greatest character actor ever. The end.



Agreed!  :Smile:

----------


## Silas Thorne

With 'the end' it is very hard to continue conversation, unless someone is found to disagree with your respective opinions. I don't know enough of Harry Dean Stanton's work to either agree or disagree, so I will drink too much whisky and have a shouting match at the bar with my imaginary friend Harold.  :Wink:

----------


## Michael T

> ... so I will drink too much whisky and have a shouting match at the bar with my imaginary friend Harold.



Always a good option!  :Biggrin:

----------


## Scheherazade

> so I will drink too much whisky and have a shouting match at the bar with my imaginary friend Harold.


Are you sure he is not called "Harvey"?  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Do you really think that Harvey would be involved in a shouting match?

----------


## Scheherazade

> Do you really think that Harvey would be involved in a shouting match?


Don't know; never met him... So, I will *have to* take your word for it! 

 :Wink:

----------


## Michael T

> Ooooh, what's a Bank Holiday? Do the banks close down for a day or two?




We get a few Bank Holidays every year. They are a national holiday...usually on a Monday. They are best known as days that the whole of the UK looks forward to with dreams of picnics and sunbathing on the beaches. However, they inevitably pour with rain and 97% of the population visit D.I.Y. stores instead. (D.I.Y. stores are about the only stores that open on Bank Holidays) I might add that I despise D.I.Y. with a passion! Henceforth, I shall be spending my Bank Holidays in the 'Blokes Thread' bar with the newspapers and a few drinks!  :Biggrin: 

Hope that helps LostPrincess.  :Wink:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Don't know; never met him... So, I will *have to* take your word for it!


Both he and Elwood are the most polite chaps I know...

----------


## Lokasenna

> We get a few Bank Holidays every year. They are a national holiday...usually on a Monday. They are best known as days that the whole of the UK looks forward to with dreams of picnics and sunbathing on the beaches. However, they inevitably pour with rain and 97% of the population visit D.I.Y. stores instead. (D.I.Y. stores are about the only stores that open on Bank Holidays) I might add that I despise D.I.Y. with a passion! Henceforth, I shall be spending my Bank Holidays in the 'Blokes Thread' bar with the newspapers and a few drinks! 
> 
> Hope that helps LostPrincess.


Living in a seaside town, and being tremendously overworked at the moment, I took a rather perverse pleasure in watching the rain and the wind batter the beach yesterday... it also drowned out the noise of that pathetic and ridiculous funfair they shove in the town centre... grumblegrumblehumbug...

Solamen miseris socios habuisse doloris.

----------


## Virgil

> You can say that anytime. Charlie Sheen is unwatchable and can't act. Luckily, most of his parts, he plays.... Charlie Sheen. He's a moron. You couldn't pay me to watch him. His brother/s and old man can act, though.


 :FRlol:  You are absolutely right.

----------


## The Atheist

> With 'the end' it is very hard to continue conversation, unless someone is found to disagree with your respective opinions. I don't know enough of Harry Dean Stanton's work to either agree or disagree, so I will drink too much whisky and have a shouting match at the bar with my imaginary friend Harold.


I'll join you in a quick tot, it's a cold and bleak morning here, with the cold air moving up from Antarctica.

One in the tea sounds about spot on!

----------


## Emil Miller

OK guys, here's the drift. Do you think it is right, as per news item below, to allow Marks & Spencer to levy this charge?

M&S chief faces shopper revolt over £2 extra for bigger bras.
by Rosamund Urwin.

Marks and Spencer chairman Sir Stuart Rose is set to have a face-to-face confrontation with campaigners over the store's surcharge on bigger bras.

Protesters have been lobbying the company to drop the extra £2 they charge on bras above a DD-cup.

Campaigners say the surcharge discriminates against well-endowed women. They argue that other items of clothing are the same price regardless of size.


Now I think we must show solidarity with our female members on this question and give support to well-endowed women by showing a a hands on approach to the problem, and also writing collectively to Sir Stuart Rose in favour of large-breasted women.

----------


## Virgil

Bigger bra sizes ought to be subsidized by taxes from men.  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I will have to side with the makers of the bras on this. If the bras are larger and thus cost more to make, then the law of supply merits that the product should cost more. Discrimination should not be a factor. If those who are protesting do not want to pay a higher price, then they can choose NOT to buy and use the product.

----------


## Nightshade

You know I know the women had this discussion once...  :Rolleyes:

----------


## Virgil

> I will have to side with the makers of the bras on this. If the bras are larger and thus cost more to make, then the law of supply merits that the product should cost more. Discrimination should not be a factor. If those who are protesting do not want to pay a higher price, then they can choose NOT to buy and use the product.


 :FRlol:  Now I see the madness to your method.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> OK guys, here's the drift. Do you think it is right, as per news item below, to allow Marks & Spencer to levy this charge?


Well, the pragmatic part of me agrees with Bienvenue and says that economics, not discrimination is at play here and it's a typically awful attempt by big boobed babes to play the discrimination card.

As should be obvious to any DD++ woman, men do *not* discriminate against larger boobs.




> Campaigners say the surcharge discriminates against well-endowed women. They argue that other items of clothing are the same price regardless of size.


And that's flagrantly wrong, because a woman who takes a DD++ bra isn't likely to fit those off-the-rack clothes anyway.

However, this is an excellent point!




> Bigger bra sizes ought to be subsidized by taxes from men.


Perhaps a subsidy on all cosmetic surgeons and XXX film-makers is the answer?

----------


## prendrelemick

The protesters are showing alot of front, and certainly have some weighty arguements to bring forward. But are they Genuine? Or have they been blown up out of all proportion?

----------


## The Atheist

> The protesters are showing alot of front, and certainly have some weighty arguements to bring forward. But are they Genuine? Or have they been blown up out of all proportion?


Very good!

----------


## Michael T

> The protesters are showing alot of front, and certainly have some weighty arguements to bring forward. But are they Genuine? Or have they been blown up out of all proportion?



 :Smile:  :Smile:  :Biggrin:  :Biggrin:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :Biggrin:  :Biggrin:  :Smile:  :Smile: 

You certainly have a couple of good points for us to get our teeth into there! We should bounce these around for a while in the club over tea and buns!  :Smile: 

I walked past the Girls Only Thread on my way here this morning and overheard some of their conversation. They seemed to be discussing how disappointed they were that they couldnt touch certain parts of their bodies with their own tongues! ...And they moan about US!!!  :Sick:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> OK guys, here's the drift. Do you think it is right, as per news item below, to allow Marks & Spencer to levy this charge?
> 
> M&S chief faces shopper revolt over £2 extra for bigger bras.
> by Rosamund Urwin.
> 
> Marks and Spencer chairman Sir Stuart Rose is set to have a face-to-face confrontation with campaigners over the store's surcharge on bigger bras.
> 
> Protesters have been lobbying the company to drop the extra £2 they charge on bras above a DD-cup.
> 
> ...


 :FRlol:  It's remarkable what you guys do with your time...  :FRlol: 




> Bigger bra sizes ought to be subsidized by taxes from men.


Hear! Hear!  :FRlol:  Women spend way much more than men when it comes to underclothing because of their bigger "parts".  :Biggrin: 




> I will have to side with the makers of the bras on this. If the bras are larger and thus cost more to make, then the law of supply merits that the product should cost more. Discrimination should not be a factor. If those who are protesting do not want to pay a higher price, then they can choose NOT to buy and use the product.


Even though I believe that the responsibility lies with the consumer, this is just outrageous! :FRlol: 




> The protesters are showing alot of front, and certainly have some weighty arguements to bring forward. But are they Genuine? Or have they been blown up out of all proportion?


Sir, you have a way with words... :FRlol: 



NO to the extra charge on bigger bras!  :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

I have to disagree with those members who don't support the women on this.
There is a fundamental issue of fair-play involved and I have drawn up a letter on behalf of the LitNet women which might go some way to showing Sir Stuart Rose the error of his ways:


Dear Sir Stuart,

We are writing to inform you of the LitNet women members refusal to accept the extra charge for bigger bras. We are going to lobby our MPs and take all necessary means to defeat you on this issue.
Please note that our big-breasted women are determined to stand proud and firm and will not wobble in their determination.
You have made some well-known errors of judgement since you took over at M&S but big boobs like these will weigh heavily in the balance when you are finally sent packing.

Norma Snockers 
for LitNet women

----------


## prendrelemick

Should Value Added Tax be levied on padded bras. ?

----------


## Emil Miller

Now I know this story is hard to swallow, but what's even even more amazing is the name of the newspaper it was reported in ie. Sin Chew Daily.


Woman bites off lover's penis in car crash 
A secretary involved in an affair with her boss reportedly bit off her lover's penis while performing oral sex in a car.

Sin Chew Daily and China Press reports that the painful incident occurred in a park in Singapore where the couple met after work.

The 30-year-old secretary was performing oral sex on her boss when the car was shunted by a reversing van. According to the China Press, the impact of the crash caused the woman to bite off her lovers organ.

----------


## prendrelemick

Gentlemen, I have grave news to report from Lords.

England have collapsed from 98 for 1, to 112 for 4. :Flare:  :Frown:

----------


## JBI

> Now I know this story is hard to swallow, but what's even even more amazing is the name of the newspaper it was reported in ie. Sin Chew Daily.
> 
> 
> Woman bites off lover's penis in car crash 
> A secretary involved in an affair with her boss reportedly bit off her lover's penis while performing oral sex in a car.
> 
> Sin Chew Daily and China Press reports that the painful incident occurred in a park in Singapore where the couple met after work.
> 
> The 30-year-old secretary was performing oral sex on her boss when the car was shunted by a reversing van. According to the China Press, the impact of the crash caused the woman to bite off her lovers organ.


Ouch. All I can say is, I'm not sure whether to laugh or not - that is quite horrific, yet at the same time - so comical.

----------


## The Atheist

> It's remarkable what you guys do with your time...


You need to realise the way men think; there's a good analogy with my wife and me.

She makes the small decisions in life and I devote myself to the big decisions.

"Small decisions" being, where we live, what kind of house we buy, what sort of car we drive; stuff like that.

"Major decisions" being, whether we should send more troops to Afghanistan, who should be in the test team for [/insert sport], what odds should be set for next year's Grand National... (whether bras should be padded or taxed)




> Norma Snockers 
> for LitNet women





> Should Value Added Tax be levied on padded bras. ?





> Now I know this story is hard to swallow, but what's even even more amazing is the name of the newspaper it was reported in ie. Sin Chew Daily.


Brilliant!

It's taken me a good five minutes to stop laughing enough to reply.

Eric Morecambe and Ronnie Barker reincarnate. Can you just imagine Barker reading that news article?




> Gentlemen, I have grave news to report from Lords.
> 
> England have collapsed from 98 for 1, to 112 for 4.


Good grief!

Parker will be in mourning.

----------


## Niamh

:Rolleyes:

----------


## Emil Miller

> 


So you see guys, there are some things that can render women speechless and send them scuttling away from the Bloke's thread, even if the unfortunate event in Singapore was the means of achieving it.

----------


## prendrelemick

> You need to realise the way men think;



Exactly. For instance, the poor unfortunate man from Singapore,has lost two thirds of his mental capacity.

----------


## Niamh

> So you see guys, there are some things that can render women speechless and send them scuttling away from the Bloke's thread, even if the unfortunate event in Singapore was the means of achieving it.


Or maybe its mens lack of understanding when it comes to womens busts.

----------


## Nightshade

> Or maybe its mens lack of understanding when it comes to womens busts.


Gonna go with Niamh here, I hadnt even noticed the singapore incedent. till Brian thought it was what rendered women speechless.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Or maybe its mens lack of understanding when it comes to womens busts.


Unyet its a subject that's been a life time of study for many men

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Or maybe its mens lack of understanding when it comes to womens busts.


I'm not sure what you are referring to exactly, but for me it is simply a matter of economics. I am a professional estimator for a steel company. Everyday I estimate the amount of material that is needed for a project, the cost of the material, the calculated labor and overhead costs, and then I add to it the reasonable mark up. This is how much a product costs.

Steel prices have risen considerably of the past year. In my line a work, if the design requires additional structural support, then it usually costs more. I have yet to have any of the engineers complain that the larger structures cost more to build.

----------


## Stargazer86

> Now I know this story is hard to swallow, but what's even even more amazing is the name of the newspaper it was reported in ie. Sin Chew Daily.
> 
> 
> Woman bites off lover's penis in car crash 
> A secretary involved in an affair with her boss reportedly bit off her lover's penis while performing oral sex in a car.
> 
> Sin Chew Daily and China Press reports that the painful incident occurred in a park in Singapore where the couple met after work.
> 
> The 30-year-old secretary was performing oral sex on her boss when the car was shunted by a reversing van. According to the China Press, the impact of the crash caused the woman to bite off her lovers organ.



Karma at its finest! I wonder if thier spouses are having a good laugh over this one. 

Oh, and if you like odd stories, check out msnbc.com and go to thier Weird News section...I believe it's under the U.S. news (although the weird news is not limited to bizarre happenings in the States alone)
The stories up today are as follows:

Cow bolts slaughterhouse, milks freedom

Smuggler Hid 13 Birds in his Pants

Man Sues Over Right to Wear Skirts in Public

Girl Finds Condom in Happy Meal (a 7 year old in Switzerland...)

Plane Crash Lands into Port-o-Potty

No Pants, No Season for Oregon's Frisbee Team

Virgin Mary seen on a Griddle

Man Shoves Officer to Join Brother in Jail

Vitamin "C" in Man's Oranges is Really Cocaine

Burgler Steals Only JellyBeans

----------


## Emil Miller

> Karma at its finest! I wonder if thier spouses are having a good laugh over this one.


I bet the spouse of the guy who lost his most essential piece of equipement isn't going to be happy. Unless, that is, she can find a replacement.

----------


## JBI

> I bet the spouse of the guy who lost his most essential piece of equipement isn't going to be happy. Unless, that is, she can find a replacement.


You think it was a clean "off", I just figured that was reporting - I assumed just severe damage, I didn't think actually OFF. Ouch.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I bet the spouse of the guy who lost his most essential piece of equipement isn't going to be happy. Unless, that is, she can find a replacement.


But if he was having an affair (which will now cause her major public embarassment), she very likely will not want anything to do with it anymore. This just gives her a great chance to stick it to him (no pun intended) in court and milk him dry for alimony (it mentions that he is a boss so he is probably comfortably off..just not in the literal sense). 
When it comes down to it, many men are just horny, selfish jerks, and many women are bloodsucking, selfish leeches. So maybe it will work out for all of them  :FRlol:

----------


## JBI

> But if he was having an affair (which will now cause her major public embarassment), she very likely will not want anything to do with it anymore. This just gives her a great chance to stick it to him (no pun intended) in court and milk him dry for alimony (it mentions that he is a boss so he is probably comfortably off..just not in the literal sense). 
> When it comes down to it, many men are just horny, selfish jerks, and many women are bloodsucking, selfish leeches. So maybe it will work out for all of them


Or perhaps they actually like each other.

----------


## Stargazer86

> Or perhaps they actually like each other.



If they like each other, why would he be cheating on her? And out in public in a car, no less...

----------


## The Atheist

And in really important news, the cricket's going rather well!

Unless you live in Jamaica.

----------


## prendrelemick

Get Parker to send Mr Onions a bottle of Bolly



Hang on! he's from Durham, make that a crate of Newkie.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Get Parker to send Mr Onions a bottle of Bolly
> 
> 
> 
> Hang on! he's from Durham, make that a crate of Newkie.





Don't forget the pork scratchings.

----------


## JBI

> If they like each other, why would he be cheating on her? And out in public in a car, no less...


I'm not talking about the wife, but the secretary.

----------


## kilted exile

Thought I'd point out that the good guys won today.

----------


## skib

Huzzah! Who're the good guys? (almost forgot that apostrophe there . . .)

----------


## Stargazer86

> Huzzah! Who're the good guys? (almost forgot that apostrophe there . . .)


 :FRlol:  Why not just type "who are" (besides the fact that it wouldn't be nearly as amusing)

----------


## skib

> Why not just type "who are" (besides the fact that it wouldn't be nearly as amusing)


I'm lazy and often in a hurry so someone doesn't (does not) beat me to the next post.  :Biggrin:

----------


## kilted exile

the good guys are the glorious glasgow rangers

----------


## prendrelemick

A bottle of Buckie to Mr Davis, please Parker.

----------


## kilted exile

> A bottle of Buckie to Mr Davis, please Parker.


a bottle? no a crate. Those monks are wonderful folk.

*off-topic* Some pointless info - there is a place called Port Glasgow (near greenock) where you can go in and ask for a tray of red wine - what you get is a tray full of glasses of buckfast.

----------


## Niamh

you lot do know that was originally a medicine right?

----------


## Michael T

> a bottle? no a crate. Those monks are wonderful folk.
> 
> *off-topic* Some pointless info - there is a place called Port Glasgow (near greenock)


Is it near Bowling? (Under the Erskine bridge)

----------


## kilted exile

> Is it near Bowling? (Under the Erskine bridge)


http://www.aboutscotland.co.uk/tour/criangla.html


at bottom of map

----------


## prendrelemick

I think its amazing how Glaswegians have striven to support the small Devonshire religious comminity over the years. Its one of those heart warming stories that restores ones faith in Human nature.

----------


## kilted exile

> I think its amazing how Glaswegians have striven to support the small Devonshire religious comminity over the years. Its one of those heart warming stories that restores ones faith in Human nature.


yep, and they say we hate the english. I mean we support the devon monks, and we used to love going down to meet up for a game of footy, heck we liked wembley so much we brought it back with us piece by piece

----------


## Emil Miller

Now here's a question I have been meaning to ask the chaps at the club for some time:

When did you last wear a tie, if ever?


The last time I wore one was at a wedding about 11 years ago.

----------


## Virgil

> Now here's a question I have been meaning to ask the chaps at the club for some time:
> 
> When did you last wear a tie, if ever?
> 
> 
> The last time I wore one was at a wedding about 11 years ago.


I wear one at work half the week or so.

----------


## prendrelemick

Uncle Dennis' funeral.

How many ties do members have? 
I have 5, which is the largest amount I've ever had in my life.

----------


## skib

Seventh grade. It was a clip on.

----------


## kilted exile

I own 4 ties. Last wore one 2yrs ago

----------


## Emil Miller

I have an interesting story about male psychology relating to ties.

----------


## Niamh

and you lot slag us for discussing items of clothing!

----------


## Stargazer86

> I have an interesting story about male psychology relating to ties.


Really? I'd like to hear

----------


## Silas Thorne

I think a man cannot do up a tie (unless he ties up one every day) without thinking of his father, maybe remember standing in front of the mirror together with him ,learning whatever phrase helped remember how to do the knot. If you try to remember, you are remembering your father speaking. Or is it just me?  :Smile:  If it isn't just me, the tie is between father and son.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Now here's a question I have been meaning to ask the chaps at the club for some time:
> 
> When did you last wear a tie, if ever?
> 
> 
> The last time I wore one was at a wedding about 11 years ago.


I wore one today...I wear one at least once a week.

----------


## Niamh

tie's make me think of school....

----------


## kilted exile

My mother taught me to tie a tie - the father wasnt about

----------


## Silas Thorne

mm, maybe it's just me.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

My big sister taught me, in the days when school boys and girls had to wear them.

My dad taught me how to milk a cow though.

----------


## The Atheist

> Now here's a question I have been meaning to ask the chaps at the club for some time:
> 
> When did you last wear a tie, if ever?
> 
> 
> The last time I wore one was at a wedding about 11 years ago.


It's so long I've forgotten.

I wear a suit most days, but I wear them with a pink, yellow, silver or white t shirt.




> I have an interesting story about male psychology relating to ties.


Go on!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Really? I'd like to hear


I used to work with a guy of about forty who always wore well-cut suits and was very dapper except for the ridiculous ties that he wore that completely ruined his appearance. They were of the kind that had large Mikckey Mouse and Denis the Menace motifs; he also wore similar socks but they were not so obvious. The ties raised a few eyebrows and some ribald comment which he just laughed off. One of his favourites was a tie with a teddy bear pattern and for a joke I told him that the Teddy Bear was a secret symbol used by homosexuals to signal their sexuality to each other. 
He never wore that tie again.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> I used to work with a guy of about forty who always wore well-cut suits and was very dapper except for the ridiculous ties that he wore that completely ruined his appearance. They were of the kind that had large Mikckey Mouse and Denis the Menace motifs; he also wore similar socks but they were not so obvious. The ties raised a few eyebrows and some ribald comment which he just laughed off. One of his favourites was a tie with a teddy bear pattern and for a joke I told him that the Teddy Bear was a secret symbol used by homosexuals to signal their sexuality to each other. 
> He never wore that tie again.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

But I think the Spongebob ties are kinda cute... :Biggrin:  But anyways, I curious to here about the psychological reasons for the ties... :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Ties are like a badge, old school tie and all that. Also they are the only way the business suited busines man can express any individuality. 

How about this for our little club:

----------


## Nightshade

> the good guys are the glorious glasgow rangers


heh



> tie's make me think of school....


My dad has well over 50 ties, but then he collects them. I only ever wore a tie once, I fainted and got permenat exception from having to wear a tie and have my top button done up. But then it was one of those on elstic tie.

----------


## Emil Miller

> But I think the Spongebob ties are kinda cute... But anyways, I curious to here about the psychological reasons for the ties...


The psychology lies in the fact that he didn't wear it again, which shows that some men have a fear of being thought homosexual.

----------


## The Atheist

> One of his favourites was a tie with a teddy bear pattern and for a joke I told him that the Teddy Bear was a secret symbol used by homosexuals to signal their sexuality to each other. 
> He never wore that tie again.


Yeah, and I see you mention it later as well.

When I was in a corporate bank in my 20s, I used to wear shocking pink, green or yellow tie & sock combos, just as I wear pink & yellow t shirts now, and some people do indeed question your sexuality.

I can vividly recall a senior manager asking me as a 21/22 yr old why I wore pink if I wasn't gay, to which I answered, "I like pink".

I don't think the poor old chap ever understood that one.




> Ties are like a badge, old school tie and all that. Also they are the only way the business suited busines man can express any individuality. 
> 
> How about this for our little club:


That is bloody fantastic!

----------


## LostPrincess13

> The psychology lies in the fact that he didn't wear it again, which shows that some men have a fear of being thought homosexual.


Hmmm, but there is a thing now called being a metrosexual. It's straight men who are often mistaken as homosexuals because of their superb fashion sense. Perhaps that's what you are Mr. Atheist! :Biggrin:  You seem to have a cool sense of style. :Thumbs Up: 




> Ties are like a badge, old school tie and all that. Also they are the only way the business suited busines man can express any individuality. 
> 
> How about this for our little club:


I'm not too sure about the color though. Reminds me of bees. It's a bit too much I think.

----------


## prendrelemick

What! don't like the Colour, after 100's of hours market research, focus groups, psycological assesments, etc...etc.


When I was young and pretty I had a black faux leather coat. Whenever I wore it, middle aged men used to strike up conversations with me, or sit next to me on buses. I eventually abandoned it on the train.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> What! don't like the Colour, after 100's of hours market research, focus groups, psycological assesments, etc...etc.
> 
> 
> When I was young and pretty I had a black faux leather coat. Whenever I wore it, middle aged men used to strike up conversations with me, or sit next to me on buses. I eventually abandoned it on the train.


Who did you survey???  :FRlol: 

"Middle aged men"???  :Confused: 

 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

:FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

Not really, I have just realised is the colours of that Police "DO NOT CROSS" tape. So its a kind of warning not to mess with us Cold Alers!! :FRlol:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Hmmm, it could work if the stripes were bigger. :Wink:  LOL! You really put a lot of thought into this! :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah yes, but the result makes it all worth while.  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;719129]Ties are like a badge, old school tie and all that. Also they are the only way the business suited busines man can express any individuality. 

How about this for our little club:


I think perhaps it would be out of fashion, as picture ties are not often seen these days. When I was about sixteen there was a man who lived near me who had a midnight blue tie with a scantily clad blonde sitting in a champagne glass on it. I wanted one like it but it would have looked out of place with my school uniform.

While we are on the subject of inappropriate clothing, has any of the members ever worn day glow socks or brothel creepers ?

----------


## Niamh

That Tie makes me think of Time Gentlemen Please....( think thats what it was called... well at least i think thats what i'm thinking of...)

----------


## Emil Miller

> That Tie makes me think of Time Gentlemen Please....( think thats what it was called... well at least i think thats what i'm thinking of...)


This is a pointless intrusion into the Bloke's thread to prevent what may have been an interesting discussion on day glow socks and brothel creepers. It is obvious that Scheherazade's interdiction against members of the women's coffee club invading the bloke's thread is not having the desired effect.Therefore, could not Scheherezade and the Atheist ensure that intrusion by members of the opposite sex into the opposing threads is appropriatly dealt with. 

PS: I think we can allow the innocuous comments of the girl behind the bar to remain acceptable, her name escapes me at the moment, because her youth allows her observations to be regarded with a certain levity.

----------


## The Atheist

> While we are on the subject of inappropriate clothing, has any of the members ever worn day glow socks or brothel creepers ?


Ha! I remember the '70s revival of brothel creepers, but I was a platform shoes bloke.




> This is a pointless intrusion into the Bloke's thread to prevent what may have been an interesting discussion on day glow socks and brothel creepers. It is obvious that Scheherazade's interdiction against members of the women's coffee club invading the bloke's thread is not having the desired effect.Therefore, could not Scheherezade and the Atheist ensure that intrusion by members of the opposite sex into the opposing threads is appropriatly dealt with. 
> 
> PS: I think we can allow the innocuous comments of the girl behind the bar to remain acceptable, her name escapes me at the moment, because her youth allows her observations to be regarded with a certain levity.


Hear, hear!

I'll have Parker sort it out right away.

Being a men's thread, this might be appropriate - I had a vasectomy last week, and I found it something that hardly ever gets talked about, so I've written a report on the process that some may find interesting.

----------


## kevinthediltz

> I had a vasectomy last week, and I found it something that hardly ever gets talked about, so I've written a report on the process that some may find interesting.


That sounded both terrible and hilarious. My god. Im sorry you had to watch that.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I used to work with a guy of about forty who always wore well-cut suits and was very dapper except for the ridiculous ties that he wore that completely ruined his appearance. They were of the kind that had large Mikckey Mouse and Denis the Menace motifs; he also wore similar socks but they were not so obvious. The ties raised a few eyebrows and some ribald comment which he just laughed off. One of his favourites was a tie with a teddy bear pattern and for a joke I told him that the Teddy Bear was a secret symbol used by homosexuals to signal their sexuality to each other. 
> He never wore that tie again.



I'm a bit late on this, but yeah, that's awesome  :FRlol:  

The bear-homosexual relation actually reminds me of something John Waters said in his lecture. Hilarious and kind of wrong all at the same time. It's called "This Filthy World" I recommend it if you've never seen it. Basically, he points out that there is a sub culture in the gay community called "Bears" and telling your parents youre a bear is coming out of the second closet. And then elaborates a bit about the Bears...




> This is a pointless intrusion into the Bloke's thread to prevent what may have been an interesting discussion on day glow socks and brothel creepers. It is obvious that Scheherazade's interdiction against members of the women's coffee club invading the bloke's thread is not having the desired effect.Therefore, could not Scheherezade and the Atheist ensure that intrusion by members of the opposite sex into the opposing threads is appropriatly dealt with. 
> 
> PS: I think we can allow the innocuous comments of the girl behind the bar to remain acceptable, her name escapes me at the moment, because her youth allows her observations to be regarded with a certain levity.


And what about those of us who far prefer a cold beer to coffee? Shall I don my mustache and cap again?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ha! I remember the '70s revival of brothel creepers, but I was a platform shoes bloke.
> 
> 
> 
> Hear, hear!
> 
> I'll have Parker sort it out right away.
> 
> Being a men's thread, this might be appropriate - I had a vasectomy last week, and I found it something that hardly ever gets talked about, so I've written a report on the process that some may find interesting.



In furtherance to the debate, here are a couple of personal observations

1. After the OP, to cough is to know pain!  :Bawling: 
2. Conjugal relations with the wife greatly increased in frequency and quality.
3. You can expect some sniggering from your mates, who often confuse the the procedure with that of castration.

----------


## Carrolb2

> Being a men's thread, this might be appropriate - I had a vasectomy last week, and I found it something that hardly ever gets talked about, so I've written a report on the process that some may find interesting.


I took my father to get his done. Coincidentally I also drove my step brother (step father's son) to get his done three days before that.

Needless to say the car rides home were a bit awkward. Though the image of my step brother sitting on the couch in his shorts with a stiff drink in his hand and a bag of frozen peas between his legs was priceless.

----------


## Niamh

> This is a pointless intrusion into the Bloke's thread to prevent what may have been an interesting discussion on day glow socks and brothel creepers. It is obvious that Scheherazade's interdiction against members of the women's coffee club invading the bloke's thread is not having the desired effect.Therefore, could not Scheherezade and the Atheist ensure that intrusion by members of the opposite sex into the opposing threads is appropriatly dealt with. 
> 
> PS: I think we can allow the innocuous comments of the girl behind the bar to remain acceptable, her name escapes me at the moment, because her youth allows her observations to be regarded with a certain levity.


I'll go where i please Mr Bean.  :Nod:  And if i feel like sharing something *pointless* i will. I have never once pretended to be anything other that what i am and have posted in here less than other female members of this forum.

 :Tongue:

----------


## Nightshade

ok I have to ask... vasectomies theyre main purpose is contraseptive isnt it? or is there are medical reason for them?

----------


## The Atheist

> In furtherance to the debate, here are a couple of personal observations
> 
> 1. After the OP, to cough is to know pain! 
> 2. Conjugal relations with the wife greatly increased in frequency and quality.
> 3. You can expect some sniggering from your mates, who often confuse the the procedure with that of castration.


Haha! Damn right - I've been practising the falsetto voice to help them out.




> I took my father to get his done. Coincidentally I also drove my step brother (step father's son) to get his done three days before that.
> 
> Needless to say the car rides home were a bit awkward. Though the image of my step brother sitting on the couch in his shorts with a stiff drink in his hand and a bag of frozen peas between his legs was priceless.


Eh? I drove myself home. Goddamn weaklings in your family!




> I'll go where i please Mr Bean.  And if i feel like sharing something *pointless* i will. I have never once pretended to be anything other that what i am and have posted in here less than other female members of this forum.
> Also as another _moderator_, I come here to make sure you lot arent discussing things that could end up offending or being against the forum rules... as i do everywhere else.


Just a wee note - you're being overly defensive, it seems to me.

First off, a moderator can moderate without posting, and it's not as though we need guidance on what's acceptable and what's not. I'm very confident that we're all big boys and understand that this is a big boys' thread in an environment where small eyes occasionally look and a standard of decorum is required. In fact, content has already been removed without request from moderation.

Brian wasn't being particularly mean to you, but we do have a bloody good thread going on here and while your input is as appreciated as anyone else's, I think playing the moderator card is well overdone.

Just curious - as I've never even looked - how many male posters are there in the coffee thread?




> ok I have to ask... vasectomies theyre main purpose is contraseptive isnt it? or is there are medical reason for them?


Purely contraceptive.

Hey, while it's somewhat painful, and you have to sit pretty quietly for a few days, it's a lot better than the alternatives!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Nightshade

> Just curious - as I've never even looked - how many male posters are there in the coffee thread?


Quite alot originaly after the first 9 months or so they whittled down to the occasional drop in. Basically the women perfected a way to scare off the men, and return to the subject with sufficent frequency that they dont come back too often. 

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Niamh

I wasnt taking it as offensive, hence the smilies.  :Smile:  I was just being my usual smart arsed self is all!
And we have the odd one... they usually come in with wigs on.  :Biggrin: 
And i was only pointing out that i do come in here anyway. Never said that you lot werent well behaved or anything hence the as i do everywhere else bit. but if i do feel like posting something i'm going to.  :Smile: 
And i agree you have a good thread going here. It wouldnt have been made thread of the month if you didnt.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Nightshade

ehhh I knew I needed to pay more attention to the newsletter...

----------


## Niamh

> Quite alot originaly after the first 9 months or so they whittled down to the occasional drop in. Basically the women perfected a way to scare off the men, and return to the subject with sufficent frequency that they dont come back too often.


Same way the women will eventually get bored and totter off from here too!  :Biggrin: 
What you lot need to do is talk a bit more about topics women arent going to feel interested in... now we have our topics that scare men off... i'm sure you lot have more than one up your sleeves!  :Biggrin:

----------


## Nightshade

Though I wouldnt try the offside rule, Ive never understood why that was supposed to be complicated.  :Brow:   :Nod:

----------


## prendrelemick

Place is full of females again!

I blame those blasted Pankhurst gels. Should've given em a damn good spanking ! (mops sweat from brow)

----------


## Niamh

> Place is full of females again!
> 
> I blame those blasted Pankhurst gels. Should've given em a damn good spanking ! (mops sweat from brow)


 :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> And i agree you have a good thread going here. It wouldnt have been made thread of the month if you didnt.


Good grief - I never even knew there was one.

I'm guessing this is a permanent award since I can't imagine one better!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> ok I have to ask... vasectomies theyre main purpose is contraseptive isnt it? or is there are medical reason for them?


 :Eek:  You can tell a woman walked into the room. That subject is taboo among men.  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'll go where i please Mr Bean.  And if i feel like sharing something *pointless* i will. I have never once pretended to be anything other that what i am and have posted in here less than other female members of this forum.


Alright, since you insist on invading the Bloke's thread, I will ask you directly:
Have you ever worn day glo socks or brothel creepers?

----------


## LostPrincess13

Um, what's going on? *worried look*

*confused* And what on earth are glo socks, brothel creepers, and pankhurst gel?

And oh, Mr. Atheist, I didn't know it was supposed to hurt afterward! (My mom's a nurse, I'm used talking about this stuff)  :Tongue:

----------


## The Atheist

> Um, what's going on? *worried look*


No cause for alarm!




> *confused* And what on earth are glo socks, brothel creepers, and pankhurst gel?


#1 - really bright socks
#2 - soft shoe from the 1950s and '70s (equally-hideous as the socks)
#3 - refers to Pankhurst Girls [Gels/Gals] and named for Emily Pankhurst, notorious & dastardly suffragette from a century ago.




> And oh, Mr. Atheist, I didn't know it was supposed to hurt afterward! (My mom's a nurse, I'm used talking about this stuff)


No, I didn't know it hurt afterwards either! I'll know next time, though.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Alright, since you insist on invading the Bloke's thread, I will ask you directly:
> Have you ever worn day glo socks or brothel creepers?


I see the young lady more of a, stout pair of brogues and support stocking, kind of person. :Wink:

----------


## Niamh

> Good grief - I never even knew there was one.
> 
> I'm guessing this is a permanent award since I can't imagine one better!


Its in the Newsletter. Its the May Thread of The Month. 




> Alright, since you insist on invading the Bloke's thread, I will ask you directly:
> Have you ever worn day glo socks or brothel creepers?


I grew up in the 80's and 90's... of course i wore bright horrendous socks!  :FRlol: 
Never heard of those shoes mind... before my time!  :Wink: 




> I see the young lady more of a, stout pair of brogues and support stocking, kind of person.


 :FRlol:

----------


## Nightshade

> You can tell a woman walked into the room. That subject is taboo among men.


umm virgil I will not repeat the earlier comment except to say Bless you! I didn't start it and am fairly certain all these good blokes are men>



> Being a men's thread, this might be appropriate - I had a vasectomy last week, and I found it something that hardly ever gets talked about, so I've written a report on the process that some may find interesting.





> In furtherance to the debate, here are a couple of personal observations
> 
> 1. After the OP, to cough is to know pain! 
> 2. Conjugal relations with the wife greatly increased in frequency and quality.
> 3. You can expect some sniggering from your mates, who often confuse the the procedure with that of castration.





> I took my father to get his done. Coincidentally I also drove my step brother (step father's son) to get his done three days before that.
> 
> Needless to say the car rides home were a bit awkward. Though the image of my step brother sitting on the couch in his shorts with a stiff drink in his hand and a bag of frozen peas between his legs was priceless.


 :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

I feel that I must correct an inaccuracy in the matter of Day Glo socks.
The essential feature of this style of footware was the fact that they were fluorescent and came in three colours:Shocking Pink, Lime Green and Yellow.
They were usually worn with Brothel Creepers which were blue or black suede shoes with very thick rubber soles. It goes without saying that they were the preserve of the impressionable young and many a feckless youth could be seen wearing them in their hey-day.

----------


## prendrelemick

I was a platform shoe, purple suit (flared trousers,of course)and big hair bloke in my youth.

Never wore brothel creepers, or visited a brothel - Never cared for broth.

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;720501]I was a platform shoe, purple suit (flared trousers,of course)and big hair bloke in my youth.QUOTE]


An interesting, if somewhat unnerving, description. For comparison's sake, what kind of bloke would you describe yourself as now?

----------


## prendrelemick

Comfortable, in a saggy balding kind of way. :Frown: 

Any sartorial effort is the wife's doing. I have one suit (M&S, chosen by her) one pair of going out shoes and i think 4 ties.

it is over thirty years since I bothered with fashion.

What about yourself, you have practically admitted the day-glo and creepers combination, hope that isn't your current preference :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Comfortable, in a saggy balding kind of way.
> 
> Any sartorial effort is the wife's doing. I have one suit (M&S, chosen by her) one pair of going out shoes and i think 4 ties.
> 
> it is over thirty years since I bothered with fashion.
> 
> What about yourself, you have practically admitted the day-glo and creepers combination, hope that isn't your current preference


As a boy, I always thought them hilarious even though I was too young to wear them anyway. I don't say I was any less impressionable about what I later wore, but whereas most young men were impressed by what other youths were wearing, I was impressed with different role models. Particularly from films and books. I preferred old films and so I had some suits made based on Americam gangster films ie. Three piece with stripes. Then I started reading P.G.Wodehouse and began copying Bertie Wooster's attire, I had a number coloured waistcoats and was dissapointed that I was unable to buy a pair of spats although I did manage to effect a cigarette holder. I was also much influenced by Victorian male dress as in some of the Sherlock Holmes books, but I never went so far as to wear a deerstalker. I suspect that I looked as ludicrous as the Day Glo socks and Brothel Creepers brigade of an earlier generation but I didn't think so at the time. 
For many years now I have been wearing the 'casual' look ie. various types of windcheaters and reasonably matching trousers but never ever jeans, which are simply too common to contemplate.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> I was a platform shoe, purple suit (flared trousers,of course)and big hair bloke in my youth.
> 
> Never wore brothel creepers, or visited a brothel - Never cared for broth.


Flower power! :FRlol:  And good call on the purple. I like purple... :Biggrin: 




> As a boy, I always thought them hilarious even though I was too young to wear them anyway. I don't say I was any less impressionable about what I later wore, but whereas most young men were impressed by what other youths were wearing, I was impressed with different role models. Particularly from films and books. I preferred old films and so I had some suits made based on Americam gangster films ie. Three piece with stripes. Then I started reading P.G.Wodehouse and began copying Bertie Wooster's attire, I had a number coloured waistcoats and was dissapointed that I was unable to buy a pair of spats although I did manage to effect a cigarette holder. I was also much influenced by Victorian male dress as in some of the Sherlock Holmes books, but I never went so far as to wear a deerstalker. I suspect that I looked as ludicrous as the Day Glo socks and Brothel Creepers brigade of an earlier generation but I didn't think so at the time. 
> For many years now I have been wearing the 'casual' look ie. various types of windcheaters and reasonably matching trousers but never ever jeans, which are simply too common to contemplate.


I like your sense of style Mr. Bean! :Biggrin:  I'm a sucker for guys in suits. :Blush:  Well, minus the beer belly of course. :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm a sucker for guys in suits. Well, minus the beer belly of course.



Unfortunately, there has been a big decline in the numbers of suits in recent years and a massive increase in beer bellies.
The elegant gentleman of yesteryear has been replaced with the neanderthal of today. I think it started when Marlon Brando introduced the leather jacket, T-shirt and jeans to the world's youth as acceptable clothing.
Mr Brando gave some notable performances during his career but I never once saw him wearing a suit.

----------


## Michael T

> Mr Brando gave some notable performances during his career but I never once saw him wearing a suit.


The Godfather? :Biggrin: 

I love wearing a suit (thank god I'm slim) and have quite a few ties. One in particular was given to me twenty odd years ago by a girlfriend. It's paisley and looks incredible with a suit and a light blue or white shirt. In all the time that has passed since, I have never seen a better one... it's always my first choice!

Mind you...she was quite a girl!!! :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> The Godfather?
> 
> I love wearing a suit (thank god I'm slim) and have quite a few ties. One in particular was given to me twenty odd years ago by a girlfriend. It's paisley and looks incredible with a suit and a light blue or white shirt. In all the time that has passed since, I have never seen a better one... it's always my first choice!
> 
> Mind you...she was quite a girl!!!


I didn't see The Godfather.

It's a pity about the girlfriend but if you didn't manage to tie the knot, at least you can still knot the tie.

----------


## Emil Miller

[IBrothel creepers
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Jump to: navigation, search

A pair of "triple sole" Creepers shoes.Creepers or brothel creepers found their beginnings in the years following the WWII: Soldiers based in the deserts in North Africa wore suede boots with hardwearing crepe soles because of the climate and environment. Having left the army, many of these ex-soldiers found their way to the disreputable nightspots of London (Kings Cross and Soho) wearing the same crepe soled shoes. Those became known as Brothel Creepers.

In the 1950s, these shoes were taken up by the Teddy Boy and the Rockabilly kids, along with drainpipe trousers, draped jackets, bolo ties, quiff and pompadour haircuts, and velvet or electric blue clothes. The brothel creeper was a hit throughout 50s and 60s.

They were invented in 1949 by George Cox and marketed under the Hamilton name, based on George Cox Jr.'s middle name[1]. .

The brothel creeper regained popularity in the early 70s when Malcolm McLaren sold them from his Let it Rock shop in London's Kings Road. Teddy Boys were the obvious customer, but the brothel creeper still proved to be popular among regular customers[2] when McLaren and his partner Vivienne Westwood changed the shop to more rocker-oriented fashion.

The shoe has since been adopted by subcultures such as ska, punk, psychobilly, greasers and goth, Japanese Visual Kei, and was noted as the footwear of choice of Bananarama (their preference for the brothel creeper over prettier, girly footwear became emblematic of their tomboyish and rebellious nature).

The original creepers are hard to find, however, Underground England shoes have been producing them since the 80s and continue to do so, creating new designs along the way.

In 2003 Osiris Shoes produced the Ali Boulala, a brothel creeper-influenced skateboarding shoe.

MG]en.wickipedia.org/wiki/Brothel_creepers[/IMG]

----------


## LostPrincess13

They're rather hideous... I'm sticking to flats, dress shoes, and sneakers.  :Wink:  The socks I don't mind though...  :Smile:  Colored socks create positive energy for the wearer...  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

1

2


3

4

Here's something you chaps might find a bit of a wheeze.
Above are 4 photographic studies of Miss Coughlan. An actress I believe.

Your task is to allocate a picture to each the following catagories.
(Lorraine Kelly did this a few years ago.)

Wife
Mistress
One night stand
Goddess


I would say

1 goddess
2 wife
3 Mistress
4 one night stand.

----------


## LostPrincess13

Might I give it a go? :Biggrin:  From a female's perspective... :Smile:  Then we can see the difference. :Wink:

----------


## Stargazer86

> I didn't see The Godfather.
> 
> It's a pity about the girlfriend but if you didn't manage to tie the knot, at least you can still knot the tie.


You've never seen the Godfather? Are you serious? I..can't...believe...it...
 And I believe these to be brothel creepers? Not so bad..

----------


## bazarov

> I didn't see The Godfather.


 :Bawling:  :Bawling:  :Bawling: 

Please, do it immediately.

----------


## Emil Miller

> You've never seen the Godfather? Are you serious? I..can't...believe...it...
>  And I believe these to be brothel creepers? Not so bad..


No. They are very wide of the mark. If you go and click onto the Wickipedia site for brothel creepers you will see a picture of what they are really like.
Unfortunately this*******Vista set up won't let me do it.




> 1
> 
> 2
> 
> 
> 3
> 
> 4
> 
> ...



My choice would be:

1 Goddess
2 Wife
3 One night stand
4 Mistress

Mind you, I wouldn't mind a one night stand with any of them .




> No. They are very wide of the mark. If you go and click onto the Wickipedia site for brothel creepers you will see a picture of what they are really like.
> Unfortunately this*******Vista set up won't let me do it.


http://cgi.ebay.co.uk/DEMONIA-CREEPE...QQcmdZViewItem

----------


## Stargazer86

Ah. those are interesting. Still though, not so bad as I had originally imagined. 

You 2 have very close answers with the pix. Is there supposed to be a "correct" set of answers? 


I would say:

1. Goddess
2. Mistress
3. One night stand
4. Wife

----------


## Virgil

I would say:

1. Mistress
2. One night stand
3. Goddess
4. Wife

----------


## prendrelemick

There is no right answer. But it is interesting how easily we catagorise people at first glance. For instance if the catagories were different, say Majors in..

1 Business 
2 Marine Biology
3 Maths
4 English Lit

or jobs

1 Executive
2 Nurse
3 Soldier
4 Shop Assistant

Or what kind of dog they have, or anything, we,d have no problem allocating each picture by intuition and our personal predjudices. 
It may seem shallow, but at least we often revise first impressions I think.

 :FRlol: So looks like I'd marry a marine Biologist who's working as a Nurse, who has a brief fling with Virgil. :FRlol:

----------


## Virgil

> So looks like I'd marry a marine Biologist who's working as a Nurse, who has a brief fling with Virgil.


Ok, as long as I get that brief fling.  :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Me thinks it's
1. Goddess
2. Wife
3. One night stand
4. Mistress
 :Biggrin:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Um, if I make a slight little detour for a moment... It's been nagging at me the whole day... We've been watching the sports channel lately, and I've been wondering, what's the difference between rugby and american football? Besides that american football has helmets and padding... :Smile:

----------


## Michael T

> what's the difference between rugby and american football? Besides that american football has helmets and padding...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  Other Nations don't require the padding :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## Virgil

> Um, if I make a slight little detour for a moment... It's been nagging at me the whole day... We've been watching the sports channel lately, and I've been wondering, what's the difference between rugby and american football? Besides that american football has helmets and padding...


The rules are different. Though related possibly in origin, the games are different. Too complicated to explain. If you google them you might come up with explanations.

----------


## Stargazer86

> Um, if I make a slight little detour for a moment... It's been nagging at me the whole day... We've been watching the sports channel lately, and I've been wondering, what's the difference between rugby and american football? Besides that american football has helmets and padding...


As far as I've ever seen, that is the difference. I've never been a football fan at all. I'll go to Superbowl parties for the food and to hang out, but I think this year was the first time I ever sat and watched more than 10 minutes of a football game. 

But soccer, now _there's_ a sport!

----------


## prendrelemick

In rugby you run forwards and throw the ball backwards, and can only knock over the man with the ball.

In American Football you run forwards and throw the ball forwards. and knock over anybody.

----------


## Emil Miller

Ok guys lets cut the c***p and get back to the important things in life.
Anyone know where I can get a cheap flight to Japan?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcma31JBwLs

----------


## Michael T

:FRlol:  :FRlol: From Taiwan...it's only a short flight!! :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

> From Taiwan...it's only a short flight!!


Borrocks!

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

> There is no right answer. But it is interesting how easily we catagorise people at first glance. For instance if the catagories were different, say Majors in..
> 
> 1 Business 
> 2 Marine Biology
> 3 Maths
> 4 English Lit




Dear Lord, please let math majors look like that. Amen.

----------


## Niamh

*walks in, drops a case of whisky from Scotland down on bar* 
Enjoy!

----------


## The Comedian

Three cheers for the Persuasive Pixie. Horray! Horray! Horray!

----------


## The Atheist

> *walks in, drops a case of whisky from Scotland down on bar* 
> Enjoy!


Parker assures me it's one of the drinkable brands!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## kilted exile

Other than the famous grouse they are all very drinkable - just non-scots seem to have weak throats & stomachs

----------


## Virgil

> *walks in, drops a case of whisky from Scotland down on bar* 
> Enjoy!


Where???? Oh it's only virtual. Darn it. I may have to take a nip form my Highland Park tonight.  :Biggrin: 



I have 18 year old aged.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

Here's to Niamh
Cheers
Chin-chin
bottoms up
here's mud in you eye
schol
down the hatch
good health
sante`

Call an ambulance Parker, and have the stomach pump on standby

----------


## Emil Miller

Here is an item from the business section of the Evening Standard.
Do any club members wiish to comment?



*Good vibes for SSL as sex toys get a recession boost* 

DUREX condoms maker SSL International today reported a 31.4% jump in profits as cashstrapped couples stayed in, sparking soaring demand for sex toys and massage gels during the recession. 
Chief executive Garry Watts said Durex condoms sold particularly well in the UK and Eastern Europe as well as in China and Russia, where it is looking to expand.

----------


## The Atheist

Funnily enough, I was writing about this the other day, but without the entendres. Makes perfect sense to me, as does the thought of smart money getting into baby products for the forthcoming baby boom.

Recessionary times are good for sex, and with so many married couples forced to have sex with each other, it opens up two distinct markets: birth control and lack of birth control.

Great spot Brian!

Always good to go to the business section when you want the hard news.

----------


## Nightshade

So basically another Baby Boom? 
Except of course ( I think) the Baby Boom , last time happened before the pill and vasectomies.

Edit : ok Im am wrong I just did a little search the history of Birth control is fascinating! I don't know why we didn't get taught this intresting bit at school instead of the boring bits!  :Rolleyes:  
http://www.vasectomy-information.com...fo/history.htm
http://www.obgyn.net/pillturns40/history.htm
lots of links to intresting articles in there.

----------


## The Atheist

> So basically another Baby Boom?


Small one, yes.

We've been in recession here for a year and birth rates are already at the highest level for many years.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

back to Whiskey.... I thought I was living the High Life with some Ten Year Bushmill's.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Small one, yes.
> 
> We've been in recession here for a year and birth rates are already at the highest level for many years.



Then perhaps its time we took medical advice

----------


## Emil Miller

:


> Then perhaps its time we took medical advice


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  and still laughing!

----------


## The Atheist

> Then perhaps its time we took medical advice


I've seen that before, very good one!

 :Biggrin: 

It's a bit like the bloke who asked why all the brothels note rear parking in their ads.

----------


## backline

> ...it opens up two distinct markets: birth control and lack of birth control.
> 
> Great spot Brian!
> 
> Always good to go to the business section when you want the hard news.



Finally, a repeatable and sustainable market besides soap!

Up the recession!
The end will never come...

----------


## Emil Miller

Men of LitNet, lend me your ears!
Are we to be traduced by the LitNet women as being lesser beings because you refuse to contribute to our thread? Of course, it goes without saying that women talk incessantly about nothing of consequence and are, therefore, able to advance their coffee thread accordingly. There has, however, been a marked reluctance on the part of some members to compete with the flow of female chatter that has taken the place which should have normally been occupied by male comment within this thread.
Therefore, will the LitNet men not only stand firm against female encroachment of their thread, but actively contribute so that it stands appropriately high in the LitNet General Chat rankings?

----------


## Virgil

:FRlol:  Ok. It's so beautiful here today I was just sitting and reading on the deck with a nice cold one after coming home from work. Here's one for you.  :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Ok. It's so beautiful here today I was just sitting and reading on the deck with a nice cold one after coming home from work. Here's one for you.


Thanks Virgil, 
Great minds really do think alike because I am enjoying a Miller Light right now.

----------


## Virgil

> Thanks Virgil, 
> Great minds really do think alike because I am enjoying a Miller Light right now.


You drink Miller light?  :Sick:  With all you English ales?

I had a Boston Lager, which is a pretty good American beer, if you've ever tried one. Not sure if they are over the pond.

----------


## Niamh

so my case of whiskey no longer good enough?  :Goof:  *picks up half full case and heads for door* Oh good. the 21 year glenfiddach is still here.

----------


## papayahed

> Men of LitNet, lend me your ears!
> Are we to be traduced by the LitNet women as being lesser beings because you refuse to contribute to our thread? Of course, it goes without saying that women talk incessantly about nothing of consequence and are, therefore, able to advance their coffee thread accordingly. There has, however, been a marked reluctance on the part of some members to compete with the flow of female chatter that has taken the place which should have normally been occupied by male comment within this thread.
> Therefore, will the LitNet men not only stand firm against female encroachment of their thread, but actively contribute so that it stands appropriately high in the LitNet General Chat rankings?


Yeah! You men need to stand firm!!

----------


## Nightshade

women stop posting here do you know this makes the 802 post? 
why push them up the rankings? 
 :Tongue:

----------


## Stargazer86

> You drink Miller light?  With all you English ales?
> 
> I had a Boston Lager, which is a pretty good American beer, if you've ever tried one. Not sure if they are over the pond.


If there's one thing you and I agree on, Virgil, it's taste in beer  :Smile:

----------


## papayahed

Ya know this place could use some wallpaper - perhaps a nice gingham pattern ooohhh or maybe unicorns..

----------


## Nightshade

what is a gingham pattern anyway? 
 :Confused: 
I'd nix the unicorns though. Didn't they attack men?
You know what this is reminding me of now? The good ship Dasterdly stan and the mighty Amazons....
good times! 
 :FRlol:

----------


## papayahed

> what is a gingham pattern anyway?

----------


## Nightshade

ooh I had a dress in a black/really really dark green gingham pattern once.... it was _prettty_  
It kind of reminds me of babies blanckets though, I don't think they would like that.

----------


## The Comedian

Brian Bean -- I hear your clarion call. 

Does anyone here smoke a good pipe or cigar? I'm off to the lake this week end to angle some fish and to fill pungent puffs of fine tobacco. Any recommendations, pipe or cigars?

----------


## papayahed

> It kind of reminds me of babies blanckets though, I don't think they would like that.


kinda the point...




> Brian Bean -- I hear your clarion call. 
> 
> Does anyone here smoke a good pipe or cigar? I'm off to the lake this week end to angle some fish and to fill pungent puffs of fine tobacco. Any recommendations, pipe or cigars?


Love'm:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I'm sorry...am I in the ladies coffee shop? ...I thought I was in the Blokes' thread...

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

Too many ladies in here. I'm worried I'll catch hysteria. Is a wandering uterus contagious?
;-)

----------


## prendrelemick

> Brian Bean -- I hear your clarion call. 
> 
> Does anyone here smoke a good pipe or cigar? I'm off to the lake this week end to angle some fish and to fill pungent puffs of fine tobacco. Any recommendations, pipe or cigars?


I used to enjoy a Corona Royale and a pint at the local. Smooth and rich, not too long but with a satisfying girth.




> Too many ladies in here. I'm worried I'll catch hysteria. Is a wandering uterus contagious?
> ;-)


It could be, half the worlds population seem to have caught it.

----------


## Niamh

*spies an aniversary edition of the irish whiskey Bushmills that had been amongst the Scottish Whisky near Fool, picks it up puts in the crate and exits Cold Ale, goes past threads and enters coffee*

----------


## Emil Miller

> You drink Miller light?  With all you English ales?
> 
> I had a Boston Lager, which is a pretty good American beer, if you've ever tried one. Not sure if they are over the pond.


I drink Miller light as a chaser to strong lager. I would prefer to drink English ale but it increases the waistline to a greater degree than lager. :Frown:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

So....is there a competition of the number of posts going on?

----------


## Emil Miller

> So....is there a competition of the number of posts going on?


No, it's really a question of not letting the Blokes' thread slip off the page through lack of input. We coluld never match the women in pointless chatter.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I agree that we cannot match pointless chatter. But if you consider that the women have 2,668 posts over 952 days that would be 2.8 posts per day. The Blokes' thread has 815 posts over 41 days that would be 19.1 posts per day.

Am I missing something...did the women have a point about something somewhere?

----------


## Emil Miller

> I agree that we cannot match pointless chatter. But if you consider that the women have 2,668 posts over 952 days that would be 2.8 posts per day. The Blokes' thread has 815 posts over 41 days that would be 19.1 posts per day.
> 
> Am I missing something...did the women have a point about something somewhere?


Your figures are correct, but that is because the men had been suppressed for so long by not having a thread of their own that, naturally enough, there was a great burst of enthusiasm when one was finally opened. Of course, that was bound to tail off after a while but, if we want to keep it going, we will have to watch its progress in the rankings. If the women have kept their thread going with 2.8 posts per day, it shouldn't be too difficult to do the same.

----------


## Niamh

but! there is a high percentage of posts here from female litnetters, and this thread would slow substatially if we all finally got out of it.  :Brow:  Do you not agree?

----------


## Scheherazade

> the men had been suppressed for so long by not having a thread of their own that


Just a correction:

Men did have a thread...

----------


## prendrelemick

> *spies an aniversary edition of the irish whiskey Bushmills that had been amongst the Scottish Whisky near Fool, picks it up puts in the crate and exits Cold Ale, goes past threads and enters coffee*


Ahh Niamh, you give with one hand, and take with the other.

----------


## Niamh

*feels guilty, keeps one or two bottles and gives the rest back.*  :Frown:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Just a correction:
> 
> Men did have a thread...


Yes you are right. I had forgotten about the previous thread which by my reckoning lasted about nine months. Perhaps it should have been reactivated rather than start a new thread.




> Just a correction:
> 
> Men did have a thread...





> but! there is a high percentage of posts here from female litnetters, and this thread would slow substatially if we all finally got out of it.  Do you not agree?


Not necessarily. It may be that a number of men don't want to contribute because there are too many women cornering the thread. :Frown:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Yes you are right. I had forgotten about the previous thread which by my reckoning lasted about nine months. Perhaps it should have been reactivated rather than start a new thread.


If you like, I can merge the threads under the new name.


> Not necessarily. It may be that a number of men don't want to contribute because there are too many women cornering the thread.


Yep, that's right... Why don't you blame the good old girl for it?  :Rolleyes: 


Pu the Blame on Mame

----------


## Virgil

> I drink Miller light as a chaser to strong lager. I would prefer to drink English ale but it increases the waistline to a greater degree than lager.


Yeah, I know how that feels. If I could give up on drinking, I could lose that ten pounds.

----------


## Emil Miller

> If you like, I can merge the threads under the new name.Yep, that's right... Why don't you blame the good old girl for it? 
> 
> 
> Pu the Blame on Mame


There was a time when Rita Hayworth might have excited me, even if she was a bit before my time. However, that was before I discovered oriental women. There was a poll carried out in Japan a few years ago where men were asked what were the qualities they looked for in a girlfriend and they
virtually all said the girl had to be sweet and sexy. Well these little lollipops
have those qualities by the ton and talk about cute. It would be impossible to find cuter girls anywhere other than Japan.
So if you missed it first time round here it is again: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcma31JBwLs

----------


## Scheherazade

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcma31JBwLs


Thanks for the enlightening post. It is always great to find out what makes you guys tick... "Serious" literature, "serious" discussion topics and heavy on the sweet and giggle when it comes to the girls.  :Rolleyes: 

However, I was not offering Rita Hayworth as a visual feast for your eyes though I can see how it can be interpreted so by many who post in this thread regularly. 

It was the lyrics of the song I was more interested in since you guys seem to be blame everything on the girls.

----------


## prendrelemick

Michael Jackson blamed it on the Boogie.

----------


## papayahed

> Michael Jackson blamed it on the Boogie.


Nice :Thumbs Up:

----------


## prendrelemick

eeeow! moonwalks to bar

----------


## Emil Miller

> Thanks for the enlightening post. It is always great to find out what makes you guys tick... "Serious" literature, "serious" discussion topics and heavy on the sweet and giggle when it comes to the girls. .


Surely you're not implying that men should take women seriously!

----------


## Scheherazade

> Surely you're not implying that men should take women seriously!


*lololololol*

No, sir... Not me!

*toddles off to the kitchen to make some sandwiches and prepare some drinks before shining gentlemen's boots*

 :Blush:  :Blush:  :Blush:  :Blush:  :Blush: 


 :Rolleyes:

----------


## papayahed

Hey Scher can you hold this end of the measuring tape so I can figure out hold big these valances need to be?

----------


## prendrelemick

Whats a valance?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Whats a valance?


Now I know you are a chap who likes a good laugh so in answer to your question I thought you might like to hear this.

Ricky Valance (born 10 April 1939) is a Welsh singer. He is best known for the number one single, "Tell Laura I Love Her", which sold over a million copies in 1960.[1]


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p93XxQPsLsA

----------


## Scheherazade

> Hey Scher can you hold this end of the measuring tape so I can figure out hold big these valances need to be?


Oh, goo_ddddd_ie!

I _loooooooooove_ valances!!!!!! We need to dust them regularly,though... 

Nobody likes dusty valanaces now, do they?

LOL! 

 :Blush:  :Blush:  :Blush:

----------


## The Atheist

> Surely you're not implying that men should take women seriously!


Give 'em the vote and they want the world.




> Whats a valance?


Didn't John Wayne shoot him?

----------


## Niamh

:FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Give 'em the vote and they want the world.
> 
> 
> 
> Didn't John Wayne shoot him?


Yes, but not before he sang La Bamba.

And formed a bond with a hydrogen atom.

And had a town in France named after him.

[QUOTE=Brian Bean;725090]

Ricky Valance (born 10 April 1939) is a Welsh singer. He is best known for the number one single, "Tell Laura I Love Her", which sold over a million copies in 1960.[1]

1960! Cawb' where have all years gone.

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes, but not before he sang La Bamba.


Don't be silly, that was Ritchie Valens.




> And formed a bond with a hydrogen atom.


Isn't that Van Halen?




> And had a town in France named after him.


And a sister city in Spain.

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;725177]


> Ricky Valance (born 10 April 1939) is a Welsh singer. He is best known for the number one single, "Tell Laura I Love Her", which sold over a million copies in 1960.[1]
> 
> 1960! Cawb' where have all years gone.


Absolutely, a lot of beer has flowed down the urinals since then.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hey Scher can you hold this end of the measuring tape so I can figure out hold big these valances need to be?



I wish I'd thought of that one, when trying to lure the ladies into my
bedroom.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

> *spies an aniversary edition of the irish whiskey Bushmills that had been amongst the Scottish Whisky near Fool, picks it up puts in the crate and exits Cold Ale, goes past threads and enters coffee*


* follows

----------


## Lokasenna

How do, chaps!

Well, I've been away for a while thanks to a malfunctioning PC and a self-enforced internet exile due to finals... so, what have I missed?

----------


## Emil Miller

> How do, chaps!
> 
> Well, I've been away for a while thanks to a malfunctioning PC and a self-enforced internet exile due to finals... so, what have I missed?




Well you missed this for a start.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcma31JBwLs

----------


## Virgil

> How do, chaps!
> 
> Well, I've been away for a while thanks to a malfunctioning PC and a self-enforced internet exile due to finals... so, what have I missed?


Welcome back Loka. Hope you did well on your finals.

----------


## Lokasenna

> Well you missed this for a start.
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcma31JBwLs


I'm confused. And slightly scared.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm confused. And slightly scared.


 I don't understand why?

----------


## LostPrincess13

Hello there! Haven't been here for awhile, and I see a lot has happened since. :Wink: 
But to make up for my absence, I thought you guys might like a taste of a native beverage from the Philippines. :Smile:  Enjoy!

----------


## Niamh

> * follows


hehehe  :Brow:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hello there! Haven't been here for awhile, and I see a lot has happened since.
> But to make up for my absence, I thought you guys might like a taste of a native beverage from the Philippines. Enjoy!



Whats that, bottled water?

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Whats that, bottled water?


Lambanog is a Philippine alcoholic beverage most commonly described as coconut wine or coconut vodka. The drink is distilled from the sap of the unopened coconut flower, and is known for its potency and high alcohol content (80 and 90 proof). Because of the abundance of coconut trees and the inexpensive distilling process in making lambanog, the drink is known as "the poor man's drink". Farmers often wind down by drinking lambanog after a long days work. In most parts of the country, drinking lambanog is usually a communal thing  men sit around in a circle and take turns drinking shots from a cup placed in the middle of the group. Usually, there is also someone singing and playing the guitar to add to the festivities; he takes his turn at drinking too, so the music gets more interesting as the drinking goes on. 

For more information on lambanog: http://www1.american.edu/ted/lambanog.htm

----------


## BienvenuJDC

HONEST!! It's only water...  :Rolleyes:

----------


## papayahed

> HONEST!! It's only water...


ow ow my eyes! Now that hurts.

----------


## LostPrincess13

:FRlol:  I thought I'd give you guys the 'tourists' pack. But I guess you'd appreciate more the Native one:

And here's how they make 'em:

----------


## Virgil

> Hello there! Haven't been here for awhile, and I see a lot has happened since.
> But to make up for my absence, I thought you guys might like a taste of a native beverage from the Philippines. Enjoy!





> Lambanog is a Philippine alcoholic beverage most commonly described as coconut wine or coconut vodka. The drink is distilled from the sap of the unopened coconut flower, and is known for its potency and high alcohol content (80 and 90 proof). Because of the abundance of coconut trees and the inexpensive distilling process in making lambanog, the drink is known as "the poor man's drink". Farmers often wind down by drinking lambanog after a long days work. In most parts of the country, drinking lambanog is usually a communal thing  men sit around in a circle and take turns drinking shots from a cup placed in the middle of the group. Usually, there is also someone singing and playing the guitar to add to the festivities; he takes his turn at drinking too, so the music gets more interesting as the drinking goes on. 
> 
> For more information on lambanog: http://www1.american.edu/ted/lambanog.htm


I had never heard of it. Thanks. Perhaps some day I will get to try it.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> I had never heard of it. Thanks. Perhaps some day I will get to try it.


I'm not surprised. :Wink:  It's very local and I don't think it's exported. Not really sure though. But I'd love to bring you a bottle if I ever come to visit New York.  :Biggrin:

----------


## kilted exile

Looks like moonshine - which probably means it burns both going down as well as coming up

----------


## LostPrincess13

Beg pardon?  :Confused:

----------


## The Atheist

> Well, I've been away for a while thanks to a malfunctioning PC and a self-enforced internet exile due to finals...


Who won?

----------


## Virgil

> I'm not surprised. It's very local and I don't think it's exported. Not really sure though. But I'd love to bring you a bottle if I ever come to visit New York.


That's a deal.  :Smile: 

Moonshine is locally made alcohol down in the American south. Or at least that's where the name comes from. I've had some moonshine and it can be pretty good.  :Biggrin:

----------


## papayahed

A coworker's parents used to make moonshine in their basement and boy could that curl your nose hairs.

----------


## Virgil

I'm enjoying a Sam Adams, Blackberry Witbier. Never had it before and it's quite nice. I tend to really like wheat beers.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm enjoying a Sam Adams, Blackberry Witbier. Never had it before and it's quite nice. I tend to really like wheat beers.


Yes they're pretty good Virgil, especially on a hot sunny day. Years ago in Germany I used to drink them from time to time and there was one called 'Berliner mit Schuss' which had a shot of raspery juice added to it and was drunk through a real piece of straw.

----------


## Virgil

Thanks Brian.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I'm enjoying a Sam Adams, Blackberry Witbier. Never had it before and it's quite nice. I tend to really like wheat beers.


ooh that sounds good. Can you actually taste the berry in it? Sam Adams is one of the only American brews that I like

----------


## Virgil

> ooh that sounds good. Can you actually taste the berry in it? Sam Adams is one of the only American brews that I like


Yes it's subtle but one can taste. Sam Adams has a cranberry wheat beer that is out of this world. I couldn't find it so I got the blackberry. It's not quite as good as the cranberry wheat, but close.  :Smile:

----------


## stlukesguild

To hell with that Sam Adams crap Virgil. You need the real sh#t: Samuel Smith! Preferably the Imperial Stout. That and some Three Philosophers... a lovely Belgian ale with 9.8% alcohol... thank God for my spell check! I don't know if I could walk from the computer to the bedroom without walking into the wall right now... but it looks like I can actually type. :Biggrin:  After spending the day moving I spent an evening with these lovely beers and Miles Davis (_Kind of Blue_), Frank Sinatra (_Only the Lonely_)... and now (you should relate, Virg...) the Rolling Stones... _Let it Bleed_... and I followed the LP directions and am playing it really loud. :Sick:

----------


## prendrelemick

Last Night I had ONE Heineken and this morning....splitting headache.
It wasn't even very nice, definately not worth it.

I never get that with Newcastle Brown, or Caffrey's.

Beer and forest friuts, sounds wrong but it works.

----------


## Lokasenna

> Who won?


Mutual destruction, I think!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Last Night I had ONE Heineken and this morning....splitting headache.
> It wasn't even very nice, definately not worth it.
> 
> I never get that with Newcastle Brown, or Caffrey's..



Whatever the virtues of newkie may be, don't you think this is carrying things a little too far?



http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/2958702.stm

----------


## LostPrincess13

Might I interest anyone in some Barako coffee? :Wink:  I believe coffee relieves hangovers? :Smile:

----------


## papayahed

Are there less preservatives in Newcastle Brown, or Caffrey's? I've noticed that when I drink local beer I have less if any hangover.

----------


## Niamh

If he was on about the hieneken cup final... leinster won... if not... no idea.

----------


## Virgil

> Might I interest anyone in some Barako coffee? I believe coffee relieves hangovers?


 :FRlol:  Lucky for me I don't any longer drink to where I have a hangover. I've learned something in my old age.  :Smile:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Lucky for me I don't any longer drink to where I have a hangover. I've learned something in my old age.


So what's the best remedy for a hangover? I don't think I've ever had one yet! :Biggrin:

----------


## kilted exile

> So what's the best remedy for a hangover? I don't think I've ever had one yet!


carbonated soft drink

----------


## LostPrincess13

> carbonated soft drink


Really? What's the explanation behind it?

----------


## kilted exile

not sure - just know it works

----------


## Virgil

> So what's the best remedy for a hangover? I don't think I've ever had one yet!


A hangover? Well, I don't recommend drinking to one is drunk, especially for women. Lots of bad things can happen, besides it being unhealthy. And a hangover is horrible.  :Sick:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> not sure - just know it works


Ok! :Biggrin:  I'll remember that whenever I get one! :Biggrin:

----------


## papayahed

> carbonated soft drink


and about three aspirin works for me.

----------


## Virgil

> and about three aspirin works for me.


Ooh, that's tough on your stomach. Three regular aspirins or three baby aspirins? Plus that really thins your blood. Don't get cut or bang yourself.

----------


## Stargazer86

> So what's the best remedy for a hangover? I don't think I've ever had one yet!


kilted is right. Coca Cola in particular works well even if you don't want to eat or drink anything. It's been awhile since I've had a hangover, but I've had a few doozies in my day. 
If you drink a lot of water while you're drinking or if you load up on vitamins (B12 I think is the one to go for), that should help prevent it. Oh and if you feel like you need to puke while drinking, go for it. Better to get it out the night before rather than the morning after. 
Oh, and always remember: Liquor before beer, you're in the clear; Beer before liquor, you've never been sicker.
Basically, if you're going to drink both hard alcohol and beer, drink the hard alcohol first. 
Bad hangovers are the worst thing ever. Especially if you have to go to work.
It's been years since I've partied. In the past 2 years, I rarely drink. And I almost NEVER drink to get drunk. And I don't entirely miss it. Hard (headache filled) lessons have been learned before I was legally old enough to drink.  :FRlol:  But I have fond memories nonetheless...few responsibilities and a lot of great friends




> Yes it's subtle but one can taste. Sam Adams has a cranberry wheat beer that is out of this world. I couldn't find it so I got the blackberry. It's not quite as good as the cranberry wheat, but close.



What stores sell it?

----------


## Niamh

> kilted is right. Coca Cola in particular works well even if you don't want to eat or drink anything. It's been awhile since I've had a hangover, but I've had a few doozies in my day.


I've had many a hangover and coke is definitely a good curer... but only if you dont guzzle it down really really quickly... do that and suffer th consequences! Athough sometimes the best thing the day after the night before is a big fry up!
two things i learned from somewhere... it you are about to go out for a few drinks, apparently havign a yogurt or/ and a banana before you go out is supposed to ease the alcohol intake and the affect on your tummy.

----------


## Emil Miller

There has been a disturbing trend in the UK for young women to get drunk and the result is that it is not uncommon to see a bunch of screaming harpies rolling around both inside and outside our major cities public houses during the evenings. Thankfully, the current economic crisis has largely banished this scenario to weekends. 
The line from women who would drink responsibly i.e. maybe one drink in an evening, and never beer, to the present situation can be traced directly to the feminists, both men and women, of the late sixties who told women that there is no basic difference between female/male behaviour. This has been a boon for the media who have heartily encouraged what they call "ladettes" to copy the behaviour of men, thus providing plenty of copy for their female readers. The net result is that Accident and Emergency wards of hospitals are dealing with an increasing number of drunken youths and girls, and the numbers of young people with serious alchoholism have risen dramatically according to the Briitish Medical Association.
Now it would be hypocritical of me to say that people shouldn't drink ( If I hadn't been a drinker, I would have been a great deal richer than I am now) but, apart from a couple of times in my youth, I have never been drunk although I freely admit that I drink more than I should. Therefore, in answer to the question about dealing with hangovers, I would suggest that women should go back to having a some self-respect and men should drink to their limit only.

----------


## Stargazer86

And who says a woman who likes to get drunk and silly once in awhile (I'm not talking about to a point of retardation or sluttishness) has no self respect?

----------


## papayahed

> Therefore, in answer to the question about dealing with hangovers, I would suggest that women should go back to having a some self-respect and men should drink to their limit only.



ohhhhh, and maybe we could go back to not have the right to vote and wearing corsets too!!

----------


## Niamh

> ohhhhh, and maybe we could go back to not have the right to vote and wearing corsets too!!


and be considered old maids and unmarriable by the age of 25. thats me fecked. :Wink:

----------


## Nightshade

and be expected to be breeding by 18. 

 :Nod:

----------


## Niamh

Or as young as 15.... and yet people blame modern society for teenage pregnancies even though it was the norm at one stage.

----------


## librarius_qui

(hey! what the blast are women doing here??!)  :Crash:

----------


## Nightshade

We escaped the kitchen, and had to come see.

----------


## Niamh

> We escaped the kitchen, and had to come see.


 :FRlol:

----------


## librarius_qui

> We escaped the kitchen, and had to come see.


well .. I never went into the thread that says "no boys allowed". it's a matter of ... honesty? I don't know.

(I'm not saying you shouldn't be here ... actually, it makes the place .. almost bearable.)

----------


## Emil Miller

> (hey! what the blast are women doing here??!)


This is obviously the first thought that entered my head. The second was, now that I have set a fox among the chickens, I will just let them carry on squawking and clucking for a while before answering their posts. 
I love this thread. :Biggrin:

----------


## Nightshade

> (I'm not saying you shouldn't be here ... actually, it makes the place .. almost bearable.)


Awww are you saying we brighten the placce up.  :Biggrin:  
okies for that you earned your self a cup of tea nad a slice of cheesecake, drop by live chat and Ill hand em over. 
 :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> This is obviously the first thought that entered my head. The second was, now that I have set a fox among the chickens, I will just let them carry on squawking and clucking for a while before answering their posts. 
> I love this thread.


That was exactly my thought too. If we men can't be chauvanist in a male only forum, what else will they take away from us.  :Biggrin:  

This is a male only place.  :Wink: 



As to the subject, there is something incredibly distasteful about a sloshed woman. Of course a sloshed man doesn't exactly make me want to befirend either.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Whatever the virtues of newkie may be, don't you think this is carrying things a little too far?
> 
> 
> 
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/tyne/2958702.stm



 :FRlol: I want some now! Its the perfect combination. :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> This is obviously the first thought that entered my head. The second was, now that I have set a fox among the chickens, I will just let them carry on squawking and clucking for a while before answering their posts. 
> I love this thread.


I wonder why I'm not surprised... :FRlol: 
I kinda figured what you were up to... :FRlol:

----------


## Sindel

This thread reminds me my of school years. The girls were constantly giving us names for (only the suspicion of) peeking in their showers. But of course, they did the same, and kept swearing that they did it just for fun, while we did it 'cause we were vicious...

Ah, that sweet bad faith...I've come to love it, actually. It makes women seem human.

----------


## Niamh

> Ah, that sweet bad faith...I've come to love it, actually. *It makes women seem human*.


you mean we are not?!!  :Eek:  well thats news to me! :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> And who says a woman who likes to get drunk and silly once in awhile (I'm not talking about to a point of retardation or sluttishness) has no self respect?


Since when has getting drunk and being silly been a mark of self-respect? :FRlol: 




> Or as young as 15.... and yet people blame modern society for teenage pregnancies even though it was the norm at one stage.


I think it is only logical to blame teenagers for teenage pregnancies as no one else is involved in the process. :FRlol:

----------


## Sindel

> you mean we are not?!!  well thats news to me!


Of course not! You are goddesses...

That's why we blokes, mere human, feel the need, time to time, to retreat from you Elysean Heights to...well, get drunk to the bone, swear, shout, and blast the TV when our team loses. :Crash:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Since when has getting drunk and being silly been a mark of self-respect?
> 
> 
> 
> I think it is only logical to blame teenagers for teenage pregnancies as no one else is involved in the process.


I didn't say it was a mark of self respect, but the occasional act in and of itself does not necissarily mean a woman has no self respect

----------


## Emil Miller

> ohhhhh, and maybe we could go back to not have the right to vote and wearing corsets too!!


Women have a perfect right to wear corsets if they want to but the jury's still out one the right to vote. :FRlol:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Women have a perfect right to wear corsets if they want to but the jury's still out one the right to vote.


I'm pretty sure I was wearing a corset the first time I went to vote when I was 18 in the 2004 Presidential elections. But maybe my vote didn't count. My guy didn't win  :Frown:

----------


## Sindel

Let's face it, guys... Even in this supposedly men-only thread, we will end up outnumbered.

You know the say: Women come from Venus and men return to the pub  :Angel:

----------


## Niamh

> Of course not! You are goddesses...
> 
> That's why we blokes, mere human, feel the need, time to time, to retreat from you Elysean Heights to...well, get drunk to the bone, swear, shout, and blast the TV when our team loses.


 :FRlol:  good save!

----------


## Eugenie

you know, there is actually a scripture in the Bible somewhere, I remember reading it and feeling er, well nevermind. At any rate it says that it is better for a man to live under a leaking roof than with a naggy contentious woman. . well something like that,.
I have come t see it is better to chatter with the ladies,if chatter one must, and be quite silent in the company of men, unless he actually wishes some conversation.
It amuses me that I am often complimented as being very wise and intelligent and only because I shut my mouth. 
Men.......................you are more than puzzling. you are............................. :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> ... and be quite silent in the company of men, unless he actually wishes some conversation.
> It amuses me that I am often complimented as being very wise and intelligent and only because I shut my mouth.



Would you like to join our club?

----------


## Scheherazade

> I have come t see it is better to chatter with the ladies,if chatter one must, and be quite silent in the company of men, unless he actually wishes some conversation.


It must be hard to have a conversation with a man while walking three steps behind him, anyway.

 :Rolleyes:

----------


## Sindel

> (To Eugenie) Would you like to join our club?


You read my mind. There is a lack of women in this men's club.

----------


## Emil Miller

> You read my mind. There is a lack of women in this men's club.


Correction, there is a lack of women like Eugenie.

----------


## The Atheist

> You read my mind. There is a lack of women in this men's club.


Whoa!

What thread have you been reading? We're trying to get rid of them, but neither cigars nor bra sizes has gotten them moving yet.

I'm sure there's a metaphor for life in this thread somewhere. Probably at Brian's place.

 :FRlol:

----------


## Niamh

> You read my mind. There is a lack of women in this men's club.


Oh the sarcasim!

----------


## Michael T

> It must be hard to have a conversation with a man while walking three steps behind him, anyway.


 :Idea:  Oh! Good point Scher...now I see the logic behind it!  :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> It must be hard to have a conversation with a man while walking three steps behind him, anyway.


The only reason we like you to remain three steps behind is to keep you from being three steps in front :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

A news reporter did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walk about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and noticed that men now walk several feet behind their wives. 
The reporter approached one of the women and asked, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here a reversal of roles"
The Kuwaiti woman looked at the reporter and responded, "Land mines"

----------


## Emil Miller

> A news reporter did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walk about 10 feet behind their husbands. She returned to Kuwait recently and noticed that men now walk several feet behind their wives. 
> The reporter approached one of them women and asked, "This is marvelous. Can you tell the free world just what enabled women here a reversal of roles"
> The Kuwaiti woman looked at the reporter and responded, "Land mines"


Some of us have obviously been underestimating women's usefulness. :FRlol:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Some of us have obviously been underestimating women's usefulness.


So it would seem  :FRlol:  Do you have landmines in London?

----------


## Emil Miller

> So it would seem  Do you have landmines in London?


Not yet but it is only a matter of time.

----------


## Scheherazade

> The only reason we like you to remain three steps behind is to keep you from being three steps in front


See, the latter could give you a better "view" as well... with or without landmines.

----------


## Stargazer86

> See, the latter could give you a better "view" as well... with or without landmines.


 :FRlol:  Good point! I don't know too many men who would argue with that!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Good point! I don't know too many men who would argue with that!


Not if they are wearing burkahs.

----------


## Stargazer86

> Not if they are wearing burkahs.


What about bikinis? Or wouldn't that go against your idea of womens self respect? Do you prefer your women covered up and modest, or sexy and revealing?

----------


## Nightshade

> Not if they are wearing burkahs.


Actually the Kuwaittis dont wear burkhas they wear Abayahs. 


Burka



Abayah 


abayahs are much prettier and diverse.

----------


## Stargazer86

Your second pic didn't show Nighshade  :Frown:

----------


## Nightshade

oh pooh
ah well more piccs

----------


## Virgil

> What about bikinis? Or wouldn't that go against your idea of womens self respect? Do you prefer your women covered up and modest, or sexy and revealing?


No, that was sloshed women. Bikinis are cool and always welcomed.  :Biggrin: 



Cool short story by John Updike about working in a supermarket and in walks a girl in a bikini. Very short and worth the read: http://www.tiger-town.com/whatnot/updike/. A&P is an American supermarket chain for those outside the States.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Do you prefer your women covered up and modest, or sexy and revealing?


Hmm... let me think. (for about a millionth of a second) :Biggrin: 

Seriously though, niether. The abayah and the bikini posted above are the same, both about male ideas of what women are.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Actually the Kuwaittis dont wear burkhas they wear Abayahs. 
> 
> 
> Burka
> 
> 
> 
> Abayah 
> 
> ...


I think the burkah looks ridiculous but in a formal setting the abayah can be charming and quite sophisiticated. If women want to wear them that is their right but the important word here is 'IF' and we have an army fighting in Afghanistan to make sure it stays that way.

----------


## Nightshade

> The abayah and the bikini posted above are the same, both about male ideas of what women are.





> If women want to wear them that is their right but the important word here is 'IF'


Two points I happily agree with!  :Nod:

----------


## Emil Miller

> you know, there is actually a scripture in the Bible somewhere, I remember reading it and feeling er, well nevermind. At any rate it says that it is better for a man to live under a leaking roof than with a naggy contentious woman. . well something like that,.
> I have come t see it is better to chatter with the ladies,if chatter one must, and be quite silent in the company of men, unless he actually wishes some conversation.
> It amuses me that I am often complimented as being very wise and intelligent and only because I shut my mouth. 
> Men.......................you are more than puzzling. you are.............................


Hi Eugenie ,

I replied to your PM but it seems to have wiped you completely off my profile page and your profile is just a complete blank. It is therefore impossible for me to communicate with you other than through here. I have sent a message to Logos about it and will rewrite my reply to your PM when the malfunction has been sorted out. :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

Brian> It is not a malfunction; Eugenie has been banned from the Forum.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Brian> It is not a malfunction; Eugenie has been banned from the Forum.


I know it's no use asking why but all I will say is it saddens me that someone who seemed to have such a nice personality has been banned. I can't imagine in which way she has transgressed the Litnet rules.

----------


## Scheherazade

It has come to our attention that Eugenie was an alterego of a member who was banned from the Forum in the past.

----------


## Emil Miller

> It has come to our attention that Eugenie was an alterego of a member who was banned from the Forum in the past.


Well the same applies to her original infraction but it will have to rest there.

Incidentally, I like your new Avatar it's rather sweet and cute. :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Incidentally, I like your new Avatar it's rather sweet and cute.


Oh, dear!  :Blush:  :Blush:  :Blush: 

I'd better not change it then...

 :Rolleyes:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Oh, dear! 
> 
> I'd better not change it then...


I wish I hadn't mentioned it now. :Frown:

----------


## Jozanny

I think Sche picked it so we could envision the alter-ego of Logos! :Biggrin:  :Biggrin:  :Biggrin: 

Brian: I could sit here all day and talk about the politics of online manners and getting the boot, but I can say this much: I did not have to do what I did @ Poets & Writers and maybe the NYT forums as well, to get booted off.

I do not have an absolutely perfect record @ LitNet, but I can post, with some honesty, that I do not try to push the envelope here, at least not with any malice behind me, so it is best, at times, to move on.

I could try my cripple-pity thing to get back into Speakeasy; my disability identity is probably why they didn't kick me off sooner, in fact, and I really, really miss interacting with published writers, my former friends and otherwise, but, one, I had my time there, and two, I am not enrolling in an MFA program anytime soon, and three, Poets & Writers, as a necessary publishing tool, has diminished in importance, though I still look at the classifieds, and just remembered I need to update myself in the directory... (grr)

I guess I had to become physically more tired, however, to learn what they were trying to tell me about certain aspects of my behavior: I don't have to tell other posters what I think of them in a net negative attitude, and so on.

Don't experience too much regret, and let it go. There are still any number of communities online, and if this Eugenie a.k.a whoever wants to interact in these environments, she will agree to the TOS.

After all, if Sche had to roll me out of here, I'd be glad that as a moderator, she wouldn't discuss why. :Blush:

----------


## Tournesol

To add another dimension to the topic on women's dress, let me pose a question to you guys:

Naturally, men respond sexually to visual stimulus. I'm talking about men around the world - whether race, religion, socioeconomic standing, etc. 

In Islam, while it is recommended in the Quran/Koran for women to cover their bodies, it is also stated that it is their choice to do so. Any man who forces a woman to do so is overstepping his boundaries. 

In an Islamic marriage, it is perfectly fine for women to be as provocative for their husbands, and vice versa. One of my friends in Guyana [she dresses like I do, with the scarf] owns the biggest lingerie boutique, and the largest group among her male clientele are the Muslim Guyanese men. 

Here's the question: I know that men enjoy looking at women's bodies, but would you as a man enjoy other men looking at your wife/ girlfriend/ significant other?

----------


## Emil Miller

> I think Sche picked it so we could envision the alter-ego of Logos!
> 
> Brian: Don't experience too much regret, and let it go. There are still any number of communities online, and if this Eugenie a.k.a whoever wants to interact in these environments, she will agree to the TOS.:


Yes I thought the Avatar was a cartoon caricature of Logos but I didn't like to mention it as I know how touchy women can be when another female seems to be brought unecessarily into play.: :Wink: 

As for Eugenie, she seemed such a nice girl and I think she will be missed by quite a few of the ladies on The LitNet, especially as she is the second female member to be dismissed for the same reason during the last couple of months. It says a lot for this website that some people who are banned are prepared to resort to deception to get back onto it.

----------


## Jozanny

Yes, but at times one does not need to resort to that. I have posted on the New York Times interactive site recently, and never mentioned my embroil in 2002 in the book review forums--and it was a rather stupid embroil at that--one not even worth mentioning.

I have a love/hate thing with posting environments. The only community which ever fit me most comfortably was Speakeasy--but aside from other areas of contention, the old Motet Speakeasy contains virtual swaths of my autobiography  :Biggrin: . I have a love/hate thing with reticence too, it seems.

Since, in these seven years, no one died or was stalked or whatnot, though I did cry on the telephone to one who had had enough of saving me, I suspect I could return, tail between my legs--but it would not be the same, and my publishing legs survived, even though I am goofing off this morning, evidently  :Biggrin: . (I am waiting for my system to settle down so I can go food shopping.)

----------


## Emil Miller

> One of my friends in Guyana owns the biggest lingerie boutique, and the largest group among her male clientele are the Muslim Guyanese men. 
> 
> *I don't want to enquire too deeply into this, but why are men buying lingerie*?
> 
> 
> Here's the question: I know that men enjoy looking at women's bodies, but would you as a man enjoy other men looking at your wife/ girlfriend/ significant other?


*I wouldn't be too put out about it, in fact I would feel proud that she was considered attractive. I don't think I would be interested in the kind of woman who would cover herself simply because I was jealous of other men's attention.*

----------


## prendrelemick

> Here's the question: I know that men enjoy looking at women's bodies, but would you as a man enjoy other men looking at your wife/ girlfriend/ significant other?


That surely is up to my significant other. As for me, any man may with my full blessing look at my wife's hair, legs, face, arms, general outline, I dont believe they will be overcome with lust at the sight.

----------


## The Atheist

> Here's the question: I know that men enjoy looking at women's bodies, but would you as a man enjoy other men looking at your wife/ girlfriend/ significant other?


Doesn't bother me in the least and never has.

It can also be a bit of an ego-boost to know that so many men find your girlfriend so attractive.




> It says a lot for this website that some people who are banned are prepared to resort to deception to get back onto it.


It's not just here. One forum I used to post at had people making multiple new names to try to get back in.

----------


## Emil Miller

> It's not just here. One forum I used to post at had people making multiple new names to try to get back in.


Which only goes to show that you are a much more seasoned forum frequenter than I. However, should I be banned from this or any other site for a transgression, intended or otherwise, that would be it as far as I am concerned. I hope the moderators aren't listening. :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

I just have to share this one:

I'm going through some cvs and a name catches my eye. No bull, I have a cv from an Asian gentleman whose name is "Fung Yuk". ("Call me Larry", I wonder why?)

I've seen plenty of good names over the years, and lots of megastars - Rod Stewart, Alice Cooper, Bryan Adams, and some not so friendly R Sole, Teresa Green and others. My daughter has a girl at her school called Paris Hilton, the poor thing, but Mr Yuk takes this week's prize!

----------


## The Atheist

> Which only goes to show that you are a much more seasoned forum frequenter than I.


Oh yeah.

I'm registered at over 100, mostly to reserve this name in case I ever decide to post there, but I post at a couple, plus there are quite a few I've been invited to, that I check out once in a while.

I probably spend about 80% of all-up forum time here, most of the others are pretty ordinary.




> However, should I be banned from this or any other site for a transgression, intended or otherwise, that would be it as far as I am concerned. I hope the moderators aren't listening.


I don't see that happening anytime soon!

----------


## Nightshade

> Which only goes to show that you are a much more seasoned forum frequenter than I. However, should I be banned from this or any other site for a transgression, intended or otherwise, that would be it as far as I am concerned. I hope the moderators aren't listening.


Did you say something?  :Brow:  
 :FRlol: 

Actually on a side note I would be of the same opinion, if I manged to get myself banned Id be heart broken ( what can I say I have very little 'life' outside teh litnet, but I wouldnt try and come back I don't think I would be too ahsamed. I might send beginning emails to be allowed back in, that I would not put beyond me.

----------


## Virgil

> Did you say something?  
> 
> 
> Actually on a side note I would be of the same opinion, if I manged to get myself banned Id be heart broken ( what can I say I have very little 'life' outside teh litnet, but I wouldnt try and come back I don't think I would be too ahsamed. I might send beginning emails to be allowed back in, that I would not put beyond me.


Neither would I. I would be heartbroken too. I can picture myself getting banned if I catch a moderator on a bad day  :Biggrin:  but there is no way I can picture our sweet Nightie doing anything to get banned.  :Smile:

----------


## Nightshade

> but there is no way I can picture our sweet Nightie doing anything to get banned.


That is only because I practise sit-on-your-hands-until-they-are-numb-and-can't-type policy, when I get well and truley mad.
 :Biggrin:

----------


## Sindel

Pardon a newbie who starts questioning, but are people really banned _forever_, in this forum? That puzzles me, if it's the case. :Alien: 

I can understand a temporary ban (like in ice hockey), a sanction for an evident bad behaviour. But banning someone forever means: "We don't believe you will amend, ever". Seems a little out of phase, for a gathering of people united by their interest in litterature.

Just curious, really.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Pardon a newbie who starts questioning, but are people really banned _forever_, in this forum? That puzzles me, if it's the case.
> 
> I can understand a temporary ban (like in ice hockey), a sanction for an evident bad behaviour. But banning someone forever means: "We don't believe you will amend, ever". Seems a little out of phase, for a gathering of people united by their interest in litterature.
> 
> Just curious, really.


You do have a point but, unfortunately, there are some bad people out there who cannot be controlled by warnings or temporary sanctions.
To take your Ice Hockey analogy,what would you do if one of the players deliberately caused serious injury to another player? 
There are also those who are mentally unbalanced who would be unlikely to respond to a partial ban.
In those cases where the moderators and the sight owner feel that a temporary ban is required, that is what happens. 
You may well get a more detailed response to you query from a moderator.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Can't we just hunt them down, pour honey all of them and let the bears do the rest?  :FRlol: 

Then we'll let them back on the forum...




> I just have to share this one:
> 
> I'm going through some cvs and a name catches my eye. No bull, I have a cv from an Asian gentleman whose name is "Fung Yuk". ("Call me Larry", I wonder why?)
> 
> I've seen plenty of good names over the years, and lots of megastars - Rod Stewart, Alice Cooper, Bryan Adams, and some not so friendly R Sole, Teresa Green and others. My daughter has a girl at her school called Paris Hilton, the poor thing, but Mr Yuk takes this week's prize!


cv = ???

----------


## prendrelemick

cv= Curriculum Vitae. Its the same as a Resume'

----------


## Emil Miller

> cv= Curriculum Vitae. Its the same as a Resume'


Perhaps he's being ironic? 
When I asked someone, who didn't look as old as he was, about his age being queried on his CV, he just smiled and said "What's a CV?"

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I've never heard that term in the States...

----------


## Scheherazade

I don't think the term "CV" is widely known or used in Americanese. They prefer "résumés".

----------


## prendrelemick

There again, CV means constant velocity in engineering parlence...but that wouldn't fit.

----------


## papayahed

> There again, CV means constant velocity in engineering parlence...but that wouldn't fit.


ohhh, do we have another engineer in the house?

----------


## prendrelemick

No a sheep farmer :Biggrin: 

(But then what's the difference)

----------


## The Atheist

> Pardon a newbie who starts questioning, but are people really banned _forever_, in this forum? That puzzles me, if it's the case.
> 
> I can understand a temporary ban (like in ice hockey), a sanction for an evident bad behaviour. But banning someone forever means: "We don't believe you will amend, ever". Seems a little out of phase, for a gathering of people united by their interest in litterature.
> 
> Just curious, really.


This is a great subject on its own, but every forum around has permanent bans available and in use.

Forum management always has a difficult enough time, with just about every moderator everywhere being a volunteer, that some people end up taking up a lot more time than they're worth and the answer is to ban them.

Is it fair? I think so - forum owners don't get rich off them, they own the place, why shouldn't they just say, "Go away and never come back"? Then hit the permenent ip ban button and presto, problem over.




> I don't think the term "CV" is widely known or used in Americanese. They prefer "résumés".


Yes, I'm aware of the esteem in which all things French are held in USA.




> There again, CV means constant velocity in engineering parlence...but that wouldn't fit.


Well, since I recruit mostly engineers, and some of them only move at "dead slow", it mightn't be a bad idea!

----------


## papayahed

> No a sheep farmer
> 
> (But then what's the difference)


That's true. :FRlol:

----------


## Nightshade

> No a sheep farmer
> 
> (But then what's the difference)


OOOoh Ive always wanted to work on a sheep farm  :Eek2:  I don't suppose yu need anyone to talk to the sheep/ recommoned books forthem to read? 
 :Brow:

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

they stand for Curriculum Vitae or something close to it.

----------


## prendrelemick

> OOOoh Ive always wanted to work on a sheep farm  I don't suppose yu need anyone to talk to the sheep/ recommoned books forthem to read?


What like the Baaachester Chronicles

----------


## The Atheist

> What like the Baaachester Chronicles


 :FRlol: 

Now tell me you play them Baaach in the shearing shed. Or does that get them worried about the dogs?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Now tell me you play them Baaach in the shearing shed. Or does that get them worried about the dogs?



Funny you should say that because here is George Shearing playing 'The Shadow of Your Smile', and actually finishing with a touch of Bach.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TgnLgdGmrW4

----------


## breathtest

:FRlol: Man these are some terrible jokes

----------


## prendrelemick

They prefer something they can dance the Lambada to.


(sorry)



I'll get me coat.....

----------


## Emil Miller

> They prefer something they can dance the Lambada to.
> 
> 
> (sorry)
> 
> 
> 
> I'll get me coat.....


Man these really are terrible jokes.

----------


## breathtest

hahaha

----------


## Stargazer86

> Yes, I'm aware of the esteem in which all things French are held in USA.


Which would explain why the idea to call them "Freedom Fries" when the war first started never really caught on too well 

We just love our McDonald's french fries way too much.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

i almost like 'bad' jokes better than good ones.

----------


## Stargazer86

I thought you guys (Brian in particular) might get a kick out of these:
http://www.oddee.com/item_96674.aspx

Sexist vintage adds. Ah how political correctness and feminism have changed the face of advertisement

----------


## prendrelemick

Hmm, I hope you ladies at the Coffee thread are buying the right sort of coffee. Or "woe be unto you." :FRlol:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Hmm, I hope you ladies at the Coffee thread are buying the right sort of coffee. Or "woe be unto you."


I dunno. I looked back at that ad and the lady doesn't seem entirely distressed by the spanking. Naughty housewife. She did it on purpose for a bit of fun from her hubby :P

----------


## Emil Miller

> I dunno. I looked back at that ad and the lady doesn't seem entirely distressed by the spanking. Naughty housewife. She did it on purpose for a bit of fun from her hubby :P


This brings to mind a conversation I had some years ago with a young lady of my acquaintance. She was discussing marriage ( don't they all?) and I was trying to explain that the difference in our characters would mean that I would be upset by her behaviour from time to time. and she replied with an expectant smile "Would you beat me?" If I had said yes , I would have been finished so I said that I could never beat a woman and, consequently, have remained blessedly single.

----------


## Stargazer86

> This brings to mind a conversation I had some years ago with a young lady of my acquaintance. She was discussing marriage ( don't they all?) and I was trying to explain that the difference in our characters would mean that I would be upset by her behaviour from time to time. and she replied with an expectant smile "Would you beat me?" If I had said yes , I would have been finished so I said that I could never beat a woman and, consequently, have remained blessedly single.



I don't quite follow. Why would saying you could never beat a woman keep you single? 

Did you look at those ads? I think you may enjoy them  :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I don't quite follow. Why would saying you could never beat a woman keep you single? 
> 
> Did you look at those ads? I think you may enjoy them


The implication being that some women expect to be beaten as part of the marriage contract, although in the case I am referring to, the woman concerned wasn't of western origin.
Yes, I saw the ads and they are indidcative of past attitudes to womans' position within society as a whole. However, the whole problem with the feminist approach is how, given females inherent superiority (think of your mother here) , do we continue to retain a semblance of superiority in the face of a resurgent feminism?

----------


## Nightshade

> What like the Baaachester Chronicles


I was thinking more along the line of The sheep who changed the world.
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sheep-Who-Ch...3555735&sr=8-6 
I love that book have yet to read it all but I get a quick page or pargraph when I am shelving the general fiction As or the Historical Ss. 



> i almost like 'bad' jokes better than good ones.


Doesnt everyone preffer bad jokes? 
 :Confused:

----------


## The Atheist

> The implication being that some women expect to be beaten as part of the marriage contract, although in the case I am referring to, the woman concerned wasn't of western origin.


There's a small group in USA, whose details I won't divulge here for reasons which will become obvious, whose membership are practitioners of spanking and assorted corpral punishments, not as a fetish, but as an agreed "club" method of keeping one's womenfolk on the straight and narrow.

One of the club's premises was that women should be given a good spanking weekly just to let them know who's boss. Many of the women complained about their husbands *not* giving them their weekly discipline.

It's not just non-westerners...

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

wow. I want those women's phone numbers... and not for liscivious or dating purposes. 

I would love to sue the crap out of their husbands. I would bet I could get a jury to squeeze them of what they are worth.

and now that I'm thinking of it, I bet you could get them to garnish the full 50% of their wages from the divorce.

----------


## The Atheist

> wow. I want those women's phone numbers... and not for liscivious or dating purposes. 
> 
> I would love to sue the crap out of their husbands. I would bet I could get a jury to squeeze them of what they are worth.


Yeah, they keep a very low profile.

----------


## prendrelemick

> There's a small group in USA, whose details I won't divulge here for reasons which will become obvious, whose membership are practitioners of spanking and assorted corpral punishments, not as a fetish, but as an agreed "club" method of keeping one's womenfolk on the straight and narrow.
> 
> One of the club's premises was that women should be given a good spanking weekly just to let them know who's boss. Many of the women complained about their husbands *not* giving them their weekly discipline.
> 
> It's not just non-westerners...


I bet it is a fetish really.  :Blush:

----------


## Nightshade

> wow. I want those women's phone numbers... and not for liscivious or dating purposes. 
> 
> I would love to sue the crap out of their husbands. I would bet I could get a jury to squeeze them of what they are worth.
> 
> and now that I'm thinking of it, I bet you could get them to garnish the full 50% of their wages from the divorce.


Wait you are a lawyer? .. or just someone after the monies, 'cause I don't understand how you would get it otherwise.



> Yeah, they keep a very low profile.


Not so low, one of the couples was on TV, a couple of years a go. Channel 4 or Five documentray. About western marriages where women stay home do all the house work and still run around pamering the men . Because and I quote ( not this bit but just to say God bless semi photographic memories  :Rolleyes:  ) 
" A man should be master of his own home. I used to think the way you peobably do, but I have learnt better. Sometimes its like having 4 babies, but a man desreves to be come home and not have to do anything."
I got very annoyed and continued out of the room at that point. But you could tel the guy was very annoyed by the 4 babies comment, his wife made. Also her English family were not amused. 
The documnetray came on folowing the annoying rise to popularity of that Domestic Goddes woman, can't rember what she is called, but she goes around telling people how to fold their sheets.

----------


## Emil Miller

The moment a man gets married, he ceases to be master in his own home. What beats me, however, is why aren't we masters in our own thread? :Frown:

----------


## Scheherazade

Maybe you should move to Stepford...

----------


## Nightshade

OOOh wasnt theer a second version of that where all the men were 'perfect' husbands?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Maybe you should move to Stepford...


Long before the film was made, I was talking to a female colleague one day and she said that it would be wonderful if women could take a man out of a box when they needed one and put him back in it when they didn't.
I told her it was strange that she should say that because that is exactly the way men feel about women but that women would probably spend more time in the box than men.

----------


## Scheherazade

Well, there are such "women", you know.

----------


## Stargazer86

That is tragic about those women being like that. 
I'm no avid femenist and can joke around about some stuff, but the beating thing and the women expecting it is insane. 

Honestly, guys, would you even want to be with a woman like that? One who expects you to be her master and who is that insecure? That sounds like that would be an unhappy union on both ends. If I ever had a guy that insecure or clingy or overly dependent, I would be out of that situation in a heartbeat. That's not to say there's anything wrong with cooking, keeping house, and doing nice things for my daughter's dad. I enjoy doing that and I know a lot of other women who enjoy that as well. But the expecting and wanting to be beaten thing...whoa. Sounds like trouble...

----------


## Virgil

> That is tragic about those women being like that. 
> I'm no avid femenist and can joke around about some stuff, but the beating thing and the women expecting it is insane. 
> 
> Honestly, guys, would you even want to be with a woman like that? One who expects you to be her master and who is that insecure? That sounds like that would be an unhappy union on both ends. If I ever had a guy that insecure or clingy or overly dependent, I would be out of that situation in a heartbeat. That's not to say there's anything wrong with cooking, keeping house, and doing nice things for my daughter's dad. I enjoy doing that and I know a lot of other women who enjoy that as well. But the expecting and wanting to be beaten thing...whoa. Sounds like trouble...


I wouldn't and i don't think it's all that common. We are not talking about women who tend to choose abusive men. Whatever is going on there, they are not looking forward to abuse. I have never met any woman that wanted to be beat for, for what the pleasure of it? Are we talking about S&M here? I don't know of any and I wouldn't want to have a relationship like that.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Well, there are such "women", you know.


So I have heard but, apparently, they wear out a lot quicker than the genuine article.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I wouldn't and i don't think it's all that common. We are not talking about women who tend to choose abusive men. Whatever is going on there, they are not looking forward to abuse. I have never met any woman that wanted to be beat for, for what the pleasure of it? Are we talking about S&M here? I don't know of any and I wouldn't want to have a relationship like that.


This was in reference to the posts about the Stepford wives. I don't necissarily mean with the woman getting beaten, although *points up to one of Brian's posts about a former acquantance of his* was part of the question. I mean more like with the traditional subservient "woman" role with the man being the "master" of the house. cooking and cleaning is one thing, but living your life solely to please another? I think that novelty would wear off quickly for your average man.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I would agree. There is a certain amount of submission that needs to go both ways...but isn't that true for any friendship/relationship? If two people live in the same house, you have to do things for each other, or else there will be strife...even mere roommates need to keep the other in mind.

----------


## The Atheist

Nothing like a spot of wife-beating to get the subject on track!

Now, I'll put a link to this in, because it's relevant in terms of discrimination and people's attitudes towards it. There are 100 warnings before you can view it, but is a public service ad, and there's not even any bad language - I can't get my head around why there are any warnings at all.

Link

And I've finally got a bit of time to make a few comments.

Busy taking over Australia, doncherknow.




> I bet it is a fetish really.


Ity doesn't start out that way, as biblical reasons are [of course] used as the basis for it all, but I found it fascinating that it did become fetish-like for the women while the men ended up seeing it as a chore.




> Not so low, one of the couples was on TV, a couple of years a go. Channel 4 or Five documentray. About western marriages where women stay home do all the house work and still run around pamering the men . Because and I quote ( not this bit but just to say God bless semi photographic memories  ) 
> " A man should be master of his own home. I used to think the way you peobably do, but I have learnt better. Sometimes its like having 4 babies, but a man desreves to be come home and not have to do anything."


Sounds similar, but it'll be a different group; the one I sneaked into was ultra-cautious about publicity and wouldn't have appeared anywhere in the media. In the end, that's how they found out who I really was - I'd started writing about it and they twigged that I was not their friend.




> The moment a man gets married, he ceases to be master in his own home.


Only if you marry the wrong woman.

The wrong woman, which is the one that almost all blokes on the planet are married to, is the one who needs to be the boss herself, who doesn't understand the meaning of the word "partnership". Mind you, almost no blokes do either, so it keeps the divorce lawyers in work.

 :Biggrin: 




> What beats me, however, is why aren't we masters in our own thread?


Ah, but we are.

The women are here at our forebearance, because being good, hardworking men we can just pack up our club and walk away.

There's no greeater mastery than that.

I'll have Parker bring you a Horlicks.




> Maybe you should move to Stepford...


 :FRlol: 




> Long before the film was made, I was talking to a female colleague one day and she said that it would be wonderful if women could take a man out of a box when they needed one and put him back in it when they didn't.
> I told her it was strange that she should say that because that is exactly the way men feel about women but that women would probably spend more time in the box than men.


I think we need to devise a suitability test for humans. Even birds manage to keep lifelong partners quite happily, and they're dumber than dirt.




> So I have heard but, apparently, they wear out a lot quicker than the genuine article.


Big deal; you just get a new one. Look at Hugh Hefner, he's had a lot of boxes through his place, so I hear.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Did you know that 1,000s of women are battered in the United States every year...the rest of them are eaten plain...

----------


## Nightshade

> Even birds manage to keep lifelong partners quite happily, and they're dumber than dirt.
> .


Maybe that is why.

----------


## prendrelemick

ah but are they happy though, or do the stay together for the sake of the eggs?

----------


## Stargazer86

And now for something completely different:


My latest girl crush  :Biggrin:  

And she still looks AMAZING 30 years later!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Big deal; you just get a new one. Look at Hugh Hefner, he's had a lot of boxes through his place, so I hear.



Yeah, but most of them have contained viagra. :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Yeah, but most of them have contained viagra.


 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

> And now for something completely different:
> 
> 
> My latest girl crush  
> 
> And she still looks AMAZING 30 years later!


Who can forget her outstanding performance in One Million Years BC.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvkwBmfZAeo

I can honestly say, they don't make films like that anymore. :FRlol:

----------


## Niamh

> Did you know that 1,000s of women are battered in the United States every year...the rest of them are eaten plain...


 :Eek: ....  :FRlol:   :FRlol: 

who i think is possibly the most beautiful woman on the planet... ( I would love to look like her!)
Eva Green

----------


## The Atheist

> Eva Green


She's a horticulturalist?

----------


## Niamh

> She's a horticulturalist?


 :FRlol:  jeez! you lot really are reeling out the puns and bad jokes lately arent you!  :Tongue:

----------


## prendrelemick

I like this, women posting pics of women, it feels a bit saucy.

----------


## Emil Miller

How would they like it if we started posting pictures of Arnold Schwarzeneger or Chuck Norris in their coffeeshop?

----------


## Stargazer86

> How would they like it if we started posting pictures of Arnold Schwarzeneger or Chuck Norris in their coffeeshop?


You'd have to find attractive men. I find neither of them attractive in the least. Arnold is my govenator. And...well...*struggles not to delve into politics*
I can think of tons of better looking male celebrities.

Are you objecting to a scantily clad Raquel Welch?

Niamh- Is that the chick from James Bond- Casino Royale? Vesper, I think..

Oh and Prend, I've never seen any of her films. They look horrid. But she sure is gorgeous! My daughter's dad has a major thing for her so I looked up some pix of her and I have to concur with his judgement.

----------


## kilted exile

I am better looking than arnie & chuck norris - should plaster my pic all over the coffee thread

plus eva green = very good choice. beautiful as opposed to bimbo

----------


## Stargazer86

> I am better looking than arnie & chuck norris - should plaster my pic all over the coffee thread
> 
> plus eva green = very good choice. beautiful as opposed to bimbo


Are you calling Raquel Welch a bimbo? *gasp* She is pure American woman. She exudes class in her own way  :Biggrin:  

Well let's see those pix of you kilted. maybe all you guys could raid the coffee thread with your own pix  :FRlol:

----------


## kilted exile

there are plenty of pics of me around

nah didnt mean raquel welch as bimbo - meant as opposed to the various nonsense often in media & such-like

----------


## Emil Miller

> Are you calling Raquel Welch a bimbo? *gasp* She is pure American woman. She exudes class in her own way  
> 
> Well let's see those pix of you kilted. maybe all you guys could raid the coffee thread with your own pix


Kilted's our answer to all you women who want to wear the trousers.

----------


## kilted exile

hehehehehehehe, damn right I'll wear the skirt in the relationship thank you very much
\

----------


## Stargazer86

I think kilts are awesome! Do you wear a kilt on a daily basis, or only on certain occasions?

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> Are you calling Raquel Welch a bimbo? *gasp* She is pure American woman. She exudes class in her own way  
> 
> Well let's see those pix of you kilted. maybe all you guys could raid the coffee thread with your own pix


You wouldn't want to see scantily clad pix of me in the coffee thread... :FRlol: 
I'd get booted quicker than anything...
I'd probably get banned completely.

----------


## Stargazer86

> You wouldn't want to see scantily clad pix of me in the coffee thread...
> I'd get booted quicker than anything...
> I'd probably get banned completely.


How bout all you guys post pix of yourself in kilts  :FRlol:

----------


## Nightshade

:Eek2:  Oh dear God help us all :Eek2:  *throws up hands in horror and walks off to see if its not too early to get served some geeks in the Live chat thread*

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> How bout all you guys post pix of yourself in kilts


Would you seriously want to see these legs?

 :Sick:  :Sick:  :Sick:

----------


## kilted exile

I happen to look very good in a kilt. I have the legs for it  :FRlol:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

If I had a kilt...I'd consider taking a picture for the ladies...but lucky for them...I don't!  :Wink:

----------


## Janine

YES!!! I am for the KILTS, too!!! post away..... :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

> YES!!! I am for the KILTS, too!!! post away.....


for you Janine  :Wink:

----------


## Lokasenna

Kilts? Fun! Here you go:



That was me at my high-school leavers' ball. I won the best dressed male award, although that was more to do with the fact that every other bloke wore a tux.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Kilts? Fun! Here you go:
> 
> 
> 
> That was me at my high-school leavers' ball. I won the best dressed male award, although that was more to do with the fact that every other bloke wore a tux.


Not so long ago you'd be arrested for looking like that. :FRlol:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Wow, looks like a lot has happened since I last checked...  :Wink: 
Gentlemen, you have attracted quite a number of ladies! Even Ms. Janine is here! :Biggrin: 
Loki! You look like a leprechaun! :FRlol:  A really cute leprechaun, mind you.  :Wink:  And you're kilt looks like one of the uniform skirts here...  :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

Lok- you look nice in your kilt  :Smile:  

Are you Scottish?

----------


## The Atheist

> Loki! You look like a leprechaun! A really cute leprechaun, mind you.  And you're kilt looks like one of the uniform skirts here...


Leprechaun?

They're small, green and Irish. Lok looks like a Jock.

(Jock is friendly slang for Scottish. At least, it's friendly until it's said by an Englishman, the Scots' mortal enemy.)

----------


## Nightshade

Not to interfere with the guessing game, and I may be wrong, but considering other thing Loki has written I would say Welsh rather than Scottish? 

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Leprechaun?
> 
> They're small, green and Irish. Lok looks like a Jock.
> 
> (Jock is friendly slang for Scottish. At least, it's friendly until it's said by an Englishman, the Scots' mortal enemy.)



Are Scots and English really mortal enemies anymore? The English do seem to have made a lot of enemies in surrounding areas...

I always thought "jock" was a term for those into sports. It is here anyway. 

And I don't believe leprechauns are green. I think they're rather pasty. And wear green

----------


## Emil Miller

OK, enough with the kilt jokes, in this clip you will see a lot of men wearing kilts. You will also see some of the finest film acting in your life when the martinet new commander of a Scottish battalian takes over from its veteran commander and the effect that it has on the troops. Directed by the great British director Ronald Neame, it makes Coppola,Tarantino _et al_ look like the schoolboys they really are. I invite you to check out other clips of the film on the Youtube site. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1-RXfNFXd0

----------


## Michael T

Check out the clip from this film... 'Carry on up the Khyber' if you want to see the best of the British in kilts and British stiff upper lip!

You won't be disappointed!  :Biggrin: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8atKXFZefA

Make sure you watch it all...only 6 mins.

----------


## Lokasenna

Leprechaun? Oh dear - that wasn't really the look I was trying for.

Nightshade is quite correct - I'm a Welshman. Fortunately, a fairly cosmopolitan family background lets me make a claim on some Scottish blood, so I'm not too much of a phony. That said, my clan's tartan is ridiculously difficult to get hold of, and also happens to be the most expensive tartan in existence (at least according to the woman in the shop), so that's just a generic pattern I'm wearing.

Dislike between the English and the Scots? Perhaps more of a friendly rivalry than anything else...

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

friendly until soccer is mentioned.

----------


## Emil Miller

> friendly until soccer is mentioned.


I don't know where you hail from because of the childish hiding behind imaginary locations such as 'Over the rainbow' etc. but, even I, who is a oompletely ignorant non-follower of football, know that English and Scottish teams have thier own leagues and do not meet on the football field.

----------


## papayahed

hey Brian, are you that guy on the block that always yells at kids to stay off his lawn?

----------


## Nightshade

> I don't know where you hail from because of the childish hiding behind imaginary locations such as 'Over the rainbow' etc. but, even I, who is a oompletely ignorant non-follower of football, know that English and Scottish teams have thier own leagues and do not meet on the football field.


Ehhh then what were the Rangers doing when they invaded and _trashed_ Manchester?
hmmm?

EDIT: I should say, aside from the idiot rioters part of the reason the town was such a mess the next day is that we just DO NOT have enough bins down town to deal with the amount of rubbish that many people would generate. I think the lack of bins in the city centre is delibrate, still tis annoying.

----------


## kilted exile

just having a fun trip out for the day

----------


## Nightshade

Really? 
 :Eek2:  

( oh I did edit post^ Its been a year I need to begin to get over my shoes being destrotyed by that mess I think. )

----------


## kilted exile

nah, but for the ne'erdowells that caused the problem they probably though it was - just a change from smashing up glasgow - they were playing russians btw not english

----------


## Nightshade

It was the rubbish I had a problem with,more thatn the samshing, I got maky cichken bone in my foot, because it was hot and I was wearing sandles and I landed on one when I arrived in the station next morning. 
Ther was a brilliant picture though, not sure if it was the Rangers, mihght have been someone else. all these fans back lit by a bonfire, It was reminicent of a painting of ancient warriors, what with all the face paints and the gleams in their eyes and all. 
I should have kept it...*sigh*

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

> I don't know where you hail from because of the childish hiding behind imaginary locations such as 'Over the rainbow' etc. but, even I, who is a oompletely ignorant non-follower of football, know that English and Scottish teams have thier own leagues and do not meet on the football field.


why do you feel the need to be so impolite to me?

Yes, it is the internet. However, up until now, I thought you had more tact.

----------


## The Atheist

And to show the power of the internet; well, Google Adsense anyway, here we all are talking about kilts, so what does Google Adsense display for us?

Ads for kilts, of course!




 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Sorry Kilted, I couldn't resist.  :Biggrin: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvyd7oSESgw

----------


## Michael T

> I don't know where you hail from because of the childish hiding behind imaginary locations such as 'Over the rainbow' etc. but, even I, who is a oompletely ignorant non-follower of football, know that English and Scottish teams have thier own leagues and do not meet on the football field.


You're wrong actually Brian. English and Scottish league teams do meet in European club competitions. Manchester United and Celtic played each other home and away in the _Champions League_ quite recently.

----------


## Emil Miller

> why do you feel the need to be so impolite to me?
> 
> Yes, it is the internet. However, up until now, I thought you had more tact.


If I appeared to be impolite, it wasn't my intention. It is sometimes quite irritating seeing posts which, if only members were to give a reasonable indication of where they live or whether they are male or female, would help others reply logically. I am surprised that the administrators of the site don't insist on the information being a requirement if only out of courtesy.




> You're wrong actually Brian. English and Scottish league teams do meet in European club competitions. Manchester United and Celtic played each other home and away in the _Champions League_ quite recently.


Well I did say that I was a completely ignorant non-follower of football so there you go.
However, I don't imagine that it happens very often for Scottish and English teams to meet in that particular competition although I could be wrong again.

----------


## Scheherazade

> If I appeared to be impolite, it wasn't my intention. It is sometimes quite irritating seeing posts which, if only members were to give a reasonable indication of where they live or whether they are male or female, would help others reply logically. I am surprised that the administrators of the site don't insist on the information being a requirement if only out of courtesy.


Hello, Scheherazade here. I am female and I am hailing from the UK. 

 :Tongue: 

Brian,

In everyone's profile there are fields regarding their location and also we have threads such as Where are you from?, Gender Poll and How old will you be? for those members who would like to share their personal information with others. 

However, if they don't wish to do so, we cannot force them (and if we did, there would be riots in the streets of the Forum, calling us "Forum Police" and accusing us of "invasion of privacy"  :Rolleyes: )

----------


## Emil Miller

> Hello, Scheherazade here. I am female and I am hailing from the UK. 
> 
> 
> 
> Brian,
> 
> In everyone's profile there are fields regarding their location and also we have threads such as Where are you from?, Gender Poll and How old will you be? for those members who would like to share personal information with others. 
> 
> However, if they don't wish to do so, we cannot force them (and if we did, there would be riots in the streets of the Forum, calling us "Forum Police" and accusing us of "invasion of privacy" )


Hi Scheherazade,
Thanks for the info, I didn't know you were from the UK, I thought you might be Canadian. You are probably right about an uproar over some members being obliged to give their gender or location. It is interesting to ponder the psychology behind a refusal to do so. I mean, I live in London and anybody who wants to can see my name; I don't see a problem with it. I don't go to bed each night thinking that creditors, MI5, the Mafia or aliens are trying to find out exactly where I live so they can come and get me. Obviously I don't know people's individual circumstances, and have no wish to, but an irrational fear seems to pervade internet forums which is one of their drawbacks.

----------


## Emil Miller

> hey Brian, are you that guy on the block that always yells at kids to stay off his lawn?


Hey papayahed, are you one of those kids who keeps playing on my lawn?

----------


## Nightshade

> I don't go to bed each night thinking that creditors, MI5, the Mafia or aliens are trying to find out exactly where I live so they can come and get me. Obviously I don't know people's individual circumstances, and have no wish to, but an irrational fear seems to pervade internet forums which is one of their drawbacks.


That's probably because the UK should be the most paranoid of all, but for the most part we have become ccomplacent to being watched ALL the time, we are the most monitored and watched of all so called democratic and 'free' countries. And its not irrational really, I for one am very happy people are not dropping personal information left right and centre.

----------


## LostPrincess13

*rings Mr. Bean's doorbell and hides behind the tree snickering*

----------


## Emil Miller

> *rings Mr. Bean's doorbell and hides behind the tree snickering*


I can see that I'm going to have to speak to your mother about you young lady. :Biggrin:

----------


## papayahed

> Hey papayahed, are you one of those kids who keeps playing on my lawn?


hahhaa. No, I'm more of the age where I would send my kid over to play on your lawn, just to bug you. :FRlol:  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> If I appeared to be impolite, it wasn't my intention. It is sometimes quite irritating seeing posts which, if only members were to give a reasonable indication of where they live or whether they are male or female, would help others reply logically. I am surprised that the administrators of the site don't insist on the information being a requirement if only out of courtesy.


HA!

I started an internet war once while I was attending a "science/skeptic" forum. The forum only exists to promote science and debunk pseudoscience and I suggested that since members were attacking people who were named and known, that the attackers shouldn't be anonymous and should include real names and countries in their profiles.

That went down like the proverbial lead balloon.

While I always use this nom-de-plume, all of my relevant data and a link to even my family pages are contained in my profile. 3 or 4 people each month click through onto my personal pages, so some people do want to know.

The trouble is, some people are a bit paranoid, and if anonymity weren't guaranteed, they wouldn't post.




> Hello, Scheherazade here. I am female and I am hailing from the UK.


I thought you were one of those damn Canucks, too, eh?




> However, if they don't wish to do so, we cannot force them (and if we did, there would be riots in the streets of the Forum, calling us "Forum Police" and accusing us of "invasion of privacy" )


And yet, newspapers still don't print letters from people with names and addresses, and those names and areas are published. 

I grudgingly accept the change in attitude to public statements, but I still don't like it.

I must say, it bothers me far less here than other forums. Probably because I make allowances for people who read books.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## kilted exile

> Sorry Kilted, I couldn't resist. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mvyd7oSESgw


I remember that day very clearly already thank you very much.

here is a happier time - unfortunately not alive to see it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtC1pByt-os

slim jim baxter (grew up round the corner from him), billy bremner, denis law

"easy! Easy, this is so freaking easy!"

seriously people watch the whole thing

----------


## Scheherazade

> Hi Scheherazade,
> Thanks for the info, I didn't know you were from the UK, I thought you might be Canadian.





> I thought you were one of those damn Canucks, too, eh?


Yeah, I live in the UK and can't imagine why you might think that I am Canadian but I sure do hope that your assumption did not offend any Canadians on here *waves at Logos*  :Biggrin: 

I would love to live in Canada... Was determined to go there after university. Got scholarship offers from three universities but could not go due to familial reasons. *sighs* Maybe one day.

----------


## The Atheist

> Or maybe your doggie to do his _business_ on the lawn... Yeah, I live in the UK and can't imagine why you might think that I am Canadian but I sure do hope that your assumption did not offend any Canadians on here *waves at Logos* 
> 
> I would love to live in Canada... Was determined to go there after university. Got scholarship offers from three universities but could not go due to familial reasons. *sighs* Maybe one day.


Funnily enough, Canadians and Kiwis have a strong bond - surprisingly, stronger than us and Australia. Maybe it's something to do with living next to a vastly more powerful neighbour? I've always bonded pretty well with Canadiennes in particular!

----------


## prendrelemick

> I remember that day very clearly already thank you very much.
> 
> here is a happier time - unfortunately not alive to see it:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtC1pByt-os
> 
> slim jim baxter (grew up round the corner from him), billy bremner, denis law
> 
> "easy! Easy, this is so freaking easy!"
> ...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  There is nothing we English love more, than to see the mighty brought low.

Billy Bremner, is my one true unassailable footballing hero. He's a little ginger god to me.

(Notice I kindly didn't show the MacCallister penalty :Biggrin: )

----------


## Emil Miller

> That's probably because the UK should be the most paranoid of all, but for the most part we have become ccomplacent to being watched ALL the time, we are the most monitored and watched of all so called democratic and 'free' countries. And its not irrational really, I for one am very happy people are not dropping personal information left right and centre.


I never feel that I am being watched all the time and it doesn't bother me in the least. I have no intention of contravening any laws and never have done, so when I am outside of my home the authorities can watch me as much as they like. After all, the people who pass me in the street can see me too and the fact that they know they are being watched helps to deter criminals fom impinging on my liberty in a way that is far more intrusive than cameras. I suppose it helps to have worked in secure areas of government departments where security measures of one type or another were quite strict but, in my experience, CCTV hasn't come up as a topic of conversation very often which implies that there are others who aren't bothered about it either, even if there have been some observations by newspaper columnists and the like on the issue.

----------


## The Atheist

24 hours without a post?

Has everyone died of Swine 'Flu?

I've just asked Parker to bring out the Chateau Latour Pauillac 1994 to try. That usually brings them running.

And a Newkie.  :Wink:

----------


## Stargazer86

Athiest-

Were you the one who posted about the Newcastle beer ice cream? 

Has anyone tried that? How is it? I'd like to try it out  :Biggrin:

----------


## TurquoiseSunset

> I never feel that I am being watched all the time and it doesn't bother me in the least. I have no intention of contravening any laws and never have done, so when I am outside of my home the authorities can watch me as much as they like. After all, the people who pass me in the street can see me too and the fact that they know they are being watched helps to deter criminals fom impinging on my liberty in a way that is far more intrusive than cameras. I suppose it helps to have worked in secure areas of government departments where security measures of one type or another were quite strict but, in my experience, CCTV hasn't come up as a topic of conversation very often which implies that there are others who aren't bothered about it either, even if there have been some observations by newspaper columnists and the like on the issue.



I've been "stalked" before by a chatroom loser... So I'm a little more careful I think...

----------


## Emil Miller

> 24 hours without a post?
> 
> Has everyone died of Swine 'Flu?
> 
> I've just asked Parker to bring out the Chateau Latour Pauillac 1994 to try. That usually brings them running.
> 
> And a Newkie.


I think the problem stems from a slight dispute concerning the respective skills of English and Scottish football players. This sent the inordinate number of females invading the thread running and their input diminished accordingly, a disappearence for which we must be truly grateful. However, although women have been surreptitiously trying to take over the thread, we must take into account that soccer is of no great importance to non-British members and, therefore, perhaps we would be best served in keeping our observations to the finer things in life: namely, matters related to sex and alchohol. As for the Ch.Latour Pauillac 1994, it is now retailing at £291.67 per bottle which is considerably more expensive than Newkie ( if you will forgive the vernacular) but I feel that the tone of the club would be irrevocably lowered if the Pauillac were to be served with pork scratchings.

----------


## AimusSage

> I think the problem stems from a slight dispute concerning the respective skills of English and Scottish football players. This sent the inordinate number of females invading the thread running and their input diminished accordingly, a disappearence for which we must be truly grateful. However, although women have been surreptitiously trying to take over the thread, we must take into account that soccer is of no great importance to non-British members and, therefore, perhaps we would be best served in keeping our observations to the finer things in life: namely, matters related to sex and alchohol. As for the Ch.Latour Pauillac 1994, it is now retailing at £291.67 per bottle which is considerably more expensive than Newkie ( if you will forgive the vernacular) but I feel that the tone of the club would be irrevocably lowered if the Pauillac were to be served with pork scratchings.


I beg to differ. Football, NOT soccer, is in fact relevant in all continents except for North America, where men prefer such inferior sports as American *Handball and occasional* football and Base*yawn*ball.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I beg to differ. Football, NOT soccer, is in fact relevant in all continents except for North America, where men prefer such inferior sports as American *Handball and occasional* football and Base*yawn*ball.


I take offence to that gross generalization as I do not like American football (truthfully I've never watched a game) I just go to the Super Bowl parties because that's just the thing to do. They're a lot of fun even if you don't watch the game.
Baseball's okay. Never been a big fan of that either.

But soccer (or as you call it, football) is by far my favorite sport. I played for years and will have my 5 month old daughter who is quite a kicker, play when she is old enough. Shame it's not more widely watched here.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I beg to differ. Football, NOT soccer, is in fact relevant in all continents except for North America, where men prefer such inferior sports as American *Handball and occasional* football and Base*yawn*ball.


You are right of course, I meant to say USA instead of non-British members even though I realise there is an on-going attempt to export football into the US. My reason for mentioning it had less to do with football, of which I know practically nothing, than an attempt to revive flagging interest in the thread itself. That being said, football, or any other sport, is a non starter in comparison to sex and booze. :Biggrin:

----------


## The Comedian

> . That being said, football, or any other sport, is a non starter in comparison to sex and booze.


Yes indeed.

----------


## prendrelemick

How about a topic on ladies underwear, or sömething equally important, to get this thread back to where it belongs.  :Biggrin: 

Two pictures of underwear below, One from Anne Summers and one from Damart. One is considered sexy, the other frumpy. Whats the difference ?(apart from about 30 quid)

----------


## Michael T

> How about a topic on ladies underwear, or sömething equally important, to get this thread back to where it belongs. 
> 
> Two pictures of underwear below, One from Anne Summers and one from Damart. One is considered sexy, the other frumpy. Whats the difference ?(apart from about 30 quid)


It's not so much the cost...more about availability!!  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

Or accessability

----------


## Scheherazade

Also, the obvious 30 years age gap between the models.

You can probably get the second one on offer: Buy one, get the second one half price or even free...  :Tongue: 

But no such luck with the first one!

----------


## Nightshade

comfort! 
if its not cutting into you and giving you scars, its frumpy  :Rolleyes: 

Also the one is for titless wonders and the other is for 'real' women.

----------


## Niamh

the first one is just for teasing, the second one is to give you a figure and hold in saggy bits so you look good in a nice dress.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> the first one is just for teasing, the second one is to give you a figure and hold in saggy bits so you look good in a nice dress.


Although I have never seen a woman wearing the second item (Thank Heavens) , neither have I seen one wearing the first ( Worse Luck ). At the risk of much ribald comment, where have I been going wrong?

----------


## Virgil

> Although I have never seen a woman wearing the second item (Thank Heavens) , neither have I seen one wearing the first ( Worse Luck ). At the risk of much ribald comment, where have I been going wrong?


I've never seen that either Brian. And given I'm married and you're not, you can still hope.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Michael T

> Also, the obvious 30 years age gap between the models.
> 
> You can probably get the second one on offer: Buy one, get the second one half price or even free... 
> 
> But no such luck with the first one!



 :Eek2:  Scher...How can you talk about those poor models in that way! I'm sure they are both very respectable girls.  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I've never seen that either Brian. And given I'm married and you're not, you can still hope.


Any normal unmarried guy gets to see quite a bit of lingerie in his time but why is it never so inspiring as that in the first picture? As you said, I'm still hoping.  :Biggrin:

----------


## TurquoiseSunset

> Any normal unmarried guy gets to see quite a bit of lingerie in his time but why is it never so inspiring as that in the first picture? As you said, I'm still hoping.


The kind you usually see, Brian, is a little cheaper...and can also be worn under clothes...so we get our money's worth  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> As for the Ch.Latour Pauillac 1994, it is now retailing at £291.67 per bottle which is considerably more expensive than Newkie ( if you will forgive the vernacular) but I feel that the tone of the club would be irrevocably lowered if the Pauillac were to be served with pork scratchings.


 :FRlol: 




> How about a topic on ladies underwear, or sömething equally important, to get this thread back to where it belongs. 
> 
> Two pictures of underwear below, One from Anne Summers and one from Damart. One is considered sexy, the other frumpy. Whats the difference ?(apart from about 30 quid)


Women wear the first one when they know it's going to be exposed and the second when they know it's not.




> Any normal unmarried guy gets to see quite a bit of lingerie in his time but why is it never so inspiring as that in the first picture? As you said, I'm still hoping.


The only times that I've seen any really sexy lingerie worn with intent is actually during marriage. When a girlfriend goes out with her man, she's not thinking about turning him on, because if he isn't turned on by just being there, he wouldn't be there!

Couples, given the time and lack of competition unavailable to singles, have the opportunity to dress nicely both on top and underneath. Most sexy lingerie is designed to be worn without clothes.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Women wear the first one when they know it's going to be exposed and the second when they know it's not.
> 
> 
> 
> The only times that I've seen any really sexy lingerie worn with intent is actually during marriage. When a girlfriend goes out with her man, she's not thinking about turning him on, because if he isn't turned on by just being there, he wouldn't be there!
> 
> Couples, given the time and lack of competition unavailable to singles, have the opportunity to dress nicely both on top and underneath. Most sexy lingerie is designed to be work without clothes.



Well I'm not getting married if that's what it takes. :Biggrin:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Scher...How can you talk about those poor models in that way! I'm sure they are both very respectable girls.


You misunderstand me...

I was merely refering to the garments they were modelling... Not the models themselves.

 :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> Well I'm not getting married if that's what it takes.


Hey, there are other beneits.

I'll let you know what they are when I remember them...

Or my wife tells me what they are!

 :FRlol:

----------


## Scheherazade

Please accept our deepest sympathies upon the not-so-unexpected demise of your thread.

Seems like you cannot find anything to post about unless a semi-clad lady is involved.

 :Tongue:

----------


## kilted exile

bah, not even 24hrs and they're reporting our demise. It's just we know how to enjoy silence a quiet drink and our thoughts. unlike you lot we dont need to be constantly talking.

----------


## The Atheist

> bah, not even 24hrs and they're reporting our demise. It's just we know how to enjoy silence a quiet drink and our thoughts. unlike you lot we dont need to be constantly talking.


Methinks there's more than a snippet of posting-envy involved in it as well.

Being the alleged champions of talking [constant drivel], the girls are a bit embarrased to find that on a time/post rate, The Blokes' Thread is much bigger.

Why are women so obsessed with size?

----------


## Scheherazade

> Methinks there's more than a snippet of posting-envy involved in it as well.
> 
> Being the alleged champions of talking [constant drivel], the girls are a bit embarrased to find that on a time/post rate, The Blokes' Thread is much bigger.
> 
> Why are women so obsessed with size?


Could a post get any more Freudian?

 :Biggrin: 

But, please rest assured that no envy was involved in the making of my previous post.

----------


## The Atheist

> Could a post get any more Freudian?


I thought you'd like that!

 :Wink:

----------


## Virgil

> Please accept our deepest sympathies upon the not-so-unexpected demise of your thread.
> 
> Seems like you cannot find anything to post about unless a semi-clad lady is involved.


And what's wrong with that? Scantily clad women are all there really is to life.  :Smile: 



Now the real question is why women decide to be so scantily clad for our entertainment?  :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> The kind you usually see, Brian, is a little cheaper...and can also be worn under clothes...so we get our money's worth


As I first started to read this I wasn't sure where you were going....




> The kind you usually see, Brian, is a little cheaper...


I wasn't sure if you were talking about the garments or the women...fortunately you cleared it up with the rest of the statement.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Could a post get any more Freudian?
> 
> 
> 
> But, please rest assured that no envy was involved in the making of my previous post.


I note that the sub-text to your avatar reads Piece de Resistance.
What we men prefer is Vive la Piece et a bas la Resistance. Especially if the piece in question is tres joli.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I note that the sub-text to your avatar reads Piece de Resistance.
> What we men prefer is Vive la Piece et a bas la Resistance. Especially if the piece in question is tres joli.


Come on, Brian, You'll have to translate that for some of the ignorant Americans here...and I mean ignorant in the most respectable way....meaning, I just don't know what that means.

----------


## Scheherazade

> I note that the sub-text to your avatar reads Piece de Resistance.
> What we men prefer is Vive la Piece et a bas la Resistance. Especially if the piece in question is tres joli.


Obviously _joli_ is not an adjective to be associated with this _pièce_ so it is OK that she is "Pièce de Résistance", I am sure.

----------


## Emil Miller

> And what's wrong with that? Scantily clad women are all there really is to life.


Don't forget the booze Virgil.

----------


## Stargazer86

And pork scratchings..

----------


## Michael T

Don't forget good cigars and sport (or did we cover sport with women?)  :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> Don't forget the booze Virgil.





> And pork scratchings..





> Don't forget good cigars and sport (or did we cover sport with women?)


Ok, you're all right, though I have no idea what pork scratchings are.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Ok, you're all right, though I have no idea what pork scratchings are.


Deep-fried pork rind. Cooked until it's puffed and crunchy, then salted.

A favourite of cardiac surgeons, with pork scratchings being 100% saturated fat and salt! No carbs.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Deep-fried pork rind. Cooked until it's puffed and crunchy, then salted.
> 
> A favourite of cardiac surgeons, with pork scratchings being 100% saturated fat and salt! No carbs.


We call that 'chicharon' here...  :Biggrin:

----------


## Haunted

> Now the real question is why women decide to be so scantily clad for our entertainment?


We do that for our own entertainment...our way to celebrate our inner goddesses. If guys happen to be present, that's fine by us, all in the spirit of sharing  :Tongue:

----------


## Quark

> We do that for our own entertainment...our way to celebrate our inner goddesses


Sounds more like your inner narcissist. By whatever name, though, it's a great thing.

----------


## Haunted

> Sounds more like your inner narcissist. By whatever name, though, it's a great thing.


hmmm not the same. "narcissist" is self admiration, "goddess" is more like self liberating. Whole different feeling.

----------


## Quark

> hmmm not the same. "narcissist" is self admiration, "goddess" is more like self liberating. Whole different feeling.


You make much finer distinctions with your appearance and clothes than I do. Usually, I'm not considering whether an outfit is about admiration or liberation. Most often, it's just a matter of clean or not clean, new or threadbare. Sometimes my thoughts range as high as whether something fits, but most of the time it's pretty low-order thinking. 

Speaking of low-order thinking, how did we get onto scantily clad women as a topic?

----------


## Haunted

yeah, we gals think differently. Clothes don't cover us. It reveals us and sets us free. 

how we got into the subject is when I was poking around New Posts and clicked on something and back arrow'd a page or two, saw Virgil's bikini babes and just felt like commenting (more like clarifying). It's late, I can't sleep and just found myself here. Please don't mind me.... :Tongue:

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

I could use a cold beer.

----------


## Quark

> how did we get onto scantily clad women as a topic?





> Virgil's bikini babes


Somehow I'm not surprised.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

I'm not sure how high of life MIller HIgh Life is, but it'll have to do... good thing I have Bushmills as a chaser.

----------


## PoeticPassions

> I'm not sure how high of life MIller HIgh Life is, but it'll have to do... good thing I have Bushmills as a chaser.


Maybe you should chase it with kool-aid  :Wink: 

I never go into this thread, and now that I did I really had nothing interesting to offer. Boredom... meh....

oh and if you want to see scantily clad women, you should all come to where I live... in the summer it is quite the sight  :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Speaking of low-order thinking, how did we get onto scantily clad women as a topic?


It came up with this post of mine (post #1086): 


> Seems like you cannot find anything to post about unless a semi-clad lady is involved.


One has to appreciate Fool's persistent attempts at keeping the thread bloke-friendly, though:


> I could use a cold beer.





> I'm not sure how high of life MIller HIgh Life is, but it'll have to do... good thing I have Bushmills as a chaser.


Meanwhile, just noticed that there have been more than 20 posts in this thread in less than 12 hours.

You are all very welcome, guys, for reviving your thread for you!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## TurquoiseSunset

> As I first started to read this I wasn't sure where you were going....
> 
> 
> 
> I wasn't sure if you were talking about the garments or the women...fortunately you cleared it up with the rest of the statement.


Hm, maybe I should structure my sentences better? I have an ellipsis weakness  :Biggrin:  It's a bad habit I know!

----------


## prendrelemick

> And now for something completely different:
> 
> 
> My latest girl crush  
> 
> And she still looks AMAZING 30 years later!


I think the scantily clad subject started here, (by a lady, I notice)
By the way, I've been studying this pic closely :Wink:  and I believe Ms. Welch suffered from mammarial-disparity. ( the right one is deffinately bigger.)

----------


## Scheherazade

> I think the scantily clad subject started here, (by a lady, I notice)
> By the way, I've been studying this pic closely and I believe Ms. Welch suffered from mammarial-disparity. ( the right one is deffinately bigger.)


Now... You make me wonder...

Ah, there you go! It started on the very first page of the thread... by one of your own needless to say! 

 :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> By the way, I've been studying this pic closely and I believe Ms. Welch suffered from mammarial-disparity. ( the right one is deffinately bigger.)



But does it matter? I would have thought there was enough there for anyone. :Biggrin:

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> I think the scantily clad subject started here, (by a lady, I notice)
> By the way, I've been studying this pic closely and I believe Ms. Welch suffered from mammarial-disparity. ( the right one is definitely bigger.)


I refused to just take your word for it...I spent several hours studying the picture, but I still cannot come to a conclusion concerning the proportionate nature of the glands in question. It may take further study, but commitment is necessary to answer such the mysteries of such anomalies.

----------


## Haunted

Either I'm bored or I'm hooked, or both, I'm baacck (are girls allowed here?)

This time I'd like to offer a possible explanation of that "mammarial disparity". Here's my uneducated visual forensic analysis:

It may all be just a distortion due to lighting. The light comes from the left (our left) and a "mountain" of this magnitude could cast an significant shadow that accentuates the actual size. At the same time, the same light hits the other landmark and de-emphasizes it. 

Personally I'm drawn to the garment itself -- the halter strap...the demi...

----------


## AimusSage

Today I made a new wall of beer.  :Smile:  All I need to do now is replenish the liquour cabinet with new whiskey. A 15 year old glenlivet, The french oak reserve, my favourite affordable whiskey. If only I was rich... aha!

240 bottles of beer against the wall, 239 bottles of beer, 238 bottles. Actually, we're already 10 down, but that's okay.

Let's see if the picture thing works with facebook and linking it


Does everyone see a nice beer wall?

----------


## The Atheist

> But does it matter? I would have thought there was enough there for anyone.


Reminds me of a quote from _Porridge_. Fletcher notes that one of his mates is so unlucky that if he was born to Elzabeth Taylor, he'd be a triplet on the bottle.




> It may take further study, but commitment is necessary to answer such the mysteries of such anomalies.


There's only one test to be sure...




> Either I'm bored or I'm hooked, or both, I'm baacck (are girls allowed here?)


No!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Either I'm bored or I'm hooked, or both, I'm baacck (are girls allowed here?)
> 
> This time I'd like to offer a possible explanation of that "mammarial disparity". Here's my uneducated visual forensic analysis:
> 
> It may all be just a distortion due to lighting. The light comes from the left (our left) and a "mountain" of this magnitude could cast an significant shadow that accentuates the actual size. At the same time, the same light hits the other landmark and de-emphasizes it. 
> 
> Personally I'm drawn to the garment itself -- the halter strap...the demi...


Hang on I'll go and get my calipers.

----------


## Haunted

> Hang on I'll go and get my calipers.


while you're at it, will you please fix my catalytic converter? I'm outta here!

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> There's only one test to be sure...


I don't think that I'd want to apply that test at this point. I doubt that the current status of the test subjects qualify for an acceptable study.




> I don't think that I'd want to apply that test at this point. I doubt that the current status of the test subjects qualify for an acceptable study.


After doing some research...I retract that last statement...

----------


## The Atheist

> After doing some research...I retract that last statement...


I suspect the potential size difference has disappeared now. Plastic surgeons use standard sizes - big, bigger and huge.

----------


## Michael T

Having recently been shamed in another thread into admitting to being a Manchester United fan since early childhood :Tongue: , I was wondering how many of our more mature members owned or played _Subbuteo_ when they were younger. 
Do todays modern equivalents of fantasy football management and _X-box_ style football games really measure up to the world of _Subbuteo_, where you were the players, manager, grounds men and owner all at once. What lengths did you go to in order to perfect your pitch and your football skills? Did you and your pals have a league? Did you have the rugby version? Was there an equivalent game for American sports?  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

We never had subuteo, but my mate did, he had painted the burnley strip on to his players. I had to be sunderland, or sheffield utd or stoke or a random red and white striped team. I was rubbish anyway

----------


## kilted exile

I loved subbuteo! had the complete stadium all the scottish premier teams & scotland & englad national sides. - always made the little bro go england

----------


## alexar

We had a subbuteo contest in the first form, I was 11. You had to draw your team from a hat, caused a lot of trouble but I didn't care cos I don't understand football, or being a supporter etc. I mean, for what? 

I drew Leicester City. Ah, where are they now?

----------


## AimusSage

Leicester city= league 1

On a happier note Netherlands - Norway: 2-0

Yay!

Suck on it Norwegians..... Haha Just kidding, you guys are alright, but you lost, too bad.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Red-Headed

You can't beat a good pint of hand pulled Bitter such as Old Speckled Hen!

----------


## Emil Miller

> You can't beat a good pint of hand pulled Bitter such as Old Speckled Hen!


You are right, but better to try a couple of pints of Fuller's ESB and float home comfortably afterwards.

----------


## Virgil

Funny story in my blog. Think you might get a kick out of it. http://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?b=8365.  :Wink:  I could have posted it this thread, but I think a link is just as easy.

----------


## The Atheist

> Funny story in my blog. Think you might get a kick out of it. http://www.online-literature.com/forums/blog.php?b=8365.  I could have posted it this thread, but I think a link is just as easy.


Cheers!

I remember being young and stupid....

----------


## prendrelemick

Copious quantities of emergency lager is the only known antidote to hot food.

----------


## Emil Miller

I have been drinking beer for more years than I care to remember but the other night something happened that I have never seen before. I asked the barmaid for a bottle of Leffe Belgian lager and, as she poured, it came out of the bottle as pure water. She was as surprised as I was and nearly dropped the bottle. At £3.40p a bottle that would have made it very expensive water. Has anyone experienced a similar phenomenon?

----------


## alexar

You turned beer into water. You may be the antichrist.

----------


## The Atheist

> Copious quantities of emergency lager is the only known antidote to hot food.


 :FRlol: 




> Has anyone experienced a similar phenomenon?





> You turned beer into water. You may be the antichrist.


Sorry, but there isn't a smiley to express me laughing at that one!

----------


## Virgil

> I have been drinking beer for more years than I care to remember but the other night something happened that I have never seen before. I asked the barmaid for a bottle of Leffe Belgian lager and, as she poured, it came out of the bottle as pure water. She was as surprised as I was and nearly dropped the bottle. At £3.40p a bottle that would have made it very expensive water. Has anyone experienced a similar phenomenon?


Never. Did she try another bottle? Maybe it was some employee who wasn't meeting his quota and decided to cheat.  :Wink: 




> You turned beer into water. You may be the antichrist.


 :FRlol:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Never. Did she try another bottle? Maybe it was some employee who wasn't meeting his quota and decided to cheat.


Yes she did try another bottle and it was OK but given the mechanised bottling process normally used, I am still puzzled. :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes she did try another bottle and it was OK but given the mechanised bottling process normally used, I am still puzzled.


One of the employees was thirsty and re-filled the bottle with water before packaging.

----------


## Scheherazade

I remember reading that a beer company had a campaign... They filled a regular with water and was going to pay 500K whoever found it...

----------


## alexar

> I remember reading that a beer company had a campaign... They filled a regular with water and was going to pay 500K whoever found it...


yeah that's right if you got the bottle with the water you had to proposition the barmaid, then she gave you the money, wasn't that it?

----------


## Emil Miller

> yeah that's right if you got the bottle with the water you had to proposition the barmaid, then she gave you the money, wasn't that it?


Well, I've propositioned a few barmaids in my time but never under those circumstances.

----------


## Emil Miller

In relation to the above post, what are the guys thoughts on barmaids, given that they are essential to a normal guy's existance.

----------


## The Atheist

> In relation to the above post, what are the guys thoughts on barmaids, given that they are essential to a normal guy's existance.


I find them a fascinating study - underpaid, overworked and subjected to sexual harrassment every working night. Kind of like being a hooker without the benefits.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I find them a fascinating study - underpaid, overworked and subjected to sexual harrassment every working night. Kind of like being a hooker without the benefits.


ANd what, pray tell, are the benefits of being a hooker?

----------


## Emil Miller

> ANd what, pray tell, are the benefits of being a hooker?


I do hope you are not speaking from experience but how about money. :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> ANd what, pray tell, are the benefits of being a hooker?


Money.

If you're good at it - i.e. young, gorgeous and able to display empathy with a bunch of pathetic losers, a girl can make a fortune at it.

Can't say I've ever seen a barmaid driving a Porsche.

----------


## Stargazer86

lol what I was pretty much getting at was whether you meant monetary or perks of a sexual nature

And Brian, no, I'm not speaking from experience. That stint in Vegas just never worked out... :P

*added*

On a more serious note, this might be another interesting topic under Serious Discussions. Legislation of drugs seemed to be a hot topic. This may be as well

----------


## Virgil

Urrgh. Why is it that all hot topics have to do with allowing people to perform the lowest of behavior? And it always seems to be, I wouldn't do it, but others have the right to.

----------


## The Atheist

> Why is it that all hot topics have to do with allowing people to perform the lowest of behavior?


Having sex is low behaviour?

----------


## Lokasenna

> In relation to the above post, what are the guys thoughts on barmaids, given that they are essential to a normal guy's existance.


Given that I'm now working as a barman, my first hand experience of my co-workers is that they swear like sailors, drink like fish, and smoke like chimneys.

I'll pass for now, thank you...

----------


## prendrelemick

are they fellow students by any chance loki ?

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

> Given that I'm now working as a barman, my first hand experience of my co-workers is that they swear like sailors, drink like fish, and smoke like chimneys.
> 
> I'll pass for now, thank you...


Swearing like sailors, drinking like fish, smoking like chimneys.... A plus, a plus, and a neutral! *shrug

Some guys are so picky. Oh well, it makes it easier for the rest of us.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Given that I'm now working as a barman, my first hand experience of my co-workers is that they swear like sailors, drink like fish, and smoke like chimneys.
> 
> I'll pass for now, thank you...


Well, the girls serving in my favourite watering hole are not English, so they are relatively well behaved.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

Posting here, because it is stereotypically manly. 

So woodpeckers keep on putting holes in my house, so my family has been at war with them for a while. I just shot one with a crossbow. 

Victory is good. I think I'll leave him impaled by that dart on my front lawn as a warning.

----------


## prendrelemick

Thats so macho, I felt a surge of testosterone just reading it.

----------


## Virgil

> So woodpeckers keep on putting holes in my house, so my family has been at war with them for a while. I just shot one with a crossbow.


Have you tried a statue of a owl, one of trhose plastic things? Someone who had a similar problem tried it and told me it worked for a while. Then the woodpeckers realized it didn't move and felt comfortable going back. It might get you some relief and perhaps if you moved it around you might be able to fake them into thinking it's real.

----------


## Emil Miller

I have just checked this out on Google and am amazed that they pose a problem in the USA. I have never seen one, although I have occasionally heard them drilling away at trees in woodland but they are very shy birds here in the UK and its virtually impossible to spot them; they are also quite rare. I don't think I could kill one.

----------


## jocky

You know why women have smaller feet than men, its pretty obvious really, so they can get nearer to the kitchen sink. Scottish beer, of course, is far superior to that American Duff. Well its time to go as I can hear the Amazon's jungle drums beating. If your courageous experiment prospers you will hear from me again, however, I feel that female retribution is swiftly winging its way to you. Best wishes from your fairweather pal, Jocky.

----------


## The Atheist

> You know why women have smaller feet than men, its pretty obvious really, so they can get nearer to the kitchen sink.


I take it you have a deep hidey-hole somewhere stocked with enough food to last about a year of siege after that!

----------


## just mercedes

> Have you tried a statue of a owl, one of trhose plastic things? Someone who had a similar problem tried it and told me it worked for a while. Then the woodpeckers realized it didn't move and felt comfortable going back. It might get you some relief and perhaps if you moved it around you might be able to fake them into thinking it's real.


I used a plastic kite shaped like a hawk, strung between house and sheds - it works on most birds, but woodpeckers are not native here.

----------


## imthefoolonthehill

*shrug.

My little warning seems to be working. 

We'll see if it lasts. If not, maybe plastic owls will adorn my roof.

----------


## prendrelemick

'Ay up Jockey. The Bay City Rollers are looking good on your avatar :Biggrin:

----------


## The Comedian

I'm building a small post/timber fence to edge my yard from woods it boarders. Pictures to come!

----------


## jocky

Prendrelmick that was way below the belt. My son in law is from Yorkshire and I have informed him to form a posse right away. There will be no hiding place for you, even in the darkest dales of Yorkshire. Athiest, dont you worry about old Jocky. I know they will be '' knitting their brows like the gaithering storm '' but my survival skills are sharply honed.

----------


## The Atheist

> *shrug.
> 
> My little warning seems to be working. 
> 
> We'll see if it lasts. If not, maybe plastic owls will adorn my roof.


Yes, birds aren't as dumb as we think. When fishing, we often get pagued by muttonbirds which dive down and grab the bait after the line is cast. Killing one and leaving it floating keeps the rest away.




> Prendrelmick that was way below the belt. My son in law is from Yorkshire and I have informed him to form a posse right away. There will be no hiding place for you, even in the darkest dales of Yorkshire. Athiest, dont you worry about old Jocky. I know they will be '' knitting their brows like the gaithering storm '' but my survival skills are sharply honed.


 :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Urrgh. Why is it that all hot topics have to do with allowing people to perform the lowest of behavior? And it always seems to be, I wouldn't do it, but others have the right to.


Good news is no news and bad news is best...or however the saying goes.


Where's your avatar, Virgil? 

Comedian- How's that fence coming along? Are you doing it by yourself?

----------


## Niamh

> You know why women have smaller feet than men, its pretty obvious really, so they can get nearer to the kitchen sink. Scottish beer, of course, is far superior to that American Duff. Well its time to go as I can hear the Amazon's jungle drums beating. If your courageous experiment prospers you will hear from me again, however, I feel that female retribution is swiftly winging its way to you. Best wishes from your fairweather pal, Jocky.





> I take it you have a deep hidey-hole somewhere stocked with enough food to last about a year of siege after that!


You have been warned Jocky!  :Wink:  better go crawl into that hole...  :Tongue:

----------


## Virgil

> Good news is no news and bad news is best...or however the saying goes.
> 
> 
> Where's your avatar, Virgil?


Oh I had changed it and had an issue and had to go back to my regular one.

----------


## jocky

Crawling now Niahm!

----------


## Scheherazade

> Yes, birds aren't as dumb as we think. When fishing, we often get pagued by muttonbirds which dive down and grab the bait after the line is cast. Killing one and leaving it floating keeps the rest away.


Is this literal or metaphorical?

 :Tongue:

----------


## Niamh

> Crawling now Niahm!


good Jocky!  :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

For the 10001st time Scheherarzade this is a man only thread. Can you not allow us to speak rubbish in our own inimitable fashion? If you dont stop this I am going to tell Athiest and then you will be in big trouble. '' Augustus ruled the world, but Livia ruled Augustus '' How depressing was that?

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'm building a small post/timber fence to edge my yard from woods it boarders. Pictures to come!


 :Idea:  Mmm we need something similar round this club, something to divert those pesky birds. Perhaps built out of valances, cushions, soft furnishings. and shoes.

----------


## The Atheist

> Mmm we need something similar round this club, something to divert those pesky birds. Perhaps built out of valances, cushions, soft furnishings. and shoes.


No, we'll just get someone to open a shop next door and they'll never bother.

----------


## Michael T

> Mmm we need something similar round this club, something to divert those pesky birds. Perhaps built out of valances, cushions, soft furnishings. and shoes.


Someone should start an _'All men are b******s'_ thread. That would keep them occupied for a while.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Someone should start an _'All men are b******s'_ thread. That would keep them occupied for a while.



 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  perfect!

----------


## jocky

Ladies have you heard? Niamh is holding an Anne Summers party, if you leave now you should make it in time. Well guys that should give us a few hours peace. You should have seen the salmon I caught the other day, it was a whopper!

----------


## Niamh

> Ladies have you heard? Niamh is holding an Anne Summers party, if you leave now you should make it in time. Well guys that should give us a few hours peace. You should have seen the salmon I caught the other day, it was a whopper!


Ann Summers party? you want me to call the Avon lady while i'm at it too? She said you were a regular customer.  :Wink:

----------


## jocky

Absolutely Niamh, they do a wonderful line in athlete's foot cream, dont you think?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Someone should start an _'All men are b******s'_ thread. That would keep them occupied for a while.


But they know that anyway. 

Plus, I'd object; I'm not a B*, I'm an arrogant B*.

 :Biggrin: 




> You should have seen the salmon I caught the other day, it was a whopper!


Picture, please.

Smoked salmon almost makes me believe in god.

----------


## The Comedian

Hello blokes, men, roughnecks, and gents --

I've a few images to share with you. As I briefly posted earlier, I was building a post/beam fence to edge my yard from the woods which it boarders. I've completed the project and wanted to share the results with you here.

Here's the fence -- made with treated landscape timbers and secured with galvanized bolts:



I took great pride in my work -- Nice and level:



My tools, the cordless drill is featured:



Afterward, the chief builder and architect was treated to some fitting rewards: 

 

Cheers!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Hello blokes, men, roughnecks, and gents --
> 
> I've a few images to share with you. As I briefly posted earlier, I was building a post/beam fence to edge my yard from the woods which it boarders. I've completed the project and wanted to share the results with you here.
> 
> Here's the fence -- made with treated landscape timbers and secured with galvanized bolts:
> 
> I took great pride in my work -- Nice and level:
> 
> My tools, the cordless drill is featured:
> ...



You will probably get some of the women wanting you to make them one now.

----------


## jocky

Picture, please.

Smoked salmon almost makes me believe in god.[/QUOTE]

Athiest, your never going to believe this, the batteries in my camera went, but take my word for it, this was a Prince among salmon.

----------


## Niamh

> You will probably get some of the women wanting you to make them one now.


Not at all! I happen to be nifty with a drill!  :Tongue:  sawing not so nifty...

Thats a pretty impressive fence! well done Comedian! But Miller Light? seriously?

----------


## jocky

Comedian, in the wonders of architecture that fence is right up there with the best. Perhaps the women do not appreciate the effort that went into this labour of love, but Jocky recognises genius when he sees it. Cant wait till you build that greenhouse!

----------


## Virgil

> Hello blokes, men, roughnecks, and gents --
> 
> I've a few images to share with you. As I briefly posted earlier, I was building a post/beam fence to edge my yard from the woods which it boarders. I've completed the project and wanted to share the results with you here.
> 
> Here's the fence -- made with treated landscape timbers and secured with galvanized bolts:
> 
> I took great pride in my work -- Nice and level:
> 
> My tools, the cordless drill is featured:
> ...


Nice fence Comedian and nice touch with the cigar.  :Biggrin:  Looks like you did a nice job. What part of the country do you live if you don't mind me asking?

----------


## alexar

That fence has a certain rough-hewn magic. It is a man's fence. The fence of a man. It's a he-fence. God I love it. Not in _that_ way.

----------


## Stargazer86

Comedian- Very nice fence

Those woods where you live are GORGEOUS! 

But yeah...Miller light? I'm totally with Niamh on that one
The only acceptable American beer is Sam Adams imo  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Comedian

> That fence has a certain rough-hewn magic. It is a man's fence. The fence of a man. It's a he-fence. God I love it.


 -- alexar: thanks for noticin'. I must admit that were it not for my two lovely children, that fence would be my proudest creation. 




> That's a pretty impressive fence! well done Comedian! But Miller Light? seriously?


 --Niamh: Thanks. I like the fence too.  :Smile:  And the beer. . .well, I like to drink beer that suits my mood. A warm tavern on a cold winter day, give me hardy ale or stout. A hot summer day after some hard labor & a handful of Doritos (not shown in the pictures) calls for Miller Lite. 




> Comedian, in the wonders of architecture that fence is right up there with the best. Perhaps the women do not appreciate the effort that went into this labour of love, but Jocky recognises genius when he sees it.


 -- jocky: truer words have yet to be spoken.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

You will never believe this, but it is as true as I am sitting over this computer. The other night I was looking at the stars and thinking how lucky I was, when all a of sudden this disembodied voice started calling......Jocky...... Jocky, I realised instantly it was God calling me home, what is it you want father? Will you **** off and put Athiest on the line, I have got a big score to settle with him.

----------


## qimissung

First, Comedian, may I compliment you on your beautiful fence? Maybe THAT'S what Wallace Stevens meant in that poem he wrote-what was that? "Anecdote of the Jar"?




> You will never believe this, but it is as true as I am sitting over this computer. The other night I was looking at the stars and thinking how lucky I was, when all a of sudden this disembodied voice started calling......Jocky...... Jocky, I realised instantly it was God calling me home, what is it you want father? Will you **** off and put Athiest on the line, I have got a big score to settle with him.


Second,  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

Gimissung, where did you come from? This is a blokes only thread. Typical woman, you just cant see us having our little moment of pleasure. Athiest I hope you are man enough to deal with this unwanted intrusions. Stand up to them and we will all be right behind you, wont we guys? All right I cant help it, dont do it Jocky! Is that where Dubya comes from? Oh the yellow rose of Texas......Duh!

----------


## Madhuri

> Stand up to them and we will all be right behind you, wont we guys?


maybe, except, Brian, he loves women  :Tongue:   :Wink:   :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

Madhuri, that was a sneaky one. the way to connect with women is to set up a man only post. Athiest you know what your about, you have got to help me I am about to jump off Wigan Pier. : )

Athiest, I know I can be a pain but I am a big Orwell fan as well. Simon Schama in his History of Britain, does a wonderful comparison between the two Winstons. Dont know if you have seen it but, if not I will try to post it to you. Personally speaking, I think his social commentaries, i.e. The Road To Wigan Pier, are just as important as his novels, he represents all that is good in our country, and yes you have guessed it, he is an athiest.

----------


## The Atheist

> Hello blokes, men, roughnecks, and gents


Fantastic!

What a nice spot you live in as well.




> Athiest, your never going to believe this, the batteries in my camera went, but take my word for it, this was a Prince among salmon.


Weight?




> Will you **** off and put Athiest on the line, I have got a big score to settle with him.


Haha! I have a few mates at a christian forum who think like that.




> Athiest, I know I can be a pain but I am a big Orwell fan as well. Simon Schama in his History of Britain, does a wonderful comparison between the two Winstons. Dont know if you have seen it but, if not I will try to post it to you. Personally speaking, I think his social commentaries, i.e. The Road To Wigan Pier, are just as important as his novels, he represents all that is good in our country, and yes you have guessed it, he is an athiest.


Quite right all round. (Except for the pain bit!  :Smile:  )

I agree with you on the importance of his works, as well. While I like _1984_ as a story, it's no match for Road, Homage P&L and his essays. That's where Orwell's heart was.

If you haven't read _A Clergyman's Daughter_, find a copy and read what Warburton says on the subject.

----------


## Emil Miller

> maybe, except, Brian, he loves women


In their place ( I think you ladies know where that is ) I do, but all things are 
relative, as the following quote indicates. I haven't given the complete stanza because I didn't want the coffee club girls to get the wrong idea.

Oh woman! in our hours of ease
Uncertain, coy, and hard to please,
And variable as the shade
By the light quivering aspen made

----------


## jocky

Athiest, I have to come clean about the salmon. It was quite difficult to estimate the weight. This may have something to do with the fact it was in a can.  :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

At least tell us whether it was a 100, 200 or 400 gr tin!

 :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

Scheherazade, without trying to play this down, this may in fact be the biggest can ever recorded. My mates said it could have fed a small country for weeks.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, I have to come clean about the salmon. It was quite difficult to estimate the weight. This may have something to do with the fact it was in a can.


You're not a True Scotsman!

No way would a True Scotsman ever joke about catching a saumont. A small amount of exaggeration is expected, but outright false claims?

My word.

Best you stay away from pubs near the Spey for a while.

 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

Athiest, what are you doing on a Christian forum, your not trying to convert them are you? I have just had a brilliant idea, why dont we put on our best suits, knock on a few doors and leave a few pamphlets? We are bound to get a better reception than the Mormons. There could be fringe benefits as well, lonely widows. ; )

Sorry Athiest, but it was made perfectly clear to me to keep well away from Speyside for the rest of eternity. A prophet is never loved in his own land. :Smile: 




To all you doubters out there, here is a small percentage of the batch that came from my catch. :Tongue: 




Never let it be said that Jocky never backs up his comments with hard evidence.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, what are you doing on a Christian forum, your not trying to convert them are you? I have just had a brilliant idea, why dont we put on our best suits, knock on a few doors and leave a few pamphlets? We are bound to get a better reception than the Mormons. There could be fringe benefits as well, lonely widows. ; )


Haha; I used to be a lawnmowing contractor, so I know all about those lonely widows.

Actually, I was invited to join the christian forum - it's full of very liberal christians and we all get along fine. 




> Sorry Athiest, but it was made perfectly clear to me to keep well away from Speyside for the rest of eternity. A prophet is never loved in his own land.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 




> Never let it be said that Jocky never backs up his comments with hard evidence.


Isn't that a shamrock leaf on the clover brand? Silly Canucks!

----------


## Stargazer86

Athiest- Its a clover. A shamrock only has three leaves

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest- Its a clover. A shamrock only has three leaves


So does clover - mostly - but those leaves are shamrock-shaped. Unless there is different clover in Ca, which possible, eh?

----------


## Stargazer86

> So does clover - mostly - but those leaves are shamrock-shaped. Unless there is different clover in Ca, which possible, eh?


I was always under the impression that if it had four leaves it was a clover but if it had 3 leaves it was a shamrock (the trinity/St Patrick)

In Jocky's defense, I imagine they grow in Scotland as well 
I have seen them throughout Cali. They're just really pretty weeds

----------


## jocky

Athiest I understand your '' honest doubt '' and Stargazer thanks for that strong backing, but I think you both will never rise to the heights of Sherlock Holmes, who would have instantly spotted that Pacific Sockeye salmon are not usually hooked in Scotland. '' Once the impossible has been ruled out, whatever is left, however improbable, must be the solution. '' Please however, dont tell anyone or my reputation will be in tatters throughout half the known world.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest I understand your '' honest doubt '' and Stargazer thanks for that strong backing, but I think you both will never rise to the heights of Sherlock Holmes, who would have instantly spotted that Pacific Sockeye salmon are not usually hooked in Scotland.


I did, which is why I mentioned Canada, eh?

Clover generally has three leaves:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clover

but I see that the rare four-leafer shown at Wiki does have more sharock-looking leaves.

Where's our sheep-farmer?

----------


## jocky

I just knew there was no beating you athiest. There is no such thing as a four leaf clover in Scotland, that would imply an element of luck and that just never happens in my country. If you ever visit we can gaurantee you one thing, horizontal rain. I will take your word for mentioning Canada even though a cynic might assume Ca stands for California. My favourite saying, and I have a strange feeling this may apply to you, is ' I am not always right, but I am never wrong. '  :Smile:  Oh I just got it Canucks, Canadian. Forgive my cynicism.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I just knew there was no beating you athiest. There is no such thing as a four leaf clover in Scotland, that would imply an element of luck and that just never happens in my country. If you ever visit we can gaurantee you one thing, horizontal rain. I will take your word for mentioning Canada even though a cynic might assume Ca stands for California. My favourite saying, and I have a strange feeling this may apply to you, is ' I am not always right, but I am never wrong. '  Oh I just got it Canucks, Canadian. Forgive my cynicism.


 :FRlol:  OMG It's from the Pacific! How blatently obvious. 
My *doh* moment for the day haha

Athiest- I assumed you meant California

oh lordy lordy

Much ado about salmon

Don't worry Jocky. Your secret is safe with me!

----------


## jocky

Stargazer their is no point ambushing Jocky when he has had a little light refreshment, euphemism for heading into an alcohol induced coma very shortly, I will never make assumtions about Californians again, and I dont want to get into a confrontation with the governator, voted in by the sensible folks of the sunshine state. Duh  :Smile: 

That Stargazer is a bit of a stalker aint he? Must be a Californian thing.

----------


## Stargazer86

> That Stargazer is a bit of a stalker aint he? Must be a Californian thing.


 :FRlol:  stalker? You're the one who friend added me :P 
I always look at the bloke's thread when I see new posts

And I'm a she, not a he 

Just for the record, I'm no fan of the govenator. For the love of all that is holy, do NOT lump me in with the average Californian  :Bawling: 
I'm allowed a blonde moment from time to time

----------


## The Atheist

> I just knew there was no beating you athiest. There is no such thing as a four leaf clover in Scotland, that would imply an element of luck and that just never happens in my country.


What? Luckiest country in the world, Scotland.

Right next to England, not far from Wales, close to Iceland - hell, it should be the tourist capital of the world!




> If you ever visit we can gaurantee you one thing, horizontal rain. I will take your word for mentioning Canada even though a cynic might assume Ca stands for California.


Ah, but you missed the Canadian sentence structure, eh?




> My favourite saying, and I have a strange feeling this may apply to you, is ' I am not always right, but I am never wrong. '


Nah, mine's a lot simpler:

I am always right!

----------


## prendrelemick

Or the female logic version, "I'm always right, even when I'm wrong"  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Comedian

Hello Gentlemen,

I've recently felled two trees and am now in the process of cleaning up the brush and logs. Soon, I'll split the wood with maul (not a motorized splitter) and create, with luck and some effort, a dandy wood pile.

Oh, the two trees: (1) Red oak and (1) quaking aspen, referred to as "poplar" in some areas. 

I'll be taking photos to document my efforts.

----------


## Niamh

Question... have any of you lot watched the Lions tour so far? I havent had a chance to watch any of the games. Have i missed much?

----------


## papayahed

The Lions? They lost all they're games last year, I'm a fan and I don't even want to follow them.

----------


## Niamh

> The Lions? They lost all they're games last year, I'm a fan and I don't even want to follow them.


I hope you are on about the Lions tour as in the Rugby....  :Tongue:

----------


## Virgil

> I hope you are on about the Lions tour as in the Rugby....


I think she's talking about the Detroit Lions in American football.  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Question... have any of you lot watched the Lions tour so far? I havent had a chance to watch any of the games. Have i missed much?


They've looked good and only lost the first test by a few, so they've done better than I expected.

Try to get in position for the next test - this Saturday, should be a cracker.

Virgil - Detroit Lions? Where are they touring?  :Wink:

----------


## NikolaiI

> Question... have any of you lot watched the Lions tour so far? I havent had a chance to watch any of the games. Have i missed much?


You missed it! They played...sports.

----------


## Niamh

> They've looked good and only lost the first test by a few, so they've done better than I expected.
> 
> Try to get in position for the next test - this Saturday, should be a cracker.
> 
> Virgil - Detroit Lions? Where are they touring?


Crap! I'm in work this saturday till 9pm...

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hello Gentlemen,
> 
> I've recently felled two trees and am now in the process of cleaning up the brush and logs. Soon, I'll split the wood with maul (not a motorized splitter) and create, with luck and some effort, a dandy wood pile.
> 
> Oh, the two trees: (1) Red oak and (1) quaking aspen, referred to as "poplar" in some areas. 
> 
> I'll be taking photos to document my efforts.



I hope you were properly equipped. Red checked brushed cotten shirt, (open to the belly button,) blue jeans with braces, steel toecapped rigger boots, Mountie hat, red spotted kerchief round neck. (Tool belt optional). Hickory shafted felling axe.

----------


## The Comedian

> I hope you were properly equipped. Red checked brushed cotten shirt, (open to the belly button,) blue jeans with braces, steel toecapped rigger boots, Mountie hat, red spotted kerchief round neck. (Tool belt optional). Hickory shafted felling axe.


Ha! I only wish I had all the cool stuff. Unfortunately, my raiment consisted of an old tee-shirt, shorts, gym socks, old running shoes, and a baseball cap. 

And while, I do hope to be able to fell trees with a lovely "hickory shafted felling axe" (double-bladed), my tool this time was modern: a simple chainsaw.

----------


## jocky

Sorry I have not been online lately guys, you will not believe this, but I have been through a very traumatic time. My daughter just introduced me to her new boyfriend, ' This is Craig dad, he's a policeman. ' I looked at him and he looked at me, you know the look, it turned my flesh icy cold. I was going to offer him a nip from my prized bottle of Glen Morangie but gave him a warm lager instead. Athiest, Comedian, Prendrelmick, this is serious and I need good advice, or my days of freedom are numbered.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> Sorry I have not been online lately guys, you will not believe this, but I have been through a very traumatic time. My daughter just introduced me to her new boyfriend, ' This is Craig dad, he's a policeman. ' I looked at him and he looked at me, you know the look, it turned my flesh icy cold. I was going to offer him a nip from my prized bottle of Glen Morangie but gave him a warm lager instead. Athiest, Comedian, Prendrelmick, this is serious and I need good advice, or my days of freedom are numbered.


 :FRlol: 

I'd run for the hills while you still can!

----------


## prendrelemick

:FRlol:  Plead insanity!

Could be worse though, she could have brought home an Englishman.

----------


## jocky

I'd run for the hills while you still can! 
Athiest I cant, I am still barred from any piece of land over ten metres high. Does Canada have an extradition treaty with Scotland?  :FRlol: 

Plead insanity! :FRlol: 

Unfortunately Prendrelmick, that is not a defence in Scottish law. It has long been recognized by the Scottish legal profession, de facto, that all Scots are insane! :FRlol: 
Comedian, my liberty is in your hands now, I await your words of wisdom.  :Thumbs Up:

----------


## The Comedian

> Comedian, my liberty is in your hands now, I await your words of wisdom.


jockey -- you need to get this guy fall-down drunk so as to induce memory loss. Then, upon his waking, tell him an elaborate story in which he commits copious shameful acts, then promise him that you "won't tell." This, according to my theory, would make this fellow tremendously embarrassed and highly indebted to you and your "integrity." 

After this, you will have both him and the situation comfortably in the bag!

----------


## jocky

Comedian that is the sage advice I was longing for. Luckily, I do not need to put your plan into effect. It seems the officer in question has met a premature end. Apparently he fell down a manhole in the dark, while carrying out his constabulary duties. There is some talk that a shadowy figure was earlier spotted fleeing the scene with a manhole cover tucked under his arm, but this is all speculation. My daughter is inconsolable and, for some reason , beyond my comprehension, she is not speaking to me. Your delightfully devious plan, however, will come in very handy in the future.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

This thread is strangely quiet tonight, nobody's died have they?

----------


## NikolaiI

No they are passed out on cold ale.

----------


## Stargazer86

> This thread is strangely quiet tonight, nobody's died have they?


We were all subpeonaed in the suspicious disappearance of a Scottish police officer

----------


## The Atheist

> This thread is strangely quiet tonight, nobody's died have they?


Yeah, Farrah Fawcett. Coming as it did just after David Carradine, I am in mourning.

Even Whacko snuffing it couldn't cheer me up.

----------


## prendrelemick

WARNING! looking directly at her teeth could damage the eyes. Always wear eye protection. 





This was THE poster to have on your wall in the 70's.

You can almost feel the Californian sun beating down.

----------


## The Atheist

> This was THE poster to have on your wall in the 70's.
> 
> You can almost feel the Californian sun beating down.


She had teeth?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Comedian that is the sage advice I was longing for. Luckily, I do not need to put your plan into effect. It seems the officer in question has met a premature end. Apparently he fell down a manhole in the dark, while carrying out his constabulary duties. There is some talk that a shadowy figure was earlier spotted fleeing the scene with a manhole cover tucked under his arm, but this is all speculation. My daughter is inconsolable and, for some reason , beyond my comprehension, she is not speaking to me. Your delightfully devious plan, however, will come in very handy in the future.


Fell down a hole eh?

I bet the police are looking into it.

----------


## jocky

Athiest,  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  Farrah Fawcet's contribution to male wellbeing was enormous, she had a couple of monumental assets. Not quite sure about David Carradine though. Who is that other guy you mentioned?  :Smile: 

Prendrelmick  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  Hope thats not a copy of that poster thats been hanging on your bedroom wall since 1970.  :Wink:  Another thing, what is going to win the Northumberland Plate at Newcastle today?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Not quite sure about David Carradine though.


David Carradine? _Kung Fu_ the legendary TV series - a bizarre and outstandingly good mix of Shaolin kung fu in the best tradition of Bruce Lee combined with a high-quality 1970's Western, a la _Bonanza_.

If you're too young to have seen it, find DVDs and watch.

Best TV program ever.

By a margin.




> Another thing, what is going to win the Northumberland Plate at Newcastle today?


Ah, another gambler!

I take it you were not at Ascot last week?

----------


## Michael T

> David Carradine? _Kung Fu_ the legendary TV series - a bizarre and outstandingly good mix of Shaolin kung fu in the best tradition of Bruce Lee combined with a high-quality 1970's Western, a la _Bonanza_.
> 
> If you're too young to have seen it, find DVDs and watch.
> 
> Best TV program ever.
> 
> By a margin.


Ah... Grasshopper!  :Biggrin: 



I agree Atheist, very cool.

----------


## Zee.

ahahahhahahahhahahaha


ha...haha


hi?  :Idea:

----------


## Scheherazade

> I agree Atheist, very cool.


Aye!  :Biggrin: 

That is one of the first shows I remember watching... That and the reruns of "Bonanza".

----------


## The Atheist

> ahahahhahahahhahahaha
> 
> 
> ha...haha
> 
> 
> hi?


Hi there! I think _Kung Fu_ was a bit before your time.

 :Wink: 




> Aye! 
> 
> That is one of the first shows I remember watching... That and the reruns of "Bonanza".


Hoss was my hero!

Until he croaked, then I stopped watching it. Once Michael Landon was the only son left I couldn't take any more.

----------


## Zee.

> Hi there! I think _Kung Fu_ was a bit before your time.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hoss was my hero!
> 
> Until he croaked, then I stopped watching it. Once Michael Landon was the only son left I couldn't take any more.


It was. I'm still a baby pretty much

----------


## jocky

Athiest, you will love this, just watched your compatriot Neil Young blowing Glastonbury away. Sony headphones, a must, dram of Glen Morangie, heaven. ' Keep on rocking in the freeworld ' Michael T, that was an impressive montage, obviously David slipped up with the rope trick.  :Smile:  The world has lost three superstars this week, Farrah, David and my tortoise, Speedy.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Hoss was my hero!
> 
> Until he croaked, then I stopped watching it. Once Michael Landon was the only son left I couldn't take any more.


I vaguely remember those later developments. By that time I had discovered sci-fi shows, I think. "Star Trek", "Space 1999" and later on "Galactica".

----------


## jocky

Athiest, see how everyone always goes on about Hoss and Little Joe, but what about Adam? I know, what about Him? Lorne Greene was good as well in the immortal role of Pa. So my old man used to tell me anyway.  :Wink:  Scheherazade, your a bull****ter, if you remember Star Trek you must remember Blakes Seven, and the alzheimers defence wont wash! Limajean, stop with the lies, I saw you in the Queue for David Bowie and the spiders from mars tour, remember, it was pouring with rain and your lightening tatoo washed off  :Smile:

----------


## Zee.

Typical female?  :Brow: 

I'm a bloody superhero!

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, you will love this, just watched your compatriot Neil Young blowing Glastonbury away.


Eh?

Neil Young's a Canadian - I'm a Kiwi!




> The world has lost three superstars this week, Farrah, David and my tortoise, Speedy.


 :Bawling: 




> I vaguely remember those later developments. By that time I had discovered sci-fi shows, I think.  "Star Trek", "Space 1999" and later on "Galactica".


Ah, _Space 1999_. Barbara Bain. I used to watch that!




> Athiest, see how everyone always goes on about Hoss and Little Joe, but what about Adam?


No question Adam was the star, and very cool with it. After he left, only Hoss kept it together.

Pernell Roberts unfortunately fell into the trap of thinking he was bigger than the show.




> ...Blakes Seven...


Worst sci-fi program ever. I could never understand why people watched such appallingly low production-value science fiction. By its nature, sci-fi ought to contain some actual sci-fi - not just a bunch of drongos whining in a badly-lit studio.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Ah, _Space 1999_. Barbara Bain. I used to watch that!


Loved her in "Mission Impossible"... but what about Catherine Schell (Maya)? Used to dream of being a shape shifter like her.



> Worst sci-fi program ever. I could never understand why people watched such appallingly low production-value science fiction. By its nature, sci-fi ought to contain some actual sci-fi - not just a bunch of drongos whining in a badly-lit studio.


Never watched that one, actually. Probably was not shown in my country.

----------


## The Atheist

> Never watched that one, actually. Probably was not shown in my country.


Aen't you English? It was a BBC production.

----------


## jocky

Limajean, every woman is a superhero, or so my wife keeps telling me. Apparently there is a problem on Venus, if you all leave now you could get there in about three million lightyears, and you can make your way back in a leisurely style, stopping off at Harvey Nichols and Harrods on the way.  :Wink:  Athiest, as to the Blakes Seven slur, seemingly it was filmed in New Zealand. Dont know if it was filmed on North Island or South Island, somehow, no one has any memory of this pioneering experiment in science fiction.  :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Aen't you English? It was a BBC production.


Nope, not English.

----------


## Virgil

> Aye! 
> 
> That is one of the first shows I remember watching... That and the reruns of "Bonanza".


Really? How American.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, as to the Blakes Seven slur, seemingly it was filmed in New Zealand. Dont know if it was filmed on North Island or South Island, somehow, no one has any memory of this pioneering experiment in science fiction.


Filmed here? I see no references for it, and I don't think they ever went outside, did they?




> Nope, not English.


Ok. I thought you were in UK somewhere.

----------


## prendrelemick

Blake's seven was the Triangle of Sci-fi.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Ok. I thought you were in UK somewhere.


I _am_ somewhere in the UK just not from here.

----------


## jocky

I knew it was a big mistake to start the Blakes Seven discussion! Athiest, forgive me for the Canada error, that was a bad mistake on my part. Scheherezade, stop playing the mystery woman, we all know you come from the Isle of Man.  :Smile:  The topic for tomorrow, are women superior to Men? It is a scientific fact that their heads are are smaller than mens, therefore less room to hold brains.That should get it going. Comedian we are still waiting for the woodpile! Oh, and Prendrelmick, dee dee dee dee ,dee dee dee dee.

----------


## The Atheist

> I _am_ somewhere in the UK just not from here.


Good god! You mean some people live there by choice, and not just because they were born there?




> The topic for tomorrow, are women superior to Men? It is a scientific fact that their heads are are smaller than mens, therefore less room to hold brains.That should get it going.


Too easy.

Just count Nobel Prize winners in sciences and let me know what percentage of them were women.

 :Wink:

----------


## Niamh

> The topic for tomorrow, are women superior to Men? It is a scientific fact that their heads are are smaller than mens, therefore less room to hold brains.


It is also a scientific fact that women use both sides of their brains, while men only use one, women can concentrate on more than one thing at once and dont need to turn there heads to glance a someone passing them unlike our male counterparts.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> It is a scientific fact that their heads are are smaller than mens, therefore less room to hold brains.That should get it going.


That's true, but not the whole story, My wife claims that the site of the male cognitive organ is actually not in the head, but somewhere south of there.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Scheherezade, stop playing the mystery woman, we all know you come from the Isle of Man.


Yep, you got me. Is it the accent that gave it away?  :Rolleyes: 




> Good god! You mean some people live there by choice, and not just because they were born there?


Where, oh, where did I say anything about it being "by choice"?


Re. male brain vs female brain. Yes, male brain is bigger... and we _all_ know it is _all_ about the size!

----------


## The Comedian

Blokes! Gather 'round the camp fire and pull a cold beer from the cooler. I've a story to tell.

As I foreshadowed earlier, I had felled two trees (a red oak and a quaking aspen) which I intended to cut, split, and stack for use in future winters at the hearth in my home. The project is complete!

To begin, these trees were in the woods near my house and posed a slight risk of falling on the house. So, to ensure the safety of my family, they had to be cut down. 

Once they were down, I used my chainsaw to separate the usable wood from the brush. I then hauled the brush to a pile a ways back in the woods (well behind the fence) and cut the logs into 1-foot long sections for splitting. 

Here's a picture taken from a this stage (my chainsaw is featured). The tree, as you might tell is the red oak (notice the lovely reddish grain to the wood, which is how the species gets its colorful name:



Once I cut all the sections, I moved them with a wheelbarrow to the wood stack and my splittin' log, seen here:



From there, I used two tools to complete the task of splitting the logs:

This tool (a 100% steel splitting maul):



And this tool ("steel" after a fashion, I think):



I worked on splitting and stacking the wood off and on for the last several days. In the end, the result turned out to be this:


A stout, little stack that's roughly 12' long, by 4'6'' high.

----------


## Michael T

:Thumbs Up:  Nice job Comedian. You deserve a good few beers after that.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Where, oh, where did I say anything about it being "by choice"?


Sorry, but you've completely lost me now. Are you being held captive? 




> As I foreshadowed earlier, I had felled two trees (a red oak and a quaking aspen) which I intended to cut, split, and stack for use in future winters at the hearth in my home. The project is complete!


Murderer!

You're the cause of global warming, you and your ilk, willy-nilly cutting down trees which give us oxygen! Then, even worse, you're going to burn it and release all the carbon the tree stored during its century of life.

 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Atheist, away with your tree huggery. Great job comedian.

Our house is heated by a wood stove too, so I know the satisfaction of a well stocked woodpile built by the strengh of one's arm, and the sweat of one's brow.

----------


## jocky

Comedian, I thought that fence was unsurpassable, but you have risen to new heights of creativity. You are a man's man and I am enjoying that cold beer, warm in the knowledge that the female race do not come close in ordering the natural world. One teeny, weeny criticism, ditch the trainers.  :Smile: 

How to spoil the wifes meticulously planned female only party, A: refuse to vacate the living room. B: Keep your feet firmly planted on the coffee table, shoes on or off optional. C: Refuse to turn the telly down D: Offer your opinion sporadically and vociferously while graciously sharing your cheapest bottle of Buckfast. This is guaranteed to work, I have still got the scars to prove it.  :Smile: 

Last for tonight I promise. I joined Literature Network Forum to enjoy the thrill of contributing to the cut and thrust of literary criticiscm. Unfortunately, I found the Cold Ale thread and realised instantly I was at home. Athiest, you have a lot to answer for!  :Smile:

----------


## 1n50mn14

Cold Ale? I might be a woman, but I'm one of the boys! Count me in for a cold pint of Guinness, or a stout whiskey xD.

----------


## The Walker

*breaking into the blokes' thread*

I dont do this usually but... 
Wow Comedian! Your work has impressed me! I have never know someone who has done that until now  :Thumbs Up: 

now, i better leave before someone kick me out  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Comedian

Howdy Gents,

The Atheist 


> You're the cause of global warming, you and your ilk, willy-nilly cutting down trees which give us oxygen! Then, even worse, you're going to burn it and release all the carbon the tree stored during its century of life.


Some trees are meant to be hugged, and some are meant to but, torn asunder, stacked and burned.  :FRlol: 

Michael T 


> You deserve a good few beers after that.


*_pussht_, cracks open a cold one* Thanks. *tosses Michael T a can*

jocky -- 


> I thought that fence was unsurpassable, but you have risen to new heights of creativity.


Thanks. *tosses jocky another beer from the cooler* Unfortunately, I might be out of summer projects to boast about here.

prendrelemick -- 


> I know the satisfaction of a well stocked woodpile built by the strengh of one's arm, and the sweat of one's brow.


Well said. I love both the activity of cutting and stacking wood and the satisfaction of the result. In fact, sometimes it's hard for me to convince my wife that when I'm out splitting wood I'm "working". She knows I'm just having fun!  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Cawblimy its hot today!

----------


## The Atheist

God, I wish it was here.

I HATE WINTER.

With a passion. Cold, miserable, rain, viruses.... I'm going to move to Hawaii.

----------


## jocky

> God, I wish it was here.
> 
> I HATE WINTER.
> 
> With a passion. Cold, miserable, rain, viruses.... I'm going to move to Hawaii.


 Honolulu, no hon a surfboard. Hawaii 50.  :Smile: 

How are thee and thine Prendrelmick ?  :Tongue:  Cawblimy its hot today. The sweat was pouring off me, watching the wife mowing the garden!  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Honolulu, no hon a surfboard. Hawaii 50.


Book 'em Danno!




> Cawblimy its hot today. The sweat was pouring off me, watching the wife mowing the garden!


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

Must be global warming, because after a cold start, the day has turned out unbelievably warm for the coldest month, with the Met station presently recording 16 degrees!

----------


## prendrelemick

Jocky, I'm ok, but doing "Manly Pursuits" in 30 degrees of humid heat, is a bit wilting. 
Just after this picture was taken, we retired to the fridge and cracked a couple of cold ones.

----------


## Stargazer86

Comedian- Most impressive!!

Athiest- Might I recommend Maui? Lovely and not so littered with tourists and hotels as is the main island

Prend- Also very impressive! That is a lovely wall. How long did that take you?

----------


## jocky

Prendrelmick, Jocky is hugely impressed, your not rebuilding Hadrian's wall are you? We are not thinking of invading again, well, not for awhile anyway.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Jocky, I'm ok, but doing "Manly Pursuits" in 30 degrees of humid heat, is a bit wilting. 
> Just after this picture was taken, we retired to the fridge and cracked a couple of cold ones.


Lovely bit of work!




> Prendrelmick, Jocky is hugely impressed, your not rebuilding Hadrian's wall are you? We are not thinking of invading again, well, not for awhile anyway.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

You're not Tom Sharpe are you?

----------


## jocky

You're not Tom Sharpe are you?

Athiest, I can say hand on heart, for once, I have never been deported from Natal, everywhere else on the Planet, but not Natal.  :Smile:  Question, is blasphemy a victimless crime?

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, I can say hand on heart, for once, I have never been deported from Natal, everywhere else on the Planet, but not Natal.


What a mark of the man that is. His Apartheid novels are the best treatises I've read on the subject.




> Question, is blasphemy a victimless crime?


Funny you should ask that because NZ is one of the last places in the west where "libellous blasphemy" is still against the law. I spent a couple of years trying to be arrested for it, but the government was smart enough to leave it alone.

While I'm sure some theists feel slighted by blasphemy, it is by nature a victimless crime - unless it's a crime against the god, in which case I'm sure he can dish out his own punishment.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

Athiest, the God police have got the good sense not to arrest you, they know they would have an articulate well argued response on their hands, its not good for business. I do agree with your philosophy, Hitchens and Dawkins are carrying the torch for challenging accepted religious ideology. Basically it is mumbo jumbo used by strong personalities to control the weak minded. Now, another question, name three items necessary for male wellbeing? Anyone can join in. My three, Swiss knife, with titanium bottle opener, can of wife repellent and mistress. This may be a wee bit controversial.  :Smile:

----------


## Whifflingpin

A Shed

----------


## prendrelemick

comfy slippers, 
possesion of the telly remote,
selective deafness
.
.
.
I must be getting old

----------


## The Atheist

> Now, another question, name three items necessary for male wellbeing? Anyone can join in. My three, Swiss knife, with titanium bottle opener, can of wife repellent and mistress. This may be a wee bit controversial.


Bloody good question.

My Buck knife.

A magnifying glass - to start fires.

1 km of rot-proof 10kg line.

Civilisation could disappear tomorrow, and if I've got those three things, I can live forever.




> A Shed


The world's your shed!




> comfy slippers, 
> possesion of the telly remote,
> selective deafness
> .
> .
> .
> I must be getting old


I'd say!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

1 km of rot-proof 10kg line.

From one fisherman to another Athiest, that is the exact same line I used to catch my can of Atlantic salmon. I am considering changing to a 20kg line and perhaps hooking a couple of tins of caviare.  :Nod:  Whifflingpin, brevity is the source of all wit, ' A shed ' impressive. Prendrelmick, I am seriously starting to worry about you, ' SLIPPERS '  :FRlol:

----------


## stlukesguild

Independence Day!! So what is is the offing as far as drinks go? I spent most of the day today getting my studio together, building walls and moving. Nothing like some heavy construction and carpentry to wet the appetite and work up a thirst. I came home to steaks on the grill (New York Strips... so red they were still mooing) and some really good beer: Samuel Smith Imperial Stout, Beamish Irish Stout, this really unique banana bread beer :Banana: , and we'll finish off with some Three Philosophers while listening to Miles Davis (_Kind of Blue_) and perhaps some Stones (_Let it Bleed_) cranked up real loud (Hey... I'm just following the instructions on the LP cover!) if I'm really blitzed.  :Banana:  :Banana:  :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## The Atheist

> Independence Day!!



The rest of the world mourns the day. If only those damned, interfering Frogs had kept their beaks out, the United States would still be paying taxes to the Queen, as they rightfully should!

----------


## Stargazer86

> The rest of the world mourns the day. If only those damned, interfering Frogs had kept their beaks out, the United States would still be paying taxes to the Queen, as they rightfully should!



lol go up to your average American and tell them that we owe our freedom to the French. You won't get the best reaction

----------


## stlukesguild

lol go up to your average American and tell them that we owe our freedom to the French. You won't get the best reaction 

Not that the French are all that thankful for bailing their asses out of two World Wars. Next time they have any problems with the Germans we should all just sit back and watch. :Biggrin:

----------


## Stargazer86

Oh dear, we're delving dangerously close to a forbidden political discussion here...

So I refrain from further commentary on the matter...


Would anyone like a Sam Adams?

----------


## The Atheist

> lol go up to your average American and tell them that we owe our freedom to the French. You won't get the best reaction


Yeah; pity really. Shows a distinct lack of appreciation.




> Not that the French are all that thankful for bailing their asses out of two World Wars. Next time they have any problems with the Germans we should all just sit back and watch.


Um, let me just note that the asses bailed out - if that expression even suits - certainly weren't French. While the Yanks fought mainly in France in WWI, the British Commonwealth had long since covered France's bottom, and in WWII, France didn't even exist by the time your mob joined up.




> Oh dear, we're delving dangerously close to a forbidden political discussion here...


Surely that's history rather than politics?




> Would anyone like a Sam Adams?


The Mayor of Prtland?

Now that's definitely politics!

 :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Stlukes: Are you sure "Imperial Stout" is the patriotic thing to be drinking on the 4th?

A good Yorkshire beer though.

Jocky: It is impossible to exaggerate the value of a comfy pair of slippers at the end of a long day.

Stargazer: Cheers. God bless A-mhur-ika

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Come on chaps. Lets not be too beastly to the French.
After all in my parents generation they used to complain about the American forces stationed in the UK during the war: 
"They were overpaid, oversexed & over here".

----------


## stlukesguild

Um, let me just note that the asses bailed out - if that expression even suits - certainly weren't French. While the Yanks fought mainly in France in WWI, the British Commonwealth had long since covered France's bottom...

But for some reason they just couldn't get the job done, eh? :Biggrin: 

...and in WWII, France didn't even exist by the time your mob joined up.

Thanks to the great job your mob pulled at Dunkirk, no doubt. :Biggrin: 

Stlukes: Are you sure "Imperial Stout" is the patriotic thing to be drinking on the 4th?

Well I sure as hell can't picture myself drinking a Budweiser... no matter how patriotic I may or may not be. The only possible alternative would be a good micro-brewery... (or some California wine)... and good luck on finding one of those on a holiday. Perhaps I shoulda gone the true patriotic route and bought some good Kentucky whiskey or bourbon? Hmmm...? :Idea:

----------


## jocky

Stlukesguild, you are not having a go at the British army are you? We have never retreated in our history, a good few strategic withdrawels, but retreat, never.  :Smile:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Surely that's history rather than politics?



Perhaps. Too fine a line though as it can quickly turn into Vietnam and Iraq and all that. Recent history/current events

It seems that Stlukes and I possible see it differently and since I've not spoken to this lit netter before, I would not like to get off on the wrong foot.

I love everyone  :Smile:

----------


## stlukesguild

We have never retreated in our history, a good few strategic withdrawels, but retreat, never. :Smile:  

What happened at Hastings? :Biggrin:  Of course we have that decisive victory at Pearl Harbor to brag about. I don't imagine too many admirals lining up the entire navy in a shallow harbor any more. :Frown:

----------


## prendrelemick

We didn't retreat at Hastings, we were slaughtered, perhaps there's a lesson there !

----------


## jocky

Prendrelmick, you have brought this circular argument to a successful conclusion. Never trust the French. Many a Scotsman died at Hastings, assisting the Normans  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

I don't think there was a "British Army" at Hastings...

----------


## jocky

Athiest, as always, you are right. The concept of a British army has always been complex and problematic. There are Englishmen, Scots, Welsh, Irish,and Ghurkas to name but a few all under the same flag. You will probably be aware that there is even a territorial branch of the Black Watch in your country. There has always been more casualties suffered in barrack room brawls between different ethnic groups than inflicted on our, so called enemies.  :Smile:

----------


## stlukesguild

We didn't retreat at Hastings, we were slaughtered, perhaps there's a lesson there ! 

Ah... a clear distinction, there... and one that General Custer might have done well to have considered before Little Big Horn.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Athiest, as always, you are right. The concept of a British army has always been complex and problematic. There are Englishmen, Scots, Welsh, Irish,and Ghurkas to name but a few all under the same flag. You will probably be aware that there is even a territorial branch of the Black Watch in your country. There has always been more casualties suffered in barrack room brawls between different ethnic groups than inflicted on our, so called enemies.


Sorry to upset your self-congratulatory thinking laddies, but field marshall Sir John Harding, former Chief of General Staff, is on record as saying that the best troops he ever encountered were those of the Wehrmacht.
I might also remind you of General Sir Brian Horrocks assertion that "the British army was a peasant army led by aristocrats while the German army was a military machine led by technocrats." The machine didn't win but only by the narrowest of margins.

----------


## jocky

> Sorry to upset your self-congratulatory thinking laddies, but field marshall Sir John Harding, former Chief of General Staff, is on record as saying that the best troops he ever encountered were those of the Wehrmacht.
> I might also remind you of General Sir Brian Horrocks assertion that "the British army was a peasant army led by aristocrats while the German army was a military machine led by technocrats." The machine didn't win but only by the narrowest of margins.


Aye Brian, but we still humped them, a wins a win  :Wink:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Aye Brian, but we still humped them, a wins a win


Who's we?

----------


## jocky

> Who's we?


Who's you? Dont come the Platonic dialectics with old Jocky.

----------


## The Atheist

> There has always been more casualties suffered in barrack room brawls between different ethnic groups than inflicted on our, so called enemies.


My dad was a career RN bloke, ended up president of the Chiefs' Mess with a BEM to go with his two WWII DSMs.

There's no doubt that in the minds of Brit servicepeople in WWII, they saw "the enemy" in the following order of priority:

#1 Yanks
#2 Frogs
#3 Japanese
#4 Germans

 :Smile: 

Although his medals were for fighting the Japanese...

----------


## The Atheist

> Sorry to upset your self-congratulatory thinking laddies, but field marshall Sir John Harding, former Chief of General Staff, is on record as saying that the best troops he ever encountered were those of the Wehrmacht.


That's fine - the troops the Wehrmacht were most scared of was the Maori Battalion!

----------


## JBI

> That's fine - the troops the Wehrmacht were most scared of was the Maori Battalion!


Yeah, they also tell us in history class here that Canadian soldiers were the most feared, bravest, and most skilled fighters and the Newfies (at that point not actually part of Canada) in particular were fearsome (though, two consecutive generations of males were essentially wiped out in Europe, so perhaps they got the bravery bit right) - personally, I doubt the Wehrmacht could tell people apart, especially not the commonwealth battalions but that's just me.

But yeah, people tell me the All Blacks Haka before games scares the crap out of the other teams, so perhaps the Maori battalion was the most frightening.

----------


## jocky

> My dad was a career RN bloke, ended up president of the Chiefs' Mess with a BEM to go with his two WWII DSMs.
> 
> There's no doubt that in the minds of Brit servicepeople in WWII, they saw "the enemy" in the following order of priority:
> 
> #1 Yanks
> #2 Frogs
> #3 Japanese
> #4 Germans
> 
> ...


Athiest I knew you would come through for me. Your old man sounds like a trooper. Yanks, well hated, stealing all the wives and girlfriends. Frogs, for obvious reasons. Japanese, sneaky buggers and the Germans because their trains run on time. Question, will you be supporting Australia in the Ashes next week?  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Yeah, they also tell us in history class here that Canadian soldiers were the most feared, bravest, and most skilled fighters and the Newfies (at that point not actually part of Canada) in particular were fearsome (though, two consecutive generations of males were essentially wiped out in Europe, so perhaps they got the bravery bit right) - personally, I doubt the Wehrmacht could tell people apart, especially not the commonwealth battalions but that's just me.
> 
> But yeah, people tell me the All Blacks Haka before games scares the crap out of the other teams, so perhaps the Maori battalion was the most frightening.


Yes the Canadians and Kiwis were and are fantastic soldiers. Take it from someone who knows. I come from a long line of distinguished military ancestors. Famous for being executed by their own side for extreme cowardice in the face of the enemy.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest I knew you would come through for me. Your old man sounds like a trooper. Yanks, well hated, stealing all the wives and girlfriends. Frogs, for obvious reasons. Japanese, sneaky buggers and the Germans because their trains run on time. Question, will you be supporting Australia in the Ashes next week?


Australia? Are you kidding?

We have a standard sports policy in NZ - "I support New Zealand"

and anyone playing Australia!




> Yes the Canadians and Kiwis were and are fantastic soldiers. Take it from someone who knows. I come from a long line of distinguished military ancestors. Famous for being executed by their own side for extreme cowardice in the face of the enemy.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

My uncle Walter, the ex German paratrooper, was sensible enough to surrender to the Americans, when his battalion were ordered to the Russian Front.

I don't know about the German Top Brass, but the troops he was with, feared the Russians almost as much as the Gestapo.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Who's you? Dont come the Platonic dialectics with old Jocky.


The late (and unlamented ) Harold Wilson was once accused of dodging unpalatable questions by answering with another. To which he replied, "Who told you that?"

----------


## MANICHAEAN

In this very highbrow debate on the fighting abilities of the British, its necessary to recognise the negative virtues of this entity e.g.
"I dont know what they do to the enemy, but they frighten the life out of me" Attributed to The Duke of Wellington"

"The highest traditions of the Royal Navy are comprised of rum, sodomy & the lash" Attributed Winston Churchill when First Lord of The Admirality.

----------


## jocky

' My uncle Walter, the ex German paratrooper'. Prendrelmick, I seem to recall hearing this story before. I am suspicious, this is not the beginning of an extremely elaborate tall tale is it?  :Smile:

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Which one?

----------


## Emil Miller

> My uncle Walter, the ex German paratrooper, was sensible enough to surrender to the Americans, when his battalion were ordered to the Russian Front.
> 
> I don't know about the German Top Brass, but the troops he was with, feared the Russians almost as much as the Gestapo.


One of the toughest men I ever knew was an ex Wermacht soldier who was very badly wounded on the Russian front at Leningrad. When I asked him if he had any regrets about what had happened to him he said none whatsoever and if he had his time over again, he would do exactly the same.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Jocky
If I remember correctly you can find the reassurance that this is not a "tall tale" in the following two books:
"Years of The Sword" by Elizabeth Longford.
"The Last Lion" by William Manchester.
Sorry, I cant be more precise, but most of my books are in London, and I'm in the Middle East!

----------


## The Atheist

> My uncle Walter, the ex German paratrooper, was sensible enough to surrender to the Americans, when his battalion were ordered to the Russian Front.
> 
> I don't know about the German Top Brass, but the troops he was with, feared the Russians almost as much as the Gestapo.


Yes, the Russians were particularly unfogiving to Germans, and I guess that's understandable given the atrocities perpetrated on the Russiand during German occupation. Ironic really, when they started out as pals.




> "The highest traditions of the Royal Navy are comprised of rum, sodomy & the lash" Attributed Winston Churchill when First Lord of The Admirality.


And a great album by The Pogues!

(I think Winnie's original words were "Rum, buggery and the lash" but it's been kept alive as sodomy to preserve a few sensibilities.

----------


## prendrelemick

> ' My uncle Walter, the ex German paratrooper'. Prendrelmick, I seem to recall hearing this story before. I am suspicious, this is not the beginning of an extremely elaborate tall tale is it?


No. By 17 he had been wounded twice, shrapnel in the leg and bullet wound to the head, his home village was by then on the far side of the Red Army. 
He met my aunty Val when he was a POW working on a farm near where she lived. He was my favorite Uncle.




> Yes, the Russians were particularly unfogiving to Germans, and I guess that's understandable given the atrocities perpetrated on the Russiand during German occupation. Ironic really, when they started out as pals.
> 
> 
> 
> And a great album by The Pogues!
> 
> (I think Winnie's original words were "Rum, buggery and the lash" but it's been kept alive as sodomy to preserve a few sensibilities.


What, is sodomy nicer than buggery :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> The late (and unlamented ) Harold Wilson was once accused of dodging unpalatable questions by answering with another. To which he replied, "Who told you that?"


Did he?

Prendrelmick, 'What, is sodomy nicer than buggery'  :Smile: 

On the whole, this discussion is getting worrying. Sodomy, buggery, whippings, booze and favourite uncle Walter. I dread to think what auntie Val would say. It wasnt her who shot uncle Walter was it?  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

:FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Jocky
> If I remember correctly you can find the reassurance that this is not a "tall tale" in the following two books:
> "Years of The Sword" by Elizabeth Longford.
> "The Last Lion" by William Manchester.
> Sorry, I cant be more precise, but most of my books are in London, and I'm in the Middle East!


Mancihaean, I am not sure I want to hear anymore of the exploits of uncle Walter. Its time we got back to a good wholesome moral basis on this thread. Question, do you prefer stockings and suspenders or tights?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Total no brainer.

Tights are only useful for bank robbers.

----------


## jocky

> Total no brainer.
> 
> Tights are only useful for bank robbers.


 :FRlol:  Repairing the fanbelt in the car, serial killers weapon of choice, straining the home brew and gagging that dreadful uncle Walter. However, you are right Athiest it was a no brainer  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Repairing the fanbelt in the car,


Ha; you've reminded of a time, many years ago, I was travelling from Hamilton Airport to Paeroa - about an hour's drive.

My old Morris 1800 (best car I've ever had) broke a fanbelt and I ended up stopping outside a place which was all lit up and partying.

Turned out to be some Ladies' Night at the local golf club.

Easiest pair of tights I've ever had!

----------


## jocky

> Ha; you've reminded of a time, many years ago, I was travelling from Hamilton Airport to Paeroa - about an hour's drive.
> 
> My old Morris 1800 (best car I've ever had) broke a fanbelt and I ended up stopping outside a place which was all lit up and partying.
> 
> Turned out to be some Ladies' Night at the local golf club.
> 
> Easiest pair of tights I've ever had!


Take it you got a hole in one then.  :Wink:

----------


## MANICHAEAN

And you guys talk about my moral decline!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------


## prendrelemick

Welcome to our level Manichaean.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

I was half way there anyway.
Are you interested in reducing the bar even lower, as I have been reading up on the habits of senior British politicians & Allied Generals when the Rhine was crossed in the last big do?

----------


## jocky

> I was half way there anyway.
> Are you interested in reducing the bar even lower, as I have been reading up on the habits of senior British politicians & Allied Generals when the Rhine was crossed in the last big do?


Tell us more  :Thumbs Up:

----------


## The Atheist

Come on mate! You must've heard enough over your life about politicians' sex lives to not want to know more.

----------


## The Atheist

Get Parker to break out the tankards and Corona di Coronas.

Just off to the maternity ward - it appears that Mrs Atheist is in labour.

Can't get the name quite right, although we're getting close to going with Traque. (long A sound)

A young bloke, of course!

----------


## Zee.

This thread is a big fat fail

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Limajean. You said the same on 4.12.09?

I tried to review this thread from when it originally started but gave up after:beer, steaks, rugby, tennis babes, grunting tennis babes, baywatch surfers, peeing, Jack Daniel's, Chuck Norris movies, manly cars, boobs, butts, legs, fake black hair & flatulance. The rainbow spectrum of male indulgance will never cease to amaze!
Anyway, today's contribution is a variation on a previous theme: " the male characteristic of marking out their territory". It concerns the time during World War II when the German forces had given up the Westwall and retreated across the Rhine. Then came the visit of the great man himself. Upon coming to the first row of dragon teeth, Churchill ordered the driver to stop the car, got out and had all his Generals line up next to him, including Montgomery, Field Marshall Alan Brooke and other Allied dignitaries to pee in the river. Upon completion of this manly ritual the British Prime Ministers turned to Monty & said: "I've been meaning to do that for a long time"
In Patton's case, he insisted on being photographed whilst indulging in the same act.Unfortunately for him, when he got off the wobbly bridge, he slipped and fell flat on his knees but on regaining his composure uttered to the waiting correspondents: "Thus, William the Conqueror."
What are today's macho exploits among politicians in a politically correct environment in comparison? Putin bear hunting & giving judo performances, Tony Blair kicking a football, photo shoots of innumerable other dignitaries in flak jackets riding in a tank? 
Give me the original every time, faults & all.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I tried to review this thread from when it originally started but gave up after:beer, steaks, rugby, tennis babes, grunting tennis babes, baywatch surfers, peeing, Jack Daniel's, Chuck Norris movies, manly cars, boobs, butts, legs, fake black hair & flatulance. The rainbow spectrum of male indulgance will never cease to amaze!


Ah, happy days.

----------


## Zee.

> Limajean. You said the same on 4.12.09?



i'm only messing with my friend The Atheist

----------


## Nikhar

Um......can I ...can I......just drop in? *shy and stammers*

Kids allowed here?

----------


## Michael T

> Get Parker to break out the tankards and Corona di Coronas.
> 
> Just off to the maternity ward - it appears that Mrs Atheist is in labour.



Excellent news Atheist.  :Thumbs Up: 

Keep us informed... We're waiting to light the cigars and make a few toasts.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> This thread is a big fat fail


Still failing after all these pages.

 :Biggrin: 




> Um......can I ...can I......just drop in? *shy and stammers*
> 
> Kids allowed here?


Sure!

We seem unable to keep the women out, so if you're a bloke kid, then that should be AOK!




> Excellent news Atheist. 
> 
> Keep us informed... We're waiting to light the cigars and make a few toasts.


Light those cigars!

But don't make toast with the cigars, for goodness' sake - the smoke makes 'em the bread taste awful.

7 1/2 lb of bouncing baby boy.

----------


## Michael T

:Smile:  *CONGRATULATIONS ON THE BIRTH OF YOUR BABY BOY MR AND MRS ATHEIST... GREAT NEWS!!!*  :Smile: 





 :Biggrin:  LETS LIGHT THOSE CIGARS AND GET HAMMERED  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

Congratulations Athiest and wife, the world needs more free thinkers. Love form Mr and Mrs Jocky.  :Smile:

----------


## Michael T

*Time to wet the baby's head... Let the party begin.*  :Tongue: 



*Cigar anyone...*



*Who's got the beer?*

----------


## papayahed

Congrats Athiest!!

----------


## jocky

MANICHAEAN

QUOTE: I tried to review this thread from when it originally started but gave up after:beer, steaks, rugby, tennis babes, grunting tennis babes, baywatch surfers, peeing, Jack Daniel's, Chuck Norris movies, manly cars, boobs, butts, legs, fake black hair & flatulance. The rainbow spectrum of male indulgance will never cease to amaze!

Now to all young potential literary critics out there, take note. Manichaean articulates all the things that are good about this site, but fails miserably to point out the downside.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

congratulations Atheist. A new member for the club.

----------


## jocky

Your never going to believe this guys, I believe I may have been abducted by aliens! I was sitting in the back garden reading my Sense and Sensibility, as you do  :Smile:  when all of a sudden a strange craft hovered above the birdbath. The next thing I knew I was back in the exact same position, but my bottle of Jack Daniels had mysteriously emptied. Apparently I had gone missing for three days, even the wife wont believe me. Any similar experiences?

----------


## The Atheist

Thanks very much, blokes!

Jocky: shame on you! Jack Daniels? If what I know about aliens and anal probing is true, you deserved every second of it!

----------


## jocky

> Thanks very much, blokes!
> 
> Jocky: shame on you! Jack Daniels? If what I know about aliens and anal probing is true, you deserved every second of it!


Athiest, dont I know it. Enjoy the moment and I swear I will not mention nappies, howling, sleepless nights and no sex for the forseeable future ever again. Good on you mate  :Smile:

----------


## papayahed

> Your never going to believe this guys, I believe I may have been abducted by aliens! I was sitting in the back garden reading my Sense and Sensibility, as you do  when all of a sudden a strange craft hovered above the birdbath. The next thing I knew I was back in the exact same position, but my bottle of Jack Daniels had mysteriously emptied. Apparently I had gone missing for three days, even the wife wont believe me. Any similar experiences?


uhhh yeah! Back when I was living at home there was about a week that I would sleep ontop of my bedding. The bed was made except my pillows. It got chilly one night so I got under the covers but in the morning I woke up on top of the bedding with the bedding perfectly made like it had been the previous nights. what else could it be but alien abduction. :Alien:

----------


## The Comedian

Congratulations Atheist! And a double congratulations to Mrs. Atheist.

----------


## jocky

> uhhh yeah! Back when I was living at home there was about a week that I would sleep ontop of my bedding. The bed was made except my pillows. It got chilly one night so I got under the covers but in the morning I woke up on top of the bedding with the bedding perfectly made like it had been the previous nights. what else could it be but alien abduction.


papayahed, the world just doesnt get it, we are being observed constantly by a higher power, in my case its the wife, whats your excuse? Love from Jocky  :Biggrin:

----------


## papayahed

> papayahed, the world just doesnt get it, we are being observed constantly by a higher power, in my case its the wife, whats your excuse? Love from Jocky


HaHa, that was a lot of somebodies ago, I can't remember who it was at that time.






The Truth is out there.

----------


## jocky

[QUOTE=papayahed;747824]HaHa, that was a lot of somebodies ago, I can't remember who it was at that time.

In the words of Sinatra, Your nobodies till somebodies loves you, Let us enjoy a happy moment, new life, and raise our glasses to Athiest and let us pray that the new child will give his Da half the grief that he has given his mates. : :FRlol:

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Athiest.
Let me add my congrats to the arrival of a bonny bouncing boy.

----------


## The Atheist

Thanks again, all!

I'll try to get some pics up tomorrow, but with running two businesses and trying to organise two kids, a very sore wife and a baby, I'm run off my feet. I swear I am going to be a couple of inches shorter after this!

Jocky, I am 100% certain the sex interruptus will be short-lived. I got a promise of a lifetime supply in return for the vasectomy.

 :Wink:

----------


## Nikhar

Awww.....a kid?

I love kids (not difficult to guess, eh?). Can I play with him? *joins hands and pleads with innocent eyes*

----------


## The Atheist

> Awww.....a kid?
> 
> I love kids (not difficult to guess, eh?). Can I play with him? *joins hands and pleads with innocent eyes*


Hell yeah.

Bring him back when he's toilet trained.

We've [we've? make that I've] just been getting rid of the meconium. You'll know about that, but we won't say any more in case those who've never experienced it lose the surprise when they meet Mr Meconium for the first time. 

I finally managed to fill the pothole outside our house that the roading people missed.

 :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

Photos going up here shortly.

None of Mr Meconium, though.

----------


## Niamh

Oh wow!! Congratulations Athiest!!!!!

----------


## jocky

> Jocky, I am 100% certain the sex interruptus will be short-lived. I got a promise of a lifetime supply in return for the vasectomy.


Athiest, that might not be the best deal you have ever cut. Alien anal probing is a picnic compared with the vasectomy.  :FRlol:

----------


## Nightshade

Congrats! 3.2kg that is a BIG baby. And such a gorgeous looking baby too!  :Nod:  

Question though if you didnt have a name lined up what did you call the baby till you named him? 
and on a slightly literay twist please tell me you dfidnt go the route of the charcters in Miss Billie Married who had twins and the dad refused to name them saying they would choose names for themselves once they had grown old enough to make the desions and the two boys became known as spot and dimple?! 
 :Tongue:

----------


## Stargazer86

Oh, Athiest I've only just noticed! Many congrats to you and your family on your new healthy baby  :Smile:  

3.2kg...does that convert to about 7or so pounds? I can't remember the conversion..I think it's 2.2

I'm off to check out the pix of the new baby. And I am glad to know that Mr. Meconium is not a part of the pix as he is not pleasant to look at.

*addition* I saw the pix  :Smile:  You have beautiful children! 
Have you settled on the child's name yet?

----------


## Nightshade

I stand corrected 3.2 kg is not very big, my mum just had ridiculously tiny babies.

----------


## Stargazer86

> I stand corrected 3.2 kg is not very big, my mum just had ridiculously tiny babies.


lol well keep in mind where they're coming out from! My baby was only a bit over 6lbs (approx 2.9kgs) and I am very glad she wasn't bigger than that! ouch...
7lbs is about average size...and very healthy

----------


## Nightshade

Oh well any baby is too big I think but that aside, I thought 3.2 seemed bi but My mum said no it was normal and healthy. hence the correction.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Virgil

> Photos going up here shortly.
> 
> None of Mr Meconium, though.


I haven't been in this thread lately. Well, isn't this a pleasanr surprise. Congratulations! I assume baby and mom are doing well. 

I don't smoke cigars, so let's have a drink of scotch.

----------


## Beautifull

oh congrats! a baby!

----------


## jocky

Notice something guys, as soon as babies are mentioned the females are all over this thread like a rash, but in novels they hardly merit a mention, apart from Jude the Obscure. Athiest, yesterday you were a member of the male unmentionables but now you are a superstar, tomorrow it will be business as usual. Bring it on  :Wink:

----------


## Beautifull

oh, okay, i get the hint...i'll leave!!!i'd rather go have some coffee talk anyways!

----------


## jocky

Footnote, I did the World tour last year , funnily enough I was in New Zealand exactly nine months ago. I found the women generally friendly and most acommodating.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Beautifull

> I found the women generally friendly and most acommodating.


we're not as bad you guys make us out to be...we just, you know, need some girl chat once in a while! :Wink:  :Tongue:

----------


## AimusSage

by the gods of absence Atheist! That's one fine wrinkly little bugger you got there!

----------


## jocky

Parody on Shakespeare: now the youth of Scotland are afire and silken kilts doth in the wardrobe lie, time to put on our manly harness and head on the other direction. That is why we Scots won our freedom, wear out the enemy by running from them. Believe me it works every time.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Thanks all, again!

Mum and baby both doing ridiculously well. 

3.2 kg = 7lb 2 oz. Quite small compared to his brother & sister who were 9lb each!




> Athiest, that might not be the best deal you have ever cut. Alien anal probing is a picnic compared with the vasectomy.


Been there, done that, written the expose.

(I agree with you entirely - vasectomy makes prostate exams feel like ..... I'd better not say!  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  )

----------


## jocky

Athiest, good to hear from you I was getting a wee bit worried, ' alls well that ends well '. Tell your missus to get well soon, she will probably have to do a fair bit of cleaning when she gets home :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, good to hear from you I was getting a wee bit worried, ' alls well that ends well '. Tell your missus to get well soon, she will probably have to do a fair bit of cleaning when she gets home


???

She was home four hours after giving birth - I hadn't had my dinner!

----------


## prendrelemick

> (I agree with you entirely - vasectomy makes prostate exams feel like ..... I'd better not say!  )



Aye, hurts like b****ry, as Churchill once said :FRlol:

----------


## Scheherazade

Congratulations, The Atheist!

May he grow up to make his parents very proud  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye, hurts like b****ry, as Churchill once said


 :FRlol: 

Churchill was funnier than he realised.




> Congratulations, The Atheist!
> 
> May he grow up to make his parents very proud


Thanks!

----------


## jocky

Conversation between Churchill and Lady Astor: Lady Astor ' Winston you are drunk? ' Churchill ' Yes Madam, but you are ugly! In the morning I will be sober but you will still be ugly '  :Smile:

----------


## andave_ya

:FRlol:  this thread has given me definite insights to sides of LitNetters I never knew about!  :Tongue:   :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> this thread has given me definite insights to sides of LitNetters I never knew about!


Well, stick around and you will hear things that will make your hair curl. Just ask Prendrelmick.  :Biggrin: 

Another conversation between Chuchill and General Montgomery over the general fitness of our soldiers: Monty: ' I do not smoke and I do not drink and I am 100% fit ' Winston: ' I smoke, I drink, and I am 200% fit ' The sun will never set on the British Empire  :Smile:

----------


## MANICHAEAN

My favourite, but not generally repeated for obvious reasons.
Churchill was attacked in what was termed "unparliamentary language" during a debate in The House of Commons by a member of the post war Labour Party majority. He refrained however from responding in the same mode. The then PM, Clem Attlee regarded the incident as out of order & instructed the errant MP to go to Churchill's home at Chartwell & apologise.
He duly arrived and was instructed by the butler to wait in the drawing room while he found Mr Churchill.
He located him in the toilet, knocked gently on the door and said: "Mr Churchill there is a Mr ----- here to see you".
Churchill's response was: "He will have to wait. I can only deal with one **** at a time."

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol:

----------


## Beautifull

> Well, stick around and you will hear things that will make your hair curl. Just ask Prendrelmick.


that's exactly why there's the coffee thread for us girls, to uncurl what you guys curl

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well, stick around and you will hear things that will make your hair curl. Just ask Prendrelmick.



Rollers!

----------


## The Atheist

Hilda Ogden!

Is she still alive?

----------


## prendrelemick

Eh chuck, she is that.

----------


## jocky

> Rollers!


Hilda is a British icon but, it has to be said, Stan was well better looking.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Parody on Shakespeare: now the youth of Scotland are afire and silken kilts doth in the wardrobe lie, time to put on our manly harness and head on the other direction. That is why we Scots won our freedom, wear out the enemy by running from them. Believe me it works every time.


Thats true. Young Great Grandpa Prendrelemick survived the Crimean war in much the same way, as immortalised by Tennyson.

Half a league, half a league
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the five hundred and ninety nine.

----------


## jocky

> Thats true. Young Great Grandpa Prendrelemick survived the Crimean war in much the same way, as immortalised by Tennyson.
> 
> Half a league, half a league
> Half a league onward,
> All in the valley of Death
> Rode the five hundred and ninety nine.


 :FRlol:  Yes ' by jingo' Young Great Grandpa Prendrelemick is a legend and a role model to us Scots, and he changed the face of English Literature. Five hundred and ninety nine scans much better. He is ranked right up there with uncle Walter  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Sleep, who needs it?

Ah, I'd forgotten the joys of the sleepless nights - waking up at 3 am and getting to go on the internet!

I knew there had to be one good thing about it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Meanwhile at Lords.
I hope the boy Strauss knows what he is doing, not forceing the follow-on.

----------


## The Atheist

> Meanwhile at Lords.
> I hope the boy Strauss knows what he is doing, not forceing the follow-on.


I was just coming in to comment on this.

When did the rule book get thrown out?

Whenever I've played cricket, the rule book has been very straightforward and *ALWAYS* enforcing the follow-on was top of the list of things to do if one wished to continue playing the game in the foreseeable future.

Having been saved by some fantastic defence from a bollocking the first time around, passing up an opportunity to put his foot on Punter's throat may come back to haunt him.

Next couple of days will tell.

Where does he declare? 600?

----------


## prendrelemick

I think its all about time now rather than runs, a two hour slogfest in the morning then put them in.

About the follow-on thing, I wonder if Flintoff is 100% fit, perhaps his dodgy knees needed a rest.

----------


## The Atheist

> I think its all about time now rather than runs, a two hour slogfest in the morning then put them in.


I think it's just a bob each way scenario - if you leave a big enough target, you can't lose and you might win, while if you let the opps build up a lead, you could still lose. Shows a distinct lack of testicular fortitude, I feel.




> About the follow-on thing, I wonder if Flintoff is 100% fit, perhaps his dodgy knees needed a rest.


You'd hope one player never made a difference to a call of that size, but possible.

----------


## The Atheist

Great win by England!

Still, I bet a few pulses were beginning to get raised when the Aussie pair were within sight of a 200 partnership.

Parker is breaking out the 1958 Port.

Oh yeah, we finally decided on a name for the wee chap.

Quint.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is he your fifth?

----------


## The Atheist

> Is he your fifth?


No; fourth.

But "Quad" just didn't sound right.

He's actually named after Quint in _Jaws_. (Played immortally by the fantastic Robert Shaw in the movie.)

----------


## prendrelemick

As he grows up, you must impress on him the folly of hunting large sharks in small boats.

----------


## The Atheist

> As he grows up, you must impress on him the folly of hunting large sharks in small boats.


Oh, I'll have no trouble with that.

A few years back, I was fishing in an 18 foot fibreglass with my brother when I caught a 100 lb mako. After a huge battle, we got the bugger close enough to gaff, and even an hour after having a giant gaff straight through the head the damn thing was still chewing the steel. Even a little 5 footer managed to chew the trasom off.

Later on in the day, a mako that looked about ten times bigger leapt out of the water right next to the boat. Ten seconds later, my brother's reel screamed off - he'd hooked about a 500 pounder.

Discretion/valour?

We cut the line.

There's a time and place to play with big sharks.

----------


## prendrelemick

Jeez! I love fishing stories. What's a Mako? From your story, it doesn't sound like its short for mackeral. :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Jeez! I love fishing stories. What's a Mako? From your story, it doesn't sound like its short for mackeral.


Dead right!

Mako shark.

Very, very angry fish.

----------


## prendrelemick

It makes our little trout stream seem a little tame.

I've never been sea fishing, but one day, one day.

----------


## The Atheist

> It makes our little trout stream seem a little tame.
> 
> I've never been sea fishing, but one day, one day.


Well, if you ever manage to get down this end of the world, we have some of the best-available fishing spots and I can take you to them!

----------


## prendrelemick

Well it may happen, I have a brother over there, near Christchurch and I intend to visit sometime.

----------


## stlukesguild

Well after a long day in the studio I finally finished my latest painting so its time to celebrate. Some good pizza, Duke Elligton cranked up real loud... and a slew of great beers: a Belgian abbey ale: Ommegang... quit nice... and kick-*** at nearly 9% alcohol by volume. After that the great German brew, Aventinus... areal spicy brew that has already numbed my tounge (and thank God for on-line spell check)... and I'll finish off with one of my absolute favorite beers... perhaps my absolute single favorite: Samuel Smith Imperial Stout. Damn! Duke just ended. Time for some true American bluegrass... perfect drinking music.

----------


## stlukesguild

Oh to hell with blue grass... seven strong beers later and the only thing that'll do is the Stones' _Let it Bleed_... really LOUD!!!

----------


## stlukesguild

I'm a cold Italian Pizza, I could use lemon squeezer.. would you do? I've been bit and I've been tossed around by every she-cat in this town... haven't you babe...?

----------


## The Atheist

> Well after a long day in the studio I finally finished my latest painting so its time to celebrate.


What colour did you do it?

----------


## stlukesguild

Primarily red... cadmium red... lots of gold leaf,,, and a nude. :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

What! still concious st luke, perhaps Sammy smiths' does't travel very well.

----------


## jocky

> Oh, I'll have no trouble with that.
> 
> A few years back, I was fishing in an 18 foot fibreglass with my brother when I caught a 100 lb mako. After a huge battle, we got the bugger close enough to gaff, and even an hour after having a giant gaff straight through the head the damn thing was still chewing the steel. Even a little 5 footer managed to chew the trasom off.
> 
> Later on in the day, a mako that looked about ten times bigger leapt out of the water right next to the boat. Ten seconds later, my brother's reel screamed off - he'd hooked about a 500 pounder.
> 
> Discretion/valour?
> 
> We cut the line.
> ...


 Picture please!  :Smile: 




> Primarily red... cadmium red... lots of gold leaf,,, and a nude.


Madonna with the red and gold hat, inspirational.  :Tongue: 




> Is he your fifth?


Good job its not Athiest's sixth, if you know what I mean, Sext just doesnt sound right for a bloke!  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Picture please!


No, dammit. We were in a fishing contest and didn't take the camera. The 100lb mako won biggest fish, which we then ate and it was my intention to keep the jaws - not all that big, but reasonably impressive - but the head got eaten by one of the farm dogs!

I've got barracouta jaws and stingray stings, but no damn shark jaws until I get another.

I have another mako story as well. I was fishing on a charter launch, ready to kill anything when a huge mako (skipper's estimate 500lbs+) took the bait and the line sped off. I reeled the line in to find the bait fish - an 18-inch sea trout - cut clean in half behind the hook. Smart arse shark took the food and not the hook. Man, was I unhappy!




> Good job its not Athiest's sixth, if you know what I mean, Sext just doesnt sound right for a bloke!


 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

Athiest, I reeled the line in to find the bait fish - an 18-inch sea trout .

An eighteen inch sea trout! Now in Scotland thats what we call impressive. Dont suppose you have got a picture of that?  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> An eighteen inch sea trout! Now in Scotland thats what we call impressive. Dont suppose you have got a picture of that?


Plenty of pics of them - here's one my daughter caught. Not 18", but a good size which we had for dinner that night.

----------


## jocky

> Plenty of pics of them - here's one my daughter caught. Not 18", but a good size which we had for dinner that night.


Athiest, told you I had visited New Zealand before, that is a wee Jocky if ever I have seen one.  :FRlol:  Veni,Vidi, Rock. Nae to impressed with her Da's legs though  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, told you I had visited New Zealand before, that is a wee Jocky if ever I have seen one.  Veni,Vidi, Rock. Nae to impressed with her Da's legs though


That's my other kid - I was taking the photo.

If you want to claim ownership of that one, you can have her! Free delivery.

----------


## jocky

> That's my other kid - I was taking the photo.
> 
> If you want to claim ownership of that one, you can have her! Free delivery.


No way Athiest, I have enough on my plate as it is, but thank you for the kind offer. I have been to hell and back with daughters. Just send me the trout.  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: :

----------


## The Atheist

Could be a little smelly by the time it gets there...

----------


## jocky

> Could be a little smelly by the time it gets there...


There is no arguing with that logic Athiest, but at least it wont pop out of the package and demand instant cash and acceptance of the latest nutcase she is dating. We need to get back to the simple life, where, oh where is Prenderelmick when we need him most?  :Smile:

----------


## Nightshade

:FRlol:   :FRlol:   :FRlol:  

and that is all...  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> and that is all...


Nightshade, please tell me where I have messed up? It cant be on my intellectual comments, as far as I am aware I have yet to make one. Please tell me its not the toeshaving one on the girls thread, somebody told me to do it I think he was called Athiest, or was it Prederelmick. Oh, not the Ruskin one, I read it in the Ladybird book of art crticism. Please give me a break I am feeling fragile and unwanted. Love from unloved Jocky  :Smile:

----------


## Nightshade

hehe not aimed at you at all jocky, more a general  :FRlol:  that is really much too vauge to expalin. And the ruskin gibe was my fault, I opened that door and I knew the story even if I didnt get too detailed about it.

----------


## prendrelemick

> There is no arguing with that logic Athiest, but at least it wont pop out of the package and demand instant cash and acceptance of the latest nutcase she is dating. We need to get back to the simple life, where, oh where is Prenderelmick when we need him most?


I may be leading the simple life, but I have three of those "daughter" things

Have you been exfoiliating Jocky? I find wearing wellies all day does the job for the lower leg

----------


## Nightshade

...wait exfoliating?  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Have I got my girly beauty-speak wrong?

----------


## Nightshade

well Im not sure depneds what you are on about and dnevr had the dubious pleaur eof exfoliating ( unless you count the time my sister got 'revenge' by emptying half a tub of salt in muy bed- she was annoyed because it didnt bother me in the slightes truthfully I didnt even realise, except to think huh?but I havent been to the beach how did I get sand in my bed!  :FRlol:  ) 
Mind Id think that the wellies affect would be more like the affect of knee high cheapo thick nylon socks in 42 degrees + celsius (thats like 105 f I think) in that it kills off all the hair follicles and gives you a free fairly painless wax....  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> I may be leading the simple life, but I have three of those "daughter" things
> 
> Have you been exfoiliating Jocky? I find wearing wellies all day does the job for the lower leg


Yeah, that's always a funny one. Six months in gumboots and your calves are like a girl's.

----------


## jocky

> I may be leading the simple life, but I have three of those "daughter" things
> 
> Have you been exfoiliating Jocky? I find wearing wellies all day does the job for the lower leg


I empathise with you completely and without reservation. Prendrelemick, not only have I been exfoiliating I have also been losing body hair as well. Thank you for the welly advice it is much appreciated.  :FRlol: 




> hehe not aimed at you at all jocky, more a general  that is really much too vauge to expalin. And the ruskin gibe was my fault, I opened that door and I knew the story even if I didnt get too detailed about it.


Your being mysterious and cryptic Nightshade. I hate it when you women do this.  :Smile:

----------


## Nightshade

> Your being mysterious and cryptic Nightshade. I hate it when you women do this.


But I am not being cryptic you just aren't following there is a difference.  :Tongue:  
Id like to say its because you are a male and obviously cant follow my superior thought patterns, unfortunately its more a case of needing a special night interpretation gene which is non-gender discriminative... :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Id like to say its because you are a male and obviously cant follow my superior thought patterns, unfortunately its more a case of needing a special night interpretation gene which is non-gender discriminative...


I am so glad you didnt say that!  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

She knows you're Scots and was being polite.

 :Wink:

----------


## Nightshade

what has being Scottish have to do with the price of tea?  :Confused:

----------


## jocky

[QUOTE=The Atheist;756487]She knows you're Scots and was being polite.

 :Wink:  See what you have done now Athiest, imagine starting an argument about tea. Honestly, you could create a row in an empty room. Do you prefer Typhoo or Earl Gray?  :FRlol:

----------


## Niamh

both are gross in my opinion.  :Sick:

----------


## Nightshade

Earl grey is ok nice even especially with cake, or when its ridiculously hot. ( though most people find iot disgusting that I like milk in mine sometimes) Typhoo is the pits, te stuff tasts like dirt! now Morrisons own organic fairtrade is _NICE_ then again the co-op 99 tea is also quite nice. HUmm twinings is nice not fairtrade. Yorkshire tea is good but quite strong. Irish breakfast tea ( what was the brand you got me niamh?) is yummy. Masala tea has a nice kick to it. Most herabal teas are OK. lipton is muck. PG tips I can just about stand when I am desperate!

----------


## Niamh

It was irish tea but it was a gold blend not a breakfast.  :Smile:  although what is classed as Irish breakfast abroad is bog standard here. you want a really good Irish tea, go for a pryamid, gold blend reserve. Bewleys clipper and green label are also very nice.

----------


## jocky

> both are gross in my opinion.


Agreed, but mixed with a generous pouring of Glenfiddoch and imbibed frequently one tends to forget all about the acidic taste of the tea.  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> what has being Scottish have to do with the price of tea?


I'll get tae tea soon, but the Scots are nae known fur their great intellect, lassie*! Note jocky's use of quote tags!

 :Smile: 




> See what you have done now Athiest, imagine starting an argument about tea. Honestly, you could create a row in an empty room. Do you prefer Typhoo or Earl Gray?


That's been said about me in a few different places, although this is probably the first time it's meant tongue-in-cheek!

 :FRlol: 

Tea?

Black lychee.

If Earl Grey is the nobility of tea, and I do like a cuppa the old fella, the the chai lychee I drink is not just king, but all the gods of taste as well. I'd like to be able to describe it in the normal male manner of comparing the taste to certain things best portrayed by angels, but the mixed company forbids me!




> both are gross in my opinion.


That opinion will only be acceptable if you have an alternative.

Otherwise I shall have Parker fetch the doorman to have you ejected!

(I hope you're an anti-tea person; we haven't had someone forcibly removed from the premises since jocky's mam tried to barge in a while back)




> Most herabal teas are OK.


Oh my god, looks like you'll be next on the list.

Herbal infusions are NOT tea!




> PG tips I can just about stand when I am desperate!


Best adverts in television history. Damn the tree-hugging, politically-correct, anthropocentric do-goodedness which caused them to disappear.




*besides the fact that just about everything useful ever invented was invented by a Scot.

----------


## The Atheist

> Agreed, but mixed with a generous pouring of Glenfiddoch and imbibed frequently one tends to forget all about the acidic taste of the tea.


Funnily enough, I don't like scotch in tea, while scotch in coffee - a substance I usually rate right next to used sump oil on the drinkability scale - is great.

Maybe it's that 6:1 ratio I use?

----------


## jocky

> Earl grey is ok nice even especially with cake, or when its ridiculously hot. ( though most people find iot disgusting that I like milk in mine sometimes) Typhoo is the pits, te stuff tasts like dirt! now Morrisons own organic fairtrade is _NICE_ then again the co-op 99 tea is also quite nice. HUmm twinings is nice not fairtrade. Yorkshire tea is good but quite strong. Irish breakfast tea ( what was the brand you got me niamh?) is yummy. Masala tea has a nice kick to it. Most herabal teas are OK. lipton is muck. PG tips I can just about stand when I am desperate!


That critique on tea was unsurpassable and should be the definitive last word on the subject, however, I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that we have not heard the last of this.  :Frown:

----------


## Niamh

well! you obviously missed my last post athiest!  :Tongue:

----------


## Nightshade

> It was irish tea but it was a gold blend not a breakfast.  although what is classed as Irish breakfast abroad is bog standard here. you want a really good Irish tea, go for a pryamid, gold blend reserve. Bewleys clipper and green label are also very nice.


 SO why idnt I get this wonder tea then ?  :Tongue:   :Wink: 



> Herbal infusions are NOT tea!


This is also my opion if you are talking only herbal infusions. Im talking arabic based in black tea mixed with fresh herbs like mint , or sage , or cloves. 




> Best adverts in television history. Damn the tree-hugging, politically-correct, anthropocentric do-goodedness which caused them to disappear.


Hey They still have pretty good adverst, johnny vegas and sock monkey! NO patch on the BT soapsyle adverst though!

----------


## jocky

Sorry I was gone for a while, I was just getting my steel helmet and flak jacket from the loft as I had this strange feeling that the thread was getting a wee bitty dodgy. Arguments about tea have a habit of getting out of control. Tea has never had the same resonance with me since they invented tea bags.  :Smile:

----------


## Nightshade

> Tea has never had the same resonance with me since they invented tea bags.


Wow are you THAT old?!!

----------


## jocky

> Wow are you THAT old?!!


Yes, my mammy was 127 when she passed away, only two days after Athiest booted her off the Blokes thread.  :Bawling:  :Bawling:

----------


## Nightshade

So you were drinking tea over 101 years ago? 

 :Confused:  he isn't serious about his mam being deadis he??

----------


## jocky

> So you were drinking tea over 101 years ago? 
> 
>  he isn't serious about his mam being deadis he??


Aye, my great grandma used to sip it with me regularly while passing on her words of wisdom, in fact she is still on the go.  :Wink:

----------


## Nightshade

Bloody Nora! what do they have in the water in scotland??  :Eek2:  

 :Rolleyes:

----------


## jocky

> Bloody Nora! what do they have in the water in scotland??


Usually whisky.  :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

Athiest, I have not forgot the Quote quip, you should know us Jocks have long memories, what were we talking about again?  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> well! you obviously missed my last post athiest!


I certainly did.

(Although........ Irish tea? It just doesn't sound right. Where do they grow it?)




> That critique on tea was unsurpassable and should be the definitive last word on the subject, however, I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach that we have not heard the last of this.


Correct, the cudgels are drawn and all other cliches standing by!




> SO why idnt I get this wonder tea then ?  
> 
> This is also my opion if you are talking only herbal infusions. Im talking arabic based in black tea mixed with fresh herbs like mint , or sage , or cloves.


Ah, that's ok, then. I was a bit worried that that curried grass gunge some people drink and call "tea" is what you meant.




> Sorry I was gone for a while, I was just getting my steel helmet and flak jacket from the loft as I had this strange feeling that the thread was getting a wee bitty dodgy. Arguments about tea have a habit of getting out of control. Tea has never had the same resonance with me since they invented tea bags.


Tea bags?

What are they?




> Athiest, I have not forgot the Quote quip, you should know us Jocks have long memories, what were we talking about again?


Long memories? Is that why you wear kilts?

Tea, mate; tea!

----------


## jocky

Athiest, this was a good nights work, we have vanquished the women without breaking sweat and reclaimed our thread. The stars are in heaven and all is right with the world, hopefully! So whats on the agenda for tomorrow? See you can argue about 500lb Mako sharks, but mention tea or lipstick and all hell breaks out.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> So whats on the agenda for tomorrow?


I keep trying to get out for a fish, but a combination of weather & baby are conspiring to keep me home. I'm sick at hearing what people are catching - we're having a peculiar winter down here where the fish haven't gone away because winter forgot to arrive this year. Friend of mine caught a 40kg kingfish at my spot last week.

His funeral's on Tuesday.

----------


## jocky

> I keep trying to get out for a fish, but a combination of weather & baby are conspiring to keep me home. I'm sick at hearing what people are catching - we're having a peculiar winter down here where the fish haven't gone away because winter forgot to arrive this year. Friend of mine caught a 40kg kingfish at my spot last week.
> 
> His funeral's on Tuesday.


I know exactly where you are coming from, I hope you made it look like an accident! As a matter of interest when Global warming strikes, will New Zealand go down before Scotland?  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I know exactly where you are coming from, I hope you made it look like an accident!


Yeah, he got run over on the street.

The bloke who did it backed over him three times by mistake after the intital incident. Damnedest thing...




> As a matter of interest when Global warming strikes, will New Zealand go down before Scotland?


Actually, you will want to move here. I believe that the Gulf Stream is going to dissipate and Scotland will become one big glacier, while the warmer South Pacific will turn Auckland into a tropical paradise. We love global warming!

----------


## jocky

> Actually, you will want to move here. I believe that the Gulf Stream is going to dissipate and Scotland will become one big glacier, while the warmer South Pacific will turn Auckland into a tropical paradise. We love global warming!


What, a glacier again? We will get through it as we have through the ages, freezing our nuts off is part of our psyche. When it comes to the worst just remember your pal Jocky and his extended family, three hundred tickets to Auckland should just about cover it.  :Smile:

----------


## Nightshade

> ! So whats on the agenda for tomorrow?


IM sorry I can't resist the similarities... 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJPFSNu_QNs
Only in this case its more a case of tryng to take over a thread but tough luck mates! 
 :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

> IM sorry I can't resist the similarities... 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJPFSNu_QNs
> Only in this case its more a case of tryng to take over a thread but tough luck mates!


I knew it, I have had this terrible foreboding all night. Nightshade you are deadly.  :Smile:  Right if you give me your address I will send down a few quid, but for God's sake keep it quiet! You have been a witness to a few male atrocities, personally I can forgive you, but I am not so sure about Athiest. These Antipodians are an unforgiving lot. Go while the going is good. Tomorrow I shall be mostly eating humble pie.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Nightshade

> Nightshade you are deadly.


OOh I must be having a thick day I almost missed the pun! A few quid wont cover it I'm afraid but I will take a life time supply of vegetarian haggis!

----------


## prendrelemick

One haggis per lifetme is enough.

----------


## jocky

> One haggis per lifetme is enough.


predrelemick, you have sneaked in under the radar again. I can safely say that I speak for the whole nation of Scotland and its 5 million inhabitants, by pointing out we all hate the bloody stuff. Burns has got a lot to answer for.  :Smile:

----------


## Niamh

> I certainly did.
> 
> (Although........ Irish tea? It just doesn't sound right. Where do they grow it?)


Well, obviously not here, but its distinctive leaf blends that make the tea "Irish". We are connoisseurs of Tea... which is only to be expected from being the country with the highest tea drinking % (per capita basis) in the world.  :Smile:  It is after all the answer to everything.  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Well, obviously not here, but its distinctive leaf blends that make the tea "Irish". We are connoisseurs of Tea... which is only to be expected from being the country with the highest tea drinking % (per capita basis) in the world.  It is after all the answer to everything.


Niamh, I never fully recognised the significance of tea to the western world until now. I dont suppose you can give me the ratios for guiness in the Emerald Isle, that may throw up some interesting statistics.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well, obviously not here, but its distinctive leaf blends that make the tea "Irish". We are connoisseurs of Tea... which is only to be expected from being the country with the highest tea drinking % (per capita basis) in the world.  It is after all the answer to everything.


Last winter we got snowed in. By day 5 , It was a Scott of the Antartica scenario in our kitchen. the wife thought I should dig a way out for the quad bike, We were running out of supplies.

Vegetables, -"not to worry open a tin of beans"
Milk,- "meh we 'll use powdered."
Coal,- "we can chop up some old fence posts."
Sugar,- "there's always treacle."
Tea, " where's me shovel! I'm going out, I may be some time."(I was, about 3 hours)

----------


## The Atheist

Ahem!

I would just like to draw the gentlemen's attention to the link in my signature.

I have put my head forth for shaving for charity and it seems to me that some of the esteemed members ought to stump up a dollar or pound to assist the cause.

I'll even send you a lock of hair!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Niamh

Thats Brilliant Ath! we'll have to see a before and after.  :Smile:  I'll throw a few coins your way.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ahem!
> 
> I would just like to draw the gentlemen's attention to the link in my signature.
> 
> I have put my head forth for shaving for charity and it seems to me that some of the esteemed members ought to stump up a dollar or pound to assist the cause.
> 
> I'll even send you a lock of hair!


I didn't realize that was a link! You should check out the Coffee thread they are always going on about unwanted hair removal. you could try waxing.

----------


## Nightshade

I had noticed meant to ask when is the deadline/ when do you intend to do it? only Im skint till the middle of the month....

----------


## The Atheist

> I didn't realize that was a link! You should check out the Coffee thread they are always going on about unwanted hair removal. you could try waxing.


OWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

I think not!




> I had noticed meant to ask when is the deadline/ when do you intend to do it? only Im skint till the middle of the month....


All through August.

Good on ya!

----------


## Niamh

How about plucking each hair?  :Wink:

----------


## papayahed

Are you just shaving your face and head? Wouldn't it show way more commitment if you did the whole body?? I'd throw in some cash for that..

----------


## Nightshade

> Are you just shaving your face and head? Wouldn't it show way more commitment if you did the whole body?? I'd throw in some cash for that..


Not forgetting toes and fingers of course!  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Are you just shaving your face and head? Wouldn't it show way more commitment if you did the whole body?? I'd throw in some cash for that..


 :FRlol: 

Well, I had to do, shall we say, "certain parts" prior to my vasectomy a while back and I'm not doing that again!

Plus, if I do my body, people will have to look at it.

 :Eek2:

----------


## Stargazer86

> Well, I had to do, shall we say, "certain parts" prior to my vasectomy a while back and I'm not doing that again!
> 
> Plus, if I do my body, people will have to look at it.


Is it too cold in New Zealand for that?

----------


## The Atheist

> Is it too cold in New Zealand for that?


Only in the South Island.

Up here - Auckland - winter isn't cold by any usual standards. For most of the winter, you're down to t-shirts in the afternoon.

Bit different in SI, where it might be -1 C, snowing, and a 40 knot southerly. Not too many t-shirts down there!

----------


## Stargazer86

> Only in the South Island.
> 
> Up here - Auckland - winter isn't cold by any usual standards. For most of the winter, you're down to t-shirts in the afternoon.
> 
> Bit different in SI, where it might be -1 C, snowing, and a 40 knot southerly. Not too many t-shirts down there!


Oh you're in Auckland? I have a bunch of cousins who live there. 

I don't know celsius :P but anything negative or snowing sounds too cold for me!

I checked out your shave the athiest link. That's a really great cause that you're working for! I only wish I could give more. I've bookmarked the page though just in case I'm ever able to in the future.

----------


## stlukesguild

95-degrees today (35 Celsius) Time for burgers on the grill... medium rare... with some good beer. I started with this (the raspberry):

 

Not bad... but I prefer the Belgian fruit ales. Then I moved on to my old favorite:



Yummmmm! :Banana: 

I'll finish off with a few of these:



Summertime... and the livin' is easy... :Biggrin: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N090STPx-2M

----------


## The Atheist

> 95-degrees today (35 Celsius) Time for burgers on the grill... medium rare... with some good beer. I started with this (the raspberry):


Very nice!

We need to organise the planet so it's summer all the time.

----------


## stlukesguild

Since your down in Australia I might as well admit that I actually started the evening off with some good ol' Aussie pi**-water:



Don't tell anyone though... it'll be just between us. Next thing you know they'll think I actually go about swigging Budweiser and Miller Lite. :Eek2:

----------


## The Atheist

> Since your down in Australia I might as well admit that I actually started the evening off with some good ol' Aussie pi**-water:


Australia?

You can get shot for making that mistake down here! New Zealand. I know we virtually own Aussie, but you must make the distinction.

And that Foster's stuff is just about never drunk in the Southern Hemisphere.

----------


## stlukesguild

Oops my bad... I suppose I would take equal offense if you mistook us for our Canadian neighbors. :Biggrin:  Or perhaps I should have phrased it as my old studio mate used to: "Ukranian... Russian... Polish... they're all the same, aren't they?" If you consider that we are a country of immigrants... mongrels, if you will... you'll understand why we have problems relating to the Irish bit**ing that they are not English or why the Israeli's can't get along with the Palestinians. I (a true Aryan: blonde, blue-eyed and of German heritage) eat with my Jewish studio-mate in a Palestinian diner... unless our Chinese studio-partner shows up... in which case we go out to the Thia-Vietnamese restaurant. :FRlol:  

By the way... you'll note that I am well aware that Foster's is "pi** water" but as "pi** water" goes it actually tastes a hell of a lot better than most American versions of the same. :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> Oops my bad... I suppose I would take equal offense if you mistook us for our Canadian neighbors.


And I always thought it was Canadians who got upset being mistaken for Americanos.




> ... you'll understand why we have problems relating to the Irish bit**ing that they are not English ...(


Everyone loves the English!

----------


## jocky

> And I always thought it was Canadians who got upset being mistaken for Americanos.
> 
> 
> 
> Everyone loves the English!


Apart from the Scottish! They tried to invade us and steal our wives. Prendrelemick knows exactly what I am talking about! Dont you ever try to give her back or I will return all our hostages, including Uncle Walter, unfortunately I cant return Aunty Val, she loves it here, she says the scenery is wonderful. Besides that she does not want to witness you losing the ASHES again.  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Ok Jocky, thats fair enough, but please come and take Lorraine Kelly back.

----------


## JuniperWoolf

> And I always thought it was Canadians who got upset being mistaken for Americanos.


I was going to say that. Don't Americans put OUR flags on their packs when they go to Europe, so that people don't give them sh*t?  :Wink:

----------


## JBI

> Oops my bad... I suppose I would take equal offense if you mistook us for our Canadian neighbors. Or perhaps I should have phrased it as my old studio mate used to: "Ukranian... Russian... Polish... they're all the same, aren't they?" If you consider that we are a country of immigrants... mongrels, if you will... you'll understand why we have problems relating to the Irish bit**ing that they are not English or why the Israeli's can't get along with the Palestinians. I (a true Aryan: blonde, blue-eyed and of German heritage) eat with my Jewish studio-mate in a Palestinian diner... unless our Chinese studio-partner shows up... in which case we go out to the Thia-Vietnamese restaurant. 
> 
> By the way... you'll note that I am well aware that Foster's is "pi** water" but as "pi** water" goes it actually tastes a hell of a lot better than most American versions of the same.


Don't worry - nobody can mistake an American for a Canadian, or an American beer for a Canadian one for that matter, though you guys most certainly win when it comes to wine (and I wonder why?).

Though, Americans saying Australian beer tastes like Pi** water is a bit hypocritical, no? This calls for a Bud Light?

----------


## jocky

> Ok Jocky, thats fair enough, but please come and take Lorraine Kelly back.


You are not on there Prend, we hate her in Scotland as well. I will try to help you out here though. Middle order crap, get rid of Collingwood and Bell. Should you bring back Ramprakash, he has brilliant figures at the Oval? All is not lost and, believe it or not, I have watched every ball of the series, but you do need a fit Flintoff. There is no Warne or Macgrath and they are beatable, but someone has got to stay at the crease in the middle order. Aunty Val says she is not up for it, but to remind you that you are due her a favour. Seriously I do hope you win, I saw The last Ashes in England when you beat the greatest cricketers in the world and as a Scot I hope you do it again.

----------


## Niamh

> "Ukranian... Russian... Polish... they're all the same, aren't they?" If you consider that we are a country of immigrants... mongrels, if you will... *you'll understand why we have problems relating to the Irish bit**ing that they are not English* or why the Israeli's can't get along with the Palestinians. I (a true Aryan: blonde, blue-eyed and of German heritage) eat with my Jewish studio-mate in a Palestinian diner... unless our Chinese studio-partner shows up... in which case we go out to the Thia-Vietnamese restaurant.


Thats because we are_ not_ English.  :Smile:

----------


## AimusSage

The best beer is from continental Europe, although the English and Irish do try, they fall just a tad bit short. Whiskey's on the other hand, the Scottish are the masters of that. Irish are once again pretty decent too. American Whiskey's? Well, I'm not a fan, but I guess you can always drink it with some coke.....

And now I must be off, I'm going to the cheese shop and wine store to get some good wine and cheese for tonight.  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

Athiest, where are the bandages, I have just been given a metaphorical doing over on one of the God threads. My crime! to stray from the point. I think you may find that you didnt get away unscathed either.  :Smile:

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

Don't you just love the first drink of the day? Don't get me wrong I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but that first rush is pretty cool.  :Wink:  Better still if you are really thirsty and you make yourself wait for it...ah!

----------


## jocky

> Don't you just love the first drink of the day? Don't get me wrong I'm not an alcoholic or anything, but that first rush is pretty cool.  Better still if you are really thirsty and you make yourself wait for it...ah!


That is the difference between us Scots and you sassanachs, you have total self control, while we clearly do not!  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, where are the bandages, I have just been given a metaphorical doing over on one of the God threads. My crime! to stray from the point. I think you may find that you didnt get away unscathed either.


Piece of cake - come out swinging!




> Don't you just love the first drink of the day?


Depends what time it is.

I find beer on the cornflakes works ok.

 :Smile:

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

> That is the difference between us Scots and you sassanachs, you have total self control, while we clearly do not!


 :FRlol:  One must endeavour to keep a dignified air at all times.

----------


## stlukesguild

I was going to say that. Don't Americans put OUR flags on their packs when they go to Europe, so that people don't give them sh*t?

Na... "Real Americuns" don't go packin' cross Europe. We're all rich, remember? We rent a car and strut about in our sh**-kicking boots and cowboy hats listening to Johnny Cash turned up way loud. Shania Twain...? Sheeee....eeet!. :FRlol:

----------


## AimusSage

> I was going to say that. Don't Americans put OUR flags on their packs when they go to Europe, so that people don't give them sh*t?
> 
> Na... Americans don't go packin' cross Europe. We're all rich, remember? We rent a car.


And then you get stuck in traffic with the car  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> One must endeavour to keep a dignified air at all times.


See you Sheffies you have nerves of steel, I once knew a guy from Sheffield he was a fellow soldier, his name was Phil I dont suppose you know him do you? Apparently he moved to a Kibbutz in Israel. I hope I spelled Kibbutz correctly, judging by my short experience on Lit Net, it is the spelling mistakes that do you in. According to my calculations, based on the Gregorian Calender, you should be well pissed by now.  :Wink:

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

> See you Sheffies you have nerves of steel, I once knew a guy from Sheffield he was a fellow soldier, his name was Phil I dont suppose you know him do you? Apparently he moved to a Kibbutz in Israel. I hope I spelled Kibbutz correctly, judging by my short experience on Lit Net, it is the spelling mistakes that do you in. According to my calculations, based on the Gregorian Calender, you should be well pissed by now.


Oh yes old Phil, tallish, has a way with the ladies I know him. No, I am not "pissed" (really, how undignified - such vulgar terminology, tut, tut) I actually had a coffee after my thirst had been quenched. Seeing as I am on holiday at the moment, or at least off work, I have taken to two "first" drinks of the day. One in the afternoon and one at night, that way I get to experience the thrill twice!

This afternoon for example, around 4ish I quaffed a nice wheat beer in town and as I had not had any dinner it really hit the spot. I then went to this little pub I know that has a pizza oven on the premises and stuffed myself with a lovely 12" "Versuvio" pizza and cold beer, all in a dignified stuffing of course. 

Several hours later I was able experience the rush of the first drink again, followed by a second, and then a coffee. That's class! 

You see you could learn something here. You Scots simply smash the Tennents or Special Brew (or whisky) for breakfast and don't look back.

For Example when I was on a short break the other day there was an old Scottish guy who was at the bar in the hotel when I was getting a drink. He was in his late 60s with a MASSIVE party of Scots, everywhere. He stood at the bar and ordered a load of spirits but was too far gone to remember what he was ordering. He asked for a triple whisky and coke, triple! and several other drinks and then said serve this lad (me) while he was trying to remember what he wanted. 

When I had got my drink the guy ordered loads more spirits and walked off. He must have downed them in about 5 minutes, I guess they weren't all his but who knows, and he was back for more. The manager served him this time and reminded him that he had to be up for breakfast (I got the impression that he had stayed there before) and he said no problem etc, downed another couple and went off upstairs. He had been drinking for ages, all night.

Well, the next morning he was up bright as anything chatting away, eating his breakfast with no problems at all, I couldn't believe it. I suppose that is the Scottish way, he must have been used to it. Mad.  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Oh yes old Phil, tallish, has a way with the ladies I know him. No, I am not "pissed" (really, how undignified - such vulgar terminology, tut, tut) I actually had a coffee after my thirst had been quenched. Seeing as I am on holiday at the moment, or at least off work, I have taken to two "first" drinks of the day. One in the afternoon and one at night, that way I get to experience the thrill twice!
> 
> This afternoon for example, around 4ish I quaffed a nice wheat beer in town and as I had not had any dinner it really hit the spot. I then went to this little pub I know that has a pizza oven on the premises and stuffed myself with a lovely 12" "Versuvio" pizza and cold beer, all in a dignified stuffing of course. 
> 
> Several hours later I was able experience the rush of the first drink again, followed by a second, and then a coffee. That's class! 
> 
> You see you could learn something here. You Scots simply smash the Tennents or Special Brew (or whisky) for breakfast and don't look back.
> 
> For Example when I was on a short break the other day there was an old Scottish guy who was at the bar in the hotel when I was getting a drink. He was in his late 60s with a MASSIVE party of Scots, everywhere. He stood at the bar and ordered a load of spirits but was too far gone to remember what he was ordering. He asked for a triple whisky and coke, triple! and several other drinks and then said serve this lad (me) while he was trying to remember what he wanted. 
> ...


Neely, there is no arguing with you mate. It wasnt so much what you said, but your ability to spell tennents correctly. Have I met you before? I have this strange feeling I cant shake off...... I knew it, you are Phil, the signs were all there, tall, dark and a way with the women, and you are still due me fifty quid. Pay up immediately or I will spill the goods on you, remember that time with Phil Oakay, Oh, I get it, its a Phil club! There you go, there is no such thing as coincidence on Lit, Net. Just give me a tenner and we will call it quits.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Just give me a tenner and we will call it quits.


A tenner? Jesus you're cheap!

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

> A tenner? Jesus you're cheap!


Yes, but that will see him right for two four packs of Tennents super strength lager from Angry Mac's Beer Off.

On today's menu is a short bike ride, 20 mile or so (really it is just to help my brother train) then having worked up a thirst I know this wonderful country pub with brilliant views, good ale and cheap but decent food. Having burned off a lot of calories and tuned my appetite, I can then eat and drink with no worries. Read and learn.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Scotland 0 -Norway 4

Don't you just love those-slapstick-slipping on banana skin-custard pie in face-treading on garden rake- type comedy shows.?

----------


## The Atheist

And so many of them involve sports teams from Britain.

----------


## jocky

> Yes, but that will see him right for two four packs of Tennents super strength lager from Angry Mac's Beer Off.


Couple of tiny misconceptions there Neely. There is no such thing as Tennents super strengh lager and I always get my carry oot from Accommodating Mary's Mild Mannered Hostelry.  :Wink: 




> Scotland 0 -Norway 4
> 
> Don't you just love those-slapstick-slipping on banana skin-custard pie in face-treading on garden rake- type comedy shows.?


Jocky will retain a dignified silence on our latest national humiliation. Suffice, it to say that if you lose the Ashes, life may become particularly unbearable for you on this thread.  :Frown:

----------


## Nightshade

Ashes, ashes about that, ccan anyone explain criccket to me? 
and while we are at it why is golf supposed to be intresting? To watch that is, I get how playing it is intrsting but why watch it? 
 :Confused:

----------


## jocky

> And so many of them involve sports teams from Britain.


Athiest, do I detect a note of , what I can only describe as a smug satisfaction in your post? Just because the New Zealand rugby team win everything in sight dont get too bold. A Gunboat is on its way as we speak, never underestimate the British Empire.  :Biggrin: 




> Ashes, ashes about that, ccan anyone explain criccket to me? 
> and while we are at it why is golf supposed to be intresting? To watch that is, I get how playing it is intrsting but why watch it?


Sorry Nightshade, I cannot talk at the moment as I am busy watching the U.S.P.G.A. In my experience women have always been confused, shoes, handbags, MEN, need I go on?  :Tongue: 

 :Smile: 


> A tenner? Jesus you're cheap!


You should see what I have done for a fiver. Its enough to make your hair curl, that is if you have got any left. I will match any donation that Prendrelemick makes, but I dont trust him and need to see a reciept.  :Smile:

----------


## kilted exile

> Scotland 0 -Norway 4
> 
> Don't you just love those-slapstick-slipping on banana skin-custard pie in face-treading on garden rake- type comedy shows.?


nah I'm far more entertained by the never ending tragedies involving penalty shoot outs against germany & Argentina

----------


## Nightshade

> Sorry Nightshade, I cannot talk at the moment as I am busy watching the U.S.P.G.A. In my experience women have always been confused, shoes, handbags, MEN, need I go on?


Pooh sticks as the old bear said, Ive proven you right because I am utterly confused by that statement. why have you capitalised men? Wait are yo saying men are confusing? because they/you arent really, you just have a tendancy to do bizzare things. 
I even proved a steryotype about men true during the nightmare group project of the second year, I ened up locking my group ( all male except for me ) into a room with £25 worth of food and drink ( and I think home made biscuits and brownies) for 3 hours and that was the only afternoon I actually managed to get the group to all sit down and work together. and I swear God it was the food, one of the guys even wrote it up in his evaluation of the experiance ( of group work) as the only good thing. so liek I said noit that hard to understand just odd.  :FRlol:   :Tongue:   :Wink:

----------


## kilted exile

> and while we are at it why is golf supposed to be intresting? To watch that is, I get how playing it is intrsting but why watch it?


playing it isnt interesting -it is the most frustrating thing in the world

----------


## jocky

> nah I'm far more entertained by the never ending tragedies involving penalty shoot outs against germany & Argentina


Especially the one when Stewart Pearce misses the penalty. Everytime I get depressed I replay it over and over and over.  :FRlol: 




> Pooh sticks as the old bear said, Ive proven you right because I am utterly confused by that statement. why have you capitalised men? Wait are yo saying men are confusing? because they/you arent really, you just have a tendancy to do bizzare things. 
> I even proved a steryotype about men true during the nightmare group project of the second year, I ened up locking my group ( all male except for me ) into a room with £25 worth of food and drink ( and I think home made biscuits and brownies) for 3 hours and that was the only afternoon I actually managed to get the group to all sit down and work together. and I swear God it was the food, one of the guys even wrote it up in his evaluation of the experiance ( of group work) as the only good thing. so liek I said noit that hard to understand just odd.


Did you leave the room with your dignity intact? The whole of Lit, Net is waiting for a reply.  :Wink: 

Prosecution Lawyer: Jocky do you mean to tell this jury that your wife died of food poisoning, when the evidence clearly shows there were multiple head traumas, how do you explain this contadiction? Jocky: she wouldnt eat the mushrooms! Judge: You leave this court without a blemish on your character, you can collect your hammer from the Clerk of the Court. Have you anything to say before you leave this place? Jocky: Yes, British justice has triumphed again.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ashes, ashes about that, ccan anyone explain criccket to me? 
> and while we are at it why is golf supposed to be intresting? To watch that is, I get how playing it is intrsting but why watch it?


sorry Nightshade, it would take a long time, and I have to prepare to go into hiding, if we lose at the oval. :Frown: 




> Especially the one when Stewart Pearce misses the penalty. Everytime I get depressed I replay it over and over and over.


Ah yes, when "Psycho" became "Scapegoat"

----------


## Nightshade

> Did you leave the room with your dignity intact? The whole of Lit, Net is waiting for a reply.


If you mean was that the one session when I wasnt inches from brain half of them with a copy of the Universal Decimal Classification Index refrancce books then kicking them while simulationsly trying to hold off 2 of the other members from commiting GBH and killing the lazy idiots one who thought it was a good idea to cheat and the other who thought that the rest of us could do the work for him, then yes, I did survive dignity intact. 

Did I actually manage to get any work done, again yes so that was good. 

Unfortunatly I did create an expectation that I would provide food everyweek. But hey by that point when it was feed them or kill them, i deicided the feed them route was more dignified! 
 :Biggrin: 

Now if I had been really smarted Id have used them as guinea pigs for my new reccipies, but I didnt think of that.  :FRlol: 




> playing it isnt interesting -it is the most frustrating thing in the world


No, I would say its cathartic especially if you imagine the ball is some horrid mean bully's face. 
( oops now I sound violent!  :FRlol:  I am not really... )

----------


## The Atheist

> Ashes, ashes about that, ccan anyone explain criccket to me?


Cricket? 

Sorry, but Parker tells me the board have long since decided that cricket is not a polite subject for a gentlemen's establishment.

(Unless those filthy, sheep-stealing Australians lose.)




> Athiest, do I detect a note of , what I can only describe as a smug satisfaction in your post? Just because the New Zealand rugby team win everything in sight dont get too bold.


No, you failed to detect the sardonic cynicism of a hardened sports follower from our fair isles.

Rugby team wins everything in sight? Which team is this? The Springboks?

We win most of the time, except when they get that little gold cup out. You know, the one with Webb-Ellis' name engraved on it? Once that sucker comes out, we play like the high school First XV the morning after the capatain's birthday party.

And we're crap at every other sport not involving boats.

Have you seen our cricket team? They call themselevs the "Black Caps". The only black cap associated with them ought to be the ones the judges used to put on for death senetences! They lost to Bangalore College for Young Ladies last year.




> A Gunboat is on its way as we speak, never underestimate the British Empire.


Haha! You think our sports are bad, you want to see our defence forces. Actually, you can't see them, because we haven't got any! The only grunts with guns are the 103 in Afghanistan making war on gentle poppy-growers. Gunboat? You could send a bleeding fishing boat! Militarily, we make Iceland look like Israel.




> No, I would say its cathartic especially if you imagine the ball is some horrid mean bully's face. 
> ( oops now I sound violent!  I am not really... )


You need a punching bag for that. 

That's why golf is the most frustrating thing ever invented by humans. To hit the ball a long way, you need to hit it perfectly, not hard. I hate that in a game.

Great to watch on tv, though.

GO TIGER!!

Oh, and if jocky's still reading, our golf sucks, too. The Kiwi is tied for 135th in a field of 155. 8 over, christ, I could beat him.

----------


## jocky

> Haha! You think our sports are bad, you want to see our defence forces. Actually, you can't see them, because we haven't got any! The only grunts with guns are the 103 in Afghanistan making war on gentle poppy-growers. Gunboat? You could send a bleeding fishing boat! Militarily, we make Iceland look like Israel.


Apparently the Maories are doing a sterling job out there. The latest intelligence reports state that the Taliban casualty rate is multiplying rapidly. The leadership are complaining about your countries new stealth weapon, the boomerang.  :Smile: 




> No, I would say its cathartic especially if you imagine the ball is some horrid mean bully's face. 
> ( oops now I sound violent!  I am not really... )


Cathartic is perhaps, not the expression I can relate to on the golf course. It takes a special kind of hubris to play golf. The amount of times I have missed the ' horrid mean bully's face ' with a three iron doesnt bear thinking about. Golf is a good walk ruined. As to that horrible experience you underwent, your tortuous explanation has completely redeemed your character.  :Biggrin: 

Did I tell you about the time my old Sergeant Major pointed his pace stick in my chest? His face was bright red and the veins in his neck were protruding. He screamed in his booming military voice at me. ' Jocky there is a piece of excrement at the end of this stick' To which I replied ' Yes sir, but it is not at my end! ' I was peeling spuds and painting everything that didnt move in Catterick Garrison for six months. The guy had no sense of humour.  :Smile: 




> Ah yes, when "Psycho" became "Scapegoat"


Oh, how the mighty are fallen.  :FRlol:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> Did I tell you about the time my old Sergeant Major pointed his pace stick in my chest? His face was bright red and the veins in his neck were protruding. He screamed in his booming military voice at me. ' Jocky there is a piece of excrement at the end of this stick' To which I replied ' Yes sir, but it is not at my end! ' I was peeling spuds and painting everything that didnt move in Catterick Garrison for six months. The guy had no sense of humour.


 :FRlol: 

I think you and me were a double act!




> Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...


Much the same - jocky is progressing well with his English, we've shown some manly pictures, swapped fishing stories and have been pining for your return!

 :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...


LP, Thank goodness you're back.  :Banana:  (The vacuum cleaner is where you left it.)

----------


## jocky

> Much the same - jocky is progressing well with his English, we've shown some manly pictures, swapped fishing stories and have been pining for your return!


Thank you for the kind words Athiest. Just wait until I learn to multiquote.  :Smile: 




> Hello! How is everyone doin? It's been awhile since I've last logged on...


Where were you, did you get lost Princess? Navigating your way round these endless shopping trips can cause amnesia and disorientation. Welcome back.  :Smile: 

My old university professor had a sudden stroke and sadly passed away a couple of minutes after he learned I had got a degree. According to reliable witnesses the last words he muttered, with a look of abject terror on his face were: ' God help Academia if that moronic Scots git is let loose on genteel society ' What he meant by this, no one is certain. My own interpretation, for what it is worth is, it was the last ramblings of an old man who had obviously suffered some sort of traumatic experience. For some unknown reason I was turned away from his funeral.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

As good a translation as any!

----------


## jocky

And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought!  :Smile:

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Much the same - jocky is progressing well with his English, we've shown some manly pictures, swapped fishing stories and have been pining for your return!


What part of the world is Mr. Jocky from? He's rather fluent to pass off as an English gentleman! :Smile:  And yes, I'll have the booze ready and the cleaning done gents... :Smile: 




> LP, Thank goodness you're back.  (The vacuum cleaner is where you left it.)


LOL! And I see how useful it has been since my absence!  :FRlol: 




> Where were you, did you get lost Princess? Navigating your way round these endless shopping trips can cause amnesia and disorientation. Welcome back.


I got lost amongst papers, homework, and reports.  :Wink:  But it has the same effect, i assure you.  :Biggrin:  And I'm very pleased to meet you sir! :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought!



working class ghosts are too busy cleaning boots and mucking out ghostly stables to go-a-haunting. 

But why, when horses and large red eyed hounds get an afterlife, are there no ghostly midges or tape worms or bacteria? Imagine being haunted by scrofula.

----------


## The Atheist

> And another thing, why are ghosts in literature mainly of an aristocratic or middle class background? Royal ghosts always sell well and there is no shortage of green ladies, white ladies etc, etc. You even get lower middle class ghosts, the odd governess or two, but there are not too many Aggie the cleaner phantoms. Athiest, help me out here, could this have any bearing on the phsychology of middle class authors? Just a thought!


Art imitating life. 

You've heard of the ghost of Anne Boleyn, but have you ever heard of the ghost of Dorothy Smith of Cromer? Ghosts are sexy.

You just don't find working-class ghosts.

I think it's all a divine plot - even in death the poor folk get all the chores while the rich bastards have all the fun.




> What part of the world is Mr. Jocky from? He's rather fluent to pass off as an English gentleman!


Oh no!

You've committed the cardinal sin of calling jocky English.

He's Scottish!




> LOL! And I see how useful it has been since my absence!


Parker had a devil of a time figuring out which way the hose went in.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Oh no!
> 
> You've committed the cardinal sin of calling jocky English.
> 
> He's Scottish!


LOL! I faintly recall ajoke concerning the Scots, the English, and snakes...  :FRlol:

----------


## Niamh

> LOL! I faintly recall ajoke concerning the Scots, the English, and snakes...


Do tell!

----------


## jocky

> English gentleman! And yes, I'll have the booze ready and the cleaning done gents...


LostPrincess, your literary skills are peerless, with just two words you have managed to unhinge me. All is forgiven though, anyone capable of cleaning up this thread has my undying admiration. As for the Scotsman, Englishman and snake story, its not the one about the kick in the bollocks is it?  :Biggrin: 




> working class ghosts are too busy cleaning boots and mucking out ghostly stables to go-a-haunting. 
> 
> But why, when horses and large red eyed hounds get an afterlife, are there no ghostly midges or tape worms or bacteria? Imagine being haunted by scrofula.


Prendrelemick, you are unsurpassable in the art of deep philosophical thinking. Jocky has been haunted for many years now by my wife, unfortunately she is still alive.  :Biggrin: 

[QUOTE=The Atheist;763828] 
Ghosts are sexy.

Clearly Athiest, you have never had a spectral encounter with my great, great grannie Agnes. Just looking at her portrait is enough to turn your veins to ice and make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. We tried to have her exorcised but finding a brave enough priest proved impossible. Dorothy Smith of Cromer, now that defenitely rings a bell.  :Smile: 




> Do tell!


Niamh if its the one I am thinking about, you really do not want to hear it. It involves hens, eggs, neighbourly tragedies and male genitals, need I go on!  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> LostPrincess, your literary skills are peerless, with just two words you have managed to unhinge me. All is forgiven though, anyone capable of cleaning up this thread has my undying admiration. As for the Scotsman, Englishman and snake story, its not the one about the kick in the bollocks is it?


Which two words do you mean Jocky, English Gentleman or booze ready?

Is that the story involving the sporran and the trouser snake?

So many questions.

----------


## jocky

Oh no Prendrelemick, I am not falling for your devious Yorkshire ways. I tell the joke and Serious Cat bans me for life. Google The Scotsman, the Englishman and the Snake. Hit the top heading titled Sept 27 1997 and go to the gag titled Poultry Passions. I guarantee it will bring a tear to your eyes.  :Smile:

----------


## kilted exile

I am almost positive I have posted the joke you refer to previously in the joke thread without running afoul of serious cat.

----------


## Nightshade

Ahh but kilted that was in the days before serious cat moved into the spotlight wasnt it?

----------


## jocky

Kilted dont you think sleekit is a good Scottish term? Mmmm three minutes, I smell private messages.  :Wink:

----------


## Niamh

> I am almost positive I have posted the joke you refer to previously in the joke thread without running afoul of serious cat.


If jocky wont tell, you should!  :Tongue: 
hehehe
Or just tell me later.

----------


## The Atheist

Just in case anyone misses the News thread where I also posted this, here's one to make you smile!

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/sport/news...ectid=10592004

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah yes, proof of womanhood test, very complicated. I think it involves fitting the hose onto a hoover whilst running a duster over the wainscoting.

----------


## The Atheist

Have you seen "her"?

Check this out. 100% of 3 kids reckoned it was a boy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-bqET22vEU

My vote goes to male pseudohermaphrodite.

----------


## The Atheist

I love early mornings.

It's the only benefit I ever saw to farming - getting up before the rest of the world and enjoying the peace & quiet, the birdsong, the cool air.

An amazing spring morning here.

----------


## jocky

> If jocky wont tell, you should! 
> hehehe
> Or just tell me later.


Am I missing something here?  :Smile: 

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;762364]sorry Nightshade, it would take a long time, and I have to prepare to go into hiding, if we lose at the oval. :Frown: 
Jocky may have miscalculated a tad on this one, now I may go missing for a wee while, however I have had the good sense to put a hundred quid on England to beat the " filthy Aussie sheep stealers " after checking the weather forecast from now till Monday.  :Rolleyes: 




> I love early mornings.
> 
> It's the only benefit I ever saw to farming - getting up before the rest of the world and enjoying the peace & quiet, the birdsong, the cool air.
> 
> An amazing spring morning here.


Athiest that takes me right back to my bird watching days. I was one of the few twitchers to see the Methusalem bird, it flew in ever decreasing circles till it disappeared up its own rectum. A sight to behold.  :Biggrin: 

This may be a wee bit controversial, but what do us men look for in a woman? Hello darling I have just finished a twelve hour shift, Oh! your glass is empty, I will just top it up for you, wait I need to light your cigar. If you just hold on a second I will just put on my see though nightie after I have bedded the children and cleaned the house. Then I will make love to you like an animal, before I have to get up in the morning. Sounds good to me!  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Hope you boys dont mind an interloper wedgin his way in here but my throat is parched down here in Texas. Beggars cant be choosers, but if you happen to have some Lone Star Beer, Id sure love to soak my gizzard with a case or two. Yes its rot gut, but we dont care much for taste down here cause theres nothing left to taste with. Our buds have been fried on jalapenos and baked every summer in a Texas oven. Hell well settle with castor oil and rubbing alcohol.

Well boys, its time I best be movin on. I got me a pair of Allisons to straddle (engines that is) I suggest you turn up the volume!!  enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhORZ...eature=related

Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> Hope you boys dont mind an interloper wedgin his way in here but my throat is parched down here in Texas. Beggars cant be choosers, but if you happen to have some Lone Star Beer, Id sure love to soak my gizzard with a case or two. Yes its rot gut, but we dont care much for taste down here cause theres nothing left to taste with. Our buds have been fried on jalapenos and baked every summer in a Texas oven. Hell well settle with castor oil and rubbing alcohol.
> 
> Well boys, its time I best be movin on. I got me a pair of Allisons to straddle (engines that is) I suggest you turn up the volume!!  enjoy:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PhORZ...eature=related
> 
> Gilliatt


And your point is? Dont come the jalapenos with us, a mature civilisation with centuries of history behind us and Jaffa Cakes. And I saw that film with Kris Krisstoferson " Freedoms just another word for nothing left, nothing left to lose" Just a little point are you cowboys as hard as Ben Stiller?

----------


## LostPrincess13

Hello everyone! I've been trying to find the joke but I couldn't find it.  :Frown:  I think it goes something like why the Scottish don't have snakes in Scotland. The Scot replied, "We do! We have the English!". LOL!
Thank you for the compliment Mr. Jocky, you're too kind.  :Wink:

----------


## Nightshade

> Originally Posted by prendrelemick
> 
> 
> sorry Nightshade, it would take a long time, and I have to prepare to go into hiding, if we lose at the oval.
> 
> 
> Jocky may have miscalculated a tad on this one, now I may go missing for a wee while, however I have had the good sense to put a hundred quid on England to beat the " filthy Aussie sheep stealers " after checking the weather forecast from now till Monday.


 :FRlol:  Well I gather something momentus happened , we were stuck in traffic listening to Radio 2 when they inturrpeed the traffic report ( THEY NEVER DO THAT!!) To shout about it  :Banana:  play some music and miraculously my mum was suddenly no longer as annoyed with the traffic jam.

But what was it that happened? THAT is what I need to know!

----------


## prendrelemick

:Biggrin:  Its complicated, But probably due to an accident on the M60 causing a traffic snarl-up throughout the greater Manchester area. :Wink: 

The one aspect of cricket we easily out perform the Aussies at, is the mid-order collapse! Watch this space :Rolleyes:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> And your point is? ... Just a little point are you cowboys as hard as Ben Stiller?


Whats the point?! Good god man! Im talking about the smell of 100 octane in the morning, firing up a few thousand horsepower, or kW if you blokes prefer, with a bottle of Wild Turkey in your lap. This is the blokes escape thread isnt it? Or was that an insinuation that us dudes here on the other side of the pond need not apply? Perhaps you would feel more at home with the sound of a Rolls Royce Merlin. Either way, I believe we can share in some common ground here; the sound of power amplified by the ale in your veins and the prop wash in your face.

In regards to Stiller, I refuse to comment on the power of the mans circulatory system, well leave that to the ETs, Oprahs and other myriad of trashy entertainment talk shows.

And whats this talk about crickets, wouldnt that be more appropriate in a entomology thread? 

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> This may be a wee bit controversial, but what do us men look for in a woman?


Me, usually.





> The one aspect of cricket we easily out perform the Aussies at, is the mid-order collapse! Watch this space


Not only missed that, but the tail wagged pretty hard.

In an all-or-nothing match, England seem to hold most of the cards!




> Whats the point?! Good god man! Im talking about the smell of 100 octane in the morning, firing up a few thousand horsepower, or kW if you blokes prefer, with a bottle of Wild Turkey in your lap. This is the blokes escape thread isnt it? Or was that an insinuation that us dudes here on the other side of the pond need not apply?


Nah, it's just ritual transatlantic bagging.

We won't tell you what new English members have to put up with, but if you've ever been to a English Public School, you'd have some idea.

 :Wink: 





> Perhaps you would feel more at home with the sound of a Rolls Royce Merlin. Either way, I believe we can share in some common ground here; the sound of power amplified by the ale in your veins and the prop wash in your face.


In jocky's case, it's more likely to be the sound of a 50CC Vespa.

Ever seen a man on a motorbike wearing a kilt?

'Nuff said....




> And whats this talk about crickets, wouldnt that be more appropriate in a entomology thread? 
> 
> Gilliatt


Cricket is a game for gentleman.

And Australians.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Whats the point?! Good god man! Im talking about the smell of 100 octane in the morning, firing up a few thousand horsepower, or kW if you blokes prefer, with a bottle of Wild Turkey in your lap. This is the blokes escape thread isnt it? Or was that an insinuation that us dudes here on the other side of the pond need not apply? Perhaps you would feel more at home with the sound of a Rolls Royce Merlin. Either way, I believe we can share in some common ground here; the sound of power amplified by the ale in your veins and the prop wash in your face.
> 
> In regards to Stiller, I refuse to comment on the power of the mans circulatory system, well leave that to the ETs, Oprahs and other myriad of trashy entertainment talk shows.
> 
> And whats this talk about crickets, wouldnt that be more appropriate in a entomology thread? 
> 
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


Gilliatt,we are neighbours separated by a common language.

and theres no way I would ever put a wild turkey on my lap

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Me, usually.
> 
> Nah, it's just ritual transatlantic bagging.
> 
> In jocky's case, it's more likely to be the sound of a 50CC Vespa.
> 
> Ever seen a man on a motorbike wearing a kilt?
> 
> Cricket is a game for gentleman.
> ...


Not sure how fast that Vespa will do, but in order to avoid a spectacle on your M60, lets hope Jocky is wearing some breeches under that Kilt. Come to think of it, perhaps thats what caused your traffic snarl up.

Now imagine the following in the voice of Slim Pickens  You know the guy; Dr. Strangelove, Blazing Saddles, etc :

I took a look at this gentlemens game and I gotta say, you fellas sure go to uh lotta trouble knocking off a few crickets on the lawn. Those whacker sticks must create a bloody mess and how do you keep em corralled on that Pitch area? Why, we jus round them critters up an feed em to our pet horned toads and iguanas. Some folks ul drop one or two into their Wild Turkey, kinda like the worm in the Tequila yuh know.




> Gilliatt,we are neighbours separated by a common language.
> 
> and theres no way I would ever put a wild turkey on my lap


Maybe Jerry Jeff Walker and Gary Nunn can bring us a little closer together:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4Ppc3jz3GE

Gilliatt

----------


## LostPrincess13

Drinks on me today gents!

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah, I see you've opened the good stuff LP.

but lets wait till close of play today. :Thumbs Up: 




> Not sure how fast that Vespa will do, but in order to avoid a spectacle on your M60, lets hope Jocky is wearing some breeches under that Kilt. Come to think of it, perhaps thats what caused your traffic snarl up.
> 
> Now imagine the following in the voice of Slim Pickens  You know the guy; Dr. Strangelove, Blazing Saddles, etc :
> 
> I took a look at this gentlemens game and I gotta say, you fellas sure go to uh lotta trouble knocking off a few crickets on the lawn. Those whacker sticks must create a bloody mess and how do you keep em corralled on that Pitch area? Why, we jus round them critters up an feed em to our pet horned toads and iguanas. Some folks ul drop one or two into their Wild Turkey, kinda like the worm in the Tequila yuh know.
> 
> 
> 
> Maybe Jerry Jeff Walker and Gary Nunn can bring us a little closer together:
> ...


Are them theer lads what thi calls "gud ole boys"then? :Confused: 

Here's the british equivilent .
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zwwq...eature=related

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Ah, I see you've opened the good stuff LP.
> 
> but lets wait till close of play today.


Close of play sir?

----------


## prendrelemick

Its a polite Cricketing term

I should have put:- Lets save it for when we 've stuffed the Aussies.


To explain in terms you are famililar with, The Austrailians have been knocked down twice, given a standing count, but are still hanging in there. England have to find the killer punch to finish them off.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Its a polite Cricketing term
> 
> I should have put:- Lets save it for when we 've stuffed the Aussies.
> 
> 
> To explain in terms you are famililar with, The Austrailians have been knocked down twice, given a standing count, but are still hanging in there. England have to find the killer punch to finish them off.


Oh I see! But i meant it for an entirely different occasion...  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

Gratefully accepted. What's the occasion?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Oh I see! But i meant it for an entirely different occasion...





> Gratefully accepted. What's the occasion?


Gentlemen, I believe the dear lady is trying to say it his her birthday, that is, if I am understanding my Forums birthday list at the bottom of the home page correctly.
Assuming that is the case, then happy birthday LostPrincess !!!
the next round of Wurzels Cider is on me,

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Gentlemen, I believe the dear lady is trying to say it his her birthday, that is, if I am understanding my Forums birthday list at the bottom of the home page correctly.
> Assuming that is the case, then happy birthday LostPrincess !!!
> the next round of Wurzels Cider is on me,
> 
> Gilliatt


Ah, the front door, never use it myself - good spot!

And happy birthday Princess!

Perfect timing to have a birthday, all of Britain, the British Commonwealth and any other country which knows where AUstralia is partying along with you.

We may not see pren for a week or two after this one.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Gentlemen, I believe the dear lady is trying to say it his her birthday, that is, if I am understanding my Forums birthday list at the bottom of the home page correctly.
> Assuming that is the case, then happy birthday LostPrincess !!!
> the next round of Wurzels Cider is on me,
> 
> Gilliatt





> Ah, the front door, never use it myself - good spot!
> 
> And happy birthday Princess!
> 
> Perfect timing to have a birthday, all of Britain, the British Commonwealth and any other country which knows where AUstralia is partying along with you.
> 
> We may not see pren for a week or two after this one.


Thank you sirs! 'Tis a pleasure to have spent the day with you! :Smile:  And yey me! The UK celebrated with me! LOL!

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah that was sooo good.

I can't remember enjoying anyones birthday as much as Princess's.

WE're still laughing at Ricky-the-run-out-Ponting's dissmissal. :FRlol: 


By the way, now she's turned 18, Parker will have to pay her for all she does round here.

----------


## LostPrincess13

> Ah that was sooo good.
> 
> I can't remember enjoying anyones birthday as much as Princess's.
> 
> WE're still laughing at Ricky-the-run-out-Ponting's dissmissal.
> 
> 
> By the way, now she's turned 18, Parker will have to pay her for all she does round here.


Awww, I'm glad to hear that! :Biggrin:  I don't mind the work load Mr. Parker! :Biggrin:  Although, it would be nice to have a lil incentive...  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

Note for gentlemen (and others).

Swine flu is a pig.

I've had it all week and only just starting to come right now - I think & HOPE!

I have had worse viruses, but this little sucker is *really* resilient - it just loves hanging around and making you feel crook.

Get vaccinated as soon as the vaccine is available.

----------


## prendrelemick

I hope it can't spread electronically.

----------


## Niamh

> Note for gentlemen (and others).
> 
> Swine flu is a pig.
> 
> I've had it all week and only just starting to come right now - I think & HOPE!
> 
> I have had worse viruses, but this little sucker is *really* resilient - it just loves hanging around and making you feel crook.
> 
> Get vaccinated as soon as the vaccine is available.


just rest. I've known people who have had it. Hope you feel better soon.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Gentlemen,
Ill have you know that for the past week or so, my mind, I use that term loosely, has been held hostage by the imagery and sound of those confounded Wurzels, crickets and wild turkey. A myriad of chaotic thoughts have been darting about in my head. Early this morning, the thoughts had finally coalesced into a eureka moment : 

Are you a mans man!? Do you spend your days slugging through the moors tracking stray sheep? Have your lungs turned into a couple of sandbags from breathing dust all day punching cattle in Paducah? Either way my friend, youve put in a hard day of toil and deserve a break and the best way to wash that dust down your gullet is with a Wild Wurzel! Wild Wurzel will warm the cockles of your soul and bring succor to the weariness in your bones. 

Im intrigued, do tell, what is this Wild Wurzel you speak of? 

Well my friend, it is the twenty-first century rage among mixed drink connoisseurs. Sodbusters, Blokes, Neo-Mods and Bohemian Clods are all singing the praises of this nectar of the gods. It is an unfathomable blend of one part Wild Turkey 101, the finest Kentucky whiskey known to man and two parts Wurzel cider, a dram of jalapeño juice and one dried Gryllidae Nemobiinae. 

So hurry up and finish that Sunday roast and Yorkshire pudding, throw a couple more chunks of peat or prairie Frisbees on the fire and let your mind take a walk on the wild side, try a Wild Wurzel today. Youll be singn with the crickets tonight!

LEGALESE FINE PRINT:

Wild Wurzel has medicinal value particularly in staving off ailments such as swine flu, dry rot and moor rash.

Wild Wurzel is not to be transported or consumed beyond the borders of Texas or Yorkshire County.

Extreme caution must be employed in regards to the volume of Wild Wurzel consumed. Overindulgence will often lead to fits of rage or the welling up of a prideful tear while slurring sentimental battle cries from the Alamo or Towton.

It is strongly recommended that ONLY the species; Gryllidae Nemobiinae be used in the concoction. Any other specie will likely produce a horrific outburst in the presence of the porcelain god.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sounds like a cocktale to me.


Are you related to Jocky by any chance?

are pararie frisbees a bovine scatological fuel source.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Sounds like a cocktale to me.
> 
> 
> Are you related to Jocky by any chance?
> 
> are pararie frisbees a bovine scatological fuel source.


No blood relation, but I believe we do share the same seamstress; he for his kilt and I for my chaps.

Aye, and a great fuel source they be. For campfire entertainment you can try the fire toss. get a few blokes to circle the fire about thirty paces away and see you can get their frisbee into the fire. Remember the old addage that "smoke follows beauty" so you better hope you're an ugly cuss, cuz that stuff stinks!

----------


## prendrelemick

Tried it once (we were drunk) at a mates house, with dry (ish) horse dung. It didn't work. It nearly caused the fire to go out and made alot of smoke and stink. This was indoors in his fire place. When his wife threw us out, I noticed the night around the house had suddenly become foggy, a strange fog, that was rolling down the hill from his chimney engulfing the village below. People still talk of,"The night of the Great Stink" in these parts.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Swine flu is a pig.
> 
> I've had it all week and only just starting to come right now - I think & HOPE!


Hope you are better by now, Atheist!

----------


## The Atheist

> Hope you are better by now, Atheist!


Yes finally, thanks.

Amazing damned thing - I posted that a week ago, and it's really only yesterday that I could claim to have shaken the blighter off. Strange virus; three times I thought I'd beaten it, but I can tell the difference now I feel 100% that I was only at about 80% and kidding myself.

God, it feels so good to feel well again!

----------


## The Comedian

> _God_, it feels so good to feel well again!


Nice!

----------


## LostPrincess13

I'm really glad you're feeling better Mr. Atheist! :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Thanks!

It's bloody good to feel 100% again. One thing about being sick is that when you do feel better, you feel better than before because you forget how sick you felt!

 :Smile:

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

> Thanks!
> 
> It's bloody good to feel 100% again. One thing about being sick is that when you do feel better, you feel better than before because you forget how sick you felt!


Absolutely true. I was sick for three or four days a couple of weeks ago, the first thing I did when I was better was to eat and drink with such frenzy, oh the joy to be able to taste again! I got hold of some great beer and cheese and relished every drink and bite! 

And speaking of great beer, I believe there is a wee Belgian waiting for me downstairs right now... :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It's bloody good to feel 100% again. One thing about being sick is that when you do feel better, you feel better than before because you forget how sick you felt!


It's good to have you back 100%.




> Tried it once (we were drunk) at a mates house, with dry (ish) horse dung. It didn't work. It nearly caused the fire to go out and made alot of smoke and stink. This was indoors in his fire place. When his wife threw us out, I noticed the night around the house had suddenly become foggy, a strange fog, that was rolling down the hill from his chimney engulfing the village below. People still talk of,"The night of the Great Stink" in these parts.


Great story! 
Not only should we "keep our powder dry", it would seem that we should keep our dung dry!

"The night of the great stink" sounds like the makings of a great campfire story or a movie.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

Been having a particularly blokey few days building the sprogs an outdoor playhouse.

Pics in the next day or two - the house has been alive with the sound of power saws!

----------


## The Atheist

In fact, here's the ground floor.

----------


## The Comedian

Nice work Atheist! I'm sure the residents of that house will be quite pleased with it.

Do you plan to shingle the roof of that play house?

----------


## MANICHAEAN

This thread was started at 12.49am on the 4th December 2009 by The Atheist.
Those of little faith & even less bottom said it would fade away.
As of today, there have been 1,578 contributions & the baby appears to be in robust health.
The early 10 pages covered the subjects: beer, rugby, tennis babes, surfer babes, marking out ones territory, Chuck Norris movies, tools, boobs, butts, flatulance & fishing.
The last 10 pages covered: exfoliating, body hair loss, tea, haggis, The Atheist contributing hair for charity, beer, The Ashes & swine flu.
A definate sign of maturing from all concerned!

Whoops. 2008 !

----------


## Scheherazade

> A definate sign of maturing from all concerned!


*belches in agreement*

----------


## The Atheist

> Nice work Atheist! I'm sure the residents of that house will be quite pleased with it.
> 
> Do you plan to shingle the roof of that play house?


Nope; roof put on today, one whole sheet of 3rd grade 3-ply.




> This thread was started at 12.49am on the 4th December 2009 by The Atheist.
> Those of little faith & even less bottom said it would fade away.
> As of today, there have been 1,578 contributions & the baby appears to be in robust health.
> The early 10 pages covered the subjects: beer, rugby, tennis babes, surfer babes, marking out ones territory, Chuck Norris movies, tools, boobs, butts, flatulance & fishing.
> The last 10 pages covered: exfoliating, body hair loss, tea, haggis, The Atheist contributing hair for charity, beer, The Ashes & swine flu.
> A definate sign of maturing from all concerned!
> 
> Whoops. 2008 !


Go blokes!!

----------


## The Atheist

Stage 2, the second floor.

----------


## prendrelemick

Looking good.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> In fact, here's the ground floor.


Looking good.
Going back to the first photo, I noticed the footwear on the sawhorse. Seems kind of random. You aren't using that as a hammer are you?




> This thread was started at 12.49am on the 4th December 2009 by The Atheist.
> Those of little faith & even less bottom said it would fade away.
> As of today, there have been 1,578 contributions & the baby appears to be in robust health.
> The early 10 pages covered the subjects: beer, rugby, tennis babes, surfer babes, marking out ones territory, Chuck Norris movies, tools, boobs, butts, flatulance & fishing.
> The last 10 pages covered: exfoliating, body hair loss, tea, haggis, The Atheist contributing hair for charity, beer, The Ashes & swine flu.
> A definate sign of maturing from all concerned!
> 
> Whoops. 2008 !


You left out the dry dung fire kindling.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Looking good.
> Going back to the first photo, I noticed the footwear on the sawhorse. Seems kind of random. You aren't using that as a hammer are you?


Grade 1 wasp-swatter.

We have a plague of them.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Grade 1 wasp-swatter.
> 
> We have a plague of them.


Any further progress on the playhouse?

We have our share of wasps too. This past weekend I eliminated three nests out of the kids fort in the woods.

----------


## The Atheist

> Any further progress on the playhouse?
> 
> We have our share of wasps too. This past weekend I eliminated three nests out of the kids fort in the woods.


Not much progress, unfortunately.

It was supposed to get finished on Sunday, but it poured with rain and since then I've been flat out working. This weekend at the latest.

----------


## prendrelemick

It seems like we English chaps have a charitable streak towards those less fortunate Austrailians. Now that we have regained the Ashes, our sense of fair play has come to the fore. We have done the decent thing and lost the one day series in spectacular fashion. Well, it means so much to them, its the least we could do.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It seems like we English chaps have a charitable streak towards those less fortunate Austrailians. Now that we have regained the Ashes, our sense of fair play has come to the fore. We have done the decent thing and lost the one day series in spectacular fashion. Well, it means so much to them, its the least we could do.


Sounds like sporting talk. Cricket by chance? Ashes? I'll do a little investigating myself.
Over here it is fall and that means one thing; football (the oblong kind).
The Dallas Cowboys are playing their first home game in the brand new stadium which is being qouined as the "Death Star".

----------


## The Atheist

> It seems like we English chaps have a charitable streak towards those less fortunate Austrailians. Now that we have regained the Ashes, our sense of fair play has come to the fore. We have done the decent thing and lost the one day series in spectacular fashion. Well, it means so much to them, its the least we could do.


I noticed that.

I presume the chaps were still hung over. ODI must be near its use-by date with the introduction of 20/20.




> Sounds like sporting talk. Cricket by chance? Ashes? I'll do a little investigating myself.


Start here:

http://www.cricinfo.com/




> Over here it is fall and that means one thing;...


Swine 'flu.




> ...football (the oblong kind).
> The Dallas Cowboys are playing their first home game in the brand new stadium which is being qouined as the "Death Star".


Why do you call it football when almost the entire game is played with ball in or passed by, hand?

I admit that's one hoopy stadium.

_______________________________________


Uploading photos shortly....

Ok, here's the almost-completed playhouse.

Apparently it's a treehouse, despite the lack of a tree. Accordingly, you'll note the tree in the background which is about to be attached to the treehouse.



And for those who magnificently donated to the excellent cause of helping drought-stricken Kenyan water supplies, here's the result of the shaving!

(Warning for small children and those with weak stomachs!)

----------


## prendrelemick

great picture Atheist! (snigger)


I found this specially for Gilliat. 


You have two sides: One out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in, goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not outs,
That's the end of the game.

Simple, huh? ;

Of course in proper cricket it isn't the end of the game you repeat the whole thing again. Unless there is a follow on, then the team that is out, stays in, and the team that has been out stays out.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ok, here's the almost-completed playhouse...
> 
> ...here's the result of the shaving!
> 
> (Warning for small children and those with weak stomachs!)


You are a brave man! Nice mug and playhouse.





> great picture Atheist! (snigger)
> 
> I found this specially for Gilliat. 
> 
> You have two sides: One out in the field and one in.
> Each man that's in the side that's in, goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
> When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
> Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
> When both sides have been in and out including the not outs,
> ...


Well...uh... I uh... think I'm just begininning to come to grips with this Cricket.
I now understand that the "Ashes" is the term used for the series played between England and Australia apparently derived from the ashes of burned balls (that sounds uncomfortable) in a terra cotta ash urn. 

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Well...uh... I uh... think I'm just begininning to come to grips with this Cricket.
> I now understand that the "Ashes" is the term used for the series played between England and Australia apparently derived from the ashes of burned balls (that sounds uncomfortable) in a terra cotta ash urn. 
> 
> Gilliatt


It's actually the ash of one stump which was burnt to signify the death of English cricket. It's also probably the world's smallest sporting trophy.

----------


## The Atheist

Just as well nobody watches that horrible one-day cricket.

----------


## prendrelemick

Looks like both of our Nations representative teams will be going through to the next stage, in South Africa. 

Well played sah!

----------


## jocky

> Looks like both of our Nations representative teams will be going through to the next stage, in South Africa. 
> 
> Well played sah!


Your not nations, your abominations. The bad news is jocky's back, the good news is, there is no good news. Standards are slipping Atheist when mere Texans think they can take over. The 50cc Vespa remark has not gone unnoticed. Hey, what about the Tsunami? I waited up all night to see if N.Z. was going down, what a bummer! Did you miss me Prend?  :FRlol: 




> great picture Atheist! (snigger)
> 
> 
> I found this specially for Gilliat. 
> 
> 
> You have two sides: One out in the field and one in.
> Each man that's in the side that's in, goes out, and when he's out he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
> When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
> ...


A perfect explanation of the unexplainable, there is genius afoot here!  :Wink: 




> You are a brave man! Nice mug and playhouse.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well...uh... I uh... think I'm just begininning to come to grips with this Cricket.
> I now understand that the "Ashes" is the term used for the series played between England and Australia apparently derived from the ashes of burned balls (that sounds uncomfortable) in a terra cotta ash urn. 
> 
> Gilliatt


There is ,of course, another meaning attached to the Ashes, it sometimes refers to what's left of countries who Dubya and his old man dont like. This can be left to entymologists and historians for future debate. Is it true that Ozzy pissed in the Alamo? We are going through changes  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Hey, what about the Tsunami? I waited up all night to see if N.Z. was going down, what a bummer!


There was actually a tsunami warning issued.

Everyone went to the beach to watch it, but it had gone after 3000 miles of ocean.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... The bad news is jocky's back, the good news is, there is no good news. Standards are slipping Atheist when mere Texans think they can take over. The 50cc Vespa remark has not gone unnoticed...
> 
> ... This can be left to entymologists and historians for future debate. Is it true that Ozzy pissed in the Alamo? We are going through changes


Great Scott; Jocky is back !!
I was afraid my seamstress comment may have been the last straw.

RE: Ozzy - yes, it is true that he soiled sacred ground and was soon followed by the bat head incident. (or was it a chicken head?).

----------


## jocky

> Looks like both of our Nations representative teams will be going through to the next stage, in South Africa. 
> 
> Well played sah!


One down one to go.  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

As my old sergeant major said to me: ' Jocky you are going nowhere in life ' He was Nostrodamus like in his foresight, a week later I got posted to England. ' We are as flies to the Gods '.

----------


## Michael T

> There was actually a tsunami warning issued.
> 
> Everyone went to the beach to watch it


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> 


There is no arguing with good old New Zealand common sense. Come on kids lets go and watch the Tsunami.  :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

Why not?

English still agree to play cricket matches with other countries' teams, don't they?

 :Wink:

----------


## jocky

Let me state unequivocably, I take no pleasure in watching my neighbours getting thrashed and humiliated by their criminal anscestors. Some in my country may be doubled over in laughter, but Jocky is above this. Honesty is my watchword.  :Smile: 




> Why not?
> 
> English still agree to play cricket matches with other countries' teams, don't they?


Not any more.

Atheist this is just a flavour of what is to come. You had better pray to all the Gods you dont believe in that your lot dont get their asses whipped by Pakistan tomorrow. Mind you, better that than getting humped by your Antipodean neighbours in the final. Life just doesnt get any better than this.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I have nothing to say. :Mad:

----------


## The Atheist

> Why not?
> 
> English still agree to play cricket matches with other countries' teams, don't they?


Very cool new avatar. We had some orcas in Auckland harbour a few weeks back, which just happened to coincide with the kids having a day off school.

I took a guess at where they would end up while we drove 30 minutes to the water and stopped at a beachfront in an estuary.

Right on cue, about 2 minutes after we arrvied, six of the came into the water right in front of us. They were hunting stingrays and came to within 100 feet of the beach.

Outstanding.




> Let me state unequivocably, I take no pleasure in watching my neighbours getting thrashed and humiliated by their criminal anscestors. Some in my country may be doubled over in laughter, but Jocky is above this. Honesty is my watchword.


Mate, I'll drink to your sadness.

Your honesty is touching. It must be hell when Scotland plays England at something, you're heartbroken whoever loses.




> Atheist this is just a flavour of what is to come. You had better pray to all the Gods you dont believe in that your lot dont get their asses whipped by Pakistan tomorrow. Mind you, better that than getting humped by your Antipodean neighbours in the final. Life just doesnt get any better than this.


61/2 chasing 233. Very much in the balance.




> I have nothing to say.


Just think of that little jug with the ash in it and you'll be fine for the next 10-15 years.

----------


## jocky

> Great Scott; Jocky is back !!
> I was afraid my seamstress comment may have been the last straw.
> 
> RE: Ozzy - yes, it is true that he soiled sacred ground and was soon followed by the bat head incident. (or was it a chicken head?).


Gilliatt, a piece of sage advice from old Jocky. Read the forum rules, fowl language is not tolerated in this thread.  :Wink: 




> 61/2 chasing 233. Very much in the balance.


Would you believe it you won? I had plans for you this week and they are now in tatters. Atheist if you fell in a bucket of crap you would come out smelling of roses. If you win this tournament there must be hope for Scotland yet.




> I have nothing to say.


Silence is golden.  :FRlol: 

Guys, did I ever tell you about the time I was nearly awarded the Victoria Cross ? I accidentaly shot the company cook. The whole company signed a petition demanding I should be awarded the highest accolade the army could award, even the cook signed it when he eventually recovered from his horrendous injury. There was much deliberation amongst the top brass but sadly it was not to be. What swung it against me was the cook's wife's complaint that I had shot him in the groin and her life was ruined. Gentlemen, there is a fine dividing line between success and failure in this world. Still Jocky V.C. has a nice ring to it.

----------


## The Atheist

> Would you believe it you won? I had plans for you this week and they are now in tatters. Atheist if you fell in a bucket of crap you would come out smelling of roses. If you win this tournament there must be hope for Scotland yet.


Amazingly, we have won this tournament a few years back.

Only thing we ever did win, although I'm told we had a tiddlywinks champ some time ago. I think we did rather well at Scrabble as well.

----------


## jocky

> Amazingly, we have won this tournament a few years back.
> 
> Only thing we ever did win, although I'm told we had a tiddlywinks champ some time ago. I think we did rather well at Scrabble as well.


Tiddlywinks and Scrabble should never be underestimated, they are indications of a resolute national identity. Where would the British Empire be without these characteristics ? I digress, you are still not off the hook yet, only victory against the Aussies will redeem you. As to your Orca tale, you might fool Schezherhadze but Jocky is not convinced. I could ask for witness testimony and photographic evidence, but I will not push the issue. Have you heard from farmer Prendrelemick lately? Maybe he saw ' something nasty in the woodshed '  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.

In the meantime, a traditional Anglo Saxon message of encouragement to our antipodean brothers:- 

KERRRMONNNN YOUUU KEEEEWEEEES!

----------


## The Atheist

> Tiddlywinks and Scrabble should never be underestimated, they are indications of a resolute national identity. Where would the British Empire be without these characteristics ? I digress, you are still not off the hook yet, only victory against the Aussies will redeem you. As to your Orca tale, you might fool Schezherhadze but Jocky is not convinced. I could ask for witness testimony and photographic evidence, but I will not push the issue. Have you heard from farmer Prendrelemick lately? Maybe he saw ' something nasty in the woodshed '


I was thinking about you earlier.

In the "why celibacy is good" thread.

I think you provide proof of the proposition.

 :Wink: 




> I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.
> 
> In the meantime, a traditional Anglo Saxon message of encouragement to our antipodean brothers:- 
> 
> KERRRMONNNN YOUUU KEEEEWEEEES!


Yeah! 

We beat Aussie every 20 years or so and we're just about due...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... What swung it against me was the cook's wife's complaint that I had shot him in the groin and her life was ruined. Gentlemen, there is a fine dividing line between success and failure in this world. Still Jocky V.C. has a nice ring to it.





> I was thinking about you earlier.
> 
> In the "why celibacy is good" thread.
> 
> I think you provide proof of the proposition.


It may be too late for jocky, but it would seem that the cook is now celibate. Not sure which is more humiliating; having them shot off or cremated and toted around in a terra cotta ash urn?




> I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.


No wood? No worries! - Dont forget about that fine substitute weve discussed and if the old lady dosn't like it; send her to the woodshed.

----------


## jocky

I was thinking about you earlier.

In the "why celibacy is good" thread.

I think you provide proof of the proposition.

 :Wink: 



Mmm, brains or sex. I choose fornication.

----------


## jocky

Atheist I know you feel like you have been kicked very hard in the goolies at this moment in time, but life has its little consolations. If there had been a trophy for the ugliest looking team in the tournament New Zealand would have won it hands down. I thought I would just cheer you up. Boomerangs cant reach Scotland can they?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist I know you feel like you have been kicked very hard in the goolies at this moment in time, but life has its little consolations. If there had been a trophy for the ugliest looking team in the tournament New Zealand would have won it hands down. I thought I would just cheer you up. Boomerangs cant reach Scotland can they?


Mate, if you think they're bad, you should check out our rugby team!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...le5730001.ece#

Is it any wonder that Kiwi women go to UK and come back with British husbands?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Boys,

It's time you wish me a happy birthday !

The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!
(not sure why it didn't show up on LitNet-must not of entered my B-day on the profile)

I had the old lady fetch me a bottle and some cider.

----------


## jocky

> Boys,
> 
> It's time you wish me a happy birthday !
> 
> The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!
> (not sure why it didn't show up on LitNet-must not of entered my B-day on the profile)
> 
> I had the old lady fetch me a bottle and some cider.


Many happy returns Gilliat , P-38s, Bourbon and Cider could get you into serious trouble. Your Missus sounds like a real trooper.




> Mate, if you think they're bad, you should check out our rugby team!
> 
> http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/spo...le5730001.ece#
> 
> Is it any wonder that Kiwi women go to UK and come back with British husbands?


The website didnt work Atheist but I am more than happy to believe you on this one.  :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Many happy returns Gilliat , P-38s, Bourbon and Cider could get you into serious trouble. Your Missus sounds like a real trooper.


Thanks a lot jocky and yes she is. That glass was for my father.

Atheist,
Your website made it as far as Texas-quite funny. 
Dubya must have had the signal scrammbled as it headed over the pond.

----------


## jocky

> Thanks a lot jocky and yes she is. That glass was for my father.


Did your old man fly one of these things? Hats off to him if he did as they were considered to be aeronautical deathtraps. Lets raise our glasses to fathers, where would we be without them?  :Smile: 




> I did, No wood! Not even cold comfort there.
> 
> In the meantime, a traditional Anglo Saxon message of encouragement to our antipodean brothers:- 
> 
> KERRRMONNNN YOUUU KEEEEWEEEES!


Quick spot of the literary connection Prend. Now for the Celtic Scoto message: COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YOUR HARD ENOUGH. I can be found In Papua New Guinea in the Headhunters Tavern.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Boys,
> 
> It's time you wish me a happy birthday !
> 
> The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!


Happy birthday!




> The website didnt work Atheist but I am more than happy to believe you on this one.


Hmmm.

Try this:

----------


## jocky

> Happy birthday!
> 
> 
> 
> Hmmm.
> 
> Try this:


There is no arguing with that Athiest, you Kiwis are scary guys. I can see why all your women are fleeing the country for us handsome Brits. That nearly put me off my porrige.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Happy birthday!
> 
> 
> 
> Hmmm.
> 
> Try this:



^Its fun to stay at the WHYYY .M .C. A.  :FRlol: 


Happy Birthday GG, wishing you many happy landings.

----------


## The Atheist

Actually, that's a flattering photo of them as well. A couple of the present ones have been banned from entering USA on the basis that they will give rise to sasquatch rumours.

----------


## Modigliani

Kamate, kamate kaora!
Sorry. I couldn't resist. Many happy returns, Mr Kiwi.
I'm outta here before I start inadvertently effacing stereotypes.
Carry on, gentlemen.

----------


## Niamh

> Boys,
> 
> It's time you wish me a happy birthday !
> 
> The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!
> (not sure why it didn't show up on LitNet-must not of entered my B-day on the profile)
> 
> I had the old lady fetch me a bottle and some cider.


Happy birthday Gilliatt!!!!  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Kamate, kamate kaora!
> Sorry. I couldn't resist. Many happy returns, Mr Kiwi.
> I'm outta here before I start inadvertently effacing stereotypes.
> Carry on, gentlemen.


Excellent work! 

(except it's GG's b'day, not mine)

----------


## jocky

> Excellent work! 
> 
> (except it's GG's b'day, not mine)


Mogdliani obviously did not capture the subtle shades of this thread. It is all down to the chiaroscuro. Vasari will be turning in his grave. The lives of artists, I dont know Atheist, what is the World coming to.  :Smile: 

Gilliatt, where are you? Birthday parties are never a good idea. What with all that booze and sentiment you might have got behind the controls of the P-38 and tailspinned into Dubya's ranch. The Blokes thread will support you whatever the outcome. Never let it be said that Jocky would let his mates down, apart from Kiwis and Yorkshiremen.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Jocky,

I'm still here and feeling fine, or at least now I am after last night and thanks all for the well wishes.
The missus made up a mess of fajitas and I washed it down with a wild wurzel which turned out to be a letahl mix and sent me to the guest room for the remainder of the night.

About the Lightning; yes my father flew the P-38 in the Pacific and your are right the earlier models had a problem with compressibility in extended dives. The problem was solved with hydraulic dive flaps in starting with the "J" model and the lightning came into its own. 

Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> Jocky,
> 
> 
> 
> About the Lightning; yes my father flew the P-38 in the Pacific and your are right the earlier models had a problem with compressibility in extended dives. The problem was solved with hydraulic dive flaps in starting with the "J" model and the lightning came into its own. 
> 
> Gilliatt


This is a bit of shot in the dark but was your father Major Signa A Gilke who test piloted the lightening? If he was you have a lot to live up to.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> This is a bit of shot in the dark but was your father Major Signa A Gilke who test piloted the lightening? If he was you have a lot to live up to.


jocky,
No, in fact my father arrived in the Pacific toward the end of the war and started flying the Lightning well after the bugs had been ironed out. He flew the later "J" and "L" models in mop up ground support and "keep the peace" sorties. The air war was over for all intents and purposes when he arrived.
Still had a lot to live up to though.

----------


## jocky

Guys, Soundsofmusic is having a raincoat party to which me and Atheist are graciously invited. I would advise you all to get in touch with her quickly and look out your best macs if you want an invite. Dont miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity?  :Wink: 




> Actually, that's a flattering photo of them as well. A couple of the present ones have been banned from entering USA on the basis that they will give rise to sasquatch rumours.


What you dont believe in Sasquatch? Next thing you will be telling us is you dont believe in the tooth fairy. It is one thing not to believe in God or Gods but quite another to reject Area 51. This is atheism gone wild, you had better read your Richard Dawkins again. To be a strong Atheist means rejecting all Gods completely, almost, but never, I repeat never to reject the undivine supernatural. Next thing you will be telling me is the Loch Ness monster is a figment of my imagination, me who almost saw it.  :Mad:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

jocky,

Im having trouble keeping up; first an Austrian governess in a slicker and now bigfoot.
Aye, I can hear the sweet voice of that governess nowThe hills are alive with the sound of Bigfoot Bigfoot is quite popular here in Texas. There have been numerous documented sightings mostly as a result of the extreme heat and beer. 

Here is a missing link if you will, to a site that you might find amusing:

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/

Take a look at the sitings map to the right on the page.

Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> jocky,
> 
> Im having trouble keeping up; first an Austrian governess in a slicker and now bigfoot.
> Aye, I can hear the sweet voice of that governess nowThe hills are alive with the sound of Bigfoot Bigfoot is quite popular here in Texas. There have been numerous documented sightings mostly as a result of the extreme heat and beer. 
> 
> Here is a missing link if you will, to a site that you might find amusing:
> 
> http://www.texasbigfoot.org/
> 
> ...


You might have told me earlier Gilliat, now I have missed the Texas Bigfoot conference and they have missed all that experience I had to bring. I did look to the right and saw the bigfoot hunters. They make the All Blacks look handsome. You live and learn mate, live and learn :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Still had a lot to live up to though.


Don't we all, mate!

Makes it pretty easy to figure why a good male role model is a useful thing in life.




> Guys, Soundsofmusic is having a raincoat party to which me and Atheist are graciously invited. I would advise you all to get in touch with her quickly and look out your best macs if you want an invite. Dont miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity?


Uhh...

I'm sure they have some Japanese porn sites which cater to your needs.




> What you dont believe in Sasquatch? Next thing you will be telling us is you dont believe in the tooth fairy. It is one thing not to believe in God or Gods but quite another to reject Area 51. This is atheism gone wild, you had better read your Richard Dawkins again. To be a strong Atheist means rejecting all Gods completely, almost, but never, I repeat never to reject the undivine supernatural. Next thing you will be telling me is the Loch Ness monster is a figment of my imagination, me who almost saw it.


No, I believe in sasquatch ok.

I have a very good friend who has incontrovertible evidence that it exists.

In fact, the site that Gilliatt links to even shows one crossing the road!



Amazing. I never knew they moved south as far as Texas. Next they'll be finding them in New Zealand.

Cyptozoology is a great subject. I'm very excited about the latest find:

http://nzcryptozoology.ucoz.com/news/2009-08-15-14

I know quite a lot about "Oour Nessie" as well.

----------


## jocky

> Uhh...
> 
> I'm sure they have some Japanese porn sites which cater to your needs.


Which one would you recommend.  :Wink: 




> 


If that doesn't silence the doubters once and for all I dont know what will.  :FRlol: 




> I know quite a lot about "Oour Nessie" as well.


I might have bloody known it !

Prendrelemick this will cheer you up no end. Picture the scene, a packed M.E.N. arena in Manchester two totally commited sides and a real opportunity to put one over on New Zealand, and guess what you won. England have beaten the Kiwis at last, you are now officially the top dogs. It was a close run affair but you prevailed 24-21, let no one underestimate this historical triumph for your FEMALE NETBALL TEAM. Atheist if its any consolation, your team were better looking than the All Blacks, marginally. Well done Mick.  :Biggrin:   :Biggrin:   :Biggrin: .

----------


## The Atheist

> Prendrelemick this will cheer you up no end. Picture the scene, a packed M.E.N. arena in Manchester two totally commited sides and a real opportunity to put one over on New Zealand, and guess what you won. England have beaten the Kiwis at last, you are now officially the top dogs. It was a close run affair but you prevailed 24-21, let no one underestimate this historical triumph for your FEMALE NETBALL TEAM. Atheist if its any consolation, your team were better looking than the All Blacks, marginally. Well done Mick.   .


Did you get to see the Jamaican team?

That Romalda Aiken could certainly [censored by management]

She is bloody gorgeous, as is the Aussie skipper, Sharelle McMahon.

Now that brings to mind thoughts of Romalda Aiken and Sharelle McMahon...

----------


## jocky

> Did you get to see the Jamaican team?
> 
> That Romalda Aiken could certainly [censored by management]
> 
> She is bloody gorgeous, as is the Aussie skipper, Sharelle McMahon.
> 
> Now that brings to mind thoughts of Romalda Aiken and Sharelle McMahon...


I am keeping out of this one Atheist, that Three Sparrows might be watching and we could be in big trouble.  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> OK. Alan, I am opening two 
> 
> 
> and would like to ask you who you consider as the prettiest women tennis player?
> Is it
> 
> 
> 
> or maybe 
> ...


 :FRlol:  Sorry to interupt guys, just flew in from the girls forum and they were having a quilting bee: May I suggest you do a little photo shopping with the tennis lasses. Take the chest of the first, the hair from the second and the hips and legs from the last. Give the mixture that tall beer and you'll have a lovely date :Ladysman:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Take the chest of the first, the hair from the second and the hips and legs from the last. Give the mixture that tall beer and you'll have a lovely date


Apart from all that grunting.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Apart from all that grunting.


 :Confused:  Do ladies "grunt" in the UK; we delightfully moan in the states :FRlol:

----------


## MANICHAEAN

No they lie back and say; "Oh George what a lovely ceiling"

----------


## skib

Ceiling texture is always a great conversation topic in my bedroom, for sure.

----------


## soundofmusic

What do the ladies say when you join them in the shower? :Ladysman:

----------


## prendrelemick

Gerrout!

----------


## soundofmusic

I don't know, I'm not one for laying under the beast where it may fall on me.
I like to keep it right between my honches where I can, at least, feign control :FRlol: 




> Bah, every time I come in here, that girly, "No Boys Allowed" thread is somewhere near the top. God knows what goes on in there - probably the typical girlie stuff about love, babies, quiche, who has a crush on whom and those things no Real Bloke [TM] would ever stoop to discuss.
> 
> 
> First off - beer is possibly the best chance christians have of proving a god exists. How something so beautiful - when made properly, which doesn't mean in some gigantic factory


I hear the women are all plotting to break into the bloke forum; shall I stand right outside your locker room and protect you?

I've heard, from private sources, that the best beer is made over prison toilets with moldy bread and fruit juice. :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

> No they lie back and say; "Oh George what a lovely ceiling"




To which I reply. George ?? :Mad: 




> Do ladies "grunt" in the UK; we delightfully moan in the states



Only when hitting the balls very hard.

----------


## soundofmusic

Only when hitting the balls very hard.[/QUOTE]

 :Confused:  Tennis balls?




> I am keeping out of this one Atheist, we could be in big trouble.


 :Flare:  Poor jocky, is that naughty Atheist trying to get your pious Scottish personage in trouble (but, you know, he does add zest to the party)
I shouldn't worry too much, birds can never stay in one place very long given their insatiable desire to feast on the biggest, juiciest worms :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

> Poor jocky, is that naughty Atheist trying to get your pious Scottish personage in trouble


That is so spooky! A disembodied voice whispered in my ear: Jocky, Jocky you need to attend church this Sunday. I did, and got no spiritual consolation whatsover, however I am five thousand quid richer as I nicked the lead off the Kirk spire. The lord works in mysterious ways. Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something ?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> That is so spooky! A disembodied voice whispered in my ear: Jocky, Jocky you need to attend church this Sunday. I did, and got no spiritual consolation whatsover, however I am five thousand quid richer as I nicked the lead off the Kirk spire. The lord works in mysterious ways. Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something ?


Five grand sterling?

Two goats and a ram, I should think.

----------


## soundofmusic

> That is so spooky! A disembodied voice whispered in my ear: Jocky, Jocky you need to attend church this Sunday. I did, and got no spiritual consolation whatsover, however I am five thousand quid richer as I nicked the lead off the Kirk spire. The lord works in mysterious ways. Do I need to sacrifice a goat or something ?


 :FRlol:  Wait, Wait, I'm sure you didn't listen long enough to that disembodied voice; I'm sure it said, "Jocky, my lad, I'm blessing you with 5'000 quid so you can send it to that lovely lass across the Atlantic :Banana:  :Banana: 




> Five grand sterling?
> 
> Two goats and a ram, I should think.


 :FRlol:  Now see, Atheist, You were hearing that through a warp in time where somebody, I forgot who, was supposed to gold electroplate their goat and worship it  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Five grand sterling?
> 
> Two goats and a ram, I should think.


And where prithee am I going to steal them from at this time of night? I can get a couple of hamsters, but the kids will be heartbroken. What ever happened to the good old forgiving God from the mission days?  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;790004] I'm sure it said, "Jocky, my lad, I'm blessing you with 5'000 quid so you can send it to that lovely lass across the Atlantic :Banana:  :Banana: 

Soundo I am sure everyone in planet Britain will tell you that Scots and their money are not easily parted. I barely escaped the credit crunch by hiding my gold where no one would ever find it. Unfortunately I hid it so well I cant find it myself. Could anyone lend me a tenner to feed the kids, as the looks they are giving me are piteous to behold.  :Cold:

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=jocky;790311]


> I'm sure it said, "Jocky, my lad, I'm blessing you with 5'000 quid so you can send it to that lovely lass across the Atlantic
> 
> Soundo I am sure everyone in planet Britain will tell you that Scots and their money are not easily parted. I barely escaped the credit crunch by hiding my gold where no one would ever find it. Unfortunately I hid it so well I cant find it myself. Could anyone lend me a tenner to feed the kids, as the looks they are giving me are piteous to behold.


 :FRlol:  Jocky, you sly dog, we all know your wife has bags full of money; Gracious, an important job and the bingo winnings...Did you look under the mattress cover?

----------


## The Atheist

> And where prithee am I going to steal them from at this time of night? I can get a couple of hamsters, but the kids will be heartbroken. What ever happened to the good old forgiving God from the mission days?


Can you scratch up a couple of chickens instead?

If not, putting already dead ones in the oven and eating the flesh to the glory of some entity or other might work.

Especially with stuffing.

----------


## jocky

> Can you scratch up a couple of chickens instead?
> 
> If not, putting already dead ones in the oven and eating the flesh to the glory of some entity or other might work.
> 
> Especially with stuffing.


As usual Atheist I am grateful for your sage advice  :Smile:  There is however an insurmountable problem, I haven't got a shilling for the meter. Do you think a couple of tins of sardines, on toast, the toaster is still working, would suffice? I know some Deities have problems with pork and poultry but surely a couple of silver fishes, liberally covered in tomato sauce would suffice. This idea of penitence is getting to be a real pain in the but.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

I hear the American God accepts Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in lieu of cash; except on Easter and Thanksgiving, which requires the sacrafice of some fowl or cloved foot creature :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

have you thought of going into the wildlands of Kelvin Grove and bagging a brace of wild haggis,

----------


## jocky

> have you thought of going into the wildlands of Kelvin Grove and bagging a brace of wild haggis,


I had a feeling you might hit me with that one Mick! The latest historical research by Catherine Brown shows the earliest reference to haggis is to be found in the ENGLISH HUS WIFE published in 1615. This predates Burns' ADDRESS TO A HAGGIS by 171 years. So unless you can come up with evidence to the contrary haggis is officially English and your race is guilty of perpetuating the worst atrocity to be inflicted against humanity.  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 




> I hear the American God accepts Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in lieu of cash; except on Easter and Thanksgiving, which requires the sacrafice of some fowl or cloved foot creature


The complexity and diversity of Gods and their tastes never ceases to amaze me. The one thing they all seem to have in common is their propensity for being greedy S.O.Bs.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> The complexity and diversity of Gods and their tastes never ceases to amaze me. The one thing they all seem to have in common is their propensity for being greedy S.O.Bs.


 :Cold:  Help us all, Jocky just brought the angry hands of God on all of us; look to the sky man, I think I see the 2nd coming, and what is at his side...why it's three angry birds :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> have you thought of going into the wildlands of Kelvin Grove and bagging a brace of wild haggis,


Plural, Haggii my friend, Haggii. It is an interesting proposition though, killing a couple of mythological creatures to appease a mythological God. If I ever have to go hunting in the wildlands of Kelvin Grove the bankers will have cause to regret it, or my name is not Jocky.  :Smile: 




> Help us all, Jocky.why it's three angry birds


The ThreeSparrows problem is solved, Atheist sorted that out big time as I knew he would.  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> The ThreeSparrows problem is solved, Atheist sorted that out big time as I knew he would.


 :Banana:  So does that mean my birthday party's back on :Bday 2:  The original crowd have all gone pious on me :Bawling: ; but, I think I have a line on those two blonde athletes Atheist so admired. Maybe they'll jump out of a cake or smack a few balls around, or whatever hot female athletes do.... :Ladysman:

----------


## prendrelemick

Can I come? I've just about recovered from last Christmas, -

http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/celeb020.jpg

and am up for another session. :Brow:

----------


## The Atheist

> As usual Atheist I am grateful for your sage advice  There is however an insurmountable problem, I haven't got a shilling for the meter. Do you think a couple of tins of sardines, on toast, the toaster is still working, would suffice? I know some Deities have problems with pork and poultry but surely a couple of silver fishes, liberally covered in tomato sauce would suffice. This idea of penitence is getting to be a real pain in the but.


Ahh, do they still make MacConnachies Herrings in Tomato Sauce?

They were divine, so they'd be good and you don't even need a toaster!




> Can I come? I've just about recovered from last Christmas, -
> 
> http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/celeb020.jpg
> 
> and am up for another session.


 :FRlol: 

Jeez, I hope you manage to sleep that off in the next two months.

----------


## jocky

> Can I come? I've just about recovered from last Christmas, -
> 
> http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/celeb020.jpg
> 
> and am up for another session.


 :FRlol:  

How many times have you been warned to stay away from the Bay Horse in Tunstall ? The last time my son in law went there for a quiet pint he ended up in a boat headed for the Faroe Isles dressed up as an Apache squaw, with arrows in his *** for effect.  :Smile: 




> Ahh, do they still make MacConnachies Herrings in Tomato Sauce?


Sadly not Atheist, you have brought a tear to my eye as I remember those days when me and Denise sipped cheap cider followed by a couple of kippers between divinity lectures. Happy days  :Smile: 

You will love this one Atheist. Three University Professors of the supernatural came in to explain transubstantiation, they were dressed up for the occasion and looking suitably scary. They came mobhanded just in case some dullard might question them. They explained the body and the blood of Christ at the appointed moment of mass. There was a singular silence, which seemed to go on forever, until some idiot, I forget who, told them to get to f**k. They left in a hurry and one of their number was heard to say ' whatever happened to the good Samaritans ' ?  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Can I come? I've just about recovered from last Christmas, -
> 
> http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...k/celeb020.jpg
> 
> and am up for another session.


 :Banana:  :Bday 2:  Maybe we'll just celebrate until Christmas :Santasmile: ; Sure you're invited . :Nod:  We're interviewing for entertainment; what do you think would make all the gents and lasses smile?  :FRlol: 




> How many times have you been warned to stay away from the Bay Horse in Tunstall ? The last time my son in law went there for a quiet pint he ended up in a boat headed for the Faroe Isles dressed up as an Apache squaw, with arrows in his *** for effect.


 :Goof:  I just invited prendrelemick to our party; do you think he can borrow your son-in-laws squall outfit; That santa hat was getting alittle seedy and snug :FRlol:  I see you're in fine form tonight; is Neely badly injured?  :Eek2:  By the way, all the girls are insisting you wear your kilt to the party.

----------


## jocky

Listen all, Jocky has got to leave for a wee while as matters of great import to national security are calling. In the words of General MacArthur I will return, hopefully.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Sadly not Atheist, you have brought a tear to my eye as I remember those days when me and Denise sipped cheap cider followed by a couple of kippers between divinity lectures. Happy days


That's a greater disaster than Torrey Canyon!




> You will love this one Atheist. Three University Professors of the supernatural came in to explain transubstantiation, they were dressed up for the occasion and looking suitably scary. They came mobhanded just in case some dullard might question them. They explained the body and the blood of Christ at the appointed moment of mass. There was a singular silence, which seemed to go on forever, until some idiot, I forget who, told them to get to f**k. They left in a hurry and one of their number was heard to say ' whatever happened to the good Samaritans ' ?


 :FRlol: 

I love transubstantiation. You can taste the wine turning to blood on the way paste.

Either that, or I bit my tongue at the crap they serve in the RCC.




> Maybe we'll just celebrate until Christmas; Sure you're invited . We're interviewing for entertainment; what do you think would make all the gents and lasses smile?


Party till Xmas, I like it!

I'll get Parker to lay supplies in at once!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Guys, did I ever tell you about the time I was nearly awarded the Victoria Cross ? I accidentaly shot the company cook. The whole company signed a petition demanding I should be awarded the highest accolade the army could award, even the cook signed it when he eventually recovered from his horrendous injury. There was much deliberation amongst the top brass but sadly it was not to be. What swung it against me was the cook's wife's complaint that I had shot him in the groin and her life was ruined. Gentlemen, there is a fine dividing line between success and failure in this world. Still Jocky V.C. has a nice ring to it.


 :Eek:  Jocky, just saw this old post, I never realized you were a hero: thumbs_up; was the man's cooking that bad.  :Confused:  Though, I really don't know what could be that bad; all this talk of herrings in tomato sauce :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Though, I really don't know what could be that bad; all this talk of herrings in tomato sauce


Herrings in tomato sauce isn't just food, it's commestibly orgasmic!

Tins of herrings in tomato sauce is what created the entire British Empire.

How to beat up people who live 23 weeks travel away from you?

Take cans of nourishing food so you don't die of beriberi on the way there. Top of the nourishing food chain is H in TS. Vitamins, vegetables, protein, calcium... you could feed an army (or navy) on this stuff. And we did. Why do you think we use English on this forum? Ever see any French food in a can? Let's see you try to make a _filet de boeuf en croute_ sandwich!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Party till Xmas, I like it!
> 
> I'll get Parker to lay supplies in at once!


 :Banana:  I knew I could count on Atheist the Great, Keeper of Justice and Killer of Birds and other small annoying things. :Cool:  
Do you want Brooke Shields at the party also?  :Bday 2:  I don't know, she looks a little too lean; like she's on the exercise bike too long  :Rolleyes: ; She may need you to send out for some fattening American food and good Atheist loving :Brow: 




> Herrings in tomato sauce isn't just food, it's commestibly orgasmic!
> 
> Tins of herrings in tomato sauce is what created the entire British Empire.
> 
> How to beat up people who live 23 weeks travel away from you?
> 
> Take cans of nourishing food so you don't die of beriberi on the way there. Top of the nourishing food chain is H in TS. Vitamins, vegetables, protein, calcium... you could feed an army (or navy) on this stuff. And we did. Why do you think we use English on this forum? Ever see any French food in a can? Let's see you try to make a _filet de boeuf en croute_ sandwich!


 :Brow:  Well, perhaps we should begin to feed it to our men over here who are going impotent at 40 :Banana:  Orgasmic, really, well maybe I can close my eyes, hold my nose and...No, don't think I can do it.  :Cold:  Guess I'll just have to remain celibate and inorgasmic until the next 25 year old, tall, blond haired, blue eyed bloke falls in love with my wallet ,  :Tongue:  :FRlol:  :Ladysman:

----------


## papayahed

> Well, perhaps we should begin to feed it to our men over here who are going impotent at 40


I think you maybe hanging out with the wrong crowd.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I think you maybe hanging out with the wrong crowd.


 :Rolleyes:  You know, papayahed, I've been wondering about that after meeting all of these hearty British folk...Anyway, my daughter tells me the men I like are all "women with...." :Wave:

----------


## prendrelemick

Think carefully before you invite Brooke to the party, you don't want Goji berry and Wheatgrass stains on the carpet.

As for entertainment, If Mr Jelly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IK-9...eature=related ) is unavailable, Jocky could do his world famous elephant impression. :Eek:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Think carefully before you invite Brooke to the party, you don't want Goji berry and Wheatgrass stains on the carpet.
> 
> As for entertainment, If Mr Jelly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IK-9...eature=related ) is unavailable, Jocky could do his world famous elephant impression.


 :Eek:  Mick, you're starting to get scary :Cold: ; where do you find these things? Well, I was inviting Brooke for Atheist; I gave up all that breast feeding, making your own baby food talk years ago. It was hell :Rage:  My first husband was talking about cool stuff with the guys and I was being bored to tears with frightening stories of natural birth.  :Sick:  :Redface:  :Eek: 
Fortunately, for the health food crowd and the alcoholics; we have tile is south florida; so no problem with mess :FRlol:  Now tell me more about Jockys elephant impression :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## Michael T

Is this still _The Blokes Thread_  :Brow: 





Ah... Thought so.  :Wink:

----------


## jocky

> Is this still _The Blokes Thread_ 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ah... Thought so.


This thread used to be so simple and uncomplicated why cant we get back to simple values, fishing, hunting, beer, sandwiches and war? Thank you Mike for reminding us who we are and the video as it has sentimental value, there is nothing to beat a big pair of eyes.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

Now guys, here is a tale that will send tingles down your spines. This is a story for men only, the theme being fishing. I was standing in the river Dee on Royal Deeside up to my neck in waders and I got a tug, it had to be at least a fourteen pound salmon. I will repeat for effect a FOURTEEN POUND SALMON. The battle was on and the gloves were off. Promises were made and broken, Gods were invoked and deals with Lucifer were done , Faustus didn't have a look in, there was much sweating and swearing. Day turned to night, thunder, lightening the net was in my hand and, would you believe it , the line broke ? It leapt about six feet in the air and I am sure it winked at me as it made its way back up river. I am at present suing the fishing tackle shop for ruining my life. Match that  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Is this still _The Blokes Thread_ 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Ah... Thought so.


 :Redface:   :Eek:   :Bday 2:  Good, I knew the girls would come to my party to entertain the blokes! She's rather hypnotic...Of course, as a woman we can seldom appreciate the value of a good pair of pecs because we are having a deep discussion of whether they are silicone? Shouldn't she have brought a bikini so she can do the water show? :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## soundofmusic

> This thread used to be so simple and uncomplicated why cant we get back to simple values, fishing, hunting, beer, sandwiches and war? Thank you Mike for reminding us who we are and the video as it has sentimental value, there is nothing to beat a big pair of eyes.


 :Eek2:  I think this thread changed when somebody, not naming any names here, on the blokes thread invited all the guys to my birthday party on the Celibacy thread...
 :Rolleyes:  I don't know though, I think this is a  :Alien:  taking over my really cool friend, jocky, that even has a Scottish brogue when he writes..'

----------


## soundofmusic

> Think carefully before you invite Brooke to the party, you don't want Goji berry and Wheatgrass stains on the carpet.
> 
> As for entertainment, If Mr Jelly (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IK-9...eature=related ) is unavailable, Jocky could do his world famous elephant impression.


 :Wave:  Hey Mick, the guys need to get back their bloke thread spirit; do you have something to inspire them with?

----------


## jocky

> Hey Mick, the guys need to get back their bloke thread spirit; do you have something to inspire them with?


Not that I am one for causing trouble Mick, but what have you got to say for yourself? I take full responsibiliy for the party invites, I am pretty sure rhere was a misprint somewhere. Did you notice every time there is trouble on this thread, Atheist is never to be seen? I stopped the elephant act years ago just after I asked the wife , what do you think ? She replied, I never really noticed and I have told you never to bother me when I am watching Coronation Street.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Now guys, here is a tale that will send tingles down your spines. This is a story for men only, the theme being fishing. I was standing in the river Dee on Royal Deeside up to my neck in waders and I got a tug, it had to be at least a fourteen pound salmon. I will repeat for effect a FOURTEEN POUND SALMON. The battle was on and the gloves were off. Promises were made and broken, Gods were invoked and deals with Lucifer were done , Faustus didn't have a look in, there was much sweating and swearing. Day turned to night, thunder, lightening the net was in my hand and, would you believe it , the line broke ? It leapt about six feet in the air and I am sure it winked at me as it made its way back up river. I am at present suing the fishing tackle shop for ruining my life. Match that


I'm crying for you.

That's a horror story.




> I think this thread changed when somebody, not naming any names here, on the blokes thread invited all the guys to my birthday party on the Celibacy thread...


Birthday parties and celibacy....

Not really compatible subjects.

----------


## gbrekken

A REAL Blake would've even stopped to smell the roses, an perhaps write about a lamb, and separately, a lion. Regarding ale. Don't know if this compares at all. Once uponatime I drank a hefeveisen (probalby spelled wron), and least that was what it was called. 

Once, t'other time, I drank a fairly local, apricot and wheat beer. It wasn't any Belgian Blue Moon..

'Nuther time I drank Guiness. 

Re-read the first two sentences.
I hope I'm actually registering on-lince. Don't quite get all this yet.

5555555555


> a real blake would've even stopped to smell the roses, an perhaps write about a lamb, and separately, a lion. Regarding ale. Don't know if this compares at all. Once uponatime i drank a hefeveisen (probalby spelled wron), and least that was what it was called. 
> 
> Once, t'other time, i drank a fairly local, apricot and wheat beer. It wasn't any belgian blue moon..
> 
> 'nuther time i drank guiness. 
> 
> Re-read the first two sentences.
> I hope i'm actually registering on-lince. Don't quite get all this yet.


please let me know if I'm actually communicating with people in the outside world.

----------


## The Atheist

> A REAL Blake would've even stopped to smell the roses, an perhaps write about a lamb, and separately, a lion. Regarding ale. Don't know if this compares at all. Once uponatime I drank a hefeveisen (probalby spelled wron), and least that was what it was called. 
> 
> Once, t'other time, I drank a fairly local, apricot and wheat beer. It wasn't any Belgian Blue Moon..
> 
> 'Nuther time I drank Guiness. 
> 
> Re-read the first two sentences.
> I hope I'm actually registering on-lince. Don't quite get all this yet.
> 
> ...


Are you sure there's really an outside world to communicate with?

 :Biggrin: 

Welcome in!

Parker is opening the '86 Montrachet later on.

----------


## Scheherazade

> please let me know if I'm actually communicating with people in the outside world.


Yes, you are, you are... But if you want to talk to our leader, you will have to wait until Monday and make an appointment!

 :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

> Don't quite get all this yet


Nah, you have got it spot on. I can't wait until you tell us about Area 51 and we can share our alien abduction tales.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

Are you sure you wouldn't rather hear about the legal brothels?

----------


## The Atheist

> Are you sure you wouldn't rather hear about the legal brothels?


Sure. I live in a country full of them.

In fact, thanks to drink-driving laws, there are now more brothels than pubs!

----------


## gbrekken

So, I might be stupid, but explain the direct correlation between pubs and brothels if you don't mind. I'd bet you that the brothels here host more bright lights. So, do you stumble from one location to the next in hopes of arriving in a safe place? There are many miles between areas of hospitality in this state. Had a great brandy old-fashioned with a Grand Manier float over the top. Couldn't do business because half of them reminded of my daughters or former students.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'm crying for you.
> 
> That's a horror story.
> 
> 
> 
> Birthday parties and celibacy....
> 
> Not really compatible subjects.


 :Bday 2:  Well, dear fellow, you missed your window of opportunity; Brooke and the girls, all in their lovliest birthday suits, were mourning your absence; but I gave them your best wishes and told them to come 'round should they ever suffer PTSD...you've opened a free clinic :Brow:

----------


## The Atheist

> So, I might be stupid, but explain the direct correlation between pubs and brothels if you don't mind.


Two places gentlemen like to retire to on a Ftriday night.




> I'd bet you that the brothels here host more bright lights. So, do you stumble from one location to the next in hopes of arriving in a safe place? There are many miles between areas of hospitality in this state. Had a great brandy old-fashioned with a Grand Manier float over the top. Couldn't do business because half of them reminded of my daughters or former students.


 :FRlol: 




> Well, dear fellow, you missed your window of opportunity; Brooke and the girls, all in their lovliest birthday suits, were mourning your absence; but I gave them your best wishes and told them to come 'round should they ever suffer PTSD...you've opened a free clinic


I'm taking bookings online.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not that I am one for causing trouble Mick, but what have you got to say for yourself? I take full responsibiliy for the party invites, I am pretty sure rhere was a misprint somewhere. Did you notice every time there is trouble on this thread, Atheist is never to be seen? I stopped the elephant act years ago just after I asked the wife , what do you think ? She replied, I never really noticed and I have told you never to bother me when I am watching Coronation Street.


 :Wave:  Do you remember the old superman series where Atheist runs into a booth and comes out as a Scottsman? Well, anyway, the tights gave him a terrible wedgie and after that he lost his sexy brogue :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Do you remember the old superman series where Atheist runs into a booth and comes out as a Scottsman? Well, anyway, the tights gave him a terrible wedgie and after that he lost his sexy brogue


You've just reminded me of something here, and I trust me old jocky will enjoy this as well, but the honest truth is, I used to be known almost universally as Jock!

In the days before cellphones, some of us stayed in touch via CB radio, and it was pretty normal to have a radio persona, just as we have forum personae. I used to use a fake ID and talk with a broad Scots accent, and everyone thought I was a genuine Scotsman! I even turned up in a kilt once to help the myth along.

Ah, but life was so much simpler then.

----------


## jocky

> I used to be known almost universally as Jock!
> I used to use a fake ID and talk with a broad Scots accent, and everyone thought I was a genuine Scotsman! I even turned up in a kilt once to help the myth along.


 :FRlol: 

I knew it, your prolonged Freudian slip has convinced me where your true loyalties lie. After much discussion with colleagues it has been decided, by a narrow margin, to make you an Honorable member of the Crochallan Fencibles.
Arise MacAtheist and ' lang may yer lum reek '  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> I knew it, your prolonged Freudian slip has convinced me where your true loyalties lie. After much discussion with colleagues it has been decided, by a narrow margin, to make you an Honorable member of the Crochallan Fencibles.
> Arise MacAtheist and ' lang may yer lum reek '


I'm touched.

That stain on your monitor is my tears.

----------


## jocky

> I'm touched.


What can I say pal? Apparently you can get help for psychological disorders even in New Zealand, though I dont hold out much hope for you. You and Barbara Cartland have more in common than you think.  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> What can I say pal? Apparently you can get help for psychological disorders even in New Zealand, though I dont hold out much hope for you. You and Barbara Cartland have more in common than you think.


 :Confused:  okay, I'll bite  :Brickwall:  What's the joke about dead romance writers :Cool:

----------


## The Atheist

> What can I say pal? Apparently you can get help for psychological disorders even in New Zealand, though I dont hold out much hope for you. You and Barbara Cartland have more in common than you think.


Hey, I was a big fan!

Her books were just the right size to put in a pack as firestarters when tramping.




> okay, I'll bite  What's the joke about dead romance writers



The tears, I think.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hey, I was a big fan!
> 
> Her books were just the right size to put in a pack as firestarters when tramping.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The tears, I think.


 :FRlol:   :Goof:  Well Atheist, my dear, I guess it's time you brought up a "What do you think..." tale of 40Ds, blood and guts or Guiness; We're lossing the blokes. I don't want the only good live chat thread to fall into the subject of the effects of Mountain Dew drinking (unless it's with gin). :FRlol:  :Ladysman:

----------


## gbrekken

Someone doesn't know that the sweat off Dolly Parton's chest is called Mountain View. It took me a long time to navigate back to this thread ( call it poor computer skills, early oxenheimers or anything you want.) Blokes' thread eh? 

Are rugby fans just as nuts as soccer fans? Is England ready for the NFL? If someone is incapable of insubordination, are then and therefore incapable of having been one of the "founding fathers (okay include mothers)" of the US? I originated, besides dad and mom (mum to most), in a part of the country that wasn't included in the treaty of Paris (1783). I could've been a Canuck. I actually feel that most of my cultural influences were of an English bent anyway. That treaty is only two pages long, and the British definitely had better knowledge of drainage basins. Almost sounds like drain bamage on the part of the colonials. No complaints here though on Franklin's part of the whole thing. How do I get to the authors' page. Women-can't live with, couldn't have been born without one, and can't keep 'em from reading. Oh well. Weather here is turning to winter tomorrow. Could be a long, cold one. Wisht I could afford it by the barrrel.

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=gbrekken;796870]Someone doesn't know that the sweat off Dolly Parton's chest is called Mountain View. It took me a long time to navigate back to this thread ( call it poor computer skills, early oxenheimers or anything you want.) Blokes' thread eh? 

How do I get to the authors' page. Women-can't live with, couldn't have been born without one, and can't keep 'em from reading. Oh well. Weather here is turning to winter tomorrow. Could be a long, cold one. Wisht I could afford it by the barrrel.[/QUOT


 :FRlol:  Glad you're back! It can be hard sometimes to get around this computer site (there are so many forums)

Love the line about Dolly; though I should think, by now, gravity would have caused the mountains to hit valley :Nod: 

 :Ladysman:  I don't know about the "living with women"; the fellows I know claim it is best to "Hit it and Quit it". They seem to reap all the benefits in that way without any of the drawbacks...I suppose if they could figure out the "rhythm method of birth control" they would have a perfect system :FRlol: 

 :Cold:  Sounds cold down your way; but I hear you have the bunny ranch, lots of liquor and gambling...My Florida friends envy you. We're at 90 degrees farenheit over here, still using the airconditioner.

----------


## gbrekken

okay, which is cheaper? gambling, drinking, or women? do you dare mix all three? By the way-that old-fashioned with the Marnier was at the Moonlite(Sp?). The same owner has three other brothels on the south side of US 50 just east of Carson City in a county by name of Lyon (Mound house-go figure.). Storey county I hear has some. Don't know about all that-read previous comments. We hit low 70s today- tits *** weather- wish the folks back home on the farm could have such dryness as Nevada's right now-sugar beets are hard to dig out of the ground after five inches of rain in a month. I think a super hard freeze might be the only way to get half the beets out. Unfortunately, it might only be the top half of each beet they get out. I'm rambling now. New paragraph. Yeah, I could've indented but I"d just ramble on.....

I appreciate this link. I can say the **** I want to-as diverse and loose as it may be. May even get a reply someday. Sorry you live in such a state as Fla. Not that mine's better. I'm not far from Fallon, (home of top gun?), and the naval air station there. NV beat Fla. for cloudless days. Oops. That was supposed to be a doubled parentheses..

Too much labor for too many years-not enough fun in the meanwhile-all work and no play makes Johnny a .......

I was going to mention that underwire bras have got to hurt the ribs of the wearer. I don't like marks like that on any lady I'm with. I'd really rather they be in the valley of.......blokes' only, right? HA! If a lady needs an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, I reserve the the right to be the one doing the holden. But she'd have to be here with me for that. Hey Floridian-come fly my way? 

I don't understand the emo of two banging heads on the one in the middle. Replies?

I don't see my reply-craftily done it was too. Crap don't happen-you body works hard to produce it. Y ou really shold have read my earlier writng-guess I hit the wrong button. I'll search for theat answer if it still exists in this virtual world. It was far ranging and to the points.

Okay now I see it.

----------


## The Atheist

> Are rugby fans just as nuts as soccer fans?


No.

The soccer v rugby thing has always amused me. Rugby people like their violence in the game, soccer people prefer it in the stands.




> Is England ready for the NFL?


No.




> If someone is incapable of insubordination, are then and therefore incapable of having been one of the "founding fathers (okay include mothers)" of the US? I originated, besides dad and mom (mum to most), in a part of the country that wasn't included in the treaty of Paris (1783). I could've been a Canuck. I actually feel that most of my cultural influences were of an English bent anyway. That treaty is only two pages long, and the British definitely had better knowledge of drainage basins. Almost sounds like drain bamage on the part of the colonials. No complaints here though on Franklin's part of the whole thing.


Not sure what you want here, but insubordination doesn't sound too serious.

Then again, I'm pretty insubordinate myself!

 :Biggrin: 




> How do I get to the authors' page.


Click on the main forum title at the top of the page and you'll get the main page where authors are listed alphabetically.




> Women-can't live with, couldn't have been born without one, and can't keep 'em from reading.


So long as I don't have to read anything they've written, I can cope with it.




> Oh well. Weather here is turning to winter tomorrow. Could be a long, cold one. Wisht I could afford it by the barrrel.


You can have winter, we're just starting summer here.

----------


## soundofmusic

> okay, which is cheaper? gambling, drinking, or women? do you dare mix all three? By the way-that old-fashioned with the Marnier was at the Moonlite(Sp?). The same owner has three other brothels on the south side of US 50 just east of Carson City in a county by name of Lyon (Mound house-go figure.). Storey county I hear has some. Don't know about all that-read previous comments. 
> 
> I appreciate this link. I can say the **** I want to-as diverse and loose as it may be. May even get a reply someday. 
> 
> I was going to mention that underwire bras have got to hurt the ribs of the wearer. I don't like marks like that on any lady I'm with. I'd really rather they be in the valley of.......blokes' only, right? HA! If a lady needs an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, I reserve the the right to be the one doing the holden. But she'd have to be here with me for that. Hey Floridian-come fly my way



 :FRlol:  I believe I would do my gambling alone; Never lay your cash and your woman in the same place or you'll soon lose both  :Frown:  I find that when in the company of women, I NEED TO DRINK! :Rage:  

So what do the women in the brothels look like? I've seen some television shows ("So, why do you want to be a worthless whore instead of a millionaire like me"  :Goof: )

The underwire bras were originally for skinny women: it took all the side fat and put it where it looked best. Now, women are just plain masochistic; they have these full body things that probably hit the poor bloke like a boomerang
when he tries to get close.




> Then again, I'm pretty insubordinate myself!
> 
> So long as I don't have to read anything they've written, I can cope with it.


 :Cool:  Yeah, But Atheist does "insubordinate" with style; he sneaks up on them  :Brow:  

I once argued the point that I could tell whether a woman or man wrote something; what do you think? I really couldn't with George Eliot.

----------


## The Atheist

> So what do the women in the brothels look like? I've seen some television shows ("So, why do you want to be a worthless whore instead of a millionaire like me" )


Some of them are ok! Some are even bloody gorgeous.




> I once argued the point that I could tell whether a woman or man wrote something; what do you think? I really couldn't with George Eliot.


I reckon I can tell.

----------


## prendrelemick

Now that I'm entering my dotage, I find I can dip my bread in as much homemade broth as I can cope with.  :Tongue:  Even better, I can drink deeply, belch, roll over and be asleep by 10.30. The fare served up at a brothel, is either too spicey, in meagre portions or served cold.

ps. its nice to be back.

----------


## The Atheist

> Now that I'm entering my dotage, I find I can dip my bread in as much homemade broth as I can cope with.  Even better, I can drink deeply, belch, roll over and be asleep by 10.30. The fare served up at a brothel, is either too spicey, in meagre portions or served cold.
> 
> ps. its nice to be back.


 :FRlol: 

Welcome back!

I'll get Parker to break out the scratchings at once.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Some of them are ok! Some are even bloody gorgeous.
> 
>  Atheist, I'm pleasantly shocked! Once again I see your research knows no boundaries So, do they have like a services menu: Walking on a leash is $20, Doing a mud fight with 2 other women is $60. Or is it one toll on an hourly basis. I remember one girl on a talk show said, "Alot of the older men just want to talk" I wonder
> 
> I reckon I can tell.


 :Yawnb:  Okay, I reviewed some of George and a few others last night; I guess you're right. Hey, do I write like a girl?  :FRlol: 




> Now that I'm entering my dotage, I find I can dip my bread in as much homemade broth as I can cope with.  Even better, I can drink deeply, belch, roll over and be asleep by 10.30. The fare served up at a brothel, is either too spicey, in meagre portions or served cold.
> 
> ps. its nice to be back.


 :Ladysman:  Prendrelemick, so glad you're back! You've got my vote; as long as you're talking about a good hearty bread and you're rolling the opposite side of the bed. In my youthful days, when I was of meagre portion myself, I remember getting pinned to the bed a few times by a heavily sleeping prince :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

My bread may be getting a little crusty nowadays, but its still hearty.

I must admit, I would not have known your gender, but for your girly use of smilies. :Ladysman:  :FRlol:  :Santasmile:  :Angel:

----------


## jocky

> okay, which is cheaper? gambling, drinking, or women? do you dare mix all three? By the way-that old-fashioned with the Marnier was at the Moonlite(Sp?). The same owner has three other brothels on the south side of US 50 just east of Carson City in a county by name of Lyon (Mound house-go figure.). Storey county I hear has some. Don't know about all that-read previous comments. We hit low 70s today- tits *** weather- wish the folks back home on the farm could have such dryness as Nevada's right now-sugar beets are hard to dig out of the ground after five inches of rain in a month. I think a super hard freeze might be the only way to get half the beets out. Unfortunately, it might only be the top half of each beet they get out. I'm rambling now. New paragraph. Yeah, I could've indented but I"d just ramble on.....
> 
> I appreciate this link. I can say the **** I want to-as diverse and loose as it may be. May even get a reply someday. Sorry you live in such a state as Fla. Not that mine's better. I'm not far from Fallon, (home of top gun?), and the naval air station there. NV beat Fla. for cloudless days. Oops. That was supposed to be a doubled parentheses..
> 
> Too much labor for too many years-not enough fun in the meanwhile-all work and no play makes Johnny a .......
> 
> I was going to mention that underwire bras have got to hurt the ribs of the wearer. I don't like marks like that on any lady I'm with. I'd really rather they be in the valley of.......blokes' only, right? HA! If a lady needs an over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder, I reserve the the right to be the one doing the holden. But she'd have to be here with me for that. Hey Floridian-come fly my way? 
> 
> I don't understand the emo of two banging heads on the one in the middle. Replies?
> ...


In the immortal words of Robert Burns you are a : ' blethering, blustering, drunken bellum ' I have got all the goods on you Gerald  :Wink: 




> ps. its nice to be back.


And I know where you have been! MOOOO, BAAAAA.  :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

> My bread may be getting a little crusty nowadays, but its still hearty.
> 
> I must admit, I would not have known your gender, but for your girly use of smilies.


 :FRlol:  I've asked administration for more smiles; I can't do emotion properly without them...
Speaking of knowing gender: I once went to visit a patient, an older lady with a fine home, husband and 2 beautiful daughters. I listened to her chest (she had a very large soft chest); I listened to her belly (very soft smooth belly) I covered her and continued: there was a big hairy man under the rest of the sheet (golf balls the size of Texas)  :FRlol:   :FRlol: 




> In the immortal words of Robert Burns you are a : ' blethering, blustering, drunken bellum ' I have got all the goods on you Gerald 
> 
> 
> 
> And I know where you have been! MOOOO, BAAAAA.


So Jocky, tell us all the goods on Gerald and Atheist; and I still want to hear about your elephant impression....Is it anything like the towel rack impression?

----------


## jocky

> So Jocky, tell us all the goods on Gerald and Atheist; and I still want to hear about your elephant impression....Is it anything like the towel rack impression?


My wife reckons you are a nymphomaniac, and says you should keep your hands off my towel rack, and I would never disagree with my wife, obviously. So just stick to Atheist and Mick who are clearly available and cheap, as well as being lying gits. A wee question here, are you one person, or multi's G or D? Read, Richard 111 , plenty of schizophrenic liars there. I am sure the moderators will know, nighty, night.

----------


## soundofmusic

> My wife reckons you are a nymphomaniac, and says you should keep your hands off my towel rack, and I would never disagree with my wife, obviously. So just stick to Atheist and Mick who are clearly available and cheap, as well as being lying gits. A wee question here, are you one person, or multi's G or D? Read, Richard 111 , plenty of schizophrenic liars there. I am sure the moderators will know, nighty, night.



My dear friend Jocky, I joke with you as I do all of my friends on this forum; but I would not, for the world, offend you. You are fortunate enough to be loved by someone who sees you as you were at the beginning of your relationship (or perhaps as she imagines you are...as I loved my husband for the twenty-four years we were married; until he passed away) 
I don't make excuses for the little pleasure I receive from humor; I'm 55 years old, I work 12 hour days with terminally ill people, I come home to an empty bed and I enjoy the few moments I have on the computer with all of you. I hope that you are wiser than I was during my married life; to cherish the gift of love.

----------


## prendrelemick

> And I know where you have been! MOOOO, BAAAAA.



You're right. - Wales.

----------


## gbrekken

guilty as charged Jocky (though my OED doesn't help with bellum). My apologies to all for my diarrhea of the lip. I've grown unaccustomed to intelligent adult conversation after 22 years teaching secondary, the last nineteen at a Reno middle school, eight of those after my Masters. No excuses-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was a long time ago. Would Laxalt be more appropriate? I fear an Oxbow Incident coming my way before its time. Only one smile here.

----------


## The Comedian

If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread. 

What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.

A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?

----------


## The Atheist

> You're right. - Wales.


Ah, the valleys!




> guilty as charged Jocky (though my OED doesn't help with bellum). My apologies to all for my diarrhea of the lip. I've grown unaccustomed to intelligent adult conversation after 22 years teaching secondary, the last nineteen at a Reno middle school, eight of those after my Masters. No excuses-Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas was a long time ago. Would Laxalt be more appropriate? I fear an Oxbow Incident coming my way before its time. Only one smile here.


22 years teaching? They give VCs for five minutes under enemy fire and you've been in it for twenty two years!

Mate, I can't begin to describe how much I'd never swap with you. It's people like you, who are silly enough to take our kids off us for 3/4 of the year that preserve our sanity!




> If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread. 
> 
> What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.
> 
> A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?


Whisky, although I will grant equal rights to whiskey as long as it's made in the Emerald Isle and isn't that awful sump residue Americans and teenagers are prone to drink.

A splash of water?

There'll be a jury on that at 8.45 pm. I believe Parker has put the black ball in the box, just in case.

Can you define how much a "splash" is?




> My dear friend Jocky, I joke with you as I do all of my friends on this forum; but I would not, for the world, offend you.


Offend jocky?

You can't offend Scots. They're tight-fisted, binge-drinking, mad-scrapping, foul-mouthed Celts who pretend to be drunken Australians when the heat goes on.








And that's just some of their good points!

----------


## prendrelemick

No not the valleys, but here.
 
Llanddudno, with the rest of the clan Lemick.



Fortunately Llanddudno survived reletively unscathed.

----------


## The Atheist

> No not the valleys, but here.


Lovely spot!

----------


## The Atheist

And just to cheer everyone up in the northern winter, I now offer complete, final and never-to-be-wuestioned *proof* that:

*Men are better than women!*

Teh Prewf!

Every time the debate on which gender is better, the one insurmountable problem men have hit is talking - women always claim that they're better at talking, and every time I've tried talking to one, I've been forced to agree.

Without the benefit of cloth ears or Grade 5 earmuffs, it's impossible not to be mesmerised by the sound of a woman's voice at length.

Great length.

So, ultimately, we grimpy accept the anecdotal evidence in our face and trudge away, beaten.

But not any more! What science has failed to achieve, we have achieved as a body, or should I say, cadre of men. Scientists are not generally known for their blokiness, and if you know a single scientist with the testicular fortitude to stand up to a woman, then you know one more than me.

Yet check out this very thread, a bastion of blokedom, and look at the posting history - nary a day goes by that one of us doesn't have at least one pearl of wisdom to share. And often several.

Then compare it with the paltry, feeble, sputtering effort which is the girls' thread.

After putting on my latex gloves, I had to try to find the damned thing today, to show my daughter* where it is. 

Page Three! (how appropriate)

I don't know how many hundreds of threads that makes it less-important-than, but if a bunch of girls cannot even keep a discussion going in a book club, then we've won!

Just in case any of the sneaky female usurpers that come in here try to say that some of the posts in here have been made by women, rest assured my brothers that this is an invalid complaint.

That they prefer to post in here, surrounded by the smells of old leather, aftershave and open wood fires, is in itself the final nail in the coffin of the concept of equality.





Note the lack of flowers.




*What can I say; she's 10 and wants to talk books. _Mea culpa_, but I couldn't really ask Scher to ban her.

She is, however, under the strictest of instructions and pain of death (of her computer-time) if she ever enters the door of this place.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Scheherazade

I think you might be right, The Atheist.

There has been a significant increase in men's posts since Virgil post that article about internet and brain powers... 

 :Tongue:

----------


## prendrelemick

> If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread. 
> 
> What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.
> 
> A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?




Beeeer!!!!

Its not so much the drink as the ritual of the drink. Take canned for instance, you rip open the ring pull. not giving a damn about the splashes on the carpet, slurp noisely at the foam that emerges, then pour it down the throat, head back to show off your well developed adams apple glugging loudly up and down, until the can is drained. On finishing you go, "Ahhh, I needed that."(As though you have had a hard day working up a man's thirst by performing manly tasks.)then you belch loudly and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. If you are feeling particularly macho, crush the can with your bare hands and pitch it across the room so that it ricochets off the wall and into the waste bin.

----------


## jocky

> Offend jocky?
> 
> You can't offend Scots. They're tight-fisted, binge-drinking, mad-scrapping, foul-mouthed Celts who pretend to be drunken Australians when the heat goes on.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I object to foul-mouthed, the rest I can live with.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Page Three! (how appropriate)


Ooo Athiest, I hope for your sake the ladies from the coughy thread don't catch that reference.  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I object to foul-mouthed, the rest I can live with.


Ok, I withdraw that baseless accusation but shall let all the others stand!




> Ooo Athiest, I hope for your sake the ladies from the coughy thread don't catch that reference.


No chance. Cafes don't have those papers lying around.

----------


## JuniperWoolf

> If I may, I'd like to pose an important hypothetical question for discussion -- one that hits at the heart of this thread. Did I write "heart"? For shame! I meant soul of this thread. 
> 
> What is the manliest drink? A cosmopolitan? Surely not. A brandy old fashion? Maybe. A gimlet? The silly name alone discredits it.
> 
> A simple Irish Whiskey and a splash of water?


I'm Canadian. For us, that would be beer.

----------


## prendrelemick

The Brotherhood of Beer does not recognise national boundries.- Well, apart from France!

----------


## The Atheist

> The Brotherhood of Beer does not recognise national boundries.- Well, apart from France!


 :FRlol:

----------


## 3wivesandimout

Strong Cuban coffee is the drink for me. Come one, Come all ladies: See that in addition to a high IQ and biting wit, I also possess a well defined 6 pack.

----------


## The Atheist

> Strong Cuban coffee is the drink for me. Come one, Come all ladies: See that in addition to a high IQ and biting wit, I also possess a well defined 6 pack.


Ha! 

You must be a good bloke - the very first post and you made it in here.

Welcome along!

(Three wives? You are a glutton for punishment!)

----------


## papayahed

> Strong Cuban coffee is the drink for me. Come one, Come all ladies: See that in addition to a high IQ and biting wit, I also possess a well defined 6 pack.


Where, in the fridge?

----------


## Scheherazade

> Where, in the fridge?


*takes out a score card*

Papaya: 1

 :Biggrin:

----------


## 3wivesandimout

> Ha! 
> 
> You must be a good bloke - the very first post and you made it in here.
> 
> Welcome along!
> 
> (Three wives? You are a glutton for punishment!)


What can I say, great minds lurk in obscure places.
3 women, it was hell on earth. As an avid collector and connoisseur of exotic flavors, I felt it my duty to imbibe generously!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Is it safe to enter camp again? Have you boys finally come to your senses and run those coffee toting tarts out of here? 
Im off satiating our hunter gatherer instincts in search of meat, Wild Turkey and ale and what do I find upon my return? A cave ransacked by raucous, licentious bantering with a bunch of broads!

Look at this place! Smilies strewn about, nail polish, sliced ham, wedding dresses and vacuum cleaners cluttering up the caves! 
What the!!- mirrors on the roof of the cave? 
Jocky, for gods sake get your kilt back on!
Prendrelemick  you of all people, how could you let these wolves in sheeps clothing infiltrate the camp? 

Didnt you blokes set the trip wire?

Yes; I admit I left you guys hanging a bit longer than I intended. You see, I met up with a nomadic band of East Texas Magnus Pedis who were in the midst of being chased by members of the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. I had no choice but to dodge about the piney woods with the furry beasts for a few days until the hunt was apparently called off. I shared some Wild Turkey and tips on how to throw the Conservancy off the trail. In return, Harry, their leader, supplied me with boiled acorns and bags of Jack Links Beef Jerky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4vL-...eature=related

And what do we have here?... a man of three wives hummh impressive!, but his penchant for coffee has me concerned, as it is the drink of choice for that other thread. Coffee can be spiked! Ah, thats it!. Welcome to the camp pardner!

----------


## papayahed

> Yes; I admit I left you guys hanging a bit longer than I intended. You see, I met up with a nomadic band of East Texas Magnus Pedis who were in the midst of being chased by members of the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. I had no choice but to dodge about the piney woods with the furry beasts for a few days until the hunt was apparently called off. I shared some Wild Turkey and tips on how to throw the Conservancy off the trail. In return, Harry, their leader, supplied me with boiled acorns and bags of Jack Links Beef Jerky



Did you run into the Louisiana Skunk Ape in your wanderings??

----------


## 3wivesandimout

> Where, in the fridge?


Ladies, Miss Papayahed and Scheherazade, allow me to show you the wonders of 3wives...if you prefer, we can begin with a glass of wine for each. Alas, I will not cloud my senses with such things! I will await the drink of the gods...




> Is it safe to enter camp again? Have you boys finally come to your senses and run those coffee toting tarts out of here? 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4vL-...eature=related
> 
> And what do we have here?... a man of three wives hummh impressive!, but his penchant for coffee has me concerned, as it is the drink of choice for that other thread. Coffee can be spiked! Ah, thats it!. Welcome to the camp pardner!


Thank you, noble hunter. You have arrived at the beginning of our great breeding feast. Visit the river of vitality, wash and examine your basket with one of these fine wenches.

----------


## jocky

> Ok, I withdraw that baseless accusation but shall let all the others stand!


You mean the rest of your baseless accusations.  :Smile:  Scrapping Scot, never, only when ordered, or provoked. Yes, the drunken Jock accusation will get some milage on this thread but I deny it completely, hic. As to the Aussie impersonator slur it was not worthy, next thing you will accuse me of being ENGLISH. Thick, I will have to think about that one. Ok, I have thought and have found no intelligent reason to disagree with your assessment. Question, do Kiwis never get drunk, fight, curse, or tell lies ? This is the ' Heart of the Matter '  :FRlol: 




> Did you run into the Louisiana Skunk Ape in your wanderings??


Or the Pickety Witch! Gilliat really needs to get out more often, the supernatural is always bigger and better in Texas. Did you ever hear about the Tartan Lady, she puts the greens, whites and blacks in the shade?  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

That 3wives is crazy like a fox, puts a flirtatous post on a men only thread and gets a couple of females to bite straight away.  :Ladysman: 

No wonder he's suffered multiple nuptuals.

----------


## 3wivesandimout

> That 3wives is crazy like a fox, puts a flirtatous post on a men only thread and gets a couple of females to bite straight away. 
> 
> No wonder he's suffered multiple nuptuals.


They followed me through the back door, mate. The plague of birds that picks at 3wives pockets, they will not take my spirit!

----------


## papayahed

> They followed me through the back door, mate. The plague of birds that picks at 3wives pockets, they will not take my spirit!



umm, No I walked through the front door. (I stopped following people since that unfortunate court order :Cold: )

----------


## 3wivesandimout

> umm, No I walked through the front door. (I stopped following people since that unfortunate court order)


Ah, a beautiful lady with a sense of humor. Forgive me, sweet lady, it was fear of suffering yet another sad rejection that forced my heartless retreat!

----------


## The Atheist

> Is it safe to enter camp again? Have you boys finally come to your senses and run those coffee toting tarts out of here? 
> Im off satiating our hunter gatherer instincts in search of meat, Wild Turkey and ale and what do I find upon my return? A cave ransacked by raucous, licentious bantering with a bunch of broads!


Jealous you weren't here when they arrived?





> As to the Aussie impersonator slur it was not worthy, next thing you will accuse me of being ENGLISH.


Never! Some things are still taboo. 




> Question, do Kiwis never get drunk, fight, curse, or tell lies ? This is the ' Heart of the Matter '


The question should be, "Do they ever do anything else?"

----------


## gbrekken

drinks-is single malt unfit for manliest, since it's too gentlemanly? No water desired-rusts the pipes. BEER-the manner of drinking is important. Single small can-open bottom with can opener and start sucking it up/down, lift can right side up and pop the top; single glug without the apple's ups and downs. Large can (16 gallon with flexible hose) (some manly assistance required unless..)-grip sides firmly in both hands. Stand on hands (hence the help for those less gorillic). Have spigot placed in mouth and open it. You can stop anytime you need to breathe. Return to upright position and prepare for your next sip. 25 seconds is the longest I've seen someone keg-stand. 1/2 shot Tuaca, 1/2 shot Kahlua, 1/2 shot Bailey's, full shot hot coffee (Cuban okay) and in minutes you're awake and ready to face the day!

Even I would like to hear the goods on me. I could only confirm the truth however, as I'm not the best liar, yet.

----------


## The Atheist

> drinks-is single malt unfit for manliest, since it's too gentlemanly?


Too gentlemanly?

I blame jocky for lowering the tome of the Club, thus ending in questions like this. The manliest a man can be is to [B]be]/B] a gentleman, hence, no such thing as "too gentlemanly" is possible.




> BEER-the manner of drinking is important. Single small can-open bottom with can opener and start sucking it up/down, lift can right side up and pop the top; single glug without the apple's ups and downs. Large can (16 gallon with flexible hose) (some manly assistance required unless..)-grip sides firmly in both hands. Stand on hands (hence the help for those less gorillic). Have spigot placed in mouth and open it. You can stop anytime you need to breathe. Return to upright position and prepare for your next sip. 25 seconds is the longest I've seen someone keg-stand. 1/2 shot Tuaca, 1/2 shot Kahlua, 1/2 shot Bailey's, full shot hot coffee (Cuban okay) and in minutes you're awake and ready to face the day!
> 
> Even I would like to hear the goods on me. I could only confirm the truth however, as I'm not the best liar, yet.


My apologies, but it seems as though you imbibe beer from metal containers of various sizes.

Such pastimes are unknown here, beer coming in glass bottles.

Sounds fascinating, though!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Too gentlemanly?
> 
> I blame jocky for lowering the tome of the Club


That is so unfair, it was not I that brought up Wales. Gentlemen, humbug  :Frown: 




> drinks-is single malt unfit for manliest, since it's too gentlemanly? No water desired-rusts the pipes. BEER-the manner of drinking is important. Single small can-open bottom with can opener and start sucking it up/down, lift can right side up and pop the top; single glug without the apple's ups and downs. Large can (16 gallon with flexible hose) (some manly assistance required unless..)-grip sides firmly in both hands. Stand on hands (hence the help for those less gorillic). Have spigot placed in mouth and open it. You can stop anytime you need to breathe. Return to upright position and prepare for your next sip. 25 seconds is the longest I've seen someone keg-stand. 1/2 shot Tuaca, 1/2 shot Kahlua, 1/2 shot Bailey's, full shot hot coffee (Cuban okay) and in minutes you're awake and ready to face the day!
> 
> Even I would like to hear the goods on me. I could only confirm the truth however, as I'm not the best liar, yet.


Gbrekken, that was a wonderful discourse on the finer points of getting wasted. The youth of Reno deserve to hear those words of wisdom, so as a favour to you I have posted it unabridged on your school website. One tincy wincy criticism which you may find helpful to your future career, I think you will find all the guys agree on. Never, but never mention Bailey's on a serious discussion on the art, or science of boozing. This can have unforseen and terrible repercussions. As to the urine extraction dont give it another thought as, if Jocky got a quid for every time he had been slagged mercilessly on this thread I would be richer than Bill Gates.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> That is so unfair, it was not I that brought up Wales.


Ugh.

My ex-mother in law is Welsh.

If you ever wondered why Wales has that stupid dragon as a national symbol, wonder no more!

Ye ken I love Scotland!

----------


## jocky

> Ugh.
> 
> My ex-mother in law is Welsh.
> 
> If you ever wondered why Wales has that stupid dragon as a national symbol, wonder no more!
> 
> Ye ken I love Scotland!


I ken you do Atheist, it is just the inhabitants your no so keen on. Nobody is listening are they, is there something wrong with Mick he has to go to Wales on holiday? You think you know your mates and out of the blue they let you down big time. What a paradox, the land of the beautiful Dylan Thomas and the ugliest women in the western world. As I have always said there is no accounting for taste.  :Smile: 

To all you of a poetical bent, here is a couple of lines from Scotland's second best poet, William Topaz MacGonnagal. THE COO, Loosely translated as the cow. Ahem, The COO, The Coo looks so forlorner, standing there with a leg in each corner. Beat that.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Nobody is listening are they, is there something wrong with Mick he has to go to Wales on holiday?




Suddenly my life seems sad!



Two words, Jocky. The Krankies! Aye, hang your head in shame. Or are they another Scottish institution Jocky will claim to be English, like haggis

----------


## The Atheist

> I ken you do Atheist, it is just the inhabitants your no so keen on.


Nooooo!

Any race which can invent scotch has a special place in heaven.

In fact, I figured out some time ago that mouthwash is about 60% alcohol, which kills the germs. 15 ml @ 60%, I calculated that 25 ml @ 40% is close enough and just use scotch.

You can swallow it after to save flushing the green gunk down the drain - economy, saving the planet and taste good all at the same time!




> What a paradox, the land of the beautiful Dylan Thomas and the ugliest women in the western world. As I have always said there is no accounting for taste.


You've met my ex-mother in law, haven't you?

Ah, Dylan the Thomas. Amazing how many giant talents never learnt to hold their drink.




> To all you of a poetical bent, here is a couple of lines from Scotland's second best poet, William Topaz MacGonnagal. THE COO, Loosely translated as the cow. Ahem, The COO, The Coo looks so forlorner, standing there with a leg in each corner. Beat that.


 :FRlol: 

Outstanding!

----------


## jocky

> Nooooo!
> 
> Any race which can invent scotch has a special place in heaven.
> 
> In fact, I figured out some time ago that mouthwash is about 60% alcohol, which kills the germs. 15 ml @ 60%, I calculated that 25 ml @ 40% is close enough and just use scotch.
> 
> You can swallow it after to save flushing the green gunk down the drain - economy, saving the planet and taste good all at the same time!


Einstein would have killed to come up with that mind blowing formula, that relegates E=MC squared to kid's play. However, I hate to tell you that I tried it for a number of years and lost all my teeth, half my tongue and developed severe liver problems. The one consolation being that I have contributed to saving the planet.  :Smile: 




> Two words, Jocky. The Krankies! Aye, hang your head in shame.


 :Redface: 
My batman is at present winging his way to cold comfort farm to throw my guage at your feet. Here is a quick summary of his instructions, Time and Place: Scotch Corner at precisely 7.00 A.M. ( no show will result in humiliation and world wide publication ) Weapons: mutual exchange of insults , or chainsaws. Krankies indeed!  :Smile: 




> Is it safe to enter camp again? Have you boys finally come to your senses and run those coffee toting tarts out of here? 
> Im off satiating our hunter gatherer instincts in search of meat, Wild Turkey and ale and what do I find upon my return? A cave ransacked by raucous, licentious bantering with a bunch of broads!


Aye Gilliatt, you have reminded me of that old song: When the going gets tough, the Texans get going, usually away from the sound of the guns.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Einstein would have killed to come up with that mind blowing formula, that relegates E=MC squared to kid's play.


There is much wisdom here.

In the end, what difference does it make what the speed of light is, or how relative things are?

Why is it we admire and revere people like Einstein and Newton? Gravity would still exist regardless of Newton's findings, but the inventors of beer and scotch are giants of mankind yet nobody knows their names!

----------


## jocky

NEWSFLASH : To whom it may concern, Engerland 9 Australia 18. The result of the England v New Zealand rugby league match will be broadcast in my next bulletin.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> NEWSFLASH : To whom it may concern, Engerland 9 Australia 18. The result of the England v New Zealand rugby league match will be broadcast in my next bulletin.


Dinnae tell me ye follow the League?

I believe the Mother Country and ourselves are playing for the right to meet the dastardly Australians in the four-nations cup. Since only four nations play the game to more than schoolboy level, it's revenge for the four-nations World Cup we won from them last year.

World's toughest team sport. All-in brawling for 80 minutes. Why on earth isn't Scotland brilliant at it? Just go to Glasgie any Friday night, scoop up 13 blokes under 30, and there's your team!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

ANOTHER NEWSFLASH : It is with a heavy heart I have to report that Engerland have beaten the world champions by 20 points to 12, and it is all your fault Atheist.  :Frown:

----------


## jocky

> Dinnae tell me ye follow the League?
> 
> I believe the Mother Country and ourselves are playing for the right to meet the dastardly Australians in the four-nations cup. Since only four nations play the game to more than schoolboy level, it's revenge for the four-nations World Cup we won from them last year.
> 
> World's toughest team sport. All-in brawling for 80 minutes. Why on earth isn't Scotland brilliant at it? Just go to Glasgie any Friday night, scoop up 13 blokes under 30, and there's your team!


We were going to take it up, but we couldn't get anyone to remain sober for five minutes. It is not that tough, our ladies bowls team could have beaten that lot without breaking sweat. You realize a certain English individual, who shall remain nameless, has now got all the bragging rights. Can this day get any worse? Oh no, the wife has just ordered me to wash the dishes.  :Bawling:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Aye Gilliatt, you have reminded me of that old song: When the going gets tough, the Texans get going, usually away from the sound of the guns.


Im afraid I must agree with you, at least regarding the one recent incident where I found myself running side by side with the Magnus Pedis trying to dodge the tranquilizer darts being fired at us from the Conservancy. One of the brutes was brought down by a dart that caught him in one of his big feet, but I was able to extract it soon enough to avert its deleterious effects. Soon he was up and limping on his good big foot. Later that evening while supping on pecans and rabbit haunches, I taught them how to recognize the alarming sound of a bolt action on a rifle being engaged.

----------


## jocky

> Im afraid I must agree with you, at least regarding the one recent incident where I found myself running side by side with the Magnus Pedis trying to dodge the tranquilizer darts being fired at us from the Conservancy. One of the brutes was brought down by a dart that caught him in one of his big feet, but I was able to extract it soon enough to avert its deleterious effects. Soon he was up and limping on his good big foot. Later that evening while supping on pecans and rabbit haunches, I taught them how to recognize the alarming sound of a bolt action on a rifle being engaged.


 :FRlol: 

In my experience the art of telling lies always comes down to the details. For example, was it a Magnus pedi minor or a Magnus pedi major ? You will agree that there is a world of difference between a small bigfoot and a big bigfoot. Still, the Conservancy and rabbit haunches does have an authentic ring to it. When it comes to telling whoppers watch Atheist at work. When he is relating one of his fishing exploits no detail, however small, is overlooked. It is no exaggeration to state he is a mastercraftsman in the art of fiction.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> We were going to take it up, but we couldn't get anyone to remain sober for five minutes. It is not that tough, our ladies bowls team could have beaten that lot without breaking sweat. You realize a certain English individual, who shall remain nameless, has now got all the bragging rights. Can this day get any worse? Oh no, the wife has just ordered me to wash the dishes.



An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)



In a way I would have liked the Kiwis to go to Elland Road and stick it to the Aussies again. There is nothing quite like the sight of the green and gold to stir the blood of yer avarage New Zealand rugby league player. 

Last time we played the Aussies at Elland Road, the highlight of the match for me, was the young Austrailian Lady who removed her clothes and ran across the front of our stand pursued by six English yellow coated stewards. They didn't catch her, a state of affairs that reflected what was happening on the pitch.

----------


## jocky

> An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)


Aah, that old chestnut. Much ink has been wasted on that subject. Here is Brian Jenner's definition of an English gentleman , ' he would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn't work to a plastic one that did '. As to the washing up, the credit crunch has forced me to let my maid and butler go. In fact, I am thinking of asking Atheist if I could borrow Parker for a while.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> ANOTHER NEWSFLASH : It is with a heavy heart I have to report that Engerland have beaten the world champions by 20 points to 12, and it is all your fault Atheist.


I'd reply, but I'm too upset and have thrown my computer out of the window.




> An English Gentleman would never brag. (or wash up)
> 
> 
> 
> In a way I would have liked the Kiwis to go to Elland Road and stick it to the Aussies again. There is nothing quite like the sight of the green and gold to stir the blood of yer avarage New Zealand rugby league player.


Well, after beating their rugby team 4-0 this year, we'll just have to rest on those laurels.




> Here is Brian Jenner's definition of an English gentleman , ' he would prefer a silver salt cellar that didn't work to a plastic one that did '.


That's funny; the last description I heard of "gentleman" is a bloke who gets out of the bath to pee.

----------


## jocky

Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself.  :Smile:

----------


## papayahed

> Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself.


hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??


Wait, they are magic right?

----------


## The Atheist

> Scotland v Fiji, I have invited the whole team to lunch on the eve of the match as a show of Scottish hospitality. I hope they enjoy the mushrooms as I hand picked them myself.


Oh my god!

Scotch and kava.

I'll call the ambulance now.

----------


## jocky

> hey, can i get some of those mushrooms??
> 
> 
> Wait, they are magic right?


Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet.  :Smile: 




> Oh my god!
> 
> Scotch and kava.
> 
> I'll call the ambulance now.


Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well yes, in the sense that if you survive more than twenty four hours after eating them it would be a bloody miracle. It was, in fact , Lady MacJocky who told me to do it. She says we are going places and if I ' screw my courage to the sticking place we will not fail '. That woman will be the death of me yet. 
> 
> 
> 
> Could you hurry that ambulance up, I dont feel well ? I am sure the Fijean coach switched plates on me when I wasn't looking. The wife warned me he was a shifty looking individual.



The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.

----------


## gbrekken

"You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same. It's bad enough they play soccer. Or is it that they play badly. One daughter of mine would put a smack down on our volleyball.
I think the only crazier sportsmen is a bullrider. 

I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys. 

If, to a closely associated man's hands, lips, etc., the sweat off Dolly Parton's chest is called mountain dew, then the the rugby player's closely associated female partner would call for a rocky mountain high? 

The best lies couch the greatest truths. Not all treasures lie on the surface but the best do. Even omissons speak louder than words. I'll attempt to stop the diarrhea of the lip now. 

Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.

----------


## jocky

> The ambulance should be there tomorrow.... and tomorrow and tomorrow.


Well spotted again Mick. The first lines from one of the Bard's finest soliliquies where Macbeth realizes that life is a ' tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing ' I wonder if Shakespeare thought that, though no one would say his plays are tales by an idiot.

----------


## prendrelemick

> "You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match.



 :FRlol:  That's so true!

----------


## jocky

> Wiser men were not even involved in the match.


Absolutely right, they, even like the dumber men would have known the match has not been played yet.

----------


## The Atheist

> "You're killing me smalls" (Sandlot). Condolences to losers, congratulations to winners. Wiser men were not even involved in the match. It takes more than one leather ball to play rugby. Hence, no women sport the same.


Hey, we have a great women's team in NZ!

They beat the US men's team three times last year.

 :Biggrin: 




> I was dry for a few days-can't remember the number-point being I visited COLD ALE and immediately had to drive away and get me some. Thanks guys.


We're all part of the Global Booze Conspiracy, or GBC for short. 




> "Peyote is better than mushrooms, but I don't know that for a fact, sinc I didn't follow my children's advice to imbibe in fungus. It's ony legal for some natives to use peyote in religious experiences. I can only tell you that since I'm not native, I scraped out all the white strchnyne before the spiritual juices.


Very wise.

 :FRlol: 

Mushrooms are better.

And safer.

 :Wink:

----------


## gbrekken

I'll fail in my attempt to keep this short. though every attempt be terse. 

I'm still trying to overcome the raw feeling that comes after being whipped by a soft wet noodle. It's merely further proof that I really did stop too many hockey pucks with my head (I had actually before questioned if it had been too many-but now, with the help of my firneds, I know it to be the truth). 

I certainly hope that the it wasn't the last jackalope that was eaten by our Texan friend. It hinted at a Magnum Opus of a haunch, and if it truly were the last of the breed, unshared, would be a folly. I only ever came across one of those magnificent beings in Wyoming. 

Should I say please before I ask someone for directions on how to phrase/insert a previous quote? How about the using the smilies? Or should my words be sufficient?

Son of mine from Houston offered me a gift card to a bunny ranch for Christmas. So-so funny, didn't laugh my *** off, though he knew the offer was jocularly intended. I told him I had something more expensive in mind.

For the lfe of the thread I propose a sporting proposition for winter olympics. Southern hemispherical teams must be given points, spread, odds, since they are playing "out of season". What do you say gents? Intelligent guys from Bemidji (though they probably won't make it to the states' finals) repeat their gold-medal winning performance in the finest of all manly sports-curling?

I don't dare put my hockey ladies up against the New Zealand men's team. It's simply too embarrasing to be done.

----------


## jocky

Apparently Bemidji is short of a village idiot, as the last one fell off the fence. You have all the right qualities for the position.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Should I say please before I ask someone for directions on how to phrase/insert a previous quote? How about the using the smilies? Or should my words be sufficient?


Hi, gbrekken.

If you click on the "quote" button which appears at the bottom right hand corner of each post, you can insert the post you want into your own.

If you would like to quote more than one post, then you need click on the button with the "+" on it on all the posts you want to quote and then click on the "Post a reply" button at the bottom left corner of the page.

Hope this helps. If you have any more questions, please PM me.

----------


## gbrekken

Oh Jocky you make me laugh, I hate it when I fall off the fence on top of all my oder brothers. Your country has a gold medal winning curling team?

----------


## jocky

> Oh Jocky you make me laugh, I hate it when I fall off the fence on top of all my oder brothers. Your country has a gold medal winning curling team?


Brevity at last. You are right though we are crap at everything, apart from wife rustling, boozing, picking fights and enjoying genial conversations. Especially ones with multiple literary allusions interspersed with horse manure. Goodnight Gbrekken. Welcome aboard  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

Being welcome is not even something my eight older brothers granted me. I'm always brief, just long-winded.

----------


## The Atheist

> Son of mine from Houston offered me a gift card to a bunny ranch for Christmas. So-so funny, didn't laugh my *** off, though he knew the offer was jocularly intended. I told him I had something more expensive in mind.


 :FRlol: 

Too cheap? Were they Chinese?




> For the lfe of the thread I propose a sporting proposition for winter olympics. Southern hemispherical teams must be given points, spread, odds, since they are playing "out of season". What do you say gents? Intelligent guys from Bemidji (though they probably won't make it to the states' finals) repeat their gold-medal winning performance in the finest of all manly sports-curling?


We're like the Jamaican bobsled team.

Just without the speed, finesse or good looks. (or John Candy)




> I don't dare put my hockey ladies up against the New Zealand men's team. It's simply too embarrasing to be done.


Surely we don't have a team at the Winter Olympics? Our hockey players play on grass - they'll get killed!




> Especially ones with multiple literary allusions interspersed with horse manure.


Sounds like a luncheon I went to last week!

----------


## jocky

ANTHEM FOR DOOMED YOUTH 

What passing bells for those who die as cattle?
Only the monsterous anger of the guns.
Only the stuttering rifle's rapid rattle
Can patter out their hasty orisons.
No mockeries for them from prayers or bells,
Nor any voice of mourning save the choirs,-
The shrill, demented choirs of wailing shells; 
And bugles calling for them from sad shires.


What candles may be held to speed them all ?
Not in the hands of boys, but in their eyes
Shall shine the holy glimmers of good-byes.
The pallor of girl's brows shall be their pall;
Their flowers the tenderness of patient minds,
 And each slow dusk a drawing down of blinds.

----------


## The Atheist

As a bloke to whom poetry has as much meaning as a cloudy day, I am strangely touched by Wilfred Owen. _Dulce et decorum est_ has always been one of the few pieces of poetry not written by Dylan Thomas that I actually like.

With the Doomed Youth, I find it funny that almost 100 years ago, the fact of kids dying in war was the issue, while now there are no wars for non-volunteers, kids try as hard as possible to kill themselves.

It all confirms what I've thought for a long time - we need more wars!

----------


## jocky

> As a bloke to whom poetry has as much meaning as a cloudy day, I am strangely touched by Wilfred Owen. _Dulce et decorum est_ has always been one of the few pieces of poetry not written by Dylan Thomas that I actually like.
> 
> With the Doomed Youth, I find it funny that almost 100 years ago, the fact of kids dying in war was the issue, while now there are no wars for non-volunteers, kids try as hard as possible to kill themselves.
> 
> It all confirms what I've thought for a long time - we need more wars!


It is the old lie Atheist ' It sweet and fitting is to die for ones country ' . Testosterone has a lot to answer for. Throw it all in rewind and think back, were we any different ? We have a duty to our kids to keep them out of the meat grinder, unfortunately I have no recollection of listening to my old man, except when trying to empty his wallet. Your right we do need more wars and if my neighbour does not cut his hedge repercussions are imminent.

----------


## prendrelemick

Comformation: 
The country IS going to the dogs. First the Cold Ale Club is over run with females, then one turns up flying with the Red Arrows! What next? Is there any remaining bastion of maleness to retreat to?

(note to Jocky: quips about the state of her cockpit would be in very poor taste)

----------


## The Atheist

> It is the old lie Atheist ' It sweet and fitting is to die for ones country ' .[/QB]


That's it!

I think that's the day I realised war was unbelievably stupid. I was about 11.

Still can't figure out why everyone else doesn't see it....




> Testosterone has a lot to answer for. Throw it all in rewind and think back, were we any different ?[/QB]


I was. I've alwys been an outcast on the fringes of society.

Strange, but true!

 :Biggrin: 




> We have a duty to our kids to keep them out of the meat grinder, unfortunately I have no recollection of listening to my old man, except when trying to empty his wallet. Your right we do need more wars and if my neighbour does not cut his hedge repercussions are imminent.


 :FRlol: 

If hostilities break out, I'll know what it was.




> Comformation: 
> The country IS going to the dogs. First the Cold Ale Club is over run with females, then one turns up flying with the Red Arrows! What next? Is there any remaining bastion of maleness to retreat to?


Funny you should take that line..

With all the focus on men's health, men's mental issues, the takeover of male bastions and depilation creams for blokes, I'm about to blog that "Men are the New Women!"

 :Rolleyes:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Funny you should take that line..
> 
> With all the focus on men's health, men's mental issues, the takeover of male bastions and depilation creams for blokes, I'm about to blog that "Men are the New Women!"


 :FRlol:  Well, in that case  :Banana:  :Banana:  :Banana:  I do hope there's no hairy backs that want depilatory cream :Sick: 
Is anyone serving tea and some of those nice paste cakes? Ah, and here comes Mrs. Jocky, sit right here dear; the boys are throwing us a party...they say the Blokes thread is missing a "women's touch".

----------


## The Atheist

Now, we stand for some occasional female company, but if you start inviting wives along, there will be trouble!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Now, we stand for some occasional female company, but if you start inviting wives along, there will be trouble!


We were all having such a nice time until gbekken brought in those strumpets from the bunny ranch; Mrs Jocky jumped over the bar, fast as lightening, hit one over the head with a bottle and began to mud wrestle with the other. 
Last thing I noticed, that little effeminate author (the one who did that whole diagnosis of Richard III from the Shakespeare play) jumped on top of the women, trying to pull them apart, got knocked out and all four went off in an ambulance. I'm trying to make up my mind whether I'll stay and have some of that Kahlua and Bailey's mix, or hitch a ride with Pappaya head. :Frown:

----------


## jocky

> Comformation: 
> The country IS going to the dogs. First the Cold Ale Club is over run with females, then one turns up flying with the Red Arrows! What next? Is there any remaining bastion of maleness to retreat to?
> 
> (note to Jocky: quips about the state of her cockpit would be in very poor taste)


According to the latest intelligence forwarded to me by Wing Commander Biggles, the cockpits have never been so clean. While the pilots are overloaded with flight plans and the latest aeronautical monoevres, the lady in question had been armed to the teeth with brillo pads, mops, sick remover and rubber gloves. The one big worry seems to be if she starts talking some rogue pilot may eject her over the Grimpen Mire.  :Smile: 




> That's it!
> 
> I think that's the day I realised war was unbelievably stupid. I was about 11.
> 
> Still can't figure out why everyone else doesn't see it....
> 
> 
> 
> I was. I've alwys been an outcast on the fringes of society.
> ...


That is inhuman, how can anyone not be turned on by mass slaughter and human suffering ? It must have been that Strange Meeting what dun it.  :Smile: 

Another gem from William Topaz MacGonnagal. The Tay ( a river in Scotland )

The Tay, the Tay the silvery Tay,
It runs all night and it runs all day.

Note the liberal interpretation of iambic pentameter, freestyle at its most innovative.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I certainly hope that the it wasn't the last jackalope that was eaten by our Texan friend. It hinted at a Magnum Opus of a haunch, and if it truly were the last of the breed, unshared, would be a folly. I only ever came across one of those magnificent beings in Wyoming...


Son of a Yedi!! Theres someone out there whos familiar with the great Jackalope!
It truly is a small world and no; we Gurgles would never dream of feeding on these magnificent creatures.

My uncle heads up the West Texas Foundation for Jackalope Preservation (most folks simply say; WTF for short). 
He is currently breeding the Loblolly Jackalopes (Lepus Antilocapra Pinus Taeda) and is reintroducing them into the Piney woods region of East Texas where their numbers have been dwindling due to poaching by the Conservancy. The western Jackalopes have fared much better due to their size, speed and agility. Ranchers have learned to break and saddle them for use in working their cattle. The antlers are well suited for cattle prodding. 

Take a look for yourself: (look toward the bottom of the webpage)
http://www.chuckstoyland.com/potpour...e%20postcards/

Douglas Wyoming is the home of the Jackalope, but I had a haunch, you already knew that.

Prendrelemick, you might consider a Jackalope to work the sheep.




> According to the latest intelligence forwarded to me by Wing Commander Biggles


Jocky,
I hold my glass up to you in a beltaed Veterans Day salute and to your near acquisition of the Victoria Cross.

----------


## gbrekken

I'll try follow directions and insert quotes. Didn't work. I'll take a healthy plague over war any day. Thought I'd let that cow pie plop before I continued to larger weightier matters. Conservancy still raises its ugly head-sad day, but probably universal. One smiling dancing banana properly placed, is more satisfying than four ingested. Two things-single malt and golf are both compliments of my ancestors. (Hacker with momentary lapses into brilliance describes my golf game better than my computer skills-gave my clubs to youngest son-they'll help him succeed in law school better than the computer he donated to me). Strumpets, crumpets, and trumpets, my arse. I have to go do laundry. Hate it when one's own smell awakens one and keeps one awake all day long. Cheshire cat smiles.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Son of a Yedi!! Theres someone out there whos familiar with the great Jackalope!
> It truly is a small world and no; we Gurgles would never dream of feeding on these magnificent creatures.
> 
> My uncle heads up the West Texas Foundation for Jackalope Preservation (most folks simply say; WTF for short). 
> He is currently breeding the Loblolly Jackalopes (Lepus Antilocapra Pinus Taeda) and is reintroducing them into the Piney woods region of East Texas where their numbers have been dwindling due to poaching by the Conservancy. The western Jackalopes have fared much better due to their size, speed and agility. Ranchers have learned to break and saddle them for use in working their cattle. The antlers are well suited for cattle prodding. 
> 
> Take a look for yourself: (look toward the bottom of the webpage)
> http://www.chuckstoyland.com/potpour...e%20postcards/
> 
> ...


 I could use a Jackalope to round up my chinchevache

I trust Athiest is celebrating/basking in the glory of his country's sucess on the soccer pitch. The All Whites have qualified for The World Cup finals for only the second time in their history. jolly good show.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'll try follow directions and insert quotes. Didn't work... ...Cheshire cat smiles.


GBrekken,
I sent you a couple of messages to your profile page describing the quoting process. Hopefully I made some sense. By the way, I like the narrative description approach for "smilies". "Yellow hand with thumbs up".




> I could use a Jackalope to round up my chinchevache
> 
> I trust Athiest is celebrating/basking in the glory of his country's sucess on the soccer pitch. The All Whites have qualified for The World Cup finals for only the second time in their history. jolly good show.


Thanks for that Chichevache reference-too funny. Wiki made a reference to the Cantebury Tales, the Clerk's Tale to be specific. Here's how my copy reads:

"O noble wives, in highest prudence bred,
Allow no such humility to nail
Your tongues, or give a scholar cause to shed
Such light on you as this astounding tale
Sheds on Griselda, patient still and kind,
Lest Chichevache engulf you like a whale."

Good luck to you Atheist and your team!
By the way, how did that playhouse turn out. Did you receive the Certificate of Occupancy from the building officials?

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Good luck to you Atheist and your team!
> By the way, how did that playhouse turn out. Did you receive the Certificate of Occupancy from the building officials?
> 
> Gilliatt


The team got thrashed, but so did the Poms, so again it's time to thank our lucky stars that Australians are barred from the club! (males anyway)

The playhouse is being played in - very popular.

If you came to NZ, or had a week to spare, I'd be able to explain how funny the building permit question is. Short answer, due to NZ's "green" status, coupled with our dual sovereignty status, getting something as simple as a playhouse built would cost $10,000 in legal fees to get a permit.

I'm a rebel - I just didn't get one!

 :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> The team got thrashed, but so did the Poms, so again it's time to thank our lucky stars that Australians are barred from the club! (males anyway)


Scotland 23 Fiji 10. The mushroom dinner party strategy worked like a dream. I was going to have a go at Prend, again , but being beat 1-0 by the Brazilians is no disgrace and besides, he might remind me that getting thrashed 3-0 by Whales could be deeply embarassing and leave me all at sea. Still at least one out of two aint bad. Three defeats out of three, on the other hand, would be to difficult to contemplate.  :FRlol: 




> "O noble wives, in highest prudence bred,
> Allow no such humility to nail
> Your tongues, or give a scholar cause to shed
> Such light on you as this astounding tale
> Sheds on Griselda, patient still and kind,
> Lest Chichevache engulf you like a whale.
> 
> Gilliatt


Dark was the nyght as pitch, or as the cole,
And at the wyndowe out she put her hole,
And Absolon, hym fil no bet be wers,
But with his mouth he kiste her naked ers.

The joys of the English language.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

So, to round up. English teams lost to Brazil, South Africa and Aus..Aus.. Austrailia. Thats football cricket and rugby league ( I was there for that one :Mad: ). There are degrees of humiliation I suppose and bad as it was I thank God i'm not a scottish futba fan this morning, they played like erses.

----------


## jocky

> There are degrees of humiliation I suppose and bad as it was I thank God i'm not a scottish futba fan this morning, they played like erses.


 :FRlol:  OUCH !

----------


## jocky

Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:

A. Shoot the wife.

B. Shoot the boyfriend.

C. Shoot yourself.
Or Jocky's preferred option:

D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ?  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:
> 
> A. Shoot the wife.
> 
> B. Shoot the boyfriend.
> 
> C. Shoot yourself.
> Or Jocky's preferred option:
> 
> D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ?


 :Eek:  There should be an option for shoot the boyfriend, wife and take the mistress and the scotch to hawaii :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## prendrelemick

Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.


 :Cool:  Exactly, you never let the lover near your main domain; keep them on neutral territory (as expensive as that may be)...

Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill :Bawling:

----------


## gbrekken

> Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:
> 
> A. Shoot the wife.
> 
> B. Shoot the boyfriend.
> 
> C. Shoot yourself.
> Or Jocky's preferred option:
> 
> D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ?


several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?

blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.

the filed of 32 is set-when do they begin play?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Exactly, you never let the lover near your main domain; keep them on neutral territory (as expensive as that may be)...
> 
> Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill


Just leave us the shed and we're happy :Thumbs Up: .

----------


## The Atheist

> Guys, a hypothetical question. If you caught your missus having an affair, would you:
> 
> D. Pour yourself a large scotch, light a cigar and invite your long standing mistress over for the weekend ?


Scotch and cigar, definitely. Not so sure about inviting the mistress over, she charges extra for outcalls.

 :Wink: 

I've always been of the opinion that anyone breaking fidelity rules shouldn't be in the relationship anyway, so it's no big deal.





> There should be an option for shoot the boyfriend, wife and take the mistress and the scotch to hawaii


Even better, shooting all three and starting a new life in Hawaii with a team of hand-picked Polynesian women!




> Like the scotch idea, but not sure about letting the mistress come round. Give 'em an inch and they start measuring up for new curtains.


Exactly!




> Okay, guys, I'm off to discuss turkey preparing...It is sad how little "space" you poor blokes get. The girls have the bathroom, living room and kitchen. You guys are pushed to the garage and outdoor grill


We feel your pain!

 :Biggrin: 

I do turkey preparation as well. I buy it at the shop and leave it in ther fridge. Amazingly, it always turnd up cooked - I must be helluva good.




> several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?


 :FRlol: 

Every man's dream.

Or was that the wife's sister......?




> blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.


Those turkey feathers are hell to get out of your bedding roll as well.

----------


## jocky

Geez, that was some reaction to a hypothetical question. I thought someone would come up with an antithesis to the hypothesis which would have led to some sort of synthesis. Oh well, you cant win them all. Now to get really controversial, Mick you know we have got a British Empire, aint you just glad us Scots won it for you? Atheist you have defenitely mellowed since Atheist junior arrived. To my American buddies, big deal you won your independence, but we had the sense to burn down 1600 Pensylvania Avenue before we left. I saw the future and it was bleak.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

err.. yes thanks for the Empire Jocky. And let me reassure you Scottish Johnnies that you are equal partners in this Great Britain of ours. :Yawnb:

----------


## gbrekken

the white house is just that because it covered well the burning marks! it's true! 

thesis, antithesis, then synthesis-isn't that how it goes/went? no partner equal not finding my mate in a relationship. oh how i moan and weep for the pain you all feel as you make her weep.  :Smile:  

being originally from a state #1 in turkey production, i wish everyone were thankful for whatever good they have in life, or whatever good they believe exists or may exist. personally, i'm going to buy a fat ham! cook it? maybe. eat it? no boubt adout it.

should i stand behind my nation's female curlers? i'd rather watch 'em figure skating. banana dancing

----------


## soundofmusic

> several assumptions must be called into question. If it's your long standing/lying mistress you catch in the sack with your wife, wouldn't you pour three drinks, and give them the opportunity to struggle over the use of the only gun worth anything in that scene?
> 
> blokes get whatever space they need-not sure about the wants being met, but at least their caves are free of squeeling turkeys.


 :Cool:  Leave it to you gbrekken, to put the wife and the mistress in the sack together...
I see your point; but I think I'd make the cave a panic room to keep the turkeys out, put carpet up the walls, a 60 color tv, pool table and full bar to make it cozy!




> Just leave us the shed and we're happy.


Don't you like my idea, above, better. Besides, sheds always have the painful reminders that the lawn needs mowing and the house needs painting.




> I've always been of the opinion that anyone breaking fidelity rules shouldn't be in the relationship anyway, so it's no big deal
> 
> Even better, shooting all three and starting a new life in Hawaii with a team of hand-picked Polynesian women!
> 
> We feel your pain!
> 
> I do turkey preparation as well. I buy it at the shop and leave it in ther fridge. Amazingly, it always turnd up cooked - I must be helluva good.
> .


You're such a jewel, Atheist, do you have a clone?
Didn't you just shoot the husband? No matter, ransack the house, grab the credit cards and go get those Polynesian women (just don't take any home)
Do you think you could purchase a second turkey; I'll come over on Thanksgiving morning for the bird and fixin's :FRlol: 




> To my American buddies, big deal you won your independence, but we had the sense to burn down 1600 Pensylvania Avenue before we left. I saw the future and it was bleak.


Yes, leave it to your guys to to sit down and eat a full meal at the house you were planning to burn down: the wine might have been poisoned or the house may have been burned down around your heads...that is, if dolly hadn't been so busy taking everything of value out while the blokes where feeding.
Anyway, we've learned from our mistakes; that's why we were trying to get a gun-toting woman in this time. Now we have a decoy in the white house ...you don't really believe that Americans have changed chess pieces after all these years of WASP.... :FRlol:  (for all of my fellow Americans...I'm just joking...yes, I know, it's very bad taste)

----------


## gbrekken

it's very obvious that a snooker table must soon be found. it has a smaller more well defined kitchen, one of the places a woman does great work. i could only hope to limit the woman's place/space if we were each other's and had agreements. snooker is a billiard-type game for those poor ignorant folks who didn't know.

the most northern of the 48 was/is? #1 in turkeys. minisoda.

----------


## The Atheist

> being originally from a state #1 in turkey production, i wish everyone were thankful for whatever good they have in life, or whatever good they believe exists or may exist. personally, i'm going to buy a fat ham! cook it? maybe. eat it? no boubt adout it.


My Maine Man!




> You're such a jewel, Atheist, do you have a clone?
> Didn't you just shoot the husband? No matter, ransack the house, grab the credit cards and go get those Polynesian women (just don't take any home)
> Do you think you could purchase a second turkey; I'll come over on Thanksgiving morning for the bird and fixin's


Hell, you could even have pancakes for breakfast!




> ...you don't really believe that Americans have changed chess pieces after all these years of WASP.... (for all of my fellow Americans...I'm just joking...yes, I know, it's very bad taste)


 :FRlol: 

Bad taste jokes are always the best!

----------


## soundofmusic

> the white house is just that because it covered well the burning marks! it's true! 
> 
> thesis, antithesis, then synthesis-isn't that how it goes/went? no partner equal not finding my mate in a relationship. oh how i moan and weep for the pain you all feel as you make her weep.  
> being originally from a state #1 in turkey production, i wish everyone were thankful for whatever good they have in life, or whatever good they believe exists or may exist. 
> should i stand behind my nation's female curlers? i'd rather watch 'em figure skating. banana dancing


I'd be alot more thankful if we were getting nice domesticated turkeys instead of those South American Fighting Turkeys that are all musky...
Have you noticed, Gerald, that the honeydews are tasting like cabbages, the beef is aged too long and the tomatos...blah

You know, of course, that most of the time your analogies are flying right above my head :Blush: 




> Hell, you could even have pancakes for breakfast
> 
> Bad taste jokes are always the best!


Great, I love pancakes with comstock cherry pie filling and whipped cream :Tongue: 
Glad you appreciate my humor; I think I'm scheduled to be tarred, feathered, drawn and quartered outside the white house on Thanksgiving day; so I'm staying away from DC.

----------


## The Atheist

Don't expect to see jocky able to find his keyboard, let alone type, for the next few days.

Australia 8

Scotland 9

 :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## jocky

> Don't expect to see jocky able to find his keyboard, let alone type, for the next few days.
> 
> Australia 8
> 
> Scotland 9


Just before I take the top off my cherished bottle of Balvenie Thirty single malt, I would just like to comment, I thought my mushroom wheeze was good but managing to steal Matt Giteau's contact lenses an hour before the match was a stroke of genius. Today Australia, tomorrow zee vorld.  :Smile:

----------


## Michael T

> Just before I take the top off my cherished bottle of Balvenie Thirty single malt, I would just like to comment, I thought my mushroom wheeze was good but managing to steal Matt Giteau's contact lenses an hour before the match was a stroke of genius. Today Australia, tomorrow zee vorld.


 :FRlol: ... I thought of you when I heard the score Jocky. Excellent result!

----------


## jocky

> ... I thought of you when I heard the score Jocky. Excellent result!


Why, Michael that was very gracious and has put me in a generous frame of mind, that and my sixth glass of scotch. I would like to repay the good will in a reciprocal fashion to you and all my sassenach pals, unfortunately Atheist's mob whipped your asses. I am now going to burst into spontaneous song: There will be All Blacks over the White cliffs of Dover..... To all who I have offended, forgive me, it was not Jocky it was the booze.  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

The English Yawnion boys got what they deserved, and so did the Scots. "They'll be dancin in the streets of....well, everywhere tonight."




Meanwhile in South Africa, at least we won the toss.

----------


## The Atheist

> Just before I take the top off my cherished bottle of Balvenie Thirty single malt, I would just like to comment, I thought my mushroom wheeze was good but managing to steal Matt Giteau's contact lenses an hour before the match was a stroke of genius. Today Australia, tomorrow zee vorld.


 :Thumbs Up: 

The bad news is, we play you shortly.




> The English Yawnion boys got what they deserved, and so did the Scots. "They'll be dancin in the streets of....well, everywhere tonight."
> 
> Meanwhile in South Africa, at least we won the toss.


That's a good effort - most Saffers I know are expert tossers.

----------


## jocky

> Meanwhile in South Africa, at least we won the toss.


Well done to your cricket team, you are on a roll Mick, Collingwood was outstanding.

----------


## jocky

[QUOTE=The Atheist;807843] :Thumbs Up: 

The bad news is, we play you shortly.

Aye, I admit Atheist to having a few sleepless nights over this one and I suspect mushrooms and theft may not work this time. It is time for the psychological mind games to commence, I believe the Haka is being performed by the Bolshoi Ballet as a tribute to New Zealand effeminate ideas of warfare. Time to head for the Anderson shelter.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

:FRlol:  I can't think of anything sexier than the buff men from the bolshoi doing the haka :Brow:

----------


## jocky

Guys and ladies, pour yourselves a drink and pull your chairs closer to the fire Jocky has a tale to tell. That's better I can see all your demonic faces in the atmospheric glow, a sight to behold  :Smile:  Recently I have turned my mind to the problem of quantum mechanics, in particular how a particle can be in two locations at the same time, Atheist I know you are dying to intervene, however wait till I finish. Recently I was charged with a horrific crime, despite my stonewall alibi winesses of unimpeachable character identified me at the scene of the bank robbery. My legal team, Grabber, Grasper and Goingdoon have, after much palm greasing agreed a new legal strategy. I plead quantum physics, so help me God. Your thoughts on this strategy would be greatly appreciated.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Your legal team could use the Heisenberg principle to cast doubt upon the eye witnesses. Which, (if I remember my Star Trek correctly) says it is impossible to simultaneously know both the where and when of any particle's situation . After all you are just a collection of particles.....

I rest my case M'lud.

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye, I admit Atheist to having a few sleepless nights over this one and I suspect mushrooms and theft may not work this time. It is time for the psychological mind games to commence, I believe the Haka is being performed by the Bolshoi Ballet as a tribute to New Zealand effeminate ideas of warfare. Time to head for the Anderson shelter.


Only if the girls do the haka in the traditional shirtless mode will that be allowed.

 :Biggrin: 




> I can't think of anything sexier than the buff men from the bolshoi doing the haka


The men?

What men?




> Your legal team could use the Heisenberg principle to cast doubt upon the eye witnesses. Which, (if I remember my Star Trek correctly) says it is impossible to simultaneously know both the where and when of any particle's situation . After all you are just a collection of particles.....
> 
> I rest my case M'lud.


 :FRlol: 

Case closed.

Jocky, you could always try the identical twin defence!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Guys and ladies, pour yourselves a drink and pull your chairs closer to the fire Jocky has a tale to tell. That's better I can see all your demonic faces in the atmospheric glow, a sight to behold  Recently I have turned my mind to the problem of quantum mechanics, in particular how a particle can be in two locations at the same time, Atheist I know you are dying to intervene, however wait till I finish. Recently I was charged with a horrific crime, despite my stonewall alibi winesses of unimpeachable character identified me at the scene of the bank robbery. My legal team, Grabber, Grasper and Goingdoon have, after much palm greasing agreed a new legal strategy. I plead quantum physics, so help me God. Your thoughts on this strategy would be greatly appreciated.


I can't quite wrap my head around the quantum physics; but I definitely look forward to watching the trial on court tv :Thumbs Up: 




> Only if the girls do the haka in the traditional shirtless mode will that be allowed.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The men?
> 
> What men?
> 
> ...


Wait a minute, I didn't see any shirtless women doing the haka on youtube; there were a few gingerbread cookies, some rabbits, some NZ natives and a soccer team! 
Yes, I like the twin defense; too.

----------


## gbrekken

forget defense. i'll go on the offensive with both twins, providing they're willing of course. one woman is more than enough for any man.. honesty mates?

----------


## soundofmusic

> forget defense. i'll go on the offensive with both twins, providing they're willing of course. one woman is more than enough for any man.. honesty mates?


Here, Here, Gbrekken is here to save the day! Gracious, are there really two identical Jockys? 
Good question, Is one woman enough for any man? I guess it depends on the woman :Brow:

----------


## prendrelemick

Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality

----------


## jocky

> Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

Atheist's mother in law looks cool in this one. I hope she is not in the line up against us.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> forget defense. i'll go on the offensive with both twins, providing they're willing of course. one woman is more than enough for any man.. honesty mates?


Oh god yes.

The double-trouble argument could never be more beautifully illustrated than the thought of two of them.




> Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality


Hmmmm. A quick bath and I reckon a couple of them would scrub up ok!




> Atheist's mother in law looks cool in this one. I hope she is not in the line up against us.


 :FRlol: 

All kidding aside, my m-o-l is possibly the fattest woman in NZ. If she was in the photo, they'd have needed a wide-angle lens.

Lovely woman, but the size of a small bungalow.

----------


## jocky

> All kidding aside, my m-o-l is possibly the fattest woman in NZ. If she was in the photo, they'd have needed a wide-angle lens.
> 
> Lovely woman, but the size of a small bungalow.


That's nothing, my mother in law is so grotesque the Scottish Tourist Board employ her every summer to swim up and down Loch Ness.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> That's nothing, my mother in law is so grotesque the Scottish Tourist Board employ her every summer to swim up and down Loch Ness.


Oh god!

May history never allow the pair of them in the lake at the same time!

Daily Mail Headline"

Monster *and* White Whale Seen in Loch Ness.

----------


## jocky

> Oh god!
> 
> May history never allow the pair of them in the lake at the same time!
> 
> Daily Mail Headline"
> 
> Monster *and* White Whale Seen in Loch Ness.


Even Herman Melville's Captain Ahab would have turned the Pequod around in horror, and that was a man who didn't scare easily. I dont think I will get much sleep tonight.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers. :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.


No worries on that score Prend, my wife was adopted. After much historical research it was established that her real mother is Jamie Lee Curtis. I cant speak for poor old Atheist though.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

:Cold: 


> Unfortunately there is a wide gulf between fantasy and reality
> 
> Oh man, I never want to see that again; Leave me to my gingerbread cookies and the mesomales from the bolshoi





> Hmmmm. A quick bath and I reckon a couple of them would scrub up ok!
> 
> What a good fellow ; Always believing that something good lies under a few inches of mud.





> Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.


It's true, I sometimes scare myself in the bathroom mirror




> No worries on that score Prend, my wife was adopted. After much historical research it was established that her real mother is Jamie Lee Curtis. I cant speak for poor old Atheist though.


Okay, isn't there anyone who thinks that both of Jamies' parents are prettier than she is? Her mom had nice round curves and her dad had that great hair and eyes...

----------


## prendrelemick

janet was an outstanding talent.

----------


## The Atheist

> Even Herman Melville's Captain Ahab would have turned the Pequod around in horror, and that was a man who didn't scare easily. I dont think I will get much sleep tonight.


 :FRlol: 

Me neither. What a thought!




> Atheist and Jocky; have you noticed how wives slowly turn into their mothers.


Haha! Yes, I have. My ex and her mother are used by theologians to prove that Satan is loose on Earth.




> No worries on that score Prend, my wife was adopted. After much historical research it was established that her real mother is Jamie Lee Curtis. I cant speak for poor old Atheist though.


Praise be, my wife managed not to fall into that genetic trap. While her mother weighs several tonnes, my wife is a delicate 50kg.

----------


## jocky

> janet was an outstanding talent.


My grandmother in law is demanding to know where you got this photograph. I heard her muttering something about breach of copyright and litigation.  :Smile: 




> :
> 
> 
> 
> My ex and her mother are used by theologians to prove that Satan is loose on Earth.


Bad enough discussing mothers in law but bringing up ex wives and their mothers is beyond the pale. Anymore of this and I will be forced to take steps to have you removed from your own thread.  :Smile: 

Argentina 9 Scotland 6. That was brutal, what ever happened to the finesse and grace of the game ? The only consolation was the Kiwis humped the unmentionables. I am now going to my bed forever, well at least until Mick reminds me of the score. :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> janet was an outstanding talent.
> 
>  I rest my case!





> Praise be, my wife managed not to fall into that genetic trap. While her mother weighs several tonnes, my wife is a delicate 50kg.


Atheist, I was always sure that you were a gynecologist by trade because you were so aware of all this medical stuff and you managed to get the hottest females; but, really, you have forgotten that all bets are off with the wife and that petite frame until after the "Big M"




> My grandmother in law is demanding to know where you got this photograph. I heard her muttering something about breach of copyright and litigation.


 :Thumbs Up:

----------


## The Atheist

> Argentina 9 Scotland 6. That was brutal, what ever happened to the finesse and grace of the game ? The only consolation was the Kiwis humped the unmentionables. I am now going to my bed forever, well at least until Mick reminds me of the score.


Yes, the ABs are reigning supreme right now.

Just as they 2 years before every world cup.





> Atheist, I was always sure that you were a gynecologist by trade because you were so aware of all this medical stuff and you managed to get the hottest females; but, really, you have forgotten that all bets are off with the wife and that petite frame until after the "Big M"


Haha!

No, I reckon I'm safe there. Her mother was only the size of a small office pre-menopause, so there's no chance Mrs Atheist's going the same way.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Haha!
> 
> No, I reckon I'm safe there. Her mother was only the size of a small office pre-menopause, so there's no chance Mrs Atheist's going the same way.


Well, it could be worse; I take after my dad's dad; all the women on his side have moustaches, beards and male pattern baldness :Nod:

----------


## Shalot

I'm not a bloke but I am having a cold ale so I thought I would post here. so that entitles me to honorary bloke status and an honorary set of cahonas...(spelling....kahonas) or an honorary pair.

highland brewing company oatmeal porter. it's awesome.

I have a stomach condition and I shouldn't drink but this is one great ale. A bloke would drink anyway despite stomach conditions, right. So, yeah cold ales...woo hoo

oh, and btw, I have no idea what's going on in this thread...it was just at the top of the stack here and it said cold ale, and since I'm having one, I just thought I'd post. Feel free to ignore this post and pass right on over it. Continue with whatever conversation was going on. This is one them there drunk posts I believe.

----------


## The Atheist

> Well, it could be worse; I take after my dad's dad; all the women on his side have moustaches, beards and male pattern baldness


Lucky escape!




> I'm not a bloke but I am having a cold ale so I thought I would post here. so that entitles me to honorary bloke status and an honorary set of cahonas...(spelling....kahonas) or an honorary pair.


Welcome in!

We have a select band of honorary blokes already in the thread, so you're welcome to stay!

(It's _cojones_ by the way.)

highland brewing company oatmeal porter. it's awesome.




> oh, and btw, I have no idea what's going on in this thread...it was just at the top of the stack here and it said cold ale, and since I'm having one, I just thought I'd post. Feel free to ignore this post and pass right on over it. Continue with whatever conversation was going on. This is one them there drunk posts I believe.


That'll match about 50% of the existing ones.

You don't need to know what the thread's about - it isn't about anything.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Shalot

> Lucky escape!
> 
> 
> 
> Welcome in!
> 
> We have a select band of honorary blokes already in the thread, so you're welcome to stay!
> 
> (It's _cojones_ by the way.)
> ...


oh right cojones --- the j sounds like h in espanol right...I forgot. drunk spellings...:-D

----------


## prendrelemick

I missed all the sporting clashes. Been sampling Hertog Jan in Holland this weekend, a surprisingly drinkable lager favoured by the students of Arnhem. 
They also like to sing "The Train Song" whilst drinking the above, I dont have an exact translation of this, but the chorus goes whooo whöö whöö. (you had to be there)

Ahh those dutch, zay are crazshy man!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Lucky escape!
> 
> 
> 
> Welcome in!
> 
> We have a select band of honorary blokes already in the thread, so you're welcome to stay!
> 
> (It's _cojones_ by the way.)


I didn't really escape entirely!

Ah, my evil plan is taking root; yet, another honorary bloke.

I don't want any cohones...They seem utterly usless to me. They keep getting bigger over the years until the poor penis almost gets lost in the wrinkles. I've never figured out why the guys want to carry around a couple of walnuts in such a huge pigskin purse. Now personally, If I were a bloke; I would just want a really big penis; One that I could throw over my shoulder. They'd call me "The envy of wallstreet" and women would run squealing when I walked down the street! :Eek2:

----------


## skib

:FRlol:  !

----------


## The Atheist

Brilliant!

You are definitely an honorary bloke now!

----------


## Scheherazade

*R e m i n d e r

This Forum welcomes people from all age groups as well as people from different religious and cultural backgrounds. 

Please keep this fact in mind while posting.*

----------


## jocky

Now for something completely different. Tiger Woods sneaks up the stairs at two in the morning, WHAM his wife hits him on the back of his head with his favourite titanium driver, what a swing. He stumbles downstairs and into his car SMASH his wife shatters his windscreen with a three iron, CRASH he hits a fire hydrant slews across the road and BASH hits a tree. She pulls him from the car and slashes him several times across the face with a Nike tee. ' Listen buster you will keep out of the rough and stick to the fairway fom now on. ' The moral being, never play away when married to someone who knows how to raise her game.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> R e m i n d e r


See what happens when you allow women into the club?

 :Biggrin: 




> Now for something completely different. Tiger Woods sneaks up the stairs at two in the morning, WHAM his wife hits him on the back of his head with his favourite titanium driver, what a swing. He stumbles downstairs and into his car SMASH his wife shatters his windscreen with a three iron, CRASH he hits a fire hydrant slews across the road and BASH hits a tree. She pulls him from the car and slashes him several times across the face with a Nike tee. ' Listen buster you will keep out of the rough and stick to the fairway fom now on. ' The moral being, never play away when married to someone who knows how to raise her game.


 :FRlol: 

That could be how it went down. 

I don't normally care for celebrity gossip, but to see Woods actually be shown to be human and subject to human error is pretty good.

The side question of how someone could be married to Elin and even realise other women existed, let alone be attractive, remains unanswered.

----------


## jocky

> The side question of how someone could be married to Elin and even realise other women existed, let alone be attractive, remains unanswered.


Atheist, there are some things in this life that are unknowable, as Donald Rumsfeld used to say. I suspect your beloved science will never answer this one. ' there are more things in heaven and earth, Atheist, than are dreamt of in your philosophy '  :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

> See what happens when you allow women into the club?


I know. They just cause you get reminders and warnings from the moderators...

 :Rolleyes:

----------


## Red-Headed

Is this thread still about beer? In which case does anyone drink this? I am really developing a taste for it.  :Thumbs Up:

----------


## jocky

> I know. They just cause you get reminders and warnings from the moderators...


You know your nickname amongst private messengers , of course you do. Beware the THREADENDER. BRRR  :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

> THREADENDER. BRRR


Wha...??? You... You call me "threadender"?!?!???

*goes to the corner to curl up into a ball and cry herself to sleep*

 :Rolleyes:

----------


## jocky

> Is this thread still about beer? In which case does anyone drink this? I am really developing a taste for it.


You dont mean Caledonian Deuchars do you ? I believe a few Edinburghwegian undergraduates still keep the tradition alive. Listen Ginger my entymological buddy I am sure we have had a run in before. As to your original point, we gave up talking about beer after the fifth or sixshhh pint. Where's that Prendrelemick, I hope he didn't make a hash of his Dutch expedition.  :Smile:

----------


## Red-Headed

> You dont mean Caledonian Deuchars do you ? I believe a few Edinburghwegian undergraduates still keep the tradition alive.


Well, it's available south of the border now. 




> Listen Ginger my entymological buddy I am sure we have had a run in before. As to your original point, we gave up talking about beer after the fifth or sixshhh pint. Where's that Prendrelemick, I hope he didn't make a hash of his Dutch expedition.


I see. It's just that drinking beer is one of my hobbies.  :Wink:

----------


## jocky

> Well, it's available south of the border now. 
> 
> 
> 
> I see. It's just that drinking beer is one of my hobbies.


 :FRlol: 

You mean to tell me Deuchars is available in Mexico! A bit of good Scottish advice, never, but never mix beer and literature, it is a recipe for disaster, take it from one who knows.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist, there are some things in this life that are unknowable, as Donald Rumsfeld used to say.


Great analogy!




> I know. They just cause you get reminders and warnings from the moderators...


Yeah, but still, if it happened at work, someone would have probably lodged a sexual harrassment suit and we'd all be wearing striped clothes!




> I see. It's just that drinking beer is one of my hobbies.


Can't find a more honourable hobby than that!

----------


## jocky

> Yeah, but still, if it happened at work, someone would have probably lodged a sexual harrassment suit and we'd all be wearing striped clothes!


No way Atheist, Jocky may not have the X factor but I have defenitely got the squirm factor. Moderators, plural ? You mean Schez is like a big front for something far more sinister! Tell me your not a moderator Atheist, oh my God it's Mick, I knew it, I have walked right into a trap. This is a Kafkaesque moment, I want to break free  :Smile:

----------


## Red-Headed

> You mean to tell me Deuchars is available in Mexico!


No (well it might be), it's just the global warming making you think that it is Mexico.





> A bit of good Scottish advice, never, but never mix beer and literature, it is a recipe for disaster, take it from one who knows.


Too late for me, I'm on several units of alcohol a day & three paperbacks a week. I just don't think I can cold turkey... 

Is it worse than mixing the hop & the vine?  :Eek2: 




> Can't find a more honourable hobby than that!


Well I might be able to, but I am usually far too busy drinking ale in the pub.

----------


## jocky

> Too late for me, I'm on several units of alcohol a day & three paperbacks a week. I just don't think I can cold turkey...


Aah, a troubled man, it could be the red hair! I can clearly see you are having difficulties, do you not mean several paper backs and three units of alcohol a week? My advice would be this, whether it be the metaphysical poets, the English language ( God help us all ) or Bernard Mathew's Pot Roasts the Blokes Thread is here for you.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=The Atheist;811347]See what happens when you allow women into the club?

No, it's okay with any of the other women; I've just got this special talent: when I say the P word or talk about anything gratifying; it gratifies people enough that they assume there must be something wrong with it...In case anyone hasn't noticed; I'm not the one starting all those new sexually explicit threads...I'm just enjoying them... :Tongue:

----------


## Red-Headed

> Aah, a troubled man, it could be the red hair! I can clearly see you are having difficulties, do you not mean several paper backs and three units of alcohol a week?


I'm not sure, after freebasing some Foucault I kind of lost track.




> My advice would be this, whether it be the metaphysical poets, the English language ( God help us all ) or Bernard Mathew's Pot Roasts the Blokes Thread is here for you.


Ah! Those Metaphysical poets & their conceits...

As for Bernard Matthew's Pot Roasts...definitely not bootiful.  :Eek:

----------


## prendrelemick

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;811609]


> See what happens when you allow women into the club?
> 
> No, it's okay with any of the other women; I've just got this special talent: when I say the P word or talk about anything gratifying; it gratifies people enough that they assume there must be something wrong with it...In case anyone hasn't noticed; I'm not the one starting all those new sexually explicit threads...I'm just enjoying them...




Enough already Sounds, you dont need to explain yourself here. Your previous post has already put me off walnuts for the rest of my life. We blokes are a bit squeemish about that sort of thing - (graphic descriptions of our willies :Sick: )- we prefer to believe that women are all innocents who are unable to resist our male charm, which is magnified to irresistable proportions through alcohol.

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;811707]


> Enough already Sounds, you dont need to explain yourself here. Your previous post has already put me off walnuts for the rest of my life. We blokes are a bit squeemish about that sort of thing - (graphic descriptions of our willies)- we prefer to believe that women are all innocents who are unable to resist our male charm, which is magnified to irresistable proportions through alcohol.


 :Santasmile:  Sorry, When you receive your present marked "Don't open 'til Xmas"; just return it unopened: It is a beautiful German Soldier Nutcracker :FRlol:  Just be glad you're not a woman and have to look at O'keefe; I got traumatized everytime I saw a bee! Do you suppose women drink to become innocent...I hear men tell me the women look much better after a few drinks.  :Ladysman:

----------


## prendrelemick

Surely a lady would avert her gaze. :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> No way Atheist, Jocky may not have the X factor but I have defenitely got the squirm factor. Moderators, plural ?


They're everywhere!

Luckily, my passport is stamped with "Never, ever allowed to be a moderator".

I'm just not..... moderate enough.

Actually, comparing this one 




> Too late for me, I'm on several units of alcohol a day & three paperbacks a week. I just don't think I can cold turkey...


Sounds terminal, you'll just have to live with it.




> Is it worse than mixing the hop & the vine?


Nothing, but nithing's worse than that.




> I'm not the one starting all those new sexually explicit threads...I'm just enjoying them...


Sexually explicit threads?

I'm off!




> ... which is magnified to irresistable proportions through alcohol.





> [...I hear men tell me the women look much better after a few drinks.


I don't agree with that at all.

It's aliens, I tell ya!

Going to bed with Miss World at 3 am and waking up with the She-Devil at noon can only be proof that alien abductions are real.

----------


## Red-Headed

> Sounds terminal, you'll just have to live with it.


I'll live, just as long as I can score some 'E' (existentialism) or some Dante's _Divine Comedy_...I'm really hurting for some tricento Italian literature...




> Nothing, but nithing's worse than that.


Mixing Dan Brown & Jeffrey Archer paperbacks?  :Eek: 








[/QUOTE]

----------


## soundofmusic

> Surely a lady would avert her gaze.


Avert, next time I'm wearing blinders :Eek: 




> Sexually explicit threads?
> 
> I'm off!
> 
> I don't agree with that at all.
> 
> It's aliens, I tell ya!
> 
> Going to bed with Miss World at 3 am and waking up with the She-Devil at noon can only be proof that alien abductions are real.


Well, I've found that the folks around the forums cycle with their love of sexually explicit material...I suppose it is followed by a great deal of self imposed flogging and church going, family picnics and giving their mother in laws pedicures. 

Yes, I've meant the aliens also; but I date Mr World, have four months of blissful activity and momentous nights...they turn into aliens about the time we get a joint checking account! :Mad:

----------


## jocky

> I'll live, just as long as I can score some 'E' (existentialism) or some Dante's _Divine Comedy_...I'm really hurting for some tricento Italian literature...


[/QUOTE]

 :Smile: 
Stick with Dante a great trecento poet. If you can find a great tricento Italian writer, your journey to the inferno may be sooner than you think. Really!




> They're everywhere!
> 
> 
> 
> It's aliens, I tell ya!


Did I ever tell you about the the time I was alienly abducted? O.K. guys I obvously did but that experience left its mark on me. Me and Arthur.C. Clarke had long discussions about this, I was under hypnosis, obviously, but I do remember flashbacks such as, the second wave and watch the skies, watch the skies. I swear I will never go to bed with Miss World again.  :Cold:

----------


## MGK

I demand an explanation for the unforgiveable lack of german beer in this thread! We invented the juice so you might as well pay homage to the pros.

----------


## Red-Headed

> Stick with Dante a great trecento poet. If you can find a great tricento Italian writer, your journey to the inferno may be sooner than you think. Really!


Damn, I'm so strung out I can't even spell trecento!  :Eek2: 

I blame the Deuchars IPA.

----------


## jocky

> I demand an explanation for the unforgiveable lack of german beer in this thread! We invented the juice so you might as well pay homage to the pros.


Wunderbar.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

Hold the presses!

new information has come to my attention

Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale 330 calories 9.6% alcohol and only 32 grams of carbs.

Who needs food? German beer? why not name a few of your favorites MGK?

local ad for fine chocolate notes that a women might not want a man after enough of that (not desiring a freak of nature).

the tunnel between area 51 and the nevada nuclear test site recently discovered (that explains miss world becoming the coyote ugly one you wake up with: makes you chew your arm off at the elbow and leave the forearm under her head right where it was when you awoke, and fearing IT might re-awake)

Minnesota Viking adrian peterson thankful that tiger took all the media focus away from him

glad I quit international travel before they started requiring passports.

----------


## The Atheist

> Did I ever tell you about the the time I was alienly abducted? O.K. guys I obvously did but that experience left its mark on me. Me and Arthur.C. Clarke had long discussions about this, I was under hypnosis, obviously, but I do remember flashbacks such as, the second wave and watch the skies, watch the skies. I swear I will never go to bed with Miss World again.


Worse than a beaujolias hangover.




> I demand an explanation for the unforgiveable lack of german beer in this thread! We invented the juice so you might as well pay homage to the pros.


More to do witht he unforgiveable lack of Germans in the thread!

The invention of beer is a funny one, with the earliest record being in Iran, where they don't like it all nowadays.

Jocky, I suggest you cover your eyes at this time:












> Hold the presses!
> 
> new information has come to my attention
> 
> Sierra Nevada Bigfoot Ale 330 calories 9.6% alcohol and only 32 grams of carbs.
> 
> Who needs food? German beer? why not name a few of your favorites MGK?
> 
> local ad for fine chocolate notes that a women might not want a man after enough of that (not desiring a freak of nature).
> ...


 :FRlol: 

Sometimes, the world is less strange than we expect.

----------


## jocky

> Jocky, I suggest you cover your eyes at this time:


 :Rage:  Atheist you will be glad to hear the perpetrators of this unspeakable act of wanton destruction were executed by me personally, several times over. My orders were perfectly clear burn the books, not the booze.  :Bawling:  :Bawling:  :Bawling:

----------


## papayahed

:Eek:  :Eek2:  The inhumanity of it all. :Bawling: 

Reminds me of my youth.

----------


## jocky

> The inhumanity of it all.
> 
> Reminds me of my youth.


Did you cry a lot babe? You are not another one of those moderator thingies are you? Jocky is going to have something to say about this in the near future.  :Smile:

----------


## papayahed

> Did you cry a lot babe?


Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok? 





> You are not another one of those moderator thingies are you? Jocky is going to have something to say about this in the near future.


First "Babe" now "Thingie"?? I think you are treading on thin ice there mister -I might make you call me "Your Highness"


 :Goof: 



Mods are everywhere....







Watching........










You

----------


## jocky

> Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok? 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> First "Babe" now "Thingie"?? I think you are treading on thin ice there mister -I might make you call me "Your Highness"
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Och, relax and have a beer, you have got bigger fish to fry than me.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

Important notification 

My fellow threadists, Jocky has just appointed himself as C.H.M. or chief high moderator. The new rules are as follows: Anyone not posting about sex, sport, booze, manly pursuits, oh and the odd literary reference is herebye banned from the Blokes Thread. My first official duty was a formal approach to Sheherazade, informing her politely, but firmly that future interference will not be brooked. I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.

----------


## papayahed

First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM. :Cold: 


Is it getting dark in here?


Why is the room spinning?

----------


## jocky

> First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM.
> 
> 
> Is it getting dark in here?
> 
> 
> Why is the room spinning?


And the night is still young.  :FRlol:

----------


## papayahed

"Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."

----------


## jocky

> "Fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a bumpy night."


"Oh Papayahead, don't lets ask for the moon we have the stars."  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Important notification 
> 
> My fellow threadists, Jocky has just appointed himself as C.H.M. or chief high moderator. The new rules are as follows: Anyone not posting about sex, sport, booze, manly pursuits, oh and the odd literary reference is herebye banned from the Blokes Thread. My first official duty was a formal approach to Sheherazade, informing her politely, but firmly that future interference will not be brooked. I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.




I reckon all that alien probing  :Eek2:  has affected old Jocky, it's awoken his latent Scottish megalomania .

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Important notification 
> 
> My fellow threadists, Jocky has just appointed himself as C.H.M. or chief high moderator. The new rules are as follows: Anyone not posting about sex, sport, booze, manly pursuits, oh and the odd literary reference is herebye banned from the Blokes Thread. My first official duty was a formal approach to Sheherazade, informing her politely, but firmly that future interference will not be brooked. I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.


The Lone Star state is behind you Jocky!

----------


## jocky

> I reckon all that alien probing  has affected old Jocky, it's awoken his latent Scottish megalomania .


 :FRlol:  How dare you call me latent? You can't talk to the chief high moderator in that tone. Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.




> The Lone Star state is behind you Jocky!


 :FRlol:  Your name is not on the list.

----------


## soundofmusic

> First I have to see the wanton destruction of booze, then Jocky reminds me of the dark day when I bludgeoned the coworker and now he's appointed himself CHM.
> 
> 
> Is it getting dark in here?
> 
> 
> Why is the room spinning?


Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## prendrelemick

> How dare you call me latent? You can't talk to the chief high moderator in that tone. Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.



I apologise unreservedly, O chief High Moderator, I should have put rampant instead.

By the way, is it your Christmas card list I'm on.




> Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed


Careful Sounds, Wearing leather in a room full of Texans, could be risky. You may end up lassooed and branded.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Remember I have the whole of Texas behind me. Your name is now on the list.
> 
> ... Your name is not on the list.


Careful Jocky, you best get my name on that thar list; we Texans have been known to secede. You don't want tose the Texas contingient.

By the way, you better check your list and see if Tareq and Michaela Salahi on on it. They might try to crash the party.




> Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed


You'll also want to pick up about ten gallons of hairspray and curlers the size of an oil drum!




> Careful Sounds, Wearing leather in a room full of Texans, could be risky. You may end up lassooed and branded.


The irons are in the fire as we speak!

----------


## gbrekken

:Smile: 
Our Jocky, who art in High Lands, "Hallo!-ed" be thy name.
Thy serfs are here.
Thy will be large, e'en not upon a horse.
Protect our mead, thus we are content.
We've no faults, so forgiveness can only be for themselves.
Please, please, please, tempt me, tempt me, tempt me, lord, 
for I too wish to fall from my horse.

Amen

----------


## papayahed

Awards ceremony? Hold the phone here people, I think your getting a little ahead of yourselves!!! Just because Jockey made a declaration doesn't mean it is so. It's like the peanut gallery saying they are taking over the Howdy Doody show. Jockey can make the declaration and strut around in his velvet cape and tights but really the producers are still at the helm.


Now, let's talk about prettying up this place. I've been spending more time here recently and think it's time to freshen up a bit.

----------


## gbrekken

Go ahead and freshen up Papayahed. Anyone who under-rates introspection won't find anything after they clean up! OOOOhh-that was too harsh I know-my self-inflicted flagellation with wet noodles commences now. Too bad your presence here has made you feel the need to clean up. Men enjoy a little clean dirt?

----------


## jocky

Another important notification

Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation. This is due to intolerable pressure from fellow moderators ( who shall remain nameless ) who were clearly jealous and couldn't handle firm male management. Oh well its back to flower arranging and knitting for us. I recommend Prendrelemick for the vacant position. Thank you all for your backing during my lengthy spell at the helm.  :Thumbs Up: 




> By the way, you better check your list and see if Tareq and Michaela Salahi on on it. They might try to crash the party.


I am not so sure about Tareq but that Michaela could gate crash my party anytime.  :Smile: 




> Our Jocky, who art in High Lands, "Hallo!-ed" be thy name.
> Thy serfs are here.
> Thy will be large, e'en not upon a horse.
> Protect our mead, thus we are content.
> We've no faults, so forgiveness can only be for themselves.
> Please, please, please, tempt me, tempt me, tempt me, lord, 
> for I too wish to fall from my horse.
> 
> Amen


 :FRlol:  In the great pantheon of poetry that one is right up there with the best.




> Now, let's talk about prettying up this place. I've been spending more time here recently and think it's time to freshen up a bit.


" Get thee to a nunnery........We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery "  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I am far too moderate to be a moderator, and too idle.
Not all those, laid in bed majestical, Can sleep so soundly as the wretched slave,

----------


## jocky

> I am far too moderate to be a moderator, and too idle.
> Not all those, laid in bed majestical, Can sleep so soundly as the wretched slave,


Aah, a little touch of Harry in the night. A great English victory aided by a Scot's captain.  :Smile:

----------


## papayahed

> Go ahead and freshen up Papayahed. Anyone who under-rates introspection won't find anything after they clean up!


Dear God who said anything about cleaning up??? I don't clean. A fresh coat of paint and some track lighting would do this place a world of good. And lets get rid of these overstuffed leather recliners and get a settee in here.




> Another important notification
> 
> Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation. This is due to intolerable pressure from fellow moderators ( who shall remain nameless ) *who were clearly jealous and couldn't handle firm male management.*


I never could hide my feeling from you. :Redface:

----------


## jocky

Where are you Atheist, I have been keeping the thread warm for you? I know it looks bad and we are near the point of closure, but dont blame old Jocky, blame Prendrelemick, blame Gbrekken, blame Gilliatt but never blame Jocky.  :Smile: 




> Dear God who said anything about cleaning up??? I don't clean. A fresh coat of paint and some track lighting would do this place a world of good. And lets get rid of these overstuffed leather recliners and get a settee in here.


 :FRlol:  Excuse me, we like it just the way it is. Beer and dust is fine with us and we dont need no settee? Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.

----------


## papayahed

> Excuse me, we like it just the way it is. Beer and dust is fine with us and we dont need no settee? Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.



I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me. :Biggrin:  :Nod:

----------


## jocky

> I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.


You don't mean you know Atheist cardinally do you? If I had known that I would have never resigned as chief high moderator. I have been completely outwittered and taken for a moog. I have a good mind to go back to Youtube, life was so much simpler.  :Confused:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'm sure Atheist would love a settee......trust me.



A settee! It may start with a settee, but it'll be bean bags, and antimacassers on the wingbacks before you know it.

Then what? a love seat in the long room! Hurmph!

----------


## The Comedian

What's this? I visit this thread after a short absence, and it's filled with talk of settees? Not that I know what a settee is, mind you all -- (it's probably French for "old stump" or some such thing), but what has this thread come to?

Let me light a campfire for the men here to gather round: 



Offer some bacon to those men here who would have some:



And, ladies, if you're still here, could you fetch us some sandwiches before you go? That would be lovely.

----------


## The Atheist

> Here's a question: In a professional setting why in green hell would a man refer to his female coworker as "babe" and think that was ok?


Because he's an idiot or a sexist.


Can't think of too many other options.

Leaning towards congenital idiot, because he's making himself loom like a dick in front of other males (and females), some of whom are presumably superior to the bloke in question.




> I hope my arbitrary and undemocratic actions meet with your approval.


Parker mentioned this in passing on the telephone when I rang and asked him to put the Montrachet on ice and open the cigars to let them breathe for a while for my return this evening.

I see you got his message as below!

 :FRlol: 




> Papayahed, Do you think you can get me invited to Jockys award ceremony; I've got to go shopping and see if they have anything in leather that will stretch to a size 20 if the whole lonestar state is coming...wouldn't want to be underdressed


Oh my word!

I've been staying in the "adult district: in Wellington. I think I saw a little number in black that's just right for you!

I'll get one ordered,




> Despite overwhelming public support I have no option but to tender my resignation.


Precisely!

 :Biggrin: 




> " Get thee to a nunnery........We are arrant knaves all; believe none of us. Go thy ways to a nunnery "


Damned if there weren't two nuns in the airport today.

Haven't seen a nun in full habit for years.

Eating hot chips they were! And laughing! What happened to the days when a nun having fun was a delight to Satan and good for a a severe whipping?

God, the Catholic church is getting soft these days. Next, they'll refuse to have a Nazi pope.




> Where are you Atheist, I have been keeping the thread warm for you? 
> 
> ..
> 
> Besides Atheist would have my guts if he did not find things just the way he left them.


A lightning trip to Wellington, mate!

You probably don't know Wellington, but it's aptly named. You need nuts the size of the Duke's to live there. It's built on an earthquake fault which makes the San Andreas look like a scratch, and it's right next to a gap in a 3000 km long mointain range, so you could say it's a bit windy. In the same way you might say the universe is quite big.

Luckily, I managed to escape with both my virtue and DNA intact.

----------


## JuniperWoolf

> Because he's an idiot or a sexist.
> 
> 
> Can't think of too many other options.


Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Because he's an idiot or a sexist.
> 
> 
> Can't think of too many other options.




Scottish ?

----------


## The Atheist

> Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.


Still goes in the stupid category.

The specific mention was in a professional capacity.

In that case, the mock-sexist just isn't going to work. Maybe in 1950, but not now.




> Scottish ?


No way.

How could you have missed that one?

It was in a _professional_ situation.

 :Wink:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Hmmm, maybe he's kidding. You know, the mock-sexist-jerk technique that The Comedian has just so conveniently demonstrated.


One needs to be really close and friendly to be able to pull off a joke like that.

I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.

----------


## prendrelemick

There are some occasions when it may be ok.

1/ The lady in question is called Babette or Babe for short.

2/She has just called her male co-worker Honey, and he responds in kind.

3/ They are an item, and he has permission.

4/ He was talking to a small pig that rounds up sheep.

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=The Atheist;813706

Oh my word!

I've been staying in the "adult district: in Wellington. I think I saw a little number in black that's just right for you!

I'll get one Next, they'll refuse to have a Nazi pope.

[/QUOTE]
Thank you, Atheist, I can't wait to slip on my new leather threads :Banana: 
I guess, if Jockys party is off; I'll just have to wear it to the church Christmas party :FRlol:  You know, I really liked old John Paul II, I was about to convert to Catholicism :Rolleyes: 




> Scottish ?


I don't think there is a little box we can put Jocky in; he's an original. So we have to judge all of his actions on their own merit. Isn't that right, Babe? :FRlol: 

You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term... :Cool: 

Are you both really moderators :Confused:

----------


## JuniperWoolf

> I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.


I'd try joking (I usually do). Say something like "I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.

----------


## papayahed

Now lets be clear. We are not talking about Jockey using the term Babe, we are talking about my coworker saying that in a professional setting.

----------


## papayahed

> You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...


I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.




> Are you both really moderators


yes, why?  :Cool:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.
> 
> yes, why?


Okay, so here I am, sitting around in my cute leather outfit, I have sand in places that I really find objectionable (because I made a lightening stop at the nude beach to admire the moons); I have just drank my fifth bombay and soda which loosens my tongue...and I find out I am on "the thread" with all moderators :Eek:  I'll just sneak into the kitchen and fry some bacon :Redface:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'd try joking (I usually do). Say something like "I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.





> Now lets be clear. We are not talking about Jockey using the term Babe, we are talking about my coworker saying that in a professional setting.





> I'm not worried about being called babe in a blokes thread, that's like going to the beach and being worried about bringing sand home it's in the professional setting which is irksome and which is what we are talking about.
> 
> 
> 
> yes, why?



Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.

As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column, :Rolleyes:  I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.

yours in hope . Prendrelemick

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> What's this? I visit this thread after a short absence, and it's filled with talk of settees? ...
> ...And, ladies, if you're still here, could you fetch us some sandwiches before you go? That would be lovely.


Nothing like the sizzle of fat back and a cozy fire! But we must be cautious Comedian if you fry it up before sunrise. The glowing eyes you see around the perimeter of camp are not necessarily the customary opossums, kiwis, and raccoons. Magnus Pedi is quite fond of bacon given the fact that feral hogs are considered a delicacy.

Settees in the camp? Have we not been served sufficiently well over these many weeks by our finely honed slabs of slate? Prendrelemick put a lot of elbow grease into those pieces. What concerns me more is the missing three handled moss covered family gredunza. What method can we employ to find it? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBokGmwXWfs




> ...You should feel pleased Papayahead, he never called me Babe; Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...





> ..."I'm not your sweety, muffin," in a really good mock-condescending way.


As for the little mares that continue to saunter into our camp, Ive constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. Well keep em in there for the time being.




> Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.
> As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column... The other day my wife threw out my sandwich... What punishment would you deem appropriate...


Place her in the paddock with the others.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> You know, I really liked old John Paul II, I was about to convert to Catholicism


It's that incense and loose dresses, I'm sure of it.




> I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.


Have you tried the direct approach?

Go up to him/her and say, "That really gives me the *****"?

Failing that, a punch in the face usually works!

 :Biggrin: 




> I'll just sneak into the kitchen and fry some bacon


Throw me in a couple of eggs, woman.




> Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.
> 
> As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column, I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.
> 
> yours in hope . Prendrelemick


I'll leave that one to jocky.

I'm stumped.




> Magnus Pedi is quite fond of bacon given the fact that feral hogs are considered a delicacy.


That's a meat I haven't had in years, but I'll swear to it being the tastiest, juciest, best meat ever.

I don't like factory pork, but give me an honest-to-god wild porker and I'm a happy man. Free range pig doesn't even come close to a wild one.




> Settees in the camp?


They burn well in a crisis.

----------


## soundofmusic

> One needs to be really close and friendly to be able to pull off a joke like that.
> 
> I have a colleague who keeps calling me (not so much others) "sweetie" and "darling". As you might have noticed, I am anything but... I would like to do something about it but not sure how to proceed.


 :Idea:  There's nothing better to get a man off your case than to come up behind him in an empty hall and with great familiarity, grab his butt cheeks...you will be "mam'd" the rest of your life :Wave: 




> Dear Cold ale BLOKES thread.
> 
> As this thread is now appears to be Lit Net's agony column, I am turning to you for advice. The other day my wife threw out my sandwich. My sandwich! Does this mean she has lost all respect for me? What punishment would you deem appropriate.
> 
> yours in hope . Prendrelemick


1. How old was your sandwich?
2. Did she ever respect you...and, do you care; I always find that when people start respecting me, the romance is slipping out the window!




> As for the little mares that continue to saunter into our camp, Ive constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. Well keep em in there for the time being.
> 
> Place her in the paddock with the others.
> 
> Gilliatt


I was going to ask for my paddock to have an alcove and pink drapes; but now that I find that the admirable jocky is also a moderator...No wonder he does all those 360's.
What man can tolerate the call of the wild and the call of the banshees...
I will snarf down my sandwich and be off...




> Throw me in a couple of eggs, woman.
> 
> I'd love to, but I have a date with pleasure. One of those moons at the nude beach turned out to be a straight arrow and we're going to South Beach to watch the stars

----------


## papayahed

> As for the little mares that continue to saunter into our camp, Ive constructed a nice paddock around the back side of the cave. Well keep em in there for the time being.


 :FRlol:  a paddock? It'll be interesting to see you try and round up the "little mares". Where's my popcorn?






> There's nothing better to get a man off your case than to come up behind him in an empty hall and with great familiarity, grab his butt cheeks...you will be "mam'd" the rest of your life



oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me. 





> but now that I find that the admirable jocky is also a moderator...


Scher - Moderator
Papaya - Moderator
Jocky - Not

----------


## soundofmusic

> a paddock? It'll be interesting to see you try and round up the "little mares". Where's my popcorn?
> 
> oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me. 
> 
> Scher - Moderator
> Papaya - Moderator
> Jocky - Not


Yes, all of this sexual harassment stuff both gives and eliminates our rights: anyway, back when I was much cuter and much, much smaller; I had a good amount of annoying work admirers...I finally grabbed ones backside in the hall one day...From then on it was "Yes ma'am"

 :Blush:  Oh, gosh I'm dense, that was what I meant by "are you both moderators"; I thought Jocky was up there too... :Crash:

----------


## The Atheist

> oye, I couldn't imagine grabbing a coworker in that manner and it may potentially open up the possibility of charges against me.





> Yes, all of this sexual harassment stuff both gives and eliminates our rights: ...


Good god. If I were 25 nowadays, I'd be in jail.

I have great difficulty with this whole thing. When I was in my 20s I had affairs with several women I worked with. They all sprang out of mutual attraction and sexual innuendo.

Yet, I could confidently predict that no woman I've ever worked with would ever consider anything I did to be unseemly or improper. I was able to be sweet to prudes without ever them ever raising an eyebrow in my presence, although I must say that given enough time and effort, even the old maiden aunts at work will respond to the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo.

Nowadays, they'd bring back stocks to deal with me.
 
And why did things change?

Because we (men) mistakenly allowed you to believe you were our *equals!*. 

Idiots.

In days when sexual discrimination at work existed, there was no "power" over women, because if the boss started getting amorous, she'd just leave and go work at the next supermarket. But give them "equality" and one wants to be promoted faster than another so she has an affair with the boss, while another boss uses the carrot of a better job to coerce a subordinate into sexual favours.

While I blame my fore*fathers* for this appalling state of affairs [!], I have to concede that it is all women's own fault, because if you'd gladly stuck to the kitchen/library/school/nurse's uniform/supermarket checkout, none of this would have come to pass.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Good god. If I were 25 nowadays, I'd be in jail.
> 
> I have great difficulty with this whole thing. When I was in my 20s I had affairs with several women I worked with. They all sprang out of mutual attraction and sexual innuendo.
> 
> Yet, I could confidently predict that no woman I've ever worked with would ever consider anything I did to be unseemly or improper. I was able to be sweet to prudes without ever them ever raising an eyebrow in my presence, although I must say that given enough time and effort, even the old maiden aunts at work will respond to the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo.
> 
> Nowadays, they'd bring back stocks to deal with me.
> 
> And why did things change?
> ...



 :Ladysman:  Atheist, even now you are just too charming for most of us to say no to  :Brow:  (That's why you were reincarnated in New Zealand :FRlol:  to save the morality of "the little mares"  :FRlol: )

I was always confused about the "sex for promotions thing"; it did seem to work for some women; others just had sex with the boss, sometimes had an affair with the assistant boss at some point and got transfered or fired. Now, I daresay, there are numerous young men who are doing the same with female bosses.
So enlighten me; why did this work for some women? :Confused:

----------


## jocky

> Scottish ?


Atheist. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in the shape of a camel ?

Prend. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.

Atheist. Methinks it is like a weasel.

Prend. It is backed like a weasel.

Atheist. Or like a whale ?

Prend. Very like a whale.

You would have made an excellent batman.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> So enlighten me; why did this work for some women?


Probably just as simple as being selective who you slept with.

----------


## jocky

> Unless Schizo is the new Urban term...


I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to your imaginary friend.  :Smile: 




> I'll leave that one to jocky.
> 
> I'm stumped.


Firing squad.




> Scher - Moderator
> Papaya - Moderator
> Jocky - Not


Geez, I never knew that, what with me being a professional too.

Scher- Dictator
Papaya- Taking out of context dictator.
Jocky-Absolute unreconstructed male pig.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Atheist. Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in the shape of a camel ?
> 
> Prend. By the mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.
> 
> Atheist. Methinks it is like a weasel.
> 
> Prend. It is backed like a weasel.
> 
> Atheist. Or like a whale ?
> ...


We would and if we could.

----------


## jocky

> We would and if we could.


Now Mick, you know that I believe, like yourself, that Shakespeare is Shakespeare, or was Shakespeare. There is, however , a powerful theory argued by some, that he was James V1 of SCOTLAND. I am slowly coming round to this thesis. You know I am a fair minded individual, why I even gave your nation all the credit for haggis, but MacBard is not a possibility that can be ruled out. " Have you considered of my speeches "?  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to your imaginary friend.


Nah, I never got on with imaginary friends...You must be talking about the leprechauns that followed me home from the old country and are still trying to find my pot of gold..........

So, who was Shakespeares Bumboy.... :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Now Mick, you know that I believe, like yourself, that Shakespeare is Shakespeare, or was Shakespeare. There is, however , a powerful theory argued by some, that he was James V1 of SCOTLAND. I am slowly coming round to this thesis. You know I am a fair minded individual, why I even gave your nation all the credit for haggis, but MacBard is not a possibility that can be ruled out. " Have you considered of my speeches "?



You fill your hearers with strange invention.

You're wrong there Jocky. Everybody knows he was a Yorkshireman, probably from Barnsley. Look at the Unabridged version of Hamlet-

"Neither a lender nor a borrower be - unless its t' thi sen."

Whereas James the FIRST was clearly a Pontefract lad.

As Xenocrates (Skipton, born and bred) said. I Have often regretted my speeches, never my silence.

----------


## jocky

> So, who was Shakespeares Bumboy....


That is a question that literary historians have been wrestling with for years, the latest thinking is that the dark lady has been mistranslated and should have read as the dark laddie. Personally speaking, I can safely say that I have not lost a minutes sleep over this burning issue. Keep away from leprechauns and their pots of gold, that way lies madness.  :Smile: 




> You fill your hearers with strange invention.
> 
> You're wrong there Jocky. Everybody knows he was a Yorkshireman, probably from Barnsley. Look at the Unabridged version of Hamlet-
> 
> "Neither a lender nor a borrower be - unless its t' thi sen."
> 
> Whereas James the FIRST was clearly a Pontefract lad.
> 
> As Xenocrates (Skipton, born and bred) said. I Have often regretted my speeches, never my silence.


Mmm Barnsley, is that where the pigeons fly backwards to avoid getting soot in their eyes ? Neither a lender...... A sound phlisophy, are you sure you have not got Scottish blood in your veins ? James may have been your first but he was our sixth. As to Xenocrates of Skipton, I have read my Thucydides and he is strangely quiet on the matter.  :Smile: 

A short note on the wonderful Diarist Samuel Pepys. Libertarian, libertine more like it " Tocanda sa cosa con mi cosa " You can look that one up for yourselves. Gourmet, no gourmand more fitting. Wife, servant and child beater, still he knew how to turn a phrase. Diary... 12th December 2009; Well at least Jocky, you never tried it on with a servant in church. Good old Sam, an icon who makes Tiger look like a choirboy.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> That is a question that literary historians have been wrestling with for years, the latest thinking is that the dark lady has been mistranslated and should have read as the dark laddie.


That fits well with the theory that it was really Andy Hathaway and the children were adopted.

I wouldn't trust anyone mixing up a hawk and a handsaw.




> A short note on the wonderful Diarist Samuel Pepys. Libertarian, libertine more like it " Tocanda sa cosa con mi cosa " You can look that one up for yourselves. Gourmet, no gourmand more fitting. Wife, servant and child beater, still he knew how to turn a phrase. Diary... 12th December 2009; Well at least Jocky, you never tried it on with a servant in church. Good old Sam, an icon who makes Tiger look like a choirboy.


Didn't he write for The Clash?

----------


## gbrekken

blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
"No", he replied, "arthritis".

----------


## soundofmusic

> That fits well with the theory that it was really Andy Hathaway and the children were adopted.


I recently read that Anne was already pregnant when she married Shakespeare; perhaps she was a "merry wife" and went frolicking on Wm. long absences. Anyway, I believe it is customary for every homosexual writer to have at least two children, right?




> blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)
> 
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
> "No", he replied, "arthritis".


Be careful, Gerald, some of the blokes are sensitive about their bananas, cherries and nuts  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)
> 
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
> "No", he replied, "arthritis".


 :FRlol: 

I like that!

----------


## jocky

> blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)
> 
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
> "No", he replied, "arthritis".


The bad mooderators might have something to say about that one.  :Smile:  Gbrekken, there are three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who can't.  :Smile: 




> I recently read that Anne was already pregnant when she married Shakespeare; perhaps she was a "merry wife" and went frolicking on Wm. long absences. Anyway, I believe it is customary for every homosexual writer to have at least two children, right?


Wrong, Oscar's next door neighbour had two, I have four but it was all done for Queens and country and if you dont believe me just ask Atheist, who comes from the land down under, well at least next door, and he is still part of the Empire, who are under our Queen. As for your terrible charge against Prendrelemick, mooo, baaa, he is not gay he is English.  :Smile: 

When I was a young man my dad bought me a leather coat with waterproof pockets. I said father, thank you, but why the waterproof pockets ? He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a strange grin and said, you never know when you might have to steal soup !  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Wrong, Oscar's next door neighbour had two, I have four but it was all done for Queens and country and if you dont believe me just ask Atheist, who comes from the land down under, well at least next door, and he is still part of the Empire, who are under our Queen. As for your terrible charge against Prendrelemick, mooo, baaa, he is not gay he is English.


Are you saying that Mrs. Wilde...It can't be...I loved her! Truly, what possible similarities can there be between Oscar and the fellows on this forum: other than wit, broad shoulders and an appreciation for the arts, fine food and drink and intellectual women?

I never said anything about Prendrelemick; you're in fine form tonight. I love the story below...I'm taking it literally. 




> When I was a young man my dad bought me a leather coat with waterproof pockets. I said father, thank you, but why the waterproof pockets ? He looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and a strange grin and said, you never know when you might have to steal soup !

----------


## prendrelemick

There is a country quite near here where men wear skirts and many a Glen is to be found beneath a Ben, where tossing the caber is a national pass time and the men "kiss" each other, especially on saturday nights.- but they seem to breed ok.

----------


## The Comedian

Gents,

I'm of the mind for a fine bottle of Scotch. What would you recommend I purchase were I to stop by my local vendor and pick up a bottle?

----------


## The Atheist

> Gents,
> 
> I'm of the mind for a fine bottle of Scotch. What would you recommend I purchase were I to stop by my local vendor and pick up a bottle?


Glenlivet.

No ice.

Make mine a double; I've just spent the morning preparing "shared lunches" for the last day of school.

Chicken or ham tortillas with salad or savoury scones - take your pick.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Glenlivet.
> 
> No ice.
> 
> Make mine a double; I've just spent the morning preparing "shared lunches" for the last day of school.
> 
> Chicken or ham tortillas with salad or savoury scones - take your pick.


Good fixins, I'm going to school with the kids :Idea:

----------


## gbrekken

Ditto on the Glenlivet

----------


## The Comedian

I was thinking of Balvenie Doublewood. Have any of you tried this variety?

Here's what it looks like:

----------


## The Atheist

Established 18 ninety bloody two!

Damned Johnny-come-latelies.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> blokes' joke (if too risque let me know-I'll tell mom to stop sending the stuff)
> 
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself, slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split with extra cherries. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts too?"
> "No", he replied, "arthritis".


gbrekken,
That is funny! I would like to use that if you don't mind.




> I was thinking of Balvenie Doublewood. Have any of you tried this variety?
> 
> Here's what it looks like:


Whew...I'm back gentlemen! 
That was a long and arduous hunt! It is nice to see we are back to discssing the nectar of the gods. Of course, you know my preference; "gobble - juice" anytime! I must admit that "Balvenie" looks good.

Have any of you boys had a dram of Drambuie? 
When I was a much younger lad, I recall my grandmother keeping a bottle of this stuff next to her bed and a case in the kitchen. She would mix a dram in her oatmeal.
What are your thoughts on Drambuie? 

Gilliatt

----------


## gbrekken

a buddy of mine once lost his moustache under a flaming Drambuie.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> a buddy of mine once lost his moustache under a flaming Drambuie.


Ah hah...that expalins my Grandmothers collection of Avant-garde wigs.

----------


## The Atheist

> What are your thoughts on Drambuie? 
> 
> Gilliatt


Good in beer.

----------


## soundofmusic

I'd be suspicious of anything with the description of "flaming" in it :FRlol: 

Half of the men I've fallen in love with were described that way; it always endend badly :Bawling:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ah hah...that expalins my Grandmothers collection of Avant-garde wigs.



 :FRlol:  The dangers of Porridge a-la-Flambe´.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'd be suspicious of anything with the description of "flaming" in it
> 
> Half of the men I've fallen in love with were described that way; it always endend badly


Faming idiots?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Mad Friday! The last Friday before Christmas, when all the local workers have their Christmas "do". All the pubs and restaurants of our little town are full of chrismas parties. The celebrants spill over onto the street and mingle with the local youth. A general pub crawl ensues. There is fighting, dancing, singing, fancy dress, snogging, throwing up and passing out. The girls from the Co-op hurl insults at the hairdressers from the high street, egged on by the lads from the tyre fitters. In recent years the Police have taken notice and increased their presence to three officers, they stroll along the street chatting up tinsel trimmed girls and warning teenage lads to "just cool it". At around midnight we older celebrants head for our warm beds, the younger end order taxis and head off to the fleshpots of Halifax.
Next week the banner headlines of the local paper will shout the extent of the debauchery,- a broken window, a man taken into custody, an abulance called to the scene, graffiti on the bus shelter. 
Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Faming idiots?


 :Idea:  I'm not sure of exactly what they are; they start out as the Bosey Douglas, Leslie Howard, Laurence Olivier, Jude Law sort...Then everything goes wrong  :Frown: 




> Mad Friday! The last Friday before Christmas, when all the local workers have their Christmas "do". All the pubs and restaurants of our little town are full of chrismas parties. The celebrants spill over onto the street and mingle with the local youth. A general pub crawl ensues. There is fighting, dancing, singing, fancy dress, snogging, throwing up and passing out. The girls from the Co-op hurl insults at the hairdressers from the high street, egged on by the lads from the tyre fitters. In recent years the Police have taken notice and increased their presence to three officers, they stroll along the street chatting up tinsel trimmed girls and warning teenage lads to "just cool it". At around midnight we older celebrants head for our warm beds, the younger end order taxis and head off to the fleshpots of Halifax.
> Next week the banner headlines of the local paper will shout the extent of the debauchery,- a broken window, a man taken into custody, an abulance called to the scene, graffiti on the bus shelter. 
> Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?


What is a Halifax fleshpot? I think in America we are not "joiners"; so our partying and snogging is rather separatist clique sort of set ups. The folks who are full of christmas spirit , own guns, and have just bought alot of Christmas cheer on credit; usually shoot a cousin or brother...they aim for the leg and hit the head. Ergo: Bob becomes "dumb Bubba" :FRlol:

----------


## Paulclem

> Mad Friday! The last Friday before Christmas, when all the local workers have their Christmas "do". All the pubs and restaurants of our little town are full of chrismas parties. The celebrants spill over onto the street and mingle with the local youth. A general pub crawl ensues. There is fighting, dancing, singing, fancy dress, snogging, throwing up and passing out. The girls from the Co-op hurl insults at the hairdressers from the high street, egged on by the lads from the tyre fitters. In recent years the Police have taken notice and increased their presence to three officers, they stroll along the street chatting up tinsel trimmed girls and warning teenage lads to "just cool it". At around midnight we older celebrants head for our warm beds, the younger end order taxis and head off to the fleshpots of Halifax.
> Next week the banner headlines of the local paper will shout the extent of the debauchery,- a broken window, a man taken into custody, an abulance called to the scene, graffiti on the bus shelter. 
> Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?


Halifax - I only ever played rugby (league) there. It sounds as though we missed a treat. Did you ever get over to Wakey?

----------


## prendrelemick

> What is a Halifax fleshpot?


Halifax: The town of a thousand trades................including the oldest one.




> Halifax - I only ever played rugby (league) there. It sounds as though we missed a treat. Did you ever get over to Wakey?



I've been to Belle Vue a time or two when we were in your league.

----------


## Paulclem

I used to play for the colts - 1981 - years ago. I played at Belle Vue a few times, and from my house I could see half the pitch from the bathroom. 

I never realised that Halifax was such a swinging town, but then I thought all Friday nights were Mad.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mad Friday happens in a certain small market town 8 miles from Halifax.

Didn't Wakey have a famous pub crawl all along the same street ? about 20 pubs all on one street.

----------


## Paulclem

> Mad Friday happens in a certain small market town 8 miles from Halifax.
> 
> Didn't Wakey have a famous pub crawl all along the same street ? about 20 pubs all on one street.


Which market town was that?

Yes- the Westgate run. Good fun, which got better the nearer you got to town. 

The Whinney Moor
The Union
The Redoubt
The Waterloo
The Beer Engine
The Waggon and horses
The White Horse
The Globe
The Swan with 2 Necks
The Black Horse
The Roundabout
The Elephant and Castle
The Black Swan
The Strafford Arms

Are some of them. I think some have changed, and I've missed some out. It's been a lng time, and the memory fails, especially towards the end...
You then had the city centre pubs to go to-and the nightclubs...




> I'm not sure of exactly what they are; they start out as the Bosey Douglas, Leslie Howard, Laurence Olivier, Jude Law sort...Then everything goes wrong 
> 
> 
> 
> What is a Halifax fleshpot? I think in America we are not "joiners"; so our partying and snogging is rather separatist clique sort of set ups. The folks who are full of christmas spirit , own guns, and have just bought alot of Christmas cheer on credit; usually shoot a cousin or brother...they aim for the leg and hit the head. Ergo: Bob becomes "dumb Bubba"


Hi The Atheist.
Your post reminded me of some aspects of Yorkshire and Lancashire in the North of England that made me laugh. 

I've no idea why, but there has been a strong cowboy tradition in this part of England. It must stem from the cowboy movies, but seemed terribly out of date when I lived there in the 80's. My wife once went to a Quick Draw night at a Working Men's Club she used to live near, where the entrants, (mainly local miners who'd never been on a horse) dressed up as cowboys and had a Quick Draw competition! 

I've also been to Country and western nights, which were very popular in the North at the local pub with my Dad - who wore his cowboy hat - where we listened to a Don Williams tribute band. Perhaps it was some perceived affinity with the American Outlaw tradition. I know my Dad was a bit of an outlaw in the urban sense. 

Just to validate my point, I have posted a link to The Rochdale cowboy, which was originally done by Mike Harding. Rochdale is in Lancashire.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S7agOnOTE

----------


## The Atheist

> Mad Friday. It seems to have started casually, but is now a tradition. Does it happen everywhere?


Yep. It lasts a fortnight here - they'll stop drinking about 5 January.




> Just to validate my point, I have posted a link to The Rochdale cowboy, which was originally done by Mike Harding. Rochdale is in Lancashire.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6S7agOnOTE


Brilliant!

I must let my beard grow like that in a few years.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mike Harding would remember Billy Holt , a local character who rode around these hills during the 60s and 70s on a horse called Trigger. He was known locally as The Rochdale Cowboy. (Although he was from Todmorden.) I reckon that's where it all started

----------


## gbrekken

Next thing you know, Will Rogers will show up with three roping ropes and use them all at once, while Tonto watches. Wish I could be as pointedly humorous as some dead men we've heard of. Enjoy the day, days, daze, dais, ........... :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Mike Harding would remember Billy Holt , a local character who rode around these hills during the 60s and 70s on a horse called Trigger. He was known locally as The Rochdale Cowboy. (Although he was from Todmorden.) I reckon that's where it all started


There's nothing like the North. Phoenix Nights nailed the club scene. The last time I was in a club -it was the Moor Top Club somewhere near Pontefract - I never usually went in for them at all - it was a local band doing David Bowie covers followed by Bingo! Wierd.




> Next thing you know, Will Rogers will show up with three roping ropes and use them all at once, while Tonto watches. Wish I could be as pointedly humorous as some dead men we've heard of. Enjoy the day, days, daze, dais, ...........


Were else could we link up with Nevada and discuss one of your cultural icons and a bloke from Todmorden called the Rochdale Cowboy. Superb.

----------


## jocky

> I was thinking of Balvenie Doublewood. Have any of you tried this variety


Now you are talking turkey, that is the chosen beverage of the Scottish legal profession. My defence lawer told me that the prosecution team had went through an inordinate amount of the stuff when I was found guilty of a crime I did not commit. Of course, they were not amused to wake up only to find the charges were dropped on a technicality. Atheist was spot on, Glenlivet Prrrr.  :Smile: 




> Truly, what possible similarities can there be between Oscar and the fellows on this forum: other than wit, broad shoulders and an appreciation for the arts, fine food and drink and intellectual women?


Soundo, I never thought I would agree with you on anything but everything you said is true, apart from the intellectual women comment. Mind you, five out of six aint bad, for a woman.  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yep. It lasts a fortnight here - they'll stop drinking about 5 January.
> 
> Brilliant!
> 
> I must let my beard grow like that in a few years.


A two week party, I like it. Maybe I'll relocate to down under and a little to the side. I don't know, the American cowboy thing doesn't quite work in England, even with the hat and beard. They aren't...what...earthy enough?




> Mike Harding would remember Billy Holt , a local character who rode around these hills during the 60s and 70s on a horse called Trigger. He was known locally as The Rochdale Cowboy. (Although he was from Todmorden.) I reckon that's where it all started


Wasn't that the Lone Ranger who had Trigger or was it Roy Rodgers?




> Soundo, I never thought I would agree with you on anything but everything you said is true, apart from the intellectual women comment. Mind you, five out of six aint bad, for a woman.


Will wonders never cease :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

Now guys, you know I do ramble on a bit about extra terrestrial existence, but this is a tale that must be related. As I was watching the blizzard the other night, from the outside looking in, you guessed, I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky. I banged hard on the window mouthing aliens, let me in; and my wife and kids replied in unison, well we hope they freeze to death along with you mother something or other. I know what I saw  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Next thing you know, Will Rogers will show up with three roping ropes and use them all at once, while Tonto watches.





> ...Wasn't that the Lone Ranger who had Trigger or was it Roy Rodgers?


I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up; 
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger who is no relation to the Lone Ranger who road a horse named Silver who is associated with 
Tonto who road a horse named Scout, none of which are related to
Will Rodgers, the great humorist and a master at rope tricks.




> ...I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky...


Relax Jocky, the answer to your lights is right here deep in the heart of Texas ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfCJvh6kwcQ

----------


## jocky

> Relax Jocky, the answer to your lights is right here deep in the heart of Texas ---
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfCJvh6kwcQ


How can I relax Gilly ? I am scared and alone and there is no way you can argue with youtube. Them thar lights sure looked real to me Elmer and Jethro. Hey listen, the next time you do a bombing campaign any chance of dropping them on the bad guys?  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> How can I relax Gilly ? I am scared and alone and there is no way you can argue with youtube. Them thar lights sure looked real to me Elmer and Jethro. Hey listen, the next time you do a bombing campaign any chance of dropping them on the bad guys?


Forgive me, I take my vernacular peculiarities for granted, forgetting that the world outside the Republic has likely not experienced the proliferation of UFO's, alien abductions, marauding Big Feet, Jackalopes, Elvis and Jim Morrison sightings, to the extent that we have. Take it from a bloke who has shared in many of these life experiences, that they will all come to pass.

Could be the Norton Bombsights - the military budget is quite lean these days.

----------


## prendrelemick

I think its time.

LONE RANGER: "Well Tonto old friend, it looks bad, we have no food, no water, out of ammo, Silver and Scout both dead and we are surrounded by two thousand hostile Indians. I know it looks hopeless, but at least we'll be together at the end."

TONTO: "What do you mean "we" White-man!"

----------


## jocky

> I think its time.
> 
> LONE RANGER: "Well Tonto old friend, it looks bad, we have no food, no water, out of ammo, Silver and Scout both dead and we are surrounded by two thousand hostile Indians. I know it looks hopeless, but at least we'll be together at the end."
> 
> TONTO: "What do you mean "we" White-man!"


 :FRlol:  Two words spring to mind, barrel and scraper.

----------


## The Atheist

> Were else could we link up with Nevada and discuss one of your cultural icons and a bloke from Todmorden called the Rochdale Cowboy. Superb.


Immediately followed by aliens!

 :FRlol: 




> Now guys, you know I do ramble on a bit about extra terrestrial existence, but this is a tale that must be related. As I was watching the blizzard the other night, from the outside looking in, you guessed, I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky. I banged hard on the window mouthing aliens, let me in; and my wife and kids replied in unison, well we hope they freeze to death along with you mother something or other. I know what I saw


Haha!

What you saw was actually an electronic helicopter. The people watching you won't be so polite as to just use probes.

 :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Now guys, you know I do ramble on a bit about extra terrestrial existence, but this is a tale that must be related. As I was watching the blizzard the other night, from the outside looking in, you guessed, I had been thrown out again, I saw some strange orange lights in the sky. I banged hard on the window mouthing aliens, let me in; and my wife and kids replied in unison, well we hope they freeze to death along with you mother something or other. I know what I saw


I hear the aliens are trying to start a new race of Scottish aliens; be careful Jocky. 




> I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up; 
> Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger who is no relation to the Lone Ranger who road a horse named Silver who is associated with 
> Tonto who road a horse named Scout, none of which are related to
> Will Rodgers, the great humorist and a master


Thank you for clearing that up; ah yes Roy and Dale and "Happy Trials and Yellow Rose...
Lone Ranger and the white horse and india
Will and the Big ears and sense of humor...

----------


## jocky

The following Xmas presents are on there way: To Atheist a Penn Intl 50t 550 yards test reel, so there will be no excuses for that Mako getting away. To Prendrelemick a digitally remastered dvd of Scotland beating England 3-2 in 1967. To Gilliatt two tickets to the jackalope rodeo in Galveston. To Soundomusic a first edition of the Marquis De Sade's Justine, to put our little depravities in perspective. To Gbrekken a do it yourself earthquake shelter for the big one. To Comedian half a dozen eggs to go with the bacon. To Red Headed a bottle of hair dye. To the moderators merry Xmas. Have a good one from Jocky and family.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Great idea Jocky and thanks for the tickets. My Uncle will be competing.

And in return, I have a few gifts I would like to share as well, but first we must gather round and have a drink--- (See Soundofmusic come in at about 2:20) ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ijnfd...eature=related

Jocky - A new kilt woven of Golden Fleece kindly donated from Magnus Pedi.
Atheist  A full head of hair and Kiwi pudding.
Prendrelemick  Keep an eye out for a delivery of premium Dumas Dung (extra dry). 
Gbrekken  Two front teeth ---
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_VhHqK6yoQ

Comedian  A bottle of my Grandmothers Drambuie 
Soundofmusic  An LP of the Trapp Family Singers and one of my Grandmothers Avant- garde wigs.
Oh and Paulclem  Ill treat you to cocktails at the end of your Mad Friday binge ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvt4b...eature=related

Lastly, for all of us, a trip to Hawaii on me ---

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQOXrMA4K0E

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

And from the first corner of the world to awake with its presents, Merry Xmas!

The kids have only been up since 4 am - things are improving. 2007, 2 am; 2008, 3 am... we're going to use GMT next year and get some damned sleep!

Have a great day everyone!

----------


## soundofmusic

> The following Xmas presents are on there way: To Atheist a Penn Intl 50t 550 yards test reel, so there will be no excuses for that Mako getting away. To Prendrelemick a digitally remastered dvd of Scotland beating England 3-2 in 1967. To Gilliatt two tickets to the jackalope rodeo in Galveston. To Soundomusic a first edition of the Marquis De Sade's Justine, to put our little depravities in perspective. To Gbrekken a do it yourself earthquake shelter for the big one. To Comedian half a dozen eggs to go with the bacon. To Red Headed a bottle of hair dye. To the moderators merry Xmas. Have a good one from Jocky and family.


I'm touched, Jocky. It hadn't occured to me that when I am fatter and 61 years old; I still might find a young lover...I must read more of this...
If I'm not being too greedy; can I borrow your original copies of Vlad Tepes works and Utopia? :FRlol: 




> And from the first corner of the world to awake with its presents, Merry Xmas!
> 
> The kids have only been up since 4 am - things are improving. 2007, 2 am; 2008, 3 am... we're going to use GMT next year and get some damned sleep!
> 
> Have a great day everyone!


And to think I just finished my Christmas eve lobster...You're all invited for pot roast tomorrow...I've taken off for the first time in 5 years!

----------


## jocky

All I had to do was carve the turkey, a simple task I hear you say, no this is Jocky we are talking about. I stood in front of the big table as master of the house looking down on all the happy faces and grated the carving knife and fork together. Unfortunately, as the fates would have it, I stood on one of the kids new roller boots and went six foot in the air landing on the middle of the table. Similtaneously, twelve plates of scotch broth went flying and the wife's beautifully crafted bowl of trifle went over her head. Anyone for stuffing ?  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Gilliatt and Jocky: Thankyou so much for those gifts. :Thumbs Up: 

(have you got the receipts)

----------


## The Atheist

> ...I've taken off for the first time in 5 years!


In a plane?

Your clothes?




> All I had to do was carve the turkey, ...


 :FRlol: 

A Kiwi Christmas dinner.

Waiting until 6 or 7 to start the barbecue on a 28-degree day because it's just too hot to cook.

Fillet steak, marinated in a garlic & red wine, breast fillets of chicken coated with Alan's 11 secret herbs and spices & venison sausages.

I think someone made some salad to have with it.

Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream.

Wine: Deutz champagne.

You can keep the snow!

----------


## soundofmusic

> All I had to do was carve the turkey, a simple task I hear you say, no this is Jocky we are talking about. I stood in front of the big table as master of the house looking down on all the happy faces and grated the carving knife and fork together. Unfortunately, as the fates would have it, I stood on one of the kids new roller boots and went six foot in the air landing on the middle of the table. Similtaneously, twelve plates of scotch broth went flying and the wife's beautifully crafted bowl of trifle went over her head. Anyone for stuffing ?


 :Bawling:  That is the saddest story I've ever hear; the only thing that could make it worse is landing on the carving fork. 




> In a plane?
> 
> Your clothes?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A Kiwi Christmas dinner.
> ...


I took it simple, just took off from work; though after hearing your menu, I might fly over. I've never heard of pavlova; I've got to try making one!

----------


## jocky

:Smile: 


> I've never heard of pavlova; I've got to try making one!


Geez Soundo you really must stop eating at MacDonalds. One does not make a pavlova, one creates a pavlova. I ask again what is the world coming to ?  :Smile: 




> A Kiwi Christmas dinner.
> 
> Waiting until 6 or 7 to start the barbecue on a 28-degree day because it's just too hot to cook.
> 
> Fillet steak, marinated in a garlic & red wine, breast fillets of chicken coated with Alan's 11 secret herbs and spices & venison sausages.
> 
> I think someone made some salad to have with it.
> 
> Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream.
> ...


If you are trying to make me jealous, it worked. Here is a copy of the wife's boxing day menu:

STARTER- Turkey soup.

MAIN COURSE-Turkey with various vegetables and herbs, or turkey without various vegetables and herbs.

DESSERT-Turkey marinated in it's own jelly.

I hate Xmas  :Frown:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> A Kiwi Christmas dinner.
> 
> ...Dessert: pavlova with fresh whipped cream...


Coincidentally, my great Grandfather, Ivan from Russia, used that stuff in his dog experiments.
As one of his descendents, I have been conditioned to enjoy it.




> ...DESSERT-Turkey marinated in it's own jelly...


That is fowl and disgusting!

----------


## Emil Miller

_I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up; 
Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger_ 

I feel I must intervene and point out that the "singing cowboy" was in fact Gene Autry although I don't recall the name of his horse. Did you know that one of the best selling single records was Gene Autry singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? 

That's what I like about Litnet, you can glean a lot of interesting facts and improve your knowledge immeasurably.

----------


## prendrelemick

Of course, Roy Rogers was the singing Architect.

----------


## jocky

> Coincidentally, my great Grandfather, Ivan from Russia, used that stuff in his dog experiments.
> As one of his descendents, I have been conditioned to enjoy it.
> 
> !


You mean to say you are a samoyed ! That Ivan Pavlova carried out some unspeakable experiments. Why didn't you say sooner, we are all dog lovers here, and a dog that can read and write is an invaluable asset ? That has certainly given me paws to think. Fetch boy ( as Jocky throws a stick ). Was Ivan married to Anna ?  :Smile: 




> Of course, Roy Rogers was the singing Architect.


Wrong, everyone who is anyone knows that Camille O'Sullivan was the singing architect. What a Phyllis Stein !  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> _I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up; 
> Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger_ 
> 
> I feel I must intervene and point out that the "singing cowboy" was in fact Gene Autry...


Hello Brian and welcome back to the magical mystery tour.

I stand corrected; Gene Autry is THE singing cowboy from Tioga Texas I might addlet me pause to wipe a tearwhile Roy was A singing cowboy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0A3H...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93argkjkRxk





> Wrong, everyone who is anyone knows that Camille O'Sullivan was the singing architect. What a Phyllis Stein !


Be wary of those architectural references now that we know Brian is lurking in the wings at stage left. I will have to do further research to determine if there is any correlation between Camille and Louis.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Geez Soundo you really must stop eating at MacDonalds. One does not make a pavlova, one creates a pavlova. I ask again what is the world coming to ? 
> 
> If you are trying to make me jealous, it worked. Here is a copy of the wife's boxing day menu:
> 
> STARTER- Turkey soup.
> 
> MAIN COURSE-Turkey with various vegetables and herbs, or turkey without various vegetables and herbs.
> 
> DESSERT-Turkey marinated in it's own jelly.
> ...


I only eat in American restaurants when I visit the UK; they're the only ones who actually use beef in the hamburgers. I think the American MacDonalds uses yak :Wink: 
Be grateful you don't celebrate Thanksgiving; or you would just finish your Thanksgiving turkey before starting the Christmas one :FRlol: 
Yes, I guess the Pavlova or a trifle would take a good bit of luck in my 15 year old Ge electric oven, with irratic electrical current, sitting on the typical slopping American floor :Nod: 




> _I believe we are getting things a bit mixed up; 
> Roy Rodgers, the actor and singing cowboy rode a horse named Trigger_ 
> 
> I feel I must intervene and point out that the "singing cowboy" was in fact Gene Autry although I don't recall the name of his horse. Did you know that one of the best selling single records was Gene Autry singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer? 
> 
> That's what I like about Litnet, you can glean a lot of interesting facts and improve your knowledge immeasurably.


Hello Brian, While I truly liked Gene Autry's "Rudolf"; I'm still rather debating whether, with that twangy, nasally voice, he could be considered a "singing cowboy". Ah, now Roy had a great face and physique, a wonderful singing voice and a beautiful wife who also sang. I believe they even had a horse ranch.

----------


## The Atheist

> I hate Xmas


Oh well, make an effort to get down here next year.

25 degrees again today, fishing, beaches, sun.

Where else in the world can you be 20 km from a million+ metropolis and find yourself alone on a white sand beach with crystal clear water?




> Coincidentally, my great Grandfather, Ivan from Russia, used that stuff in his dog experiments.
> As one of his descendents, I have been conditioned to enjoy it.


Very wise! Many people think Rutherford splitting the atom was NZ's greatest achievment.

No way - it was the pavlova.

----------


## prendrelemick

Preevyet Gilliatt, Do you feel the urge to perform a pas-de-deux when you heara bell?

----------


## jocky

Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself. Brian will appreciate this, not.

The facade I based on the Greek Archaic style complete with doric columns, architrave, frieze and cornice, not forgetting the triglyphs and metopes. A true tribute to the ancient Greek natural world in microcosm.

The door was an exact replica of Ghiberti's North Doors of the Florence Baptistry while the windows were a tastefully designed mixture of oriel, gothic and casement.

The roof was problematic as I did not know whether to go with the medieval perpendicular or a dome. After much heated debate with the neighbours I went with the dome as the gothic was a mite intrusive. I decided on the style of Bramante's dome in St Peters Cathederal in Rome. I could have chosen the Pantheon dome but the occulus was too complicated.

The interior walls were decorated in the Arabesque geometrical style including hidden meanings, while the floor was a black and white mosaic not unlike the 1st Century one to be found at the Roman palace in Fishbourne.

I would have posted a photograph but unfortunately it got blown down in a severe five miles per hour breeze. Now where am I going to keep my pigeons ?  :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Hello Brian, While I truly liked Gene Autry's "Rudolf"; I'm still rather debating whether, with that twangy, nasally voice, he could be considered a "singing cowboy". Ah, now Roy had a great face and physique, a wonderful singing voice and a beautiful wife who also sang. I believe they even had a horse ranch.


Well I never really thought of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers as real cowboys; all those campfire sing songs and fancy clothes etc. I imagine that life in the old west was rather more like this: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLKGgpt_8lw

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh well, make an effort to get down here next year.
> 
> 25 degrees again today, fishing, beaches, sun.


Sounds beautiful, what are you doing, ice fishing?




> Well I never really thought of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers as real cowboys; all those campfire sing songs and fancy clothes etc. I imagine that life in the old west was rather more like this: 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XLKGgpt_8lw


Yes Brian, I'm afraid you're right. I can't quite imagine what it must have been like for those mail order brides washing those pants on a scrub board.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself. Brian will appreciate this, not.
> 
> The facade I based on the Greek Archaic style complete with doric columns, architrave, frieze and cornice, not forgetting the triglyphs and metopes. A true tribute to the ancient Greek natural world in microcosm.
> 
> The door was an exact replica of Ghiberti's North Doors of the Florence Baptistry while the windows were a tastefully designed mixture of oriel, gothic and casement.
> 
> The roof was problematic as I did not know whether to go with the medieval perpendicular or a dome. After much heated debate with the neighbours I went with the dome as the gothic was a mite intrusive. I decided on the style of Bramante's dome in St Peters Cathederal in Rome. I could have chosen the Pantheon dome but the occulus was too complicated.
> 
> The interior walls were decorated in the Arabesque geometrical style including hidden meanings, while the floor was a black and white mosaic not unlike the 1st Century one to be found at the Roman palace in Fishbourne.
> ...


Sound a lot more interesting than some of the rubbish that goes up nowadays.

----------


## gbrekken

I'll take High Noon (just think about Tex Ritter singing "do not forsake me oh my darling")over Shane, though I can't say I know much about the real Wild West in the states. I can tell you to be careful though, when you go to Virginia City, Nevada. The guns being worn on the streets are not pretend. Makes you think twice before you shoot your mouth off after a few straight shots of whiskey doesn't it? I'll stick to being an acquaitance of the bikers.

25C=nice temp for the "winter" holiday eh? Personally I'm glad it's over so life can get back to normal, whaterver that is. 

Thanks for the wonderful Xmas wishes all-I should probably tell you though that the braided steel post with porcelain cap lasted thirty years. I now have titanium in my face so I figure I'm good for life on the one tooth at least. 

Being a former stick (wood as opposed to metal) framer, among other things, I'd have to say Jocky that you probably failed to get proper approval on those structural designs, as glorious as they may have been (it probably would've only delayed your efforts by a decade or so). Ever considered a large piece of canvas (buffalo hide) stretched around a stand of sticks for the birds? If they die, at least you have a safer place in a storm than standing outside the window looking in.  :Smile: 

Best wishes to all for an even happier new year.

----------


## Emil Miller

We can all be thankful that the attempt to blow up an aircraft in flight failed.
The post below is from an Indian gentleman writing on another website whose predicament is no doubt shared by others. However, now that exploding underpants have been added to the terrorist arsenal, does anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid the the security measures outlined in the second part of his post.

_I have simply stopped travelling abroad (nearly 3 years) for many reasons , including the hassles at airports ( I'm a Hindu of Indian ethnicity and a very young looking 45 - Airport security and other staff can't tell and don't want to know the difference between someone like me and the **** Muslim terrorists )

Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?_

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself...
> ...I would have posted a photograph but unfortunately it got blown down in a severe five miles per hour breeze. Now where am I going to keep my pigeons ?


Sounds like you left out the shear walls or lateral bracing to resist the heavy gusts. Or you could have opted for some beefy moment connections. Did you factor in the live loads for the sky rats and the dead loads from the heaps of droppings they leave behind?

[QUOTE=Brian Bean;821753]Well I never really thought of Gene Autry and Roy Rogers as real cowboys; all those campfire sing songs and fancy clothes etc. I imagine that life in the old west was rather more like this: 

Thanks for sharing that Brian. Shane is a classic with the great Jack Palance. He could handle anyone from sodbusters in Shane to cityslickers in "Cityslickers"




> ...However, now that exploding underpants have been added to the terrorist arsenal, does anyone have any suggestions on how to avoid the the security measures outlined in the second part of his post.
> 
> ...Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?[/I]


All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps?

----------


## Emil Miller

All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps? 
 :FRlol:

----------


## gbrekken

It's getting prety deep in here The last time my underwear exploded, no one else got anyting out of it (except perhaps a whiff of foul air and a tire track). 

Believe it or not-Deputy Baltes just dropped by to serve a subjpoena on someone else. Thank God it wasn't 5a.m. and he wanted me. no lie. it was a former resident apparently being looked for. I'm leaving to get colder ones in warmer climes, in keepng with the heart/theme of this thread. adios, adieu, alferdazeeen, wisht i cud spell all.

----------


## jocky

> Did you factor in the live loads for the sky rats and the dead loads from the heaps of droppings they leave behind.


Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. I have Fantails, Tumblers, Homers, Rollers and Pouters, why I once even had a German Nun. My talking pigeon, Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder. If he goes feet up I am holding you directly responsible.  :Smile: 




> We can all be thankful that the attempt to blow up an aircraft in flight failed.
> 
> 
> Does this episode now mean that in addition to all other humiliations, security staff will now be groping your genitals in case of explosives, or even asking fro underwear to be removed?[/I]


I must admit Brian this event has caused me a couple of sleepless nights, this is down to my Scottish ethnicity you understand. When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored. When wearing my trousers I could very well be humiliated by having to reveal my knee length, draw stringed, yellow polka dot boxer shorts..That git has a lot to answer for.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> All passengers must wear "tighty whities" or thongs perhaps?


Or go Commando.




> Speaking about architecture, did I ever tell you about my garden shed which I designed and built myself. Brian will appreciate this, not.
> 
> The facade I based on the Greek Archaic style complete with doric columns, architrave, frieze and cornice, not forgetting the triglyphs and metopes. A true tribute to the ancient Greek natural world in microcosm.
> 
> The door was an exact replica of Ghiberti's North Doors of the Florence Baptistry while the windows were a tastefully designed mixture of oriel, gothic and casement.
> 
> The roof was problematic as I did not know whether to go with the medieval perpendicular or a dome. After much heated debate with the neighbours I went with the dome as the gothic was a mite intrusive. I decided on the style of Bramante's dome in St Peters Cathederal in Rome. I could have chosen the Pantheon dome but the occulus was too complicated.
> 
> The interior walls were decorated in the Arabesque geometrical style including hidden meanings, while the floor was a black and white mosaic not unlike the 1st Century one to be found at the Roman palace in Fishbourne.
> ...


I'm impressed. My shed - bought off a neighbour - is still laying on the floor of my allotment. I have the screws, but have mislaid the inclination. I got it last June. 

Allotment - a small piece of rented land to grow veg etc on. (I mean small too. It constitutes a fraction of a field).

----------


## jocky

> I'm impressed. My shed - bought off a neighbour - is still laying on the floor of my allotment. I have the screws, but have mislaid the inclination. I got it last June. 
> 
> Allotment - a small piece of rented land to grow veg etc on. (I mean small too. It constitutes a fraction of a field).


 :Biggrin:  Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. I have Fantails, Tumblers, Homers, Rollers and Pouters, why I once even had a German Nun. My talking pigeon, Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder. If he goes feet up I am holding you directly responsible. 
> 
> 
> 
> I must admit Brian this event has caused me a couple of sleepless nights, this is down to my Scottish ethnicity you understand. When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored. When wearing my trousers I could very well be humiliated by having to reveal my knee length, draw stringed, yellow polka dot boxer shorts..That git has a lot to answer for.


No where to keep your pigeons eh Jocky. So often the answers to one's problems are too close to see, and it takes an outsider to point out the obvious solution.

A Scotsman. A pigeon fancier. A Scottish pigeon fancier with a commodious kilt. The answer is staring you in the face, man. (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)

I know it's sad but THIS is the 1999th Cold Ale thread post. next poster achieves immortality!

----------


## The Atheist

> Sounds beautiful, what are you doing, ice fishing?


Ice fishing?

That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.




> Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour.


 :FRlol: 

Garden sheds are what keeps men sane.




> No where to keep your pigeons eh Jocky. So often the answers to one's problems are too close to see, and it takes an outsider to point out the obvious solution.
> 
> A Scotsman. A pigeon fancier. A Scottish pigeon fancier with a commodious kilt. The answer is staring you in the face, man. (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)
> 
> I know it's sad but THIS is the 1999th Cold Ale thread post. next poster achieves immortality!


Actually, yours is the 2000th post. Mine is just the 2000th reply which is as it should be.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ice fishing?
> 
> That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.
> 
> .


In sunny florida, where we never hit the beaches until it hits 90; and wear all matter of overcoats when barbequing on a night when temperatures fall to 69...25 either way sounds darned cold...Don't we keep our fridges somewhere around 30?

----------


## prendrelemick

You are using Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit's temperature scale, Sounds, while the rest of the world are followers of Anders Celsius.

I don't know exactly how to convert one to the other, but we were taught to recite this little ditty when we changed over :-

Winter, Spring and Summer sun.
Five , Fifteen and Twenty one.

----------


## Paulclem

> Pauclem, you realize I have terrible problems with another Englishman on this site, perhaps Midlands gentlemen are more approachable, somehow I doubt it. Now let me get this straight, you have not had a screw in your shed since last June because the inclination is gone and your ' allotment is too small ' My advice is this, keep your Missus well away from your neighbour.


 :Biggrin: 

Ey up. I may be an Englishman, but I am a Yokshireman first. 

I had good growth in the allotment last year. I'll need to keep it up to make the most of the legumes this time.




> Ice fishing?
> 
> That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Garden sheds are what keeps men sane.
> ...


Garden sheds in Oz? I thought you used gazebos.

----------


## Emil Miller

When flying I will have to raise my kilt and explain, to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, I have nothing to declare but my censored.

Yes, and give away the world's best kept secret.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ice fishing?
> 
> That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.





> You are using Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit's temperature scale, Sounds, while the rest of the world are followers of Anders Celsius.
> 
> I don't know exactly how to convert one to the other, but we were taught to recite this little ditty when we changed over :-
> 
> Winter, Spring and Summer sun.
> Five , Fifteen and Twenty one.


 :Redface:  God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now :Redface:  :Confused:

----------


## papayahed

> God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now


Never fear Sound, I do it all the time. You'll get used to it along with the whole money thing. It's kinda like Eastern time here in the US. One never has to think about it until leaving Eastern time and then it becomes an issue.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Sky rats.....sky rats......! I will have you know that my pigeons are bred from the nobility of Europe. ... Old Helmet has not uttered a word and has turned quite pale since reading your comment while perched on my shoulder...


I'm sorry for offending Helmet. Better not mention the attempted sky r...I mean pigeon shoots that were proposed here in the Republic a few years back. 




> ... (Though what you use as a perch is your own buisness.)
> [luaghing smilie]





> Ice fishing?
> 
> That's 25 degrees above zero, not -25.





> God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now


You think 25 is hot?... phaa... it was 30 deg here on Christmas eve and it snowed no less. You ought to the the glaciers we get when the mercury hits 105 in August!!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Never fear Sound, I do it all the time. You'll get used to it along with the whole money thing. It's kinda like Eastern time here in the US. One never has to think about it until leaving Eastern time and then it becomes an issue.


Thank you, I feel better now  :Banana:  :Banana:  Oh yes, you're right about the money thing. When I visited England, I just handed everyone a large bill and hoped for the best...Oddly enough, like in Florida, I got change from everyone except the cab drivers :FRlol: 




> You think 25 is hot?... phaa... it was 30 deg here on Christmas eve and it snowed no less. You ought to the the glaciers we get when the mercury hits 105 in August!!


You poor man, hasn't anyone told you yet...you're dead...still flying somewhere between Peru and Texas (Half way to Hell) :Eek:

----------


## gbrekken

some benchmarks 0C=32F, 100C=212F, (freezing/boiling), -39C=-39F
Hence, 32F and 0C is the temp at which Hell (somewhere in Michigan) freezes over and the bats (skyrats?) out of hell are no longer edible without thorough cooking, and retire to Death Valley CA/NV where they're not mistaken for the more edible winged creatures, which shall remain anonymous in this sensitive and politcally correct forum. Elsewhere across the southern states, let's say between Gila Bend AZ and Nacogdoches TX, 100F is when the locals admit that it's warm, and in deference to keeping young'uns with big feet alive, turn on the swamp cooler (not to be confused with true air conditioning mind you). 0F (where I once wore my hat) is when you decide to close the door on your ice-fishing shed since the slight light being allowed in is causing a distracting glare on the TV, which makes it difficult to determine which curling team is winning, and since you do wish to retain enough heat to prevent the supply of barley-pop in the fridge from turning from glorious liquid to inglorious solid. 98.6F=living human body temp? It's not time to introduce Kelvin is it?

-45F with -90F wind chill was actually the coldest that ever touched my face. I don't miss it.

----------


## prendrelemick

I suppose Mr Fahrenhiet couldn't envisage ever needing to measure more than 32 degrees of frost. In the same way, Admiral Beaufort thought it was pointless to go beyond hurricane force 12 with his scale, why bother measuring beyond certain death?

----------


## soundofmusic

> some benchmarks 0C=32F, 100C=212F, (freezing/boiling), -39C=-39F
> Hence, 32F and 0C is the temp at which Hell (somewhere in Michigan) freezes over and the bats (skyrats?) out of hell are no longer edible without thorough cooking, and retire to Death Valley CA/NV where they're not mistaken for the more edible winged creatures, which shall remain anonymous in this sensitive and politcally correct forum. Elsewhere across the southern states, let's say between Gila Bend AZ and Nacogdoches TX, 100F is when the locals admit that it's warm, and in deference to keeping young'uns with big feet alive, turn on the swamp cooler (not to be confused with true air conditioning mind you). 0F (where I once wore my hat) is when you decide to close the door on your ice-fishing shed since the slight light being allowed in is causing a distracting glare on the TV, which makes it difficult to determine which curling team is winning, and since you do wish to retain enough heat to prevent the supply of barley-pop in the fridge from turning from glorious liquid to inglorious solid. 98.6F=living human body temp? It's not time to introduce Kelvin is it?
> 
> -45F with -90F wind chill was actually the coldest that ever touched my face. I don't miss it.





> I suppose Mr Fahrenhiet couldn't envisage ever needing to measure more than 32 degrees of frost. In the same way, Admiral Beaufort thought it was pointless to go beyond hurricane force 12 with his scale, why bother measuring beyond certain death?


Well, gentlemen and ladies, I guess I'm in trouble if they ever take away my dual farenheit/celcius themometer...I judge life by movement; My freezer by firm ice cream and my fridge by crisp celery. A cold day is when my car has frost on the windows and my a/c starts crackling; a hot day is when my hibiscuses droop...

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well, gentlemen and ladies, I guess I'm in trouble if they ever take away my dual farenheit/celcius themometer...I judge life by movement; My freezer by firm ice cream and my fridge by crisp celery. A cold day is when my car has frost on the windows and my a/c starts crackling; a hot day is when my hibiscuses droop...


Thats a good basis for a temp scale of your own right there.

Mine would be based on observations of how much the girls about town are 
wearing.

----------


## Whifflingpin

Lurking in the depths of the sludge pool I call memory is the factoid that Herr Fahrenheit based his temperature scale on the freezing and boiling points of deer's blood.

??

----------


## LostPrincess13

HAPPY NEW YEAR Sirs!  :Biggrin: 
It was a pleasure to meet you all here in LitNet! Thank you!  :Biggrin:  Cheers!

Love lots, 
Princess

----------


## prendrelemick

The man was obviously a genius!



And a happy new year to you, Dear Lady.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Happy New Year to all the Blokes and Blokesses.
My family is about to get the prairie schooner headed to east Texas to celebrate Christmas for the Gurgle side of the family, which typically consists of target shooting, feral hog hunting (if one happens to get in the way), and a bonfire with fireworks. 
This year's bonfire might just include an inquisition trial of the Mozartgeist followed by a auto de fe.
Oh, and I will check with my sister to get an update on the Magnus Pedi activity in the region.

Happy trails to you until we meet again.
Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Thats a good basis for a temp scale of your own right there.
> 
> Mine would be based on observations of how much the girls about town are 
> wearing.


That is a far more attractive themometer; but I find that the young women in this area bare midriffs, wear sandals and sweaters at all times of the year...So I would have to look for prickling skin and perky attitudes :Cold: 




> Lurking in the depths of the sludge pool I call memory is the factoid that Herr Fahrenheit based his temperature scale on the freezing and boiling points of deer's blood.
> 
> ??


What an interesting concept...I wonder why deers blood? I guess his mother-in-law wasn't around :FRlol: 




> HAPPY NEW YEAR Sirs! 
> It was a pleasure to meet you all here in LitNet! Thank you!  Cheers!
> 
> Love lots, 
> Princess


 And the same to you, Miss Princess :Banana:  :Banana:  :Angel: 




> Happy New Year to all the Blokes and Blokesses.
> My family is about to get the prairie schooner headed to east Texas to celebrate Christmas for the Gurgle side of the family, which typically consists of target shooting, feral hog hunting (if one happens to get in the way), and a bonfire with fireworks. 
> This year's bonfire might just include an inquisition trial of the Mozartgeist followed by a auto de fe.
> Oh, and I will check with my sister to get an update on the Magnus Pedi activity in the region.
> 
> Happy trails to you until we meet again.
> Gilliatt


Sounds like a mans man holiday  :Nod:

----------


## The Atheist

> Garden sheds in Oz? I thought you used gazebos.


Oz?

The only wizard here's in Christchurch, and that doesn't really count as part of New Zealand.




> God, I feel dumb...I looked it up. F = (9/5)c +32. I think I need a pair of draw string yellow poka dot shorts to put over my head about now


Nah, just dye your hair blonde.

----------


## Paulclem

> Oz?
> 
> The only wizard here's in Christchurch, and that doesn't really count as part of New Zealand.
> 
> 
> 
> Nah, just dye your hair blonde.


Sorry - I must have presumed you were in Oz from another post. I get it all the time - people suggesting that I'm from Lancashire instead of Yorkshire. My mistake is a few miles more though.

----------


## jocky

> Sorry - I must have presumed you were in Oz from another post. I get it all the time - people suggesting that I'm from Lancashire instead of Yorkshire. My mistake is a few miles more though.


I was going to warn you but I thought your fellow Yorkie would help you out, but he just let you walk right into it. I am now going back to my dram and bowl of salted legumes. There is no honour amongst Yorkshiremen. On Ilkley Moor Bar tat.  :FRlol:

----------


## Taliesin

Concering the gazebos - aren't you afraid of them attacking you? 
(nerdy inside joke, just move along)

----------


## Paulclem

> I was going to warn you but I thought your fellow Yorkie would help you out, but he just let you walk right into it. I am now going back to my dram and bowl of salted legumes. there is no honour amongst Yorkshiremen. On Ilkley Moor Bar tat.


Did you know that there are still laws about Scotsmen entering the City of York that date back to the campaigns of William wallace? Or i wonder if it was from the Wembley pitch invasions... :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Did you know that there are still laws about Scotsmen entering the City of York that date back to the campaigns of William wallace?


' for this relief, much thanks '  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Nah, just dye your hair blonde.


No, I'd better go with the shorts; the blonde hair would just imply that I was sexy :Banana: 



> Concering the gazebos - aren't you afraid of them attacking you? 
> (nerdy inside joke, just move along)


I like it...I don't entirely get it; but I like it :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Sorry - I must have presumed you were in Oz from another post. I get it all the time - people suggesting that I'm from Lancashire instead of Yorkshire. My mistake is a few miles more though.



It may be less in mileage, but there can be no wider gulf.

----------


## jocky

The wife has not spoken to me since Xmas day. I don't understand it, I gave her a state of the art set of teflon non stick pots and pans and the latest multi-purpose dyson hoover.  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> The wife has not spoken to me since Xmas day. I don't understand it, I gave her a state of the art set of teflon non stick pots and pans and the latest multi-purpose dyson hoover.


Your gifts sound truly wonderful, Jocky. I think I'd go for broke, though, and "find" a small bit of jewelry on the floor that "must have fallen out of the teflon when she opened them :Cool:

----------


## prendrelemick

> The wife has not spoken to me since Xmas day.



There are many who'd count you blessed for that.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The wife has not spoken to me...and the latest multi-purpose dyson hoover.


I guess we better not suggest she use Prendrelemicks Shake and Vac powder with that Dyssen . huh?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8CTscW3dpI


We made it back from Spain and I might add that the inquisition went quite well. They allowed photographs. The Mozartgeist didnt have a chance. The inquisitors each held a roman candle and at the command of the grand inquisitor, a reign of fire balls (aided with a dousing of diesel fuel) completed the auto de fe. 

Before




No turning back now. (Note the fire ball coming in on the left side of the photo)



The end of Mozartgeist!




As is customary, following a burning at the stake, the next day is filled with the sound of gunfire. No feral hogs, but we managed to take down a few feral tin cans, a dozen ten point beer cans and a few paper targets.

----------


## The Atheist

> I was going to warn you but I thought your fellow Yorkie would help you out, but he just let you walk right into it. I am now going back to my dram and bowl of salted legumes. There is no honour amongst Yorkshiremen. On Ilkley Moor Bar tat.


 :FRlol: 

Great swerve.




> The wife has not spoken to me since Xmas day. I don't understand it, I gave her a state of the art set of teflon non stick pots and pans and the latest multi-purpose dyson hoover.


My old man used to buy mum a new appliance every Xmas.

He never did quite get rid of the lumps on his head.




> As is customary, following a burning at the stake, the next day is filled with the sound of gunfire. No feral hogs, but we managed to take down a few feral tin cans, a dozen ten point beer cans and a few paper targets.


Outstanding stuff!

----------


## Molpadia

I know this is obnoxiously picky, but considering the brewing process which goes into beer, this thread should _technically_ be named Cold Lager, or otherwise be Warm Ale.

I just felt compelled to point that miniscule, unimportant detail out _: )_

----------


## prendrelemick

I have to disagree Molpadia (although not about you being picky.) Although Ale is brewed warm, it is its condition when drunk that counts. 

we're going back to temperature scales here, Parker measures his Ale by the number of swallows you can take before the pain across the forehead becomes unbareable. Any more than three is unacceptable.

----------


## gbrekken

I almost feel as though I've been reading Minnesota/Iowa/Wisconsin or Texas/Oklahoma jokes. I've never been to Oz in an awakened state, or sober for that matter. I am reminded of the fact that one day I will be able to afford to travel to the annual Burning Man Festival on the playa of the Black Rock desert near Gerlach,NV. I may also be tempted to go there for the next attempt at the land speed record.

----------


## Molpadia

> I have to disagree Molpadia (although not about you being picky.) Although Ale is brewed warm, it is its condition when drunk that counts. 
> 
> we're going back to temperature scales here, Parker measures his Ale by the number of swallows you can take before the pain across the forehead becomes unbareable. Any more than three is unacceptable.


You make a solid point. I suppose that this thread was referring to drinking, not brewing _: )_

I do, however, prefer my dark brews warm.

*EDIT:* Speaking of which; I know that I'm a wee bit late in the game and that this has more than likely been discussed to death, but what do you lot like to drink? Which brew is your poison?

----------


## jocky

> Which brew is your poison?


Hot cocoa and a copy of Sense and Sensebility before my bed at 9 PM sharp. Failing that, Glen Morangie, Glenlivet, Glen Grant, Glen Close, Glen Campbell...... anything starting with Glen diluted bye a teaspoon of water, but never ice. Welcome to hell.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

Atheist did you watch the cricket? A certain team in South Africa are not playing with a straight bat. Some might say that gouging the ball with your fingernails and tramping it into the ground with spiky shoes is a mite questionable. Not Me ! We have long experience of the English sense of fair play. Clearly the match is being played under umpire, sorry I mean empire rules. Come on you greens.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

Has there been a nuclear war which killed everybody from the cold ale thread ? Or has Jocky done something terribly wrong, again ? Send your answers on a postcard, addressed to Sweeney Among The Nightingales.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Has there been a nuclear war which killed everybody from the cold ale thread ? Or has Jocky done something terribly wrong, again ?


Relax Jocky, I am back from a business trip. On the way home I passed by that coffee shop at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon. The door swung open and I couldn't help but overhear some of the chattering going on in there. Would you believe they're back to talking about vacuumes again! I bet those gals would appreciate that Dyson.





> ... I know that I'm a wee bit late in the game and that this has more than likely been discussed to death, but what do you lot like to drink? Which brew is your poison?


Welcome Molpadia,

Other than water, I thoroughly enjoy Wild Turkey 101, Spaten Optimator, Lone Star, Guinness Stout.

----------


## jocky

> Relax Jocky, I am back from a business trip. On the way home I passed by that coffee shop at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon. The door swung open and I couldn't help but overhear some of the chattering going on in there. Would you believe they're back to talking about vacuumes again! I bet those gals would appreciate that Dyson.
> 
> 
> 
> .


How can I relax Gilliat ? When certain Texans, who shall remain nameless, are travelling the globe selling deadly Lightening fighters to an unsuspecting public. This is not being personal, but how can you trust someone who is a Spike Jones fan, knows the shake and vac advert and has shaken hands with bigfoot? Something has got to give! You are working too hard Gilly. You dont want to end up like Willy Lomond. I bet you could sell sand to the Arabs.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Atheist did you watch the cricket? A certain team in South Africa are not playing with a straight bat. Some might say that gouging the ball with your fingernails and tramping it into the ground with spiky shoes is a mite questionable. Not Me ! We have long experience of the English sense of fair play. Clearly the match is being played under umpire, sorry I mean empire rules. Come on you greens.



Disgraceful display! You'd think after trampling and gouging the ball they'd manage to get a few wickets.

----------


## prendrelemick

OK I can breath now, 

I bet Graeme Smith never want to see another Onion as long as he lives

----------


## gbrekken

*EDIT:* Speaking of which; I know that I'm a wee bit late in the game and that this has more than likely been discussed to death, but what do you lot like to drink? Which brew is your poison?[/QUOTE]

No such thing as discussing to death our favorite liquids. My personal favorite is the one in hand. Being under a beer budget with a taste for the one of Scotland's best inventions/creations/concoctions, I drink what I can afford, or whatever someone else/wherever it happens, provides.

We don't always limit discussions to liquids. A while back some architecture/atmospheres (even some females provide welcome input/output)/magnetic things came into play.

Welcome aboard/abroad. Pogonip this morning-hoarfrost is pretty!!

P>S> I'm more into curling than cricket, especially since s0-called winter olympics are on the horizen  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> OK I can breath now, 
> 
> I bet Graeme Smith never want to see another Onion as long as he lives


You couldn't make it up could you ? England saved by Onions and a Swan. I can honestly say that brought a tear to my eye.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> Being under a beer budget with a taste for the one of Scotland's best inventions/creations/concoctions, I drink what I can afford, or whatever someone else/wherever it happens, provides.


Spoken like a true Scotsman, arise Macgbrekken.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist did you watch the cricket? A certain team in South Africa are not playing with a straight bat. Some might say that gouging the ball with your fingernails and tramping it into the ground with spiky shoes is a mite questionable. Not Me ! We have long experience of the English sense of fair play. Clearly the match is being played under umpire, sorry I mean empire rules. Come on you greens.


I didn't watch it, but did keep up on the live play on the internet. Amazing result.





> Has there been a nuclear war which killed everybody from the cold ale thread ? Or has Jocky done something terribly wrong, again ? Send your answers on a postcard, addressed to Sweeney Among The Nightingales.


 :FRlol: 

I've been too busy soaking up the sun.

Raining today for the first time in weeks.

Sod the farmers and their grass!




> OK I can breath now, 
> 
> I bet Graeme Smith never want to see another Onion as long as he lives


Haha! I'll bet beer consumption went up by about 1000% during the last few hours of that game!

----------


## gbrekken

I actually think Jocky is one of my brothers. I don't know where to put him amongst the eight older ones I had, but I assure you he is there somewhere. Let us all hope Atheist gets sun burned in the afternoon, and watches the southern lights after dark. I know where the northern magnetic pole has migrated to, but not the southern. Any help on the thread in that regard?

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've been too busy soaking up the sun.


Enjoy yourself, and know that poor old sounds is freezing her buns off in sunny florida :Cold:

----------


## Molpadia

> No such thing as discussing to death our favorite liquids. My personal favorite is the one in hand. Being under a beer budget with a taste for the one of Scotland's best inventions/creations/concoctions, I drink what I can afford, or whatever someone else/wherever it happens, provides.


I'm not particularly picky with brews, so long as they're hearty and well put-together. I consider myself pretty open-minded in the realm of fizzy alcoholic liquids (excluding wine coolers and the like). That said, right now my affinities are leaning toward Old Speckled Hen, Golden Monkey, and Long Trail Unfiltered IPA.

And thanks for all the warm welcomes, everyone!

----------


## prendrelemick

It's well documented that I partake of the odd Newcastle Brown of an evening. Other than that I'll take whatever poisen comes my way. Old Speckled Hen is not a bad drop when you can get it.

SOUNDS: Tell us menfolk, what exactly are your "Buns" and why do you freeze them off? Are they like verrucas?

----------


## jocky

> I know where the northern magnetic pole has migrated to, but not the southern. Any help on the thread in that regard?


The West Highlands of Scotland. We can now boast the most beautiful scenery in the world and the new location for the South Pole. Brrrrr I'm freezing.  :Cold:

----------


## The Atheist

> I actually think Jocky is one of my brothers. I don't know where to put him amongst the eight older ones I had, but I assure you he is there somewhere. Let us all hope Atheist gets sun burned in the afternoon, and watches the southern lights after dark. I know where the northern magnetic pole has migrated to, but not the southern. Any help on the thread in that regard?


The southern one moved to Pluto.

Having been left with the ozone hole over the most inhospitable place on earth readied it completely for the move.




> Enjoy yourself, and know that poor old sounds is freezing her buns off in sunny florida


Cold in Florida?

(I hear even the manatee are dying!)




> (excluding wine coolers and the like).


You know, I used to be married to a woman once who drank that stuff.

Even though I'd seen her puking her guts in an alcoholic haze brought on by consumption of several litres of that gunge, I still married her!

Ah, the joys of irregular hormones.




> SOUNDS: Tell us menfolk, what exactly are your "Buns" and why do you freeze them off? Are they like verrucas?


Good point, I've always been interested in the etymology of that one.

I'm not sure whether it's a deliberate euphemism for "bum", or some other bit. The thought of bunions hadn't crossed my mind. Do they get worse in cold weather? They l :Eek2:  :Eek2: k bad enough any old time.

----------


## jocky

> Enjoy yourself, and know that poor old sounds is freezing her buns off in sunny florida


I note, with some interest, that some of the fellows are getting into a lather over the semantics of "buns". It is time to apply some good Scottish common sense to the problem and Jocky is just the man to do it. Here are the dictionary defenitions of the noun buns:

1. A small bread roll, often sweetened or spiced and sometimes containing dried fruit.

2. A tight roll of hair worn at the back of the head.

There is, of course, a slang term but I am sure Soundo would never stoop to discussing her keister on the blokes thread. I hope this has cleared the matter up once and for all.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

just as hot water freezes more quickly than cold, so it is with buns?

----------


## prendrelemick

I would never snub buns.

----------


## jocky

> I would never snub buns.


This is a most retrograde step Mick, one might even say backward. Is this the start of a bun fight? Well let me be the first to throw the buns, I pray the coffee girls are not watching, or we will never hear the end of it. By the way, Old Helmet has shuffled off his mortal coil, his last words were ' tell Gilly I forgive him'  :Angel: 

Guys, did I ever tell you about the time me and the wife went to Yorkshire on holiday ? On our last night we went to the Slaughtered Lamb for a few refreshments. What a time we almost had, the wife was arm wrestling with the local chapter of the Hells Angels and I was standing at the bar pontificating on the benefits of the Scottish Enlightenment. Everything was going swimmingly until I asked innocently if anyone knew of a character called Prendrelemick? Immediately the bar went deathly silent, even the Hells Angels went pale. The interminable silence was shattered by a loud peel of thunder and a flash of lightning which lit up the premises through the iron barred windows. An old man who had been sitting strangely silently shuffled over to me wearing a cloth cap and his coat tied with a length of rope and said in a soft but scary voice " Ey up Jocky lad, that is a name we never mention in these parts, when thou goes home tonight take thy sen and thine missus quietly back, and stick to the path Jocky, stick to the path "  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> SOUNDS: Tell us menfolk, what exactly are your "Buns" and why do you freeze them off? Are they like verrucas?


My, you've given me something to think about. I had always assumed that everyone call derrieres "buns". Since a "bum" is a derilect and buns are nice soft sweet bread like things that carry our favorite meats: hot dogs and hamburgers...Perhaps there is more to this, I must reflect...



> I'm not sure whether it's a deliberate euphemism for "bum", or some other bit. The thought of bunions hadn't crossed my mind. Do they get worse in cold weather? They lk bad enough any old time.


Yes, the manatees don't fare too well in the cold after the power boats run them over...
Yes, buns definitely get worse in cold weather; particularly when they are placed in plastic lawn chairs




> I note, with some interest, that some of the fellows are getting into a lather over the semantics of "buns". It is time to apply some good Scottish common sense to the problem and Jocky is just the man to do it. Here are the dictionary defenitions of the noun buns:
> 
> 1. A small bread roll, often sweetened or spiced and sometimes containing dried fruit.
> 
> 2. A tight roll of hair worn at the back of the head.
> 
> There is, of course, a slang term but I am sure Soundo would never stoop to discussing her keister on the blokes thread. I hope this has cleared the matter up once and for all.


Thank you, jocky, for that vote of faith. As soon as I learn what a keister is; I intend to wipe it from my vocabulary...




> just as hot water freezes more quickly than cold, so it is with buns?


I haven't proven that with water yet; but as far as leaving a hot tub...



> I would never snub buns.


I'm touched; but my buns remain print free

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... By the way, Old Helmet has shuffled off his mortal coil, his last words were ' tell Gilly I forgive him'





> ...Since a "bum" is a derilect and buns are nice soft sweet bread like things that carry our favorite meats: hot dogs and hamburgers...
> 
> Yes, the manatees...
> Yes, buns definitely...
> ...a keister is...
> I'm touched; but my buns...


I smell something rotten in the state of Scotland could it be that you delayed the internment of this funeral baked squab?

Say, now theres a tasty idea for those buns:
Come on down to McDonalds and test fly the McSquab. A tasty delight starting with a select breast filet from our farm raised German short hair pigeons, marinated in Glenlivit for three days, placed on a PETA bun smothered in a layer of melted Allgäuer Emmentaler. And may we suggest a side of manatee Au Jus dipping sauce for those little bombers to dive into.
On sale now for just 99 pence, so you better hurry on down before they all fly away!





> Guys, ...until I asked innocently if anyone knew of a character called Prendrelemick? 
> ...An old man who had been sitting strangely silently shuffled over to me wearing a cloth cap and his coat tied with a length of rope and said in a soft but scary voice " Ey up Jocky lad, that is a name we never mention in these parts, when thou goes home tonight take thy sen and thine missus quietly back, and stick to the path Jocky, stick to the path "


(smilie that is laughing) 
Jocky, your strange, silent, shuffling old man sounds an awful lot like the old shaman, Terrier, back in Dumas. Your gaffe at mentioning the name Prendrelemick explains the flurry of HAM radio chatter I picked up from the boys at the Dreary Beery. I am now convinced that the character of Prendrelemick is far more ominous than any of us could have ever imagined. 
I would agree Jocky, you best heed the warning; stick to the path and be wary of the Marfa Lights.

----------


## prendrelemick

> This is a most retrograde step Mick, one might even say backward. Is this the start of a bun fight? Well let me be the first to throw the buns, I pray the coffee girls are not watching, or we will never hear the end of it. By the way, Old Helmet has shuffled off his mortal coil, his last words were ' tell Gilly I forgive him' 
> 
> Guys, did I ever tell you about the time me and the wife went to Yorkshire on holiday ? On our last night we went to the Slaughtered Lamb for a few refreshments. What a time we almost had, the wife was arm wrestling with the local chapter of the Hells Angels and I was standing at the bar pontificating on the benefits of the Scottish Enlightenment. Everything was going swimmingly until I asked innocently if anyone knew of a character called Prendrelemick? Immediately the bar went deathly silent, even the Hells Angels went pale. The interminable silence was shattered by a loud peel of thunder and a flash of lightning which lit up the premises through the iron barred windows. An old man who had been sitting strangely silently shuffled over to me wearing a cloth cap and his coat tied with a length of rope and said in a soft but scary voice " Ey up Jocky lad, that is a name we never mention in these parts, when thou goes home tonight take thy sen and thine missus quietly back, and stick to the path Jocky, stick to the path "


It were all a misunderstandin' ah tell thee! And anyway I wouldn't take much notice of awd Seth, he's not been the same since he sold his IT consultantcy to the Germans.

----------


## Paulclem

> My, you've given me something to think about. I had always assumed that everyone call derrieres "buns". Since a "bum" is a derilect and buns are nice soft sweet bread like things that carry our favorite meats: hot dogs and hamburgers...Perhaps there is more to this, I must reflect...
> 
> 
> Yes, the manatees don't fare too well in the cold after the power boats run them over...
> Yes, buns definitely get worse in cold weather; particularly when they are placed in plastic lawn chairs
> 
> 
> 
> Thank you, jocky, for that vote of faith. As soon as I learn what a keister is; I intend to wipe it from my vocabulary...
> ...


Are they called buns because when you hold two of them together...

----------


## soundofmusic

> I smell something rotten in the state of Scotland could it be that you delayed the internment of this funeral baked squab?
> 
> Say, now theres a tasty idea for those buns:
> Come on down to McDonalds and test fly the McSquab. A tasty delight starting with a select breast filet from our farm raised German short hair pigeons, marinated in Glenlivit for three days, placed on a PETA bun smothered in a layer of melted Allgäuer Emmentaler. And may we suggest a side of manatee Au Jus dipping sauce for those little bombers to dive into.
> On sale now for just 99 pence, so you better hurry on down before they all .


I'll stop before the 2nd course; I can't eat anything that looks like my 1st mother-in-law

[QUOTE=Paulclem;827067]Are they called buns because when you hold two of them together...[/QUOTE

Yes! It is always better to find a "bun warmer" to keep them at their peak and don't forget the clotted cream and lemon marmalade!

----------


## The Atheist

> I note, with some interest, that some of the fellows are getting into a lather over the semantics of "buns". It is time to apply some good Scottish common sense to the problem and Jocky is just the man to do it. Here are the dictionary defenitions of the noun buns:
> 
> 1. A small bread roll, often sweetened or spiced and sometimes containing dried fruit.
> 
> 2. A tight roll of hair worn at the back of the head.
> 
> There is, of course, a slang term but I am sure Soundo would never stoop to discussing her keister on the blokes thread. I hope this has cleared the matter up once and for all.


Alas, it's a recurring problem.

Lots of people also refer to rolls as buns, which is confusing, since a roll with a couple of buns in the open might well be misconstrued.




> " Ey up Jocky lad, that is a name we never mention in these parts, when thou goes home tonight take thy sen and thine missus quietly back, and stick to the path Jocky, stick to the path "


Good god, it's Geoffrey Boycott!




> Yes! It is always better to find a "bun warmer" to keep them at their peak and don't forget the clotted cream and lemon marmalade!


Wouldn't the marmalade stick to your thermal underwear?

----------


## prendrelemick

Then there's baps, bloomers and bottom cakes, but lets not go there.

----------


## Paulclem

> Then there's baps, bloomers and bottom cakes, but lets not go there.


Stotties in Sunderland and Newcastle - which sounds like a type of underwear, and batches in Coventry, which sounds like some kind of rash. 

You wouldn'twant to replace buns with stotties though - stottie are big, round and flat. They'd look more like an elephant's backside, which might be appropriate for some people - present company excepted - but it's not the image you want to conjure.

----------


## Paulclem

Good god, it's Geoffrey Boycott!

My rough cousin and his mates used to throw stones at Geoffrey Boycott's house when he was a lad. I just thought you'd like to know.

----------


## gbrekken

I have missed a few buttons, but they're some thi8ngs not even would joke about. HAs are one of them. Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no why. It's nice to be friends, but I've no intention of making enemies, here, or anywhere. PEACE

----------


## soundofmusic

> Wouldn't the marmalade stick to your thermal underwear?


Hum, good question, I guess you remove the buns from the warmer and then remove the thermal underwear, then add the marmalade...Anyway, it seems to work for jelly rolls.




> Then there's baps, bloomers and bottom cakes, but lets not go there.


I found the baps, I have a few friends who look like bottom cakes...what are bloomers?




> Stotties in Sunderland and Newcastle - which sounds like a type of underwear, and batches in Coventry, which sounds like some kind of rash. 
> 
> You wouldn'twant to replace buns with stotties though - stottie are big, round and flat. They'd look more like an elephant's backside, which might be appropriate for some people - present company excepted - but it's not the image you want to conjure.


Ah yes, life is over when we begin looking like a stottie...I'm guessing I have about 40 more years. 




> I have missed a few buttons, but they're some thi8ngs not even would joke about. HAs are one of them. Ask me no questions, and I will tell you no why. It's nice to be friends, but I've no intention of making enemies, here, or anywhere. PEACE


Join the conversation, my friend. There is nothing more pleasant than sharing a cup, warm buns and conversation.

----------


## jocky

> ...what are bloomers?
> 
> Ask Mick's grandma?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Join the conversation, my friend. There is nothing more pleasant than sharing a cup, warm buns and conversation.


This is giving me a glow of sentimentality as it brings back happy memories of the tea debate. Started by Atheist I might add. Tea and buns bring out the worst in people, especially in the southern regions. As long as nobody mentions cucumber sandwiches we should be okay.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> stick to the path and be wary of the Marfa Lights.


I was going to take up Atheists kind offer of a vacation in Auklaund, but since researching the Marfa lights I am heading for Texas, a ufologists dream. Me and my large extended family will be more than happy Gilliat to stay at your house for a prolonged period. Dont worry about the expense, I will square you up as soon as my first, as yet unwritten novel, is published. I can't wait, we will all mosey on down to Soundo's pad and mooch off her for an indefenite period, everyone knows Floridians are filthy rich. Then to round it all off we will pop in to one of Gbrekken' s English classes in Reno. P.S. Gilly we like our breakfast at 7 am sharp and dont worry about my four rotweillers, they are completely harmless.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

No, no...you don't want to go down there. Remember, Athesit said it is freezing down there at 29 deg.
My gate is always open to weary travellers and I will make sure we leave the "lights" on for you. Roger on that breakfast at seven sharpe which, by the way, will consist of toasted McSquab, rabbit haunches smothered in buttered grits and warm Wild Turkey.

We look forward to seeing you, so don't get too attached to Florida.

Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> No, no...you don't want to go down there. Remember, Athesit said it is freezing down there at 29 deg.
> My gate is always open to weary travellers and I will make sure we leave the "lights" on for you. Roger on that breakfast at seven sharpe which, by the way, will consist of toasted McSquab, rabbit haunches smothered in buttered grits and warm Wild Turkey.
> 
> We look forward to seeing you, so don't get too attached to Florida.
> 
> Gilliatt


 :FRlol:  I know this will be a massive disappointment Gilliatt but the thought of more warm wild turkey has caused a certain amount of green gills in my shackhold, so we will have to decline your kind offer forever. Mick where's the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding ?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Good god, it's Geoffrey Boycott!
> 
> My rough cousin and his mates used to throw stones at Geoffrey Boycott's house when he was a lad. I just thought you'd like to know.


Ha!

Good job too.

Boycott is a scumbag of the lowest kind. Anyone who sees fit to give his wife a bash should be put down, in my opinion.




> ...what are bloomers?


Here




> No, no...you don't want to go down there. Remember, Athesit said it is freezing down there at 29 deg.
> My gate is always open to weary travellers and I will make sure we leave the "lights" on for you. Roger on that breakfast at seven sharpe which, by the way, will consist of toasted McSquab, rabbit haunches smothered in buttered grits and warm Wild Turkey.
> 
> We look forward to seeing you, so don't get too attached to Florida.
> 
> Gilliatt


I've been meaning to say: you have the best sig mine I've ever seen.
One of the great characters of all time.




> Mick where's the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding ?


Ah, Yorkshire pudding.

I am the master of Yorkshire pud.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I know this will be a massive disappointment Gilliatt but the thought of more warm wild turkey has caused a certain amount of green gills in my shackhold, so we will have to decline your kind offer forever. Mick where's the roast beef and Yorkshire pudding ?



The last time any of you Reivers came looking for beef was during the reign of Good Queen Bess, but we have long memories round here !

----------


## jocky

> The last time any of you Reivers came looking for beef was during the reign of Good Queen Bess, but we have long memories round here !


That is a blatant falsehood, as your ancestor Baron Prendrelemick of the Dales well knew. We were only recovering our prized Aberdeen Angus cattle which he had half inched. Besides, the Virgin Queen, a misnomer if ever there was one, was quite partial to our Reivers. After a long private meeting with the Bold Buccleugh, she emerged from his tent with her face all flushed and stated " With ten thousand such men James V1 could shake any throne in Europe. "  :Thumbs Up:

----------


## soundofmusic

> This is giving me a glow of sentimentality as it brings back happy memories of the tea debate. Started by Atheist I might add. Tea and buns bring out the worst in people, especially in the southern regions. As long as nobody mentions cucumber sandwiches we should be okay.


You and the Mrs. may want to give our cucumber sandwiches a try; we use mayonnaise. Sometimes we put alittle tomato and bacon.... :Tongue: 




> I can't wait, we will all mosey on down to Soundo's pad and mooch off her for an indefenite period, everyone knows Floridians are filthy rich. Then to round it all off we will pop in to one of Gbrekken' s English classes in Reno. P.S. Gilly we like our breakfast at 7 am sharp and dont worry about my four rotweillers, they are completely harmless.


Tell Mrs. J, I'm looking forward to your visit; she may have to do some shopping and make the hearty breakfast you're accustomed to (she can put some of the eggs and sausages in the warmer for me); I do the continental breakfast here: something sweet, juice and coffee. 



> No, no...you don't want to go down there. Remember, Athesit said it is freezing down there at 29 deg.
> My gate is always open to weary travellers and I will make sure we leave the "lights" on for you. Roger on that breakfast at seven sharpe which, by the way, will consist of toasted McSquab, rabbit haunches smothered in buttered grits and warm Wild Turkey.
> 
> We look forward to seeing you, so don't get too attached to Florida.
> 
> Gilliatt





> Ha!
> 
> Good job too.
> 
> Boycott is a scumbag of the lowest kind. Anyone who sees fit to give his wife a bash should be put down, in my opinion.
> 
> 
> 
> Here
> ...

----------


## Paulclem

I found the baps, I have a few friends who look like bottom cakes...what are bloomers? Soundofmusic

Funnily enough - considering our bun thread - they are large loaves of bread. 

http://www.parade.com/food/recipe-ti...en/bloomer.jpg


Good job too.

Boycott is a scumbag of the lowest kind. Anyone who sees fit to give his wife a bash should be put down, in my opinion.

Yes. An opinionated scumbag.

----------


## soundofmusic

> This is giving me a glow of sentimentality as it brings back happy memories of the tea debate. Started by Atheist I might add. Tea and buns bring out the worst in people, especially in the southern regions. As long as nobody mentions cucumber sandwiches we should be okay.


You and the Mrs. may want to give our cucumber sandwiches a try; we use mayonnaise. Sometimes we put alittle tomato and bacon.... :Tongue: 




> I can't wait, we will all mosey on down to Soundo's pad and mooch off her for an indefenite period, everyone knows Floridians are filthy rich. Then to round it all off we will pop in to one of Gbrekken' s English classes in Reno. P.S. Gilly we like our breakfast at 7 am sharp and dont worry about my four rotweillers, they are completely harmless.


Tell Mrs. J, I'm looking forward to your visit; she may have to do some shopping and make the hearty breakfast you're accustomed to (she can put some of the eggs and sausages in the warmer for me);I wake between 9 and 11 and do a continental breakfast: something sweet, juice and coffee.




> No, no...you don't want to go down there. Remember, Athesit said it is freezing down there at 29 deg.
> My gate is always open to weary travellers and I will make sure we leave the "lights" on for you. Roger on that breakfast at seven sharpe which, by the way, will consist of toasted McSquab, rabbit haunches smothered in buttered grits and warm Wild Turkey.
> 
> We look forward to seeing you, so don't get too attached to Florida.
> 
> Gilliatt


We are definitely freezing our bloomers, baps and buns down here. I haven't opened the windows or turned on the a/c for 2 weeks. It's okay though, Jocky, I'm asking Atheist and his family to fly in to work the grill and Gilliatt to come also, before his breakfast eats him.




> Ah, Yorkshire pudding.
> 
> I am the master of Yorkshire pud.


Thank you, Atheist, I wonder if the birth rate went down when ladies wore bloomers; they're not at all fetching. I thought a bloomer was some bread with alot of yeast...

So, do you think your family can come up to feed the guests; The last time I made Yorkshire pudding, it was all flat and greasy.

----------


## The Atheist

> Thank you, Atheist, I wonder if the birth rate went down when ladies wore bloomers; they're not at all fetching.


Hmmm. I did see an advert there for "split crotch" bloomers...




> So, do you think your family can come up to feed the guests; The last time I made Yorkshire pudding, it was all flat and greasy.


No problem.

Kill the steer, cut off a bolar and I'll be there with my Bisto and Yorkie pud mix.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I found the baps, I have a few friends who look like bottom cakes...what are bloomers? Soundofmusic
> 
> Funnily enough - considering our bun thread - they are large loaves of bread. 
> 
> http://www.parade.com/food/recipe-ti...en/bloomer.jpg
> 
> [COLOR="DarkRed"]


Those are beautiful; much nicer than the fabric version. 




> Hmmm. I did see an advert there for "split crotch" bloomers...
> 
> No problem.
> 
> Kill the steer, cut off a bolar and I'll be there with my Bisto and Yorkie pud mix.


Split crotch bloomers, hum, I assume it was a matter of practicality...

Gilliatt will bring the steer (wearing a polka dot dress and bloomers) on the plane with him; the airline was going to charge extra for her size, but we stuck her in a wheelchair and protested that her size was due to hormone therapy :FRlol: 

I hope Paulclem will come, maybe he'll bring some good English breads.

----------


## Paulclem

> Those are beautiful; much nicer than the fabric version. 
> 
> 
> 
> Split crotch bloomers, hum, I assume it was a matter of practicality...
> 
> Gilliatt will bring the steer (wearing a polka dot dress and bloomers) on the plane with him; the airline was going to charge extra for her size, but we stuck her in a wheelchair and protested that her size was due to hormone therapy
> 
> I hope Paulclem will come, maybe he'll bring some good English breads.


I have to confess that the best bread I've had are the rolls you get in Austria. Superb!


http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikibook...s_of_bread.jpg

So we're coming to yours in Florida? Lots of Brits like it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ha!
> 
> I've been meaning to say: you have the best sig mine I've ever seen.
> One of the great characters of all time.


Thanks Atheist,

And now Ladies and Gentlemen, for the sake of the uneducated, I ask that you all sit down, finish what is left in your glass and kindly direct your attention to the silver screen. Lights please. 
Behold the greatest line that has ever been, and likely ever will be, uddered in the annals of the cinematic world: (To save a little time just skip ahead to about 2:45 through 3:40)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGX-d...eature=related




> ...We are definitely freezing our bloomers, baps and buns down here. I haven't opened the windows or turned on the a/c for 2 weeks. It's okay though, Jocky, I'm asking Atheist and his family to fly in to work the grill and Gilliatt to come also, before his breakfast eats him.


Sounds like you got quite a chill down there. I will bring the frozen orange juice to serve with that breakfast.




> I have to confess that the best bread I've had are the rolls you get in Austria. Superb!
> 
> 
> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikibook...s_of_bread.jpg
> 
> So we're coming to yours in Florida? Lots of Brits like it.


Hello to Paulclem from your friends here in the Lone Star Republic.
That brot looks goot!

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I hope Paulclem will come, maybe he'll bring some good English breads.


Even better if he brings some English broads.

Not to be confused with Norfolk Broads.

They're wetter and much less fun.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have to confess that the best bread I've had are the rolls you get in Austria. Superb!
> 
> 
> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikibook...s_of_bread.jpg
> 
> So we're coming to yours in Florida? Lots of Brits like it.


We'll roll out the red carpet and get the spare room ready...Those Austrian rolls look delicious



> Thanks Atheist,
> 
> And now Ladies and Gentlemen, for the sake of the uneducated, I ask that you all sit down, finish what is left in your glass and kindly direct your attention to the silver screen. Lights please. 
> Behold the greatest line that has ever been, and likely ever will be, uddered in the annals of the cinematic world: (To save a little time just skip ahead to about 2:45 through 3:40)
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGX-d...eature=related
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Lovely movie, Gilliatt...I've always liked "Young Frankenstein"
Maybe we'll put alittle champagne in the oj




> Even better if he brings some English broads.
> 
> Not to be confused with Norfolk Broads.
> 
> They're wetter and much less fun.


Now, I assume you're speaking of the raven haired, blue eyed, pale skinned English broads...like Sara Brightman...
I'm afraid you may have to keep the ladies in your room until after dark, when the kiddies are all safe in their beds :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

Sara is a lovely girl, but the real English Rose has moved down market recently.

----------


## gbrekken

no quotes or capitals here. OMG! Intenational translator here. When the bloomers come off, birth rate has a chance of arising. I only want pliable buns, though even frozen ones stand the possiblity of being warmed by large cold hands. Benefits of friction was probably documented by Newton. Wild Turkey is nectar of Kentuckian fathers. If it turns gills green, not even a pickle/peanut butter sandwich could help. Heart to Haiti.
I prefer my hot bread pudding served with thick cream as the conveyor.

sometimes loaned computer works, sometime not. Son did good first semester of law school.

Leaving 1,150 acres of corn in the field, a brother-in-law left to harvest some hogs in Texas, and stopped off in Colorado to drop off a few pounds of pork. It's not unbelievable, but I won't broach the subject with the man (talked to my sister-that's enough-not even she is foolish enough to broach the subject). Supposed to hit 50F here today, then the pineapple express begins (el nino?).

----------


## The Atheist

> Sara is a lovely girl, but the real English Rose has moved down market recently.


Now, that's some real class right there!

Which one's yours?




> Leaving 1,150 acres of corn in the field, a brother-in-law left to harvest some hogs in Texas, and stopped off in Colorado to drop off a few pounds of pork. It's not unbelievable, but I won't broach the subject with the man (talked to my sister-that's enough-not even she is foolish enough to broach the subject). Supposed to hit 50F here today, then the pineapple express begins (el nino?).


Is Nevada really in USA?

 :Brow:

----------


## Paulclem

> Thanks Atheist,
> 
> And now Ladies and Gentlemen, for the sake of the uneducated, I ask that you all sit down, finish what is left in your glass and kindly direct your attention to the silver screen. Lights please. 
> Behold the greatest line that has ever been, and likely ever will be, uddered in the annals of the cinematic world: (To save a little time just skip ahead to about 2:45 through 3:40)
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XGX-d...eature=related
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hi Gilliat. Thanks for the clip. 

I saw Blazing Saddles when it was released in England in the late 70s (?). Brilliant film. I was an older teen then, and we went to see Blazing Saddles and then Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Great memories of watching with my mates.

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;828981]We'll roll out the red carpet and get the spare room ready...Those Austrian rolls look delicious

They were great. 

Did you ask me in another thread about the Leofric in Coventy? It's changed hands now. 

There have been a few changes around the City Centre too. It's getting better.




> Sara is a lovely girl, but the real English Rose has moved down market recently.


This wouldn't be Halifax would it?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Sara is a lovely girl, but the real English Rose has moved down market recently.


Gracious, are they triplets. You know, if they're triplets, you can't separate them...I hope you have "lots of bread" 
Aren't those roses of the short-stemmed, mixed variety though? I still think, if I were a gentleman, I would prefer the long stemmed, single-hued beauties to grace my private garden.




> no quotes or capitals here. OMG! Intenational translator here. When the bloomers come off, birth rate has a chance of arising. I only want pliable buns, though even frozen ones stand the possiblity of being warmed by large cold hands. Benefits of friction was probably documented by Newton. Wild Turkey is nectar of Kentuckian fathers. If it turns gills green, not even a pickle/peanut butter sandwich could help. Heart to Haiti.
> I prefer my hot bread pudding served with thick cream as the conveyor.
> 
> sometimes loaned computer works, sometime not. Son did good first semester of law school.
> 
> Leaving 1,150 acres of corn in the field, a brother-in-law left to harvest some hogs in Texas, and stopped off in Colorado to drop off a few pounds of pork. It's not unbelievable, but I won't broach the subject with the man (talked to my sister-that's enough-not even she is foolish enough to broach the subject). Supposed to hit 50F here today, then the pineapple express begins (el nino?).



I don't know, I think you might need to warm those big hands up before kneading the bread :Smash:  I like my hot bread pudding with lots of cinnamon and whipped cream.
Kuddos to the son :Banana: 
Why is the corn unharvested?
I don't think I'd let the brother-in-law go a-traveling with any of my hogs :Eek:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Gracious, are they triplets. You know, if they're triplets, you can't separate them...I hope you have "lots of bread" 
> Aren't those roses of the short-stemmed, mixed variety though? I still think, if I were a gentleman, I would prefer the long stemmed, single-hued beauties to grace my private garden.


No they are not your garden roses, more _Rosa Rugosa_ , a native rose known for its wild habit and large hips.

As to the contents of my bread basket....

----------


## soundofmusic

> No they are not your garden roses, more _Rosa Rugosa_ , a native rose known for its wild habit and large hips.
> 
> As to the contents of my bread basket....


I found an article, a fellow was complaining that while he was away his Rosa Rugosa had become huge and thorny :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> No they are not your garden roses, more _Rosa Rugosa_ , a native rose known for its wild habit and large hips.


And usually highly regarded by young men with a certain alcohol content.

Until the morning after...

----------


## jocky

It is with a great deal of regret that I have to report that our Empire has been victim to a massive swindle. All this talk of buns by our American friends has been a red herring. We have been conned, they were really after our confectionary industry. The great institution of Cadbury has been usurped by a sneaky hostile takeover. How can you trust a nation that would go to war over tea ? Creme eggs, Flakes, Dairy Milk, Crunchies and, God help us, Chocolate fingers are now the property of Corporate America. Wait until I get my hands on that Gilliatt, business trip indeed !  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> And usually highly regarded by young men with a certain alcohol content.
> 
> Until the morning after...


Smart young ladies grab their attire, wipe their runny mascara and evacuate before the young prince wakes and finds a mass of cellulite :FRlol: 




> It is with a great deal of regret that I have to report that our Empire has been victim to a massive swindle. All this talk of buns by our American friends has been a red herring. We have been conned, they were really after our confectionary industry. The great institution of Cadbury has been usurped by a sneaky hostile takeover. How can you trust a nation that would go to war over tea ? Creme eggs, Flakes, Dairy Milk, Crunchies and, God help us, Chocolate fingers are now the property of Corporate America. Wait until I get my hands on that Gilliatt, business trip indeed !


Oh my, yes, I forgot your wonderful chocolate biscuits and shortbread, Oh god, the marmalades and clotted creams; Does anyone care if the cows are mad?

----------


## prendrelemick

Can I do that? Borrow a couple of billion, take over a company then pass the debt on to that company. While I enjoy my pork scratchings from a silver salver.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Can I do that? Borrow a couple of billion, take over a company then pass the debt on to that company. While I enjoy my pork scratchings from a silver salver.


 :Wink:  No, it can't be. The Americans are trying to save the 100+ year old company from ruin...We're helping people again, right :Idea:  Unfortunately, we're changing your chocolate recipe; you know, the one that made us want to write a blank check :Goof:

----------


## The Atheist

> It is with a great deal of regret that I have to report that our Empire has been victim to a massive swindle. All this talk of buns by our American friends has been a red herring. We have been conned, they were really after our confectionary industry. The great institution of Cadbury has been usurped by a sneaky hostile takeover. How can you trust a nation that would go to war over tea ? Creme eggs, Flakes, Dairy Milk, Crunchies and, God help us, Chocolate fingers are now the property of Corporate America. Wait until I get my hands on that Gilliatt, business trip indeed !


Buy shares in Nestle immediately.

I imagine this would be the best marketing ploy they could ever come up with.

Going by food made by Kraft I've tried so far, most of it tastes as though it was made from emissions from a waste pipe of the Bangalore sewage plant in a factory built on the ruined Union Carbide one at Bhopal.

----------


## gbrekken

The extremely wet and frozen corn in NW MN is 1/2 buried in three feet of snow. The weather here in NV crosses CA first, and sometimes originates near Hawaii (hence pineapple). Not sure about that Cadbury deal going through, once it becomes common knowledge that the majority stockholder of Kraft is the Chinese government.

major computer problem-may be a while before I get back. Keep it going blokes

----------


## soundofmusic

> The extremely wet and frozen corn in NW MN is 1/2 buried in three feet of snow. The weather here in NV crosses CA first, and sometimes originates near Hawaii (hence pineapple). Not sure about that Cadbury deal going through, once it becomes common knowledge that the majority stockholder of Kraft is the Chinese government.
> 
> major computer problem-may be a while before I get back. Keep it going blokes


Sorry about the corn and the computer; sounds like a mess...

Oh, so that's what happened to Krafts recipes...Have any of you ever tasted those nasty gelatin desserts they sell in Chinese stores?  :Sick: 




> Buy shares in Nestle immediately.
> 
> I imagine this would be the best marketing ploy they could ever come up with.
> 
> Going by food made by Kraft I've tried so far, most of it tastes as though it was made from emissions from a waste pipe of the Bangalore sewage plant in a factory built on the ruined Union Carbide one at Bhopal.


Well, Nestle isn't so great anymore either. The days are gone when children toasted every morning to Nestles Quick rabbit and Kellogs tiger...

I hope the other UK biscuit companies will hold out...

----------


## The Atheist

The power of Google:

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah so thats how kraft did it. Looks like you can buy New Zealand too at the push of a button.


_Smart young ladies grab their attire, wipe their runny mascara and evacuate before the young prince wakes and finds a mass of cellulite_

Thats why we appreciate your female presence, Sounds,- Life from the other side.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ah so thats how kraft did it. Looks like you can buy New Zealand too at the push of a button.
> 
> 
> _Smart young ladies grab their attire, wipe their runny mascara and evacuate before the young prince wakes and finds a mass of cellulite_
> 
> Thats why we appreciate your female presence, Sounds,- Life from the other side.


 :Smile:  Thank you, I feel all warm and fuzzy now :Blush:  Just don't tell the ladies I'm letting you in on the "insider secrets" :Wink:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It is with a great deal of regret... 
> ...Wait until I get my hands on that Gilliatt, business trip indeed !


It wasn't me, remember I was selling sand to the Arabs.




> Can I do that? Borrow a couple of billion, take over a company then pass the debt on to that company. While I enjoy my pork scratchings from a silver salver.





> Ah so thats how kraft did it. Looks like you can buy New Zealand too at the push of a button.


This is how the deal went down:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dU7nG...eature=related

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

Irene Rosenfield and Veruca Salt. Are they the same person? I can't help noticing they are never seen together. :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Irene Rosenfield and Veruca Salt. Are they the same person? I can't help noticing they are never seen together.


 :FRlol: Good one, Irene's the one in drag...She's Veruca's father :Alien:

----------


## soundofmusic

:Frown:  Oh boys, where did everyone go :Bawling:  Did you find a new clubhouse or pub :Idea:

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh boys, where did everyone go Did you find a new clubhouse or pub


No!

I've been soaking up the sun and working, Mick's been guarding the sheep, Gilliat the scotch and jocky's been tied up by his Mrs.

I'm just not sure why....

...but the screams say I shouldn't look.

----------


## jocky

> No!
> 
> I've been soaking up the sun and working, Mick's been guarding the sheep, Gilliat the scotch and jocky's been tied up by his Mrs.
> 
> I'm just not sure why....
> 
> ...but the screams say I shouldn't look.


As usual Atheist you are correct, it is a horrible tale I have to relate. It all started with my new found interest in alchemy. I set up my laboratory in the basement complete with candle, furnace, all the necessary chemical compounds and the forbidden books. I feverishly studied Sir Isaac Newton's alchemical notes and after much blood sweat and tears I can report a degree of success. I am the first man in the planet to have transformed gold into lead. Unfortunately, I used the wife's jewellery for my experiments. If I could just somehow untie myself ( A difficult procedure with so many broken bones ) I may be able to reverse the process.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

Not to worry Sound, we're all just hibernating in man-made caves; it happens a' times.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not to worry Sound, we're all just hibernating in man-made caves; it happens a' times.


Glad to hear it, does the cave have cable, surround sound and a tiger-hide couch; if so, I'll be over for the game...I hear that their thinking of getting an all male cheerleader squad for us ladies :Wink: 




> No!
> 
> I've been soaking up the sun and working, Mick's been guarding the sheep, Gilliat the scotch and jocky's been tied up by his Mrs.
> 
> I'm just not sure why....
> 
> ...but the screams say I shouldn't look.


God, that Jockys a lucky man; to have a woman who can cook and wrestle :Banana:  :Idea: 
You know, Atheist, I don't think you've ever confirmed what or who you work on; but if you can soak up the sun while doing it, I'm changing professions :Idea: 




> As usual Atheist you are correct, it is a horrible tale I have to relate. It all started with my new found interest in alchemy. I set up my laboratory in the basement complete with candle, furnace, all the necessary chemical compounds and the forbidden books. I feverishly studied Sir Isaac Newton's alchemical notes and after much blood sweat and tears I can report a degree of success. I am the first man in the planet to have transformed gold into lead. Unfortunately, I used the wife's jewellery for my experiments. If I could just somehow untie myself ( A difficult procedure with so many broken bones ) I may be able to reverse the process.


Have you told the Mrs J. how lucky she is to have a husband with so many talents...Now, if you could transform lead into Jack Daniels and the cork into a fat diamond for the Mrs... :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> Jack Daniels


 :FRlol:  It is with great regret that I have to inform you Soundo, that It is my solemn duty to report you to the Cold Ale Committee. The charge, using two unacceptable words when it comes to booze. Don't worry, you will get a fair hearing. Atheist is the presiding judge supported by unimpeachable advice from me, Prendrelemick, Gilliat and Gbrekken. It is just a formality, but I wouldn't book my holidays if I were you.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> It is with great regret that I have to inform you Soundo, that It is my solemn duty to report you to the Cold Ale Committee. The charge, using two unacceptable words when it comes to booze. Don't worry, you will get a fair hearing. Atheist is the presiding judge supported by unimpeachable advice from me, Prendrelemick, Gilliat and Gbrekken. It is just a formality, but I wouldn't book my holidays if I were you.


 :Bawling:  I plead ignorance of the law...I can't be responsible as I am just a girl and drink all those fruity drinks :Blush:  I will hence sit at the corner of the bar with my Plantars Punch and frozen Pina Coladas...

Do you think I'll get out in time to watch the all guy cheerleaders at superbowl? :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

> Do you think I'll get out in time to watch the all guy cheerleaders at superbowl?


Now, Jocky will have to use his limited vocabulary with great care here. Are you sure you did not mean ' gay cheerleaders ' ? In our great Empire we tend not to wear half a ton of body armour when clattering our enemies. I am sorry Soundo, but I have to report you to The committee again. The charge, pekinolatters.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I will hence sit at the corner of the bar with my Plantars Punch and frozen Pina Coladas...
> 
> Do you think I'll get out in time to watch the all guy cheerleaders at superbowl?



You're just making it worse for yourself sounds.

Beware the Witch Finder General ! (Scottish branch)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Now, Jocky will have to use his limited vocabulary with great care here. Are you sure you did not mean ' gay cheerleaders ' ? In our great Empire we tend not to wear half a ton of body armour when clattering our enemies. I am sorry Soundo, but I have to report you to The committee again. The charge, pekinolatters.


 :Bawling:  Sounds pleads ignorance of the law again; what is pekinolatters?
Yes, you may have something there; they may be gay...do the lads in the UK grab each other in celebration? :FRlol: 




> You're just making it worse for yourself sounds.
> 
> Beware the Witch Finder General ! (Scottish branch)


Thank you for the heads up :Thumbs Up: . I think I'll hide out by Atheists pool until I give them all the slip :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes, you may have something there; they may be gay...do the lads in the UK grab each other in celebration?


Now look here - as rugby shows us, grown men grabbing each other by the crotch is not necessarily gay.




> :Thank you for the heads up. I think I'll hide out by Atheists pool until I give them all the slip


Pool? Slip?

I'm getting subliminal messages here.

You didn't really say that Daniels' bloke's name did you? It's a bit like he-who-must-not-be-named in _Harry Potter_.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Now look here - as rugby shows us, grown men grabbing each other by the crotch is not necessarily gay.
> 
> Pool? Slip?
> 
> I'm getting subliminal messages here.
> 
> You didn't really say that Daniels' bloke's name did you? It's a bit like he-who-must-not-be-named in _Harry Potter_.


Well, if Atheist says that men grabbing each other by the crotch is not gay; then it's not gay...
How about women rugby players, is it gay when they grab each other by the crotch :Idea: 

Well, I decided to bring my bubble bath for your hot tub instead; then, maybe a little cool night swimming when mom, dad, and the kids have all closed their eyes...
Oh yes, there's a fellow in the Harry Potter movie, he takes alot of baths...he does baths as Cedric, he gets washed as a pilot, I think he even does a bath as a vampire...I might invite him over; though he really looks better in full garb...Some people just look better fully clothed :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

I know I do.

----------


## The Atheist

> Well, if Atheist says that men grabbing each other by the crotch is not gay; then it's not gay...
> How about women rugby players, is it gay when they grab each other by the crotch


No, not gay at all.

But very interesting to male rugby players!




> Well, I decided to bring my bubble bath for your hot tub instead; then, maybe a little cool night swimming when mom, dad, and the kids have all closed their eyes...
> Oh yes, there's a fellow in the Harry Potter movie, he takes alot of baths...he does baths as Cedric, he gets washed as a pilot, I think he even does a bath as a vampire...I might invite him over; though he really looks better in full garb...Some people just look better fully clothed


Most of the ones over 40 for starters.

 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> I know I do.


Yes, dungarees, wellies, woolly hat, and monacle are considered to be fatally attractive in Yorkshire.  :Wink: 




> But very interesting to male rugby players!


Speaking of rugby we are playing a young ladies fifteen shortly. I am obviously playing tight head prop. The scrum should be very interesting. I, of course, will report on the outcome shortly.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I know I do.


[QUOTE=The Atheist;8361

Most of the ones over 40 for starters.

 :FRlol: [/QUOTE]

I'm standing in line for a "surrogate body"; I think I'll do a tall Dolly Parton...

 :Alien:

----------


## The Atheist

> Speaking of rugby we are playing a young ladies fifteen shortly. I am obviously playing tight head prop. The scrum should be very interesting. I, of course, will report on the outcome shortly.


You just want to get close to the hooker.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah memories! As a callow youth I played in a Girls vs Boys rugby match. (We had to hop with the ball as a handicap.) As the game progressed we began to realise the possibilities, and stopped passing the ball to each other, prefering to be caught and jumped upon by hoards pubescent girls in gym skirts. It was the only time I ever saw wingers being prepared to ruck and maul.(We lost about 80-0)
I entered the fray as a boy and came from the field a man.

----------


## jocky

Well people I am sending my report from the local accident and emergency ward. The match did not go as planned. To paraphrase Mick ' I entered the fray as a man and came from the field a eunoch.' Everything was gong well until we won the put in at the first scrum. I looked at my opposite number, God she was a stunner , as we were about to get to grips she ran her tongue seductively over her top lip and said to me in a husky voice ' Jocky you have dropped your contact lens '. As I bent to pick it up she kicked me in the groin and kneed me in the face. The stupid thing was I dont even have contact lenses. When will I ever learn ?  :Frown:

----------


## prendrelemick

So the old adage that rugby is a game played by men with funny shaped balls, is proven true.

----------


## soundofmusic

:Bawling:  I and Mrs. Jocky are holding a candlelight vigil  :Bawling:

----------


## jocky

Praying for my demise will do you no good whatsoever. I have too much to live for, and besides, who would look after my pigeons ?  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Praying for my demise will do you no good whatsoever. I have too much to live for, and besides, who would look after my pigeons ?


Oh no, Mrs Jocky was praying for what you lost on the rugby field that fateful day; and I, in an outpouring of feminine comradery was holding a candle at her side :Bawling:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...passing the ball to each other, prefering to be caught and jumped upon by hoards pubescent girls in gym skirts...
> ...I entered the fray as a boy and came from the field a man.





> ...opposite number, God she was a stunner... As I bent to pick it up she kicked me in the groin and kneed me in the face...


(green laughing smilie)

Gentlemen and lady, I apologize for being absent for such an extended period time. You see, I was down in central Texas selling rocks to a quarry.

Reminds me of the time when I was a young whipper snapper playing tether ball on the school grounds and had my innards nearly turned inside out. While in the midst of a heated round, I punched the ball and as I plotted the trajectory with prideful eyes, a sudden fear came over me. The orbit was on a collision course with the head of the biggest ten year old sow youve ever seen. All of a sudden, I was being wrenched out of the game by a lock of my hair. While holding my head down with her left, doubled over, she proceeded to punch me in the gut with her right, lifting me off the ground with each shot. 
The bells rang and as all headed back to class; I was left propped up against the pole with the tether chain wrapped around me. God those were glorious times!

By the way Jocky,
Dont you fret over your sky r, I mean pigeons. Ill be happy to look after them.

Aside: reminder to self - Clean the Browning, pick up a box of 12 gauge buckshot, oh, and of course a flask of Wild Turkey.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I entered the fray as a boy and came from the field a man.


Ah, the good old days when boys and girls were allowed to play in free, unihibited manner.

Teenage pregnancies put an end to it.




> Aside: reminder to self - Clean the Browning, pick up a box of 12 gauge buckshot, oh, and of course a flask of Wild Turkey.
> 
> Gilliatt


Buckshot?

Bird shot, surely?

----------


## soundofmusic

> (green laughing smilie)
> 
> Gentlemen and lady, I apologize for being absent for such an extended period time. You see, I was down in central Texas selling rocks to a quarry.
> 
> Reminds me of the time when I was a young whipper snapper playing tether ball on the school grounds and had my innards nearly turned inside out. While in the midst of a heated round, I punched the ball and as I plotted the trajectory with prideful eyes, a sudden fear came over me. The orbit was on a collision course with the head of the biggest ten year old sow youve ever seen. All of a sudden, I was being wrenched out of the game by a lock of my hair. While holding my head down with her left, doubled over, she proceeded to punch me in the gut with her right, lifting me off the ground with each shot. 
> The bells rang and as all headed back to class; I was left propped up against the pole with the tether chain wrapped around me. God those were glorious times!
> 
> By the way Jocky,
> Dont you fret over your sky r, I mean pigeons. Ill be happy to look after them.
> ...


My god, man, I'd stay away from those rugby tarts; you could lose both of your boys that way... :Sick: 




> Ah, the good old days when boys and girls were allowed to play in free, unihibited manner.
> 
> Teenage pregnancies put an end to it.
> 
> I think uninhibited snogging is safer, don't you?
> 
> Buckshot?
> 
> Bird shot, surely?

----------


## jocky

> (green laughing smilie)
> 
> Gentlemen and lady, I apologize for being absent for such an extended period time. You see, I was down in central Texas selling rocks to a quarry.
> 
> Aside: reminder to self - Clean the Browning, pick up a box of 12 gauge buckshot.
> 
> Gilliatt


 :Smile:  You are working way to hard Gilly, remember Willy Lomond and Death of a Salesman. Never trust a Browning, it has a bad habit of jamming at the most inopportune moments, apparently it only works when you are blowing down the barrel to clear the dust.  :FRlol: 




> You just want to get close to the hooker.


Trust you to throw me a forward pass.  :Smile: 




> So the old adage that rugby is a game played by men with funny shaped balls, is proven true.


Either that, or I am the exception that proves the rule.  :Smile: 




> Oh no, Mrs Jocky was praying for what you lost on the rugby field that fateful day; and I, in an outpouring of feminine comradery was holding a candle at her side


Soundo, I will remember you in my will, COST OF CANDLE: FIFTY CENTS: LAWYER DAGGETT TO COLLECT SAID AMOUNT.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Soundo, I will remember you in my will, COST OF CANDLE: FIFTY CENTS: LAWYER DAGGETT TO COLLECT SAID AMOUNT.


Thank you kind sir; I think the kind lawyer is planning to collect double from me...but, as he has an honest face :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

Apology to northern hemisphere readers:

This summer down under has been so successful and hot that we've decided to keep it.

As of today, the earth will remain in its current position to ensure that we have all-year summer from now on.

That does mean that northerners will have perpetual winter, a matter which isn't disturbing our sleep at all. 

Learn ice-fishing quickly.

Thank you for your co-operation. (No, we aren't taking any migrants.)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Apology to northern hemisphere readers:
> 
> This summer down under has been so successful and hot that we've decided to keep it.
> 
> As of today, the earth will remain in its current position to ensure that we have all-year summer from now on.
> 
> That does mean that northerners will have perpetual winter, a matter which isn't disturbing our sleep at all. 
> 
> Learn ice-fishing quickly.
> ...


 :FRlol:  Thank you, I can live without the hot muggy days, drenched clothes after a car trip to the grocery store, bright red skin from just looking trough the wind shield...yes, I think this is a great idea; of course, we haven't heard from our Texas, Nevada, Scottish and English friends yet :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

You're only doing it to become more like Australia.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

I heard that Australia is trying to ban small breasted women in pornography...because it might entice pedophiles? Has anyone else heard that?

----------


## prendrelemick

No. But to be honest you couldn't make it up.

They'll be seeking to limit certain other aspects too, for fear of making the Austrailian Male feel inadequate.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> No. But to be honest you couldn't make it up.


Don't you just love the wisdom and reason that some people give off?

----------


## Satan

> I heard that Australia is trying to ban small breasted women in pornography...because it might entice pedophiles? Has anyone else heard that?


Yes, and then I rolled my eyes.

Read this for some more insight into the minds of our guardian angels:



> A 13-year-old girl and a 12-year-old boy from Valparaiso have been charged with possession of child pornography and child exploitation after it was discovered they were using their cell phones to exchange nude pictures of themselves with each other.


Source: http://www.nbcchicago.com/news/local...-82949612.html

----------


## gbrekken

Oh the shame of it all-even old number 7 got bashed, and wild turkey was mistaken for an inedible suggesting regurgitation as opposed to a tasty drinkable to warm the heart next to the hearth. Does that call for another squab on the spit?

Forever winter? HMMMM no mosquitoes, the ice house stays on the lake year round, fewer social invites meaning less travel, those in need of clothing keep it on in public, never again sun-burned, no need for refrigeration outdoors, etc. In spite of all those advantages, the southern hemisphere may be in need of a revolution, or an invasionary expedition so we can avoid the migratory status. I know just the man to start it. His name is Someone Else. His cousin Nobody Else would probably sign on for life, as well as their sister Every Body (not to be confused with less endowed females from islands below the equator).

I'd still prefer a co-ed game of Twister over a similar game of Rugby (clothing optional, but only after we verify age and obtain signed releases for pictures and sworn affidavits for non-intent of gonadectomies of course).

----------


## jocky

> Apology to northern hemisphere readers:
> 
> This summer down under has been so successful and hot that we've decided to keep it.
> 
> As of today, the earth will remain in its current position to ensure that we have all-year summer from now on.
> 
> That does mean that northerners will have perpetual winter, a matter which isn't disturbing our sleep at all. 
> 
> Learn ice-fishing quickly.
> ...


Atheist, you have pulled some stunts in your time, but stealing the sun is not to be tolerated. Remember, the sun never sets on the British Empire.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Atheist, you have pulled some stunts in your time, but stealing the sun is not to be tolerated. Remember, the sun never sets on the British Empire.


I hear that New Zealand is annexing the British Empire; yeah, the Queen decided since it's all shrunk so much anyway...and yet there are so many royal mouths to feed, and so many historical buildings to maintain.... :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> I heard that Australia is trying to ban small breasted women in pornography...because it might entice pedophiles? Has anyone else heard that?


I think it's a stunt by a porno film company, but there does seem to be some truth in it. Small-breasted women may appear less than 18, so only big boobs will be allowed in porno films made in Australia.

There doesn't seem to be anything new in that.




> Atheist, you have pulled some stunts in your time, but stealing the sun is not to be tolerated. Remember, the sun never sets on the British Empire.


You can still have the sunsets.

Just after 3 hours of daylight.

----------


## Paulclem

> I think it's a stunt by a porno film company, but there does seem to be some truth in it. Small-breasted women may appear less than 18, so only big boobs will be allowed in porno films made in Australia.
> 
> There doesn't seem to be anything new in that.
> 
> 
> 
> You can still have the sunsets.
> 
> Just after 3 hours of daylight.


Same old same old then...

We weren't exposed on the slag heaps of Yorkshire as babes in arms for nowt...and we had to kill and cook our own tin of Tesco's own brand beans...

----------


## prendrelemick

Eee I remember when if wor all slag 'eaps round 'ere. Afore the' tore em down to make way f' theritige park! Them were t'days .

----------


## The Atheist

What?

The slag heaps *are*  the heritage.

----------


## Paulclem

> Eee I remember when if wor all slag 'eaps round 'ere. Afore the' tore em down to make way f' theritige park! Them were t'days .


Aye, we used to get reet mucky launchin erselves from top t' bottom. We'd go 'ome black an blue, an covered from 'ead t' foot wi coal dust.

Ah remember me mam would shout - get thisen in 'ere, and gi' me a slap as I tried to duck under 'er swingin' fist. 

Them were t' days. :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol:

----------


## jocky

To whom it may concern, apart from New Zealand, Florida, Nevada and Texas. The Six Nations start next week. Let me be the first to extend the hand of friendship to all those who are perhaps not Scottish, Welsh, Irish, Italian or Frogs. Some may say this is directed to my English neighbours, but never Jocky, who is renowned for his fair mindedness. Your slag heaps are about to be dismantled and your Green and Pleasant Land shattered forever. Best wishes from Jockland.  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> The Six Nations start next week.


A fiver on Scotland to win?

They did beat Australia.

----------


## prendrelemick

Dismantle our Yorkshire Munroes! Never .

As a follower of the M62 corridor-code when it comes to Rugby, I didn't realize it was 6 nations yawnion time again. 

I'll have a fiver on Wales- poor things need some encouragement.

----------


## jocky

> A fiver on Scotland to win?
> 
> They did beat Australia.


Don't do it Atheist! I get the blame for everything as it is, but I will not be held responsible for you losing a fiver. Mind you 22/1 against Scotland to win the grand slam....I wonder if the wife has got any money.... :Idea: 




> Dismantle our Yorkshire Munroes! Never .
> 
> As a follower of the M62 corridor-code when it comes to Rugby, I didn't realize it was 6 nations yawnion time again. 
> 
> I'll have a fiver on Wales- poor things need some encouragement.


A rugby league adherent. My son in law is a huge fan of Hull Kingston Rovers, I told my daughter this signified a distinct lack of breeding and an absense of moral rectitude, but she still went and married him. Keep away from that 'Windy Hill' a scene of desolation if ever there was one.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Don't do it Atheist! I get the blame for everything as it is, but I will not be held responsible for you losing a fiver. Mind you 22/1 against Scotland to win the grand slam....I wonder if the wife has got any money....


Better send me the money - they're at 25 here.

Any Italians around? I see they're at 250!




> My son in law is a huge fan of Hull Kingston Rovers,


Do his knuckles drag on the ground when he walks?

Common among league supporters, I've found.




> I'll have a fiver on Wales- poor things need some encouragement.


Do they ever!

The best thing about Wales and rugby was when we had Jonah playing for us and the ABs played the pride of Wales.

Some great headlines available.

"Jonah Destroys Wales"... that kind of thing.

----------


## Paulclem

> Do his knuckles drag on the ground when he walks?
> 
> Common among league supporters, I've found.


 :FRlol: 

We refer to some of them as "Rock Apes". The alpha male bloke-men who had beards when they were 12 and became fully grown over the summer holidays. They would return to school after the long hot summer and terrorise the neighbourhood of the playground. They could be tracked by the lines of spit they left behind them.

One such creature - Baz was his name - would assault our underdeveloped selves with the challenge

"Every spice on yer!" which meant - give me all your sweets. 

If you refused - as I always did being protective of my polos, he would, like some ancient demagogue, give you a magnanimous choice - 50 biffs or a crusty. 

50 biffs were 50 arm punches from this drooling silverback. A crusty was a knuckle-down punch on the top of the head. Few could stand more than 15 biffs before collapsing in agony upon the tarmac yard. A crusty downed even the most stalward detractor. I still have dints. 

So, yes, out there in the wilds of Yorkshire, stalk knuckle draggers with pockets full of sweeties. 

League is still better than union, but down here in the Midlands, I don't get much chance to watch owt else.

----------


## The Atheist

Classic!

I recall those kids. I even met up with one a few years ago, and while he was big at school, he stopped growing and only ended up at 5'9". I stared down at him from the extra five inches I tower above him by and asked if he'd hit any kids lately.

He just wandered away, saying nothing.

Some things are worth waiting 30 years for.

----------


## jocky

Guys, your childhood traumas are as nothing compared with mine, mere toys. I remember my first scrap at school, my opponent was nicknamed, The BONECRUSHER. When I finally regained conciousness and crawled slowly home at midnight, I looked at my old man through my one good eye and sobbed; ' father, life has got to be better than this. ' To which he replied, ' son we are merely competing atoms'. I said, ' But da, I don't want to be a competing atom, surely there must be some alternative. ' He replied ' Yes son, you could be a dead atom '  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Classic!
> 
> I recall those kids. I even met up with one a few years ago, and while he was big at school, he stopped growing and only ended up at 5'9". I stared down at him from the extra five inches I tower above him by and asked if he'd hit any kids lately.
> 
> He just wandered away, saying nothing.
> 
> Some things are worth waiting 30 years for.


That's great. Unfortunately for me, I'm only 5 9 too. It'd be touch and go whether history would repeat itself.

----------


## jocky

> Any Italians around? I see they're at 250/1


I hear they are thinking of playing Berlesconi, apparently he can take a hit.  :Smile: 




> That's great. Unfortunately for me, I'm only 5 9 too.


In the land of Hobbits, he who is 5 9 is king.  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> That's great. Unfortunately for me, I'm only 5 9 too. It'd be touch and go whether history would repeat itself.


Yeah, I got lucky!




> I hear they are thinking of playing Berlesconi, apparently he can take a hit.


 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We refer to some of them as "Rock Apes". The alpha male bloke-men who had beards when they were 12 and became fully grown over the summer holidays. They would return to school after the long hot summer and terrorise the neighbourhood of the playground. They could be tracked by the lines of spit they left behind them.
> 
> One such creature - Baz was his name - would assault our underdeveloped selves with the challenge
> 
> "Every spice on yer!" which meant - give me all your sweets. 
> 
> If you refused - as I always did being protective of my polos, he would, like some ancient demagogue, give you a magnanimous choice - 50 biffs or a crusty. 
> 
> 50 biffs were 50 arm punches from this drooling silverback. A crusty was a knuckle-down punch on the top of the head. Few could stand more than 15 biffs before collapsing in agony upon the tarmac yard. A crusty downed even the most stalward detractor. I still have dints. 
> ...


Paulclem,

That is a great story ! (green laughing smilie).
I suffered similar beatings throughout my formative years on the playground, but in my case it was knuckle dragging girls. (You can read about my tether ball incident posted a couple pages back)
Soon, I learned how to turn my allowance into a source of protection. I hired one of those knuckle dragging blokes as my bodyguard. He was forced to tangle with the tether ball hag that wrapped me around the pole. It was like the the War of the Gargantuas and looked something like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNR_D...eature=related





> Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.


Jocky,

I'm sorry for leaving you high and dry for so long. Trust me; after being beaten to a pulp by knuckle dragging tarts, there isn't much that anyone can do to offend or humilate me.
Lately, my job has been keeping me tied up during the week, so I try to pick up the slack over the weekends.

Thanks for checking up.

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

"Yer spice or yer life" was the mantra of our playground bandits. Their leader was dissappointingly called Martin.

Any way it never did me any harm........honest :Brow:

----------


## gbrekken

> Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.


Alive and well and unoffended. the computer connection is being seriously offensive-hit or miss on getting on-line. I never had to worry about schoolyard bullies, what with eight older brothers. It's when I got home that I was scared!

----------


## jocky

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNR_D...eature=related
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jocky,
> 
> I'm sorry for leaving you high and dry for so long. Trust me; after being beaten to a pulp by knuckle dragging tarts, there isn't much that anyone can do to offend or humilate me.
> Lately, my job has been keeping me tied up during the week, so I try to pick up the slack over the weekends.
> ...


Atheist and Prendrelemick in their finest roles. Eat your hearts out Olivier and Gelguid.  :Smile: 

About being beaten up by dubious women and then tied up all week, does it pay well? I was thinking about giving it a go, but only if the money is right.  :Wink: 




> Their leader was dissappointingly called Martin.


Trust your school bully to be named Martin, I suspect a possible public school education here and I have narrowed it down to two establishments due to my unswerving powers of deduction. It was either Fettes or Gordonstoun as they are the only ones who accept Martins.  :Smile: 




> I never had to worry about schoolyard bullies, what with eight older brothers. It's when I got home that I was scared!


I bet you never rushed home from school. That is enough to give anyone a nervous twitch.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

you got that right. I felt safer at hockey practice stopping pucks.

----------


## prendrelemick

You get a better class of bully at the better school. ( about 5 minites in )

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4DFA...eature=related

----------


## jocky

John Terry and Wayne Bridge going for the same ball in the World Cup Final, with the score at 1-1, " After you Wayne; " fatal pause " Not at all John after you " Meanwhile the Brazilian Kaka slips in " Muchos Gracias " and it is 44 years of more hurt.  :Biggrin: 




> You get a better class of bully at the better school. ( about 5 minites in )
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4DFA...eature=related


 :Smile:  ' Thank you Bully ' Michael Palin at his brilliant best. Where would the Empire be without our public school geniuses? The rest of the world take note. Forgive me for the above comment Mick, I could not help myself.  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Will someone go and check on Soundo, Gilliatt and Gbrekken ? I hope no one has offended anyone, everything said on this thread is tongue in cheek and what we call banter. You need to reappear folks. You know old Jocky gets lonely.


 :Blush2:  Oh, Jocky, you bring tears to these old eyes; I'm fine, enjoying sitting back and reading the banter between you lovely blokes.  :Cheers2:

----------


## prendrelemick

> John Terry and Wayne Bridge going for the same ball in the World Cup Final, with the score at 1-1, " After you Wayne; " fatal pause " Not at all John after you " Meanwhile the Brazilian Kaka slips in " Muchos Gracias " and it is 44 years of more hurt.




This time Jocky your imagination has taken you too far.


World Cup Final indeed :Biggrinjester:

----------


## soundofmusic

So it's Superbowl Sunday in sunny florida...the wives are running everyone off the road on the way to buy lagger, bean dip, nachos...all the things sure to give their men gas when they come to bed after midnight...

The men are all parked in front of their 62 inch color televisions; watching the cheerleaders and recaps of the last 10 years of football seasons and all the ex-con players...

Phermones are raging...all is well with the world...

----------


## Paulclem

The Superbowl here goes on until 4 o'clock am. I'd like to watch, but work beckons - can't you organise it so that it fits in with my half term holiday next time? :Biggrinjester:

----------


## jocky

> So it's Superbowl Sunday in sunny florida...the wives are running everyone off the road on the way to buy lagger, bean dip, nachos...all the things sure to give their men gas when they come to bed after midnight...
> 
> The men are all parked in front of their 62 inch color televisions; watching the cheerleaders and recaps of the last 10 years of football seasons and all the ex-con players...
> 
> Phermones are raging...all is well with the world...


We in Scotland are great fans of superbowl, in fact, our favourite saying is get the quarterback. The Jocky shackhold is all prepared for the event. I will be wearing my genuine snakeskin boots and ten gallon hat. The wife has whipped up the gaucamole and fiery pumpkin dips, followed by the jerk wings from hell and the chicken quesidilla pinwheels. The choice of beer was problematic, I was toying with going with the budweiser, but decided that was a concession to American culture I could not make, so I am sticking with the tennents. Soundo you better get a move on if you are going to be in time to lead out the cheerleaders. Oh when the saints go marching in..... :Banana:

----------


## prendrelemick

Well I hope it is more entertaining than the weekend of kick 'n clap we have endured in dear old blighty.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well I hope it is more entertaining than the weekend of kick 'n clap we have endured in dear old blighty.


Is it not worth watching on iplayer? I missed all the matches. Don't you think it's so much better since they've given in and gone professional? Lads like us from League land would be able to play with the toffs.  :Biggrinjester:

----------


## The Atheist

The evidence just keeps increasing that this is the best thread ever to have taken place in a discussion forum.

___________________________________________


Note the girly thread, languishing alone on page three of the titles, not having been posted in since 24/1.

----------


## The Atheist

And just to get off the subject of football, I was reading a great piece yesterday on "swinger" clubs, which was all news to me.

Apparently, Auckland has enough swinger clubs to tempt Tiger out of rehab. 

Aside from the thought that, as a prospect, group sex had as little appeal as a fortnight of rotovirus, one very funny thing did come out of the "expert comments".

The bloke was saying that many marital problems start as a result of some bloke talking his Mrs into trying group/partner swap sex.

The biggest one was the woman suddenly realising what she was missing out on at home!

 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> ___________________________________________
> 
> 
> Note the girly thread, languishing alone on page three of the titles, not having been posted in since 24/1.


They are clearly going through a difficult period.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

Poor things!

***It's ok, sound, we count you as kind of an honorary bloke!***

----------


## prendrelemick

> Is it not worth watching on iplayer? I missed all the matches. Don't you think it's so much better since they've given in and gone professional? Lads like us from League land would be able to play with the toffs.


They're bigger fitter and stronger now but lack the flair of yesteryear. Even the french are playing the percentages. John-Paul Rives must be spinning in his chateau.

I'd iplayer the Superleague Show instead, Wakey had a tight game against the Frenchies today.

----------


## jocky

> Poor things!
> 
> ***It's ok, sound, we count you as kind of an honorary bloke!***


Wait a minute Atheist, Soundo has still to stand trial yet, remember her J*** D******S moment. How do you know she is not going to turn us in and start blethering about knitted matinee jackets and babies ? The quicker you get the committee up and running the better. We live in dangerous times, and I am getting worried.  :Skep: 




> They're bigger fitter and stronger now but lack the flair of yesteryear. Even the french are playing the percentages. John-Paul Rives must be spinning in his chateau.
> 
> I'd iplayer the Superleague Show instead, Wakey had a tight game against the Frenchies today.


O.K. Mick, you had to drag it out of me, the frogs beat us, end of story.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> They're bigger fitter and stronger now but lack the flair of yesteryear.


Isn't that the worst thing of all? The athlete are more athletic, but they play a horrible hybrid game nobody;s managed to write the rules for coherently yet.




> Wait a minute Atheist, Soundo has still to stand trial yet, remember her J*** D******S moment. How do you know she is not going to turn us in and start blethering about knitted matinee jackets and babies ? The quicker you get the committee up and running the better. We live in dangerous times, and I am getting worried.


Should we convene a jury? How many black balls do we have?




> O.K. Mick, you had to drag it out of me, the frogs beat us, end of story.


You needed to have a bunch of Kiwis to remind Bastaretard about his antics over here to put him off his game.

But look on the bright side, England won!

Oh, that's not really a bright side, is it?

----------


## soundofmusic

> And just to get off the subject of football, I was reading a great piece yesterday on "swinger" clubs, which was all news to me.
> Apparently, Auckland has enough swinger clubs to tempt Tiger out of rehab.


Did you see the women Tiger talked into sleeping with him :Out:  they all had great  :Ciappa:  IQ's; I heard he told them he was Baracks younger brother :Iamwithstupid: 




> The Superbowl here goes on until 4 o'clock am. I'd like to watch, but work beckons - can't you organise it so that it fits in with my half term holiday next time?


We'll take up your request at the next commencement of the "Swingers Club minutes"  :Party: 




> We in Scotland are great fans of superbowl, in fact, our favourite saying is get the quarterback. The Jocky shackhold is all prepared for the event. I will be wearing my genuine snakeskin boots and ten gallon hat. The wife has whipped up the gaucamole and fiery pumpkin dips, followed by the jerk wings from hell and the chicken quesidilla pinwheels. The choice of beer was problematic, I was toying with going with the budweiser, but decided that was a concession to American culture I could not make, so I am sticking with the tennents. Soundo you better get a move on if you are going to be in time to lead out the cheerleaders. Oh when the saints go marching in.....


Despite the sounds from your pipes after that gastronomical fair; I doubt that Mrs. Jocky will be able to resist you in your sankeskin boots and hat. Be sure to use that line from Smokey and the Bandit, I only take off my hat for one thing :Ihih: 

Please, no Bud, even Americans only drink that when their on the skids. I'll buy all the blokes some good beer as soon as I get my cut from the saints...Yeah, they know it was me in my cheerleader outfit that won the game... :Ack2:   :Prrr:  :Frown2:  :Nono: 




> Poor things!
> 
> ***It's ok, sound, we count you as kind of an honorary bloke!***


I'm touched and relieved. I was just overwhelmed on the girls thread; I couldn't figure out how to cut and paste purses on the web page...You can't be an honorary girl unless you can cut and paste :Willy Nilly: 




> Wait a minute Atheist, Soundo has still to stand trial yet, remember her J*** D******S moment. How do you know she is not going to turn us in and start blethering about knitted matinee jackets and babies ? The quicker you get the committee up and running the better. We live in dangerous times, and I am getting worried. 
> 
> (


No worries, Jocky. Only one thing on this womens mind at the moment:
I keep noticing that the football players are wet on the inside of their legs after a game; tonight, I noticed that all of that extra padding they wear was sagging on one or two of the gents....
So, tell me, do football players wear diapers during the game :Confused:

----------


## The Atheist

> Did you see the women Tiger talked into sleeping with him they all had great  IQ's; I heard he told them he was Baracks younger brother


 :FRlol: 

I always figured celebrity-chasers were intelligent.




> No worries, Jocky. Only one thing on this womens mind at the moment:
> I keep noticing that the football players are wet on the inside of their legs after a game; tonight, I noticed that all of that extra padding they wear was sagging on one or two of the gents....
> So, tell me, do football players wear diapers during the game


That's clearly an American thing - they wear all sorts of peculiar padding. It wouldn't surprise me if they wore trusses.

Rugby players go on the field with a jersey, shorts and mouthguard.

Some wear underpants as well.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I always figured celebrity-chasers were intelligent.
> 
> 
> 
> That's clearly an American thing - they wear all sorts of peculiar padding. It wouldn't surprise me if they wore trusses.
> 
> Rugby players go on the field with a jersey, shorts and mouthguard.
> 
> Some wear underpants as well.


Well, they're no doubt tougher than the American Lads; after all, in the states we have toilets in every shop, on every floor...one tackle after a bacon double cheeseburger and it's all over :Ack2:

----------


## gbrekken

> The Superbowl here goes on until 4 o'clock am. I'd like to watch, but work beckons - can't you organise it so that it fits in with my half term holiday next time?


Next year, Paulclem, you will have a guest teacher taking over you classes for a few days, so you can get in shape and timing to be awake for Betty White and Abe Vigoda doing a Snookers commercial. Mars company is not in the picture, however, when you begin the fund raising effort to actually get me there to replace you. I suggest sales of boxes of Cadbury, the ones with caramel inside. the second purchase will be New Zealand, but you'd better get a good grip (purchase) on it. Hershey's isn't out of the picture yet. T'would be nice to visit another country outside of the canoe trip I did.

I fear I'll avoid the "brevity is brother (bother) of brilliance" supposedly stated by George Steinbrenner, owner of the (cough) NY Yankees.




> Is it not worth watching on iplayer? I missed all the matches. Don't you think it's so much better since they've given in and gone professional? Lads like us from League land would be able to play with the toffs.


toffs=professionals (people paid payola for performance)?




> Note the girly thread, languishing alone on page three of the titles, not having been posted in since 24/1.


I don't think I'll even note that.




> ***It's ok, sound, we count you as kind of an honorary bloke!***


 She's honorable-I'll say that.




> O.K. Mick, you had to drag it out of me, the frogs beat us, end of story.


frogs? six nations?





> Should we convene a jury? How many black balls do we have?


Don't you mean blue balls?




> sankeskin:


I hope that's not Sanka, decaf instant coffee. Jocky has skin on his snake? I always figured him for a raw man who doesn't need a shield on his hood, else he's in bed with the wrong woman. 

Glad The Who performed decently. Guitar could've been louder, and Roger could've been able to scream like the old days, but such is naught.

My mom wouldn't let me go to Fargo ND to see Herman's Hermits in the summer of '69, stating that I was too young. The Who was just the back-up band in the days of smashing everything to bits when they were done playing with their toys. Guess they stole the show then.

Party in New Orleans won't end until Easter; to hell with Lent!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Glad The Who performed decently. Guitar could've been louder, and Roger could've been able to scream like the old days, but such is naught.


I can't quite get my head around all these old acts touring.

Even Fleetwood Mac are touring.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I hope that's not Sanka, decaf instant coffee. Jocky has skin on his snake? I always figured him for a raw man who doesn't need a shield on his hood, else he's in bed with the wrong woman. 
> Glad The Who performed decently. Guitar could've been louder, and Roger could've been able to scream like the old days, but such is naught.
> 
> My mom wouldn't let me go to Fargo ND to see Herman's Hermits in the summer of '69, stating that I was too young. The Who was just the back-up band in the days of smashing everything to bits when they were done playing with their toys. Guess they stole the show then.


I've asked Jocky to loan me those snakeskin boots to go with my little leather outfit when I go to the next Who concert. This time, I hear they're going to play it like all the stars did in the old days: via record. Yep, We'll be "Seeing them, hearing them...and after the show...touching them and feeling them... :Party: 



> I can't quite get my head around all these old acts touring.
> 
> Even Fleetwood Mac are touring.


It always really makes me sad to see all of my idols aging like I am; and I hate hearing my favorite songs going down an octave or those back up girls singing all the high notes.. :Bigear:  :Nopity:

----------


## Paulclem

We'll take up your request at the next commencement of the "Swingers Club minutes" - Soundof...

Merci... or do I mean mercy.... :Biggrinjester: 

Next year, Paulclem, you will have a guest teacher taking over you classes for a few days, so you can get in shape and timing to be awake for Betty White and Abe Vigoda doing a Snookers commercial. Mars company is not in the picture, however, when you begin the fund raising effort to actually get me there to replace you. I suggest sales of boxes of Cadbury, the ones with caramel inside. the second purchase will be New Zealand, but you'd better get a good grip (purchase) on it. Hershey's isn't out of the picture yet. T'would be nice to visit another country outside of the canoe trip I did.

Thanks gbrekken - they might have a proper teacher for a while. 

Do you want paying in chocolate? We have plenty of pound shops here - enough to fill any chocoholic's desire. Pound shops? Do you have dollar shops?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Here goes my best Gbrekken impersonation:

Olivier and Gelguid are gargantuan in the cinematic world, while Martin bullies Oscar for recognition. Meanwhile, back in the sunshine state, a Tiger lurks in the woods, pursuing Baracks better half at a therapeutic pancake shop. In the meantime, Frankenstein is up at 4:00 am in the Big Easy sitting in an empty coffee shop, where no boys are allowed, watching a game that uses a rugby ball that has been on the South Beach diet. A forlorn Jocky sits in a super bowl polishing snakeskin boots with a corner of his kilt wondering if Mick, a Cadbury connoisseur, will bring his quarter back.

Lindsey Buckingham is eating a big Mac while riding in Stevies Fleetwood. Outside the car, he hears the Sound of Music that turns out to be the Saints marching in.

This is followed by the eternal question. Whos Next ?

It'll never do...better leave it to the master.

----------


## The Atheist

> I've asked Jocky to loan me those snakeskin boots to go with my little leather outfit when I go to the next Who concert.


GRRRRR!




> It always really makes me sad to see all of my idols aging like I am;


Meatloaf is the worst. I loved that man.

Then I heard him sing recently. What a lifetime of debauchery does to a voice...

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=gbrekken;842597

I hope that's not Sanka, decaf instant coffee. Jocky has skin on his snake? 

My mom wouldn't let me go to Fargo ND to see Herman's Hermits in the summer of '69, stating that I was too young. The Who was just the back-up band in the days of smashing everything to bits when they were done playing with their toys. Guess they stole the show then.
[/QUOTE]
Gosh, Gbrekken, didn't even notice I misspelled snake :Blush2: 
Are you serious, The Who backed up "I'm Henry 8.... :Confused: 




> We'll take up your request at the next commencement of the "Swingers Club minutes" - Soundof...
> 
> Merci... or do I mean mercy....
> 
> Do you want paying in chocolate? We have plenty of pound shops here - enough to fill any chocoholic's desire. Pound shops? Do you have dollar shops?


I guess you'll have to rely on Gbrekkens connections; soundos givin' up swingin' for chocolate :Leaving: 




> Here goes my best Gbrekken impersonation:
> 
> Olivier and Gelguid are gargantuan in the cinematic world, while Martin bullies Oscar for recognition. Meanwhile, back in the sunshine state, a Tiger lurks in the woods, pursuing Baracks better half at a therapeutic pancake shop. In the meantime, Frankenstein is up at 4:00 am in the Big Easy sitting in an empty coffee shop, where no boys are allowed, watching a game that uses a rugby ball that has been on the South Beach diet. A forlorn Jocky sits in a super bowl polishing snakeskin boots with a corner of his kilt wondering if Mick, a Cadbury connoisseur, will bring his quarter back.
> 
> Lindsey Buckingham is eating a big Mac while riding in Stevies Fleetwood. Outside the car, he hears the Sound of Music that turns out to be the Saints marching in.
> 
> This is followed by the eternal question. Whos Next ?
> 
> It'll never do...better leave it to the master.


Well, it's not the G-man; but it's darned impressive :Thumbsup: 




> GRRRRR!
> 
> 
> 
> Meatloaf is the worst. I loved that man.
> 
> Then I heard him sing recently. What a lifetime of debauchery does to a voice...


I think he was headed for trouble when he picked his name; but, what was it with people in those days: bugs  :Ack2:  undesirable food items  :Sick:  a cadillacs willy... :Driving: 
Now the who...yeah, I like that...they were thinking ahead... :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Here goes my best Gbrekken impersonation:
> 
> Olivier and Gelguid are gargantuan in the cinematic world, while Martin bullies Oscar for recognition. Meanwhile, back in the sunshine state, a Tiger lurks in the woods, pursuing Baracks better half at a therapeutic pancake shop. In the meantime, Frankenstein is up at 4:00 am in the Big Easy sitting in an empty coffee shop, where no boys are allowed, watching a game that uses a rugby ball that has been on the South Beach diet. A forlorn Jocky sits in a super bowl polishing snakeskin boots with a corner of his kilt wondering if Mick, a Cadbury connoisseur, will bring his quarter back.
> 
> Lindsey Buckingham is eating a big Mac while riding in Stevies Fleetwood. Outside the car, he hears the Sound of Music that turns out to be the Saints marching in.
> 
> This is followed by the eternal question. Whos Next ?
> 
> It'll never do...better leave it to the master.


Nice try, but you lack incoherence  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Nice try, but you lack incoherence


Actually, I realized when prendrelemick was trying the Gmans language; it is actually similar to the newspaper jargon of the 30s and 40s...We have a journalist in our midst; we just don't speak the language :Seeya:

----------


## gbrekken

I was in Coherence once. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there, as there was no room for imagining things that didn't exist. I couldn't even pick up social skills; even she shot me down.

----------


## jocky

What is going on, I leave the thread for two minutes and everyone goes insane? Certain members who, shall remain nameless, (you know who you are) start speaking in tongues and the world is turned on it's head. It is time to introduce some sanity. Frogs: a term of endearment for the French, who put the coward into cowardice. The six nations: a rugby union tournament played between Scotland, England, Ireland, Wales, France and Italy. I would explain the rules of the game, but unfortunately no one understands them, least of all the referees. By the way, who won the superbowl? I got pissed and fell asleep, and some swine stole my snakeskin boots and ten gallon hat.  :Frown:

----------


## jocky

> I couldn't even pick up social skills


Gbrekken, you are not alone, that S.S. always played hard to get, but with your grasp of coherence and my lack of common sense, between us, how could she resist? : :Ladysman:

----------


## prendrelemick

Well good luck with that you two. I've been trying to pick up her sister, Typing for years, my fingering skills won't pass mustard, or any other condominium.
For Athiest, I don't include the All Blacks in my scathements of RU, they are worth watching. (Note to Parker, RU is not text for "Are You," leave the black balls at rest.)

----------


## soundofmusic

> I was in Coherence once. Nice place to visit, but I wouldn't want to live there, as there was no room for imagining things that didn't exist. I couldn't even pick up social skills; even she shot me down.


Well, g, story is you have a really huge imagination. Now with social, you can only pick her up when she's leaving the bar.




> What is going on, I leave the thread for two minutes and everyone goes insane? Certain members who, shall remain nameless, (you know who you are) start speaking in tongues and the world is turned on it's head. It is time to introduce some sanity. Frogs: a term of endearment for the French, who put the coward into cowardice. The six nations: a rugby union tournament played between Scotland, England, Ireland, Wales, France and Italy. I would explain the rules of the game, but unfortunately no one understands them, least of all the referees. By the way, who won the superbowl? I got pissed and fell asleep, and some swine stole my snakeskin boots and ten gallon hat.


As you predicted, the Saints. Thank you for the loan of your boots and hat. The boys stole them from me during the naked bull running, following the superbowl party. The hat got stomped on and the boots: well, suffice to say they could use dry cleaning...I'll send the minatures and what's left of the hat back soon. 




> Well good luck with that you two. I've been trying to pick up her sister, Typing for years, my fingering skills won't pass mustard, or any other condominium.
> For Athiest, I don't include the All Blacks in my scathements of RU, they are worth watching. (Note to Parker, RU is not text for "Are You," leave the black balls at rest.)


Oh no, Not typing skills, she's the ugliest of the lot. I went to grade school with her; they used to put a flour sack over her head and turn her around on picture day.

----------


## gbrekken

i'll be back, or front, but only later. 

too much fodder only feeds the animals, not the fire.

p.s. it's pass muster, not gas.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I hope the boys kept a tight rein on their Offensive Tackle at the party Sounds.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I hope the boys kept a tight rein on their Offensive Tackle at the party Sounds.


I'll tell you, Prendrelemick, team play is not what it used to be. I was over on the side lines enjoying a few fruity drinks and talking to a fruity bartender. Next thing I know, I was tackled by a huge bloke, he knew what he wanted, he was sweaty and I could smell the Heineken and cherry blend on his breath...dare I resist...dare I risk a night of passion... :Drool5: 

Next thing I knew, off came the boots and the ten gallon hat; bloke and accessories were out the door before I knew what hit me  :Leaving:  :Dupe:   :Sad:

----------


## prendrelemick

Let that be a lesson for you, Keep your boots on, on every conceivable occasion. :Hand:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Let that be a lesson for you, Keep your boots on, on every conceivable occasion.


 :Dupe:  So true, I had my cash and keys in Jockys right boot (most girls carry it up top; but I didn't want to look lop-sided) I wound up hot-wiring somebodys ferrari, smashing through a gate on miami beach...next morning I woke up with the remainder of the BeeGees and a lost Who :Frown2:

----------


## jocky

> Thank you for the loan of your boots and hat.


Soundo, I don't quite know how to tell you this, it is all very embarassing, I suffer from athlete's foot and headlice, two highly infectious ailments. Not to worry, my doctor has advised me that with the right, expensive treatment you should be cured in a month or two.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

God, and there was me thinking the one piece of clothing you needed to be really concerned about was the sporran!

Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.

When I was a kid, the only people with head lice were those fresh off a refugee boat, or actually resident in some third world place. On the rare occasion a kid was found with head lice, teams of former Nazi wardresses dressed as nurses would scalp every kid within a 10km radius to ensure they didn't spread.

Nowadays, we get a letter from the school every couple of weeks reminding parents that head lice infestations are common and to actually wash and check kids' hair every now and then.

I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"

----------


## Paulclem

> God, and there was me thinking the one piece of clothing you needed to be really concerned about was the sporran!
> 
> Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.
> 
> When I was a kid, the only people with head lice were those fresh off a refugee boat, or actually resident in some third world place. On the rare occasion a kid was found with head lice, teams of former Nazi wardresses dressed as nurses would scalp every kid within a 10km radius to ensure they didn't spread.
> 
> Nowadays, we get a letter from the school every couple of weeks reminding parents that head lice infestations are common and to actually wash and check kids' hair every now and then.
> 
> I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"


Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.

----------


## jocky

> Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.
> 
> 
> 
> I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"


That is karma Atheist, Jocky has his finger on the pulse of all the contemporary issues.

That question deserves a thread in its own right. I can only answer for me and the wife in saying our kids have told us we are ' bloody useless ' for years. Perhaps it may have something to do with the modern psychology of encouraging our children to speak their minds. My old mans right hook tended to stifle debate.  :Smile: 




> Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.


You forgot to mention impetigo and rickets, which are still thriving in Scotland. It must have something to do with our misty glens, shortbread, haggis and buckfast. Good to hear from you Paulcelm.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> That is karma Atheist, Jocky has his finger on the pulse of all the contemporary issues.
> 
> That question deserves a thread in its own right. I can only answer for me and the wife in saying our kids have told us we are ' bloody useless ' for years. Perhaps it may have something to do with the modern psychology of encouraging our children to speak their minds. My old mans right hook tended to stifle debate.


 :Biggrin: 

We all - sisters and brothers - have a family nose - broken by the old! man. :Biggrinjester: 

It's nice to be back Jocky. 

I must say this is a very pleasant thread. Can get a bit heated out there in the pit.

----------


## jocky

> Can get a bit heated out there in the pit.


That is the understatement of the century. I have to admit to causing a lot of the touble out there in literary land. It can get a bit heated here at times as well, and I take my share of the blame, but what else can you expect from an illiterate jock ? We are all buddies here, well mostly. I will have to speak with Atheist about rule 23, paragraph 12, addendum 32, where it clearly states; No two Yorkshiremen will be allowed on the thread simultaneously.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.


Nah, not even that would work.

The Sikhs boys and the Muslim girls aren't allowed to remove their headgear and we're very culturally sensitive about that kind of stuff over here.

Makes me want to move to France!




> You forgot to mention impetigo and rickets, which are still thriving in Scotland.


Impetigo!

That's another blast from the past. Jesus, a kid with impetigo could expect to be sent straight to the district nurse, bundled up in antibiotics and chained to his/her bed until non-infectious. And rickets! That was eradicated in the 1970s. 

Am I having deja vu or has the world just gone nuts?

Maybe both!




> No two Yorkshiremen will be allowed on the thread simultaneously.


Parker had that one rescinded.

I'm sure he has a quiet predilection for pork scratchings and has been got at!

----------


## prendrelemick

This thread has now been swamped by cures for various infestations, courtesy of google ads.
I remember the visits of the Nit Nurse to our class, resulting in a lucky few being sent home with a discreet letter and a bottle of something resembling sheep dip.

I've always found pork scratchings ideal for greasing palms and Pontefract Cakes make an excellent sweetener. However parker remains impervious to food related incentives. He is the best administrator money can buy.

----------


## jocky

Before you start Mick, we managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The biggest comedy of errors it has been my misfortune to witness. They will be rolling in laughter in the valleys tonight, it is enough to drive you to drink.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> This thread has now been swamped by cures for various infestations, courtesy of google ads.


Classic! Great spot - I wouldn't have noticed, but scrolling up showed me ads for anal itching and ringworm!.

Now that I've said that, we'll have some more.

 :FRlol: 

The power of Google.




> I've always found pork scratchings ideal for greasing palms and Pontefract Cakes make an excellent sweetener. However parker remains impervious to food related incentives. He is the best administrator money can buy.


Ah. That explains his driving a new Roller on a salary of ten pound a week. 




> Before you start Mick, we managed to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. The biggest comedy of errors it has been my misfortune to witness. They will be rolling in laughter in the valleys tonight, it is enough to drive you to drink.


Ugh, I hate games like that. I once had $50 to win on Bay of Plenty to beat Auckland at $10. They were 14 up with five minutes to play and gave up three tries in five minutes to lose by 7.

Mind you, at least I hadn't lost to Wales!

That's one of those black holes with no escape.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Impetigo!
> 
> That's another blast from the past. Jesus, a kid with impetigo could expect to be sent straight to the district nurse, bundled up in antibiotics and chained to his/her bed until non-infectious. And rickets! That was eradicated in the 1970s. 
> 
> Am I having deja vu or has the world just gone nuts?
> 
> Maybe both!





> This thread has now been swamped by cures for various infestations, courtesy of google ads.
> I remember the visits of the Nit Nurse to our class, resulting in a lucky few being sent home with a discreet letter and a bottle of something resembling sheep dip.


Have you noticed how all the great classical names for ailments have become syndromes?
Such as:

RLS (restless leg syndrome) - Used to be known as the nervous jitters. For example when one is nervously awaiting their obligatory beat down by the playground girls.

IBS (irritable bowel syndrome)  We used to say: dude, quit eating so many beans and cabbage and stand on my leeward side!

TWS (Tiger Woods Syndrome)  THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quoteIs your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome? 

I enjoyed the "sheep dip" reference Prendrelemick.
My parent's cure for just about anything you could imagine was either generic pet salve, Campho-Phenique or 409 household cleaner.

----------


## Paulclem

> Have you noticed how all the great classical names for ailments have become syndromes?
> Such as:
> 
> RLS (restless leg syndrome) - Used to be known as the nervous jitters. For example when one is nervously awaiting their obligatory beat down by the playground girls.
> 
> IBS (irritable bowel syndrome)  We used to say: dude, quit eating so many beans and cabbage and stand on my leeward side!
> 
> TWS (Tiger Woods Syndrome)  THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quoteIs your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome? 
> 
> ...


My wife says I have restless leg syndrome, but I supect it's just another excuse to knuckle me in the ribs.

She says I have lots of syndromes..

----------


## soundofmusic

> Soundo, I don't quite know how to tell you this, it is all very embarassing, I suffer from athlete's foot and headlice, two highly infectious ailments. Not to worry, my doctor has advised me that with the right, expensive treatment you should be cured in a month or two.


 :Sad:  And I've been wondering why the Beegees won't return my calls; they asked me to do alittle naked back walking for their "syndromes" :Ciappa: 




> God, and there was me thinking the one piece of clothing you needed to be really concerned about was the sporran!
> 
> Funny you should mention head lice, because it's a hot topic in my house right now.
> 
> When I was a kid, the only people with head lice were those fresh off a refugee boat, or actually resident in some third world place. On the rare occasion a kid was found with head lice, teams of former Nazi wardresses dressed as nurses would scalp every kid within a 10km radius to ensure they didn't spread.
> 
> Nowadays, we get a letter from the school every couple of weeks reminding parents that head lice infestations are common and to actually wash and check kids' hair every now and then.
> 
> I think this is actually a subclause of the question, "Why are 21st century parents so bloody useless?"


The first couple of times I got those letters asking me to look for a louse; I hopped in the car and tracked down the ex  :Auto:  sent my daughter back to school the next day and got a second dirty letter. :Nono: 
What do you say to the children, "now dear, don't play beautyshop with the girls, don't let any adorable boys show how strong they are by picking you up. 
Of course, the kids love it, It's the parents who have to take off work; go buy that awful shampoo and hear the child cry; go to the health department where you just know you are going to pick up a number of infectious disease while waiting :Ack2: 

[QUOTE=Paulclem;845099]Start a scabies infestation in the school. Perhps they'll lump the nasty, infectious ailments togeher and do a whole school fumigation/ cream rub. You'd need to be careful who gets into that particular party. Certainly no boots/ ten gallon hat people.[/QUOTE

Now that's not fair, I was going to get a free body gel and shampoo at the school. 
I used to notice all of these 7 year olds in the neighborhood with dyed hair; I
thought, "My goodness, children are certainly precocious nowdays". A friend recently said they dye their grandchildrens hair to get rid of lice; it's milder than the lice formulas...Ooo, I'm feeling gross after all that talk of bugs :Sick: 




> Have you noticed how all the great classical names for ailments have become syndromes?
> Such as:
> 
> RLS (restless leg syndrome) - Used to be known as the nervous jitters. For example when one is nervously awaiting their obligatory beat down by the playground girls.
> 
> IBS (irritable bowel syndrome)  We used to say: dude, quit eating so many beans and cabbage and stand on my leeward side!
> 
> TWS (Tiger Woods Syndrome)  THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quoteIs your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome? 
> 
> ...


God, the little wanker actually has his own syndrome now...disgraceful :Goof: 
I imagine you would get restless legs if you had irritable bowels :FRlol: 




> My wife says I have restless leg syndrome, but I supect it's just another excuse to knuckle me in the ribs.
> 
> She says I have lots of syndromes..


I was married to a fellow with restless leg syndrome, the bed vibrated all night...

----------


## jocky

While we are on the subject of nits, whoever started that one? I have to relate a tale of abject cruelty. It used to be my wont to explain confidently to the wife and kids that despite my poor background I had never suffered from that despicable disease, as nits never invaded clean hair, big mistake. One day, to my horror, the missus said the dreaded letter had arrived from school and explained patiently that the whole household had to be treated. Despite my protests I had to sit down and be scourged by the dreaded nit comb, I am sure she raked it through my scalp harder than was necessary. She pronounced, in a doomladen tone, that I was infected and the sheep dip treatment was unavoidable. Imagine my shock in the morning when I asked the kids if they had been treated and they replied, what are you on about da? The moral being no one is immune and my wife is fit for me.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> TWS (Tiger Woods Syndrome)  THIS IS NO JOKE. I was heading into work and heard a commercial for a law firm comprised of all women. The add was aimed at women who, and I quoteIs your marriage suffering from Tiger Woods Syndrome?


I think lots of blokes wish they were rich enough to afford one of those.




> I was married to a fellow with restless leg syndrome, the bed vibrated all ight...


Some people would think that's a good thing.




> The moral being no one is immune and my wife is fit for me.


Go bald!

No hair = no lice. I blame Propecia!

----------


## soundofmusic

> While we are on the subject of nits, whoever started that one? I have to relate a tale of abject cruelty. It used to be my wont to explain confidently to the wife and kids that despite my poor background I had never suffered from that despicable disease, as nits never invaded clean hair, big mistake. One day, to my horror, the missus said the dreaded letter had arrived from school and explained patiently that the whole household had to be treated. Despite my protests I had to sit down and be scourged by the dreaded nit comb, I am sure she raked it through my scalp harder than was necessary. She pronounced, in a doomladen tone, that I was infected and the sheep dip treatment was unavoidable. Imagine my shock in the morning when I asked the kids if they had been treated and they replied, what are you on about da? The moral being no one is immune and my wife is fit for me.


It's true, Jocky, no ones immune; the critters jump... :Iagree: 
I had a very hairy friend who always wore suits. I suppose he liked to get a few days wear from them (as they had to be dry cleaned). One day I saw him on the beach and every inch of him was shaven (except the top of his head); he explained his wife "just wanted to see if it improved their lovemaking.... :Icon Bs: 




> I think lots of blokes wish they were rich enough to afford one of those.


I hear theres a new one, "Tiger Woods Alimony Syndrome" :Nopity:  :Incazzato:

----------


## gbrekken

new infestations? watched a bit of some frogs (not TCU) pounding some potatoes in the ground yesterday (courtesy BBC). I picked up a bit of humor at the bar the night before last. She wasn't good looking but did laugh at everything I said. Definition of a good day: beer, beer, more beer, Daytona 500, and women's ice hockey; plus more beer. Hairless is good, eh?

----------


## prendrelemick

Aye, it was potato planting time in paris yesterday.

And what a revelation in Cardiff. Who said the Scots are tight-fisted, I've never seen 15 more generous men in one place together.

We managed to catch scabies once, it was the most erotic time of our marriage ever, we couldn't wait to throw our clothes off and scratch each other all over. I was almost sorry the lotion worked.

----------


## jocky

The last word on headlice, I promise. The French came up with a novel cure for nits, the guillotine. After an experiment in 1792 a survey showed that out of all aristocrats treated, not one complained of the disease.  :Smile: 




> Aye, it was potato planting time in paris yesterday.
> 
> And what a revelation in Cardiff. Who said the Scots are tight-fisted, I've never seen 15 more generous men in one place together.
> 
> We managed to catch scabies once, it was the most erotic time of our marriage ever, we couldn't wait to throw our clothes off and scratch each other all over. I was almost sorry the lotion worked.


Alas, we managed to downsize our team from 15 to 13 at the crucial time. The Italians come close to lowering your flag today, but as usual the Gods were on the side of St George.

 :FRlol:  Different strokes for different folks, custard and peach slices usually does it for us, a bit more refined than scabies I would suggest.  :Smile: 

Postscript, you know that warm glow on a Sunday morning when you have roughed up the bed and are enjoying a cigarette. The wife turns to you and says, " imagine if we won ten million on the lottery, " and you reply carelessly " Darling I would have to leave the blokes thread. " She whispers in my ear, " is that because of the begging letters ? " Short pause, " No, we will still keep writing them. "  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> new infestations? watched a bit of some frogs (not TCU) pounding some potatoes in the ground yesterday (courtesy BBC). I picked up a bit of humor at the bar the night before last. She wasn't good looking but did laugh at everything I said. Definition of a good day: beer, beer, more beer, Daytona 500, and women's ice hockey; plus more beer. Hairless is good, eh?


So was Ms. Humor a potato pounding frog before you slept with her and turned her into a laughing lass?  :Troll: 
Personally, for me, I prefer hair on a mans head and close trimming everywhere else. :Ihih:  I wouldn't mind hair on the body if it had some balanced distribution; but on some men it looks like they fell into a 5 year olds paste and hair project :Smilielol5: 




> We managed to catch scabies once, it was the most erotic time of our marriage ever, we couldn't wait to throw our clothes off and scratch each other all over. I was almost sorry the lotion worked.


You fellas certainly have loving spouses; I've never met a louse I've wanted to live with or massage with lotion :Yikes: 




> The last word on headlice, I promise. The French came up with a novel cure for nits, the guillotine. After an experiment in 1792 a survey showed that out of all aristocrats treated, not one complained of the disease.


 :Thumbsup: 




> Different strokes for different folks, custard and peach slices usually does it for us, a bit more refined than scabies I would suggest.


Have you ever tried butterscotch pudding with peaches  :Drool5: 




> Postscript, you know that warm glow on a Sunday morning when you have roughed up the bed and are enjoying a cigarette. The wife turns to you and says, " imagine if we won ten million on the lottery, " and you reply carelessly " Darling I would have to leave the blokes thread. " She whispers in my ear, " is that because of the begging letters ? " Short pause, " No, we will still keep writing them. "


Jocky, I just realized; we haven't had a good outcry for cash in ages... :Spam:

----------


## jocky

> So was Ms. Humor a potato pounding frog before you slept with her and turned her into a laughing lass? 
> Personally, for me, I prefer hair on a mans head and close trimming everywhere else. I wouldn't mind hair on the body if it had some balanced distribution; but on some men it looks like they fell into a 5 year olds paste and hair project
> 
> :


I love Gbrekken, unfortunately he is a bit of an obscanturist, I got the rugby reference and the frog which is not a lizard , which is not a frog unless it mutates from the Christan, something or other from Texas. Apparently he had off with a funny woman who likes beer and fast cars. I reckon he knows what he is talking about, and one day he will share it with the rest of us. Gilliat you are the only man in planet Cold Ale who can enlighten us, I wont hold my breath.  :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I love Gbrekken, unfortunately he is a bit of an obscanturist, I got the rugby reference and the frog which is not a lizard , which is not a frog unless it mutates from the Christan, something or other from Texas. Apparently he had off with a funny woman who likes beer and fast cars. I reckon he knows what he is talking about, and one day he will share it with the rest of us. Gilliat you are the only man in planet Cold Ale who can enlighten us, I wont hold my breath.


Believe me I'm trying !! 
This "Gbrekken speak" really has me stumped. You saw my last experiement a couple pages back that blew up in my face. It has taken more than a week to scrub the suit off the walls, beakers and tubes. 
Perhaps a little white lightning will help with my ability to interpret. I'm heading back to the lab. In the meantime enjoy this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggkrk5InCR0

Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> Believe me I'm trying !! 
> This "Gbrekken speak" really has me stumped. You saw my last experiement a couple pages back that blew up in my face. It has taken more than a week to scrub the suit off the walls, beakers and tubes. 
> Perhaps a little white lightning will help with my ability to interpret. I'm heading back to the lab. In the meantime enjoy this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggkrk5InCR0
> 
> Gilliatt


Thank goodness, a bit of reality reintroduced to the thread, a band backed by three Elvis impressionists and a baldy dude. Atheist will be so relieved, how are things going in the dreery beery? Gilly, I know you like the olden videos, please tell me you are not going to post the scene from the Yellow Rose of Texas, where an Irishman crosses the ocean swimming backwards " with an anvil on me chest "  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Believe me I'm trying !! 
> This "Gbrekken speak" really has me stumped. You saw my last experiement a couple pages back that blew up in my face. It has taken more than a week to scrub the suit off the walls, beakers and tubes. 
> Perhaps a little white lightning will help with my ability to interpret. I'm heading back to the lab. In the meantime enjoy this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ggkrk5InCR0
> 
> Gilliatt


Love it Gilliatt, Now I can understand why Tammy stood by her man; he was cute in the day :Ladysman:  :Nopity:

----------


## prendrelemick

Here is the last word on the Rugby this weekend
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8515002.stm

Note the inappropriate sponsor name on his shirt.

----------


## jocky

> Here is the last word on the Rugby this weekend
> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/8515002.stm
> 
> Note the inappropriate sponsor name on his shirt.


Any excuse to get me Mick, well this has not gone unnoticed in Jockland. We have a big date coming up which I know we may not win, but we will cripple Johnny Wilkinson, forever. The battlefield is being shaped as we speak, Atheist and the gang, it is time to pick sides, do you really want scabies supporters or a custard and sliced peaches man to win. Perfidious Albion or honest Scotland , friendship goes out the window in this one. Grrrr  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I love Gbrekken, unfortunately he is a bit of an obscanturist, I got the rugby reference and the frog which is not a lizard , which is not a frog unless it mutates from the Christan, something or other from Texas. Apparently he had off with a funny woman who likes beer and fast cars. I reckon he knows what he is talking about, and one day he will share it with the rest of us. Gilliat you are the only man in planet Cold Ale who can enlighten us, I wont hold my breath.


Gracious Jocky, your education transverses the whole globe...How do you do it man :Thumbs Up:

----------


## gbrekken

Loved the reverence to the origin of NASCAR, (not unlike "rum-runners"), but I'm not sure even the speaker knew what he was saying  :Smile: . The race was a loser, due to track failure that had the cars sitting for hours. I could never go that fast-I backed off under 160, partially due to the fact that I had the kids and a nephew in the car. 
Having your own language makes you unique, just like everyone else.
flattery O'connnor and Jimmy joy juice went into a bar, ordered a shot of the best local stuff, and asked the barkeep if they'd heard the new joke about Timbuktu. The bartender's neck veins flared wide and red, and then he said "look mister, I'm from Timbuktu; the four guys at the end of the bar, they're from Timbuktu; the two big guys shooting pool, they're from Timbuktu, and so are the foursome throwing darts". At which flattery replied"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go real slow". And then the fight started. Later that night flattery got home, and while soaking, and licking his wounds, and chilling one eye with a cold steak, was watching television. The wife gets home and asks him what's on the telly. To which he replied "dust". And then the fight started. Add on at will.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Any excuse to get me Mick, well this has not gone unnoticed in Jockland. We have a big date coming up which I know we may not win, but we will cripple Johnny Wilkinson, forever. The battlefield is being shaped as we speak, Atheist and the gang, it is time to pick sides, do you really want scabies supporters or a custard and sliced peaches man to win. Perfidious Albion or honest Scotland , friendship goes out the window in this one. Grrrr


I say old chap, you scotch Johnnies are taking this awfully seriously.

----------


## jocky

> Having your own language makes you unique, just like everyone else.


 :FRlol:  The highest compliment I can pay you is you are harder work than the Times crossword.




> Gracious Jocky, your education transverses the whole globe...How do you do it man


Google  :Smile: 




> I say old chap, you scotch Johnnies are taking this awfully seriously.


Our history of failure makes us defensive. Just because we are paranoid it does not mean you are not out to get us.  :FRlol:

----------


## Paulclem

> Our history of failure makes us defensive. Just because we are paranoid it does not mean you are not out to get us.


There is some merit in consistency. Consider the emotional rollercoaster of the average England fan - football or rugby. 

There's usually a win or two, just to get the hopes up, and then comes the crushing defeat/ humiliation/ last gasp penalty shootout. All that emotion, all that rah rah raaaaahing for nothing. You can smell the disappointment as you hear flags hung from local windows being unceremoniously torn down... again. 

 :Beatdeadhorse5:   :Banghead:   :Nopity: 

Good choice of emoticons these days.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Loved the reverence to the origin of NASCAR, (not unlike "rum-runners"),... 
> ...The wife gets home and asks him what's on the telly. To which he replied "dust". And then the fight started. Add on at will.


OK Gbrekken, I'm game-
"add on at"... will...the wife insist that the rum runner, a pre cursor to NASCAR, allow his two week old Kolache and near empty bottle of Wild Turkey remain in its customary position on the bookshelf? She insists that the shelf needs dusting along with the old Zenith.



Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> There is some merit in consistency. Consider the emotional rollercoaster of the average England fan - football or rugby. 
> 
> There's usually a win or two, just to get the hopes up, and then comes the crushing defeat/ humiliation/ last gasp penalty shootout. All that emotion, all that rah rah raaaaahing for nothing. You can smell the disappointment as you hear flags hung from local windows being unceremoniously torn down... again.


At least you get a win or two and a whiff, however temporary, of the sweet smell of success. I had a horrible dream vision of a big wooden spoon winging its way Northwards beyond the dales and landing smack bang in my porridge. A Scottish Prime Minister and he can't fix the six nations for us, even coming fifth would be some consolation.  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Google


Ah, but you still have to first know the right question :Goof:

----------


## The Atheist

Any time you're having a bad day, a quick glance in here soon removes the gloom!

Daughter has come home from school with norovirus today - speaking of infestations...




> Note the inappropriate sponsor name on his shirt.


 :FRlol: 

Brilliant!

I always liked those Pommy ones when O2 sponsored them. The series result printed on their shirts, 0 -2.




> Any excuse to get me Mick, well this has not gone unnoticed in Jockland. We have a big date coming up which I know we may not win, but we will cripple Johnny Wilkinson, forever. The battlefield is being shaped as we speak, Atheist and the gang, it is time to pick sides, do you really want scabies supporters or a custard and sliced peaches man to win. Perfidious Albion or honest Scotland , friendship goes out the window in this one. Grrrr


Pick sides?

What's to pick? The only nation with more enemies than England is USA, and they don't play at all.

Funny how Wilkinson never shines when he plays us.




> I could never go that fast-I backed off under 160, partially due to the fact that I had the kids and a nephew in the car.


 :FRlol: 




> To which he replied "dust". And then the fight started. Add on at will.


And brilliant follow up!

----------


## prendrelemick

> There is some merit in consistency. Consider the emotional rollercoaster of the average England fan - football or rugby. 
> 
> There's usually a win or two, just to get the hopes up, and then comes the crushing defeat/ humiliation/ last gasp penalty shootout. All that emotion, all that rah rah raaaaahing for nothing. You can smell the disappointment as you hear flags hung from local windows being unceremoniously torn down... again. 
> 
>   
> 
> Good choice of emoticons these days.



Aye, but at least we're not like the All Blacks. They are the best. They know they are the best. The opposition Know they are the best. Everyone knows they are the best. So why don't they win when it matters?

Meanwhile England have reverted to the tactics that made them the World Champions, bore the opposition into submission.

----------


## Paulclem

> Aye, but at least we're not like the All Blacks. They are the best. They know they are the best. The opposition Know they are the best. Everyone knows they are the best. So why don't they win when it matters?
> 
> Meanwhile England have reverted to the tactics that made them the World Champions, bore the opposition into submission.


You're right. I caught about ten mins of the game when all they did was kick it to each other. The second commentator - is he from Yorkshire? - was going apopoplectic, as he'd been saying exactly the same thing in the last 6 Nations.

Kick and run indeed.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Loved the reverence to the origin of NASCAR, (not unlike "rum-runners"), but I'm not sure even the speaker knew what he was saying . The race was a loser, due to track failure that had the cars sitting for hours. I could never go that fast-I backed off under 160, partially due to the fact that I had the kids and a nephew in the car. 
> Having your own language makes you unique, just like everyone else.
> flattery O'connnor and Jimmy joy juice went into a bar, ordered a shot of the best local stuff, and asked the barkeep if they'd heard the new joke about Timbuktu. The bartender's neck veins flared wide and red, and then he said "look mister, I'm from Timbuktu; the four guys at the end of the bar, they're from Timbuktu; the two big guys shooting pool, they're from Timbuktu, and so are the foursome throwing darts". At which flattery replied"Okay, I'm sorry. I'll go real slow". And then the fight started. Later that night flattery got home, and while soaking, and licking his wounds, and chilling one eye with a cold steak, was watching television. The wife gets home and asks him what's on the telly. To which he replied "dust". And then the fight started. Add on at will.


I've always thought you were unique :Ladysman:  Love the jokes :Iagree: 




> OK Gbrekken, I'm game-
> "add on at"... will...the wife insist that the rum runner, a pre cursor to NASCAR, allow his two week old Kolache and near empty bottle of Wild Turkey remain in its customary position on the bookshelf? She insists that the shelf needs dusting along with the old Zenith.
> 
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


That pastry is gorgeous, how about sending some of your wifes confections (before the two week stent on the shelf) to old Soundo :Drool5: 




> Any time you're having a bad day, a quick glance in here soon removes the gloom!
> 
> Daughter has come home from school with norovirus today - speaking of infestations...


Again, the disadvantages of unique and rare genes; I spent almost every school year catching everything. My aunt used to observe that the children who never combed their hair and walked through chicken droppings were always healthy; but a bath, shampoo and regular meals will put you in the hospital. :Sick:

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye, but at least we're not like the All Blacks. They are the best. They know they are the best. The opposition Know they are the best. Everyone knows they are the best. So why don't they win when it matters?


4 million Kiwis want the answer to that very question. 

There are a couple of factors:

1 We keep picking idiots as coach - every RWC since 1987, we have had some inadequate dick in charge. In 2011, we have the same dick who lost the last one, so hopes are low.

2 We were robbed in 1995 and ought to have 2 cups

3 Public expectation to win every single game tends to make us use all of our cards leading into the tournament and when others pull out all the stops, we're often found wanting.

4 There will be riots in Queen St if we don't win next year and the coach will be lynched.




> Again, the disadvantages of unique and rare genes; I spent almost every school year catching everything. My aunt used to observe that the children who never combed their hair and walked through chicken droppings were always healthy; but a bath, shampoo and regular meals will put you in the hospital.


Ha!

Sounds just like my kids!

I took the boy to the Dr a couple of weeks back as he's had an ongoing sinus infection which just won't go away.

She started talking about nutrition and preservatives before I stopped her and pointed out that my kids eat correct, fresh food and on the rare occasion they have lollies/takeaways/soft drinks they think it's christmas.

Yet they get sick so often it drives me nuts. Unlike other kids, they even wash their hands before eating and after going to the toilet.

I actually think those other kids do get sick, and in many cases are just sick all the time, so it's their natural state and they don't have time off school/work with it.

----------


## Paulclem

> 4 million Kiwis want the answer to that very question. 
> 
> There are a couple of factors:
> 
> 1 We keep picking idiots as coach - every RWC since 1987, we have had some inadequate dick in charge. In 2011, we have the same dick who lost the last one, so hopes are low.
> 
> 2 We were robbed in 1995 and ought to have 2 cups
> 
> 3 Public expectation to win every single game tends to make us use all of our cards leading into the tournament and when others pull out all the stops, we're often found wanting.
> ...


My kids were the same. They even got a disease I'd never head of until half the Primary School went down with it - the slapcheek virus. I makes their cheeks go red and they feel as if they've got a cold - facecheeks that is...

----------


## prendrelemick

Afew years ago I called at a farm. It was a bleak place, the house was dilapidated with cracked windows and ill-fitting doors. It was b...dy freezing. Two kids were playing in the yard, they were wearing shorts, holy jumpers and wellies three sizes too big, no coats, scarves or hats. I asked them if they were cold. "No" they said .(They were playing with water from a trough, for heavens sake) I asked their mother, who came to the door dressed for The Algarve, how they did it. "Porage" she replied. "we have a big bowlfull of porage every morning." She said her kids were never ill, and I could see they were bright and vigourous. I tried to force a porage regieme on my household after that, but the lure of Coco pops overcame me.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ha!
> 
> Sounds just like my kids!
> 
> I took the boy to the Dr a couple of weeks back as he's had an ongoing sinus infection which just won't go away.
> 
> She started talking about nutrition and preservatives before I stopped her and pointed out that my kids eat correct, fresh food and on the rare occasion they have lollies/takeaways/soft drinks they think it's christmas.
> 
> Yet they get sick so often it drives me nuts. Unlike other kids, they even wash their hands before eating and after going to the toilet.
> ...


Have you ever wondered if some peoples bodies were just too dull to pick up on illness; no really. My mom was a great woman; but a little retarded. The woman was never ill, she worked until the minute her children were born, she never took medications and only died from my sisters cooking :Frown2: 




> My kids were the same. They even got a disease I'd never head of until half the Primary School went down with it - the slapcheek virus. I makes their cheeks go red and they feel as if they've got a cold - facecheeks that is...


All these weird diseases. I saw a fellow on television today who had a daughter with "the sleeping beauty disease"; they sleep for 13 or 14 days at a time. Something with the autoimmune system. 




> Afew years ago I called at a farm. It was a bleak place, the house was dilapidated with cracked windows and ill-fitting doors. It was b...dy freezing. Two kids were playing in the yard, they were wearing shorts, holy jumpers and wellies three sizes too big, no coats, scarves or hats. I asked them if they were cold. "No" they said .(They were playing with water from a trough, for heavens sake) I asked their mother, who came to the door dressed for The Algarve, how they did it. "Porage" she replied. "we have a big bowlfull of porage every morning." She said her kids were never ill, and I could see they were bright and vigourous. I tried to force a porage regieme on my household after that, but the lure of Coco pops overcame me.


 :Drool5:  Coco puffs, nothing like them except Cookie Crisp. I've tried to incorporate a good diet since this flu hit me and lasted 5 weeks...This healthy food is about to kill my digestive system; I feel I may explood at any point :Puke:

----------


## soundofmusic

You see, this is why I like being an honorary bloke, Men are just so interesting...They talk about everything :Patriot:

----------


## Paulclem

> Have you ever wondered if some peoples bodies were just too dull to pick up on illness; no really. My mom was a great woman; but a little retarded. The woman was never ill, she worked until the minute her children were born, she never took medications and only died from my sisters cooking
> 
> 
> 
> All these weird diseases. I saw a fellow on television today who had a daughter with "the sleeping beauty disease"; they sleep for 13 or 14 days at a time. Something with the autoimmune system. 
> 
> 
> 
>  Coco puffs, nothing like them except Cookie Crisp. I've tried to incorporate a good diet since this flu hit me and lasted 5 weeks...This healthy food is about to kill my digestive system; I feel I may explood at any point


I currently suffer from alarmingly red annual underarm rashes - I've no idea why I get them, they don't cause me much bother - they just appear, itch for a few days and depart. 

The wierdest thing I had was one winter when my finger ends tended to split.

It is a commonly held belief by some people that dirt improves the immune system - hence the ruddy faced urchins you see wandering around in inadequate clothing. Perhaps we should stop showering and just smell more. On second thoughts nah.

----------


## Paulclem

> You see, this is why I like being an honorary bloke, Men are just so interesting...They talk about everything


All those hours in the pub talking nonsense has been a good training. 

Funnily enough, since I stopped going to pubs, their business has gone right down. It's either that or the vast improvements in home entertainment coupled with the supermarkets' get p*ssed quick campaigns.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> You see, this is why I like being an honorary bloke, Men are just so interesting...They talk about everything


Yes, and sometimes we make sense too.

----------


## gbrekken

[QUOTE=Paulclem;848569]

It is a commonly held belief by some people that dirt improves the immune system - QUOTE]

My farmer father was fond of saying "A little clean dirt never hurt anybody."

----------


## Paulclem

[QUOTE=gbrekken;849003]


> It is a commonly held belief by some people that dirt improves the immune system - QUOTE]
> 
> My farmer father was fond of saying "A little clean dirt never hurt anybody."


My Grandad was a shepherd. He never mentioned dirt, but I'm sure he would have thought the same. (How are shepherds considered over there? I still remember Glen Ford in the cowboy film where he's a not very well regarded sheep farmer. I think that was my Grandad's favourite film). 

We've got a cat and a dog to keep up with the immuno-dust and grime and hair. We still get colds galore though. Perhaps we're keeping them too squeaky clean.  :Biggrinjester:

----------


## soundofmusic

:Incazzato: 


> I currently suffer from alarmingly red annual underarm rashes - I've no idea why I get them, they don't cause me much bother - they just appear, itch for a few days and depart. 
> The wierdest thing I had was one winter when my finger ends tended to split.


I have "friends" :Wink5:  with the same problem; the rash actually clears up with a mixture for poison ivy (a mixture of benadryl and calamine lotion). It tends to come with moisture and skin rubbing against clothing or skin.
A bit more of zinc and vitamin E in your diet help the skin cracking; and I hear it makes you chase your wife around the bed :Banana:  :Banana: 



> All those hours in the pub talking nonsense has been a good training. 
> Funnily enough, since I stopped going to pubs, their business has gone right down. It's either that or the vast improvements in home entertainment coupled with the supermarkets' get p*ssed quick campaigns.


I can see that, we almost had to shut down the blokes thread when you stopped visiting...right Jocky, Atheist :Wave: 




> Yes, and sometimes we make sense too.


You always make sense Prendrelemick; and I still think gbrekken is doing some esoteric code when we don't understand him, right gman :Wink5: 
[QUOTE=gbrekken;849003]


> It is a commonly held belief by some people that dirt improves the immune system - QUOTE]
> 
> I think it does, like vaccines, if you already have an immune system; with me, my immune system isn't tough enough to let any of the little suckers in
> My farmer father was fond of saying "A little clean dirt never hurt anybody."


I buy my dirt from the stores after the cow and heat processing, antibacterials, etc...then the cats use it as a litter box... :Frown2: 
[QUOTE=Paulclem;849068]


> My Grandad was a shepherd. He never mentioned dirt, but I'm sure he would have thought the same. (How are shepherds considered over there? I still remember Glen Ford in the cowboy film where he's a not very well regarded sheep farmer. I think that was my Grandad's favourite film). 
> 
> We've got a cat and a dog to keep up with the immuno-dust and grime and hair. We still get colds galore though. Perhaps we're keeping them too squeaky clean.


I think it would be a wonderful and peaceful life herding sheep. I think alot of my allergies are from the cat dandar...do they ever stop cleaning themselves. 'My neighbor yelled at me because I wouldn't let my cat sit on his coffee table; as soon as he "stuck up" for the cat, she began cleaning her private parts :Ciappa:  :Ack2:  :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

Wonderful, peaceful!  :FRlol:  No, I'd say its more like psychological warfare, and the sheep are winning.

I'm constantly telling the wife that muck is not a bad thing, and that by coming into the kitchen with my wellies on, I'm protecting her from all kinds of nasties.

SOUNDS. I dont need owt to encourage me to chase the wife around the bed, but if you know of anything that will enable me to catch her....

----------


## gbrekken

to catch the wife, begin with well placed snares.  :Smile: 

shepherds are rare, though the Basque are still around, I think. Most of the guys at the bar are either truck drivers looking for work, or cattle ranchers out for the night, so I don't bring it up.

esoteric or cryptic? I'm not sure. Efforts toward understandability are under way  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah, springes to catch woodcocks then we will all the pleasures prove

----------


## The Atheist

> I think it would be a wonderful and peaceful life herding sheep.


You need to meet some sheep.




> Wonderful, peaceful!  No, I'd say its more like psychological warfare, and the sheep are winning.


I've lived on a sheep farm.

The bleating reminded me too much of the ex-mother-in-law.




> I'm constantly telling the wife that muck is not a bad thing, and that by coming into the kitchen with my wellies on, I'm protecting her from all kinds of nasties.


She should be praising your tireless efforts.

God, you just can't please some women.

----------


## Paulclem

> You need to meet some sheep.
> 
> 
> 
> I've lived on a sheep farm.
> 
> The bleating reminded me too much of the ex-mother-in-law.
> 
> 
> ...


 :FRlol: 

I have met sheep before. They were very butty and skittish, but then it was a slaughterhouse. I couldn't blame them.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Wonderful, peaceful!  No, I'd say its more like psychological warfare, and the sheep are winning.
> 
> I'm constantly telling the wife that muck is not a bad thing, and that by coming into the kitchen with my wellies on, I'm protecting her from all kinds of nasties.
> 
> SOUNDS. I dont need owt to encourage me to chase the wife around the bed, but if you know of anything that will enable me to catch her....


Come back home with a different pair of underwear than you left with, preferably a nice silky red brief, spray a bit of womens perfume near you, and put a few long hairs near the nape of your neck; walk in totally oblivious, start to undress in front of her and bang...she will be on you :Ladysman:  




> You need to meet some sheep.
> I've lived on a sheep farm.
> 
> The bleating reminded me too much of the ex-mother-in-law.


I've met a sheep throw rug, does that count :Idea:

----------


## The Atheist

> I have met sheep before. They were very butty and skittish, but then it was a slaughterhouse. I couldn't blame them.


Quite right.

The best sheep are smothered in mint sauce.




> I've met a sheep throw rug, does that count


I ate that one - it was delicious!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJdww9bYnDM

Gilliatt

----------


## Paulclem

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJdww9bYnDM
> 
> Gilliatt



 :FRlol: 
We use sheepdogs in the UK. There was a weekly programme that was on the telly - One Man and his Dog. I'd like to see the US version if that's an example.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD4237RO5bE

We really used to watch this! TV's come a long way.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Come back home with a different pair of underwear than you left with, preferably a nice silky red brief, spray a bit of womens perfume near you, and put a few long hairs near the nape of your neck; walk in totally oblivious, start to undress in front of her and bang...she will be on you 
> 
> :


I may be desperate, but I'm not suicidal-yet!

----------


## prendrelemick

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJdww9bYnDM
> 
> Gilliatt


It looks like Bigfoot is a vegitarian. Though not through choice!  :Drool5:  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

:Toetap05: 


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJdww9bYnDM
> 
> Gilliatt


Great video, Gilliatt, I must admit; that might make me want to eat the critters :Beatdeadhorse5: 




> We use sheepdogs in the UK. There was a weekly programme that was on the telly - One Man and his Dog. I'd like to see the US version if that's an example.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rD4237RO5bE
> 
> We really used to watch this! TV's come a long way.


I watched it for a good while; it's sort of hypnotic  :Yawnb:  Maybe we should keep the video for American dogs; "See, in other countries you'd be working for your food" :Toetap05: 



> I may be desperate, but I'm not suicidal-yet!


Well, I don't know; it worked on me...but I'm the curious type :Out: 



> It looks like Bigfoot is a vegitarian. Though not through choice!


What is all this talk of eating; I thought people kept sheep for their coats :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> to catch the wife, begin with well placed snares.


What type of snares would you suggest: I could go for $50 dollar bills hidden about the house :Ladysman:

----------


## soundofmusic

Where are you, Jocky? :Seeya:

----------


## gbrekken

The bigfoot video reminded me of a Montana joke. Montana, where men are men, women are scarce, and the sheep are scared.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> The bigfoot video reminded me of a Montana joke. Montana, where men are men, women are scarce, and the sheep are scared.


This is a Welsh joke too.

I have a question for you Blokes and Honorary Lady members.

My daughter had the Winter vomiting Bug last night - (else it was the salmonella chutney she had on the veggie burger in Mcdonalds. I did suggest that she was going through a Superhero metamorphosis into Vomit Girl, who can take a villain down with a well aimed projectile vom!...but she wasn't impressed and gave me the look perfected by 14 year old girls over the whole history of time). 

She was up for quite a time with me, and I had time to reflect upon the skill of the vomit whilst mopping out the bathroom. 

Are you aware of the vomit classifications of Good vomiter and Bad vomiter? 

The Good vomiter can hold it in to the sink/ toilet/ bath, and will assist the later cleanup by an accurate projection into the said receptacle. 

The Bad vomiter can't hold it in and seems to spasm as they vomit resulting in a 180 degree vom splatter pattern arc.

Anyay, my question is this - Are the incidences of good and bad vomiters the result of nature or nurture? Are good and bad vomiters born or made? 

I look forward in anticipation to your stories and answers. We could also widen the question out and start a thread on this subject in the bear pit. :Puke:

----------


## soundofmusic

> The bigfoot video reminded me of a Montana joke. Montana, where men are men, women are scarce, and the sheep are scared.


 :Shocked:  That is a sad, sad tale. Down here, in hip hop land, pit bulls gather in corners and whisper



> This is a Welsh joke too.
> 
> I have a question for you Blokes and Honorary Lady members.
> 
> My daughter had the Winter vomiting Bug last night - (else it was the salmonella chutney she had on the veggie burger in Mcdonalds. I did suggest that she was going through a Superhero metamorphosis into Vomit Girl, who can take a villain down with a well aimed projectile vom!...but she wasn't impressed and gave me the look perfected by 14 year old girls over the whole history of time). 
> 
> She was up for quite a time with me, and I had time to reflect upon the skill of the vomit whilst mopping out the bathroom. 
> 
> Are you aware of the vomit classifications of Good vomiter and Bad vomiter? 
> ...


Vomit girl, very creative. What a fine fellow you are to clean up vomit. 
I don't know, the projectile thing seems to be something we get under control with age, do you think. Nurture helps, if you know you have a spewer, as soon as they get tempremental or darkened cheeks: bring a bucket lined with toilet paper, paper towels or a moist cloth and a plastic bag. Keep a mop at hand, leave the toilet lid up and put an open container near by in case they are...well, 
I usually then take a nice stiff drink for moms nerves and try to get a bit of rest nearby.

----------


## Paulclem

> That is a sad, sad tale. Down here, in hip hop land, pit bulls gather in corners and whisper
> 
> 
> Vomit girl, very creative. What a fine fellow you are to clean up vomit. 
> I don't know, the projectile thing seems to be something we get under control with age, do you think. Nurture helps, if you know you have a spewer, as soon as they get tempremental or darkened cheeks: bring a bucket lined with toilet paper, paper towels or a moist cloth and a plastic bag. Keep a mop at hand, leave the toilet lid up and put an open container near by in case they are...well, 
> I usually then take a nice stiff drink for moms nerves and try to get a bit of rest nearby.


Fine advice from years of experience. I left the lid down and paid big time.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Where are you, Jocky?


Where art thou you king in kilted tights?
Aye, the bottle let him down again last night

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7sT5...eature=related

I am a moth he says, transfixed on the lights
To Marfa me lads! Now let us take flight!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCQqF...eature=related

Hell be back soon enough, alien sojourns take a few days.




> This is a Welsh joke too.
> 
> I have a question for you Blokes and Honorary Lady members.
> 
> My daughter had the Winter vomiting Bug last night - (else it was the salmonella chutney she had on the veggie burger in Mcdonalds...
> 
> Are you aware of the vomit classifications of Good vomiter and Bad vomiter? ...
> ...The Bad vomiter can't hold it in and seems to spasm as they vomit resulting in a 180 degree vom splatter pattern arc...





> Fine advice from years of experience. I left the lid down and paid big time.


 (green laughing smilie) That is funny!

Now to... 
the spew:

I recall an incident many years ago (in my wilder days)
There was party on hot summers night.
Many had gathered outside near a pool.
I was beginning to suffer from a lethal mix roiling in my gut.
Nearby, the air conditioning condenser fan was running.
The warm air blowing off the coils was soothing, so I lay over the top of the fan.
People gathered around the fan to taunt and laugh at me, but soon I would have my revenge!
Suddenly a bubbling mass of magma surging from the depths of hell surged upward.
The lethal mix erupted into the fan blades spraying everything in two meter radius including those who would seek amusement at my suffering.

Gilliatt

----------


## Paulclem

> Where art thou you king in kilted tights?
> Aye, the bottle let him down again last night
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7sT5...eature=related
> 
> I am a moth he says, transfixed on the lights
> To Marfa me lads! Now let us take flight!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fCQqF...eature=related
> ...


That's a fantastic story. Well worth the nausea. :FRlol:

----------


## Satan

Aye, there's nothing worse than a lethal mix in summer. Once I cracked open like a broken water supply pipe and threw up much of that high pH venom cooking in my stomach on a friend who sat right beside me jingling and giggling his way down the beerdom. Needless to say, that was an isolated incident which surely taught my then teen self a lesson I never forgot, which is: never spew on someone drunk. It starts a chain-reaction.  :Puke:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Glad you enjoyed it Paulclem.
Thanks for sharing the story about your daughter. I have one son who is now in his mid teens (oh lord help us!). 
Your story brought back a few messy memories of my own.

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Fine advice from years of experience. I left the lid down and paid big time.


Glad to help, my daughter, now 35, was a big time spewer.  :Rolleyes5:  :Arf:  :Cold:  :Frown5:  :Puke: 
Speaking of which, no one has mentioned the 2 way dilema; spewing from all orifices...does it only happen on my watch :Frown: 



> Where art thou you king in kilted tights?
> Aye, the bottle let him down again last night
> 
> I am a moth he says, transfixed on the lights
> To Marfa me lads! Now let us take flight!
> 
> Hell be back soon enough, alien sojourns take a few days.
> 
> (green laughing smilie) That is funny!
> ...


 :Alien:  Glad to know that, at least, our Jocky is among friends.


Revenge is so, so sweet :Devil: 



> Aye, there's nothing worse than a lethal mix in summer. Once I cracked open like a broken water supply pipe and threw up much of that high pH venom cooking in my stomach on a friend who sat right beside me jingling and giggling his way down the beerdom. Needless to say, that was an isolated incident which surely taught my then teen self a lesson I never forgot, which is: never spew on someone drunk. It starts a chain-reaction.


I've been exposed to alot of scenes and smells over the years, but barfing still makes me lose it...even when I watch those little cartoon shows like South Park, where the kid is puking. 
Oh, Happy Belated Birthday... :Bday 2:  :Party:  :Ladysman:

----------


## Satan

> Oh, Happy Belated Birthday...


You're late to the party.  :Toetap05: 

Thanks!  :Wink:

----------


## gbrekken

> Anyay, my question is this - Are the incidences of good and bad vomiters the result of nature or nurture? Are good and bad vomiters born or made?


I'll go with the nurture, with the exception being adolescents suffering from the well known short circuits in the brain.

I once had a student, who, unbeknownst to me, should have stayed home for day. Instead, being the dedicated one, driven by parents, he attended school, and while listening to an oral report by another student, sneezed, or so I thought. Being in the back of the room, that's what I thought it was, until the chorus of "oooooooooo"s went up around him. He'd attempted to hold it in, to no avail, for the projectiles had proceeded through and out both nostrils, splashing off the desk, and gently bathing everyone within three feet in a 180 degree arc. I wasn't quick enough with the waste basket, so the second shot hit the floor and splattered a few more. Oh the joys of teaching middle school. I do miss it sometimes, but not often.

Jocky is probably enjoying the ladies' Olympic curling efforts. The British are led by a Scottish teen, whose other hobbies are golfing and bagpiping. They started off by knocking off the reigning world champs.

Anyone catch the Aussie gal's gold medal performance on the halfpipe?

----------


## prendrelemick

An interesting sub-catagory is the surreptitious vomiter, usually a baby at a christening. You only know its happened by the white streak of puke down the back of your best suit.

I have a vague memory of me and a young lady ending an enchanted evening bending over a sink and poking lumps of carrot down the plughole, we had shared a bottle of vodka and lime earlier.

I missed the half-pipe, but those skeleton sliders are so fast!!

----------


## Paulclem

> I'll go with the nurture, with the exception being adolescents suffering from the well known short circuits in the brain.
> 
> I once had a student, who, unbeknownst to me, should have stayed home for day. Instead, being the dedicated one, driven by parents, he attended school, and while listening to an oral report by another student, sneezed, or so I thought. Being in the back of the room, that's what I thought it was, until the chorus of "oooooooooo"s went up around him. He'd attempted to hold it in, to no avail, for the projectiles had proceeded through and out both nostrils, splashing off the desk, and gently bathing everyone within three feet in a 180 degree arc. I wasn't quick enough with the waste basket, so the second shot hit the floor and splattered a few more. Oh the joys of teaching middle school. I do miss it sometimes, but not often.
> 
> Jocky is probably enjoying the ladies' Olympic curling efforts. The British are led by a Scottish teen, whose other hobbies are golfing and bagpiping. They started off by knocking off the reigning world champs.
> 
> Anyone catch the Aussie gal's gold medal performance on the halfpipe?



 :FRlol: 
I used to work in Primary School - 4 to 12 year olds. I had just got back in for a maths lesson after being on playground duty, and picked up my cold coffee and took a big swig. Just then a tickle in the throat made me cough it all out in a 180 degree arc. all the good, eager kids on the front row were drenched and said errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!


I had to laugh.

----------


## Paulclem

> Glad to help, my daughter, now 35, was a big time spewer. 
> Speaking of which, no one has mentioned the 2 way dilema; spewing from all orifices...does it only happen on my watch
> 
>  Glad to know that, at least, our Jocky is among friends.
> 
> 
> Revenge is so, so sweet
> 
> 
> ...


Luckily I've never had to deal with the multiple orifice swamping. 

I know what you mean by the barfing in sympathy. I'm a good vomiter though and I can usually keep it down. I have had instances of reluctant vomiting - where the vom comes between the fingers in multi-directional streams.  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

:FRlol: 


> You're late to the party. 
> 
> Thanks!


Not to worry, on the blokes thread every day is your birthday :Cheers2:  :Reddevil:  :Banana:  :Banana: 



> I'll go with the nurture, with the exception being adolescents suffering from the well known short circuits in the brain.
> 
> I once had a student, who, unbeknownst to me, should have stayed home for day. Instead, being the dedicated one, driven by parents, he attended school, and while listening to an oral report by another student, sneezed, or so I thought. Being in the back of the room, that's what I thought it was, until the chorus of "oooooooooo"s went up around him. He'd attempted to hold it in, to no avail, for the projectiles had proceeded through and out both nostrils, splashing off the desk, and gently bathing everyone within three feet in a 180 degree arc. I wasn't quick enough with the waste basket, so the second shot hit the floor and splattered a few more. Oh the joys of teaching middle school. I do miss it sometimes, but not often.
> 
> Jocky is probably enjoying the ladies' Olympic curling efforts. The British are led by a Scottish teen, whose other hobbies are golfing and bagpiping. They started off by knocking off the reigning world champs.
> 
> Anyone catch the Aussie gal's gold medal performance on the halfpipe?


Don't you just love folks that send their kids out sick; I was next to a mom today at the grocery store with two children with chicken pox :Toetap05: 
Jocky sounds like he is having the time of his life; did he take Atheist with him or did the poor man succomb to his daughters virus :Seeya: 



> An interesting sub-catagory is the surreptitious vomiter, usually a baby at a christening. You only know its happened by the white streak of puke down the back of your best suit.
> 
> I have a vague memory of me and a young lady ending an enchanted evening bending over a sink and poking lumps of carrot down the plughole, we had shared a bottle of vodka and lime earlier.
> 
> I missed the half-pipe, but those skeleton sliders are so fast!!


I was glad my mom always mentioned to put a clean nappie or towel over your back before picking up babies; they always seem to spit on the dry cleanable clothes :Frown: 
So, what do you give your lady friends now to drink? 



> I used to work in Primary School - 4 to 12 year olds. I had just got back in for a maths lesson after being on playground duty, and picked up my cold coffee and took a big swig. Just then a tickle in the throat made me cough it all out in a 180 degree arc. all the good, eager kids on the front row were drenched and said errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
> I had to laugh.


Did you send them home for the day?



> Luckily I've never had to deal with the multiple orifice swamping. 
> 
> I know what you mean by the barfing in sympathy. I'm a good vomiter though and I can usually keep it down. I have had instances of reluctant vomiting - where the vom comes between the fingers in multi-directional streams.


I really hate getting sick; When I feel a bit of nausea, I take Compazine (an american nausea pill); it takes longer to get over the virus that way;but I don't make myself sick when I get sick. Oh, I take Immodium for the other end; I just don't like anything spewing in an untimely and unorderly fashion...
Oh, except... :Ladysman:

----------


## Paulclem

> Not to worry, on the blokes thread every day is your birthday
> 
> 
> Don't you just love folks that send their kids out sick; I was next to a mom today at the grocery store with two children with chicken pox
> Jocky sounds like he is having the time of his life; did he take Atheist with him or did the poor man succomb to his daughters virus
> 
> 
> I was glad my mom always mentioned to put a clean nappie or towel over your back before picking up babies; they always seem to spit on the dry cleanable clothes
> So, what do you give your lady friends now to drink? 
> ...


Send the kids home? Nah - I just laughed until we did long mulplication. The only down side was that the naughty kids at the back missed out.

I tried Immodium in India. I came to the conclusion that whatever it was that wanted to get out should be allowed if at all possible. Otherwise I felt bad.

 :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Send the kids home? Nah - I just laughed until we did long mulplication. The only down side was that the naughty kids at the back missed out.
> 
> I tried Immodium in India. I came to the conclusion that whatever it was that wanted to get out should be allowed if at all possible. Otherwise I felt bad.


 :Sick:  Reminds me of an advertisement I recently saw online. They were advising Americans that teachers were needed in India and Nepal. The teachers would receive 250 to 300 dollars a month plus room and board. It noted that if you wanted "sanitary food" you would have to go into town where this could be bought for an additional 80. a month. 
When I travel, I usually go to the grocery stores and purchase packaged foods from America or the UK; if I buy fruit, it has to be from something that doesn't touch the ground and I never buy from a stand. Even in the states, I never buy from the street vendors; they often appropriate food from store dumpsters.

----------


## The Atheist

Interesting things come out of this thread!

I've been making jocky jealous by fishing in our crystal clear water on a stinking hot summer's day - about 28 degrees, fish in absolute swarm mode, we were catching them faster than we could bait up. Several even committed suicide by jumping into the fish bin!

Now, I have to go and cook them all.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Interesting things come out of this thread!
> 
> I've been making jocky jealous by fishing in our crystal clear water on a stinking hot summer's day - about 28 degrees, fish in absolute swarm mode, we were catching them faster than we could bait up. Several even committed suicide by jumping into the fish bin!
> 
> 
> 
> Now, I have to go and cook them all.


Noooo. (Is there a smilie for covering ears and humming very loudly?) I spent yesterday gathering ungrateful sheep in a blizzard. :Mad2:

----------


## gbrekken

dam ungrateful sheep.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Interesting things come out of this thread!
> 
> I've been making jocky jealous by fishing in our crystal clear water on a stinking hot summer's day - about 28 degrees, fish in absolute swarm mode, we were catching them faster than we could bait up. Several even committed suicide by jumping into the fish bin!
> 
> Now, I have to go and cook them all.


What's this, and I was worrying, imagining you sniffling and sneezing :Nopity:  Glad you're back; you didn't, by any chance, have a 3 pound lobster jump in there did you  :Drool5: 




> Noooo. (Is there a smilie for covering ears and humming very loudly?) I spent yesterday gathering ungrateful sheep in a blizzard.


Poor fellow :Cryin: , what was that shiftless dog doing :Toetap05: 



> dam ungrateful sheep.


Yeah, they have no respect once they pass lambhood...I do have that right, right? Lambs become sheep, veal become cows, cows are only girls and bulls are boys and chickens are only girls and roosters are boys...gosh, it's so complicated with animals. And I'm still trying to get the temperatures together. I think I need some good ol' gbrekken schooling :Willy Nilly:  :Confused5:

----------


## Paulclem

> Noooo. (Is there a smilie for covering ears and humming very loudly?) I spent yesterday gathering ungrateful sheep in a blizzard.


We've not had snow like this in the Midlands for 30 years. Has it been worse this year up there old chap? I know you get a lot more than the plains people get. 

The forecast says more tonight - no big deal though. It hardly figures on the news because it's not London.  :Chillpill:

----------


## The Atheist

> Noooo. (Is there a smilie for covering ears and humming very loudly?) I spent yesterday gathering ungrateful sheep in a blizzard.


Ah.

There was snow in Auckland once. In about 1932. For about a minute.

I couldn't live somewhere that cold.




> What's this, and I was worrying, imagining you sniffling and sneezing Glad you're back; you didn't, by any chance, have a 3 pound lobster jump in there did you


No, but Baje caught a paddle crab!




> We've not had snow like this in the Midlands for 30 years. Has it been worse this year up there old chap? I know you get a lot more than the plains people get. 
> 
> The forecast says more tonight - no big deal though. It hardly figures on the news because it's not London.


Just look forward to it being the new weather pattern under global warming.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate. One minute she was whispering bizarre things in my lug about Shakespeare, The Metaphysical Poets, Machiavelli etc and suddenly she took off with absolutely no explanation. If any of you lot have tempted her with sychophantic temptations and false promises, I will find out and God help you. She has never been the same since we joined the blokes thread.  :Frown:

----------


## Paulclem

> I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate. One minute she was whispering bizarre things in my lug about Shakespeare, The Metaphysical Poets, Machiavelli etc and suddenly she took off with absolutely no explanation. If any of you lot have tempted her with sychophantic temptations and false promises, I will find out and God help you. She has never been the same since we joined the blokes thread.


I consider this thread to be like a shed - you know, the male retreat from the wiles and worries of the world. Shed Thread. I have a garage so stuffed with...stuff that I can't use it. otherwise I'd have a comfy armchair, TV + X Box 360, and my extensive library. 

Ah the power of dreams...

----------


## jocky

> I consider this thread to be like a shed - you know, the male retreat from the wiles and worries of the world. Shed Thread. I have a garage so stuffed with...stuff that I can't use it. otherwise I'd have a comfy armchair, TV + X Box 360, and my extensive library. 
> 
> Ah the power of dreams...


 :FRlol:  It was you, I knew it all the time, and here was me blaming innocent Prendrelemick. As a special favour to me could you return my X Box, you can keep my muse, she always got me into trouble anyway and if you start speaking crap in the next few weeks, we all know who to blame.  :Smile: 




> Jocky is probably enjoying the ladies' Olympic curling efforts. The British are led by a Scottish teen, whose other hobbies are golfing and bagpiping. They started off by knocking off the reigning world champs.


GB this may sound a wee bit sexist, but she is a cracker, or as you would term it, a a square dry biscuit with multiple perforations. I bet you would never tell her to puck off.  :Smile: 




> Where are you, Jocky?


They seek him here, they seek him there,
Is he in heaven, is he in hell,
That damned elusive Macpimpernel.  :Wink: 




> Where art thou you king in kilted tights?
> Aye, the bottle let him down again last night
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


You are so right Gilly, it was bourbon.

A master of blank verse at work, a joy to behold. I forgive you the videos.  :FRlol: 

Atheist, what happened to the coffee thread? I know I am to blame for the odd misdemeanour or two, but I swear by all the Gods you don't believe in that this one is not down to me. SOUNDS to me like someone has went off message, big time.  :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate.


Don't hand us that "lost my muse routine". Mine eyes didn't decieve me. I saw you and that muse monkey on your back taking up residence in the Dreary Beery...:

"...The shaman, looking quite lugubrious, shuffled up to me wiping a dribble of schnapps from his mouth and placed his hand on my shoulder coaxing me to stand up. I regained my composure and took a visual survey of the old joint. There was a Haggard looking bloke from Scotland leaning over the juke box that took up temporary residence in the bar. He was wearing a kilt and holding a riders crop in one hand. His face was bathed in the blue glow of the juke box illuminating his mumbling lips. He plunked in 20 pence:

Swinging Doors
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxfgkDzL5Po&feature=related..."

Gilliatt

oops - I messed up the Youtube link.
Try this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxfgk...eature=related

----------


## prendrelemick

I was so busy catching up on here this morning, I've burnt my porage.

----------


## jocky

> Don't hand us that "lost my muse routine". Mine eyes didn't decieve me. I saw you and that muse monkey on your back taking up residence in the Dreary Beery...:
> 
> "...The shaman, looking quite lugubrious, shuffled up to me wiping a dribble of schnapps from his mouth and placed his hand on my shoulder coaxing me to stand up. I regained my composure and took a visual survey of the old joint. There was a Haggard looking bloke from Scotland leaning over the juke box that took up temporary residence in the bar. He was wearing a kilt and holding a riders crop in one hand. His face was bathed in the blue glow of the juke box illuminating his mumbling lips. He plunked in 20 pence:


Gilliatt, that is so stereotypical of you. I can prove conclusively that I was no where near the Dreary Beery. Everyone knows that Jocky would never squander 20 pence, even if it did make Milwaukee famous. As to your lugubrious shaman, that was a certain Yorkshireman trying to frame me for getting you inebriated. All because in Alfredesque mode he burnt his porage and had to eat humble coco pops. I am an innocent man.  :Angelsad2:

----------


## soundofmusic

> We've not had snow like this in the Midlands for 30 years. Has it been worse this year up there old chap? I know you get a lot more than the plains people get.


The weather is definitely turned on it's ear; we are having winter in florida instead of rain all winter. I've actually had to turn off the a/c a few times and wear socks. :Cold: 



> Ah.
> 
> There was snow in Auckland once. In about 1932. For about a minute.
> 
> I couldn't live somewhere that cold.
> No, but Baje caught a paddle crab!
> Just look forward to it being the new weather pattern under global warming.


So glad Baje is well and out playing with water creatures. Tell her to get me a lobster next time. 
I wonder how long it will be before I can sell my house, now 15 minutes drive from the ocean, for beach front? :Cool: 



> I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate. One minute she was whispering bizarre things in my lug about Shakespeare, The Metaphysical Poets, Machiavelli etc and suddenly she took off with absolutely no explanation. If any of you lot have tempted her with sychophantic temptations and false promises, I will find out and God help you. She has never been the same since we joined the blokes thread.


Sorry to hear of your desolation. Ah, women are a plague sent from god to make mans paradise a living hell :Reddevil: 




> I consider this thread to be like a shed - you know, the male retreat from the wiles and worries of the world. Shed Thread. I have a garage so stuffed with...stuff that I can't use it. otherwise I'd have a comfy armchair, TV + X Box 360, and my extensive library. 
> 
> Ah the power of dreams...


She's on her way back to you Jocky, we packed her C.O.D. this morning; right after she converted Paulclems garage to a luxury suite. I've decided to move to the lovely land of snow and sheep, all I need to bring is my 2nd Xbox controller and woolies :Idea:  :Driving:

----------


## jocky

> Sorry to hear of your desolation. Ah, women are a plague sent from god to make mans paradise a living hell
> 
> 
> She's on her way back to you Jocky, we packed her C.O.D. this morning; right after she converted Paulclems garage to a luxury suite. I've decided to move to the lovely land of snow and sheep, all I need to bring is my 2nd Xbox controller and woolies


I could quote Milton's Paradise Lost, the part about heaven and hell but I canna be bothered. Suffice to say we manage to mess up all by ourselves and, believe it or not, I attach no blame to womankind, well at least not this week.  :Smile5: 

A second Xbox controller shows a degree of compassion which has humbled me. Now remember my words, when you arrive in the land of the Polar Bear, on no account trust the taxi driver as he will have you round Ben Nevis at least three times on the grand tour.  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> GB this may sound a wee bit sexist, but she is a cracker, 
> You are so right Gilly, it was bourbon.
> A master of blank verse at work, a joy to behold. I forgive you the videos. 
> Atheist, what happened to the coffee thread?


Not to worry Jocky, we have sent your cracker to the coffee thread for a mass revival of women's topics: there will be a blend of coupon passing, a tupperware party complete with a fireman stripper, latest spring handbags and sandle wear to go with the shabby sheik cotton bloomers, and if she is truly a cracker...The Souths plans to invade and retake Jockyland :Gnorsi: 

I don't know, I think Gilly finally went to far with Waylon and Merle...maybe if Merle were singing Crystal Chandaliers, I might consider a reprieve :Smile5: 




> I was so busy catching up on here this morning, I've burnt my porage.


I'll send you a pack of quakers instant maple and brown sugar oatmeal. A bowl of water in the microwave for 1 minute, stir in the oatmeal and cream...you'll never burn another pot.




> I could quote Milton's Paradise Lost, the part about heaven and hell but I canna be bothered. Suffice to say we manage to mess up all by ourselves and, believe it or not, I attach no blame to womankind, well at least not this week. 
> 
> A second Xbox controller shows a degree of compassion which has humbled me. Now remember my words, when you arrive in the land of the Polar Bear, on no account trust the taxi driver as he will have you round Ben Nevis at least three times on the grand tour.


Ah yes, happiness is an Xbox with two controllers in one room and a PS2 with two controllers in the other, a tv in everyroom, a computer and a packed refrigerator and library...who needs a muse.

I took Sara Palin with me, she shot the cab driver, ran over the last of the Polar Bears, and wound up crashing into a bar with a tilted sign "Ben Nevis"; everything after that is a blur.  :Crazy:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I have lost my muse, some of you may say I never had it in the first place, but I am desolate. One minute she was whispering bizarre things in my lug about Shakespeare, The Metaphysical Poets, Machiavelli etc and suddenly she took off with absolutely no explanation. If any of you lot have tempted her with sychophantic temptations and false promises, I will find out and God help you. She has never been the same since we joined the blokes thread.



Thats terrible! I once lost my mueseli, and that was bad enough.

----------


## jocky

> Thats terrible! I once lost my mueseli, and that was bad enough.


 :FRlol:  Mick, how can I put this, you seem to have an issue with cereals, coco pops, porage and now meusli ? If I was to mention, for example, weetabix, or perhaps rice crispies, does this provoke an angry response? I have written you a prescription for bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toast to be consumed every morning for the next three months. You will feel like a new man I guarantee it, the only problem is your missus, who may not be overjoyed at cooking it, I speak from experience here, may remove you to the shed, or garage. For every solution a new problem arises.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Mick, how can I put this, you seem to have an issue with cereals, coco pops, porage and now meusli ? If I was to mention, for example, weetabix, or perhaps rice crispies, does this provoke an angry response? I have written you a prescription for bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toast to be consumed every morning for the next three months. You will feel like a new man I guarantee it, the only problem is your missus, who may not be overjoyed at cooking it, I speak from experience here, may remove you to the shed, or garage. For every solution a new problem arises.


Every morning? He'll have to squeeze into the shed.. :Piggy:

----------


## jocky

> The Souths plans to invade and retake Jockyland


Och Soundo, no worries on that score, we kicked their asses in 1314, I still have old Mick's anscestor's sword and spurs in my attic. The big problem for us is their unerring ability to boot our asses when it comes to football and rugby union. Will the humiliation never end ?  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> Will the humiliation never end ?


You beat them at curling.

----------


## jocky

> You beat them at curling.


Atheist, you are a light in the darkness.  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Every morning? He'll have to squeeze into the shed..


Which brings a new resonance to the immortal line; " I saw something nasty in the woodshed. "  :Ack2:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Mick, how can I put this, you seem to have an issue with cereals, coco pops, porage and now meusli ? If I was to mention, for example, weetabix, or perhaps rice crispies, does this provoke an angry response? I have written you a prescription for bacon, eggs, sausages, mushrooms, beans and toast to be consumed every morning for the next three months. You will feel like a new man I guarantee it, the only problem is your missus, who may not be overjoyed at cooking it, I speak from experience here, may remove you to the shed, or garage. For every solution a new problem arises.


Since visiting England, I have new respect for our nonamerican brothers. Anyone who can eat eggs, those huge things the British call sausages, and add things like beans, tomatoes and mushrooms...I would spend every waking minute looking for the toilet. I noticed that the French grabbed a bit of yougurt and a piece of fruit, the Italians grabbed stacks of bread and warm milk....I don't know Mick, I would stick with the cereal, perhaps some nice granola.  :Smile5: 



> Och Soundo, no worries on that score, we kicked their asses in 1314, I still have old Mick's anscestor's sword and spurs in my attic. The big problem for us is their unerring ability to boot our asses when it comes to football and rugby union. Will the humiliation never end ?


Well, if you still have those snakeskin boots and the ten gallon hat, add the spurs and the women will follow you quietly into the barnyard :Thumbsup: 



> Which brings a new resonance to the immortal line; " I saw something nasty in the woodshed. "


My god man, you have a photographic memory, don't you...I had totally forgotten that line...and I only remember the end of the movie :Nod:

----------


## jocky

> Since visiting England, I have new respect for our nonamerican brothers. Anyone who can eat eggs, those huge things the British call sausages, and add things like beans, tomatoes and mushrooms...I would spend every waking minute looking for the toilet. I noticed that the French grabbed a bit of yougurt and a piece of fruit, the Italians grabbed stacks of bread and warm milk....I don't know Mick, I would stick with the cereal, perhaps some nice granola. :


Typical woman, misquoting and putting words into my mouth. At no point did I mention tomatoes. That would have been a serious offence indeed.  :Smile5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Typical woman, misquoting and putting words into my mouth. At no point did I mention tomatoes. That would have been a serious offence indeed.


 :Ack2:  Well, I should have talked with you before allowing those Selwyn wincehes to hand me a huge plate of beans, tomatoes, fried eggs and huge sausages. I had a lump in my throat and stomach all day! I should have known something was up when they told me they had no idea how to make French toast :Confused:

----------


## prendrelemick

Right now I'm burning to post several breakfast related anecdotes.

However Jocky is right, we lost the heirloom of our house at Bannockburn, an ancient sword forged from a phrenologists measuring device and named Excaliper. On being approaced by a large, hairy and very mercenary Scotsman, my ancestor decided to preseve the family jewels, he threw Excaliper at him, turned and ran, with the words- "Hwaet! Ye can only leave via the gift shop!" ringing in his ears. 

Sounds: is Granola as bad as it sounds.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Right now I'm burning to post several breakfast related anecdotes.
> 
> However Jocky is right, we lost the heirloom of our house at Bannockburn, an ancient sword forged from a phrenologists measuring device and named Excaliper. On being approaced by a large, hairy and very mercenary Scotsman, my ancestor decided to preseve the family jewels, he threw Excaliper at him, turned and ran, with the words- "Hwaet! Ye can only leave via the gift shop!" ringing in his ears. 
> 
> Sounds: is Granola as bad as it sounds.


oops..

----------


## The Atheist

> However Jocky is right, we lost the heirloom of our house at Bannockburn, an ancient sword forged from a phrenologists measuring device and named Excaliper. On being approaced by a large, hairy and very mercenary Scotsman, my ancestor decided to preseve the family jewels, he threw Excaliper at him, turned and ran, with the words- "Hwaet! Ye can only leave via the gift shop!" ringing in his ears..


Reminds me of our family crest.

The whip used on my great-great uncle George when he was whipped for stealing a pie, the vicar's rosary from my great x5 grandmother, the well known whore of Kensington who, despite living in the welfareless 1500s managed to raise nine children on her own in a very nice house, both surmounted by the poor house my great-great-great grandparents were moved to under the Poor Law.

----------


## prendrelemick

What would your personal crest be, symbolizing your life so far?

Mine would be embarrasingly sparse, perhaps a sheep-rampant, a pair of wellies that sort of thing. In fact if I went back 5 generations it wouldn't be much different. We Prendres are a settled lot.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Sounds: is Granola as bad as it sounds.


Granola is a food from the gods: a mix of oats, honey, and raisins baked and eaten alone or atop less exciting cereal or on yogurt. There are also versions with macadamia nuts and coconut, cinnamon apples and pecans, some have sesame seeds or flaxseed... :Drool5: 



> Reminds me of our family crest.
> 
> The whip used on my great-great uncle George when he was whipped for stealing a pie, the vicar's rosary from my great x5 grandmother, the well known whore of Kensington who, despite living in the welfareless 1500s managed to raise nine children on her own in a very nice house, both surmounted by the poor house my great-great-great grandparents were moved to under the Poor Law.


 :Frown5:  Such a sad thing that we have no such tradition and family crest in America :Smilielol5:  As uncle George was such a bad thief, did he ever consider becoming a pimp, I would think it was in his genes and much more lucrative :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Here, in fact, is the crest itself:



The writing is a little unclear, so here it is:

_By order of Her Most Excellent Majesty, Queen Elizabeth, you have been re-settled under the Act for the Relief of the Poor, in the year of our Lord 1601._

That Liz, she was a real socialist!




> What would your personal crest be, symbolizing your life so far?


That's a good question.

A horse-racing photo finish, a bookie's board showing outside odds, a pair of fingers in "V" shape to wave at the world.

And an empty box of condoms.




> Such a sad thing that we have no such tradition and family crest in America As uncle George was such a bad thief, did he ever consider becoming a pimp, I would think it was in his genes and much more lucrative


Yeah, you'd think so, wouldn't you?

I've always wanted to own a brothel.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've always wanted to own a brothel.


Is there much call for brothels and topless bars in your area? In my economically depressed area: while auto companies, shopping malls and banks go out of business; the topless bars are stronger than ever. :Cool:

----------


## prendrelemick

My family Motto:- Iam tunc , quis vos teneo?

(Nah then, what dost th' know?) Its an invitation to stop a while, lean upon a gate and catch up with a neighbour. I reckon our family has done alot of that over the years.


We went round a stately home a few years ago, and found it had been owned by a family with the same name as ours, AND with the same spelling, which is unusual. But what really got my attention was a document that was on display, exempting the family from paying Taxes in perpetuity, in return for a loan given to Edward the Second.

Should I mention that in this years Tax Return.?

----------


## soundofmusic

> My family Motto:- Iam tunc , quis vos teneo?
> 
> (Nah then, what dost th' know?) Its an invitation to stop a while, lean upon a gate and catch up with a neighbour. I reckon our family has done alot of that over the years.
> 
> 
> We went round a stately home a few years ago, and found it had been owned by a family with the same name as ours, AND with the same spelling, which is unusual. But what really got my attention was a document that was on display, exempting the family from paying Taxes in perpetuity, in return for a loan given to Edward the Second.
> 
> Should I mention that in this years Tax Return.?


I like that, though I would prefer if you have a rocking chair or invite me into the house for a cup of tea.

What is Englands position on Eddie 2, I don't know, but I would want to know just what type of services were rendered to get all those years of tax exemption :Ciappa:

----------


## jocky

We could not afford a coat of arms but we do have the family song which some of you may recognise;

Macdonaldus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.
Et in hot fundo nonnullas boves domisticus habuit E-I-E-I-O.
Cum moo moo hic, et cum moo moo ibi, hic una moo, ibi una moo, ubique una moo moo.
Macdonalduus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.

Impressive eh !  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> We could not afford a coat of arms but we do have the family song which some of you may recognise;
> 
> Macdonaldus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.
> Et in hot fundo nonnullas boves domisticus habuit E-I-E-I-O.
> Cum moo moo hic, et cum moo moo ibi, hic una moo, ibi una moo, ubique una moo moo.
> Macdonalduus senex fundum habuit E-I-E-I-O.
> 
> Impressive eh !


Will your talents never cease; a great translator as well :Hurray:  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> What is Englands position on Eddie 2


It is a horrible tale to relate, his fate involved a table, a hollow instrument and a red hot poker inserted in his fundament, allegedly. It all took place in an ancient pile called Berkely castle. This is how the English treated the gay community in olden times. His last words were " I wish I had never met that Piers Gaveston, aaaagh that's hot. "  :Ack2:

----------


## The Atheist

> Is there much call for brothels and topless bars in your area? In my economically depressed area: while auto companies, shopping malls and banks go out of business; the topless bars are stronger than ever.


Actually, brothels are legal here and business is booming.

Something to do with Viagra, apparently.




> Should I mention that in this years Tax Return.?


Certainly!




> It is a horrible tale to relate, his fate involved a table, a hollow instrument and a red hot poker inserted in his fundament, allegedly. It all took place in an ancient pile called Berkely castle. This is how the English treated the gay community in olden times. His last words were " I wish I had never met that Piers Gaveston, aaaagh that's hot. "


Ah, the Empire has such a good record in keeping the dirty pillow-biters, brown-hatters and other sodomites out of society.

Oscar Wilde, Alan Turing... how much better off would the world have been if they'd been drowned at birth?

----------


## jocky

> Oscar Wilde, Alan Turing... how much better off would the world have been if they'd been drowned at birth?


Unfortunately Atheist, the old taboos are still alive and kicking. Turing was a bit of an enigma but had a huge input in defeating the Germans and Oscar managed to dissect the upper classes with consummate ease.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I like that, though I would prefer if you have a rocking chair or invite me into the house for a cup of tea.
> 
> What is Englands position on Eddie 2, I don't know, but I would want to know just what type of services were rendered to get all those years of tax exemption




He was giving out those exemptions out like confetti, he needed the money to keep those troublesome Jocks in a suitably downtrodden state.

----------


## jocky

> He was giving out those exemptions out like confetti, he needed the money to keep those troublesome Jocks in a suitably downtrodden state.


It was tragic, nothing worked out for the guy. He should have stuck to thatching and sailing. Now his old man and his son, that was a different story. They knew how to burn, pillage and scrap.  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> It is a horrible tale to relate, his fate involved a table, a hollow instrument and a red hot poker inserted in his fundament, allegedly. It all took place in an ancient pile called Berkely castle. This is how the English treated the gay community in olden times. His last words were " I wish I had never met that Piers Gaveston, aaaagh that's hot. "


I have always been curious about the guys behind those hot pokers :Yikes: 




> Actually, brothels are legal here and business is booming.
> 
> Something to do with Viagra, apparently.
> Certainly!
> Ah, the Empire has such a good record in keeping the dirty pillow-biters, brown-hatters and other sodomites out of society.
> 
> Oscar Wilde, Alan Turing... how much better off would the world have been if they'd been drowned at birth?


My god man, is nothing banned down your way; how would a dishonest American make a few bucks if everything is legalized :Mad5: 

I think poor Oscar wishes he would have stayed with women. It's not as if Alfred was all that different from the Mrs...was there that much of a difference prone and in the dark :Confused: 




> He was giving out those exemptions out like confetti, he needed the money to keep those troublesome Jocks in a suitably downtrodden state.


Well, like my dear old mum used to say; always keep your drawers on and the Jockys outside the castle :Cheers2: 



> It was tragic, nothing worked out for the guy. He should have stuck to thatching and sailing. Now his old man and his son, that was a different story. They knew how to burn, pillage and scrap.


Have you ever heard that Edward I was tied to a horse after death and taken into battle?

----------


## prendrelemick

Wasn't that Charlton Heston ?.


My god man, is nothing banned down your way; how would a dishonest American make a few bucks if everything is legalized

Is it true the Cat-house girls tie you up and read "The Origin of the Species" to you, in some southern states.? :Blush2:  (special rates for Babtist Ministers)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Wasn't that Charlton Heston ?.


Possibly, who was Charlton when he went into battle dead? 
I really liked the Plantagenet kings; so I read alot of accounts over the years (some apparently were greatly fictionalized) In one, it claimed that Edward I died in battle, was strapped to his horse and battled for an additional 3 days. 
Another book claimed that Edward II's favorite after Piers was a Scottsman, no, I'm not kidding...
On searching google, it seems that Edward died at home in bed; but there are several tales of him; one of which states that he was taken into battle after death. Some say that this story started because one of Edward II's opposers stated that he would be more afraid of Edward I dead than Edward II alive. 
I guess, also, Edward II never went much further than Wales for his boyfriends.

----------


## soundofmusic

> My god man, is nothing banned down your way; how would a dishonest American make a few bucks if everything is legalized
> 
> Is it true the Cat-house girls tie you up and read "The Origin of the Species" to you, in some southern states.? (special rates for Babtist Ministers)


 :Reddevil:  I'd pay extra to see that :Smilielol5:

----------


## gbrekken

apologies to all kings and queens, but a change of subject is called for. 

You gotta love a bunch of gold medal winning women drinking beer and smoking cigars on the ice in uniform within half hour of victory. O'CANADA

----------


## The Atheist

> Turing was a bit of an enigma ...


 :FRlol: 

Nice!




> You gotta love a bunch of gold medal winning women drinking beer and smoking cigars on the ice in uniform within half hour of victory. O'CANADA


Isn't that "O Canada. Eh"?

----------


## jocky

> Possibly, who was Charlton when he went into battle dead? 
> I really liked the Plantagenet kings; so I read alot of accounts over the years (some apparently were greatly fictionalized) In one, it claimed that Edward I died in battle, was strapped to his horse and battled for an additional 3 days. 
> Another book claimed that Edward II's favorite after Piers was a Scottsman, no, I'm not kidding...
> On searching google, it seems that Edward died at home in bed; but there are several tales of him; one of which states that he was taken into battle after death. Some say that this story started because one of Edward II's opposers stated that he would be more afraid of Edward I dead than Edward II alive. 
> I guess, also, Edward II never went much further than Wales for his boyfriends.


Aye, that was when old Chuck defeated the Moors as a corpse playing the mighty El Cid and saved Spain with his cold dead hand. Fraser was a swine in that cinematic historical heap of dung. They just dont make em like that anymore. Soundo you are at it, even Google in all its wisdom could not lead you to some of your conclusions. Take it from one who knows, even Froissart could not dream that up. Tell me more about that Scottsman who Eddy was overfriendly with?  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> apologies to all kings and queens, but a change of subject is called for. 
> 
> You gotta love a bunch of gold medal winning women drinking beer and smoking cigars on the ice in uniform within half hour of victory. O'CANADA


Aint you just glad you are not a subject? One never addresses our majesties in a sorry state, one either bows or curtesies. It looks like I will have to report you to the committee. Parker will not be amused, as the thought of citizens enrages him and drives him to extremes, such as polishing the siver only once and forgetting to iron the Times. As to the Canuck's behaviour I apologise on behalf of the Empire.  :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Wasn't that Charlton Heston ?...


Yes, and he went on to conquer apes and Messala:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvR2m...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbQvpJsTvxU

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

Oh dear, a double tragedy!

Those supporting the Canucks had the horrific loss at curling yesterday, but even worse, Scotland somehow managed to lose to Italy at rugby!*

I imagine jocky will be in mourning for some time.

Given that the entire team, management, girlfriends, porters, administration and laundry staff will be sacked from the Scotland benches, it may well be time for jocky's call up anyway!

*The sporting equivalent of maybe not David v Goliath, but David v A Very Big Bloke.

----------


## jocky

> Oh dear, a double tragedy!
> 
> Those supporting the Canucks had the horrific loss at curling yesterday, but even worse, Scotland somehow managed to lose to Italy at rugby!*
> 
> I imagine jocky will be in mourning for some time.
> 
> Given that the entire team, management, girlfriends, porters, administration and laundry staff will be sacked from the Scotland benches, it may well be time for jocky's call up anyway!
> 
> *The sporting equivalent of maybe not David v Goliath, but David v A Very Big Bloke.


Nooo.....Mamma Mia, here I go again. Being the eternal optimist we could still win the Calcutta cup and stir it with the wooden spoon. Atheist, please do not take your kids down to the beach to watch the tsunami like you did with the last one.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Yes, and he went on to conquer apes and Messala:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvR2m...eature=related
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbQvpJsTvxU
> 
> Gilliatt


I went to the pics to watch the Planet of the Apes when i was a kid. Great. The TV serries was a big letdown though. Formulaic and pretty boring.

I watched Ben Hur as a kid too. I liked the swords and sandals epics. Gladiator was definately an improvement, but Troy was terrible. Brad Pitt was awful. The characterisation was truly bad. 

Back t charlton though. Is he still leading the Gun Permissive Organisation thing in the US? I suppose he's a bit old now.

----------


## Paulclem

> Nooo.....Mamma Mia, here I go again. Being the eternal optimist we could still win the Calcutta cup and stir it with the wooden spoon. Atheist, please do not take your kids down to the beach to watch the tsunami like you did with the last one.


Commiserations Jocky. I don't know what the England v Ireland score was - as I had to take the bloody dog out - but I suspect we lost. 

The Wales v france game was well worth a watch last night. If only they'd had a go in the first half.

----------


## Satan

> I watched Ben Hur as a kid too. I liked the swords and sandals epics. Gladiator was definately an improvement, but Troy was terrible. Brad Pitt was awful. The characterisation was truly bad.


I wonder if you liked Colin Farrell in _Alexander_. 




> Back t charlton though. Is he still leading the Gun Permissive Organisation thing in the US?


From his grave? I'm not sure about that.

----------


## soundofmusic

> apologies to all kings and queens, but a change of subject is called for. 
> You gotta love a bunch of gold medal winning women drinking beer and smoking cigars on the ice in uniform within half hour of victory. O'CANADA


Canadian women athletes are like the best of both worlds, female bodies that even other women gawk at; but the thought process of a bloke...ya gotta love it :Reddevil:  I only wish I was there with a camera for the party after the drinking of champagne and smoking of cigars :Party:  :Ihih:  :Hand:  :Smilielol5: 



> Aye, that was when old Chuck defeated the Moors as a corpse playing the mighty El Cid and saved Spain with his cold dead hand. Fraser was a swine in that cinematic historical heap of dung. They just dont make em like that anymore. Soundo you are at it, even Google in all its wisdom could not lead you to some of your conclusions. Take it from one who knows, even Froissart could not dream that up. Tell me more about that Scottsman who Eddy was overfriendly with?


 :Blush:  Gosh, I traveled some distance with Edward, didn't I; well, I was only about 200 years off on the time :FRlol:  Jocky, you are being modest, your depth of knowledge could not possibly all be gleened from the bits and pieces on google...
I read some fictional stories which are thinly veiled historical accounts; like Fitzgeralds novels, the Captains and Kings seem to parallel the Kennedys, there was an anonymous movie and book that was most likely Bill Clinton...sometimes they take me to all that hidden gossip (like labotomized children; sometimes they take me to Charleton and Elcid :Smilielol5: 
Oh, In one of the stories, they made Hugh a Scottsman... :Cuss: 



> I went to the pics to watch the Planet of the Apes when i was a kid. Great.
> I watched Ben Hur as a kid too. I liked the swords and sandals epics. Gladiator was definately an improvement, but Troy was terrible. Brad Pitt was awful. The characterisation was truly bad. 
> Back t charlton though. Is he still leading the Gun Permissive Organisation thing in the US? I suppose he's a bit old now.


Yes, Charletons natural persnickityness was very effective in Planet of the apes; and I loved Roddy MacDowell. I never quite liked Charleton in other movies; his gayness was always bleeding through in the love scenes...
Gosh, is he still around, or are they strapping his corpse to a NRA sign :Yikes:

----------


## Paulclem

> I wonder if you liked Colin Farrell in _Alexander_. 
> 
> 
> From his grave? I'm not sure about that.


He might though Satan - I though you would have been able to enlighten us there. :Biggrin: 

I read the reviews and didn't bother. Farrell is good in In Bruges though.

----------


## Paulclem

> Canadian women athletes are like the best of both worlds, female bodies that even other women gawk at; but the thought process of a bloke...ya gotta love it I only wish I was there with a camera for the party after the drinking of champagne and smoking of cigars
> 
> 
>  Gosh, I traveled some distance with Edward, didn't I; well, I was only about 200 years off on the time Jocky, you are being modest, your depth of knowledge could not possibly all be gleened from the bits and pieces on google...
> I read some fictional stories which are thinly veiled historical accounts; like Fitzgeralds novels, the Captains and Kings seem to parallel the Kennedys, there was an anonymous movie and book that was most likely Bill Clinton...sometimes they take me to all that hidden gossip (like labotomized children; sometimes they take me to Charleton and Elcid
> Oh, In one of the stories, they made Hugh a Scottsman...
> 
> 
> Yes, Charletons natural persnickityness was very effective in Planet of the apes; and I loved Roddy MacDowell. I never quite liked Charleton in other movies; his gayness was always bleeding through in the love scenes...
> Gosh, is he still around, or are they strapping his corpse to a NRA sign


Apparently he's gone according to Satan. I wasn't sure. Perhaps the corpse strapping is where I've seen him. 

I remember reading the Roddy spent time with the chimps at the zoo. It was in one of our trashier papers though, and the film was coming out.

----------


## Satan

> He might though Satan - I though you would have been able to enlighten us there.
> 
> I read the reviews and didn't bother. Farrell is good in In Bruges though.


I would send him back in action if only to smite the anti-gun lobby.  :Boxing Smiley: 

_In Bruges_ is one of my favorite movies. Brits never disappoint me with their uncanny dark humor and witty dialogs. They just can't make movies like _Sexy Beast_ in Hollywood.

----------


## jocky

You are all getting way too clever for old Jocky, ninety percent of this stuff is way over my head anyway. We have even got the Devil on the premises now, should I report him to the committee Atheist? Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Floods, Englishmen, Yanks, nearly intelligent women....will it ever end? I remember when this used to be a repectable thread, back in the day when we used to discuss Jane Austen and her contribution to.......can anyone remind me?  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;855124]
Oh, In one of the stories, they made Hugh a Scottsman... :Cuss: 


Aaah, now I am with you Soundo. You are thinking of Hugh the Dispenser who is the pharmacist who supplies me with my hit in the local chemist every giro day. I lie on my bare mattress on the wooden floor and dream of Scott Fitzgerald and how many drinks he managed, in between writing The Great Gatsby. Chuck would have managed the role extremely better than the insipid Redford and the silken Mia Farroway. It is back to the heroine for me.  :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> You are all getting way too clever for old Jocky, ninety percent of this stuff is way over my head anyway. ....will it ever end? I remember when this used to be a repectable thread, back in the day when we used to discuss Jane Austen and her contribution to.......can anyone remind me?


Jocky, 
I understand what you are driving at, but I'm not sure I can offer a whole lot to console you.
Let me see...I'm digging through my bag of overused props. Here's the Wild Turkey-no, we've had enough of that. Marfa Lights, Jackalopes...no, no. Ah hah, here we go; we haven't checked in on the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. Let's see what these blokes are up to:

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/

Gee, not a whole lot going on there other than a little ditty by the National Geograhic titled Bigfoot's Big Foot.

----------


## jocky

> Jocky, 
> I understand what you are driving at, but I'm not sure I can offer a whole lot to console you.
> Let me see...I'm digging through my bag of overused props. Here's the Wild Turkey-no, we've had enough of that. Marfa Lights, Jackalopes...no, no. Ah hah, here we go; we haven't checked in on the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy. Let's see what these blokes are up to:
> 
> http://www.texasbigfoot.org/
> 
> Gee, not a whole lot going on there other than a little ditty by the National Geograhic titled Bigfoot's Big Foot.


Gilly, I knew you would come through for me. Me and you have been through a lot together, despite all the doubters. This may come as a shock but my favourite band were named Little Feet, I hope I have not put my bigfoot in it again. Let them scoff, what do they know? Keep away from that Mick, he does not believe in Marfa lights, jackalopes and great big feet. It is obviously a cultural thing.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

If Gilly says its true, thats good enough for me. On a more blokey subject, was anyone else transfixed by the Womens Slalom?- All that skin tight lycra and swaying Gluteus Maximuses. Its what wide-screen was invented for.

Actually after much research I discovered a hitherto unknown direct correlation between the shapeliness of said muscleature and the position on the leader board. * My wife who has no respect for scientific enquiry was heard to mutter "Pervert" on being informed of my discovery.


* see the german girls in the Super G.

----------


## gbrekken

In need of a bit of humor? You can always count on this thread. don't know if Heston is still alive, but public works/speaking are rarer now that dementia has reclaimed him. Men's hockey gold starts in ten minutes. Guess what I'll be doing. Cross country ski ladies have admirable gluts as well, though I'm not scientific.

----------


## jocky

> My wife who has no respect for scientific enquiry was heard to mutter "Pervert" on being informed of my discovery.


 :FRlol: 




> Men's hockey gold starts in ten minutes.


Good luck with that one GB, go get the Canucks and remember the Blokes Thread always supports our own.  :Thumbs Up: 

Ouch! that was a sore one Gbrekken. Miller was outstanding but he could not win it on his own. Two Canadian referees, what was that all about? Welcome to the losers club, I will meet you in the Dreary Beery and we can sit upon the ground and tell tales of what might have been. In the meantime pour yourself a large scotch, kick the cat and ignore your Missus completely.  :Frown:

----------


## jocky

I have had a complete sense of humour failure. Mrs Jocky said the words that no man ever wants to hear," Jocky the hoose needs redecorated ", excuse the vernacular. Well it was down to the cellar to collect the instruments of torture, boiler suit, step ladder, pasting table, paint brushes and turpentine. Guys you know where I am coming from, the annual divorce. " are you sure that wallpaper is on correctly, it looks bubbly to me? "
Yes darling, just wait until it dries. " That roof looks very patchy ". It is okay cuddles I just need to give it a second coat. " Hmmm, I am not so sure about the wallpaper, and the paint is not exactly what I imagined " The brushes go flying out the window and the stepladder gets badly roughed up . " Well if you are going to be like that I am gong back to my mothers. "  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> ...back in the day when we used to discuss Jane Austen and her contribution to.......can anyone remind me?


George Orwell liked her.

Goes to show that even the greats can have poor taste.

The only woman author worth the name was Enid Blyton.




> If Gilly says its true, thats good enough for me. On a more blokey subject, was anyone else transfixed by the Womens Slalom?- All that skin tight lycra and swaying Gluteus Maximuses. Its what wide-screen was invented for.


The class of the athletes has been a major discussion point.

We should have winter Olympics every year!




> I have had a complete sense of humour failure. Mrs Jocky said the words that no man ever wants to hear," Jocky the hoose needs redecorated ", excuse the vernacular.


I will send flowers.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> The only woman author worth the name was Enid Blyton


 :FRlol:  It is after the watershed Atheist, did you ever hear about her and the famous five ? Enoch Blyton more like it, a racist who deserved the label and should have never have been served up to our kids.  :Reddevil:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> If Gilly says its true, thats good enough for me. On a more blokey subject, was anyone else transfixed by the Womens Slalom?- All that skin tight lycra and swaying Gluteus Maximuses. Its what wide-screen was invented for...





> The class of the athletes has been a major discussion point.
> We should have winter Olympics every year!


(five laughing smilies)

Tight lycra is truly an impressive material. I'm particularly amazed in the elastcicity of the material and how the iridescent synthetic fibers manipulate light reflecting off the snow.
Reminds me of the old saying; "no two lycras are alyc"




> I have had a complete sense of humour failure. Mrs Jocky said the words that no man ever wants to hear," Jocky the hoose needs redecorated ", excuse the vernacular.


(five more laughing smilies)

No need to excuse the vernacular. 
Your vernacular is our vernacular, but I must ask; why would you want to redecorate a garden hoose?

(two dancing bananas)

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=jocky;855255]


> Oh, In one of the stories, they made Hugh a Scottsman...
> 
> Aaah, now I am with you Soundo. You are thinking of Hugh the Dispenser who is the pharmacist who supplies me with my hit in the local chemist every giro day. I lie on my bare mattress on the wooden floor and dream of Scott Fitzgerald and how many drinks he managed, in between writing The Great Gatsby. Chuck would have managed the role extremely better than the insipid Redford and the silken Mia Farroway. It is back to the heroine for me.


Oh yeah, Hugh the Dispenser of fire water and funny grass  :Smilielol5: 
You know, I haven't really seen a fitzgerald book that has come together well as a movie; even DeNiro in The Last Tycoon didn't quite get it. 
I think Timothy Dalton would have made a good Gatsby...he does misery well.




> Apparently he's gone according to Satan. I wasn't sure. Perhaps the corpse strapping is where I've seen him. 
> I remember reading the Roddy spent time with the chimps at the zoo. It was in one of our trashier papers though, and the film was coming out.


I can see Roddy doing that. I am racking my brain trying to remember a story about a famous actor that was stolen from the funeral parlor for one last joy ride with his friends...any ideas. 




> If Gilly says its true, thats good enough for me. On a more blokey subject, was anyone else transfixed by the Womens Slalom?- All that skin tight lycra and swaying Gluteus Maximuses. Its what wide-screen was invented for.
> 
> Actually after much research I discovered a hitherto unknown direct correlation between the shapeliness of said muscleature and the position on the leader board. * My wife who has no respect for scientific enquiry was heard to mutter "Pervert" on being informed of my discovery.
> * see the german girls in the Super G.


No sir, those are bums we can all appreciate.  :Reddevil: 




> I have had a complete sense of humour failure. Mrs Jocky said the words that no man ever wants to hear," Jocky the hoose needs redecorated ", excuse the vernacular. Well it was down to the cellar to collect the instruments of torture, boiler suit, step ladder, pasting table, paint brushes and turpentine. Guys you know where I am coming from, the annual divorce. " are you sure that wallpaper is on correctly, it looks bubbly to me? "
> Yes darling, just wait until it dries. " That roof looks very patchy ". It is okay cuddles I just need to give it a second coat. " Hmmm, I am not so sure about the wallpaper, and the paint is not exactly what I imagined " The brushes go flying out the window and the stepladder gets badly roughed up . " Well if you are going to be like that I am gong back to my mothers. "


You have my sympathy. Sounds like you still have the oil based paints...at least they last for 20 years. I didn't mind painting the house when it was newer; now that the outside wood is all beaten up, it is a nightmare. We use latex based paints here and the stores can match a scarf or picture, they place a bit of paint on cardboard and blow dry it. The only thing they can't predict is what color it turns over your existing paint of a concrete wall :Cuss: 
I wallpapered my kitchen 30 years ago, I recently tried to remove the paper; the glue is still tough as ever to remove :Mad5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I have had a complete sense of humour failure. Mrs Jocky said the words that no man ever wants to hear," Jocky the hoose needs redecorated ", excuse the vernacular. Well it was down to the cellar to collect the instruments of torture, boiler suit, step ladder, pasting table, paint brushes and turpentine. Guys you know where I am coming from, the annual divorce. " are you sure that wallpaper is on correctly, it looks bubbly to me? "
> Yes darling, just wait until it dries. " That roof looks very patchy ". It is okay cuddles I just need to give it a second coat. " Hmmm, I am not so sure about the wallpaper, and the paint is not exactly what I imagined " The brushes go flying out the window and the stepladder gets badly roughed up . " Well if you are going to be like that I am gong back to my mothers. "




Ah Jocky, you tell only half the tale. ( I know you are trying to protect us from the full horror.)

Its the psychological torture of the design process, in which your opinions are constantly sought yet always ignored.
Where days are spent looking at pattern books, that make a Jane Austin seem like a page turner.
Where trips to Hell (Dunelm's soft furnishings.)are constantly taken.
Words like "Swatch books" and "colour co-ordination" are thrown at you unexpectedly. 

Whats wrong with whitewash, I'd like to know.

----------


## papayahed

Did someone say redecorating??? Let me get the swatches...

----------


## The Atheist

> It is after the watershed Atheist, did you ever hear about her and the famous five ? Enoch Blyton more like it, a racist who deserved the label and should have never have been served up to our kids.


My mum used to make Golliwogs for all her grandchildren!

You think Enid was bad, have you ever read Biggles?

The innocence of earlier ages.

(I always thought Enid's biggest problem was Big Ears and Noddy sharing a bed.)

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah Jocky, you tell only half the tale. ( I know you are trying to protect us from the full horror.)
> 
> Its the psychological torture of the design process, in which your opinions are constantly sought yet always ignored.
> Where days are spent looking at pattern books, that make a Jane Austin seem like a page turner.
> Where trips to Hell (Dunelm's soft furnishings.)are constantly taken.
> Words like "Swatch books" and "colour co-ordination" are thrown at you unexpectedly. 
> 
> Whats wrong with whitewash, I'd like to know.


This is no joke Fellow Threaders. Mrs Paulclem has announced that the Living Room needs redecorating. I have managed to put off the nightmare in waiting until Easter. But the wallpaper brush awaits and there will be no escape...

----------


## Paulclem

> My mum used to make Golliwogs for all her grandchildren!
> 
> You think Enid was bad, have you ever read Biggles?
> 
> The innocence of earlier ages.
> 
> (I always thought Enid's biggest problem was Big Ears and Noddy sharing a bed.)


I heard about Bigles clutching his joystick determinedly. I gave him a wide berth.

----------


## gbrekken

redecorating? turn the lazy boy chair ten degrees for a better view of something. Stripping wallpaper? lots of water, drop cloth on the floor, chemicals. and super-wide razor blades attached to a long handle (shave anyone?).

Lose gold medal hockey games? can't think of a better team to lose to than the empirical Canadians.

----------


## The Atheist

> I heard about Bigles clutching his joystick determinedly. I gave him a wide berth.


Well, "Ginger" was a dead giveaway.

Monty Python did Biggles well.




> Lose gold medal hockey games? can't think of a better team to lose to than the empirical Canadians.


It's ok. We beat them at actual hockey this morning.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, "Ginger" was a dead giveaway.
> 
> Monty Python did Biggles well.
> 
> 
> 
> It's ok. We beat them at actual hockey this morning.


You're right. I think it was Monty and his mates who said that.  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;855751]


> You know, I haven't really seen a fitzgerald book that has come together well as a movie; even DeNiro in The Last Tycoon didn't quite get it. 
> I think Timothy Dalton would have made a good Gatsby...he does misery well.


For once Soundo we have connected, I swore I would never discuss literature in the literature forums. Where was the passion which is palpable in the novel ? He takes her into his mansion, which has clearly been redecorated, and shows her his shirt collection, how could any woman resist ? Perhaps the book just cannot be be adequately translated on the silver screen. Now, Biggles that is something completely different.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Bwahaha!

Now we have Enid Blyton book ads on this page!

Go Enid Blyton, Famous Five, Noddy, Big Ears, Mr Wobbly Man _et al_ - get that Google working.

----------


## prendrelemick

Gosh! How spiffing.

----------


## prendrelemick

> This is no joke Fellow Threaders. Mrs Paulclem has announced that the Living Room needs redecorating. I have managed to put off the nightmare in waiting until Easter. But the wallpaper brush awaits and there will be no escape...


Good idea paul, you can't possibly redecorate during Lent.  :Hand: 

Infact you'd better wait until after Rogation Sunday.

And dont upset the druids by starting too near the Equinox

-Or the Solstice.

Have you checked with your Astrologer, it might not be propitious to start till
Autumn.

Best do a Feng shui asessment first

Perhaps if you wait till the january sales, wallpaper will be cheaper. :Yesnod:

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=jocky;856232]


> For once Soundo we have connected, I swore I would never discuss literature in the literature forums. Where was the passion which is palpable in the novel ? He takes her into his mansion, which has clearly been redecorated, and shows her his shirt collection, how could any woman resist ? Perhaps the book just cannot be be adequately translated on the silver screen. Now, Biggles that is something completely different.


I'm amazed at your memory; I forgot the shirts...

I'll have to check out this Biggles fellow...I wonder if he's on youtube; everythings on youtube...

Yes, Redford always plays Redford. I'm trying to remember if he was passionate in "This Property is Condemed"

----------


## The Atheist

> I'll have to check out this Biggles fellow...I wonder if he's on youtube; everythings on youtube...


You need to read Biggles first.

Anything on Youtube will be corrupted or wrong.

Here's some information on the greatest British hero ever! (James Bond was a wimp compared to Biggles!)

----------


## Paulclem

> Good idea paul, you can't possibly redecorate during Lent. 
> 
> Infact you'd better wait until after Rogation Sunday.
> 
> And dont upset the druids by starting too near the Equinox
> 
> -Or the Solstice.
> 
> Have you checked with your Astrologer, it might not be propitious to start till
> ...


Fantastic - a get out of redcoration jail/ hell card. I wonder if she'll buy it?.....

----------


## soundofmusic

> You need to read Biggles first.
> 
> Anything on Youtube will be corrupted or wrong.
> 
> Here's some information on the greatest British hero ever! (James Bond was a wimp compared to Biggles!)


Sounds like quite a fellow, and a blond as well :Reddevil: 



> Good idea paul, you can't possibly redecorate during Lent. 
> 
> Infact you'd better wait until after Rogation Sunday.
> 
> And dont upset the druids by starting too near the Equinox
> 
> -Or the Solstice.
> 
> Have you checked with your Astrologer, it might not be propitious to start till
> ...


I've been making the same excuses to myself and daughter; which is why my house has not been refloored, bathroom and kitchen painted, since 1984 :Hand:

----------


## prendrelemick

Another Bigglesesque British fictional hero was Bulldog Drummond.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwbdXWqNkbo

you see the kind of thing.

----------


## The Atheist

Now all we need is Billy Bunter to take the trifecta!

----------


## Paulclem

> Another Bigglesesque British fictional hero was Bulldog Drummond.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwbdXWqNkbo
> 
> you see the kind of thing.


The lad's applying to Oxford to the "other" uni. He'll see that kind of thing every day... :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

:Crash: 


> Another Bigglesesque British fictional hero was Bulldog Drummond.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwbdXWqNkbo
> 
> you see the kind of thing.


I have a new hero :Angel Anim: 

In case you gents haven't noticed, a broken nail breathed new life into the ladies thread :Grouphug:

----------


## prendrelemick

> The lad's applying to Oxford to the "other" uni. He'll see that kind of thing every day...


Hope he's got his pipe and Tweeds ready




> I have a new hero
> 
> In case you gents haven't noticed, a broken nail breathed new life into the ladies thread



Shall we discuss our prostates on here?....No....Good!

----------


## The Atheist

> Shall we discuss our prostates on here?....No....Good!


No, we should!

I want fake prostate medicine ads!

----------


## Paulclem

Pomegranate juice is good for prostates apparently. It's the rubbing it in that's the problem... :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Pomegranates, hmm.

Aren't they the things with demon seeds? Thinking about my kids, I wonder whether they've eaten some at some stage....

----------


## soundofmusic

> Pomegranate juice is good for prostates apparently. It's the rubbing it in that's the problem...


 :Sick:  Ooh, I'm glad I don't have a prostate; do you think they turn purple with the Pomegranate juice... :Smilielol5: 



> Pomegranates, hmm.
> 
> Aren't they the things with demon seeds? Thinking about my kids, I wonder whether they've eaten some at some stage....


Don't knock it, the parents get a life long vacation home in a warm place :Mad5:   :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Pomegranates, hmm.
> 
> Aren't they the things with demon seeds? Thinking about my kids, I wonder whether they've eaten some at some stage....


I reckon. My kids are 18 and 14 - that dismissive Dad's being a buffoon again stage where you lose complete credibility unless something has been run past their spotty mates.

It does offer lots of windup opportunities... :Biggrin: 




> Ooh, I'm glad I don't have a prostate; do you think they turn purple with the Pomegranate juice...
> 
> 
> Don't knock it, the parents get a life long vacation home in a warm place


I don't know but I can ask the doc who's going to "do" me when I get to that certain time for a compulsory checkup age.  :Rolleyes5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> It does offer lots of windup opportunities...
> 
> 
> 
> :


Ah yes, the last vestage of power a parent has over their teenage kids, the power of embarrasment.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I don't know but I can ask the doc who's going to "do" me when I get to that certain time for a compulsory checkup age.


 :Sosp:  You're a brave soul, My doctor is always suggesting the rollover exams; I tell her that I have an agreement with my bum, " As long as it leaves me alone, I leave it alone" :Hand: 




> Ah yes, the last vestage of power a parent has over their teenage kids, the power of embarrasment.


I've noticed that when we get into our 7th or 8th decade; the kids remember all of those embarrassing moments and start telling on us :Blush:

----------


## The Atheist

> Don't knock it, the parents get a life long vacation home in a warm place


Oh, my room has been booked for a long time.

If there's only one question all christians agree on - it's me going to hell!




> I reckon. My kids are 18 and 14 - that dismissive Dad's being a buffoon again stage where you lose complete credibility unless something has been run past their spotty mates.
> 
> It does offer lots of windup opportunities...


Yes, I have a 19 yo who's been throught that, plus we had his mate living with us from age 15.

I set them up one night and told them I wanted to have a serious word with, took them into the office, sat them down, looked them in the eye and said, "Right, man to man stuff here. I want to talk to you both about masturbation!" 

They both just about swallowed their tongues.

The plot stopped there, as Mrs Atheist, who was listening in behind the door, dissolved into hysterics.




> I don't know but I can ask the doc who's going to "do" me when I get to that certain time for a compulsory checkup age.


 :FRlol: 

First off, we are not women, we do not have "compulsory check ups". 

Second, the best tip I can give to any bloke is to find a Chinese woman doctor. NEVER, ever use a male doctor who used to play rugby for Caernarvon, whose dad died in the pits and has hands like sides of mutton.

Seriously, while unpleasant, it's not painful.




> You're a brave soul, My doctor is always suggesting the rollover exams; I tell her that I have an agreement with my bum, " As long as it leaves me alone, I leave it alone"


Yes, women can escape the home invasion most of the time, but after birth, I wonder how any woman has enough dignity to care about such trifles!

 :Biggrin: 




> I've noticed that when we get into our 7th or 8th decade; the kids remember all of those embarrassing moments and start telling on us


Nah, I'm going to be one of those really crotchety old geezers who carves them up as useless layabouts!

----------


## Paulclem

Second, the best tip I can give to any bloke is to find a Chinese woman doctor. NEVER, ever use a male doctor who used to play rugby for Caernarvon, whose dad died in the pits and has hands like sides of mutton.

 :Yikes:  :Biggrin5: 

I think here in blighty they've started screening for prostate cancer from 55. 

I think it was suggested by women after all they have to go through.

----------


## The Atheist

> I think here in blighty they've started screening for prostate cancer from 55. 
> 
> I think it was suggested by women after all they have to go through.


Or, more likely: started by some unscrupulous NHS ivort tower-builder seeking to build another administration arm.

Fact is, prostate screening is a terrible idea. In a whole universe of medical problems, widespread prostate screening is both financially irresponsible and medically hypocritical.

If your prostate causes trouble, have it checked, otherswise, by far the best plan is to ignore it. (Ignore medically, that is; it should certainly be given a good workout frequently!)

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Or, more likely: started by some unscrupulous NHS ivort tower-builder seeking to build another administration arm.
> 
> Fact is, prostate screening is a terrible idea. In a whole universe of medical problems, widespread prostate screening is both financially irresponsible and medically hypocritical.
> 
> If your prostate causes trouble, have it checked, otherswise, by far the best plan is to ignore it. (Ignore medically, that is; it should certainly be given a good workout frequently!)


I'm all for such self medication.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Its no good Atheist, Google ads will not be drawn. Just the usual Plenty Offish advert on here (which is a very strange name for a dating service I think.)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh, my room has been booked for a long time.
> 
> If there's only one question all christians agree on - it's me going to hell!
> 
> "Right, man to man stuff here. I want to talk to you both about masturbation!" 
> They both just about swallowed their tongues.
> The plot stopped there, as Mrs Atheist, who was listening in behind the door, dissolved into hysterics.
> 
> 
> ...


Well, if you and your minions are going to hell; I'm coming too. I had half way considered a death bed repentance just in case :Reddevil: 
I assume you covered any back talking for the next 50 years with that masturbation remark :Yikes: 
I chose a small statured gay man for my gynecologist; so he kept home invasion at a minimum and I went with general anesthesia for the birth; the first thing I remember is them bringing in a lizard with 3 or 4 eyes wrapped in a blanket :Alien: 
Yeah, I can see you crotchety, buying a love machine and picking up 25 year old blond strippers :Smilielol5: 



> Second, the best tip I can give to any bloke is to find a Chinese woman doctor. NEVER, ever use a male doctor who used to play rugby for Caernarvon, whose dad died in the pits and has hands like sides of mutton.
> 
> 
> I think here in blighty they've started screening for prostate cancer from 55. 
> I think it was suggested by women after all they have to go through.


I don't know, the whole worlds gone  :Ciappa:  crazy! I only let the doctor check what's bothering me. For some reason, they always want to test the most popular body parts or the ones they've read the most recent articles on :Cuss: 



> If your prostate causes trouble, have it checked, otherswise, by far the best plan is to ignore it. (Ignore medically, that is; it should certainly be given a good workout frequently!)


 :Iagree:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Its no good Atheist, Google ads will not be drawn. Just the usual Plenty Offish advert on here (which is a very strange name for a dating service I think.)


I guess those ads wouldn't be popular; I just noted a point that medical research has found that men who have their testicles removed at an early age do not have prostate trouble :Smilielol5:   :Yikes:

----------


## Paulclem

I chose a small statured gay man for my gynecologist; so he kept home invasion at a minimum and I went with general anesthesia for the birth; the first thing I remember is them bringing in a lizard with 3 or 4 eyes wrapped in a blanket
ha
My wife had a dream whilst she was expecting our first that she gave birth to Charlie Drake. When he was born, she had had a general anaesthetic. As she came round I held the baby for her to see. She looked at him and said in a bleary way - OH it is Charlie Drake, and dropped off again. She denies it to this day, but it's true.  :Biggrin: 

See Charlie Drake here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6paqi-oz3iA

----------


## soundofmusic

> ha
> My wife had a dream whilst she was expecting our first that she gave birth to Charlie Drake. When he was born, she had had a general anaesthetic. As she came round I held the baby for her to see. She looked at him and said in a bleary way - OH it is Charlie Drake, and dropped off again. She denies it to this day, but it's true. 
> 
> See Charlie Drake here.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6paqi-oz3iA


 :Smilielol5:  Don't you wish they had camcorders back then? You know, Charlie Drake does look like the famous Gerber baby :Sosp:  

I wasn't sure what to expect, since I thought I had "the flu" for 9 months :Rofl:

----------


## prendrelemick

Why do wives, nurses, midwives, doctors and mother in laws expect a man to WANT to be present at the birth of his offspring? Like its a treat for them or something.

I was there for all four of mine, and it was not life-affirming, nor did it aid paternal bonding. I think I was there to suffer, after all it was all my fault!

O horrible! Most horrible!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Why do wives, nurses, midwives, doctors and mother in laws expect a man to WANT to be present at the birth of his offspring? Like its a treat for them or something.
> 
> I was there for all four of mine, and it was not life-affirming, nor did it aid paternal bonding. I think I was there to suffer, after all it was all my fault!
> 
> O horrible! Most horrible!


Good question, I didn't even want to "be there" for the birth experience. I tried to leave, but they wouldn't start the party without me :Party:  :Eek6: 
I've heard many women claim they want their husbands to "know what it's like"; they're lucky that libido overrides the post traumatic stress :Arf: 

The only time that birth seemed wonderous was when I saw a C-section (as a student), everything was all draped and I was watching through big mirrors ; the doctor placed his hand behind the sheet, and out popped a baby...just like a rabbit from a hat :Hat:

----------


## The Atheist

> Its no good Atheist, Google ads will not be drawn. Just the usual Plenty Offish advert on here (which is a very strange name for a dating service I think.)


HA!

I keep getting the secret of a slim belly.

Is Google psychic?




> I guess those ads wouldn't be popular; I just noted a point that medical research has found that men who have their testicles removed at an early age do not have prostate trouble


Yes, men can save themselves from all sorts of diseases by removal.

Even better, we can use Propecia and have luxurious hair and guarantee no prostate trouble!

Or use.




> Why do wives, nurses, midwives, doctors and mother in laws expect a man to WANT to be present at the birth of his offspring? Like its a treat for them or something.
> 
> I was there for all four of mine, and it was not life-affirming, nor did it aid paternal bonding. I think I was there to suffer, after all it was all my fault!
> 
> O horrible! Most horrible!


That's where I am.

I have lots of friends who'd told me about the wondrous experience and how it changed their lives, tears in the eyes.....

After four birth attendances, I also felt nothing life-changing, no instant bond, no wonder at the miracle of birth. 

Just a lot of tiredness and amazment that a woman can lose so much blood and not die! Oh, and an expert appreciation of episiotomy.

That was one thing which gave me a sense of wonder - here we are brought up on a diet of TV medicine with starched white coats and handsome, caring doctors. It just doesn't prepare you at all for some bloke in white gumboots grabbing a pair of scissors and cutting up your wife like a butcher trimming rump steak. Now, *that* was amazing.




> Good question, I didn't even want to "be there" for the birth experience. I tried to leave, but they wouldn't start the party without me


 :FRlol: 

I'm sure every woman who's ever had a baby has asked to go home at some stage prior to birth. It is one of the [few] funny moments.

I see all this talk of births and prostates has scared jocky off!

----------


## Paulclem

My wife was lucky to have had the caesarian section. One emergency one, at which I wasn't present, and a planned one at which I was, and so was she - having had the anaesthetic wear off. They soon topped her up again - local - spinal it was then. But I quite agree - a very horrible experience. Fortunately my wife is very tough.

The birth itself is an ugly and horible event to watch - much much more horrible to go through. (I'd worked in a slaughterhouse, and so was used to gore - but many are not).

It was after with this little helpless baby in your complete care that the realisation of what it all meant came through. My wife was out for the count, and they had wheeled in my first, and just left us. He started crying and I had to deal with him. That was the realisation - it's up to you - no excuses or getting out of it - yours to deal with.

----------


## soundofmusic

:Willy Nilly: 


> HA!
> 
> I keep getting the secret of a slim belly.
> 
> 
> Even better, we can use Propecia and have luxurious hair and guarantee no prostate trouble!
> 
> Or use.
> 
> ...


I don't know, Propecia is supposed to make your boys hurt :Yikes: 
So, how does google say I can get a slim tummy :Piggy: ; jogging is just making my legs thinner :Banana: 
I planned the whole birth thing around my OB's golf game. Those OB nurses are horrid, they get you on an IV drip and then come after you with razor blades, enemas...I fully expected to leave the hospital with a mohawk :Boxing Smiley: 
Nah, Jocky wouldn't run at a few caboose stories, would he :Angel Anim: 

[QUOTE=Paulclem;858733

It was after with this little helpless baby in your complete care that the realisation of what it all meant came through. My wife was out for the count, and they had wheeled in my first, and just left us. He started crying and I had to deal with him. That was the realisation - it's up to you - no excuses or getting out of it - yours to deal with.[/QUOTE]

I never realized what this stuff was like for the dads. I think I'd sneak in a bottle and a few valium :Smile: 
It is amazing that you felt so comfortable with your first. My daughter cried everytime I picked her up. I couldn't quite get the hang of holding those squirmy, big-headed, floppy, skinny -legged things :Conehead:

----------


## Paulclem

I never realized what this stuff was like for the dads. I think I'd sneak in a bottle and a few valium
It is amazing that you felt so comfortable with your first. My daughter cried everytime I picked her up. I couldn't quite get the hang of holding those squirmy, big-headed, floppy, skinny -legged things

I was lucky in that I had four siblings all younger than me.

Now as Easter approaches, the birds are singing and demanding food - and I've been putting together a faux lampost birdfeeder thing for my Mother in law. I managed to stab myself with my crossheaded screwdriver in the palm. I rejected the idea that this DIY stigmata was a religious sign, but it did remind me of the pain-fun we used to have as irresponsible young men. 

Did you do a lot of that - inflicting funny pain on each other? I remember fondly my mates going through a phase of giving each other kidney punches - God knows why - and the laughter that ensued. 

I remember another instance when a friend of ours - Slazzer - declared that he was physically unable to make himself sick. I laughed and laughed as two of my brutal friends attempted to make him spew. Neither punching in the stomach nor five of my mate's meaty fingers down the throat could gain a result, so they gave up. We did laugh. 

If you are reading this Soundof, then please don't be shocked. It is normal for young men to act like this. 

Which brings me to Jackass. It's probably a good job that we never saw anything like this when I was younger. It still makes me laugh, and makes me think that despite being a pillar, (pillock my wife says), of society, that I miss this blokey raucousness a bit. 

Don't watch this link Soundof, it is truly disgusting. 

It is Steve-O's face that cracks me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv_eUI9cF40


Do you guys miss the fun-pain thing? Note - I have never been into SM. That is quite different.

----------


## prendrelemick

Not really Paul. :Biggrin:  Me and my mates had a phase of knuckling each other on the top the head. Intensley painful this male bonding.

We also had some sadistic teachers- like Stan the maths teacher, who would gentley take hold of your sideburns and pull upwards. Or Mr (Kill or) Cure, who would stand you on a chair take a good grip of your hair and invite you to jump. At least Thommo, the deputy head, just gave you an honest roughing up.

At a younger age we used to play Splitsies, a game of few rules which involved throwing knives at each other's feet.

----------


## Paulclem

> Not really Paul. Me and my mates had a phase of knuckling each other on the top the head. Intensley painful this male bonding.
> 
> We also had some sadistic teachers- like Stan the maths teacher, who would gentley take hold of your sideburns and pull upwards. Or Mr (Kill or) Cure, who would stand you on a chair take a good grip of your hair and invite you to jump. At least Thommo, the deputy head, just gave you an honest roughing up.
> 
> At a younger age we used to play Splitsies, a game of few rules which involved throwing knives at each other's feet.


Perhaps I'm looking at it with rose tinteds. We played stretch -a version of your splitsies. I remember the sadistic teachers too. Mr Clarke - our form teacher used to hang around the classroom door and drag in unfortunate kids he caught running to wallop with his pump. He was like the ogre out of the three billy goats gruff, just in a classroom. 

The music teacher would do the sideburns thing. He looked like the Milky Bar Kid as well. Perhaps he'd been bullied at school.

----------


## prendrelemick

I keep remembering male- bonding- friendly- pain episodes. There was the phase of dead legging, stabbing hands with pencils and scraping metal combs across the knuckles.

But sneaking up and knuckleing each other on the top of the head from behind was favourite. My mate Simon once did this to someone he thought was me, but was actually someone bigger and harder and NOT his mate. He was subsequently beaten up. -Laugh! we nearly died.

----------


## Paulclem

> I keep remembering male- bonding- friendly- pain episodes. There was the phase of dead legging, stabbing hands with pencils and scraping metal combs across the knuckles.
> 
> But sneaking up and knuckleing each other on the top of the head from behind was favourite. My mate Simon once did this to someone he thought was me, but was actually someone bigger and harder and NOT his mate. He was subsequently beaten up. -Laugh! we nearly died.


 :Biggrin:  Weren't the latter days of school painful! 

I remember playing scabby knuckles with packs of cards. Lowest cut loses. So then you'd whack them on the back of the knuckles with the cards. It doesn't sound too bad, but the chaps quickly discovered that a new set of cards gouges lumps out of the knuckles - hence the name. That one was banned.

I also remember somenone noticing as we entered puberty that the nipples became tender. So, we had to walk around clutching our pectorals else someone would pinch and twist. Agonising.

----------


## gbrekken

Preferring not to be outdone, is a change of painful subjects in order?

----------


## Paulclem

> Preferring not to be outdone, is a change of painful subjects in order?


As yoiu wish gbrekken. was it too bad?  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> We also had some sadistic teachers....


I remain convinced that one disgusting, fat pig of a man who claimed to be a teacher was actually a sadistic paedophile in disguise.

I am positive he used to get turned on by caning small boy's buttocks. Every now and then, it obviously used to build up and he'd needle kids in his class until someone back-chatted and out comes the cane!

The whole school got held in assembly for an hour one day when his car was found to have been vandalised in the teachers' carpark.

1300 boys sat in bench seats, trying not to burst out laughing. That was a great day!

Our headmaster was a shortish bloke with straight black hair and a toothbrush moustache. Can you guess what his nickname was?




> Preferring not to be outdone, is a change of painful subjects in order?


Paper cuts.

They're a killer!

----------


## Paulclem

> I remain convinced that one disgusting, fat pig of a man who claimed to be a teacher was actually a sadistic paedophile in disguise.
> 
> I am positive he used to get turned on by caning small boy's buttocks. Every now and then, it obviously used to build up and he'd needle kids in his class until someone back-chatted and out comes the cane!
> 
> The whole school got held in assembly for an hour one day when his car was found to have been vandalised in the teachers' carpark.
> 
> 1300 boys sat in bench seats, trying not to burst out laughing. That was a great day!
> 
> Our headmaster was a shortish bloke with straight black hair and a toothbrush moustache. Can you guess what his nickname was?
> ...


We also had one at Secondary school who got the girls to sit on hs lap. He'd never get away with it these days.

I also felt sorry for some teachers. There was one little bloke who was a nice fellow, but he looked like a thin Charles Haughtrey. He never stood a chance when the challenge was to make him jump up and down in rage. Gawd knows why he became a teacher.

----------


## The Atheist

> We also had one at Secondary school who got the girls to sit on hs lap. He'd never get away with it these days.
> 
> I also felt sorry for some teachers. There was one little bloke who was a nice fellow, but he looked like a thin Charles Haughtrey. He never stood a chance when the challenge was to make him jump up and down in rage. Gawd knows why he became a teacher.


Two old proverbs for teachers: "A teacher is a man among boys, but a boy among men." and "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach."

I often suspect there's more than touch of truth.

I see jocky's been absent for a few days. Is he suffering from DIYitis extremis?

----------


## Scheherazade

> I often suspect there's more than *touch* of truth.


How ironic...

----------


## Paulclem

> Two old proverbs for teachers: "A teacher is a man among boys, but a boy among men." and "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach."
> 
> I often suspect there's more than touch of truth.
> 
> I see jocky's been absent for a few days. Is he suffering from DIYitis extremis?


I'm a teacher.. :Biggrin: 

I'm a tutor of adults now but I was a Primary School teacher first. Towards the end of that particular avenue of pleasure I used to stand at the classroom window and wonder what was going on in the real world.  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=Paulclem;859114]

I was lucky in that I had four siblings all younger than me.

Now as Easter approaches, the birds are singing and demanding food - and I've been putting together a faux lampost birdfeeder thing for my Mother in law. I managed to stab myself with my crossheaded screwdriver in the palm. I rejected the idea that this DIY stigmata was a religious sign, but it did remind me of the pain-fun we used to have as irresponsible young men. 

Did you do a lot of that - inflicting funny pain on each other? I remember fondly my mates going through a phase of giving each other kidney punches - God knows why - and the laughter that ensued. 

I remember another instance when a friend of ours - Slazzer - declared that he was physically unable to make himself sick. I laughed and laughed as two of my brutal friends attempted to make him spew. Neither punching in the stomach nor five of my mate's meaty fingers down the throat could gain a result, so they gave up. We did laugh. 

If you are reading this Soundof, then please don't be shocked. It is normal for young men to act like this. 

Which brings me to Jackass. It's probably a good job that we never saw anything like this when I was younger. It still makes me laugh, and makes me think that despite being a pillar, (pillock my wife says), of society, that I miss this blokey raucousness a bit. 

Don't watch this link Soundof, it is truly disgusting. 

It is Steve-O's face that cracks me up.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sv_eUI9cF40


That is so nice, making a present for your mum-in-law; how's your hand?: :Smash: 

So, all those injuries the fellows say they sustained during war are probably "bloke bonding in school" :Boxing Smiley:  :Sosp:  :Smilielol5: 

You're right, that is a disgusting video; I think that the vomit is fake though :Sick: 





> I keep remembering male- bonding- friendly- pain episodes. There was the phase of dead legging, stabbing hands with pencils and scraping metal combs across the knuckles.
> 
> But sneaking up and knuckleing each other on the top of the head from behind was favourite. My mate Simon once did this to someone he thought was me, but was actually someone bigger and harder and NOT his mate. He was subsequently beaten up. -Laugh! we nearly died.


Okay, so now I realize that the  :Mad2:  :Biggrin: lawn mower and missing toe stories are also fake :Biggrin: 




> I remain convinced that one disgusting, fat pig of a man who claimed to be a teacher was actually a sadistic paedophile in disguise.
> 
> I am positive he used to get turned on by caning small boy's buttocks. Every now and then, it obviously used to build up and he'd needle kids in his class until someone back-chatted and out comes the cane!


Yes, we had our share of perverts and control freaks too. We had one fellow in the 5th grade ( a slender, graceful chap who always wore purple pants and claimed to have been in the marines)who made us march for an hour a day singing military songs...I know a girl... :FRlol: 

I had an alcoholic math teacher that was always calling me to the front, trying to grab my "pecs"  :Hand: ; I wrote a paper about him in English and got detention: :Mad5: 
My biology teacher gave me a lifetime pass out of his class after I posed my frog, put sunglasses and beachwear over him...better than disection....I feel so nostalgic...




> Two old proverbs for teachers: "A teacher is a man among boys, but a boy among men." and "Those who can, do; those who can't, teach."
> 
> I often suspect there's more than touch of truth.
> 
> I see jocky's been absent for a few days. Is he suffering from DIYitis extremis?


Well, I like the idea of 3 months vacation every year...do they do that in the UK and NZ? I think nowdays, I wouldn't feel safe unless I was packing a tazer and handcuffs... :Cold: 



> I'm a teacher..
> 
> I'm a tutor of adults now but I was a Primary School teacher first. Towards the end of that particular avenue of pleasure I used to stand at the classroom window and wonder what was going on in the real world.


Do you like tutoring adults better? I can see how a teacher would feel sort of "lost in space"; I used to feel that as a stay at home mom :Mad2: 

Yes, where is dear Jocky...I hope he's just having too much liquor; has his muse returned? :Brow:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...
> 
> I see jocky's been absent for a few days. Is he suffering from DIYitis extremis?


I suppose it is up to me again to track him down! huh?
Looks like another road trip back to the Dreary Beery where I'm certain he will be found slumped over the juke box again drinkin the hair of the dog.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm a teacher..
> 
> I'm a tutor of adults now but I was a Primary School teacher first. Towards the end of that particular avenue of pleasure I used to stand at the classroom window and wonder what was going on in the real world.


You'd have to be mad nowadays.

We have primary kids attacking teachers, never mind what goes on at high schools...

Adults sounds like a far better option!




> [My biology teacher gave me a lifetime pass out of his class after I posed my frog, put sunglasses and beachwear over him...better than disection....I feel so nostalgic...


Must admit, I don't miss it at all.

The happiest day of my life was the day I escaped.




> I suppose it is up to me again to track him down! huh?
> Looks like another road trip back to the Dreary Beery where I'm certain he will be found slumped over the juke box again drinkin the hair of the dog.
> 
> Gilliatt


Go on, man!

Over hill, through the heather, along the low roads and high roads; find that jocky jock!

----------


## Paulclem

Soundof - you watched it didn't you. i would have too. :Biggrin: 

I'm not sure about the fake sick - the look on his face was a picture.

Yes- teaching adults is better because i get to go out and about, and it's not about control. I fact i know my class has settlesd in when they start taking the mickey. It's great fun.

I have to admit that i didn't like school compared to having left school. Best years of your life - must be some poor life.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> I have to admit that i didn't like school compared to having left school. Best years of your life - must be some poor life.


That's what I always think - if that's the best part of your life, you may as well book the exit bag right now!

----------


## Paulclem

> That's what I always think - if that's the best part of your life, you may as well book the exit bag right now!


And the worst thing is, some people, parents, conservatives - want to keep on inflicting the good old days on our kids. 

When i went to school, I was good. I did the work, and enjoyed a lot of it. But a lot of it sucked. Some of the teachers were lazy, unskillful, and some were oddly stupid. The schoolday was a drag, the teaching wa on the whole uninspiring, and i felt neither prepared for work, uni or anything - and my experience was vastly better than some of the people who I went with - including the girl who, at 11 years of age, was made to stand on a chair whilst the teacher made her repeat "I am stupid" to the whole class who then went to tell the whole school. 

Not only was she humiliated, despite the probability that she had some kind of learning difficulty, but we were all co-opted into this us and them attitude to less able kids. Nightmare for that girl and hundreds like her. 

The best thing about school was the mates and the sport.

----------


## Nax

I dont think school really helped me at all now that im thinkin of it. Everything i studied, though some of it interesting and insightful, really has not advanced my career or tertiary learning at all watsoever. Everything I have done after school has been of my own skill and attitude, rather then facts I was forced to regurgitate daily while at school.

I understand the thought behind it, but its a flawed and outdated system. It would be changed if it wasnt one of the most basic and effective part of the machine designed to prep us and mould us for a life of servitude. Were forced to apply rank over others based solely on a number which someone else has given them, we are pruned into materialism through clothes and trinkets other kids have that you dont. We have our imaginations and our individualism stiffled in an attempt to make us productive little worker bees for a system we dont understand and certainly dont support.

Its unfortunate that we dwell in such a reality and era that the inherent gifts of humanity are thrown away for a figure of absolutely no value except what someone with a bigger figure tells you its worth. We have lost our way as a civilization I believe, and we are due for a fall. When something doesnt work it is broken, and eventually it will have to be fixed lest it destroy itself.

Either way Im happy really, let it burn and pray something better grows in its place.

----------


## The Atheist

> And the worst thing is, some people, parents, conservatives - want to keep on inflicting the good old days on our kids.


And don't forget the corporal punishment! Gotta have that. 

David Kirk (the only Kiwi ever to hoist a RWC) has a great story about him going to boarding school. This would have been in the early 1970s.

A *nine* year old boy hated it so much he ran away. His father returned him, where the headmaster promptly administered the cane.

To a flaming nine year old!

Whatever school is now, we have to be an improvement on that.

I'd love to track the bloke down, assuming he didn't top himself in the meantime.




> I dont think school really helped me at all now that im thinkin of it. Everything i studied, though some of it interesting and insightful, really has not advanced my career or tertiary learning at all watsoever. Everything I have done after school has been of my own skill and attitude, rather then facts I was forced to regurgitate daily while at school.


Bingo!

And I notice it again with my kids. 

I reckon that the very basics learnt are good - reading, writing and maths. But once they get past primary school, it seems there is very little of real value taught at school.

Even worse, it seems to me that every single godammed teacher is a card-carrying Socialist (with the capital letter) who never really grew up. Some of the stuff they try to infect kids with is frightening.

Trouble is, I don't see a better system, and the problems that exist are of political making by under-funding, so we're stuck with it.




> I understand the thought behind it, but its a flawed and outdated system. It would be changed if it wasnt one of the most basic and effective part of the machine designed to prep us and mould us for a life of servitude.


I suspect you've been a bit carried away by your own rhetoric here. It's certainly flawed, but there is no better option. Preparation for "a life of servitude" is going too far. Even the Queen of England went to school, and I'd bet that the least servile people on the planet - Warren Buffett, Bill Gates, George Soros, etc., all went to school.




> Were forced to apply rank over others based solely on a number which someone else has given them, we are pruned into materialism through clothes and trinkets other kids have that you dont. We have our imaginations and our individualism stiffled in an attempt to make us productive little worker bees for a system we dont understand and certainly dont support.


What alternative would you propose? Having created society, we're more or less bound to continue it, because the only alternative is anarchy, and while that would suit me fine, I don't think it's a great answer for the vast majority of people.




> Its unfortunate that we dwell in such a reality and era that the inherent gifts of humanity are thrown away for a figure of absolutely no value except what someone with a bigger figure tells you its worth. We have lost our way as a civilization I believe, and we are due for a fall. When something doesnt work it is broken, and eventually it will have to be fixed lest it destroy itself.
> 
> Either way Im happy really, let it burn and pray something better grows in its place.


Wow.

I hope you're just being overly cynical here, because I don't agree with your premises at all.

Winston Churchill once said that democracy was awful.

But the alternatives are all far worse.

And he was right - the current system of capitalism and democracy is not ideal, but since we don't live in an ideal world, we have to make the best of the one we have. 

In terms of wiping us out, I recommend the christian bible - there are a couple of rollickingly good apocalypse stories in it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Years ago in the pre-Thatcher days, a British industrailist was quoted as saying (in private) that all the working class wanted was "Beer, Baccy and Benidorm." Of course this truth was so unpalatable that he was hounded out of his job.

Too much enlightening education would unsettle us hoi polloi, and that would never do. Fortunately, not much of that sort of thing goes on in our schools.  :Hand:  As Oscar Wilde said:-

"In England, at any rate, education produces no effect whatsoever. If it did, it would prove a serious danger to the upper classes, and would probably lead to acts of violence in Grosvenor Square."


As to the more important question of Jocky's whereabouts, I reckon he's getting an early start to the sorrow drowning that the Scottish nation will be doing after the Oh Calcutta! cup this weekend. :Tongue:

----------


## Paulclem

Too much enlightening education would unsettle us hoi polloi, and that would never do. Fortunately, not much of that sort of thing goes on in our schools.

I once met a public school chap who disputed that I could possibly have got the degree I did as I "didn't know what culture was". He really believed what his peers, his school and parents had instilled in him. He believed the myth of priviledge and spouted it so. I woud have knuckled his head if I hadn't laughed at him so much. 

I did meet good chaps from the uper echelons who clearly weren't taken in by such guff.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> As to the more important question of Jocky's whereabouts, I reckon he's getting an early start to the sorrow drowning that the Scottish nation will be doing after the Oh Calcutta! cup this weekend.


Why on earth is the Calcutta Cup?

Did you once play for the city as part of the trophy?




> I once met a public school chap who disputed that I could possibly have got the degree I did as I "didn't know what culture was". He really believed what his peers, his school and parents had instilled in him. He believed the myth of priviledge and spouted it so. I woud have knuckled his head if I hadn't laughed at him so much.


 :FRlol: 

Class hath its privileges. 




> I did meet good chaps from the uper echelons who clearly weren't taken in by such guff.


I'm sure it's all to do with the amount of inbreeding in the ancestry.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

Just saying....

Unemployment sucks!!

----------


## gbrekken

retirement soesn't suck as bad as unemployment. I'm still attempting to survive both.

i was reminded of the foloowing earlier. a couple of schoolboy friends (one a city kid, one a country (farm) boy), were talking one day about why the farm kid got good grades and the other not. the farm kid told the city kid that it was a benefit of the smart pills he took. the city kid asked what they were, and the farm kid told him to come out to farm over the weekend and he'd see. Once there, walking across the yard, the farm kid told the city kid "there's one". the city kid ate it, and quickly said "it tastes like crap". to which the farm kid replied "see, you're getting smarter already". Learning through, via, experiental necessity is more valuable. Since we've all gotten off the farm, or away from self-preservational skills, we've progressed(?) into more programmed learning. Between survival modes and present day, we(?) even went through the one room school house period. The best teacher may have been a true renaissance man. however, these days, that person would soon be expelled as "not meeting standards", etc. etc. etc. Truth be told, he would probably be ground into small dust by the accepted system. Is he wrong? The system? Which is more cynical: to believe that we must accept things as they are, or believe that the success of the past had unacceptable things wrong with it? As to governmental/economic systems, capitalism seems to be the only self-sustainable system, with the same inherent abuses (greed/selfishness) as any other system. they say that self-preservation is the #1 motivation of human beings, so a renaissance man, knowing how to make head cheese and a few other things (put seed in the ground, grind the fruit into flour, etc.), finding himself teaching within the system, will soon/or later leave to preserve the self? Many molds are yet to be filled, but there are more that haven't even yet been devised or broken.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Must admit, I don't miss it at all.
> 
> The happiest day of my life was the day I escaped.
> Go on, man!
> 
> Over hill, through the heather, along the low roads and high roads; find that jocky jock!


I really think a good teacher makes all the difference; there are some fields that a person should not get into unless they feel some passion for it...they should leave when they lose the passion. 
I hated school; but my teachers hated it more :Mad2: 

Yes, we need the Jock; I hear he's hanging in Texas, riding steers and drinking Johnnie Walker :Boxing Smiley: 



> Soundof - you watched it didn't you. i would have too.
> 
> I'm not sure about the fake sick - the look on his face was a picture.
> 
> Yes- teaching adults is better because i get to go out and about, and it's not about control. I fact i know my class has settlesd in when they start taking the mickey. It's great fun.
> 
> I have to admit that i didn't like school compared to having left school. Best years of your life - must be some poor life.


Yeah, I didn't notice you're warning until after that terrible video...It took me a minute to get past that big white bum.... :Yikes: 

I think I'd go knock that teacher on the head for humiliating my child like that; what is wrong with people?  :Mad5: 

I'm packing up now, any teacher that allows a mickey is on my wave legnth :Smilielol5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> And don't forget the corporal punishment! Gotta have that. 
> 
> ...Whatever school is now, we have to be an improvement on that.
> 
> ...I reckon that the very basics learnt are good - reading, writing and maths...
> 
> Trouble is, I don't see a better system, and the problems that exist are of political making by under-funding, so we're stuck with it.
> 
> ...What alternative would you propose? Having created society, we're more or less bound to continue it, because the only alternative is anarchy...


Parhaps it is time to revert to the three R's, (read'n, ritin and rithmatic) a slate tablet and a board (or cane) approach to education. I suffered (?) through the first four years of primary education in a Catholic school and that was back in the days when the majority of the teachers were habit wearing nuns with 12 inch wooden rulres! 
I say "suffered", but in all honesty, those four years established a firm foundation for the subsequent years in public school. 
I certainly learned my numbers, given the fact that they were permantly imprinted on the palms of my hands, only you had to have a mirror to orient them correctly.

How about this method:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8Pk1UYkB3I


RE: Jocky's whereabouts

I just dropped into the coffee shop to see if he was over there. No sign of Jocky, but I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw when I stepped in!

There's a good chance I'll be passing through Dumas on my way out west over spring break vacation. Perhaps Jocky took heed of Horace Greeley's suggestion.

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

I was really surprised when they asked for an okay to disipline my daughter in school; I thought the whole spanking thing had stopped in the early '60's. I returned the paper, telling them to call me and I would disipline her; they sent it back and said she could not attend school without it. 

She was spanked once, for being politically incorrect; she threw a rock at the only bi-racial child in the school... :Hand:  They asked me what I thought, I asked what the other child did to provoke her; they said that wasn't the point...I told them I would tell her that next time, she should throw something softer, and make sure she only hits a Caucasian child :Smilielol5:

----------


## The Atheist

> Parhaps it is time to revert to the three R's, (read'n, ritin and rithmatic) a slate tablet and a board (or cane) approach to education. I suffered (?) through the first four years of primary education in a Catholic school and that was back in the days when the majority of the teachers were habit wearing nuns with 12 inch wooden rulres! 
> I say "suffered", but in all honesty, those four years established a firm foundation for the subsequent years in public school. 
> I certainly learned my numbers, given the fact that they were permantly imprinted on the palms of my hands, only you had to have a mirror to orient them correctly.


 :FRlol: 

I used to pray thanks to god every night for not being born a Roman Catholic. On the odd occasions one was allowed to play with the heathen Prods, we'd stare in amazement at the stories they'd tell us about their schools.




> How about this method:


There's a great racetrack one from years ago - no idea who it was.

A is for also-ran
B is for bookie...




> RE: Jocky's whereabouts
> 
> I just dropped into the coffee shop to see if he was over there. No sign of Jocky, but I was pleasantly surprised at what I saw when I stepped in!
> 
> There's a good chance I'll be passing through Dumas on my way out west over spring break vacation. Perhaps Jocky took heed of Horace Greeley's suggestion.
> 
> Gilliatt


Just as well he wasn't in the coffee shop!




> I was really surprised when they asked for an okay to disipline my daughter in school; I thought the whole spanking thing had stopped in the early '60's. I returned the paper, telling them to call me and I would disipline her; they sent it back and said she could not attend school without it. 
> 
> She was spanked once, for being politically incorrect; she threw a rock at the only bi-racial child in the school... They asked me what I thought, I asked what the other child did to provoke her; they said that wasn't the point...I told them I would tell her that next time, she should throw something softer, and make sure she only hits a Caucasian child


 :FRlol: 

Nice work!

I'm amazed they still spank in US schools. Putting the blame on the parents by making them sign permission is an interesting one.

----------


## The Atheist

15-15

 :FRlol: 

Often, both teams will feel comforted that a draw's as good as a victory. 

Not the case with England v Scotland, I presume.

----------


## prendrelemick

A good result for England, who reached new heights of boring and unadventurous.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I used to pray thanks to god every night for not being born a Roman Catholic. On the odd occasions one was allowed to play with the heathen Prods, we'd stare in amazement at the stories they'd tell us about their schools.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm amazed they still spank in US schools. Putting the blame on the parents by making them sign permission is an interesting one.




We had the cane at our school, and it n-n-never d-d-did me any harm :Skep:

----------


## soundofmusic

Jethro, you aren't singing dixie; I've been out of work for two months with 
all sorts of anomalies....I'm doing the pay day advance dance :Willy Nilly: 


Thank You, Atheist, Of course, I had my daughter in about 6 private and 3 public schools because, Of Course, Mom always knew best  :Rant:  :Prrr:  :Leaving:  :Mad2: 

prendrelemick, now be honest, do you still have a little cane in your closet hanging by rosary beads :Brow:

----------


## prendrelemick

How dare you sounds! - accuse me of having a closet rosary. :Biggrin: 


The cane is there for perfectly innocent reasons! :Angel Anim:  And any red marks upon my but-tocks are from sitting too long upon fences.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Why on earth is the Calcutta Cup?
> 
> Did you once play for the city as part of the trophy?


The Calcutta Club joined the Rugby Football Union in 1874. Despite the Indian climate not being entirely suitable for playing rugby, the club prospered during that first year. *However, when the free bar had to be discontinued, the membership took an appreciable drop.* Other sports, such as tennis and polo, which were considered to be more suited to the local climate, were making inroads into the numbers of gentlemen available. The members decided to disband but keen to perpetuate the name of the club, they withdrew the club's funds from the bank; which were in Silver Rupees, had them melted down and made into a cup which they presented to the RFU in 1878, with the provision that it should be competed for annually


I know this was an idle question, but the answer is so good I thought I'd paste it up

----------


## soundofmusic

> How dare you sounds! - accuse me of having a closet rosary.
> 
> 
> The cane is there for perfectly innocent reasons! And any red marks upon my but-tocks are from sitting too long upon fences.


 :Angel Anim:  Okay, I'll be right over as soon as I find my little leather outfit, jockys snake skin boots that I forgot to return and my rosary beads and Popes habit (just so you know that I have absolutely no problem with what may happen in the closet :Brow:  :Smilielol5: )

----------


## The Atheist

> A good result for England, who reached new heights of boring and unadventurous.


Indeed; a grand preparation for next year.




> I know this was an idle question, but the answer is so good I thought I'd paste it up


Thanks for that - I'd never bothered to find out.

Didn't one of the Scottish players try to have it changed by using it as a football? That blond flanker bloke, what was his name? The white shark?

----------


## Paulclem

> The Calcutta Club joined the Rugby Football Union in 1874. Despite the Indian climate not being entirely suitable for playing rugby, the club prospered during that first year. *However, when the free bar had to be discontinued, the membership took an appreciable drop.* Other sports, such as tennis and polo, which were considered to be more suited to the local climate, were making inroads into the numbers of gentlemen available. The members decided to disband but keen to perpetuate the name of the club, they withdrew the club's funds from the bank; which were in Silver Rupees, had them melted down and made into a cup which they presented to the RFU in 1878, with the provision that it should be competed for annually
> 
> 
> I know this was an idle question, but the answer is so good I thought I'd paste it up


I never knew that. I had idly wondered what it referred to and just assumed it was an Imperialist Old Boy relic. I was right.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well, looks like David Beckham's career as a footballer is over. Shame he has gone out with a wimper rather than a roar.

I know in some parts of the world he is only famous for being Mr Posh Spice, and I am certainly not a big football fan, but I hope he is remembered for those sublime moments on the pitch rather than those dick-headed ones.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Now, lets not bring some of his hair cuts into it!

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, looks like David Beckham's career as a footballer is over. Shame he has gone out with a wimper rather than a roar.
> 
> I know in some parts of the world he is only famous for being Mr Posh Spice, and I am certainly not a big football fan, but I hope he is remembered for those sublime moments on the pitch rather than those dick-headed ones.


Yeah it's a shame. I think, despite all the usual guff that surrounds celeb rity, that he seems ok. 

Do you remember that terrible break the Coventry City Player Bavid Busst (?) 
had in the 90's? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byOKCMQpxKo

He said that Beckham was the only Man U player who came to see him in hospital. When something's in the media - well there's no knowing the truth of it. I think a testimony from another is much more trustworthy.

PS I met David Busst after when he did some training with the kids at school. He seemed like a solid chap. Terrible scar.

----------


## The Atheist

Agree on Beckham - he seems to have been unnecessarily vilified.

I've seen lots of rugby players with that injury - most unpleasant.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Well, looks like David Beckham's career as a footballer is over. Shame he has gone out with a wimper rather than a roar.
> 
> I know in some parts of the world he is only famous for being Mr Posh Spice, and I am certainly not a big football fan, but I hope he is remembered for those sublime moments on the pitch rather than those dick-headed ones.



I'll still cheer for him as long as he keeps doing underwear commercials, keeps that 6 pack and that beautiful hair :Banana:  :Banana:  :Banana: 




> Now, lets not bring some of his hair cuts into it!


What is it with the British and all that pretty hair plastered to their head; isn't there any bald genes in Britian :Conehead:

----------


## Paulclem

> I'll still cheer for him as long as he keeps doing underwear commercials, keeps that 6 pack and that beautiful hair
> 
> 
> 
> What is it with the British and all that pretty hair plastered to their head; isn't there any bald genes in Britian


Plenty plenty. Not in me though. :Biggrin: ....................................apparent yet.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Plenty plenty. Not in me though.....................................apparent yet.


Lucky you...I really think research should set aside worrying about all those little things like heart trouble and cancer  :Yikes:  and figure out how to isolate the bald gene...particularly for women :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

> Lucky you...I really think research should set aside worrying about all those little things like heart trouble and cancer  and figure out how to isolate the bald gene...particularly for women


I have hair, but not much of a face...... :Biggrin: 

Incidentally my face strimmer -beard trimmer etc - broke down and I was contemplating getting another one. I said to my wife:

"...Or I could just shave off the tache and beard."

To which she replied:

"But then it would be obvious that you've got no chin."

So I got a new face strimmer... :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

:Frown2: And What may I ask is Wrong with being Bald?  :Frown2:

----------


## The Atheist

> I have hair, but not much of a face......
> 
> Incidentally my face strimmer -beard trimmer etc - broke down and I was contemplating getting another one. I said to my wife:
> 
> "...Or I could just shave off the tache and beard."
> 
> To which she replied:
> 
> "But then it would be obvious that you've got no chin."
> ...


Good god! We're clone couples!

When I shaved it all off for charity, it was suggested I use a paper bag until the beard grew back. I always keep my old beard trimmer as a back up.




> And What may I ask is Wrong with being Bald?


Nothing.

If you're a frog.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Good god! We're clone couples!
> 
> When I shaved it all off for charity, it was suggested I use a paper bag until the beard grew back. I always keep my old beard trimmer as a back up.
> 
> 
> 
> Nothing.
> 
> If you're a frog.


 :FRlol: 

We've been married 19 years. I wonder what else she hasn't told me...

I do remember my friend was talking to my wife a few months ago. He's a bit up and down, and thinks that I'm always happy - which I am mainly. 
He asked my wife what my secret was and she replied that I was simple.  :Biggrin: 

Perhaps I should stick to not knowing what she hasn't told me...

----------


## The Atheist

> He asked my wife what my secret was and she replied that I was simple.


 :FRlol: 

Classic!

It's things like that which remind you why you got married.

----------


## prendrelemick

:Frown2: And What, may I ask, is Wrong with having no Chin? :Frown2: 

or being simple?









or being overweight?









with anti socail habits?








I'm depressed now!

----------


## The Atheist

I'll get Parker to bring you a double

----------


## Paulclem

> And What, may I ask, is Wrong with having no Chin?
> 
> or being simple?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Hmmm. Do all men have these habits that are then villified by their other halves? 

A kinship in vilification. The brotherhood of the despised. I'll have a double too please Parker. Parker... are you married too? 

I see. Better get yourself one as well.  :Cheers2:

----------


## prendrelemick

There are certain male apendeges that need to be manually "arranged" from time to time, not to say scratched. Women don't seem to understand this. :Confused: 

Billiards anyone?

----------


## The Atheist

> Hmmm. Do all men have these habits that are then villified by their other halves? 
> 
> A kinship in vilification. The brotherhood of the despised. I'll have a double too please Parker. Parker... are you married too? 
> 
> I see. Better get yourself one as well.


Parker isn't, and has never been, married.

Why do you think he has that permanent smile?

Oddly, Mrs Atheist and I don't have those problems. She's learnt to leave the seat up and never move the beer.




> There are certain male apendeges that need to be manually "arranged" from time to time, not to say scratched. Women don't seem to understand this.
> 
> Billiards anyone?


Damn.

I was hoping women would understand that. I'm setting up a brassiere fitting service next week.

----------


## soundofmusic

:Brow: 


> How dare you sounds! - accuse me of having a closet rosary.
> 
> 
> The cane is there for perfectly innocent reasons! And any red marks upon my but-tocks are from sitting too long upon fences.


I think I saw a picture of a caned buttocks on you-tube; Paul, was that Mick  :Idea: 




> I have hair, but not much of a face......
> 
> Incidentally my face strimmer -beard trimmer etc - broke down and I was contemplating getting another one. I said to my wife:
> 
> "...Or I could just shave off the tache and beard."
> 
> To which she replied:
> 
> "But then it would be obvious that you've got no chin."
> ...


Why do our mates only seem to notice that we haven't chins or waist lines after their names are on all of our property :Nonod: 

By the way, Paul, Kenneth Branagh became a sex symbol with no chin or lips...there's still hope for you man :Hurray: 




> And What may I ask is Wrong with being Bald?


Nothing really, some men are very sexy when they're bald...Telly Savalous and Atheist does a good bald



> Good god! We're clone couples!
> 
> When I shaved it all off for charity, it was suggested I use a paper bag until the beard grew back. I always keep my old beard trimmer as a back up.
> 
> 
> 
> Nothing.
> 
> If you're a frog.


Oh yes, I forgot, Kermit from the muppets is really sexy too :Tongue: 



> We've been married 19 years. I wonder what else she hasn't told me...
> 
> I do remember my friend was talking to my wife a few months ago. He's a bit up and down, and thinks that I'm always happy - which I am mainly. 
> He asked my wife what my secret was and she replied that I was simple. 
> 
> Perhaps I should stick to not knowing what she hasn't told me...


Do you think she meant that you appreciate the simple pleasures :Skep: 




> And What, may I ask, is Wrong with having no Chin?
> 
> or being simple?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


God, I just found my soul mate on the Blokes thread :Rofl: 



> I'll get Parker to bring you a double


Ask parker to mix me a Jose cuervo margarita and don't forget the chilled glass with kosher salt :Thumbsup: 



> Hmmm. Do all men have these habits that are then villified by their other halves? 
> 
> :


All mens men have these habits, that we other halves think are adorable before we become the other half...then we realize our part of the half is getting the same way and our spouses are b... about it (Honey, you don't have to buy new clothes, just stop eating 8 meals a day)  :Svengo: 




> There are certain male apendeges that need to be manually "arranged" from time to time, not to say scratched. Women don't seem to understand this.


We scratch too; we just run to the bathroom or do it in the car...Uh oh...here comes a semi :Smilielol5:

----------


## Nightshade

Looking for songs to sing with the Foundation (Kindergarten and Pre K/ nursery) kids was looking for boys and girls come out to play I endedup with this and it amused me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWIY33BMqQYnote its source!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Looking for songs to sing with the Foundation (Kindergarten and Pre K/ nursery) kids was looking for boys and girls come out to play I endedup with this and it amused me http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWIY33BMqQYnote its source!


I wasn't able to download it Nightshade, is there something wrong with my computer?

----------


## Paulclem

Why do our mates only seem to notice that we haven't chins or waist lines after their names are on all of our property

By the way, Paul, Kenneth Branagh became a sex symbol with no chin or lips...there's still hope for you man

Alas comparing me to Branagh is like comparing a prince to a pig.  :Piggy: 

 :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Why do our mates only seem to notice that we haven't chins or waist lines after their names are on all of our property


It's another example of why we men are the better creature.

We look with critical eyes at the droops and wrinkles, the cellulite and varicose veins and say:

"You're just as beautiful as the day we met."

Blokes rule.




> Alas comparing me to Branagh is like comparing a prince to a pig.


Whatever anyone thinks about Branagh, he's married to Emma Thompson.

I'd swap for a week.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Why do our mates only seem to notice that we haven't chins or waist lines after their names are on all of our property
> 
> By the way, Paul, Kenneth Branagh became a sex symbol with no chin or lips...there's still hope for you man
> 
> Alas comparing me to Branagh is like comparing a prince to a pig.


Well Branagh is really good with makeup and lights; and he always makes sure he stands on an elevated stage or wears lifts so no one notices his heigth...Besides, Paul, you are a prince among men; I'm sure branagh would not go through 4 delivery room experiences



> It's another example of why we men are the better creature.
> 
> We look with critical eyes at the droops and wrinkles, the cellulite and varicose veins and say:
> 
> "You're just as beautiful as the day we met."
> 
> Blokes rule.
> 
> Whatever anyone thinks about Branagh, he's married to Emma Thompson.
> ...


Unfortunately, all the men I've known are really honest about my appearance; except when they thought I looked really, really good.

No doubt, for a long time, Emma thought Kenneth was a pig...she dumped him about the time he started sleeping with Helena Bonham Carter...
If you want to swap for Emma now, you'll have to talk to husband, Alan Rickman (snape in Harry Potter and that hot psychopath in Die Hard 2)

----------


## The Atheist

> No doubt, for a long time, Emma thought Kenneth was a pig...she dumped him about the time he started sleeping with Helena Bonham Carter...
> If you want to swap for Emma now, you'll have to talk to husband, Alan Rickman (snape in Harry Potter and that hot psychopath in Die Hard 2)


Shows how much notice I take of the gossip - I didn't even know they'd split up.

Rickman would be no problem. I could take him out with my left hand.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'd settle for being a prince among pigs.

_All mens men have these habits, that we other halves think are adorable before we become the other half..._

Be honest Sounds, I reckon you ladies take us on as a challenge, (Its part of the attraction) and spend the ensuing years try to change us into a Romantic Ideal. (Or Cliff Richards, in my wife's case)

By the way I have  :Spam:  in my sarnies today.

----------


## The Atheist

> By the way I have  in my sarnies today.



That's another reason to hate spammers - they've destroyed the reputation of one Britain's finest sandwich fillings!

----------


## Paulclem

> That's another reason to hate spammers - they've destroyed the reputation of one Britain's finest sandwich fillings!


Please - it's only palatable fried in batter as a fritter. 

I disliked spam as a kid - or "luncheon meat" as they called it then.

Luncheon meat - thats a laugh. 

"Cucumber sandwich or luncheon meat?" Would you pass the plate please Parker. 

Have you done the spam song on here? Apologies if I'm repeating myself, as I surely would if I had spam. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFrtpT1mKy8

----------


## prendrelemick

They were delicious, with a splash of mayo on Warburtons sliced white.

and enough left in the tin to fry up for tomorrow, -food heaven.

----------


## The Atheist

> .. "luncheon meat" ...


My kids have gone right off it since I told them what parts of the animals were used in making it.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Parker isn't, and has never been, married.
> 
> Why do you think he has that permanent smile?
> 
> Oddly, Mrs Atheist and I don't have those problems. She's learnt to leave the seat up and never move the beer.
> 
> Damn.
> 
> I was hoping women would understand that. I'm setting up a brassiere fitting service next week.


Are you quite sure that Mrs Atheist hasn't taken a leave of abstinance and left our dear Jocky in drag...I've never met a women yet who leaves the seat up :Idea: 
You don't want to do a bra fitting; the old heffers grab your ...and squeeze them :Nonod: 



> Shows how much notice I take of the gossip - I didn't even know they'd split up.
> 
> Rickman would be no problem. I could take him out with my left hand.


I don't know, Rickman seems quite a bit taller and stouter than Kenneth...Not to mention that his proper English accent would intimidate most fellows :Boxing Smiley: 



> I'd settle for being a prince among pigs.
> 
> _All mens men have these habits, that we other halves think are adorable before we become the other half..._
> 
> Be honest Sounds, I reckon you ladies take us on as a challenge, (Its part of the attraction) and spend the ensuing years try to change us into a Romantic Ideal. (Or Cliff Richards, in my wife's case)
> 
> By the way I have  in my sarnies today.


I think it's fair to say we both play at that game; it's just that women know what they're planning from the onset. The guys don't quite realize it until a new secretary comes to the office or they watch an episode of Americas top model :Smilielol5: 
What are sarnies; please don't tell me it's sardines :Puke: 



> Please - it's only palatable fried in batter as a fritter. 
> 
> I disliked spam as a kid - or "luncheon meat" as they called it then.
> 
> Luncheon meat - thats a laugh. 
> 
> "Cucumber sandwich or luncheon meat?" Would you pass the plate please Parker. 
> 
> Have you done the spam song on here? Apologies if I'm repeating myself, as I surely would if I had spam. 
> ...


Here, Here. I wasn't aware that spam was that bad in the old days. Recently my daughter bought some; it was like eating hard lard :Spam:  :Nonod:

----------


## The Atheist

> Are you quite sure that Mrs Atheist hasn't taken a leave of abstinance and left our dear Jocky in drag...I've never met a women yet who leaves the seat up


We train 'em well down here.




> You don't want to do a bra fitting; the old heffers grab your ...and squeeze them


Old shielas? No way.

I'm setting a strict age limit of 30 as a maximum. After that, it's more plastic surgery than fitting.

 :FRlol: 




> What are sarnies;


Sandwiches.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Please - it's only palatable fried in batter as a fritter. 
> 
> I disliked spam as a kid - or "luncheon meat" as they called it then.
> 
> Luncheon meat - thats a laugh. 
> 
> "Cucumber sandwich or luncheon meat?" Would you pass the plate please Parker. 
> 
> Have you done the spam song on here? Apologies if I'm repeating myself, as I surely would if I had spam. 
> ...



An absolute gold plated classic!




> My kids have gone right off it since I told them what parts of the animals were used in making it.


All the tasty parts I'd say





> Here, Here. I wasn't aware that spam was that bad in the old days. Recently my daughter bought some; it was like eating hard lard


Your daughter bought some? unusual to see such sophistication in the younger generation. :Wink5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I'm back from rambling and camping around New Mexico and what would a trip be through New Mexico if you don't stop by Roswell?
(For the sake of the unabducted out there, look up "The Roswell Incident)

Here are a couple of items from the "UFO Museum and Research Center" in Roswell:

Full scale diorama of the the famed alien autopsy. 
The alien prop on the gurney was used in the "Showtime" movie; "Roswell":




and lastly, "The Basic Alien Types", subtitled "The Usual Suspects". I had no idea that Magnus Pedi were aso aliens! - Geez, you get the best of both worlds!





Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm back from rambling and camping around New Mexico and what would a trip be through New Mexico if you don't stop by Roswell?


Brilliant!

Don't you love how aliens look just like we expect them to?

----------


## soundofmusic

> We train 'em well down here.
> 
> Old shielas? No way.
> 
> I'm setting a strict age limit of 30 as a maximum. After that, it's more plastic surgery than fitting.
> 
> 
> 
> Sandwiches.


Impressive, 
So, some sexy young thing will do your fitting then. 
Are all women in Australia and NZ called Shielas, or is it a subtype?
Thank you, I like that word...sarnie... :Aureola: 




> An absolute gold plated classic!
> 
> 
> 
> All the tasty parts I'd say
> Your daughter bought some? unusual to see such sophistication in the younger generation.


Yeah, she taught me everything I know about beans, barley, and meat substitutes. She is a great cook; but even her talents could not cover up the spam... :Prrr: 



> I'm back from rambling and camping around New Mexico and what would a trip be through New Mexico if you don't stop by Roswell?
> (For the sake of the unabducted out there, look up "The Roswell Incident)
> 
> Here are a couple of items from the "UFO Museum and Research Center" in Roswell:
> 
> Full scale diorama of the the famed alien autopsy. 
> The alien prop on the gurney was used in the "Showtime" movie; "Roswell":
> 
> 
> ...


That's just really scary. Reminds me of an old teacher I had that claimed that in the "old days" they used to smother ugly babies in the delivery room...that one picture looks like an ugly baby that made it through the screening process. 



> Please - it's only palatable fried in batter as a fritter. 
> 
> I disliked spam as a kid - or "luncheon meat" as they called it then.
> 
> Luncheon meat - thats a laugh. 
> 
> "Cucumber sandwich or luncheon meat?" Would you pass the plate please Parker. 
> 
> Have you done the spam song on here? Apologies if I'm repeating myself, as I surely would if I had spam. 
> ...


Monty Python, the great historian of the 20th century... :Hurray:

----------


## prendrelemick

First the rugby. Even though this Nation is shaking its collective fist at the referee, I thank God England didn't win in Paris. They finished higher up the table than they deserved anyway. Scotland, who have played some very good stuff in parts, got a win at last.

In fact, instead of relying on points scored (ie, who the ref favours) they should let me decide who wins each match based on style and endevour. Then the table would be as follows:-

France
Scotland
Italy
Ireland
Wales
England. 

I think that is much more satisfactory.


You see examples of all the basic alien types round here, I thought it was due to inbreeding.  :Brow:

----------


## The Atheist

> Are all women in Australia and NZ called Shielas, or is it a subtype?


Just a generic term for women.




> In fact, instead of relying on points scored (ie, who the ref favours) they should let me decide who wins each match based on style and endevour.



That's a great idea!

It could be marked like the ski-jump; you start with the score and add or subtract points for being creative or boring.

I see this playing into the hands of France, Australia, Ireland, Scotland and very much against NZ, RSA, England and Argentina. And imagine how good the Pacific Island teams would be!

----------


## soundofmusic

> You see examples of all the basic alien types round here, I thought it was due to inbreeding.


We're also seeing all the alien types in the states; I thought it was because we keep thrusting everyone into the same soup pot  :Spam:  (or melting pot, as we call it here) :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

> Just a generic term for women.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> That's a great idea!
> 
> It could be marked like the ski-jump; you start with the score and add or subtract points for being creative or boring.
> 
> I see this playing into the hands of France, Australia, Ireland, Scotland and very much against NZ, RSA, England and Argentina. And imagine how good the Pacific Island teams would be!


Ah - you risk rugby becoming like ballet with shoulder pads. They might even re-design the kit and put it to music. Imagine what it would do to the Hakka - a new routine every campaign!

A good balance is needed - flair and style, but some good old fashioned thumping.

Otherwise players like myself in my younger days - whose main skill was running into people, by which I managed to forge a niche as left back for my mate's pub footbal side too - would be redundant.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## The Atheist

> Ah - you risk rugby becoming like ballet with shoulder pads. They might even re-design the kit and put it to music. Imagine what it would do to the Hakka - a new routine every campaign!


The sad part is, they already wear padding. As far as I can tell, it's actually still against the rules of rugby, but since only Paddy O'Brien has ever read them all, they get away with it.

Helmets can't be too far away.




> A good balance is needed - flair and style, but some good old fashioned thumping.


I'd bring back rucking, if it were my choice.

Nothing like a good going over with 8 pairs of size 10s to sort out the backs from the ballet dancers.




> Otherwise players like myself in my younger days - whose main skill was running into people, by which I managed to forge a niche as left back for my mate's pub footbal side too - would be redundant.


 :FRlol: 

Funny, that's exactly where I used to play in social soccer as well!

----------


## prendrelemick

It needs thinking about this.

start with 100 points each.

you lose points for pointless kicking, spoiling scrums, spray-on tans and hair gel.

you gain points for prop's sidesteps (thats straight on over the opposition), taking on the winger on the outside, passing the ball, rubbing the tanned, hair gelled scrum half's head in the mud.

I too appeared as left back for my school on a couple of occasions.

----------


## The Atheist

> It needs thinking about this.
> 
> start with 100 points each.
> 
> you lose points for pointless kicking, spoiling scrums, spray-on tans and hair gel.
> 
> you gain points for prop's sidesteps (thats straight on over the opposition), taking on the winger on the outside, passing the ball, rubbing the tanned, hair gelled scrum half's head in the mud.
> 
> I too appeared as left back for my school on a couple of occasions.


I like it!

M'a'a N'o'n'u's mascara would be an immediate -20.

----------


## Paulclem

> It needs thinking about this.
> 
> start with 100 points each.
> 
> you lose points for pointless kicking, spoiling scrums, spray-on tans and hair gel.
> 
> you gain points for prop's sidesteps (thats straight on over the opposition), taking on the winger on the outside, passing the ball, rubbing the tanned, hair gelled scrum half's head in the mud.
> 
> I too appeared as left back for my school on a couple of occasions.


I like it too. I'm against all the male make up crap they are trying to sell us these days. 

We've got a thread full of left backs - we'd keep some clean sheets, but perhaps we'd not make much of a team. How about you Gilliat and Soundof and gbrekken. Where do you play? You never know - we might rustle up a 5-a side team.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> We've got a thread full of left backs - we'd keep some clean sheets,


Quite right.

Nothing like a couple of Liverpool kisses to make sure all shots are long-range.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> "...How about you Gilliat and Soundof and gbrekken. Where do you play? You never know - we might rustle up a 5-a side team.


My sport was running, as in sprinting. I had no choice but to run!
Remember those knuckle dragging playground girls?!

----------


## soundofmusic

> I like it too. I'm against all the male make up crap they are trying to sell us these days. 
> 
> We've got a thread full of left backs - we'd keep some clean sheets, but perhaps we'd not make much of a team. How about you Gilliat and Soundof and gbrekken. Where do you play? You never know - we might rustle up a 5-a side team.


 :Driving:  I'll drive right over; where we playing? I'll get on my striped knickers and pom poms and do some big girl cheering dances :Hurray:

----------


## prendrelemick

continuing the sporting theme, have you chaps come across the Women of curling Calender?

Here is a sample





There are more here, risque, but tasteful.
http://www.anaarce.com/Calendario%20...20Calendar.htm



Hmm.. Curling, an undeservedly neglected sport. I see that now. I suggest we sod the football, grab a broom and start sliding our rocks about.

----------


## Paulclem

:Biggrin: 


> continuing the sporting theme, have you chaps come across the Women of curling Calender?
> 
> Here is a sample
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> There are more here, risque, but tasteful.
> ...


 :Biggrin: 

Is that the curling with the heated tongs?

----------


## The Atheist

> My sport was running, as in sprinting. I had no choice but to run!
> Remember those knuckle dragging playground girls?!


Ha!

A winger.




> I'll drive right over; where we playing? I'll get on my striped knickers and pom poms and do some big girl cheering dances


Cor, I'm getting shivers down my spine just thinking about it!




> continuing the sporting theme, have you chaps come across the Women of curling Calender?


Ahem.

Did you really ask that?




> Hmm.. Curling, an undeservedly neglected sport. I see that now. I suggest we sod the football, grab a broom and start sliding our rocks about.


Very good plan, although I have my doubts about our collective chances with a bunch of young babes!

15 or more years ago, sure, but I have to be honest and note that my appeal is greatest these days among women of the over 40 persuasion.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

----------


## The Atheist

And just for those who live in sunny England - we've just completed our driest three months in recorded history in Auckland with a grand total of 56mm of rain in 2010 to date.

Melbourne had 60mm in an hour and a half a couple of weeks back.

Auckland; sub-tropical paradise.

----------


## prendrelemick

Thanks for that Athiest  :Sosp: 
The one thing we are getting more than our share of is rain.


Here's a thing. Is there anything left to invent? 

I ask this because mentioned on the news this morning was a Grandmother, who has thought of something so brilliant and so simple, that every boffin in the world must be slapping their forehead and going doh! (Its a needle anyone- even me- can thread) 

So whats left, there must be something we all need but don't realize we do. Something simple, like that bit of string attached to mittens that goes up one sleeve of a toddler's coat and down the other.

----------


## gbrekken

I'll have to pass on the rugby, no place for ice hockey goalies. I did almost watch the Scottish-English match a week or so ago. Turned to the BBC and soon realized they were doing a full hour of pre-game, and that was just too much foreplay for me. By the time I tuned in again, in was half-time, and the only stat I fully understood was 160 succesful passes by the Scots, that, and they were ahead. Back to the other station, and then tuned in again for the last ten seconds of the post-game. "Two English coaches and neither one won". No OT? Back to the hot ice site-anyone for curling?

----------


## soundofmusic

> continuing the sporting theme, have you chaps come across the Women of curling Calender?
> 
> Hmm.. Curling, an undeservedly neglected sport. I see that now. I suggest we sod the football, grab a broom and start sliding our rocks about.


Beautiful t&a shots; oddly enough, my favorites are the ones that don't show alot of face :FRlol:  Curling is an extremey dangerous sport; I gave it up when the arthritis came...Got the curler next to my head, tangled and couldn't get it out :Rofl: 




> Is that the curling with the heated tongs?


I hear they practice with the heated tongs and if it doesn't work out, they do a bikini cut :Wink5: 



> Ha!
> 
> Cor, I'm getting shivers down my spine just thinking about it!
> 
> Ahem.
> 
> Did you really ask that?
> 
> Very good plan, although I have my doubts about our collective chances with a bunch of young babes!
> ...


Thank you, Atheist, there's one vote for me to change careers for cheerleading :Hurray: 
I think nowdays it isn't much of a sport to catch the eye of the under 40's; just wave your credit card and keep a new auto :Auto: 



> And just for those who live in sunny England - we've just completed our driest three months in recorded history in Auckland with a grand total of 56mm of rain in 2010 to date.
> 
> Melbourne had 60mm in an hour and a half a couple of weeks back.
> 
> Auckland; sub-tropical paradise.


It's only spring and already as hot and muggy as a rainforest here :Mad5: 



> Thanks for that Athiest 
> The one thing we are getting more than our share of is rain.
> 
> 
> Here's a thing. Is there anything left to invent? 
> 
> I ask this because mentioned on the news this morning was a Grandmother, who has thought of something so brilliant and so simple, that every boffin in the world must be slapping their forehead and going doh! (Its a needle anyone- even me- can thread) 
> 
> So whats left, there must be something we all need but don't realize we do. Something simple, like that bit of string attached to mittens that goes up one sleeve of a toddler's coat and down the other.


This needle I have to see; I wonder if it fits through any fabric? 

Have we located the Jock yet...I wonder if that horrid muse poisoned him or something :Skep:

----------


## The Atheist

> Thanks for that Athiest 
> The one thing we are getting more than our share of is rain.


Being from 't land myself, I do feel for the farmers; they are doing it very hard right now up in Northland, which just about never gets drought.




> Here's a thing. Is there anything left to invent? 
> 
> I ask this because mentioned on the news this morning was a Grandmother, who has thought of something so brilliant and so simple, that every boffin in the world must be slapping their forehead and going doh! (Its a needle anyone- even me- can thread)


Go granny!

Got a link? 




> So whats left, there must be something we all need but don't realize we do. Something simple, like that bit of string attached to mittens that goes up one sleeve of a toddler's coat and down the other.


That's pretty good, but we can go one better!

Elastic on mittens attached to a pre-sewn frame in the back is the way to go, then we can attach a chain to the middle of the harness - no lost mittens or kids!




> I'll have to pass on the rugby, no place for ice hockey goalies.


Isn't ice hockey full of mad bastards who fight all the time?

There's a place for you in rugby alright!




> I did almost watch the Scottish-English match a week or so ago. Turned to the BBC and soon realized they were doing a full hour of pre-game, and that was just too much foreplay for me. By the time I tuned in again, in was half-time, and the only stat I fully understood was 160 succesful passes by the Scots, that, and they were ahead. Back to the other station, and then tuned in again for the last ten seconds of the post-game. "Two English coaches and neither one won". No OT? Back to the hot ice site-anyone for curling?


I never quite got the hang of that American thing of needing to find a winner at all costs; a draw's a fair result - it shows that both sides were crap.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## gbrekken

> Isn't ice hockey full of mad bastards who fight all the time?


Only once did I ever see a goalie in a fight. He met the other goalie at center ice while the rest of the teams were at each other. Goalie is more of a thinking man's position! Watching NCAA playoffs right now. I don't expect a boxing match to break out at this level of play. Doubt they'll televise the women's.

----------


## Paulclem

Just to cheer you up Atheist, we've got snow forecast for Tuesday/ Wednesday next week. I keep bringing the good news to my colleagues etc with the same result - tears and wailing and a beating of chests. Such fun. I'm from't North like Prendrelmick, so I don't care. 

As for the team, I think we've got a good side developing - 
Soundof with the cheerleading and the distracting credit card and the magic sponge for those delicate injuries
3 left backs
Gbrekken as a mad hockey player
Gilliat on the wing

What more do we need? When can we get a bit of practice in? :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Just to cheer you up Atheist, we've got snow forecast for Tuesday/ Wednesday next week. I keep bringing the good news to my colleagues etc with the same result - tears and wailing and a beating of chests. Such fun. I'm from't North like Prendrelmick, so I don't care. 
> 
> As for the team, I think we've got a good side developing - 
> Soundof with the cheerleading and the distracting credit card and the magic sponge for those delicate injuries
> 3 left backs
> Gbrekken as a mad hockey player
> Gilliat on the wing
> 
> What more do we need? When can we get a bit of practice in?


You would have made one heck of an announcer :Hurray:  I also double as "the waterboy" and "towel girl"; just name the spot!

----------


## The Atheist

> Goalie is more of a thinking man's position!


 :FRlol: 

Lots of room for them in the front row, but in soccer, you'd better be centre half.





> Just to cheer you up Atheist, we've got snow forecast for Tuesday/ Wednesday next week. I keep bringing the good news to my colleagues etc with the same result - tears and wailing and a beating of chests. Such fun. I'm from't North like Prendrelmick, so I don't care.


That must be late snow for you?

It was still stinking hot here yesterday. 




> As for the team, I think we've got a good side developing - 
> Soundof with the cheerleading and the distracting credit card and the magic sponge for those delicate injuries
> 3 left backs
> Gbrekken as a mad hockey player
> Gilliat on the wing
> 
> What more do we need? When can we get a bit of practice in?


Mondays after work.

Drinks on the house - Parker loves his sport!




> You would have made one heck of an announcer I also double as "the waterboy" and "towel girl"; just name the spot!


All-purpose, you are.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## OrphanPip

> Only once did I ever see a goalie in a fight. He met the other goalie at center ice while the rest of the teams were at each other. Goalie is more of a thinking man's position! Watching NCAA playoffs right now. I don't expect a boxing match to break out at this level of play. Doubt they'll televise the women's.


Patrick Roy and Ron Hextall were infamous for the goalie fights, they had quite the tempers them. Both amazing goaltenders on top of their terrible attitudes too. With the big nets they imported from Europe no one plays as aggressively as they do anymore.

I think Ron Hextall is the only goalie I've ever seen check someone in the corners. He's also the first goaltender in the NHL to score a goal, then he followed it up later in his career being the first goaltender to score a goal in the playoffs.




> I never quite got the hang of that American thing of needing to find a winner at all costs; a draw's a fair result - it shows that both sides were crap.


Actually, the shoot-outs in hockey were imported from international rules. They've only been used in the NHL for the last 3 years. To make the game more "exciting." I do blame the Americans for the jerryrigging of hockey rules that goes on to improve their market in the USA. Most of them have no respect for the game.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Drinks on the house - Parker loves his sport!
> 
> All-purpose, you are.


I can do most anything; though I hate to think of myself as "all purpose...it turns a talent into the mundane" :FRlol: 
Parker said he'd strip to his schivvies, while serving drinks, to bring in a bigger fan base to our game :Brow: 



> Patrick Roy and Ron Hextall were infamous for the goalie fights, they had quite the tempers them. Both amazing goaltenders on top of their terrible attitudes too. With the big nets they imported from Europe no one plays as aggressively as they do anymore.
> 
> I think Ron Hextall is the only goalie I've ever seen check someone in the corners. He's also the first goaltender in the NHL to score a goal, then he followed it up later in his career being the first goaltender to score a goal in the playoffs.
> 
> Actually, the shoot-outs in hockey were imported from international rules. They've only been used in the NHL for the last 3 years. To make the game more "exciting." I do blame the Americans for the jerryrigging of hockey rules that goes on to improve their market in the USA. Most of them have no respect for the game.


Hey Pip, what did you do to your face; that avatar is scary :Wink5:  It's good to see you though :Ladysman:

----------


## OrphanPip

> Hey Pip, what did you do to your face; that avatar is scary It's good to see you though


Haha, it's part of the avatar theme for this weekend. I thought to myself I'm already a queen, so I might as well be a princess too. And who better to be than Princess Anne, she's both royal and a former Olympic athlete in the equestrian events. I'll refrain from the obvious horse jokes  :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Haha, it's part of the avatar theme for this weekend. I thought to myself I'm already a queen, so I might as well be a princess too. And who better to be than Princess Anne, she's both royal and a former Olympic athlete in the equestrian events. I'll refrain from the obvious horse jokes


Well, my dear, you're a much prettier queen :Reddevil:  I've always wondered how the good features of Elizabeth, her mom and Phillip could make such homely children. Goes to show, you can pick the features; but not the mix :Nonod:

----------


## The Atheist

> I do blame the Americans for the jerryrigging of hockey rules that goes on to improve their market in the USA. Most of them have no respect for the game.


Oh, I see trouble here!




> Hey Pip, what did you do to your face; that avatar is scary It's good to see you though


There certainly aren't many scarier things than Princess Anne!

----------


## prendrelemick

First of all here is the link Athiest wanted. If the footy team fails, how about a "manliest of threads" sewing circle?

http://www.spiraleyeneedles.com/index.html

Orphan pip: I thought David Bowie was looking a bit ropey for a moment there.

Sounds: When you're not dancing, sponging and commentating, we need a mascot.

Gbrekken: You have discovered the Ideal way to watch the English Rugby Union team.

Paulclem: I may be too busy with my new found curling pursuits.

----------


## The Atheist

> First of all here is the link Athiest wanted. If the footy team fails, how about a "manliest of threads" sewing circle?


Brilliant!

I'll get Parker to get a couple of sets. The chaise cushions are looking a touch dowdy.

----------


## soundofmusic

> There certainly aren't many scarier things than Princess Anne!


Maybe it's from Phillips genes; I seem to recall that Elizabeths sister was quite good looking... 
I'm trying to recall, which of the royals are locked away; is it Elizabeths sister or daughter...
I wonder, to be a king or a president, do you have to have at least one relative that is in prison or a sanitorium?




> First of all here is the link Athiest wanted. If the footy team fails, how about a "manliest of threads" sewing circle?
> 
> 
> 
> Orphan pip: I thought David Bowie was looking a bit ropey for a moment there.
> 
> Sounds: When you're not dancing, sponging and commentating, we need a mascot.
> 
> Gbrekken: You have discovered the Ideal way to watch the English Rugby Union team.
> ...


I'm kicking myself for not inventing that needle first; I would use my new found wealth to purchase the dallas cheerleaders and the curling girls to cheer at our team...
Who shall I dress up as if I play mascot? 

You know, on second thought, won't that thread just slip right back out?

----------


## The Atheist

> Maybe it's from Phillips genes; I seem to recall that Elizabeths sister was quite good looking... 
> I'm trying to recall, which of the royals are locked away; is it Elizabeths sister or daughter...
> I wonder, to be a king or a president, do you have to have at least one relative that is in prison or a sanitorium?


Mad Margaret, the Queen's sister.

I thought the president or king had to be nuts! Worked for Dubbya.




> I'm kicking myself for not inventing that needle first; I would use my new found wealth to purchase the dallas cheerleaders and the curling girls to cheer at our team...
> Who shall I dress up as if I play mascot?


Alice, as in _Through the Looking-Glass_.




> You know, on second thought, won't that thread just slip right back out?


No more than a normal needle.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Maybe it's from Phillips genes; I seem to recall that Elizabeths sister was quite good looking... 
> I'm trying to recall, which of the royals are locked away; is it Elizabeths sister or daughter...
> I wonder, to be a king or a president, do you have to have at least one relative that is in prison or a sanitorium?
> 
> 
> I'm kicking myself for not inventing that needle first; I would use my new found wealth to purchase the dallas cheerleaders and the curling girls to cheer at our team...
> Who shall I dress up as if I play mascot? 
> 
> You know, on second thought, won't that thread just slip right back out?


As the actress said to the Bishop, just pop it back in again.

Princess Margret (God rest her soul) was never actualy locked away, but was kept in the background because her behavior was a little too normal for a Royal Princess,- drinking, smoking, sleeping around etc..

There was a Prince John who was kept hidden away on the Isle of Wight because of his mentally challenged condition. He would be the Queen's Uncle I think.

The mascot of our local RL team is Alley Cat, but perhaps that wouldn't suit your high moral standing. :Aureola:  I see you in a Wonder Woman outfit.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Mad Margaret, the Queen's sister.
> 
> I thought the president or king had to be nuts! Worked for Dubbya.
> 
> Alice, as in _Through the Looking-Glass_.


Poor Margaret, I think everything started spinning out of control when she couldn't marry that nice chap...what was it, Townsend? Silly, really, when we think of what would become of the royal marriages 2 or 3 decades later.
I recall George W. mentioning that he would feel vindicated when Obama spent his 3rd month in the whitehouse; it worked, he's never quite gotten rid of that "walking in a mine field look" since. 
That will work, I feel like Alice every day of my life :Nonod: 




> As the actress said to the Bishop, just pop it back in again.
> 
> Princess Margret (God rest her soul) was never actualy locked away, but was kept in the background because her behavior was a little too normal for a Royal Princess,- drinking, smoking, sleeping around etc..
> 
> There was a Prince John who was kept hidden away on the Isle of Wight because of his mentally challenged condition. He would be the Queen's Uncle I think.
> 
> The mascot of our local RL team is Alley Cat, but perhaps that wouldn't suit your high moral standing. I see you in a Wonder Woman outfit.


 :Hurray:  Stellar Humor, I think we can all identify with...unfortunately :Nonod: 
That's interesting, I had never heard of Prince John.
Well thank you for your faith in my character...What is it they say about the perfect woman, wonder woman in....., an alley cat in.... :FRlol:

----------


## gbrekken

I lost interest in the NHL style of play decades ago, when head-hunting became popular and more than accepted. Guy LeFleur and Rocket Richard were early heroes. Last stand-up (not butterfly style) goalie I remember watching was Ken Dryden. Since then, I was interested only for a while by the likes of Messier and Gretzky in Edmonton. Is Junior A along the lines of college play in the U.S? 

Sad news from the Associated Press this week: "Shady Lady Ranch's First Legal Gigolo Quits Brothel". Only ten paying customers in two months may have been a contributing factor, or he didn't charge enough. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth north of Beatty I'm sure.

----------


## prendrelemick

That is sad news gbrekken. Both from the rink and the cat house. Is there any field of physical endevour where old fashioned skill is still appreciated?

----------


## gbrekken

> That is sad news gbrekken. Both from the rink and the cat house. Is there any field of physical endevour where old fashioned skill is still appreciated?


I'll have to ask the next woman  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Sad news from the Associated Press this week: "Shady Lady Ranch's First Legal Gigolo Quits Brothel". Only ten paying customers in two months may have been a contributing factor, or he didn't charge enough. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth north of Beatty I'm sure.


That's terrible - even after all the free publicity he failed to get enough business to keep it up.

----------


## The Atheist

> There was a Prince John who was kept hidden away on the Isle of Wight because of his mentally challenged condition. He would be the Queen's Uncle I think.



And yet the maddest of the nutters anywhere near the royal family is the old patriarch himself, Phil.

The man's clearly off his rocker.

Still, he's in the rigth family for it.

----------


## soundofmusic

> That is sad news gbrekken. Both from the rink and the cat house. Is there any field of physical endevour where old fashioned skill is still appreciated?


It's a tough thing: just as I honed my skills to their finest point; I lost my ability and intitiative :Wink5: 




> And yet the maddest of the nutters anywhere near the royal family is the old patriarch himself, Phil.
> 
> The man's clearly off his rocker.
> 
> Still, he's in the rigth family for it.


I'll have to notice him more; he tends to disappear into walls when I'm watching



> I'll have to ask the next woman


Here I am; ask me anything :Wave:

----------


## The Atheist

> I'll have to notice him more; he tends to disappear into walls when I'm watching


If you don't know about Phil the Dill, check these out:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/416992.stm

My favourite:




> In 1995 he asked a Scottish driving instructor: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test."

----------


## The Atheist

In fact, here's an even bigger list:

http://www.aardvarkmap.net/getamap-e...lip-gaffes.htm

----------


## prendrelemick

Hmm, he keeps saying what everyone is thinking :Nono: . He lives in his own non PC dreamworld.


Meanwhile Everyone is ****-a-hoop that the multi billion Euro, Large Hadron Collider finally worked. Nice to see all that money wasn't wasted. :Rolleyes: 



Can't I say ****-a-hoop then? Where's Phil when you need him!

----------


## The Atheist

> Hmm, he keeps saying what everyone is thinking. He lives in his own non PC dreamworld.
> 
> 
> Meanwhile Everyone is ****-a-hoop that the multi billion Euro, Large Hadron Collider finally worked. Nice to see all that money wasn't wasted.
> 
> 
> 
> Can't I say ****-a-hoop then? Where's Phil when you need him!


yes, you can say it. A rooster is a **** as is a sparrow.

I'll be back on CERN later.

----------


## Paulclem

I wonder if the Queen is staying in post to save us from Charles. Just imagine though, you've got the job, the job's a cert, but you've got to wait forty years to take it up. Perhaps she knows he's got some mad plan.
I remeber him suggesting that the British Army should sell itself as mercenaries because we make good soldiers. :Willy Nilly:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I wonder if the Queen is staying in post to save us from Charles. Just imagine though, you've got the job, the job's a cert, but you've got to wait forty years to take it up. Perhaps she knows he's got some mad plan.
> I remeber him suggesting that the British Army should sell itself as mercenaries because we make good soldiers.


I'm afraid Charles has a little more of his father than the nose :Yesnod: 

I must admit, the English are kick butt soldiers. I remember when some of our American fellows were being held hostage with a British chap; the captors had beat the devil out of him, but he still had all of his wits about him...tough as nails.  :CoolgleamA: 



> Hmm, he keeps saying what everyone is thinking. He lives in his own non PC dreamworld.
> 
> Meanwhile Everyone is ****-a-hoop that the multi billion Euro, Large Hadron Collider finally worked. Nice to see all that money wasn't wasted.
> 
> Can't I say ****-a-hoop then? Where's Phil when you need him!


I was not thinking that...How to keep the Irish sober; I'd never  :Eek:  :Wink5: 
Why aren't there any Irish people on Lit Net :Cheers2:  :Sosp: 

I think I saw that Hadron thing in Star Wars :Biggrinjester: 



> If you don't know about Phil the Dill, check these out:


I love this guy; he certainly knows how to make an impression when everyone is paying attention to his wife, doesn't he. Do you think this started out as some passive agressive thing with the queen?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Gentlemen (and lady), I have returned from my hiatus, recovering from the blue screen of death. Life without a computer is complex, liberating and perhaps a blessing in disguise. I re acquainted myself with the art of reading a physical book. You know; words printed on musty paper titillating the olfactory receptor neurons. As a result of my technologically induced leave of absence, I was able to finish The Brothers Karamazov!

So my dear blokes (and blokess), let us now raise our glasses in honor of two magnificent achievements; one being the recovery of my computer and the second shall be in honor of my completing the Brothers Karamazov. 

To mother Russia and Dostoevsky!



Your comrad,

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Gentlemen (and lady), I have returned from my hiatus, recovering from the blue screen of death. Life without a computer is complex, liberating and perhaps a blessing in disguise. I re acquainted myself with the art of reading a physical book. You know; words printed on musty paper titillating the olfactory receptor neurons. As a result of my technologically induced leave of absence, I was able to finish The Brothers Karamazov!
> 
> So my dear blokes (and blokess), let us now raise our glasses in honor of two magnificent achievements; one being the recovery of my computer and the second shall be in honor of my completing the Brothers Karamazov. 
> 
> To mother Russia and Dostoevsky!
> 
> 
> 
> Your comrad,
> ...


Welcome back and congrats :Wave:  Now lets have alittle of that vodka...shall I have it with V8 (to make it more healthy) or straight...You're not hiding anyone under that cloth, are you :Sosp:

----------


## The Atheist

> I wonder if the Queen is staying in post to save us from Charles. Just imagine though, you've got the job, the job's a cert, but you've got to wait forty years to take it up. Perhaps she knows he's got some mad plan.
> I remeber him suggesting that the British Army should sell itself as mercenaries because we make good soldiers.


I've often wondered if the old girl mightn't abdicate if Charlie wasn't such a Charlie.




> As a result of my technologically induced leave of absence, I was able to finish The Brothers Karamazov!


 :Cornut: 

Well done.

Just let us know if you start _Crime & Punishment_! See you next Easter.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Meanwhile Everyone is ****-a-hoop that the multi billion Euro, Large Hadron Collider finally worked. Nice to see all that money wasn't wasted.


Now this I've just covered in Philosophy or somewhere.

The LHC project must be the biggest waste of money since SETI.

So, we learn why Bosun's Higgs fly around backwards? So what?

Nothing they discover will actually change anything. It's all about knowledge and I'm not sure the knowledge we end up with is worth the enormous costs involved. I can't imagine how any of it will have any practical application.

----------


## OrphanPip

> Now this I've just covered in Philosophy or somewhere.
> 
> The LHC project must be the biggest waste of money since SETI.
> 
> So, we learn why Bosun's Higgs fly around backwards? So what?
> 
> Nothing they discover will actually change anything. It's all about knowledge and I'm not sure the knowledge we end up with is worth the enormous costs involved. I can't imagine how any of it will have any practical application.


You can't know if something concrete will ever come from new knowledge. However, the history of science has shown how seemingly useless experiments and endeavors have produced concrete results. Looking at the genetics of archaea in hot springs in Yellowstone lead to the discovery of Taq Polymerase, which then allowed us to develop the rapid PCR techniques for DNA analysis. Likewise, it took around 80 years for quantum physics to produce the microchip. Moreover, these large scientific endeavors often produce unrecognized benefits in technical innovation. The obvious example of this is NASA, which we owe for all sorts of engineering innovations.

----------


## prendrelemick

Whereas all that may be true O pip, (the bits I understood at least) I am more impressed with the Easy Thread Needle than the LHC. Being able to mend a hole in my sock has more impact on my life at the moment than recreating the first millisecond of the big bang.

Na sdarovie! Comrade Gilliatt. Read a Catherine Cookson next, then you can celebrate with a Newkie Brown, bonny lad.

Somehow rooster-o-hoop doesn't convey the same sense of elation.

----------


## The Comedian

Gentlemen --

A question: Can a self-respecting man drink from a martini glass? 

This?



Or, heaven help us, this?



It's my proposal that the martini glass (in all of its forms, even the classic form) is far too _dainty_ to be taken seriously as a manly vessel. I mean, any beverage container that you have to be "careful" to set down has no place at my table. 

If I want vodka or gin, I'll have it this way:



And one other thing: keep the goddamn fruit, olives, umbrellas, onions, and such needless waste out of my drink.

----------


## The Atheist

> You can't know if something concrete will ever come from new knowledge.


Correct. This is why I said that I doubt anything of worth will come from it.

You may be right, but use of quantum technology to date has come despite our not knowing how it works, so the knowledge of "why" may not be as useful as we think.





> Whereas all that may be true O pip, (the bits I understood at least) I am more impressed with the Easy Thread Needle than the LHC. Being able to mend a hole in my sock has more impact on my life at the moment than recreating the first millisecond of the big bang.


Exactly that!




> Gentlemen --
> 
> A question: Can a self-respecting man drink from a martini glass?


In terms of a proper martini - with only vermouth and gin - absolutely!

It's the bits and pieces of fruit - as you say - which turns it into a girlie drink, but the 35% alcohol rating of a straight martini makes it a man's drink.

I keep my gin in the freezer so no ice can dilute the mixture.

----------


## Paulclem

> Gentlemen --
> 
> A question: Can a self-respecting man drink from a martini glass? 
> 
> This?
> 
> 
> 
> Or, heaven help us, this?
> ...


Yes - drinks in the glass, cherries and olives over in the nibbles bowl with the cheese and crisps and whatever. 

I've also noticed that they're trying to sell us face creams and balms and some such stuff these days. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuexzKkMIDc

The message is - a real man can use this stuff. It'll be eyeliner next - and slap for the face. All part of a plot to de-masculinse the male of the species for cash.

Tis the very devil.

----------


## magzarelli

The first two drinks is for girls right?

Here comes the real deal!






> Gentlemen --
> 
> A question: Can a self-respecting man drink from a martini glass? 
> 
> This?
> 
> 
> 
> Or, heaven help us, this?
> ...

----------


## The Atheist

> The first two drinks is for girls right?
> 
> Here comes the real deal!


Nice! I'll have a flagon.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've often wondered if the old girl mightn't abdicate if Charlie wasn't such a Charlie.


Perhaps she's holding out, imagining what it would be like to have to spend retirement with Phil :Frown2: 



> Whereas all that may be true O pip, (the bits I understood at least) I am more impressed with the Easy Thread Needle than the LHC. Being able to mend a hole in my sock has more impact on my life at the moment than recreating the first millisecond of the big bang.
> 
> .


As for me, it's just alittle easier to wrap my head around the easy thread needle. It took me years to get a microwave, I still haven't got an HD television; and the LHC will be disreputed before I even understand what it is :Troll: 



> Gentlemen --
> 
> A question: Can a self-respecting man drink from a martini glass? 
> 
> This?
> 
> 
> 
> Or, heaven help us, this?
> ...


I see, as a girl, I'm going to have to help you guys with this concept:
The martini glass was invented because no one can drink from it...
The lady is supposed to drink from it, spill it on her chest and drop the onion, cherry or umbrella ....at which time, her Knight comes along with a towelette and...the night is made. :Party: 



> The first two drinks is for girls right?
> 
> Here comes the real deal!


I knew you were going to fit right into this forum...pass the ice :CoolgleamA:

----------


## The Atheist

> Perhaps she's holding out, imagining what it would be like to have to spend retirement with Phil


Entertaining?




> As for me, it's just alittle easier to wrap my head around the easy thread needle. It took me years to get a microwave, I still haven't got an HD television; and the LHC will be disreputed before I even understand what it is


HDTV? 

I think we're the only house in NZ that only receives the public TV channels.

For the LHC, this will explain it in very simple terms for you.

----------


## prendrelemick

Hang on a minute lets not just dismiss the **** tale glass out of hand. It has its place.




Also it is very usefull for holding all those useful things that acrue in a blokes pocket - nails, rubber bands, spring washers, 5p pieces etc..

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

Great new avatar?

If that's recent, you look like having a good clip shortly!

----------


## Paulclem

> Entertaining?
> 
> 
> 
> HDTV? 
> 
> I think we're the only house in NZ that only receives the public TV channels.
> 
> For the LHC, this will explain it in very simple terms for you.


You're not missing anything as you probably know. 600 channels and bugger all on. I don't know whether I should bother with TV anymore, (I will I'm just moaning). Having been brought up with TV - it's always been there - I don't think they are offering me anything. Reality TV? Celebrity reality? Gameshows? Endless Quizzes? Detectives? and that plastic CSI! All garbage that I've seen before. 

Thing is, Im not sure what I want. Perhaps it's not been invented yet. 
(I will continue to bother because of the premiership and the rugby)  :Biggrin:

----------


## Lote-Tree

TV is dead!

Long Live the Internet!

----------


## The Atheist

> Thing is, Im not sure what I want. Perhaps it's not been invented yet. 
> (I will continue to bother because of the premiership and the rugby)


I don't think I've watched TV - aside from the odd sporting contest - this century yet.

I'm hoping to keep that record intact.

----------


## prendrelemick

we have 4 channels at ours, plenty because we don't watch much. On Friday night I go to my mates we watch the Rugby League on sky and have a few beers. Its good that way, it gets me out of the house.

----------


## Paulclem

> we have 4 channels at ours, plenty because we don't watch much. On Friday night I go to my mates we watch the Rugby League on sky and have a few beers. Its good that way, it gets me out of the house.


Don't the sheep get you out of the house enough? 

I may well be partaking of Spielberg's new series - The pacific. It's supposed to be Band of Brothers on Islands, though the publicity is denying this.

----------


## prendrelemick

I should've said, it gets me away from the sheep! Though of course I miss the company of my dear wife on friday nights.


Band of Brothers was good, though our interest had slowly fizzled out by the end.

----------


## Paulclem

> I should've said, it gets me away from the sheep! Though of course I miss the company of my dear wife on friday nights.
> 
> 
> Band of Brothers was good, though our interest had slowly fizzled out by the end.


 :FRlol: 

Yes, the last ones weren't as good. It's nice to have a bit of bloke time. The ladies take their turns too, I'm sure. 

Band of Brothers was a bit like a book I read as a kid called Currahee - from Mount Currahee where the Paras trained in the states. I don'tkn anyone else who's ever heard of it. I wonered if they'd got some of the stories from there.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Entertaining?
> 
> HDTV? 
> 
> I think we're the only house in NZ that only receives the public TV channels.


I think Phil is probably only entertaining to people who don't have to share the house with him.
We only have public channels through one of those converters; I get my other shows via internet. 




> Hang on a minute lets not just dismiss the **** tale glass out of hand. It has its place.
> 
> 
> Also it is very usefull for holding all those useful things that acrue in a blokes pocket - nails, rubber bands, spring washers, 5p pieces etc..


The cocktail glass wins hands down...I may steal that picture as my new avatar!



> You're not missing anything as you probably know. 600 channels and bugger all on. I don't know whether I should bother with TV anymore, (I will I'm just moaning). Having been brought up with TV - it's always been there - I don't think they are offering me anything. Reality TV? Celebrity reality? Gameshows? Endless Quizzes? Detectives? and that plastic CSI! All garbage that I've seen before.


Now don't be hating on the CSI; I mean, all the females just get all tingly when Horatio does that hand on the hip thing...even though he's been doing it for ...how many seasons. I liked Grissom and the madam...




> TV is dead!
> 
> Long Live the Internet!


You almost don't need television with internet; I get all my favorite shows without commercials. The chinese websites are great; they have all of our old stuff!



> I should've said, it gets me away from the sheep! Though of course I miss the company of my dear wife on friday nights.


It's just wrong for you to leave her out in the cold pasture on a friday night :Smilielol5:

----------


## The Atheist

> I mean, all the females just get all tingly when Horatio does that hand on the hip thing...


Wow, am I out of touch!

If I knew there was a character on TV called Horatio, I would have picked Hornblower, and I'm guessing that's wrong.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Thats Easter sunday over with. How is it you can eat a whole easter egg plus innards on Easter Sunday unyet on any the other day of the year 2 pieces of chocolate make you feel sick? Devine intervention?

----------


## Paulclem

I ate one of my two small Easter eggs and the kitkat bar out of the other. My Mother in Law got me the kitkat egg. She said she picked it for me ecause it was the "chunky" one. 

I'm afraid I have an addictive personality. I have to stop eating chocolate completely otherwise I will eat all in sight. My self imposed ban will begin soon.

----------


## bazarov

> Wow, am I out of touch!
> 
> If I knew there was a character on TV called Horatio, I would have picked Hornblower, and I'm guessing that's wrong.


Hello!  :Biggrin: 

It would probably be Horatio Caine from CSI. I just can't stand his sunglasses and look to the future, truth, law combined with some great and profound quote. I just hope they will kill him very soon  :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Wow, am I out of touch!
> 
> If I knew there was a character on TV called Horatio, I would have picked Hornblower, and I'm guessing that's wrong.


So, so wrong. I can't for the life of me think why they have this fellah who's from the "walking away to action whilst talking to you" school of acting. He's a little hypnotic - can a bloke really have that much make up without cracking up. I think they give him the hammiest lines as a kind of in joke - you can almost hear the crew guffawing when he delivers them. Just watch the opening credits and you'll see what I mean. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-anMDapRbs8

He's the ginger one. 

The Who song is great with the line "We don't get fooled again" but you will be if you watch it. :Hand: 

No wait - someone has collected his hammy one liners:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sarYH0z948&feature=fvst

I really like the sunglasses technique.

----------


## The Atheist

> Hello! 
> 
> It would probably be Horatio Caine from CSI. I just can't stand his sunglasses and look to the future, truth, law combined with some great and profound quote. I just hope they will kill him very soon


Ah, now that I see it's David Caruso, I'd be surprised if someone doesn't kill him.




> So, so wrong. I can't for the life of me think why they have this fellah who's from the "walking away to action whilst talking to you" school of acting. He's a little hypnotic - can a bloke really have that much make up without cracking up. I think they give him the hammiest lines as a kind of in joke - you can almost hear the crew guffawing when he delivers them. Just watch the opening credits and you'll see what I mean.


Yep, that's why I don't watch TV!

 :Biggrin:  




> I really like the sunglasses technique.


Pretty sure Caruso's one of those guys who plays every role as himself, which may explain it.

He's a twat.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah, now that I see it's David Caruso, I'd be surprised if someone doesn't kill him.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that's why I don't watch TV!
> 
>  
> 
> 
> ...


 :FRlol: 

Is it not an expletive in the US? The world's our profane oyster.

----------


## The Atheist

> Is it not an expletive in the US? The world's our profane oyster.


No, it isn't. Somehow, they never caught up with it as they have with "wanker" which took them a while, but most of them do nowadays. I can recall, in the late '70s _Mork & Mindy_, whose landlords were a "Mr & Mrs Wanker".

----------


## Paulclem

Do they know bollocks yet?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Wow, am I out of touch!
> 
> If I knew there was a character on TV called Horatio, I would have picked Hornblower, and I'm guessing that's wrong.


I think you may be on to something; the characters are supposed to have similar characteristics.



> Thats Easter sunday over with. How is it you can eat a whole easter egg plus innards on Easter Sunday unyet on any the other day of the year 2 pieces of chocolate make you feel sick? Devine intervention?


I don't know, I get sick whenever I overindulge...particularly during holidays. It must be your male iron will that keeps your stomach in line. 



> I ate one of my two small Easter eggs and the kitkat bar out of the other. My Mother in Law got me the kitkat egg. She said she picked it for me ecause it was the "chunky" one. 
> 
> I'm afraid I have an addictive personality. I have to stop eating chocolate completely otherwise I will eat all in sight. My self imposed ban will begin soon.


It's really great that your mum in law bought you easter candy; in the states, they always leave the adults out. Why did she buy you the "chunky one"?
Now once I start eating chocolate; it continues throughout Christmas. 



> Hello! 
> 
> It would probably be Horatio Caine from CSI. I just can't stand his sunglasses and look to the future, truth, law combined with some great and profound quote. I just hope they will kill him very soon


I think alot of men share your feelings; but the ladies love to see that bit of glued on hair blowing in the wind and that pursed lip, hip out, putting on the glasses at sundown swagger..



> Ah, now that I see it's David Caruso, I'd be surprised if someone doesn't kill him.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that's why I don't watch TV!
> 
>  
> 
> 
> ...






> Is it not an expletive in the US? The world's our profane oyster.


I don't know, does a twat mean some part of the female anatomy...if so, we do have a general idea of what it means in America. Americans seem to prefer the more vulgar words that leave no doubt as to what is meant...

----------


## Paulclem

> I think you may be on to something; the characters are supposed to have similar characteristics.
> 
> I don't know, I get sick whenever I overindulge...particularly during holidays. It must be your male iron will that keeps your stomach in line. 
> 
> It's really great that your mum in law bought you easter candy; in the states, they always leave the adults out. Why did she buy you the "chunky one"?
> Now once I start eating chocolate; it continues throughout Christmas. 
> 
> I think alot of men share your feelings; but the ladies love to see that bit of glued on hair blowing in the wind and that pursed lip, hip out, putting on the glasses at sundown swagger..
> 
> ...


Chunky - a synonym for fat, flabby, obese, big boned, carrying too much, of inestimable girth, porky, a gut bucket, beer bellied - I like synonyms.  :Biggrin: 

I think she was joking...although she is definately not on the large side, so she might have been getting her own back for my references to her height. (4ft 11)

Yes - female anatomy. I think it's considered the worst word by the UK media.

----------


## OrphanPip

Twat was definitely considered a swear word where I grew up, I'm pretty sure it's used in the US as well, but isn't that popular. Fanny isn't used in the same way in the US.

----------


## DanielBenoit

> Twat was definitely considered a swear word where I grew up, I'm pretty sure it's used in the US as well, but isn't that popular. Fanny isn't used in the same way in the US.


Fanny and twat unheard of here.

----------


## OrphanPip

> Fanny and twat unheard of here.


I thought fanny meant bum in the USA, the body part not the homeless person.

----------


## The Atheist

Sound - who's the avatar?

----------


## prendrelemick

Twat is normal conversation round 'ere-

"T'weather's gone to bollocks an'tit"

"Aye its a twat!"


Oh no! Here we go, media rabbitting on about Key marginals and Percentage swings and floating voters. :Sleep:

----------


## Paulclem

> Twat is normal conversation round 'ere-
> 
> "T'weather's gone to bollocks an'tit"
> 
> "Aye its a twat!"
> 
> 
> Oh no! Here we go, media rabbitting on about Key marginals and Percentage swings and floating voters.


There'll be no news for 6 weeks before and 2 weeks after.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Chunky - a synonym for fat, flabby, obese, big boned, carrying too much, of inestimable girth, porky, a gut bucket, beer bellied - I like synonyms. 
> 
> I think she was joking...although she is definately not on the large side, so she might have been getting her own back for my references to her height. (4ft 11)
> 
> Yes - female anatomy. I think it's considered the worst word by the UK media.


Yes, that is what I thought she may be getting at.  :Reddevil: 



> Twat was definitely considered a swear word where I grew up, I'm pretty sure it's used in the US as well, but isn't that popular. Fanny isn't used in the same way in the US.


How is Fanny used in the UK and Montreal, we mean the gluteus here. Like, "I fell on my fanny". I suppose in deference to those named fanny; we stopped using it to mean a**



> Sound - who's the avatar?


Jude Law, he's one of the hotties this old lady drools over...

----------


## OrphanPip

> How is Fanny used in the UK and Montreal, we mean the gluteus here. Like, "I fell on my fanny". I suppose in deference to those named fanny; we stopped using it to mean a**


That part of the female anatomy mentioned above, you probably wouldn't want to fall on it.

----------


## Paulclem

So the decorating has been delayed by a week as my better half is ill and can't go to choose the wallpaper - no, no I won't be choosing it. I could start the pinting as she's decided on the colour. Don't you dislike it when a job is hanging over you and spoiling your surfing? 

Meanwhile I did sort out the porch - lick of paint. It is rather diddy though. Ah the holidays - when you can catch up on all those jobs...

----------


## The Atheist

> So the decorating has been delayed by a week as my better half is ill and can't go to choose the wallpaper - no, no I won't be choosing it.


I should hope not!

First off, making disgraceful statements about the state of women, now discussing wallpaper colours.

When I add that to the threads on flat, FIXED earths and 5000 year old dinosaur fossils, I begin to wonder if the entitre world's gone barking mad!

Parker! A double gin, for my nerves if you will....

----------


## The Atheist

> Jude Law, he's one of the hotties this old lady drools over...


Quite demonic-looking, I like that in a bloke.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...When I add that to the threads on flat, FIXED earths and 5000 year old dinosaur fossils, I begin to wonder if the entitre world's gone barking mad!
> 
> Parker! A double gin, for my nerves if you will....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-3SC...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHwDi...eature=related

By the way, you had me in tears with your fixed flat earth responses of late.
Hey maybe I'm on to something... a fixed flat earth...That's it!;

A FLAT EARTH THAT IS FIXED IN SPACE!! 
That's the answer we have been looking for!

My God, think of the possibilities?

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

> So the decorating has been delayed by a week as my better half is ill and can't go to choose the wallpaper - no, no I won't be choosing it. I could start the pinting as she's decided on the colour. Don't you dislike it when a job is hanging over you and spoiling your surfing? 
> 
> Meanwhile I did sort out the porch - lick of paint. It is rather diddy though. Ah the holidays - when you can catch up on all those jobs...




Pinting? is that an innocent typing error, or a Fraudian slip. You'd rather be enjoying a pint than painting the front room.

----------


## Paulclem

> Pinting? is that an innocent typing error, or a Fraudian slip. You'd rather be enjoying a pint than painting the front room.


 :Biggrin: 

You're right - a "fraudian" slip. We got the wallpaper today. Harassment will follow. Alright - out with the cans and away into the allotment.

----------


## Paulclem

> I should hope not!
> 
> First off, making disgraceful statements about the state of women, now discussing wallpaper colours.
> 
> When I add that to the threads on flat, FIXED earths and 5000 year old dinosaur fossils, I begin to wonder if the entitre world's gone barking mad!
> 
> Parker! A double gin, for my nerves if you will....


For me too. Te decorating is looming.  :Biggrin: 

I haven't read the flatearth etc threads - I thought they were a joke. I'll have to partake.

----------


## The Atheist

I'd take a picture of Auckland at the moment and post it, but all you need to do to replicate the effect is get a blue screen with a large yellow dot in the middle.

Not a cloud over the entire country today.

Paradise, I tell ya, this place is!

----------


## Paulclem

> I'd take a picture of Auckland at the moment and post it, but all you need to do to replicate the effect is get a blue screen with a large yellow dot in the middle.
> 
> Not a cloud over the entire country today.
> 
> Paradise, I tell ya, this place is!


I have to tell you that we have been blessed with a balmy 14-16c yesterday and today! The shorts have gone on - not to be taken off in casual mode until mid October when it starts to get a bit chilly again. 

I caught the sun in the garden yesterday - mind you I catch the sun when I open the curtains of a morning - and I had to wear a jumper only once today. I've been out this evening and the cloud cover is keeping the temperature in positive numbers. 

Lovely.  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> So the decorating has been delayed by a week as my better half is ill and can't go to choose the wallpaper - no, no I won't be choosing it. I could start the pinting as she's decided on the colour. Don't you dislike it when a job is hanging over you and spoiling your surfing? 
> 
> Meanwhile I did sort out the porch - lick of paint. It is rather diddy though. Ah the holidays - when you can catch up on all those jobs...


Do you think the Mrs. would consider loaning you out; My kitchen hasn't been painted since the 
'80s




> Quite demonic-looking, I like that in a bloke.


Yes, it gives him character. Poor fellow, all of his acting jobs are of a gay gigelo, a gigelo robot, a bi-sexual, amoral rich kid....oh yes, he is in the new SherlockHolmes movie...

----------


## Paulclem

> Do you think the Mrs. would consider loaning you out; My kitchen hasn't been painted since the 
> '80s
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, it gives him character. Poor fellow, all of his acting jobs are of a gay gigelo, a gigelo robot, a bi-sexual, amoral rich kid....oh yes, he is in the new SherlockHolmes movie...


Painting I can do. Painting - decorating - is just elaborate waving. Wallpapering - different kettle of fish. 

!980's? What colour is it? I'm guessing pastel - Miami Vice and all.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Try wallpapering at ours! Not a single verticle surface or 90 degree corner in any room. The old house has "settled" over the last century or so. The poor chap who came to measure up for some new windows got quite flummoxed, no two openings were the same -or square- or straight.

----------


## Satan

I'm sloshed beyond belief. I can't still type, which is a testament to why computer engineers can never grow out of their damned keyboards. Arghh!

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm sloshed beyond belief. I can't still type, which is a testament to why computer engineers can never grow out of their damned keyboards. Arghh!


Does that mean you have drunk yourself out of religious conviction, or are you just completely pissed?  :Biggrin: 

Whatever - you're among friends.

----------


## Satan

> Does that mean you have drunk yourself out of religious conviction, or are you just completely pissed? 
> 
> Whatever - you're among friends.


Religion? I'm out of the whole friggin' Universe at the moment, no matter what the MWI of the QM states. :P

That's so comforting, Paul. Recommend me a song.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Try wallpapering at ours! Not a single verticle surface or 90 degree corner in any room. The old house has "settled" over the last century or so. The poor chap who came to measure up for some new windows got quite flummoxed, no two openings were the same -or square- or straight.


We did have that problem with our lounge doorways. We got a local waster - who was quite handy when he put his mind to things - to do them for us. Unfotunately he didn't put his mind to them and went on a bender, but not before he'd demolished said door frames in a vain attempt to fit the door in.

"I only wanted you to put the bloody doors on" I plagiarised, but I ended updoing it myself. Lots of filler worked well.

When we wanted to get a new carpet for the lounge, I tried to lift it, and we found that the previous owners hd built their crap fireplace over it! Idiots. I had to cut round the hearth. 

Their ineptitude was clearly only matched by my own. I discovered a new thing today - cable trunking. I'm going to keep on using it to seem DIY plausible.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Religion? I'm out of the whole friggin' Universe at the moment, no matter what the MWI of the QM states. :P
> 
> That's so comforting, Paul. Recommend me a song.


No problem mate,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc

For boozers

----------


## Satan

> No problem mate,
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H5uWRjFsGc
> 
> For boozers


Danke! Lovin' me some http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYK7bEo1Z4M ATM.

----------


## prendrelemick

Thats advanced stuff paul, using conduiting. Although I have used short lenghs of it to mark where I set my mole traps.

Whoever invented that expanding foam is a true DIY savior. Just put said ill fitting window/door frame into gap. Get the wife to hold it steady. Squirt the foam around the edges. Go and have a cup of tea. After half an hour tell her she can let go. Simples!

Ive even used it instead of plaster of paris to set a sheep's broken leg.

Sounds: If its owt like our Kitchen the origanal colour will be lost in the mists of grime.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Painting I can do. Painting - decorating - is just elaborate waving. Wallpapering - different kettle of fish. 
> 
> !980's? What colour is it? I'm guessing pastel - Miami Vice and all.


Tell the wife to take her shortest shorts; you're moving to Miami to blot out the ugly dark colors the first Mr Sounds left behind...yes, that awful, goldy yellow in the kitchen with a bit of left over wall paper paste where the dropped ceiling used to be. 
By the way; how do you get rid of 25 year old wallpaper paste?




> Try wallpapering at ours! Not a single verticle surface or 90 degree corner in any room. The old house has "settled" over the last century or so. The poor chap who came to measure up for some new windows got quite flummoxed, no two openings were the same -or square- or straight.


Ah, in Florida we build our houses so that marbles roll across the room; when the house settles, the surfaces become flat :Smilielol5: 




> I'm sloshed beyond belief. I can't still type, which is a testament to why computer engineers can never grow out of their damned keyboards. Arghh!


It's the Jim Morrison influence...you're just riding on the storm, my man; pull up a chair and have a lagger with us :Cheers2: 



> We did have that problem with our lounge doorways. We got a local waster - who was quite handy when he put his mind to things - to do them for us. Unfotunately he didn't put his mind to them and went on a bender, but not before he'd demolished said door frames in a vain attempt to fit the door in.
> 
> "I only wanted you to put the bloody doors on" I plagiarised, but I ended updoing it myself. Lots of filler worked well.
> 
> When we wanted to get a new carpet for the lounge, I tried to lift it, and we found that the previous owners hd built their crap fireplace over it! Idiots. I had to cut round the hearth. 
> 
> Their ineptitude was clearly only matched by my own. I discovered a new thing today - cable trunking. I'm going to keep on using it to seem DIY plausible.


I was wondering where the roofer who took off in the middle of the job with my credit cards went... did he do your doors too :Smilielol5: 
Reminds me of a neighbor who "refurbishes houses". He showed me a house where he had laid ceramic tile on top of vinyl; then laid pergo wood on top of the ceramic. I said, "aren't you supposed to remove the tile". He said no one would know once he laid the floor boards. I wonder if they'll notice when they can touch the ceiling :Yikes: 




> Thats advanced stuff paul, using conduiting. Although I have used short lenghs of it to mark where I set my mole traps.
> 
> Whoever invented that expanding foam is a true DIY savior. Just put said ill fitting window/door frame into gap. Get the wife to hold it steady. Squirt the foam around the edges. Go and have a cup of tea. After half an hour tell her she can let go. Simples!
> 
> Ive even used it instead of plaster of paris to set a sheep's broken leg.
> 
> Sounds: If its owt like our Kitchen the origanal colour will be lost in the mists of grime.


Oh go, don't tell me about the foam. One of the locals told me he could fill in a small crack between my a/c and the outer wall with the stuff. He sprayed this nasty yellow slime around the unit. It hardend to look like a respiratory icu unit during an influenza outbreak :Ack2: 
Yes, the kitchen is starting to get that "aged, nicotine" effect they often go for to give you the rustic feel... :Icon Bs:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Danke! Lovin' me some http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XYK7bEo1Z4M ATM.


You sure they didn't dig up some old beatles recordings out of a vault? :Hat:

----------


## The Atheist

> Thats advanced stuff paul, using conduiting. Although I have used short lenghs of it to mark where I set my mole traps.


 :FRlol: 




> It hardend to look like a respiratory icu unit during an influenza outbreak


Think of the marketing campaigns you could run with that!

New kitchen colours; snot, mucous, phlegm or blood-tinged sputum, madam?




> Yes, the kitchen is starting to get that "aged, nicotine" effect they often go for to give you the rustic feel...


You can fast-track that by setting meat to boil and leaving the house for a few hours.

Remember to use respirator to enter house afterwards - it gets a little smoky. ("little smoky" meaning smoke you could cut with a knife, visibility about 3 mm)

My mum did this once - it turned nice white walls & ceiling into burnt cream in one day!

----------


## Paulclem

> Think of the marketing campaigns you could run with that!
> 
> New kitchen colours; snot, mucous, phlegm or blood-tinged sputum, madam?
> 
> 
> 
> You can fast-track that by setting meat to boil and leaving the house for a few hours.
> 
> Remember to use respirator to enter house afterwards - it gets a little smoky. ("little smoky" meaning smoke you could cut with a knife, visibility about 3 mm)
> ...


 :FRlol: 

My dad did the smoke thing once too - he had a little frying pan handle in there for good measure. The smoke really coughed out the lungs.

----------


## Paulclem

> Thats advanced stuff paul, using conduiting. Although I have used short lenghs of it to mark where I set my mole traps.
> 
> Whoever invented that expanding foam is a true DIY savior. Just put said ill fitting window/door frame into gap. Get the wife to hold it steady. Squirt the foam around the edges. Go and have a cup of tea. After half an hour tell her she can let go. Simples!
> 
> Ive even used it instead of plaster of paris to set a sheep's broken leg.
> 
> Sounds: If its owt like our Kitchen the origanal colour will be lost in the mists of grime.


The cables have been there for years and Mrs is complaining that they're collecting all the muck. 

I've used the expanding foam around the garage windows before. It's going to take a bit more than that now to fix them up though. Great stuff for plugging.

----------


## Paulclem

By the way; how do you get rid of 25 year old wallpaper paste?
 Sounds

I'm not sure. A rasp will do it, but it might be like using a shotgun on a pigeon.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Think of the marketing campaigns you could run with that!
> 
> New kitchen colours; snot, mucous, phlegm or blood-tinged sputum, madam?
> 
> You can fast-track that by setting meat to boil and leaving the house for a few hours.
> 
> Remember to use respirator to enter house afterwards - it gets a little smoky. ("little smoky" meaning smoke you could cut with a knife, visibility about 3 mm)
> 
> My mum did this once - it turned nice white walls & ceiling into burnt cream in one day!


Both Mr Sounds were from the north; and all of the colors they chose for the house were somewhere between snot, mucous and phlegm :Smilewinkgrin: ; 
Imagine the money and time a person would save, not purchasing those three layers of wall glaze...just have a fire!



> My dad did the smoke thing once too - he had a little frying pan handle in there for good measure. The smoke really coughed out the lungs.


That must have been awful. I had a hot grease fire in my house when I first bought it; ruined the only room in the house that wasn't condemed :Rofl: 
Have you ever tried to paint after a fire; all that smoke and grease you have to wipe up...



> By the way; how do you get rid of 25 year old wallpaper paste?
>  Sounds
> 
> I'm not sure. A rasp will do it, but it might be like using a shotgun on a pigeon.


It is a little touchy down here; most of our walls are plasterboard. One wrong move and you travel from the kitchen to the laundry room. A neighbor said you can use full stregnth joy dish detergent; but it was the same neighbor who did three layers of floor tile :Rolleyes:

----------


## prendrelemick

Old paste and associated gunge is no problem. just paper over everything, I'm sure your neighbour would approve. 

I can't help noticing that Pingu the penquin is the most intelligent thing on telly in the mornings since the Election was called.

----------


## Scheherazade

> I can't help noticing that Pingu the penquin is the most intelligent thing on telly in the mornings since the Election was called.


_Pingu??!?!???_

On which channel and what time??? Had lost hope thinking it wasn't on air anymore... 

We are stuck with "Timmy the Sheep" here... Don't misunderstand me; love Timmy too but not in the same league as Pingu, is he?

----------


## The Atheist

> I can't help noticing that Pingu the penquin is the most intelligent thing on telly in the mornings since the Election was called.


Quite funny, this TV business - the kids just asked if they could watch it for a little while.

Out of 9 available channels, the only thing which wasn't completely unwatchable was a replay of last Saturday's trotting from Invercargill.

TV is officially dead, can't say I'm sorry.

Pingu would be a masterpiece in comparison.

----------


## prendrelemick

I caught him a couple of days ago while flicking channels, earlyish one morning. As I said, vastly superior to owt else that was on.- He invented snow tubing behind a skidoo! The little scamp.

----------


## stephofthenight

puts on fake mustach... and slips in back door...
pingu the penguin? on Tv? There goes my getting online to download him.  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Old paste and associated gunge is no problem. just paper over everything, I'm sure your neighbour would approve. 
> 
> I can't help noticing that Pingu the penquin is the most intelligent thing on telly in the mornings since the Election was called.


This stuff is pretty thick, so if I papered it would be bumpy. I was really considering painting though. I come from the old school of taking everything down before starting again. A few weeks ago, I took my 10 year old car that I love and only has 44,000 miles to a paint shop for a quote. The sides are still bright, except for the one that is smashed in. The top surfaces are losing their paint from the Florida sun. He asked if I wanted it restored; I said I wanted him to take it down and give me a factory job...He looked at me like I was mad. Said it would cost 4-5,000 dollars and the car is'nt worth that much. He didn't get the idea that my car is like my kid, you don't send it away when it gets a few bumps and abrasions :Confused5: 




> Quite funny, this TV business - the kids just asked if they could watch it for a little while.
> 
> Out of 9 available channels, the only thing which wasn't completely unwatchable was a replay of last Saturday's trotting from Invercargill.
> 
> TV is officially dead, can't say I'm sorry.
> 
> Pingu would be a masterpiece in comparison.


Have you tried looking on the computer for good tv; I'm finding almost all the old greats on it.



> I caught him a couple of days ago while flicking channels, earlyish one morning. As I said, vastly superior to owt else that was on.- He invented snow tubing behind a skidoo! The little scamp.


I found Pingu; but he wasn't speaking English...does he speak English?

----------


## prendrelemick

No, but European mummies and daddies soon become fluent in Pingu, its an essential parenting skill.

----------


## soundofmusic

> No, but European mummies and daddies soon become fluent in Pingu, its an essential parenting skill.


Oh, so that is penguin he's speaking :Shocked:  I tuned into one with Chinese subtitles; so I thought he actually had a language. :Confused5:

----------


## Paulclem

Pingu speak - brilliant for annoying people - nawk nawwwwwwk!

----------


## The Atheist

Now's my chance!

Mrs Atheist turns 40 today, which is far too old for a woman, so I'm off to swap her for 2 x 20 year olds.

 :Hurray:  :Cheers2:

----------


## gbrekken

> Now's my chance!
> 
> Mrs Atheist turns 40 today, which is far too old for a woman, so I'm off to swap her for 2 x 20 year olds.


Good luck with that!! I'd keep the bird in hand!!!! happy 40 to the missus!

----------


## prendrelemick

Ooo 40th, a tricky one that. My brother-in-law arranged a suprise party for his Mrs, and was made to pay for it for the rest of the year.

I don' know about the twenty year olds though.

In her twenties a woman is like America - young and exciting.
In her thirties she is like Africa - hot and exotic.
In her forties she is like Europe - sophisticated and worldly wise.
in her fifties she is like Asia - mysterious and exotic. 
In her sixties she is like Australia - everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

(Thanks to Kenny Everett)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Pingu speak - brilliant for annoying people - nawk nawwwwwwk!


I think I'll use that from now on instead of getting all hot under the collar and having my blood pressure go up: "So why doesn't your company have the supplies before the patient... NAWK :Rage: 



> Now's my chance!
> 
> Mrs Atheist turns 40 today, which is far too old for a woman, so I'm off to swap her for 2 x 20 year olds.


You devil, You've got a teenage bride... Oh to be 40 again :Ihih:  Actually, I seem to remember finding my wild side about that age :Willy Nilly:  :Party:  :Ladysman:  :Drool5:  :Auto: 
Wish the Mrs. a happy birthday :Bday 2: 




> Good luck with that!! I'd keep the bird in hand!!!! happy 40 to the missus!


Good man :Nod:  



> Ooo 40th, a tricky one that. My brother-in-law arranged a suprise party for his Mrs, and was made to pay for it for the rest of the year.
> 
> I don' know about the twenty year olds though.
> 
> In her twenties a woman is like America - young and exciting.
> In her thirties she is like Africa - hot and exotic.
> In her forties she is like Europe - sophisticated and worldly wise.
> in her fifties she is like Asia - mysterious and exotic. 
> In her sixties she is like Australia - everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
> ...


Wonderful quote. I gotta say, 20 still looks really good to me :Ihih:

----------


## The Atheist

> You devil, You've got a teenage bride...


She was 16 when we met. Still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen - I recall like it was yesterday, not 1986.

A young blonde, standing, waiting for the lift, should I chat her up, or just get on the lift like a drone?

What do you think?

 :Biggrin: 




> Oh to be 40 again Actually, I seem to remember finding my wild side about that age
> Wish the Mrs. a happy birthday


Have done - she's still coping.




> Wonderful quote. I gotta say, 20 still looks really good to me


Being 20? I think I'd go back to 30, myself. Peak of my powers in those far-off days. I could lift a horse, once deadlifting a tree two other blokes couldn't get off the ground together; tanned, fighting fit and with the libido and discretion of a randy billygoat!

Those were the days, my friend.

We thought they'd never end....

Hell, someone should write a song like that!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Being 20? I think I'd go back to 30, myself. Peak of my powers in those far-off days. I could lift a horse, once deadlifting a tree two other blokes couldn't get off the ground together; tanned, fighting fit and with the libido and discretion of a randy billygoat!
> 
> Those were the days, my friend.
> 
> We thought they'd never end....
> 
> Hell, someone should write a song like that!


Do men wait until they're 30 to "sew their wild oats"; or are they still doing it at that age?  :Ihih:  I like your version of the song better :Bigear:

----------


## prendrelemick

given the chance, men don't like to wait at all. I married at 21 and got my sowing in early.

----------


## stephofthenight

whats the best birthday present your wife/girlfriend ever gave you? I need some birthday ideas for a guy...

----------


## Satan

We broke up the night before.

----------


## stephofthenight

ouch Satan that bites. what would you have liked

----------


## Satan

It was my idea.

Anyway, the point is to help you out. Everything depends on the guy, his preferences and of course ...your budget.

----------


## soundofmusic

> given the chance, men don't like to wait at all. I married at 21 and got my sowing in early.


I sowed for a year and married at 18; but at 40, I began to wonder if I should have sowed a bit more :Party: 



> whats the best birthday present your wife/girlfriend ever gave you? I need some birthday ideas for a guy...


What is your guys hobby. Let's see: Over many years I bought my husband imported coffees and cigarettes,out of print and first edition books, a ham radio, wood working tools, subscriptions to playboy and a blow up doll we called Bambi...I think Bambi was his favorite :FRlol: 



> We broke up the night before.


Well, at least your lover couldn't complain that they spent alot of money on you and you dumped them afterwards. I always found that my boyfriends wanted to start a relationship in the summer and break it off shortly before gift-giving season...did I mention all the men I dated were cheap or broke :Incazzato:

----------


## prendrelemick

Hmm... let me think, what is it all young men want :Ihih: ?


I always liked presents that took a bit of effort or creativity. I would rather have a wonky hand knitted scarf than the most expensive silk cravat. Or a home cooked dinner, rather than a meal at a fancy eatery.

My favourite gift from the wife was a book mark, embroidered with a picture of the sheep dogs and me shouting "LIE DOWN" at them. It is personal and relevent and I use it every day.

The gift is really the time and effort and the thought, not the "thing" itself.

----------


## gbrekken

> whats the best birthday present your wife/girlfriend ever gave you? I need some birthday ideas for a guy...


If you could do something to unexpectedly create some free time for him, he'll be free for other things. the gift is time.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hmm... let me think, what is it all young men want?
> 
> 
> I always liked presents that took a bit of effort or creativity. I would rather have a wonky hand knitted scarf than the most expensive silk cravat. Or a home cooked dinner, rather than a meal at a fancy eatery.
> 
> My favourite gift from the wife was a book mark, embroidered with a picture of the sheep dogs and me shouting "LIE DOWN" at them. It is personal and relevent and I use it every day.
> 
> The gift is really the time and effort and the thought, not the "thing" itself.


That is so nice. I usually find things the wife made for her husband in the last drawer with broken watches and transistors; you are one of a kind!
Do fellows ever just tell their girlfriends and wives what they want; my husband had a constant list...I also always ask for a list at Christmas




> If you could do something to unexpectedly create some free time for him, he'll be free for other things. the gift is time.


What would you like to do, if you had spare time? I, personally want some super loud, powerful lawn equipment!

----------


## The Atheist

> Do men wait until they're 30 to "sew their wild oats"; or are they still doing it at that age?  I like your version of the song better


Oh god no. I'd been sowing like a Cornish market gardener since my teens, but I think 30 is the peak of maleness - by that age, if we are ever going to be grown up, we are by then; it is when we are at the peak of physical strength - take a look at weightlifters, boxers and strength sports, they are dominated by 30-ish blokes. Sexually, at an absolute peak, and if you've trained properly, you have no gaps in your knowledge and can go all night, every night, and most of the day inbetween!




> whats the best birthday present your wife/girlfriend ever gave you? I need some birthday ideas for a guy...


Something small and personal, made, not bought.

A plain cardboard card with a pressed petal and a love note from you.




> If you could do something to unexpectedly create some free time for him, he'll be free for other things. the gift is time.


That's good too!

Time to go to the pub with his mates!

 :FRlol: 




> Do fellows ever just tell their girlfriends and wives what they want; my husband had a constant list...I also always ask for a list at Christmas


Never. I don't buy gifts for non-children.

I did hand-carve Mrs Atheist a heart with a poem once.




> What would you like to do, if you had spare time? I, personally want some super loud, powerful lawn equipment!


Yeah, lanmowers!

I love mowers - I used to mow lawns for a living, which is why I was so damned fit at 30.

 :Biggrin: 

I have a mower that turns rainforest into lawn in three months.

Anything bigger'n 12" in diameter, you still need a chainsaw, but gorse, shrubs, trees under a foot thick, fenceposts, dogs, sheep, branches, telephone poles, the mighty Victa just mulches them up. Stephen King eat your heart out!

----------


## Paulclem

I used to play rugby with a bloke who was in his fifties. He was a window cleaner, lugging his ladders around the town every day. Mind you, he did often give you a hospital pass on the pitch. Great bloke though.

----------


## prendrelemick

Get yourself one of these, Sounds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uPxS3_YFUY

Plus a Ghetto-blaster (are they still called that?) for the macho soundtrack.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I used to play rugby with a bloke who was in his fifties. He was a window cleaner, lugging his ladders around the town every day. Mind you, he did often give you a hospital pass on the pitch. Great bloke though.


They were demolishing a mill in town, and I had my eye on a stone gate post they had pulled up. I went to see the forman and asked if I could have it. 
He thought he'd be funny and said I could have it if I could lift it.
I said, I can't, but I know a man who can. So we agreed If I could find a man to lift it I could have it for a fiver.

I went to get Jeff, a labourer who was working near by, he was a small bandy legged man in his early sixties. I had seen Jeff pick up a large motor bike and throw it over a 5 ft wall, followed by its rider- road rage jeff style

Its always good to watch an expert at work, He circled the post, looking at it from all angles (it was bigger than he was) and stretching his arms and back. The demolition crew came to watch, the forman thought it was a wind-up and kept saying "give over, ee'll never do it".

He stood astride the narrow end, bent down, took a firm grip and straightened up, then made a smooth transition from lifting to pushing untill in one swift movement the stone was upright. Then he gripped it in a bear hug, and lifted it a couple of inches off the ground. Everyone was gobsmacked. I'll admit so was I.

I backed up my landy and got four of the lads to help load it - we struggled - gave the foreman a fiver, and jeff a tenner and drove off. 

The last I heard of Jeff, he'd been to the Phillipines and got himself a much younger bride.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Get yourself one of these, Sounds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uPxS3_YFUY


Now that's a mower! 
Plus you are shielded from all the snake and gator guts and hide you'll be shredding up!




> They were demolishing a mill in town, and I had my eye on a stone gate post they had pulled up...
> ...I went to get Jeff, a labourer who was working near by, he was a small bandy legged man in his early sixties. I had seen Jeff pick up a large motor bike and throw it over a 5 ft wall, followed by its rider- road rage jeff style
> 
> ...Everyone was gobsmacked. I'll admit so was I.
> 
> ...The last I heard of Jeff, he'd been to the Phillipines and got himself a much younger bride.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvTQW...eature=related

Great yarn Prendrelemick !!
"Gobsmacked" ? - I'll have to remember that one.

Gilliatt

----------


## Paulclem

> They were demolishing a mill in town, and I had my eye on a stone gate post they had pulled up. I went to see the forman and asked if I could have it. 
> He thought he'd be funny and said I could have it if I could lift it.
> I said, I can't, but I know a man who can. So we agreed If I could find a man to lift it I could have it for a fiver.
> 
> I went to get Jeff, a labourer who was working near by, he was a small bandy legged man in his early sixties. I had seen Jeff pick up a large motor bike and throw it over a 5 ft wall, followed by its rider- road rage jeff style
> 
> Its always good to watch an expert at work, He circled the post, looking at it from all angles (it was bigger than he was) and stretching his arms and back. The demolition crew came to watch, the forman thought it was a wind-up and kept saying "give over, ee'll never do it".
> 
> He stood astride the narrow end, bent down, took a firm grip and straightened up, then made a smooth transition from lifting to pushing untill in one swift movement the stone was upright. Then he gripped it in a bear hug, and lifted it a couple of inches off the ground. Everyone was gobsmacked. I'll admit so was I.
> ...


Great story.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## The Atheist

> They were demolishing a mill in town, and I had my eye on a stone gate post they had pulled up. I went to see the forman and asked if I could have it.


Brilliant!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh god no. I'd been sowing like a Cornish market gardener since my teens, but I think 30 is the peak of maleness - by that age, if we are ever going to be grown up, we are by then; it is when we are at the peak of physical strength - take a look at weightlifters, boxers and strength sports, they are dominated by 30-ish blokes. Sexually, at an absolute peak, and if you've trained properly, you have no gaps in your knowledge and can go all night, every night, and most of the day inbetween!
> 
> 
> Something small and personal, made, not bought.
> 
> A plain cardboard card with a pressed petal and a love note from you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I think women are best looking at 15-18; oddly enough, our sexual peak hits us at 45...does't seem quite fair, does it :Frown: 
Does Mrs Atheist buy her own presents? I actually sometimes prefered buying my own gifts: the first Mr Sounds always went to the 50% off table: I became the proud possessor of a negligee with cigarette burns and a rabbit with an inner ear disorder: he hopped two or three times before rolling on his back :Svengo:  The 2nd Mr Sounds always bought practical things; but ladies always buy themselves practical things, I wanted things I would be to guilty to buy for myself!
I had been keeping rechargable electric mowers and weedwackers; but they just don't have the power of gas. Though, it is sometimes difficult to get the pull rope gas models started :Rage: 



> Get yourself one of these, Sounds. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uPxS3_YFUY
> 
> Plus a Ghetto-blaster (are they still called that?) for the macho soundtrack.


That is just beautiful :Drool5:  I do sometimes have a little trouble steering; I wonder if my neighbor would notice if I ran over his 8 foot fence and the pack of roosters behind them. He's been a bit edgy since one of my tree branches took out half of his house :Smash:  :Yikes: 



> They were demolishing a mill in town, and I had my eye on a stone gate post they had pulled up. I went to see the forman and asked if I could have it. 
> He thought he'd be funny and said I could have it if I could lift it.
> I said, I can't, but I know a man who can. So we agreed If I could find a man to lift it I could have it for a fiver.
> 
> I went to get Jeff, a labourer who was working near by, he was a small bandy legged man in his early sixties. I had seen Jeff pick up a large motor bike and throw it over a 5 ft wall, followed by its rider- road rage jeff style
> 
> Its always good to watch an expert at work, He circled the post, looking at it from all angles (it was bigger than he was) and stretching his arms and back. The demolition crew came to watch, the forman thought it was a wind-up and kept saying "give over, ee'll never do it".
> 
> He stood astride the narrow end, bent down, took a firm grip and straightened up, then made a smooth transition from lifting to pushing untill in one swift movement the stone was upright. Then he gripped it in a bear hug, and lifted it a couple of inches off the ground. Everyone was gobsmacked. I'll admit so was I.
> ...


I've noticed that alot of those strong old fellows have young women; but I can't decide if they have young women because they are strong or they are strong because they have young women :Confused5:

----------


## prendrelemick

I wonder if he diminished after marriage! A younger bride can sap a man's strengh, so I hear.

There are loads of Jeff stories, he was a local legend.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I wonder if he diminished after marriage! A younger bride can sap a man's strengh, so I hear.
> 
> There are loads of Jeff stories, he was a local legend.


About two and a half years after becoming a widow, I dated a man some 20 years my junior. For 6 months, I felt like a god: I didn't have to sleep, ran on almost no food... My body's still trying to recover :Sleep:  :Frown2:  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I think women are best looking at 15-18; oddly enough, our sexual peak hits us at 45...does't seem quite fair, does it


Sounds good to me.

Rhonda's got 5 years to go, so it's something to look forward to!




> Does Mrs Atheist buy her own presents?


We just don't do presents.




> I actually sometimes prefered buying my own gifts: the first Mr Sounds always went to the 50% off table:


 :FRlol: 




> There are loads of Jeff stories, he was a local legend.


Love yokel stories.

We keep ours out in the western suburbs of Auckland. I have a strange friendship with one of them. He's 5'6" and probably weighs 60kg soaking wet.

Some years ago, three bikies decided to give him a beating - three big, hairy, tough guys.

He beat the living crap out of them. It's one of those stories that just about everyone in West Auckland grows up with it as a metaphor for misjudging your opponent.




> About two and a half years after becoming a widow, I dated a man some 20 years my junior. For 6 months, I felt like a god: I didn't have to sleep, ran on almost no food... My body's still trying to recover


Yeah, I used to find that all-nighters have the effect of keeping you awake no problem the next day.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Sounds good to me.
> 
> Rhonda's got 5 years to go, so it's something to look forward to!
> 
> We just don't do presents.
> 
> Yeah, I used to find that all-nighters have the effect of keeping you awake no problem the next day.


You're a brave man :Cold:  Hopefully, 55 won't do to you what it has done to me...It's like gravity hit all at once. I'm actually taking naps midday :Frown2: 

The first Mr Sounds always "went all out" at Christmas; it took us 2 months to recap our losses. I was rather disappointed 2 years after our marriage, when he decided to join a church that didn't do holidays...
There was the benefit that my mother-in-law stayed mad at us for the next 2 years.
Ah yes, the all nighters just made you look foward to the morning :Ihih:

----------


## prendrelemick

"Send for Jeff" or "This is a real Jeff job," was our mantra whenever we came across a tough job. They just don't make 'em like that anymore.



Unfortunately, with dodgy hips, sore knees and stiff backs, once you hit 50 the "dance of love" becomes more about practicality than eroticism.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Unfortunately, with dodgy hips, sore knees and stiff backs, once you hit 50 the "dance of love" becomes more about practicality than eroticism.


Isn't that the truth. Fortunately, by 50, we have found, in every aspect of life, the most efficient way to a accomplish things with minimum effort :Nod: 
(I threw out that "positions chart" after 30 :FRlol: )

----------


## The Atheist

Well, there is an easy cure for all those problems - marry a much younger gymnast.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Well, there is an easy cure for all those problems - marry a much younger gymnast.


I think I might have to have a relationship, on the side, with a massage therapist if I was married to a gymnast :Reddevil:

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

Ever wonder why a therapist is The Rapist?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ever wonder why a therapist is The Rapist?


 :Confused5: NO, do tell :Ihih:

----------


## The Atheist

We have had a huge number of therapists here who have been convicted of sexual assault against their patients.

One marvellous case was a bloke who was the top sports psychologist in the country.

At the same time that he was telling the world's number one rugby team how to think, he was bonking several of his female clients.

Probably not so funny for them...

----------


## soundofmusic

> We have had a huge number of therapists here who have been convicted of sexual assault against their patients.
> 
> One marvellous case was a bloke who was the top sports psychologist in the country.
> 
> At the same time that he was telling the world's number one rugby team how to think, he was bonking several of his female clients.
> 
> Probably not so funny for them...


I wonder if he told them it was customary to lay down on his couch and undress when they came to his office :Skep:  I really think mental health professionals should get huge jail sentences for that type of behavior; even if the relationship appears to be consensual, the person has more influence over the patient than a parent might :Mad:

----------


## The Atheist

> I wonder if he told them it was customary to lay down on his couch and undress when they came to his office I really think mental health professionals should get huge jail sentences for that type of behavior; even if the relationship appears to be consensual, the person has more influence over the patient than a parent might


I know the case quite well, because a close friend of the mother-in-law was one of the complainants.

His technique was to take a few sessions to identify some problems, then explain how it was all due to sexual frustration and inadequacy, and would you believe it, this bloke had the cure!

----------


## soundofmusic

> I know the case quite well, because a close friend of the mother-in-law was one of the complainants.
> 
> His technique was to take a few sessions to identify some problems, then explain how it was all due to sexual frustration and inadequacy, and would you believe it, this bloke had the cure!


 :Smilielol5:  That guy should be hung up "by the boys" :Ihih:

----------


## The Atheist

Oh, the irony of it all - we talk about therapists doing their patients, and what does Google Adsense splash all over the page?

Ads for psycholgists, of course!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh, the irony of it all - we talk about therapists doing their patients, and what does Google Adsense splash all over the page?
> 
> Ads for psycholgists, of course!


 :Skep:  OH God, we're being watched :FRlol:  Since Toyota has fallen on its face, I've seen alot more of their adds too. I guess it might be a good idea to avoid anything that gets too much airtime :Frown2:

----------


## Nikhar

Hey SoundofMusic... I don't know why but I thought you were a female. I think it was your screen name. Though your avy should've directed me to the right direction... but I guess it happens on litnet all the time. After all, many people have thought me to be a female too. lol  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hey SoundofMusic... I don't know why but I thought you were a female. I think it was your screen name. Though your avy should've directed me to the right direction... but I guess it happens on litnet all the time. After all, many people have thought me to be a female too. lol


 :FRlol:  I thought your were a female, also...I guess the baby pic. Actually, I'm a 55 year old woman, a widow with a 35 year old daughter.( I'm a fan of the fellow in the avatar.) I thought everyone knew I was an old lady :Goof:  
Oh, is it the Blokes thread...I hang around because these guys are some of the coolest people on litnet and the discussions are great here; they've been kind enough to make me an honorary bloke.

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh, is it the Blokes thread...I hang around because these guys are some of the coolest people on litnet and the discussions are great here; they've been kind enough to make me an honorary bloke.


God, and there was me thinking it was the free scotch!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> God, and there was me thinking it was the free scotch!


Well, that doesn't hurt either...I think my glass is empty; where is Parker!

----------


## soundofmusic

Hey Atheist, Where are all the blokes on the blokes page?  :Confused5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Gilliatt checking in.
I was just now opening up Litnet and saw your message Sounds.
My excuse - the past two weeks I have been out of town on business Monday through Friday and I have to do it again this week. Hopefully next week will be the last.

Speaking of Scotch, has anyone heard form our long lost friend Jocky?

G

----------


## soundofmusic

> Gilliatt checking in.
> I was just now opening up Litnet and saw your message Sounds.
> My excuse - the past two weeks I have been out of town on business Monday through Friday and I have to do it again this week. Hopefully next week will be the last.
> 
> Speaking of Scotch, has anyone heard form our long lost friend Jocky?
> 
> G


Glad to see you Gillaiatt. Are you having any fun on the trips or is it just shoulder to the grindstone?
Yes, I really miss Jocky as I'm sure we all do. Since he left so quickly, I wonder if he is having computer troubles.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Unquestionably shoulder to the grindstone!
We are carrying out what is referred to as a "punchlist" in the building construction industry. It is essentially a list of all the corrections, touch ups and incomplete items that the contractor needs to complete before the building owner takes occupancy.
However, I shouldn't complain; the workload back at the office is looking grim.

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Unquestionably shoulder to the grindstone!
> We are carrying out what is referred to as a "punchlist" in the building construction industry. It is essentially a list of all the corrections, touch ups and incomplete items that the contractor needs to complete before the building owner takes occupancy.
> However, I shouldn't complain; the workload back at the office is looking grim.
> 
> Gilliatt


Uhg, Sounds like a rough day out in the elements with ticked off people...
And I was hoping you were doing a 3 hour work day and then lounging on the Hawaiian beaches with Mrs Gurgle...is there a Mrs Gurgle?

----------


## The Atheist

> Hey Atheist, Where are all the blokes on the blokes page?


Must be spring oop north.

 :Wink: 




> Gilliatt checking in.
> I was just now opening up Litnet and saw your message Sounds.
> My excuse - the past two weeks I have been out of town on business Monday through Friday and I have to do it again this week. Hopefully next week will be the last.
> 
> Speaking of Scotch, has anyone heard form our long lost friend Jocky?
> 
> G


No, he appeared to just disappear. Maybe Mrs Jocky thought he was flirting with sound!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Must be spring oop north.
> 
> 
> No, he appeared to just disappear. Maybe Mrs Jocky thought he was flirting with sound!


Perhaps, everyone is painting, wallpapering and trimming the sheep. I have spring fever, It starts in winter and continues past summer :FRlol: 

Nah, Mrs Jocky isn't one for leaving the web for that; she would have him massacre me with eloquent Shakespearean passages that I didn't understand :Confused5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Uhg, Sounds like a rough day out in the elements with ticked off people...
> And I was hoping you were doing a 3 hour work day and then lounging on the Hawaiian beaches with Mrs Gurgle...is there a Mrs Gurgle?


Not quite Hawaii, but I can tell you that the other two coworkers and I are lounging at the various local haunts each night following work.

Yes there is a Mrs. Gurgle and a Gurgle junior (15) both of whom will attest that I've gone quite mad.

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not quite Hawaii, but I can tell you that the other two coworkers and I are lounging at the various local haunts each night following work.
> 
> Yes there is a Mrs. Gurgle and a Gurgle junior (15) both of whom will attest that I've gone quite mad.
> 
> Gilliatt


The local haunts with the guys sounds almost as good :Cheers2:  Didn't the Mrs all ready figure you were mad when you showed up in Texas...It takes way too much gumption to live there, and then there's the weather...
I have noticed that women from Texas are the most beautiful of all 50 states; is the Mrs a former beauty queen?

----------


## prendrelemick

Aye, spring has finally sprung up 'ere.

I can get on with some manly outdoor pursuits like building things with stones again. :Rolleyes:

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye, spring has finally sprung up 'ere.
> 
> I can get on with some manly outdoor pursuits like building things with stones again.


I don't envy you just yet.

While winter has struck nice & wet in the southern parts, we're still getting 21-22 degrees on a daily basis.

There are kids wandering around who've forgotten what rain actually is.

----------


## The Atheist

I like to keep an eye on what Google is serving us up, and here's today's serving:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Aye, spring has finally sprung up 'ere.
> I can get on with some manly outdoor pursuits like building things with stones again.


We have to transplant a few of you "mens men" to the states...A man who builds things, what a phenomena!



> I like to keep an eye on what Google is serving us up, and here's today's serving:


Oh, how I wish it was 69 degrees Farenheit all of the time here...well, maybe a few days for the beach. My daughter went out for a short walk a few days ago and came home with a mean burnt back. It also always feels like you're in a microwave.
Next thing you know, they will be advertising strip clubs and escort services...Oh gosh, did I just see my picture on that pole :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

It's a nice balmy 16-18 here at the moment. Just right. We don't want no 27-30s. (I can't think in Faren- thingy, it's got to be nice simple celsius). 

By the way - I've been busy, and the decorating is still not finished. I've got a long wekend coming up though. :Biggrin5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> It's a nice balmy 16-18 here at the moment. Just right. We don't want no 27-30s. (I can't think in Faren- thingy, it's got to be nice simple celsius). 
> 
> By the way - I've been busy, and the decorating is still not finished. I've got a long wekend coming up though.


That's a little cool for us Floridians to spend much time outdoors; but great for inside activities. Can you paint when the temperature drops a bit lower; our cans tell us not to paint below 55 degrees farenheit (I just look up the conversion on google nowadays)

----------


## prendrelemick

That would never do in Merrie old England- 55 Degrees! We chaps would never be able to do any decorating at all!  :Wink5: 

I'm thinking I may soon be called upon to decorate the bedroom. We got a new bed the other day and I am informed that it doesn't match the room. I feel out manovered. :Confused5:

----------


## OrphanPip

Ug, you want bad weather, it's snowing in April here in Montreal.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm thinking I may soon be called upon to decorate the bedroom. We got a new bed the other day and I am informed that it doesn't match the room. I feel out manovered.


Yellow card!

That's just sneaky.

----------


## Paulclem

> That's a little cool for us Floridians to spend much time outdoors; but great for inside activities. Can you paint when the temperature drops a bit lower; our cans tell us not to paint below 55 degrees farenheit (I just look up the conversion on google nowadays)


I have before - I don't think about it unless it's freezing.

Cooler here at the weekend. Fresh we'll be calling it.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## Paulclem

> That would never do in Merrie old England- 55 Degrees! We chaps would never be able to do any decorating at all! 
> 
> I'm thinking I may soon be called upon to decorate the bedroom. We got a new bed the other day and I am informed that it doesn't match the room. I feel out manovered.


The only place that's gotr much wallpaper is the lounge - which I've nearly done. I'm fine with painting - done in a couple of hours. I don't mind that.

----------


## The Atheist

And to think I used to renovate houses for a living.

The mere thought of a paintbrush makes me break out in cold sweat these days.

I used to specialise in doing feature murals, which was pretty popular. There are still a load of kids' bedrooms around Auckland with my murals on the walls.

----------


## Paulclem

> And to think I used to renovate houses for a living.
> 
> The mere thought of a paintbrush makes me break out in cold sweat these days.
> 
> I used to specialise in doing feature murals, which was pretty popular. There are still a load of kids' bedrooms around Auckland with my murals on the walls.


The alternative is wallpapering! Hassle!

----------


## The Atheist

> The alternative is wallpapering! Hassle!


It's onyl an alternative if you let it be.

You just make sure the choice is "what colour?" and never let the type of coating be discussed.

 :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.

The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!

Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.

----------


## Lokasenna

> If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.
> 
> The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
> Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!
> 
> Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.


So true!

----------


## The Atheist

> However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap.


I'm quite sure they put some kind of primitive female pheromone in the cloth which causes it.

Have you ever noticed that the materials they sell don't smell anything like clothes or sheets?

----------


## soundofmusic

> That would never do in Merrie old England- 55 Degrees! We chaps would never be able to do any decorating at all! 
> I'm thinking I may soon be called upon to decorate the bedroom. We got a new bed the other day and I am informed that it doesn't match the room. I feel out manovered.


Not only is our paint not suitable for under 55; but the wind blows right through our polyester schivies...
Mrs P is certainly a sly one; she should start a seminar tour...



> Ug, you want bad weather, it's snowing in April here in Montreal.


There is something to be said for all of that cold weather; I never see a fat Canadian!



> I have before - I don't think about it unless it's freezing.
> Cooler here at the weekend. Fresh we'll be calling it.


Do you still use oil paint there. Ours is mostly plastic nowadays...I hate it. 



> And to think I used to renovate houses for a living.
> 
> The mere thought of a paintbrush makes me break out in cold sweat these days.
> I used to specialise in doing feature murals, which was pretty popular. There are still a load of kids' bedrooms around Auckland with my murals on the walls.


You should put up some of your murals; I'd like to see them! How do you paint over a mural. I have some in my room; I'm not sure if I'll get an even tone when I cover them. 



> If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.
> 
> The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
> Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!
> 
> Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.


Sounds like pure torment! 




> I'm quite sure they put some kind of primitive female pheromone in the cloth which causes it.
> 
> Have you ever noticed that the materials they sell don't smell anything like clothes or sheets?


So that's what wall fabric smells like; I thought it was a preservative...no wonder the bugs are mad for it. They won't even let real moire into our country.

----------


## Paulclem

> If there are nine circles of hell, wallpapering is about the forth, painting about the second. Preparation, (moving furinture, rolling up carpets and "storing" it all in the bathroom etc)is about the fifth.
> 
> The Alternitive is a trip to Dunelms with Mrs P. Dunelms is a soft furnishings emporium, that for us manly chaps is like being plunged into the very centre of Hell. First of all Its hot and stuffy in there (as you'd expect of course.) Everything is frilly and pastel. The demons of torment appear as blue rinse widow-pensioners, cluttering up the aisles and smelling of lavender and wee.
> Once in there your opinion will be sought, but never valued. Identical towels will be held up for you to pass judgement over. "blush pink or dusky rose, which do you like," and you can't just shrug, oh no, you must give a full answer, stating your reasons, and when you do, all you get is a sad shake of the head and a pitying look, wrong again!
> 
> Now I am along way from being a dominant-male type of husband, but my input in our daily life is not insignificant- in the usual run of things. However there is something at work in Dunelms that diminishes a chap. I feel myself shrinking, becoming more and more insignificant, I slouch along behind Mrs P (by now I will have been given her handbag to hold so she can rummage,) an annoying but necessary beast of burden. Occasionally we pass another couple, the man bent and defeated. Briefly our eyes will meet before we look back down at our shoes.


 :Thumbs Up:  Spot on!

This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.

It works for me...usually :Biggrin5:

----------


## Paulclem

> Not only is our paint not suitable for under 55; but the wind blows right through our polyester schivies...
> Mrs P is certainly a sly one; she should start a seminar tour...
> 
> There is something to be said for all of that cold weather; I never see a fat Canadian!
> 
> Do you still use oil paint there. Ours is mostly plastic nowadays...I hate it. 
> 
> You should put up some of your murals; I'd like to see them! How do you paint over a mural. I have some in my room; I'm not sure if I'll get an even tone when I cover them. 
> 
> ...


Yes paint - which I can deal with fairly quickly. I find having no opinions works too. In truth, I don't where decor goes. If my wife likes it - I like it.

----------


## The Atheist

> Spot on!
> 
> This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.
> 
> It works for me...usually


It's still not as bad as women's clothing shops.

Standing around trying not to look like a pervert, trying to avoid looking anywhere bear the visible ankles of women dropping their jeans, the sideways glances from women coming into the shop.

Why do women want a man to accompany them into that atmosphere? It's like inviting a woman into a urinal, but we men have more class than that.

Usually.

----------


## prendrelemick

It's 5.40am and Countdown is on the telly. How long has Gwyneth Paltrow worked on the show?

----------


## The Atheist

I'd watch Gwyneth Paltrow anywhere.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Spot on!
> 
> This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.
> 
> It works for me...usually


The perfect middle ground; near enough to frown at the costly choices but far enough not to sneeze because of all the overwhelming perfumes!
I have my house half painted; but the wood fascia is rotting and is a real annoyance to try to cover over. It's too far gone to patch and too new to replace. 



> It's still not as bad as women's clothing shops.
> 
> Standing around trying not to look like a pervert, trying to avoid looking anywhere bear the visible ankles of women dropping their jeans, the sideways glances from women coming into the shop.
> 
> Why do women want a man to accompany them into that atmosphere? It's like inviting a woman into a urinal, but we men have more class than that.
> 
> Usually.


While I was never masochistic enough to ask for Mr Sounds opinion on my choice of clothes; he frequently felt the urge to advise me that my shoulder pads made me look as if I had no neck, that ruffles made me look off balance...perhaps it would have been easier to take him shopping instead of hearing him complain later. I began to find that the clothes he liked least were everyone elses favorites. 



> It's 5.40am and Countdown is on the telly. How long has Gwyneth Paltrow worked on the show?


Is she still around; I thought she had went into retirement after having children all named after fruit.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Spot on!
> 
> This could easiy be me, but I have trained myself to seek out areas of interest to the male psyche. I wander off to look at stuff, pop next door, and hang about interesting windows.
> 
> It works for me...usually



Won't work here, Dunelms is cunningly situated on a retail park, between Ikea and Next.- choose your personal hell! 




> Is she still around; I thought she had went into retirement after having children all named after fruit.


Little Cumquat is going to get so teased at school.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Won't work here, Dunelms is cunningly situated on a retail park, between Ikea and Next.- choose your personal hell! 
> 
> 
> 
> Little Cumquat is going to get so teased at school.


don't tell me you actually have Ikea over there. I thought they didn't allow prefab furniture anywhere near the UK.
Yeah, cumquat, apple...I think she might start with flowers now...it's the '60s all over again :Sick:

----------


## The Atheist

She honestly called her kid Cumquat?

Is she aiming to marry Bob Geldof next?

----------


## soundofmusic

> She honestly called her kid Cumquat?
> 
> Is she aiming to marry Bob Geldof next?


Fortunately, the second child was born a boy; so he didn't wind up with the name of a fruit like her first child, Apple. I just looked up the boys name: Moses, I guess she located him amidst a bit of overgrown brush :Reddevil: 

You never know with the stars; they'll do practically anything to avoid being ordinary!

----------


## Paulclem

> don't tell me you actually have Ikea over there. I thought they didn't allow prefab furniture anywhere near the UK.
> Yeah, cumquat, apple...I think she might start with flowers now...it's the '60s all over again


We have a big new shiny Ikea which is the very devil. To enter you have to get the one-way-lift to the 6th floor, and try to work your way down, walking past ll the stuff.

Some of the food is nice though.




> Fortunately, the second child was born a boy; so he didn't wind up with the name of a fruit like her first child, Apple. I just looked up the boys name: Moses, I guess she located him amidst a bit of overgrown brush
> 
> You never know with the stars; they'll do practically anything to avoid being ordinary!


And they send their kids to the All-the other-kids are- called -stupid - things-too school. So it doesn't matter.

----------


## soundofmusic

> She honestly called her kid Cumquat?
> 
> Is she aiming to marry Bob Geldof next?


Okay, now I'm totally confused! All this time I thought the sexy criminal from diehard, Alan Rickman, was married to Emma Thompson and they had two funny looking children...i just heard from another fan on the net that Emma is married to some fellow named Greg...I swear, I can't keep up with them. 
That reminds me, don't children loose their front teeth at 7; Angelina jolies kid is still 3; because Angelina still has to be 34...but it is losing it's front teeth...

By the way, who was hotter in her day, Gweneth or her mom...I thought her mom was quite a looker



> We have a big new shiny Ikea which is the very devil. To enter you have to get the one-way-lift to the 6th floor, and try to work your way down, walking past ll the stuff.
> 
> Some of the food is nice though.
> 
> And they send their kids to the All-the other-kids are- called -stupid - things-too school. So it doesn't matter.


I've seen some nice looking stuff from Ikea; but I was already miffed when America went from wood funiture and flooring to MDF; but I got used to it because the stuff lasts forever. Now, they have this thin stuff that breaks when the cat jumps on it; and people are trying to put a 60" television on it. I have tons of books and even my oak and pine bookcases are complaining...What do people have against wood; it lasts forever!

----------


## The Atheist

> I just looked up the boys name: Moses, I guess she located him amidst a bit of overgrown brush


Maybe she's a closet Polynesian?

Aside from the world-famous Jonah Lomu, Polynesians have an odd knack of giving peculiarly Biblical names to their kids, lots of Noahs and Lots and Moseses around here.




> So it doesn't matter.


What in the zarking fardwarks is that avatar?

 :Shocked: 

Cleaning its teeth must take hours!




> That reminds me, don't children loose their front teeth at 7;


Usually the first four are all gone by 7




> What do people have against wood; it lasts forever!


And costs more.

Not to mention, wood doeesn't fit into the 21st century consumer lifestyle/society. What possible use is it to a manufacturer to make something which will last for centuries? Where are you going to get repeat orders?

----------


## JuniperWoolf

Navigating Ikea is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Maybe she's a closet Polynesian?
> 
> Aside from the world-famous Jonah Lomu, Polynesians have an odd knack of giving peculiarly Biblical names to their kids, lots of Noahs and Lots and Moseses around here.
> 
> What in the zarking fardwarks is that avatar?
> 
> 
> 
> Cleaning its teeth must take hours!
> ...


That might be it; I didn't realize you were close to all of that great Polynesian food and beaches...
Pauls avatar looks like one of our American actors...way back in the time where we were trying to show how accepting of other nationalities we were by finding people who looked and acted most stereotypical :Frown2: 
Ahah, I thought the public records that put Angelina Jolie at 45 were more accurate...The kids will have their wisdom teeth and still be wearing pull ups.
I think the 21st century consumer better start rethinking our plans and stop throwing out grandmas bedframes and dads old ford; our pockets are empty and our furniture and cars are falling apart before we are finished making our credit card payments with the 23% interest. :Rage: 



> Navigating Ikea is the hardest thing that I've ever had to do.


Juniper, is that you, you're so pretty. They tend to make stores hard to navigate when they want you to look at everything and buy more...do you think it works?
I still like doing my shopping on the computer.

----------


## The Atheist

> That might be it; I didn't realize you were close to all of that great Polynesian food and beaches...


Auckland is about 15% Polynesian.

Samoa, Tonga, Cook Islands, Nuie, Nauru, Palau - take your pick. More of their citizens live in Auckland than in their homeland.




> I think the 21st century consumer better start rethinking our plans and stop throwing out grandmas bedframes and dads old ford; our pockets are empty and our furniture and cars are falling apart before we are finished making our credit card payments with the 23% interest.


Not to mention throwing grandma and grandpa out with the woven bedspring!

----------


## Paulclem

The avatar is Dwayne Dibley from an episode of Red Dwarf. The character is usually called Cat - who evolved over millions of years from the original shps cat on the Red Dwarf spaceship, and is ususally super-cool. I forget what happens in the episode, but the cool Cat gets transformed into Dwayne.

It was a good series with lots of time slip, black hole, robot, computer, virtual world simultion, sci-fi in jokes.

It's here because of the geek celebration thread.

----------


## The Atheist

> The avatar is Dwayne Dibley from an episode of Red Dwarf.


In that case, I'm astounded I didn't realise it, but it's years since I've seen any of RD.

In fact, I nearly fell over the other day when someone's tv happened to be on Coro St and who's on screen but that smegging git Lister!

I watched for a minute in case Kryten popped up.

----------


## Paulclem

> In that case, I'm astounded I didn't realise it, but it's years since I've seen any of RD.
> 
> In fact, I nearly fell over the other day when someone's tv happened to be on Coro St and who's on screen but that smegging git Lister!
> 
> I watched for a minute in case Kryten popped up.


It was a good series. They tried to re-launch a new series of it last year, but it seemed to be weaker than I remember. You know when you used to watch something and years later you see it's on and give it a whirl only to wonder what you saw in it? It was a bit like that.

I was at Uni when the first series came out. I really enjoyed it. it seemed to break that boring sitcom mould a bit.

----------


## The Atheist

> They tried to re-launch a new series of it last year, but it seemed to be weaker than I remember.


From what I remember, it has started to go downhill after the first few series, much as every other tv program does - or maybe we just get used to them.

I always thought the backbone of Britain's comedy was that series always stopped after at most the third or fourth series. From Fawlty Towers to Edgar Briggs, they always left you wanting more.

The worst thing about it all is that two of the very best comedy series aren't available on DVD/video; _Clochemerle_, without doubt the funniest thing ever to air on tv, and _The Secret Life of Edgar Briggs_.

I have all of _Porridge_ and many others.

----------


## Paulclem

> From what I remember, it has started to go downhill after the first few series, much as every other tv program does - or maybe we just get used to them.
> 
> I always thought the backbone of Britain's comedy was that series always stopped after at most the third or fourth series. From Fawlty Towers to Edgar Briggs, they always left you wanting more.
> 
> The worst thing about it all is that two of the very best comedy series aren't available on DVD/video; _Clochemerle_, without doubt the funniest thing ever to air on tv, and _The Secret Life of Edgar Briggs_.
> 
> I have all of _Porridge_ and many others.


I'm not familiar with Clochemerle or Edgar Briggs. I'll have to bear them in mind. 

I agree about the best being stopped after a few series. We used to watch Frazier, but it went on and on, and I just got bored with it. The same thing happened with Roseanne.

----------


## prendrelemick

Gold fish shoals nibbling at my toes
Fun fun fun in the sun sun sun.


It really had the most inapropriate signiture tune ever.


GEEK ALERT.

The crew had been attacked by a morphing alien that sucked out Cat's coolness, Lister's cowardice and I can't remember what of Rimmer's, but he became unbelievebly reasonable.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Auckland is about 15% Polynesian.
> 
> Samoa, Tonga, Cook Islands, Nuie, Nauru, Palau - take your pick. More of their citizens live in Auckland than in their homeland.
> 
> Not to mention throwing grandma and grandpa out with the woven bedspring!


I never think about the rest of the world immigrating. I thought in other countries; everyone just happily stayed on their own little piece of land. In the states, everyone thinks we are rich until they realize they have to work 16 hour days to own the mercedes; what do people move to NZ for?
Your dad seems pretty cool; that is the fellow in Bajes pics, right. You've got good genes. But yes, there comes a time when one might want to toss grandma, grandma and the mattress and just keep the savings and the bedframe :FRlol:  :Auto: 
My dad used to call me at 6:30 in the morning, tell me there was an emergency; I'd show up half-asleep; "Go find your mom". Mom had dementia and used to try to find her childhood friends in the middle of the night. 




> I'm not familiar with Clochemerle or Edgar Briggs. I'll have to bear them in mind. 
> 
> I agree about the best being stopped after a few series. We used to watch Frazier, but it went on and on, and I just got bored with it. The same thing happened with Roseanne.


 I liked Frazier before his brother broke up with that stiff woman; and Roseanne while she was fat and Dan was still healthy

----------


## The Atheist

> I never think about the rest of the world immigrating. I thought in other countries; everyone just happily stayed on their own little piece of land.


Exactly the opposite in fact.

We're inundated with people wanting to move here from UK, South Africa, India & China, while all the young Kiwis want to go to Australia or UK. Half the world seems to want to move elsewhere.

As well as that, NZ has been a natural destination for Pacific Islanders for many decades - they're a lot like Filipino workers, earn money and send it home. That plus NZ's aid to the islands pretty much keeps them in business.

Of the non-economic migrants, those from UK & Europe, the usual reason for moving here is lifestyle. We're a couple of little islands with no terrorists, no armed forces to speak of, a fairly low crime rate, low pollution and lots of natural beauty. Nobody lives more than an hour's drive from at least one great beach and it only snows in the high country. 

While we struggle geographically, being further from markets than we'd like, our remoteness is attractive to many.

Feel free to come for a visit - we have plenty of room in the garage!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

My brother has emigrated to NZ. It was a lifestyle choice- plus he went to take up a good position making water jets.

He absolutely loves it there, his kids love it and his wife loves it. Its the attitude of the people he loves, being far from everywhere else they have to be self reliant and practical. Good idea's are promoted and encouraged, wherever they come from. In England, problems were solved by off the shelf solutions. In NZ you have to think round them, or role up your sleeves and fix it yourself- so he says. 

As a sheep farmer I knew this already. Anything new that actually works, seems to be from NZ.

----------


## The Atheist

> My brother has emigrated to NZ.


Whereabouts is he?




> It was a lifestyle choice- plus he went to take up a good position making water jets.


Goodo!

Nobody moves here for career reasons, unless it's a secondment, so well done by him.




> He absolutely loves it there, his kids love it and his wife loves it. Its the attitude of the people he loves, being far from everywhere else they have to be self reliant and practical. Good idea's are promoted and encouraged, wherever they come from. In England, problems were solved by off the shelf solutions. In NZ you have to think round them, or role up your sleeves and fix it yourself- so he says.


I'm guessing he's not in Auckland, then.

That does sum up NZ of years gone by, and still in the regional areas, because he's right, the solution is often a choice between waiting for a part from Auckland, or fix it with No. 8 wire.

Auckland however, is a sewer. Nice beaches, amazing boating, superb islands, but lousy people with a typical metropolitan attitude, just like every other major city. 




> As a sheep farmer I knew this already. Anything new that actually works, seems to be from NZ.


Yep, first rule of farming - have a go yourself before you pay for some bloke to drive for 45 minutes to fix it.

The innovation is true, we still do very well in the new technology stakes. It's why Kiwis are in high demand in UK & Europe.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Whereabouts is he?


Rangiora near Christchurch.




> Nobody moves here for career reasons, unless it's a secondment, so well done by him..


That's true, they had been scouring the world trying to fill the position for two years. He can't believe his luck, they even paid for him to move.





> Yep, first rule of farming - have a go yourself before you pay for some bloke to drive for 45 minutes to fix it.


Absolutely!  :Thumbsup:  He (like me ) is a farmer's son and fits right in.

----------


## The Atheist

> Rangiora near Christchurch.


Very pleasant spot.

He doesn't support those filthy Canterbury Crusaders, does he?

Auckland v Canterbury =  :Argue: 




> That's true, they had been scouring the world trying to fill the position for two years. He can't believe his luck, they even paid for him to move.


Brilliant!




> Absolutely!  He (like me ) is a farmer's son and fits right in.


He's definitely in the right place then. Rangiora's just far enough out of the city to be properly rural.

Is he a horse-racing man? It's almost compulsory down that way.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Exactly the opposite in fact.
> 
> We're inundated with people wanting to move here from UK, South Africa, India & China, while all the young Kiwis want to go to Australia or UK. Half the world seems to want to move elsewhere.
> 
> As well as that, NZ has been a natural destination for Pacific Islanders for many decades - they're a lot like Filipino workers, earn money and send it home. That plus NZ's aid to the islands pretty much keeps them in business.
> 
> Of the non-economic migrants, those from UK & Europe, the usual reason for moving here is lifestyle. We're a couple of little islands with no terrorists, no armed forces to speak of, a fairly low crime rate, low pollution and lots of natural beauty. Nobody lives more than an hour's drive from at least one great beach and it only snows in the high country. 
> 
> While we struggle geographically, being further from markets than we'd like, our remoteness is attractive to many.
> ...


Thank you, Atheist, if everyone is as charming as you and the little one; I'm sure I'll love it!
It's a strange thing to me that the Americans are more worried about terrorists than the guy in their back yard cooking meth :Devil: 
Our beaches are getting pretty grungy... I hear we are actually buying sand and shipping it from Haiti. When I was a kid; there were huge shells for the taking.

----------


## soundofmusic

> My brother has emigrated to NZ. It was a lifestyle choice- plus he went to take up a good position making water jets.
> 
> He absolutely loves it there, his kids love it and his wife loves it. Its the attitude of the people he loves, being far from everywhere else they have to be self reliant and practical. Good idea's are promoted and encouraged, wherever they come from. In England, problems were solved by off the shelf solutions. In NZ you have to think round them, or role up your sleeves and fix it yourself- so he says. 
> 
> As a sheep farmer I knew this already. Anything new that actually works, seems to be from NZ.


Well, I guess I'm migrating out your way, Prendrelemick. I can roll up my sleeves, and while I'm pretty good at taking things apart; I can't fix them or get them back together. Oh, for the days when a person could pull out the tube from their television and test them at the 7-11

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...As well as that, NZ has been a natural destination for Pacific Islanders for many decades - they're a lot like Filipino workers, earn money and send it home. That plus NZ's aid to the islands pretty much keeps them in business.
> 
> ...Feel free to come for a visit - we have plenty of room in the garage!


We have our share of "out of country" workers, though in our case many of them are not legal immigrants which has created quite a furor along the border states.

Be careful with those invitations, I have enough gumption to take you up on that offer even if I have to sleep in the garage! New Zealand has been on my wish list for some time.




> ...Our beaches are getting pretty grungy... I hear we are actually buying sand and shipping it from Haiti. When I was a kid; there were huge shells for the taking.


Sounds,
I thought about you lately as I hear more news about the oil in the Gulf. 




> ... Oh, for the days when a person could pull out the tube from their television and test them at the 7-11


Ha, ha --I vaguely recall the vaccum tube testers in the stores. Believe it or not, but I actually have a box full of vaccum tubes from my father's collection of garage junk he kept over the years. 
Sounds like another photo op. The younger crowd might apreciate how far we've come!

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Thank you, Atheist, if everyone is as charming as you and the little one; I'm sure I'll love it!
> It's a strange thing to me that the Americans are more worried about terrorists than the guy in their back yard cooking meth


yeah, that always gets me. If you don't count 9/11 - and I don't see that ever happening again - your chances of being killed by a terrorist are incredibly small; unless you live in Kabul.

How many murders are there in USA annually?

Here's a funny thing - only the other day, I was talking to someone about Americans and how they hardly ever migrate and I pointed out that all of the Americans I'd met in business who had moved here were crooks.

From our one-time landlord of our offices, to an immigration consultant who wanted to work with me, to a scumbag perpetrating fraud - who also made death threats like some bad copy of Don Corleone to me - to a businessman whose "legit" cover meant he used our professional services.

Every one of them ended up being on the "Wanted" list.

It's a strange world.




> Our beaches are getting pretty grungy... I hear we are actually buying sand and shipping it from Haiti. When I was a kid; there were huge shells for the taking.


Believe it or not, in a fairly large country with only 4 million people in it, we still manage to stuff up our beaches. 

I took the kids fishing & crabbing a few weeks back. Whereas, only a decade ago, you could get to the big crabs within a 5 minute walk, we had to go for about 20 until we got to the few immature ones remaining.

My oldest boy and I once watched a team of Asian families strip a beach of every living thing bigger than a nickel - crabs, shellfish, starfish, you name it, they took it. Stupidly, because there are no laws to specifically protect many species, they're quite within their rights to do it - it just means anyone wanting to look at sea life has to go to less accessible places.

Only in and around Auckland though




> We have our share of "out of country" workers, though in our case many of them are not legal immigrants which has created quite a furor along the border states.


Yes, being 4000 km from the next land mass makes it a little more difficult for illegals - they have to stow away on ships or smuggle themselves through customs, so we don't have too much drama like that.

What we do get is a huge number of Pacific Islander families who come for a visit and then disappear. 




> Be careful with those invitations, I have enough gumption to take you up on that offer even if I have to sleep in the garage! New Zealand has been on my wish list for some time.


Crikey, if you or sounds really did pay a visit, we'd provide better than the garage! 

I've made better friends online than offline in the past couple of decades and have had several visitors stay.

----------


## soundofmusic

> We have our share of "out of country" workers, though in our case many of them are not legal immigrants which has created quite a furor along the border states.
> 
> Sounds,
> I thought about you lately as I hear more news about the oil in the Gulf. 
> 
> Ha, ha --I vaguely recall the vaccum tube testers in the stores. Believe it or not, but I actually have a box full of vaccum tubes from my father's collection of garage junk he kept over the years. 
> Sounds like another photo op. The younger crowd might apreciate how far we've come!
> 
> Gilliatt


I saw a program on television where the farmers have contracts to bring the illegals across border to pick; they are supposed to return after picking season...is that naive of the government, or what.
I will never figure out the US; we keep borrowing money from China while we keep our borders open. If enough don't pass through the border to give free medical to; we look for some country that has had a disaster. The hospital that recently set up a multimillion dollar temporary rescue facility in Haiti is now going out of business. 

So far, I haven't seen any changes at the market regardin the fish; but I usually buy the frozen stuff that was probably bagged before the spill. I'm a big shell fish fan. Oh for the days when you could get 3lb lobster. 

Definitely take a picture of those tubes. Life was so easy in those days. It reminds me of when my 15 year old maytag washer went on the fritz. I called out the repairman; he finished and had 50 screws in his hand.



> yeah, that always gets me. If you don't count 9/11 - and I don't see that ever happening again - your chances of being killed by a terrorist are incredibly small; unless you live in Kabul.
> How many murders are there in USA annually?
> Here's a funny thing - only the other day, I was talking to someone about Americans and how they hardly ever migrate and I pointed out that all of the Americans I'd met in business who had moved here were crooks.
> From our one-time landlord of our offices, to an immigration consultant who wanted to work with me, to a scumbag perpetrating fraud - who also made death threats like some bad copy of Don Corleone to me - to a businessman whose "legit" cover meant he used our professional services.
> Every one of them ended up being on the "Wanted" list.
> 
> It's a strange world.
> 
> 
> ...


Americans are only afraid of what Cnn tells them to be afraid of...Cnn repeats the same news every 15 minutes; so the threat increases exponentially. I guess, on a good note; it keeps them from worrying about all of the real threats out their. 
I guess most of the time, only hungry people migrate; and it's the hungry people you have to watch out for. Oddly enough, our bad immigrants, while complaining of getting bad deals from the Americans; prey more on their own. 
It always amazes me when I go into an immigrant owned shop and see the way they treat their workers (even the ones from their own social level)
Our beaches used to be wonderful; really, it was the Americans that ruined them: why walk two feet to put that dirty diaper or chicken bone in the trash can. We have big machines that clean the beaches and push down the sand; but it breaks the shells and the crabs. The cruise ships dock close and throw out all of their rubish; which increases shark attacks.
It would be great to visit you and the mrs. I guess I should start saving my pennies. I haven't taken a traveling vacation since...was it ';94 or '96?

----------


## Paulclem

I feel a new company coming on... Cold Ale Tours of New Zealand. Predrelmick's already got his Agent there - his brother.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> It would be great to visit you and the mrs. I guess I should start saving my pennies. I haven't taken a traveling vacation since...was it ';94 or '96?


Well it's about time then!

 :Biggrin: 




> I feel a new company coming on... Cold Ale Tours of New Zealand. Predrelmick's already got his Agent there - his brother.


Not a bad idea at all - we make some nice dark ales here now.

20 years ago, all you could buy was (cat's wee-wee), but a few people saw the chance of getting a niche market and started making some top brews.

Instead of a pub crawl, we could have quiet brewery tours, capped off with a sampling of the local brewer's options. Very seemly.

----------


## dizzydoll



----------


## soundofmusic

> Well it's about time then!
> 
> 
> 
> Not a bad idea at all - we make some nice dark ales here now.
> 
> 20 years ago, all you could buy was (cat's wee-wee), but a few people saw the chance of getting a niche market and started making some top brews.
> 
> Instead of a pub crawl, we could have quiet brewery tours, capped off with a sampling of the local brewer's options. Very seemly.


As long as theres white rum and cuervo; I'll be set for the duration. I love my little pina coladas and lime margaritas :Cheers2:  :Party: 
Now here's a person who can have a party without the booze :Thumbsup:

----------


## soundofmusic

> 


Now here's a person who is a party all on their own; just in case we wind up steering to a deserted island...are you a man or woman, mate?

----------


## The Atheist

> Now here's a person who is a party all on their own; just in case we wind up steering to a deserted island...are you a man or woman, mate?


Dizzy doll? I hope she's a woman!

She can be another honorary bloke though - anyone who can party like that on joining has to be good!

----------


## The Atheist

Although we seem to be in danger of having more women posting in the blokes' thread than men!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Dizzy doll? I hope she's a woman!
> 
> She can be another honorary bloke though - anyone who can party like that on joining has to be good!


I think I might be a little jealous that she was brave enough to put up that avatar...I looked at some rather risque ones...but I was afraid I would get censured when I visited the juniors and religious threads :Hand:

----------


## dizzydoll

> Dizzy doll? I hope she's a woman!
> 
> She can be another honorary bloke though - anyone who can party like that on joining has to be good!


Right on, I've got my dice... who's willing? Put your money down first, I will raise you. 





......

----------


## dizzydoll

> Although we seem to be in danger of having more women posting in the blokes' thread than men!


Its just a matter of time before women rule... the whole wide world. 
And Music, finally I am learning the art of bravery! Its well worth the fun.

----------


## The Atheist

> Right on, I've got my dice... who's willing? Put your money down first, I will raise you.


Poker dice, craps or liar?




> Its just a matter of time before women rule... the whole wide world.


Haha!

I think not.

Anyway, we tried Margaret Thatcher and it didn't make much difference.

If only they all followed the example of Jennifer Dzuria, you might have some hope.

----------


## dizzydoll

> Anyway, we tried Margaret Thatcher and it didn't make much difference.


Wot, Maggie did a superb job, she got rid of all the dead wood.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm back - for the moment.

Like a fool I signed up for an enhanced package with AOL and had nowt but trouble. :Crash:

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm back - for the moment.
> 
> Like a fool I signed up for an enhanced package with AOL and had nowt but trouble.


The more you pay, the worse it gets.

Still, better the internet than your car!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

Dog gone it; here's that stupid post that I thought I put up; seemed not to show and now here it is after I reworded it ...
Please read ahead




> Although we seem to be in danger of having more women posting in the blokes' thread than men!


[/QUOTE]
You ever hear that quote about a successful man always having a strong woman behind him; successful women do one better, they always keep their men in firing range...



> I'm back - for the moment.
> 
> Like a fool I signed up for an enhanced package with AOL and had nowt but trouble.


So what does this new enhanced package do, make pancakes?
[QUOTE=dizzydoll;890556]Right on, I've got my dice... who's willing? Put your money down first, I will raise you. 

Hey dizzy, are you really 98; because our first game tonight is strip poker :Party:

----------


## dizzydoll

*However the mutts, no one can beat those dooogs...*

----------


## soundofmusic

> *However the muts, no one can beat those dooogs...*


Yeah, I've known a few dogs in my life and dated a few mutts...

So did you attend woodstock?

Have you ever figured out why rockers never have decent gluts...they're all flat bummed wonders...

----------


## dizzydoll

Nope I was too young to attend then, even if I had lived in the US. 
But I did visit Woodstock Sept 2009 even tho the show actually took place in Bethel 1969. 

You see, I usually present my desires and dreams in life... this is what you see. Like this. Hmmmmm!



Joking, joking... but I do admire that bod.

 :Biggrinjester:

----------


## Taliesin

Oooo...me drunkey-drunkey, input and output of the bodyy and mind &are putain de dysfunctioning&bloody annoying&still fun kinda to be drunk&maybe posting here while drunk bad idea &will this get deleted as spam?& yes, still-beer-thread& I think I started with cidre &Irish coffee, followed by some amounts of beer, maybe most certainly me drunk now&alcohol improves my putain de foreign languages&ja das ist ja ein wahrheit das es zo ist, prost!

----------


## Paulclem

You're not the first merry one to come onto the cold ale thread. You're among friends.

 :Party:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Nope I was too young to attend then, even if I had lived in the US. 
> But I did visit Woodstock Sept 2009 even tho the show actually took place in Bethel 1969. 
> 
> You see, I usually present my desires and dreams in life... this is what you see. Like this. Hmmmmm!
> 
> 
> 
> Joking, joking... but I do admire that bod.


You're our kind of girl, all right. Though, I think having that bloke doing ironing is just a waste; and the wind up in the back might interfer with his best position...I think I'd add alittle hair on the head and take off about 5 years; but that's just personal taste..

----------


## The Atheist

> Oooo...me drunkey-drunkey, input and output of the bodyy and mind &are putain de dysfunctioning&bloody annoying&still fun kinda to be drunk&maybe posting here while drunk bad idea &will this get deleted as spam?& yes, still-beer-thread& I think I started with cidre &Irish coffee, followed by some amounts of beer, maybe most certainly me drunk now&alcohol improves my putain de foreign languages&ja das ist ja ein wahrheit das es zo ist, prost!


 :FRlol: 

You certainly picked the right thread!

----------


## Taliesin

Hmmm, that's rather....interesting. If you post to forums and tweet while still drunk the good thing is that you can remember it better the following morning. The bad thing is that you can remember it better the following morning and that apparently, others can too.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... I can't fix them or get them back together. Oh, for the days when a person could pull out the tube from their television and test them at the 7-11





> Ha, ha --I vaguely recall the vaccum tube testers in the stores. Believe it or not, but I actually have a box full of vaccum tubes from my father's collection of garage junk he kept over the years. 
> Sounds like another photo op. The younger crowd might apreciate how far we've come!
> 
> Gilliatt



Soundofmusic,
Happy Mothers Day! 

Here are the vacuum tubes I promised you



Remember these glowing beacons of radiation humming in unison drawing us toward the idiot box through hypnotic effect?

Claude Frollo boldly proclaimed it was the book that killed the edifice. And while the book brought peril to 15th century gothic architecture, it is Gilliatts contention that the vacuum tube killed the intellect!
An entire generation allowed Hugo, Plato, Seuss and Cervantes to fall from their laps. Eyes shunned the printed word, now transfixed on the glow emanating from vacuum tubes and CRTs. Enough heat was generated to keep a roast warm! And remember the radiation threats?
I still recall mother shouting: Gilliatt and Deruchette how many times have I told you not to sit too close to the Zenith, or youll get radiation. Now get back to your TV trays where you will find a piping hot Swansons. 
See, its your favorite, the three course turkey dinner! Yummy yum yum

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49Qn3...eature=related

Tell me children, what are the magical tubes bringing us tonight? 
Ahh yes a couple of classics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gGZwm...eature=related

Poetry recital (Allen Ginsberg - eat your heart out)
If you look carefully, youll see Paulclem and family:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2s5eO...eature=related


Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> You're not the first merry one to come onto the cold ale thread. You're among friends.


We even have interpreters when he's at his merriest; but don't worry mate, we never use the camcorder on our friends



> You certainly picked the right thread!


I think Parker is putting out adverts outside the best pubs!



> Hmmm, that's rather....interesting. If you post to forums and tweet while still drunk the good thing is that you can remember it better the following morning. The bad thing is that you can remember it better the following morning and that apparently, others can too.


You must hold your liquor well; most of the chaps I meet claim they don't remember a thing from the night before....or is that just something they tell their girlfriends. 



> Soundofmusic,
> Happy Mothers Day! 
> 
> Here are the vacuum tubes I promised you
> 
> 
> 
> Remember these glowing beacons of radiation humming in unison drawing us toward the idiot box through hypnotic effect?
> 
> ...


Thank you, Gilliatt
Oh gosh, it brings a tear to these old eyes. Could you really get electrocuted changing them even with the power off...the hubby always got really nervous when I was fishing around in the back of the television.
Those are some great tv moments: I didn't realize they had swanson with soup. I used to think tv dinners were a real treat along with a coke from a glass bottle and a hershey bar. Do you remember "pee wee" drinks ; they were in flavors like cherry and grape. Oh, and 7-up bars, a candy with 7 fillings in one bar...
I loved Mr Ed and the Munsters...

----------


## prendrelemick

> Oooo...me drunkey-drunkey, input and output of the bodyy and mind &are putain de dysfunctioning&bloody annoying&still fun kinda to be drunk&maybe posting here while drunk bad idea &will this get deleted as spam?& yes, still-beer-thread& I think I started with cidre &Irish coffee, followed by some amounts of beer, maybe most certainly me drunk now&alcohol improves my putain de foreign languages&ja das ist ja ein wahrheit das es zo ist, prost!



Sacre bleu! Votre Allamagne est un trop de rubbish, nest pas?

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

At last Google Adsense catches up with us!

Today's ad is for BRAIN TRAINING!

 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5: 




> Oh gosh, it brings a tear to these old eyes. Could you really get electrocuted changing them even with the power off...the hubby always got really nervous when I was fishing around in the back of the television.


Not only that.

We're depriving the rest of humankind still to come - well, the boys anyway - the amazing discovery of what happens to a CRT when a .22 bullet hits it.




> Sacre bleu! Votre Allamagne est un trop de rubbish, nest pas?


 :FRlol: 

Etes-vous Francais? Votre parlezing, c'est tres bien.

Boy, does that bring memories as well.

Bastardising French and English was an immediate caning 40 years ago.

Ah, what a thread. Nostalgia, bad French and cold ale. Can't be many better combos than that!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> At last Google Adsense catches up with us!
> 
> Today's ad is for BRAIN TRAINING!
> _________
> 
> Not only that.
> 
> We're depriving the rest of humankind still to come - well, the boys anyway - the amazing discovery of what happens to a CRT when a .22 bullet hits it.


It is amusing to see what types of advertisments will appear. As of this moment I am getting "American Public University" adds. How do you suppose the powers that be working behind the curtains associated higher education with this thread? 

I was a bit nervous holding the vacuum tubes over the concrete slab in my garage.
I would feel a bit more at ease with a .22 at 3,000 meters. 
Ok...maybe 30 meters.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> It is amusing to see what types of advertisments will appear. As of this moment I am getting "American Public University" adds. How do you suppose the powers that be working behind the curtains associated higher education with this thread?


Some of them read it!




> I was a bit nervous holding the vacuum tubes over the concrete slab in my garage.
> I would feel a bit more at ease with a .22 at 3,000 meters. 
> Ok...maybe 30 meters.
> 
> Gilliatt


Guns is an excellent choice of topic.

Duckshooting season started last weekend. I'm not likely to have a go this year - or ever again, going by my kids' attitude to ducks - but I love the sound of gunfire.

As well as the taste of duck a l'orange!

----------


## prendrelemick

I shall be taking down my Webley and Scott to have a rabbit lessening session very soon.

----------


## Taliesin

> Sacre bleu! Votre Allamagne est un trop de rubbish, nest pas?


That's a strange thing - when I'm drunk I'm convinced that my English, German, French, Esperanto, Russian, Finnish, Italian, Spanish, Latin and Icelandic are all perfect, despite the fact that I've never studied some of them more than a few hours, but then again...


You know, when Crookes came up with the Crookes tube, which is the forefather of the vacuum tube, he thought that it had that nice fluorescence due to spirits doing something with it. Looking at all the quantum mysticism one hears nowadays it seems that humans tend to stay rather the same.

----------


## dizzydoll

Neither Blonde, Nor Female

----------


## The Atheist

> I shall be taking down my Webley and Scott to have a rabbit lessening session very soon.


Now rabbit shooting is a great sport, and one which I insist on still doing - rabbits are noxious pests.

I'm hoping to go to the great Easter bunny shoot next year.

http://www.odt.co.nz/your-town/alexa...ter-bunny-hunt

----------


## Satan

I came back early from work and now I'm drunk. Blame it on Pessoa and his depressing book. Je suis fou! Who's talking about guns here? Please no .22! Let's go to the range with 30-06, alright? No bunnies, no bunnies! Inanimate targets are more than enough, though I have killed some vermin in my darker years.

@Tal, a woman awoke from coma and started talking in Chinese. I think you're onto something.

@everyone: appreciate the Greek riot-dog: http://www.thisblogrules.com/2010/03...or-years.html/

He's a darling!

----------


## The Atheist

> I came back early from work and now I'm drunk.


Hell, this could get to be a tradition - the last bastion of the internet; somewhere to post while drunk!




> Inanimate targets are more than enough, though I have killed some vermin in my darker years.


There gets a stage where a stale old target just doesn't work. In fact, the weapon I most crave live targets for is my bow. Hitting a target just doesn't mean anything. I'd rather miss a pheasant by an inch than hit ten bulls in a row.




> @everyone: appreciate the Greek riot-dog:


Classic!

----------


## Satan

Yeah, Tal was sort of an inspiration. <belches> Ouch!

 :FRlol:  Oh, c'mon Atheist! I wanted to shoot some, but couldn't bring myself to it. That godawful kid next my door deserved it more than them bunnies and I still somehow managed to keep myself cool, calm and contended. Though the idea of hitting pheasants with a 30-06 is great, I'd say, except that I wouldn't want to be tazed. Eh!

Love that anarchist dawg, eh? I would adopt him!

----------


## Paulclem

It's nice to see non-humans geting in on the political front. We'll be getting turkey demos in November next.

----------


## Satan

> It's nice to see non-humans geting in on the political front. We'll be getting turkey demos in November next.


Now I want a British passport and my 50k GPB.  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> That godawful kid next my door deserved it more than them bunnies and I still somehow managed to keep myself cool, calm and contended.


That's why bows are good - you can use flat-tipped arrows which will only bruise children.




> Though the idea of hitting pheasants with a 30-06 is great, I'd say, except that I wouldn't want to be tazed. Eh!


 :FRlol: 

They wouldn't be much for eating after a 30-06!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Now Im really beginning to feel at home.
From vacuum tubes to guns, where else but on this thread.
Aye, theres nothing sweeter an the sound of a well oiled bolt action, the clinking of spent brass and shot glasses, the adrenalin rush anticipating the blast and recoil topped off with the aroma of gunpowderand its just now 9:00 am!

In addition to his collection of vacuum tubes, my father collected quite a few firearms mostly through war surplus stock. (Its a Texas thing) 
After my parents passing, we went through the difficult task of dividing up the hoarded wealth of stuff, a common trait among Depression era folks. 
I ended up with two wonderful rifles from the WW II period. One is a Springfield (design) O3A3. This is the five shot bolt action 30.06 which served us well until enough M1 Garands could be produced and supplied.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJCCH...eature=related

The interesting thing about my particular gun is that it was actually manufactured by Smith Corona (the typewriter company) in October 1943. Springfield could not keep up with the demand, so they contracted with companies who were tooled similarly to a gun manufacturer. 

The other gun is a Winchester .30 caliber carbine. The M1 Carbine. This gun is a lot of fun to shoot and it doesnt knock you down like the O3A3.
Sorry for the history lesson, but these guns hold great sentimental value.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w_vxZ...eature=related




> ...There gets a stage where a stale old target just doesn't work. In fact, the weapon I most crave live targets for is my bow. Hitting a target just doesn't mean anything. I'd rather miss a pheasant by an inch than hit ten bulls in a row.


No hunting here, but I do shoot them whenever we visit my sister. We have been known to get pretty creative with our targets though. Do you ever get frustrated with a computer?...he, he, he




> I shall be taking down my Webley and Scott to have a rabbit lessening session very soon.


Prendrelemick,
That Webley and Scott is a work of art: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVjdKjBcxTA

Is this what you mean by rabbit lessening?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDxvc-BuS5A

Gilliatt

----------


## Revolte

> Love that anarchist dawg, eh? I would adopt him!


man Greece is so far ahead of us in the states that even their dogs have the right idea, our movement sucks so bad compared to them lol.

and if my dog was an anarchist she would be a m a z i n g. its already cool enough that she knows how to wink and flip her head to greet me. give her my social/political veiws and hell, next thing you know she gets promoted to being "human" and turned into a kangaroo to help me over throw the water factory and their slave trade lol ( tank girl ).

----------


## The Atheist

This hard drinking seems to be good for the posting ratio as well!

I'll get Parker to water the water with some gin. A ratio of 5 gin : 1 water should be about right.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Neither Blonde, Nor Female


Well just wait 'til strip poker night; after a few laggers and a few sad irish songs about our dear mothers; we will figure out the true shade of things...



> Now rabbit shooting is a great sport, and one which I insist on still doing - rabbits are noxious pests.
> 
> I'm hoping to go to the great Easter bunny shoot next year.
> 
> http://www.odt.co.nz/your-town/alexa...ter-bunny-hunt


Barins, close your ears, Daddy's not himself...


Do you all remember the shoulder dislocations after shooting those old german jobs....

----------


## The Atheist

> Do you all remember the shoulder dislocations after shooting those old german jobs....


Ha!

I have a great story about dislocating shoulders and guns.

30 years ago, a friend and I used to load our own shotgun shells. We loaded up some half-charge shells and showed some town n00bs how you hold the gun a couple of inches from the shoulder to aid accuracy when firing.

The first poor sap that tried it with a full charge got knocked off his feet!

Didn't quite manage to dislocate his shoulder, but it was blue for a month afterwards.

The best thing about this trick is that the victim is in no state to beat the crap out of you while you fall over in hysterics.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ha!
> 
> I have a great story about dislocating shoulders and guns.
> 
> 30 years ago, a friend and I used to load our own shotgun shells. We loaded up some half-charge shells and showed some town n00bs how you hold the gun a couple of inches from the shoulder to aid accuracy when firing.
> 
> The first poor sap that tried it with a full charge got knocked off his feet!
> 
> Didn't quite manage to dislocate his shoulder, but it was blue for a month afterwards.
> ...


 :FRlol: 

Ah the fun of pain. Didn't we talk about that a while ago.

Anyway - not that I want to put you chaps off the thread or anything - do your spouses suffer from your snoring? Try the link below for a sure fire remedy.  :FRlol: 

http://www.britishsnoring.co.uk/shop...f8459dc7c0#vid

----------


## soundofmusic

> In addition to his collection of vacuum tubes, my father collected quite a few firearms mostly through war surplus stock. (Its a Texas thing) 
> After my parents passing, we went through the difficult task of dividing up the hoarded wealth of stuff, a common trait among Depression era folks. 
> I ended up with two wonderful rifles from the WW II period. One is a Springfield (design) O3A3. This is the five shot bolt action 30.06 which served us well until enough M1 Garands could be produced and supplied.
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


Fond memories, Gilliatt. Your dad was into collecting the old german guns too? My dad was like a child with a lollie; he had 4 or 5 boxes of dismantled somethings...I think the idea was to get all the serial numbers to match wasn't it? He had something he called...I think...a german mouser or something like that; the bullet was the size of a finger and firing it blew out your eardrum...



> Ha!
> 
> I have a great story about dislocating shoulders and guns.
> 
> 30 years ago, a friend and I used to load our own shotgun shells. We loaded up some half-charge shells and showed some town n00bs how you hold the gun a couple of inches from the shoulder to aid accuracy when firing.
> 
> The first poor sap that tried it with a full charge got knocked off his feet!
> 
> Didn't quite manage to dislocate his shoulder, but it was blue for a month afterwards.
> ...


Oh, how I remember the old days with me dad; shooting at old cars in the brush...coming home with chigger bites...
So does that really work; I thought you were supposed to keep the gun cradled between the shoulder and the breast bone?
That fellow must have hurt...



> Ah the fun of pain. Didn't we talk about that a while ago.
> 
> Anyway - not that I want to put you chaps off the thread or anything - do your spouses suffer from your snoring? Try the link below for a sure fire remedy. 
> 
> http://www.britishsnoring.co.uk/shop...f8459dc7c0#vid


Yeah, I don't know if our spouses snore more when they get older or we just don't think it's as cute after a few years of marriage...
When I go to sleep, everyone closes their doors...they claim my snoring wakes the whole house up...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I have a great story about dislocating shoulders and guns.
> 
> 30 years ago, a friend and I used to load our own shotgun shells. We loaded up some half-charge shells and showed some town n00bs how you hold the gun a couple of inches from the shoulder to aid accuracy when firing.


That is cruel. 
Makes me think of the days we would sneak up behing an unsuspecting sap on a freezing day and slap their earlobes with a popsickle stick.




> Fond memories, Gilliatt. Your dad was into collecting the old german guns too? 
> ...a german mouser or something like that; the bullet was the size of a finger and firing it blew out your eardrum...


Not particularly. The only true German gun he owned was a 9mm Luger pistol, he acquired the during the war. He did in fact own a Mauser, which is a German design, but his particular gun was the Swedish variant. My brother has the Mauser and it will hurt the ears, though we wear ear protection when we shoot.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> That is cruel. 
> Makes me think of the days we would sneak up behing an unsuspecting sap on a freezing day and slap their earlobes with a popsickle stick.


Oh yeah, I remember those days.

On frosty morning when we had PE early in the day, leg slapping the freezing cold legs immediately after a run was always popular.

In the summer, it was rat's tail towels.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ha!
> 
> I have a great story about dislocating shoulders and guns.
> 
> 30 years ago, a friend and I used to load our own shotgun shells. We loaded up some half-charge shells and showed some town n00bs how you hold the gun a couple of inches from the shoulder to aid accuracy when firing.
> 
> The first poor sap that tried it with a full charge got knocked off his feet!
> 
> Didn't quite manage to dislocate his shoulder, but it was blue for a month afterwards.
> ...


 :FRlol: 

After a weekend at ours, we sent my industrial chemist friend away with bruised ribs, bruised cheek bone, partial deafness and a dead right shoulder - the result of a couple of hours clay pigeon shooting. Then on the way out down our track he tore the exhaust off his Volvo. 

Gilliatt: My Webley and Scott is not quite like that one, it cost me 8 pounds more years ago than I care to count.

----------


## soundofmusic

> That is cruel. 
> Makes me think of the days we would sneak up behing an unsuspecting sap on a freezing day and slap their earlobes with a popsickle stick.
> 
> Not particularly. The only true German gun he owned was a 9mm Luger pistol, he acquired the during the war. He did in fact own a Mauser, which is a German design, but his particular gun was the Swedish variant. My brother has the Mauser and it will hurt the ears, though we wear ear protection when we shoot.
> 
> Gilliatt


I never had the joy of the cold popsicle; in Florida, at any time of the year; the idea is to eat it before your hands are a sticky mess. 
We never wore ear protection; Dad was more hillbilly (without the hills) than gunman: Belts were for beating and ear wax was the only ear protection you had. 
I think there was some contest, though, with some of the old WWII weapons, get all of the serial numbers right and you became a rich man. He put the mauser together; his wasn't quite accurate (though I hear they should be) but it would blow half of the target away.



> Oh yeah, I remember those days.
> 
> On frosty morning when we had PE early in the day, leg slapping the freezing cold legs immediately after a run was always popular.
> 
> In the summer, it was rat's tail towels.


RAts tail towels...dare I ask? 



> After a weekend at ours, we sent my industrial chemist friend away with bruised ribs, bruised cheek bone, partial deafness and a dead right shoulder - the result of a couple of hours clay pigeon shooting. Then on the way out down our track he tore the exhaust off his Volvo. 
> 
> Gilliatt: My Webley and Scott is not quite like that one, it cost me 8 pounds more years ago than I care to count.


I'll bet he got teased at work the next week; did he ever come back to visit?

----------


## The Atheist

> RAts tail towels...dare I ask?


Here you go.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

I remember them with.. well not affection I can asssure you. 

I didn't like the cold air ear flicking, the blasted football on bare thigh, the deadleg or the nipple twist. I must say the worst though was the flat handed slap in the middle of the bare back. 

Imtense...

----------


## The Atheist

Oh yeah, backslapping.

Any kid stupid enough to admit to having sunburn was in for a painful day.

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh yeah, backslapping.
> 
> Any kid stupid enough to admit to having sunburn was in for a painful day.


 :FRlol: 

And don't tell anyone abut your birthday - or it's the bumps. Did you get the bumps in NZ? 

Bashed down on the floor repeatedly by a crowd resembling the guillotine mob, and booted on the way up. 

unpleasant.

----------


## The Atheist

> And don't tell anyone abut your birthday - or it's the bumps. Did you get the bumps in NZ? 
> 
> Bashed down on the floor repeatedly by a crowd resembling the guillotine mob, and booted on the way up. 
> 
> unpleasant.


No, we missed that one, fortunately.

Sounds highly unpleasant!

The only special treatment birthdays got was having to shout everyone lollies.

All these things are reasons why I feel the closest institutional relationship is between schools and jails.

----------


## Paulclem

That's right.

----------


## prendrelemick

They'd never allow that in prison!

----------


## The Atheist

> They'd never allow that in prison!


Actually, that's bloody true!

Apart from the homosexual rape, prison's a doddle.

I have a friend whose brother is almost through a seven year stretch. I got a Facebook friend request from him yesterday. Aside from a computer, he has a single unit with an ensuite bathroom attached.

Better than most hospitals, never mind schools.

----------


## dizzydoll

> Well just wait 'til strip poker night; after a few laggers and a few sad irish songs about our dear mothers; we will figure out the true shade of things...


 
Neither Blonde, Nor Female

It seems like no-one opened up this link, or perhaps..... its the normal way of doing things for men!. lol.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Very funny.

I recall seeing a picture of this scene from a different angle that shows all of bollards surrounding the van.

That must have been quite embarrassing.

----------


## The Atheist

> It seems like no-one opened up this link, or perhaps..... its the normal way of doing things for men!. lol.


I had a look - saw it years ago.

It's interesting because it says a lot about human perception - people have different responses to it.

My first response was not getting it all until someone explained to me that the men had trapped their van inside the barriers, which made it funny. I went on to explain why I hadn't thought of that.

It looked obvious to me that the front left pole was a removable one. I'm looking at a pic of some very tidy workmen who have just installed a row of bollards. Where's Teh Funny?

If you look at the foundations for the bollards, all but the front left one have a foundation on a single tile, while the that one is mounted on a plate.

The water sprayed is another clue - around all the other bollards, there is only a small amount of water used because the workers have only needed to drill one hole to place a bollard, while the footplate has required digging.

They pack their van, unclip the bollard, drive off and have done an excellent job - professionals at work.

Another dead giveaway is taking in the context of the pic.

The building on the corner is clearly susceptible to vehicle damage, so bollards are going to be helluva handy. Along with that, it's clearly a congested area, so any bollard would need to be wide enough to admit things wider than a twin-pram, say, which is about the width available - call it 4 feet, or 1.2m. Because a delivery truck won't be able to park on the road on the corner, retaining access by way of removable bollard would not only be sensible, but essential.

Perceptions are wonderful things.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Here you go.


God, that could be painful in the shower; I hope there's a rule book that says what's off limits



> I remember them with.. well not affection I can asssure you. 
> 
> I didn't like the cold air ear flicking, the blasted football on bare thigh, the deadleg or the nipple twist. I must say the worst though was the flat handed slap in the middle of the bare back. 
> 
> Imtense...


Yeah, I'm totally against ear licks, flicks, nipple flicks, twists and driving ....



> Actually, that's bloody true!
> 
> Apart from the homosexual rape, prison's a doddle.
> 
> I have a friend whose brother is almost through a seven year stretch. I got a Facebook friend request from him yesterday. Aside from a computer, he has a single unit with an ensuite bathroom attached.
> 
> Better than most hospitals, never mind schools.


The verdict is still out on the prison rape; all the guys I've met claim that there are so many guys paying for sex that no one gets raped anymore. Have you heard that the toilet also doubles as a coffee maker and moonshine maker?



> Neither Blonde, Nor Female
> 
> It seems like no-one opened up this link, or perhaps..... its the normal way of doing things for men!. lol.


Sorry dizzy, I need a big sign over the links that tell me they are links... :Dupe: 



> Very funny.
> 
> I recall seeing a picture of this scene from a different angle that shows all of bollards surrounding the van.
> 
> That must have been quite embarrassing.


See, now all of the fellows realized it was a link. They say a womans IQ goes down during childbirth...mine was 35 years ago; I wonder if it came back yet :Goof: 



> I had a look - saw it years ago.
> 
> It's interesting because it says a lot about human perception - people have different responses to it.
> 
> My first response was not getting it all until someone explained to me that the men had trapped their van inside the barriers, which made it funny. I went on to explain why I hadn't thought of that.
> 
> It looked obvious to me that the front left pole was a removable one. I'm looking at a pic of some very tidy workmen who have just installed a row of bollards. Where's Teh Funny?
> 
> If you look at the foundations for the bollards, all but the front left one have a foundation on a single tile, while the that one is mounted on a plate.
> ...


Okay, now I get it :Ladysman:

----------


## The Atheist

That's it! Call in the climatologists, I'm laying a complaint.

It looks like winter's finally arriving in Auckland, it bloody *rained* yesterday.

Any more of this and the farmers will stop moaning.

----------


## soundofmusic

> That's it! Call in the climatologists, I'm laying a complaint.
> 
> It looks like winter's finally arriving in Auckland, it bloody *rained* yesterday.
> 
> Any more of this and the farmers will stop moaning.


The temperature seems lovely; but it's definitely wet, I'll give you that. I think you get even more humidity than florida. Looks like it might me sunny on Thursday for you. It's cloudy, alittle less hot around here; but I'd still rather laze in front of the computer with the blinds closed. 

I was working with two old ladies yesterday; they said they were "sisters"... you know; I know guys like to think of women together when they're young; but god...I just can't think of that kind of action when they're in their 70's

----------


## The Atheist

> The temperature seems lovely; but it's definitely wet, I'll give you that. I think you get even more humidity than florida. Looks like it might me sunny on Thursday for you. It's cloudy, alittle less hot around here; but I'd still rather laze in front of the computer with the blinds closed.


Yeah, nice day today.

We're done with the rain again for a week or so, but yes, we do get a bit of humidity. It's only a problem in February as most of the time it's not hot enough to bug you. Virtually nobody here have AC in their homes. 




> I was working with two old ladies yesterday; they said they were "sisters"... you know; I know guys like to think of women together when they're young; but god...I just can't think of that kind of action when they're in their 70's


 :FRlol: 

Many an old tune and all that.

Nice healthy lifestyle, low/zero rate of cervical cancer, lower risk of breast cancer, they'll probably live to 100!

----------


## OrphanPip

> And don't tell anyone abut your birthday - or it's the bumps. Did you get the bumps in NZ? 
> 
> Bashed down on the floor repeatedly by a crowd resembling the guillotine mob, and booted on the way up. 
> 
> unpleasant.


We used to do birthday bumps as kids too, I wonder if they do it in the USA.




> I was working with two old ladies yesterday; they said they were "sisters"... you know; I know guys like to think of women together when they're young; but god...I just can't think of that kind of action when they're in their 70's


I think that's called a Boston Marriage lol.

----------


## prendrelemick

> That's it! Call in the climatologists, I'm laying a complaint.
> 
> It looks like winter's finally arriving in Auckland, it bloody *rained* yesterday.
> 
> Any more of this and the farmers will stop moaning.


There's a co-incidence it rained here as well :Rolleyes:  It also snowed, it was sunny, it was hot and it was cold at times. I was shedding and donning clothes faster than a Vagas burlesque artist t'other day. 

What! Farmers moaning, I don't believe it.

----------


## The Atheist

> There's a co-incidence it rained here as well It also snowed, it was sunny, it was hot and it was cold at times. I was shedding and donning clothes faster than a Vagas burlesque artist t'other day.


I see a few places have still been getting snow.

Down here, it's the warmest start to winter ever; we're getting up over 20 degrees a month from the shortest day. 




> What! Farmers moaning, I don't believe it.


I know! I was surprised as hell.

----------


## Paulclem

It's been the coldest spring for a while here in the Midlands - nothing like Prends weather though. It has meant that all the spring flowers have come out at once and the Hawthorn - mayflower, is just blossoming. It bloomed in early April last year.

----------


## The Atheist

It's a black day in Kiwiland.

We've just had the first ever prison guard killed by an inmate. Story is here.

There are times when I despair of humankind.

Today is one of those times.

Little kids, two and five years old, and a piece of human waste takes away their dad - all to prove what a tough guy he is.

There will never be a better advertisement for capital punishment.

----------


## Paulclem

Horrible. It's always horrible for the family.

----------


## jocky

Guys, honorary ladies, aliens and whoever else is on the premises, you are never going to believe this. I have just been released from the prison unit for the criminally insane. Apparently it was all a misunderstanding, my defence which involved dwarves, sporrans and Yorkshire farmers was not universally believed. The one thing that pulled me through was my tattered copy of ' Waiting for Godot ' Mrs Jocky was a rock in my time of troubles as she steadfastly supported me by refusing to visit, selling the house and moving in with the local tycoon, for my benefit, of course ! I have to go now and take my green medication.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Guys, honorary ladies, aliens and whoever else is on the premises, you are never going to believe this. I have just been released from the prison unit for the criminally insane. Apparently it was all a misunderstanding, my defence which involved dwarves, sporrans and Yorkshire farmers was not universally believed. The one thing that pulled me through was my tattered copy of ' Waiting for Godot ' Mrs Jocky was a rock in my time of troubles as she steadfastly supported me by refusing to visit, selling the house and moving in with the local tycoon, for my benefit, of course ! I have to go now and take my green medication.


JOCKY !!!
Thank God your back!!
I knew you would come back one day.

I searched high and low for you. Why, I even dared to step into the coffee shop looking for you.
Welcome back and I hope the medicine works.

Gilliatt

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

You deserve a better welcome than my previous half baked attempt.
Let me see what I can quickly pull together from my bag of overused props so we may have a proper Jocky welcome back celebration.

Here we go...











Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> You deserve a better welcome than my previous half baked attempt.
> Let me see what I can quickly pull together from my bag of overused props so we may have a proper Jocky welcome back celebration.
> 
> Here we go...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Gilly, I do not deserve this, vodka, beer, an alien chart, Sir Walter Scott and Dustyevsky. Yul Brinner was ace in the ' Brotherers Creamemoff ' Where, I should like to know, is brother indecipherable from Reno, Nevada ? Footnote, England won the twenty, twenty. I expect I may hear more of this in the morning.

----------


## The Atheist

> Guys, honorary ladies, aliens and whoever else is on the premises, you are never going to believe this. I have just been released from the prison unit for the criminally insane. Apparently it was all a misunderstanding, my defence which involved dwarves, sporrans and Yorkshire farmers was not universally believed. The one thing that pulled me through was my tattered copy of ' Waiting for Godot ' Mrs Jocky was a rock in my time of troubles as she steadfastly supported me by refusing to visit, selling the house and moving in with the local tycoon, for my benefit, of course ! I have to go now and take my green medication.


Good grief!

The Progidal Son returneth!

Welcome back, mate. Parker's been very worried about the fall in profits.




> Why, I even dared to step into the coffee shop looking for you.


2 hours self-flagellation, I think, is in order.

----------


## jocky

> Welcome back, mate. Parker's been very worried about the fall in profits.


Atheist, you tell old Parker he has not got a worry in the world, once we have paid off our one and a half trillion debt the demand for a man who can pour a perfect Rioja at the correct temperature is indespensable  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist, you tell old Parker he has not got a worry in the world,...


Actually, he'd been smiling since he saw your creditor payout of 5p in the pound had come through, so his humour knows no bounds today!




> ... once we have paid off our one and a half trillion debt the demand for a man who can pour a perfect Rioja at the correct temperature is indespensable


Easy.

Ice & lemonade. Done.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ay up Jocky, y' back then.





> England won the twenty, twenty. I expect I may hear more of this in the morning.



Its not the winning that counts, its the stuffing of the Aussies.

----------


## jocky

> Ay up Jocky, y' back then.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Its not the winning that counts, its the stuffing of the Aussies.


Mick it has all gone wrong, Ashley Cole has got better, John Terry's broken foot was not a broken foot, Rooney looks as though he will be fit. Well if we have a coalition government, I might as well support Engerland. Best of luck.  :Smile:

----------


## Nikhar

> Its not the winning that counts, its the stuffing of the Aussies.


Hehe so true.  :Biggrin: 

Australia's my least favourite cricket team since the Sydney Test between India and Australia.

----------


## The Atheist

> Its not the winning that counts, its the stuffing of the Aussies.


Yes, all the world enjoys an Aussie loss.




> Mick it has all gone wrong, Ashley Cole has got better, John Terry's broken foot was not a broken foot, Rooney looks as though he will be fit. Well if we have a coalition government, I might as well support Engerland. Best of luck.


Did Scotland not make the fitba cup?

Crikey, your team must be useless, even New Zealand made it through to the finals. They'll need to send for bigger scoreboards when we play.

On a more serious note, I think it's patently absurd that a team like NZ goes to the FIFA world cup while good Euro teams stay at home. The only teams NZ are capable of beating come from Pacific atolls which are slowly sinking beneath the sea and have populations of under 10,000.

Someone at the top of soccer needs to wake up; we'll be an embarrassment to the tournament. If you get anywhere near a bookie, take NZ to lose by overs every game.




> Hehe so true. 
> 
> Australia's my least favourite cricket team since the Sydney Test between India and Australia.


You're in good company, the 99.6% of the world's population that doesn't live in Australia has them as their least favourite team as well.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Mick it has all gone wrong, Ashley Cole has got better, John Terry's broken foot was not a broken foot, Rooney looks as though he will be fit. Well if we have a coalition government, I might as well support Engerland. Best of luck.




Thank you Jocky you are a Scholar and a Gentleman. By the way, have you seen Grebekken? He set off to search for you with the immortal words- "I'm just going out for a while, do you know where I can get one?

----------


## Paulclem

Welcome back Jocky. I have a remedy for your suffering - try this and the wife won't kick you out into the cold Northern hills. I alas needed a different remedy due to my beard that mitigates against my chinlessness.  :Biggrin5: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy96t...layer_embedded

 :Biggrin5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yeah, nice day today.
> 
> We're done with the rain again for a week or so, but yes, we do get a bit of humidity. It's only a problem in February as most of the time it's not hot enough to bug you. Virtually nobody here have AC in their homes. 
> 
> 
> 
> Many an old tune and all that.
> 
> Nice healthy lifestyle, low/zero rate of cervical cancer, lower risk of breast cancer, they'll probably live to 100!


I was horrified when I visited London in mid-July and realized how few a/c's there were in the sweet little out of the way places...I think I'll change my vacation time if I ever get the chance to leave the US again. 
I don't think anyone would believe that the puddles on the nice velveteen couchs in the quaint bed and breakfasts were just part of sounds 70% water and not at all kidney related.

Odd thing, the mannish woman told me she had breast cancer early and did a double masectomy...I think maybe those girls use their breasts more than we do :Skep: 



> We used to do birthday bumps as kids too, I wonder if they do it in the USA.
> 
> I think that's called a Boston Marriage lol.


Okay, what is a birthday bump; is it like a wack or a knock on the head?
Could a girl get pregnant doing it?
I shall be more careful around the Boston ladies if thats the case... :Wink5: 



> There's a co-incidence it rained here as well It also snowed, it was sunny, it was hot and it was cold at times. I was shedding and donning clothes faster than a Vagas burlesque artist t'other day. 
> 
> What! Farmers moaning, I don't believe it.


Pictures, we want pictures...So have your sheep decided how to wear their coats yet. I have a "coon cat"; he still hasn't shed his winter coat.

----------


## soundofmusic

I was considering doing a whole thread of Welcoming Back Jocky...
Oh well man, you know how much we missed you...Cheers :Party:

----------


## soundofmusic

> It's a black day in Kiwiland.
> 
> We've just had the first ever prison guard killed by an inmate. Story is here.
> 
> There are times when I despair of humankind.
> 
> Today is one of those times.
> 
> Little kids, two and five years old, and a piece of human waste takes away their dad - all to prove what a tough guy he is.
> ...


Our guys have been "getting it" for years; the shame of it is that they are often old, trusting fellows who are about to retire. The firefighters have been getting a fair amount of damage also...
Like everything else, policies have had to become to lax because of the drop of staff. I also find that prison guards often begin to empathise with these guys (often have a little brother in the pen)...
You know, I feed wild racoons all the time; but I am never think for a minute that they are grateful or that they trust me...And one wrong step and I've got a Davy Crockett hat (nah, just joking)



> You deserve a better welcome than my previous half baked attempt.
> Let me see what I can quickly pull together from my bag of overused props so we may have a proper Jocky welcome back 
> 
> Gilliatt


I'm going to have a little talk with Mrs Gilliatt; I think it's about time we throw out that jelly thing!



> Welcome back Jocky. I have a remedy for your suffering - try this and the wife won't kick you out into the cold Northern hills. I alas needed a different remedy due to my beard that mitigates against my chinlessness. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy96t...layer_embedded


I'm glad you brought this thing to our attention; like other things that stop snoring and sleep apnea; it would be really uncomfortable. I am considering using it as a chastity belt for some of the stray cats...or maybe I'll dress as some southern general on halloween

----------


## prendrelemick

> Welcome back Jocky. I have a remedy for your suffering - try this and the wife won't kick you out into the cold Northern hills. I alas needed a different remedy due to my beard that mitigates against my chinlessness. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dy96t...layer_embedded



Ah yes, The Chin-up Strip, sounds like a British morale booster in a box.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah yes, The Chin-up Strip, sounds like a British morale booster in a box.



 :FRlol: 
The redness around his face gives the game away. Face like a slapped backside; you'd be spending at least 2 nights a week on the settee to let the old visage recover.

----------


## The Atheist

Rhonda and I were just discussing this old story and I thought I'd pas it on. it is duckshooting season, after all.

A few years ago, we were living in the south of Auckland, right on the border of the city. Every morning, we'd get up and a number of ducks and assorted birds would be waiting for us to throw some bread out for them.

Two ducks in particular, an old mallard pair, were regulars.

We hadn't seen them for a few days and were outside in the evening when I saw the old pair, led by the heavily-hobbling male, making their way towards us from across the paddock.

Despite being uninjured, the female was walking with the male and they eventually made it to our front door.

The old fella was too weak to eat much, so I caught him and we took him to the vet. I figured that he'd probably been attacked by a dog.

I don't know whether the old fella survived, but I would think so; it seemed to be a broken wing, which birds usually recover from. We thought it was quite amazing that a wild duck could not only figure that it needed human help, but which human to go to for help. I'm pretty sure most of our fellow residents in that area would have eaten him.

----------


## Nikhar

> You're in good company, the 99.6% of the world's population that doesn't live in Australia has them as their least favourite team as well.



Hehe lol... And I thought I had a prejudice that I shouldn't.

----------


## Nikhar

> I don't know whether the old fella survived, but I would think so; it seemed to be a broken wing, which birds usually recover from. We thought it was quite amazing that a wild duck could not only figure that it needed human help, but which human to go to for help. I'm pretty sure most of our fellow residents in that area would have eaten him.


Aww.. that's really sweet.  :Smile: 


Even I loooooooove animals. Pity I can't pet them.

----------


## Paulclem

> Rhonda and I were just discussing this old story and I thought I'd pas it on. it is duckshooting season, after all.
> 
> A few years ago, we were living in the south of Auckland, right on the border of the city. Every morning, we'd get up and a number of ducks and assorted birds would be waiting for us to throw some bread out for them.
> 
> Two ducks in particular, an old mallard pair, were regulars.
> 
> We hadn't seen them for a few days and were outside in the evening when I saw the old pair, led by the heavily-hobbling male, making their way towards us from across the paddock.
> 
> Despite being uninjured, the female was walking with the male and they eventually made it to our front door.
> ...


I've heard about compassionate ducks before. It's a nice story. It's funny how we view animals - this is meat, this is a lovely pet.

----------


## dizzydoll

> Sorry dizzy, I need a big sign over the links that tell me they are links...


Hello doll, I'll be sure to remember next time. And you are not a dupe, you are a gentle soul. 

..


Here's one y'all just got to love:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Rhonda and I were just discussing this old story and I thought I'd pas it on. it is duckshooting season, after all.
> 
> A few years ago, we were living in the south of Auckland, right on the border of the city. Every morning, we'd get up and a number of ducks and assorted birds would be waiting for us to throw some bread out for them.
> 
> Two ducks in particular, an old mallard pair, were regulars.
> 
> We hadn't seen them for a few days and were outside in the evening when I saw the old pair, led by the heavily-hobbling male, making their way towards us from across the paddock.
> 
> Despite being uninjured, the female was walking with the male and they eventually made it to our front door.
> ...


 :Thumbsup: 
I think animals and bums have that instinct. We have a family of cats who have come to my house when they are pregnant to get extra food, when they have kittens, and when they want to show off for their boyfriends that they can get extra food by looking through my sliding glass door and looking very pitiful. It's funny, the birds sit on the fence behind them; knowing that they just want to show the best males that they can get food.
I started realizing that the mothers on the block were also sending their teenage sons to my door for food and money; as soon as I started putting them to work instead, the teens stopped coming. :Devil: 



> I've heard about compassionate ducks before. It's a nice story. It's funny how we view animals - this is meat, this is a lovely pet.


I tend to keep the whole thing separate: I never eat anything I can make a pet or that has sad eyes: No veal, goat, rabbit...I only eat other things if they are from the market. I recall the first time I realized that the wonderful fried chicken on my aunts table was the one my uncle said, "Hey, you want to see a chicken do somersaults; he picked it up by the neck and swung it around...it didn't look to good afterwards" :Sick: 



> Hello doll, I'll be sure to remember next time. And you are not a dupe, you are a gentle soul.


I like that, I think I'll put it under my avatar...now if I can figure out... :Smash:  :Mad2:  almost got it.. :Eek:  :Crash:  :Crash:  Guess I'll call my daughter on that... :Biggrin5:

----------


## dizzydoll

LOL, do you want the link for it? Just joking doll, I put a beauty on your profile page.

----------


## jocky

I was looking up some old blogs. this one will crack you up. Discussion on 'My Last Duchess' by Browning, this is not the exact quotes but as near as I can recall ' Do you think she is dead ? ' Reply ' She may well have been murdered ' Duh!

----------


## soundofmusic

> LOL, do you want the link for it? Just joking doll, I put a beauty on your profile page.


I'm just always behind the times; all the musicians I listen to are dead, all the writers are read are dead, all the men I love....ummmm, are barely legal plus 5 or dead... :Frown2: 



> I was looking up some old blogs. this one will crack you up. Discussion on 'My Last Duchess' by Browning, this is not the exact quotes but as near as I can recall ' Do you think she is dead ? ' Reply ' She may well have been murdered ' Duh!


I was trying to recall the peer of Browning who described his work as "mediocre at best"; but I have met many who say he was a genius...I personally don't see it. I do admire the man and his great love story.

----------


## jocky

> I was trying to recall the the peer of Browning who described his work as "mediocre at best"; but I have met many who say he was a genious...I personally don't see it. I do admire the man and his great love story.


This means we could get into a discussion of Victorian poets and I know Parker does not appreciate this, Frau Lippi Lippino has been known to send him into a fit of despair. Next thing you know we could be discussing the Metaphysical Poets , the Pre-Raphaelites and who knows where it might it all end. ? Geez, Brian Bean might get re-animated and then we will all be done for.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

Quite right.

Parker has been known to quote a dirty limerick or two, but poetry? Never.

----------


## jocky

Mick, you are working way too hard, relax and have one of Mrs Miggens mince pies, you know it makes sense. See life gets a lot simpler when one is retired, through no fault of my own I might add. Did you hear about the ex- lawn mower salesman from Aukland! I will private message you on that one. Apparently he joined the Red Bigade, messed up and ended up with the Red Shirts in Thailand. If it had not been for Parker and the smelling salts life might be very different. Joke  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I was looking up some old blogs. this one will crack you up. Discussion on 'My Last Duchess' by Browning, this is not the exact quotes but as near as I can recall ' Do you think she is dead ? ' Reply ' She may well have been murdered ' Duh!


 :Biggrin5: 


Now Jocky, I know Mrs Jocky can be difficult, but don't you go getting ideas!

----------


## soundofmusic

> This means we could get into a discussion of Victorian poets and I know Parker does not appreciate this, Frau Lippi Lippino has been known to send him into a fit of despair. Next thing you know we could be discussing the Metaphysical Poets , the Pre-Raphaelites and who knows where it might it all end. ? Geez, Brian Bean might get re-animated and then we will all be done for.


Well, you know in any intellectual discussion, you guys would just leave me in the dust; then I would have Parker give me the bottle and the next thing I know I'd be dancing on Atheists barbecue with a mallard as partner...



> Quite right.
> 
> Parker has been known to quote a dirty limerick or two, but poetry? Never.


Ah well, maybe I shall try to get Parker drinking with me so he'll quote his limericks to me...





> Now Jocky, I know Mrs Jocky can be difficult, but don't you go getting ideas!


Mrs Jocky is a fine lady who can discuss the most obscure literature, cook the most difficult christmas fare and still keep Jocky coming back to lit net happy ...lets all drink to Mrs Jocky...
Ah yes, and we'll also drink to the superb and beautiful Mrs Atheist...
Let's also have a drink for Mrs Paul, Mrs Mick....is everything beginning to move...Parker, where is the man now....when I said dress the duck I meant in a tuxedo...

----------


## Paulclem

:Biggrin5: 

This thread is great.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

J...N.. what the...? 
ahh, that's better!
Just stopping by to say howdy. I was having trouble typing due to the heavy layer of "agent white" chemtrail dust that settled on my keyboard.
My old lady left the windows open last night (I had chili WITH beans), allowing the dust to infiltrate the house.

By the way Jocky, is the green medicine having any affect? and how are those pigeons doing?

----------


## The Atheist

> This thread is great.


Hell yeah.

I reckon I've been involved in over 8000 threads on the internet and this is easily the best of them.




> J...N.. what the...? 
> ahh, that's better!
> Just stopping by to say howdy. I was having trouble typing due to the heavy layer of "agent white" chemtrail dust that settled on my keyboard.


 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5: 

I saw you caught one with that. Brilliant!

----------


## dizzydoll

Hi guys!




> I'm just always behind the times; all the musicians I listen to are dead, all the writers are read are dead, all the men I love....ummmm, are barely legal plus 5 or dead.


. You are so funny, doll. I dont go for the youngsters at all -- dont you know thats cradle snatching? Here's some hotties for ya. 



*or how about the Bunny Boys:*

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hi guys!
> ...Here's some hotties for ya.


This is an outrage! on the Blokes thread no less!

In an effort to settle the Blokes down I offer the following:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aezgQ...eature=related

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> In an effort to settle the Blokes down I offer the following:


Those were the days - I should have definitely been around in the 1930s.

I've always found the Charleston style extremely attractive. I can just see me toting a Thompson, a blonde hanging off each arm...

Couple of those ones in the clip would do nicely!

----------


## dizzydoll

> This is an outrage! on the Blokes thread no less!
> 
> In an effort to settle the Blokes down I offer the following:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aezgQ...eature=related
> 
> Gilliatt


Excellent. In those days to make it in show business you had to sing, dance, act, speak correctly, and look good. Today you just need to drop off your clothes. 

Good morning Atheist... you have a good day now y'hear.  :Smile5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> This thread is great.


The best on the whole dog gone site!



> J...N.. what the...? 
> ahh, that's better!
> Just stopping by to say howdy. I was having trouble typing due to the heavy layer of "agent white" chemtrail dust that settled on my keyboard.
> My old lady left the windows open last night (I had chili WITH beans), allowing the dust to infiltrate the house.
> 
> By the way Jocky, is the green medicine having any affect? and how are those pigeons doing?


Well here, they're blaming the tar on the oil spill. "The scientists" had to do tests to find out it was the cruise ships out of all the local miami and ft lauderdale ports. 

Hey, what do you guys do when it's late night, you want a snack and there aren't any dishes close by...I want a cream puff and I'm trying to decide between a oversized tupperware or a pot lid...




> Hi guys!
> 
> 
> 
> . You are so funny, doll. I dont go for the youngsters at all -- dont you know thats cradle snatching? Here's some hotties for ya. 
> 
> 
> 
> *or how about the Bunny Boys:*


Now wait a minute fellows; I think this gives us a chance to investigate the age old question....I'm just going to go out a few feet and have a talk with that Asian fellow with the big smile.... :Biggrin5: 
Hey Diz, thanks; but as for the Bunnies; I find enough gay men without trying :FRlol: 



> This is an outrage! on the Blokes thread no less!
> 
> In an effort to settle the Blokes down I offer the following:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aezgQ...eature=related
> 
> Gilliatt


Ah, the girls were so beautiful; if it wasn't for those horrible little girl, nasally voices...



> Those were the days - I should have definitely been around in the 1930s.
> 
> I've always found the Charleston style extremely attractive. I can just see me toting a Thompson, a blonde hanging off each arm...
> 
> Couple of those ones in the clip would do nicely!


They stopped the Charleston because of all the accidental orchiectomies..besides, I hear you already have a young blonde hanging on your arm...

----------


## dizzydoll

> Now wait a minute fellows; I think this gives us a chance to investigate the age old question....I'm just going to go out a few feet and have a talk with that Asian fellow with the big smile....


Yes isnt he such a cutie...? hmmm we'll have to share.  :Nod:

----------


## Paulclem

Wha....? Am I in the wrong thread?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes isnt he such a cutie...? hmmm we'll have to share.


Nah, girl, I'm all into the fellows with British blood in their veins: you know, Mr Pattinson or Mr Law, a sweet Obrien to share a drink and a rumble, a lovable Scottsman...
I thought, however, I might ask the Asian fellow if the old ratio tale was true :Biggrin5: 




> Wha....? Am I in the wrong thread?


No, Paul, I was just telling my daughter how much I loved the blokes thread; in fact, I've decided to stay away from all of that contentiousness and profundity on the outside....
Now let's get to some proper discussions of belching, building, drinking and beautiful ladies...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Paul,
What'ya say we indulge ourselves in this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLr0wAcJnkk

Atheist and Jocky, those poor saps!
Here's what they are greeted with each night when they stumble home from the pub:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x3vE...eature=related


Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Paul,
> What'ya say we indulge ourselves in this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLr0wAcJnkk
> 
> Atheist and Jocky, those poor saps!
> Here's what they are greeted with each night when they stumble home from the pub:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0x3vE...eature=related
> ...


That's beautiful, Gilliatt; I wonder if I could put the girls on a calander...that's real art there! I have some Vargas work; but I like this softer stuff better! Gosh, was Loretta Lynn ever that young...how about some Harper Valley PTA from Jeanne?

----------


## dizzydoll

> Nah, girl, I'm all into the fellows with British blood in their veins: you know, Mr Pattinson or Mr Law, a sweet Obrien to share a drink and a rumble, a lovable Scottsman...


And me, actually
I'm into no fellow
They're too much trouble

But in fact I do know a lovable Scotsman who is well worth the trouble. 

Geez judging by Gilliatt's taste in music shows he must be older than me! What a real nice surprise.  :Biggrin5: , especially in the middle of the crowd we have on LitNet. Because I am so impressed here is one just for him.

----------


## BienvenuJDC

> 


Now there's another cutie...that was a great loss....  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> And me, actually
> I'm into no fellow
> Their too much trouble
> 
> But in fact I do know a lovable Scotsman who is well worth the trouble. 
> 
> Geez judging by Gilliatt's taste in music shows he must be older than me! What a real nice surprise. , especially in the middle of the crowd we have on LitNet. Because I am so impressed here is one just for him.


There's alot of us young seniors on the forum, Dizzy; that's why it is so cool!
Is that Marilyn; she looks great there.

----------


## dizzydoll

Yes thats our dear heart Marilyn... she looks innocent in that one above me... 

but here is sensual Marilyn, at her very best:



Just for all the guys on the Blokes Thread cos they have been so good natured about all the pix of men I have posted here lately

Or radiant Marilyn... take your pick, she's all yours [allow your imagination to flow]:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes thats our dear heart Marilyn... she looks innocent in that one above me... 
> 
> but here is sensual Marilyn, at her very best:
> 
> 
> 
> Just for all the guys on the blokes thread cos they have been so good natured about all the pix of men I have posted here lately


Now that is a much better pic for my page! Do you think if I dye my hair I'll look alittle like her? If I looked like that; I'd never wear clothes; I may not even lay on my belly....

I seem to remember that Joe didn't like her getting that "blow job"

----------


## dizzydoll

> Now that is a much better pic for my page! Do you think if I dye my hair I'll look alittle like her? If I looked like that; I'd never wear clothes; *I may not even lay on my belly....*
> 
> I seem to remember that Joe didn't like her getting that "blow job"


You are so funny, you shouldnt talk like that among the youth, how the devil do you expect your daughter to grow up with language like THAT around her? 

Ok here she is on her back then:



At least the guys have quite a selection to choose to hang on their walls now. hahaha

----------


## dizzydoll

And there's a whole lot more FAMOUS pictures of her on this famous Alton John number:

Goodbye Norma Jeane

----------


## OrphanPip

> Nah, girl, I'm all into the fellows with British blood in their veins: you know, Mr Pattinson or Mr Law, a sweet Obrien to share a drink and a rumble, a lovable Scottsman...
> I thought, however, I might ask the Asian fellow if the old ratio tale was true


For shame Sound, I thought we had something in common. I'm a bit of a rice queen myself, you can have the Brits.  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

The thinking woman's crumpet. That's us Brits! 
Look at prince Charles for instance :Bigear:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...how about some Harper Valley PTA from Jeanne?


Ok, you asked for it!
(Barbara Eden !!  Ill have to make it a point to rent that one)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ivUO...eature=related




> Geez judging by Gilliatt's taste in music shows he must be older than me! What a real nice surprise.especially in the middle of the crowd we have on LitNet. Because I am so impressed here is one just for him.


Dizzy I am fairly certain that I am younger than you and Sounds. Ill turn 48 this year. 

Perhaps the confusion stems from the fact that I am the youngest of five all of whom were products of parents who suffered, though young at the time, through the Depression and then forced to grow up quick with the advent of WW II.

My formative years were greatly influenced by the varying generational range of music blasted throughout the house. I say blasted due to the inevitable volume wars that would ensue as one party would attempt to drown out another with their preferred music.
For example, Cream  Crossroads would be overpowered by Arthur Lyman  Aphrodesia. Or Hermans Hermits versus Bob Wills.

Speaking of Arthur Lyman, you must hear this: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bxatq...aynext_from=ML

Marilyn is nice, but I still prefer Raquel:



Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> I seem to remember that Joe didn't like her getting that "blow job"


That wasn't a dirty phrase; :Biggrin5:  I'm sure you all know the story: Marilyn went for a picture shoot after she had married Joe Dimaggio; her public relations guy had her stand over a blower and take the picture. Joe totally lost his temper, wanted to go beat the fellow and threatened divorce! :Mad5: 




> You are so funny, you shouldnt talk like that among the youth, how the devil do you expect your daughter to grow up with language like THAT around her?


I hate to admit it; but my daughter taught me everything I know...Child prodigy/genius and all. She was reading Machiavell and Marquis de Sade at 12; I thought anything that came from the library could accompany a person to church. A few years later, when she began her religious explorations, she introduced me to the bhagavad gita and the kama sutra...I am now a pretty well informed mother and she is all grown up :Frown2: 




> For shame Sound, I thought we had something in common. I'm a bit of a rice queen myself, you can have the Brits.


We have a great deal in common Pip, I'm sure. Just look, we both knew the Bangles songs!  :CoolgleamA:  Then theres: you're a genius and I'm ah...average, You're profound and I'm...superficial; ah well...I'm sure I'll find more. Isn't mutual admiration enough? 
Ah, but now you can tell us if the wives tales about asian men are true!




> The thinking woman's crumpet. That's us Brits! 
> Look at prince Charles for instance


I liked Charles, too before I knew what an...donkey he was. I think I blame it all on Phil, making him go off to those tough schools where they made him swim in below zero water...
Still, with the exception of the Royal family, give me a Brit every time...
I don't know, Atheist, I might widen my horizons; are all the blokes in NZ mens men like you?

----------


## The Atheist

> Wha....? Am I in the wrong thread?


Yes, the North Walsham Gay Appreciation Society.

Parker went on holiday and rented the place out to the Young Conservatives.




> Now let's get to some proper discussions of belching, building, drinking and beautiful ladies...


And tea.

It's breakfast time here, and a gentleman starts his day with a cup of freshly-brewed tea. 

And while I live in NZ, I'm as English as a red rose on St George's Day, me old darling! My dad was a genuine Cockney - the one thing which never fails the "True Scotsman" test - born wivin 'a sarnd o' Bow Beww. Or, roughly translated into English, "born within the sound of Bow Bell".

Me mum was an upper-middle class lass, the eldest daughter of a wealthy merchant in North Walsham, where I was hatched myself.

I can trace my father's side back through generations of Poor House residents!




> Atheist and Jocky, those poor saps!
> Here's what they are greeted with each night when they stumble home from the pub:


 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5: 

Classic!

God, C&W music truly is the spawn of Satan.




> Geez judging by Gilliatt's taste in music shows he must be older than me! What a real nice surprise. , especially in the middle of the crowd we have on LitNet. Because I am so impressed here is one just for him.


I just missed the Marilyn years - I was only 3 when she died, but yes, she was beautiful.

Fascinating subject, Marilyn. She seems to me to be one of those people whose untimely death led to their beatification. Was she any more beautiful than thousands of other women? Would we still be enthralled with her if she were another Elizabeth Taylor? (Crazy old bat)




> The thinking woman's crumpet. That's us Brits! 
> Look at prince Charles for instance


Two in one thread!

I even laughed the second time I read it!

Anyway, there's an antidote for Prince Charles.












Camilla!

----------


## Paulclem

:Biggrin5:  Prince Charles - and the upper classes still think they are superior. It really is their attitude, unbelievable as it seems these days. put it down to the nepotistic congregations in public schools and certain unis. They don't get the chance to think any differently. 

Thanks for the links Gilliatt. I'm 46. Do you forget how old you are? It began in my forties when I realised that I was anticipating birthdays and forgetting that I hadn't had it yet. I'm sure I got the age poll wrong.

----------


## dizzydoll

> Marilyn is nice, but I still prefer Raquel:
> 
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


I completely agree with you Raquel was perfect and a real lady too.  :CoolgleamA: 






> I just missed the Marilyn years - I was only 3 when she died, but yes, she was beautiful.
> 
> Fascinating subject, Marilyn. She seems to me to be one of those people whose untimely death led to their beatification. Was she any more beautiful than thousands of other women? Would we still be enthralled with her if she were another Elizabeth Taylor? (Crazy old bat)


Hold up, we are not in our 60's yet!. Marilyn was more my fathers age group, same would be the case for Music she was young then too... you know with the Rat Pack days with Frank and the boyz. Wow, Marlyn had some serious power--sleeping with the President of USA and the leader of the Mafia at the same time. Not many girls would get that right today. 

And Liz, she is a crazy old coot, her and whats-his-name, oh yes Richard Burton were perfect for each other. Drank like fish they did.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## Paulclem

Richard Burton?

----------


## dizzydoll

Thanks Paul, it just popped into my mind so I came back before I saw your response. Ta anyway.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ok, you asked for it!
> (Barbara Eden !!  Ill have to make it a point to rent that one)
> 
> Dizzy I am fairly certain that I am younger than you and Sounds. Ill turn 48 this year. 
> 
> Perhaps the confusion stems from the fact that I am the youngest of five all of whom were products of parents who suffered, though young at the time, through the Depression and then forced to grow up quick with the advent of WW II.
> 
> My formative years were greatly influenced by the varying generational range of music blasted throughout the house. I say blasted due to the inevitable volume wars that would ensue as one party would attempt to drown out another with their preferred music.
> 
> ...


Yeah, that post WWII daze never quite leaves us; My father started me with a savings account when I was 5. I rebelled by gradually breaking the savings habits; but I feel oddly drawn to Rockwell paintings and Art Deco...
The funny thing about Raquel is that you can tell that picture isn't air brushed; they left all those sexy protrusions alone....




> Yes, the North Walsham Gay Appreciation Society.
> 
> Parker went on holiday and rented the place out to the Young Conservatives.
> And tea.
> It's breakfast time here, and a gentleman starts his day with a cup of freshly-brewed tea. 
> And while I live in NZ, I'm as English as a red rose on St George's Day, me old darling! My dad was a genuine Cockney - 
> 
> Me mum was an upper-middle class lass, the eldest daughter of a wealthy merchant in North Walsham, where I was hatched myself.
> 
> ...


You really must have a talk with Parker; I hear he's opening a unisex gay bath house on the premises...where they serve tea...
You know an American can't get their serotonin up to par without Starbucks coffee...

Well, that explains that great intellect and strapping physique; It also explains why when you are waxing philosophically I can't understand you (I thought it was my lack of intellect; but it may be the cockney writing :FRlol: )

I remember Susan Strassberg talking about her and Marilyn going on a shopping trip; she said no one paid any mind to Marily, she was actually quite ordinary looking. She suddenly said to Susan, "do you want to see something" She did a slight turn, gave out a big smile and was suddenly surrounded by adoring people...
I don't think an early death with alot of surrounding rumors ever hurts; the only Russian royalty most Americans are aware of is Nicolas II.
I think Camilla would be alot more fun at a party than Marilyn or Elizabeth; but I'm betting on them in other parts of the house!




> Prince Charles - and the upper classes still think they are superior. It really is their attitude, unbelievable as it seems these days.


It is funny isn't it. When you see the royal families manners and lifestyle; they are sort of "bumpkins" Actually, though, I think that may be more appealing to the middle class masses than if they were untouchable.




> I completely agree with you Raquel was perfect and a real lady too. 
> Hold up, we are not in our 60's yet!. Marilyn was more my fathers age group, same would be the case for Music she was young then too... you know with the Rat Pack days with Frank and the boyz. Wow, Marlyn had some serious power--sleeping with the President of USA and the leader of the Mafia at the same time. Not many girls would get that right today. 
> And Liz, she is a crazy old coot, her and whats-his-name, oh yes Richard Burton were perfect for each other. Drank like fish they did.


I'm totally confused about the actors ages. They all look so rough so young; alittle better now that surgeons got neck lifts down. What mafia guy did marilyn sleep with? I don't know, I wouldn't want to be a piece of meat being passed from president to his brother; "Here, nice work Bobby, take Marilyn...and, ah, here...a box of donuts"

I saw Richard Burton live not too long before he died in Camelot; he was amazingly powerful!

----------


## The Atheist

> I saw Richard Burton live not too long before he died in Camelot; he was amazingly powerful!


Yes, Burton could act.

His O'Brien from the _1984_ film with John Hurt is plain terrifying.

----------


## dizzydoll

> What mafia guy did marilyn sleep with? I don't know, I wouldn't want to be a piece of meat being passed from president to his brother; "Here, nice work Bobby, take Marilyn...and, ah, here...a box of donuts"


I dont know if THEY passed her around like a piece of meat, I am more inclined to believe she USED them. Clever girl, if you gonna sleep around make sure its the best of them. Here is an article: 

http://www.carpenoctem.tv/cons/monroe.html

Giancana -- Chicago/Vegas mob boss who some say really ran the country. --read further-- he bedded her too. This website wont allow me to copy and paste but you can read. I didnt read the whole article so his claim might be disputed if you continue further along. Quite frankly I am not interested in celebrities of any kind, never have been.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, Burton could act.
> 
> His O'Brien from the _1984_ film with John Hurt is plain terrifying.


Incredible, I've never seen the film; I really must check it out. Particularly now that the term "Big Brother" is constantly being used. I said to my daughter the other day; where are these young kids hearing terms from a book that was mandatory reading in my day?




> I dont know if THEY passed her around like a piece of meat, I am more inclined to believe she USED them.


I guess I'm just going by my experience when playing with the big boys. I always found that a momentary upper hand is fleeting, at best. 

Poor Marilyn may have heard all of Jack and Bobby's secrets and got the best sex; but the widows got the sympathy, life insurance and retirement checks. 
All the cleverness in the world could not keep Marilyn from unhappiness and winding up, finally, being photographed on a morgue table.  :Cold:

----------


## jocky

> By the way Jocky, is the green medicine having any affect? and how are those pigeons doing?


Actually, the results have been quite spectacular, it has worked better than my wildest dreams. I have been slyly lacing Mrs Jocky's cocoa with it every night before bed-time and the effect is enough to make your hair curl, and the hoose has never been cleaner. However, there is always a downside, I tried it on my prize squab's maize, they flew out of the loft and attacked the local sparrow hawk. I am now pigeonless.  :Smile: 




> Thank you Jocky you are a Scholar and a Gentleman.


I think you may find that the general consencus would strongly disagree with you on both counts, but thanks for the sentiment.  :Smile: 




> Anyway, there's an antidote for Prince Charles.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Aye, quite right, she has got a face like a half chewed caramel. Dicken's description of Mrs Sparsit would not do the Duchess of Cornwall justice.  :Cold:

----------


## The Atheist

> I think you may find that the general consencus would strongly disagree with you on both counts, but thanks for the sentiment.


Haha!

I have a customer who is silly enough to employ an Aussie. On the odd occasion he answers the phone for his boss, I hear him saying, "There's a gentleman for you on line 1."

I have asked several times that the boss tell his staffer not to insult gentlemen that way.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Actually, the results have been quite spectacular, it has worked better than my wildest dreams. I have been slyly lacing Mrs Jocky's cocoa with it every night before bed-time and the effect is enough to make your hair curl, and the hoose has never been cleaner. 
> Aye, quite right, she has got a face like a half chewed caramel. Dicken's description of Mrs Sparsit would not do the Duchess of Cornwall justice.


Do you think you could send either some of that green medicine or Mrs Jocky my way...the dishes have stopped washing themselves at night and the cat is starting to slide on the dust (he put a hole in the desk last time)

Poor Camilla, it's the English weather that does that to a girls face.

----------


## prendrelemick

Actually its a thousand years of inbreeding - Lucky they came together late in in life, their offspring would've been a sight to behold.

----------


## The Atheist

> Actually its a thousand years of inbreeding - Lucky they came together late in in life, their offspring would've been a sight to behold.


 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5: 

Whoa! What a horrible thought.

The power of the mutant Royal genes is shown nicely by both of Charlie's boys - even though their mother was truly beautiful, they still have that inbred look about them now they've reached physical maturity. I think they have the Papadopoulous (or whatever his bloody name was) receding hairline as well, poor saps.

I'm seeing the Windsor/Shand cross coming out like one of the extras in _Deliverance_.

----------


## dizzydoll

Enjoy your day All



Dont think too much now!

Be.  :CoolgleamA:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Actually its a thousand years of inbreeding - Lucky they came together late in in life, their offspring would've been a sight to behold.


I wanted to say that Camilla was attractive as a girl...I made the mistake of looking up old pics. 



> Whoa! What a horrible thought.
> 
> The power of the mutant Royal genes is shown nicely by both of Charlie's boys - even though their mother was truly beautiful, they still have that inbred look about them now they've reached physical maturity. I think they have the Papadopoulous (or whatever his bloody name was) receding hairline as well, poor saps.
> 
> I'm seeing the Windsor/Shand cross coming out like one of the extras in _Deliverance_.


I was disppointed in Dianas boys. There are some great beauties in both Elizabeths and Phillips lines; Charlie just took after the muts. I never realized how much Dianas relatives look like her old lover; I had thought, for the longest time, that Harry should have his DNA checked. Mom always said, though, once you sleep with a mutt, it comes out in every litter... :Smilielol5: 



> Enjoy your day All
> 
> Dont think too much now!
> 
> Be.


Nowadays, Dizzy, it's opposite for me; it's those young fellows thinking about how to get the old cougar to part with her purse :Cold:

----------


## Taliesin

A conjecture thought to be sound
Was that every circle was round
In a paper of Erdős
written in Kurdish
A counterexample is found!


I got my copy of "Proofs from THE BOOK" today. Feel generally happy about it.

----------


## jocky

> Do you think you could send either some of that green medicine or Mrs Jocky my way...the dishes have stopped washing themselves at night.


I would love to, but dark clouds are brewing over the Jocky household. Imagine my shock and horror when I found a copy of Virginia Woolf's ' A Room of One's Own ' alongside works by Germaine Greer and Simone De Beavoir under Mrs Jocky's pillow! Recent events are beginning to make sense, dirty looks, a refusal to pour milk in my cornflakes and burnt bras in the back yard. Oh, for a return to those halcyon days when she used to read the undangerous Jane Austen and prattle on about Mr Darcy and the Bennets. I did inform her if this did not cease forthwith, I would burn my boxer shorts. To which she replied, ' Aye, well make sure you are wearing them. ' Guys advice is needed, urgently.  :Frown:

----------


## dizzydoll

> I was disppointed in Dianas boys. There are some great beauties in both Elizabeths and Phillips lines; Charlie just took after the muts. I never realized how much Dianas relatives look like her old lover; I had thought, for the longest time, that Harry should have his DNA checked. Mom always said, though, once you sleep with a mutt, it comes out in every litter...
> 
> 
> Nowadays, Dizzy, it's opposite for me; it's those young fellows thinking about how to get the old cougar to part with her purse


Okay doll, I have decided to trust you among all others who can teach me about real History... tell me how you see it, on the ground... not hearsay, YOU alone. I have decided your view is more valid than most.... because you have a sense of humor which is more impotant than anything on earth. Smile a While. 

I have been drinking doll.... excuse me, but at least I am on the Blokes Thread rather than the Ladies Thread. Chin up, have another noggie.

----------


## The Atheist

> I would love to, but dark clouds are brewing over the Jocky household. Imagine my shock and horror when I found a copy of Virginia Woolf's ' A Room of One's Own ' alongside works by Germaine Greer and Simone De Beavoir under Mrs Jocky's pillow! Recent events are beginning to make sense, dirty looks, a refusal to pour milk in my cornflakes and burnt bras in the back yard. Oh, for a return to those halcyon days when she used to read the undangerous Jane Austen and prattle on about Mr Darcy and the Bennets. I did inform her if this did not cease forthwith, I would burn my boxer shorts. To which she replied, ' Aye, well make sure you are wearing them. ' Guys advice is needed, urgently.


 :FRlol: 

Burn the books, leave copies of BBC's _Poldark_ lying next to the DVD player, and hire a voluptuous _au pair_.

Works quicker than a dose of castor oil.

----------


## Paulclem

:Biggrin5: 

What about trying some romance Jocky. Bunch of flowers, botte of wine, soothing music - and I wouldn't get stuck into the old spirits that night at least. Could work wonders.

----------


## jocky

> What about trying some romance Jocky. Bunch of flowers, botte of wine, soothing music - and I wouldn't get stuck into the old spirits that night at least. Could work wonders.


Paul, that goes against every grain of my upbringing. Atheist's suggestion of Poldark videos sounds much more appealing. I will, however give it a go...... I tried but it did not work and besides, flowers are always an admission of guilt but I do take your point. I do not mean to annoy anyone but it seems to be au naturale  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I would love to, but dark clouds are brewing over the Jocky household. Imagine my shock and horror when I found a copy of Virginia Woolf's ' A Room of One's Own ' alongside works by Germaine Greer and Simone De Beavoir under Mrs Jocky's pillow! Recent events are beginning to make sense, dirty looks, a refusal to pour milk in my cornflakes and burnt bras in the back yard. Oh, for a return to those halcyon days when she used to read the undangerous Jane Austen and prattle on about Mr Darcy and the Bennets. I did inform her if this did not cease forthwith, I would burn my boxer shorts. To which she replied, ' Aye, well make sure you are wearing them. ' Guys advice is needed, urgently.


God, man, throw out that green medicine or find the anecdote right away! :Cold: 




> Okay doll, I have decided to trust you among all others who can teach me about real History... tell me how you see it, on the ground... not hearsay, YOU alone. I have decided your view is more valid than most.... because you have a sense of humor which is more impotant than anything on earth. Smile a While. 
> 
> I have been drinking doll.... excuse me, but at least I am on the Blokes Thread rather than the Ladies Thread. Chin up, have another noggie.


I always found the Blokes page very congenial; of course, I don't know if the ladies will let me into their discussion. 
I don't know if I'd take my advice; it's never worked for anyone I've known :FRlol: 
Pour a long one for me and go visit my new thread, "Advice for the lovelorn...
Guys you're invited; I think it'll be a blast...all in good fun...




> Burn the books, leave copies of BBC's _Poldark_ lying next to the DVD player, and hire a voluptuous _au pair_.
> 
> Works quicker than a dose of castor oil.


I don't know, Atheist, another woman in the house while Mrs Jocky is on the rampage may not be a good thing...I wouldn't be surprised if the two don't join forces..women, the scurge of the devil :Reddevil: 



> What about trying some romance Jocky. Bunch of flowers, botte of wine, soothing music - and I wouldn't get stuck into the old spirits that night at least. Could work wonders.


Paul, Paul, he's our man; if he can't do it.... :Hurray:  :Hurray: 




> Paul, that goes against every grain of my upbringing. Atheist's suggestion of Poldark videos sounds much more appealing. I will, however give it a go...... I tried but it did not work and besides, flowers are always an admission of guilt but I do take your point. I do not mean to annoy anyone but it seems to be au naturale


I just realized, you're right, I never had flowers in my hand for more than 10 minutes when I started wondering what the old man had done...I think it was always because they had that "Too pleased" look... :Nod:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I would love to, but dark clouds are brewing over the Jocky household. Imagine my shock and horror when I found a copy of Virginia Woolf's ' A Room of One's Own ' alongside works by Germaine Greer and Simone De Beavoir under Mrs Jocky's pillow! Recent events are beginning to make sense, dirty looks, a refusal to pour milk in my cornflakes and burnt bras in the back yard. Oh, for a return to those halcyon days when she used to read the undangerous Jane Austen and prattle on about Mr Darcy and the Bennets. I did inform her if this did not cease forthwith, I would burn my boxer shorts. To which she replied, ' Aye, well make sure you are wearing them. ' Guys advice is needed, urgently.



Count yourself lucky Jocky! I recently found a copy of "A Lovers Guide" hidden away among Mrs P's Knitting patterns. I fear for my lower back in the coming months.

----------


## The Atheist

> Count yourself lucky Jocky! I recently found a copy of "A Lovers Guide" hidden away among Mrs P's Knitting patterns. I fear for my lower back in the coming months.


 :FRlol: 

Get some exercise in now!

----------


## jocky

> Count yourself lucky Jocky! I recently found a copy of "A Lovers Guide" hidden away among Mrs P's Knitting patterns. I fear for my lower back in the coming months.


I have actually been through this experience when Mrs Jocky was on the H.R.T. Athiest is right you better get yourself fit. After six weeks of unrelenting sordid sexual activity I lost so much weight I actually went up with the window blind. Oh, horror, horror, horror.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul, that goes against every grain of my upbringing. Atheist's suggestion of Poldark videos sounds much more appealing. I will, however give it a go...... I tried but it did not work and besides, flowers are always an admission of guilt but I do take your point. I do not mean to annoy anyone but it seems to be au naturale


Just for the read of your post  :Biggrin5: 

Count yourself lucky Jocky! I recently found a copy of "A Lovers Guide" hidden away among Mrs P's Knitting patterns. I fear for my lower back in the coming months. 

I recommend some stretching - perhaps some yoga - some high energy drinks and a couple of those new bladeless fans that don't take off your hands - just in case of topplings... :Biggrin5:

----------


## The Atheist

I'm not sure you guys are keeping our end up, so to speak.

Weeks of sexual gymnastics are the kind of things virile blokes like us take in our strides, and take the greatest of pleasure from!

You should all get divorced and marry younger women.

----------


## Scheherazade

> I fear for my lower back in the coming months.


Better yours than the postman's.

----------


## jocky

> Better yours than the postman's.


This is not what we want to hear. We have been infiltrated again and our thread has been infected. Head for the hills guys.....too late...... I.......I...... hvve.....beeeeen......... bited. I am haeding for youtuber........ :Cold:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Count yourself lucky Jocky! I recently found a copy of "A Lovers Guide" hidden away among Mrs P's Knitting patterns. I fear for my lower back in the coming months.


I just got a neck crink trying to watch the positions on you tube...crikey :Sick: 




> I have actually been through this experience when Mrs Jocky was on the H.R.T. Athiest is right you better get yourself fit. After six weeks of unrelenting sordid sexual activity I lost so much weight I actually went up with the window blind. Oh, horror, horror, horror.


I definitely have to start HRT; I hear it conquers time and gravity!




> I recommend some stretching - perhaps some yoga - some high energy drinks and a couple of those new bladeless fans that don't take off your hands - just in case of topplings...


We have got to get Paul his own show..."The Love Doctor" 




> I'm not sure you guys are keeping our end up, so to speak.
> 
> Weeks of sexual gymnastics are the kind of things virile blokes like us take in our strides, and take the greatest of pleasure from!
> 
> You should all get divorced and marry younger women.


I hear the guys are taking up donations to bring you to the UK; change some of the wild women into domestic goddesses...I think Prince Charles has your first appointment :Smilielol5: 




> Better yours than the postman's.


 :Reddevil:  :Brow:  :Wink5:

----------


## jocky

> You should all get divorced and marry younger women.


Atheist you must be minted. I could never afford a divorce, here is a sneak preview of my current financial state, this is just between ourselves remember.

Credit: £ 5000

Debit: £ 4999. 99 p. Harvey Nichols.

Balance: £ 00. 01p.

What a catch eh ! I could just see younger women falling over themselves to capture old Jocky.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

Nah, they don't go for the money - I'm living proof of that!

It's that older, more settled, more experienced attitude they like.

Should I say something about young men and stop watches here?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Better yours than the postman's.


I recall, as a child, we had a milkman who came to the door a bit after dad left in the morning, the postman came by in the afternoon and there was a very dark lebanese or arab fellow who sold brushes; mom always brought him in for coffee. My brother looks just like the "Fuller Brush Man"...he has none of the family curses of corpulence, maddness or later loss of virility (He has 5 strapping sons)
It is such a shame that stores and the online service industry has robbed lonely housewives of an extra "hand" around the house  :Ladysman:  
And gentlemen, we mustn't forget the tupperware and avon ladies who brightened your days when the wife went out on Saturdays.  :Banana:  :Banana: 




> Atheist you must be minted. I could never afford a divorce, here is a sneak preview of my current financial state, this is just between ourselves remember.
> 
> Credit: £ 5000
> 
> Debit: £ 4999. 99 p. Harvey Nichols.
> 
> Balance: £ 00. 01p.
> 
> What a catch eh ! I could just see younger women falling over themselves to capture old Jocky.


You sound like a great prize if you also have bipolar disorder and alcoholism...we ladies in America find such things irresistible!




> Nah, they don't go for the money - I'm living proof of that!
> 
> It's that older, more settled, more experienced attitude they like.
> 
> Should I say something about young men and stop watches here?


I am dying to know your opinion of youth today; but remember, Atheist, there is no one, even in NZ quite like you. 
Actually, all of the fellows on the blokes thread are quite extrodinary...I'm sure that all of the ladies who are visiting would agree!

----------


## The Atheist

> I am dying to know your opinion of youth today;...


Is there enough room on a LitNet page for me to tell you?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Better yours than the postman's.


Mmm. I've always believed in delegation, "many hands make lighter work" and all that. 




> I have actually been through this experience when Mrs Jocky was on the H.R.T. Athiest is right you better get yourself fit. After six weeks of unrelenting sordid sexual activity I lost so much weight I actually went up with the window blind. Oh, horror, horror, horror.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  That HRT is a dangerous thing, A chap comes home wanting nothing more than his pipe and slippers, to find his wife dressed in something pink and diaphanous with a red rose clamped between her best set of dentures.




> Atheist you must be minted. I could never afford a divorce, here is a sneak preview of my current financial state, this is just between ourselves remember.
> 
> Credit: £ 5000
> 
> Debit: £ 4999. 99 p. Harvey Nichols.
> 
> Balance: £ 00. 01p.
> 
> What a catch eh ! I could just see younger women falling over themselves to capture old Jocky.


Aye you're still a catch for north of the border.

----------


## Revolte

> Nah, they don't go for the money - I'm living proof of that!
> 
> It's that older, more settled, more experienced attitude they like.
> 
> Should I say something about young men and stop watches here?


I'm willing to bet none of us are "settled" ( by that I mean completely calm ), besides girls like wild, they just do, it thrills them, its the passion.  :CoolgleamA:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Is there enough room on a LitNet page for me to tell you?


I guess you may have to start a blog. 




> Mmm. I've always believed in delegation, "many hands make lighter work" and all that. 
>  That HRT is a dangerous thing, A chap comes home wanting nothing more than his pipe and slippers, to find his wife dressed in something pink and diaphanous with a red rose clamped between her best set of dentures.
> 
> Aye you're still a catch for north of the border.


Here, Here! If only I could have convinced both Mr. Sounds to be so openminded :CoolgleamA: 
I guess I'd better go on it now where the only thing I'm fighting with is mid-driff bulge and gravity!
Yes, we must spread these blokes out a bit; there are too many hiding in obscure zones with only one wench!




> I'm willing to bet none of us are "settled" ( by that I mean completely calm ), besides girls like wild, they just do, it thrills them, its the passion.


Yes, we definitely like our men like our studs: wild, untamable, jerking and fighting as we coral them (Of course, fellows, that is only because it is every womans dream to break "the wild spirit" and bring about yet another domesticized gnome) :Frown2:

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm willing to bet none of us are "settled" ( by that I mean completely calm ), besides girls like wild, they just do, it thrills them, its the passion.


But it works in practice, for some unexplained reason.

For every cougar, there's another woman who prefers a mature wine to one that was bottled last week.

 :Biggrin: 




> I guess you may have to start a blog.


Now that you mention it, youth is about the only thing I _don't_  blog about! 

It's to do with the development of the responsibility gene, which doesn't occur until at least 23 for males - if ever - so it's not worth writing about.

Individually, I'll gladly swap horror stories.

How about the time that having two teenagers living with me, they each conspired to steal my car for a joyride in the middle of the night, only to be sprung because I know where my car is parked when I've driven it.

 :Wink: 




> Yes, we definitely like our men like our studs: wild, untamable, jerking and fighting as we coral them (Of course, fellows, that is only because it is every womans dream to break "the wild spirit" and bring about yet another domesticized gnome)


We each try.

We both fail.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> But it works in practice, for some unexplained reason.
> 
> For every cougar, there's another woman who prefers a mature wine to one that was bottled last week.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Now that you mention it, youth is about the only thing I _don't_  blog about! 
> ...


Most of the time, we cougars were the ones who liked "aged wines" in our day.
I guess I'm lucky I had little experience with raising boys! It looks like you were always several legnths ahead of them though!
I imagine you are still king of your castle, and always will be. I'm trying to decide if we ladies would like you to bring "bottled Atheist" to the states. On one hand, we'd always be smiling; on the other, we'd never have control of the hen coup again :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> It looks like you were always several legnths ahead of them though!


Ha!

I'll tell you a funny story about that. These two teenage dicks were my son and a friend of his who was running wild, so we thought we'd have a go at straightening him out. We were a few years too late in his case, and he turned out to be quite a hopeless case.

Once he'd flown his true colours, my main mission was to keep the little twerps apart as much as possible.

They were both 17 at the time and I was their legal guardian, so to speak, even though his mate had been kicked out.

I typed up a letter to the effect that I was banning them from associating and would dob them in to the police if they found together. I had a Justice of the Peace countersign my signature and served them each with a copy.

While they were sickened by it, the thought that it had no legal weight whatsoever never occurred to them, and that the JP's signature was purely to witness my signature went right over their heads. 

Teenagers are easy because they think they're smarter than you, while in the real world, we *know* we're smarter than them.

So far, my plan worked - they stayed apart for the eight months until they were 18 and my boy moved into somewhat different circles, so while they hang out, they aren't the centre of each other's universe any more.

----------


## jocky

> Mmm. I've always believed in delegation, "many hands make lighter work" and all that.


 :FRlol: 

For the enlightenment of our friends from overseas, I will explain the main cultural difference between the Scots and the English from a historical perspective. In the old days my ancestors would drive deep into the heart of Northern England, burning the villages, laying waste to the land and taking no prisoners. In retaliation Mick's people would do exactly the same to us with one major difference. Their leader would look down coolly from his horse at the carnage and blackened faces of the survivors and cordially invite them to dinner. It is their impeccable manners that drives us nuts.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> For the enlightenment of our friends from overseas, I will explain the main cultural difference between the Scots and the English from a historical perspective. In the old days my ancestors would drive deep into the heart of Northern England, burning the villages, laying waste to the land and taking no prisoners. In retaliation Mick's people would do exactly the same to us with one major difference. Their leader would look down coolly from his horse at the carnage and blackened faces of the survivors and cordially invite them to dinner. It is their impeccable manners that drives us nuts.


Ah.

I thought the difference was that the English bribed clans to do their dirty work for them.

----------


## prendrelemick

Aye thats us, we bloody y' nose then offer our hankie.

The Scots would pour south carrying all before them, untill Derbyshire - then they'd get homesick for haggis and roamin' in the gloamin' and suchlike, and scuttle off back.

By the way Jocky, can we have our goal posts back please - you've got your stone.




> This is not what we want to hear. We have been infiltrated again and our thread has been infected. Head for the hills guys.....too late...... I.......I...... hvve.....beeeeen......... bited. I am haeding for youtuber........


Crikey Jocky! Whereabouts were you bitten?

----------


## jocky

> Ah.
> 
> I thought the difference was that the English bribed clans to do their dirty work for them.


They did and I am afraid our love of money has led to a lot of grief, however we have always been magnanimous in defeat.

----------


## Jesterhead

This woman is one of the sexiest in the world!!

----------


## jocky

> By the way Jocky, can we have our goal posts back please - you've got your stone.




NO, they are a national treasure.  :Wink:

----------


## The Atheist

> This woman is one of the sexiest in the world!!


I don't see it myself, but who is she?

----------


## Jesterhead

Anne Lindfjeld. She is a danish MTV host, headbangers ballroom. I have met her several times, but I still think she is sexy as hell.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ha!
> 
> I'll tell you a funny story about that. These two teenage dicks were my son and a friend of his who was running wild, so we thought we'd have a go at straightening him out. We were a few years too late in his case, and he turned out to be quite a hopeless case.
> 
> Once he'd flown his true colours, my main mission was to keep the little twerps apart as much as possible.
> 
> They were both 17 at the time and I was their legal guardian, so to speak, even though his mate had been kicked out.
> 
> I typed up a letter to the effect that I was banning them from associating and would dob them in to the police if they found together. I had a Justice of the Peace countersign my signature and served them each with a copy.
> ...


You are king, man. I think that idea would have even had me second guessing myself. Too bad you weren't around when Eddie II was king :FRlol: 

I have always wondered how a parent handles a cocky teen once he starts developing muscle and is a head taller than you. 





> For the enlightenment of our friends from overseas, I will explain the main cultural difference between the Scots and the English from a historical perspective. In the old days my ancestors would drive deep into the heart of Northern England, burning the villages, laying waste to the land and taking no prisoners. In retaliation Mick's people would do exactly the same to us with one major difference. Their leader would look down coolly from his horse at the carnage and blackened faces of the survivors and cordially invite them to dinner. It is their impeccable manners that drives us nuts.


It drives the whole world mad, Jocky; yet, we continue to admire them from afar and mimick their accents!




> Ah.
> 
> I thought the difference was that the English bribed clans to do their dirty work for them.


I think they gave up on the Scots for that; started using some of the outsiders that couldn't count their gold.



> Crikey Jocky! Whereabouts were you bitten?


Gosh, I missed that altogether! :Yikes:  Are you starting to change yet, man?
Are you beginning to crave those long cigarettes and the feel of silky underthings?




> They did and I am afraid our love of money has led to a lot of grief, however we have always been magnanimous in defeat.


Just bide your time, Jocky. You'll have a true Scotts queen one of these days...Let's all drink to the fallen Caty, what a sweet girl she was...
 :Cheers2: 



> This woman is one of the sexiest in the world!!


Well, this isn't her best pic. I saw one in a teddy; she can be a knockout..(somehow, my computer kept going on the fritz when I tried to blow the pic up ) This pic shows too much of the thick makeup and a few skin flaws...
Details, Jester, what was she like when you met her?

----------


## prendrelemick

> This woman is one of the sexiest in the world!!



Excellent post Jester.


However she has a bulge-out belly button :Ack2:

----------


## Jesterhead

> Well, this isn't her best pic. I saw one in a teddy; she can be a knockout..(somehow, my computer kept going on the fritz when I tried to blow the pic up ) This pic shows too much of the thick makeup and a few skin flaws...
> Details, Jester, what was she like when you met her?


She is an amazing person, funny, kind and intelligent, definitely a knock out. I first met her about 1½ years ago at a halloween party in a club called The Rock, where I was absolutely psyched to meet her. It was one of my brothers friends who introduced me to her, and since then we have been to several parties together and hang out at times. I have nudes of her but I don't think I can post that on here.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Excellent post Jester.
> 
> However she has a bulge-out belly button


I don't think they use the penny on the belly buttons on babies anymore...Atheist would know...




> She is an amazing person, funny, kind and intelligent, definitely a knock out. I first met her about 1½ years ago at a halloween party in a club called The Rock, where I was absolutely psyched to meet her. It was one of my brothers friends who introduced me to her, and since then we have been to several parties together and hang out at times. I have nudes of her but I don't think I can post that on here.


You're a lucky fellow, Jester. Wow, hot and brains...I did see a couple of clothed pics that were good. I think they may just have the wrong make up on her in this one...what's her natural hair color?

----------


## Jesterhead

> Excellent post Jester.
> 
> 
> However she has a bulge-out belly button


That is a belly button ring.

----------


## Jesterhead

> You're a lucky fellow, Jester. Wow, hot and brains...I did see a couple of clothed pics that were good. I think they may just have the wrong make up on her in this one...what's her natural hair color?


She is a natural redhead, trust me. But slightly more brownish than it is in her model pictures. Like this

----------


## The Atheist

> Anne Lindfjeld. She is a danish MTV host, headbangers ballroom. I have met her several times, but I still think she is sexy as hell.


Ok, I've done the Google thing now - I'd never heard of her.

She's certainly got a hot bod!

I see she is heavily into tats as well as piercing. I quite like the arms, but I'm not a big fan tattoos on fists - what on earth do they say?




> I have always wondered how a parent handles a cocky teen once he starts developing muscle and is a head taller than you.


Unluckily for that pair, I'm a head bigger than they were then, and still a few inches taller.

The next boy will be the one - the nearly eight-year old. He is going to be a monster. He's one of those kids that looks scrawny, but is all bone and muscle and already looks a year or so older than his mates. I might have to get him to take up smoking otherwise he might end up in the 6'4" to 6'6" range.






> She is an amazing person, funny, kind and intelligent, definitely a knock out.


Funny and intelligent always turns me on!




> I have nudes of her but I don't think I can post that on here.


Quite right!

(Dammit!)

 :Biggrin: 




> I don't think they use the penny on the belly buttons on babies anymore...Atheist would know...


My word, I haven't heard of that one for many, many years.

God, we're showing our age!

 :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> She is a natural redhead, trust me. But slightly more brownish than it is in her model pictures. Like this


That is a threesome no one says no to: a gun, a beautiful woman and Ben and Jerrys :FRlol: 
I am curious about the tats on the hand. I like the tats on guys backs and shoulders; but I'm always afraid of getting involved considering the whole Hepatitis C thing. 




> Ok, I've done the Google thing now - I'd never heard of her.
> 
> She's certainly got a hot bod!
> I see she is heavily into tats as well as piercing. I quite like the arms, but I'm not a big fan tattoos on fists - what on earth do they say?
> 
> Unluckily for that pair, I'm a head bigger than they were then, and still a few inches taller.
> The next boy will be the one - the nearly eight-year old. He is going to be a monster. He's one of those kids that looks scrawny, but is all bone and muscle and already looks a year or so older than his mates. I might have to get him to take up smoking otherwise he might end up in the 6'4" to 6'6" range.
> 
> Funny and intelligent always turns me 
> ...


You're going to be a great power to deal with even in your 80's Atheist, great genes...The baby looks like he's going to be a big fellow also!

Ah, but the men are getting to where they like us a little older; I'd say that you may only have 5 years on this hot redhead...wouldn't you say?

----------


## Jesterhead



----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Here's a red head for ya:
(with champagne and beans no less!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8T1ZR98aEA

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Here's a red head for ya:
> (with champagne and beans no less!)
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8T1ZR98aEA
> 
> Gilliatt


A great lady! I love the story of how she fell and her husband rescued her, stole a plane and flew her to have surgery. Later, he became disabled and she cared for him...
She fell off a motor cycle she was riding in 2000...what a woman!

----------


## The Atheist

> Here's a red head for ya:


Oh yeah. Ann-Margaret, I've always had a ...... soft spot for her.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sorry to wrench this thread away from fascinating redheads.

Parker! a bottle of Champagne to Mr Trott at Lords please, the first double century by an England player (ok he's Irish really) since Petersen in 2006 (who's South African, but still.)
And in the tradition of fair play and respecting one's opponent a bottle for Mr Shahadat for his 5 wickets.

----------


## The Atheist

> Sorry to wrench this thread away from fascinating redheads.
> 
> Parker! a bottle of Champagne to Mr Trott at Lords please,


He sent a magnum, I understand.




> the first double century by an England player (ok he's Irish really)


Don't we still own Ireland?




> since Petersen in 2006 (who's South African, but still.)
> And in the tradition of fair play and respecting one's opponent a bottle for Mr Shahadat for his 5 wickets.


Quite right.

A bottle of ginger ale in deference to his religion.*









*Parker's religion, that is - saving money

----------


## prendrelemick

Any way back to the Redheads, does any one remember the gorgeous Susan Heyward?

The way she would rake her experienced eyes over the romantic lead with a mixture of invitation and disdain. Like she was saying "So you think you're man enough do you?" Then her mouth - a half smile playing over her luscious lips, a little bit challengeing, a little bit sluttish, for the right man that is - a Yorkshire farmer for example.  :Drool5:

----------


## Jesterhead

> Any way back to the Redheads, does any one remember the gorgeous Susan Heyward?
> 
> The way she would rake her experienced eyes over the romantic lead with a mixture of invitation and disdain. Like she was saying "So you think you're man enough do you?" Then her mouth - a half smile playing over her luscious lips, a little bit challengeing, a little bit sluttish, for the right man that is - a Yorkshire farmer for example.


It is hard to resist that look in her eyes, she looks so inviting yet so confident.

----------


## soundofmusic

> He sent a magnum, I understand.
> 
> Don't we still own Ireland?
> 
> Quite right.
> 
> A bottle of ginger ale in deference to his religion.*
> 
> *Parker's religion, that is - saving money


 :FRlol:  :Wink: Have Parker send me a bottle of both, one to occupy myself during the games and one to settle my stomach afterwards....




> Any way back to the Redheads, does any one remember the gorgeous Susan Heyward?
> 
> The way she would rake her experienced eyes over the romantic lead with a mixture of invitation and disdain. Like she was saying "So you think you're man enough do you?" Then her mouth - a half smile playing over her luscious lips, a little bit challengeing, a little bit sluttish, for the right man that is - a Yorkshire farmer for example. 
> 
> I am sure a Yorkshire farmer would be just the thing. Good old Susan, that was back in the day when a redhead was a redhead and not just a mousy blonde in disguise....
> 
> Though, I still have a bit of a prejudice against redheads, owing to the fact that both Mr Sounds found them far superior to the average brunette...





> It is hard to resist that look in her eyes, she looks so inviting yet so confident.


So, do men like confident women on the screen; or do they like them in the home as well :Confused5:  Mr Sounds 1 thought my confidence was, at times, annoying; while Mr Sounds 2 found it just plain scary ; he always managed to disappear just as I was complaining to the carpet man, "Yes, it looks very nice; but I insist on having my front door put back on" :Flare:

----------


## Jesterhead

> So, do men like confident women on the screen; or do they like them in the home as well Mr Sounds 1 thought my confidence was, at times, annoying; while Mr Sounds 2 found it just plain scary ; he always managed to disappear just as I was complaining to the carpet man, "Yes, it looks very nice; but I insist on having my front door put back on"


I find confidence very attractive in women, too emotional women are the most annoying, as you really have to watch what you say and I do not find that attractive at all. Did someone pull your door down?

----------


## soundofmusic

> I find confidence very attractive in women, too emotional women are the most annoying, as you really have to watch what you say and I do not find that attractive at all. Did someone pull your door down?


Yes, the second Mr Sounds was a Navy fellow...a guy's guy...and I usually left him to swap stories with the repair men; I usually showed up a few minutes before to compliment them both, hand them a drink and a tip. 
On this particular day, I noticed that while the carpet looked magnificent; both the inner and outer doors were still laying in a pile. I insisted the fellow needed to rehang the doors and Mr Sounds said, "Oh, it's nothing, I can do it; just got to shave a little off the bottoms". 
I reminded Mr Sounds that, in Florida, inside doors were hollow. Mr Sounds looked alittle taken a back but still insisted we pay the fellow and give him a tip. We slept, that night, with a board nailed over the front door and the following day, it took Mr Sounds all day to refit and rehang the front door. 

It has been 25 years, and there are still no closet doors hanging :FRlol:

----------


## stlukesguild

Well... its Memorial Day weekend... I have three days off followed by a mere 7 more days of work before summer vacation. This is the one time of the year when I think, "Oh yeah... teaching's not a bad gig after all." :Banana: 

I just completed my latest painting after a long day in the HOT studio and so now I'm sitting back... just finished steaks on the grill... and I'm listening to _Kind of Blue_ with my second _Young's Double Chocolate_ in hand... I have a _Three Philosopher's Belgian Ale_ and a couple of _Sam Smith Imperial Stouts_ waiting in the wings... along with the Rolling Stones on the disc changer. It's gonna be one of those nights. :Party:  :Cheers2:

----------


## jocky

It looks like I have missed a weekend of unadulterated debauchery. Half naked women, glorious redheads, sailors, swinging doors and cricket. Life would have been so much better had we followed the words of the immortal Dryden. 

In pious times, ere priest-craft did begin,
Before polygamy was made a sin;
When man, on many, multipli,d his kind,
Ere one to one was cursedly confined
Promiscuous use of cocubine and bride;
Then Israel's monarch, after Heaven's own heart,
His vigorous warmth did variously impart
To wives and slaves: and wide his command,
Scattered his makers image through the land.

This post was vetted and approved by Mrs Jocky.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well... its Memorial Day weekend... 
> ...I just completed my latest painting after a long day in the studio and so now I'm sitting back... 
> ...just finished steaks on the grill... 
> ...Three Philosopher's Belgian Ale
> ...a couple of Sam Smith Imperial Stouts
> ...the Rolling Stones on the disc changer. 
> It's gonna be one of those nights.


hey hey - StLukes !!
Sounds like a great evening, savor the moment!!




> ...the words of the immortal Dryden.


Whoa! I just noticed a slight spike on the Blokes thread intellectual meter. Must be the combination of StLukes presence and your quoting Dryden. 
Ahhh, too bad...looks like I pegged it back to "0".

In the meantime, StLukes,I will enjoy a Spaten "Optimator" and deal with the Opossum's in the creek:




I just took that photo about an hour ago. The old fella had our dogs in a fit of agitation.
He is clamping down on a stick that I was attempting to use to carry him further away.

Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> hey hey - StLukes !!
> Sounds like a great evening, savor the moment!!
> 
> 
> 
> Whoa! I just noticed a slight spike on the Blokes thread intellectual meter. Must be the combination of StLukes presence and your quoting Dryden. 
> Ahhh, too bad...looks like I pegged it back to "0"
> 
> 
> ...


How long did it take you to google Dryden ?

----------


## stlukesguild

The wife joined me on our slow slip sliddin' into inebriation (she with a lovely raspberry lambic) so I've post-poned the Stones and we're listening to some mellow Brubeck (the classic _Take Five_ album).

Well I broke out my bottle of _Three Philosopher's Belgian Ale_ (10% alcohol! :Drool5: ) Nietzsche is peachy... but nothing beats the three philosophers: Larry, Curly, and Moe... with the Stone blarin'! :Hat:  :Thumbs Up:  :Devil:  :Crazy: 

Rape! Murder! It's just a shout away!

Gimme Shelter!



Oh yeah... this one will do you in. (Thank God for spell check!) The only thing better is the hard stuff: Jack Daniels or Three Worm Tequila :Drool5: .

"I'll stick my knife right down your throat, baby, and that hurts..."

"I'm a monke..............y!!!"



Sheer poetry :FRlol: 

"You can't always get what you want..."

----------


## prendrelemick

Hows the head St Lukes ?

----------


## Jesterhead

> Yes, the second Mr Sounds was a Navy fellow...a guy's guy...and I usually left him to swap stories with the repair men; I usually showed up a few minutes before to compliment them both, hand them a drink and a tip. 
> On this particular day, I noticed that while the carpet looked magnificent; both the inner and outer doors were still laying in a pile. I insisted the fellow needed to rehang the doors and Mr Sounds said, "Oh, it's nothing, I can do it; just got to shave a little off the bottoms". 
> I reminded Mr Sounds that, in Florida, inside doors were hollow. Mr Sounds looked alittle taken a back but still insisted we pay the fellow and give him a tip. We slept, that night, with a board nailed over the front door and the following day, it took Mr Sounds all day to refit and rehang the front door. 
> 
> It has been 25 years, and there are still no closet doors hanging


haha, sometimes you should just leave that up to professionals instead of insisting you do it yourself, it can go terribly wrong.

Now this is a beautiful redhead. 





Simone Simons, an extremely beautiful woman who I wouldn't mind dropping by once or twice.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Hows the head St Lukes ?


I've got a feeling that we won't see St Lukes around for couple of days...

----------


## stlukesguild

Nah... I only slept 'til noon. Not bad for going to bed after 2:00 and as out of it as I was. I never get a hang over from good beer. I was a professional at this for longer than I'll admit. Wine on the other hand........ugh! Sulphites! You're sure to be worshiping the porcelain god!  :Sick: 

I'm ready for my steak and eggs! :Drool5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> It looks like I have missed a weekend of unadulterated debauchery. Half naked women, glorious redheads, sailors, swinging doors and cricket. Life would have been so much better had we followed the words of the immortal Dryden. 
> 
> In pious times, ere priest-craft did begin,
> Before polygamy was made a sin;
> When man, on many, multipli,d his kind,
> Ere one to one was cursedly confined
> Promiscuous use of cocubine and bride;
> Then Israel's monarch, after Heaven's own heart,
> His vigorous warmth did variously impart
> ...


If you hadn't of told me; I would have thought the poem was a Jocky original :FRlol: 




> hey hey - StLukes !!
> Sounds like a great evening, savor the moment!!
> 
> Whoa! I just noticed a slight spike on the Blokes thread intellectual meter. Must be the combination of StLukes presence and your quoting Dryden. 
> Ahhh, too bad...looks like I pegged it back to "0".
> 
> In the meantime, StLukes,I will enjoy a Spaten "Optimator" and deal with the Opossum's in the creek:
> 
> I just took that photo about an hour ago. The old fella had our dogs in a fit of agitation.
> ...


You're too late, Gilliatt, I already brought the intellectual meter down by thinking Jocky wrote Dryden...
I'm afraid I'd rather look out my window at possums and racoons (my cats love the racoons...fascinated that they can eat with their hands) than raise my IQ :Blush: 


Hey stlukesguild, if you turn off Mick and turn on the a/c; I'll stay for the steak and a profound discussion of the antics of the stooges :FRlol: 





> haha, sometimes you should just leave that up to professionals instead of insisting you do it yourself, it can go terribly wrong.
> 
> Simone Simons, an extremely beautiful woman who I wouldn't mind dropping by once or twice.


I'm not sure how I prefer things. In the old days, a woman had to convince her husband to take a break and call the professionals (part with that cash he was saving for a new fishing rod) or suffer in silence as he jerry rigged the fridge and it started walking through the house :FRlol: 
Of course, alot of blokes have found, nowadays, that it's much easier to leave the wife home with the plumber, let her pay 80 dollars to change that tiny washer in the dripping faucet; and head off to the creek with the old fishing rod :Idea:  :Leaving: 

It would really be a dilema whether to stare at her cleavage or eyes....I guess the eyes are always there :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Nah... I only slept 'til noon. Not bad for going to bed after 2:00 and as out of it as I was. I never get a hang over from good beer. I was a professional at this for longer than I'll admit. Wine on the other hand........ugh! Sulphites! You're sure to be worshiping the porcelain god! 
> 
> I'm ready for my steak and eggs!


Wine hangovers prove that wine is actually an invention of Satan.

On the other hand, in years past, I've been able to put away a full bottle of scotch during the night and wake like a baby.

Like a baby in the way that my brain isn't capable of working, but feeling great!

Steak & eggs? Make mine a double.




> Now this is a beautiful redhead.


There's something about that porcelain quality of reheads' skin that does it, I'm sure. She's a classic example.




> If you hadn't of told me; I would have thought the poem was a Jocky original


Not good enough to be jocky's own work.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not good enough to be jocky's own work.


 :Blush:  I apologize, Jocky :Sad: 


What did you say...there's something vampirish...all that white porcelain skin and blue veins....not to mention the black leather and hair color compliments from loreal?

Meow...Sorry guys; I hope I don't lose my "bloke status"; but the girl in me comes out every once in a while feeling catty... :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> What did you say...there's something vampirish...all that white porcelain skin and blue veins....not to mention the black leather and hair color compliments from loreal?


Yes, I note that very, very few redheads have natural colour these days. The other thing is, most redheads are covered in freckles - unless their parents kept them 100% out of the sun as kids - so either Photoshop or heavy makeup is necessary.




> Meow...Sorry guys; I hope I don't lose my "bloke status"; but the girl in me comes out every once in a while feeling catty...


 :FRlol: 

That's perfectly ok.

You must get on famously with Parker - he's as catty as a tomcat party outside the cattery for single purebred females.

Hey, I see we've lost our Saffer mate - the Dizzy Doll. She asked for her account to be deleted, which isn't possible on vBulletin, so she's been listed as banned.

I always wonder why people do that. I've "left" lots of forums, but never found the need to stop my account or anything - I just don't go back to them.

----------


## stlukesguild

In the meantime, StLukes,I will enjoy a Spaten "Optimator" 

Ooh! Great beer! I haven't had one in a while. I still remember my first. An artist friend bought one for me the day before I moved back from NYC.

Wine hangovers prove that wine is actually an invention of Satan.

On the other hand, in years past, I've been able to put away a full bottle of scotch during the night and wake like a baby.

Like a baby in the way that my brain isn't capable of working, but feeling great!


Oh yes. I remember one morning after having put away a good portion of a 5th of Jack Daniels. As I staggered to the john, the wife mockingly intoned, "You deserve whatever hangover you've got after last night," to which I replied, "What hang-over? I'm still drunk." :FRlol: 

I've learned to stick with one type of drink (beers or clears...), avoid excesses in wine, and drink a healthy amount of water before finally hitting the sack.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, I note that very, very few redheads have natural colour these days. The other thing is, most redheads are covered in freckles - unless their parents kept them 100% out of the sun as kids - so either Photoshop or heavy makeup is necessary.
> 
> 
> That's perfectly ok.
> 
> You must get on famously with Parker - he's as catty as a tomcat party outside the cattery for single purebred females.
> 
> Hey, I see we've lost our Saffer mate - the Dizzy Doll. She asked for her account to be deleted, which isn't possible on vBulletin, so she's been listed as banned.
> 
> I always wonder why people do that. I've "left" lots of forums, but never found the need to stop my account or anything - I just don't go back to them.


Well thank you, I've got my cattiness out for another year...Parker cured it by dosing me heavily with champagne and promising to end the night at a ladies only tupperware party...I hear there may be a dancing policeman :Banana:  :Banana:  and cake...I love cake :Drool5: 

Yes, I do miss dear Dizzy and her wild pms...she definitely had my curiosity peaked with the American writing accent, the Vegas attitude and all the paranormal stuff...I've never quite met anyone like her...maybe I and Parker will run into her at the tupperware party

Now, we should all take our hats off and drink to Scher for her long suffering and lady like conduct while she was being publicly accused and abused by the doll: cheers2: 

Anyway, I think the idea was that Diz wanted to come back as someone else and give things a new start and I'd love to see her; unfortunately, we can't really leave ourselves behind no matter how many aliases we create :CoolgleamA:

----------


## soundofmusic

> In the meantime, StLukes,I will enjoy a Spaten "Optimator" 
> 
> Ooh! Great beer! I haven't had one in a while. I still remember my first. An artist friend bought one for me the day before I moved back from NYC.
> 
> Wine hangovers prove that wine is actually an invention of Satan.
> 
> On the other hand, in years past, I've been able to put away a full bottle of scotch during the night and wake like a baby.
> 
> Like a baby in the way that my brain isn't capable of working, but feeling great!
> ...


I don't beieve I spent a year thinking you were a profound and statuesque chick  :Dupe:  :Conehead:  :Out: 
So now that I've been in the dark so long; when do we get to the topic of who was the best 3rd stooge...I still like curley best :Biggrinjester:

----------


## prendrelemick

> haha, sometimes you should just leave that up to professionals instead of insisting you do it yourself, it can go terribly wrong.
> 
> Now this is a beautiful redhead. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Simone Simons, an extremely beautiful woman who I wouldn't mind dropping by once or twice.


I can't help noticing that as well as red hair, obvious and on display breasts are a feature of your ideal women. Are we chaps really so shallow? :Wink5:  




> Yes, I do miss dear Dizzy and her wild pms...she definitely had my curiosity peaked with the American writing accent, the Vegas attitude and all the paranormal stuff...I've never quite met anyone like her...maybe I and Parker will run into her at the tupperware part
> 
> Anyway, I think the idea was that Diz wanted to come back as someone else and give things a new start and I'd love to see her; unfortunately, we can't really leave ourselves behind no matter how many aliases we create


Thats true. As a young lad I wanted to be called Arnie.

----------


## The Atheist

> Well thank you, I've got my cattiness out for another year...Parker cured it by dosing me heavily with champagne and promising to end the night at a ladies only tupperware party...I hear there may be a dancing policeman and cake...I love cake


Ah, the old "men in uniform" trick!




> Now, we should all take our hats off and drink to Scher for her long suffering and lady like conduct while she was being publicly accused and abused by the doll: cheers2: 
> 
> Anyway, I think the idea was that Diz wanted to come back as someone else and give things a new start and I'd love to see her; unfortunately, we can't really leave ourselves behind no matter how many aliases we create


Ok, I missed all that. Sounds better than Peyton Place!




> I can't help noticing that as well as red hair, obvious and on display breasts are a feature of your ideal women. Are we chaps really so shallow?


Yes.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm still reeling from Sounds suggeson that I become a Love Doctor. Question: can love doctors self medicate? 

Anyway it seems as if it's all been happening since Parker and I went on the town. Redeads and hangovers abound. I agree about the wine. The last time I got leathered on it I ended up with my head down my outside drain. It was a long time ago I hasten to add. I'm now a pillar of the community - pillock of the community my wife says...

----------


## Jesterhead

> I'm not sure how I prefer things. In the old days, a woman had to convince her husband to take a break and call the professionals (part with that cash he was saving for a new fishing rod) or suffer in silence as he jerry rigged the fridge and it started walking through the house
> Of course, alot of blokes have found, nowadays, that it's much easier to leave the wife home with the plumber, let her pay 80 dollars to change that tiny washer in the dripping faucet; and head off to the creek with the old fishing rod
> 
> It would really be a dilema whether to stare at her cleavage or eyes....I guess the eyes are always there


Luckily my father is an expert in fixing things, so I just call him if there is anything I can't figure out myself. If he then can't figure it out, I just pay for it. 

That is a dilemma I find myself in quite alot :Wink5:  who can argue the beauty of Simone Simons?




> I can't help noticing that as well as red hair, obvious and on display breasts are a feature of your ideal women. Are we chaps really so shallow?


Well yes, Rock chicks with large breasts are a huge turn on for me  :Cornut:  but in a long term relationship, I find other qualities attractive, even though most of my past girlfriends has been rock chicks... with large breasts. 




> There's something about that porcelain quality of reheads' skin that does it, I'm sure. She's a classic example.


She is, and not just that she is an excellent singer too.. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyDhK7B7MrU

----------


## soundofmusic

> I can't help noticing that as well as red hair, obvious and on display breasts are a feature of your ideal women. Are we chaps really so shallow?
> 
> Thats true. As a young lad I wanted to be called Arnie.


My first lover was a redhead...I'm not sure whether they are more popular for their appearance, temperament, or that they just make a greater effort to make an impression (without appearing to do so)...
This fellow had a fierce temper and was part rabbit :Banana:  :Banana: 
I think "Mick" is a really sexy name; but I may be biased because I only know 2 arnolds, one is a 65 yo drug dealer/insurance man and the other is a television series pig :Piggy: 




> Ah, the old "men in uniform" trick!
> 
> Ok, I missed all that. Sounds better than Peyton Place!


I was very disappointed when Parker went home with the fellows phone number, badge and gstring...along with the 50 I put in it :Prrr: 

Well, I had the advantage of pms! Dizzy thought Scher was a stalker who displayed a marked preference for Mark and was in love with hillwalker...
I told her that the more controversial threads are watched more by the mods, Mark only annoys people he really likes (No I didn't say that...well, not quite the same way :Smilielol5: ) and men and women alike love hillwalker because he always gives encouragement and only kind constructive criticism.
Why do people always think my profound psychological profiles resemble soap operas :Confused5:  :Leaving: 




> I'm still reeling from Sounds suggeson that I become a Love Doctor. Question: can love doctors self medicate?


You Are the love doctor , we have only to put the sign out on your front door. You probably shouldn't self medicate; if we mere mortals have side effects ("which may last up to 4 hours"...what horrid things could befall you)




> Luckily my father is an expert in fixing things, so I just call him if there is anything I can't figure out myself. If he then can't figure it out, I just pay for it. 
> 
> That is a dilemma I find myself in quite alot who can argue the beauty of Simone Simons?


I think that was always the problem I had: my dad had only an 8th grade education; but he could fix all the household appliances, build rooms on the house, rebuild car engines. I think that's why my husbands felt the need to compete; but by the time I married, cars and appliances were more complicated and there were building codes. 

Simone is of course, very beautiful. I was jumping around you tube and noticed her, early on, with very pale blonde hair and a bit more facial color, the eyes are the same. 
I was confused about the voice; she had a bit of an "Eliza Dolittle" accent...so I don't know if she studied opera or her performances are micked like so many other singers. Wherever the voice comes from, it is a showstopper!

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm still reeling from Sounds suggeson that I become a Love Doctor. Question: can love doctors self medicate?


You what?????

Oh..... "medicate". 

I guess.




> Well yes, Rock chicks with large breasts are a huge turn on for me  but in a long term relationship, I find other qualities attractive, even though most of my past girlfriends has been rock chicks... with large breasts.


You really need to hone that down a bit.

As it stands, you're including Courtney Love.




> My first lover was a redhead...I'm not sure whether they are more popular for their appearance, temperament, or that they just make a greater effort to make an impression (without appearing to do so)...


Well, Prince Harry has just been dubbed "King of Cool" by some magazine, so maybe you're onto something!

----------


## prendrelemick

> I was confused about the voice; she had a bit of an "Eliza Dolittle" accent...so I don't know if she studied opera or her performances are micked like so many other singers. Wherever the voice comes from, it is a showstopper!



I never touched her!













unfortunately :Nonod:

----------


## Jesterhead

> I think that was always the problem I had: my dad had only an 8th grade education; but he could fix all the household appliances, build rooms on the house, rebuild car engines. I think that's why my husbands felt the need to compete; but by the time I married, cars and appliances were more complicated and there were building codes. 
> 
> Simone is of course, very beautiful. I was jumping around you tube and noticed her, early on, with very pale blonde hair and a bit more facial color, the eyes are the same. 
> I was confused about the voice; she had a bit of an "Eliza Dolittle" accent...so I don't know if she studied opera or her performances are micked like so many other singers. Wherever the voice comes from, it is a showstopper!


Men feel the need to compete with their father in law, it starts from the alittle too firm handshake by the door where you know he is just thinking 'i know you are doing my daughter'. jk, but men sure have the need to be able to build and repair things, because its masculine I guess. 

I do not think her voice is micked, she has taken classical singing lessons and sang in a choir before joining Epica. She has a very powerful operatic voice with a very unique style. I saw her live once, and it was a great experience. 




> You really need to hone that down a bit.
> 
> As it stands, you're including Courtney Love.


Yea okay, but with rock chicks I am refering to women like Maria Brink

----------


## The Atheist

You're obviously some kind of tattoo fan!

I cannot figure out why anyone would want to do that to him/herself. Tattoos are fine with me, but I'm a great fan of keeping them in places where you can hide them if it's appropriate.

She's gonna feel completely stupid in 40-50 years' time when she's off to pick the grandchildren up from school. I hope she realises how much more getting them taken off hurts than getting them.

----------


## soundofmusic

> You what?????
> 
> Well, Prince Harry has just been dubbed ]"King of Cool"[/URL] by some magazine, so maybe you're onto something!


Well, he is quite adorable in that uniform. I was curious about his lineage; but maybe he was fortuanate enough to resemble Phillip and his mom instead of his dad. 




> I never touched her!
> 
> unfortunately


I don't know, does anyone ever sleep with gingers or do they just spring up like that chick in Beowulf. I have this theory that if men actually ever slept with redheads, it would get out of their system....all the men I know are forever in love because they were all dumped by a ginger. Now I had my ginger, dumped him years ago and it is all out of my system...except for Robert pattinson :Drool5: 

Yes, I did catch that...How is it spelled: miced...nah, miked...maybe... :Leaving: 




> Men feel the need to compete with their father in law, it starts from the alittle too firm handshake by the door where you know he is just thinking 'i know you are doing my daughter'. jk, but men sure have the need to be able to build and repair things, because its masculine I guess. 
> 
> I do not think her voice is micked, she has taken classical singing lessons and sang in a choir before joining Epica. She has a very powerful operatic voice with a very unique style. I saw her live once, and it was a great experience. 
> 
> Yea okay, but with rock chicks I am refering to women like Maria Brink


Yeah, it's that way with mothers also; only, they look into the girls soul and can see for themselves what you are doing with their son...positively creepy...
It would be nice if all men could fix things and all women could cook and clean...utopia.
Well, if that's the case, the girl has it all...how do you plan to get her? What, you're going to let the perfect woman get away....

Okay, another vote...all of these rocker chicks have breasts that look like oranges....no torpedos, no confused falling to the sides or turning up...are they real? 



> You're obviously some kind of tattoo fan!
> 
> I cannot figure out why anyone would want to do that to him/herself. Tattoos are fine with me, but I'm a great fan of keeping them in places where you can hide them if it's appropriate.
> 
> She's gonna feel completely stupid in 40-50 years' time when she's off to pick the grandchildren up from school. I hope she realises how much more getting them taken off hurts than getting them.


Okay, guys, any tattoos....
I think it just ruins an already beautiful woman; though I do recall one readhead with a vine down her back. She always wore backless clothes and it was just fascinating; until she turned around and had that big diamond sticking from her nose...it looked like someone needed to give her a tissue...

----------


## The Atheist

> Okay, another vote...all of these rocker chicks have breasts that look like oranges....no torpedos, no confused falling to the sides or turning up...are they real?


Hard to tell, but there are so many false ones, you'd never know until you.... got your hands on them? 




> Okay, guys, any tattoos....


I have a black panther from a time when it wasn't trendy to have tatts. It's on my bicep, so I can decide whether it's out or hidden.




> I think it just ruins an already beautiful woman; though I do recall one readhead with a vine down her back. She always wore backless clothes and it was just fascinating; until she turned around and had that big diamond sticking from her nose...it looked like someone needed to give her a tissue...


Oh god yes, if tattooing detracts, piercings do so much more detracting.

I've never understood that at all.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Hey, I just thought of another red head !

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EgE6PbBEIc

Oh, you thought I was talking about Ginger? 
Get a load of Mrs. Howell !! (on the right)

In the words of Austin Powers;
"Yeah baby"

----------


## Jesterhead

> You're obviously some kind of tattoo fan!
> 
> I cannot figure out why anyone would want to do that to him/herself. Tattoos are fine with me, but I'm a great fan of keeping them in places where you can hide them if it's appropriate.
> 
> She's gonna feel completely stupid in 40-50 years' time when she's off to pick the grandchildren up from school. I hope she realises how much more getting them taken off hurts than getting them.


yes I am! Especially long tatoos down the arms of women and back tatoos. 

She is probably going to feel stupid at that time, but being the lead singer of a metal band I think she likes them and wouldn't change it, though I don't know about how Maria Brink feels about her tatoos. 




> Yeah, it's that way with mothers also; only, they look into the girls soul and can see for themselves what you are doing with their son...positively creepy...
> It would be nice if all men could fix things and all women could cook and clean...utopia.
> Well, if that's the case, the girl has it all...how do you plan to get her? What, you're going to let the perfect woman get away....
> 
> Okay, another vote...all of these rocker chicks have breasts that look like oranges....no torpedos, no confused falling to the sides or turning up...are they real?


Haha yea most moms are like that, though my mother has always liked the girls I brought home when I was living there. 

Yea I would like to be able to fix things, but sadly I don't know what is up and down on most of those things, so if something brakes I just ramble around with it for a while, until I come to the conclusion that it doesn't work, and call my dad. 

And I will not let Simone Simons get away, I will get her one day, you'll see :Biggrin: 

Anne Lindfjelds breasts are real, though I don't know about the others. I like to imagine those are real too.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hard to tell, but there are so many false ones, you'd never know until you.... got your hands on them? 
> 
> I have a black panther from a time when it wasn't trendy to have tatts. It's on my bicep, so I can decide whether it's out or hidden.


I and jester will bring the girls by for authenticity testing; should we bring them to the front door or the servants entrance :FRlol: 
Ah, I knew you'd have something wild and untamable on your bicep...I'd cover up if you visit the Southern US.




> Hey, I just thought of another red head !
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EgE6PbBEIc
> 
> Oh, you thought I was talking about Ginger? 
> Get a load of Mrs. Howell !! (on the right)
> 
> In the words of Austin Powers;
> "Yeah baby"


Ah yes, sweet Tina, she aged well too; did you see her in Stepford Wives?




> yes I am! Especially long tatoos down the arms of women and back tatoos. 
> 
> Haha yea most moms are like that, though my mother has always liked the girls I brought home when I was living there. 
> Yea I would like to be able to fix things, but sadly I don't know what is up and down on most of those things, so if something brakes I just ramble around with it for a while, until I come to the conclusion that it doesn't work, and call my dad. 
> And I will not let Simone Simons get away, I will get her one day, you'll see
> Anne Lindfjelds breasts are real, though I don't know about the others. I like to imagine those are real too.


Did you bring any tattooed girls home to mom? 
Young tattooed girls often look pretty good; it's the old fat moms with the tats on their enormous legs and chest that gross a person out...

Well get dad to show you soon; my dad is 87 now, last time I visited he limped out to my car, nose cancer in the bright sun and began cleaning my car battery, cursing the whole time...(he's very religious, but the abuse of a car engine is something that always makes him take his lords name in vain)

Well, I plan to tell Robert Pattinson I'm the candy man; how are you planing to catch Simone...and how did you check Annes breasts?

----------


## The Atheist

I have one more thing to add to the subject of redheads.

----------


## soundofmusic

Oh God, what is that...Everybody run :Alien:

----------


## jocky

> If you hadn't of told me; I would have thought the poem was a Jocky original
> 
> 
> 
> You're too late, Gilliatt, I already brought the intellectual meter down by thinking Jocky wrote Dryden...
> I'm afraid I'd rather look out my window at possums and racoons (my cats love the racoons...fascinated that they can eat with their hands) than raise my IQ:blush


What dyah mean? I can write poetry with the best of them, just read this and swoon,

There was a young man fom Darjeiling,
Who boarded a bus going to Ealing.
A sign on the door,
Said dont spit on the floor,
So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.

This intellectual snobbery has to cease now or I will start exclaiming my take on Oedipus Rex complete with masks and chorus.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> What dyah mean? I can write poetry with the best of them, just read this and swoon,
> 
> There was a young man fom Darjeiling,
> Who boarded a bus going to Ealing.
> A sign on the door,
> Said dont spit on the floor,
> So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
> 
> This intellectual snobbery has to cease now or I will start exclaiming my take on Oedipus Rex complete with masks and chorus.



(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvTQW...eature=related)

That my friend is brilliant!
Chaucer just shifted to his side.

We demand more!

----------


## jocky

> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvTQW...eature=related)
> 
> That my friend is brilliant!
> Chaucer just shifted to his side.
> 
> We demand more!


Aaah, you mean Chaunticleer and Pertilot or was it Pertilot and Chaunticleer ? Forgive me Gilly in my dotage I get confused. Who mentioned Rosencrantz and Guildenstein, or was it Guildenstein and Rosencrantz, I..... I ..... forget when does the World cup start again ? Scotland are defenitely going to win it this time round. ! Baagh humbug. :Frown:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

OK Jocky, I just knocked down another Spaten, so here goes:

With Chaunticleer and Pertilot
I already get a lot
With Pertilot and Chaunticleer
I see a world cup full of beer!

Rosencrantz and Guildenstein
Share a guilded stein full of wine 
Guildenstein and Rosencrantz
Imbibed with wine lost their stance

What d'ya think?

----------


## jocky

> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvTQW...eature=related)
> 
> That my friend is brilliant!
> Chaucer just shifted to his side.
> 
> We demand more!


There is an old Scottish saying, those who ask don't get, and those who don't ask dont want.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Ok Jocky, I understand. 
I suppose I was being a bit greedy, asking for too much too soon.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRTkCHE1sS4

----------


## jocky

> OK Jocky, I just knocked down another Spaten, so here goes:
> 
> With Chaunticleer and Pertilot
> I already get a lot
> With Pertilot and Chaunticleer
> I see a world cup full of beer!
> 
> Rosencrantz and Guildenstein
> Share a guilded stein full of wine 
> ...


 :FRlol: 

Nobody ever paid me to think, just do. Obviously I will never make a teacher. On reflection your doggerel is much better than mine. Well thought out, planned and perfectly executed. Did you ever hear about the mathemetician who announced that there were three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who cant?  :Smile: 




> I never touched her!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...



 :FRlol: 

There are reliable witnesses North of the border who well know you are lying. We have the goods on you Mick, did you notice her Scottish accent ' Nah Nah, leave me alone rough farmer, well at least till you wash the sheep dip off your hands'

 :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh God, what is that...Everybody run


How on earth someone with all the attractions of Prince Andrew - good loks, war hero, rich, mum's the queen, etc - managed to end up with her, I'll never know.

She's a slapper.

And has been proving it again, turning a PR disaster into a full-blown publicity stunt. She was even on Oprah!

I won't go into the sanity (or veracity of the story) of the alleged Saudi Prince who wanted to pay three million punds to sleep with her.

Personally, she couldn't pay me three million to do it.




> What dyah mean? I can write poetry with the best of them, just read this and swoon,
> 
> There was a young man fom Darjeiling,
> Who boarded a bus going to Ealing.
> A sign on the door,
> Said dont spit on the floor,
> So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.
> 
> This intellectual snobbery has to cease now or I will start exclaiming my take on Oedipus Rex complete with masks and chorus.


That is bloody fantastic.

If only Shakespeare had stuck to limericks, the world would be a better place.

He could ha'e done Macbeth in five lines:

By murder and deceit, Thane of Cawdor, Glamis, then king,
McBeth & his beautiful wife killed then began to sing,
Their own praises from Dunedin to Islay, 
Ultimately remorseful, Lady M took the Socratic Way
From Birnham Wood, it ended; Mac's head, cut off like a chicken's wing.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yea okay, but with rock chicks I am refering to women like Maria Brink


I just noticed, who is the little Afro-American dude painted on her hand; I'm sure there are other places he would rather be painted :FRlol: 



> What dyah mean? I can write poetry with the best of them, just read this and swoon,
> 
> There was a young man fom Darjeiling,
> Who boarded a bus going to Ealing.
> A sign on the door,
> Said dont spit on the floor,
> So he stood up and spat on the ceiling.


That's it, I'm burning all of my books and just reading the works of Jocky from now on...



> (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvTQW...eature=related)
> 
> That my friend is brilliant!
> Chaucer just shifted to his side.
> 
> We demand more!


Here, Here!



> There is an old Scottish saying, those who ask don't get, and those who don't ask dont want.


So true, I'm getting into the habit of asking now, whether I want or need!



> Nobody ever paid me to think, just do. 
> Did you ever hear about the mathemetician who announced that there were three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who cant?


I think you needed quotations around that first sentence; I'm pretty sure I heard it in one of our recent political speeches on the matter of health care :FRlol: 
Do you think we made a mistake when we imported all of the mathematicians over here too :Wink: 



> There are reliable witnesses North of the border who well know you are lying. We have the goods on you Mick, did you notice her Scottish accent ' Nah Nah, leave me alone rough farmer, well at least till you wash the sheep dip off your hands'


It all worked out; her voice greatly improved after the sheep dip



> How on earth someone with all the attractions of Prince Andrew - good loks, war hero, rich, mum's the queen, etc - managed to end up with her, I'll never know.


You don't mean it, that's Fergie...it must have been the weight watchers...
The royal family really ought to go back to Victorias habits and bring in a bit of new blood; the inbreeding is killing them....

You know, though, I'll bet she is a true redhead...

----------


## Jesterhead

> I and jester will bring the girls by for authenticity testing; should we bring them to the front door or the servants entrance


we shall  :FRlol:  




> Did you bring any tattooed girls home to mom? 
> Young tattooed girls often look pretty good; it's the old fat moms with the tats on their enormous legs and chest that gross a person out...
> 
> Well get dad to show you soon; my dad is 87 now, last time I visited he limped out to my car, nose cancer in the bright sun and began cleaning my car battery, cursing the whole time...(he's very religious, but the abuse of a car engine is something that always makes him take his lords name in vain)
> 
> Well, I plan to tell Robert Pattinson I'm the candy man; how are you planing to catch Simone...and how did you check Annes breasts?



I did, I once brought home a girl who had about 20 piercings in her face, and she didn't mind, maybe because those piercings really did suit her. 

yea some tatoos look very good, but tatoos on pretty girls can also be very little flattering if done poorly. 

yes, fathers will always help you fix the car if you ask them, it's their thing. 

I will seduce her with the "good old" crazy fan style, and I have seen Anne's breasts for starters and she is not shy of talking about those things.

----------


## prendrelemick

> It all worked out; her voice greatly improved after the sheep dip


There are sheep dips that can do that. Particularly the single malt ones.

----------


## The Atheist

> There are sheep dips that can do that. Particularly the single malt ones.


It obviously wasn't you who went nuts and shot everyone then.

What the hell is with that? Get really mad and kill as many people as possible?

Is UK the new USA?

----------


## prendrelemick

> How on earth someone with all the attractions of Prince Andrew - good loks, war hero, rich, mum's the queen, etc - managed to end up with her, I'll never know.
> 
> She's a slapper.
> 
> And has been proving it again, turning a PR disaster into a full-blown publicity stunt. She was even on Oprah!
> 
> I won't go into the sanity (or veracity of the story) of the alleged Saudi Prince who wanted to pay three million punds to sleep with her.
> 
> Personally, she couldn't pay me three million to do it.
> ...



There was a young man called Macbeth
Who once stabbed a King unto death
And all I can say
By the end of the Play
Hith height wath a whole head leth.







I'll get me coat.




> It obviously wasn't you who went nuts and shot everyone then.
> 
> What the hell is with that? Get really mad and kill as many people as possible?
> 
> Is UK the new USA?



It happens everywhere now, this is the third time I can remember. Hungerford, Dunblaine and now Whitehaven. The media will hunt around for a reason, the Politicians will leap on band wagons, nothing changes.

----------


## The Atheist

> There was a young man called Macbeth
> Who once stabbed a King unto death
> And all I can say
> By the end of the Play
> Hith height wath a whole head leth.


That's magnificent!

Mine was a bit Shakespeareish itself - a bit "try-hard".

Yours is a model of simplicity and brilliance.




> It happens everywhere now, this is the third time I can remember. Hungerford, Dunblaine and now Whitehaven. The media will hunt around for a reason, the Politicians will leap on band wagons, nothing changes.


Yes, we've even had several here over the past 30 years.

Each time has turned out to be a scizophrenic not taking his meds. 

Conspiracists love it, seeing Evil Gummint conspiracies to get rid of guns so they can intimidate us all.

Psychologists love it because it enables them to sound superior, as though they actually had a clue.

Politicians love it because it deflects from real issues which affect everyone not related to the dead/injured.

Tree hugging sandal-wearers love it, because they can trumpet the evil of guns.

Media love it because it increases sales/viewing.

----------


## jocky

> There was a young man called Macbeth
> Who once stabbed a King unto death
> And all I can say
> By the end of the Play
> Hith height wath a whole head leth.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

I nearly lost my peripherals there, I swear bye all that is sacred I will never mention the word limerick again.




> Yes, we've even had several here over the past 30 years.
> 
> Each time has turned out to be a scizophrenic not taking his meds. 
> 
> Conspiracists love it, seeing Evil Gummint conspiracies to get rid of guns so they can intimidate us all.
> 
> Psychologists love it because it enables them to sound superior, as though they actually had a clue.
> 
> Politicians love it because it deflects from real issues which affect everyone not related to the dead/injured.
> ...


The burning question is why did he feel the need to take everyone with him ? Terrible.

----------


## Paulclem

> That's magnificent!
> 
> Mine was a bit Shakespeareish itself - a bit "try-hard".
> 
> Yours is a model of simplicity and brilliance.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, we've even had several here over the past 30 years.
> ...


Quite right. 

The media are like scavengers with stories like this.

I think it happens more often in that you often get these nutters killing their family instead of strangers. There was one bloke last year shot his wife and teenage daughter, the horses, the dogs and then burned his house down and shot himself. Terrible. It was because of his debts and he didn't want to face it. I'm sure his family would rather have faced the problems, but they didn't get a say. 

I'm afraid it's a bloke thing. There are too many of these selfish, aggressive nut jobs about.

----------


## The Atheist

> The burning question is why did he feel the need to take everyone with him ? Terrible.


There are two possible answers:

1 He's a typical product of the "me" generation we live in, where if *I*'m hurting badly enough to kill myself, I'll take as many of *YOU* as possible on the way.

2 We don't have enough wars nowadays.

----------


## Scheherazade

*Jocky> Run for cover! I am posting in your thread!*


> 2 We don't have enough wars nowadays.


They should join the Forum to get things off their chests!




> He was 50-odd - bitter and twisted perhaps.


Oh, I can give you a long list of people who would fit into that description... Some even on the Forum!  :Tongue:

----------


## Paulclem

He was 50-odd - bitter and twisted perhaps. He was shooting the people he's lived among all his life.

----------


## Paulclem

> *Jocky>* Run for cover! I am posting in your thread!They should join the Forum to get things off their chests!


 :FRlol: 

Yes - I always check out the litnet photo album to see if they're ok to argue with.

----------


## jocky

> *Jocky> Run for cover! I am posting in your thread!*They should join the Forum to get things off their chests!
> 
> Oh, I can give you a long list of people who would fit into that description... Some even on the Forum!


Running now Schez! You realize I was only joking about the green medication, should I stop it or listen to the voices ? Call me Mr Picky but guilt by word association is getting a wee bit worrying. Annoying Jock yes, but mass murderer never, even Mrs Jocky would not countenance that. Goodnight  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> OK Jocky, I just knocked down another Spaten, so here goes:
> 
> With Chaunticleer and Pertilot
> I already get a lot
> With Pertilot and Chaunticleer
> I see a world cup full of beer!
> 
> Rosencrantz and Guildenstein
> Share a guilded stein full of wine 
> ...


I don't believe I missed your beautiful poem on my last posting... :Thumbsup: 



> we shall  
> 
> I did, I once brought home a girl who had about 20 piercings in her face, and she didn't mind, maybe because those piercings really did suit her. 
> 
> yes, fathers will always help you fix the car if you ask them, it's their thing. 
> 
> I will seduce her with the "good old" crazy fan style, and I have seen Anne's breasts for starters and she is not shy of talking about those things.


Your mom sounds super cool; does she have any tatoos or piercings? 
When I was younger, I would have almost rather take my car to the shop then listen to my fathers cursing; now I realize he was enjoying the whole process..
Sounds like a plan; have you figured out how we'll catch up with Robert Pattinson for me...
You dog you, you actually saw the ladies breasts...guys, this one is dangerous; better not bring him with you to visit your lady love.




> There are sheep dips that can do that. Particularly the single malt ones.


I realized Simone looks a bit like that lovely singer Evanescense...she's a bit thinner though, does sheep dip also help slim a person down; if so, I need to place an order!



> It obviously wasn't you who went nuts and shot everyone then.
> 
> What the hell is with that? Get really mad and kill as many people as possible?
> Is UK the new USA?


Such a cute little town, too. Usually, our shootigs take place in a squalid city atomosphere...or colleges..
I hear he was upset about being left out of a will...I would think the easiest way to handle that was to eliminate the other recipients...I guess he hasn't read as much Agatha Christie and Sherlock Holmes as I have. 




> Quite right. 
> 
> The media are like scavengers with stories like this.
> 
> I think it happens more often in that you often get these nutters killing their family instead of strangers. There was one bloke last year shot his wife and teenage daughter, the horses, the dogs and then burned his house down and shot himself. Terrible. It was because of his debts and he didn't want to face it. I'm sure his family would rather have faced the problems, but they didn't get a say. 
> 
> I'm afraid it's a bloke thing. There are too many of these selfish, aggressive nut jobs about.


Definitely overkill; over here, they just insure the house or the business and burn it down. There have been a few of our immigrants who have killed their whole families (we haven't let them in on the American way of insurance fraud yet)





> Oh, I can give you a long list of people who would fit into that description... Some even on the Forum!


You aren't kidding; what has happened in the last few weeks. I can remember when the biggest arguments occurred over whether to go vegan or become abstinant....I think in their quest to find spirituality, they discovered schizophrenia... :Out:

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh, I can give you a long list of people who would fit into that description... Some even on the Forum!


 :FRlol: 

Heck, you could include me in that!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Did you ever hear about the mathemetician who announced that there were three types of people in this world, those who can count and those who cant?


(Ten luaghing smilies)




> He could ha'e done Macbeth in five lines:
> 
> By murder and deceit, Thane of Cawdor, Glamis, then king,
> McBeth & his beautiful wife killed then began to sing,
> Their own praises from Dunedin to Islay, 
> Ultimately remorseful, Lady M took the Socratic Way
> From Birnham Wood, it ended; Mac's head, cut off like a chicken's wing.





> There was a young man called Macbeth
> Who once stabbed a King unto death
> And all I can say
> By the end of the Play
> Hith height wath a whole head leth.


I see the makings of a joint effort toward an entry in the poetry contest?
Hmmm...?

On a serious note by the way, I just caught on to the horrible news.
That is tragic and has become all too common here and appears to be spreading.

----------


## The Atheist

> On a serious note by the way, I just caught on to the horrible news.
> That is tragic and has become all too common here and appears to be spreading.


Well, I suppose it's better than the trend in China, which sees a nutter run into a kindergarten with a knife.

Pretty strange world when you can find crimes worse than a "simple" mass murder.




> I see the makings of a joint effort toward an entry in the poetry contest?
> Hmmm...?


Hmmm indeed.

I sense more of a retirement from poetry.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> ....I think in their quest to find spirituality, they discovered schizophrenia...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> 


Thank you, thank you...I guess I should do a poem: 

There was an old lady from.... :Idea:  :Nonod:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Yea okay, but with rock chicks I am refering to women like Maria Brink




Take away the tatoos, the micro-kilt, the open to the navel blouse and the sexy pose, and she reminds me of a girl who worked on the till at the local Co-op. Its that Rock chick thing that makes all the difference :Drool5: 




> I will seduce her with the "good old" crazy fan style,


Do you mean stalking? 
The blonde one in ABBA married her stalker, but it ended in tears.

----------


## Paulclem

> You aren't kidding; what has happened in the last few weeks. I can remember when the biggest arguments occurred over whether to go vegan or become abstinant....I think in their quest to find spirituality, they discovered schizophrenia...


 :FRlol: 

Great poems by the way.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Thank you, thank you...I guess I should do a poem: 
> 
> There was an old lady from....


Hmm, what rhymes with Florida?

Torrid-er
horrid-er

----------


## Paulclem

florid-er

No that's rubbish.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Hmm, what rhymes with Florida?
> 
> Torrid-er
> horrid-er


Godzilla rhymes with Florida...

----------


## The Atheist

> There was an old lady from....


Anywhere but Buckingham.

----------


## Paulclem

What about Florida Keys? (I know - it's at sea)

A Lady from near Florida Keys 
Was very easy to please...

----------


## Scheherazade

> Godzilla rhymes with Florida...


OK, here's one:

_Once there was a lady from Florida
She could even take down Godzilla
All the local lads called him hon'
Each hoping he would be the one
But she just grinned, winked and said "See ya!"_

It is official; I have been studying too much this week.

----------


## Paulclem

I can't rhyme with Miami or Florida, so I've picked Homestead - province of Miami - instead. (Well that's one rhyme I can use).

A Lady who lived in Homestead
Liked to make her own bread.
Then one hot summer's day
The police blew her away
'Cos she turned to make greenbacks instead. 

Has this become the limerick thread now?

----------


## The Atheist

> Has this become the limerick thread now?


Yep, limericks are fine - they've always appealed to me as blokes' poetry.

Just nobody start with that haiku rubbish, or I'll have Parker get his nephew Big Jim to throw them out! Worse than sonnets.

----------


## prendrelemick

what about an ode to a limerick? :Thumbsup:

----------


## The Atheist

> what about an ode to a limerick?


 :FRlol: 

As long as it's not an elegy to an ode for a limerick done as a sonnet, I think we could go with it.

----------


## jocky

> OK, here's one:
> 
> _Once there was a lady from Florida
> She could even take down Godzilla
> All the local lads called him hon'
> Each hoping he would be the one
> But she just grinned, winked and said "See ya!"_
> 
> It is official; I have been studying too much this week.


Innovation is the life blood of literature and it seems like a six lined limerick is the new mode. Congratulations Schez !  :Smile: 




> Hmm, what rhymes with Florida?
> 
> Torrid-er
> horrid-er


Chlymidia. I will just get me coat then.  :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Innovation is the life blood of literature and it seems like a six lined limerick is the new mode. Congratulations Schez !


Don't know what you are talking about, Jocky. What six lined limerick?

 :Tongue:

----------


## The Atheist

> Chlymidia. I will just get me coat then.


It's chlamydia, but still gets 10/10.

 :Smilielol5: 




> Don't know what you are talking about, Jocky. What six lined limerick?


Now, that's class.

(I saw it too)

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Take away the tatoos, the micro-kilt, the open to the navel blouse and the sexy pose, and she reminds me of a girl who worked on the till at the local Co-op. Its that Rock chick thing that makes all the difference
> 
> Do you mean stalking?


If you take away the tatoos, the micro-kilt, open to the navel blouse and sexy pose; add liver spots, dark circles around the eyes, gravity and girdle obesity you have me :FRlol: 
It's only stalking if you forget the flowers, champagne and candy :Wink: 



> Great poems by the way.


Thank you, How is your wife dealing with the women and men knocking on the door at all hours to make an appointment with the doctor of love?





> Hmm, what rhymes with Florida?
> 
> Torrid-er
> horrid-er


If you are from liverpool or new york, they do indeed rhyme with florida :Thumbsup: 



> florid-er
> 
> No that's rubbish.


I see, that they don't rhyme in other parts of England, thankfully :FRlol: 




> Godzilla rhymes with Florida...


We shall have to consult with Jocky, the rhyme is right; but does it follow the rhythm?




> Heck, you could include me in that!


Ah, no Atheist, you have only that timely maddness like Hamlet: to drink or not to drink, that is the question...




> Thank you, thank you...I guess I should do a poem: 
> There was an old lady from....


Gosh, I didn't realize that there were so many old lady poems....



> What about Florida Keys? (I know - it's at sea)
> A Lady from near Florida Keys 
> Was very easy to please...


Only problem, Paul, is if you find a lady in the florida keys that is easy to please; it may not be a lady :Yikes: 
[QUOTE=Scheherazade;905048]OK, here's one:

_Once there was a lady from Florida
She could even take down Godzilla
All the local lads called him hon'
Each hoping he would be the one
But she just grinned, winked and said "See ya!"_

.[/QUOTE}
Brilliant, what do you say fellows; she wins hands down...
And no one but Scher could rhyme anything with Godzilla :Thumbsup: 



> I can't rhyme with Miami or Florida, so I've picked Homestead - province of Miami - instead. (Well that's one rhyme I can use).
> 
> A Lady who lived in Homestead
> Liked to make her own bread.
> Then one hot summer's day
> The police blew her away
> 'Cos she turned to make greenbacks instead.


Another solid entry for the poetry contest...
Now you all have to stop telling my deep dark secrets in these poems :FRlol: 



> Yep, limericks are fine - they've always appealed to me as blokes' poetry.
> 
> Just nobody start with that haiku rubbish, or I'll have Parker get his nephew Big Jim to throw them out! Worse than sonnets.


I think Big Jims still in jail for lude and lacivious conduct; the ladies at the tupperware party were disappointed that no stripping cop came; so big jim did the honors...



> what about an ode to a limerick?


We could do a dedication thread; How 'bout it Scher; ready for another dedication thread :Nopity: 



> Innovation is the life blood of literature and it seems like a six lined limerick is the new mode. Congratulations Schez ! 
> 
> Chlymidia. I will just get me coat then.


Oh gosh, Chlymidia, what a perfect rhyme:
There was a bloke with Chlymidia, 
who couldn't stand the humidia,
he ran from his wife; who was carrying a knife...

ah well, I always peter out on the last line.... :Iamwithstupid:

----------


## prendrelemick

Like Godzilla, but horrid-er, torrid-er and florid-er.

----------


## Paulclem

> Like Godzilla, but horrid-er, torrid-er and florid-er.


You'll have to come in again Mick - no-one can follow that.

----------


## soundofmusic

Now listen my friends and you shall hear....Parker, bring me a double anything

Gents, I am about to tell you the story of my life:

There was an old lady named Gail,
Who told the most amazing tales;
Gents would ask to come in,
Again and Again,
And 8 minutes later they'd bail :Nopity:  :Svengo: 

Applause :Hurray:

----------


## Paulclem

> Now listen my friends and you shall hear....Parker, bring me a double anything
> 
> Gents, I am about to tell you the story of my life:
> 
> There was an old lady named Gail,
> Who told the most amazing tales;
> Gents would ask to come in,
> Again and Again,
> And 8 minutes later they'd bail
> ...


Superb

----------


## prendrelemick

Enough Poetry! I mean they have sites for that kind of thing don't they? 
Back to fantasy women, I often find myself wondering what Sounds looks like. 





_ Floridian women sprinkle cuttings of their own hair onto the graves of their husbands who were killed in battle. The graves are also decorated with conches that served as the drinking cups for the deceased warriors as well as their bows and quivers_




_Floridian Man and Woman_

----------


## The Atheist

They're not big clothes wearers down Florida way?

Great limerick, Sound!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Superb


Thank you, Paul :Wink: 



> Enough Poetry! I mean they have sites for that kind of thing don't they? 
> Back to fantasy women, I often find myself wondering what Sounds looks like. 
> 
> 
> _ Floridian women sprinkle cuttings of their own hair onto the graves of their husbands who were killed in battle. The graves are also decorated with conches that served as the drinking cups for the deceased warriors as well as their bows and quivers_
> 
> _Floridian Man and Woman_


Those are cool pictures, I think you might prefer the fantasy; I know I do. 
I have the chest of Dolly Parton, the stomach of father christmas and when I was young, my husband told me I looked like Jacqueline smith...




> They're not big clothes wearers down Florida way?
> 
> Great limerick, Sound!


Thank you Atheist, I tend to wear loose slacks and tees; otherwise, the sun wil burn you to a crisp...

----------


## prendrelemick

I know, it nearly reached 70 degrees here yesterday- I almost had to cast a clout.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I know, it nearly reached 70 degrees here yesterday- I almost had to cast a clout.


I bring a little ice chest with frozen water bottles and a fan everyday to work; people think I'm daff, but it feels so good on those hot days :Tongue:

----------


## The Atheist

Ah, today in the outpost of New Zealand, it was thus proclaimed:

Her Majesty Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God Queen of New Zealand and Her Other Realms and Territories, Head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith Sovereign of the Order of Canada, Sovereign of the Order of Australia, Sovereign of the Order of New Zealand, Sovereign of the Order of Barbados, Sovereign of the Order of Valour, Sovereign of the Order of Military Merit, Sovereign of the Order of Merit of the Police Forces, Sovereign of the Queen's Service Order, Sovereign of the New Zealand Order of Merit, Sovereign of the Order of St. Andrew, Sovereign of the Order of Logohu, Sovereign of the Order of the Star of Melanesia hath decreed that the day of Monday the seventh of June, in the year of Our Lord 2010 shall be the day for official Observance of One's Birthday in the Dominion of New Zealand.

Queen's Birthday Weekend - the only thing she's good for.

Bum's up, Lizzie!

----------


## Paulclem

I'm no big monarchist myself.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm no big monarchist myself.


I'm actually completely anti-monarchy and anti-public holidays, myself - it's a double whammy for me. I have to pay people to NOT work, all to celebrate an institution I despise, how cool is that?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm actually completely anti-monarchy and anti-public holidays, myself - it's a double whammy for me. I have to pay people to NOT work, all to celebrate an institution I despise, how cool is that?


In fact I don't no why we still have them. They've survived a lot of scandal, and the financial stuff - the tax breaks, the use and misuse of public money by millionaires is completely unfair. 

All the chums in society's influential positions still root for them. We're waiting for the war generation who basically just respect the Queen, to die off. Then we might be able to question the veracity of the institution. Charles will probably make a mess of his term. They did behead the first Charles, and no wonder. What an idiot he turned out to be.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm basically for the Monarchy. Not for New Zealand, Canada, Barbados etc where there is an element of it being imposed upon them. But here in Britain where the system has slowly developed over centuries, and we are comfortable with it.

The problem is that the alternatives all seem to involve an ambitious politcian becoming head of state. When Australia held a referendum, the republicans lost - not because Australians are devoted royalists, but because they were dissillusioned with the politcians who were putting themselves forward for the job. 

The strengh of the Queen is that she has no real power, no agenda and no political angle. An elected head of state would soon be pushing for radical programmes of reform, and getting invovled in power struggles and such bollocks. 

The Queen sails along grinning vacantly and waving nicely with the back of her hand. Thats what we Brits want - God bless you Mam.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm basically for the Monarchy. Not for New Zealand, Canada, Barbados etc where there is an element of it being imposed upon them. But here in Britain where the system has slowly developed over centuries, and we are comfortable with it.
> 
> The problem is that the alternatives all seem to involve an ambitious politcian becoming head of state. When Australia held a referendum, the republicans lost - not because Australians are devoted royalists, but because they were dissillusioned with the politcians who were putting themselves forward for the job. 
> 
> The strengh of the Queen is that she has no real power, no agenda and no political angle. An elected head of state would soon be pushing for radical programmes of reform, and getting invovled in power struggles and such bollocks. 
> 
> The Queen sails along grinning vacantly and waving nicely with the back of her hand. Thats what we Brits want - God bless you Mam.


Yeah - there is that. It's the presumption I don't like - The PM went to see the Queen to dissolve parliament today... blah blah

The Queen's just quiet, but will Chuck be the same?

----------


## prendrelemick

I hope so. The world would be a better place if our leaders would just grin and wave and DO NOTHING ELSE. Its when they try and think the trouble starts.

----------


## Paulclem

> I hope so. The world would be a better place if our leaders would just grin and wave and DO NOTHING ELSE. Its when they try and think the trouble starts.


We'll see, but he's had a habit of sticking in his snout at his pet hates. Remember the carbuncle he referred to as a modern architechtural addition to - was it the British library? 

We may agree or disagree with him on that point, but should he be influencing such stuff and stifling modernist development?

I also remember his "villages" idea about modern housing - ok in principle, but where's the space in inner cities? it might work in the Duchy of Cornwall, but not perhaps in Brum.

Another of his ideas was to offer the British Army as mercenaries because "we're good at soldiering". Can you imagine the trouble that would cause if we backed the wrong side - which would definately happen? 

Anyway, I hope you're right.

----------


## jocky

You are never going to believe this, but I have actually socialised with the late great Queen Mother. She was Colonel in Chief of my regiment and attended our Highland Games to which she was most partial. Our Commanding officer intoduced her to me with the words, " This is Jocky Maam, our regimental hero " She gave me her most gracious smile, enhanced by her slightly blackened teeth and proceeded to fall on her ***, aided by the consumption of a large amount of Gordon's gin. I refuse to get drawn into the Monarchy versus Republic debate, but I will say this, that woman had class.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> All the chums in society's influential positions still root for them. We're waiting for the war generation who basically just respect the Queen, to die off. Then we might be able to question the veracity of the institution. Charles will probably make a mess of his term. They did behead the first Charles, and no wonder. What an idiot he turned out to be.


yes, I always wondered why a queen would call her heir Charles. He's on a loser before he starts.




> The problem is that the alternatives all seem to involve an ambitious politcian becoming head of state. When Australia held a referendum, the republicans lost - not because Australians are devoted royalists, but because they were dissillusioned with the politcians who were putting themselves forward for the job.


This "head of state" argument bothers me quite a lot. Why do we need one? As long as the court sits superior to Parliament, what possible use is a head of state?




> The strengh of the Queen is that she has no real power, no agenda and no political angle. An elected head of state would soon be pushing for radical programmes of reform, and getting invovled in power struggles and such bollocks. 
> 
> The Queen sails along grinning vacantly and waving nicely with the back of her hand. Thats what we Brits want - God bless you Mam.


Sure, and she's great at that, but Charlie seems to have inherited foot-in-mouth disease from his da' and I doubt whether he'd be able to be the impartial hand waver that you need. His defence of homeopathy alone should disqualify him from ever sitting on the throne. Still, the known longevity of Windsor women combined with the known mortality of their males must make William even money to be the next monarch.

----------


## Paulclem

You are never going to believe this, but I have actually socialised with the late great Queen Mother. She was Colonel in Chief of my regiment and attended our Highland Games to which she was most partial. Our Commanding officer intoduced her to me with the words, " This is Jocky Maam, our regimental hero " She gave me her most gracious smile, enhanced by her slightly blackened teeth and proceeded to fall on her ***, aided by the consumption of a large amount of Gordon's gin. I refuse to get drawn into the Monarchy versus Republic debate, but I will say this, that woman had class. 


 :FRlol: 

Yes - it was revealed recently that she had the racing result piped into her rooms by tannoi.

Us poor plebs have to trail to BetFred or Ladbrokes.  :FRlol: 

Not that do that now that the old man's gone to the betting shop in the sky.

----------


## jocky

> Yes - it was revealed recently that she had the racing result piped into her rooms by tannoi.
> 
> Us poor plebs have to trail to BetFred or Ladbrokes.


 :Smile: 

Aah, but once I picked her up and dusted down her derriere, she gave me some invaluable advice, " Jocky, stick to William Hill which is Royally approved by me, always spread your bets and never, but never, trust Kieran Fallon. Now pour me another G and T or you will be busted down to private again."  :FRlol: 




> Oh gosh, Chlymidia, what a perfect rhyme:
> There was a bloke with Chlymidia, 
> who couldn't stand the humidia,
> he ran from his wife; who was carrying a knife...


and if I catch you Jocky I will get riddya.

Note the rhythm tum-te-tum, tum-te-tum.  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> They're not big clothes wearers down Florida way?


I went out for hour errands 3 times today and came back each time drenched...I'm not enjoying this heat; though the neighbors are applauding the whole free wet tee shirt thing :Drool5: 




> The strengh of the Queen is that she has no real power, no political angle. 
> The Queen sails along grinning vacantly and waving nicely with the back of her hand.


I don't know, sounds like you're in America and just don't know it...our heads have no power, they have an agenda; but haven't developed an angle...
last time I looked they were grinning, waving and vacant....only thing missing was that double hand way she holds on to her purse...I love that :FRlol: 




> Yeah - there is that. It's the presumption I don't like - The PM went to see the Queen to dissolve parliament today... blah blah
> The Queen's just quiet, but will Chuck be the same?


Have you guys seen Chuck lately; because I've been seeing some big earred  :Bigear: fellow around our way; last I saw him he was pinching the presidents wife :Patriot: 




> You are never going to believe this, but I have actually socialised with the late great Queen Mother. She was Colonel in Chief of my regiment and attended our Highland Games to which she was most partial. Our Commanding officer intoduced her to me with the words, " This is Jocky Maam, our regimental hero " She gave me her most gracious smile, enhanced by her slightly blackened teeth and proceeded to fall on her ***, aided by the consumption of a large amount of Gordon's gin. I refuse to get drawn into the Monarchy versus Republic debate, but I will say this, that woman had class.


I'm sure she was just so nervous in meeting a great hero that she couldn't contain herself...
I don't think the British have quite beat our presidents falling down record: we had Ford and then Bush fell and barfed :Puke:

----------


## jocky

> I don't think the British have quite beat our presidents falling down record: we had Ford and then Bush fell and barfed


Come on Soundo, why would our politicians be better than their supporters ? Evolution has proved we are all part of a process and unfortunately that includes our Royal family. Listen, we have got our blue bloods and you have got O'Reilly, Skinner, Limbaugh and the new kid on the block, that mighty defender of the constitution, Glenn Beck. Just leave us with our illuson of the Royals. No I will not be attending the Tea Party.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

You see Soundof - Jocky's taken the Queen's Shilllng. He owes her after downing it at the Hare and Haggis soon after. 

Also they have a predilection for scotsmen in Kilts - remember John Brown? I shouldn't press him too much on it, especially if he was Maam's Boy.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I've always held a special place in my heart for the Queen, my phellow phillatelist.




> ...Just leave us with our illuson of the Royals. No I will not be attending the Tea Party.


Jocky,

Speaking of tea party, your suggested Sensational Alex Harvey Band, from the aluminum anhydrous tetra chloride thread, did not go unoticed. That was brilliant and the song has been loaded into the Dreary Beery's juke box in slot 1773.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rqFk...eature=related

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

As to the question of sucession, Charles has that vital quality of being ineffective. As long as he can keep it up, he'll make a good King.

As a lowly agricultural student I was introduced to Princess Anne. Poor girl had to feign an interest in what I was doing - pulling nails out of a piece of wood in the college workshop - As I explained the process, I could see her inwardly questioning the role of the monarchy in modern Britain. :Yawn: 




> I've always held a special place in my heart for the Queen, my phellow phillatelist.



A bit vain that - collecting self portraits.

----------


## The Atheist

Ok, we've dealt with the queen, now what about the King?

I mean Hugh Hefner, of course.

I imagine he'd claim to have had a great life, and he's doubtless had it off with a large number of large-breasted young women, but would you swap your lifestyle for his?

I'd feel a bit guilty knowing that all the young women doing it with me were only in it for the money and fame.

----------


## prendrelemick

Thats more like it Atheist.

Now here is a pic of a pretty girl to really get things back on track.



I always think natural unenhanced brunettes are sexier than silicone grown blondes. So I'd like to be "Woman's Own" Hugh Hefner, rather than Playboy's

----------


## Jesterhead

> Now here is a pic of a pretty girl to really get things back on track.
> 
> 
> I always think natural unenhanced brunettes are sexier than silicone grown blondes. So I'd like to be "Woman's Own" Hugh Hefner, rather than Playboy's


wouldn't mind her dropping by a couple times a week  :Wink:  The sexiest thing is definitely natural beauty, the plastic thing is a huge turn off. but nothing against blondes, a natural blonde can be very sexy



I have always found Katja Kean extremely beautiful.




> Your mom sounds super cool; does she have any tatoos or piercings?


no, she is just a very open minded person, she has always told me that she would never mind any of my choices in partners, career or life in general.




> When I was younger, I would have almost rather take my car to the shop then listen to my fathers cursing; now I realize he was enjoying the whole process..


yea, my father always seem to enjoy reparing stuff aswell, he won't rest until it is working again. But he never wants to listen to me when I tell him what is wrong with it, he insists on figuring that out himself before trying to fix it. 




> Sounds like a plan; have you figured out how we'll catch up with Robert Pattinson for me...


I never would have thought you were into Twilight. But I know someone who looks a little like Robert Pattinson, we covered him in glimmer one day and had him look like Edward Cullen.



I can set you up with him if you like?




> You dog you, you actually saw the ladies breasts...guys, this one is dangerous; better not bring him with you to visit your lady love.


 that never turns out good  :FRlol:  i'm just kidding.

----------


## The Atheist

> I always think natural unenhanced brunettes are sexier than silicone grown blondes. So I'd like to be "Woman's Own" Hugh Hefner, rather than Playboy's


Now, she is lovely.

I'm with you on silicon and bottle blondes.

UGH!




> I have always found Katja Kean extremely beautiful.


That gets my vote as well!

I have always had a weakness for blondes. That's possibly why I'm married to one.

Gentlemen prefer blondes.

And as I always say, so do dirty old men!

Can you guess which group I'm in?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Come on Soundo, why would our politicians be better than their supporters ? Evolution has proved we are all part of a process and unfortunately that includes our Royal family. Listen, we have got our blue bloods and you have got O'Reilly, Skinner, Limbaugh and the new kid on the block, that mighty defender of the constitution, Glenn Beck. Just leave us with our illuson of the Royals. No I will not be attending the Tea Party.


O'reilly, are you sure he's one of ours? We generally stop them at the dock and change their names :FRlol: 
You won't be missing anything, American tea tastes like watered down salt water; I think they got the idea in the 1700s and stuck with it :Out: 




> Jocky,
> 
> Speaking of tea party, your suggested Sensational Alex Harvey Band, from the aluminum anhydrous tetra chloride thread, did not go unoticed. That was brilliant and the song has been loaded into the Dreary Beery's juke box in slot 1773.
> 
> Gilliatt


I don't know what asylum that head fellow escaped from; but I felt like pulling up my bloomers and doing a jig...




> As a lowly agricultural student I was introduced to Princess Anne. Poor girl had to feign an interest in what I was doing - pulling nails out of a piece of wood in the college workshop - As I explained the process, I could see her inwardly questioning the role of the monarchy in modern Britain.
> 
> A bit vain that - collecting self portraits.


I don't know, I don't think I ever saw her face when it didn't have that bored plastered mask on it :Smile5:  :Sosp:  :Rolleyes:  :Toetap05: 




> and if I catch you Jocky I will get riddya.
> 
> Note the rhythm tum-te-tum, tum-te-tum.


Good job, Jocky, should we enter our poem in the forums contest :Thumbsup: 




> You see Soundof - Jocky's taken the Queen's Shilllng. He owes her after downing it at the Hare and Haggis soon after. 
> 
> Also they have a predilection for scotsmen in Kilts - remember John Brown? I shouldn't press him too much on it, especially if he was Maam's Boy.


I don't know, Paul, I think Jocky should have gotten a bit more for dusting her off...
There is definitely something fascinating about a man in a kilt...well, until you get to the knees and hairy legs :FRlol: 



> Ok, we've dealt with the queen, now what about the King?
> 
> I mean Hugh Hefner, of course.
> 
> I imagine he'd claim to have had a great life, and he's doubtless had it off with a large number of large-breasted young women, but would you swap your lifestyle for his?
> 
> I'd feel a bit guilty knowing that all the young women doing it with me were only in it for the money and fame.


All the bunnys I've heard describe Hugh as "Sweet and a Father figure"...I still think the guy is in the biggest closet in America...



> Thats more like it Atheist.
> 
> Now here is a pic of a pretty girl to really get things back on track.
> 
> 
> 
> I always think natural unenhanced brunettes are sexier than silicone grown blondes. So I'd like to be "Woman's Own" Hugh Hefner, rather than Playboy's


I think you better bring that girl some soothing lotion for that cleavage; looks like she has a bit of sun poisoning...then a nice cool shower together...




> no, she is just a very open minded person, she has always told me that she would never mind any of my choices in partners, career or life in general.
> 
> 
> 
> yea, my father always seem to enjoy reparing stuff aswell, he won't rest until it is working again. But he never wants to listen to me when I tell him what is wrong with it, he insists on figuring that out himself before trying to fix it. 
> 
> I never would have thought you were into Twilight. But I know someone who looks a little like Robert Pattinson, we covered him in glimmer one day and had him look like Edward Cullen.
> 
> 
> ...


You've either got the greatest mom alive; or she is using reverse psychology. 
Have you ever told her you were serious about a woman? I found my parents liked all my boyfriends until they became husbands...

Very nice Edward look alike...and better hair...I wonder how much it'll cost to send him by crate to Florida :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.
.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxgC-uBw1K0

Gilliatt

----------


## stephofthenight

Jerster head your right, she is a very attractive lady  :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

> .
> .
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DxgC-uBw1K0
> 
> Gilliatt


I'm glad you mentioned Charlize, Gilliatt, she is one of my personal favorite; particularly as a blonde. I loved her in Devils Advocate...great actress, too; not just eye candy.

----------


## The Atheist

Since we were recently on the subject of Prince Charles, check this out.

Especially the picture of actual students.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Sorry, chaps, I'd love to contribute but I haven't got the time - I've got to do the washing up, then take the wife to Sainsbury's, and then write a thesis on what we blokes can do better than women. So far, the only thing I've come up with is the ability to wee in a milk bottle. Sorry, got to go.......she's calling again!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Sorry, chaps, I'd love to contribute but I haven't got the time - I've got to do the washing up, then take the wife to Sainsbury's, and then write a thesis on what we blokes can do better than women.


 :FRlol: 

I think your membership needs close scrutiny!

----------


## Paulclem

How Sheffield Dafydd? One of our chaps is from Sheffield - Neely. 
I'm from Wakefield myself and living in the Midlands now.

----------


## The Atheist

> How Sheffield Dafydd? One of our chaps is from Sheffield - Neely. 
> I'm from Wakefield myself and living in the Midlands now.


Be careful, he sounds Welsh to me, boyo.

I'm not sure whether it's the name or the Cymru dragon.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> How Sheffield Dafydd? One of our chaps is from Sheffield - Neely. 
> I'm from Wakefield myself and living in the Midlands now.


And Im from the inferno!
It 35 deg here (Im doing my best to speak the native metricnomist language) with 80% relative humidity.

Welcome to the asylum Dafydd. I spent some time on your website and I am impressed. Your work is exceptional. I read that Dafydd has an eye for the odd, the unusual, the quirky, the slightly off the wall, anything that might well raise a small smile. 

You'll fit in quite well here.

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Since we were recently on the subject of Prince Charles, check this out.
> 
> Especially the picture of actual students.


They all have that look, "Yep, he's went the way of his dad". Is he able to squander the countries money or can he just kill you slowly with boredom?




> Sorry, chaps, I'd love to contribute but I haven't got the time - I've got to do the washing up, then take the wife to Sainsbury's, and then write a thesis on what we blokes can do better than women. So far, the only thing I've come up with is the ability to wee in a milk bottle. Sorry, got to go.......she's calling again!!!!


If you will give me the order, General Jocky, Sir,  :Gnorsi: I will check out this dafy, chap or lass, to ensure that he/she can indeed wee in a bottle....

If you are on the up and up, sir, I can give you at least 5 things that a man can do better than a woman...
1. The first, is why most women want a man...they make more money :FRlol: 
2. They are cheaper and more fun than a sperm bank :Ladysman: 
3. They can pull the cord of gasoline operated lawn equipment.
4. They can get things from the attic crawl space.
5. They are the first line of defense when something scary is outside the house or a large spider is on the ceiling... :Thumbsup:

----------


## OrphanPip

> 3. They can pull the cord of gasoline operated lawn equipment.
> 4. They can get things from the attic crawl space.
> 5. They are the first line of defense when something scary is outside the house or a large spider is on the ceiling...


If only the men I've dated had these skills, most of them only excelled at fixing their hair. Although, I do love beautiful hair, so I suppose that's alright.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Since we were recently on the subject of Prince Charles, check this out.
> 
> Especially the picture of actual students.




Oh look, they've put a picture of bored students after one of Prince Charles.

----------


## dafydd manton

My apologies for the wimpish posts earlier, I'd been at the metal polish - strained through a sock, of course. In reality, I am the boss in our household, and I've got her permission to say so!

----------


## prendrelemick

Did you find the special offer on Marigolds? Sainsbury's are so good on cleaning products -er according to Mrs P that is.

----------


## dafydd manton

Yes, dammit, they didn't have pink! To go with my eyes, you understand, after having consumed blokey amounts of Aur Cymru Welsh whisky. I buy a bottle every time the Welsh Rugby XV win a Grand Slam. I don't seem to buy much, these days!!

----------


## Paulclem

I'm the dishwasher too in our house. I have it down to an art with different techniques for different levels and substances of burnt.

----------


## dafydd manton

It's also amazing what macho sculptures you can make with a handful of Fairy Liquid bubbles and a cereal bowl - my neighbour, Bert, tells me!

----------


## The Atheist

> My apologies for the wimpish posts earlier, I'd been at the metal polish - strained through a sock, of course. In reality, I am the boss in our household, and I've got her permission to say so!


That's more bloody like it!

Now that you've regained your manliness, I'll be expecting you lend a hand when we pull the 457 out of the Falcon this arvo and jack it into a Toyota Starlet. After that, I have three cubic metres of concrete to mix & barrow.




> Did you find the special offer on Marigolds? Sainsbury's are so good on cleaning products -er according to Mrs P that is.


*splutter*

!




> I buy a bottle every time the Welsh Rugby XV win a Grand Slam. I don't seem to buy much, these days!!


Lucky you don't buy it after wins over the All Blacks. There'd only be three blokes in all Wales who remember what it tastes like.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> If only the men I've dated had these skills, most of them only excelled at fixing their hair. Although, I do love beautiful hair, so I suppose that's alright.


I haven't found all 5 in any one man either; I, also value beautiful hair and body above a challenging intellect...I fight my own spiders, call the police on scary strangers and buy electric lawn equipment. I don't care so much about the sperm bank as long as they're always open for business :FRlol: 




> Oh look, they've put a picture of bored students after one of Prince Charles.


Another illusion destroyed :Sad: 




> It's also amazing what macho sculptures you can make with a handful of Fairy Liquid bubbles and a cereal bowl - my neighbour, Bert, tells me!


I guess you're a good bloke, the true test is the marigolds, only men will plant them instead of a nice rose or chrysanthemum. I also have to commend you on a beautiful avatar and your subtle self promotion :Thumbsup: 





> I'm the dishwasher too in our house. I have it down to an art with different techniques for different levels and substances of burnt.


You will have to write a column for that...particularly the plasticware; or do people do plastic ware in the UK. I can never get the spagetti sauce stains out of the Gladware. 

[QUOTE=The Atheist;908975]

I am copying that Aussie dictionary...great work :Wink:

----------


## dafydd manton

Subtle self promotion? I thought it was about as subtle as a flying Dingo! Strewth - I'm slipping.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Subtle self promotion? I thought it was about as subtle as a flying Dingo! Strewth - I'm slipping.


I'm from the states, the southern section; here, self promotion starts with a mallet :Smash:

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah! We're more subtle in Europe. We generally start with an iron bar, then move on to the cricket bat, the hand grenade then the bon mot, not necessarily in that order.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ah! We're more subtle in Europe. We generally start with an iron bar, then move on to the cricket bat, the hand grenade then the bon mot, not necessarily in that order.


The Europeans I've met usually start by dazzling me with the bon mot; therefore, I'd hardly notice if a grenade exploded anywhere near me :Wink:

----------


## dafydd manton

Then you're in luck, since I haven't got one. Have you seen the price of Grenades lately? Shocking!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Then you're in luck, since I haven't got one. Have you seen the price of Grenades lately? Shocking!


Well, here in America, we don't buy from the Army/Navy or even black market; we trade with the local urchins for a few smokes and the left over gin from friday night (they mix it with mountain dew) :Reddevil:

----------


## prendrelemick

Thinking deeply on supermarkets, Asda is the only one with refuge aisles for blokes. Ok Tesco and Sainburys may have a token can of WD40 or engine oil tucked away among the feminine requisites, but only at Asda can a man roam with dignity and purpose among electronic gizmos, books and car wax. Only there can he proclaim," you go on ahead dear I just need to look at this." and get away with it.

----------


## dafydd manton

Could this be something to do with it now being owned by Walmart, a company itself run by a BLOKE, not some profit-driven wimp in red braces and overly shiny shoes? There is a special skill in being able to inspect a single adjustable spanner for the entire length of time that 'Er Indoors fills a trolley with frozen comestibles. If only they'd stock spark plugs, I could spend all day in there.

----------


## Paulclem

We've got a big Tescos and a big Sainsburys. The Sainsburys, which is near to us has book, DVDs, electronics,tellies and a cafe. Superb.

----------


## dafydd manton

Yes, but does it have spark plugs? You'd think so, with the close proximity of Ryton, once the hub of the British motor industry, where I can remember row upon row of Allegros that nobody was ever going to buy, number-plateless, but still rusting.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ahh the Austin Allegro, the Morris Marina. How did they get away with it for so long?


Mind you, I had some interesting times on the back seat of an Austin 1100. :Thumbsup:

----------


## dafydd manton

> Ahh the Austin Allegro, the Morris Marina. How did they get away with it for so long?
> 
> 
> Mind you, I had some interesting times on the back seat of an Austin 1100.


One assumes that you're referring to the hydrolastic suspension!!!

----------


## prendrelemick

Aye, you could experience seasickness on dry land.
Norris' (yes I did name my first car) Hydrolastic suspension used to settle on the nearside front, and had to be pumped up every fortnight. He had an aroma of rotting carpet and fungal growth that you just dont get in cars since the demise of Brithish Leyland. In the end the rear subframe rotted off and came away from the rest of the car. He was crushed. (literally.)

----------


## Paulclem

> Yes, but does it have spark plugs? You'd think so, with the close proximity of Ryton, once the hub of the British motor industry, where I can remember row upon row of Allegros that nobody was ever going to buy, number-plateless, but still rusting.


Alas a wasteland for sparkplugs - or is it? Books DVDs CDs are surely more interesting. I may be biased though as I don't drive.  :FRlol:

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, yes, well, the Brotherhood of the Spark Plug is a sort of Masonic Conglomerate for car geeks, where we can swap stories in arcane language that nobody else can understand, and shamelessly throw about abbreviations that mean little or nothing. 2 degrees BTDC, that kind of thing. CDs and DVDs are more for the non-cognescenti, although we don't eschew them, once it has got too dark/cold/frustrating to work on the car, doing jobs that don't need doing, so that we can go back and correct it the following week.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...and shamelessly throw about abbreviations that mean little or nothing. 2 degrees BTDC, that kind of thing. CDs and DVDs are more for the non-cognescenti, ...


"2 degrees BTDC" - My timing may be a bit off, but I always keep a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 top dead center of my liquor cabinet. The "B" threw me for a moment...B for British?(maybe it was a metric approach), B for "before" ? I'll wager it's "before"

My formative years were spent in a 1966 Volkswagen Beatle. Our German neighbors brought it with them form the homeland. It eventually made it's way into our hands.

Gilliatt

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah, yes, well, the Brotherhood of the Spark Plug is a sort of Masonic Conglomerate for car geeks, where we can swap stories in arcane language that nobody else can understand, and shamelessly throw about abbreviations that mean little or nothing. 2 degrees BTDC, that kind of thing. CDs and DVDs are more for the non-cognescenti, although we don't eschew them, once it has got too dark/cold/frustrating to work on the car, doing jobs that don't need doing, so that we can go back and correct it the following week.


I remember two blokes in our steet when I was a kid. They spent the weekend faffing with and revving the engine, only to be back again next week dong the same. I don't know why they had cars - they never seemed to go out in them. 

 :FRlol:

----------


## dafydd manton

That's probably because they messed around with them so much, they wouldn't have run even if you'd wanted them to. Gilliat, you're dead right, "before". I have no idea what Wild Turkey is, although I can take a guess, and it sounds a sight more interesting than carburettors and ignition timing. After a sufficient amount of something 70 proof, you can talk about engines all night without knowing the first thing about them. I've built a reputation on it!!

----------


## Jesterhead

> You've either got the greatest mom alive; or she is using reverse psychology. 
> Have you ever told her you were serious about a woman? I found my parents liked all my boyfriends until they became husbands...
> 
> Very nice Edward look alike...and better hair...I wonder how much it'll cost to send him by crate to Florida


Haha maybe she is just acting nice, until I marry someone. 

I have already packed him up ready to send him to you :FRlol: 




> That gets my vote as well!
> 
> I have always had a weakness for blondes. That's possibly why I'm married to one.
> 
> Gentlemen prefer blondes.
> 
> And as I always say, so do dirty old men!
> 
> Can you guess which group I'm in?


Maybe gentleman by day, and dirty old man by night :P

----------


## dafydd manton

Gentlemen prefer blondes (and I'm married to one), but do blondes prefer gentlemen? Would I class myself as a gentleman? Hmmmmm

----------


## The Atheist

> Ahh the Austin Allegro, the Morris Marina. How did they get away with it for so long?
> 
> 
> Mind you, I had some interesting times on the back seat of an Austin 1100.


I've owned all three of those in my life, and a Morris 1800, which just happens to be one the best cars ever made. I used to kill my mates' Cortinas and Capris in the dirt - front wheel drive rules!




> Maybe gentleman by day, and dirty old man by night :P


The latter all the time!

 :Biggrin: 




> Gentlemen prefer blondes (and I'm married to one), but do blondes prefer gentlemen? Would I class myself as a gentleman? Hmmmmm


I think they actually prefer non-gentlemen.

As evidence, I offer, Marilyn Monroe and Jack Kennedy, Rod Stewart and all his blonde wives, Bonnie Parker & Clyde Barrow...

----------


## The Atheist

I must note that I spent yesterday afternoon preparing dinner while Mrs Atheist sat and chatted to guests.

Home made steak and vegetable pies, as it happens, and bloody delicious they were!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Haha maybe she is just acting nice, until I marry someone. 
> 
> I have already packed him up ready to send him to you
> 
> Maybe gentleman by day, and dirty old man by night :P


It's hard to say; my daughter tells me that it was a good thing I never had a biological son; that I would have chaperoned him on every date...I think she's being a little harsh. I have noticed, having married eldest sons twice, there always seemed a bit of wierd competition between mother and daughter in law: they had this wierd timing: calling at dinner time or when we were in bed :Flare: 

My very own Edward; I don't know whether I'll ever leave the house again :FRlol: 




> Gentlemen prefer blondes (and I'm married to one), but do blondes prefer gentlemen? Would I class myself as a gentleman? Hmmmmm


I don't know if they would notice whether you're a gentleman; I find I'm utterly dazzled by your vocabulary...you could steal a ladies garter with that stuff :Willy Nilly:  :Ihih: 




> I think they actually prefer non-gentlemen.
> 
> As evidence, I offer, Marilyn Monroe and Jack Kennedy, Rod Stewart and all his blonde wives, Bonnie Parker & Clyde Barrow...


I think the thing with cads is they are disarmingly sweet and gentlemanly at first meeting
Dirty old ladies prefer blonds too :Drool5: 




> I must note that I spent yesterday afternoon preparing dinner while Mrs Atheist sat and chatted to guests.
> 
> Home made steak and vegetable pies, as it happens, and bloody delicious they were!


Sounds excellent...did you want to talk to the guests or were you retreating to the kitchen. I used to hide in my kitchen when my husband brought his friends with wives who wanted to discuss birthing methods :Thumbsup:

----------


## The Atheist

> I think the thing with cads is they are disarmingly sweet and gentlemanly at first meeting
> Dirty old ladies prefer blonds too


Haha!

When my cloning machine is fully operational, I'll clone a few of your avatar bloke for you!

They come in designer options like "No vocal chords", "Housework lover" and that kind of thing.




> Sounds excellent...did you want to talk to the guests or were you retreating to the kitchen. I used to hide in my kitchen when my husband brought his friends with wives who wanted to discuss birthing methods


I get the best of both worlds, the kitchen is only separated by a bar from the lounge, so I was mixing pastry and chatting.

To be honest, I am a bit of a show-off Gordon Ramsay type in the kitchen.

The language can be similar as well!

 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

:Frown:  Mrs P doesn't consider any social event a success unless at least one good childbirth horror story has been graphically retold. :Frown:

----------


## dafydd manton

There's something about the female of the species, and especially in Yorkshire, where a day without, as you say, a childbirth incident, a discussion about somebody's health, ('e's not bin well, t'lad) or a graphic account of an operation has been wasted. Tha knows.

----------


## Paulclem

Aye - fistula an' piles they 'ad. T'wer a terrible shame when the' got ''thrush an' all...

----------


## dafydd manton

Nah den, luv, does that want ter see me operation scar? Ah 'ad one o' them hysterical rectums, tha knows!

----------


## Jesterhead

> It's hard to say; my daughter tells me that it was a good thing I never had a biological son; that I would have chaperoned him on every date...I think she's being a little harsh. I have noticed, having married eldest sons twice, there always seemed a bit of wierd competition between mother and daughter in law: they had this wierd timing: calling at dinner time or when we were in bed


haha that was on purpose xD 




> My very own Edward; I don't know whether I'll ever leave the house again:lol


He will make you feel like Bella.. by that I mean stare at you while you are sleeping.

----------


## dafydd manton

Two old Yorkshire lasses chatting.
"Our Elsie's 'ad t'babby, burrit weren't a real 'un. She 'ad one o' them Caesarean Sexuals, tha knows."
"Is that what thiy do ter mek t'cattle pregnant?"
"Nao, luv, that's called Artifical Incrimination. Thiy do it wi' a syringe!"
"Nivver!"
"Ar, straight up, no Bull!"

----------


## The Atheist

> Mrs P doesn't consider any social event a success unless at least one good childbirth horror story has been graphically retold.


I have four kids and four different horror stories if you're keen!




> Nah den, luv, does that want ter see me operation scar? Ah 'ad one o' them hysterical rectums, tha knows!


 :FRlol: 

Classic stuff!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Nah den, luv, does that want ter see me operation scar? Ah 'ad one o' them hysterical rectums, tha knows!


I see you haven't lost your ear for the Welsh accent there dafydd  :Tongue:

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, yes, well, my wife is from Yorkshire, as is my Mother-in-law who lives with us. In fact, I'm working on translating one of my (less successful) books in to a Yorkshire dialect. Whistle affter see, flower!

----------


## The Atheist

I've given Parker his annual leave for a fortnight - looks like the football is keeping them inside at night!

----------


## dafydd manton

Capital, old boy. Bang on. Good show, what? Spiffing. Yes. Ha!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Haha!
> 
> When my cloning machine is fully operational, I'll clone a few of your avatar bloke for you!
> 
> They come in designer options like "No vocal chords", "Housework lover" and that kind of thing.
> 
> I get the best of both worlds, the kitchen is only separated by a bar from the lounge, so I was mixing pastry and chatting.
> 
> To be honest, I am a bit of a show-off Gordon Ramsay type in the kitchen.


No wonder you are able to keep a hot young blonde wife, Don Juan in the bedroom and Gordon Ramsay in the kitchen :Drool5: 
I have a few others you can clone for me at the same time: the housework lover sounds good; but I like them with vocal chords so they can gasp at my beauty and make a few guttural sounds




> Mrs P doesn't consider any social event a success unless at least one good childbirth horror story has been graphically retold.


Exactly what I mean! Even when men do talk pregnancy and kids, or the occasional pulled groin or tennis elbow; it's amusing rather than gross.




> There's something about the female of the species, and especially in Yorkshire, where a day without, as you say, a childbirth incident, a discussion about somebody's health, ('e's not bin well, t'lad) or a graphic account of an operation has been wasted. Tha knows.


I prefered the days when women gossiped about affairs and the neighbors leaving windows open...




> Aye - fistula an' piles they 'ad. T'wer a terrible shame when the' got ''thrush an' all...


 :Iagree:  :FRlol: 



> haha that was on purpose xD 
> 
> He will make you feel like Bella.. by that I mean stare at you while you are sleeping.


They most certainly did! We had cold meals and interupted bedroom time for a year!
I think I want the Edward after the Bella transformation...more for the buck; particularly since I'm paying shipping..




> Two old Yorkshire lasses chatting.
> "Our Elsie's 'ad t'babby, burrit weren't a real 'un. She 'ad one o' them Caesarean Sexuals, tha knows."
> "Is that what thiy do ter mek t'cattle pregnant?"
> "Nao, luv, that's called Artifical Incrimination. Thiy do it wi' a syringe!"
> "Nivver!"
> "Ar, straight up, no Bull!"


 :FRlol:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:

----------


## dafydd manton

'Ere, whilst we're on the subject of the opposite sex, so named because they are generally opposed to everything we might do, why do you see so many ugly ones coming out of beauty parlours?

----------


## The Atheist

> Exactly what I mean! Even when men do talk pregnancy and kids, or the occasional pulled groin or tennis elbow; it's amusing rather than gross.


Blokes do less detail than women. I've never heard men discussing how many stitches their vasectomies took as a matter of pride.




> 'Ere, whilst we're on the subject of the opposite sex, so named because they are generally opposed to everything we might do, why do you see so many ugly ones coming out of beauty parlours?


 :FRlol:

----------


## Paulclem

It's a common misconception that - like a house - a lick of emulsion and some gloss on the skirting make beauty...

----------


## The Atheist

Just in case any of the chaps are travelling in the next little while:

It won't affect too many of us, being of the wrong generation, but any of our younger members - so to speak - would be well advised to avoid Christchurch Airport Customs in the interim.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/3825...rch-court-case

----------


## dafydd manton

Just cancelled the trip to New Zealand - not because of any bias, but I'm told that all 127 of them have gone to South Africa, for reason or reasons unknown.

----------


## jocky

Guys and gal I have got myself in a moral morass and your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Me and my faithfull hound Turncoat were out for our early morning walk when, all of a sudden, Mutley's hair stood on end and he started howling and shaking in front of a shiny object. On closer inspection it turned out to be a crocodile skinned wallet. In character I scanned the landscape 360 degrees and shoved it in my pooch. When we got home I opened it and discovered £5000 in fifty pound notes and no identification of ownership, what could I do ? I showed it to Mrs Jocky, big mistake. She pointed out that it could be a pensioners life savings or, even worse a drug dealers stash." Darling I can't hand it in for altruistic reasons and besides we are broke". Helpfull suggestions would be welcome.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Oh, if only I had that kind of luck!

Fair go, half and half for you and 'er indoors.

----------


## OrphanPip

> Just in case any of the chaps are travelling in the next little while:
> 
> It won't affect too many of us, being of the wrong generation, but any of our younger members - so to speak - would be well advised to avoid Christchurch Airport Customs in the interim.
> 
> http://www.stuff.co.nz/national/3825...rch-court-case


I'd have to see pictures of the custom officers beforehand, but sounds like the perfect way to spice up a trip.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Jocky, you trumped my next posting. I was about to present my quarterly update on the TBRC. There hasnt been much activity other than a new article entered back in May, by a Bigfoot bounty hunter named Jerry Hestand. --- 

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/index.ph...ws/48-news/176

HmmYou know Jocky, donations are graciously accepted at TBRC. I wonder what the conversion rate is?

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

> Guys and gal I have got myself in a moral morass and your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Me and my faithfull hound Turncoat were out for our early morning walk when, all of a sudden, Mutley's hair stood on end and he started howling and shaking in front of a shiny object. On closer inspection it turned out to be a crocodile skinned wallet. In character I scanned the landscape 360 degrees and shoved it in my pooch. When we got home I opened it and discovered £5000 in fifty pound notes and no identification of ownership, what could I do ? I showed it to Mrs Jocky, big mistake. She pointed out that it could be a pensioners life savings or, even worse a drug dealers stash." Darling I can't hand it in for altruistic reasons and besides we are broke". Helpfull suggestions would be welcome.



Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.

----------


## The Atheist

> Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.


 :FRlol: 

Isn't yours the one covered in cobwebs with 50p in it?

(Mine doesn't even have 50p!)

----------


## dafydd manton

50 whole pence?? Egad!! Riches beyond the dreams of Creosote!! (He was the deity they put up against a wall!)

----------


## jocky

> Jocky, you trumped my next posting. I was about to present my quarterly update on the TBRC. There hasnt been much activity other than a new article entered back in May, by a Bigfoot bounty hunter named Jerry Hestand. --- 
> 
> http://www.texasbigfoot.org/index.ph...ws/48-news/176
> 
> HmmYou know Jocky, donations are graciously accepted at TBRC. I wonder what the conversion rate is?
> 
> Gilliatt


You mean I have found Bigfoot's wallet ! This could lead to a spot on the Larry King show. Wait till I tell Mrs Jocky.  :Smile: 




> Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.


You will recieve the wallet minus cash in the next post, C.O.D. naturally. Old Atheist has got you pegged.  :Smile: 




> 50 whole pence?? Egad!! Riches beyond the dreams of Creosote!! (He was the deity they put up against a wall!)


 :FRlol: 
That's right he was the one that blessed my brand spanking new £5000 shed, or was it Crocus ? This plethora of Gods can lead to a great deal of confusion, not unusual for this thread,  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Confusion? Wasn't he a Chinese philospher?

----------


## The Atheist

> Confusion? Wasn't he a Chinese philospher?


No, that was Wun Hung Lo.

----------


## dafydd manton

Him and his brother Hoo Flung Dung?

----------


## The Atheist

> Him and his brother Hoo Flung Dung?


That's the guy!

Family philosophers, just like the Marx Bros.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is that Karl and Groucho?

----------


## dafydd manton

That's the ones - started Marx and Spencer, but they threw Harpo Spencer out because he wasn't very funny. Zippo went on to invent the cigarette lighter.

----------


## soundofmusic

> 'Ere, whilst we're on the subject of the opposite sex, so named because they are generally opposed to everything we might do, why do you see so many ugly ones coming out of beauty parlours?


I worked in a department store years ago and everytime there was a makeup show, the girls would grab me. They would show the ladies, "Look at how drab this woman looks and with just a bit of our makeup....
The ladies would buy the whole set up; but the secret was good bones. 




> Blokes do less detail than women. I've never heard men discussing how many stitches their vasectomies took as a matter of pride.


Ah yes, that is what makes blokes pleasant to be with...of course, I haven't quite figured out how to get more details when I'm dating one :Idea: 




> It's a common misconception that - like a house - a lick of emulsion and some gloss on the skirting make beauty...


I've found with I and my house, as we get older, it's going to take a good deal of sanding and resurfacing to make us marketable :FRlol: 




> Guys and gal I have got myself in a moral morass and your suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Me and my faithfull hound Turncoat were out for our early morning walk when, all of a sudden, Mutley's hair stood on end and he started howling and shaking in front of a shiny object. On closer inspection it turned out to be a crocodile skinned wallet. In character I scanned the landscape 360 degrees and shoved it in my pooch. When we got home I opened it and discovered £5000 in fifty pound notes and no identification of ownership, what could I do ? I showed it to Mrs Jocky, big mistake. She pointed out that it could be a pensioners life savings or, even worse a drug dealers stash." Darling I can't hand it in for altruistic reasons and besides we are broke". Helpfull suggestions would be welcome.


Well, if I found a stashed wallet without ID, I would have to assume that it belonged to a thief or someone trading the money for an identity...I think, that since Mrs Jocky has some reservations about spending it; you should keep the whole bundle, except, of course, for what little bits you would like to donate to your friends on the blokes thread :Wink: 




> Oh, if only I had that kind of luck!
> 
> Fair go, half and half for you and 'er indoors.


What a gent; I think I might talk her into putting her half in our joint checking :FRlol: 




> I'd have to see pictures of the custom officers beforehand, but sounds like the perfect way to spice up a trip.


Maybe you'll have better luck with those officers than I did; they let me pass in my leather teddy and a bag of Columbian gold...I guess it was the cellulite that put them off the scent :FRlol: 



> Thank goodness ! I was wondering where my wallet had got to.


Oh my god, is that wallet made out of an English croc...nothing meaner than an English croc :Yikes: 



> Jocky, you trumped my next posting. I was about to present my quarterly update on the TBRC. There hasnt been much activity other than a new article entered back in May, by a Bigfoot bounty hunter named Jerry Hestand. --- 
> 
> Gilliatt


That was a smart move by Jerry, I'll bet he'll catch big foot using those school children as kibble :Drool5: 



> Confusion? Wasn't he a Chinese philospher?


 :Confused: 



> No, that was Wun Hung Lo.


 :Brow:  :Smilewinkgrin: 



> Him and his brother Hoo Flung Dung?


 :Sick:  :Smilielol5: 



> That's the guy!
> 
> Family philosophers, just like the Marx Bros.


 :Crazy: 



> Is that Karl and Groucho?


 :Idea:  :Cool: 



> That's the ones - started Marx and Spencer, but they threw Harpo Spencer out because he wasn't very funny. Zippo went on to invent the cigarette lighter.


 :FRlol:  :Biggrinjester:

----------


## prendrelemick

Harpo Spencer, is that the bloke who got mugged in Govan by a man and a dog of his croc skin wallet and went on to write The fairy Quean before entering the New Zealand customs service? :Rolleyes5: 




> Maybe you'll have better luck with those officers than I did; they let me pass in my leather teddy and a bag of Columbian gold...I guess it was the cellulite that put them off the scent
> 
> 
> :


The mind boggles :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

Crikey, we'll be on to Lord Lucan next!

----------


## jocky

On the subject of Gods, there are three Eastern deities who have been most influential in my life, you may have heard of them, Guid Luk, Tuff Luk and Nae Luk. Of late the latter has been in the ascendancy. Atheist, Lord Lucan is alive and well and living in the Isle of Skye disguised as a Benedictine monk.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Not so! Lies! Foul Calumny! Lord Lucan is alive and well, wearing a ginger wig and working in a chip shop in Rochdale - you know the one, it's managed by Elvis. They do a very nice saveloy.

----------


## prendrelemick

I know the one, Our Gracieland Chippy.



(you see what I did there?)

----------


## dafydd manton

Ee, I'm impressed, lad. That were reight good! Pity there's no way of squeezing in the word "Fields", that'd really pull 'em in.

----------


## prendrelemick

Never mind the saveloy, I go there because I love me (fish) tender.


Ok I'll stop now.

----------


## dafydd manton

Sorry, I'm all shook up after the magnitude and brilliance of that one!

----------


## jocky

Recently I have turned my mind to all things astronomical, so much so that I have converted my attic into an observatory, complete with the Meade ETX-LS 6" telescope.....man, that Heather Macpherson at number 42 sure looks hot in her skimpy white underwear embroidered with tiny red roses. She really needs to close her blinds at night, you never know who could be watching.... I digress, what was I on about, oh yes, Mrs Jocky paid a visit to my newly converted attic and after 5 minutes of silent observation remarked, " In the magnificence and wonderment of our Universe Mars looks comparitively tiny and insignificant. " I thought that was so profound I did not have the heart to tell her she was looking through the wrong end of the telescope.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.

----------


## dafydd manton

> I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.


 :Biggrin5:   :Nod:   :Biggrin5:   :Nod:  :Nod:  :Biggrin5: !!!!!!!!!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Recently I have turned my mind to all things astronomical, so much so that I have converted my attic into an observatory, complete with the Meade ETX-LS 6" telescope.....man, that Heather Macpherson at number 42 sure looks hot in her skimpy white underwear embroidered with tiny red roses. She really needs to close her blinds at night, you never know who could be watching....


Haha! If she knows you're living in the same county, I bet she does know who's watching - more care needed there or you'll be trying to do two birds with one stone!

Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.

Tower crane drivers are aware of this.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.


Too funny- You're making my Saturday.
Actually you are causing me to waste my Saturday!

__________________
First we must have some theme music:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnbiRDNaDeo

Jocky,
Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but dont strain your eyes.
Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or youll be spending the night in the Canis Major house. 
Or worse still, shell accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
Whats this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again? 
Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

:Biggrin5:  Cl***ic :Biggrin5:

----------


## The Atheist

What's with the asterisks?

Have donkeys suddenly become illegal? Didn't Jesus ride an ***?

----------


## dafydd manton

yeah, but we don;t want some *%^$* thinking that you can *&%#ing well say ''@?~=+ on the ##*&+ computer. For **#@=+$! sake!!

----------


## The Atheist

I assume this is some kind of error....

Why classic and not assume?

Scher is playing with us - it's not 1st April is it?

----------


## dafydd manton

Nah, I just didn't want to offend the delicate sensibilites of the average member, so a few things got deleted. You can't be too ******* careful.

----------


## prendrelemick

Everyone starts to pretend to swear, and what happens? - I've got a Laura Ashley Google ad !!! 

Are they seeking to change their core customer demigraphic profile? What next, pink shell suits among the twin sets? Nylon leopard print curtains? Name change to Shazza Ashley? It will hit Mrs P hard.

----------


## The Atheist

> Nylon leopard print curtains? Name change to Shazza Ashley? It will hit Mrs P hard.


Aaargh!

You've just described West Auckland.

Even their MP drives around in a leopard-print Toyota.

----------


## dafydd manton

Nylon leopard print curtains, for that electric shock first thing in the morning!

----------


## Paulclem

Tack, tat and useless plastic rubbish. it's the foundations of the Western and Eastern economy. Where would Christmas be without it I ask?

----------


## dafydd manton

Why, it might even become a pagan festival, with little bearing on Christianity!

----------


## The Atheist

> Tack, tat and useless plastic rubbish. it's the foundations of the Western and Eastern economy. Where would Christmas be without it I ask?


It's funny how people never quite understand that a consumer society must, at some stage end, up in the past tense.

Consumed.




> Why, it might even become a pagan festival, with little bearing on Christianity!


I like that!

----------


## dafydd manton

Nylon, indeed!! Have they never heard of venetian blinds, or those heavy, maroon brocade ones you can get cheap if you can get to an Indian restaurant that's being refurbished. Admittedly, the house smells a bit strange for a few months, but think of the beer tokens you've saved!!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Harpo Spencer, is that the bloke who got mugged in Govan by a man and a dog of his croc skin wallet and went on to write The fairy Quean before entering the New Zealand customs service?


I heard that Harpo was a fairy queen and traded his croc wallet for the dog :Smilewinkgrin: 




> Recently I have turned my mind to all things astronomical, so much so that I have converted my attic into an observatory, complete with the Meade ETX-LS 6" telescope.....man, that Heather Macpherson at number 42 sure looks hot in her skimpy white underwear embroidered with tiny red roses. She really needs to close her blinds at night, you never know who could be watching.... I digress, what was I on about, oh yes, Mrs Jocky paid a visit to my newly converted attic and after 5 minutes of silent observation remarked, " In the magnificence and wonderment of our Universe Mars looks comparitively tiny and insignificant. " I thought that was so profound I did not have the heart to tell her she was looking through the wrong end of the telescope.


I don't know, Jocky, maybe Mrs J was also looing at Heathers red roses instead of the "red planet" :Cool: 




> Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.
> Tower crane drivers are aware of this.


 :Blush2:  I guess the semi-truck drivers did see what we were doing on the freeways in our younger and more athletic days :Rolleyes: 



> Have donkeys suddenly become illegal? Didn't Jesus ride an ***?


Speaking of our younger and more athletic days :Banana:  :Banana:  :Banana: 




> Nah, I just didn't want to offend the delicate sensibilites of the average member, so a few things got deleted. You can't be too ******* careful.


...someone get my smelling salts; I think I feel the vapors coming on :Angelsad2: 




> I see you are an acolyte of that other Eastern deity, Sneaka Luk.


I think I saw him the other day in the ladies room :Goof: 




> Too funny- You're making my Saturday.
> Actually you are causing me to waste my Saturday!
> 
> __________________
> First we must have some theme music:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnbiRDNaDeo
> 
> Jocky,
> Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but dont strain your eyes.
> ...


 :FRlol:  :Thumbs Up:

----------


## The Atheist

> I guess the semi-truck drivers did see what we were doing on the freeways in our younger and more athletic days


Haha! You remind me of a great story.

One of my former lovers - a blonde stunner, funnily enough - was a complete exhibitionist who used to drive an automatic car with her left leg resting on the centre console to see how many truck drivers just about lost control. (right hand drive)

Baaaad girl.

But lots of fun!

She also used to come into my office and make like Sharon Stone in _Basic Instinct_. My secretary - an older, but fun bird - used to come and tell me that "that sexy-lookin' one had arrived".

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

That's the down-side of working at home. All I get is the missus bringing in a coffee now and again, which I appreciate, or else the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.

----------


## The Atheist

> That's the down-side of working at home. All I get is the missus bringing in a coffee now and again, which I appreciate, or else the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.


One advantage to working from home - you know you can chase the secretary around without fear of reprisal!

----------


## dafydd manton

Ha! Rumbled! Mind you, these days, I'd probably need an osteopath!

----------


## jocky

> Haha! If she knows you're living in the same county, I bet she does know who's watching - more care needed there or you'll be trying to do two birds with one stone!
> 
> Funny thing about humans: if they live at height, in an apartment block or on a hill, they forget that vision works two ways and that their magnificent view is busy watching them as they look at the view.
> 
> Tower crane drivers are aware of this.


Funny enough Mr Macpherson came to my door in a very threatening posture, unfortunately for him the military training kicked in. He is now in wards 2, 3, 7, and 10 of the local hospital. He "may me gone for some time".  :Smile: 




> Jocky,
> Now swing that scope toward the constellation Andromeda but dont strain your eyes.
> Good, now look North by Northwest and here we see Cassiopeein in the Big Dipper.
> Now follow the arc to Arcturus where we find him shakin his Bootes.
> But Sirius ly, you must not trifle with Mrs. Jocky or youll be spending the night in the Canis Major house. 
> Or worse still, shell accuse you of being a Lyra and force you to sleep in the Vega.
> Whats this sticky mess on the eyepiece? Have you been eating Milky Way bars again? 
> Never mind about that let us turn our eyes to the south and behold the greatest *** tronomical spectacle of all time; Klingons around Uranus.
> 
> Gilliatt


A brand new anorak is in the post. As to Klingons around Uranus, you really need to look after your personal hygeine.  :Wink: 




> I don't know, Jocky, maybe Mrs J was also looing at Heathers red roses instead of the "red planet":


 :FRlol: 
One peeping Tom in the household is quite sufficient thank you very much.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Any post that can contain Klingons, Uranus, Peeping Toms and Anoraks in one go deserves the Nobel Prize for Literature - twice!

----------


## Paulclem

This is the thread Dafydd - aliens and ale, women and the world cup, beer and banking, google and whatnot. It is the home of the wise and experienced - though not at the same time.

----------


## dafydd manton

That lets me out, mate. Experienced, without a doubt, but wise? I don't think so!

----------


## Paulclem

Just the ticket! No smart***es are allowed, or else Parker, when he returns will have to have a word. I wonder when he's due back?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Haha! You remind me of a great story.
> 
> One of my former lovers - a blonde stunner, funnily enough - was a complete exhibitionist who used to drive an automatic car with her left leg resting on the centre console to see how many truck drivers just about lost control. (right hand drive)
> 
> Baaaad girl.
> 
> But lots of fun!
> 
> She also used to come into my office and make like Sharon Stone in _Basic Instinct_. My secretary - an older, but fun bird - used to come and tell me that "that sexy-lookin' one had arrived".


Fortuantely, I was never the one driving; I don't know if it's true, but I hear men have better hand:eye coordination. I was always dating fellows that wanted to try athetics at 80 miles an hour...bumped my head on the steering wheel a few times :Crazy: 

I'll bet you really prolonged Sharons case... :Cool: 




> the cat comes in looking for food, passes wind and leaves again, which I do not appreciate.


My cat thinks I'm his bi***; I haven't had a hot dinner in a year, he always uses the litter box and insists on immediate service before I sit down :Ack2: 




> One advantage to working from home - you know you can chase the secretary around without fear of reprisal!


I don't guess you get alot of work done that way. I don't guess that works if the secretary isn't your wife :Smile5: 




> Ha! Rumbled! Mind you, these days, I'd probably need an osteopath!


One of my former sweet hearts recently teased me, stating that I would "have a heart attack" if I attempted a night of bliss :Blush2:  :Prrr: 
What do you think the purpose of that was? :Confused: 




> One peeping Tom in the household is quite sufficient thank you very much.


Well, I assumed that Mrs Jocky was keeping her eye on the red planet to insure that it wasn't going to lose gravity and come crashing through your window one night :Ihih: 




> This is the thread Dafydd - aliens and ale, women and the world cup, beer and banking, google and whatnot. It is the home of the wise and experienced - though not at the same time.


Which is why, even if the ladies would allow me to take part in their discussion of shoes and toe nail fungi cures, I would still be haunting this thread :Gnorsi: 




> That lets me out, mate. Experienced, without a doubt, but wise? I don't think so!


I'm like your basic scientist; I keep retesting the experiences to see if I got them right the first time :Rolleyes: 




> Just the ticket! No smart***es are allowed, or else Parker, when he returns will have to have a word. I wonder when he's due back?


Here, Here, My warm beer is cooling off...

----------


## The Atheist

> Funny enough Mr Macpherson came to my door in a very threatening posture, unfortunately for him the military training kicked in. He is now in wards 2, 3, 7, and 10 of the local hospital.


I gather you're used to drinking late in Glasgow!




> Just the ticket! No smart***es are allowed, or else Parker, when he returns will have to have a word. I wonder when he's due back?


After the final whistle of the World Cup.




> Fortuantely, I was never the one driving; I don't know if it's true, but I hear men have better hand:eye coordination. I was always dating fellows that wanted to try athetics at 80 miles an hour...bumped my head on the steering wheel a few times


Yep, that stuff that seemed so great at the time looks pretty dodgy in hindsight!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yep, that stuff that seemed so great at the time looks pretty dodgy in hindsight!


Ah, but all the smile they give me in my dotage are worth it :Smile5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Fortuantely, I was never the one driving; I don't know if it's true, but I hear men have better hand:eye coordination. I was always dating fellows that wanted to try athetics at 80 miles an hour...bumped my head on the steering wheel a few times




While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

Classic!

----------


## The Atheist

Midwinter in Auckland, but we're still getting reasonable weather - today it's around 16 deg and fine with no wind.

Apparently, this is what we can expect with global warming, so it isn't easy to sell carbon reduction around here!

A question for gentlemen to ponder:

Should we stockpile alcohol before the new 20% VAT comes into effect?

Apparently, we're down to only 126 cases of scotch and 483 of champagne.

----------


## dafydd manton

I've tried stockpiling as much as I can, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick now, and I've had to wander upstairs 17 times in the last half hour. Itsh gettin' ekshtrmly dffictl now, but i'M doin' me besht. Pleasshe advizhe if i'm doin' thish proply. I love you, you're my besht mate.....

----------


## soundofmusic

> While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.


Perhaps Mrs. P hasn't reached her dotage where she sheds a tear for those by-gone days. It's a funny thing, though, when I look back, it seems that the air always smelled sweet, the young men never had dirty socks or bad breath....
maybe that's the thing that gets us when we are old: sharpened senses :Ack2: 




> Midwinter in Auckland, but we're still getting reasonable weather - today it's around 16 deg and fine with no wind.
> 
> Apparently, this is what we can expect with global warming, so it isn't easy to sell carbon reduction around here!
> 
> A question for gentlemen to ponder:
> 
> Should we stockpile alcohol before the new 20% VAT comes into effect?
> 
> Apparently, we're down to only 126 cases of scotch and 483 of champagne.


It is the beginning of summer here, my a/c is broken in the car and my driving arm is 3 shades darker than the other. You can feel the sun penetrate through the cotton clothes and melts you to your whities...
Tell Parker to double the rations; me and Gilliatt are sneaking past the border.




> I've tried stockpiling as much as I can, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick now, and I've had to wander upstairs 17 times in the last half hour. Itsh gettin' ekshtrmly dffictl now, but i'M doin' me besht. Pleasshe advizhe if i'm doin' thish proply. I love you, you're my besht mate.....


Dafydd love, I'm not sure, but I think part of your supply just splashed on the stairs :Frown2:

----------


## dafydd manton

nah, nah, thatsh the cat....jusht trippt over the shtupid ****zzzzzzzzzzz

----------


## Paulclem

> While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.


 :FRlol:  Superb

I was once on a rugby trip to Lancashire when the coach passed a car on the inside lane with the bloke who played George Roper in The Liver birds and George and Mildred. We had a really good coach driver - Barry - who kept us neck and neck with the poor fellow for the next 5 minutes. I bet he'd never seen so many hairy grins pressed up against the bus bus window before.

----------


## The Atheist

> I've tried stockpiling as much as I can, but I'm starting to feel a bit sick now, and I've had to wander upstairs 17 times in the last half hour. Itsh gettin' ekshtrmly dffictl now, but i'M doin' me besht. Pleasshe advizhe if i'm doin' thish proply. I love you, you're my besht mate.....


Ummm, stockpiling doesn't mean drinking it all at once!

 :FRlol: 




> It is the beginning of summer here, my a/c is broken in the car and my driving arm is 3 shades darker than the other.


Yeah, I get that in summer if I drive around a lot. Looks bloody funny!




> I was once on a rugby trip to Lancashire when the coach passed a car on the inside lane with the bloke who played George Roper in The Liver birds and George and Mildred. We had a really good coach driver - Barry - who kept us neck and neck with the poor fellow for the next 5 minutes. I bet he'd never seen so many hairy grins pressed up against the bus bus window before.


George & Mildred, that's going back some!

The other program wasn't _The Liver Birds_, but the one with Gilbert O'Sullivan and the two chicky flatmates - one an amazing blonde that I recall very well!

----------


## stlukesguild

Summer here in the US. Closing in on warm and excessively humid. We had our first cook out of the year. A belated Father's Day: steaks and burgers on the grill... just finished off an interesting banana bread beer :Banana:  and moving on to my personal favorite: Samuel Smith Imperial Stout... a classic Miles disc blaring:



Miles, Jeanne Moreau, and Sam Smith... what could be finer? :Wink:

----------


## stlukesguild

On to the third Sam Smith and the third Miles disc... the immortal:

----------


## The Atheist

> On to the third Sam Smith and the third Miles disc... the immortal:


Yep, you can play that all day - fantastic stuff.

----------


## stlukesguild

It's the perfect disc to slowly slip into an alcohol haze with. And then I have the Stones waiting in the wings... once I hit the Three Philosophers Belgian ale (10% alcohol... God, you can taste it... the wife calls it jet fuel) and get really f***ed up.

----------


## stlukesguild

My God!!!! :Eek6:  :Eek2: 

I almost spilled my Three Philosophers!!!
 :Blush2:  :Willy Nilly:  :Frown2: 

One of my stacks of books (of all things... can you believe it???) fell over and almost knocked the bottle to the floor.

Horror or horrors!!! :Cryin: 


 :Cheers2:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> While driving down the M1 last year, Mrs P's lipstick rolled across the top of the dash and dropped into my footwell. (Why do they feel the need to touch up their face every 5 mins) I'm sure you've guessed the rest, as she was struggling to retrieve it, a coach full of the recently pubescent drew along side, a friendly group, grinning, cheering and waving as they slowly slid by. It was at least 20 mins before she felt the need to apply any more blusher I can tell you. I sighed wistfully and said it reminded me of the old days. A stoney silence ensued for the rest of the journey.


That is Classic! Great story.
Let's see the mods behind the curtains drop the a** this time




> My God!!!!
> 
> I almost spilled my Three Philosophers!!!
> 
> 
> One of my stacks of books (of all things... can you believe it???) fell over and almost knocked the bottle to the floor.
> 
> Horror or horrors!!!


Stlukes - School must be out. You are having too much fun!

Gilliatt

----------


## stlukesguild

Oh yes! School is out.  :Party: 

I guess that's not indicative of an educator deeply in love with his job... but oh well... :Ack2: 

This is week two. 

Nine more to go! :Party: 

Pass me another beer. :Cheers2:

----------


## stlukesguild

OK

Where are all my drinking buddies??? :Confused:  :Confused: 

And Sher... please don't mess with the size on these posts. :Biggrinjester:  :Wave: 

I'm a visual artist... scale is very important. :Cornut:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Midwinter in Auckland, but we're still getting reasonable weather - today it's around 16 deg and fine with no wind.
> 
> Apparently, this is what we can expect with global warming, so it isn't easy to sell carbon reduction around here!
> 
> A question for gentlemen to ponder:
> 
> Should we stockpile alcohol before the new 20% VAT comes into effect?
> 
> Apparently, we're down to only 126 cases of scotch and 483 of champagne.



My mate Terry can get you anything at a very special rate - cash only.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well things were getting desperate chez nous, untill my daughter arrived with a fathers day gift of 6 Newkie browns and a black pudding. (I've trained her well) The perfect antidote to all those mediterranean salads and grape juice that have been appearing in front of me at mealtimes since the hot weather kicked in.

----------


## Scheherazade

> And Sher... please don't mess with the size on these posts.


*rolls her eyes and sighs dramatically*

Why must it always come down to "size"?


> I'm a visual artist... scale is very important.


Yes, sure... It is _all_ for art.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Superb
> 
> I was once on a rugby trip to Lancashire when the coach passed a car on the inside lane with the bloke who played George Roper in The Liver birds and George and Mildred. We had a really good coach driver - Barry - who kept us neck and neck with the poor fellow for the next 5 minutes. I bet he'd never seen so many hairy grins pressed up against the bus bus window before.



Another Rugby trip story: (as told to me) My mate and his team went to see the grand final at Old Trafford.( Wigan vs Bradford) They used their usual coach and driver, an old bus with no "facilities", instead a bucket with a lid was provided. By the time they reached Old Trafford it was brim-full, due to all the beer passing through. 

After the game, as they were leaving the car park a Wigan fan came up and started banging on the door and shouting abuse. The scrum half, showing his quick thinking and leadership qualities, shouted "O'pen t' door Barry!" to the driver and threw the entire contents of the bucket straight in his face, just as he opened his mouth open to hurl more abuse.

Another humiliating defeat for Wigan there I think.

----------


## The Atheist

> Where are all my drinking buddies???


Hung over!

Your kids get ELEVEN weeks off?

My god, if they tried that here, there'd be blood in the streets. 7 weeks is as much as the kids get here.




> My mate Terry can get you anything at a very special rate - cash only.


I used to have a mate like that - he'd rock up to the bank where I worked with a crate of Johnny Walker black label and take $120 for it.

I used to on-sell it at $15 a bottle for a nice profit and a free bottle.




> Another Rugby trip story: (as told to me) My mate and his team went to see the grand final at Old Trafford.( Wigan vs Bradford) They used their usual coach and driver, an old bus with no "facilities", instead a bucket with a lid was provided. By the time they reached Old Trafford it was brim-full, due to all the beer passing through. 
> 
> After the game, as they were leaving the car park a Wigan fan came up and started banging on the door and shouting abuse. The scrum half, showing his quick thinking and leadership qualities, shouted "O'pen t' door Barry!" to the driver and threw the entire contents of the bucket straight in his face, just as he opened his mouth open to hurl more abuse.
> 
> Another humiliating defeat for Wigan there I think.


 :FRlol: 

Brilliant!

Mind you, being from Wigan, drinking wee-wee would make a nice change from eating ****.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ummm, stockpiling doesn't mean drinking it all at once!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, I get that in summer if I drive around a lot. Looks bloody funny!
> 
> 
> ...


Yes you're right - it was Man About the House which, at the back end of the saucy seventies, didn't deliver on any front. We only had 3 channnels back then.

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes you're right - it was Man About the House which, at the back end of the saucy seventies, didn't deliver on any front. We only had 3 channnels back then.



That was it!

I agree that the program was crap - it wasn't even funny, as I recall it, but that little blonde in it was sensational. 

Crikey, three channels? You were spoilt, we had just the one and during the week, programming ran from 3 pm to 10 pm and that was it!

----------


## dafydd manton

Just think, then we had three channels of absolute rubbish, but now we have limitless channels of exactly the same thing. Just as you get to the good bit of a motor race/rugby match/whatever, some prat throws in an advert and you miss the whole lot, but you know how to augment your diet/breast/muscles/insureance policy. Deep Joy!

----------


## Paulclem

Yep 3 and BBC 1 and BBC 2 played the National Anthem, before some smug git advised you to turn off and unplug the telly. People must have done a lot more sleeping back then. 

I used to read a lot - and the pubs shut at 11.30 thanks be to Gladstone! In the middle 80s before all day drinking came in in 88? - 89? I remember wandering the streets and going on midnight country rambles with the mates for lack of something to do.




> Just think, then we had three channels of absolute rubbish, but now we have limitless channels of exactly the same thing. Just as you get to the good bit of a motor race/rugby match/whatever, some prat throws in an advert and you miss the whole lot, but you know how to augment your diet/breast/muscles/insureance policy. Deep Joy!


Yes the times I've surfed the whole 5 or 600 channels for something to watch. I think, with that many channels I expect to find something I really want to watch, rather than putting up with some old rubbish. My expectations are higher, and I am sorely disappointed most times.

----------


## dafydd manton

Bring back the test-card!!! Frankly, it was a heck of a sight more interesting than the vast majority of programmes today, where some 16-year old producer thinks we'd like to watch Pride and Prejudice in the nude, where Stock Car Racing and Heroin abuse were the only diversions, until the Mormon Tabernacle Choir came to town, and there was somebody new to stone, using kumquats and plastic effigies of the latest Damian Hurst.

----------


## The Atheist

Just don't start me on "reality" tv.

I do, however, find it amusing that "reality" tv is a lot less real than Coro St.

There are only two things I watch on tv - sport and horse racing.

Oh yeah.

When did vomit become entertainment? It can't all be down to Mr Creosote.

Is the next logical step showing someone defecating in the name of entertainment?

----------


## dafydd manton

Don't hold your breath! On two counts!

----------


## soundofmusic

> nah, nah, thatsh the cat....jusht trippt over the shtupid ****zzzzzzzzzzz


Ah, you have a dribbler  :Ack2:  Mine just trips stares at me while I take a bubble bath  :Blush2: and trips me in the kitchen :Toetap05: 



> Superb
> 
> 
> I was once on a rugby trip to Lancashire when the coach passed a car on the inside lane with the bloke who played George Roper in The Liver birds and George and Mildred. We had a really good coach driver - Barry - who kept us neck and neck with the poor fellow for the next 5 minutes. I bet he'd never seen so many hairy grins pressed up against the bus bus window before.


Did he think you were trying to run him off the road :Auto:  That looks like a great show; I'm going to look it up on youtube :Banana: 
[QUOTE=stlukesguild;913733][SIZE="5"][COLOR="DarkRed"]OK
Where are all my drinking buddies???  :Wave:  :Cheers2: 




> *rolls her eyes and sighs dramatically*
> 
> Why must it always come down to "size"?Yes, sure... It is _all_ for art.


 :Smilielol5:  :Brow: 




> Another Rugby trip story: (as told to me) My mate and his team went to see the grand final at Old Trafford.( Wigan vs Bradford) They used their usual coach and driver, an old bus with no "facilities", instead a bucket with a lid was provided. By the time they reached Old Trafford it was brim-full, due to all the beer passing through. 
> 
> After the game, as they were leaving the car park a Wigan fan came up and started banging on the door and shouting abuse. The scrum half, showing his quick thinking and leadership qualities, shouted "O'pen t' door Barry!" to the driver and threw the entire contents of the bucket straight in his face, just as he opened his mouth open to hurl more abuse.
> 
> Another humiliating defeat for Wigan there I think.


What a surprise that must have been :Puke: 




> Yes you're right - it was Man About the House which, at the back end of the saucy seventies, didn't deliver on any front. We only had 3 channnels back then.


We had a similar version in America, 3's Company; I'm back to 4 channels with my digital converter; most of my favorite shows are on 2 of them.



> That was it!
> 
> 
> I agree that the program was crap - it wasn't even funny, as I recall it, but that little blonde in it was sensational.


I don't think she quite compares to Suzanne Somers of 3's company; that blonde bimbo attitude, pig tails, and cleavage really worked for her :Arf: 



> Stlukes - School must be out. You are having too much fun!
> 
> Gilliatt


I think I'm changing careers :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't think she quite compares to Suzanne Somers of 3's company; that blonde bimbo attitude, pig tails, and cleavage really worked for her


Not for me - I'd have stomped over Suzanne in hob-nailed boots to get at Sally Thomsett. I think Suzanne Somers always had just a smidgen too much American plastic about her.

----------


## Paulclem

> Did he think you were trying to run him off the road That looks like a great show; I'm going to look it up on youtube


It was really funny. My mate - Squinny - so called at school because he had a squint and came late and so was bullied a bit, (though all that changed when he grew to 6:3 and became rather huge - we all called him Andy then) - noticed George Roper sitting in the passenger seat of a car we were passing. He shouted out, "That's George Roper!" whereupon most of the bus shouted "**** ***!". 

Then another lad saw him too and there was a stampede to one side of the bus. (I'm surprised we didn't veer onto the hard shoulder with all that meat shifting around). There ensued a jeering, pointing and shouting out of the window - ( the coach trips could be a bit tedious) - topped off with a mass roll down of trousers and hairy grins pressed up against the windows. 

I'm sure Barry - (our coach driver was called Barry too Mick - either it's the coach driver's official name, or it was the same Barry) - had to go over the windows with a cloth when he got back to his coaching house or where-ever he lived.

I didn't like the show - even when I'd seen George Roper on the M62 Motorway.

----------


## Taugenichts

> Is the next logical step showing someone defecating in the name of entertainment?


Very likely. In fact, I've heard Bill Cosby is planning on making a comeback - new sitcom staged entirely in a public washroom called "Trapp's last Krapp".

----------


## The Atheist

Well, that'd go with how I feel about Cosby. I've just never found him at all funny, and I do like some American comedians, top of which was the godfather of Teh US Funneh, the late and much-lamented George Carlin.

And most importantly welcome along to The Blokes' Club!

Just leave us a note of what tipple tickles your fancy and I'm sure Parker laid in a stock before he went on holiday. The first one's on the house!

----------


## dafydd manton

Can I have mine retrospectively? If so, I'll have a pint of cheap French cooking brandy, please.

----------


## The Atheist

> Can I have mine retrospectively? If so, I'll have a pint of cheap French cooking brandy, please.


That is a difficult one - and my apologies for not offering - because Parker only buys premium brands.

We have loads of VSOP; even the chef uses it. No cheap stuff, I'm afraid.

We've had to train jocky to drink alcohol from bottles with labels on, so I reckon you'll manage!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Given what the "P" stands for within the circles in which I move, (and recycling is good for the planet), there should be no problem.

----------


## andrewoberg

Alright, I'm posting because I want my free drink. It'd better be dark and it'd better not be Continental!

----------


## The Atheist

> Alright, I'm posting because I want my free drink. It'd better be dark and it'd better not be Continental!


How dark?

Black rum? Guinness?

----------


## Taugenichts

Any absinthe in stock?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Not for me - I'd have stomped over Suzanne in hob-nailed boots to get at Sally Thomsett. I think Suzanne Somers always had just a smidgen too much American plastic about her.




When "little" Sally Thomsett was filming The Railway Children in these parts she was a 20 year old playing a 12 year old. (Heavy strapping was involved)Her night-time antics in the pubs and clubs of Leeds have become the stuff of legend. Jenny Agguter on the other hand was as sweet and demure as her screen persona, I'm sorry to report.

----------


## Scheherazade

> It'd better be dark and it'd better not be Continental!


How about some blood?

I am sure we have got many different types from all over the world available on the Forum.

----------


## Paulclem

> How about some blood?
> 
> I am sure we have got many different types from all over the world available on the Forum.


There's certainly plenty spilt around the forums...

----------


## The Atheist

> Any absinthe in stock?


Of course!

I'll have some sent up. We don't get many of those.




> When "little" Sally Thomsett was filming The Railway Children in these parts she was a 20 year old playing a 12 year old. (Heavy strapping was involved)Her night-time antics in the pubs and clubs of Leeds have become the stuff of legend. Jenny Agguter on the other hand was as sweet and demure as her screen persona, I'm sorry to report.


Crikey, there's another legendary beauty from the past - Jenny Agutter. She certainly didn't mind showing her goods, though.

Sounds as though Sally and I would have got on extremely well in those days!




> How about some blood?


Mine's green.

___________________________________________


But you've reminded me that I'm overdue to give some of it away. Gentlemen are expected to donate blood at least three times a year. 

Trying to improve the overall quality!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Bring back the test-card!!! Frankly, it was a heck of a sight more interesting than the vast majority of programmes today, where some 16-year old producer thinks we'd like to watch Pride and Prejudice in the nude


What, What, is someone redoing pride and prejudice nude...I think I'd watch that... :Wink5: 




> Just don't start me on "reality" tv.
> 
> I do, however, find it amusing that "reality" tv is a lot less real than Coro St.


I love those house makeover shows where the crippled kids, or the dying father gets a million dollar home, a trip to disney and a new car...If you look closely, some of the rooms and kids are the same.




> Not for me - I'd have stomped over Suzanne in hob-nailed boots to get at Sally Thomsett. I think Suzanne Somers always had just a smidgen too much American plastic about her.


Are you talking about the cleavage, the smile or the attitude :Cornut: 




> It was really funny. My mate - Squinny - so called at school because he had a squint and came late and so was bullied a bit, (though all that changed when he grew to 6:3 and became rather huge - we all called him Andy then) - noticed George Roper sitting in the passenger seat of a car we were passing. He shouted out, "That's George Roper!" whereupon most of the bus shouted "**** ***!". 
> 
> Then another lad saw him too and there was a stampede to one side of the bus. (I'm surprised we didn't veer onto the hard shoulder with all that meat shifting around). There ensued a jeering, pointing and shouting out of the window - ( the coach trips could be a bit tedious) - topped off with a mass roll down of trousers and hairy grins pressed up against the windows. 
> 
> I'm sure Barry - (our coach driver was called Barry too Mick - either it's the coach driver's official name, or it was the same Barry) - had to go over the windows with a cloth when he got back to his coaching house or where-ever he lived.
> 
> I didn't like the show - even when I'd seen George Roper on the M62 Motorway.


I can't imagine what that must have been like for poor George, I've gotten mooned once or twice by a pubescent teen; but I can't imagine what a bunch of hairy bums would look like gawking at me through a window :FRlol: 




> Very likely. In fact, I've heard Bill Cosby is planning on making a comeback - new sitcom staged entirely in a public washroom called "Trapp's last Krapp".


I liked Bill in the Jello pudding and fat albert days; unfortunately, he tried to become profound :Prrr: 




> When "little" Sally Thomsett was filming The Railway Children in these parts she was a 20 year old playing a 12 year old. (Heavy strapping was involved)Her night-time antics in the pubs and clubs of Leeds have become the stuff of legend. Jenny Agguter on the other hand was as sweet and demure as her screen persona, I'm sorry to report.


Now you've gone and done it; I think Atheist just locked himself in the cellar with all of our booze :Incazzato:

----------


## The Atheist

> What, What, is someone redoing pride and prejudice nude...I think I'd watch that...


Me too!

We could cast it for the producers. I'll have the couch!




> Are you talking about the cleavage, the smile or the attitude


All of it.

----------


## Scheherazade

> There's certainly plenty spilt around the forums...


Yeah, from now on I will bottle it rather than mopping up.


> Mine's green.


Minty.

----------


## jocky

> That is a difficult one - and my apologies for not offering - because Parker only buys premium brands.
> 
> We have loads of VSOP; even the chef uses it. No cheap stuff, I'm afraid.
> 
> We've had to train jocky to drink alcohol from bottles with labels on, so I reckon you'll manage!


Aye Atheist, and I well never listen to your advice again. I recently aquired a crate of Marques de Arienzo Rioja Gran Reserva 1998 at a ridiculously cheap price. I have just been released from hospital after a severe case of vinegar poisoning. If only I could afford Parker, he would never have allowed me to drink it.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

:FRlol: 

We can subsidise the good stuff for our northern brothers in the name of global warming.

There's a bottle of absinthe going cheap - I believe Taugenichts passed out after the first bottle!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Marques de Arienzo Rioja Gran Reserva 1998 at a ridiculously cheap price. I have just been released from hospital after a severe case of vinegar poisoning.





> ...There's a bottle of absinthe going cheap - I believe Taugenichts passed out after the first bottle!


You may sTout your Marquis Arizona Rojas Grand Reservation along with that Absint the mind stuff, but nothing beets my neighbors hooch he brews down by the creek.
That stuff ull have you talkin to trees! Why, just now I was chatting with an Ulmus americanus about the the Americans chances against Gonna :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh2Uz...eature=related


Gilliatt

----------


## Paulclem

> You may sTout your Marquis Arizona Rojas Grand Reservation along with that Absint the mind stuff, but nothing beets my neighbors hooch he brews down by the creek.
> That stuff ull have you talkin to trees! Why, just now I was chatting with an Ulmus americanus about the the Americans chances against Gonna :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh2Uz...eature=related
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


 :Biggrinjester: 

I didn't realise he had a ... a voice. It could really have put a spin on the Dirty Harry series if they could have thrown in a few numbers - especially for the Asian Bollywood audience.




> Yeah, from now on I will bottle it rather than mopping up.Minty.


 :FRlol: 

The Atheist - minty...That could be the start of a new thread - what flavour do you think your favourite litnetters are?

----------


## Scheherazade

> what flavour do you think your favourite litnetters are?


Oh, I don't know.

Not all of us are blessed with a flavour.

----------


## prendrelemick

Paul, I'll always think of you as Mexican Gorgonzola.

----------


## The Atheist

Salty.


(Sorry, I couldn't help it.)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Very likely. In fact, I've heard Bill Cosby is planning on making a comeback - new sitcom staged entirely in a public washroom called "Trapp's last Krapp".


 :Prrr:  Darn, I thought that cute piece, George Michael was going to be in that one :Wink5: 
Oh, by the way, Welcome! :Banana:  :Banana: 




> Alright, I'm posting because I want my free drink. It'd better be dark and it'd better not be Continental!


Teaching in Japan... :Cold:  I saw a 48 hours mystery about that... :Eek6:  How'd you avoid the white slavers :Yikes: 
Hurry, someone bring this brave man some good whiskey :Gnorsi: 




> Any absinthe in stock?


What is it about wormwood flavor that appeals to people :Confused: 



> Me too!
> 
> We could cast it for the producers. I'll have the couch!
> 
> All of it.


Are you only casting ingenues'; or shall we send some of Hefners stock :Wink5: 




> Yeah, from now on I will bottle it rather than mopping up.Minty.


A bottle of Red Goldshlager coming up!




> You may sTout your Marquis Arizona Rojas Grand Reservation along with that Absint the mind stuff, but nothing beets my neighbors hooch he brews down by the creek.
> That stuff ull have you talkin to trees! Why, just now I was chatting with an Ulmus americanus about the the Americans chances against Gonna :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gh2Uz...eature=related
> 
> Gilliatt


I don't know Gilliatt, do you relly think that's Clint singing?




> Oh, I don't know.
> 
> Not all of us are blessed with a flavour.


What flavor are you Scher? :Smile5:

----------


## The Atheist

> Are you only casting ingenues'; or shall we send some of Hefners stock


Oh god no, no plastic boobs!

Proper actors all round. Your bloke could play Heathcliff, couldn't he?

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul, I'll always think of you as Mexican Gorgonzola.


 :FRlol: 

It's a throwback to the delusions of childhood where even cartoons are real. 

Do you remember the Gorgonzola cheese triangle in the Dairylea mixed?

----------


## andrewoberg

> Teaching in Japan... I saw a 48 hours mystery about that... How'd you avoid the white slavers
> Hurry, someone bring this brave man some good whiskey


I've changed my order! Whiskey sounds perfect. :Wave:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've changed my order! Whiskey sounds perfect.


Okay Parker...is parker back...two whiskey's on the rocks...what..no rocks :Rage:  Why can't I ever get ice cubes when I leave the states :Bawling: 





> Oh god no, no plastic boobs!
> 
> Proper actors all round. Your bloke could play Heathcliff, couldn't he?


I hear they make them more natural looking now. I'm not sure how he will look in the nude...I wonder if we should do a little photo shopping with Timothy Dalton or Larry Olivier...

----------


## The Atheist

> Okay Parker...is parker back...two whiskey's on the rocks...what..no rocks Why can't I ever get ice cubes when I leave the states


I thought Ice Cube was some rapper bloke....

Two whiskeys, we can do. There must be some ice around somewhere; there was a frost this morining.




> I hear they make them more natural looking now. I'm not sure how he will look in the nude...I wonder if we should do a little photo shopping with Timothy Dalton or Larry Olivier...


Hmm, I'll leave you to photoshopping the men!

Some of them need it.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Thinking, and the lack thereof.

How stupid would you need to be?

My 8yo boy comes home today, and I notice a necklace he wasn't wearing this morning. It took me about 1/4 of a second to see that it was made of [roughly] 26-gauge steel wire. (Very thin, but very strong, just as prescribed as a weapon in the better Commando novels.)

I told him to remove it immediately, and asked where it had come from.

They made them in art class at school.

Now, I'm assuming the teacher doesn't know the word 'garrote', because that's what this thing is.

In the meantime, I've advised the school that these nust all be brought back to school and destroyed before some kid decapitates itself with it - the number of ways this could be lethal are just endless. Even a simple game of tag, with a friend grabbing the back of the shirt and getting the necklace by mistake could cause fatal injury.

I believe science tomorrow, they're making ANFO.

Although that would be far preferable, as ANFO at least requires a detonator - not something the average 8yo has access to.

On the other hand, 8yos climb, run and jump; every one of which is potentially a disaster waiting to happen.

Honestly, how amazingly stupid would you need to be to think this was an appropriate thing at that [or any] age?

----------


## prendrelemick

I was going to suggest actors for the nude p&p, but to be honest Jeniffer Ehle and the cast of 1995 would be ideal. (Subject to Athiest,s casting procedures of course)

I don't know where it comes from but I have a memory of reading how commandoes were trained in the use of the _gavotte_ to silently eliminate an enemy.

----------


## The Atheist

> I was going to suggest actors for the nude p&p, but to be honest Jeniffer Ehle and the cast of 1995 would be ideal. (Subject to Athiest,s casting procedures of course)


You can choose it, mate; I know nothing about the book, and see that I even confused it with _Wuthering Heights_!

 :FRlol: 

She's ok!

I see one pic where I think Soundo could be tempted to do a swap - the bloke looks a bit like her avatar toy-boy.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...ny-Awards.html

Ah, I see he's Ethan Hawke, whoever he is.




> I don't know where it comes from but I have a memory of reading how commandoes were trained in the use of the _gavotte_ to silently eliminate an enemy.


Surely the music would be a giveaway?

Luca Brasi gets killed with one in _The Godfather_ as well.

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh I say, how so unlike the home life of our own dear Queen.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I thought Ice Cube was some rapper bloke....
> 
> Two whiskeys, we can do. There must be some ice around somewhere; there was a frost this morining.
> 
> Hmm, I'll leave you to photoshopping the men!
> 
> Some of them need it.


Just as long as none of the ice outside is yellow :FRlol:  I think I might do a bit of photoshopping on myself; switch out a few things with Angelina or some of the up and comings...




> Thinking, and the lack thereof.
> 
> How stupid would you need to be?
> 
> My 8yo boy comes home today, and I notice a necklace he wasn't wearing this morning. It took me about 1/4 of a second to see that it was made of [roughly] 26-gauge steel wire. (Very thin, but very strong, just as prescribed as a weapon in the better Commando novels.)
> 
> I told him to remove it immediately, and asked where it had come from.
> 
> They made them in art class at school.
> ...


My God, are you sure your boy didn't get on the wrong bus and wind up at prison work release :Ack2: 




> I was going to suggest actors for the nude p&p, but to be honest Jeniffer Ehle and the cast of 1995 would be ideal. (Subject to Athiest,s casting procedures of course)


Maybe Jennifer; but I've seen Colin Firth half nude...not pretty. 




> You can choose it, mate; I know nothing about the book, and see that I even confused it with _Wuthering Heights_!
> 
> 
> 
> She's ok!
> 
> I see one pic where I think Soundo could be tempted to do a swap - the bloke looks a bit like her avatar toy-boy.
> 
> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...ny-Awards.html
> ...


Yeah, Ethan has his moments; he's not aging well. I think actors were prettier when they did the original Pride and Prejudice; though, Jude (my toy boy) was awfully cute in midnight in the garden of good and evil...

I loved Luca, isn't he the one, "I am honored to be here on this the day of your daughters wedding....classic




> Oh I say, how so unlike the home life of our own dear Queen.


Well, she doesn't take responsibility for the protectorates...
I don't know, in America we're still putting strings through a button...

----------


## jocky

Atheist, father son relationships are always ambiguous and never straight forward. My son Jocky Junior the XV of that Ilk recently returned from a sojourn in the Highlands. Face flushed with triumph he told me he had bagged his first Munro, no not Iris Munro, you dirty lot, but the mighty Ben Macdui. I gently reminded him of the time I climbed the North face of the Eiger, without a rope and wearing only canvas shoes , sporran and bowler hat. The front door slammed really loudly and I could swear he called me a curmudgeon.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> My God, are you sure your boy didn't get on the wrong bus and wind up at prison work release


I think it's all part of the anti-terrorist training. They're disarming IEDs next week.




> I loved Luca, isn't he the one, "I am honored to be here on this the day of your daughters wedding....classic


Yep, that one!

 :Biggrin: 




> Atheist, father son relationships are always ambiguous and never straight forward.


Almost as bad as mother-daughter relationships.

Our girl is a classic. I stayed at home with her when she was a baby & toddler and Mrs Atheist worked. As a result, she thinks she's the Queen, which causes just a teeny bit of conflict with mum.

It does have its advantages, though (for me). When mum goes out, the girl has to run around doing everything to show how wonderful and talented she is. This gives me a chance to get an hour's peace every now and then!

----------


## jocky

> I think it's all part of the anti-terrorist training. They're disarming IEDs next week.
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that one!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Yep, I know exactly where you are coming from, yet you have to be careful. Sons will want to live up to you and never let you down. Daughters will love you better but always tell their Ma everything. It is in their nature.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Yep, I know exactly where you are coming from, yet you have to be careful. Sons will want to live up to you and never let you down. Daughters will love you better but always tell their Ma everything. It is in their nature.


 :FRlol: 

That's exactly what she does!

----------


## andrewoberg

> That's exactly what she does!


At least when she's talking to her mum she's leaving you alone! :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, leaving you alone, but probably tearing you to shreds! I have two daughters. Old German proverb - a house full of daughters is like a cellar full of sour beer. Cynical, or what!

----------


## The Atheist

> At least when she's talking to her mum she's leaving you alone!


Not often enough for my liking!




> Ah, leaving you alone, but probably tearing you to shreds! I have two daughters. Old German proverb - a house full of daughters is like a cellar full of sour beer. Cynical, or what!


My mum - 4 boys and 2 girls - always maintained boys were a piece of cake compared to girls, and I'm beginning to think she's right. Even at young ages, boys seem to that much more predictable than girls.

Just nobody mention PMS. I can't wait for that!

______________________________________________


Meanwhile, in the hopes of not jinxing the Scottish chappie, I will mention Wimbledon. Anyone watching?

In pure entertainment terms, it's a lot better than the soccer, which I find a bit dull. 

The amazing game Isner took 70 games in the 5th set to win.
Kournikova and Hingis playing doubles.
Williamses out.
Federer out....

And since we're in a bloke's thread, here are the women of Wimbledon:

http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/photos/...bledon-gallery

No pic of Andy Murray's chick, dammit.

----------


## prendrelemick

Not bad, but for her legs alone the true Wimbers champion is..



hang on a minute..



Thats better. Now tell me if there are a better pair of legs out there.

----------


## dafydd manton

Well, they're certainly shaplier than Andy Murray's!

----------


## The Atheist

> Thats better. Now tell me if there are a better pair of legs out there.


Never, not in the history of women! Always liked her.

She's one of two reasons I hate Andre Agassi.

The other is Brooke Shields.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Atheist, father son relationships are always ambiguous and never straight forward. My son Jocky Junior the XV of that Ilk recently returned from a sojourn in the Highlands. Face flushed with triumph he told me he had bagged his first Munro, no not Iris Munro, you dirty lot, but the mighty Ben Macdui. I gently reminded him of the time I climbed the North face of the Eiger, without a rope and wearing only canvas shoes , sporran and bowler hat. The front door slammed really loudly and I could swear he called me a curmudgeon.


A chip off the old block, not only a mans man; but he knows multi-syllabled words :FRlol: 



> I think it's all part of the anti-terrorist training. They're disarming IEDs next week.
> 
> Almost as bad as mother-daughter relationships.
> 
> Our girl is a classic. I stayed at home with her when she was a baby & toddler and Mrs Atheist worked. As a result, she thinks she's the Queen, which causes just a teeny bit of conflict with mum.
> 
> It does have its advantages, though (for me). When mum goes out, the girl has to run around doing everything to show how wonderful and talented she is. This gives me a chance to get an hour's peace every now and then!


I think the shop teacher has been watching too many "Mr Ripley" movies...
The advantage with mother-daughter relationships, is that one offspring cures any misunderstanding :Smile5: 




> Yep, I know exactly where you are coming from, yet you have to be careful. Sons will want to live up to you and never let you down. Daughters will love you better but always tell their Ma everything. It is in their nature.


We spend half of our teenage years telling mom why she should leave our fathers; and half of our adult life looking for a man just like him :Confused: 




> Ah, leaving you alone, but probably tearing you to shreds! I have two daughters. Old German proverb - a house full of daughters is like a cellar full of sour beer. Cynical, or what!


 :Ack2: 



> Not bad, but for her legs alone the true Wimbers champion is..
> 
> 
> 
> hang on a minute..
> 
> 
> 
> Thats better. Now tell me if there are a better pair of legs out there.


I don't know, I still think our air-brushed American girls without the sneaker tan line and the ability to walk in 5 inch heels has something over her :Shocked: 




> Never, not in the history of women! Always liked her.
> 
> She's one of two reasons I hate Andre Agassi.
> 
> The other is Brooke Shields.


She looks like she's alittle much for little Agassi :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## andrewoberg

> Not bad, but for her legs alone the true Wimbers champion is..
> 
> 
> 
> hang on a minute..
> 
> 
> 
> Thats better. Now tell me if there are a better pair of legs out there.


That face! Disturbingly manly!!

----------


## The Atheist

> That face!


She has a face?

----------


## soundofmusic

> That face! Disturbingly manly!!


I see great minds think alike, Andy :Iagree: ...I was thinking it was Agassi in drag :Cool: 



> She has a face?


 Just between that luxuriant dark rooted hair and those perfectly molded, and soon to fall out breasts :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Just between that luxuriant dark rooted hair and those perfectly molded, and soon to fall out breasts


 :Crazy:  :Drool5:  :Drool5: 

Quick Parker, run me a cold bath.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Not bad, but for her legs alone the true Wimbers champion is..
> 
> Thats better. Now tell me if there are a better pair of legs out there.


I do agree. 
She does have a nice pair.


This one has some pretty nice legs too:






and 




face(s):








Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Quick Parker, run me a cold bath.


And me.

But not together!




> Gilliatt


Raquel never quite made the grade for me.

Maybe if she bleached her hair!

 :Biggrin: 

(Mind you, it's probably white now anyway!)

----------


## Scheherazade

> I do agree. 
> She does have a nice pair.
> 
> 
> This one has some pretty nice legs too:...
> and 
> face(s):...


Seriously? The legs and the face are the first things you notice in those photos???

----------


## soundofmusic

> Quick Parker, run me a cold bath.


Not that tub, Parker, that's where I'm keeping my ice for the drinks.... :Ack2:  too late :Frown2: 



> I do agree. 
> She does have a nice pair.
> 
> 
> This one has some pretty nice legs too:
> 
> Gilliatt


I don't think I'd get anywhere near those thighs; they'd crush the manhood right out of you :Smilewinkgrin: 



> And me.
> 
> But not together!


Now that's a picture I need to wash out of my mind :Yikes: ; quick parker a triple...no forget the ice....





> Seriously? The legs and the face are the first things you notice in those photos???


It's all about survival; they want to see where the boots are stepping and how sharp the teeth are :FRlol:

----------


## andrewoberg

> Seriously? The legs and the face are the first things you notice in those photos???


Which begs the ultimate question, gentlemen: Tits or a*s?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Raquel never quite made the grade for me.
> 
> Maybe if she bleached her hair!
> 
> (Mind you, it's probably white now anyway!)


I'm with you, Raquel didn't have an ounce of feminine softness; I don't even think going blonde would help those killer eyes and dude jaw line...
Last time I saw her (on one of those shopping shows) she was doing wigs and had a pronounced moustache...

Hey, remember Liza Minelli, I saw her own a shopping show a few days ago, she looked like they had taken her out of the cryogenic chamber to sell her jewelry...

*{edit}*

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't think I'd get anywhere near those thighs; they'd crush the manhood right out of you


Consider me lining up to be crushed - I've always had the hots for Steffi.




> I'm with you, Raquel didn't have an ounce of feminine softness; I don't even think going blonde would help those killer eyes and dude jaw line...
> Last time I saw her (on one of those shopping shows) she was doing wigs and had a pronounced moustache...


Thanks for that!

There's a picture that will haunt me like an earworm. Does that make it an eyeworm?




> Hey, remember Liza Minelli, I saw her own a shopping show a few days ago, she looked like they had taken her out of the cryogenic chamber to sell her jewelry...


At least she can sing!

 :Biggrin: 

*{edit}*

----------


## Scheherazade

*R e m i n d e r

Please keep in mind that this is an all ages Forum visited by people from different social, cultural and religious backgrounds.*

----------


## jocky

> *R e m i n d e r
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is an all ages Forum visited by people from different social, cultural and religious backgrounds.*


Aye, and even worse, moderators that can reconfigurate limericks.  :Wink: 




> Which begs the ultimate question, gentlemen: Tits or a*s?


 :Smile: 

" That is the question " ...... " Whether it be nobler in the mind "..... I personally prefer, or do I ? In times of indecision and moral uncertainty one should always defer to Soundo. Anyway why should it be an and or or? It is our manly duty on the Blokes Thread to give a definite opinion, here is mine. BOTH.  :Smile:

----------


## Scheherazade

> Aye, and even worse, moderators that can reconfigurate limericks.


Like this one?

_Once there was an old man called Jocky,
Who did not know he was so lucky.
“With all the possibilities that run ahead,”
The Moderator smiled to him as she said:
“Take heed and don’t be so vainly plucky.”_


 :Tongue:

----------


## jocky

> Like this one?
> 
> _Once there was an old man called Jocky,
> Who did not know he was so lucky.
> “With all the possibilities that run ahead,”
> The Moderator smiled to him as she said:
> “Take heed and don’t be so vainly plucky.”_


Warning noted, however it has to be pointed out the third line does not scan. Mind you it can always be changed, anything's possible on this thread. As to the " old man " slur, remember your own words. Goodnight from the " aged person ".  :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

*{edit}*




> Consider me lining up to be crushed - I've always had the hots for Steffi.
> 
> Thanks for that!
> 
> There's a picture that will haunt me like an earworm. Does that make it an eyeworm?
> 
> At least she can sing!


No, Steffi is not a bone crusher like Raquel...what does she do anyway; besides break the heels off her shoes...

 :Ack2:  I just am afraid of worms in any capacity; I could never watch star trek after that one movie where the fellow gets a worm in his ear...

Well, she did sing...It looks like her mouth is frozen now; maybe it was botox. Iliked her moms voice better; but I think Liza may have been a nicer person. 
*{edit}*




> " That is the question " ...... " Whether it be nobler in the mind "..... I personally prefer, or do I ? In times of indecision and moral uncertainty one should always defer to Soundo. Anyway why should it be an and or or? It is our manly duty on the Blokes Thread to give a definite opinion, here is mine. BOTH.


Thank you, Jocky, for that vote of confidence. 
I think you're in your prime, by the way, and so does Mrs. Jocky :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I don't think I'd get anywhere near those thighs; they'd crush the manhood right out of you


Talking about strong thighs, Congratulations to the lovely Serena on her 4th Wimbledon title. Not everyone's choice of pin-up from the womens game, but no one can hit balls harder.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Which begs the ultimate question, gentlemen:


So what kind of girls do you choose, Andy, amongst all those Japanese flowers?




> Talking about strong thighs, Congratulations to the lovely Serena on her 4th Wimbledon title. Not everyone's choice of pin-up from the womens game, but no one can hit balls harder.


Oh my yes, I would not want to be a fly on Serenas walls...slam...

Didn't one of those twins do modeling several years ago?

----------


## The Atheist

> Talking about strong thighs, Congratulations to the lovely Serena on her 4th Wimbledon title. Not everyone's choice of pin-up from the womens game, but no one can hit balls harder.


Yes, women's tennis has a habit of throwing out the ugly and the beautiful as champions. On the sweet side, Steffi Graf, Chris Evert, all those Russian sheilas with unpronouncable names...

And on the other, the Williams sisters, BJK, Yvonne Goolagong... and that Froggie bloke/cross-dresser, Mauresmo.

Nasty.




> Didn't one of those twins do modeling several years ago?


Despite my being unable to tell them apart after the 200 majors they've won, they're only Irish Twins.

What did she model?

AK47s? Unarmed combat lessons?

----------


## andrewoberg

@The Atheist--lol!

@Sound of Music--you've probably noticed that when it comes to Japanese women the question I put to everyone earlier is a largely moot one!

----------


## prendrelemick

Is it true that in Japan as well as padded bras, there are also padded knickers, to give a little more shape to the Gluteus Maximus.

----------


## The Atheist

I was going to segue that into men, but it might be too close to the line...

(or well over!)

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Some of us don't need our Gluteus Maximus adding to - although, being male, that might be a bit....well....I mean... When you get to the bottom of the hole, stop digging!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, women's tennis has a habit of throwing out the ugly and the beautiful as champions. On the sweet side, Steffi Graf, Chris Evert, all those Russian sheilas with unpronouncable names...
> 
> And on the other, the Williams sisters, BJK, Yvonne Goolagong... and that Froggie bloke/cross-dresser, Mauresmo.
> 
> Despite my being unable to tell them apart after the 200 majors they've won, they're only Irish Twins.
> 
> What did she model?
> 
> AK47s? Unarmed combat lessons?


Well, I don't think Steffi looks happy with Agassi, he just keeps her busy with babies and fundraising...she'll figure it out one day...decide she wants a man at least as tall as she is...
Do you have an extra room for her, Atheist?

Is Mauresmo really a He/She...I notice they don't have her doing any underwear modeling.

You're right about the Williams sisters...the papers always make them out as twins. I think they tried to put their own line of clothing out, supposedly directed to, what they said, was the afro-american figure and larger women...I think other designers took over with better looking, less athletic models.




> @Sound of Music--you've probably noticed that when it comes to Japanese women the question I put to everyone earlier is a largely moot one!


I don't know Andy, I've noticed that, at least over here, Japanese women tend to blossom...I don't know, it may be the south florida sun...




> I was going to segue that into men, but it might be too close to the line...
> 
> (or well over!)


I've never seen a Japanese man at a health spa or on the beach...Andy, do you go to those baths? 




> Some of us don't need our Gluteus Maximus adding to - although, being male, that might be a bit....well....I mean... When you get to the bottom of the hole, stop digging!


They actually have padding over here for mens and womens pecs and gluts; I've seen a few people wearing the glut ones...it always reminds me of a toddler with a moist diaper..

----------


## dafydd manton

And they say that the codpiece is a thing of the past!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Well, I don't think Steffi looks happy with Agassi, he just keeps her busy with babies and fundraising...she'll figure it out one day...decide she wants a man at least as tall as she is...
> Do you have an extra room for her, Atheist?


Hell yeah!

Tall, I can do as well!




> Is Mauresmo really a He/She...I notice they don't have her doing any underwear modeling.


She's female alright, but an avowed lesbian, which either is or isn't a good sales pitch, I imagine.




> You're right about the Williams sisters...the papers always make them out as twins. I think they tried to put their own line of clothing out, supposedly directed to, what they said, was the afro-american figure and larger women...I think other designers took over with better looking, less athletic models.


 :FRlol: 




> They actually have padding over here for mens and womens pecs and gluts; I've seen a few people wearing the glut ones...it always reminds me of a toddler with a moist diaper..


 :Puke: 




> And they say that the codpiece is a thing of the past!!!!


I've caught plenty of cod in my time, but I can never figure what piece to use?

----------


## dafydd manton

A man shoving a 20lb item down his jockey shorts - hmm - there's something fishy about that.

----------


## andrewoberg

> I don't know Andy, I've noticed that, at least over here, Japanese women tend to blossom...I don't know, it may be the south florida sun...


Or the American diet! :Biggrin5: 






> I've never seen a Japanese man at a health spa or on the beach...Andy, do you go to those baths?


Yes. What would you like to know about the bodies of Japanese men? :Rolleyes:

----------


## soundofmusic

> And they say that the codpiece is a thing of the past!!!!


The problem is they make all of the prosthesises out of the same stuff; but while you might want a certain jello like movement in some parts, it's almost laughable in others. 




> Hell yeah!
> 
> Tall, I can do as well!
> 
> She's female alright, but an avowed lesbian, which either is or isn't a good sales pitch, I imagine.
> 
> I've caught plenty of cod in my time, but I can never figure what piece to use?


I'm sure once Steffi has had a good, strong, NZ man; she'll never go back...

I wonder how that works, would she be too masculine for a gay woman...

I've caught plenty of cold fish in my time; lately, they've all been minnows and I'm throwing them all back...I'm getting a sudden feeling of deja vu....

Where is Jocky, when we need a good limmerick...



> A man shoving a 20lb item down his jockey shorts - hmm - there's something fishy about that.





> Or the American diet!
> 
> Yes. What would you like to know about the bodies of Japanese men?


So that's it, instead of sending American Women to Japan; we'll send a few Burger King frachises...

 :Blush2:  Well, you see, Andy, I am looking for enlightenment; here, in the states, our television shows show us a chinese fellow or a laotion and tell us he's Japanese...kind of like they used to do when they dressed up people from brooklyn as american indians....

----------


## andrewoberg

> Is it true that in Japan as well as padded bras, there are also padded knickers, to give a little more shape to the Gluteus Maximus.


I have never seen those, and gods willing I never will! Actually, in the derriere region, Japanese women tend to already be endowed.

----------


## stlukesguild

OK. Has anyone tried this stuff? 

http://www.merchantduvin.com/pages/5...heet_lores.pdf

I was at my local beer provider picking up some Sam Smith Imperial Stout when I came across this stuff: aged in century old oak barrels for at least a full year. Sounds interesting... but at $10 US per bottle it better be phenomenal!!!

I put it off for the time being... sticking with a cluster of Imperial Stouts and a Fosters with my steaks on the grill... after a long sweaty day at the studio.

----------


## andrewoberg

> Well, you see, Andy, I am looking for enlightenment; here, in the states, our television shows show us a chinese fellow or a laotion and tell us he's Japanese...kind of like they used to do when they dressed up people from brooklyn as american indians....


What can I possibly say to this? :Smilewinkgrin: 

Nothing will beat Mickey Rourke in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"!

----------


## The Atheist

> OK. Has anyone tried this stuff?


8% alcohol, at least you'd get drunk quickly!

I must look around for some.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have never seen those, and gods willing I never will! Actually, in the derriere region, Japanese women tend to already be endowed.


I always think it's such a sad thing; the ethnic girls look so hot with their tiny waists and perky pecs; suddenly, they come of age and they look like a team of wasps bit them....bang, out pops the derriere, gravity takes over on top...



> OK. Has anyone tried this stuff? 
> 
> I was at my local beer provider picking up some Sam Smith Imperial Stout when I came across this stuff: aged in century old oak barrels for at least a full year. Sounds interesting... but at $10 US per bottle it better be phenomenal!!!
> 
> I put it off for the time being... sticking with a cluster of Imperial Stouts and a Fosters with my steaks on the grill... after a long sweaty day at the studio.


I don't even like beer; but something that expensive is tempting...




> What can I possibly say to this?
> Nothing will beat Mickey Rourke in "Breakfast at Tiffany's"!


Well, from what I have seen of the Japanese/Chinese/Laotion fellows, they also have well padded derrieres...
Are American men...are you american...popular in Japan? 
I've never seen Breakfast at Tiffanys; I'll have to see it just to see "the mick" doing...what is it, an asian fellow? I think this guy is still alive, he was born in 1920; would you believe it?




> 8% alcohol, at least you'd get drunk quickly!
> 
> I must look around for some.


I've noticed that the "best beers" are also the ones with the highest alcohol content; it makes me curious if they are also superior in flavor.
There was a beer called Sam Adams Triple Bock made in the '90s with a 17% alcohol content. Oh, I liked this, there is also one by Stone Brewing called Arrogant Bastard ale with a 7.2% content

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh, I liked this, there is also one by Stone Brewing called Arrogant Bastard ale with a 7.2% content


Ha! That's my other name!

I have to buy some.

----------


## dafydd manton

Just tell me where I can get Evan Evan's Cwrw. Last time I managed to find it was in a little village called Llangrannog, in West Wales, but not seen it since. (Breaks off to sob uncontrollably)

----------


## The Atheist

> Just tell me where I can get Evan Evan's Cwrw. Last time I managed to find it was in a little village called Llangrannog, in West Wales, but not seen it since. (Breaks off to sob uncontrollably)


But can you pronounce the name of the place without spitting?

Even Dylan Thomas didn't speak Welsh. What is it with Wales? Where did it all go wrong?

Iechyd da!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... Oh, I liked this, there is also one by Stone Brewing called Arrogant Bastard ale with a 7.2% content


hehe. My brother in law dropped a bottle of AB in my Easter basket one year. 
It wasn't too bad from what I recall.

Most folks down here just get the cheap stuff like Lone Star, but they will mix in a shot of bourbon to increase the RPM's.




> But can you pronounce the name of the place without spitting?
> 
> Even Dylan Thomas didn't speak Welsh. What is it with Wales? Where did it all go wrong?
> 
> Iechyd da!


Ha ha! - laughing like Walter Brennan ...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsnPpt4r7mk

Hey, speaking of Dean Martin and drinking (and ladies):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SX8Xb3MSxok

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ha! That's my other name!
> 
> I have to buy some.


They really ought to have your picture holding a beer on the front of that label; by the way, what percentage of alcohol are you?




> Just tell me where I can get Evan Evan's Cwrw. Last time I managed to find it was in a little village called Llangrannog, in West Wales, but not seen it since. (Breaks off to sob uncontrollably)


They actually have their own site; I even found (on google) a list of pubs in England that carry it...so dry your tears man. 




> But can you pronounce the name of the place without spitting?
> 
> Even Dylan Thomas didn't speak Welsh. What is it with Wales? Where did it all go wrong?
> 
> Iechyd da!


Wait a minute, is it the words that make them spit...When I was in England, I always refused to sit any closer than the third row so that I didn't get sprayed during Shakespeare...




> hehe. My brother in law dropped a bottle of AB in my Easter basket one year. 
> It wasn't too bad from what I recall.
> 
> Most folks down here just get the cheap stuff like Lone Star, but they will mix in a shot of bourbon to increase the RPM's.
> 
> 
> 
> Ha ha! - laughing like Walter Brennan ...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsnPpt4r7mk
> 
> ...


Wow, you get cool Easter Baskets! It was nice to remember Walter Brennan, I loved the old fellow; what was he a regular on...
Oh, an Dean was hot in those days....

----------


## dafydd manton

> But can you pronounce the name of the place without spitting?
> 
> Even Dylan Thomas didn't speak Welsh. What is it with Wales? Where did it all go wrong?
> 
> Iechyd da!


Dylan Thomas didn't speak Welsh because he came from Swansea, where you hardly ever hear Welsh, but in recompense, he spoke English in such a way that after an evening in Brown's most people thought it was Welsh. You will have heard that it always rains in Wales. Not so - it's low-flying saliva.

Where did it go wrong? Got a year to spare whilst I explain? Assuming that either of us could stay awake!!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Dylan Thomas didn't speak Welsh because he came from Swansea, where you hardly ever hear Welsh, but in recompense, he spoke English in such a way that after an evening in Brown's most people thought it was Welsh. You will have heard that it always rains in Wales. Not so - it's low-flying saliva.


 :FRlol: 

I know quite a few Welsh refugees in NZ, mainly as a result of having been married to the daughter of two of them for some years a while back. The ex-in-laws were from [the slums of] Cardiff. The old fella was a good bloke - he'd have been right at home in here - loved a laugh and a drink. Always asked the waiter/ress in restaurants for a "Welsh coffee" after dinner.

Of course, said prole, not having a clue, asks what that is.

"It's just like an Irish coffee but you 'ave a leek in it!"

The mother was just (%&$^#*%^&&_&*_)%^$^#^$#^*%*) or words to that effect. She-devil doesn't come into it.

I agree on Thomas' voice - I've heard his _Under Milk Wood_, from New York, I think.

Lovely man - just liked his grog a bit too much, just like the ex-FIL.




> Where did it go wrong? Got a year to spare whilst I explain? Assuming that either of us could stay awake!!!!!


Haha!

I have all sorts of theories why Irish, Scots and Welsh people show the peculiarities they do. Just about all of those theories have to do with England, funnily enough.

Being English, I'll gladly expound on them!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Busy times over here - Baby Atheist turned one yesterday, granddad flying up from Wellington for the day, baking birthday cakes...

All to be followed tomorrow by Kaed's 8th birthday - party at the 10-pin bowling, baking birthday cakes....

I'll try to get some pics up of the cakes!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Children? Grandchildren? Are you one of we wrinkly types? Egad, there was me thinking you you were one of these sprightly 25-year-olds with smooth skin and the rest, and there you are, like me, stirring ingredients in the kitchen (presumably to a CD of something 70s!)

----------


## andrewoberg

> Children? Grandchildren? Are you one of we wrinkly types? Egad, there was me thinking you you were one of these sprightly 25-year-olds with smooth skin and the rest, and there you are, like me, stirring ingredients in the kitchen (presumably to a CD of something 70s!)


You'll always be sprightly in my mind, Atheist... :Smilewinkgrin: 

And despite my relative youth (30s), I only spin the Dead, kitchen or elsewhere!

----------


## The Atheist

> Children? Grandchildren? Are you one of we wrinkly types? Egad, there was me thinking you you were one of these sprightly 25-year-olds with smooth skin and the rest, and there you are, like me, stirring ingredients in the kitchen (presumably to a CD of something 70s!)


 :Biggrin: 

No, I don't have any grandchildren yet, but certainly wrinkly. At 50, there are lots of grandparents younger than me. My 19 yo has dated chicks with grandparents younger than me!

I'm one of those awful dads that look like a grandad!

----------


## stlukesguild

Another weekend... another long, hot, sweaty day in the studio painting... another cook=out in the back yard (barbecued chicken)... and another slew of beers which I'm now topping off with a couple Young's Double Chocolates. This beer is so decadent it is not to be believed. It is as if they found a way to merge iced mocha espresso with beer! 

As usual Miles is blaring...



and if I get any more sloshed its almost certain that I'll be blaring the Stones... REAL LOUD!!!:



Or maybe I'll head off somewhere into left field and throw on some Hank Williams:



or Mahalia Jackson who could make the Atheist a believer. :Cornut:

----------


## stlukesguild

Absolutely stunning singer!!! My secular, non-believing, Jewish studio mate ended up singing along with Mahalia when I played her in the studio. He jokes that he would love for me to have her played at his funeral just so that I could watch all his relatives jaws drop. Her... or Johnny Cash singing "Keep Your Eyes on Jesus" :FRlol:  This music makes you realize, as the liner notes suggest, that it is quite possible that it was not rock-n-roll that infused gospel with such energy but rather it was gospel that might have infused rock-n-roll with a spiritual energy and electricity. A great many of the founders of rock (Elvis, Ray Charles, Jerry Lee Lewis, even Little Richard) were deeply impassioned about gospel music and religion.

----------


## The Atheist

> Another weekend... another long, hot, sweaty day in the studio painting... another cook=out in the back yard (barbecued chicken)... and another slew of beers which I'm now topping off with a couple Young's Double Chocolates. This beer is so decadent it is not to be believed. It is as if they found a way to merge iced mocha espresso with beer! 
> 
> As usual Miles is blaring...


Oh, I'm coming!

I love a good chocolate beer and Miles will do me anytime.




> Absolutely stunning singer!!! My secular, non-believing, Jewish studio mate ended up singing along with Mahalia when I played her in the studio. He jokes that he would love for me to have her played at his funeral just so that I could watch all his relatives jaws drop. Her... or Johnny Cash singing "Keep Your Eyes on Jesus" This music makes you realize, as the liner notes suggest, that it is quite possible that it was not rock-n-roll that infused gospel with such energy but rather it was gospel that might have infused rock-n-roll with a spiritual energy and electricity. A great many of the founders of rock (Elvis, Ray Charles, Jerry Lee Lewis, even Little Richard) were deeply impassioned about gospel music and religion.


You may be right. All Elvis ever wanted to please Mama singing gospel.

And I agree on the passion front, too - the emotional involvement powers through.

Works the other way as well - Iron Maiden would be aluminium alloy without Satan.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> You will have heard that it always rains in Wales. Not so - it's low-flying saliva.
> 
> Where did it go wrong? Got a year to spare whilst I explain? Assuming that either of us could stay awake!!!!!


I'd say it rains in all of Britain, I also never took the front rows in the classroom. Hey, what happened to Dylan Thomas' face when he was older; I just saw him reading "Do not go..." on youtube...his face folded in two when he talked; like a badly stuffed bear...



> I know quite a few Welsh refugees in NZ, mainly as a result of having been married to the daughter of two of them for some years a while back. The ex-in-laws were from [the slums of] Cardiff. The old fella was a good bloke - he'd have been right at home in here - loved a laugh and a drink. Always asked the waiter/ress in restaurants for a "Welsh coffee" after dinner.
> 
> Of course, said prole, not having a clue, asks what that is.
> 
> "It's just like an Irish coffee but you 'ave a leek in it!"
> 
> Haha!
> 
> I have all sorts of theories why Irish, Scots and Welsh people show the peculiarities they do. Just about all of those theories have to do with England, funnily enough.
> ...


Don't you hate it when you're married to someone you can't stand; but you like the in-laws...or, at least one...
Is he talking about an onion leek? :Ack2: 
I want to hear your theories....by the way; where's our favorite Scotsman?




> Busy times over here - Baby Atheist turned one yesterday, granddad flying up from Wellington for the day, baking birthday cakes...
> 
> All to be followed tomorrow by Kaed's 8th birthday - party at the 10-pin bowling, baking birthday cakes....
> 
> I'll try to get some pics up of the cakes!


So, do people in NZ all become fertile in October/November :Idea: 
We definitely want to see your baking prowess...
And Happy Birthday to all the little Atheists :Bday 2: 




> Children? Grandchildren? Are you one of we wrinkly types? Egad, there was me thinking you you were one of these sprightly 25-year-olds with smooth skin and the rest, and there you are, like me, stirring ingredients in the kitchen (presumably to a CD of something 70s!)


Nah, take a look at Atheist on his page; he's still in fine form...still chasing around a young wife and having little atheists...

----------


## The Atheist

> I'd say it rains in all of Britain, I also never took the front rows in the classroom. Hey, what happened to Dylan Thomas' face when he was older; I just saw him reading "Do not go..." on youtube...his face folded in two when he talked; like a badly stuffed bear...


Appropriately, just like a pickled pear.




> Don't you hate it when you're married to someone you can't stand; but you like the in-laws...or, at least one...


Never been in that situation, fortunately, and the only ex-in-law I have is the true beast from hell. When she croaks, I am dead-set shaving the hag's hair to find the 666 tattooed on it. 

In-laws are something I've always avoided like the plague. I am the miles-youngest of six kids, so got to see all my siblings' relationships with their kids/parents/each other over time.

I quickly realised that when even someone as smart as my old man - who was able to find humour in anything - couldn't deal with in-law relationships. Mutual avoidance works just fine; telephones and the internet are the perfect medium for in-laws. Works brilliantly with the current lot.




> Is he talking about an onion leek?


Yep.

I don't know whether you have the same colloquialism for "leak", which means urinate.




> I want to hear your theories....by the way; where's our favorite Scotsman?


Sean Connery?

 :Biggrin: 

I suspect Scotland is presently having its fortnight of summer and jocky's being harangued into changing the slates on his roof - almost certainly at great threat to life and limb!




> So, do people in NZ all become fertile in October/November
> We definitely want to see your baking prowess...
> And Happy Birthday to all the little Atheists


It's almost embarrassing! Seems like we only do it in the springtime.

 :Biggrin: 

Pictures of cakes coming later today!

----------


## Paulclem

> Absolutely stunning singer!!! My secular, non-believing, Jewish studio mate ended up singing along with Mahalia when I played her in the studio. He jokes that he would love for me to have her played at his funeral just so that I could watch all his relatives jaws drop. Her... or Johnny Cash singing "Keep Your Eyes on Jesus" This music makes you realize, as the liner notes suggest, that it is quite possible that it was not rock-n-roll that infused gospel with such energy but rather it was gospel that might have infused rock-n-roll with a spiritual energy and electricity. A great many of the founders of rock (Elvis, Ray Charles, Jerry Lee Lewis, even Little Richard) were deeply impassioned about gospel music and religion.


 :Biggrin5: 

It reminded me that my sister wanted to play Ring of Fire byJohnny Cash at My Dad's cremation.

----------


## The Atheist

Ok, here we go:







You can probably guess which one's which!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Appropriately, just like a pickled pear.
> 
> In-laws are something I've always avoided like the plague. I am the miles-youngest of six kids, so got to see all my siblings' relationships with their kids/parents/each other over time.
> 
> I quickly realised that when even someone as smart as my old man - who was able to find humour in anything - couldn't deal with in-law relationships. Mutual avoidance works just fine; telephones and the internet are the perfect medium for in-laws. Works brilliantly with the current lot.
> 
> Yep.
> 
> I don't know whether you have the same colloquialism for "leak", which means urinate.
> ...


Really, but the guys eye is dragging and there is a fold like double doors on his mouth :Confused: 
I thought you liked the first Mrs Atheists dad? But yes, I've found that most in laws are best at a distance; particularly if they really like you before the marriage. Paul and Gilliatt seem to have loving in-laws though.
Yes, our old ladies and children in nappies leak over here; but a leek in a drink :Ack2: 
Glad to hear Jockys just doing work; though I hope he's not taking his favorite drinks up the ladder with him...I was afraid he contracted moditis



> It reminded me that my sister wanted to play Ring of Fire byJohnny Cash at My Dad's cremation.


I would have loved to see that, all the folks stomping and dancing. I was present at an Irish wake once...it was a little unnerving. 



> Ok, here we go:


They look so scrumptious...I love the color of that heart cakes icing. How did you make the little ball and pins?

----------


## prendrelemick

Like those Cake lifter-uppers.

----------


## The Atheist

> I thought you liked the first Mrs Atheists dad?


Yeah, he was ok, but died long ago, not long after we were married.




> They look so scrumptious...I love the color of that heart cakes icing. How did you make the little ball and pins?


I racked my brains over that and was going to use marzipan, but I had a go with stiff icing mix and it worked!




> Like those Cake lifter-uppers.


 :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> No, I don't have any grandchildren yet, but certainly wrinkly. At 50, there are lots of grandparents younger than me. My 19 yo has dated chicks with grandparents younger than me!
> 
> I'm one of those awful dads that look like a grandad!


Do you think you enjoy the babies now more than when you were younger; or are more patient. I don't think I could manage those all-nighters I used to pull when my daughter was a newborn. 




> Like those Cake lifter-uppers.


Those are very cool; I'd love those for a turkey, too. Hey Atheist, do you do turkey; how do you get the legs to not overcook while you're getting the breast done?




> Yeah, he was ok, but died long ago, not long after we were married.
> 
> I racked my brains over that and was going to use marzipan, but I had a go with stiff icing mix and it worked!


'm amazed! is that a buttercream icing; I never would have thought of marzipan either. I recently tried to fill a 2 layer with pudding; it moved all over. Tasted good, but looked silly.

----------


## The Atheist

> Do you think you enjoy the babies now more than when you were younger; or are more patient. I don't think I could manage those all-nighters I used to pull when my daughter was a newborn.


Yes, that is the hard part - the all-night crying sessions are hard work. I don't think it's any easier, you just know what to expect. 




> 'm amazed! is that a buttercream icing; I never would have thought of marzipan either. I recently tried to fill a 2 layer with pudding; it moved all over. Tasted good, but looked silly.


Yep, just normal butter & icing sugar icing. Just heavy on the icing sugar. I was surpsied it stuck together, but it set hard and of course, got eaten!

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm a newish Grandad, and its brilliant. You get all the love, all those funny poignant moments all the laughs - without the broken nights.

You know all those magazines for the older female, like _Womans Realm_, and_ Peoples Friend_ where Grannies send in cute pictures of Grandchilden with sickly anecdotes of the cute things they've said and done ? Well thats me now. I can't believe it! :Sick:

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm a newish Grandad, and its brilliant. You get all the love, all those funny poignant moments all the laughs - without the broken nights.
> 
> You know all those magazines for the older female, like _Womans Realm_, and_ Peoples Friend_ where Grannies send in cute pictures of Grandchilden with sickly anecdotes of the cute things they've said and done ? Well thats me now.  I can't believe it!


 :FRlol: 

I can't wait! 

On the other hand, given my oldest son's propensity for sowing his oats, I could be in the situation of having a kid and a grandchild almost the same age in the near future.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, that is the hard part - the all-night crying sessions are hard work. I don't think it's any easier, you just know what to expect. 
> 
> Yep, just normal butter & icing sugar icing. Just heavy on the icing sugar. I was surpsied it stuck together, but it set hard and of course, got eaten!


I guess that is what really tires the new parent out, the panic. I called the doctor for every little cry. 
That's amazing! You should do some you tube cake decorating...I'll watch...




> I'm a newish Grandad, and its brilliant. You get all the love, all those funny poignant moments all the laughs - without the broken nights.
> 
> You know all those magazines for the older female, like _Womans Realm_, and_ Peoples Friend_ where Grannies send in cute pictures of Grandchilden with sickly anecdotes of the cute things they've said and done ? Well thats me now. I can't believe it!


You mean the kids still haven't left baby at grans so that you can share in the broken nights sleep? 
I still hate those baby diving in the chocolate cake pictures and bathtub pics should be stopped before 3...



> I can't wait! 
> 
> On the other hand, given my oldest son's propensity for sowing his oats, I could be in the situation of having a kid and a grandchild almost the same age in the near future.


Considering dads fertility, your son might be a grandad when you and Mrs Atheist are still having little Atheist...are you going for a soccer team?

----------


## The Atheist

> I guess that is what really tires the new parent out, the panic. I called the doctor for every little cry.


Haha! Yeah, that soon wears off. This one will need to be at least dark blue before the word "doctor" gets mentioned!




> Considering dads fertility, your son might be a grandad when you and Mrs Atheist are still having little Atheist...are you going for a soccer team?


No worries on that score, I've blogged about my vasectomy!

(it was just a couple of years too late!)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Haha! Yeah, that soon wears off. This one will need to be at least dark blue before the word "doctor" gets mentioned!
> 
> No worries on that score, I've blogged about my vasectomy!
> 
> (it was just a couple of years too late!)


I don't know, it may have something with being a nurse and little sounds going into the medical field; but I still take off work when she flushes or coughs...

Hay, I looked for that vasectomy blog, I was expecting a blow by blow detail...are you (as my dad used to say) horsing me? 

I'm sure Steffi is going to be very upset about your surgery :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't know, it may have something with being a nurse and little sounds going into the medical field; but I still take off work when she flushes or coughs...


Oh god, no; we're miles beyond that.

If one of ours is coughing up blood, or has a temerature over 45 C, we might ring a doctor, but other than that, TAKE THE PAIN!

 :Biggrin: 




> Hay, I looked for that vasectomy blog, I was expecting a blow by blow detail...are you (as my dad used to say) horsing me?


Blow by blow is certainly is! It's just not so easy to find. It's also a lot more painful than I let on in there!

Pain! 

^%##^[email protected]$(#^@@!!! Keee-rist it hurts the day after! The stretching pays back about 24-36 hours after the surgery and it is no picnic. Goes away, though.




> I'm sure Steffi is going to be very upset about your surgery


Nah, no pay for play!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Blow by blow is certainly is! It's just not so easy to find. It's also a lot more painful than I let on in there!
> 
> Pain! 
> 
> ^%##^[email protected]$(#^@@!!! Keee-rist it hurts the day after! The stretching pays back about 24-36 hours after the surgery and it is no picnic. Goes away, though.
> 
> Nah, no pay for play!


See, women have always claimed the vasectomy is a piece of cake...you should put this on youtube. Give men a talking to before they consider it :Nono: 
I was just looking over your other notice to see if I can take advantage of the great weather of NZ, the strong sexy men and your barbques :Cheers2:

----------


## The Atheist

> See, women have always claimed the vasectomy is a piece of cake...you should put this on youtube. Give men a talking to before they consider it


I would, just to disspell the myths, but in the end, I'd still rather blokes got sucked into a little pain as opposed to the alternatives. It's why the blog itself doesn't get involved in the bruising!  :Eek6:  or the pain or any of the negatives - I suspect a large majority of men would use any excuse to avoid the operation.

Very few watch, apparently, as I did. Episiotomy, vasectomy, open-heart surgery - I find it all fascinating.




> I was just looking over your other notice to see if I can take advantage of the great weather of NZ, the strong sexy men and your barbques


Take a trip!

Weather - today, in the middle of winter, the coldest month of the year, I've just got back from fishing & shooting with Kaed. 9 am and we're standing comfortably in t-shirts. No fish, but he scared a few birds with the shooting! The northern third of the North Island has the perfect climate for humans - never too hot nor too cold.

Today is sensational - just like yesterday!

 :Biggrin: 

Barbecue is ready to go at any time! Blue steak a specialty.

Strong sexy men?

----------


## Paulclem

> I would, just to disspell the myths, but in the end, I'd still rather blokes got sucked into a little pain as opposed to the alternatives. It's why the blog itself doesn't get involved in the bruising!  or the pain or any of the negatives - I suspect a large majority of men would use any excuse to avoid the operation.
> 
> Very few watch, apparently, as I did. Episiotomy, vasectomy, open-heart surgery - I find it all fascinating.
> 
> 
> 
> Take a trip!
> 
> Weather - today, in the middle of winter, the coldest month of the year, I've just got back from fishing & shooting with Kaed. 9 am and we're standing comfortably in t-shirts. No fish, but he scared a few birds with the shooting! The northern third of the North Island has the perfect climate for humans - never too hot nor too cold.
> ...


Ah the chop. I particularly remember the smirk on my wife's face...

I found tea tree oil as an antiseptic to be very good.

----------


## The Atheist

> Ah the chop. I particularly remember the smirk on my wife's face...
> 
> I found tea tree oil as an antiseptic to be very good.


Works well on bike chains as well!

Giving it some thought, soundo's quite right though about blokes not talking about it. We don't generally admit other blokes into the discussion about getting one; the only information beforehand is that one is about to get the chop.

Afterwards, while we'll freely admit to having had one, the details of the operation aren't usually discussed - beyond the obvious bits about the doctor needing a bigger scalpel, etc.

Oddly enough, our PM let it out last week that he'd had a vasectomy and it was treated with all sorts of mirth that I'm 100% confident if someone like Julia Gillard (Aussie's new PM) had admitted to having had a tubal ligation, just would not have happened.

----------


## dafydd manton

I had my snip done by an Army doctor, despite having been in the RAF. Three days in Dock, general anaesthetic, SEVEN flaming stitches, the entire tubes taken out (and offered to me in a jar), then supposely self-dissolving stitches. No such luck. They lasted ages, and when eventually they were removed by some smirking female doctor, I could have jumped over a Tank. The worst of it was, the Army were so stupid, they expected you to LIE TO ATTENTION when an officer walked in to the room. Brilliant idea, with the Bits on fire. Got home, and my youngest daughter came to welcome me home, head-butted me in just the wrong place. All that, just for a divorce 7 years later!!

----------


## The Atheist

Classic!

I will note that the no-stitch method is pretty good - at least it's only the once you have any "procedures" going on.

Lying to attention - I like that!

Nobody's mentioning the after-match testing....

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

My brother in law had his done before mine and told me a large black homosexual male nurse came round to check the patients had shaved beforehand. If he found a single pube he'd lather you up and give you a very close going over with his razor, at the same time giving a running commentry for all the ward to hear. I was so terrified of this man that I got the wife to shave everything in the underpants zone the night before and I mean thoroughly. Completely unnecessary, said the the giggling nurse (female) the next day. 

As to the actual op, all I can say is that to cough, is to know pain.

----------


## dafydd manton

> Classic!
> 
> I will note that the no-stitch method is pretty good - at least it's only the once you have any "procedures" going on.
> 
> Lying to attention - I like that!
> 
> Nobody's mentioning the after-match testing....


I've been trying desperately hard (if you'll excuse the pun) to forget that!! A two year old copy of Mayfair............

----------


## soundofmusic

> I would, just to disspell the myths, but in the end, I'd still rather blokes got sucked into a little pain as opposed to the alternatives. It's why the blog itself doesn't get involved in the bruising!  or the pain or any of the negatives - I suspect a large majority of men would use any excuse to avoid the operation.
> 
> Very few watch, apparently, as I did. Episiotomy, vasectomy, open-heart surgery - I find it all fascinating.
> 
> 
> 
> Take a trip!
> 
> Weather - today, in the middle of winter, the coldest month of the year, I've just got back from fishing & shooting with Kaed. 9 am and we're standing comfortably in t-shirts. No fish, but he scared a few birds with the shooting! The northern third of the North Island has the perfect climate for humans - never too hot nor too cold.
> ...


See, that's why the Brits still have beautiful rolling hills, clean rivers...they're all willing to "give alittle snip" for prosperity, country, and the Mrs...Not these American men; they're trying to get medicare to include condoms in their perscription plan!
It sounds so perfect, Atheist, one of these days I've got to forget about my overgrown yard and crumbling shack and hop a plane; do you think I need a course on the dialect?




> Ah the chop. I particularly remember the smirk on my wife's face...
> 
> I found tea tree oil as an antiseptic to be very good.


I think you ought to tell her the doctor told you she had to be done also, just to be double sure :Icon Bs: ...I'll bet the smirk would disappear soon enough :Ihih: 



> I had my snip done by an Army doctor, despite having been in the RAF. Three days in Dock, general anaesthetic, SEVEN flaming stitches, the entire tubes taken out (and offered to me in a jar), then supposely self-dissolving stitches. No such luck. They lasted ages, and when eventually they were removed by some smirking female doctor, I could have jumped over a Tank. The worst of it was, the Army were so stupid, they expected you to LIE TO ATTENTION when an officer walked in to the room. Brilliant idea, with the Bits on fire. Got home, and my youngest daughter came to welcome me home, head-butted me in just the wrong place. All that, just for a divorce 7 years later!!


I didn't realize Army docs were the same in every country; my body was spitting out "dissolving stitches" for the next 2 years...




> My brother in law had his done before mine and told me a large black homosexual male nurse came round to check the patients had shaved beforehand. If he found a single pube he'd lather you up and give you a very close going over with his razor, at the same time giving a running commentry for all the ward to hear. I was so terrified of this man that I got the wife to shave everything in the underpants zone the night before and I mean thoroughly. Completely unnecessary, said the the giggling nurse (female) the next day. 
> 
> As to the actual op, all I can say is that to cough, is to know pain.


I think you need to invite the brother-in-law over for a drinking party, some pics with chics for the internet and some manscaping and a crew cut :Party:

----------


## dafydd manton

Dialect lessons, my dear? Welcome to our 'umble little country n this 'umble little island, with it's 'umble populace of 'umble people. Already. Don't come to Yorkshire, unless you can translate my Blog "Tha mun talk reight, sithee!" I moved up here from the South at the age of 18, and couldn't understand a word. Still can't, half the time!

----------


## Paulclem

I like thes anecdotes of shared pain. No-one wants to know in real life.  :Biggrin: 

No the smirk never left my wife's face - her being a nurse and understanding perfectly well what was going to happen. The injection straight into the testicle surprised me. The second into the other one had me in the pain of anticipation as well. 

I too was given a going over with a razor by my wife - better the devil you know - and the healing was ok. Much less painful than I'd been led to believe.

A friend of ours wore new jeans not long after his op and the dye infected his nuts badly. A new aspect to blue balls. :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> My brother in law had his done before mine and told me a large black homosexual male nurse came round to check the patients had shaved beforehand. If he found a single pube he'd lather you up and give you a very close going over with his razor, at the same time giving a running commentry for all the ward to hear. I was so terrified of this man that I got the wife to shave everything in the underpants zone the night before and I mean thoroughly. Completely unnecessary, said the the giggling nurse (female) the next day. 
> 
> As to the actual op, all I can say is that to cough, is to know pain.


 :Smilielol5: 

Yes, it's not until vasectomy or hernia that you realise how closely tied to the rest of your abdomen they actually are!




> I've been trying desperately hard (if you'll excuse the pun) to forget that!! A two year old copy of Mayfair............


 :Smilielol5: 

At least I had some... help from Mrs Atheist with that chore!





> See, that's why the Brits still have beautiful rolling hills, clean rivers...they're all willing to "give alittle snip" for prosperity, country, and the Mrs...Not these American men; they're trying to get medicare to include condoms in their perscription plan!
> It sounds so perfect, Atheist, one of these days I've got to forget about my overgrown yard and crumbling shack and hop a plane; do you think I need a course on the dialect?


If only.

Truth be told, 3/4 of the country models its speech on, like, American TV, like, sitcoms, yaknowwh'msayin'?...




> Dialect lessons, my dear? Welcome to our 'umble little country n this 'umble little island, with it's 'umble populace of 'umble people. Already. Don't come to Yorkshire, unless you can translate my Blog "Tha mun talk reight, sithee!" I moved up here from the South at the age of 18, and couldn't understand a word. Still can't, half the time!


I once recruited a bloke from Manchester to come and run some automatic lathes for a company out here. I placed him in a company with a Geordie factory manager and a Scouser foreman.

I gave him a lift to work on his first day to introduce him around and he started a conversation with the Geordie and Scouser.

I understood about one word in every 10, and most them began with "F"!

----------


## dafydd manton

Suddenly, I've got a shocking pain in the groin, a red face and wish I'd kept my native accent. Somebody call me either an ambulance or a psychiatrist!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Much less painful than I'd been led to believe.


It must vary then, because mine was the opposite, although I wonder if I'd taken the "complete rest" option things might have been different. Did you rest up for a couple of days? Unfortunately, unless I'm at death's door, I have to be up and going and I just got up and went!

You need to put my experiences in the light of a bloke who went deer hunting in the Uruwera mountains ten days after having my appendix removed.

That was different - I can still recall the exact feeling as I swung around a tree stump on a particularly steep bit and the scar tore. I could feel it opening like a zip and expected to look down and see the whole thing open with entrails falling out. Luckily, it was only the scar tissue stretching and I have an extra-wide appendectomy scar only to show for it. The opposite could have been quite funny as we were 2 hours from the road and in days long before cellphones.

Didn't get to kill any deer, either.




> Suddenly, I've got a shocking pain in the groin, a red face and wish I'd kept my native accent. Somebody call me either an ambulance or a psychiatrist!!


How about both?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

You could well be right! One with a siren that goes "Loo-Nee......Loo-Nee.....!"

----------


## The Atheist

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4

----------


## prendrelemick

> I've been trying desperately hard (if you'll excuse the pun) to forget that!! A two year old copy of Mayfair............


Ah Mayfair, there's a name to conjour with. By the time the latest copy got passed round the fifth form, most of the pages were stuck together.

----------


## dafydd manton

.....or wrinkly.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Dialect lessons, my dear? Welcome to our 'umble little country n this 'umble little island, with it's 'umble populace of 'umble people. Already. Don't come to Yorkshire, unless you can translate my Blog "Tha mun talk reight, sithee!" I moved up here from the South at the age of 18, and couldn't understand a word. Still can't, half the time!


Well, some of that I learned from Rex Harrison...I still have problems with understanding this texting thing everyones doing...I can never tell if they just can't spell. I had a Cockney cab driver once, I just gave him the largest bill I had because I understood nothing between the station and the hotel. 




> I like thes anecdotes of shared pain. No-one wants to know in real life. 
> 
> No the smirk never left my wife's face - her being a nurse and understanding perfectly well what was going to happen. The injection straight into the testicle surprised me. The second into the other one had me in the pain of anticipation as well. 
> 
> I too was given a going over with a razor by my wife - better the devil you know - and the healing was ok. Much less painful than I'd been led to believe.
> 
> A friend of ours wore new jeans not long after his op and the dye infected his nuts badly. A new aspect to blue balls.


You're kidding, a needle in the boys :Eek6: ; Is there any chance of getting general anesthesia with vasectomies or maybe gas before the shots...




> Yes, it's not until vasectomy or hernia that you realise how closely tied to the rest of your abdomen they actually are!
> 
> 
> 
> At least I had some... help from Mrs Atheist with that chore!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Do you have alot of American TV in the other countries; I thought everyone had their own sitcoms...
Yes, we all come together on the F word...

----------


## The Atheist

> I still have problems with understanding this texting thing everyones doing...I can never tell if they just can't spell.


thank god that problem seems to be solving itself since the introduction of predictive text.

People who text me gibberish language get deleted without reply. I figure that if someone wants to appear a complete moron, I'm not bothered by whatever it is they're trying to say.




> You're kidding, a needle in the boys; Is there any chance of getting general anesthesia with vasectomies or maybe gas before the shots...


That one's obviously gone out - certainly not something I had. just one local for the scissors.




> Do you have alot of American TV in the other countries; I thought everyone had their own sitcoms...


Alas, a sickening amount of it gets shown here. Even worse are those "reality" program things; it seems that every one ever made gets on NZ TV. Not that I've ever watched a second of one. And yes, we make those here as well, but not sitcoms.

----------


## dafydd manton

To give you an idea, one of the staellite channels is showing re-runs of "I Love Lucy".

----------


## The Atheist

Wow, that's a blast from the distant past!

----------


## dafydd manton

Not quite sure why the TV companies think we might want to watch something quite so old/dated/unfunny, although having said that, Dad's Army has been shown so many times it's not funny. (Unlike Round the Horne and The Goons on the radio, which are still funny. Long live radio comedy.)

----------


## soundofmusic

> thank god that problem seems to be solving itself since the introduction of predictive text.
> 
> People who text me gibberish language get deleted without reply. I figure that if someone wants to appear a complete moron, I'm not bothered by whatever it is they're trying to say.
> 
> That one's obviously gone out - certainly not something I had. just one local for the scissors.
> 
> Alas, a sickening amount of it gets shown here. Even worse are those "reality" program things; it seems that every one ever made gets on NZ TV. Not that I've ever watched a second of one. And yes, we make those here as well, but not sitcoms.


I have always thought that any person who wants to work with the "twilight zone" of men and women has to be saddist or just plain perverts...
How about those dudes that spend their time stretching urethras :Ack2:  if mine stops working; I'm just going to tell them to hook a tube directly to the kidneys...no fuss...I'll just bring the looped skirts back in fashion :Cornut: 

Have you had some of those gibberish people on this forum; one started writing to me, I think some college kids are doing some psych papers...

I just can't get how people keep believing these reality things; oh, the bachelor just dumped another wife after 2 months; he'll be back for next season...
And the survivors keep becoming millionaires, and even the folks my age don't die out there with water rationing.. :Icon Bs: 





> To give you an idea, one of the staellite channels is showing re-runs of "I Love Lucy".


I guess they want to dream of a time when a girl could spend her days having coffee with her chubby friend and do a quick 45 minute clean; the husband stayed good looking and kept bringing celebrities home...

Oh, a big hello to everyone, Hey Mick, Jocky still doing roofs...are you sure he didn't get traumatized when his poetry was criticized?
Where's Gilliatt? Hi Paul!

----------


## Paulclem

Hi Sounds. 

Just a week to go and then I can finish work and start on the new allotment project for the summer. I've got a new half plot thats somewhat overgrown, but not too bad. It's got this fantastic shed that looks like its going to blow down in the next gentle breeze, but is held up by railway sleepers.



Overgrown but not too bad for digging. The grass hasn't matted yet. 

I know you chaps and ladies would appreciate a good shed. 



Superb.

----------


## The Atheist

> I have always thought that any person who wants to work with the "twilight zone" of men and women has to be saddist or just plain perverts...
> How about those dudes that spend their time stretching urethras if mine stops working; I'm just going to tell them to hook a tube directly to the kidneys...no fuss...I'll just bring the looped skirts back in fashion


 :FRlol: 

Stretching urethras? Crikey, I can imagine running an ad for that job!




> I just can't get how people keep believing these reality things; oh, the bachelor just dumped another wife after 2 months; he'll be back for next season...


I'm sure there's a message in them somewhere, and so far, my best attempts to divine meaning goes like this:

Viewers:

"I am so boring that TV shows made in the spirit of _Blair Witch Project_ are vicariously entertaining."

Actors:

"I am so desperate for my 15 minutes of fame that I'll play along." behaving exactly as do people in stage hypnotism shows.




> And the survivors keep becoming millionaires, and even the folks my age don't die out there with water rationing..


There is a dark side to it all. One very popular celebrity chick on one filmed out of NZ but stationed in Fiji contracted some obscure tropical virus that nearly killed her. A radio station contest to drink the most water without urinating resulted in the death of a young mother, and that's all part of the same syndrome.

On the other hand, I'd like to set one up myself: *Survivor: Gulf of Carpentaria*.*

*Enormous swampy, uninhabited area at the top of Australia, populated mostly by crocodiles and stinging/biting insects that rate humans as fillet steak.




> Oh, a big hello to everyone, Hey Mick, Jocky still doing roofs...are you sure he didn't get traumatized when his poetry was criticized?


I don't think that's one of jocky's problems! he used to that!

 :Biggrin: 





> Hi Sounds. 
> 
> Just a week to go and then I can finish work and start on the new allotment project for the summer. I've got a new half plot thats somewhat overgrown, but not too bad. It's got this fantastic shed that looks like its going to blow down in the next gentle breeze, but is held up by railway sleepers.
> 
> 
> 
> Overgrown but not too bad for digging. The grass hasn't matted yet. 
> 
> I know you chaps and ladies would appreciate a good shed. 
> ...


Allotments!

My word, they're something I hadn't thought of in a long time. I haven't had a vegetable garden in years either. All clay around here and impossible to grow anything in.

----------


## Paulclem

This is my third year in my original allotment. I asked the bloke who runs it if there were any spare plots, having had our eye on one opposite. He said we could have that one. We wer pleased. More taties!

----------


## The Atheist

> This is my third year in my original allotment. I asked the bloke who runs it if there were any spare plots, having had our eye on one opposite. He said we could have that one. We wer pleased. More taties!


I envy you!

Having a vege garden just gives you a whole new insight into vegetables, and of all of them, potatoes are king of different - potatoes only hours out of the garden don't taste anything like ones you get from a shop. Mrs Atheist kept herself alive during her first pregnancy on fresh garden potatoes topped with butter.

Every day, I'd be out there digging up enough spuds to feed her - it was the only thing she could eat for dinner for months!

My all-time favourite dish is fish I caught myself in the morning with home-grown, freshly-picked potatoes. I'd swap that for dinner at the Ritz any day!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hi Sounds. 
> 
> Just a week to go and then I can finish work and start on the new allotment project for the summer. I've got a new half plot thats somewhat overgrown, but not too bad. It's got this fantastic shed that looks like its going to blow down in the next gentle breeze, but is held up by railway sleepers.
> 
> 
> 
> Overgrown but not too bad for digging. The grass hasn't matted yet. 
> 
> I know you chaps and ladies would appreciate a good shed. 
> ...


It's such a beautiful piece of countryside; there is nothing like the English countryside. I love those white flowers around the side. I could definitely use that shed.
You'll like this story, my lawn is now almost to my knees and my weed wacker died. I found a very expensive battery operated lawn mower in an outlet for 1/3 the price, I called and the fellow said it was brand new...a floor model. I called again yesterday to make sure it was still there before making the hour trip...still there. When I got there, the fellow said the lawn mower was fine; but the charger for the battery and manual were missing. I told him how poor and old I was and he promised to order the charger free and send it within the week if I'd take home the lawnmower. I couldn't remember how to put down my seat and so it bounced against my trunk the whole way. When I got home I checked and it looked like someone had tried to mow a barn with it...that's all I'll say...it is so big that I had to leave it in the living room :FRlol: 



> Stretching urethras? Crikey, I can imagine running an ad for that job!
> 
> 
> 
> I'm sure there's a message in them somewhere, and so far, my best attempts to divine meaning goes like this:
> 
> Viewers:
> 
> "I am so boring that TV shows made in the spirit of _Blair Witch Project_ are vicariously entertaining."
> ...


I heard the story about the mother, very sad; though, for the life of me I can't figure out how she did that to herself. I remember those tests where they told me to drink water and don't void...I felt like a 2 year old doing the wee-wee dance...

Poor Jocky, he really writes very nice poetry and his stories, real and fabricated are entertaining...I hope Mrs Jocky didn't find his muse and bury him in the basement

I thought clay was wonderful for some things...peaches, pecans, that's all they have in the south where my dad and Scarlett Ohara were from...

----------


## The Atheist

> You'll like this story, my lawn is now almost to my knees and my weed wacker died. I found a very expensive battery operated lawn mower in an outlet for 1/3 the price, I called and the fellow said it was brand new...a floor model. I called again yesterday to make sure it was still there before making the hour trip...still there. When I got there, the fellow said the lawn mower was fine; but the charger for the battery and manual were missing. I told him how poor and old I was and he promised to order the charger free and send it within the week if I'd take home the lawnmower. I couldn't remember how to put down my seat and so it bounced against my trunk the whole way. When I got home I checked and it looked like someone had tried to mow a barn with it...that's all I'll say...it is so big that I had to leave it in the living room


 :FRlol: 

Story needs pics!





> I thought clay was wonderful for some things...peaches, pecans, that's all they have in the south where my dad and Scarlett Ohara were from...


Not really into trees - too much hard work and far too long to wait. I like to plant me spuds and eat 'em in weeks rather than years.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> I envy you!
> 
> Having a vege garden just gives you a whole new insight into vegetables, and of all of them, potatoes are king of different - potatoes only hours out of the garden don't taste anything like ones you get from a shop. Mrs Atheist kept herself alive during her first pregnancy on fresh garden potatoes topped with butter.
> 
> Every day, I'd be out there digging up enough spuds to feed her - it was the only thing she could eat for dinner for months!
> 
> My all-time favourite dish is fish I caught myself in the morning with home-grown, freshly-picked potatoes. I'd swap that for dinner at the Ritz any day!


I've grown my first lot of potatoes this year, and you're right, they taste great.

Due to a lack of space, I grew the first earlies in bags. They've done fine. Now I've got another half plot, I can grow a lot more next year.




> It's such a beautiful piece of countryside; there is nothing like the English countryside. I love those white flowers around the side.


I think they're called bindweed. they grow in all the hedges and fences. They are nice. They close up at night and really glow in the twilight. When we were in Goa we found that a variety of pink ones grew near the beach.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Story needs pics!
> 
> Not really into trees - too much hard work and far too long to wait. I like to plant me spuds and eat 'em in weeks rather than years.


I'm a bit retarded with uploading pics; I was thinking last night, I'll have to show you guys my 50ft Poinciana; I don't quite no what to do, one part rotted and is sitting on my roof, growing another tree; the other is springing up and flowering. 
Home grown potatoes sounds wonderful; I grew some turnips a few years, great stuff. I want to try something all of the spanish folks use instead of potatoes here; kind of a green tinted sweeter version of a potato. 




> I've grown my first lot of potatoes this year, and you're right, they taste great.
> 
> Due to a lack of space, I grew the first earlies in bags. They've done fine. Now I've got another half plot, I can grow a lot more next year.
> 
> 
> 
> I think they're called bindweed. they grow in all the hedges and fences. They are nice. They close up at night and really glow in the twilight. When we were in Goa we found that a variety of pink ones grew near the beach.


I wonder if I can find them here; I would love to put them in the yard as ground cover.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm a bit retarded with uploading pics; I was thinking last night, I'll have to show you guys my 50ft Poinciana; I don't quite no what to do, one part rotted and is sitting on my roof, growing another tree; the other is springing up and flowering.


Ok!

A photo posting lesson in simple stages:

1 go to photobucket.com or some other photo sharing site. Flickr is another.

2 once you have set up an account, upload the photos using their "upload" button, which will enable you to click on pics from your computer.

3 those pics are then held by servers at the photo site.

4 once they're uploaded, you can share them here by pointing your cursor at the picture on the site, which opens a menu like this like this:



5 left click on "IMG Code" to highlight, then right click to copy.

6 paste exactly that in your post as I did above and the pic will sit there for you.

----------


## The Atheist

Anyone else enjoy the demise of the Sheep-stealers' cricket team at the hands of Pakistan?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ok!
> 
> A photo posting lesson in simple stages:
> 
> 1 go to photobucket.com or some other photo sharing site. Flickr is another.
> 
> 2 once you have set up an account, upload the photos using their "upload" button, which will enable you to click on pics from your computer.
> 
> 3 those pics are then held by servers at the photo site.
> ...


Thank you, I'll try it! You know, it's a little embarassing, even 10 year olds can do it...
Hey, did you all notice, Scher is reviving some of our old controversial threads...She brought back the one about celibacy...

----------


## The Atheist

Oooh, I must go look!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Anyone else enjoy the demise of the Sheep-stealers' cricket team at the hands of Pakistan?



 :Thumbs Up:  :Thumbs Up:  

The crowds at Hedingley were a bit thin- there is talk of a financial crisis there. They paid alot of money to get the test, but ticket sales were poor. There is a large Pakistani community near by who turn up to the 20/20 games, but they didn't bother with the Test Match.

Headingly is a good ground but you can't drive to it - you can drive past it - but just try and park within 2 miles of the place, you'd have your motor towed away and impounded in a second. If you take out a second mortgage and sign up to a corporate package, you can park on the Rugby pitch next door (owned by the Cricket club.) Many a Rugby league player has developed a devastating side-step avoiding the wheel ruts at Headingly.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oooh, I must go look!


Oh, yeah, it'll be like old times...




> Headingly is a good ground but you can't drive to it - you can drive past it - but just try and park within 2 miles of the place, you'd have your motor towed away and impounded in a second. If you take out a second mortgage and sign up to a corporate package, you can park on the Rugby pitch next door (owned by the Cricket club.) Many a Rugby league player has developed a devastating side-step avoiding the wheel ruts at Headingly.


The parking thing is such a racket. Every place here that is worth going or involves compulsory business has a car park that breaks your wallet...
Oh, don't you love the valet services, you baby your car and they drive away with it popping wheelies. You look at your gas gauge later and noticed its lost a quarter tank... :Shocked:

----------


## The Atheist

> The crowds at Hedingley were a bit thin- there is talk of a financial crisis there. They paid alot of money to get the test, but ticket sales were poor. There is a large Pakistani community near by who turn up to the 20/20 games, but they didn't bother with the Test Match.


Bet they wish they had now!

15 years in the making.

----------


## Paulclem

The vista of a month off looms - and all those jobs I've got to do too. Painting - tiling the living room floor, sorting out the garage...Some of them won't get done. I'm always too ambitious. 

We're not going away this year - it's going to be expensive when the eldest lad leaves for Uni.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

How have my blokey friends been doin?
It has been too long since I set foot in this joint.
The next round of Lonesome Gobble Goats is on me!
(Thats one can Lone Star beer, one cup Wild Turkey 101 and half cup Goat milk)

*Athiest*  belated happy birthday to thuh yungns

*Prendrelemick*  Is cricket season starting up? This year I must try and get a handle on this game!

*Soundofmusic*  You are as beautiful as ever. An Edelweiss to you.

*Paul*  your spuds are starch to my ears of corn. 
Hey, you could market those spuds. Since they are from the allotment, how about Allot - o - Spuds, huh? What dya think? 
Or Clemintators?

Speaking of corn, Im shucking away the next few months in Illinois, working on a project up here. The company will be flying me home periodically though. In fact my first trip home is this Friday.
Since Im here, I may as well see what they have in the way of Big Foot sightings or hunts I can take part in.

Jocky, where did you go this time?

It is summer. It is hot and I smell meatloaf:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fAPE...eature=related


Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Since Im here, I may as well see what they have in the way of Big Foot sightings or hunts I can take part in.


Sasquatch steaks, mmmmmmm!

----------


## prendrelemick

I like your spuds Idea Gilliat. If ever you get sent up to Alaska, you could sell refridgerators.. :Thumbs Up: 

Cricket is easy compared to Baseball I think.

----------


## soundofmusic

> *Soundofmusic*  You are as beautiful as ever. An Edelweiss to you.
> 
> Speaking of corn, Im shucking away the next few months in Illinois, working on a project up here. The company will be flying me home periodically though. In fact my first trip home is this Friday.
> Since Im here, I may as well see what they have in the way of Big Foot sightings or hunts I can take part in.
> 
> Jocky, where did you go this time?
> 
> Gilliatt


Thank you, Gilliatt, you put a smile on this old wilted face...actually, it has some color today; Jess insisted I get a weed wacker since the lawn is calf legnth. I'm out there with my 4 batteries (it's a battery charged trimmer) cutting those things down...
When I noticed, that little bit of poinciana that was growing into my house is now taking off a bit of the roof tiles...
Tonight, heard a terrible sound, a dove was trying to fly into one of the fallen screens in the fascia board...

I guess I might have to hire me a man!

----------


## Paulclem

> *Paul*  your spuds are starch to my ears of corn. 
> Hey, you could market those spuds. Since they are from the allotment, how about Allot - o - Spuds, huh? What dya think? 
> Or Clemintators?
> 
> Gilliatt


 :Smile5: 
Good idea - but I like them too much to sell. We have a baked potato company here called Spud-u-like so Cleminatatos is the one. If we combine companies it could be "The Dumpy Spud and the Corny Guy" perhaps.

----------


## prendrelemick

How did that happen? I ask myself. Yesterday we went looking for a car with my daughter and I end up holding Mrs Ps various coats, gloves, handbag, umbrella while she rummages in a remnants tub for suitable material to cover the piano stool.

How does she do it? I set off with the pleasurable anticipation of kicking a few tyres and shaking my head whilst noisily sucking in my breath and playing offer/counter offer with salesmen. However, the daughter finds something straightaway (She likes the colour - it matches her outfit.  :Rolleyes: )and so _shopping_ ensued. Worse, it was shopping without any particular need or object in mind. We came home with a packet of slug pellets and a piece of cloth. This took us all day. :Confused:

----------


## The Atheist

Classic stuff!

You're not Del-boy are you?

----------


## dafydd manton

Gilliatt, Cricket is dead easy. Put simply, you have two sides, one of which is out in the field and the other is in. Those who are out try to get those who are in out. Those who are in try to stay in, but obviously some get out as a result of the work of those who are out. Once those who are in are all out, they go out, and the other side are in, until they are all out. At the end of the day, it is all a precursor to (a) spending the day away from the missus and (b) going down the pub to discuss a game that 80% of the players didn't understand in the first place. There is no better way of spending a day without having to dangle worms on bits of string in to rivers. Hope this helps.

----------


## Paulclem

> How did that happen? I ask myself. Yesterday we went looking for a car with my daughter and I end up holding Mrs Ps various coats, gloves, handbag, umbrella while she rummages in a remnants tub for suitable material to cover the piano stool.
> 
> How does she do it? I set off with the pleasurable anticipation of kicking a few tyres and shaking my head whilst noisily sucking in my breath and playing offer/counter offer with salesmen. However, the daughter finds something straightaway (She likes the colour - it matches her outfit. )and so _shopping_ ensued. Worse, it was shopping without any particular need or object in mind. We came home with a packet of slug pellets and a piece of cloth. This took us all day.


I can see that this is a big thing for you. I too was of your ilk until I started my own - "I'm just going over here/ into this shop/ meet you in ten shopping strategy. I now like shopping, because Mrs P appreciates a fellow shopper, (even if I'm shopping for nothing) more than a moping drag along.

----------


## The Atheist

> Gilliatt, Cricket is dead easy. Put simply, you have two sides, one of which is out in the field and the other is in. Those who are out try to get those who are in out. Those who are in try to stay in, but obviously some get out as a result of the work of those who are out. Once those who are in are all out, they go out, and the other side are in, until they are all out.


Stolen!

 :Biggrin: 

It's still a good description, though. There's another that discusses silly mid-off and other cricketing positions, which is good as well.

I must try to find it!




> At the end of the day, it is all a precursor to (a) spending the day away from the missus and (b) going down the pub to discuss a game that 80% of the players didn't understand in the first place. There is no better way of spending a day without having to dangle worms on bits of string in to rivers. Hope this helps.


Ah, fishing.

Work is the curse of the fisherman.

(also stolen  :Wink: )




> I can see that this is a big thing for you. I too was of your ilk until I started my own - "I'm just going over here/ into this shop/ meet you in ten shopping strategy. I now like shopping, because Mrs P appreciates a fellow shopper, (even if I'm shopping for nothing) more than a moping drag along.


Thank god Mrs Atheist detests shopping!

----------


## Paulclem

> Stolen!
> 
> Thank god Mrs Atheist detests shopping!


Coping. It's all a bloke can do.  :Smile5:

----------


## dafydd manton

Atheist, my old, Plagiarised, please, it sounds so much more refined!!! Oh, all right, nicked, then. I actually wrote an artice putting all the various positions in German, which was a bit odd. Kurzer Bein, Dritter Mann, all that kind of stuff. If ever I can work out how to upload stuff from my computer on to here, I'll post it.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I can see that this is a big thing for you. I too was of your ilk until I started my own - "I'm just going over here/ into this shop/ meet you in ten shopping strategy. I now like shopping, because Mrs P appreciates a fellow shopper, (even if I'm shopping for nothing) more than a moping drag along.


Paul you are a saint. I just can't stand it. Its the hours and hours wasted that gets me. If you need a pair of socks, why not just go into a shop and buy some? My Mrs P goes into several, and then returns to the first one and then buys some- why? Those slug pellets, we were half an hour choosing them, do the slugs care wether they are organic or not?. (She used to use some of my Newkie Brown to drown them in - they were getting more than I do) Anyway rant over, A large brandy please, Parker.

----------


## dafydd manton

Gad, Sir. You feed your slugs on brandy? A decent Asbach, one trusts!

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul you are a saint. I just can't stand it. Its the hours and hours wasted that gets me. If you need a pair of socks, why not just go into a shop and buy some? My Mrs P goes into several, and then returns to the first one and then buys some- why? Those slug pellets, we were half an hour choosing them, do the slugs care wether they are organic or not?. (She used to use some of my Newkie Brown to drown them in - they were getting more than I do) Anyway rant over, A large brandy please, Parker.


 :Smile5: 

I know. It's a rant I've ranted, but now I've relented. No more war so no more losing.

----------


## The Atheist

Never mind the brandy, how about some of this stuff?

http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/fo...strongest-beer

----------


## papayahed

> Never mind the brandy, how about some of this stuff?
> 
> http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/fo...strongest-beer





> Only 12 bottles were made, each housed inside a stuffed dead animal and sold starting at 500 pounds ($NZ1086) each.


Can I pick my dead animal?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...do the slugs care wether they are organic or not?. (She used to use some of my Newkie Brown to drown them in - they were getting more than I do) Anyway rant over, A large brandy please, Parker.





> Gad, Sir. You feed your slugs on brandy? A decent Asbach, one trusts!





> Never mind the brandy, how about some of this stuff?


You may joke about this technique, but my now sainted mother swore by the slug beer drwoning method. I remember as a young lad, seeing shallow pans placed in the garden with dozens of sloshed slugs laying about in each one. 
She would knock down the first five then save the sixth for the slug traps.

The fumes alone wafting off that Dutch concoction would eradicate the slugs.

----------


## The Atheist

> Can I pick my dead animal?



Sure, the elephant's gone.

 :Biggrin: 




> You may joke about this technique, but my now sainted mother swore by the slug beer drwoning method.


I might give that a try, we have the slugs from hell around here.

One night in summer, we were outside and I went to pick up what I'd assumed was a small branch that had dropped at the side of the pool. I was astonished to see the damned thing moving as I approached. Jesus, the thing was bigger than some snakes! 8 inches long and half an inch across, it was bigger than....... [/edited for content!]

I spread slug poison around and they just eat it and carry on - might be why they're so bloody big! Goddam mutant slugs.

UGHHHH!

----------


## prendrelemick

The beer method works fine. The trouble is they seem to like the good stuff the best, cheap lager just won't do it - hence the commandeering of my personal supplies.


All you do, is push a dish into the soil so that its rim is level with the surface. Then devise a cover above it that slugs can squeeze under, we used a flat stone supported on smaller stones. We found the slugs round here liked Guinness the best.

On the first night we caught 124 slugs in three dishes- a record that stands to this day.

----------


## dafydd manton

Just the thought of 124 slugs is pretty nauseating, but (and I'm not joking here), how do you dispose of them? Surely you can't put 'em in the bin? Presumably bury them.

----------


## prendrelemick

They are absolutley disgusting. When they drown in beer all their slime seems to ooze out of them, and become covered in a yeasty growth (from the beer I suppose.) Ours went on the compost heap.

----------


## dafydd manton

Bleurghh! Fortunately Her Indoors does all the gardening, so not really my problem. The only thing she'll let me do is cut the lawn, and sadly I get hay-fever, so that's out.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Can I pick my dead animal?


I wonder about the orientation of the bottle within - which end do you pour from. :Blush2:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Bleurghh! Fortunately Her Indoors does all the gardening, so not really my problem. The only thing she'll let me do is cut the lawn, and sadly I get hay-fever, so that's out.


So, her indoors does the outdoors eh. :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

At the moment, yes, but if she knew I was contemplating a deceased Dingo full of alcohol (provided that I can pour from that end which is capable of facial expressions) she'd have me out there with a spade in my hand before you can say "Care for the other half?"

----------


## The Atheist

> On the first night we caught 124 slugs in three dishes- a record that stands to this day.


Nah. I'd be too scared to get 'em drunk.




> Just the thought of 124 slugs is pretty nauseating, but (and I'm not joking here), how do you dispose of them? Surely you can't put 'em in the bin? Presumably bury them.


I'm with you on the nauseating bit. We once had an enormous one sneak into our house. It was honestly one of those "What the bloody hell is that?" moments.

I was sitting on the bog and something caught my eye up on the ceiling near the fan. I pulled it off the ceiling, where it left a huge reddish stain and honestly, the thing was wriggling in my hand like a live chipolata!

Unbelievable, the size - and feel - of it. I certainly felt nauseous after that.

Have we got any ads for slug bait yet?

 :Biggrin: 




> Ours went on the compost heap.


Leave 'em out in the sun, they're gone in no time.


Oh, hang on, you're in England.......

Yep, into the compost!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Not just England - we're both in Yorkshire, sunshine capital of the Western World! And it's a brave man that could pick one of those things up. I didn't mind changing nappies, but I draw the line at that!

----------


## prendrelemick

At our old house we used to get loads of leopard slugs in the kitchen. It was a bit damp you see.

They are the large and spotty ones, they would occasionally treat us to a mating display :Ack2: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtD5dxTcXm4

----------


## dafydd manton

Now there's a mental picture I can do without!

----------


## Paulclem

We tried coper tape around the pots we had. As for the beds, we just plant stuff they dont eat.

----------


## The Atheist

> Not just England - we're both in Yorkshire, sunshine capital of the Western World!


 :FRlol: 

Of course!




> We tried coper tape around the pots we had. As for the beds, we just plant stuff they dont eat.


Whichever idiot planted at this place put a load of tropical plants in one border which attracts slugs like fish does cats. I've killed the entire garden with glyphosate and they appear to have moved to more suitable areas.

I shudder to think what'd happen if I planted cabbages!

----------


## soundofmusic

Ah, it's tough being a woman n the midst of a bunch of brilliant bloaks: they know about slugs, the latest news, the latest sports and also can lay floor tile...well, at least everywhere except florida
Meanwhile, I had to spend 5 hours drinking slowly from my amaretto bottle and visiting with my neighbor last night in hopes that he will get his chain saw and take that bit of tree off my roof...
I offered cash; but darn it all, he wants company...




> How did that happen? I ask myself. Yesterday we went looking for a car with my daughter 
> We came home with a packet of slug pellets and a piece of cloth. This took us all day.


No car? I always hate going car shopping; you can go in, pick out the car, give them the cash and they still aren't happy unless they stall you the whole day giving you their pitch :Icon Bs:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> At our old house we used to get loads of leopard slugs in the kitchen. It was a bit damp you see.
> 
> They are the large and spotty ones, they would occasionally treat us to a mating display


Uh yeah...thanks for sharing that.




> We tried coper tape around the pots we had. As for the beds, we just plant stuff they dont eat.





> Whichever idiot planted at this place put a load of tropical plants in one border which attracts slugs like fish does cats. I've killed the entire garden with glyphosate and they appear to have moved to more suitable areas.
> 
> I shudder to think what'd happen if I planted cabbages!


I just recalled another technique from my sainted mother. Cayenne pepper powder!
The pepper powder technique was actually used to deter squirrels from digging up flower bulbs. She would sprinkle the powder around the base of each plant and it worked.
I would imagine that slugs would feel the burn once they slimed their way across the powder. 
Maybe mix it in some Drambuie? who knows what you might liquidate so to speak.

----------


## The Atheist

> ... the latest sports ...


Latest of which is the all-conquering All Blacks whipping Australia!




> I just recalled another technique from my sainted mother. Cayenne pepper powder!


I like that idea!

Can slugs feel pain? I hope so!

----------


## dafydd manton

Round here, the slugs love a good curry. Give 'em raw chillis and ginger and they thrive on it.

NZ beat Oz? Ok good. I just Wales could beat either! Our last moment of glory was Llanelli beating the 7th All Blacks, 9:3, in the 70s, And that was all penalties!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I like that idea!
> 
> Can slugs feel pain? I hope so!





> Round here, the slugs love a good curry. Give 'em raw chillis and ginger and they thrive on it.


Of course you can always resort to the age old boyhood technique; the salt bath! 
Just sprinkle some salt on the slimers and watch them melt. However, the sodium may prove to be a detrimental soil ammendment.

Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

England won the Cricket, Webber (an Austrailian) won the Grand Prix, and New zealand won the Rugby. Will the sun ever set on the Empire?

----------


## dafydd manton

Have you been anywhere near Lancashire lately? Or Reading. Luton. Milton Keynes. It loks like the convicts got the best end of the deal!! "Either we'll hang you, or you can go somewhere nice and warm, where you can eke out a miserable existence thrashing everybody at just about everything. Or you can join the Navy, see the world and get some really interesting diseases, before you die of scurvy!"

----------


## Paulclem

> England won the Cricket, Webber (an Austrailian) won the Grand Prix, and New zealand won the Rugby. Will the sun ever set on the Empire?


We knew how to do a good Empire - cultured, mutually profitable, not too much bloodshed.  :Smile5:

----------


## The Atheist

> NZ beat Oz? Ok good. I just Wales could beat either! Our last moment of glory was Llanelli beating the 7th All Blacks, 9:3, in the 70s, And that was all penalties!


Yes, I recall that game well, sitting in stunned disbelief on the other side of the world. More's the pity, that day, the mad men of Munster and other famous victories of club teams over international sides will never return.

As a kid, I used to sit on soaking wet terraces screaming for Bay of Plenty or Auckland to beat whoever they were playing. I just about ruptured my throat the day BOP got within half a dozen points of the greatest touring side in history - the 1971 Lions. The game of rugby is far less for their passing.




> Of course you can always resort to the age old boyhood technique; the salt bath! 
> Just sprinkle some salt on the slimers and watch them melt. However, the sodium may prove to be a detrimental soil ammendment.
> 
> Gilliatt


Around here, salt is no deterrent - I kid you not! I tried that one wet night - the path was covered in slugs and snails and I thought "I'll kill all you bastards right now", ran and got salt and drenched them with it. The slugs all carried on while shedding copious amounts of green slime, the snails all died. The slugs returned for salted snail breakfasts and carried on....




> England won the Cricket, Webber (an Austrailian) won the Grand Prix, and New zealand won the Rugby. Will the sun ever set on the Empire?


 :Biggrin: 




> Have you been anywhere near Lancashire lately? Or Reading. Luton. Milton Keynes. It loks like the convicts got the best end of the deal!! "Either we'll hang you, or you can go somewhere nice and warm, where you can eke out a miserable existence thrashing everybody at just about everything. Or you can join the Navy, see the world and get some really interesting diseases, before you die of scurvy!"


 :Smilielol5: 

That's so true!

Australia, the lucky country! So rich with minerals even crooks like Alan Bond made a billion dollars legally.

And England sent its convicts there.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Latest of which is the all-conquering All Blacks whipping Australia!
> 
> 
> And England sent its convicts there.


I like the backs on your all blacks...
They had heard the rumors though; they didn't quite expect them to inhabit the whole country..

----------


## The Atheist

> I like the backs on your all blacks...


Speaking as a non-gay male, I have to say that the All Blacks are one of the better-looking sports teams around* - you should start following rugby!



Richie McCaw, captain on the left, The other is the legendary Daniel Carter, holder of almost every record there is to hold in world rugby.

*With just the odd exception.

----------


## Paulclem

Which are the ugliest teams? Following the line ups last year I thught the Argentinians, with Italy a close second. Come to think of it Wales were no picture postcard.

----------


## Scheherazade

Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!

Do your wives know about this?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!
> 
> Do your wives know about this?


 :FRlol: 

It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.

----------


## The Atheist

> Which are the ugliest teams? Following the line ups last year I thught the Argentinians, with Italy a close second. Come to think of it Wales were no picture postcard.


Yes, but as long as you had Gareth Thomas, you had *lovely* teams, boyo!

 :Biggrin: 




> Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!
> 
> Do your wives know about this?


My word yes, a gentleman may appreciate another man's form, but knows when to look away!

 :Wink: 




> It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.


 :Smilielol5: 

Winger, were you?

----------


## dafydd manton

One thing's for sure - he wasn't a prop. I've been using 25 years of rugby as an excuse for looking like this!




> It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.


'Ere, who did you play for? I played for various clubs around the West Mids, although quite a long time ago. 1964 - 1987. (Gosh I feel old, now!)

----------


## Paulclem

> Winger, were you?


I was - but I also played centre and stand-off. You wouldn't think it though if you met me...




> Winger, were you?





> 'Ere, who did you play for? I played for various clubs around the West Mids, although quite a long time ago. 1964 - 1987. (Gosh I feel old, now!)


I played league for Wakefield trinity colts(79-81), Wakefield College (79-81) and Eastmoor RFC, (Wakefiled). I also played union for Sunderland Uni, but I had to give it up because of a sub-locating shoulder. A few years ago I fancied a game again. I do miss team sports.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, by that stage I was playing for RAF Gatow in Berlin.

Perhaps not the ugliest team, but the Pontypool front Row, the Viet Gwent, took some beating for looking horrific. Charlie Faulkner, Bobby Windsor, Graham Price. I had the misfortune to play against them at tight-head. Oh, the pain, the pain. Afterwards, three of the nicest, most pleasant blokes you could ever hope to meet.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah, by that stage I was playing for RAF Gatow in Berlin.
> 
> Perhaps not the ugliest team, but the Pontypool front Row, the Viet Gwent, took some beating for looking horrific. Charlie Faulkner, Bobby Windsor, Graham Price. I had the misfortune to play against them at tight-head. Oh, the pain, the pain. Afterwards, three of the nicest, most pleasant blokes you could ever hope to meet.


That was often the way. I met some real gents. Some were clearly in it for the violence. I once played against a team from Sheepscar who already had 9 suspended when they fielded a team. There were a few more before the end of the match too.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah well, as you will remember the Pontypool front row was the Welsh front row, so I don't think we took a snigle heel, against the head or not. We lost, memory says, 77:4, when there were 4 point for a try. And that one was just somebody being nice.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah well, as you will remember the Pontypool front row was the Welsh front row, so I don't think we took a snigle heel, against the head or not. We lost, memory says, 77:4, when there were 4 point for a try. And that one was just somebody being nice.


I hated those kind of games. I was once in a game where we lost 100-5, and the ref called time early. There was a mix of talent available in the colleges then. The big ones had pros playing for them.

----------


## dafydd manton

Fortunately, the game was exclusively amateur (except for a few "deals" being mad, I've no doubt), and certainly as regards Welsh rugby, going pro was the worst thing that could have happened. However, don't get me started!!

----------


## prendrelemick

I played as hooker for my agricultural college. The roughest, dirtiest, ugliest team we ever played were the Beverley Police. The best mannered was a team from a young offenders prison.
We weren't much good but when up against the rival college we used to field a team of "ringers". There was a Welsh lad on the Pig Management Course, who would bring some of his mates along, These lads came from a small town with 14 rugby teams in it, they were a bit good to say the least.

If you are looking for ugly, Rugby League is in a different league.

----------


## Paulclem

I took a turn at hooker at St Helens when ours was out injured. I liked it except I got a terrible crick in the neck. I didn't win a ball either. Tough position, as is the front row. 

I agree that Rugby League has some fantastic uglies. The result of being stiff armed.

----------


## The Atheist

> I played as hooker for my agricultural college. The roughest, dirtiest, ugliest team we ever played were the Beverley Police. The best mannered was a team from a young offenders prison.


That's typical.

Pacific Islanders are renowned for being the dirtiest teams and Tongans the worst of the lot - headhunters to a man - yet when we played Auckland Tongans, it was the cleanest, best-mannered game I ever played in.

The real dirt always came from your closest neighbours!




> We weren't much good but when up against the rival college we used to field a team of "ringers". There was a Welsh lad on the Pig Management Course, who would bring some of his mates along, These lads came from a small town with 14 rugby teams in it, they were a bit good to say the least.


When I played in the business league we had that kind of trouble. I remember one game when a team fielded two Auckland B players in it. We got killed, but I did at least have the delight of looking down on one of them where I'd dropped him when he was showing off. He thought he'd bust right through me and I dumped him on his backside right in front of his girlfriend.

We had a bit of niggle after that!




> If you are looking for ugly, Rugby League is in a different league.


They're a different species, not league!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

All rugby players! We could form a team and co-opt some ot the other litnetters. Who do you reckon would do the job? I bet Gilliat would be up for a game.

----------


## The Atheist

> All rugby players! We could form a team and co-opt some ot the other litnetters. Who do you reckon would do the job? I bet Gilliat would be up for a game.


Well, we have a front row already!

Mick is a hooker, Daffyd was a prop, and I played at prop after many years at lock!

We already have the speedy back, and we can co-opt a few of the young blokes to do the hard yards on the side of the scrum!

Has potential!

(I can see Scher playing halfback - she'd have us all organised in no time.  :Biggrin: )

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> All rugby players! We could form a team and co-opt some ot the other litnetters. Who do you reckon would do the job? I bet Gilliat would be up for a game.





> Well, we have a front row already!
> 
> Mick is a hooker, Daffyd was a prop, and I played at prop after many years at lock!
> 
> We already have the speedy back, and we can co-opt a few of the young blokes to do the hard yards on the side of the scrum!
> 
> Has potential!
> 
> (I can see Scher playing halfback - she'd have us all organised in no time. )


I am definately up for a game! 
However, I am more of a sprinter/ runner type which equates to a fragile body.
Would that make me a "winger"?. 
Just toss me that fat football and I'll dodge and weave with the best of them. As long as the opponents don't catch me, I'll be OK.

Oh...and I'll need a copy of the rules.
When's the first practice?

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I am definately up for a game! 
> However, I am more of a sprinter/ runner type which equates to a fragile body.
> Would that make me a "winger"?.


Yes! They stand out on the sideline and hope to be thrown the ball every now and then.




> Just toss me that fat football and I'll dodge and weave with the best of them. As long as the opponents don't catch me, I'll be OK.
> 
> Oh...and I'll need a copy of the rules.
> When's the first practice?
> 
> Gilliatt


The main rule is: don't get caught, so you should be fine.

Practice Thursday evenings.

----------


## Scheherazade

> (I can see Scher playing halfback - she'd have us all organised in no time. )


As flattered as I am to be included in guys' football line-up (had to look "halfback" up), I was hoping to be a cheerleader!

----------


## dafydd manton

I'll happily play tight-head, but I warn you, I'm not as good as I used to be. Ingrowing toe-nails, three stone over the odds (and the rest), short of breath, on 11 tablets a day......but I can still recognise a Rugby ball three times out of ten. All I've got to do now is remember what to do with it.

Just a thought, but isn't a Mod's role more like that of the Full-Back? I'm sure we appreciate the offer of cheer-leader, but.......

----------


## The Atheist

> (had to look "halfback" up)


Twice as good as quarter backs.




> All I've got to do now is remember what to do with it.


That's easy - you're a prop! The thing to do with the ball is avoid it like the plague.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh, not at all. The average prop takes the ball, turns his back and shuffles in reverse for about 3 yards, ball clasped to his not inconsiderable chest before everybody catches him up and a ruck ensues. If he passes the ball, he uses what is called the Helicopter Pass, i.e. a rush of air and the ball goes vertically. Tactics, they call it!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Speaking as a non-gay male, I have to say that the All Blacks are one of the better-looking sports teams around* - you should start following rugby!
> 
> 
> 
> Richie McCaw, captain on the left, The other is the legendary Daniel Carter, holder of almost every record there is to hold in world rugby.
> 
> *With just the odd exception.


Heck, I'm joining up as the new towel girl; I'll be right behind those fellows all the way with fluffy towels and a firm pat of congrats :Devil:  :Rofl: 




> Which are the ugliest teams? Following the line ups last year I thught the Argentinians, with Italy a close second. Come to think of it Wales were no picture postcard.


We have plenty of the South Americans over hear; but I like a fellow that at least reaches my waist when I'm trying to give him a kiss :Arf: 



> Oh, this makes Rugby much more interesting... To know that you guys sit in front of your TV monitors, rating how handsome each team/player is!
> 
> Do your wives know about this?


Scher makes a good point, I guess we all spend more time comparing ourselves to the same gender than looking at the other; both situations, with my dates, have given me cause for concern



> It's more about the ugliness of the battle scarred. People are amazed that i played rugby and managed to keep my good looks.... honest.


I always knew that avatar was an antithesis of the real Paul...




> I played as hooker for my agricultural college. The roughest, dirtiest, ugliest team we ever played were the Beverley Police. The best mannered was a team from a young offenders prison.
> We weren't much good but when up against the rival college we used to field a team of "ringers". There was a Welsh lad on the Pig Management Course, who would bring some of his mates along, These lads came from a small town with 14 rugby teams in it, they were a bit good to say the least.
> 
> If you are looking for ugly, Rugby League is in a different league.


I've never played a hooker; but if the economy doesn't pick up... :Nono:

----------


## Paulclem

We're on! I've played all the back positions - excluding scrum half - but there's nothing to it these days with the feeding. After you guys heel the ball, I'll put Scher through and she can whip it out to Gilliat swerving on the wing. 

Soundof - we've already got Prends as a hooker. How do you fancy playing loose forward? 

Sorted.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

"hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?

----------


## prendrelemick

> I am definately up for a game! 
> However, I am more of a sprinter/ runner type which equates to a fragile body.
> Would that make me a "winger"?. 
> Just toss me that fat football and I'll dodge and weave with the best of them. As long as the opponents don't catch me, I'll be OK.
> 
> Oh...and I'll need a copy of the rules.
> When's the first practice?
> 
> Gilliatt


There are rules?




> Oh, not at all. The average prop takes the ball, turns his back and shuffles in reverse for about 3 yards, ball clasped to his not inconsiderable chest before everybody catches him up and a ruck ensues. If he passes the ball, he uses what is called the Helicopter Pass, i.e. a rush of air and the ball goes vertically. Tactics, they call it!


Then there is the Prop side-step, ie. head down and straight over the fullback.




> "hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?


See scrum half :Smilielol5:

----------


## The Atheist

> Heck, I'm joining up as the new towel girl; I'll be right behind those fellows all the way with fluffy towels and a firm pat of congrats


I can get you that job!




> I've never played a hooker; but if the economy doesn't pick up...


I can see you at number 8, the rock at the back of the scrum.

You get to put your arms around the buttocks of the locks and then push!




> We're on! I've played all the back positions - excluding scrum half - but there's nothing to it these days with the feeding.


Grrrr!

Yes indeed. Every scrum feed would have been penalised for putting the ball under the hooker's feet only 20 years ago.

Another change which isn't for the betterment of the game.




> "hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?


 :FRlol: 

No, but the five-eighths, three quarters and halves are always a bit suspect.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, the three-quarters - gelled hair and creases in their nice clean shorts!

----------


## prendrelemick

Rugby League seems to attract backs that think they are forwards, Particularly the fullbacks, they are always trying to take it to the opposition forwards, there is hardly a straight nose among them.

----------


## dafydd manton

That's very true. I was just thinking, if those who don't understand the terminology of Rugby are confused, how much more so would they be if we were trying to organise a cricket team. Two short legs, silly point, maidens and the bowling thereof over, googlies, the chinaman, the wrong 'un, the list is endless. There'd be ventricles popping all over the place!

----------


## prendrelemick

That's what happens if a game is allowed to grow and develop over many years, rather than invented - Now with the 20/20 format Cricket has gone into reverse and is becoming unnatural.

----------


## dafydd manton

Not a big fan of 20/20, myself. I'm not particularly keen on the "odd" strokes you see being played, most of which look faintly silly and are less than effective, and anyway, the big thing with cricket is the tactics, the planning, the skill in using players at the right place and time, the tactical bowling changes. 20/20 has hardly any of that. 20/20 is to proper cricket what draughts is to chess.

I'm starting to sound like my grandad, now!

----------


## The Atheist

> Ah, the three-quarters - gelled hair and creases in their nice clean shorts!


Not to mention turning blue because he dropped the ball in the first five minutes, then never getting it again for the next 75 minutes!

 :Smilielol5: 




> Rugby League seems to attract backs that think they are forwards, Particularly the fullbacks, they are always trying to take it to the opposition forwards, there is hardly a straight nose among them.


Backs and forwards are largely interchangeable in league. How John Gallagher thought he'd ever make it in that game amazes me.




> 20/20 is to proper cricket what draughts is to chess.


Perfect analogy!

----------


## soundofmusic

> We're on! I've played all the back positions - excluding scrum half - but there's nothing to it these days with the feeding. After you guys heel the ball, I'll put Scher through and she can whip it out to Gilliat swerving on the wing. 
> Soundof - we've already got Prends as a hooker. How do you fancy playing loose forward? 
> Sorted.


I'm sure if Scher can whip it and Prends can be a hooker; I can learn to be loose and forward 



> "hooker", "loose forward"...I don't suppose rugby also has positions known as "pimpers" and "Johns" does it?


That's after game play..



> There are rules?
> 
> Then there is the Prop side-step, ie. head down and straight over the fullback.
> 
> See scrum half


Yeah, I think the first rule is to let the towel girl, Sounds, hold your wallet...




> I can get you that job!
> 
> 
> 
> I can see you at number 8, the rock at the back of the scrum.
> 
> You get to put your arms around the buttocks of the locks and then push!
> 
> 
> ...


Ah, yes, I said I'd never chase another man; but that was before they told me about the UK, the Aussies and NZ



> Ah, the three-quarters - gelled hair and creases in their nice clean shorts!


Yeah, how do they do that; our guys look like half trained toddlers at halftime...

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm sure if Scher can whip it and Prends can be a hooker; I can learn to be loose and forward


 :Smilielol5: 

You're a bad woman! 




> Yeah, how do they do that; our guys look like half trained toddlers at halftime...


Rugby's always had a bit of class - it's the upper-class game in England, while "football" is played by the peasants.

A great example is the English fullback a century ago who used to stand, smoking, under the goalposts until the play started coming hiw way, whereupon he'd leap into the fray.

Or the Russian Prince who beat the All Blacks almost single-handedly.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'm sure if Scher can whip it and Prends can be a hooker; I can learn to be loose and forward 
> 
> 
> .


Learn??? :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Sounds, don't just include blanket cover for the UK - be selective - look for the ones in red shirts, with three feathers on the front! (That'll raise a storm!)

----------


## The Atheist

> Sounds, don't just include blanket cover for the UK - be selective - look for the ones in red shirts, with three feathers on the front! (That'll raise a storm!)


The Prince of Wales feathers.

Aren't you just the tiniest bit embarrassed?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

More often than not, mortified, frankly, but hope springs eternal!

----------


## Paulclem

Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time. 

You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...

----------


## dafydd manton

Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!) 

Nice holiday venue?

----------


## Paulclem

> Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!) 
> 
> Nice holiday venue?


When I say on holiday I mean at home not working on hoiday. The lad's off to uni this year so there'll be no more hols for...ever probably. 

We'll be doing the new half allotment a lot and visiting Oxford where the lad's off to - the other Oxford uni that is. 

Who do you write columns for? 

Isn't it cooler out here away from the hell threads?  :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Well, it's not full of people trying to make a name for themselves, or getting serious over trivia, certainly!

----------


## The Atheist

> Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time.


Yes indeed, come to the Club for a pink gin, then back into the fray! 




> You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...


Holiday? I wish.

I'm able to post while I wait for people to ask me if they can have a job. Unfortunately, most of them only take 10 seconds to figure out that the answer's "NO!"




> Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet.


Sounds just like me!

----------


## dafydd manton

We lazy, skiving ratbags must stick together. Do I get the job?

----------


## The Atheist

Honesty should be rewarded.

Hired!

----------


## dafydd manton

Does that mean I have to call you "Boss", now, or shall I stick with "Sir", as usual.

----------


## jocky

> Does that mean I have to call you "Boss", now, or shall I stick with "Sir", as usual.


No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me, Mick is known as Squire, Soundo..... Floridian flesh, Daffyd Manton, na na na, na na na na or Brylcream Boy and Paulcelm , pupil whacker. Not forgetting Gilliatt Gurgle, and the irreplacable Gbrekken . As you know I have been having a minor problem with the moderators but it is sorted now, all I had to do was repeat three of Shakespeare's soliliquays. Simples , Tommorow and Tomorrow and Tommorow. My death notice wil be reported in the morning.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Alas, my only connection with the Squire was dining on pheasant at his expence, but that was a long time ago.

In view of your impending demise Jocky, have you a suitable epitaph prepared, or shall I do you one?

----------


## The Atheist

> Does that mean I have to call you "Boss", now, or shall I stick with "Sir", as usual.


Just an aside on that one, I never, ever - except in jest - use titles. Not Mr. Mrs. Sir or Lord.

If I met the queen, like Paul Keating, I'd be immediately guilty of lese majeste, because I'd say, "G'day Lizzie, how are the dogs?"

Only a couple of times in my life have I met people who wanted to me to refer to them as "Mr. ......."

Didn't end well.

 :Biggrin: 




> No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me,


I'm not sure whether you're belittling your own achievements here; surely you were not jesting the time you told us your real name was Baron Jocky of Glasgow?




> I have been having a minor problem with the moderators ...


Just remember that old saying, "Everything is good in moderation." 

 :Wink:

----------


## dafydd manton

Remember that Monty Python sketch? "Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, Yer Madge," he said, and she smiled sweetly!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time. 
> 
> You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...


Between showers I've been shearing sheep. Oddly, with the current price of wool its me who's getting fleeced though..

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...My death notice wil be reported in the morning.





> ...In view of your impending demise Jocky, have you a suitable epitaph prepared, or shall I do you one?





> ..."Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum, ...


Jocky,

I have no idea what this is about and perhaps its best I dont know.
If the end is inevitable, then perhaps that epitaph could include something from the Dreary Beery :

A Papal bull arrives from Rome
yoked with a solemn decree.
A pile of coals shall tickle your soles
born of burnt oak and hickory






"Sing me Back Home"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zN5d4...eature=related

---------------

Oh, by the way, did you blokes end up practicing this past Thursday?
Sorry I missed it. I got caught up in the traffic.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

By the way Atheist, I met a countryman of yours the other day. A manufacturor of Post knockers came to see us use one of his machines. A very practical man, he'd been to China to recruit welders as all the kiwis go to Australia as soon as they are trained.

----------


## jocky

> In view of your impending demise Jocky, have you a suitable epitaph prepared, or shall I do you one?


Since you mentioned it, I was thinking on the lines of " Alas poor old misunderstood Jocky... " on reflection I will leave it to you Mick, but remember this, you will miss me when I am gone and premature reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Between showers I've been shearing sheep. Oddly, with the current price of wool its me who's getting fleeced though..


You aiming for "world's cleanest shepherd"? 




> Oh, by the way, did you blokes end up practicing this past Thursday?
> Sorry I missed it. I got caught up in the traffic.


Yes we did.

After some practice, we were able to down pints of Guinness in less than 10 seconds.




> By the way Atheist, I met a countryman of yours the other day. A manufacturor of Post knockers came to see us use one of his machines. A very practical man, he'd been to China to recruit welders as all the kiwis go to Australia as soon as they are trained.


Grrr. Sad, but true. The mineral wealth of Aussie gives us no chance.

----------


## Paulclem

> Between showers I've been shearing sheep. Oddly, with the current price of wool its me who's getting fleeced though..


A busy time for you. Are you following the Challenge cup? I've been completely out of Rugby League.

----------


## prendrelemick

does a bear evacuate in the woods

----------


## dafydd manton

Remember those happy days when there was inter-code snobbery, and men like Jonathan Davies received death threats for "defecting" to *whispers furtively* The North? And how silly it all was?

----------


## Paulclem

It was very silly, but here in England reflectd the class system. All the posh schools played Union, and all the comprehensives played league, and never the twain met.

It makes you wonder why they bothered now.

----------


## Paulclem

> does a bear evacuate in the woods


They might. There's always the field option. :FRlol:

----------


## dafydd manton

So long as it wasn't the Rugby Field, old chap. Dashed poor show, what?

----------


## The Atheist

> Remember those happy days when there was inter-code snobbery, and men like Jonathan Davies received death threats for "defecting" to *whispers furtively* The North? And how silly it all was?


Ah, those were the days - you could start a pub brawl here by going to the wrong pub in a rugby jersey.




> It was very silly, but here in England reflectd the class system. All the posh schools played Union, and all the comprehensives played league, and never the twain met.
> 
> It makes you wonder why they bothered now.


I'm not sure why there was the same vehemence here, but there surely was.

No schools at all played league until around the late 1980s, and the rare convert was seen as a traitor.

There was a huge furore when All Black fullback Joe Karam defected to league in the mid-'70s.

----------


## dafydd manton

We had a teacher at school sacked for teaching us the rudiments of League - once, for about 20 minutes. Somebody's Daddy complained, and heads rolled.

----------


## Paulclem

The union assumption was that you could give up your time and train an play for a competitive club without being paid. The miners on shifts couldn't manage that, and broke from the union. 

The game is better for going pro finally.

----------


## The Atheist

> The union assumption was that you could give up your time and train an play for a competitive club without being paid. The miners on shifts couldn't manage that, and broke from the union. 
> 
> The game is better for going pro finally.


It's taken years for it to happen, and there are still some teething troubles.

I think the problem was exacrebated by there being a long period of "shamateurism" before the collcetive unions saw the light. Even then, had it not been for Josh Kronfeld and a few others, the game may have been broken into two parts.

Ownership of the game is a different story, however....

Too hard, I'll get Parker to bring me a Scotch Earl Grey!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
His path was steep and rocky.
An excess of Moderation his doom
(I bet he'll be back soon)

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh, think of all the money I could have earned, the kudos, the fame. Just think, right now I could be at Chateau Le Atheist. having Brandy Alexanders served by Parker, and being on the wrong end of some serious fawning!

----------


## The Atheist

> ...An excess of Moderation his doom...


Magnificent poetry, but that line really stands out.

 :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

> You're a bad woman! 
> Rugby's always had a bit of class - it's the upper-class game in England, while "football" is played by the peasants.
> 
> A great example is the English fullback a century ago who used to stand, smoking, under the goalposts until the play started coming hiw way, whereupon he'd leap into the fray.


Guys, do you think this naughty woman ought to send Atheist a little  :Ciappa:  back shot he can replace that pitiful avatar with...
Now as some of the royal family would tell you; never put down "playing with a peasant" until you've tried it :Smilielol5: 



> Learn???


 :Thumbsup:  Now don't tell them any of the good parts I'm saving for my autobiography




> Sounds, don't just include blanket cover for the UK - be selective - look for the ones in red shirts, with three feathers on the front! (That'll raise a storm!)


You'll have to tell me more daf...are they cute too; I want to make sure that whatever I kiss from the UK doesn't have that prince charles look




> Ah a sensible thread away from the cut and thrust of the other threads. It's a nice relief to come here from the cauldron from time to time. 
> 
> You've all been posting pretty regularly - apart from Prends whose probably busy with the sheep. Are you on holiday or are you in top jobs? I'm on holiday...


Well, I just spent 3 days working on a case with a woman who stabbed one of the nurses; and I am about to go into the home of a fellow who yelled at me when he found out I wasn't coming for 12 hours...god, to have been born wealthy :Banghead:

----------


## The Atheist

> ...god, to have been born wealthy


I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.

If only...

----------


## The Atheist

Ah, spring is sprung down here - daisies growing, lambs baa-ing, sun shining.

God I love global warming!

----------


## dafydd manton

But think about the penguins!!! I'll bet that when you look out of your window, you don't see a single penguin!! Or a polar bear. See, that proves it!

----------


## prendrelemick

yes, its raining here and all is well with the world. :Rolleyes5:

----------


## dafydd manton

From where I live, if you can see the hllls of the Peak District, it's going to rain. If you can't, it's already raining! Not that anybody's seen a sheep around here for years - they tend to end up on a stick in the local kebab-house or Tandoori. Along, rumour has it, with alsatians, poodles, cats, rats........... We don't have many take-aways, these days!

----------


## The Atheist

> But think about the penguins!!! I'll bet that when you look out of your window, you don't see a single penguin!! Or a polar bear. See, that proves it!


You're right - polar bears have completely disappeared from Antarctica!




> yes, its raining here and all is well with the world.


Doesn't it always?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

> You're right - polar bears have completely disappeared from Antarctica!
> 
> 
> 
> Doesn't it always?


The Polar Bears have disappeared from antartica? Gad! Quick. TELL someone - this is a tragedy. We might have to double up on penguins, or paint grizzlies white!! This is all the proof we need - WE'RE ALL DOOMED!

 :Out:

----------


## prendrelemick

Somebody should do something.

In the mean time there's always the pub

----------


## dafydd manton

Aye, that'll do. Mine's a pint of bitter, please. (What brews have you got up there?)

----------


## The Atheist

> The Polar Bears have disappeared from antartica? Gad! Quick. TELL someone - this is a tragedy. We might have to double up on penguins, or paint grizzlies white!! This is all the proof we need - WE'RE ALL DOOMED!


Ah, but I have a cunning plan!

With the lack of polar bears, penguins will breed without limit. We're going to tie penguins together and bleach them so the look like polar bears!

This will please the tourists and tree-huggers, and will also help keep the numbers of penguins down to manageable levels.




> Somebody should do something.
> 
> In the mean time there's always the pub


The pub?

You're in an establishment with 342 different types of beer, 18,000 bottles of wine in the cellar and the only bottles in existence of 18 types of scotch whisky and you want to go to the pub?

Philistine!

Or do I mean Phyllis Diller?

----------


## dafydd manton

One likes to associate with the hoi-polloi, old boy. Keeps one in touch, don't you know. Least a feller can do, eh? Buy the peasants a small one, that sort of thing. Noblesse oblige, old man, noblesse oblige. Quite.

----------


## prendrelemick

One word - Pork scratchings, oh thats two, see what happens when you frequent The Blue Pig.

----------


## The Atheist

Here's one for you - being Pommies and all.

We have always watched _Who Wants to be a Millionaire?_ - both the UK and Australian versions. (The NZ one only lasted a couple of months - bit expensive!)

Are all Poms broke?

The Aussies would *never* take away a small payout, always having a crack, even if they didn't know the answer. Poms, on the other hand, will take away a lousy two grand!

Surprisingly, if anyone does have a decent crack, it's usually a woman!

What the hell's going on over there? Has someone been putting bromide in the tea?

----------


## dafydd manton

Two grand???? That much??? Rich beyond the dreams of Cresosote! Gad, I could live for years on that, and still have enough for a packet of Pork Scratchings with Mick!

Pass me another mouldy crust and a jam-jar of brackish water.

----------


## The Atheist

> Two grand???? That much??? Rich beyond the dreams of Cresosote! Gad, I could live for years on that, and still have enough for a packet of Pork Scratchings with Mick!
> 
> Pass me another mouldy crust and a jam-jar of brackish water.


I won $8000 on Sale of the Century some years ago! I must admit, it seemed plenty at the time, although I was gutted it wasn't more. If you know the game, I lost the second night by $6 after having spent $20 buying stuff. The woman [aaaarrrggh!!11!] who beat me utterly cleaned up and took the lot.

 :Cryin: 

Impetuous, as always!

 :Smilielol5:

----------


## dafydd manton

Women!! I bought myself an iPod last year, then earlier this year I bought an iPhone. The wife started whingeing about the new toys, so I bought her an iRon. She's still not talking to me.

----------


## Hawkman

I'd call that a result!

----------


## dafydd manton

Isay, I say, I say.......

I got a Jaguar for the wife.

Sounds like a good swap!

----------


## The Atheist

> Isay, I say, I say.......
> 
> I got a Jaguar for the wife.
> 
> Sounds like a good swap!


As long as it wasn't the same vintage.

 :Wink:

----------


## dafydd manton

They didn't make cars, then!

----------


## Paulclem

I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going. 

My lad and his mates don't go much, and the last one i was in was full of men much older than myself sporting veiny noses and a pint of electric froth. (We had a work meal there). Lots are closing round here. They can't cater for the youth of today and get them interested in a 10 pint habit. Food and Sky Sports seem to be the saving grace of some of them.

----------


## The Atheist

> They didn't make cars, then!


 :Smilielol5: 




> I get the impression that pubs are dying a death here in the UK. It's a good job we've got the jolly club going.


Crikey, I wish that was the case here!

We've just gone from a few emormous pubs to millions of little ones!

----------


## prendrelemick

Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.

The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare. 

They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.

----------


## dafydd manton

There are few good pubs, but certainly not in the towns, only out in the villages. Gone are the days where the pub was a social centre, now it's where people who can't put their mobile phones down gather, to let their horrible little brats run loose, and you can consume micro-waved "Good Food". (Sez Who).

Fortunately, there is still one near here that has no gaming machines, no music, kids are not allowed, it has a fantastic range of single-malt Scotches, and which I am not going to be fool enough to advertise.

----------


## Paulclem

> Yep, the local pub culture in this fair land is finished.
> 
> The exceptions are, the town centre mega-pub chains, with loud music, happy hours, mass produced menus, karioke and all that. Or the country gastro pub, with overpriced small portions of poncy named fare. 
> 
> They are places full of strangers. Its the local that is disappearing from the village or street corner. Its not the fault of cheap supermarket beer or drink driving laws or the smoking ban, no matter what they do they can't fight the demographics, people simply don't use them anymore.


Agreed. Loads have shut round here. They've got to try something different - online games nights with a beer perhaps. A couple of shots and a shoot em up perhaps.

----------


## dafydd manton

Or the dreaded Karaoke.........!!

----------


## The Atheist

Have they started playing that children's poker one night a week to get punters along?

Texas Stick "em Up. (aka the worst, dumbest card game ever invented)

----------


## dafydd manton

No, in some pubs in Sheffield, when they say "Stick 'em up", they really mean it. There's one place here on a really rough estate called The Manor which has what is reputed to be the roughest pub in Britain, which is saying something. The bar has bars, like a prison cell, and the beer is served in plastic containers, to cut down on weaponry. This is all hearsay, I wouldn't go within a mile of it!

----------


## The Atheist

Sounds like a nice spot!

Perhaps we should buy this one:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotlan...lands-10942316

----------


## andrewoberg

You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.

----------


## prendrelemick

Banshee screams!! Sounds like quiz night at the Blue Pig, people can get very emotional over the "interpretational aspect" when marking a rival teams answer paper.

----------


## The Atheist

Ok chaps!

As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth and as always, if we don't want it to be a damp squib, TBC will have to make sure it goes off with a bang!

(No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

Piece of cake!

Make it a surprise on the day and post pics!

Was there a second?

----------


## dafydd manton

Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Np, actually I'm a lazy, skiving ratbag who does no more work than is absolutely necessary, then sits in his office pretending to write and playing on Litnet. (To be fair, I've written two columns today, so I can afford to be complacent!) 
> 
> Nice holiday venue?


I'm proud of my nature as a laxy, skving ratbag; but recently the bills are coming due faster, the car is smoking and the wood is falling off the underside of the roof.  :Frown: 




> When I say on holiday I mean at home not working on hoiday. The lad's off to uni this year so there'll be no more hols for...ever probably. 
> 
> We'll be doing the new half allotment a lot and visiting Oxford where the lad's off to - the other Oxford uni that is.


Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?




> I'm able to post while I wait for people to ask me if they can have a job. Unfortunately, most of them only take 10 seconds to figure out that the answer's "NO!"


I thought you made money putting people to work; what is this?





> No way, only Parker deseves the title of Boss, Sir is reserved for me, Mick is known as Squire, Soundo..... Floridian flesh, Daffyd Manton, na na na, na na na na or Brylcream Boy and Paulcelm , pupil whacker. Not forgetting Gilliatt Gurgle, and the irreplacable Gbrekken . As you know I have been having a minor problem with the moderators but it is sorted now, all I had to do was repeat three of Shakespeare's soliliquays. Simples , Tommorow and Tomorrow and Tommorow. My death notice wil be reported in the morning.


Floridian Flesh, I like it, makes me sound sexy...
Well, we miss you when you're gone; so keep doing that Shakespeare :Thumbsup: 




> Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
> His path was steep and rocky.
> An excess of Moderation his doom
> (I bet he'll be back soon)


Brilliant, you're a poet and you know it. 




> I always told my mum that I was destined to be born with a silver spoon in my mouth.
> 
> If only...


Well, I guess fate decided to give you a blonde on both arms instead of the spoon.




> .


Ah, to be at the pub in old England town listening to their politics intead of this constant talk of immigrants...are you hearing the constant rattle too, Gilliatt?




> Women!! I bought myself an iPod last year, then earlier this year I bought an iPhone. The wife started whingeing about the new toys, so I bought her an iRon. She's still not talking to me.


I don't know why the girls like so many buttons; I like my technology the way I like my men: simple :Iamwithstupid:  :Iamwithstupid: 




> Isay, I say, I say.......
> 
> I got a Jaguar for the wife.
> 
> Sounds like a good swap!


Will you marry me dafydd, I guess I might be able to handle an intellectual husband who came bearing a jaguar :Ladysman: 




> You have karaoke in pubs? Here it's all done in little private rooms, the only people subjected to your banshee screams are the people foolish enough to have gone with you.


The karaoke bars are dying here to; but the topless bars no matter what the economy.

----------


## jocky

On the subject of bars my son, young Jocky, has recently been promoted to manager of one of those new fangled establishments. Apparently one can only gain entry If you have a modicum of hair, are extremely good looking and have a full wallet. When I warmly congratulated him on his elevation he gave me a steely look and uttered the immmortal words; " Your barred, and that goes for Ma as well. " I am thinking of opening my own establishment, the ' Curmudgeons Arms '. You are all welcome as you have the proper credentials. It was never like that in my day.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?

They do scholarships yes. 

As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to. 

The Curmudgeon's Arms - good name. Will it be an internet pub? You need to offer a little more these days if it is to survive. It could be a Surf and Slurp establishment.

----------


## jocky

Last Sunday I was sitting on the sofa with my feet on the coffee table looking forward to watching the Charity Shield. Suddenly Mrs Jocky burst into the living room.... " Jocky get the car oot of the garage we are going shopping and remember the Bank card. " Oh no, I wiped the sweat off my forehead and did as ordered. Our first stop was the hat shop. Mrs J, why do you need four hats? " Don't be so bloody stupid, they will go with the four new outfits and four pairs of shoes I need. "  :Frown:

----------


## jocky

> They do scholarships yes. 
> 
> As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to. 
> 
> The Curmudgeon's Arms - good name. Will it be an internet pub? You need to offer a little more these days if it is to survive. It could be a Surf and Slurp establishment.


Good on your son Paul, Cambridge could put him on the wrong direction, if you get my drift.

No, I was thinking more on the lines of Suppers and Strippers  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Good on your son Paul, Cambridge could put him on the wrong direction, if you get my drift.
> 
> No, I was thinking more on the lines of Suppers and Slappers.


Cheers Jocky.  :FRlol: 

We'll see...

----------


## jocky

> Alas poor misunderstood Jocky,
> His path was steep and rocky.
> An excess of Moderation his doom
> (I bet he'll be back soon)


 :Smile: 

Old farmer Mick can turn a rhyme,
If I had my way he would be doing time.
I have been Moderated, that's for sure,
but self preservation has made me pure.
Now I am back on the straight and narrow,
Mrs Jocky is pissed can I borrow your barrow?

Alliteration in its finest form.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.


Well, that's one!

 :FRlol: 




> I thought you made money putting people to work; what is this?


The trick is finding ones good enough to actually do a job.




> I am thinking of opening my own establishment, the ' Curmudgeons Arms '.


Sounds just right!

----------


## jocky

> Crqacking idea, Gromit! Picture will be taken of bottle tonight, and held in abeyance.


Daffyd, I am not having a go as you are clearly a brylcream boy, and not even the possibilty of you being WELSH disturbs me, but the use of the term abeyance, points me in the direction of you being a historian. It is not a commonly used word. Enlighten me.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Ok chaps!
> 
> As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth and as always, if we don't want it to be a damp squib, TBC will have to make sure it goes off with a bang!
> 
> (No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)
> 
> First, booze. Well, it is a party.
> 
> I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.
> ...


Count me in. Millionth what?

----------


## dafydd manton

No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words I learned on my Russian course, at that point in my life when I was smothered with Brylcreem. I can't remember what the heck the Russki word was, now, but then since I've forgotten most of it, that's no surprise. As for a historian, I wrote a piece yesterday for one of the mags that is misguided enough to print my stuff, which was a Roman soldier's letter home to his Mum. Does that count?

Personally, I feel that The Curmudgeons Arms is the perfect name. Having done a few books on pub signs, I shall have to put on my Thinking Head and come up with something. The "After" picture on the front page of my website is probably appropriate - as well as handsome!!!!  :Thumbsup:

----------


## prendrelemick

As it happens, My buisness model is based on putting things in abeyance and leaving them there.

----------


## dafydd manton

Would that be the new, corrugated iron abeyance, with electric light?

----------


## prendrelemick

The electric light was going in later, but I never got round to it.

----------


## dafydd manton

Sounds like your business practices and mine are based on the same model!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Old farmer Mick can turn a rhyme,
> If I had my way he would be doing time.
> I have been Moderated, that's for sure,
> but self preservation has made me pure.
> Now I am back on the straight and narrow,
> Mrs Jocky is pissed can I borrow your barrow?
> 
> Alliteration in its finest form.



You can borrow my narrow barrow
when I've consulted the Tarot.


(and emptied it of carrot)???

----------


## The Atheist

> Count me in. Millionth what?


Posts.

We're at 920,000 odd, and with jocky posting at the moment, it should only take a couple of days to knowck the rest off!




> You can borrow my narrow barrow
> when I've consulted the Tarot.
> 
> 
> (and emptied it of carrot)???


 :FRlol: 

Creative!

----------


## Paulclem

> Posts.
> 
> We're at 920,000 odd, and with jocky posting at the moment, it should only take a couple of days to knowck the rest off!


Duhhhhhh.

I see it now. A hefty thread.

----------


## jocky

> No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words I learned on my Russian course, at that point in my life when I was smothered with Brylcreem. I can't remember what the heck the Russki word was, now, but then since I've forgotten most of it, that's no surprise. As for a historian, I wrote a piece yesterday for one of the mags that is misguided enough to print my stuff, which was a Roman soldier's letter home to his Mum. Does that count?
> 
> Personally, I feel that The Curmudgeons Arms is the perfect name. Having done a few books on pub signs, I shall have to put on my Thinking Head and come up with something. The "After" picture on the front page of my website is probably appropriate - as well as handsome!!!!


Aye, this is all very well but we have still not established if you are Welsh. You are clearly on about one of the Vinderlander tablets, personally I prefer the Vindaloo with a side dish of a bucket of lager. Life has always been tough on the frontier up Shropshire way.  :Smile: 




> You can borrow my narrow barrow
> when I've consulted the Tarot.
> 
> 
> (and emptied it of carrot)???


 :Smile: 

Genius never goes unrecognised in the Blokes Thread, but in this case it will. Any poet worth his salt can make hay with carrot but turnip has always been problematical.  :Smile: 




> Duhhhhhh.
> 
> I see it now. A hefty thread.


I should be able to knowck off 800,000 posts in no time.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ah, to be at the pub in old England town listening to their politics intead of this constant talk of immigrants...are you hearing the constant rattle too, Gilliatt?


Not as of late, having been exiled north of the Mason Dixon for the next few months. Land of Lincolnwho are they kidding?...more like the land of Orville Redinbacher!
Ive never seen so much corn in my life! Why, Ive got corn up to my ears!




> No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words... 
> 
> Personally, I feel that The Curmudgeons Arms is the perfect name. Having done a few books on pub signs, I shall have to put on my Thinking Head and come up with something.





> As it happens...in abeyance and leaving them there.


* Also quote Atheist :*

First, booze. Well, it is a party.

I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.

My suggestion for TBC would be for Parker to get everyone's absolute favourite tipple, be it a cold draught or a Dram of buie - Parker being the genius he is will ensure you have a measure of it arranged for the particular time and place needed!

*end Atheist's quote*

-------------------------
*response*
My grandmother always had a hankerin for drambuie, shed always keep a bottle tucked under the edge of her mattress. Each time she'd knock one down, us grandkids would get the emty bottles to play with. I remember the sweet aroma wafting up from those bottles.

I kept one of her old Drambuie crates made of honest to goodness wood!
Id be happy to donate it to the cause, you know for totn adult beverages around.

Keep me informed.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Genius never goes unrecognised in the Blokes Thread, but in this case it will. Any poet worth his salt can make hay with carrot but turnip has always been problematical.


You know that's the sole reason Australia invented the bunyip?

Can't rhyme "turnip" mate?

We'll make up a new word for ya!

Always practical, Australians.




> Not as of late, having been exiled north of the Mason Dixon for the next few months. Land of Lincolnwho are they kidding?...more like the land of Orville Redinbacher!
> Ive never seen so much corn in my life! Why, Ive got corn up to my ears!


Excellent metaphor!

Your metaphors, jocky's alliteration, Mick's rhymes... we have a bloody poetry group!




> I kept one of her old Drambuie crates made of honest to goodness wood!
> Id be happy to donate it to the cause, you know for totn adult beverages around.
> 
> Keep me informed.
> 
> Gilliatt


How big is it?

Can we squeeze Mrs Jocky in it and send her to Boston?

----------


## prendrelemick

If a rhyme can't be found, one can usually be contrived .

She had a 'ead the shape of a turnip
And a child that was clasped to 'ur 'ip.

or

If a rhyme with turnip, you need
relax and substitute swede.


Gilliatt: couldn't they just share the horses.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ok chaps!
> 
> As I'm sure you've noticed, there's a piss-up on for the forum's millionth 
> 
> (No, that doesn't mean soundo and one of the All Blacks!)
> 
> First, booze. Well, it is a party.
> 
> I guess that we do try to appeal to a family audience in LitNet and there probably won't be too many schoolkids wanting a double scotch, so we should keep all boozy references in here.
> ...


Why do I never notice these little rows until someone is put in the stocks :Thumbsup: 
Tell Parker to leave the Vodka and Whiskey for the men; I'll take a girls drink...something with pinapple or a cherry in it...
The idea with me and the blacks doing a dance sounds good too :Hurray:  :Hurray: 




> Do they do scholarships out your way? Even the queens son would be on one over here....what is the other Oxford?
> 
> They do scholarships yes. 
> 
> As for the other Oxford - I meant that Oxford has two Universities - The famous posh Oxford, and the other one which the lad will hopefully be going to.


Congrats to young Paul; I hope he's half the great man his dad is.
Does the other Oxford have internet degrees for Americans; we Americans are so impressed with words like Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Rhodes...I thought I might run against Sarah in 2012...I've adopted a baby and bought the perfect outfit.  :Thumbsup: 




> Last Sunday I was sitting on the sofa with my feet on the coffee table looking forward to watching the Charity Shield. Suddenly Mrs Jocky burst into the living room.... " Jocky get the car oot of the garage we are going shopping and remember the Bank card. " Oh no, I wiped the sweat off my forehead and did as ordered. Our first stop was the hat shop. Mrs J, why do you need four hats? " Don't be so bloody stupid, they will go with the four new outfits and four pairs of shoes I need. "


Mrs J sounds like a lady after my own heart; I like a pair of shoes and a bag to match each outfit; though lately, everything has to go with my Nikes. 

Curmudgeon Arms, I like it. 
If you get a pole, I can do my little dances in my cheerleader outfit and I hear the mods will bring the highbrows in with poetry contests and starbucks coffee...




> No, Abeyance was just one of those pompous words I learned on my Russian course, at that point in my life when I was smothered with Brylcreem. I can't remember what the heck the Russki word was, now, but then since I've forgotten most of it, that's no surprise. As for a historian, I wrote a piece yesterday for one of the mags that is misguided enough to print my stuff, which was a Roman soldier's letter home to his Mum. Does that count?


Brylcream, a little dab will do you...does that take me back...back to the days when mothers had to scrub the collars of those starched white shirts to get the grease out and a girl didn't dare run her hands through a fellows hair.




> As it happens, My buisness model is based on putting things in abeyance and leaving them there.


Sounds like my whole life :Thumbsup: 




> Not as of late, having been exiled north of the Mason Dixon for the next few months. Land of Lincolnwho are they kidding?...more like the land of Orville Redinbacher!
> Ive never seen so much corn in my life! Why, Ive got corn up to my ears!
> 
> Hey, don't be hating on Orville; have you ever had his carmel corn...better than spending the night with Atheists harem
> 
> 
> 
> 
> * Also quote Atheist :*
> ...

----------


## dafydd manton

Jocky - Thou asketh if I am Welsh. Look, this is strictly between thee and me, so don't whatever you do tell anyone else - they'd spread it all over Litnet, but I am of distant Welsh ancestry, but in my case it was so distant, I was born in Sahf Landan, in the glorious district of Lewisham. However, going back far enough in history, our family, being somewhat upper class, provided hewers of wood, drawers of water and suppliers of "night entertainment" to the gentry. I can't help but wonder - what on earth made you think that I wasn't German, say, or Latvian? However, one's genealogy has left me with a taste for Felin Foel bitter, and Penderyn whisky. Well, any whisky, actually, but then, you and Mrs J would know more about that than me. Did you ever get her out of the barrow?

----------


## prendrelemick

I have a Welsh Granny, and a Swiss Great Grandad, which explains why I feel the urge to yodel the chorus of "Feed me o thy Great Redeemer". Blood will out.

----------


## dafydd manton

Mongrels all!! And some idiot will always talk about "racial purity".

----------


## Paulclem

Irish, Northern England and Bedfordshire. Sailors, cow herders, miners. My wife has done a bit of research and confirmed her assumptions about my ancestry. This little boy is made of tar, pats and coal. I've risen far to the heights of an average income.

----------


## Paulclem

> Congrats to young Paul; I hope he's half the great man his dad is.
> Does the other Oxford have internet degrees for Americans; we Americans are so impressed with words like Oxford, Cambridge, Harvard and Rhodes...I thought I might run against Sarah in 2012...I've adopted a baby and bought the perfect outfit.


He gets his results on Thursday. Fingers crossed. Due to my predilection for jokes and being embarrassing, he does think I'm an idiot. I may start to introduce myself as his "Idiot Father". 

Thanks you for your wishes.

----------


## The Atheist

> I have a Welsh Granny, and a Swiss Great Grandad, which explains why I feel the urge to yodel the chorus of "Feed me o thy Great Redeemer". Blood will out.


 :FRlol: 

Or eat Swiss cheese Welsh rarebit!




> Mongrels all!! And some idiot will always talk about "racial purity".


Hey, I'm one of those - my race *is* pure mongrel!

What, with the Mediterannean French influence from my paternal grandmother, 1000 years in the poor house from my paternal grandfather, Jewish on the maternal grandfather's side and pure white blonde/blue eyed Saxony from the mother's mother, I couldn't be more Euromongrel if you tried!




> Tell Parker to leave the Vodka and Whiskey for the men; I'll take a girls drink...something with pinapple or a cherry in it...


Beer with pineapple... hmmm.

Also, we may need to shelve the party plans for a while - it looks as though it will take us a year to get there!

I'll resurrect the thread in six months or so.

No matter, it'll give more time for the wine to age properly! I think we might have a special vintage bottle laid for the occasion!

----------


## dafydd manton

I shall take my duties of sampling wines for suitability very seriously. Call me at the crack of noon.

----------


## The Atheist

> I shall take my duties of sampling wines for suitability very seriously. Call me at the crack of noon.


The crack of noon or the Crack of Doom, was that?

----------


## jocky

> Jocky - Thou asketh if I am Welsh. Look, this is strictly between thee and me, so don't whatever you do tell anyone else - they'd spread it all over Litnet, but I am of distant Welsh ancestry, but in my case it was so distant, I was born in Sahf Landan, in the glorious district of Lewisham. However, going back far enough in history, our family, being somewhat upper class, provided hewers of wood, drawers of water and suppliers of "night entertainment" to the gentry. I can't help but wonder - what on earth made you think that I wasn't German, say, or Latvian? However, one's genealogy has left me with a taste for Felin Foel bitter, and Penderyn whisky. Well, any whisky, actually, but then, you and Mrs J would know more about that than me. Did you ever get her out of the barrow?


Daffyd, your secrets are safe with me, everyone will tell you I don't do private messages, though I have been sent one or two by the mooderators. Thank you for your concern for Mrs Jocky, I have been worrying myself sick about the poor sods in Boston If she ever gets there. It could turn out to be the tea party from hell.  :Smile: 




> You know that's the sole reason Australia invented the bunyip?
> 
> Can't rhyme "turnip" mate?
> 
> We'll make up a new word for ya!
> 
> Always practical, Australians.


The life of a poet is never easy.  :Smile: 




> If a rhyme can't be found, one can usually be contrived .
> 
> She had a 'ead the shape of a turnip
> And a child that was clasped to 'ur 'ip.
> 
> or
> 
> If a rhyme with turnip, you need
> relax and substitute swede.


Och, it could have been a lot worse I could have used brussels sprouts.  :Smile: 




> and I hear the mods will bring the highbrows in with poetry contests and starbucks coffee...


Aye, I can see all the punters in the Blokes Thread falling over themselves to get invited.  :Toetap05:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Beer with pineapple... hmmm.
> 
> Also, we may need to shelve the party plans for a while - it looks as though it will take us a year to get there!
> 
> I'll resurrect the thread in six months or so.
> 
> No matter, it'll give more time for the wine to age properly! I think we might have a special vintage bottle laid for the occasion!


I guess I'll bring my own rum or kahlua; not much into the beer and wines...I occasionally have one of those fruity wine coolers....just being amonst the blokes will be treat enough for me; maybe I and Parker will take a few yodeling lessons from Daffyd...




> Aye, I can see all the punters in the Blokes Thread falling over themselves to get invited.


Perhaps you can give them a few lessons on iambic pentameter and rhyme...or a bit of Chaucerian style may be refreshing

----------


## The Atheist

> I guess I'll bring my own rum or kahlua;


Oh god, you're such a chick!

Kahlua. With milk or Coke?




> .... not much into the beer and wines...I occasionally have one of those fruity wine coolers....


 :Yikes: 

Wine coolers. Don't tell Parker - just give him some bosh about it being a health drink. Health & Parker are strangers.




> just being amonst the blokes will be treat enough for me; maybe I and Parker will take a few yodeling lessons from Daffyd...


 :FRlol: 

Love colloquialisms.

Down here, a "yodel" after drinking is aimed at the porcelain bowl!




> Perhaps you can give them a few lessons on iambic pentameter and rhyme...or a bit of Chaucerian style may be refreshing


That iambic pentameter always sounded a bit kinky to me.

----------


## prendrelemick

> That iambic pentameter always sounded a bit kinky to me.


 :Goof: I know you are our glorious founder and all that, but sometimes I worry about you.


I felt I had to post SOMETHING because for a while there our revered institution was lying next door to that girly bit of nonsense, The Coffee Club

I actually entered the wrong door, but I think I got away with it.

----------


## dafydd manton

If you had on that farmer's smock you were wearing last Saturday night, you'll have got away with it!

Oy, who suggested that I'm any good at Yodelling? In either sense?

----------


## The Atheist

> I know you are our glorious founder and all that, but sometimes I worry about you.


Haha! You and me both!




> I felt I had to post SOMETHING because for a while there our revered institution was lying next door to that girly bit of nonsense, The Coffee Club
> 
> I actually entered the wrong door, but I think I got away with it.


That thread still going? Good effort, girls - any new knitting patterns about? Bajerox was looking for some knitting to do the other day; I must tell her to go in there.




> Oy, who suggested that I'm any good at Yodelling? In either sense?


Well, I could say that you brought it up...

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh god, you're such a chick!
> 
> Kahlua. With milk or Coke?
> 
> 
> 
> Wine coolers. Don't tell Parker - just give him some bosh about it being a health drink. Health & Parker are strangers.
> 
> 
> ...


I like my Kahlua with thick cream on the rocks; sometimes a splash of amaretto with it. Nah, I stay away from too much drinking though; it turns me honest. I start telling everyones secrets. 
Theres this nice wine cooler with a passion fruit flavor; Parker might even decide to partake with me if we drink it in the hot tub...
I think I have a chart and iambic pentameter is one of the positions...




> I know you are our glorious founder and all that, but sometimes I worry about you.
> 
> I felt I had to post SOMETHING because for a while there our revered institution was lying next door to that girly bit of nonsense, The Coffee Club
> I actually entered the wrong door, but I think I got away with it.


You better check to see that you still have all your parts intact; it's dangerous in there with all the trying on of spike heels and vanishing creams...




> If you had on that farmer's smock you were wearing last Saturday night, you'll have got away with it!
> 
> Oy, who suggested that I'm any good at Yodelling? In either sense?


Wasn't that you yodelling last saturday, daffyd; I was following at a distance since I didn't get an official invite...I heard a great deal of bellowing, a few thumps, oohs and ahs, squeals, and a quick get away with a squeal of tires....followed by a few rifle shots




> Haha! You and me both!
> 
> That thread still going? Good effort, girls - any new knitting patterns about? Bajerox was looking for some knitting to do the other day; I must tell her to go in there.
> Well, I could say that you brought it up...


I don't know, Atheist, you have to know the talk to get into that thread; I've never managed to get an answer

----------


## dafydd manton

Zounds! If I'd know you were there, I'd have been quieter! 

Not sure if the hot tub with Parker is wise! The heat makes his dicky-bow squeak!

----------


## The Atheist

> I like my Kahlua with thick cream on the rocks; sometimes a splash of amaretto with it. Nah, I stay away from too much drinking though; it turns me honest. I start telling everyones secrets. 
> Theres this nice wine cooler with a passion fruit flavor; Parker might even decide to partake with me if we drink it in the hot tub...
> I think I have a chart and iambic pentameter is one of the positions...


 :FRlol: 

I was wondering why I overheard Parker ordering one of those new moveable spa pools.

Now I know!

 :Wink:

----------


## dafydd manton

> I was wondering why I overheard Parker ordering one of those new moveable spa pools.
> 
> Now I know!


Frankly, the Lycra suit was a bit of a give-away!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Zounds! If I'd know you were there, I'd have been quieter! 
> Not sure if the hot tub with Parker is wise! The heat makes his dicky-bow squeak!


Is that what the squeaking was; I thought it was the hot peppers he was serving with the cheese :Blush: 




> I was wondering why I overheard Parker ordering one of those new moveable spa pools.
> Now I know!


I think he was actually trying to find a place where he could invite all of the playboy bunnies without any competition...I don't know; I never get invited to any of the posh affairs...


Which reminds me Prendlemick and Gilliatt, how did you both manage to get into the coffee clutch and actually become part of the conversation; I'm a sort of girl and they never talked to me about shoes or earrings :Frown: 




> Frankly, the Lycra suit was a bit of a give-away!


Oh, this I got to see, I guess I'll sneak around the back...a lycra tux will be fabulous...I hope Parker will do a bit of manscaping first :Ciappa:

----------


## prendrelemick

Conversation! You mean a put down that included all of my gender.

----------


## dafydd manton

And me!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Which reminds me Prendlemick and Gilliatt, how did you both manage to get into the coffee clutch and actually become part of the conversation;


You've outed them!

 :Smilielol5: 




> Conversation! You mean a put down that included all of my gender.


Do the girls put men down in their thread?

I'm horrified!

Just have a look at the difference between how we gentlemen deport ourselves in even the inner circles of blokedom.

We revere women!

All those pics, the discussion on Steffi Graf's charms and how many smokin' hot redhaired models our good friend has been to bed with.

It's like that old joke, isn't it:

In a relationship....

Women want love, tenderness, empathy, listening and understanding. They want a best friend, a confidante and a knight in shining armour all tied into one.

Men want you to shut up and take your clothes off!

----------


## Scheherazade

> In a relationship....
> 
> Men want you to shut up and take your clothes off!


They'd be wearing any?

----------


## dafydd manton

Sorry, Scher, unless you can sink 14 pints of bitter and still recite The Ballad of Eskimo Nell, whilst taking the transmission out of a Morris Minor Clubman, well,...........

----------


## prendrelemick

You are right Atheist, this club upholds all that is good and wholesome in this world . And to celebrate this, here is a picture of Daisy Duke in a bikini.

----------


## The Atheist

There is the only reason I ever watched that program!

Catherine Bach, mmmmmmmm.

----------


## Paulclem

The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.

I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!

----------


## The Atheist

> The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.
> 
> I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!


Woohoo!

Another party!

Parker's serving Glenlivet and Kahluas all round.

 :Biggrin: 

(not in the same glass!)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Which reminds me Prendlemick and Gilliatt, how did you both manage to get into the coffee clutch and actually become part of the conversation; I'm a sort of girl and they never talked to me about shoes or earrings


I truly believe they like us, Prendrelemick and I, or at least they tolerate us, but you must be deft in your approach.
My first encounter remains a vivid memory. Our prodigal horse rider went missing again, lost to an alternative reality via a wormhole to the stars. I was in desperate search for the kilted wonder, when I suddenly found myself at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon streets. I heard a cacophony of giggling and chatter emanating form a nearby coffee shop. The door was ajar, so I figured it was all right to peek in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLpS4Phe0Wc&feature=fvw






> You are right Atheist, this club upholds all that is good and wholesome in this world . And to celebrate this, here is a picture of Daisy Duke in a bikini.


Daisy Duke was a big part of my life. I still think about her now and then.




> The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.
> 
> I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!


Congratulations to Frank in Stein Junior !!!
Ill send a bottle of Wild Turkey 101 and my Grandmothers Drambuie.


.

----------


## dafydd manton

Gentlemen, I come in here, first thing in the morning, for a look at The Times, and a small black coffee if Parker has the time, and I am confronted with pictures of the ineffable Daisy. Does anybody have a blood pressure tablet I might borrow?

Oh, Paul well done on t'lad gerrin' in. I take it there'll be a snooker night in the near future!

----------


## prendrelemick

> I truly believe they like us, Prendrelemick and I, or at least they tolerate us, but you must be deft in your approach.
> My first encounter remains a vivid memory. Our prodigal horse rider went missing again, lost to an alternative reality via a wormhole to the stars. I was in desperate search for the kilted wonder, when I suddenly found myself at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon streets. I heard a cacophony of giggling and chatter emanating form a nearby coffee shop. The door was ajar, so I figured it was all right to peek in…



Tis strange indeed. Whilst on the same quest, I was crossing a blasted heath, when I heard a cackleing of voices and a clicking of high heels coming from a lonely coffee house, the night was dark and damp, so I entered...





I'm glad the lad got in paul, it very tight this year I hear.

----------


## dafydd manton

Erm, Gentlemen, we got used to Mr Prendrele, Michael of that ilk, coming in with the sheep, and indeed, some were exceptionally tasty - Parker does an excellent mint sauce, but what do the club's regulations say about the cat? Other than not fricaseeing it, that is. I just worry a bit about the Puddy-tat and Daisy on one page.

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks chaps. We're relieved. He's just begining to appreciate that he's leaving in 4 weeks. Nowadays they can get to know each other before they go through Facebook. Quite useful.

----------


## jocky

The coffeee thread has always been a puzzling institution, I have been in there and talked about toenail varnish and it went down like a lead balloon. We have no problems accommmodating Soundo, so there must be something more to this. I consulted the oracle, Mrs Jocky, aka the kilted wonderess, as to what this phenomenon meant. She looked at me with a big grin on her face and said " wondrous strange Jocky, wondrous strange. " Now what the Dickens could she have meant by that ?  :Smile: 




> Thanks chaps. We're relieved. He's just begining to appreciate that he's leaving in 4 weeks. Nowadays they can get to know each other before they go through Facebook. Quite useful.


Paul your life has just rejuvinated itself. Just think, no more sneaking quietly up the stairs with your missus in case junior is listening. No more answering stupid questions where your reply is always instantly dismissed and best of all, your booze supply cannot be robbed. Of course , if you have daughters ignore all of the above.  :Smile: 




> Sorry, Scher, unless you can sink 14 pints of bitter and still recite The Ballad of Eskimo Nell, whilst taking the transmission out of a Morris Minor Clubman, well,...........


 :Smile: 

Aye, well I have reproduced that feat with a Hillman Imp and at the same time recited ' Tam O' Shanter ' blindfolded. Mrs Jocky has never forgiven me for that one. She says I should listen to Mick and that way I could never get into trouble.  :Smile: 

On to a serious subject guys and gal. Why are we not responding to the Pakistan crisis as we should ? I take it as read we all have standing orders to Save The Children and other good causes but why are we responding so slowly to this one? It may be for political reasons and the fact that the World Banks have made it difficult, but kids are kids and I for one do not find life easy when somebody else's children are hungry, emaciated and starving. It kind of takes the shine off of life.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Conversation! You mean a put down that included all of my gender.


Well, just in case Mrs. P was walking by at the time; I think it best that we say you were conversing. Though, with the disco ball, black lights and the pink image of Catherine Bach on the dancing pole; I can't say for sure what was happening. 




> And me!!!


Was it you, dafydd, or prendrelemick; that the girls were trying to barter with for your high-heeled sandles? 




> You've outed them!
> 
> 
> 
> Do the girls put men down in their thread?
> 
> I'm horrified!
> 
> Just have a look at the difference between how we gentlemen deport ourselves in even the inner circles of blokedom.
> ...


Well, I'm a bit envious of the fellows that do equally well with the ladies and the blokes; none of the girls have ever asked to borrow my size 10 nikes. 
Yes, I wanted all of those things in my youth; which is why all my great loves turned out to be gay...
What is this thing now with guys wanting you to remove your clothes; in my day they didn't want to take the extra 3 or 4 minutes...unless they wanted to show off their famous dexterity with hooks. 




> You are right Atheist, this club upholds all that is good and wholesome in this world . And to celebrate this, here is a picture of Daisy Duke in a bikini.


They say the older a woman is, the more she needs pink light; but Daisy's looking a bit like an over boiled lobster




> The lad's in at Uni. Relief all round.
> 
> I can now proceed with my cunning plans for a games room... hahahaha!


Congrats Paul, I'll send my mirror to hang on the ceiling...no guys, it's for cheating at poker :Thumbsup: 



> Woohoo!
> 
> Another party!
> 
> Parker's serving Glenlivet and Kahluas all round.
> 
> 
> 
> (not in the same glass!)


Okay, is Paul putting in a hot tub?




> I truly believe they like us, Prendrelemick and I, or at least they tolerate us, but you must be deft in your approach.
> My first encounter remains a vivid memory. Our prodigal horse rider went missing again, lost to an alternative reality via a wormhole to the stars. I was in desperate search for the kilted wonder, when I suddenly found myself at the corner of Kentucky and Bourbon streets. I heard a cacophony of giggling and chatter emanating form a nearby coffee shop. The door was ajar, so I figured it was all right to peek in
> 
> .


I've never been known for my subtle approaches :Party:  :Arf:  :Reddevil: 



> Tis strange indeed. Whilst on the same quest, I was crossing a blasted heath, when I heard a cackleing of voices and a clicking of high heels coming from a lonely coffee house, the night was dark and damp, so I entered...


Ah yes, I think daffyd entered the wrong coffe thread; yours looks like the one I entered...




> The coffeee thread has always been a puzzling institution, I have been in there and talked about toenail varnish and it went down like a lead balloon. We have no problems accommmodating Soundo, so there must be something more to this. I consulted the oracle, Mrs Jocky, aka the kilted wonderess, as to what this phenomenon meant. She looked at me with a big grin on her face and said " wondrous strange Jocky, wondrous strange. " Now what the Dickens could she have meant by that ?


I think we need to get a bit of sodium pentathol for the wise Mrs J; we could no doubt solve more than just my difficulties relating to women.

----------


## jocky

> I think we need to get a bit of sodium pentathol for the wise Mrs J; we could no doubt solve more than just my difficulties relating to women.


Your difficulties with women is nae my problem, and don't use sodium pentathol as an excuse. You are in the Blokes Thread so don't come the intelligent female with us excuse. We have seen all their arguments and lost. If you think you have got diffuculties relating to women just try being me I have lost every debate that ever was. Example: 
Mrs Jocky, " Life could have been so much better if I had never met you " Tough." Atheist sounds like a decent guy " Aye but he has got a young wife ". Well what about old Mick, he knows a thing or two about turnips? Paul is almost single and Gilliatt knows a thing or two about Kentucky Blue Grass, and not forgetting Dafydd who knows everything about the badges of their subjection!  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Know the badges of subjection?? Good grief, man, I designed them, made them, sewed them on, and I even have to keep polishing the brass bits.......well, Mrs. Dafydd tells me I must. I'm very much the boss in our house, but I haven't got her permission to say so yet. (And for as long as that picture of The Beatific Daisy is around, there's not much chance of that happening)

----------


## gbrekken

Unbelievable. Same O, Same O. Some people even sound sober. When it comes to daisies, I prefer to be the de-flowerer.  :Smile: .

----------


## dafydd manton

You might be a bit late........................

----------


## prendrelemick

> Unbelievable. Same O, Same O. Some people even sound sober. When it comes to daisies, I prefer to be the de-flowerer. .


Ay-up gbrekken, hows life on the other side?

----------


## The Atheist

> Some people even sound sober.


Crikey! You say that as I contemplate the crates of empties from Paul's party?

----------


## Scheherazade

> Sorry, Scher, unless you can sink 14 pints of bitter and still recite The Ballad of Eskimo Nell, whilst taking the transmission out of a Morris Minor Clubman, well,...........


What's your point?

----------


## dafydd manton

Last time, you missed out verses 91 and 92 - the ones with the vacuum cleaner. Detracts from the elegant simplicity of the piece.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Your difficulties with women is nae my problem, and don't use sodium pentathol as an excuse. You are in the Blokes Thread so don't come the intelligent female with us excuse. We have seen all their arguments and lost. If you think you have got diffuculties relating to women just try being me I have lost every debate that ever was. Example: 
> Mrs Jocky, " Life could have been so much better if I had never met you " Tough." Atheist sounds like a decent guy " Aye but he has got a young wife ". Well what about old Mick, he knows a thing or two about turnips? Paul is almost single and Gilliatt knows a thing or two about Kentucky Blue Grass, and not forgetting Dafydd who knows everything about the badges of their subjection!


I never knew what you went through; thank god I'm female so I don't have to live a painful life of wedlock with one. 





> Unbelievable. Same O, Same O. Some people even sound sober. When it comes to daisies, I prefer to be the de-flowerer. .


Ah, so that's what you're doing over in the coffee house; and I thought it was for the starbucks and cheesecake. 




> You might be a bit late........................


I'm pretty sure that train left the station a good while ago...




> Crikey! You say that as I contemplate the crates of empties from Paul's party?


I thought I saw a couple of boxes of viagra in the pile and Parker stood me up when I went in to slip on my size 22 bikini... :Flare:

----------


## prendrelemick

> On to a serious subject guys and gal. Why are we not responding to the Pakistan crisis as we should ? I take it as read we all have standing orders to Save The Children and other good causes but why are we responding so slowly to this one? It may be for political reasons and the fact that the World Banks have made it difficult, but kids are kids and I for one do not find life easy when somebody else's children are hungry, emaciated and starving. It kind of takes the shine off of life.


We have sent double our usual natural disaster donation, because of the lack of response. I think the reasons are political and cultural (A euphenism for racist?). Pakistan has had a bad press lately, and there is a generally held belief that the local Pakistani community do not contribute to such relief funds when disaster strikes in other countries.

Also, I must admit while transferring the money I did not feel confident it would get to where it was needed. I think this is the major problem. 



[/QUOTE=prendrelemick;941853]Tis strange indeed. Whilst on the same quest, I was crossing a blasted heath, when I heard a cackleing of voices and a clicking of high heels coming from a lonely coffee house, the night was dark and damp, so I entered...





.[/QUOTE]

I'm so glad there has been no suggestions as to the identities of the above.

----------


## dafydd manton

I'd start going to a different pub if I were you.

Good point about donations to Pakistan, certainly from Britain. Racism is not too strong a word.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I never knew what you went through; thank god I'm female so I don't have to live a painful life of wedlock with one. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ..




once again you prove that Irony is not just for ironing shirteries.

----------


## dafydd manton

Mick, can't tell from a tiny photo on a laptop. INRA 410 or Cheviot? or am I way off the mark?

----------


## prendrelemick

Texel cross Derbyshire Gritstone.

----------


## dafydd manton

You'd have thought living here I'd have recognised them! Tend to get more Blackface round here. Or, believe it or not, Herdwick.

----------


## The Atheist

> I thought I saw a couple of boxes of viagra in the pile and Parker stood me up when I went in to slip on my size 22 bikini...


Not likely.

The only reason Viagra ever gets used by Blokes' Club members is in mountain climbing.




> On to a serious subject guys and gal. Why are we not responding to the Pakistan crisis as we should ? I take it as read we all have standing orders to Save The Children and other good causes but why are we responding so slowly to this one? It may be for political reasons and the fact that the World Banks have made it difficult, but kids are kids and I for one do not find life easy when somebody else's children are hungry, emaciated and starving. It kind of takes the shine off of life.


I missed this, but it's an excellent point, because you've hit a nasty fact right on the head. In NZ, we have a good relationship with Pakistan - despite them beating us in the World Cup final in when it was held in Auckland and collections here have been as strong as any other disaster relief, so it can only be racism that's making the difference. It is a sad indictment on people that it happens.

I understand that muslin countries haven't responded well as well - could that be because Pakistan is seen as being too much on "our" side? Funny old world when both sides perceive Pakistan as not our friend and as you rightly note, the Pakistani kids have been left in the middle.

----------


## The Atheist

> I missed this, but it's an excellent point, because you've hit a nasty fact right on the head.


Or, possibly not a fact at all.

Jocky - your anecdote about Britons not giving to Pakistan may be wrong:

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/wo...l-2059705.html

Whether Britain is "shaming the world" is unknown, but it's clear that the UK total so far is more than 20% of the entire world total, so they're certainly in the leading division at the very least.

Two weeks into the appeal and the total is 29 million pounds. Going by previous appeals, it looks as though the total will be respectably near, or even greater than recent offshore disasters:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10571665

----------


## dafydd manton

Not meant as a divisive comment, but I can't help wondering if the vast majority of that is from the Ex-pat Pakistani populace, who always seem to have outstanding generosity within their communities. I sspect that it might be the case.

----------


## soundofmusic

> once again you prove that Irony is not just for ironing shirteries.


 :Cornut:  It would save so much unpleasantness if people realized that what you may like looking at in the store window or magazine cover; doesn't always belong in your house. 




> Not likely.
> 
> The only reason Viagra ever gets used by Blokes' Club members is in mountain climbing.


Mountain climbing...is that an analogy...maybe parker was planing on coming back to the whirlpool :Ciappa:

----------


## The Atheist

> Not meant as a divisive comment, but I can't help wondering if the vast majority of that is from the Ex-pat Pakistani populace, who always seem to have outstanding generosity within their communities. I sspect that it might be the case.


Yes, that could be it too.

Certainly a lot more Pakistanis than Haitians in UK.




> Mountain climbing...is that an analogy...maybe parker was planing on coming back to the whirlpool


No, it isn't an analogy.

The only worthwhile use of Viagra is in combating altitude sickness. Works better than cocaine, apparently. It's also much cheaper and a lot less likely to get you thrown in jail!

----------


## The Atheist

I just had to post this.

Check out the posting stats between this and that sheilas' thread.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ha! We're one ahead, lads, and that's without interminable conversations about vacuum cleaners and ear-rings! Tremendous coincidence, that both were on 3511.

They said it would never last. They scoffed.. They doubted, but here we all are, as erudite and well-informed as ever, and discussing the Serious things of life!!

By the way, anybody know Daisy Duke's vital statistics?

----------


## The Atheist

> Ha! We're one ahead, lads, and that's without interminable conversations about vacuum cleaners and ear-rings! Tremendous coincidence, that both were on 3511.
> 
> They said it would never last. They scoffed.. They doubted, but here we all are, as erudite and well-informed as ever, and discussing the Serious things of life!!


Not to mention not having to put up with that awful brown gunge that smells like stale cats' pee. 

Pass me a beer!




> By the way, anybody know Daisy Duke's vital statistics?


No, but I can volunteer to find out?

One lovely thing today, as winter tries to give us a last blast - the sun coming up this morning. A red sky that correctly boded ill for the day, but regardless of that, a sky full of at 6.20 am.

The sun's coming over our way for while, sorry!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, that could be it too.
> 
> Certainly a lot more Pakistanis than Haitians in UK.
> 
> 
> 
> No, it isn't an analogy.
> 
> The only worthwhile use of Viagra is in combating altitude sickness. Works better than cocaine, apparently. It's also much cheaper and a lot less likely to get you thrown in jail!


I am going to try asking my GP for viagra for altitude sickness and see what she says...I used Bonine last time and nearly died when I tried alcohol with it

Daisy Duke: birth: 1954, 5'8 inches, 36-23-35; now whether that was in the day, or not, I don't know...

----------


## dafydd manton

How the blazes do you find these things out? No, on second thoughts, don't tell me........... I don't think I could take it!

----------


## Paulclem

> I am going to try asking my GP for viagra for altitude sickness and see what she says...I used Bonine last time and nearly died when I tried alcohol with it
> 
> Daisy Duke: birth: 1954, 5'8 inches, 36-23-35; now whether that was in the day, or not, I don't know...


Are you off mountain climbing Sounds?

----------


## soundofmusic

> How the blazes do you find these things out? No, on second thoughts, don't tell me........... I don't think I could take it!


You can practically find out anything with google; but, I'm still trying to figure out why, with all the popularity you blokes have with the young ladies; the old cougars are still favorites?




> Are you off mountain climbing Sounds?


 :Blush2:  One of my former youthful admirers refered to Sounds as a mountain that was once worth climbing...I was alittle hurt by the past tense

----------


## OrphanPip

> No, it isn't an analogy.
> 
> The only worthwhile use of Viagra is in combating altitude sickness. Works better than cocaine, apparently. It's also much cheaper and a lot less likely to get you thrown in jail!


Cocaine is a vasoconstrictor, I'd think it would make altitude sickness even worse, you would have a harder time getting oxygen to your brain. Viagra causes vasodilation, a quick google search turned up some French study that it helps with oxygen uptake at higher altitudes, more than a placebo at least.

A lot of rural Columbians seem to chew Coca to help with the nausea caused by altitude sickness. I'm not so sure it would be a good idea to snort a line of coke while climbing the Andes though.

----------


## dafydd manton

Aye, least of all if you happen to be the pilot...................!

----------


## Paulclem

> One of my former youthful admirers refered to Sounds as a mountain that was once worth climbing...I was alittle hurt by the past tense


I hope you made your point - with an ice axe. 

As a bloke i am used to denigrating comments about my person - as have been discussed many times in this thread. Rhino skin helps and a certain - I'm over forty - what do I care? I'm not trying to impress anyone anymore - type attitude. 

I think it's somewhat different for ladies though.

----------


## prendrelemick

Any ideas who or what I can sacrifice to the weather gods, so I can get the silage done?
its nearly september for Heavens sake! (Or Hades'sake or Valhalla's sake I dont care). I want three fine days in a row please.

----------


## dafydd manton

> Any ideas who or what I can sacrifice to the weather gods, so I can get the silage done?
> its nearly september for Heavens sake! (Or Hades'sake or Valhalla's sake I dont care). I want three fine days in a row please.



Ask Scher - she's all-powerful!! (I don't mean sacrifice Scher, I meant a sacrifice to Scher.........................) Oh, when you get to the bootm of the hole, stop diggin, Manton!

----------


## The Atheist

> You can practically find out anything with google; but, I'm still trying to figure out why, with all the popularity you blokes have with the young ladies; the old cougars are still favorites?


Old fiddles play good tunes.

 :Wink: 




> One of my former youthful admirers refered to Sounds as a mountain that was once worth climbing...I was alittle hurt by the past tense


Damn Philistine! Send him to Parker for remedial lessons on how to treat a lady.

I can still hear the screams from the last one like that.

*shudder*




> Viagra causes vasodilation, a quick google search turned up some French study that it helps with oxygen uptake at higher altitudes, more than a placebo at least.


Yes, it's another handy side-effect, but I don't know whether the young female customs officers are impressed by it!




> A lot of rural Columbians seem to chew Coca to help with the nausea caused by altitude sickness. I'm not so sure it would be a good idea to snort a line of coke while climbing the Andes though.


Correct! But "chewing coca leaves" doesn't have the same impact.

 :Biggrin: 




> Any ideas who or what I can sacrifice to the weather gods, so I can get the silage done?
> its nearly september for Heavens sake! (Or Hades'sake or Valhalla's sake I dont care). I want three fine days in a row please.


Done.

I have just now sacrificed three virgins, a cat and a prize charolais bull in the name of Freyr.

Fine weather for the next week for you.

----------


## dafydd manton

It isn't Friday here, yet, so that might be a bit premature. How on earth did you find three vir........oh, never mind!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...One of my former youthful admirers refered to Sounds as a mountain that was once worth climbing...I was alittle hurt by the past tense


The hills are still alive in Florida!




> Any ideas who or what I can sacrifice to the weather gods, so I can get the silage done?


Don't forget the dung we chatted about many moons ago. 
I can ship some of the prized Dumas stuff if you like. "...in shades of blue and green"

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I hope you made your point - with an ice axe. 
> 
> As a bloke i am used to denigrating comments about my person - as have been discussed many times in this thread. Rhino skin helps and a certain - I'm over forty - what do I care? I'm not trying to impress anyone anymore - type attitude. 
> 
> I think it's somewhat different for ladies though.


I'm not trying to impress anymore; but the blows seem to have more effect than they once did. 
I don't know if this bloke would have even noticed if a pick axe went through the side of his head...




> Any ideas who or what I can sacrifice to the weather gods, so I can get the silage done?
> its nearly september for Heavens sake! (Or Hades'sake or Valhalla's sake I dont care). I want three fine days in a row please.


The weather gods have forsaken us all this year; we had a few breezy days and I thought we might have an early autum; but it's back to the high 90's
and they're warning us there is a stomach virus in our beaches...




> Old fiddles play good tunes.
> 
> 
> Damn Philistine! Send him to Parker for remedial lessons on how to treat a lady.
> 
> I can still hear the screams from the last one like that.
> 
> *shudder*
> 
> ...


Right you are; and the strings vibrate more...Tell Parker to give him an extra lash for me...
Can you manage a few low humidity days in florida while you're at it..




> The hills are still alive in Florida!
> 
> 
> .


Yep, though gravity is causing the valleys to deepen... :Ack2:

----------


## prendrelemick

> The hills are still alive in Florida!
> 
> 
> 
> Don't forget the dung we chatted about many moons ago. 
> I can ship some of the prized Dumas stuff if you like. "...in shades of blue and green"
> 
> .


Ahh, a kind of burnt offering. Then if it doesnt stop raining we threaten to "offer" some more. :Angelsad2:

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't know if this bloke would have even noticed if a pick axe went through the side of his head...


Jesus, there are a lot of people like that in the world.




> The weather gods have forsaken us all this year; we had a few breezy days and I thought we might have an early autum; but it's back to the high 90's
> and they're warning us there is a stomach virus in our beaches...


Lovely!

I must say, I've always wondered why USA built their retirement state in the middle of a tropical swamp. Helps weed out the sick, I guess.




> Right you are; and the strings vibrate more...Tell Parker to give him an extra lash for me...
> Can you manage a few low humidity days in florida while you're at it..





> Ahh, a kind of burnt offering. Then if it doesnt stop raining we threaten to "offer" some more.


I'll have a go, but I'm struggling with some persistent rain here right now!

 :Biggrin: 

I think I called Mick's over to NZ.

Has it stopped raining yet??

----------


## prendrelemick

I can confirm we have had a change in the weather, its now COLD as well as wet.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ahhhh - a British summer. Isn't Yorkshire wonderful!

----------


## Paulclem

> I can confirm we have had a change in the weather, its now COLD as well as wet.


Don't forget the wind. Wet cold and windy. Lovely August.

----------


## The Atheist

One of those virgins must have lied! Crikey, she was only 43 and three kids, but she swore she was a virgin.

Righto. Instead of messing about with these ancient pre-Druid remedies, today being Sunday, I'm holding a full-on, Dennis Wheatley-style Black Mass.

That rain will be gone by Monday morning GMT, and then no more than 5 mm before Friday afternoon.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well I sneaked half the silage in between downpours, the rest is lying in the field quietly composting.

However Athiest's intercession may be working, there is fine weather on the way (honestly). He must know a powerful Diety to vanquish the August Bank Holiday Rain Sprite, wno has held sway in these parts since time immemorial.

----------


## dafydd manton

I think he's swayed a bit further south of you - it's raining sideways here, although I don't have to worry about silage. Hope you get it sorted!

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;946139]Well I sneaked half the silage in between downpours, the rest is lying in the field quietly composting. QUOTE]

I'd come up and give you a hand but I've forgotten where I put my smock and gaiters. I've mislaid my pitchfork a well.

----------


## jocky

Anyone for cricket ?  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Dafydd: Is that a Ruddy Duck you have there?

Brian: Dapper as ever, One dosn't always dress for silage time, an informal lounge suit will suffice. 

Jocky: You betcha!

----------


## dafydd manton

No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.

----------


## Emil Miller

> No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.


I'm sure that Parker will recommend a good Burgundy which is the usual wine for wildfowl but is not recommended for a Big Mac and fries. One would hope that, should you invite Prendrelemick to partake of the duck a l'orange, he will not cause embarrassment by asking Parker for a bottle of Newkie. :Eek2:

----------


## Paulclem

> Dafydd: Is that a Ruddy Duck you have there?
> 
> Brian: Dapper as ever, One dosn't always dress for silage time, an informal lounge suit will suffice. 
> 
> Jocky: You betcha!


 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Ay up Paul mi owd mucker, did you watch the Challenge Cup final on Saturday?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Dafydd: Is that a Ruddy Duck you have there?
> 
> Brian: Dapper as ever, One dosn't always dress for silage time, an informal lounge suit will suffice. 
> 
> Jocky: You betcha!


I haven't worn a suit for years, the last one I had had to be donated to a clothing charity on account of the waist size having unaccountably shrunk so as to be unwearable.

----------


## jocky

> Jocky: You betcha!


 :Smile: 

It is so refreshing to find out that my Southerly neighbours are not the only ones adept at cheating. No balls is a worrying new trend in the genteel art of cricket. Eunuch said.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I always thought Scottish sword dancing would be more fertile ground for betting on no balls. One slip, and Bob's your auntie.

----------


## jocky

> I always thought Scottish sword dancing would be more fertile ground for betting on no balls. One slip, and Bob's your auntie.


Man you are right there. One slip in the sword dance and tossing your caber goes right out the window.

----------


## Taliesin

If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...

----------


## jocky

> If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...


 :Smile: 

You will give him a five hundred pounds reward, as all that exercise was killing you.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ay up Paul mi owd mucker, did you watch the Challenge Cup final on Saturday?


Missed it! Missed virtually the whole season. The games aren't usually on at a time when i can get hold of the remote. (I'm last in the pressing order). 

I thought Warrington - in the two games I've seen them play, were pretty good though.

----------


## Paulclem

> If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...


Unlucky. Were you far from home?

----------


## The Atheist

> However Athiest's intercession may be working, there is fine weather on the way (honestly). He must know a powerful Diety to vanquish the August Bank Holiday Rain Sprite, wno has held sway in these parts since time immemorial.



 :Angel Anim: 




> Anyone for cricket ?


 :FRlol: 

That is truly hilarious. What will they think of next?




> No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.


Always a favourite duck & orange.

I can't the find the emoticon with the knife & fork at the ready, but I'm sure you get the picture!

----------


## dafydd manton

I'm starting to panic!!!!!!!!!

----------


## jocky

> I'm starting to panic!!!!!!!!!


This is not an unusual occurrence in the Blokes Thread, but don't worry help is at hand. Take an ordinary brown paper bag and blow hard into it until your breathing is back to normal. Mrs Jocky, who has years of medical experience, assures me this will get you through till morning. After that you are on your own.  :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> This is not an unusual occurrence in the Blokes Thread, but don't worry help is at hand. Take an ordinary brown paper bag and blow hard into it until your breathing is back to normal. Mrs Jocky, who has years of medical experience, assures me this will get you through till morning. After that you are on your own.


That's funny - Mrs Paulclem always recommended a plastic bag - over the head.

----------


## jocky

Since the Cold Ale Thread is clearly on the up, is it not time we had a motto? Here is my humble suggestion; " Omnes relinquite, O Vos intrantes. "  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> That's funny - Mrs Paulclem always recommended a plastic bag - over the head.


 :Smile: 

Quite right, it is a well known fact that different bags have different remedies. Was my syntax correct? ...... I have this awful feeling that I have muddled something up.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Quite right, it is a well known fact that different bags have different remedies. Was my syntax correct? ...... I have this awful feeling that I have muddled something up.


She did mumble something about it being a remedy for life, but I thought she was talking about Socrates. 

Seemed crystal. What's the translation of your motto?

----------


## The Atheist

> Since the Cold Ale Thread is clearly on the up, is it not time we had a motto? Here is my humble suggestion; " Omnes relinquite, O Vos intrantes. "


Just because you have that on your doorway....

 :Biggrin: 

I think we can be a bit more positive than that.

What's wrong with the simple "Den of Iniquity"?

----------


## jocky

I think it was something along the lines of Beware the Dog. Look it up for yourself you lazy git. Teachers nowadays, I don't know what is the world coming to?  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> I think it was something along the lines of Beware the Dog. Look it up for yourself you lazy git. Teachers nowadays, I don't know what is the world coming to?


 :FRlol: 

But I'm still on holiday... :Yesnod:

----------


## jocky

> Just because you have that on your doorway....
> 
> 
> 
> I think we can be a bit more positive than that.
> 
> What's wrong with the simple "Den of Iniquity"?


" Den of Iniquity " Sounds good to me. Inspirational, almost as good as the " Mobbled Queen ". I give up I am away to my bed, door slams.  :Frown:

----------


## dafydd manton

Immer Im Mist, Nur die Tiefheit Verandert Sich. or "Always in the manure - it's only the depth that varies."

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...That rain will be gone by Monday morning GMT, and then no more than 5 mm before Friday afternoon.


"5mm...Have you been firing NATO rounds into the sky? 




> No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.


Here in Rockford, I've come to learn that Ruddy Squab is the local delicacy.




> I think it was something along the lines of Beware the Dog.


How about "Beware the _hair_ of the dog"




> Ahh, a kind of burnt offering. Then if it doesnt stop raining we threaten to "offer" some more.





> Immer Im Mist, Nur die Tiefheit Verandert Sich. or "Always in the manure - it's only the depth that varies."


Im sorry gentlemen, the Chianti is doing its job and therefore I am unable to restrain myself. All this talk of digested grass is welling up a nostalgic tear:

_ Cityslicker, I see you come for a truck load of our most prized commodity, but there is something Ill share with you that is far more precious than Fire Frisbees

The dung loader popped his head into the bar to let me know the chips were about ankle deep in my truck; jes wunderin if I should keep shovelin in more BS. 

Yes, yes; lets keep piling it on.

Annoyed at the interruption, the Terrier continued: City slicker, are you familiar with Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart?..._

---------

_Fortunately, I have never experienced the bottom of a steaming heap head first while attempting to maintain a clear perspective. I should think that one would be in want of goggles and a mask if they were to indulge themselves. 
Your reference to Timbuktu made me realize that I left out roughly 200 years of detail between that glorious night on the Llano Estacado in 1541 to Salzburg Austria in 1763._

----------

_to his most trusted lieutenant; Miguel Cervantes. Lt. Cervantes returned to Spain in the region of S____ and gave the music to a Franciscan monk by the name of B_____ S____. BS placed the music in the sepulcher of a famous knight who hailed from the region of La Mancha_

.

----------


## jocky

I have never denied being partial to a "hair of the dog" but I have never tried to swallow it whole. This is after all the Cold Ale Thread where hard working guys are allowed to let their hair down. Cervantes understood this well or there would have been no Sancho Panza. Do not misconstrue having a joke with being unread and uneducated.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Jesus, there are a lot of people like that in the world.
> 
> Lovely!
> 
> I must say, I've always wondered why USA built their retirement state in the middle of a tropical swamp. Helps weed out the sick, I guess.
> 
> 
> I'll have a go, but I'm struggling with some persistent rain here right now!
> 
> ...


No kidding,
Well, everyone here who hasn't gone to the beaches are complaining of stomach problems too...I've felt dreadful the last few days..
I think that might be the idea; get us down to the tropics and then give us all those flu shots...if one doesn't knock off the elderly population, the other will. 




> I can confirm we have had a change in the weather, its now COLD as well as wet.


I think I'd take your cold; it's hot and wet here.




> Ahhhh - a British summer. Isn't Yorkshire wonderful!


Do you guys really get rain; when I've been in Britain, I could walk a mile in your rain and my clothes were still dry? 




> Don't forget the wind. Wet cold and windy. Lovely August.


Last time I was in London in August it was hot as a furnace and I had an attic room, I laid on the bed most of the day next to the one window. 




> No, Mick, the ruddy duck's a Mandarin. I'm fattening it up, then it's destined for the old orange sauce. Parker has an excellent recipe. Best served with a decent Claret, they tell me.


Don't you dare; that is a gorgeous duck. We don't get anything that pretty in florida. 




> I haven't worn a suit for years, the last one I had had to be donated to a clothing charity on account of the waist size having unaccountably shrunk so as to be unwearable.


My whole wardrobe is having that problem; the only thing that I can button is the top. 




> If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...


Next time get a pink bike or bright green...bad business, my sympathies...



> You will give him a five hundred pounds reward, as all that exercise was killing you.


Whoever claims that once a person rides a bike, they never forget has not meant me; I can't even keep the things up anymore, much less fit my bottom on the seat..




> That's funny - Mrs Paulclem always recommended a plastic bag - over the head.


Has Mrs Clem suggested you finish all of the spring repairs first...has she taken to shopping at victorias secret. 




> Since the Cold Ale Thread is clearly on the up, is it not time we had a motto? Here is my humble suggestion; " Omnes relinquite, O Vos intrantes. "


I can't find the break down; please interpret...

----------


## Emil Miller

> If I find the bloody bastard who stole my bike this evening...


I know it's no consolation, or, depending on one's political persuasion, perhaps it is, but our current Prime Minister also had his bike stolen. Now he has to go around in his Lexus; as they say, it's tough at the top.

----------


## dafydd manton

Sounds - you ask if we get rain. We do indeed, the only difference being that at the moment, instead of falling vertically, it comes sideways. Sometimes from two different directions.

----------


## jocky

The sun is shining in Scotland today......hold on......no it has just disappeared behind a muckle huge bleak black storm cloud. We should be grateful that is the first time it has been sighted up here in twenty five years. Happy days  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.


This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.

----------


## The Atheist

> "5mm...Have you been firing NATO rounds into the sky?


Don't they use 9mm?

Do NATO have small weapons?




> All this talk of digested grass is welling up a nostalgic tear:


Me too.

I love the smell of frshly-opened silage pit!




> No kidding,
> Well, everyone here who hasn't gone to the beaches are complaining of stomach problems too...I've felt dreadful the last few days..
> I think that might be the idea; get us down to the tropics and then give us all those flu shots...if one doesn't knock off the elderly population, the other will.


Mind you, there must be excellent economies of scale in Florida. 

Hope you're feeling better!

I'm getting Parker to chill the Kahlua to exactly 4 degrees C for you when you come right. 

 :Biggrin: 




> I can't find the break down; please interpret...


Abandon hope, all ye who enter.

Jocky's translation of "beware the dog" is also accurate.




> Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.


In the cack would be right!

 :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.


 :Smilielol5:

----------


## jocky

> Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.


 :Smile: 

After much consultation among the Scottish membership we have decided to come down in favour of Mick's proposal, with one proviso, the majority of urban members shall not be lorded over by the minority pastoral aristocracy. You know who you are.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Or. to put it another way: "We'll have none of your **** in our chambers!"

----------


## jocky

> This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.


 :Smile: 

Yes, but common sense finally kicked in and they changed their name to Southwark Housing Investment Team Enterprise.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

And nobody noticed.................

----------


## The Atheist

Now this stuff brings back happy memories. I used to live for English assignments where I could dream up epithetic acronyms.

Most don't bear repeating in this type of open forum.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

I genuinely spent some time on an Army signals Regt unit, which had a First-Aid Techinical Stores Officer, a very florid and rotund Major.....FATSO!

----------


## The Atheist

I have honestly interviewed a man named Wayne Kerr.

Also, Rod Stewart, Bruce Willis and several others with celebrity names.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Yes, but common sense finally kicked in and they changed their name to Southwark Housing Investment Team Enterprise.


Actually they changed it to OHIT. I never discovered what the 'O' stood for.

----------


## prendrelemick

Perhaps the O was a zero.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I genuinely spent some time on an Army signals Regt unit, which had a First-Aid Techinical Stores Officer, a very florid and rotund Major.....FATSO!


One of my former colleagues in the MoD was sent to the Falkland Islands for six months. He said that the British radio station that broadcast to Argentina was called the Falkland Islands Broadcasting Service. The Argentinians must have had a laugh at that.

----------


## The Atheist

> Perhaps the O was a zero.


That's very good!




> ... Falkland Islands for six months...


Los Malvinas! English imperialist!

Who was the radio designed for? Did it actually have an audience, or was it some kind of Lord Haw-Haw for the '80s?

Here, this'll cheer you up.

When the Falklands War was happening, I had a friend about to take the "big OE" as it's called in Kiwi-speak - an extended overseas trip - and he was going to UK/Europe first. He was a bit worried, because of the war, so I asked him why that bothered him.

He thought the Falklands were part of the Channel Islands and that the war was within an Exocet of London.

 :Smilielol5:

----------


## dafydd manton

.....and he was a Navigator!

----------


## Paulclem

> That's very good!
> Here, this'll cheer you up.
> 
> When the Falklands War was happening, I had a friend about to take the "big OE" as it's called in Kiwi-speak - an extended overseas trip - and he was going to UK/Europe first. He was a bit worried, because of the war, so I asked him why that bothered him.
> 
> He thought the Falklands were part of the Channel Islands and that the war was within an Exocet of London.


I once asked a colleague who was going on holiday to Miami if she was going to pop up to see her sister in LA, not realising that it is as vast a distance from the UK to Miami as it is from Miami to LA

I'm a smalltown boy.

----------


## jocky

> That's very good!
> 
> 
> 
> Los Malvinas! English imperialist!
> 
> Who was the radio designed for? Did it actually have an audience, or was it some kind of Lord Haw-Haw for the '80s?
> 
> Here, this'll cheer you up.
> ...


The benefits of aggressive Imperialism are about to bear fruit. The waters around the Falkland Isles are heaving with black gold and it is about to be harvested. This will probably lead to another war, this time against a South American coalition bankrolled by Hugo Chaves. We could, of course, negotiate a deal and everyone is happy but history points in the other direction.

----------


## dafydd manton

My first Mother-in-law, who lived in a tiny village in Rutland, North Luffenham, asked me once why we didn't pop back on weekends. I was stationed in Berlin!

----------


## Paulclem

This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.

----------


## jocky

> My first Mother-in-law, who lived in a tiny village in Rutland, North Luffenham, asked me once why we didn't pop back on weekends. I was stationed in Berlin!


That brings back memories, after our last tour of the northern part of an Island located in the Atlantic we found ourselves in the haven of Catterick. It was my proud duty to inform the guys in the gymn hall that life was going to be so much easier. " After a light exercise on Friday afternoons the weekend is all yours. " I omitted to mention that they would be so knackered they would not waken up till Sunday. I am glad to find there is someone even older than me in the Blokes Thread.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh, cheers, Jocky!! I'm a very youthful 55. Indeed, I am actually 21 with 34 years of additional experience!

----------


## jocky

> Oh, cheers, Jocky!! I'm a very youthful 55. Indeed, I am actually 21 with 34 years of additional experience!


 :Smile: 

To hell with the experience, we both wish we were 21 again.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, now to have the mind of the older man, but the body of the younger.....!

----------


## jocky

> This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.


Paul, if that does not get you promoted to Deputy Headmaster with the commensurate salary increase, my name is not Jocky. The powers that be only need to read your posts and your elevation is guaranteed.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

I have a funny feeling that our putting in a good word might be a hindrance......

----------


## The Atheist

> I once asked a colleague who was going on holiday to Miami if she was going to pop up to see her sister in LA, not realising that it is as vast a distance from the UK to Miami as it is from Miami to LA
> 
> I'm a smalltown boy.


 :FRlol: 

At least you didn;t suggest she walked!




> The benefits of aggressive Imperialism are about to bear fruit. The waters around the Falkland Isles are heaving with black gold and it is about to be harvested. This will probably lead to another war, this time against a South American coalition bankrolled by Hugo Chaves. We could, of course, negotiate a deal and everyone is happy but history points in the other direction.


Yes, I see that. Is there any ironic value in Argentina having a female in charge this time around?




> This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.


That doesn't surprise me. I once employed a 26 year old woman who had never been more than 30 km from her home suburb in her entire life. She thought Auckland was the entire country.

(it actually is, but that's another subject  :Biggrin: )




> To hell with the experience, we both wish we were 21 again.


Nah. I'd go for 28. I was a lawnmowing contractor, tanned, fit and could lift a couple of hundred kgs without breaking a sweat. Women used to stalk me.


Actually, remembering that last part, I think I'll stick with 51!

 :Smilielol5: 




> I have a funny feeling that our putting in a good word might be a hindrance......


Hindrance? 

Terminal would be more like it.

Ha! What was that I was saying about famous people applying for jobs?

Beat this one!

----------


## prendrelemick

I must admit, when my son was walking in New Zealand, I had every confidence I could just go there and find him if need I needed to. After all, I knew he was somewhere on the South Island. How hard could it be?

----------


## soundofmusic

> I know it's no consolation, or, depending on one's political persuasion, perhaps it is, but our current Prime Minister also had his bike stolen. Now he has to go around in his Lexus; as they say, it's tough at the top.


I think it is rather nice of him to run around in a Lexus instead of a limo; what does the queen go about in?




> Sounds - you ask if we get rain. We do indeed, the only difference being that at the moment, instead of falling vertically, it comes sideways. Sometimes from two different directions.


I guess I won't visit England during rainy season then; when is it cool and dry over there?




> The sun is shining in Scotland today......hold on......no it has just disappeared behind a muckle huge bleak black storm cloud. We should be grateful that is the first time it has been sighted up here in twenty five years. Happy days


Or maybe I'll visit Scotland; but I hear you have to be in good condition and walk uphill alot.




> Now we have Den of Iniquity, what about a name for our brotherhood like, Cold Ale Club Knights, or CACK for short.


How about Cold Ale Nights...I like the concept of telling the spouse, "I'm going to the can"




> This reminds me of the time when the London borough of Southwark set up a group called Southwark Housing Investment Team, before realising that it would have to be changed to something less embarrassing.


Even better...



> Mind you, there must be excellent economies of scale in Florida. 
> 
> Hope you're feeling better!
> 
> I'm getting Parker to chill the Kahlua to exactly 4 degrees C for you when you come right.


I walked into the hospital today just for a medical clearance form; just the thought of them touching me and I feel 100%; tell parker I'm ready for that Kahlua...




> Or. to put it another way: "We'll have none of your **** in our chambers!"


 :Smash: 



> My first Mother-in-law, who lived in a tiny village in Rutland, North Luffenham, asked me once why we didn't pop back on weekends. I was stationed in Berlin!


 :Crazy:  I had one of those too; Poor woman, she kept asking to see her son and he kept sending me in his place. 




> This is the truth - I once taught a woman in her late thirties who said that she had only gradually realised that there were other countries. We were doing animal farm, and so the references to Russia were problematic. She wasn't a stupid person either. And she passed.


Was she American; I thought we were the only ones who thought that there were no other countries in the world...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

The Breakers Beach Club
Come in the water. The water is fine
The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related


.

----------


## jocky

> The Breakers Beach Club
> Come in the water. The water is fine
> The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related
> 
> 
> .


 :Smile: 

You give a new meaning to the term fossil hunters.




> Or maybe I'll visit Scotland; but I hear you have to be in good condition and walk uphill alot.


Soundo you know you are more than welcome, but I have a statistic for you. 9.2 million Americans are of Scottish descent, while only 5 million Scots remain in Scotland. Go figure. Besides, Mrs Jocky has ordered me to sweep the snow off the mountains as she says, " I am nae being embarassed in front of our American guest. "  :Smile:

----------


## soundofmusic

> The Breakers Beach Club
> Come in the water. The water is fine
> The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related
> 
> I had forgotten what real bossoms on actresses look like! They're cute, but the Betty Boop voice has to go and they should fire the coreographer
> .





> Soundo you know you are more than welcome, but I have a statistic for you. 9.2 million Americans are of Scottish descent, while only 5 million Scots remain in Scotland. Go figure. Besides, Mrs Jocky has ordered me to sweep the snow off the mountains as she says, " I am nae being embarassed in front of our American guest. "


Thank you for the kind invite. I'm afraid you and Mrs Jocky would be embarrassed that the Scots in America can barely pull a 12 foot pine out of the ground with all this city living and beach lounging. Tell Mrs Jocky I'm not one of those hoity-toity Americans, I'm wash and wear and can sleep anywhere. :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

From Gilliatt.
“…womanly name of “Iu-i-si-a-wih-si-wih-ti-tsa”, the [Zuni] governor called her a “bag of hard howls,” and said that she had the habit of storing up breath like a horned toad, which accounted for her extraordinary circumference, and her ability to make a noise in the world” - Frank Hamilton Cushing; Zuni ethnologist 

I knew a girl like that once, she was called Sh-ar-on-Heg-gin-bo-tt-om. She went from one nomenclaturely challenged group to another when she married my mate, David Pratt.

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;948451]The Breakers Beach Club
“Come in the water. The water is fine”
The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related

......they should fire the coreographer.



I hate to think what you would do to this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjxzKZYAWvo

----------


## The Atheist

> I must admit, when my son was walking in New Zealand, I had every confidence I could just go there and find him if need I needed to. After all, I knew he was somewhere on the South Island. How hard could it be?


 :FRlol: 

I'll just ring my mate to go and get him if need be.




> I think it is rather nice of him to run around in a Lexus instead of a limo; what does the queen go about in?


Rolls Royce. Gold carriage. 




> I guess I won't visit England during rainy season then; when is it cool and dry over there?


March 11th.

 :Wink: 




> I walked into the hospital today just for a medical clearance form; just the thought of them touching me and I feel 100%; tell parker I'm ready for that Kahlua...


Excellent!

Your Kahlua's at the table and I'll bring over a couple of those really healthy, hand-made Belgian dark chocolates when I get a sec. (Freud at play? My finger the "X" first time I typed that!)  :Blush2: 




> Was she American; I thought we were the only ones who thought that there were no other countries in the world...


No worries there, ignorance is pandemic.

----------


## Paulclem

Just seen on the news that there's been an earthquake in NZ.

Hope things are going ok.

----------


## OrphanPip

I think Atheist is in Auckland, which is reasonably far from where the earthquake was, but ya, hope everything is well.

----------


## The Atheist

Yes indeed, a long way from us, but a large earthquake hit Christchurch this morning. 7.1 on the Richter, with early damage estimates over $2billion.

Thakfully, as it struck at 4.30 am, nobody has been killed, because the devastation and damage is unbelievable. Roads & bridges destroyed, thousands of houses either flattened or severely damaged.

Pics here:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/im...113677#7073686

----------


## Nightshade

I hate to sound like a twit but if houses were flattened where were the people who belong in them at 430 in the morning??  :Confused:

----------


## dafydd manton

Just glad you're OK mate!

----------


## prendrelemick

My brother and his family, who live in the area are all OK. They were able to reassure us nearly straightaway because of facebook. It has been some use at last.

----------


## The Atheist

> I hate to sound like a twit but if houses were flattened where were the people who belong in them at 430 in the morning??


A combination of lucky escapes and most of the buildings that actually fell down were commercial buildings in the central city and therefore empty at 4.30 am.




> Just glad you're OK mate!


No worries, it's volcanic eruptions we have to worry about, not earthquakes!

Auckland has had one every ~600 years for the past several hundred thousand years and the last one was 800 years ago, so we are well and truly overdue.




> My brother and his family, who live in the area are all OK. They were able to reassure us nearly straightaway because of facebook. It has been some use at last.


Dead right!

I first heard about it on the internet at about 5.30, so I switched the tv and radio on... nothing.

Back to the internet - information everywhere, the best source being NZ chat pages.

----------


## dafydd manton

Typical TV - nobody dead, not news!

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

Forgot that our Atheist lives in New Zealand, glad to read that you are OK and that it is just damage, not people. Scary stuff though.

----------


## The Atheist

> Forgot that our Atheist lives in New Zealand, glad to read that you are OK and that it is just damage, not people. Scary stuff though.


Yes, it would have been terrifying.

I've lived in lots of places that get frequent earthquakes, but about strength 5 is the worst I've felt, and that was scary. 7.1 is 100 times stronger.

Still only the two injuries, although it looks like it has scared at least one bloke to death with a fatal heart attack occuring straight after it and lots of other cardiac "events", apparently.

Just the one bloke left in ICU and they're quietly confident he'll be ok.

Injuries coming through now are from the Darwin Award-wannabes who are determined to kill themselves trying to fix damage they aren't competent to fix.

----------


## Paulclem

We're lucky in the UK - no vlcanoes or earthquakes of any note. We had a tornado in Birmingham a few years ago where a few streets were damaged.

We do get flooding, which is perhaps the worst event. 

Facebook is good for keeping in touch. Most of it is complete ******** but it saves phoning the relatives when you can just chat and send messages.

----------


## Nightshade

You forget the earthquake in Lincoln a few years back too. Then there was the hurricane in October 87. Of course its technically not a hurricane but a great storm because it was in the wrong part of the world but who is quibbling?

----------


## The Atheist

Didn't you have quite a bit of disruption recently through a volcanic eruption? Admittedly, not a UK-based one.

The floods of 1952 spring to mind as well. Not to mention that a rise in sea level wouldn't be all that good for large parts of the country.

That's one of the things the Christchurch quake brought home - it was in an area where earthquakes were unknown. I saw the farmer interviewed whose farm was right above the epicentre.

"I never knew there were fault lines here" he said.

The picture behind him showed a huge rupture running right through his entire farm - and for several miles thereafter.

He knows now!

----------


## OrphanPip

We get tornadoes occasionally in Quebec, and small earthquakes in Montreal occasionally. The only major natural disaster I remember is the icestorm in '98, it caused something like 6 billion dollars in damage.

----------


## Nightshade

Somebody correct me , but can't fault line appear just about anywhere? I mean yes obviously there are the established ones but surley enough bashing causes new cracks forming smaller plates and more fault lines? 
I am thinking f the kinderegg I was going to use to explain layers of the earth to one of my classes this year... i was even going to crack top layer and creat fault lines .. all of which I would get to eat of course.

----------


## The Atheist

> We get tornadoes occasionally in Quebec, and small earthquakes in Montreal occasionally. The only major natural disaster I remember is the icestorm in '98, it caused something like 6 billion dollars in damage.


yes, but in a country where temperatures of -30C in the daytime is considered "normal", I think you have enough to go on with.

 :Biggrin: 




> Somebody correct me , but can't fault line appear just about anywhere?


Only the remotest possibility. Faults are only on or near the edges of the tectonic plates, so one appearing in the centre if a plate, say, would be extremely unlikely.

----------


## Nightshade

Remind me again how do we know where the edges are? How say do we know that the plates are one solid piece as opposed to two or three jammed together which eventualy drift loose causing 'new' fault to appear?

----------


## The Atheist

> Remind me again how do we know where the edges are? How say do we know that the plates are one solid piece as opposed to two or three jammed together which eventualy drift loose causing 'new' fault to appear?


Seismic surveys, mostly. Geologists create small explosions and measure the movement for several kilometres from the site. This enables them to track where faults are and so far, the predictions have been correct. 

Not saying it cannot happen - just very, very unlikely. An earthquake which was able to shatter a tectonic plate wouldn't be good for anyone anywhere.

----------


## The Atheist

And just to top things off, since the earthquake, North Island has been beset by severe storms and flooding.

The bottom half, anyway. I almost feel a bit guilty, sitting in Auckland in nice spring weather while the rest of NZ falls to bits.

But not for long!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Didn't you have quite a bit of disruption recently through a volcanic eruption? Admittedly, not a UK-based one.
> 
> The floods of 1952 spring to mind as well. Not to mention that a rise in sea level wouldn't be all that good for large parts of the country.
> 
> That's one of the things the Christchurch quake brought home - it was in an area where earthquakes were unknown. I saw the farmer interviewed whose farm was right above the epicentre.
> 
> "I never knew there were fault lines here" he said.
> 
> The picture behind him showed a huge rupture running right through his entire farm - and for several miles thereafter.
> ...


We get flooding pretty regularly. The 1952 one claimed quite a few lives, and the smaller ones cause fatalities too, not to mention the cost for the people who can't get insurance on their houses then. I don'[t think there were many fatalities in the 1987 storm - though Sevenoaks was denuded and should have been called Oneoak.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Yes indeed, a long way from us, but a large earthquake hit Christchurch this morning. 7.1 on the Richter, with early damage estimates over $2billion.
> 
> Thakfully, as it struck at 4.30 am, nobody has been killed, because the devastation and damage is unbelievable. Roads & bridges destroyed, thousands of houses either flattened or severely damaged.


Glad to hear you and for the most part everyone is OK. 

For us it is tornadoes, flash floods and at times we will have a summers with excessive deadly heat.

Keep us informed on the latest.

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> From Gilliatt.
> womanly name of Iu-i-si-a-wih-si-wih-ti-tsa, the [Zuni] governor called her a bag of hard howls, and said that she had the habit of storing up breath like a horned toad, which accounted for her extraordinary circumference, and her ability to make a noise in the world - Frank Hamilton Cushing; Zuni ethnologist 
> 
> I knew a girl like that once, she was called Sh-ar-on-Heg-gin-bo-tt-om. She went from one nomenclaturely challenged group to another when she married my mate, David Pratt.


 :Shocked:  :FRlol: 
[QUOTE=Brian Bean;948525]


> The Breakers Beach Club
> Come in the water. The water is fine
> The summersault layout maneuvers starting at 1:20 are superb:
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4NFsu...eature=related
> 
> ......they should fire the coreographer.
> 
> ...


Well guys, it could be that I've fallen in Lussss...ove; but it all looks pretty romantic to me today...



> I'll just ring my mate to go and get him if need be.
> 
> 
> Rolls Royce. Gold carriage. 
> 
> March 11th.
> 
> 
> Excellent!
> ...


Atheist, I forever find myself comparing every man I meet to you and Parker; I still haven't found any that know that I need Belgian chocoate with my Kahlua :Ladysman: 



> Yes indeed, a long way from us, but a large earthquake hit Christchurch this morning. 7.1 on the Richter, with early damage estimates over $2billion.
> 
> Thakfully, as it struck at 4.30 am, nobody has been killed, because the devastation and damage is unbelievable. Roads & bridges destroyed, thousands of houses either flattened or severely damaged.
> 
> Pics here:
> 
> http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/im...113677#7073686


Glad to hear everyone is okay...I don't know what would happen to us in Florida if we had an earthquake, we grew up in the Cuban missle crisis with "Duck and cover" :Icon Bs: 

I was thinking of Hurricane Andrew, I got one phone call during the hurricane, it was from a total stranger from England who said, "I hear you're having a bit of a blow over there..."

----------


## jocky

It would take more than a 7.2 magnitude earthquake to light a fire under old Atheist. Now if his fishing line was to break while struggling with a decent sized salmon, that would be a disaster!  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> It would take more than a 7.2 magnitude earthquake to light a fire under old Atheist. Now if his fishing line was to break while struggling with a decent sized salmon, that would be a disaster!


Damn right!

The saddest moment of my life was out game-fishing about 30 years ago.

I watched a huge fin surface next to the bait. The shark sucked in the bait and the line ran off, screaming. The skipper, who saw it as well, reckoned it was 300kg plus of mako shark.

It had bitten through the bait just behind the hook.

I was devastated.

----------


## jocky

> Damn right!
> 
> The saddest moment of my life was out game-fishing about 30 years ago.
> 
> I watched a huge fin surface next to the bait. The shark sucked in the bait and the line ran off, screaming. The skipper, who saw it as well, reckoned it was 300kg plus of mako shark.
> 
> It had bitten through the bait just behind the hook.
> 
> I was devastated.


I have a sense of deja vu here. The skipper's name and his sworn testimony, along with a faded black and white photograph of this legendary, or should I say mythical Mako would be appreciated. Remember I have read ' The Old Man and The Sea ' at least he produced the skeleton of the Marlin, though no one saw him catch it.  :Smile: 




> I was thinking of Hurricane Andrew, I got one phone call during the hurricane, it was from a total stranger from England who said, "I hear you're having a bit of a blow over there..."


Good JOB he was English, if he had been Scottish it could have been misconstrued and caused a lot of adverse comment, blaming mostly me, in this dangerous thread.  :Smile: 

Guys and Gal, I am desolate and need my pals. Me and Mrs Jocky have had a huge spat. It all started when I broached the subject of hiring an Au Pair. I had rehearsed all the arguments in favour, such as the kids are all up and you deserve to put your feet up. No more cooking, cleaning and washing. " Aye and I suppose she will be young, blonde, blue eyed and big busted. " The thought had crossed my mind; "You must think I came up the Clyde in a banana boat. " The argument went on in this vein for several hours until Mrs J brought it to an abrupt halt, she flashed her eyes dangerously and remarked; " Well if we are hiring an Au Pair, I am going to have me a Butler. " You canna win.  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Guys and Gal, I am desolate and need my pals. Me and Mrs Jocky have had a huge spat. It all started when I broached the subject of hiring an Au Pair. I had rehearsed all the arguments in favour, such as the kids are all up and you deserve to put your feet up. No more cooking, cleaning and washing. " Aye and I suppose she will be young, blonde, blue eyed and big busted. " The thought had crossed my mind; "You must think I came up the Clyde in a banana boat. " The argument went on in this vein for several hours until Mrs J brought it to an abrupt halt, she flashed her eyes dangerously and remarked; " Well if we are hiring an Au Pair, I am going to have me a Butler. " You canna win.


Well, we shall cry and have a drink together...doggone it, Young Romeo has left a trail of empty liquor bottles in his wake :Dupe:  and told me I missed my "window of opportunity with my day or two of morality"....

Parker, I think I might have a shot of rum in my Kahlua tonight....

Anyone have a song for the Jock and myself :Cryin:

----------


## The Atheist

> I have a sense of deja vu here. The skipper's name and his sworn testimony, along with a faded black and white photograph of this legendary, or should I say mythical Mako would be appreciated. Remember I have read ' The Old Man and The Sea ' at least he produced the skeleton of the Marlin, though no one saw him catch it.


Not even a photo, dammit. It was there and gone in seconds.

I don't even have a photo of the 108lb tiddler I won a fishing contest with.

Even worse, my brother's dog ate the jaw!

----------


## The Atheist

> Anyone have a song for the Jock and myself


Yep.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4

----------


## gbrekken

This is now becoming my monthly drive thru/by shooting off of the mouth. I'd tell you what I was referring to but that would give you an unfair advantage wouldn't it? I'll just use quotes in making reference. The reading this month was much more interesting than previous times when my virus detector found a trojan horse on-site. 

Anyone heard of the Madrid fault in the middle of the U.S.? Sand geysers and all. No loss of life in Kiwi land is a thankful thing.

Someone on site older than Jocky? God forbid.

No politics allowed, but the host (reference our parasitic nature) here in the states sells adds for even the senatorial race in NV. Adieu.

----------


## The Atheist

> This is now becoming my monthly drive thru/by shooting off of the mouth.


You should make it weekly, or at the very least give Parker advance warning!




> The reading this month was much more interesting than previous times when my virus detector found a trojan horse on-site.


Seriously?

I find that a bit odd - I come in at least daily and haven't ever seen a sign of one. Or are you referring that Saffer? A sneaky disguise if ever I saw one! 




> Anyone heard of the Madrid fault in the middle of the U.S.? Sand geysers and all. No loss of life in Kiwi land is a thankful thing.


Even more amazing, the Christchurch quake was slightly stronger than Haiti's one, yet the death toll of zero compares pretty favourably with haiti's 230,000.

I looked up the [New] Madrid fault - never heard of it before. Interesting stuff.




> No politics allowed, but the host (reference our parasitic nature) here in the states sells adds for even the senatorial race in NV. Adieu.


That's Google, not LitNet.

----------


## Paulclem

How's about this chap in the US burning The Koran. Is this a Freedom of Speech too Far?

I think the media should have to answer for any problems from this. Not only is it potentially putting lives at risk, but it's polarising opinion - straight into the arms of the terrorists. 

In the UK we have inciting racial or religious hatred laws. Is there nothing similar in the US?

----------


## jocky

> Someone on site older than Jocky? God forbid.


 :Smile: 

Great to hear from you Gb, even if you have come back with an insult.




> How's about this chap in the US burning The Koran. Is this a Freedom of Speech too Far?
> 
> I think the media should have to answer for any problems from this. Not only is it potentially putting lives at risk, but it's polarising opinion - straight into the arms of the terrorists. 
> 
> In the UK we have inciting racial or religious hatred laws. Is there nothing similar in the US?


From what I can gather the authorities can only take action once an offence has taken place. I am sure some of our American friends can enlighten us as to the legal position. If it is allowed under the Constitution I doubt if anything can be done as this is inviolable. Saturday should be an interesting day.

----------


## The Atheist

> How's about this chap in the US burning The Koran. Is this a Freedom of Speech too Far?


No.

The people who feel upset by this need to harden up.

Islam has been perverted by people who say it ok to kill infidels. I don't see the same mullahs screaming about that, so why should anyone care what they think about someone burning a book?




> I think the media should have to answer for any problems from this. Not only is it potentially putting lives at risk, but it's polarising opinion - straight into the arms of the terrorists.


I disagree. Mockery is the best medicine against extremism. As with the Danish cartoons, if the response is violent, the problem is solely with those causing the violence.




> In the UK we have inciting racial or religious hatred laws. Is there nothing similar in the US?


Not that covers this, no. 

Just as Americans may burn their flag and effigies of their president and have groups like the KKK, they are most welcome to burn qurans as they see fit.

Funnily enough, the main problem for the church is that they need to get a permit for a fire in the open, and they won't get it.

From my perspective, this stuff is great - both sides hate atheism, so it's nice to sit back and watch them attack each other for a change.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> No.
> 
> The people who feel upset by this need to harden up.
> 
> Islam has been perverted by people who say it ok to kill infidels. I don't see the same mullahs screaming about that, so why should anyone care what they think about someone burning a book?
> 
> 
> 
> I disagree. Mockery is the best medicine against extremism. As with the Danish cartoons, if the response is violent, the problem is solely with those causing the violence.
> ...


It is a difficult one Atheist, burning books is anathema to most people, yet I would happily consign the Bible, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita and all the other bronze age works of theology to the flames. As you point out it is the fundies on all sides who create the violence. Yet we are where we are and the repercussions could be horrendous. Worrying times.

----------


## OrphanPip

Personally, I keep a pile of Ghidean Bibles for use as kindling when it gets cold in the winter. At least, those are given out for free. I can just imagine the killing Qu'ran publishers are making right now.

----------


## jocky

> Yep.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4


 :Smile: 

Look Soundo, they are playing our song.

----------


## jocky

> Personally, I keep a pile of Ghidean Bibles for use as kindling when it gets cold in the winter. At least, those are given out for free. I can just imagine the killing Qu'ran publishers are making right now.


 :Smile: 

Ghidean Bibles, that is top drawer Pip.

----------


## OrphanPip

When I first received a Gideon (looked up the spelling, haha) from a random stranger in a suit outside my high school as a teenager. I, of course, rushed home to eagerly spend my evening reading the Holy Book, only to discover it only contained the New Testament, what a gyp. I think it's a marketing ploy to try and get you to go out and buy the complete thing.

My favorite religious group is still the Raelians, with their cloning hoaxes and weird UFO village cult headquarters. They're off their rocker, but it's hard to dislike a group that just wants to hang out talking about aliens and having orgies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%ABlism

----------


## jocky

> When I first received a Gideon (looked up the spelling, haha) from a random stranger in a suit outside my high school as a teenager. I, of course, rushed home to eagerly spend my evening reading the Holy Book, only to discover it only contained the New Testament, what a gyp. I think it's a marketing ploy to try and get you to go out and buy the complete thing.
> 
> My favorite religious group is still the Raelians, with their cloning hoaxes and weird UFO village cult headquarters. They're off their rocker, but it's hard to dislike a group that just wants to hang out talking about aliens and having orgies.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%ABlism


UFO activity has been markedly on the increase in the North East of Scotland of late. We have connected as I am a Vorihon and Mrs Jocky is a Vorihoness. I think I will retire to my chambers now as there are some blue flashing lights outside my portal.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...My favorite religious group is still the Raelians, with their cloning hoaxes and weird UFO village cult headquarters. ...just wants to hang out talking about aliens and having orgies.





> UFO activity has been markedly on the increase in the North East of Scotland of late. We have connected as I am a Vorihon and Mrs Jocky is a Vorihoness. I think I will retire to my chambers now as there are some blue flashing lights outside my portal.



Aliens, UFOs, Lights, Bigfootnow youre talking my language.
Remember the Marfa Lights Jocky? 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuPpV...eature=related

Yours truly captivated by the reflection of an alien craft that landed in Chicago:
(Yes; Im wearing my Roswell Mystery Cover Up T-shirt)







.

----------


## Paulclem

> No.
> 
> The people who feel upset by this need to harden up.
> 
> Islam has been perverted by people who say it ok to kill infidels. I don't see the same mullahs screaming about that, so why should anyone care what they think about someone burning a book?
> 
> 
> 
> I disagree. Mockery is the best medicine against extremism. As with the Danish cartoons, if the response is violent, the problem is solely with those causing the violence.
> ...


The problem is that the people who this affects - in Afghanistan for example - don't have acces to liberal ideas, are easily polarised, however ridiculous it is to you and I, and just aren't critical in their regard of their own culture, leaders etc. 

I agree that humour is the best response - for a more enlightened western society, but these are more feudal and display a distinct lack of humour about some things. 

I also agree that there should be more self criticism.

Is it too serious for our relaxation area. Apologies if it is.

----------


## The Atheist

> It is a difficult one Atheist, burning books is anathema to most people, yet I would happily consign the Bible, Talmud, Bhagavad Gita and all the other bronze age works of theology to the flames. As you point out it is the fundies on all sides who create the violence. Yet we are where we are and the repercussions could be horrendous. Worrying times.


I agree that's it's not cut and dried, but I also think that allowing ourselves to be intimidated by threats of violence as worse than any of the alternatives.

I start to add it up - the Danish cartoons, Southpark, now the quran - where does it end? The edge of the wedge seems to be half of the wedge all of a sudden.




> When I first received a Gideon (looked up the spelling, haha) from a random stranger in a suit outside my high school as a teenager. I, of course, rushed home to eagerly spend my evening reading the Holy Book, only to discover it only contained the New Testament, what a gyp. I think it's a marketing ploy to try and get you to go out and buy the complete thing.
> 
> My favorite religious group is still the Raelians, with their cloning hoaxes and weird UFO village cult headquarters. They're off their rocker, but it's hard to dislike a group that just wants to hang out talking about aliens and having orgies.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%ABlism


Same reason I like Wiccans and Rastafarians. Any group whose idea of a good time is feasting and having an orgy - or getting high and having sex - can't be all bad!

We used to have those Gideon bibles given out officially when I was in high school. I recall being horrified at the time when some of the less well-bred pupils ripped them up. I still think book burning is pretty juvenile, but I'll defend the rights of people who want to do it.




> The problem is that the people who this affects - in Afghanistan for example - don't have acces to liberal ideas, are easily polarised, however ridiculous it is to you and I, and just aren't critical in their regard of their own culture, leaders etc. 
> 
> I agree that humour is the best response - for a more enlightened western society, but these are more feudal and display a distinct lack of humour about some things. 
> 
> I also agree that there should be more self criticism.
> 
> Is it too serious for our relaxation area. Apologies if it is.


Nah, best place to discuss this kind of absurdity is over a quiet whisky - and if anyone gets too stroppy, Parker's nephew is downstairs. You'll recognise him as the bloke doing bench-presses with 280 kg on the bar.

 :Wink: 

The trouble is, now that the burning has even been mooted, nothing will make things any better anyway - much better to go ahead and get it over with. If it isn't this, it'll be something else. The reaction of some parts of America to the proposed mosque at Ground Zero is as bad as the reaction to the quran burning, as far as I can tell.

----------


## The Atheist

Do you lot go to other forums as well?

Quite the hot topic, this quran-burning.

----------


## Paulclem

No. No time for this one really. 

Difficult topic book burning. As you say - it's out there already. Bugger.

----------


## The Atheist

How about gargoyles? Muslims appear to be offended by them as well.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/world/news...ectid=10672263

----------


## Cat Square

Christians too: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7cbYPgkt_w



poor gargoyles -- such a bad rap

----------


## The Atheist

And onto more pleasant subjects, 6 am this morning, the birds started tweeting with the very first light.

Nice!

Sorry, but my kids need the outdoors more than you lot need the sun, so get over it, it's down our way for the next six months!

I think an important goal for science and engineering is to *straighten up the damned planet!* This half and half stuff is just a nonsense, we ought to be able to align the planet so it sits perpendicular to the sun and we do away with this "winter".

It's not the weather - which has been its usual mild self - so much as the kids constantly coming home with some stinking, sneaky viral infection from all the diseased kids sent to school regardless of being as crook as a dog.

Soundo, you'll just have to move to NZ once we straighten 'er up - it isn't going to improve your weather. Plus, you'll probably be under water, Antarctica and Greenland will definitely melt.

----------


## dafydd manton

If only the water would rise....and drown Blackpool! Las Vegas with Pox!

----------


## Paulclem

Blackpool - I really can't understand the attraction- and I went there as a young chap. It's a glorified funfair. Skegness either. My enduring memory of both is the smell of chips. I like chips, but not the smell everywhere.

----------


## The Atheist

I'm hoping the lack of Mick over the past few days means the weather's picked up and he's been flat out making silage, because there can't be enough rain to be raining there as well the amount we've had here today!

39 more days and I'll be building an ark!

----------


## jocky

> Antarctica and Greenland will definitely melt.


 :Smile: 

Which will be quite sad really as this will only leave the New Zealand branch of the Bloke's Thread above water. Inform Parker to have the spare room ready, we are on our way.

----------


## dafydd manton

Should we order in lunch now, or when we get there? (And after Paul's earlier comment, not chips, I feel.)

----------


## The Atheist

Hell yeah, move over here now while there's still some land left!

Jocky - I'm getting the boys down south to resurrect the NZ distillery in your honour. About 35 years ago, someone decided it would be good to start a New Zealand distillery and make our own brand of "scotch".

You must try some!

----------


## Tallefred

Oh, it seems like I've come at a bad time. Any spots left on that ark?

----------


## jocky

> Hell yeah, move over here now while there's still some land left!
> 
> Jocky - I'm getting the boys down south to resurrect the NZ distillery in your honour. About 35 years ago, someone decided it would be good to start a New Zealand distillery and make our own brand of "scotch".
> 
> You must try some!


Thank you for the kind offer Atheist but I think I will pass on the Hokonui Moonshine. I will however be packing a few of my homeland's finest single malts and a few blends. Trust me you will never want me to leave.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Got any of The Laphroaig in there, Jocky? I only ask to act as bodyguard, you understand............

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Should we order in lunch now, or when we get there? (And after Paul's earlier comment, not chips, I feel.)





> Hell yeah, move over here now while there's still some land left!
> 
> Jocky - I'm getting the boys down south to resurrect the NZ distillery in your honour.





> Oh, it seems like I've come at a bad time. Any spots left on that ark?





> ... I will however be packing a few of my homeland's finest single malts and a few blends. Trust me you will never want me to leave.





(A shameful partial re posting)

I managed to secure Elissa for safe passage to higher ground. Aye, I still recall the day I first caressed her hull, stole glances at the supple curvature of her gunwales, marveled at her firm stern, but when she turned her bow towards me revealing those inflated jibs, my untamed desires set sail on the uncharted waters of wild abandon. 

Shes now been tamed for the most part. Oh sure, shell creak and moan from time to time, but her barque is worse than her bite. 
Jocky, youre my first stop. The Gulf Stream is taking me north to Scotland and then Ill work my way south from there. Elissa likes that.


Anchors Aweigh
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch1UA...eature=related


.

----------


## dafydd manton

Rum, whisky, whiskey, anything will do...

----------


## prendrelemick

Well thats the silage done. The lambs weaned. The cattle brought down from t'moor.

If I keep catching up at this rate it'll be Christmas in November.

----------


## jocky

> Got any of The Laphroaig in there, Jocky? I only ask to act as bodyguard, you understand............


Your hired dafyyd, Mrs Jocky has been known to throw a wobbly when the bottle of Islay nectar is produced.  :Smile: 




> Jocky, youre my first stop. 
> 
> 
> .


I will recognise you by your Roswell teashirt.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Thanks, Jocky. Should I bring a bottle of Arran?

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh, it seems like I've come at a bad time. Any spots left on that ark?


Always room for another couple. I'll just throw the unicorns off - stupid damn animals cost a fortune in vet's fees. Always goring each other while drinking.




> Thank you for the kind offer Atheist but I think I will pass on the Hokonui Moonshine.


Haha! You've heard about it then!




> I managed to secure Elissa for safe passage to higher ground.


That's what we need - a return to more peaceful, slower travel.

Have you ever been on a square-rigger? The motion, sound and feel is utterly unlike any other form of transport.




> Well thats the silage done. The lambs weaned. The cattle brought down from t'moor.
> 
> If I keep catching up at this rate it'll be Christmas in November.


There you go!

Now all I need to do is figure how to stop it raining here...

----------


## jocky

> Thanks, Jocky. Should I bring a bottle of Arran?


 :Smile: 

Each to his own dafydd, I was getting worried as I had never heard of it but apparently it is a new single malt. I think perhaps you should bring the Barra as we may have to dump a few intoxicated members overboard. Now I am retiring upstairs, illuminated by my candle, to partake of my Glenmorangie. I will hear from you tomorrow but not too early. Like your style.

----------


## dafydd manton

Arran is a lovely light, slightly peaty malt, bit like an Islay, but not so matured. Very nice, too. Don't forget to blow out the candle, that Glenmorangie burns nicely!

----------


## Paulclem

> Always room for another couple. I'll just throw the unicorns off - stupid damn animals cost a fortune in vet's fees. Always goring each other while drinking.
> 
> 
> 
> Haha! You've heard about it then!
> 
> 
> 
> That's what we need - a return to more peaceful, slower travel.
> ...


Yiou remember the black mass you did for Mick so he could get the silage done? Well the rain's got to go somewhere.

I sounds as though it could be a jolly trip on the ocean blue - particularly with Jocky's single malts. I have no experience whatsoever, but I'm willing. Presumably the experience will be useful for The Atheist Ark too.

----------


## The Atheist

> Yiou remember the black mass you did for Mick so he could get the silage done? Well the rain's got to go somewhere.


Good ! It's gone somewhere else again, because about an hour after I posted, the clouds blew away and it's not only fine, but absurdly warm for the time of year - presently touching 20 deg.




> I sounds as though it could be a jolly trip on the ocean blue - particularly with Jocky's single malts. I have no experience whatsoever, but I'm willing. Presumably the experience will be useful for The Atheist Ark too.


Boats and booze go together in a way cars can't. You cannot be a responsible drinking driver, but if you wait until the anchor's dropped - or if you're off watch on a ship - you can responsibly whacked.

Sounds better and better!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That's what we need - a return to more peaceful, slower travel.
> 
> Have you ever been on a square-rigger? The motion, sound and feel is utterly unlike any other form of transport.


Unfortunately not, only walked around them. I bet it is a thrill.
The largest sailboat Ive actually sailed on was a Columbia 38. I was invited to join the crew on a two day regatta, which included sailing through the night. It was a great experience.
Other than that Ive sailed several times on a friends Lightning.

http://www.columbia-yachts.com/c38brochure.jpg

http://cnyblogs.com/HistoricalSociet.../lightning.jpg





> ...to partake of my Glenmorangie.





> Arran is a lovely light, slightly peaty malt, bit like an Islay, but not so matured. Very nice, too.





> Boats and booze go together in a way cars can't. You cannot be a responsible drinking driver, but if you wait until the anchor's dropped - or if you're off watch on a ship - you can responsibly whacked.


As you can see from the brochure, the Columbia has plenty of room to stow your beverage of choice. 

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Unfortunately not, only walked around them. I bet it is a thrill.


Yes, I spent a couple of days on one many moons ago.

Magic.

Probably wasn't 150 years or so ago!

----------


## soundofmusic

:Ihih:  Hey Gents, Sorry it's been so long; old women and love are a nightmarish pair.... :Banana:  :Banana:  :Incazzato:   :Sleep: : :Cold:  :Argue:  :Sleep:  :Party:  :Ladysman:  :Auto:   :Iamwithstupid:  :Nopity:  :Bawling:  :Nono:  :Sad:  :Ciappa:   :Dupe:  :Toetap05:   :Angel:  :Ihih: 




> Yep.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnzHtm1jhL4


If that isn't a blast from the past; and a perfect description of my lif :Conehead: 




> This is now becoming my monthly drive thru/by shooting off of the mouth. I'd tell you what I was referring to but that would give you an unfair advantage wouldn't it? I'll just use quotes in making reference. The reading this month was much more interesting than previous times when my virus detector found a trojan horse on-site. 
> 
> Someone on site older than Jocky? God forbid.
> 
> No politics allowed, but the host (reference our parasitic nature) here in the states sells adds for even the senatorial race in NV. Adieu.


I think, at the moment, I am the ancient on sight. Do they have voting in Nevada...I thought everything there was decided by a coin toss; since gaming came to Florida, everything is decided by perscription drugs :Party: 




> How's about this chap in the US burning The Koran. Is this a Freedom of Speech too Far?
> 
> I think the media should have to answer for any problems from this. Not only is it potentially putting lives at risk, but it's polarising opinion - straight into the arms of the terrorists. 
> 
> In the UK we have inciting racial or religious hatred laws. Is there nothing similar in the US?


Seems like alot of folks down my way admire the crazy bugger; I personally don't like a middle aged, confused coot with a small church in the middle of nowhere claiming he is representing my belief system...
[QUOTE=jocky;951737] :Smile: 





> Look Soundo, they are playing our song.


I love that they are playing the song; but I'm confused as to what level to set the lights and if I should move the furniture for dancing...

I read a bit of the constitution recently; it's really vague...kind of like, "Don't ask, don't tell vague...




> When I first received a Gideon (looked up the spelling, haha) from a random stranger in a suit outside my high school as a teenager. I, of course, rushed home to eagerly spend my evening reading the Holy Book, only to discover it only contained the New Testament, what a gyp. I think it's a marketing ploy to try and get you to go out and buy the complete thing.
> 
> My favorite religious group is still the Raelians, with their cloning hoaxes and weird UFO village cult headquarters. They're off their rocker, but it's hard to dislike a group that just wants to hang out talking about aliens and having orgies.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ra%C3%ABlism


Where did you say that group was; I knew there was at least one church group that I could fit in with....the only problem I have with orgies is that it's kind of equal rights; even the ugly people get a girl :Troll:

----------


## The Atheist

> Hey Gents, Sorry it's been so long; old women and love are a nightmarish pair....


Hang on a second.

Are you trying to tell us something here? If so, spill, woman!

----------


## jocky

:Smile: 

Thank goodness Soundos back. Now we have someone to swab the decks, pour the refreshments and repel all boarders. I guess that will be me that gets the black spot. Ha har Jim lad.

----------


## The Atheist

> I guess that will be me that gets the black spot. Ha har Jim lad.


Black spot?

Ball, surely?

----------


## dafydd manton

Is this an illness I kow nothing about? What causes it? What is the cure? Other than a bath, that is! That Stockholm Tar gets everywhere!

----------


## Emil Miller

Now here is a conundrum. Today I went to the dentist and had root canal treatment by a young lady from Latin America. Earlier, I had noticed an article on the MSN page with a a picture of one, Penelope Cruz, whoever she may be, and the dentist could be her double. The question is this, should I ignore the voluptuous dentist and lie back and think of England, or should I enjoy, what would otherwise be an unfortunate necessity?

----------


## dafydd manton

If you can lie back and think of England whilst somebody is carrying out mining operations on your gums, you are a better man than I am, Gunga Din.

----------


## Paulclem

Did you know that if you stick you tongue into the cavity left by a just pulled tooth you can feel the bone underneath? I tried it quite a while ago and it surprised me. I wouldn't recommend t though - infections and all that. 

I once had a filling - quite a large one that looked like a small ingot - come out once. I was working in a primary school and said to one of the female staff - "Just feel the weight of that little bit of metal." "Oooh yeah", "She says, "Where's it from". The horror look and jump reflex was comical when I told her.

Teeth - the fun side.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Aliens, UFOs, Lights, Bigfootnow youre talking my language.
> Remember the Marfa Lights Jocky? 
> 
> Yours truly captivated by the reflection of an alien craft that landed in Chicago:
> (Yes; Im wearing my Roswell Mystery Cover Up T-shirt)
> .


Talking of Bigfoot, did I ever tell you that the first Mr sounds wore a size 13 steel toed boot...




> I agree that's it's not cut and dried, but I also think that allowing ourselves to be intimidated by threats of violence as worse than any of the alternatives.
> 
> I start to add it up - the Danish cartoons, Southpark, now the quran - where does it end? The edge of the wedge seems to be half of the wedge all of a sudden.


Did someone say Southpark; God, I miss Southpark :Bawling:  It was never quite the same after chef left, though...Like family guy, every American cartoon needs at least one etnic :Icon Bs: 



> Do you lot go to other forums as well?
> 
> Quite the hot topic, this quran-burning.


 :Mad:  I'll be glad when they go back to discussing American Idol; particularly since the people I know can't stay on one side of the fence from week to week. 



> Christians too: 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t7cbYPgkt_w
> 
> poor gargoyles -- such a bad rap


Hello and welcome, Cat...how'd you come up with the name :Shocked: 



> And onto more pleasant subjects, 6 am this morning, the birds started tweeting with the very first light.
> 
> Nice!
> 
> Sorry, but my kids need the outdoors more than you lot need the sun, so get over it, it's down our way for the next six months!
> 
> I think an important goal for science and engineering is to *straighten up the damned planet!* This half and half stuff is just a nonsense, we ought to be able to align the planet so it sits perpendicular to the sun and we do away with this "winter".
> 
> 
> Soundo, you'll just have to move to NZ once we straighten 'er up - it isn't going to improve your weather. Plus, you'll probably be under water, Antarctica and Greenland will definitely melt.



I'm coming as soon as I can sell this bit of slum I live in as beach front property; I waded home with water to my ankles after a short burst of rain the other night...won't be long now :Party: 



> If only the water would rise....and drown Blackpool! Las Vegas with Pox!


Maybe that is why we are getting floods...I knew there would be a pox on Florida when we legalized gambling :Eek6: 



> Which will be quite sad really as this will only leave the New Zealand branch of the Bloke's Thread above water. Inform Parker to have the spare room ready, we are on our way.


Do you mind if you and Mrs Jocky take the top bunk; I tend to roll out of bed.




> Should we order in lunch now, or when we get there? (And after Paul's earlier comment, not chips, I feel.)


Atheist always knows how to feed us and Parker keeps our hinges well oiled with liquor; I'm beginning to consider letting the shack go for taxes..



> Oh, it seems like I've come at a bad time. Any spots left on that ark?


Welcome, I'll give you my spot if you don't mind me perching on your shoulders with my looking glasses..



> Well thats the silage done. The lambs weaned. The cattle brought down from t'moor.
> 
> If I keep catching up at this rate it'll be Christmas in November.


Just in time for you to send my a nice wool sweater...in the event we do have a winter in the South.




> Hang on a second.
> 
> Are you trying to tell us something here? If so, spill, woman!


 :Party:  Oh yes, this old lady is keeping late hours and having to take extra vitamins...our cup runneth over  :Ihih: 



> Thank goodness Soundos back. Now we have someone to swab the decks, pour the refreshments and repel all boarders. I guess that will be me that gets the black spot. Ha har Jim lad.


Thank you kindly, Jocky. I think Mrs Jocky is taking over head of housekeeping though; I shall be in charge of supplying staff uniforms. Parker wants to know if he can wear those tiny bicylcle shorts he got as a "best customer" gift from victorias secret. 




> Now here is a conundrum. Today I went to the dentist and had root canal treatment by a young lady from Latin America. Earlier, I had noticed an article on the MSN page with a a picture of one, Penelope Cruz, whoever she may be, and the dentist could be her double. The question is this, should I ignore the voluptuous dentist and lie back and think of England, or should I enjoy, what would otherwise be an unfortunate necessity?


Forget England, my friend. Ask for the gas and keep looking south :Ihih:

----------


## The Atheist

> Now here is a conundrum. Today I went to the dentist and had root canal treatment by a young lady from Latin America. Earlier, I had noticed an article on the MSN page with a a picture of one, Penelope Cruz, whoever she may be, and the dentist could be her double. The question is this, should I ignore the voluptuous dentist and lie back and think of England, or should I enjoy, what would otherwise be an unfortunate necessity?


I'd advocate going to the next visit wearing a kilt.

Works for women, allegedly...




> Oh yes, this old lady is keeping late hours and having to take extra vitamins...our cup runneth over


Woohoo!

That must be another excuse to break out the bubbly.

As if we need one...

 :Party:

----------


## jocky

> Now here is a conundrum. Today I went to the dentist and had root canal treatment by a young lady from Latin America. Earlier, I had noticed an article on the MSN page with a a picture of one, Penelope Cruz, whoever she may be, and the dentist could be her double. The question is this, should I ignore the voluptuous dentist and lie back and think of England, or should I enjoy, what would otherwise be an unfortunate necessity?


Just think yourself lucky Brian you are not going for a vasectomy, as you would be praying the nurse looked like Boris Karlof.




> Parker wants to know if he can wear those tiny bicylcle shorts he got as a "best customer" gift from victorias secret.


 :Biggrin: 

Shush, If Master Atheist finds out that his missus bought them for Parker, on his credit card, there will be big trouble in Aukland.

----------


## Paulclem

> Just think yourself lucky Brian you are not going for a vasectomy, as you would be praying the nurse looked like Boris Karlof.


 :Biggrin: 

Especially during the shaving.

----------


## jocky

> Especially during the shaving.


Have you not got essays to mark or forms to fill in ? Think on lad, the public service cull is coming shortly. Teachers with time to burn could be supernumary.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Just think yourself lucky Brian you are not going for a vasectomy, as you would be praying the nurse looked like Boris Karlof.


Did I mention that the vasectomy nurse when I had mine chopped was an amazingly gorgeous blonde?

That was a little odd, I have to say.




> Shush, If Master Atheist finds out that his missus bought them for Parker, on his credit card, there will be big trouble in Aukland.


Parker? Bike shorts? 

Never!

----------


## jocky

> Especially during the shaving.





> Did I mention that the vasectomy nurse when I had mine chopped was an amazingly gorgeous blonde?
> 
> That was a little odd, I have to say.


 :Biggrin: 

I bet you didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I hope you closed your eyes and envisioned the All Blacks front row. Better than any anaesthetic. Either that or Mick shovelling the silage.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> I bet you didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I hope you closed your eyes and envisioned the All Blacks front row. Better than any anaesthetic. Either that or Mick shovelling the silage.


Looking at the pieces of equipment laid out to work on me with obviated any need to think about the ABs!

----------


## jocky

The Pope is paying a visitation to Scotland, " The Special Daughter of the See of Rome. " Mrs Jocky has been counting her rosary beads and saying her hail Mary's. Every time the word sinner is mentioned she flashes her eyes in my direction. On that note I will retire to my confessional. Any thoughts ?  :Smile:

----------


## Emil Miller

> If you can lie back and think of England whilst somebody is carrying out mining operations on your gums, you are a better man than I am, Gunga Din.


It wasn't a problem as the nerve was already dead and she was able to do it without anaesthetic. For my next appointment I am looking to purchase a sombrero, a poncho and a pair of maracas.

----------


## The Atheist

> The Pope is paying a visitation to Scotland, " The Special Daughter of the See of Rome. " Mrs Jocky has been counting her rosary beads and saying her hail Mary's. Every time the word sinner is mentioned she flashes her eyes in my direction. On that note I will retire to my confessional. Any thoughts ?


Quite a few!

I won't mention too many of them, but the one conversation I would like to share over a bottle of consecrated wine is asking Ratty what Jesus would have done had he been ordered to join the Hitler Youth.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

Nice One, The Atheist!!!

----------


## Paulclem

> Have you not got essays to mark or forms to fill in ? Think on lad, the public service cull is coming shortly. Teachers with time to burn could be supernumary.


Aye - they'll be shaving 20% or more. The least we can hope for is a pay freeze. Birmingham council is looking to renegotiate public sector contracts and have the employees re-apply for their old jobs. Perhaps that'll be us too. No more golden decade for me either. I wonder if it'll be a dingy sunset.  :Biggrin: 




> Looking at the pieces of equipment laid out to work on me with obviated any need to think about the ABs!


The first injection into my right hand jewel killed whatever atmosphere there was. 

That and the sound of someone screaming with laughter out in the waiting room where my wife was... She's worked in the clinic before...

----------


## jocky

> Quite a few!
> 
> I won't mention too many of them, but the one conversation I would like to share over a bottle of consecrated wine is asking Ratty what Jesus would have done had he been ordered to join the Hitler Youth.


 :Yikes: 

His Holiness Pope Ratzinger ( Ratty )  :Smile:  would have gazed at you through his watery eyes and thoughtfully replied ; " Ach Von Atheist, our glorious Fuhrer would never have employed a Jew. " He would have then turned to his Swiss Guard and said ; " Escort our Kiwi friend from our presense ". The Captain would have whispered in the Pontiff's ear...... " The Roberto Calvi treatment ". ...... "Jahowl, and God's blood remove that rubbish wine and replace it with the Liebfraumilch. "  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> Aye - they'll be shaving 20% or more. The least we can hope for is a pay freeze. Birmingham council is looking to renegotiate public sector contracts and have the employees re-apply for their old jobs. Perhaps that'll be us too. No more golden decade for me either. I wonder if it'll be a dingy sunset.


 :Smile: 

Personally Paul, I would go for the pay freeze. " dingy sunset" sounds all too familiar .

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye - they'll be shaving 20% or more. The least we can hope for is a pay freeze. Birmingham council is looking to renegotiate public sector contracts and have the employees re-apply for their old jobs. Perhaps that'll be us too. No more golden decade for me either. I wonder if it'll be a dingy sunset.


I was reading the Independent this morning and studying the unemployment figures for Europe with shock. Spain at 20% is just aking for trouble, and with gov'ts all over the place undertaking "austerity" cuts, it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better.




> The first injection into my right hand jewel killed whatever atmosphere there was. 
> 
> That and the sound of someone screaming with laughter out in the waiting room where my wife was... She's worked in the clinic before...


I was smart enough to leave the Mrs at home.




> His Holiness Pope Ratzinger ( Ratty )  would have gazed at you through his watery eyes and thoughtfully replied ; " Ach Von Atheist, our glorious Fuhrer would never have employed a Jew. " He would have then turned to his Swiss Guard and said ; " Escort our Kiwi friend from our presense ". The Captain would have whispered in the Pontiff's ear...... " The Roberto Calvi treatment ". ...... "Jahowl, and God's blood remove that rubbish wine and replace it with the Liebfraumilch. "


How about this gem spotted in UK today:



 :Smilielol5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'd advocate going to the next visit wearing a kilt.
> 
> Works for women, allegedly...
> 
> Woohoo!
> 
> That must be another excuse to break out the bubbly.
> 
> As if we need one...


I don't know about the kilt, Brian; I recall the days before they draped the patient in long plastic bibs. I was wearing my favorite blouse and my bosoms were spilling out in a fetching, but proper manner...at the end of the treatment, my mouth hurt way before it should and we both realized that he had given me a root canal on a perfectly good tooth...1 tooth away from the sick one. 

Here, Here, any reason is a good one for the bubbly...

Ah, fellows, just wanted to ask a question...I and loverboy are having a bit of a disagreement about the male anatomy and physiology. My friend claims that mens parts naturally rise and follow women during a comatose sleep; I told my friend that I am relatively sure that nocturnal emissions do not include a full blown laser and fireworks show :Smilielol5: 




> Shush, If Master Atheist finds out that his missus bought them for Parker, on his credit card, there will be big trouble in Aukland.


Mrs A just bought the matching bow and boots :Drool5: 



> Especially during the shaving.


Hum, really, I would have thought that the mast would fall at the sign of a razor blade :Yikes: 



> Did I mention that the vasectomy nurse when I had mine chopped was an amazingly gorgeous blonde?
> 
> That was a little odd, I have to say.
> 
> Parker? Bike shorts? 
> 
> Never!


What a time to have a gorgeous blonde around; how long before you could form a proper fantasy about her?

Yes, the bicycle shorts were supposed to be for that Queen video; Parker arrived and found that they weren't using the shorts to ride afterall :Hand: 



> How about this gem spotted in UK today:


 :Smilielol5:

----------


## Emil Miller

> His Holiness Pope Ratzinger ( Ratty )  would have gazed at you through his watery eyes and thoughtfully replied ; " Ach Von Atheist, our glorious Fuhrer would never have employed a Jew. " He would have then turned to his Swiss Guard and said ; " Escort our Kiwi friend from our presense ". The Captain would have whispered in the Pontiff's ear...... " The Roberto Calvi treatment ". ...... "Jahowl, and God's blood remove that rubbish wine and replace it with the Liebfraumilch. "


Roberto Calvi treatment? Could anyone imagine the Atheist hanging from Blackfriars Bridge with five bricks in his pockets ? Don't all answer at once. :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Ah, fellows, just wanted to ask a question...I and loverboy are having a bit of a disagreement about the male anatomy and physiology. My friend claims that mens parts naturally rise and follow women during a comatose sleep; I told my friend that I am relatively sure that nocturnal emissions do not include a full blown laser and fireworks show


This loverboy would not happen to be a certain Yorkshire farmer who has been posted missing recently. I am suspicious. You keep him well away from your vegetable patch.  :FRlol: 




> Roberto Calvi treatment? Could anyone imagine the Atheist hanging from Blackfriars Bridge with five bricks in his pockets ? Don't all answer at once.


Categorically no, apart from the members of every religious organisation on the planet.  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

Two days without a post!

Parker was almost in tears. There he was with filet de boeuf en croute with the 1959 Burgundy and nobody came to dinner.

(It's not all bad news, the beef makes great sandwiches!)

----------


## dafydd manton

Atheist, my dear old thing, the invitation must have got lost in the post. Rather partial to boeuf en croute, with carrots Vichysoisse and satueed potatoes. I hope the Burgundy wasn't a Remoissonel Clos de Vougeot, or I shall be devastated. Please pass on my abject apologies to Parker, assuming he's come round yet.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Two days without a post!
> 
> Parker was almost in tears. There he was with filet de boeuf en croute with the 1959 Burgundy and nobody came to dinner.
> 
> (It's not all bad news, the beef makes great sandwiches!)


Surely Parker would never make the mistake of serving Burgundy with beef, unless he's been at the Newcastle Brown ale again. Prendrelemick has a lot to answer for.

----------


## dafydd manton

Terribly middle-class prejudice, that, Brian. Remember, Parker knows best (although I've never been so sure about those fish-fingers he brought in once. Frozen peas? Is this acceptable?)

----------


## Emil Miller

> Terribly middle-class prejudice, that, Brian. Remember, Parker knows best (although I've never been so sure about those fish-fingers he brought in once. Frozen peas? Is this acceptable?)


Daffyd old chap, I'm sure that Parker knows much more about wine than I do but the pernicious effects of 'Newkie' on a refined sensibility such a his, cannot be underestimated. Frozen peas, as with all peas, are acceptable when eaten from a knife. :FRlol:

----------


## dafydd manton

One assumes, with honey?

----------


## Emil Miller

> One assumes, with honey?


Yes, but only if it's Mankusa honey which retails at Harrods at £42 for a jar of 120 grammes. i understand that it is favoured by Sienna Miller among other non entities, so it might be quite good; best ask Parker I think.

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh, our local health-food shops bungs it out at £4.99 the jar.....

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist, my dear old thing, the invitation must have got lost in the post. Rather partial to boeuf en croute, with carrots Vichysoisse and satueed potatoes. I hope the Burgundy wasn't a Remoissonel Clos de Vougeot, or I shall be devastated. Please pass on my abject apologies to Parker, assuming he's come round yet.


He's fine; planning this week's dinner - Baron of beef with roast baby potatoes, Yorkshire pudding & brocollini.




> Surely Parker would never make the mistake of serving Burgundy with beef, unless he's been at the Newcastle Brown ale again. Prendrelemick has a lot to answer for.


Nothing wrong with burgundy and boeuf. They go together like champagne & dark ale.

----------


## prendrelemick

Just back from Hols. After four days shopping, in Kendal (shoes) Keswick (A new top) Windermere (plate rack for draining board)and Lancaster (nothing, but we had lunch :Rolleyes5: ) I eventually persuaded Mrs P to go for a lesurely walk among the fells and lakes of Cumbria. It was after all the reason (I thought) we had chosen to head Northwest in the first place.
The day dawned bright and clear and we actually managed one and a half miles above Hawes water before being forced back by a chilly breeze. Coincidentally Mrs P had spotted The Hawes Water Hotel a few minutes before this ill wind struck, so we had a refuge from the storm. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the Hotel lounge sipping expensive tea and listening to Mrs P saying, "This is nice," every 10 minutes or so. After that it rained every day. :Frown:

----------


## dafydd manton

No butterfly buns, Mick? (And it has to be cheaper than Betty's in York!)

----------


## prendrelemick

Carrot Cake! 7 (seven!) quid a head.

----------


## Paulclem

> Just back from Hols. After four days shopping, in Kendal (shoes) Keswick (A new top) Windermere (plate rack for draining board)and Lancaster (nothing, but we had lunch) I eventually persuaded Mrs P to go for a lesurely walk among the fells and lakes of Cumbria. It was after all the reason (I thought) we had chosen to head Northwest in the first place.
> The day dawned bright and clear and we actually managed one and a half miles above Hawes water before being forced back by a chilly breeze. Coincidentally Mrs P had spotted The Hawes Water Hotel a few minutes before this ill wind struck, so we had a refuge from the storm. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the Hotel lounge sipping expensive tea and listening to Mrs P saying, "This is nice," every 10 minutes or so. After that it rained every day.


Shopping is the primary purpose of holidays apparently. I used to think the primary purpose was relaxing fun. My views have since modified themselves to the actual reality.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, the joys of going on to a million souvenir shops, in Rhyl, and looking at little models of London buses, asinine looking dolphins, dolls made in Hong Kong (sure, it says China....bit we all know) and other tat that you can buy in every other souvenir shop from Lands End to John 'o Groats. And that's the GOOD side of Rhyl!

----------


## prendrelemick

Rhyl, That'd be the Welsh Morecome then?

----------


## dafydd manton

No, Morecambe is at least fairly clean, and not full of Scouse accents. (Actually, they've done Morecambe up a bit, its now a great place to go and die, a bit like Bournemouth. Full of people saying "I didn't feel very well, so we moved here. Pass the tablets, dear.)

Rhyl has to be only place I know where to get from the hideous caravan parks to the beach, you have to cross the main road and the main railway line!

----------


## Paulclem

We once took the lad - when he was three or four on a coach to Rhyl. There was a traffic jam going there - not sure why - and then we arrived. We'd just landed on the beach and it began to rain and rained all day. The sun came out as we traversed the hills into England. We spent the afternoon looking round - yes you guessed it - the shops - which tended to be pound shop style. The greasy spoons were cheap - which is good because we spent a good while in them.

----------


## Emil Miller

> No, Morecambe is at least fairly clean, and not full of Scouse accents. (Actually, they've done Morecambe up a bit, its now a great place to go and die, a bit like Bournemouth. Full of people saying "I didn't feel very well, so we moved here. Pass the tablets, dear.)


Ah! Bournemouth, definitely a place to be missed. A few years ago I spent a weekend there with a young lady of my acquaintance and everything appeared to be fine, the hotel was good, the weather was perfect and the beach very long with real sand. And then, after walking around for ages, it dawned on me that there were no pubs there. Eventually we found one; a Wetherspoons that was choc full of people who were obviously also visitors from outside of town. My friend wasn't at all concerned because, being Chinese, she didn't drink anyway but, although the pub was a life saver, I swore never to return to Bournemouth again. There's only so much a chap can take.

----------


## dafydd manton

I'm not sure which is worse - the thought of Bournemouth or a Wetherspoons. A combination of the two, well....... One assumes the relationship was doomed!

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm not sure which is worse - the thought of Bournemouth or a Wetherspoons. A combination of the two, well....... One assumes the relationship was doomed!


I'm afraid so, she eventually departed for New York. It's an unfortunate trait of oriental women that they usually refuse to drink alcohol and I always feel distinctly uncomfortable watching anyone drinking soft drinks in a bar. The only one that I have met that did drink beer was born in Australia; so nothing surprising there. I have a lunch date on Thursday with a Japanese female who is also teetotal. It's enough to drive one to drink.

----------


## dafydd manton

yeah, but it's cheaper! Uncomfortable, I suspect. Next time we go for a drink, I promise to drink pints - of brandy!

----------


## Emil Miller

> yeah, but it's cheaper! Uncomfortable, I suspect. Next time we go for a drink, I promise to drink pints - of brandy!


Now you're talking.

----------


## dafydd manton

Asbach Uralt, naturally. None of your cheap French muck!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Asbach Uralt, naturally. None of your cheap French muck!


Reminds me of many happy days in Germany where the big thing among my friends was, I dare to say it, Asbach with Coca Cola accompanied by much smoking of HB cigarettes; I should point out that we were all very much younger in those days.

----------


## dafydd manton

HB! You're brave! And it is sacrilege putting Coke in Asbach - and far too expensive, as well! What were you doing in Germany?

----------


## Emil Miller

> HB! You're brave! And it is sacrilege putting Coke in Asbach - and far too expensive, as well! What were you doing in Germany?


Working in a steel works and learning the language.

----------


## dafydd manton

Echt? Wunderbar! Sie ist eine herrlich Sprache!

----------


## Emil Miller

Ich würde sagen, dass Deutsch ist eher eine interessante Sprache als eine herrliche. Es gibt wenig Gelegenheit Deutsch zu sprechen in England, obwohl praktisch alle Sprachen der Welt sind hier zu hören in diesen Tagen.

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh, I loved German - worked in it for five years, lived amongst the locals, went to local shops, local pubs. Had a whale of a time - Berlin, too, which helps. I went to Berlin twice, once for a year, once for five, theree years in Celle, near Hanover, and one year on a roving commission, centred on Dannenberg. All booze tax free, too!!! What a life!

----------


## Scheherazade

> Just back from Hols. After four days shopping, in Kendal (shoes) Keswick (A new top) Windermere (plate rack for draining board)and Lancaster (nothing, but we had lunch) I eventually persuaded Mrs P to go for a lesurely walk among the fells and lakes of Cumbria. It was after all the reason (I thought) we had chosen to head Northwest in the first place.
> The day dawned bright and clear and we actually managed one and a half miles above Hawes water before being forced back by a chilly breeze. Coincidentally Mrs P had spotted The Hawes Water Hotel a few minutes before this ill wind struck, so we had a refuge from the storm. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the Hotel lounge sipping expensive tea and listening to Mrs P saying, "This is nice," every 10 minutes or so. After that it rained every day.





> Shopping is the primary purpose of holidays apparently. I used to think the primary purpose was relaxing fun. My views have since modified themselves to the actual reality.





> Ah, the joys of going on to a million souvenir shops, in Rhyl, and looking at little models of London buses, asinine looking dolphins, dolls made in Hong Kong (sure, it says China....bit we all know) and other tat that you can buy in every other souvenir shop from Lands End to John 'o Groats. And that's the GOOD side of Rhyl!


I think I would like Mrs P, Mrs Clem and Mrs Manton (and better halves of the other members of this club) to join LitNet!

----------


## dafydd manton

Do you really think we would even be so daft as to admit to it's very existence? This is our haven, our oasis, our sanity in a lunatic world!!!!!!

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm not sure which is worse - the thought of Bournemouth or a Wetherspoons. A combination of the two, well....... One assumes the relationship was doomed!


I can answer that - the Wetherspoons in Nuneaton. Now I'm not a soft lad but I baulked at entering ...

Having said that, the Wetherspoons in Coventry offers coffee from 7am and does a cheap breakfast. 

I find that quite civilised, though I haven't partaken yet.

----------


## dafydd manton

The Wetherspoons near me is horriific - the Giro Jet Set, in Designer this that and the other, and tarty women with everything hanging out, tattoes and bottle blonde hair like drying straw. I went in once, left quickly and haven't been back. Dante couldn't have imagined it!

----------


## Paulclem

I know what you mean. The one in Coventry is like that from the afternoon onwards too. It's right in the centre of town as well.

Just slipped the old avatar on again. Feels better.

----------


## dafydd manton

Wot? No Watney's Red Barrel? (Now there was a horrific brew.)

----------


## Emil Miller

> Oh, I loved German - worked in it for five years, lived amongst the locals, went to local shops, local pubs. Had a whale of a time - Berlin, too, which helps. I went to Berlin twice, once for a year, once for five, theree years in Celle, near Hanover, and one year on a roving commission, centred on Dannenberg. All booze tax free, too!!! What a life!


Germany is my second home, I first went there expecting to find it full of the ridiculously propagandist view propagated by UK governments, only to discover that my own people were either dupes or liars. While the 'Oh so liberal' UK sank beneath the weight of its own political and philosophical inconsistencies, Germany continued to rise to become the mighty industrial driving force for the whole of Europe. They are much more my kind of people than the English with their casuistic self-righteousness which continues to reduce them to the status of a third world country. Or to put it another way, es lebt Deutschland !

----------


## dafydd manton

Bingo! I'd go back tomorrow, if I could!! I loved the lack of class distinctions, so long as you didn't sit uninvited at the Stammtisch! And the determination to enjoy life!

----------


## Paulclem

We like Germany too, and find the people very nice. My wife speaks German, and does all the enquiring. I agree with you Brian about some of the English attitudes to "abroad". It's embarassing - particularly the attitude to Germany promulgated solely by the daft press we have.

----------


## dafydd manton

One reason why I flatly refuse to buy a tabloid newspaper, especially anywhere near a football tournament. Not, actually, that much of a sacrifice, since I loathe football, but there's no point in having a principle if you're not going to get sniffy about it!

----------


## The Atheist

> Carrot Cake! 7 (seven!) quid a head.


The world's best carrot cake is made by the mum of the bloke who runs a public 9-hole golf course in Papakura.

Monstrous pieces with icing half an inch thick.

Better than sex.

(and a lot cheaper at $2 a slice)




> Shopping is the primary purpose of holidays apparently. I used to think the primary purpose was relaxing fun. My views have since modified themselves to the actual reality.


Ah, music to my ears. I knew I married a shopophobe for a reason.




> We like Germany too, and find the people very nice. My wife speaks German, and does all the enquiring. I agree with you Brian about some of the English attitudes to "abroad". It's embarassing - particularly the attitude to Germany promulgated solely by the daft press we have.


Don't mention the war!

Germans are just a little stereotypical, though. Just too easy.

----------


## prendrelemick

To be fair, the carrot cake was probably among the top ten best things I have ever placed in in my mouth. It was home made and delicious, but I wanted to be wandering lonely as a cloud upon the high places at the time, not sat among chintz.


I think Brian is being a little Harsh on us Brits EXCEPT the tabloid press, which is a national disgrace. (I too won't buy a newspaper) It is the rottenness at the heart of our society.

----------


## Emil Miller

> To be fair, the carrot cake was probably among the top ten best things I have ever placed in in my mouth. It was home made and delicious, but I wanted to be wandering lonely as a cloud upon the high places at the time, not sat among chintz.
> 
> I think Brian is being a little Harsh on us Brits EXCEPT the tabloid press, which is a national disgrace. (I too won't buy a newspaper) It is the rottenness at the heart of our society.


Perhaps you should have tried cannabis cake instead.

Got to agree about the tabloid press, which is why I read the Daily Telegraph, although not on a regular basis.

----------


## Paulclem

The tabloid press - a law unto itself - courted by spineless politicians because it has so much sway - which feeds off the critical ignorence of a lot of the public, but which pretends to champion them and is actually a tool for owners who are not of them - which as no regard for the damage it does to individuals - which mercilessly promotes with the carrot of celebrity before dumping and trashing a series of hapless narcissists - which has no interest in truth, integrity or decency whilst pretending that it really is the standard bearer for those qualities - which masquerades gossip and triviality as news whilst the real stories go unnoticed - which employs bigoted loudmouths who then leave to become respectable - 

I have issues with the tabloid press which is why I don't buy any. I'll sign up for therapy tomorrow...

----------


## jocky

> The tabloid press - a law unto itself - courted by spineless politicians because it has so much sway - which feeds off the critical ignorence of a lot of the public, but which pretends to champion them and is actually a tool for owners who are not of them - which as no regard for the damage it does to individuals - which mercilessly promotes with the carrot of celebrity before dumping and trashing a series of hapless narcissists - which has no interest in truth, integrity or decency whilst pretending that it really is the standard bearer for those qualities - which masquerades gossip and triviality as news whilst the real stories go unnoticed - which employs bigoted loudmouths who then leave to become respectable - 
> 
> I have issues with the tabloid press which is why I don't buy any. I'll sign up for therapy tomorrow...


 :FRlol: 

There is nothing to beat a good rant, I have been known to have one or two myself. I hate the News of the World as well but this leaves me in a moral dilemma. Is the Sporting Post a broadsheet or a tabloid ? As to the German problem, I have always thought that bullying was a group activity perfected by the herring folks. Apparently intellectuals practice this as well. I have always preferred to plough my own furrow.  :Chillpill:

----------


## The Atheist

A story to strike fear into every sheep-farmer's heart.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10674846

This storm will be nearly as devastating in dollar terms as the earthquake in the end.

I'm just waiting until someone reads the Jonah story and decides to throw me overboard!

----------


## jocky

> A story to strike fear into every sheep-farmer's heart.
> 
> http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10674846
> 
> This storm will be nearly as devastating in dollar terms as the earthquake in the end.
> 
> I'm just waiting until someone reads the Jonah story and decides to throw me overboard!


You seem to be having a wee weather problem, earthquakes, storms the size of Australia, ad infinitum. The Arc idea seems to be beached. Gilliatt has cancelled the sloop and the general concencus appears to be you are on your own mate. Phone us when the sun re-appears. Your faithful pal Jocky.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> You seem to be having a wee weather problem, earthquakes, storms the size of Australia, ad infinitum. The Arc idea seems to be beached. Gilliatt has cancelled the sloop and the general concencus appears to be you are on your own mate. Phone us when the sun re-appears. Your faithful pal Jocky.


Thanks very much for your support!

We're having more wind here than I get after three vindaloos in a row.

Trees across roads, old ladies across paddocks...

Classic storm-related comment:

"People are more resilient down here," the Southern Communication spokesperson said. "Not like Aucklanders. When a deck chair blows over we don't call the fire brigade."

----------


## Paulclem

> Thanks very much for your support!
> 
> We're having more wind here than I get after three vindaloos in a row.
> 
> Trees across roads, old ladies across paddocks...
> 
> Classic storm-related comment:
> 
> "People are more resilient down here," the Southern Communication spokesperson said. "Not like Aucklanders. When a deck chair blows over we don't call the fire brigade."


 :FRlol: 

It's inverted here in the UK. The Northern term is soft southern ********. I don't know whether it's fair though. 

We don't hear anything about your end of the world here - or anywhere exept the USA for that matter.

----------


## The Atheist

> It's inverted here in the UK. The Northern term is soft southern ********. I don't know whether it's fair though.


Yep, that's the exact equivalent!

The rest of the country sees Aucklanders as a bunch of rich arrogant bastards that ignore the rest of the country.

Since Auckland arrogantly ignores the uncivilised parts of the country (everywhere outiside Auckland) while piling up huge riches, I find it all a bit odd.




> We don't hear anything about your end of the world here - or anywhere exept the USA for that matter.


Yes, the US-centricism of news media is pretty universal.

The only time UK makes the news is when Prince Phil lets off a zinger.

----------


## The Atheist

Holy crap.

They're talking 1,000,000 dead lambs now. The worst spring storm in 50-100 years down south.

A million! 

Don't expect cheap lamb for a while.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> A story to strike fear into every sheep-farmer's heart.
> 
> http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10674846
> 
> This storm will be nearly as devastating in dollar terms as the earthquake in the end.
> I'm just waiting until someone reads the Jonah story and decides to throw me overboard!


Sounds like you are taking a beating down there. 
Winter is not going away with a whisper. 
I found this update article:

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/ar...ectid=10675148





> ...Yes, the US-centricism of news media is pretty universal...


That and McDonalds!




> You seem to be having a wee weather problem, earthquakes, storms the size of Australia, ad infinitum. The Arc idea seems to be beached. Gilliatt has cancelled the sloop and the general concencus appears to be you are on your own mate. Phone us when the sun re-appears. Your faithful pal Jocky.


Elissa is not eqiupped to handle those storms!
I'll drop anchor at Easter Island for the time being.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

Oh dear, a shortage of lamb! I hope prices don't go up. :Drool5: 


To be fair though, the second article about the Mental affects of a disasterous lambing time is spot on. I have known a couple, and it is difficult to keep fighting the overwhelming feeling that every thing you do is useless, and you might as well stay in bed. Its probably a mixture of exhaustion and depression.

----------


## dafydd manton

> It's inverted here in the UK. The Northern term is soft southern ********. I don't know whether it's fair though. 
> 
> We don't hear anything about your end of the world here - or anywhere exept the USA for that matter.


No it isn't!!!! Funnily enough, I played Rugby in the south, and when I came up here, it was very soft and namby-pamby in comparison. Also, the number of people up here who who whinge about the cold, never mind being convinced that at any point south of Watford there are two Jags on every drive, drives you crackers. I just make the accent a bit stronger, and tell 'em "Oh, you Northerners - we breed 'em tough where I come from". And if you want to hear the biggest bunch of Jesses in the planet, listen to local radio on about the dreaded football, and they're crying like a collection of big girl's blouses. Ah, Sheffield, the gateway to.......something!

 :Rofl:   :Incazzato:

----------


## gbrekken

Off the wall weekly highlights: Popish person shaking hands with female Anglican priest (caution pope visiting holding child's hand at crosswalk pretty sweet too); Perfect American Teen winner from Wales (what a melting pot we are-extreme sarcasm intended); English-speaking world separated by common language is always special.

Go Twins! Beat those "Damn Yankees"

No more talk of clipped, clamped, and cauterized (especially by military medical personnel)-well, that just makes me cringe less. Sorry for the lambs, more sorry for the owners. Rain? Ain't seen/heard/felt any for months (again). Paris Hilton being barred by the owner of the Bunny Ranch? Who gives a crap? 

Other odd news: Elissa laying up at Easter Island. 1/5 of Scotch in a man who claimed to believe that he was 3/4 Norwegian and 1/4 Irish. Moderator wishing the Mrs.s was hooked into this when we already have a perfectly good female representative (who's willing to share that she's getting some). English only separates those who speak it. Have on blokes!

I forgot this one: Paris Hilton disallowed entrance to Japan. Finally, a country with......

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, gbrekken, it's all a Welsh plot....just when you least expect it, and there will by Y Ddraig Goch flying on every flagpole on the planet!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Paris Hilton disallowed entrance to Japan. Finally, a country with......


 They, like myself, are probably trying to work out who Paris Hilton is anyway.

----------


## dafydd manton

And whether we can find somebody who cares.....................

----------


## The Atheist

> Sounds like you are taking a beating down there.


The funny thing is, we actually got off lightly - the main part of the storm passed 1000km to the south of southern NZ.

If it had passed over us, I doubt anything would be left standing.




> Elissa is not eqiupped to handle those storms!
> I'll drop anchor at Easter Island for the time being.


Isn't it too close to Xmas for Easter?




> Oh dear, a shortage of lamb! I hope prices don't go up.


Yes, one man's pain is your gain!

Swings & roundabouts. I hope you don't have to go through it!




> To be fair though, the second article about the Mental affects of a disasterous lambing time is spot on. I have known a couple, and it is difficult to keep fighting the overwhelming feeling that every thing you do is useless, and you might as well stay in bed. Its probably a mixture of exhaustion and depression.


Yep, and most farmers do care for their animals and seeing them die of cold or milk fever must be very hard.




> No more talk of clipped, clamped, and cauterized (especially by military medical personnel)-well, that just makes me cringe less. Sorry for the lambs, more sorry for the owners. Rain? Ain't seen/heard/felt any for months (again).


I'd swap!




> Moderator wishing the Mrs.s was hooked into this when we already have a perfectly good female representative (who's willing to share that she's getting some).


I think you might need to upgrade that "some" to "plenty" going by the drop-off in posting!

 :Biggrin:  




> They, like myself, are probably trying to work out who Paris Hilton is anyway.


I have no idea what her face looks like, but I'm sure I could still recognise her.

Funny!

I posted the above and while I'd been typing, this had arrived in the a mail:

----------


## soundofmusic

> This loverboy would not happen to be a certain Yorkshire farmer who has been posted missing recently. I am suspicious. You keep him well away from your vegetable patch.


Unfortunately, no, Jocky; he's a watered down Irishman, twice removed from the old country...if you find him in a vegetable patch at all, it'll be with a bottle of lagger...snoozing away.
I'm looking to Britain for my next paramour :FRlol: 



> Two days without a post!
> 
> Parker was almost in tears. There he was with filet de boeuf en croute with the 1959 Burgundy and nobody came to dinner.
> 
> (It's not all bad news, the beef makes great sandwiches!)


 :Drool5:  Tell Parker I'm also in tears, I've been eating cheap frozen pizzas and lasagnes on the run :Svengo: 



> Atheist, my dear old thing, the invitation must have got lost in the post. Rather partial to boeuf en croute, with carrots Vichysoisse and satueed potatoes. I hope the Burgundy wasn't a Remoissonel Clos de Vougeot, or I shall be devastated. Please pass on my abject apologies to Parker, assuming he's come round yet.


 :Svengo:  Little carrots and potatos... :Drool5:  :Sad: 



> Just back from Hols. After four days shopping, in Kendal (shoes) Keswick (A new top) Windermere (plate rack for draining board)and Lancaster (nothing, but we had lunch) I eventually persuaded Mrs P to go for a lesurely walk among the fells and lakes of Cumbria. It was after all the reason (I thought) we had chosen to head Northwest in the first place.
> The day dawned bright and clear and we actually managed one and a half miles above Hawes water before being forced back by a chilly breeze. Coincidentally Mrs P had spotted The Hawes Water Hotel a few minutes before this ill wind struck, so we had a refuge from the storm. The rest of the afternoon was spent in the Hotel lounge sipping expensive tea and listening to Mrs P saying, "This is nice," every 10 minutes or so. After that it rained every day.


I'm definitely coming to Britain for a proper beau....shopping and tea :Wink: 



> Shopping is the primary purpose of holidays apparently. I used to think the primary purpose was relaxing fun. My views have since modified themselves to the actual reality.


So how's your project of the extra acreage going, Paul?



> Off the wall weekly highlights: Popish person shaking hands with female Anglican priest (caution pope visiting holding child's hand at crosswalk pretty sweet too); Perfect American Teen winner from Wales (what a melting pot we are-extreme sarcasm intended); English-speaking world separated by common language is always special.
> 
> Go Twins! Beat those "Damn Yankees"
> 
> No more talk of clipped, clamped, and cauterized (especially by military medical personnel)-well, that just makes me cringe less. Sorry for the lambs, more sorry for the owners. Rain? Ain't seen/heard/felt any for months (again). Paris Hilton being barred by the owner of the Bunny Ranch? Who gives a crap? 
> 
> Other odd news: Elissa laying up at Easter Island. 1/5 of Scotch in a man who claimed to believe that he was 3/4 Norwegian and 1/4 Irish. Moderator wishing the Mrs.s was hooked into this when we already have a perfectly good female representative (who's willing to share that she's getting some). English only separates those who speak it. Have on blokes!
> 
> I forgot this one: Paris Hilton disallowed entrance to Japan. Finally, a country with......


I'd forgotten all about Paris Hilton...anyone know anything about the attempt on the Popes life?



> Funny!
> 
> I posted the above and while I'd been typing, this had arrived in the a mail:


Love it! :FRlol: 



> I think I would like Mrs P, Mrs Clem and Mrs Manton (and better halves of the other members of this club) to join LitNet!


Oh gosh, Scher, I'm still picking tar and feathers off from the last Blokes significant other who thought I was flirting :Leaving:

----------


## prendrelemick

> They, like myself, are probably trying to work out who Paris Hilton is anyway.


Paris Hilton? isnt that where posh people spend the night.

----------


## dafydd manton

> Paris Hilton? isnt that where posh people spend the night.


You are closer than you will ever know..........!!!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> You are closer than you will ever know..........!!!!!!


Today's winner!

----------


## Paulclem

> So how's your project of the extra acreage going, Paul?
> 
> :


It's slackened off since I've had to go back to work, but we get down there usually at the weekend. We've been harvesting the sweetcorn, beans, carrots and courgettes. The winter greens - broccoli, sprouts and cabbage are in. We've put in lots of onions, but the seed hasn't shown yet. We've also put in onion sets. 

I just need to get digging over the beds again for winter.  :Nopity: 

 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Elissa is not eqiupped to handle those storms!
> I'll drop anchor at Easter Island for the time being.
> 
> 
> .


 :FRlol: 

You have just confirmed my unshakeable belief that this is the premier thread in the world. Everyone knows that speeling has never been my strong point, yet everyone of you has made deliberate grammatical errors in a show of sodilarity. Good to see you back Pendereelimac.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> You have just confirmed my unshakeable belief that this is the premier thread in the world. Everyone knows that speeling has never been my strong point, yet everyone of you has made deliberate grammatical errors in a show of sodilarity. Good to see you back Pendereelimac.


Ha...good catch. My brain is not well ehqueeped for spellen.

By the way Jocky, I believe I spotted your clan this past weekend at the Green County Cheese Days festival:







My loot:




There's more in the "Cheese" thread.


Gilliatt

----------


## jocky

> I'm looking to Britain for my next paramour


I recommend Brian Bean, urbane, sophisticated, architecturally upright, well read and a good speeler. Failing that the choice in our thread is varied and uncomplicated. Time to go : :Auto:   :FRlol: 




> Ha...good catch. My brain is not well ehqueeped for spellen.
> 
> By the way Jocky, I believe I spotted your clan this past weekend at the Green County Cheese Days festival:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Och, nae the bloody MacAlpines again, your immigration problems are worse than I ever imagined. Keep the cheese barrel churning as the square dry biscuits with tiny perforations are always available on the Blokes Thread. Crackers!  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> You have just confirmed my unshakeable belief that this is the premier thread in the world.


Correct again!

No question that this is the best thread on the internet.

----------


## jocky

> Ah, gbrekken, it's all a Welsh plot....just when you least expect it, and there will by Y Ddraig Goch flying on every flagpole on the planet!


Aye dafydd, this is all part of the celtic fringe defence, devised by Robert The Bruce to ward off you know who. Unfortunately good ideas sometimes have tragic results. I firmly believe that had the plan worked Engerland would have never won in 66.  :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Paris Hilton? isnt that where posh people spend the night.


Good one, prendrelemick...I'd love to stay at any of the hiltons; but my budget is somewhere between motel 6 and under the overpass :Smilielol5: 



> You are closer than you will ever know..........!!!!!!


 :Smilielol5:  I wonder what she'll tell her kids about mothers indiscretions, "Mom, tommy has a video tape of yo....wow, what's that"



> It's slackened off since I've had to go back to work, but we get down there usually at the weekend. We've been harvesting the sweetcorn, beans, carrots and courgettes. The winter greens - broccoli, sprouts and cabbage are in. We've put in lots of onions, but the seed hasn't shown yet. We've also put in onion sets. 
> 
> I just need to get digging over the beds again for winter.


Does the Mrs. help with the work? Are courgettes the same as zucchini? 




> I recommend Brian Bean, urbane, sophisticated, architecturally upright, well read and a good speeler. Failing that the choice in our thread is varied and uncomplicated. Time to go :


I was kind of looking for a lad with your Shakespearean prowess, Pauls easy going manner and work ethic and Atheist cooking skills and butler...oh, and about half my age...any ideas, Jocky? 




> Correct again!
> 
> No question that this is the best thread on the internet.


THat's why I keep coming back!

----------


## dafydd manton

Sorry, Soundo, lets me out. I know nothing about Shakespeare forsooth, I hate work (the curse of the drinking classes) my butler is a drunk and as for the half your age.....sorry, Darlin', not only over the hiil, but almost at the bottom of the other side. 'Scuse me, I'm off for my medication, now. Anybody seen my stick? Does dim moddion yn erbyn twpdra!

----------


## The Atheist

> I wonder what she'll tell her kids about mothers indiscretions, "Mom, tommy has a video tape of yo....wow, what's that"


Ain't that going to be an interesting dynamic for human interaction of the future. No kid of our age ever had to be confronted by videos of mom doing it all over the world, or see and read decades-old information at the click of a button.

We're nowadays carrying our past around with us.

I wonder if it will turn out well?

[no]

----------


## dafydd manton

You can imagine the kids asking questions. "Mum, why is your autobiograhy called 'Memoirs of a Mattress'?"

----------


## Emil Miller

> I recommend Brian Bean, urbane, sophisticated, architecturally upright, well read and a good speeler. Failing that the choice in our thread is varied and uncomplicated. Time to go :


Thanks for the recommendation Jocky but I didn't quite recognise myself in the description and I'm sure she is looking for someone considerably younger, 
a sort of cross between Bertie Wooster and Mr Rochester.
In any case, one has to be careful with American women, especially as we don't really know what lies behind the avatars. It may well be that they look like Marylin Monroe but, on the other hand, they could turn out to be like Lizzie Borden.  :Biggrin:

----------


## dafydd manton

A Serial killer standing over a hot air duct, kind of thing? Hmmmmm!

----------


## Emil Miller

> A Serial killer standing over a hot air duct, kind of thing? Hmmmmm!


Yes but you'd be daft looking at her legs when you should be watching for the axe.

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah - yes, hadn't thought of that! Could be a clever ploy, a ruse, a trap. I shall have to have a re-think. Not sure Soundo would be any good with an axe. She seems more like a stiletto girl, somehow! (Knife, not heels!)

----------


## Emil Miller

> Ah - yes, hadn't thought of that! Could be a clever ploy, a ruse, a trap. I shall have to have a re-think. Not sure Soundo would be any good with an axe. She seems more like a stiletto girl, somehow! (Knife, not heels!)


We might be doing her a disservice. Despite the repartee, she could well be a sort of Pollyanna/Doris Day type without an evil thought in her head. :Hand:

----------


## dafydd manton

Aye, you could be right!!!! However, since she knows where I am, I'm keepin' me gob shut!

----------


## Emil Miller

> Aye, you could be right!!!! However, since she knows where I am, I'm keepin' me gob shut!


 :FRlol:

----------


## Paulclem

> :
> Does the Mrs. help with the work? Are courgettes the same as zucchini? 
> 
> !


Mrs Clem does indeed help with the plot.In fact she was the driving force behind getting it in the first place. She's the real gardener, who has always kept the house garden looking really nice. I'm like the hired help - strong in arm and weak in head. I'm still learning. 

Yes, courgettes are zucchini. We've had a good crop this year - particularly round ones which look a bit like melons. The kids won't eat them, so my wife has taken to making them into tomato type sauces and serving them that way. We're going on Sunday. It's turned a bit cool here so I may need a nip of rum in my tea between digging. Ho ho  :Biggrin: 




> Ain't that going to be an interesting dynamic for human interaction of the future. No kid of our age ever had to be confronted by videos of mom doing it all over the world, or see and read decades-old information at the click of a button.
> 
> We're nowadays carrying our past around with us.
> 
> I wonder if it will turn out well?
> 
> [no]


An interesting thought. We're probably lucky that we have left no digital trail due to our age. I think the kids today have to think in another digital plane when conducting thei lives. It could be messy.

----------


## stlukesguild

What happened to the Cold Ale discussions? I've just come down from a truly long week teaching and now I am fully armed. I just finished a great taco salad made by the wife accompanied with a Foster's "oil can". Now I've got two Samuel Smith Imperial Stouts and two 5ths of Three Philosophers:



I'm playing some K.D. Lang right now for the wife... but this is to be followed with Dylan and the Stones. A few hours from now I should be feeling no pain... although tomorrow morning may be another matter altogether (yet again... I've never really gotten a hangover from good beer). :Sosp: 



Satan is real indeed... he stalks in the night in the guise of the Three Philosophers: Larry, Curly, and Moe



Yee HaW!!!

(damn good album by the way)

 :Smilielol5: 



Mahalia could convert The Atheist... whether he admits it or not..


Nobody knows de trouble I see...

Put your hand.... in the hand of God...

How does it feel...?



God said to Abraham, "Kill me a son," Abe said to God you must be puttin' me on."...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.




> Och, nae the bloody MacAlpines again, your immigration problems are worse than I ever imagined.


Talk about your melting pot! MacAlpine Clan, Germans, Shriners, Dutch, Mexicans, and a bounced half Czech from Texas. 
By the way, I polished off the limburger and tossed the wrapper the trash as I headed out to work. When I got back to the hotel, I noticed my door was sealed off with plastic and yellow caution tape.

HmmmI wonder how I can bury the fumigation fees in my expense report.





> What happened to the Cold Ale discussions? I've just come down from a truly long week teaching and now I am fully armed. I just finished a great taco salad made by the wife accompanied with a Foster's "oil can". Now I've got two Samuel Smith Imperial Stouts and two 5ths of Three Philosophers:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm playing some ...but this is to be followed with Dylan... A few hours from now I should be feeling no pain... although tomorrow morning may be another matter altogether (yet again... I've never really gotten a hangover from good beer).


Man that looks good!
I see you cracked open the 2007. I suppose that means another year for the 2008 and two for the 2010?

Take it easy on that stuff or you may find yourself lost in Juarez where the hungry women will make a mess out of you!
(Are you the blue painter he refers to travelling between Mexico City and Del Rio)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kscDI...eature=related

Enjoy !
Im nursing a bottle of Chianti myself.

Gilliatt

----------


## stlukesguild

Yes... I started out on Burgundy... but soon hit the harder stuff...

I'm going back to New York City... I do believe I've had enough...

(Thank God for spell check!!!)



You can't always get what you want!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes, courgettes are zucchini. We've had a good crop this year - particularly round ones which look a bit like melons. The kids won't eat them,


Sensible children.




> An interesting thought. We're probably lucky that we have left no digital trail due to our age. I think the kids today have to think in another digital plane when conducting thei lives. It could be messy.


I think it's possibly an extension of the fact that so much of our communication was done on paper - once it's in the mailbox, she's all over.

With a "delete" button handy, I think kids just tend to forget that there's a send *and* receive.

 :Biggrin: 




> What happened to the Cold Ale discussions?


Yay! Party at Luke's

No need to bring beer/




> .
> Im nursing a bottle of Chianti myself.
> 
> Gilliatt


With or without liver?

----------


## Paulclem

> I think it's possibly an extension of the fact that so much of our communication was done on paper - once it's in the mailbox, she's all over.
> 
> With a "delete" button handy, I think kids just tend to forget that there's a send *and* receive.
> 
> 
> 
> With or without liver?



I wonder how many regrettable photos are out there in the internet ether just waiting to cause problems. 

It goes together like a horse and carriage - Chianti and Lecter'.
 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Sorry, Soundo, lets me out. I know nothing about Shakespeare forsooth, I hate work (the curse of the drinking classes) my butler is a drunk and as for the half your age.....sorry, Darlin', not only over the hiil, but almost at the bottom of the other side. 'Scuse me, I'm off for my medication, now. Anybody seen my stick? Does dim moddion yn erbyn twpdra!


Yes, I'm afraid my allnighters take me three days to recover. I don't know, I've judged older men by this Florida lot; maybe in Europe a 45 year old can out run someone half his age. The only problem is that you all seem to take wedlock seriously over there...Not many divorces, are there?




> Ain't that going to be an interesting dynamic for human interaction of the future. No kid of our age ever had to be confronted by videos of mom doing it all over the world, or see and read decades-old information at the click of a button.
> We're nowadays carrying our past around with us.
> I wonder if it will turn out well?
> [no]


Not good, remember the old days with our brownie cameras and our first loves :Yikes: 



> Thanks for the recommendation Jocky but I didn't quite recognise myself in the description and I'm sure she is looking for someone considerably younger, 
> a sort of cross between Bertie Wooster and Mr Rochester.
> In any case, one has to be careful with American women, especially as we don't really know what lies behind the avatars. It may well be that they look like Marylin Monroe but, on the other hand, they could turn out to be like Lizzie Borden.


Oh, come now Brian, England has had a lot more fetching lady serial killers than the states! 




> A Serial killer standing over a hot air duct, kind of thing? Hmmmmm!


To think that if I had just found an air duct; I might be driving a BMW right now :Smilielol5: 




> Ah - yes, hadn't thought of that! Could be a clever ploy, a ruse, a trap. I shall have to have a re-think. Not sure Soundo would be any good with an axe. She seems more like a stiletto girl, somehow! (Knife, not heels!)


Actually, all of that is so messy and I really hate cleaning. I think a nice overdose of narcotics is the most pleasant for everyone.




> We might be doing her a disservice. Despite the repartee, she could well be a sort of Pollyanna/Doris Day type without an evil thought in her head.


Doris Day, the one who had the choice of all those men and kept poodles instead... :Sosp: 




> Mrs Clem does indeed help with the plot.In fact she was the driving force behind getting it in the first place. She's the real gardener, who has always kept the house garden looking really nice. I'm like the hired help - strong in arm and weak in head. I'm still learning. 
> 
> Yes, courgettes are zucchini. We've had a good crop this year - particularly round ones which look a bit like melons. The kids won't eat them, so my wife has taken to making them into tomato type sauces and serving them that way. We're going on Sunday. It's turned a bit cool here so I may need a nip of rum in my tea between digging. Ho ho 
> 
> An interesting thought. We're probably lucky that we have left no digital trail due to our age. I think the kids today have to think in another digital plane when conducting thei lives. It could be messy.


I found this incredible vodka flavored like sweet tea, I take a little nip at teatime...really does the trick!
I had a wonderful spagetti dish with zucchini, yellow squash and chicken fried in olive oil...it's delicious, unfortunately, I'm allergic to zucchini




> What happened to the Cold Ale discussions? I've just come down from a truly long week teaching and now I am fully armed. I just finished a great taco salad made by the wife accompanied with a Foster's "oil can". Now I've got two Samuel Smith Imperial Stouts and two 5ths of Three Philosophers:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm playing some K.D. Lang right now for the wife... but this is to be followed with Dylan and the Stones. A few hours from now I should be feeling no pain... although tomorrow morning may be another matter altogether (yet again... I've never really gotten a hangover from good beer).:sosp
> 
> [SIZE="6"][COLOR="DarkRed"]Yee HaW!!!
> 
> 
> ...


Sounds like you've already had a good start :Biggrin: 



> .
> 
> 
> 
> 
> By the way, I polished off the limburger and tossed the wrapper the trash as I headed out to work. When I got back to the hotel, I noticed my door was sealed off with plastic and yellow caution tape
> 
> Gilliatt


Limburger? Your a brave man...

----------


## The Atheist

> I wonder how many regrettable photos are out there in the internet ether just waiting to cause problems.


Yes! Even photos. In the olden days, once a negative and photo were destroyed, that was the end of it. Letters can't be unburnt.

Now, placing one picture on one server is enough to ensure its immortality.

The number of people who have lost jobs through netwowking site comments is already astonishing.

People being quite stupid helps!

 :Biggrin: 




> Yes, I'm afraid my allnighters take me three days to recover.


 :Smilielol5: 

Not quite there yet, thank god!



> Doris Day, the one who had the choice of all those men and kept poodles instead...


See - she really was a genius!

----------


## dafydd manton

Soundo, not many divorces? I've only done it twice!!!!!!! And I'm not ruling out.......!!!!!

Relax, humans are humans, whatever the race!!!!!

----------


## jocky

> .
> 
> 
> 
> Talk about your melting pot! MacAlpine Clan, Germans, Shriners, Dutch, Mexicans, and a bounced half Czech from Texas. 
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


"Oh, what a falling off there was". The Macalpine reference was us Scots laughing at ourselves, as we do. Germans, no, it was a go at the 'Keeper of the Keys'. Shriners, hardly that could get me in big trouble, like burned at the stake. Dutch ??? Mexicans, I have never met one in my life and have no reason to dislike them. This might interest you vaguely, my son in law is Chinese and two of my grandchildren are half Scots and half Cantonese. As to your ethnicity I have no problem with it at all. As for the chorus , you know who you are GROW UP.




> you can't always get what you want!!!!


if you try sometime, you just mind find that you can.  :Smile: 




> Soundo, not many divorces? I've only done it twice!!!!!!! And I'm not ruling out.......!!!!!
> 
> Relax, humans are humans, whatever the race!!!!!


Thank God for that, young Jocky's son and I are entered for the three legged race tomorrow. I have a terrible feeling this will end in shame and embarrasment. " Granda don't you ever affront me again in front of my pals. "  :Frown: 

Now this is the worst joke you have ever heard. Man goes to the Doctor and says, I have got a booze problem, My hands shake and I drink too much. Doctor, Do you drink a lot? No, I spill most of it.  :Smile:

----------


## dafydd manton

Oh, there's worse. A White Horse goes in to a pub, orders a pint. Barman can't resist it, says "We've got a whisky named after you"

Horse says, "What.......Eric?"

----------


## The Atheist

Ah, how far we've come!

Jocky - you reminded me of something I'd meant to post but had forgotten.

Middle son had a father & son evening at his school a fortnight back. Great sport - they'd set the hall up with various manly activities: bivouac building, river crossing, laser strike and desert survival.

As the bloke looking after the bivouac-building looked in amazement at the structure we built, I laughingly suggested to him that asking a bushman to compete against softhands from Auckland was a bit unfair. So we won that.

River crossing was ok, but we couldn't beat some of the nippier dads & kids, while the desert survival did not go at all well thanks to junior picking a water carrier with a hole in it!

Final event of the night, laserstrike!

Now, I haven't done this for 30 years, but I figured I had still remembered what to do when the bloke in charge checked in surprise at how many kills I'd made and how little I'd been shot.

Roll forward to the prize-giving and I thought we might have gone ok, but to my shock, we won the grand prize, with the boy collecting new games and a week at an adventure school.

Boys. Too easy.

----------


## Paulclem

Excellent. I used to like the challenges they set us in the TA. I'm not saying I was any good but my thick-headed effort helped sometimes.

I've often suggested team building type activities for our lot at work, but the 70% women don't seem to like it -so no doing. Boo!

... and now we're out of cash. Bah!

----------


## dafydd manton

Be fair, Paul, you're just working on the assumption that a "bonding hug" would be better with one of your female colleagues than with a big hairy squaddie! I hope so, anyway..

----------


## Paulclem

> Be fair, Paul, you're just working on the assumption that a "bonding hug" would be better with one of your female colleagues than with a big hairy squaddie! I hope so, anyway..


Too right - certainly preferable. :Biggrin: 

As you know - we from Yorkshire are especially selective with our hugs...

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not quite there yet, thank god!
> 
> 
> See - she really was a genius!


Yeah, I think the gene pool is purer in your part of the country; you'll probably be chasing around Mrs A when you're 90...she may even suggest you and Parker get a few native concubines.
I always thought Doris liked women; who could have hung out with Rock and not tried to turn him around :Smilielol5: 




> Soundo, not many divorces? I've only done it twice!!!!!!! And I'm not ruling out.......!!!!!
> 
> Relax, humans are humans, whatever the race!!!!!


That's because you were waiting for me, dafydd...shall we meet at the tower in 30 years from this day...that is, if my heart and walker will carry me :Arf: 



> Too right - certainly preferable.
> 
> As you know - we from Yorkshire are especially selective with our hugs...


In America, women don't even hug their female children for fear of turning...we're always shocked when we see our french and latin ladies holding hands, walking down the streets together.

----------


## dafydd manton

Thanks for the offer, Soundo.....do they sell pacemaker batteries round there?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Thanks for the offer, Soundo.....do they sell pacemaker batteries round there?


They actually sell self chargers for the heart (just in case the ambulance doesn't arrive in time)...and who knows, in 30 years, I might be able to buy a body that will fit into my size 5 bikini...

I'm not sure if my walker will make it up the hill, though :Smilielol5:

----------


## dafydd manton

Up the hill? I'm already over it...........*Aaaaaahhhhhhhh*

----------


## soundofmusic

> Up the hill? I'm already over it...........*Aaaaaahhhhhhhh*


I had an 86 year old man make a veal and spagetti dinner for me Sunday (I was nursing his brother); he visited with his young-looking 77 year old wife; he told me the secret to his logevity was injecting botox below his mid-section :Reddevil: 

I'm thinking of trying it :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

Cor blimey! What a couple of days.

This week is the first of NZ's spring school holidays, so the terrible two go their different ways to friends' houses to play.

3.15 Monday, daughter arrives home in a car unexpectedly. The mum whose house she'd been at explained that she'd fallen off the scooter and hurt her arm.

Hurt ended up being a bit short of the reality!

She'd managed to break both bones in her right arm. Taking a tumble off the scooter, she had somehow managed to land on the top of the bone on your outer wrist, right at the end of the ulna.

Both bones snapped clean in half about an inch from the hand end of her arm bones!

Being only eleven, it was a "greenstick compression fracture, where, even though the bones had gone through a 90 degree break, they hadn't broken apart. I'll try to get the x-ray pics up to show it, because it looks pretty cool!

The doctors love school holidays.

We went to a suburban treatment centre where we found a damaged neck, leg (2 breaks), another right arm, ribs and several toes and fingers waiting to be fixed/reattached. Most of 'em off scooters. Small wheels, high speed and high centre of gravity always made them a bit suspect, I thought.

Monday night wasn't much fun with little sleep for either me or her - daddy, of course, had to sleep on the floor to be right there next to her. Daddy's bloody back did not enjoy that experience!

Last night, as I type, she's still asleep and has been for about 8 hours, so daddy's managed to not only get some kip, but in an actual bed!

We nearly made the double on Monday as well. The boy was doing some woodwork with me when he walked straight into the corner of a 2-metre sheet of wood, which is 1.2m wide. Exactly the same height as his right eye.

Expecting to see his eyeball hanging from the piece of wood as he let out a hurt noise, I saw that he, on the other hand, had been very, very lucky. Being the last sheet, it was leaning over and the corner only stood 1.19m height.

Nice scratch directly underneath right eye, not even a black eye to show for it. Forgotten two minutes later.

Could've been quite exciting.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Well, judging from your typed mood, it sounds like you are breathing a sigh of relief. Being young as she is, the bones should mend up quickly.
When you say "sheet", I take that to mean plywood aka splinter board! especially at edges and corners.
Thank God (did I say that?) he didn't get a splinter in the eye!

Now they will have some great battle scars to share with their mates and stories to stretch. 
Unfortunatly, your girls' holiday week is shot.

Gilliatt

----------


## OrphanPip

Losing an eye terrifies me, a perforated eyeball is one of the grosses things I've ever seen, that and teeth getting pulled makes my skin crawl.

I once got bit in the face by a dog at the shelter, when I was working with abused animals, and I was cut on the eyebrow and right below my eye. Imagine having your eye torn out by a dog. I don't know what compelled me to stay on there for another 2 years.

----------


## The Atheist

> Well, judging from your typed mood, it sounds like you are breathing a sigh of relief. Being young as she is, the bones should mend up quickly.


Yeah, she's up and about now, with no problems.




> When you say "sheet", I take that to mean plywood aka splinter board! especially at edges and corners.


Bingo! Nice sharp machined edge.




> Thank God (did I say that?) he didn't get a splinter in the eye!
> 
> Now they will have some great battle scars to share with their mates and stories to stretch. 
> Unfortunatly, your girls' holiday week is shot.
> 
> Gilliatt


Ours or hers? 

Now, she's going to be here all day, which certainly ruins mine!




> Losing an eye terrifies me, a perforated eyeball is one of the grosses things I've ever seen, that and teeth getting pulled makes my skin crawl.
> 
> I once got bit in the face by a dog at the shelter, when I was working with abused animals, and I was cut on the eyebrow and right below my eye. Imagine having your eye torn out by a dog. I don't know what compelled me to stay on there for another 2 years.


I've seen one of those and it ain't pretty!

----------


## Paulclem

Nightmare hols Atheist. One of the worst sounds I find around the house is the bump bump bumpity bump down the stairs. 

That might be from when I overbalanced at the top with the 9 month old clutched in my arms, and I had to run down to keep my feet. I don't know how I managed. Terrible when the kids get hurt.

----------


## The Atheist

> Nightmare hols Atheist. One of the worst sounds I find around the house is the bump bump bumpity bump down the stairs. 
> 
> That might be from when I overbalanced at the top with the 9 month old clutched in my arms, and I had to run down to keep my feet. I don't know how I managed. Terrible when the kids get hurt.


Stairs & kids are a bad mix at the best of times!

Christ, one thing that's been an absolute epidemic over here - and Australia - is people running kids over in driveways.

How the hell would that feel? Driving over your toddler?

Mostly due to idiots that think a gigantic 4WD is "safer", it seems.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Cor blimey! What a couple of days.
> 
> This week is the first of NZ's spring school holidays, so the terrible two go their different ways to friends' houses to play.
> 
> 3.15 Monday, daughter arrives home in a car unexpectedly. The mum whose house she'd been at explained that she'd fallen off the scooter and hurt her arm.
> 
> Hurt ended up being a bit short of the reality!
> 
> She'd managed to break both bones in her right arm. Taking a tumble off the scooter, she had somehow managed to land on the top of the bone on your outer wrist, right at the end of the ulna.
> ...


How awful, poor Baje, didn't she just get over a knee injury? How is your back? I used to spend the nights at hospitals with Mr Sounds, but I was much younger; I don't think I could manage it now...don't they even have a nice soft chair for you?




> Nightmare hols Atheist. One of the worst sounds I find around the house is the bump bump bumpity bump down the stairs. 
> 
> That might be from when I overbalanced at the top with the 9 month old clutched in my arms, and I had to run down to keep my feet. I don't know how I managed. Terrible when the kids get hurt.


You aren't kidding. When Jess was a toddler, she started walking down the steps of our apartment building; I was afraid she was going to fall so I picked her up (I was in 3 inch heels on wet cement steps), tumbled down 16 steps and she was knocked out. I was in shock; I couldn't move or think. When I took her to the hospital they laughed it off, "Kids bounce" they said.

----------


## The Atheist

> How awful, poor Baje, didn't she just get over a knee injury? How is your back? I used to spend the nights at hospitals with Mr Sounds, but I was much younger; I don't think I could manage it now...don't they even have a nice soft chair for you?


No hospital, just at home, and no, we don't have chairs and the couch won't fit in her room.

Everyone's AOK now, though.

Here is the famous double-broken arm!

You can clearly see the kink close to the wrist where the bone doubled over. I can tell from looking at it that that hurt!

----------


## Paulclem

> You aren't kidding. When Jess was a toddler, she started walking down the steps of our apartment building; I was afraid she was going to fall so I picked her up (I was in 3 inch heels on wet cement steps), tumbled down 16 steps and she was knocked out. I was in shock; I couldn't move or think. When I took her to the hospital they laughed it off, "Kids bounce" they said.


Horrible. It makes me squirm.

----------


## soundofmusic

> No hospital, just at home, and no, we don't have chairs and the couch won't fit in her room.
> 
> Everyone's AOK now, though.
> 
> Here is the famous double-broken arm!
> 
> You can clearly see the kink close to the wrist where the bone doubled over. I can tell from looking at it that that hurt!


I'm hurting just looking at it. Well, you're sure a good dad sleeping next to her bed...
My chairs are 30 years old; 2 gave out from under me and I've got them in my room, hoping to put them back together...the dowels gave way. 




> Horrible. It makes me squirm.


No kidding; I could never go through parenthood again; I'd have a heart attack on the stairs at this age.  :Angelsad2:

----------


## soundofmusic

Did I scare you guys with my new avatar? :Alien:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Did I scare you guys with my new avatar?


Not scared but speechless in the presence of such beauty.
A face that launched a thousand Gulf shrimp boats.

Serously, _whoever_ that is, she is lovely.


Gilliatt

----------


## Silas Thorne

> Christ, one thing that's been an absolute epidemic over here - and Australia - is people running kids over in driveways.
> 
> How the hell would that feel? Driving over your toddler?
> 
> Mostly due to idiots that think a gigantic 4WD is "safer", it seems.


I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but there was terrible news recently from China. A man ran over a boy with his car four times, and then tried to run off. 
If you want to know more about this incident, here it is on a blog on China:
http://wtdevflnt.wordpress.com/2010/...raphic-photos/

I would advise against looking at the video. It is very disturbing. No one really did anything about the incident when it happened, and the images are sickening. But it did happen.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not scared but speechless in the presence of such beauty.
> A face that launched a thousand Gulf shrimp boats.
> 
> Serously, _whoever_ that is, she is lovely.
> 
> Gilliatt


I'm all flustered now  :Blush2:   :Svengo:  I barely recognized her either :Bawling: ...Ah, the ravages of time...




> I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but there was terrible news recently from China. A man ran over a boy with his car four times, and then tried to run off. 
> If you want to know more about this incident, here it is on a blog on China:
> http://wtdevflnt.wordpress.com/2010/...raphic-photos/
> 
> I would advise against looking at the video. It is very disturbing. No one really did anything about the incident when it happened, and the images are sickening. But it did happen.


How awful; that had to be the stupidest and most unfeeling man alive :Nonod:

----------


## Paulclem

I meant to ask you about the new avatar Sounds. It is your good self then. Nice photo.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

I always thought she was a babe (can I say that in here?)

----------


## soundofmusic

> I meant to ask you about the new avatar Sounds. It is your good self then. Nice photo.


Thank you, Paul. Yes, me in the day; photos not quite as old as I am. It's funny, when I took that picture, I hated it (Made my cheeks look fat). Funny how your photos look better as you get older...So when are we going to see a vision of Paul?




> I always thought she was a babe (can I say that in here?)


Say it as many times as you want...It sounds better every time :Hurray:  Can I still be an honorary bloke? :Aureola:

----------


## Paulclem

I'm afraid vision is not the right word. :Biggrin:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I'm afraid vision is not the right word.


Come on Paul. You must have a picture somewhere of yourself as a young man about town.

----------


## dafydd manton

Gentlemen, all those who have fallen in lust, please form an orderly queue. Quite a revelation, I must say, and a very pleasant one too....

----------


## Scheherazade

> Come on Paul. You must have a picture somewhere of yourself as a young man about town.


Followed by:


> Gentlemen, all those who have fallen in lust, please form an orderly queue. Quite a revelation, I must say, and a very pleasant one too....


Did Paul post a picture of himself and I missed it?

You are queuing for Paul, right?

----------


## dafydd manton

Yeah, just my type, manly, ex-Rugby player, roughs it in the Midlands, Yorkshire accent... All it requires now is a few tattoos of bulldogs and the Union Jack, and I'm sold..oh,and the statutory shaven head and inalbitity to express oneself without the F-word........... I must buy him a cherry liquer with a slice of cherry, a paper umbrella and a packet of Woodbines....

----------


## Emil Miller

I think you may have lost Scheherezade with... "a packet of Woodbines."

----------


## dafydd manton

Ah, the sweet lang syne...... and that cough!!! OK, Black Cat, then. Park Drive? No. 6?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Ah, the sweet lang syne...... and that cough!!! OK, Black Cat, then. Park Drive? No. 6?


Naturally, but Peter Stuyvesant, De Reszke and Du Maurier ( red or blue) also had their place.

----------


## dafydd manton

Wot, no Camel? Or Sobranie (which tasted awful but looked cool!)

----------


## Emil Miller

> Wot, no Camel? Or Sobranie (which tasted awful but looked cool!)


Ah yes, Camel with their wonderful toasted flavour and the sophistication of Balkan Sobranie with their connotation of mysterious European lands.
I never did try the multi-coloured cocktail variety; a regret I will carry to the grave.

----------


## Scheherazade

> I think you may have lost Scheherezade with... "a packet of Woodbines."


Hey, I _do_  know what "Woodbines" are...

I am a little confused about the Union Jack and bulldogs, though.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'm afraid vision is not the right word.


I'll bet you're adorable...do you have something in your rugby suit? :Hurray: 




> Come on Paul. You must have a picture somewhere of yourself as a young man about town.


How about you, Brian? Give us a bit of the BAT (Brian About Town) :Driving: 




> Gentlemen, all those who have fallen in lust, please form an orderly queue. Quite a revelation, I must say, and a very pleasant one too....


Thank you, Dafydd, you inspired me with your new avatar...all those lovely curls that made the ladies go wild :Tongue: 




> Followed byid Paul post a picture of himself and I missed it?
> 
> You are queuing for Paul, right?


Yes, it would be nice to see some of the folks in their favorite photos... Are we ever going to get a peek at the real Scher?




> Wot, no Camel? Or Sobranie (which tasted awful but looked cool!)


Ah Camels...no filter, just a mouthful of soft-packed tobacco. Now the Camel man in the adverts...yum, yum... :Brow:

----------


## The Atheist

> Did I scare you guys with my new avatar?


Terrified!

 :Biggrin: 




> I would advise against looking at the video. It is very disturbing. No one really did anything about the incident when it happened, and the images are sickening. But it did happen.


Speechless.




> I always thought she was a babe (can I say that in here?)


Coming from a sheep farmer, it may be problematic, but I think you'll squeeze by.




> ...So when are we going to see a vision of Paul?


(Shhh! You're embarrassing the poor man - that *is* him in his avatar!)

I used my face as an avatar once. The suicide rate tripled!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Terrified!
> 
> 
> 
> Speechless.
> 
> (Shhh! You're embarrassing the poor man - that *is* him in his avatar!)
> 
> I used my face as an avatar once. The suicide rate tripled!


Well, I'm glad you've overcome the fear; I missed you on the forum...by the way; is Jocky back on one of his world tours. 
I'm sure all of the fellows would be very pleasant to look at...Paul's got me really curious with his wifes and mother in laws descriptions. 
Now you know, Atheist, I always thought you were rather an impressive bloke...cold blue eyes and pure muscle...I'm sure Mrs Atheist would agree.  :Iagree:

----------


## prendrelemick

Its suprising what a Players number six could be traded for behind the bike sheds at our school. :Ladysman: 

Did anyone actually smoke those Capstan Full Strengh, or were they really for caulking the decks of ships.

As for a photo ..I really think the sheep are the better alternative.

----------


## The Atheist

> Its suprising what a Players number six could be traded for behind the bike sheds at our school.


I went to a boys-only school, dammit!




> Did anyone actually smoke those Capstan Full Strengh, or were they really for caulking the decks of ships.


They were actually popular with sailors - my old man and some of his Navy pals used to smoke them.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Its suprising what a Players number six could be traded for behind the bike sheds at our school.
> 
> As for a photo ..I really think the sheep are the better alternative.


You're kidding; are you sure the girls were not just using the trade to get the fellows to start low...I mean...No, that's not what I meant :Devil: 
I meant, did they think they would eventually get a cozy little house and a full time mate in the deal...

Nah, I think you would make a better picture than the sheep; I notice you even have ones backside expsosed :FRlol: 




> I went to a boys-only school, dammit!


You know, in my day a youngster could go to the beverage store and buy any wine or cigarettes he wanted "for his parents"...

Though, I have the feeling there were plenty of trades offs in single and double gender schools :Nonod: 




> As for a photo ..I really think the sheep are the better alternative.


I just saw your photos: beautiful country...alert Mrs P; I'm moving in...I don't think I can drive on those slopes; maybe I should by a go-cart :Auto: 




> Well
> 
> Gilliatt


Hey, Gilliatt, is that handsome bearded war coorespondent you in all those pics on the picture thread...are you holding out on us :Devil:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Hey, Gilliatt, is that handsome bearded war coorespondent you in all those pics on the picture thread...are you holding out on us


Hehe 
No, that isn't me. I look something more like the nerdy prarie dog popping his head out of the tank.

This is as close as you will get for the time being:



I'm reluctant to show more until I am fully convinced that we dodged the Y2K bullet. 
Oh, but wait, we now have December 21, 2012 to gear up for. Looks like you will have to wait a couple more years. 
Now I'm off to take inventory of my non perishable food cache.
Vienna sausages, deviled ham, spaghetti -o's,...

Gilliatt

----------


## Satan

> I used my face as an avatar once. The suicide rate tripled!


I intend to outdo your enterprising efforts with my own mugshot in place. Wish me luck!

----------


## The Atheist

> I intend to outdo your enterprising efforts with my own mugshot in place. Wish me luck!


Wow.

You, Paul and I could start a blokey Gorgon club!

----------


## Paulclem

> Wow.
> 
> You, Paul and I could start a blokey Gorgon club!


That's more like it. 

I don't know - you don't log in for a couple of days and suddenly you're in demand. 

As for my visage - my wife advised me against shaving off my beard and tache as I "have no chin", as has been noted before. 

What with the blotchy red and paleness, i look a bit like a corned beef hash. I keep the beard and tache partly to give my head definition. I wouldn't want anyone to think it was on upside down. 

 :Biggrin5:

----------


## Emil Miller

> How about you, Brian? Give us a bit of the BAT (Brian About Town)


Here's one taken about a million years ago. As you can see,the town in question is Venice.

----------


## The Atheist

> That's more like it. 
> 
> I don't know - you don't log in for a couple of days and suddenly you're in demand. 
> 
> As for my visage - my wife advised me against shaving off my beard and tache as I "have no chin", as has been noted before. 
> 
> What with the blotchy red and paleness, i look a bit like a corned beef hash. I keep the beard and tache partly to give my head definition. I wouldn't want anyone to think it was on upside down.


 :Smilielol5: 




> Here's one taken about a million years ago. As you can see,the town in question is Venice.


Lovely scenery!

 :Biggrin: 

Taking into account the curmudgeonly age of some of our chaps, I'd like to know if any of you share with me the extremely annoying complaint of hyperprostatism - an elarged prostate gland? Medically known as benign prostate hyperplasia.

Thanks to some self-study, I have come to the conclusion that asparagus is an irritant to elarged prostates and I want to try to figure if it's just mine, or if it does affect other blokes as well.

I want to run an informal study, getting blokes with hyperprostatism to eat asparagus and take notes.

If you don't feel like publicising your urinating habits, feel free to do it by PM!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Come on Paul. You must have a picture somewhere of yourself as a young man about town.


I don't think I have. Photos were sparse in my past - which is perhaps a good thing as I had a mullet for a good while in the 80s. (Though I never had a permed version).




> Taking into account the curmudgeonly age of some of our chaps, I'd like to know if any of you share with me the extremely annoying complaint of hyperprostatism - an elarged prostate gland? Medically known as benign prostate hyperplasia.
> 
> Thanks to some self-study, I have come to the conclusion that asparagus is an irritant to elarged prostates and I want to try to figure if it's just mine, or if it does affect other blokes as well.
> 
> I want to run an informal study, getting blokes with hyperprostatism to eat asparagus and take notes.
> 
> If you don't feel like publicising your urinating habits, feel free to do it by PM!


I'd help if I could, but I don't - or am not aware of - having it. It's a good idea though.

----------


## Emil Miller

> I don't think I have. Photos were sparse in my past - which is perhaps a good thing as I had a mullet for a good while in the 80s. (Though I never had a permed version).


I'm afraid I'm not up on modern day slang. What is a mullet? I have always thought it was some kind of fish.

----------


## OrphanPip

> Thanks to some self-study, I have come to the conclusion that asparagus is an irritant to elarged prostates and I want to try to figure if it's just mine, or if it does affect other blokes as well.


I'm fairly certain you're supposed to eat the asparagus, Atheist.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm afraid I'm not up on modern day slang. What is a mullet? I have always thought it was some kind of fish.


 :Biggrin: 

http://www.google.co.uk/images?hl=en...ullet&gs_rfai=

A google image page of mullets for your delectation.

----------


## Emil Miller

> http://www.google.co.uk/images?hl=en...ullet&gs_rfai=
> 
> A google image page of mullets for your delectation.


Thanks for the info Paul. I'm afraid I'm past the mullet stage on account of the fact that you need hair.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hehe 
> No, that isn't me. I look something more like the nerdy prarie dog popping his head out of the tank.
> Oh, but wait, we now have December 21, 2012 to gear up for. Looks like you will have to wait a couple more years. 
> 
> Gilliatt


Well, there seems to be a good head of hair and muscular calves...
Are you planning on taking a slow death by vienna sausage?




> I intend to outdo your enterprising efforts with my own mugshot in place. Wish me luck!


I'm looking forward to that; remember, Satan was supposed to be very beautiful...
I still miss your original avatar.



> Wow.
> You, Paul and I could start a blokey Gorgon club!


You'd certainly be an impressive lot. 



> As for my visage - my wife advised me against shaving off my beard and tache as I "have no chin", as has been noted before. 
> 
> What with the blotchy red and paleness, i look a bit like a corned beef hash. I keep the beard and tache partly to give my head definition. I wouldn't want anyone to think it was on upside down.


Nah, Paul, she just likes the manly feel of a beard; I must admit, I rather like these new partial beards all the fellows are wearing lately. 
As for chinless: just think of Kenneth Branagh, he has no lips and he was considered a god...a 5 foot 4 inches of him. 




> Here's one taken about a million years ago. As you can see,the town in question is Venice.


That's a keeper Brian...you're adorable!




> Lovely scenery!
> 
> 
> 
> Taking into account the curmudgeonly age of some of our chaps, I'd like to know if any of you share with me the extremely annoying complaint of hyperprostatism - an elarged prostate gland? Medically known as benign prostate hyperplasia.
> 
> Thanks to some self-study, I have come to the conclusion that asparagus is an irritant to elarged prostates and I want to try to figure if it's just mine, or if it does affect other blokes as well.
> 
> I want to run an informal study, getting blokes with hyperprostatism to eat asparagus and take notes.
> ...


Asparagus should be outlawed, It tastes so devine and then rips apart you digestive system...God, did it blow out your uninary tract too...




> I don't think I have. Photos were sparse in my past - which is perhaps a good thing as I had a mullet for a good while in the 80s. (Though I never had a permed version).


I didn't know the mullet got across the ocean.




> I'm afraid I'm not up on modern day slang. What is a mullet? I have always thought it was some kind of fish.


It's a hair style, marine cut on the top of the head and long hair in the back...look up some old pictures of Billy Ray Cyrus, the singer. In America, it was kind of considered the hair cut of people into country western

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't think I have. Photos were sparse in my past ...


Me too. There are very few ohotos of me anywhere at any age. Lots I've taken, though.




> I'm fairly certain you're supposed to eat the asparagus, Atheist.


Aha!

That's what I was doing wrong!




> Asparagus should be outlawed, It tastes so devine and then rips apart you digestive system...God, did it blow out your uninary tract too...


Oh yeah.

Hmmm. This asparagus shall be found out!

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'm fairly certain you're supposed to eat the asparagus, Atheist.


 :Idea:  Are you quite sure; I mean, gauging it's appearance and all...though, I never really trust anything green :Iagree: 



> Hmmm. This asparagus shall be found out!


I don't know, it might be safer if it isn't introduced via the mouth...

They claim it is wonderful for prostatitis: drains the kidneys, has alot of rare vitamins

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Here's one taken about a million years ago. As you can see,the town in question is Venice.



My first impression was Marlon Brando and The Godfather





> ...my past - which is perhaps a good thing as I had a mullet for a good while in the 80s...



The way we describe a mullet back home is: "business in front, party in back"




> Boys,
> 
> It's time you wish me a happy birthday !
> 
> The first round of Wild Wurzel's is on me!
> (not sure why it didn't show up on LitNet-must not of entered my B-day on the profile)



Gentleman and lady, 
It' that time of year (again) when you wish me a happy birthday! (5th)

I'm back from home sitting in my hotel treating myself to a Wild Turkey and Coke.

Cheers


Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> They claim it is wonderful for prostatitis: drains the kidneys, has alot of rare vitamins


The "they" that claim that seem to be a load of alt-med scammers. I have yet to find any actual medical science that says anything about the green shoots.




> Gentleman and lady, 
> It' that time of year (again) when you wish me a happy birthday! (5th)


Off to school, then!


You write very well for a young fella.

----------


## soundofmusic

> My first impression was Marlon Brando and The Godfather
> 
> The way we describe a mullet back home is: "business in front, party in back"
> 
> Gentleman and lady, 
> It' that time of year (again) when you wish me a happy birthday! (5th)
> 
> I'm back from home sitting in my hotel treating myself to a Wild Turkey and Coke.
> 
> ...


...The godfather without the vineyards and car bombs...I actually think he looks a bit like Scott Fitzgerald.
I had forgotten that description of the haircut...
Happy, Happy Birthday...can I do a thread so everyone will bake a pretend cake and all the ladies will send you kisses (and perhaps, some of the more affectionate lads)




> The "they" that claim that seem to be a load of alt-med scammers. I have yet to find any actual medical science that says anything about the green shoots.


Oh, I forgot to tell you; the secret to getting all the benefits of medical science is to do exactly the opposite of what they tell you...that's how I avoided catching syphilis when they were giving it in vaccines in the 40's (of course, it helped that I wasn't born yet and I was the wrong gender to join the army and the wrong ethnicity to get the vaccine) :Devil:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'm fairly certain you're supposed to eat the asparagus, Atheist.


 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

> The way we describe a mullet back home is: "business in front, party in back"
> 
> Gilliatt


Good one.




> I didn't know the mullet got across the ocean.


I think it's migratory route has taken it over eastern Europe by now. I certainly had one nesting on my head in the 80s. Soon they'll be back over the US looking for nother Billy - Ray.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...
> Off to school, then!
> You write very well for a young fella.


Thanks Athiest!




> Happy, Happy Birthday...can I do a thread so everyone will bake a pretend cake and all the ladies will send you kisses (and perhaps, some of the more affectionate lads)


Sounds,
I was about to suggest we keep it as our own little secret among the blokes, but I see the mullet's out of the pail. 





> ...I think it's migratory route has taken it over eastern Europe by now. I certainly had one nesting on my head in the 80s. Soon they'll be back over the US looking for nother Billy - Ray.


Haha (five laughing green smilies!)
What I think is more interesting than the hair style itself, is how the term "mullet" was ascribed to it.


.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Good one.
> 
> I think it's migratory route has taken it over eastern Europe by now. I certainly had one nesting on my head in the 80s. Soon they'll be back over the US looking for nother Billy - Ray.


I didn't know it was called a mullet on the girls too. The European mullet had a bit more wow than ours. 




> Thanks Athiest!
> 
> Sounds,
> I was about to suggest we keep it as our own little secret among the blokes, but I see the mullet's out of the pail. 
> 
> Haha (five laughing green smilies!)
> What I think is more interesting than the hair style itself, is how the term "mullet" was ascribed to it.
> 
> .


Who let the cat out of the bag, anyway...Of course, you should let all the forum give you cards, hugs and kisses...
I wonder why it was called a mullet?

----------


## The Atheist

> I wonder why it was called a mullet?


I always figured it was the tail.

I can't say I've had a mullet at any stage, but I had a ponytail as recently as 2006.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I always figured it was the tail.
> 
> I can't say I've had a mullet at any stage, but I had a ponytail as recently as 2006.


I just put up a picture of the fish; I don't see any resemblence; maybe it's the folks facial expressions when they're wearing them.

I can see you in a ponytail!

----------


## The Atheist

> I just put up a picture of the fish; I don't see any resemblence; maybe it's the folks facial expressions when they're wearing them.


 :Smilielol5: 




> I can see you in a ponytail!


Not any more! My hair right now is about 1/2 an inch long.

I change my style about every six months. It's bloody funny when I go from long hair, full beard to goatee and marine cut - even friends stare at me and think "Where do I know you from?"

----------


## The Atheist

As you will have noticed, I've changed my avatar.

This one is the mightiest divination of all, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Hail to his noodly goodness and pastafarian life.

It was paying a visit to our place.

----------


## OrphanPip

Who doesn't love the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

----------


## Taliesin

I usually use this chart so I am worshipping Sauron at the moment. But whatever rocks your boat.

----------


## OrphanPip

The weird thing is that there is actually a tribe that worships Prince Philip.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Philip_Movement

----------


## prendrelemick

> Who doesn't love the Flying Spaghetti Monster.


 The meatballs convinced me




> I usually use this chart so I am worshipping Sauron at the moment. But whatever rocks your boat.


I missed the chart and hit Mrs p's shopping list, so I am currently a disciple of a Pot Noodle (Chicken flavour)

----------


## Emil Miller

> The weird thing is that there is actually a tribe that worships Prince Philip.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prince_Philip_Movement


Harry Arnold's recollections of the Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip 
were engrossing "a rude horrible man ... we called out 'Happy New Year Sir' and he replied 'bollocks"'.

Ever since reading this in a review of a TV programme about the royal family some years ago, Prince Philip has also been an idol of mine.

----------


## The Atheist

> The weird thing is that there is actually a tribe that worships Prince Philip.


And you even drew out their chairman!




> Ever since reading this in a review of a TV programme about the royal family some years ago, Prince Philip has also been an idol of mine.


 :Biggrin: 

He must have watched Blackadder.

"Morning, sire!"

"Morning, peasant!"

----------


## soundofmusic

> Not any more! My hair right now is about 1/2 an inch long.
> 
> I change my style about every six months. It's bloody funny when I go from long hair, full beard to goatee and marine cut - even friends stare at me and think "Where do I know you from?"


I'm more traumatized by my friends changing their hair than when I do it myself :Yikes: ; I've just given up on my own and always keep the part in the middle or bangs.




> As you will have noticed, I've changed my avatar.
> 
> This one is the mightiest divination of all, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
> 
> Hail to his noodly goodness and pastafarian life.
> 
> It was paying a visit to our place.


I have got to check this guy out; everyone knows him...has he ran for office?




> Who doesn't love the Flying Spaghetti Monster.


It's always bothered me that Mich didn't get this fellow in proper proportion....I hope it was just the painter :Sosp: 




> I usually use this chart so I am worshipping Sauron at the moment. But whatever rocks your boat


Great chart, TAliesin...now, I'm a bit lost on who to worship :Smilielol5: 



> The meatballs convinced me
> 
> I missed the chart and hit Mrs p's shopping list, so I am currently a disciple of a Pot Noodle (Chicken flavour)


Sounds about right, preachers and meatballs both give me indigestion...

Much better, I am worshipping the large size lemon lysol who banishes all the wicked odors from the house :Smilielol5: 




> Harry Arnold's recollections of the Duke of Edinburgh Prince Philip 
> were engrossing "a rude horrible man ... we called out 'Happy New Year Sir' and he replied 'bollocks"'.
> Ever since reading this in a review of a TV programme about the royal family some years ago, Prince Philip has also been an idol of mine.


Just imagine if your wife were domestic goddess and head of the country...where can a man hide :Crash: 




> And you even drew out their chairman!
> 
> 
> 
> He must have watched Blackadder.
> 
> "Morning, sire!"
> 
> "Morning, peasant!"


 :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

> As you will have noticed, I've changed my avatar.
> 
> This one is the mightiest divination of all, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
> 
> Hail to his noodly goodness and pastafarian life.
> 
> It was paying a visit to our place.


Are you declaring it to be Sphagetti monster week Sir?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
> It was paying a visit to our place.


What is that exactly?




> I usually use this chart so I am worshipping Sauron at the moment. But whatever rocks your boat.


I don't see the Marfa Lights




> ...and always keep the part in the middle or bangs.


Wouldn't that be considered a mohawk? 
If one were to equate that style to a fish, it might be called a "striper"






> Are you declaring it to be Sphagetti monster week Sir?


And what is your avatar exactly?

Coincidentally, I just had some ziti pasta for dinner.


Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I have got to check this guy out; everyone knows him...has he ran for office?


He sure didn't vote for Dubbya!

 :Biggrin: 




> Are you declaring it to be Sphagetti monster week Sir?


No, I just thought he was a nice, friendly chap to show instead of the living skeleton.

_Every_ week is an FSM week!




> What is that exactly?


It's a home-made soft toy FSM I made one rainy day a couple of years back.

His awesomeness is demonstrated by the levitation you see in the pic.

----------


## Paulclem

> And what is your avatar exactly?
> 
> Coincidentally, I just had some ziti pasta for dinner.
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


It is another incarnation of the Sphagetti monster as logged in the ancient annals of google images. 

Perhaps I'll revert back... but then I do have a picture of my shed - a fine temporary abode which is solid, though listing slightly to the right, and a bit crumbly at the edges. Perfect in fact.

----------


## The Atheist

Here's the latest creation from the workshop - a three-storey dolls' house:



1 metre wide and 1.2 tall.

The line on the roof is actually a hinged section to allow kids to use the third floor.

----------


## Paulclem

> Here's the latest creation from the workshop - a three-storey dolls' house:
> 
> 
> 
> 1 metre wide and 1.2 tall.
> 
> The line on the roof is actually a hinged section to allow kids to use the third floor.


An uber dolls house!

Did you make it? It looks great.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Very nice!

Now we know what became of that injurious sheet of plywood!

Will you continue with FF&E (fixtures, furniture and equipment)?
I believe you can purchase doll house furniture as model kits. 

Looks like fun.

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> An uber dolls house!
> 
> Did you make it? It looks great.


I did indeed, and the feedback has been good so far.

I'm trying to figure a price for it. I'm thinking somewhere over $500. It contains $150 worth of supplies and took me about 2 days.




> Very nice!
> 
> Now we know what became of that injurious sheet of plywood!


Bingo!




> Will you continue with FF&E (fixtures, furniture and equipment)?
> I believe you can purchase doll house furniture as model kits. 
> 
> Looks like fun.
> 
> Gilliatt


Yeah, it was quite fun, although the hinged section of roof took a few goes to get right.

I'm leaving the furniture out at this stage. There is a place that imports wooden dolls' house furniture and sells a complete set for $60, so I'll be talking to them so I can offer them furnished if need be.

----------


## soundofmusic

> He sure didn't vote for Dubbya!


Are you quite sure, I thought most squiggly things voted the same :Smilielol5: 




> Here's the latest creation from the workshop - a three-storey dolls' house:
> 
> 
> 
> 1 metre wide and 1.2 tall.
> 
> The line on the roof is actually a hinged section to allow kids to use the third floor.


Beautiful, is there anything you can't do?




> Are you declaring it to be Sphagetti monster week Sir?


Paul, what happened to your new avatar; I rather liked him :Hat: 




> Wouldn't that be considered a mohawk? 
> If one were to equate that style to a fish, it might be called a "striper"
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


Hum, I always just considered it the "victim cut"....since you always see the hair cut on police walls and on Americas most wanted :Smilielol5: 

Speaking of stripers.... :Reddevil:

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul, what happened to your new avatar; I rather liked him
> 
> :


I got homesick for my old one. Though i am considering my shed as a suitable avatar. 



What do you reckon?

----------


## The Atheist

> Are you quite sure, I thought most squiggly things voted the same


Oh god! I've just remembered you're in Fla!

 :Smilielol5: 




> Beautiful, is there anything you can't do?


You should see my business card.

Gorillas tamed, lions neutered...




> I got homesick for my old one. Though i am considering my shed as a suitable avatar. 
> 
> 
> 
> What do you reckon?


Yes, the shed would be a bloody excellent avatar.

----------


## Jesterhead

anyone here knows of the band Amorphis? I am seeing them live November 5th, the day the new christmas beer enters the streets, going to be a good night.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I got homesick for my old one. Though i am considering my shed as a suitable avatar. 
> 
> 
> 
> What do you reckon?


I've always liked the wildness of the English countryside and the shed looks very cozy. If it were standing down my way, it would have a whole family living in it :Smilielol5:  




> Oh god! I've just remembered you're in Fla!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You should see my business card.
> 
> Gorillas tamed, lions neutered...
> ...


I notice you don't offer to neuter gorillas :Smilielol5: 




> anyone here knows of the band Amorphis? I am seeing them live November 5th, the day the new christmas beer enters the streets, going to be a good night.


Never heard of them; I'm getting nervous about bands now with all the punk stuff out there...

----------


## The Atheist

> anyone here knows of the band Amorphis? I am seeing them live November 5th, the day the new christmas beer enters the streets, going to be a good night.


Never heard of them, but I just watched _Silent Waters_ on Youtube.

If that's an example of their music, I envy you going to see them.




> I notice you don't offer to neuter gorillas


A gentleman reserves the right to avoid certain duties on philosophical grounds.

 :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I got homesick for my old one. Though i am considering my shed as a suitable avatar. 
> 
> 
> 
> What do you reckon?


I thought it was Very nice paul, until I saw the doll's house :Biggrin: 




> anyone here knows of the band Amorphis? I am seeing them live November 5th, the day the new christmas beer enters the streets, going to be a good night.


Are they fronted by a busty redheaded rock chick by any chance?

----------


## The Atheist

[QUOTE=Paulclem;966297]I got homesick for my old one. Though i am considering my shed as a suitable avatar.[/IMG]

Brilliant! 




> Are they fronted by a busty redheaded rock chick by any chance?


 :Smilielol5: 

That's got you, hasn't it? Any more of this and I'll have to start believing Dawkins' invention of memetics was a good idea.

----------


## soundofmusic

> anyone here knows of the band Amorphis? I am seeing them live November 5th, the day the new christmas beer enters the streets, going to be a good night.


I just checked the group out, yes, the lead singer has a nice voice...a little drowned out by the music. 




> Never heard of them, but I just watched _Silent Waters_ on Youtube.
> 
> If that's an example of their music, I envy you going to see them.
> 
> A gentleman reserves the right to avoid certain duties on philosophical grounds.


Have you noticed how many rock groups are our age now...You know, somehow the whole grung look doesn't work at 50 the way it does at 20 :Smilielol5: 
It wouldn't really bother me that they were distant cousins...I just really wouldn't want to hang out with a gorilla that had just lost his... :Hand: 




> I thought it was Very nice paul, until I saw the doll's house
> 
> Are they fronted by a busty redheaded rock chick by any chance?


But Pauls shed has a certain ambiance...a feel of history...and a chair :Smile: 
No, but it has a dude with pig tails...




> I got homesick for my old one. Though i am considering my shed as a suitable avatar. 
> 
> 
> 
> What do you reckon?


I still like the shed Paul; though, I must confess, I'm starting to become attached to Frankenstein.

----------


## Paulclem

> Have you noticed how many rock groups are our age now...You know, somehow the whole grung look doesn't work at 50 the way it does at 20
> 
> But Pauls shed has a certain ambiance...a feel of history...and a chair
> No, but it has a dude with pig tails...
> 
> I still like the shed Paul; though, I must confess, I'm starting to become attached to Frankenstein.


I know what you mean about the aging rock groups. Keith Ricards has released extracts from his autobiography "A Prune's Progress through Sex, Drugs and Music" or something like that. 

Now I've got that internet malady too - Avatar Quandary.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> But Pauls shed has a certain ambiance...a feel of history...and a chair...
> 
> I still like the shed Paul; though, I must confess, I'm starting to become attached to Frankenstein.





> ...Now I've got that internet malady too - Avatar Quandary.


Paul,

I agree with Soundoff; I do like the shed, but I miss the head.
Perhaps the Bride of Frankenstein could take a photo of you (your head primarily) peering around the jamb of the doorway.
This way we may enjoy the best of both worlds.


Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> I know what you mean about the aging rock groups. Keith Ricards has released extracts from his autobiography "A Prune's Progress through Sex, Drugs and Music" or something like that. 
> 
> Now I've got that internet malady too - Avatar Quandary.


Well, according to what Keef said about Mick, at least you're spared the kind of envy he had to bear.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Jesterhead

> Are they fronted by a busty redheaded rock chick by any chance?


haha unfortunately no, it's a hairy guy with dreadlocks. 





> I just checked the group out, yes, the lead singer has a nice voice...a little drowned out by the music.


yea he does, I saw them once this summer and they were awesome live. I also wanted to see them two years ago, they played in the morning but I overslept and missed them. 




> Never heard of them, but I just watched Silent Waters on Youtube, If that's an example of their music, I envy you going to see them..


Silent Waters is one of my favorite songs by them, they have just released a new album called Skyforger which I hope they play a lot of numbers of.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I know what you mean about the aging rock groups. Keith Ricards has released extracts from his autobiography "A Prune's Progress through Sex, Drugs and Music" or something like that. 
> 
> Now I've got that internet malady too - Avatar Quandary.


Now that you've mentioned Keith Richards, I've began to wonder if the rockers don't start out grungy and then get into music :Smilielol5: 
I kind of like Gilliatts idea of you at the doorway of your shed!




> Paul,
> 
> I agree with Soundoff; I do like the shed, but I miss the head.
> Perhaps the Bride of Frankenstein could take a photo of you (your head primarily) peering around the jamb of the doorway.
> This way we may enjoy the best of both worlds.
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


Great idea for Pauls avatar...Has my name had another incarnation...It does fit me!




> Well, according to what Keef said about Mick, at least you're spared the kind of envy he had to bear.


So did he go into their intimate relationship; I always heard that Keith and Mick were an item before Mick and Bowie started hitting it :Hand: 




> haha unfortunately no, it's a hairy guy with dreadlocks.


Old hairy dude with dreads...Don't like the dreads; but I guess it kind of makes him appeal to a larger fanbase. Still, great voice. I do wonder what it is like with some of these fellows after 40, running around, touring different countries, eating all different cuisines...I'd never manage it!

----------


## The Atheist

> So did he go into their intimate relationship; I always heard that Keith and Mick were an item before Mick and Bowie started hitting it


 :Smilielol5: 

I don't know about that, but Keef certainly doesn't like Mick very much - just put up with him for the sake of the $. Now it's over, he's quite happy to dish the dirt, which so far includes:

Calling Mick "your majesty" due to his overbearing attitude.

Saying that Mick was "too small" to satisfy Marianne Faithful with his "tiny ....".

Telling the world that Mick uses a singing coach - a revelation Jagger tried to stop, apparently, but was thwarted by Keef "just telling the truth".

Very juicy!

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=The Atheist;967807]:Telling the world that Mick uses a singing coach QUOTE]



 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I don't know about that, but Keef certainly doesn't like Mick very much - just put up with him for the sake of the $. Now it's over, he's quite happy to dish the dirt, which so far includes:
> 
> Calling Mick "your majesty" due to his overbearing attitude.
> 
> Saying that Mick was "too small" to satisfy Marianne Faithful with his "tiny ....".


I thought his overbearing attitude was part of his claim to fame; like the song, "You're so vain"
I had always heard stories of his enormous appendage; perhaps Marianne was disappointed when she finally met up with it...
I tend to find that Narcissists are not the best men to make a woman squeal..
 :Smilielol5: 
[QUOTE=Brian Bean;967942]


> :Telling the world that Mick uses a singing coach QUOTE]


I don't know why he would be upset about people knowing he was trying to improve himself; he definitely sounded better than the twangy youth who made his first albums...

----------


## soundofmusic

> Saying that Mick was "too small" to satisfy Marianne Faithful with his "tiny ....".
> 
> 
> 
> Very juicy!


I just found an interesting quote by Marianne faithful, she said that after she left her husband; her first move was to "get a rolling stone boyfriend; I slept with 3 and decided the lead singer would be the best"

----------


## The Atheist

> I just found an interesting quote by Marianne faithful, she said that after she left her husband; her first move was to "get a rolling stone boyfriend; I slept with 3 and decided the lead singer would be the best"


Have you ever heard Marianne's tribute to Mick?

A little-known song called "Why'd ya do it?"

It makes albums with "PROFANE LANGUAGE" stickers sound like nursery rhymes.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Have you ever heard Marianne's tribute to Mick?
> 
> A little-known song called "Why'd ya do it?"
> 
> It makes albums with "PROFANE LANGUAGE" stickers sound like nursery rhymes.


Woo, you aren't kidding :Yikes:  And I thought she had been a nun all those years...got the story wrong. 
I wonder if that song was about Micks little side thing with the woman from "Hair"

----------


## Emil Miller

> ........ he definitely sounded better than the twangy youth who made his first albums...


 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

Wasn't there a scandal concerning Miss Faithful's novel use of a Mars Bar at a Rolling Stone party? I hope not.

----------


## The Atheist

> Woo, you aren't kidding And I thought she had been a nun all those years...got the story wrong. 
> I wonder if that song was about Micks little side thing with the woman from "Hair"


I don't know whether she's ever specified one!

 :Biggrin: 




> Wasn't there a scandal concerning Miss Faithful's novel use of a Mars Bar at a Rolling Stone party? I hope not.


 :Smilielol5: 

Now, if we start down that track, we'll be doing Marmite jars next and we don't need that.

Pass the scotch!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

It's been awhile, so I thought I should chime in and see how the Blokes have been doing.
Scrolling back a few pages, I see that Prendrele*mick* and his dalliances with groupies has stirred up the gossip pot.


.

----------


## The Atheist

> It's been awhile, so I thought I should chime in and see how the Blokes have been doing.
> Scrolling back a few pages, I see that Prendrele*mick* and his dalliances with groupies has stirred up the gossip pot.
> 
> 
> .


Those quiet northern blokes are ones to watch. Women are drawn to their silent manliness.

I can't stay quiet for long enough to get a taste of that action.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Wasn't there a scandal concerning Miss Faithful's novel use of a Mars Bar at a Rolling Stone party? I hope not.


 :Sick:  There are always people that will take things too far...Okay, I'm all for trying a bit of whipped cream or honey; but chocolate covered, carmel and mousse filled...Oh, god no...I hope she was shaved :Smilielol5: 




> I don't know whether she's ever specified one!
> 
> Pass the scotch!


Well, it's my opinion that the Mars bar made Mick realize he was missing out by not having a bit of "chocolate in his milkshake" :Smilielol5: 




> It's been awhile, so I thought I should chime in and see how the Blokes have been doing.
> Scrolling back a few pages, I see that Prendrele*mick* and his dalliances with groupies has stirred up the gossip pot.
> 
> .


Is prendrelemick keeping something from us...do tell us of your dalliances. Speaking of dalliances; has anyone seen Jockey or Daffyd?




> Those quiet northern blokes are ones to watch. Women are drawn to their silent manliness.
> 
> I can't stay quiet for long enough to get a taste of that action.


Women are always under the impression that a silent man is one with a past and lots of secrets...

----------


## The Atheist

> Women are always under the impression that a silent man is one with a past and lots of secrets...


I'm going to use this to stop me from continuing on the rest of your post, which I know can only lead down a path to trouble.

 :Smilielol5: 

Whereas men are usually attracted to the extrovert.

Oh, god, it's gonna get back onto sex again...

Talk about your patients for a while, that'll cool everyone off.

 :Party:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Is prendrelemick keeping something from us...do tell us of your dalliances. Speaking of dalliances; has anyone seen Jockey or Daffyd?
> 
> 
> 
> Women are always under the impression that a silent man is one with a past and lots of secrets...



Like most Scottish and Welsh males at this time of year, Jocky and Daffy will be suffering from PRT (Pre-Rugger-Tension,) its that time of year again.

As to secrets, I'm sure I have some...if only I could remember what they are.

----------


## The Atheist

> Like most Scottish and Welsh males at this time of year, Jocky and Daffy will be suffering from PRT (Pre-Rugger-Tension,) its that time of year again.


Give then something to get excited about before they come down here and get slaughtered next year.

Scotland did qualify, didn't they?

 :Leaving:

----------


## Paulclem

> Like most Scottish and Welsh males at this time of year, Jocky and Daffy will be suffering from PRT (Pre-Rugger-Tension,) its that time of year again.
> 
> As to secrets, I'm sure I have some...if only I could remember what they are.


Just imagine your time again with Facebook... all those easily retrievable and public memories...

----------


## soundofmusic

> Whereas men are usually attracted to the extrovert.
> 
> 
> Talk about your patients for a while, that'll cool everyone off.


Men do seem to like extroverts; but do they actually look for that in a wife? 

I'm trying to forget my patients at the moment...I wonder if I can find some way to become independently wealthy :Conehead: 




> As to secrets, I'm sure I have some...if only I could remember what they are.


You know, I don't think most men forget anything; it's just how much beer it's buried under...
How about a couple of laggers :Cheers2:  What do we have in the house, Parker?




> Just imagine your time again with Facebook... all those easily retrievable and public memories...


What do people actually see in facebook :Out: ...I mean, I guess if you are dating a woman and you want to see if she will look like mom in 20 years, you can look at her family album...

----------


## The Atheist

> Men do seem to like extroverts; but do they actually look for that in a wife?


No, I think the classic stereotype is about right. A virgin whose father owns a brewery.




> I'm trying to forget my patients at the moment...I wonder if I can find some way to become independently wealthy


You and me both. Whoever finds it first tells the other, ok?




> What do people actually see in facebook...I mean, I guess if you are dating a woman and you want to see if she will look like mom in 20 years, you can look at her family album...


Fortunately, it isn't always the case. Mrs Atheist is all of 52 kg soaking wet (about 114 lbs).

Her mother is about 140 kg, or 310 lbs.

I kid you not. She is hippo-like.

----------


## Paulclem

Facebook itself is utterly tedious. We do keep in touch with family through it though - and the lad who's away. As a parent you get a slight insight into what the kids are doing. It's quite nice for that.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Fortunately, it isn't always the case. Mrs Atheist is all of 52 kg soaking wet (about 114 lbs).
> 
> Her mother is about 140 kg, or 310 lbs.
> 
> I kid you not. She is hippo-like.


Sorry, couldn't resist this.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-DT30_Kjdk

----------


## The Atheist

Excellent, thanks!

I haven't even thought of Leonard Rossiter in years. Brilliant.

----------


## soundofmusic

> No, I think the classic stereotype is about right. A virgin whose father owns a brewery.
> 
> You and me both. Whoever finds it first tells the other, ok?
> 
> Fortunately, it isn't always the case. Mrs Atheist is all of 52 kg soaking wet (about 114 lbs).
> 
> Her mother is about 140 kg, or 310 lbs.
> 
> I kid you not. She is hippo-like.


Isn't it odd that the rich father works well for men; with a woman, rich in-laws are a nightmare. Some of us choose the virgins also, "Yes, dear, this is what all women want"; but some of us choose the mature, experienced lover...
When I become independently wealthy, I will gloat shamelessly and offer all of my bloke friends stock in my company...actually, I think you may have a better chance at finding wealth since I spend most of my time dreaming :Icon Bs: 
Who did Mrs Atheist take after; or is she thin because you chase her about the house :Brow: 




> Facebook itself is utterly tedious. We do keep in touch with family through it though - and the lad who's away. As a parent you get a slight insight into what the kids are doing. It's quite nice for that.


It is helpful that way; the kids seem to share all of the things they keep from us. I just befriended my nephew, his parents took pride in bringing him up in a Christian, very strict, hands on home; he now has videos of speeding through a tunnel, eyes closed, hands off the wheel in his parents Lincoln SUV...




> Sorry, couldn't resist this.
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C-DT30_Kjdk


I love this show; are there any full episodes anywhere for free?

----------


## The Atheist

> Who did Mrs Atheist take after; or is she thin because you chase her about the house


Pretty sure that's it!

It sure as hell isn't a diet, because she eats like a team of horses.

----------


## Paulclem

It's a good series. I didn't think much of the new one. The books by David Nobbs are laugh out loud funny in parts. A rarity that.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Pretty sure that's it!
> 
> It sure as hell isn't a diet, because she eats like a team of horses.


You devil you; well, the old prostate must be under control then and the Mrs still smiling and has a fast metabolism...




> It's a good series. I didn't think much of the new one. The books by David Nobbs are laugh out loud funny in parts. A rarity that.


I'll have to check out the books :Smile5:

----------


## soundofmusic

Okay, are you guys in great singing voice...all together for tomorrow...Happy Birthday to Gail, She looks really swell....

----------


## The Atheist

> Okay, are you guys in great singing voice...all together for tomorrow...Happy Birthday to Gail, She looks really swell....


Woohoo!

Party!

Parker has the Kahlua at the ready, shall I start a countdown?

Edit: I see it's actually your birthday today! You can have a 48-hour party, start with NZ time, finish in Hawaii time.

 :Bday 2:  :Party:  :Party:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Okay, are you guys in great singing voice...all together for tomorrow...Happy Birthday to Gail, She looks really swell....





> Woohoo!
> 
> Party!
> 
> Parker has the Kahlua at the ready, shall I start a countdown?
> 
> Edit: I see it's actually your birthday today! You can have a 48-hour party, start with NZ time, finish in Hawaii time.


Well, I can't wait any longer and besides, it's Saturday night... 

*Happy Birthday Soundofmusic!*


Heres looking at you kid

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bv8MG...eature=related



Hold onthat wont do. Lets liven things up a bit:

Three Stooges and Mambo No. 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPHwVkP5v5E

Bo Diddley
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9L3ohStx0uE

Bob Wills
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLr0w...eature=related

The wind down:
Artie Shaw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP6y7Qs2A-o

Edelweiss
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFHuj...eature=related


Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

Happy birthday Sounds!!

The forum is alive with the Soundofmusic.

----------


## soundofmusic

Thanks so much, Gentlemen...You've made this a very special birthday and a great year!

I had to do a 12 hour shift today; so I'll write more tomorrow...kisses to you all.

----------


## The Atheist

Are we still partying?

I am anyway!

Best birthday bash ever.

----------


## Paulclem

> Thanks so much, Gentlemen...You've made this a very special birthday and a great year!
> 
> I had to do a 12 hour shift today; so I'll write more tomorrow...kisses to you all.


I didn't realise you worked in a hospice. Long hours and emotionally tiring.

----------


## The Atheist

> I didn't realise you worked in a hospice. Long hours and emotionally tiring.


If this weren't a blokes' thread, where girly stuff like emotion and peer-adulation weren't disallowed on penalty of blackballing, I'd tell you how I feel about people who do it for a living.

----------


## prendrelemick

Quite right! Sounds is an awfully decent sort of chap though, and a lovely person to boot...I'm sorry I must have got something in my eye.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Woohoo!
> 
> Party!
> 
> Parker has the Kahlua at the ready, shall I start a countdown?
> 
> Edit: I see it's actually your birthday today! You can have a 48-hour party, start with NZ time, finish in Hawaii time.


 :Seeya:  :Ladysman:  Thank you, sweet man, I love my birthday party thread and my home party with the blokes here :Ladysman: 

Maybe I'll do a toasted almond for my birthday...does Parker have a bit of Amaretto in the house, nothing like Kahlua, whipping cream, Amaretto and a few grilled almonds on top :Drool5: 




> Well, I can't wait any longer and besides, it's Saturday night... 
> 
> *Happy Birthday Soundofmusic!*
> 
> 
> Heres looking at you kid
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Humprey himself couldn't have given me a nicer birthday present, Gilliatt...thank you for the memories 




> Happy birthday Sounds!!
> 
> The forum is alive with the Soundofmusic.


Thank you...uh oh...I guess all that drinking did have me keeping the good people of the forum "up and at 'em"




> Are we still partying?
> 
> I am anyway!
> 
> Best birthday bash ever.


You bet, you really know how to throw a party!




> I didn't realise you worked in a hospice. Long hours and emotionally tiring.


Thank you, Paul, it's a bit rough on the back and the nerves; but very gratifying. 




> If this weren't a blokes' thread, where girly stuff like emotion and peer-adulation weren't disallowed on penalty of blackballing, I'd tell you how I feel about people who do it for a living.


Aw, go on, the guys will forgive you just this once....

Uh, wait until I stand outside the house; my head is beginning to grow. 




> Quite right! Sounds is an awfully decent sort of chap though, and a lovely person to boot...I'm sorry I must have got something in my eye.


Thank you, no one's ever called me a decent chap; it makes me feel like I "fit in"...I brought my kleenex, would you like the garfield ones or the "stripping" ladies who remove their clothing when you blow your nose?

----------


## Emil Miller

> Thank you, no one's ever called me a decent chap; it makes me feel like I "fit in"...I brought my kleenex, would you like the garfield ones or the "stripping" ladies who remove their clothing when you blow your nose?


It's no contest.

----------


## soundofmusic

> It's no contest.


I must admit, I've never been able to resist those cups that stripped...male or female :Goof:

----------


## Emil Miller

> I must admit, I've never been able to resist those cups that stripped...male or female


Years ago in Paris I bought a pen decorated with nubile young ladies whose bikinis were removed when the pen was upturned. A priapic youth who worked with me was constantly picking it up; in the end I gave it to him.

----------


## The Atheist

> Aw, go on, the guys will forgive you just this once....
> 
> Uh, wait until I stand outside the house; my head is beginning to grow.


You'd never get back in if I started!

 :Wink:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Years ago in Paris I bought a pen decorated with nubile young ladies whose bikinis were removed when the pen was upturned. A priapic youth who worked with me was constantly picking it up; in the end I gave it to him.


I am always getting my pens stollen by workmates; I can't even imagine what it would be like to try and hold on to that pen...do you ever wish you had it back?
Mr Sounds received a coffee mug that undressed when you poured hot coffee in it; he absolutely refused to use it...I wish someone would have given to me instead :Mad: 




> You'd never get back in if I started!


Wow...okay, I'll start without you :Tongue:

----------


## Paulclem

Went to the hospital with my wife's old Uncle yesterday - flow speed empty tank efficiency check on the old bladder. It's a huge place, (the hospital, not his bladder) - new and clean, (the old hospital was horrible). He's 87 and still going - strong-ish and still uncomplaining and cheerful.

Despite being new and clean and busy - the hospital is still incredibly boring. Magnolia walls - though fairly relaxing are boring. Hopefully by the time I'm going for a flow speed empty tank efficiency check we'll have incredible palm computers that link us into a 3-d virtual internet arena where we can still partake in martial games which have feelistic - though not painful - quality to them.... hopefully... 

Either that or we just film ourselves at home and they'll do splash calculations on such flow. You never know...

----------


## Emil Miller

> I am always getting my pens stollen by workmates; I can't even imagine what it would be like to try and hold on to that pen...do you ever wish you had it back?


Well I suspect that it has long run out of ink, which is not as bad as not having enough lead in your pencil.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Please excuse my brief diversion from the current topic, but I wanted to bring this important bit of infomation to your attention. 
As you well know, one of my responsibilities as a card carrying bloke, is to periodically check in on the TBRC.
I am happy to report the 10th annual Texas Bigfoot Conference will take place October 30th in Tyler Texas.

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/

Unfortunately, I am stuck here in Illinois, so I will not be able to attend.
However, I will follow up this weekend and try to get my hands on a copy of the meeting minutes.

In the meantime, perhaps I can locate a similar organization up here in Illinois. 
Regardless of location, we are all "brothers in feet".

Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Went to the hospital with my wife's old Uncle yesterday - flow speed empty tank efficiency check on the old bladder. It's a huge place, (the hospital, not his bladder) - new and clean, (the old hospital was horrible). He's 87 and still going - strong-ish and still uncomplaining and cheerful.
> 
> Despite being new and clean and busy - the hospital is still incredibly boring. Magnolia walls - though fairly relaxing are boring. Hopefully by the time I'm going for a flow speed empty tank efficiency check we'll have incredible palm computers that link us into a 3-d virtual internet arena where we can still partake in martial games which have feelistic - though not painful - quality to them.... hopefully... 
> 
> Either that or we just film ourselves at home and they'll do splash calculations on such flow. You never know...


The only think I like about my hospital is that they have a Starbucks coffee stand, a few free computers, soft chairs and some of the individual clinics have good televisions...unfortunately, that doesn't make up for the amount of people coughing on you, the waiting time...it takes about 3 hours to get your medication if everything goes well...and the drive to and fro...

I try never to have any of those tests on my favorite parts; if they aren't bothering me, I'm sure not blowing water up them, starving for 2 days and taking dozens of enemas, swallowing something that turns to rock in my bowels.... :Eek6: 




> Well I suspect that it has long run out of ink, which is not as bad as not having enough lead in your pencil.


I used to work for a doctor that had one of those astronaut pens (writes in any direction); one day, someone took his pen, as a joke, he locked himself in his office and refused to see patients until they found his pen.

----------


## The Atheist

> Please excuse my brief diversion from the current topic, but I wanted to bring this important bit of infomation to your attention.


We had a topic?




> As you well know, one of my responsibilities as a card carrying bloke, is to periodically check in on the TBRC.
> I am happy to report the 10th annual Texas Bigfoot Conference will take place October 30th in Tyler Texas.
> 
> http://www.texasbigfoot.org/
> 
> Unfortunately, I am stuck here in Illinois, so I will not be able to attend.
> However, I will follow up this weekend and try to get my hands on a copy of the meeting minutes.
> 
> In the meantime, perhaps I can locate a similar organization up here in Illinois. 
> ...


Hell yes!

I am a respected member at Bigfoot Forums!

I'd love to go to a bigfoot syposium. As long as those goons from the 2008 hoax weren't there. Most 'footers I know are fine people.

Just a leetle bit eccentric, but in a place like The Blokes' Club, a little eccentricity doesn't go amiss. 

 :Biggrin: 

Where the hell do bigfeet hide in Texas? Behind oil wells? In Dallas?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Please excuse my brief diversion from the current topic, but I wanted to bring this important bit of infomation to your attention. 
> As you well know, one of my responsibilities as a card carrying bloke, is to periodically check in on the TBRC.
> I am happy to report the 10th annual Texas Bigfoot Conference will take place October 30th in Tyler Texas.
> 
> http://www.texasbigfoot.org/
> 
> Unfortunately, I am stuck here in Illinois, so I will not be able to attend.
> However, I will follow up this weekend and try to get my hands on a copy of the meeting minutes.
> 
> ...


No worries, we will bring the convention to you...Atheist, do you think Parker has enough provisions for the group?




> We had a topic?
> 
> 
> 
> Hell yes!
> 
> I am a respected member at Bigfoot Forums!
> 
> I'd love to go to a bigfoot syposium. As long as those goons from the 2008 hoax weren't there. Most 'footers I know are fine people.
> ...


Who's eccentric :Smilielol5:  I'm still looking for the other eccentric parts of our group; I think we may have lost them when we went down to Area 51 for their convention...I hope poor Jocky isn't boxed and tagged by now :Yikes:

----------


## The Atheist

> No worries, we will bring the convention to you...Atheist, do you think Parker has enough provisions for the group?


Boots, plaster of Paris, directional microphone & recorder, movie camera, trowel, rifle, hiking gear [strike]bigfoot costume[/strike] ....

Piece of cake. Shall we hire some local porters and go in style? A sedan chair, perhaps?

I could just see us being carried around the wilds in chairs, sipping martini/kahlua. Travel in style!

By the time we get there, we'll be seeing bigfeet everywhere.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Boots, plaster of Paris, directional microphone & recorder, movie camera, trowel, rifle, hiking gear [strike]bigfoot costume[/strike] ....
> 
> Piece of cake. Shall we hire some local porters and go in style? A sedan chair, perhaps?
> 
> I could just see us being carried around the wilds in chairs, sipping martini/kahlua. Travel in style!
> 
> By the time we get there, we'll be seeing bigfeet everywhere.


Sounds like a great trip. What about an elephant with one of those chairs on the top? Or a balloon. Or a Zeppelin type. Always fancied a go on one of those - the ones with inert gases inside.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Atheist, do you think Parker has enough provisions for the group?





> Boots, plaster of Paris, directional microphone & recorder, movie camera, trowel, rifle, hiking gear [strike]bigfoot costume[/strike] ....
> 
> Piece of cake. Shall we hire some local porters and go in style? A sedan chair, perhaps?
> 
> I could just see us being carried around the wilds in chairs, sipping martini/kahlua. Travel in style!





> Sounds like a great trip. What about an elephant with one of those chairs on the top? Or a balloon. Or a Zeppelin type. Always fancied a go on one of those - the ones with inert gases inside.


If we are to employ beasts of burden, then species selection is critical depending on where the expedition takes place.
Gigantopithecus (Bigfoot, Yeti, Snanaik, Abominable snowman, Timber Giants, Splintercat, Sasquatch, et al), have a keen sense of smell.
If we were to enter a particular bigfoot habitat with a species of pack animal not native to that habitat, the pheromones emanating from said pack animals will result in one of two actions.

One  The Bigfoot mob will be spooked at the alien scent and simply disperse. 
(by the way a group of three or more Bigfeet are known as a mob)

Or

The Bigfeet will become aroused and attack the caravan having their way with you.
I dont know about you Paul, but having a randy Bigfoot on my heels is not my idea of research.


Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> Boots, plaster of Paris, directional microphone & recorder, movie camera, trowel, rifle, hiking gear [strike]bigfoot costume[/strike] ....
> 
> Piece of cake. Shall we hire some local porters and go in style? A sedan chair, perhaps?
> 
> I could just see us being carried around the wilds in chairs, sipping martini/kahlua. Travel in style!
> 
> By the time we get there, we'll be seeing bigfeet everywhere.


I thought I might just wear my Queen of Sheba outfit...
As to the sedan chair, maybe we can take one off of Onassis' old yacht; I hear they covered them with fabric made from an elephants foreskin... :Yikes:  Gosh, I wouldn't want to be the fellow with those clippers :Smilielol5: 




> Sounds like a great trip. What about an elephant with one of those chairs on the top? Or a balloon. Or a Zeppelin type. Always fancied a go on one of those - the ones with inert gases inside.


Even cooler :Smile: 




> If we are to employ beasts of burden, then species selection is critical depending on where the expedition takes place.
> Gigantopithecus (Bigfoot, Yeti, Snanaik, Abominable snowman, Timber Giants, Splintercat, Sasquatch, et al), have a keen sense of smell.
> If we were to enter a particular bigfoot habitat with a species of pack animal not native to that habitat, the pheromones emanating from said pack animals will result in one of two actions.
> 
> One  The Bigfoot mob will be spooked at the alien scent and simply disperse. 
> (by the way a group of three or more Bigfeet are known as a mob)
> 
> Or
> 
> ...


Okay, I'll be at the back of the caravan...Atheist, are you on the front lines :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

> If we are to employ beasts of burden, then species selection is critical depending on where the expedition takes place.
> Gigantopithecus (Bigfoot, Yeti, Snanaik, Abominable snowman, Timber Giants, Splintercat, Sasquatch, et al), have a keen sense of smell.
> If we were to enter a particular bigfoot habitat with a species of pack animal not native to that habitat, the pheromones emanating from said pack animals will result in one of two actions.
> 
> One  The Bigfoot mob will be spooked at the alien scent and simply disperse. 
> (by the way a group of three or more Bigfeet are known as a mob)
> 
> Or
> 
> ...


Research? And here was me thinking it was going to be one big picnic. Better get the old army trousers on. I'll follow your lead in not provoking our hairy-assed friend - bigfoot I mean.

----------


## Emil Miller

Looking at some old posts on the former Music Appreciation sub forum, I came across this comment about performances of opera in modern dress.
Given some of the ribald comments on this thread, I thought that contributors might be interested.

Now, I may be one of those 'old geezers' but I often hate modern scenery and costume. I sometimes get the feeling that the old piece must be modernized by hook or by crook. So we find Nazi officers in uniform in an 18th century opera, there are naked people or whores where they do not belong. A friend of mine saw an opera in Dresden at the Semperoper (!) with half the choir naked. One of the men had an erection on stage - he couldn't help it and seemed to be very much ashamed.

----------


## prendrelemick

I have a clear childhood memory of seeing Bigfoot in the Upper Calder Valley. I was sat on my Mums knee in the front seat of the Landrover, we were driving down through some woods and I saw a large hairy ape-like creature keeping pace with us about 30 yards away among the trees. It was the size of a large man, and was jumping along like a kangeroo. Although I was only three at the time it is a clear memory. I admit, I had put it down to a three year olds imagination, untill Gilliat's scholarly treatise on the subject.

It may have been a South Pennine sub-species of the more famous Texan Bigfoot or perhaps, like the Grey Squirrel, an introduced alien. 

Is it time we had a Yorkshire branch of the TBRC?

----------


## The Atheist

[QUOTE=Paulclem;972069]Sounds like a great trip. What about an elephant with one of those chairs on the top?

I have a photo of me in one of them.

From Auckland Zoo, circa 1962, when that kind of thing was considered ok. 

Bring back the Chimapnzees' Tea Party!




> Or a balloon. Or a Zeppelin type. Always fancied a go on one of those - the ones with inert gases inside.


 :Smilielol5: 

You've reminded me of my favourite invention of all time!

"Hey guys, I have this brilliant idea! We get a stupendously huge bag, fill it with the most-volatile naturally occurring substance in the entire universe, then pack a load of people into a pod slung _right underneath it_."




> If we are to employ beasts of burden, then species selection is critical depending on where the expedition takes place.
> Gigantopithecus (Bigfoot, Yeti, Snanaik, Abominable snowman, Timber Giants, Splintercat, Sasquatch, et al), have a keen sense of smell.
> If we were to enter a particular bigfoot habitat with a species of pack animal not native to that habitat, the pheromones emanating from said pack animals will result in one of two actions.
> 
> One  The Bigfoot mob will be spooked at the alien scent and simply disperse. 
> (by the way a group of three or more Bigfeet are known as a mob)
> 
> Or
> 
> ...


Well, precisely. They're not just shy, they're as cunning as humanoids.

This is why yeti-hunting is a lot easier - you can use yaks as beasts of burden.

Soundo on the elephant, me in the sedan chair carried by six strapping Samoan sheilas, Paul astride the trained lion... Not as though we'd make much noise either!

I have it!

We'll borrow Santa's sleigh and use moose instead of reindeer. 




> Okay, I'll be at the back of the caravan...Atheist, are you on the front lines


Oh, leading the way, for certain.




> A friend of mine saw an opera in Dresden at the Semperoper (!) with half the choir naked. One of the men had an erection on stage - he couldn't help it and seemed to be very much ashamed.


 :Smilielol5: 

Don't you love when arts get mixed up.

Thank god it wasn't the Vienna Boys' Choir - you'd have been trampled by men in black dresses.

----------


## The Atheist

> I have a clear childhood memory of seeing Bigfoot in the Upper Calder Valley. I was sat on my Mums knee in the front seat of the Landrover, we were driving down through some woods and I saw a large hairy ape-like creature keeping pace with us about 30 yards away among the trees. It was the size of a large man, and was jumping along like a kangeroo. Although I was only three at the time it is a clear memory. I admit, I had put it down to a three year olds imagination, untill Gilliat's scholarly treatise on the subject.
> 
> It may have been a South Pennine sub-species of the more famous Texan Bigfoot or perhaps, like the Grey Squirrel, an introduced alien. 
> 
> Is it time we had a Yorkshire branch of the TBRC?


No, that's definitely a Bunyip.

Obviously, one of those rich Pommies had one in his private zoo that escaped.

I doubt it's still alive or free now, the tiger would have killed it for sure.

----------


## prendrelemick

"He who sees the Bunyip, knows he's going to die" - Rolf Harris

Well it could have been a Bunyip, but a slow acting one. () It was fifty years ago, and I'm not dead yet.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> No, that's definitely a Bunyip.
> 
> Obviously, one of those rich Pommies had one in his private zoo that escaped.





> "He who sees the Bunyip, knows he's going to die" - Rolf Harris
> 
> Well it could have been a Bunyip, but a slow acting one. () It was fifty years ago, and I'm not dead yet.


Great stuff guys!...I mean mates!

Whoa !!! 
Is that the new Sounds I see ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU7khpJ0Gv8



Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> "He who sees the Bunyip, knows he's going to die" - Rolf Harris
> 
> Well it could have been a Bunyip, but a slow acting one. () It was fifty years ago, and I'm not dead yet.


But you sure as hell know you're going to die...




> Great stuff guys!...I mean mates!
> 
> Whoa !!! 
> Is that the new Sounds I see ?


Speaking of dead dudes...

Morrison was an alien rather than a cryptohuman, wasn't he?

----------


## prendrelemick

Have Parker run me yet another cold bath, Sounds is posting pictures of herself in her pomp again. :Blush:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Research? I'll follow your lead in not provoking our hairy-assed friend - bigfoot I mean.


 :Skep:  I'm glad you made that clear, Paul, I thought maybe I had waited alittle to long to shave :Ciappa:  :FRlol: 




> Looking at some old posts on the former Music Appreciation sub forum, I came across this comment about performances of opera in modern dress.
> 
> Now, I may be one of those 'old geezers' but I often hate modern scenery and costume. I sometimes get the feeling that the old piece must be modernized by hook or by crook. So we find Nazi officers in uniform in an 18th century opera,


Reminds me of this movie I absolutely hated; It was the story of Edward II set near the time of WWII :Frown2: 




> I have a clear childhood memory of seeing Bigfoot in the Upper Calder Valley. I was sat on my Mums knee in the front seat of the Landrover, we were driving down through some woods and I saw a large hairy ape-like creature keeping pace with us about 30 yards away among the trees. It was the size of a large man, and was jumping along like a kangeroo.


I do hope your dad was in the drivers seat :Willy Nilly: 

[QUOTE=The Atheist;972420]


> Sounds like a great trip. What about an elephant with one of those chairs on the top?
> 
> 
> 
> Soundo on the elephant, me in the sedan chair carried by six strapping Samoan sheilas, Paul astride the trained lion... 
> 
> Oh, leading the way, for certain.


Sounds like a great trip :CoolgleamA: 




> Great stuff guys!...I mean mates!
> 
> Whoa !!! 
> Is that the new Sounds I see ?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SU7khpJ0Gv8
> 
> Gilliatt


I love my song Gilliatt...I thought I'd put a picture up that's a bit closer to my age :Nod: 




> Have Parker run me yet another cold bath, Sounds is posting pictures of herself in her pomp again.


Hold that thought, prendrelemick...and Parker make that a hot bath; after all, this tuesday is erection day in Florida :Wave:  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I love my song Gilliatt...I thought I'd put a picture up that's a bit closer to my age


That's an excellent pic. The other was a bit posed for my taste.

Just stay away from those candid shots, or we'll have Mick having a heart attack!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hold that thought, prendrelemick...and Parker make that a hot bath; after all, this tuesday is erection day in Florida


As a part time Erector myself (Fences, that is) I find I am professionally intrigued.

----------


## soundofmusic

> That's an excellent pic. The other was a bit posed for my taste.
> 
> Just stay away from those candid shots, or we'll have Mick having a heart attack!


In the original photo, I went to the shop, the photographer asked me to remove my top in a room that I was sure had a few cameras...he asked me to say "cheese" for some of the photos; then look the other way and say "sex"...the "sex" photos came out best :FRlol: 
For this photo, I went to a dingy little shop that advertised passport photos for $6.00; a hunchbacked fellow with coke-bottled glasses said "just stand there and don't move"....all considered, it didn't come out half bad.. :Nod: 




> As a part time Erector myself (Fences, that is) I find I am professionally intrigued.


I've always wanted to pass my time with a professional erector :Ihih:

----------


## soundofmusic

Okay guys, the day is here! It is Erection Day in Florida....have we made up our minds how to celebrate...who to choose.... :Willy Nilly:

----------


## prendrelemick

Those the mid term ones are never quite as big as the presidential ones.

----------


## Paulclem

> Those the mid term ones are never quite as big as the presidential ones.


Yep - you don't want to jump into a mid term bed that you'll later regret come the Presidential ... one.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.  
 Will Rogers Illiterate Digest (1924), "Breaking into the Writing Game"


.

----------


## The Atheist

> In the original photo, I went to the shop, the photographer asked me to remove my top in a room that I was sure had a few cameras...he asked me to say "cheese" for some of the photos; then look the other way and say "sex"...the "sex" photos came out best
> For this photo, I went to a dingy little shop that advertised passport photos for $6.00; a hunchbacked fellow with coke-bottled glasses said "just stand there and don't move"....all considered, it didn't come out half bad..


Yeah, you've got that sultry Loren look down pat.




> I've always wanted to pass my time with a professional erector


You'd go well with Pam Corkery!

She is an ex-MP who has decided that girls need fun too and is opening a male-for-female brothel in Auckland. Their standards must be ok, because they haven't called me yet.

 :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

Well thats 31 years of marriage (to the same woman) as of today. What happened to that young thrusting couple of yesteryear, who laughed so confidently at life's great adventure? who together rode the troughs and heights of fortune with naive relish.? 

Life! mate ,thats what happened.

The last two years have been the most demanding, because the kids have all left home and so we have to start talking to each other again. Its difficult to pick up a conversation 30 years after being rudely interrupted by the arrival of offspring.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well thats 31 years of marriage (to the same woman) as of today. What happened to that young thrusting couple of yesteryear, who laughed so confidently at life's great adventure? who together rode the troughs and heights of fortune with naive relish.? 
> 
> Life! mate ,thats what happened.
> 
> The last two years have been the most demanding, because the kids have all left home and so we have to start talking to each other again. Its difficult to pick up a conversation 30 years after being rudely interrupted by the arrival of offspring.


If I'm reading you right mate, then Happy Anniversary!
My God, 31 years of wedded blitz!

Here is a song in your honor:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTj6-...eature=related

Gilliatt

----------


## The Atheist

> Well thats 31 years of marriage (to the same woman) as of today.


Good effort mate!

I got married in 1979 as well.

I just happened to get divorced from her in 1981.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> Well thats 31 years of marriage (to the same woman) as of today. What happened to that young thrusting couple of yesteryear, who laughed so confidently at life's great adventure? who together rode the troughs and heights of fortune with naive relish.? 
> 
> Life! mate ,thats what happened.
> 
> The last two years have been the most demanding, because the kids have all left home and so we have to start talking to each other again. Its difficult to pick up a conversation 30 years after being rudely interrupted by the arrival of offspring.


Happy belated.  :Thumbs Up:

----------


## The Atheist

I'm thinking of starting a "Perfect Dad" blog, mainly because I found the perfect opening for it:

Standing in the kitchen, surrounded by shards of broken glass from a jar dropped on the tiles - preparing baby's breakfast - while being called from the bathroom where the sick kid has just had a bout of diarrhea _in the shower_.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm thinking of starting a "Perfect Dad" blog, mainly because I found the perfect opening for it:
> 
> Standing in the kitchen, surrounded by shards of broken glass from a jar dropped on the tiles - preparing baby's breakfast - while being called from the bathroom where the sick kid has just had a bout of diarrhea _in the shower_.


I think that's a great idea. Of course the ladies would have the perfect mum thread just like our cold ale/ coffe threads. They'd probably make comments about multi-tasking and organisational superiority, whilst we'd regale each other with tales of winging it that went well. 

I presume all turned out ok. The shower's quite a good place for a swill down. Better than all over the carpet/ rug/ tiger skin etc.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'm thinking of starting a "Perfect Dad" blog, mainly because I found the perfect opening for it:
> 
> Standing in the kitchen, surrounded by shards of broken glass from a jar dropped on the tiles - preparing baby's breakfast - while being called from the bathroom where the sick kid has just had a bout of diarrhea _in the shower_.


Paul is right. Tell the one with the jitters to bear up and swish it down the drain with their feet.
As for the pampered one being fed out of glass jars, start using canned food. 
"Wolf Brand Chili" was just fine for our little tike.




> I think that's a great idea. Of course the ladies would have the perfect mum thread just like our cold ale/ coffe threads. They'd probably make comments about multi-tasking and organisational superiority, whilst we'd regale each other with tales of winging it that went well. 
> 
> I presume all turned out ok. The shower's quite a good place for a swill down. Better than all over the carpet/ rug/ tiger skin etc.


3 green laughing smilie things !!


.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Those the mid term ones are never quite as big as the presidential ones.


Yes, the ladies have been trying to figure if the presidential erections are the biggest; particularly because he is of a different ethnicity.  :Smilielol5:  I think he may lose a few points for not speaking ebonics :Reddevil: 




> Yep - you don't want to jump into a mid term bed that you'll later regret come the Presidential ... one.


I've noticed that lately, people no longer put those sticky "I voted for..." on their cars. NO one wants to be supporting a loser years later...I actually saw a sign on a classic auto that said, "Vote for Goldwater" :Yikes: 




> The more you read and observe about this Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other. The one that's out always looks the best.  
>  Will Rogers Illiterate Digest (1924), "Breaking into the Writing Game"
> .


I had a conversation with some friends last week; they feel that I should take a more active role in politics. I asked them who they supported, they first decided they would support the candidates running for senate, for governor. The decided that they would vote for the fellow running for govenor "he's a thief, so no one will be able to pull the wool over his eyes"...they were worried about the other candidate who seemed very genteel "Ah, she's a pushover" :Sosp: 




> Yeah, you've got that sultry Loren look down pat.
> 
> You'd go well with Pam Corkery!
> 
> She is an ex-MP who has decided that girls need fun too and is opening a male-for-female brothel in Auckland. Their standards must be ok, because they haven't called me yet.


Wow, really...my mom used to tell me I had "bedroom eyes"; I think it's something you're born with. 
I looked up that Pam woman on you tube; she's quite a character. The sort that would be fun to hang out with; then lose before she figures out your address.




> Well thats 31 years of marriage (to the same woman) as of today. What happened to that young thrusting couple of yesteryear, who laughed so confidently at life's great adventure? who together rode the troughs and heights of fortune with naive relish.? 
> 
> Life! mate ,thats what happened.
> The last two years have been the most demanding, because the kids have all left home and so we have to start talking to each other again. Its difficult to pick up a conversation 30 years after being rudely interrupted by the arrival of offspring.


Congrats, prendrelemick...31 years to the same woman; that is incredible nowadays. I think it really must be difficult to reorient a couples life after the children have moved out, all of the youthful stories have been told, you've rediscussed all of the old girlfriends and boyfriends, read all the kama sutra books and decided that you never could get into those positions.... :Biggrin: 




> If I'm reading you right mate, then Happy Anniversary!
> My God, 31 years of wedded blitz!
> 
> Here is a song in your honor:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vTj6-...eature=related
> 
> Gilliatt


Where do you find these things, Gilliatt; this one's priceless!




> Good effort mate!
> 
> I got married in 1979 as well.
> 
> I just happened to get divorced from her in 1981.


I got my first divorce in '81 also; I considered the time with the first Mr Sounds as combat and undercover training :Boxing Smiley: 




> I'm thinking of starting a "Perfect Dad" blog, mainly because I found the perfect opening for it:
> 
> Standing in the kitchen, surrounded by shards of broken glass from a jar dropped on the tiles - preparing baby's breakfast - while being called from the bathroom where the sick kid has just had a bout of diarrhea _in the shower_.


I think a dad's forum would be great! Men often have a very simple approach to everyday tasks that we ladies complicate. 




> I think that's a great idea. Of course the ladies would have the perfect mum thread just like our cold ale/ coffe threads. They'd probably make comments about multi-tasking and organisational superiority, whilst we'd regale each other with tales of winging it that went well. 
> 
> I presume all turned out ok. The shower's quite a good place for a swill down. Better than all over the carpet/ rug/ tiger skin etc.


I haven't quite got all of the perfect mom details worked out yet...I recently told a young father that I'm glad we've stopped using large metal pins to secure diapers :Yikes:

----------


## The Atheist

> I think that's a great idea. Of course the ladies would have the perfect mum thread just like our cold ale/ coffe threads. They'd probably make comments about multi-tasking and organisational superiority, whilst we'd regale each other with tales of winging it that went well. 
> 
> I presume all turned out ok. The shower's quite a good place for a swill down. Better than all over the carpet/ rug/ tiger skin etc.


Yeah, the shower was a lucky break in the end - he had to stay in it and by the time I got there, almost all the brown stuff had gone.




> As for the pampered one being fed out of glass jars, start using canned food. 
> "Wolf Brand Chili" was just fine for our little tike.


 :Smilielol5: 

It was a jar of Vegemite, which he has on toast. 

The bad news was that as it was nearly full, it didn't break so much as disintegrate the outer half of the glass. There wasn't a piece bigger than a matchstick, but they were all exceedingly sharp, but as I still have ten toes, it worked out ok!




> I looked up that Pam woman on you tube; she's quite a character. The sort that would be fun to hang out with; then lose before she figures out your address.


Yeah, I don't mind old Pam - she always managed to upset people I don't like.




> I think a dad's forum would be great! Men often have a very simple approach to everyday tasks that we ladies complicate.


Another classic today:

I am told at 7.10 am that the boy has a shared lunch at school today. That gives me 50 minutes to find some food in a house where we do shopping tomorrow, so there is precious little left.

Cheese scones to the rescue!

24 cooked, cooled, buttered and packed by 8 am.

Piece of cake. (or scone - they were very popular, apparently!)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yeah, the shower was a lucky break in the end - he had to stay in it and by the time I got there, almost all the brown stuff had gone.
> 
> It was a jar of Vegemite, 
> 
> but as I still have ten toes, it worked out ok!
> 
> Yeah, I don't mind old Pam - she always managed to upset people I don't like.
> 
> Another classic today:
> ...


Yum, cheese scones...I really must befriend Mrs Atheist, so that she won't mind you and I being tea and gossip buddies...
We could even watch Pam together, she was doing an interview about her alcoholism on youtube... (I don't know why anyone thought that was news)
I must check into this Vegemite stuff; supposedly, that hot Aussie actor who is very skinny, has a big nose and is very sexy thinks it is the food of the gods...
Glad you have all your toes still; I once dated a fellow with 8 toes and he was as mad as a hatter...I wonder if we are like cockroaches and our brain is spread out....I think the doctors took out part of my brain when they desensitized my gspot during surgery :Smilielol5:

----------


## The Atheist

> Yum, cheese scones...I really must befriend Mrs Atheist, so that she won't mind you and I being tea and gossip buddies...
> We could even watch Pam together, she was doing an interview about her alcoholism on youtube... (I don't know why anyone thought that was news)
> I must check into this Vegemite stuff; supposedly, that hot Aussie actor who is very skinny, has a big nose and is very sexy thinks it is the food of the gods...
> Glad you have all your toes still; I once dated a fellow with 8 toes and he was as mad as a hatter...I wonder if we are like cockroaches and our brain is spread out....I think the doctors took out part of my brain when they desensitized my gspot during surgery


You are the reason why my daughter is banned from this thread.

But...

 :Smilielol5: 

I like your style!

Actually, I find Vegemite tastes somewhat like I'd expect toasted cow dung to taste like. 

As to you and Mrs Atheist, she'd have you down at Pam's new... bordello?... gigolodello?... place to check out the talent!

----------


## soundofmusic

> You are the reason why my daughter is banned from this thread.
> 
> But...
> 
> 
> 
> I like your style!
> 
> Actually, I find Vegemite tastes somewhat like I'd expect toasted cow dung to taste like. 
> ...


I love to talk to Baje; but I really don't think the Blokes thread is quite the place for her...actually, even the coffee thread can get alittle wild at times...unfortunately, all of the juniors are quickly coming of age...moms are pushing them into gender preference, marriage and apartments....
NOtice, I didn't say dads...is it my imagination; or are men much more comfortable with keeping their kids at home? 

Thank you, I like your style also; is Mrs Atheist coming to the bordello as my guest, or pushing me in and running :Party:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Where do you find these things, Gilliatt; this one's priceless!


I am merely a product of my child rearing.
My parents were quite unusual. 
Spike Jones vinyl was spun quite often and loud.
Something else, us children, were forced to listen to:

Arthur Lyman:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxatqR6J-5M

or Martin Denny:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQogl...eature=related


Does this begin to answer a few questions?



Gilliatt

----------


## soundofmusic

> I am merely a product of my child rearing.
> My parents were quite unusual. 
> Spike Jones vinyl was spun quite often and loud.
> Something else, us children, were forced to listen to:
> 
> Arthur Lyman:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxatqR6J-5M
> 
> ...


I'm feeling that music...let's meet somewhere between Texas and Florida...how about New Orleans, have some gumbo and dance the night away...Mrs Gurgle can come too if she lets me have most of the dances.

----------


## The Atheist

> I love to talk to Baje; but I really don't think the Blokes thread is quite the place for her...actually, even the coffee thread can get alittle wild at times...unfortunately, all of the juniors are quickly coming of age...moms are pushing them into gender preference, marriage and apartments....
> NOtice, I didn't say dads...is it my imagination; or are men much more comfortable with keeping their kids at home?


Maybe it is dads? Baje certainly gets no pushing - I'm all for kids being kids. 




> Thank you, I like your style also; is Mrs Atheist coming to the bordello as my guest, or pushing me in and running


Oh yeah, she'd be staying alright. Complete with opera glasses would be my bet.




> I am merely a product of my child rearing.
> My parents were quite unusual.


That's usually a bonus, and seems to have worked out ok!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Maybe it is dads? Baje certainly gets no pushing - I'm all for kids being kids. 
> 
> Oh yeah, she'd be staying alright. Complete with opera glasses would be my bet.


If Baje gets an extra bunk; I'm moving in...well, unless her room is pink or you feed me vegimite.... :Goof: 

I'll lend Mrs A my opera glasses; I want one of those fellows you can see from the balcony :Ladysman:

----------


## The Atheist

> If Baje gets an extra bunk; I'm moving in...well, unless her room is pink or you feed me vegimite....


No need for a bunk - she has a queen size bed. You can have that and she'll sleep on the floor.




> I'll lend Mrs A my opera glasses; I want one of those fellows you can see from the balcony


 :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Congrats, prendrelemick...31 years to the same woman; that is incredible nowadays. I think it really must be difficult to reorient a couples life after the children have moved out, all of the youthful stories have been told, you've rediscussed all of the old girlfriends and boyfriends, read all the kama sutra books and decided that you never could get into those positions....
> 
> :


What's needed is a Kama sutra for the more mature lumbago sufferer with dodgy hips. Showing the pathway of practicality rather than elaboration. The Kama Saga sutra.

----------


## Paulclem

> What's needed is a Kama sutra for the more mature lumbago sufferer with dodgy hips. Showing the pathway of practicality rather than elaboration. The Kama Saga sutra.


 :FRlol: 

there are some great title possibilites.

The greying orgasm. 

How to fiddle a wrinkle. 

Ease yourself into bliss. 

Too much?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'm feeling that music...let's meet somewhere between Texas and Florida...how about New Orleans, have some gumbo and dance the night away...Mrs Gurgle can come too if she lets me have most of the dances.


"Sounds" like a plan. I'm thinking a tango and instead of a rose, I'll have a bag of voodoo mojo clenched in my teeth"




> That's usually a bonus, and seems to have worked out ok!


I appreciate the the thought. We'll see how it plays out with my son.
So far we have him hooked on The Original Star Trek series, MASH, King of the Hill, Andy Griffith, old 50's, 60's horror flicks, played a major role in the burning of the "Mozartgeist" last year and plays violin.




> there are some great title possibilites.
> .......
> Too much?


YES; the images you are conjuring up are quite disturbing.



.

----------


## The Atheist

> What's needed is a Kama sutra for the more mature lumbago sufferer with dodgy hips. Showing the pathway of practicality rather than elaboration. The Kama Saga sutra.


Great idea!




> there are some great title possibilites.
> 
> The greying orgasm. 
> 
> *How to fiddle a wrinkle.* 
> 
> Ease yourself into bliss. 
> 
> Too much?


That's the one.

I rather suspect our biggest problem will be the G rating!

 :Biggrin: 




> I appreciate the the thought. We'll see how it plays out with my son.
> So far we have him hooked on The Original Star Trek series, MASH, King of the Hill, Andy Griffith, old 50's, 60's horror flicks, played a major role in the burning of the "Mozartgeist" last year and plays violin.


Swap KOTH for Family Guy, and our kids will get along fine!

----------


## The Atheist

Aaah.

An hour's peace at last - two kids at school, wife at work, baby asleep....

The saddest part is, the best idea I can come up with is to catch up on some sleep!

 :Smilielol5:

----------


## Paulclem

Are you chaps familiar with gurning? Our male best met the Queen recently. Check out this link, and then the video after. I don't care what you say about Her Majesty - she'll give anything a go. 

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...Mattinson.html

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtEn6388jmk

Just to be fair, I've included the female 27 time winner. 

http://www.metro.co.uk/news/841534-g...at-county-fair

I think the best of British culture should be shared with our less fortunate inernational friends.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

(10 laughing smilies)

Thanks for that Paulclem. 
Very funny!!
and no, I've never heard of "gurning" until now.



.

----------


## The Atheist

> Are you chaps familiar with gurning? Our male best met the Queen recently. Check out this link, and then the video after. I don't care what you say about Her Majesty - she'll give anything a go.


 :Smilielol5: 

Yes, old blokes with removable teeth do well at that.

And bank employees - most of them never listened to their mums and got stuck, I imagine.

----------


## The Atheist

New weather pattern in Auckland.

It rains only twice a day, for two short periods.

8 am and 3 pm - exactly when I'm walking the brats to school. Three stinking days in a row. I'm sure the baby is starting to think there's a clear plastic window between him and the rest of the outside world.

Tomorrow morning, baseball - which Mrs Athiest does - I am betting on clear blue skies.

----------


## prendrelemick

Three Days!! You poor thing :Sosp: 

AS usual we are mired up to the welly tops here in dear old blighty. Oh and the severe gales are making life interesting, this morning I was nearly blown off the quad. 

Here on the farm sex is in the air (not on the domestic scene unfortunately.) The tups are rampant and ready for their release tommorrow. The ewes are standing at the gate to their paddock and unashamedly teaseing them. This morning two had managed to jump in with the boys, resulting in a great deal of sex and violence. For me this is the start/end of the year, the cycle begins again.

----------


## soundofmusic

> No need for a bunk - she has a queen size bed. You can have that and she'll sleep on the floor


Ah, a queen sized bed, what a luxury; I've been having to share my lumpy twin with the cat...
So you don't mind baby-sitting while I and the mrs go down to check out the Aussie men; we'll be sitting so that she sees all the fellows that pale next to your manly endowments...like as not, she'll be ready to add to the family when she gets home :Ladysman: 




> What's needed is a Kama sutra for the more mature lumbago sufferer with dodgy hips. Showing the pathway of practicality rather than elaboration. The Kama Saga sutra.


See, they seel all the best books in the UK; here, they sell philosophy books on how to pass your sexually dwindling years with mahjong



> there are some great title possibilites.
> 
> The greying orgasm. 
> 
> How to fiddle a wrinkle. 
> 
> Ease yourself into bliss. 
> 
> Too much?


I am going to have you put a title on my life story...I may even dedicate it to the blokes thread and have your shed gracing the front cover.

----------


## The Atheist

> Three Days!! You poor thing
> 
> AS usual we are mired up to the welly tops here in dear old blighty. Oh and the severe gales are making life interesting, this morning I was nearly blown off the quad. 
> 
> Here on the farm sex is in the air (not on the domestic scene unfortunately.) The tups are rampant and ready for their release tommorrow. The ewes are standing at the gate to their paddock and unashamedly teaseing them. This morning two had managed to jump in with the boys, resulting in a great deal of sex and violence. For me this is the start/end of the year, the cycle begins again.


Jealous as hell!

When I had the chance to be a farmer - in my early 20s, I lived & worked part-time on a farm for a year - I didn't like the idea.

Now, I'd swap my left arm for a couple of hundred acres!




> I am going to have you put a title on my life story...I may even dedicate it to the blokes thread and have your shed gracing the front cover.


Now there's a cool idea for a thread!

Name soundo's biography.

----------


## prendrelemick

Why do I get the feeling it will be top shelf material!

I think one of my Tups (cost £300 quid) is a homosexual. Now that would be fine with me ideologically speaking, but he has a job to do, and at the moment he is not doing it. There is a Donner Kebab Rotisary with his name on it if he doesnt shape up!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

haha!

Have you tried visual stimulation such as magazines, videos, etc.,?



.

----------


## The Atheist

> I think one of my Tups (cost £300 quid) is a homosexual. Now that would be fine with me ideologically speaking, but he has a job to do, and at the moment he is not doing it. There is a Donner Kebab Rotisary with his name on it if he doesnt shape up!


Can you dress the girls up as boys?

 :Smilielol5: 

Gay sheep have rights too!

----------


## prendrelemick

> haha!
> 
> Have you tried visual stimulation such as magazines, videos, etc.,?
> 
> 
> 
> .


Not for the sheep, no.

By the way Gilliatt, I have to admire a bloke who goes into the Coffee Shop and suggests they learn how to use pan scrubbers. :Biggrin: 




> Can you dress the girls up as boys?
> 
> 
> 
> Gay sheep have rights too!


They are also made of mutton, so have two paths they can go down.

----------


## The Atheist

You would not Adam and Eve it.

Forecast, fine weather; glorious red sunset last night. The, even this piece which says it's going to be hot & fine all week. Note the time that was written up today - 5 am.

Yet, come 7 am and it's pissing down. Still doing it at 8 am.

Utterly soaked.

9 am, clouds disperse, sun shines all day.

If I could think of a valid reason why god would have it in for me I'd think there was a conspiracy afoot!

----------


## Paulclem

It's rather chilly here - though it will be much worse up where Mick is. Brisk was the ride to work this morning. Long Johns will be coming out soon. No flap though. I wouldn't trust a flap.

Hi Daffyd - have you been on holiday? I was looking at your website the other day to send you an "are you ok" message. Failed though...

----------


## The Atheist

> It's rather chilly here - though it will be much worse up where Mick is. Brisk was the ride to work this morning. Long Johns will be coming out soon. No flap though. I wouldn't trust a flap.


Yes, it's amazing how fast it changes.

A month ago, London and Auckland temeratures were not far off even. Now, we have 15 degrees on the home of GMT.

Thank god it's never cold enough here to need long johns!




> Hi Daffyd - have you been on holiday? I was looking at your website the other day to send you an "are you ok" message. Failed though...


I was just about to wonder where he'd got to.

Wales haven't lost for him to be in mourning yet, have they?

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Now there's a cool idea for a thread!
> 
> Name soundo's biography.


I promise to obscure all of your names until we are all dead 25 years... :Smilielol5: 



> I think one of my Tups (cost £300 quid) is a homosexual. Now that would be fine with me ideologically speaking, but he has a job to do, and at the moment he is not doing it. There is a Donner Kebab Rotisary with his name on it if he doesnt shape up!


He may just be blind...think of all the movie star blokes who suddenly found women and sired children at 50. I could have swore Anthony Perkins was gay...little Roddy MacDowell too, though they claim he wasn't little where it counted. 




> haha!
> 
> Have you tried visual stimulation such as magazines, videos, etc.,?
> 
> .


Maybe he's nervous, maybe dim the lights and soft music....ah :Yikes:  bad idea, baah, baah,




> Can you dress the girls up as boys?
> 
> 
> 
> Gay sheep have rights too!


What does a sheep wear when he's doing drag?




> It's rather chilly here - though it will be much worse up where Mick is. Brisk was the ride to work this morning. Long Johns will be coming out soon. No flap though. I wouldn't trust a flap.
> 
> Hi Daffyd - have you been on holiday? I was looking at your website the other day to send you an "are you ok" message. Failed though...


Yes, where is our Daffyd?
I am getting awfully tired of these summer days in Florida; we had a few false starts...everyone has colds, the cold medicine is all out of the stores and I still am using my a/c; putting up the christmas tree though :Santasmile:

----------


## The Atheist

> What does a sheep wear when he's doing drag?


Pink.

----------


## prendrelemick

Actually, Athiest is right. Tup vendors often give their Tups a colour-wash and pink is not unusual. I bought a pink one this year (£330) and he is working ok. The problem is I think Gay Tup fancies him.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

See how he reacts to this:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmHg5...eature=related



.

----------


## Paulclem

Speechless Gilliat...

----------


## soundofmusic

> Are you chaps familiar with gurning? Our male best met the Queen recently. Check out this link, and then the video after. I don't care what you say about Her Majesty - she'll give anything a go. 
> 
> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...Mattinson.html
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtEn6388jmk
> 
> Just to be fair, I've included the female 27 time winner. 
> 
> http://www.metro.co.uk/news/841534-g...at-county-fair
> ...


That face on the queen was priceless :Smilielol5:  I noticed that little advert off to the side...the young lady who is marrying william...she looked really good until the royal fashion designer got ahold of her...what are they doing, putting her in left over curtains?




> (10 laughing smilies)
> 
> Thanks for that Paulclem. 
> Very funny!!
> and no, I've never heard of "gurning" until now.
> 
> .


We need to add that to our Thanksgiving festivities...




> Pink.


 :Smilielol5: 




> Actually, Athiest is right. Tup vendors often give their Tups a colour-wash and pink is not unusual. I bought a pink one this year (£330) and he is working ok. The problem is I think Gay Tup fancies him.


REally, what do you pay for a white tup and what is the advantage of a pink one? I wonder if the other fellows corner him since hes had that wash :Yikes: 



> See how he reacts to this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmHg5...eature=related
> 
> .


Wow, I can giggle and I have more moves; but she is certainly seductive!

----------


## The Atheist

> See how he reacts to this:


Classic!

From 1961! I always thought sex wasn't discovered until at least '62-3.

----------


## Paulclem

> That face on the queen was priceless I noticed that little advert off to the side...the young lady who is marrying william...she looked really good until the royal fashion designer got ahold of her...what are they doing, putting her in left over curtains?


Just look at the Queen - she's been wearing the same old stuff for fifty years now. I suppose she is a bit out of time with no awareness of fashion. That's why Diana caused such a stir - she knew what to wear at the time - whilst the rest of them followed their mum's lead. 

I just know it's going to be on the news and telly for ever now that they've got engaged. The couple seem nice, but there's a whole edifice behind them, not to mention Charlie.

----------


## gbrekken

well wow. Royal getting married whilst Rolls Royce recovers from a big hit. At least if you believe Dustin Hoffman (Rainman)'s statement that Qantas has never had a crash. At the same time the rain falls on the just and unjust (even queer sheep) and some think there's a conspiracy afoot/about/around.

----------


## The Atheist

> I just know it's going to be on the news and telly for ever now that they've got engaged. The couple seem nice, but there's a whole edifice behind them, not to mention Charlie.


I dunno - there's something about young Wills. (Written as a strong anti-monarch)

Young Harry seems to be more in the Randy Andy mode anyway, but William somehow gives me the impression of an extremely well-rounded youngish bloke, totally at odds with his upbringing.

He's the last hope of the Royle Family. Given the longevity of the Royle women and her exemplary outdoors lifestyle, Lizzie will almost certainly hit a ton, and could quite conceivably live a decade beyond that. There have to be some perks to being the most-cossetted family in the entire planet. Let's say she gets to 104.

Given that the flappy-eared mutant known as Prince Charles will be 82 in 2030, and even Wills will be 48, I can't see Charlie ever deciding to pick up the red rug. Although, he such a dick, he might well do, just to get his name in the list.

Wills giving his mum's engagement ring away said an awful lot to me. 

If the old sheila were really serious about preserving respect for the monarchy, the smart move would be for her to just tell Charlie she's cutting him out and passing the crown on to WIlls on his 30th birthday.

That, announced at his wedding, would give the monarchy a popularity they haven't had since the first King Charles...

...was beheaded.

Fascinating experiment, the Royle family.





> well wow. Royal getting married whilst Rolls Royce recovers from a big hit. At least if you believe Dustin Hoffman (Rainman)'s statement that Qantas has never had a crash. At the same time the rain falls on the just and unjust (even queer sheep) and some think there's a conspiracy afoot/about/around.


Pretty good summary!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

I have to agree with you about Wills. He seems the best of an odd bunch. Diana - though not of their clan - was also ok and much more normal. Perhaps he'll have to wait until he's king before he can change things. What a horrible job though. Cosseted yes. free - no.

----------


## The Atheist

> I have to agree with you about Wills. He seems the best of an odd bunch. Diana - though not of their clan - was also ok and much more normal. Perhaps he'll have to wait until he's king before he can change things. What a horrible job though. Cosseted yes. free - no.


Oh yeah. To find a more dysfunctional family, I suspect you'd need to find some meth-addict mum with 9 kids living in a caravan in Liverpool, and even then, not necessarily.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> well wow. Royal getting married whilst Rolls Royce recovers from a big hit. At least if you believe Dustin Hoffman (Rainman)'s statement that Qantas has never had a crash. At the same time the rain falls on the just and unjust (even queer sheep) and some think there's a conspiracy afoot/about/around.


I knew he'd come back :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvKb...eature=related


.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Classic!
> 
> From 1961! I always thought sex wasn't discovered until at least '62-3.


I invented sex in 1971, everything before that was part of a WWII experiment gone bad; which is why Prince charles wound up with dumbos ears and queen elizabeth can't change that expression :Smilielol5: 




> Just look at the Queen - she's been wearing the same old stuff for fifty years now. I suppose she is a bit out of time with no awareness of fashion. That's why Diana caused such a stir - she knew what to wear at the time - whilst the rest of them followed their mum's lead. 
> 
> I just know it's going to be on the news and telly for ever now that they've got engaged. The couple seem nice, but there's a whole edifice behind them, not to mention Charlie.


I'm waiting to see what Will will be in another 20 years; I thought Charlie and Phillip were rather jolly in their day.




> well wow. Royal getting married whilst Rolls Royce recovers from a big hit. At least if you believe Dustin Hoffman (Rainman)'s statement that Qantas has never had a crash. At the same time the rain falls on the just and unjust (even queer sheep) and some think there's a conspiracy afoot/about/around.


Speaking of queer sheep...I wonder if the king of Tups will be charitable and send me a pink wool sweater for Christmas...
How long do you keep the sheep...I was trying to tell one of our friends about "natural lamb" condoms....that put the joy of sex and safety in the same place

----------


## prendrelemick

> See how he reacts to this:
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmHg5...eature=related
> 
> 
> 
> .


Interesting! Though nowadays I prefer well filled pasties (corned beef and potato) to well filled pasteys.


On the Gay Tup front, I've raddled him, (painted his front with,) with a bright blue dye, and if he doesn't mark any ewes this week its Stavros' Quality Kebab time. :Nopity: 

A Pink tup for your Sweater Sounds. 
http://www.livestock-sales.co.uk/200...5whiteley.html

The trouble with a wooly condom is that it sounds conceivable.




By the way, I seem to remember a Quantas crash somewhere in the frozen poles. Pilot error and bad weather was controversally blamed.

----------


## The Atheist

> On the Gay Tup front, I've raddled him, (painted his front with,) with a bright blue dye, and if he doesn't mark any ewes this week its Stavros' Quality Kebab time.


Three hundred quid's worth of kebabs?

That's the most expensive meal ever!

Hopefully, the threat will be enough.




> By the way, I seem to remember a Quantas crash somewhere in the frozen poles. Pilot error and bad weather was controversally blamed.


I think you're getting confused with one of ours. Whiteout coupled with wrong map caused it to fly into a mountain instead of sky.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yep! That was the one I was thinking about.

Latest news on the Gay Tup: He seems to be pimping for the pink Tup, he can find them, do the preliminaries, then Pink Tup jumps on and does the business. Plan "C" is to separate them.
I'm going to this trouble because, as is often the case with gay males, he is a very handsome and well built Tup.

----------


## The Atheist

This is brilliant stuff, Mick!

You're making me jealous as hell, sitting in the middle of a frigging great city.

Those things are just so much more real than the crap that goes in corporate earth.

----------


## prendrelemick

I don't know about that, every field has its little fascinations. Your Corporate crap may be a tale of wonder to me.

----------


## soundofmusic

> A Pink tup for your Sweater Sounds. 
> http://www.livestock-sales.co.uk/200...5whiteley.html
> 
> The trouble with a wooly condom is that it sounds conceivable.


That looks like one nice sweater, thanks prendrelemick. My gracious, I am surprised he can move at all with that thing between his legs...maybe the gay tup is the only one who will have hime!
Don't you have Natural lamb condoms in the Uk; I and mr sounds used them all the time...I'm alergic to latex...you can't live in the states and be allergic to latex, everything is covered in it....




> Three hundred quid's worth of kebabs?
> 
> That's the most expensive meal ever!


I'm trying to figure if he looks enough like a cow to eat; I have a problem eating furry things...right now, my mind is all occupied with turkey makings




> Yep! That was the one I was thinking about.
> 
> Latest news on the Gay Tup: He seems to be pimping for the pink Tup, he can find them, do the preliminaries, then Pink Tup jumps on and does the business. Plan "C" is to separate them.
> I'm going to this trouble because, as is often the case with gay males, he is a very handsome and well built Tup.


You're right, gay males are often physically superior...or that's the ones you notice; the funny looking ones act more like heteros....
It's sad now, gay men discover themselves much earlier and don't need a nice older woman to "give them a few pointers" and a tuck in :Ladysman:

----------


## gbrekken

i had a thought and/but i lost it
virginity is like that
eh jocky

----------


## The Atheist

> You're right, gay males are often physically superior...or that's the ones you notice; the funny looking ones act more like heteros....
> It's sad now, gay men discover themselves much earlier and don't need a nice older woman to "give them a few pointers" and a tuck in


Haha!

Did you think you'd found a new category to follow?




> i had a thought and/but i lost it
> virginity is like that
> eh jocky


Still have the box it came in, though.

And where is jocky? The Mrs must have taken him in hand. So to speak.

 :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

now i remember
"o to be gently fondled by my friendly TSA representative/agent"
 :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> now i remember
> "o to be gently fondled by my friendly TSA representative/agent"


Wow, I am seeing some funny stories on that subject right now.

I wonder how many people decline the scan just to be "patted down"?

 :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

What's so special about a hat-trick anyway. A fluke if you ask me. :Prrr:

----------


## The Atheist

> What's so special about a hat-trick anyway. A fluke if you ask me.


Crikey yes! That game changed complexion in the space of one over - or half the over anyway.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

I'm afraid I couldn't watch a game of cricket, let alone listen to one on the radio. I have a life.

----------


## Silas Thorne

Yes, cricket normally bores me too. It takes too long to see anything interesting. But when I was a kid I saw this and it definitely held my attention for a while: 

http://video.google.com/videoplay?do...9542173375353#

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm afraid I couldn't watch a game of cricket, let alone listen to one on the radio. I have a life.


 :Smilielol5: 

I mostly agree, although sometimes test matches have bits in them that are just amazing. You'd watch an immense amount of dross to find those bits.

The internet is the best thing that ever happened to cricket - you can keep up with the action without having to spend any time watching it.

----------


## Paulclem

> I mostly agree, although sometimes test matches have bits in them that are just amazing. You'd watch an immense amount of dross to find those bits.
> 
> The internet is the best thing that ever happened to cricket - you can keep up with the action without having to spend any time watching it.


 :FRlol: 

Who'd have guessed it. 

I have played cricket for the school, but I was rubbish, and I only liked batting, bowling and backstop. I was so bad at bowling that I managed to get a few out with full tosses after the batsmen became overconfident and knocked me all over the park.

----------


## The Atheist

> Who'd have guessed it. 
> 
> I have played cricket for the school, but I was rubbish, and I only liked batting, bowling and backstop. I was so bad at bowling that I managed to get a few out with full tosses after the batsmen became overconfident and knocked me all over the park.


Backstop?

 :FRlol: 

I hardly played the game myself once I got past primary school.

I was very good at the game in the lower age grades, but when I caught one in my mouth - breaking a couple of teeth and causing me to have lips the size of tractor tyres - I pretty much gave up.

It was one of those freak ones - I was keeping close to the wicket and the ball took two deviations, one from the bat, the other from the top of the bail, and hit me fair and square in the gob. I still have a silver tooth where my actual front tooth was replaced with 40 years ago. 

Some people think it should happen to me on a frequent basis!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes, cricket normally bores me too. It takes too long to see anything interesting. But when I was a kid I saw this and it definitely held my attention for a while:


Still a Kiwi icon, Lance Cairns. He had a non-textbook style, but when his eye was in, goodbye ball!

Marvellous stuff.

----------


## Paulclem

Wicket keeper - I'm not sure where I've picked up backstop. Probably in Yorkshire.

I was lucky. I never got a ball in the chops. I once bowled when I had a cricked neck. I wouldn't recommend it. No fun.

----------


## soundofmusic

> i had a thought and/but i lost it
> virginity is like that
> eh jocky


I don't know, they claim that a loss of hormones makes a person lose their memory....ergo, all the oldsters double up on sex. I find a night of sex ruins my memory because I keep thinking of the act and forget everything else I have to do that day!




> Haha!
> 
> Did you think you'd found a new category to follow?


Yes, I was hoping, I sort of compartmentalize everything and everyone when I first meet them...of course, that is why all the Mr Sounds and lovers are the same man with different faces :Dupe: 




> now i remember
> "o to be gently fondled by my friendly TSA representative/agent"


Okay, everyone is talking about this thing....so I'm wondering 2 things, exactly what does it show: an outline, an xray, or nudity....will it show something in an orifice, do they check your mouth, under large chested women...




> Wow, I am seeing some funny stories on that subject right now.
> 
> I wonder how many people decline the scan just to be "patted down"?


I'm wondering what is going on in the white house while we are spending all of our nights thinking about pat downs...how long has it been since 9/11...oh yes...more domestic violence then taliban attacks...

----------


## The Atheist

> Wicket keeper - I'm not sure where I've picked up backstop. Probably in Yorkshire.


 :FRlol: 

It's a hanging offence is Yorkshire!




> Okay, everyone is talking about this thing....so I'm wondering 2 things, exactly what does it show: an outline, an xray, or nudity....will it show something in an orifice, do they check your mouth, under large chested women...


The scanner shows a little more detail than an x-ray photo and that's about all. While the genitals are almost identifiable, the person isn't - the complaints really seem way out of proportion with what the scans actually are. Internal items will show up.

The pat-downs, now that's a different story entirely.

Under breasts, under genitalia, even between genitals, if the complaints are to be believed. I'd probably go with the scan!

----------


## Paulclem

Scans - I wonder if the wearers of prosthetics/ enhancers are the complainers. 

There's too much worry. How interested are the operators going to be in you - me -after weeks of looking over body shapes with no faces. The only interest will be those out of the ordinary I suppose. 

Fantasy Paranoia - people will consider of me in an inappropriate way that I don't like to know or think about with this body scan. 

Reality - there goes another one.

----------


## Silas Thorne

> I was very good at the game in the lower age grades, but when I caught one in my mouth - breaking a couple of teeth and causing me to have lips the size of tractor tyres - I pretty much gave up.
> 
> It was one of those freak ones - I was keeping close to the wicket and the ball took two deviations, one from the bat, the other from the top of the bail, and hit me fair and square in the gob. I still have a silver tooth where my actual front tooth was replaced with 40 years ago. 
> 
> Some people think it should happen to me on a frequent basis!


****, that sounds painful! I remember (mostly!) once when I stood too close in school on a sports day beside someone with an aluminium softball bat and they swung backwards a bit getting ready to hit the ball and it caught me on the temple. A bit dazed for a while (mild concussion for a few days) but luckily nothing broken. 
These cricket balls...never enjoyed trying to catch them. Always thought I'd break a few fingers. Hard as hell. Luckily as a fielder in school breaks I never caught one in the goolies. That would surely be game over, do not remember collapse, do not create offspring.

----------


## gbrekken

> What's so special about a hat-trick anyway. A fluke if you ask me.


three goals by one person in a hockey game or Bullwinkle telling Rocky "watch me pull a rabbit out of the hat" hat trick?

2 for atheist: daughter got bieber fever?

only news here on that mine down there is now 3rd explosion of methane. i don't think i was the only one in the world hoping for another Chilean miracle. with our high tech(nology) world why can't these things be prevented?

----------


## The Atheist

> Scans - I wonder if the wearers of prosthetics/ enhancers are the complainers.


They don't appear to be. I have to note that the complainers to date seem to be people to whom publicity is important.

I wonder why that is?




> ****, that sounds painful! I remember (mostly!) once when I stood too close in school on a sports day beside someone with an aluminium softball bat and they swung backwards a bit getting ready to hit the ball and it caught me on the temple. A bit dazed for a while (mild concussion for a few days) but luckily nothing broken. 
> These cricket balls...never enjoyed trying to catch them. Always thought I'd break a few fingers. Hard as hell. Luckily as a fielder in school breaks I never caught one in the goolies. That would surely be game over, do not remember collapse, do not create offspring.


Haha!

I knew a bloke had to have his testicles _drained_ after a particularly nasty cricket hit.

I bet that was no fun.




> 2 for atheist: daughter got bieber fever?


No!

Thanks to being brought up with more alternative music, she's not one of 2,000,000,000 females on the planet who think Justin is a must.




> only news here on that mine down there is now 3rd explosion of methane. i don't think i was the only one in the world hoping for another Chilean miracle. with our high tech(nology) world why can't these things be prevented?


Unfortunately, there was never any chance in that mine - I feel the press was a little irresponsible focusing on rescue efforts than the reality that they were all dead 30 seconds after the blast.

Horrific business.

Unfortunately, it just can't be prevented. The type of coal at that mine is the one which allows gas to seep through it. In this case, it seems that the shaft must have been too close to a huge pocket of it, which broke through due to a minor fall.

Ka-Boom!

If we choose to mine coal, the risk of it happening is always there. In the case of the Pike River mine, the risks may have been too great to mine it all, but nobody bothered noticed in time.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well thats the first test all over bar the shouting. They're not the first group of players to be brought low by a Hussey.

There have been developments in the tupping saga. First the good news, Gay tup has turned! or at least gone back into the closet. 

The reason (and the bad news) :- Pink tup has injured himself. I think he was attempting a coital encounter in a gateway of frozen and uneven mud, (let this be a warning to you all) and has done his back leg in. Thats him out of action for the rest of the season, and he can no longer dominate Gay Tup- who is discovering the benefits of being Alpha-Ram at the moment.

----------


## The Atheist

Oh, great news on turning the ram!

I wouldn't give up hope just yet - you just need to bat for 4 1/2 - 5 sessions.

----------


## prendrelemick

Looks like England are going to save the test match after all. However, they are famous for their mid-order collapse, Infact they have no peers when it comes to that aspect of the game.

As a boy I used to go with my Gran to watch Yorkshire at Bradford. (that was in the days when we had a top team of Yorkshire born players) I remember nearly getting trampled by Barry Ledbetter as he ran to stop a four, and Jeff Boycott called me a daft bugger for sitting too close to the ropes. 

My Playing career was a couple of appearences for Luddenden Foot forth team. That ball was just too hard for someone of my good looks and regular features. :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Looks like England are going to save the test match after all.


Amazing day. I bet those smart people who backed the draw at $10 late on the first day are happy, but as you say, there's a little way to go yet. If they can bat until tea, they're fine.

It's clearly going to be a hotly-contested series!

I wasn't keeping up with it at all yesterday - my boy brought home some terrible flu-like virus which has laid me low. Bit better today, thankfully.

----------


## The Atheist

I see you're having a bit of snow right now in the UK!

Exact opposite here - most of the North Island is in early drought conditions, with temperatures in the mid-20s daily.

----------


## Paulclem

We've even had snow here in the Midlands. Apparently we haven't had snow this early since '93 - though I don't remember it being particularly bad. 

It's a bit cold though, and the ice has hung around for the past three days here. I'll have to leave the bike at home tomorrow. The roads are gritted ok, it's just the unpredictability of it. Late night tomorrow.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Looks like England are going to save the test match after all. However, they are famous for their mid-order collapse, Infact they have no peers when it comes to that aspect of the game.
> 
> As a boy I used to go with my Gran to watch Yorkshire at Bradford....and Jeff Boycott called me a daft bugger for sitting too close to the ropes. 
> 
> My Playing career was a couple of appearences for Luddenden Foot forth team. That ball was just too hard for someone of my good looks and regular features.





> Amazing day. I bet those smart people who backed the draw at $10 late on the first day are happy, but as you say, there's a little way to go yet. If they can bat until tea, they're fine.
> 
> It's clearly going to be a hotly-contested series!


Just to be sure I'm read'n you boys right, we are talking about that cricket game again, right? I take it this is cricket season.

I need a team(?)-(is that the right term ? or is it swarm?) - to follow and support. Do the Czech's have a team?...for that matter does the U.S have a team?

Oh, and could one of you blokes send me that "Cricket for dummies" link again?

The weather here in north Texas is fine with temps is the 50's (F), but it will all change for me as I head back to northern Illinois tomorrow. I haven't paid attention to the weather up there, but I'm sure it is, or soon will be, very cold.


.

----------


## The Atheist

> We've even had snow here in the Midlands. Apparently we haven't had snow this early since '93 - though I don't remember it being particularly bad.


Yes, I see that. They're saying here that it's the strongest la Nina since 1987, when we had a major drought, and the weather is hot enough to cook in the open air at the moment. It's 28-ish with 80% humidity - that's not stuff we usually see until late January.




> It's a bit cold though, and the ice has hung around for the past three days here. I'll have to leave the bike at home tomorrow. The roads are gritted ok, it's just the unpredictability of it. Late night tomorrow.


]

I love riding bikes - I take the kids for a ride around a huge park down the road most weekends. I am not a fan of sharing rides with cars, though. 




> Just to be sure I'm read'n you boys right, we are talking about that cricket game again, right? I take it this is cricket season.


The advantage cricket and rugby have over your sports is that they're played in both hemispheres, so it's always the right season!

Cricket even more so than rugby thanks to many of the major participants having longer summers than most - India, West Indies, Sri Lanka & Pakistan. There are always good cricket games going on.

The biggest fixtures in cricket are England v Australia and India v Pakistan - although the latter can have more a nuclear war feel to it sometimes. England/Aussie play for The Ashes.





> I need a team(?)-(is that the right term ? or is it swarm?) - to follow and support. Do the Czech's have a team?...for that matter does the U.S have a team?


USA has a team, but they're ranked pretty low. 




> Oh, and could one of you blokes send me that "Cricket for dummies" link again?


This is good basic stuff.

All the information known to mankind about cricket is here.

----------


## The Atheist

517/1 declared.

WOW!

(GG, that's the equivalent of a team scoring 23 in an inning at baseball)

----------


## prendrelemick

Obviously a flat wicket. The best thing about the draw is the way the Aussie media are Handling it. After the first couple of days they were saying England are totally out- classed, and predicting a whitewash. Three days later, and they are demanding wholesale changes to the home side. Mitchell Johnson is to blame for every thing of course. :Out:

----------


## Paulclem

> Obviously a flat wicket. The best thing about the draw is the way the Aussie media are Handling it. After the first couple of days they were saying England are totally out- classed, and predicting a whitewash. Three days later, and they are demanding wholesale changes to the home side. Mitchell Johnson is to blame for every thing of course.


And I thouht it was only us who had a rabid press.

----------


## OrphanPip

I played cricket for a short period in college, I was horrible at it. And the Jamaican security guard kept joining in and creaming us. 

There's a strong Caribbean presence in my neighbourhood that meets regularly for cricket games in the park.

----------


## The Atheist

> Obviously a flat wicket. The best thing about the draw is the way the Aussie media are Handling it. After the first couple of days they were saying England are totally out- classed, and predicting a whitewash. Three days later, and they are demanding wholesale changes to the home side. Mitchell Johnson is to blame for every thing of course.


 :Smilielol5: 

Crikey, yes!

The press have been..... changeable?




> I played cricket for a short period in college, I was horrible at it. And the Jamaican security guard kept joining in and creaming us. 
> 
> There's a strong Caribbean presence in my neighbourhood that meets regularly for cricket games in the park.


Pretty to watch, Jamaican fast bowlers, but I'd pass on facing. we had a bloke used to go out wearing almost a suit or armour - he just could not get bat on ball.




> I consider myself a pretty open-minded man.


In this thread, it's more the depth your mind gets to rather than the width of it!

 :Biggrin: 




> Still, I do love a good beer and a rare steak. A good beer = darker than midnight and made by some guy in his basement.


No argument there - especially if the steak's not just rare, but blue.




> Having said all that, all I know about cricket is that it takes days to play a proper game, and my Malaysian love it. Perhaps I should look into that cricket for dummies link. Is there one for Rugby as well? I need to freshen up.


Yes, extremely popular in Asia. God help everyone if China ever gets hold of the game. At one end, some Yao Ming-like beast bowling at 173 kmh, with the batsman a Bruce Lee-lookalike who turns the bat an inch and flicks it over the boudary for six.

Malaysia's not too bad as I recall - in the second tier of Kenya, Holland and Scotland etc. Almost as bad as New Zealand, that means.

Here's all you ever need to know about rugby: 

The object, just like the NFL, is to get the ball over the goal line. In rugby, you have to actually touch it down to the ground.

The best way to play it is to have this bloke in your team and give him the ball.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYt1TOSni4E

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> This is good basic stuff.
> 
> All the information known to mankind about cricket is here.


Thanks for the links.
This could be the year!...the year that I figure it out.

King of the Hill is over, so I shall retire with your links in hand for a little night time reading.

Goodnight.


.

----------


## The Atheist

Go for it!

When you can come and tell us about the time Walsh got caught at silly point off a Chinaman bowled around the wicket for a golden duck in a wicket maiden, you'll have made it.

Cricket has a language all its own. Just the fielding positions: Gully, point, silly mid-on/off, slip, long on, short leg, square leg... it can even sound a bit naughty when you get one over the slips to stop a maiden.

Classic piece of cricket commentary from the 1970s. Michael Holding of West Indies bowling to England's Peter Willey:

"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey."

----------


## prendrelemick

Or, "There's ----- at Leg slip, standing with his legs apart waiting for a tickle.

That was from the legendary Brian Johnson.

----------


## The Atheist

How's that weather going over yon?

I see that most of the UK looks to be shut down by snow! At this rate, you may wish to consider an igloo as a sound investment.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm teaching tonight at a far flung - (for Coventry) - school, so it's not too bad here. My brother in law in Yorkshire is snowed in at home and can't get to work. He's devastated of course. 

No doubt Mick's getting the brunt of it. We're due heavy snow tomorrow. Welly time.

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

> I'm teaching tonight at a far flung - (for Coventry) - school, so it's not too bad here. My brother in law in Yorkshire is snowed in at home and can't get to work. He's devastated of course. 
> 
> No doubt Mick's getting the brunt of it. We're due heavy snow tomorrow. Welly time.


Oh hey, I haven't been in today too and it looks the same tomorrow! Extra beer tonight perhaps? Also, speaking of wellies, I got a new pair today, brilliant ones too, hand made in the UK and they go right up to the knees. I've not had wellies since I was about 12, great stuff. Can't believe your teaching tonight, I'd have though Coventry would be bad as well.

----------


## prendrelemick

We have had very little snow untill today. The storms have been parting like the red sea and heading Neely's way, missing us out, until today that is when we had about 8 inches. It has been very cold though -12 C last night. It actually warmed up a bit when the snow came.



ps. I was born in wellies.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Also, speaking of wellies, I got a new pair today, brilliant ones too, hand made in the UK and they go right up to the knees. .


Wow, you actually have something made in the UK. If I were you I'd put them up for auction on Ebay or even Christies.

----------


## The Atheist

> ... until today that is when we had about 8 inches.


Don't tell soundo!

_____________________________


An aside to the weather - I see a lot of people are on the usual bandwagon of "If global warming is real, how come there are record lows being recorded?" The funny bit is that Kiwis are saying that, despite record highs being recorded right where they live. How hard is it to understand that warming the planet causes more extremes at both ends?

God, people give me the screaming ****s sometimes. Ignorance really is strength.

----------


## Paulclem

:Biggrin5: 

It snowed gently all day, and we have some residue from the other night that has frozen and made walking a bit treacherous. Otherwise it's been disappointingly quiet and work-ful. 

As the bike is staying at home, I though I'd be catching the 9.30 bus home from outside the school with an ETA home about 10.30. But I got a lift off one of our learners. Excellent! In by 9.30!

Due more snow tonight apparently. We'll see.

----------


## prendrelemick

Are wellies the last Trustworthy class indicator?

For the knobs there are *Le Chameau* in muted green, about £200 a pair with optional hob nails and choice of lining.

For the arriviste and upper middle class, the classic* Green Hunter*. Or lilac ones for their daughters.

For the professional we have a relative newcomer The* Dickies Landmaster*, made of soft neoprene, ideal for putting in the boot of your BMW when driving the Setters to the park.

The above would have once donned* Nora*s, but they are SO last year!

For the traditionalist there are the black rubber *Argyle*- goes with a donkey jacket as opposed to the Hunter's Barbour coat.

My own choice is the* Dunlop Dee*, slightly shorter in length than the above, but light and robust and not expensive. Definetely a working welly, lasts for 6 months of continuous use.

Finally there are those unbranded shiney plastic Wellies in garish colours and designs, found in pound shops and supermarkets. They are for the city dweller who needs something suitable for both Starbucks and wet pavements when the weather turns nasty.

----------


## Paulclem

> Are wellies the last Trustworthy class indicator?
> 
> For the knobs there are *Le Chameau* in muted green, about £200 a pair with optional hob nails and choice of lining.
> 
> For the arriviste and upper middle class, the classic* Green Hunter*. Or lilac ones for their daughters.
> 
> For the professional we have a relative newcomer The* Dickies Landmaster*, made of soft neoprene, ideal for putting in the boot of your BMW when driving the Setters to the park.
> 
> The above would have once donned* Nora*s, but they are SO last year!
> ...


I've definately been at the lower welly end, refusing to pay much for them, but then I don't wear them much. 

Do you turn your tops down Mick like the old days? 

[IMG][/IMG]

Mine never looked that clean though. Also we would write our names in blue biro across the white bit.

----------


## prendrelemick

Turndowns are a summer thing, the farmers version of those young girls who tie their blouses up on hot days.

----------


## Paulclem

> Turndowns are a summer thing, the farmers version of those young girls who tie their blouses up on hot days.


 :FRlol: 

Superb

I'll remember that and accredit you with it Mick when I explain this practice to my middle class, expensive welly wearing colleagues.

----------


## The Atheist

I prefer the short, steel-capped version, but I can see the attraction in the turn down.

Who'd have thought a turn down would be a turn on?

----------


## soundofmusic

> It's a hanging offence is Yorkshire!
> 
> 
> 
> The scanner shows a little more detail than an x-ray photo and that's about all. While the genitals are almost identifiable, the person isn't - the complaints really seem way out of proportion with what the scans actually are. Internal items will show up.
> 
> The pat-downs, now that's a different story entirely.
> 
> Under breasts, under genitalia, even between genitals, if the complaints are to be believed. I'd probably go with the scan!


So it's like those ugly baby pictures in the abdomen everyone is raving over lately...my friends had one; the baby looked totally different in the light of day.




> Well thats the first test all over bar the shouting. They're not the first group of players to be brought low by a Hussey.
> 
> There have been developments in the tupping saga. First the good news, Gay tup has turned! or at least gone back into the closet. 
> 
> The reason (and the bad news) :- Pink tup has injured himself. I think he was attempting a coital encounter in a gateway of frozen and uneven mud, (let this be a warning to you all) and has done his back leg in. Thats him out of action for the rest of the season, and he can no longer dominate Gay Tup- who is discovering the benefits of being Alpha-Ram at the moment.


Horray for the Alpha Ram; I guess pink tup will have to learn the advantages of doing things on his back...





> Don't tell soundo!


Did someone say 8 inches, Soundo thought she saw it for a minute; but it was gone before she got the grin off her face :Willy Nilly:

----------


## The Atheist

> So it's like those ugly baby pictures in the abdomen everyone is raving over lately...my friends had one; the baby looked totally different in the light of day.


That's a pretty good analogy!

Ugly and you can tell what sex it is, but not much else.

----------


## The Atheist

Phew!

The weekend draws to a close. Last week of school, to be followed by seven weeks of two brats at home all day.

If I go mad in the meantime, please understand why!

 :Biggrin: 

Tip for punters: don't buy NZ lamb just yet - there is about to be a glut of it on the market - some farmland is aready drier than it is in the height of a dry summer, and we've only just started.

----------


## prendrelemick

where does all the NZ lamb go to these days? Is it China? It used to arrive by the ship load at Liverpool, while ours ws leaving for France, but you hardly see it nowadays. There used to be high profile ad campaigns with Katie Boyle grinning in a 70's kitchen, showing us how to cook and carve a shoulder to feed a family of four for less than 10 shillings.

----------


## The Atheist

> where does all the NZ lamb go to these days? Is it China? It used to arrive by the ship load at Liverpool, while ours ws leaving for France, but you hardly see it nowadays. There used to be high profile ad campaigns with Katie Boyle grinning in a 70's kitchen, showing us how to cook and carve a shoulder to feed a family of four for less than 10 shillings.


The bulk of it now goes to the Middle East countries. China takes the wool but not the meat.

Killing the animals is one of those things that amuse me. We have animal rights idiots crying about battery hens and sow stalls while ignoring the completly inhumane means of killing animals by halal. The farmers are aware of it and a freezing works that has banned halal has animals queued up for miles and is struggling to cope with the numbers.

The trouble is, for the "animal-loving" groups is that crying about halal would mean that they have to say that islam is cruel, and you can't go around upsetting people of other cultures.

Horror conundrum for them, so they just turn the blind eye on it.

----------


## soundofmusic

I've been getting traumatized on the fashion front. For years they have been telling us how wicked it was to wear animals; now everything from crocodiles to tigers are the rage.  :Hand:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I know I'm off topic. ( been that way all my life) ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw6Fj...eature=related


.

----------


## prendrelemick

> The trouble is, for the "animal-loving" groups is that crying about halal would mean that they have to say that islam is cruel, and you can't go around upsetting people of other cultures.
> 
> Horror conundrum for them, so they just turn the blind eye on it.



Aye, its tough being a bleeding heart liberal at the moment. My heart bleeds for them. :Hand: 

Worse still are those, Nuclear Power?- No thanks! Activists from the 70s and 80s, all that extra CO2 they've caused, to the ruination of the enviroment.


GG: Off topic? on this thread. Impossible.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I know I'm off topic. ( been that way all my life) ...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw6Fj...eature=related
> 
> 
> .


What an incredible piece of history...I'm trying to remember what sort of panties we wore back then; I remember showing alot of leg, but never the panties :Sosp:

----------


## prendrelemick

Navy blue, in heavy cotton, at least up to the navel. As far as I remember they were a compulsory part of the girls uniform at our school..

----------


## MANICHAEAN

I tapped in tonight to get a feet on the ground, touch base reaction to:The FIFA stitch up & Russian Honey Traps for errant British MP's & all I'm coming across is "wellies!" Perhaps I'd better try the "Bach Variations" which seems to be gaining ground in terms of the length of one particular thread.

----------


## prendrelemick

We like to keep a finger on the pulse here.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

And thank God you do. Its one of the most sane threads of them all!

----------


## Paulclem

> I know I'm off topic. ( been that way all my life) ...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw6Fj...eature=related
> 
> 
> .


I can't help thinking that the Mick Jagger school of dancing has a lot to answer for. 

I remember the navy belly button warmers. The height of infant school erotica. 

Pity we lost the FIFA bid. We've got the Olympics though. One can't be greedy old chap.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> I know I'm off topic. ( been that way all my life) ...


I would have thought that was about as topic as you could be here!




> Aye, its tough being a bleeding heart liberal at the moment. My heart bleeds for them.
> 
> Worse still are those, Nuclear Power?- No thanks! Activists from the 70s and 80s, all that extra CO2 they've caused, to the ruination of the enviroment.


Yeah, that drives them nuts!

We still argue about it over here while the world burns.




> I tapped in tonight to get a feet on the ground, touch base reaction to:The FIFA stitch up & Russian Honey Traps for errant British MP's & all I'm coming across is "wellies!" Perhaps I'd better try the "Bach Variations" which seems to be gaining ground in terms of the length of one particular thread.


You have to prioritise in life!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> What an incredible piece of history...I'm trying to remember what sort of panties we wore back then; I remember showing alot of leg, but never the panties


When I stumbled on that gem, I just had to share it with the Blokes. I've lost count of replays...that's my kind of gal!




> ...Perhaps I'd better try the "Bach Variations" which seems to be gaining ground in terms of the length of one particular thread.


You might also be interested in the "Manufacture of Mozart". Now that you mention it, it would be interesting to see where Bac-h-andel stands in comparison to length with Mozart.




> ...
> I remember the navy belly button warmers. The height of infant school erotica.


The height of my juvenile erotica was achieved while watching Lt. Uhura's legs and Yoeman Rand's blonde hair, both from Star Trek.


.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Navy blue, in heavy cotton, at least up to the navel. As far as I remember they were a compulsory part of the girls uniform at our school..


That does sound much more practical; now that I think of it, I only wore pantyhose with a sort of skin colored panty from waist to thigh...




> I remember the navy belly button warmers. The height of infant school erotica.


I must admit, there is nothing sexier than a school uniform on a budding body...or maybe that's just in Britney Spears videos; they don't look that sexy in the Harry Potter movies. 




> When I stumbled on that gem, I just had to share it with the Blokes. I've lost count of replays...that's my kind of gal!
> 
> You might also be interested in the "Manufacture of Mozart". Now that you mention it, it would be interesting to see where Bac-h-andel stands in comparison to length with Mozart.
> 
> The height of my juvenile erotica was achieved while watching Lt. Uhura's legs and Yoeman Rand's blonde hair, both from Star Trek.
> 
> .


I'll have to check out that piece. I never quite got the appeal of Lt. Uhura; all that maroone eye shadow and muscular thighs.... :Skep: 
I liked Shatner before Star Trek...twilight zone time; and the fellow, what was it, pike that got burned later?

----------


## The Atheist

> The height of my juvenile erotica was achieved while watching Lt. Uhura's legs and Yoeman Rand's blonde hair, both from Star Trek.


Oh yes. Those uniforms certainly did it until Valerie Bertinelli came along.




> they don't look that sexy in the Harry Potter movies.


You must mean the boys, because Emma Watson is the sexiest thing since Adam discovered it!

----------


## prendrelemick

I hope that Captain Kirk used protection while he was going boldly.

----------


## prendrelemick

At times like this I regret there are not more Austrailians on here :Biggrin5: 


Meanwhile, Atheist can you start rounding up a few votive virgins and change the weather again!

----------


## The Atheist

> At times like this I regret there are not more Austrailians on here


That's ok - I'm giving them enough for you as well!

 :Biggrin: 

Can't wait until #3 starts - a whitewash would be the perfect result.




> Meanwhile, Atheist can you start rounding up a few votive virgins and change the weather again!


Bit parky up your way?

I'll see if we can swap for a week or two!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh yes. Those uniforms certainly did it until Valerie Bertinelli came along.
> 
> 
> You must mean the boys, because Emma Watson is the sexiest thing since Adam discovered it!


Val, really, this I have to see...I don't know, Emma's a bit too flat and bony kneed for my taste.




> I hope that Captain Kirk used protection while he was going boldly.


Yeah, Kirk was always getting the girls...the only other guys I remember having girlfriends was Spock during mating season and Stephen Collins in the movie when he melded with the robot copy of his old girlfriend...now that was a man, astigmatism and all... :Drool5:

----------


## Silas Thorne

I used to drool over Jennifer Connelly from 'Labyrinth' when I was a boy. Sadly, when she grew up I wasn't so enamoured. She changed too much.

----------


## Paulclem

> Bit parky up your way?
> 
> I'll see if we can swap for a week or two!


Decidedly. this was at one of our venues on Tuesday. 

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## gbrekken

i love hoarfrost (pogonip)

----------


## The Atheist

> Decidedly. this was at one of our venues on Tuesday.


Brrrr!

That's looks far too cold for me.

Just at the moment I'll stick with the daily 26 degrees.

You'd just better hope it isn't twice as cold in February!

----------


## Paulclem

How are the preparations for the annual Cold Ale Christmas Party going? 

I'm having a trial run on Saturday - we have been invited to a party. I don't get out... at all ...and so I'll let you know how it goes. 

I've also got my Programme Manager's christmas Lunch coming up - which will be more interesting than it sounds - as my mate is a big book fan, and does great impressions. 

Are you chaps and Ladies doing anything nice and social over the forthcoming festive season?

----------


## jocky

> How are the preparations for the annual Cold Ale Christmas Party going? 
> 
> I'm having a trial run on Saturday - we have been invited to a party. I don't get out... at all ...and so I'll let you know how it goes. 
> 
> I've also got my Programme Manager's christmas Lunch coming up - which will be more interesting than it sounds - as my mate is a big book fan, and does great impressions. 
> 
> Are you chaps and Ladies doing anything nice and social over the forthcoming festive season?


Well, I don't suppose old Jocky will be invited. I am surprised Paul that you were not down Westminster way pushing a pike on behalf of our students. The nasty sods almost scared the Duchess of Cornwall ,though I don't know who got the biggest fright, them looking in the Bentley or her looking out.

Oh, and by the way Atheist I hope you have noticed that never once have I mentioned that Scotland are the new rugby union champions of the world.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> .


First grekken and now this one returns...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvKb...eature=related

I knew he'd come back.

.

----------


## jocky

Mick, I have got a confession to make, it was me that started the campaign to reinstate Shane Warne back to the Aussies. Losing the bid for the World Cup and being shattered in the Ashes would fair warm us up north of the border, but as Confucious says " Man with Flymo should never upset farmer with John Deare. "




> First grekken and now this one returns...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvKb...eature=related
> 
> I knew he'd come back.
> 
> .


Aye, I am a sucker for punishment. The Ben - Hur treatment I do not deserve. This might interest you, Wiki-Leaks are saving the last for best. They are releasing the cold war alien files and big-foot sightings in an unabridged totally believable pay pal format. Apparently only forty million authorised, unauthorised privates will have exclusive access. The power of Google.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I used to drool over Jennifer Connelly from 'Labyrinth' when I was a boy. Sadly, when she grew up I wasn't so enamoured. She changed too much.


Ooh, David Bowie looked really hot in that movie...




> Decidedly. this was at one of our venues on Tuesday. 
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]


Wow, is that ice on the branches? I had bits of ice on my windshield when I went out tonight...It's only 55, but the humidity is at 89%




> i love hoarfrost (pogonip)


What's whorefrost?



> Brrrr!
> 
> 
> That's looks far too cold for me.
> 
> Just at the moment I'll stick with the daily 26 degrees.
> 
> You'd just better hope it isn't twice as cold in February!


What are the kids up to, ATheist...What, no broken bones or eye injuries yet?




> How are the preparations for the annual Cold Ale Christmas Party going? 
> 
> I'm having a trial run on Saturday - we have been invited to a party. I don't get out... at all ...and so I'll let you know how it goes. 
> 
> I've also got my Programme Manager's christmas Lunch coming up - which will be more interesting than it sounds - as my mate is a big book fan, and does great impressions. 
> 
> Are you chaps and Ladies doing anything nice and social over the forthcoming festive season?


Sounds exciting. I am invited to the neighbors, every year I try to talk them out of buying gifts...because then, I have to buy gifts; does that sound cheap? Anyway, I have the tree, carolers and village up, most of my daughters presents have arrived (I shopped totally by internet this year) and I'll cook a roast...I've already started eating cookies and adding increasingly more rum in the eggnog.




> Well, I don't suppose old Jocky will be invited. I am surprised Paul that you were not down Westminster way pushing a pike on behalf of our students. The nasty sods almost scared the Duchess of Cornwall ,though I don't know who got the biggest fright, them looking in the Bentley or her looking out.


Not only are you invited, you can dress up as Father Christmas :Santasmile: 




> First grekken and now this one returns...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvKb...eature=related
> 
> I knew he'd come back.
> 
> .


 :Ladysman:  All together for Christmas...where is Parker, we have to buy more booze!

----------


## jocky

Remember last Xmas! That was some disaster, if I ever get my hands on the son of a ***** who mentioned the turkey sandwiches again I will ...... Mind you remember the trifle and the presents. Who says the Scots are greedy ? Cheers Soundo and thanks for your humanity.

----------


## Paulclem

Hi Jocky. Nice to see you back.

Sounds - whorefrost is that look you get when... no never mind. But yes - that's ice on the tree. We had a freezing fog which coats everything. Looks amazing. 

I now what you mean about the presents - it's got to stop somewhere. Surely a bit of eggnog and cheer is enough for neighbours.

----------


## The Atheist

> How are the preparations for the annual Cold Ale Christmas Party going?


Good!

I'm getting Mumford & Sons to play a set for us as we get into the Guinness!




> The nasty sods almost scared the Duchess of Cornwall ,though I don't know who got the biggest fright, them looking in the Bentley or her looking out.


 :Smilielol5: 

That's what I thought!

Good to see you back, mate!




> Oh, and by the way Atheist I hope you have noticed that never once have I mentioned that Scotland are the new rugby union champions of the world.


Yes, that was an excellent effort.

We have the cup waiting for you next year.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Remember last Xmas! That was some disaster, if I ever get my hands on the son of a ***** who mentioned the turkey sandwiches again I will ...... Mind you remember the trifle and the presents. Who says the Scots are greedy ? Cheers Soundo and thanks for your humanity.


What, turkey sandwiches, at least the little women should hide the turkey in Bisquick or chow mein :Shocked: 
Greedy, surely not, you'd give away your last bit of cash to help your fellow man and then pass the hat....Oops, I left my wallet at home :Blush5: 




> Hi Jocky. Nice to see you back.
> 
> Sounds - whorefrost is that look you get when... no never mind. But yes - that's ice on the tree. We had a freezing fog which coats everything. Looks amazing. 
> 
> I now what you mean about the presents - it's got to stop somewhere. Surely a bit of eggnog and cheer is enough for neighbours.


Ah yes, whorefrost is what you call it? Yes, I think the young gigolo gave me a look like that  :Dupe: 
Well, thank you for understanding, the neighbors just think I'm hording my gold...I don't really get it, one has 16 grandchildren to buy for and still turns up every year with a pair of too small slippers or a strange scented candle for me.

----------


## jocky

Now, don't get me wrong here but the truth has to be told. Now I have to admit I don't believe in God or Gods but there is a malevolent being out there. This may be dualistic thinking but I am not so sure. How come every time I press my trousers the milk bottle falls on the crease and when I try to shave it is a scrape because sonny boy has been using my razor ? There may be more to this than meets the eye.

----------


## prendrelemick

What you say has merit Jocky. I too have noticed a conspiricy of inanimate (supposedly) objects to confound my simple desires:- The piece of toast that lands butter side down, the pound coin that rolls under the sofa, the TV remote that lays just out of reach. They claim of course to be merely following the laws of physics, but I know better.

----------


## jocky

There was a young dude called Gilliatt
who believed in Sasquatch and all of that
till he met Emmy Lou
whom he intercoursed in the zoo
and that was the end of the bigfoot younger brat

The last line does not work and that has devestated me, but I have introduced a new verb into the English language ' intercoursed ' it is good and you can use it in many variations. Pose, preen and soforth.

----------


## jocky

> i love hoarfrost (pogonip)


In Jockland it is known as hoorfrost ( MacBartism )

----------


## The Atheist

> Now, don't get me wrong here but the truth has to be told. Now I have to admit I don't believe in God or Gods but there is a malevolent being out there. This may be dualistic thinking but I am not so sure. How come every time I press my trousers the milk bottle falls on the crease and when I try to shave it is a scrape because sonny boy has been using my razor ? There may be more to this than meets the eye.


 :FRlol: 

That's that Irish bastard Murphy!

----------


## jocky

> That's that Irish bastard Murphy!


You know me and you are buddies but I have to dissassociate myself from your comment on the entirely reasonable grounds that I have just heard that ' Apeneck Sweeney ' has applied to subscribe. Now we have got time Atheist as he is not the brightest but if he sees this, which he eventually will ,God help us. From your good mate GILLIATT.  :Biggrin:  :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> There was a young dude called Gilliatt
> who believed in Sasquatch and all of that
> till he met Emmy Lou
> whom he intercoursed in the zoo
> and that was the end of the bigfoot younger brat
> 
> The last line does not work and that has devestated me, but I have introduced a new verb into the English language ' intercoursed ' it is good and you can use it in many variations. Pose, preen and soforth.


*Bigfoot and Lefty*
As told by Emmylou Harris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMPyd...eature=related


"Living in the woods my friend
Was gonna keep you aloof and lean
Now you wear your fur like iron
Your foots as big as Jethro Bodine

You weren't your mama's only boy
But her favorite one it seems
She began to cry when you said goodbye
And went back to her Jack Links and beans

(refrain)

All the TBRC hunters say
They could have tranquilized him any day
They only let him slip away
To keep the legend alive I suppose.

http://www.texasbigfoot.org/

Lefty he can't sing the blues
Hes agitated by the size of his shoes
and choking on dander from Bigfoots fur 
that ended up in Lefty's mouth."

(repeat refrain)

.

----------


## jocky

> *Bigfoot and Lefty*
> As told by Emmylou Harris
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TMPyd...eature=related
> 
> 
> "Living in the woods my friend
> Was gonna keep you aloof and lean
> Now you wear your fur like iron
> ...


And who prithee is Jethro Bodine and furthermore why are you desecrating Emmylou's lyrics? I admit your doggerel is doggone better than mine, by a long way , but at least I don't stoop to wrecking a ballad just to slip in the TBRC. Does bad literature know no peramaters? Your just green with jealousy because you never came up with ' intercoursing ' This will really get up your nose I have seen the very latest Bigfoot movie and it is a real hoot. There!

How about the Bloke's thread Shakespeare Christmas Play. It can be Tragedy or Comedy or what you will.

First Clown: Marry, methinks I see a ... nay I know not what, methinks it is nine times three doubly, doubly rebounded! What ho a stranger comes hence. Aside ... Cease thy damned knocking. Softly, away, away....(Follow that)......

----------


## prendrelemick

I met a fool in the forest
So wrote the immortal Bard,
He lived upon the tourist,
And measured his feet by the yard.



How about, Hamlet vs Othello -This time it's personal!

----------


## jocky

> I met a fool in the forest
> So wrote the immortal Bard,
> He lived upon the tourist,
> And measured his feet by the yard.
> 
> 
> 
> How about, Hamlet vs Othello -This time it's personal!


Go to, Go to. As long as no one mentions the Mobbled Queen.  :Smile: 

You realise, of course, that there is better than an even chance that the Bard was Scottish. Hume, Adam Smith, Burns and perhaps, maybe Shakespeare and where does that leave you? Jeffrey Archer, Kane and nae Able. No matter!

----------


## The Atheist

> You realise, of course, that there is better than an even chance that the Bard was Scottish.


Did he play for Hawick?

----------


## jocky

Aye, and apparently he was a left footer , but this is just hearsay you understand. However in my humble opinion no one could have written The Scottish Play ( Wiki leaks could be hacking in ) without the necessary inside info. You know Mick he gets very touchy about these things. Just another wee point to finish with. We are trying to pass a law which states categorically that no rugby team from whatsover nation are allowed to enact the HAKA and fear us to death before the match at Murrayfield. This applies to all nations to whomsover this may refer to.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> How about the Bloke's thread Shakespeare Christmas Play. It can be Tragedy or Comedy or what you will.
> 
> First Clown: Marry, methinks I see a ... nay I know not what, methinks it is nine times three doubly, doubly rebounded! What ho a stranger comes hence. Aside ... Cease thy damned knocking. Softly, away, away....(Follow that)......*2*





> I met a fool in the forest
> So wrote the immortal Bard,
> He lived upon the tourist,
> And measured his feet by the yard.*6*


Preening his fur by the fire, 
A careless move on his part. 
Fur balls sparked by the pyre,
He must now wear a wig to the mart. *10*






> And who prithee is Jethro Bodine and furthermore why are you desecrating Emmylou's lyrics? I admit your doggerel is doggone better than mine, by a long way , but at least I don't stoop to wrecking a ballad just to slip in the TBRC. Does bad literature know no peramaters? Your just green with jealousy because you never came up with ' intercoursing ' This will really get up your nose I have seen the very latest Bigfoot movie and it is a real hoot. There!


Haha - touche. I bow to your originality and apparent youth based on the new avatar and signoff quote!

Jethro Bodine; a quintessential Hillbilly and highly underrated American icon:

(the first minute or so is enough)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t5aNn...eature=related

----------


## jocky

> Preening his fur by the fire, 
> A careless move on his part. 
> Fur balls sparked by the pyre,
> He must now wear a wig to the mart. *10*
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Listen I loved Ma, Pa and Jethro as much as the next man, but Ellie May was something to behold. As to you awarding me a straight 2, you might have made it a 2 and a half. As to giving Mick a 6 you will only encourage him. Remember I can only go up and he has got to go down. Swings and roundabouts Old chap, swings and roundabouts. Damn I might get a 1. You fly git you awarded yourself a 10. Gilliatt is not playing with a straight bat and I am demanding a 4 by 4 ruling.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... As to you awarding me a straight 2, you might have made it a 2 and a half. As to giving Mick a 6 you will only encourage him. Remember I can only go up and he has got to go down. Swings and roundabouts Old chap, swings and roundabouts. Damn I might get a 1. You fly git you awarded yourself a 10.


No, no... those are the stanza(?)/ line(?) counts.
You know...the little numbers off to the side of poems.
If we are to construct this monumental piece, then we must have reference points along the way. Sort of like breaking twigs along the trail, or wedging fur in bark.
Your first entry had two lines, Mick's - 4, etc.

Go back to the heath 
and snort some ale 
conjur up more lines
so we may continue this tale.

.

----------


## jocky

:Biggrin: 


> No, no... those are the stanza(?)/ line(?) counts.
> You know...the little numbers off to the side of poems.
> If we are to construct this monumental piece, then we must have reference points along the way. Sort of like breaking twigs along the trail, or wedging fur in bark.
> Your first entry had two lines, Mick's - 4, etc.
> 
> Go back to the heath 
> and snort some ale 
> conjur up more lines
> so we may continue this tale.
> ...




 :Biggrin:  Pretty cool and I do agree that The Ancient Mariner uses this marginal system, but I am still demanding my 4 by 4 ruling. Only Atheist can arbitrate this even though he will not have a scooby what I am on about. Higher powers Gilly , higher powers.

----------


## gbrekken

hALF A ZILLION Subjects in 30 secs. orvless more in tyhe a.m here

i love murphy! 

longer story later, but what's the cricket eqivalent of hitting/batting a homerun?




> Pretty cool and I do agree that The Ancient Mariner uses this marginal system, but I am still demanding my 4 by 4 ruling. Only Atheist can arbitrate this even though he will not have a scooby what I am on about. Higher powers Gilly , higher powers.


i like the works.

----------


## jocky

> hALF A ZILLION Subjects in 30 secs. orvless more in tyhe a.m here
> 
> i love murphy! 
> 
> longer story later, but what's the cricket eqivalent of hitting/batting a homerun?


 :Biggrin:  I am just away to my kip but I feel it is My Scottish duty to intervene before Mick of the Vale gets in. Kevin Peterson as he only hits centuries in the Ashes, which only happens bi-annually. I hope that cleared things up to no ones satisfaction, but it was a fine intervention . Howzat!  :Biggrin: 




> hALF A ZILLION Subjects in 30 secs. orvless more in tyhe a.m here
> 
> i love murphy! 
> 
> longer story later, but what's the cricket eqivalent of hitting/batting a homerun?


O.K I will hang around for a few more nana-seconds for the Murphy story, but it better be good as you know I have a 4x4 hearing first thing in the morning. Feet tapping I am waiting, this better be good.......

Gbrekken, you just did that intentionally while you are googling all the Murphy stories. That is it, this is a clear, murky wind up. Goodnight!  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Jocky, I can't help noticing that while we Gentlemen of England are abed and holding our manhoods cheaply, you seem to be reluctant to go up. I hope mrs Jocky isn't making unreasonable demands. 

To be or not to be bewigged.
To walk, or travel round well horsed,
(That line had to be re-jigged
to rhyme with intercoursed)

----------


## The Atheist

Poems!

The laddie fancies himself a poet!

Rubbish!

Roger Waters, _The Wall_. 




> Aye, and apparently he was a left footer , but this is just hearsay you understand.


 :Smilielol5: 

Oh, I bet he was.




> However in my humble opinion no one could have written The Scottish Play ( Wiki leaks could be hacking in ) without the necessary inside info.


I remember the Scottish Play!

That was where Willie-John Mcbride peeled off the lineout, cut-out pass to John Jeffrey for a barnstorming, high knee-action run to the goalposts.




> We are trying to pass a law which states categorically that no rugby team from whatsover nation are allowed to enact the HAKA and fear us to death before the match at Murrayfield. This applies to all nations to whomsover this may refer to.


You'll actually get quite a lot of support over here for that.

The boofheads (83% of rugby supporters) love it for the aggression it shows, while the rest feel it's a stupid anachronism, horribly overdone and not something that needs to be on a rugby paddock.

Maybe Scotland should try the old "reverse kilt haka" to see how that goes down.

Puerile nonsense.




> Listen I loved Ma, Pa and Jethro as much as the next man, but Ellie May was something to behold. As to you awarding me a straight 2, you might have made it a 2 and a half. As to giving Mick a 6 you will only encourage him. Remember I can only go up and he has got to go down. Swings and roundabouts Old chap, swings and roundabouts. Damn I might get a 1. You fly git you awarded yourself a 10. Gilliatt is not playing with a straight bat and I am demanding a 4 by 4 ruling.


Heck, even I knew Gilliatt was doing the counting thing!

Ellie-May, slightly before my time, but I certainly ... 
,,,,,admired her in repeats.




> No, no... those are the stanza(?)/ line(?) counts.
> You know...the little numbers off to the side of poems.


Even I knew that! It amazed the hell out of me, actually.




> If we are to construct this monumental piece, then we must have reference points along the way.


I'll leave you to count, and I bet you never find anything I write to put a number on.

I'm a Phillipino.... Philistinian .... Philidelphian...

...one of those people with no music or poetry in their soul.




> . Howzat!


Only three more sleeps!

----------


## jocky

> I hope mrs Jocky isn't making unreasonable demands.


Fat chance of that Mick. Mrs Jocky and I are not on speaking terms at the moment or to be more precise she is not speaking to me. All because I declared my intention of going through to cut the Widow MacKenzie's grass. She gave me a look which I can only describe as sheer malevolence as she stated through gritted teeth " At eleven o' clock at night, that will be right ". I have to go now as I have a mountain of dishes to do. Women can be so petty.

----------


## Paulclem

> Fat chance of that Mick. Mrs Jocky and I are not on speaking terms at the moment or to be more precise she is not speaking to me. All because I declared my intention of going through to cut the Widow MacKenzie's grass. She gave me a look which I can only describe as sheer malevolence as she stated through gritted teeth " At eleven o' clock at night, that will be right ". I have to go now as I have a mountain of dishes to do. Women can be so petty.


Sympathies. A week, or maybe two, of penitence looms. Exrtra housework, kindly words and smiles rebuffed. Perhaps an unscheduled holiday, or an expensive item of jewellery. Maybe a candlelit dinner. 

Of course this may be anathema to the Jocksman, who may decide to sweat it out.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Fat chance of that Mick. Mrs Jocky and I are not on speaking terms at the moment or to be more precise she is not speaking to me. All because I declared my intention of going through to cut the Widow MacKenzie's grass. She gave me a look which I can only describe as sheer malevolence as she stated through gritted teeth " At eleven o' clock at night, that will be right ". I have to go now as I have a mountain of dishes to do. Women can be so petty.


You're a saint!

How your wife can object to such an altruistic gesture astonishes me.

Hard, hard woman.

----------


## gbrekken

great audio/video of the Metrodome roof's 4th collapse on Fox Sports. having lived in those environs it just goes to show that a teflon roof supported by nothing but hot air doesn't cut it in that climate.

Think I'll cancel plans to visit London and enroll at University. Unless of course I'm invited to ride in the royal Rolls, just to hear Camilla/Charles response to such an affront.

No need to google this Murphy's Law: what can go wrong will go wrong. So, when you drop your buttered bread it lands on the buttered side. It's merely karma gents. 

Hopefully by now Jocky has learned to hit an inside the park homer, sliding safely into home, able to pick up his bat (straight or not) and do it all over again, much to the joy of the participants. (Stick it between the wickets man!) If that's not clear, grab a bottle, pour a shot, say "here's mud in your eye", and enjoy the day anyway.

Many happy karmic returns on the day to y'all. Perhaps even Soundo will learn the meaning of pogonip (easier to spell than hoarfrost).

Keep up the great poetic works as well! Oh, and Elly Mae had nothing over Daisy Duke of Hazzard County Kentucky.

----------


## The Atheist

> great audio/video of the Metrodome roof's 4th collapse on Fox Sports. having lived in those environs it just goes to show that a teflon roof supported by nothing but hot air doesn't cut it in that climate.


Nice video!

Funny how people forget about how snow is made up of water, which is actually reasonably heavy stuff.

We had a smaller stadium get crushed under snow even though it had a steel roof just a couple of months back.





> Think I'll cancel plans to visit London and enroll at University. Unless of course I'm invited to ride in the royal Rolls, just to hear Camilla/Charles response to such an affront.


I'd love to know if Chuck just thought for even a second of his predecessor namesake.




> Oh, and Elly Mae had nothing over Daisy Duke of Hazzard County Kentucky.


Or Petticoat Junction!

I always found myself drawn to the blondes when I was a kid.

Nothing changes.

----------


## gbrekken

petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...URL="http://www.imdb.com/media/rm2857208064/tt0056780"]Or Petticoat Junction[/URL]!
> 
> I always found myself drawn to the blondes when I was a kid.





> petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)


Another great TV classic...

"Come ride the little train that is rollin down the tracks to the junction..."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAksy...eature=related

-------------------

If I may shift gears and take inventory of our tale.
Here's what we have so far:

J=Jocky; P=Prendrelemick; G=Gilliatt; TVZ= Townes van Zandt (Lyrics to Pancho and Lefty)

There was a young dude called Gilliatt
who believed in Sasquatch and all of that
till he met Emmy Lou
whom he intercoursed in the zoo
and that was the end of the bigfoot younger brat 5 J

First Clown: Marry, methinks I see a ... nay I know not what, methinks it is nine times three doubly, doubly rebounded! 
What ho a stranger comes hence. 
(Aside) ... Cease thy damned knocking. 
Softly, away, away....(Follow that)...... 9 J

I met a fool in the forest
So wrote the immortal Bard,
He lived upon the tourist,
And measured his feet by the yard. 13 P

Living in the woods my friend
Was gonna keep you aloof and lean
Now you wear your fur like iron
Your foots as big as Jethro Bodine 17 G/TVZ 

You weren't your mama's only boy
But her favorite one it seems
She began to cry when you said goodbye
And went back to her Jack Links and beans 21 G/TVZ

(refrain)
All the TBRC hunters say
They could have tranquilized him any day
They only let him slip away
To keep the legend alive I suppose. 25 G/TVZ

Lefty he can't sing the blues
Hes agitated by the size of his shoes
and choking on dander from Bigfoots fur 
that ended up in Lefty's mouth." 29 G/TVZ
(repeat refrain)

Preening his fur by the fire, 
A careless move on his part. 
Fur balls sparked by the pyre,
He must now wear a wig to the mart. 33 G

Go back to the heath 
and snort some ale 
conjure up more lines
so we may continue this tale. 37 G

To be or not to be bewigged.
To walk, or travel round well horsed,
(That line had to be re-jigged
to rhyme with intercoursed) 41 P


.

----------


## The Atheist

That will all be published someday.

1000 years from now, they'll be looking back in admiration at the skill of the writers.




> petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)


Yes, a great start! I bet that was a popular spot on the line.

Did they call hooters hooters in those days?

----------


## Silas Thorne

> Did they call hooters hooters in those days?


Or flubbly jubblies? I love the sound of that word, it's so evocative.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Did they call hooters hooters in those days?


Interesting question. 
Gbrekken might be able to reveal a little more on that.
The terms of endearment that I recall...knockers, inflated jibs or spinnakers.




> Or flubbly jubblies? I love the sound of that word, it's so evocative.


Mr. Thorne! 
By God if anyone can help weave our tail, it is Mr. Thorne!
Bring this man a drink
and let him think

.

----------


## Silas Thorne

I'm very confused. Which topic are we on again? My mind has stuck on the broken record of Mamory. Is this the creation of some limerick on the wonder of the mountains? Or on wondrous mountains?

Looking down, we see the mountains, 
above is sky.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Something Jocky started regarding gigantopithicus. 
He'll have to explain, but don't hold your breath waiting; Jocky sleeps a lot.

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Now, don't get me wrong here but the truth has to be told. Now I have to admit I don't believe in God or Gods but there is a malevolent being out there. This may be dualistic thinking but I am not so sure. How come every time I press my trousers the milk bottle falls on the crease and when I try to shave it is a scrape because sonny boy has been using my razor ? There may be more to this than meets the eye.


You think you have it bad, Jocky, imagine having projections from your chest that knock the milk jug over when you eat....you men have it made :Smilielol5: 




> What you say has merit Jocky. I too have noticed a conspiricy of inanimate (supposedly) objects to confound my simple desires:- The piece of toast that lands butter side down, the pound coin that rolls under the sofa, the TV remote that lays just out of reach. They claim of course to be merely following the laws of physics, but I know better.


And everyone wonders why I eat with a row of paper towels attached to my neck; wearing nothing but my skivvies :Biggrin: 




> Sympathies. A week, or maybe two, of penitence looms. Exrtra housework, kindly words and smiles rebuffed. Perhaps an unscheduled holiday, or an expensive item of jewellery. Maybe a candlelit dinner. 
> 
> Of course this may be anathema to the Jocksman, who may decide to sweat it out.


You see, gentlemen, this is why Paul is able to get the Mrs. to come out to the fields with him on the weekend. :Thumbsup: 




> petticoat junction was just down the RR tracks from hooterville where green acres were. my favorite is the three females bathing in the train's water tower 9steam engine days)


I never realized how suggestive those sitcom titles were...I think the females should bath in the creek; imagine brushing your teeth one day and finding a press on nail or worse... :Ack2: 




> Something Jocky started regarding gigantopithicus. 
> He'll have to explain, but don't hold your breath waiting; Jocky sleeps a lot.
> 
> .


I never realized you were such a gifted limerick writer Gilliatt....




> Did they call hooters hooters in those days?


I think in those days, eyes and owls were known as hooters :Smilielol5:

----------


## The Atheist

> You think you have it bad, Jocky, imagine having projections from your chest that knock the milk jug over when you eat....you men have it made


Most blokes dream of waking up with that problem!




> I never realized how suggestive those sitcom titles were...I think the females should bath in the creek; imagine brushing your teeth one day and finding a press on nail or worse...


 :Smilielol5: 

No, they filled the _engine_ from the pool tank, not the drinking jugs.

I'd have to say, with those three swimming in it, I'd have no problem drinking it!

----------


## jocky

To change tack here ( as jocky does a neat body swerve on the poetry ) Spare a thought for the Right Honourable Jeffrey Hunt MP who was Spoonerised three times in a 48 hour period by three different journalists. Being the Minister for Culture do you suppose he would have appreciated the ironic value in this ?

----------


## gbrekken

sweat off dolly parton"s chest?: mountain dew

i'll check my oed for hooters whilst imagining sounds giving me gentle quick double slaps in the face.

don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.

did you see those knockers? what company made those over the shoulder boulder holders?

turn down the brights on those headlights girl

more later

pity the MP that doesn't appreciate oxymoronerisms

----------


## The Atheist

> To change tack here ( as jocky does a neat body swerve on the poetry ) Spare a thought for the Right Honourable Jeffrey Hunt MP who was Spoonerised three times in a 48 hour period by three different journalists. Being the Minister for Culture do you suppose he would have appreciated the ironic value in this ?


Brilliant!

I doubt he got the irony, somehow.




> what company made those over the shoulder boulder holders?


My 8yo boy now uses that term!

The kids had never heard it and we were discussing old slang the other day. That one struck a chord - someone should post it in the old words thread.

 :Smilielol5: 




> pity the MP that doesn't appreciate oxymoronerisms


10/10

We should try bottling the humour in this place; the world would be a lot better with it spread around. People take life far too seriously.

----------


## Paulclem

I've heard the word zeppelins used before. 

I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/

----------


## jocky

> I've heard the word zeppelins used before. 
> 
> I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/


That is an old term which may be extant only in a few teachers staff rooms. The advent of bazookas made them redundant.

Er, the play you say. It all depends on who you mean by the venerable William. If you mean Shakespeare it falls a mite short but if, of course, you mean the inimitable William Topaz McGonnagall then I should say we have reached an exceptionally high standard.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I never realized you were such a gifted limerick writer Gilliatt....


Thanks...I suppose, but credit must go to others as well. This is a team effort. By the way we are waiting on your contribution along with a few others.




> ...those headlights...





> I've heard the word zeppelins used before. 
> 
> I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/


Yes, I forgot about headlights. 
I like "Zeppelins".
I now recall "tuning dials" as in HAM radio..."come in Tokyo...come in Rangoon"




> Er, the play you say. It all depends on who you mean by the venerable William. If you mean Shakespeare it falls a mite short but if, of course, you mean the inimitable William Topaz MacGonnogal then I should say we have reached an exceptionally high standard.


I've lost track, is it a play or a lost Chaucer tail?
Either way, I believe the idea is to wrap it up in time to read at the Christmas party.


.

----------


## jocky

> Either way, I believe the idea is to wrap it up in time to read at the Christmas party.
> 
> 
> .


It behoves me not to rush our play
The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
One must allow for unforseen mishaps
bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.

----------


## The Atheist

> I've heard the word zeppelins used before. 
> 
> I've been glancing in occaisionally. Are we writing a play in the style of the venerable William/


Zeppelins, yes, I'd even forgotten about them.

Only the really big 'uns.




> It behoves me not to rush our play
> The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
> One must allow for unforseen mishaps
> bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
> Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
> To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.


Even the other William is turning in his grave at the beauty and symmetry of it all.

I almost shed a tear.

Onions get me every time.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Most blokes dream of waking up with that problem


I know what you mean; we ladies, well I, anyway, have often thought exactly the same thing about male appendages...it just seems like such a job to keep the opposite sex appeased and pleased all the time just to have the occasional romantic evening;
But, then I think of all the bother if I possesed my own appendage: prostate problems, premature and prolonged, headaches with viagra... :Cryin: 




> sweat off dolly parton"s chest?: mountain dew
> 
> i'll check my oed for hooters whilst imagining sounds giving me gentle quick double slaps in the face.
> 
> don't sweat the petty things, pet the sweaty things.
> 
> did you see those knockers? what company made those over the shoulder boulder holders?
> 
> turn down the brights on those headlights girl
> ...


brilliant  :Smilielol5: 




> Thanks...I suppose, but credit must go to others as well. This is a team effort. By the way we are waiting on your contribution along with a few others.
> 
> 
> Yes, I forgot about headlights. 
> I like "Zeppelins".
> I now recall "tuning dials" as in HAM radio..."come in Tokyo...come in Rangoon"
> 
> I've lost track, is it a play or a lost Chaucer tail?
> Either way, I believe the idea is to wrap it up in time to read at the Christmas party.
> ...


Oh, I could never add to the great verse you and Jocky are putting together.
God help us from men who think we have operational areolas.... :Hand: 




> It behoves me not to rush our play
> The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
> One must allow for unforseen mishaps
> bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
> Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
> To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.


Lovely Jocky, is that fine young man in your avatar you?

----------


## Paulclem

> It behoves me not to rush our play
> The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
> One must allow for unforseen mishaps
> bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
> Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
> To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.


For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
And so her ego I shall give a boost.
But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
I snigger to myself for I still know,
That even as I clean I rule the show. 
To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham, 
With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
I know my place, it's she who only thinks.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It behoves me not to rush our play
> The epic will be a wrap by Xmas day
> One must allow for unforseen mishaps
> bruised egos, disputes and well laid traps
> Anon, the kilted one must flee the stage
> To finish my chores or face Madam's rage.





> For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
> And so her ego I shall give a boost.
> But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
> And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
> I snigger to myself for I still know,
> That even as I clean I rule the show. 
> To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham, 
> With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
> And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
> I know my place, it's she who only thinks.


Brilliant !!!!!!
You guys are nothing.nothing but pure genius.
As your Troop scribe, I will now add these two installments to the tail of the Tale.
The Flat Earth Poets Society (FEPS) now recognizes PC who is hereby added to bard list.




> Oh, I could never add to the great verse you and Jocky are putting together.


Nonsense !!!
Do you honestly consider this great verse?
I know it's in you. Perhaps the governess, Edelweiss, a doe, a deer...

Please forgive me, I've had a little too much wine tonight.


Gilliatt

----------


## prendrelemick

No use crying over spilt milk,
But lethal weapons of that ilk,
Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
Or handled with the utmost care,
Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare.




> To change tack here ( as jocky does a neat body swerve on the poetry ) Spare a thought for the Right Honourable Jeffrey Hunt MP who was Spoonerised three times in a 48 hour period by three different journalists. Being the Minister for Culture do you suppose he would have appreciated the ironic value in this ?


I think he would, he is a shining wit and a smart fella :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> Even the other William is turning in his grave at the beauty and symmetry of it all.


Aw shucks Atheist, they say talent will always rise to the surface just like seagull guano.  :Smile: 




> Lovely Jocky, is that fine young man in your avatar you?


Unfortunately no. It is a very young Ewan MacGregor, although many wise ladies who know about these things say he looks very like me.  :Yesnod: 




> Brilliant !!!!!!
> You guys are nothing.nothing but pure genius.
> 
> 
> 
> Gilliatt


More than you think. Paul has just produced a near perfect decima the only difference being he has produced an AABBCCDDEE as opposed to an ABBAACCDDC. This genre used to be widely used in Spain and is very popular among the Cuban and Peurto Rican Literatti. We have a literary gem on our little thread and we need to cherish and defer to him always.  :Smile: 




> I think he would, he is a shining wit and a smart fella


I hope his lovely wife Candy appreciates the nuances of the most vulgar of Spoonerisms.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Aw shucks Atheist, they say talent will always rise to the surface just like seagull guano.


Which in a delightful irony is the main ingredient of ANFO explosive.




> I hope his lovely wife Candy appreciates the nuances of the most vulgar of Spoonerisms.


You're kidding? His wife is honestly Candy?

----------


## Paulclem

You Gentlemen are too kind. I think as a group we should be able to come up with a fitting tribute to "Topaz" McGonnagall.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> No use crying over spilt milk,
> But lethal weapons of that ilk,
> Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
> Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
> Or handled with the utmost care,
> Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare.


Thou furry knave go sweep the floor
The Lucky Charms and grits du jour
Spotless I expect the floor to be
Or the contents of my locker youll never see.

Go now and empty my chamber pot
A loathsome task for thy male lot.
Let not a foul drop escape the rim
You'll scrub the floor with your gin.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

Furry knave? :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Furry knave?


It works! This is all part of new poetry where iambic pentameter is the perfect medium for rap. Read it aloud in the new idiom and all will become muddy clear. The new Norton Anthology explains it all. Now I am off to book me and the wife's dream holiday, we depart on the 21st of December 2012. What could possibly go wrong?

----------


## prendrelemick

Never mind the 1ambus, I shall wait for the 2am bus

----------


## soundofmusic

> For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
> And so her ego I shall give a boost.
> But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
> And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
> I snigger to myself for I still know,
> That even as I clean I rule the show. 
> To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham, 
> With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
> And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
> I know my place, it's she who only thinks.


Great prose and plan, without the worries and brainwork you'll live to be 100!




> Brilliant !!!!!!
> You guys are nothing.nothing but pure genius.
> 
> I know it's in you. Perhaps the governess, Edelweiss, a doe, a deer...
> 
> Please forgive me, I've had a little too much wine tonight.
> 
> Gilliatt


 :Smilielol5:  Hum, I feel a full musical coming on here....




> No use crying over spilt milk,
> But lethal weapons of that ilk,
> Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
> Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
> Or handled with the utmost care,
> Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare.


 :Smilielol5:  Beautiful!




> Unfortunately no. It is a very young Ewan MacGregor, although many wise ladies who know about these things say he looks very like me.


Odd, I thought Ewan was shorter :Sosp: 




> You're kidding? His wife is honestly Candy?


I had a doll named Candy once: it was very pretty, wore a lovely party dress and kept its legs open :Biggrin:

----------


## gbrekken

If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.

be that as it may

There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
went to the bar to feel lucky,
twas not to be,
he sits in the tree, not even 
feeling plucky.

----------


## jocky

> If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.
> 
> be that as it may
> 
> There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
> went to the bar to feel lucky,
> twas not to be,
> he sits in the tree, not even 
> feeling plucky.


That will defenitely be used in our play, If our librettist Gilliatt agrees. It is just perfect for the comic relief during the interval when the audience retires to the bar.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Now I am off to book me and the wife's dream holiday, we depart on the 21st of December 2012. What could possibly go wrong?


Deja vu!

I just mentioned that very thing in another thread.




> Never mind the 1ambus, I shall wait for the 2am bus


That's clever!




> If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.
> 
> be that as it may
> 
> There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
> went to the bar to feel lucky,
> twas not to be,
> he sits in the tree, not even 
> feeling plucky.


And that's brilliant.

----------


## Paulclem

It's coming together this play. 

Good luck with the getaway Jocky. It snowed all day here, and now it's dropped to -7. Good job I'm from Yorkshire and was exposed on the slagheaps as a child to keep me tough.

----------


## jocky

> It's coming together this play. 
> 
> Good luck with the getaway Jocky. It snowed all day here, and now it's dropped to -7. Good job I'm from Yorkshire and was exposed on the slagheaps as a child to keep me tough.


Mount Olympus is child's play compared to Whernside. The Yorkshire Gods are much tougher than these effete Greek thingy's. There is no way the sixth formers are going to mess with you. Ahem, it is -15 here, cough, splutter and so forth and we have no slagheaps to keep us warm.

Tragic news, England have just lost the third test match.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That will defenitely be used in our play, If our librettist Gilliatt agrees. It is just perfect for the comic relief during the interval when the audience retires to the bar.





> It's coming together this play. 
> 
> Good luck with the getaway Jocky. It snowed all day here, and now it's dropped to -7. Good job I'm from Yorkshire and was exposed on the slagheaps as a child to keep me tough.


By all means Gilliatt agrees!
The "Flat Earth Poets Society" is poisitively astounded by gbrekken's contribution and hereby welomes him to the guild.
Atheist ??...Parker...??

By the way, if you gentlemen and lady will have me, then I would be honored to serve as our Christmas play librettist. As a matter of fact I was just now putting structure to our installments thus far, such as Acts, Scenes, setting descriptions, enters, exeunts, character descriptions, etc.

Enjoy the holiday Jocky. 
Now back to my lab of insanity...

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Ahem, it is -15 here, cough, splutter and so forth and we have no slagheaps to keep us warm.


That's a bit nippy.

I don't think it's ever been -15 anywhere in NZ that isn't at the top of a mountain.




> Tragic news, England have just lost the third test match.


What? A Scotsman celebrating the demise of Sassenachs? Never!




> By all means Gilliatt agrees!
> The "Flat Earth Poets Society" is poisitively astounded by gbrekken's contribution and hereby welomes him to the guild.
> Atheist ??...Parker...??


No, I'm strictly apoetic. Ask me to write a couple of thousand words of prose or have a flame war and I'm your man. Poetry and me are like oil and water.

----------


## prendrelemick

> . Poetry and me are like oil and water.



We await some iridescent verse.



Yep, Our National Cricket team once again leads the world in batting collapses. It appears that Mitchell Johnson is not a pommy-loving waster but a hero after all - until next time 

Meanwhile, 
Our bigfoot expedition is delayed
Not for logistical manouvering,
But while Jocky finishes the hoovering.

----------


## The Atheist

> We await some iridescent verse.


Incandescent would be closer to the mark; I do a good dirty limerick.




> Yep, Our National Cricket team once again leads the world in batting collapses. It appears that Mitchell Johnson is not a pommy-loving waster but a hero after all - until next time


The press is the funniest thing. One win and England are the far better team, the odds on them winning all the remaining games shorten to stupid levels, and sure enough, lose the next.

At least your blokes do win a few - we are presently on an 11-game losing streak, which includes 4 in a row against Bangladesh.

In an effort not to break the world record and go earn the [rightful] place as the worst cricket team in the history of the game, I understand we're taking on St Cuthbert's Girls' 1st XI on Boxing Day.

The girls are at 3:1, a pretty good bet, in my opinion.

----------


## prendrelemick

What do you N Zeds think of Sir Richard Hadlee. Is he revered in his own country as he is over here?

----------


## The Atheist

> What do you N Zeds think of Sir Richard Hadlee. Is he revered in his own country as he is over here?


Yes and no.

He's revered, and rightly so, for his cricket achievements, but as a person, he's a prize dick, which doesn't endear him to the troops. A good guide would be that many famous sportspeople make their way into politics as they have good recognition, which is all that's needed, really. 

Hadlee wouldn't get voted dog-catcher. 

Even his wife left him. For a woman....

----------


## prendrelemick

That's about what I thought. He's one of those blokes who looks as though they've got halitosis. Greatest Cricketer of his day though.

----------


## The Atheist

> That's about what I thought. He's one of those blokes who looks as though they've got halitosis.


Classic!

And spot on.




> Greatest Cricketer of his day though.


Yep, I don't think there's too much dissent there, only thanks to his career not overlapping Beefy greatly, though.

I still think he's the best cricketer I've seen, and by a good margin. His bowling average was fairly similar to Hadlee's, but Beefy could destroy you with bat or ball, or both!

Nice how they saved their best cricket for Australia! That's the sign of real class.

----------


## prendrelemick

In his pomp I agree. The trouble with Beefy is he started with a bang, then drifted slowly downhill for a long long time.

Hadlee's only rival for Best All Rounder of his day, is Imran Khan, never a grafter, he always seemed to strike exactly when needed.

The best ever - Garfield Sobers?  I never saw him myself.

----------


## jocky

> In his pomp I agree. The trouble with Beefy is he started with a bang, then drifted slowly downhill for a long long time.
> 
> Hadlee's only rival for Best All Rounder of his day, is Imran Khan, never a grafter, he always seemed to strike exactly when needed.
> 
> The best ever - Garfield Sobers? I never saw him myself.


Statistically speaking it is the South African Jacques Kallis, but what do Scotsmen know about cricket, given our abysmal record ?

----------


## gbrekken

-never thought sober deserved a line, bowl, or glass in a cold ale thread

----------


## prendrelemick

Good point, we should Boycott the use of that word.

----------


## The Atheist

> In his pomp I agree. The trouble with Beefy is he started with a bang, then drifted slowly downhill for a long long time.


Yeah, but for the highly admirable reasons that he got off on the fame and kicked back to enjoy the women, booze and drugs for a while. 




> Hadlee's only rival for Best All Rounder of his day, is Imran Khan, never a grafter, he always seemed to strike exactly when needed.
> 
> The best ever - Garfield Sobers? I never saw him myself.


Me neither, but I agree it would have been nice to watch. The few clips I've seen are impressive.




> Statistically speaking it is the South African Jacques Kallis, but what do Scotsmen know about cricket, given our abysmal record ?


I was going to find all sorts of reasons to disagree with you here, but taking Hadlee, Botham, Khan and Dev's relatively weak batting figures, and the fact that he has more wickets than Garry Sobers - at a better average - you might well be right! His batting average is only very slightly inferior to Sobers, and while he's much lower than the other group in bowling, comparing them from a batting perspective shows a gulf of difference. His batting average is only .09 behind Sachin Bleeding Tendulkar!

I've always looked at Kallis as a batsman who bowls, but maybe it's because his batting is so superb that his bowling just gets overlooked, but 260 wickets at 32 is hard to deny.

There you go - we've all been watching the greatest allrounder in history without even knowing it!

----------


## jocky

> Yeah, but for the highly admirable reasons that he got off on the fame and kicked back to enjoy the women, booze and drugs for a while. 
> 
> 
> 
> Me neither, but I agree it would have been nice to watch. The few clips I've seen are impressive.
> 
> 
> 
> I was going to find all sorts of reasons to disagree with you here, but taking Hadlee, Botham, Khan and Dev's relatively weak batting figures, and the fact that he has more wickets than Garry Sobers - at a better average - you might well be right! His batting average is only very slightly inferior to Sobers, and while he's much lower than the other group in bowling, comparing them from a batting perspective shows a gulf of difference. His batting average is only .09 behind Sachin Bleeding Tendulkar!
> ...


Aye, but I did qualify it by saying "stastically speaking" . No one can dispute the figures and his batting technique is superb but on entertainment value, which we all covet, I am not sure. I hate agreeing with Mick but watching Beefy charging down to the crease and belting the ball over the ground was superb. Statistics do not always tell the whole story. Whatever Botham lacked in finesse he more than made up with pure determination. Now can we back to the fitba.  :Smile: 




> Even his wife left him. For a woman....


 :Biggrin:  Just a jocky observation, we all know that life can be bad and has a nasty habit of kicking one in the gonads but imagine the scenario. You find out that the Missus is having a fling so you get tooled up to confront the marriage wrecker. You put on your best pair of steel toe caps, polish the old knuckle duster and head for High Noon only to discover the interloper is a decent looking female.  :Smilielol5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.

I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined. 
There's still time to send in a few more lines!

I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?

In the meantime, here is a teaser:


A Cold Ale Blokes Production
In association with
Flat Earth Poets Society

Presents

"SHE STOMPS TO CONQUER"

A Christmas play in the manner of Goldsmith


Dramatis Personae

Bigfoot Foote
Madam Foote
Little Feete (Madam and Bigfoots children)
Cousin Yeti
First Clown from Scotland
Marry the Second Clown from Scotland
Yorkshire Minstrel
Van Trapp Singers 
Village Idiot
Uncle Skookum
TBRC 

The Flat Earth Poets:
J=Jocky; P=Prendrelemick; PC=Paulclem; G=Gbrekken; G=Gilliatt TVZ= Townes van Zandt (Lyrics to Pancho and Lefty)

Act I
Scene I

_(Setting: A small clearing among towering Loblolly pines and Sweetgums, somewhere in East Texas near the Louisiana border. Black Capped Chickadees are heard flitting about plucking seeds from pinecones, a Blue Jay periodically interrupts the Chickadees industrious foraging with their obnoxious squawks, armadillos struggle to augur the stiff January ground in search of grubs and nuts. Good ole boys can be heard in the distance whoopn an hollern an firing guns in a drunken mêlée. It is winter, The Winter of our Discontent. The musky odor of gigantopithecus permeates the whorefrost suspended in the crisp dawn air.)_

_(Two clowns from Scotland enter the clearing. Marry carries a cricket bat and spies a hollow log)_

*Marry the Second Clown:*
There was a young dude......... 

.

----------


## Silas Thorne

> You find out that the Missus is having a fling so you get tooled up to confront the marriage wrecker. You put on your best pair of steel toe caps, polish the old knuckle duster and head for High Noon only to discover the interloper is a decent looking female.


...and that's when Shane Warne rings the doorbell. It seems one of them has sent him a text message. :Biggrin: 

Sorry, I didn't see that message above till now...

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye, but I did qualify it by saying "stastically speaking" . No one can dispute the figures and his batting technique is superb but on entertainment value, which we all covet, I am not sure. I hate agreeing with Mick but watching Beefy charging down to the crease and belting the ball over the ground was superb. Statistics do not always tell the whole story. Whatever Botham lacked in finesse he more than made up with pure determination. Now can we back to the fitba.


That's one of the good things about cricket, stats say so much.

Fitba? I thought the games were all cancelled? A little snow stopping them, pah!




> You put on your best pair of steel toe caps, polish the old knuckle duster and head for High Noon only to discover the interloper is a decent looking female.


There's a lot of it about. My boy used to haveb a boy in his class who had two mums picking him up after school.

(Not that either of 'em were much to look at!)




> Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play.


Magnificent stuff!




> ...and that's when Shane Warne rings the doorbell. It seems one of them has sent him a text message.


Shane Warne. Now a chat show host, if you didn't know.

One of the world's biggest-ever prats.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.
> 
> I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined. 
> There's still time to send in a few more lines!
> 
> I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?
> 
> In the meantime, here is a teaser:
> 
> ...


I have to say, its a bit shorter than I expected.




> Aye, but I did qualify it by saying "stastically speaking" . No one can dispute the figures and his batting technique is superb but on entertainment value, which we all covet, I am not sure. I hate agreeing with Mick but watching Beefy charging down to the crease and belting the ball over the ground was superb. Statistics do not always tell the whole story. Whatever Botham lacked in finesse he more than made up with pure determination. Now can we back to the fitba.


The Best Ever, is nothing to do with statistics - its about impressions.

So, for me 
Bowler - Joel Garner
Batsman - Viv Richards
All Rounder - Ian Botham

I am a child of the 70s in case you hadn't guessed.

----------


## The Atheist

> The Best Ever, is nothing to do with statistics - its about impressions.
> 
> So, for me 
> Bowler - Joel Garner
> Batsman - Viv Richards
> All Rounder - Ian Botham
> 
> I am a child of the 70s in case you hadn't guessed.


I'd go along with Joel Garner - watching him had me awestruck. I cannot imagine what it was like having the ball coming down from 9' at 100 mph. I would have certainly needed my incontinence pads in.

Pity they didn't keep strike rates in tests in Richards' day, but I'd have to go for Tendulkar as batsman. Just makes it look so easy.

----------


## prendrelemick

I saw Tendulkar at Headingley as a raw young lad, he had everything even then.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?
> 
> *....In the meantime, here is a teaser:*






> I have to say, its a bit shorter than I expected.


Oh no, it's much longer. 
That was just a teaser to give you a sense of where this thing is headed and to motivate the poets in submitting their final entries.
New poets are welcome to join in. 
(God, this hotel life is really getting to me !)

.

----------


## jocky

> Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.
> 
> I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined. 
> There's still time to send in a few more lines!
> 
> I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?
> 
> In the meantime, here is a teaser:
> 
> ...


Gilliatt, " A thing of beauty is a joy forever "




> ...and that's when Shane Warne rings the doorbell. It seems one of them has sent him a text message.


He would be greeted with a nice glass of really warm lager.  :Smile: 

As you seem to be the only decent poet amongst us perhaps you could pen the epilogue.




> The Best Ever, is nothing to do with statistics - its about impressions.
> 
> So, for me 
> Bowler - Joel Garner
> Batsman - Viv Richards
> All Rounder - Ian Botham
> 
> I am a child of the 70s in case you hadn't guessed.


Hard to argue with your choices though I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen. On the subject of all rounders it is always worth mentioning Richie Benaud. I never saw him play but if his game was anything like his commentary then he must have been a giant. A real gentleman and a sore loss to the world of cricket.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sorry, can't resist.

M. There was a young dude from Mafaking
FC. Enough of your Lim- rick- ing
M. Who told all the world he could sing
FC. Hold! enough of that din
M. But alas every note
FC. I would not give a groat
M. Was like a young stoat,
FC. For what hies from your throat,
M. Being flung from a fell Berber's sling.
FC. And the rest is silence. -Thank god.

FC. hush now we approach the Bigfoot's lair
 (Exuent, persued by a bear)


Scene two. _inside a cave. A kilted BF is hoovering around Mrs BF's feet._


Mrs BF. That'll teach you to make hay on forbidden lawns.

----------


## jocky

The best laid plans of mice and men
do often go awry.

Enjoy your play Bye Bye.

----------


## The Atheist

> ... I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen...


Did he what!

I saw players fall asleep while he walked back to his mark. At smaller grounds, like Eden Park, his run used to start halfway down the players' tunnel.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well gentlemen, we now have structure to the play. It took a bit of innovation to weave the idiosyncratic parts together in such a way as to make sense to the average Joe.
> 
> I designed the structure in a manner that will allow for final additions, but we are up against a deadline which is yet to be determined and a method for delivery which is yet to be determined. 
> There's still time to send in a few more lines!
> 
> I'm thinking we present on Christmas eve in a stand alone thread under "General Chat". Any obejections?, other ideas?
> 
> In the meantime, here is a teaser:
> 
> ...


Impressive start Gilliatt!!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Sorry, can't resist.
> 
> M. There was a young dude from Mafaking
> FC. Enough of your Lim- rick- ing
> M. Who told all the world he could sing
> FC. Hold! enough of that din
> M. But alas every note
> FC. I would not give a groat
> M. Was like a young stoat,
> ...



Haha! Perfect! 
If you only knew how well your latest entry fits in with the madness.
It will all make sense when the play hits the streets.

Great stuff.
Thanks

.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hard to argue with your choices though I would add that Bob Willis was a magnificent bowler who took the longest run ups I have ever seen. On the subject of all rounders it is always worth mentioning Richie Benaud. I never saw him play but if his game was anything like his commentary then he must have been a giant. A real gentleman and a sore loss to the world of cricket.


Was it longer than Dennis Lillee's run up though? 

In fact the reason I put Viv Richards as my number one, is the way he stood up to those playground bullies, Lillee and Thompson, without extra armour. These were men who thought good bowling consisted of 5 short pitched deliveries per over at a tail ender.

----------


## The Atheist

> Was it longer than Dennis Lillee's run up though?


I'm not sure whether this is an appropriate subject for gentlemen - "Who's was longer, Lillee or Willis?"

Willis by yards, I'd say.

I saw them both play at Eden Park on many occasions and while I couldn't pin-point where Lille started his run, I could take you to the spot where Bob used to start his amble to the wicket, and I can tell you it is at least five metres outside any other player I've seen.

Willis' disc used to be within spitting distance of the terraces at the southern end - literally. Luckily, Kiwis aren't much into spitting, unless it's on a footpath. 




> In fact the reason I put Viv Richards as my number one, is the way he stood up to those playground bullies, Lillee and Thompson, without extra armour. These were men who thought good bowling consisted of 5 short pitched deliveries per over at a tail ender.


Ahem.

It is my solemn duty as an Englishman to point out that bodyline bowling was invented by an Englishman.

In days when padding - other than shins and a box - was not even invented, never mind allowed, and head protection consisted of a cloth cap.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

True, and how the Aussies whinged, they nearly revolted from the Empire. Larwood would at least apologise to Bradman after nearly breaking his ribs.

I wonder what Bradman thought of Lillee and Thompson.

----------


## The Atheist

> True, and how the Aussies whinged, they nearly revolted from the Empire.


They're still revolting!

----------


## gbrekken

across ponds- did the down under folks whine or whinged? oed ain't helping me here blokes, it's just y'all

----------


## The Atheist

> across ponds- did the down under folks whine or whinged? oed ain't helping me here blokes, it's just y'all


Definitely both.

And a Merry Christmas to all!

Parker has tomorrow's dinner prepared already, I understand:

Entree: Smoked salmon on thin-sliced wholegrain toast.

Main, choice of: Fillet steak, roasted whole in a garlic & red wine sauce, with seasonal vegetables or chicken breast, seared and served with tossed fresh salad.

Dessert: a traditional Kiwi pavlova with fresh strawberries.

Bottles of Mumm's in the fridge!

----------


## Big Dante

I would have to say the second tennis player easily.
And blokey stuff so...
Did you see that fight where people got hurt? Man that was sweet.

----------


## Paulclem

Merry Christmas all!!

The family has retired upstairs and so I am free to chill down on the net. It's been busy, and the elderly relatives were watching rubbish telly. Never mind. It's still nice to have them round. 

Have you seen Gilliat's Play thread. Brilliant. 

The Christmas menu sounds fantastic - especially the kiwi pavlova. I might be able to squeeze a portion in. My wife makes a great xmas pudding, which takes up a lot of space, but then...

----------


## The Atheist

Boxing Day test!

Nice of all those Aussies to turn up to watch their heroes get blasted off the park.

----------


## prendrelemick

Did they have a fire drill with an hour still to play.? The stands seemed to empty very quickly.  :Smilielol5:

----------


## soundofmusic

Guys, I'm sorry I've deserted you; I've been having baking crises and then spiked eggnog adventures...I'll catch up soon...glad someone posted that wonderful poem

I was trying to remember, maybe you will Atheist...who put up that picture of the drunk Santa a few years ago...so cool!

----------


## The Atheist

> Guys, I'm sorry I've deserted you; I've been having baking crises and then spiked eggnog adventures...


Sounds intriguing! We will await details with interest.

Not sure where the Santa came from.

----------


## soundofmusic

> If I'd a Mrs. she'd threaten me with mopping the floor with my furry chin, not gin.
> 
> be that as it may
> 
> There once was a bloke in Ferntucky,
> went to the bar to feel lucky,
> twas not to be,
> he sits in the tree, not even 
> feeling plucky.


I thought all of you gents had a Mrs...I had a near miss; but alas, he left :Smilielol5: 




> Just a jocky observation, we all know that life can be bad and has a nasty habit of kicking one in the gonads but imagine the scenario. You find out that the Missus is having a fling so you get tooled up to confront the marriage wrecker. You put on your best pair of steel toe caps, polish the old knuckle duster and head for High Noon only to discover the interloper is a decent looking female.


The second mr sounds complained that his second wife took off with another woman; personally, I always thought his second wife looked suspiciouslylike a man...nevertheless, I think you blokes would have turned the whole situation in your favor by suggesting a parting menage a trois :Thumbs Up: 




> Sorry, can't resist.
> 
> M. There was a young dude from Mafaking
> FC. Enough of your Lim- rick- ing
> M. Who told all the world he could sing
> FC. Hold! enough of that din
> M. But alas every note
> FC. I would not give a groat
> M. Was like a young stoat,
> ...


Sounds like a winner to me!





> Haha! Perfect! 
> If you only knew how well your latest entry fits in with the madness.
> It will all make sense when the play hits the streets.
> 
> Great stuff.
> Thanks
> 
> .


I'm glad you've given the rest of litnet the chance to see that we blokes are not just here for merry making and discussion of women, booze and sports...we are artists!




> And a Merry Christmas to all!
> 
> Parker has tomorrow's dinner prepared already, I understand:
> 
> Entree: Smoked salmon on thin-sliced wholegrain toast.
> 
> Main, choice of: Fillet steak, roasted whole in a garlic & red wine sauce, with seasonal vegetables or chicken breast, seared and served with tossed fresh salad.
> 
> Dessert: a traditional Kiwi pavlova with fresh strawberries.
> ...


Smashing, I'll be there at 4pm




> Merry Christmas all!!
> 
> The family has retired upstairs and so I am free to chill down on the net. It's been busy, and the elderly relatives were watching rubbish telly. Never mind. It's still nice to have them round. 
> 
> Have you seen Gilliat's Play thread. Brilliant. 
> 
> The Christmas menu sounds fantastic - especially the kiwi pavlova. I might be able to squeeze a portion in. My wife makes a great xmas pudding, which takes up a lot of space, but then...


Great fellow, even likes the relatives...do youthink the wife would make an extra Christmas pudding for us slackers in the states....by the way, does she use rye ale and stout in hers?




> Sounds intriguing! We will await details with interest.
> 
> Not sure where the Santa came from.


Actually, as I kept putting more rum in the eggnog; it's all a bit fuzzy to me...I do remember I had a good time though...
I thought you would look reallysmashing as Santa; I suggested to Baje you would do a great SAnta with Max as an elf...

----------


## Paulclem

> Great fellow, even likes the relatives...do youthink the wife would make an extra Christmas pudding for us slackers in the states....by the way, does she use rye ale and stout in hers?


I think Mrs P uses rum. We do have an extra too. Very nice it was this year, and We've got some of the big one left.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is that the one sounds?

----------


## Paulclem

Stag Night Santa or what!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

My Mrs P wouldn't let me use the picture above for this years Christmas Cards. :Frown5:

----------


## OrphanPip

> Actually, as I kept putting more rum in the eggnog; it's all a bit fuzzy to me...I do remember I had a good time though...
> I thought you would look reallysmashing as Santa; I suggested to Baje you would do a great SAnta with Max as an elf...


We bought this cheap as dirt white wine that tasted like piss. I mixed it with Dr. Pepper, you couldn't taste the wine at all, it made spending the night with family fairly tolerable.




> Stag Night Santa or what!


He must work for the discount stripper agency.

----------


## prendrelemick

> We bought this cheap as dirt white wine that tasted like piss. I mixed it with Dr. Pepper, you couldn't taste the wine at all, it made spending the night with family fairly tolerable.
> 
> 
> 
> He must work for the discount stripper agency.



Cheap wine tends to cause extravagant hangovers.

----------


## OrphanPip

> Cheap wine tends to cause extravagant hangovers.


I spent Boxing Day in bed all day, but I'm not sure if I blame the excess food or the excess drinking.

----------


## Satan

> Not sure where the Santa came from.


Santa - the dyslexic me.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Hello all, hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. 
Let me first take this moment to tell you how proud I am of your performance on stage.
The hard work and sleepless hours spent rehearsing paid off!

Haha..I remember that drunk Santa.
By the way, Santa was good to us. He dropped off a few movies including: "Them", "The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms", "World Without End", "Satellite in the Sky" and "Earth vs The Flying Saucers"...oh and a new lap top!

Now we must gear up and stock up for New Year's. 

.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Santa - the dyslexic me.


Get thee behind me Santa! 

It doesn't quite work does it.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I think Mrs P uses rum. We do have an extra too. Very nice it was this year, and We've got some of the big one left.


I think most anything tastes better with a bit of rum in it...actually, I like most of my friends better when they have a bit of rum in them too :Smilielol5: 

I had wondered what a cake would taste like with beer in it...particularly since I don't like beer. 

Do you think Mrs P would notice if you sent a piece of that pudding to me?  :Biggrin: 




> Is that the one sounds?


That's the one...I love it! I'm putting it in my Christmas album...




> My Mrs P wouldn't let me use the picture above for this years Christmas Cards.


I think we ought to make a year round calander with it...that's it; we should make a bloke calander with one of our fellows for each month and you will have the december slot.




> We bought this cheap as dirt white wine that tasted like piss. I mixed it with Dr. Pepper, you couldn't taste the wine at all, it made spending the night with family fairly tolerable.


You poor man...I don't even want to think of wine in Dr Pepper...actually, I just avoid the holiday with my extended family; I find I like Christmas much better now that I make excuses to the brothers, sister, cousins....




> Santa - the dyslexic me.


 :Reddevil:  I never noticed that...




> Hello all, hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. 
> Let me first take this moment to tell you how proud I am of your performance on stage.
> The hard work and sleepless hours spent rehearsing paid off!
> 
> Haha..I remember that drunk Santa.
> By the way, Santa was good to us. He dropped off a few movies including: "Them", "The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms", "World Without End", "Satellite in the Sky" and "Earth vs The Flying Saucers"...oh and a new lap top!
> 
> Now we must gear up and stock up for New Year's. 
> 
> .


Here, Here....best play since Andrew Lloyd Webers wife discovered he was gay!




> Get thee behind me Santa! 
> 
> It doesn't quite work does it.


I hear it works for Mrs Claus and some of the elves at the NP strip club :Santasmile:  :Party:

----------


## The Atheist

> Now we must gear up and stock up for New Year's. 
> 
> .


On that. I'm off to the liquor supplier in the morning with Parker.

We'll get a double order of everything just to be on the safe side.

----------


## jocky

What a downer ! England have retained the Ashes in Australia for goodness sake. I had a good Xmas but that is my New Year ruined. I suppose it would be churlish to say that ,that is the worst Aussie side since cricket was invented. Good night.  :Frown: 




> On that. I'm off to the liquor supplier in the morning with Parker.
> 
> We'll get a double order of everything just to be on the safe side.


In Scotland we have a tradition of celebrating Hogmany by having a dram in the order of each country seeing in the bells. We raise our first glass to New Zealand followed by Australia, Russia, Japan, China, Thailand, Kathmandu ( that always gets a big cheer ) India, Afghanistan and so on and by the time we sober up it is 2012. Have a good one guys and gal.  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> What a downer ! England have retained the Ashes in Australia for goodness sake. I had a good Xmas but that is my New Year ruined. I suppose it would be churlish to say that ,that is the worst Aussie side since cricket was invented. Good night.


No, that wouldn't be churlish, it would be 100% correct!

Long may it stay that way.




> In Scotland we have a tradition of celebrating Hogmany by having a dram in the order of each country seeing in the bells. We raise our first glass to New Zealand followed by Australia, Russia, Japan, China, Thailand, Kathmandu ( that always gets a big cheer ) India, Afghanistan and so on and by the time we sober up it is 2012. Have a good one guys and gal.


Haha! Great idea.

Since they changed the International Dateline to be the first country to clock over to 2000, you need to start 2 hours before NZ and use Tonga as the starter. 

I can see the value in the idea - I'll meet you in about Athens, I'd say!

Blwyddyn Newydd Dda!

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes the shift in Cricketing power is confirmed. The two best sides, India and South Africa, are currently contesting a close series agin each other.
That said, C'mon England lets stuff 'em in Sidney as well.

The Scots are definitely The masters of New Year celebrations. (as I discovered in Blackpool one Hogmanay.) How they recover in time for Burns night I' ll never know.

----------


## gbrekken

> In Scotland we have a tradition of celebrating Hogmany by having a dram in the order of each country seeing in the bells. We raise our first glass to New Zealand followed by Australia, Russia, Japan, China, Thailand, Kathmandu ( that always gets a big cheer ) India, Afghanistan and so on and by the time we sober up it is 2012. Have a good one guys and gal.


in the blokes' veins flows such a great tradition! i'd be passed out before the azores greeted the newyear-let alone the states!

----------


## jocky

> and use Tonga as the starter.


Tonga is terra non gratis for two very good reasons. Firstly, their rugby team have hospitalised too many of our players and secondly their firework display is naff.




> The Scots are definitely The masters of New Year celebrations. (as I discovered in Blackpool one Hogmanay.) How they recover in time for Burns night I' ll never know.


Please say it was not 1981. My alibi is watertight.




> in the blokes' veins flows such a great tradition! i'd be passed out before the azores greeted the newyear-let alone the states!


Aye," We'll teach you to drink deep ere you depart "  :Smile: 

Now I know I am pushing on a wee bit but I have to tell you about Xmas eve. Mrs J was looking particularly good and the waft of the Vera Wang perfume was heading in my direction. I looked at her and said, sweetheart you are looking real good tonight, how could she resist? She gave me a sweet smile and declaimed " Well you can get that idea right oot o' yer heid " What a life!

----------


## The Atheist

> Tonga is terra non gratis for two very good reasons. Firstly, their rugby team have hospitalised too many of our players...


Yeah, but they all go to church after and ask for forgiveness.




> ... and secondly their firework display is naff.


Should be much better this year - I understand the King is organising a firing squad for people who say he spends too much money on militaria.




> . I looked at her and said, sweetheart you are looking real good tonight, how could she resist? She gave me a sweet smile and declaimed " Well you can get that idea right oot o' yer heid " What a life!


 :Smilielol5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Happy New Year to my fellow blokes!!

I tried to get the missus and junior to join me in a fireside performance of the Blokes Christmas play at midnight, but no luck.

BTW, Jocky since you were out on holiday, you might have missed our play. (?) If so, you'll find it under General Chat, likely fallen off the front page by now.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

'Twas a dissappointingly sober New Year for me this year. When shall these parental duties end? Am I a Father or a Taxi service? I ask myself.

----------


## gbrekken

> 'Twas a dissappointingly sober New Year for me this year. When shall these parental duties end? Am I a Father or a Taxi service? I ask myself.


'tis duty for you to care,ferry,tell,hold, etc. etc. etc. the joy of living a life!
Happy New Year one, all, each and every one of you!!!!

----------


## soundofmusic

I've got this rotten cold for New Years, no partying, just watching poor, very old and feble Dick Clark dropping his ball again with a much older group of the backstreet boys singing...very sad...
I've decided, for medicinal reasons, to begin drinking today :Wink5:

----------


## Paulclem

> I've got this rotten cold for New Years, no partying, just watching poor, very old and feble Dick Clark dropping his ball again with a much older group of the backstreet boys singing...very sad...
> I've decided, for medicinal reasons, to begin drinking today


The past few New Year's Eves have been just tiring. This year was too, but we had a laugh. We stay in; either at ours or the Mother in aw's and the TV is usually dire. It has now become a bit of a tradition to watch Jools Holland's Hootenanny with the once good, but now terribly aged, singers murdering theirs and others songs. 

I'm glad to see the tradition of terrible New Year's Eve TV continuing across the pond. 

Aged rant - and why is that I wonder? It's because those TV planners think that all under 25 year olds will be out, and so it doesn't matter.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... and the TV is usually dire. It has now become a bit of a tradition to watch Jools Holland's Hootenanny with the once good, but now terribly aged, singers murdering theirs and others songs. 
> 
> I'm glad to see the tradition of terrible New Year's Eve TV continuing across the pond. 
> 
> Aged rant - and why is that I wonder? It's because those TV planners think that all under 25 year olds will be out, and so it doesn't matter.


New Year's does come with one small TV perk in our part of the world. We have a Scinece Fiction channel that runs 24 hours of continuous "Twilight Zone" episodes every New Year. It is nice to have on during the holiday down time.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> New Year's does come with one small TV perk in our part of the world. We have a Scinece Fiction channel that runs 24 hours of continuous "Twilight Zone" episodes every New Year. It is nice to have on during the holiday down time.
> 
> .


This year we had Father Ted - a brilliant comedy. Still a repeat, but at least it hasn't been on for a while.

----------


## prendrelemick

> This year we had Father Ted - a brilliant comedy. Still a repeat, but at least it hasn't been on for a while.


That was the highlight of the evening. This could be the greatest comedy moment on TV

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vbd3...1&feature=fvwp

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Thanks for the "Father Ted", that is funny. I'll be sure to add that to my bag of tricks!

.

----------


## Paulclem

> That was the highlight of the evening. This could be the greatest comedy moment on TV
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vbd3...1&feature=fvwp


You're right. All of the episodes we great. It's a great series Gilliatt.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

http://becauseitreallyispersonal.wor...-in-the-world/

----------


## The Atheist

> This year we had Father Ted - a brilliant comedy. Still a repeat, but at least it hasn't been on for a while.


It's just finished being repeated here.

Brilliant stuff, even though it's clearly dated.




> Thanks for the "Father Ted", that is funny. I'll be sure to add that to my bag of tricks!
> 
> .


Alas, Ted is no longer with us, Dermot Morgan having died tragically young at 45, in 1998.

Funny how so many brilliant comedians die young.

----------


## prendrelemick

Athiest, I would just like to acknowledge your countryman Billy Bowden's contribution to the annoying of the Aussie nation yesterday, by not raising his crooked finger to Alistair Cook, despite the ongoing celebrations from the home side.

----------


## The Atheist

> Athiest, I would just like to acknowledge your countryman Billy Bowden's contribution to the annoying of the Aussie nation yesterday, by not raising his crooked finger to Alistair Cook, despite the ongoing celebrations from the home side.


Haha! Never let a chance go by...

Haven't seen any of this one, the weather's been too good for cricket. Did they appeal? Aussie will crumble in the second innings - if you can get 150 up, it'll be enough for another innings and.

----------


## prendrelemick

Appeal! It was high fives and whoops allround. Cook had tucked his bat under his arm and was about to walk, when Billy said hold on a minute, let's just check where the bowler's foot landed... :Smilielol5:

----------


## The Atheist

> Appeal! It was high fives and whoops allround. Cook had tucked his bat under his arm and was about to walk, when Billy said hold on a minute, let's just check where the bowler's foot landed...


Oh really?

I'll have to look that up on Youtube or Cricinfo. Beautiful.

----------


## soundofmusic

> The past few New Year's Eves have been just tiring. This year was too, but we had a laugh. We stay in; either at ours or the Mother in aw's and the TV is usually dire. It has now become a bit of a tradition to watch Jools Holland's Hootenanny with the once good, but now terribly aged, singers murdering theirs and others songs. 
> 
> I'm glad to see the tradition of terrible New Year's Eve TV continuing across the pond. 
> 
> Aged rant - and why is that I wonder? It's because those TV planners think that all under 25 year olds will be out, and so it doesn't matter.


Oh gosh, I just checked out the hootenanny...almost as depressing as Dick Clark; noticed Kylie Minoque...poor woman, trying to sing in 6 inch heels with those invisible braces on; why do 40 year old people wear braces?




> New Year's does come with one small TV perk in our part of the world. We have a Scinece Fiction channel that runs 24 hours of continuous "Twilight Zone" episodes every New Year. It is nice to have on during the holiday down time.
> 
> .


Indeed, have you checked out Hulu...twilight zone, outer limits, Alfred Hitchcock ...I'm currently watching Hitchcock with Betty davis, Jessica tandy...love it...





> That was the highlight of the evening. This could be the greatest comedy moment on TV
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vbd3...1&feature=fvwp


Good stuff, I have to find some full episodes...




> It's just finished being repeated here.
> 
> Brilliant stuff, even though it's clearly dated.
> 
> 
> 
> Alas, Ted is no longer with us, Dermot Morgan having died tragically young at 45, in 1998.
> 
> Funny how so many brilliant comedians die young.


Sad, the show is great...

----------


## The Atheist

> ...why do 40 year old people wear braces?


For the same reason women have face/butt/boob/tummy lifts; the same reason men have hair transplants or take drugs which grow hair but make them impotent.

I have no idea what the reason is, but I'm pretty sure it's all the same one.

They should be more like us and grow old [dis]gracefully!

----------


## prendrelemick

I am certainly trying to grow old disgracefully, It's difficult though because I have three female daughters who keep a close eye on me. Not to mention Mrs P who is growing more prim and proper by the year. I still have small victories of sartorial inelegencies,(wearing wellies at garden parties) getting drunk at social gatherings, using salacious language in polite company, but it is all strangely unfullfilling, I am becoming a caricature of the cumudgeonly Yorkshireman.

----------


## Paulclem

> I am certainly trying to grow old disgracefully, It's difficult though because I have three female daughters who keep a close eye on me. Not to mention Mrs P who is growing more prim and proper by the year. I still have small victories of sartorial inelegencies,(wearing wellies at garden parties) getting drunk at social gatherings, using salacious language in polite company, but it is all strangely unfullfilling, I am becoming a caricature of the cumudgeonly Yorkshireman.


I got a hip flask for xmas this year, but Mrs paulclem wouldn't go to town with me if I took it along. It is an allotment only item apparently. Good for the cold weather in the tea. but what about coffee in town. I can be surrepticious.

----------


## prendrelemick

Purely medicinal of course,  :Hand:  You can't be too careful with all this flue about.

----------


## soundofmusic

> For the same reason women have face/butt/boob/tummy lifts; the same reason men have hair transplants or take drugs which grow hair but make them impotent.
> 
> I have no idea what the reason is, but I'm pretty sure it's all the same one.
> 
> They should be more like us and grow old [dis]gracefully!


It's really a shame with the bald fellows I know; it seems that they have enough hair on their arms, legs and back...just nothing on the head :Sosp: ;
a shame they become impotent for hair, alot of women like the yul brenner look. 

Actually, I had to have my top wisdom teeth pulled and the others began to shift; that may be what the age onset braces are for...





> I still have small victories of sartorial inelegencies,(wearing wellies at garden parties) getting drunk at social gatherings, using salacious language in polite company, but it is all strangely unfullfilling, I am becoming a caricature of the cumudgeonly Yorkshireman.


I find that it's less pleasurable acting scandelous because no one reacts; they just sit there and look like they aren't getting the punchline :Mad5: 




> I got a hip flask for xmas this year, but Mrs paulclem wouldn't go to town with me if I took it along. It is an allotment only item apparently. Good for the cold weather in the tea. but what about coffee in town. I can be surrepticious.


Did they forget to tell you that you don't carry the hip flask on your hip? You have to tie it with a bit of long string and carry it along with the other treasures :Arf:

----------


## Paulclem

> Did they forget to tell you that you don't carry the hip flask on your hip? You have to tie it with a bit of long string and carry it along with the other treasures


Cunning. 

It's a small one with no carry strap or anything. No problem at the allotment as I have voluminous pockets. Anywhere else I'll be able to conceal it about my person very carefully from Mrs Paulclem. I like to have pockets, though her uncanny intuition and sense of smell may find me out. 

I was only going to pop a bit in the coffee. Imagine being ejected from a swanky coffee shop though for hip flask misdemeanors. I would be disowned - or worse.

----------


## jocky

Australian homage to Ricky Ponting ;

As I was going up the stairs
I met a man who wasn't there
He wasn't there again today
I wish, I wish he'd go away.  :Smile: 

On the subject of Xmas I asked Mrs J what she would really like more than anything. She thought deeply for about two seconds and replied " A widow's pension "  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> Australian homage to Ricky Ponting


Masterful!

Just a note about Jacques Kallis as well - at the end of the India/RSA test series he has now overtaken Tendulkar's average.

Not sure what that says about Kallis if Tendulkar is considered the Bradman of the late 20th/early 21st centuries.




> On the subject of Xmas I asked Mrs J what she would really like more than anything. She thought deeply for about two seconds and replied " A widow's pension "


Haha! 

She's a good woman, Mrs Jocky.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Australian homage to Ricky Ponting ;
> 
> As I was going up the stairs
> I met a man who wasn't there
> He wasn't there again today
> I wish, I wish he'd go away.




That's perfect. :Smilielol5: 


I suppose Kallis has quietly got on with his job, while Tendulkar has had 100 million fanatical admirers watching his every move.

And by the way, jolly well played England (polite applause.)

----------


## gbrekken

> On the subject of Xmas I asked Mrs J what she would really like more than anything. She thought deeply for about two seconds and replied " A widow's pension "


hahahahahahahahahahahaa!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...It's a small one with no carry strap or anything. No problem at the allotment as I have voluminous pockets. Anywhere else I'll be able to conceal it about my person very carefully from Mrs Paulclem. 
> I like to have pockets, though her uncanny intuition and sense of smell may find me out.


Paul,
Back when I was living from the flask, I came up with a brilliant idea to conceal it.
Clad the flask in leather in such a way that it will appear as a wallet. 
When Mrs P gives you the suspicious eye each time you take a snort, quickly shove the flask under your nose, breath in and say "I love the smell of fresh rawhide. Would you like a sniff my darling?"

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Try the Eric Morecambe method, Paul. Hide the bottle behind your straight arm and raise it to point at a bird, whilst taking a good swig.

----------


## Paulclem

Fine ideas chaps. I fear I may have to be more cunning if I'm to spice up my cafe coffee.
I have to confess that Mrs Paulclem is psychic and has practised witchcraft in the past.

----------


## The Atheist

> I have to confess that Mrs Paulclem is psychic and has practised witchcraft in the past.


Doesn't that apply to all women?

----------


## Paulclem

> Doesn't that apply to all women?



I fear so.

----------


## prendrelemick

My mrs P's psychic abilities are flawed, she "knows" I'm up to something, when I'm not (honest.)

----------


## Paulclem

> My mrs P's psychic abilities are flawed, she "knows" I'm up to something, when I'm not (honest.)


She's using scrying abilities. You might not be doing it now, but at some point in the future...

----------


## The Atheist

> I fear so.


Why are we heterosexual again?




> My mrs P's psychic abilities are flawed, she "knows" I'm up to something, when I'm not (honest.)


Haha!

She's two steps in front of you, mate!

You only subconsciously intended to get up to something and she stopped you before your brain could bring it to the front.

Some woman, that.

----------


## jocky

> My mrs P's psychic abilities are flawed, she "knows" I'm up to something, when I'm not (honest.)


 :Biggrin: 

It is all part of the male tragedy. Personally I blame our less than wise brothers who make a habit of being found out. For my part, in the court of male indiscretions, Mrs jocky has never been able to prove anything, and boy has she got psychic abilities.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Maybe Sounds can help us understand from a woman's perspective...?
Do you sense this reply Sounds?


.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Why are we heterosexual again?


In my case this woman must share some of the blame.

----------


## The Atheist

> Personally I blame our less than wise brothers who make a habit of being found out.


I wonder if it's secretly the alpha male coming out in those types - they actually want to be caught to show off that they A,can do it and B, get away with being caught.




> In my case this woman must share some of the blame.


And mine!

Even at 70, she still looks great.

Best looking Dame in history.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Cunning. 
> 
> It's a small one with no carry strap or anything. No problem at the allotment as I have voluminous pockets. Anywhere else I'll be able to conceal it about my person very carefully from Mrs Paulclem. I like to have pockets, though her uncanny intuition and sense of smell may find me out. 
> 
> I was only going to pop a bit in the coffee. Imagine being ejected from a swanky coffee shop though for hip flask misdemeanors. I would be disowned - or worse.


Perhaps you should carry a medicine bottle filled with your favorite liquors for the fancy coffee shops; tell them you're taking quinine for your heart :Reddevil: 




> Australian homage to Ricky Ponting ;
> 
> As I was going up the stairs
> I met a man who wasn't there
> He wasn't there again today
> I wish, I wish he'd go away. 
> 
> On the subject of Xmas I asked Mrs J what she would really like more than anything. She thought deeply for about two seconds and replied " A widow's pension "


I know that fellow; he's been about since Christmas. I thought it was my dear departed second Mr Sounds; but the other day he grabed my backside firmly (something, while alive, Mr Sounds would never do)
Tell Mrs Jocky, from a lass that knows, that no matter how good it looks on the onset; having the man is better than the pension. I've noticed that since Mr Sounds has not been about the lawn tends to grow faster, the plumbing is cantankerous and all the neighborhood aged drug dealers are asking me for dates.  :Yikes: 




> Paul,
> Back when I was living from the flask, I came up with a brilliant idea to conceal it.
> Clad the flask in leather in such a way that it will appear as a wallet. 
> When Mrs P gives you the suspicious eye each time you take a snort, quickly shove the flask under your nose, breath in and say "I love the smell of fresh rawhide. Would you like a sniff my darling?"
> 
> .


Didn't Mrs. G ask for a peek inside a nice fat wallet like that :Arf: 




> My mrs P's psychic abilities are flawed, she "knows" I'm up to something, when I'm not (honest.)


I think men are always "up to something"; it's just that they have a different meter than we ladies. For instance, I recently had a nice long talk with a former girlfriend of my former boyfriend and found that she was meeting him for drinks during the same time that I was dating him. Now his meter had a zero guilt rate; where my meter is pushing 50% :Mad5: 




> She's two steps in front of you, mate!
> 
> You only subconsciously intended to get up to something and she stopped you before your brain could bring it to the front.
> 
> Some woman, that.


I wonder if men are more spontaneous than women; perhaps we are smelling the phermones cooking before they rise to the occasion...




> It is all part of the male tragedy. Personally I blame our less than wise brothers who make a habit of being found out. For my part, in the court of male indiscretions, Mrs jocky has never been able to prove anything, and boy has she got psychic abilities.


I always wonder why men ask us to prove our suspicions; we have tried and convicted you already :Smilielol5:  Besides, I have never known a man to admit to anything even when the evidence is staring him in the face :Reddevil: 




> Maybe Sounds can help us understand from a woman's perspective...?
> Do you sense this reply Sounds?
> .


Thank you Gilliatt...I've tried to make a few points.




> In my case this woman must share some of the blame.


Actually, that is another brilliant device by men: they throw out the occasional hot female for all of us to attack so that we become distracted by the matter at hand.




> I wonder if it's secretly the alpha male coming out in those types - they actually want to be caught to show off that they A,can do it and B, get away with being caught.


Unfortunately, there is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who shows her a good time and then, in the midst of all that happiness, dumps her for another woman :Crash:

----------


## The Atheist

> Unfortunately, there is nothing more attractive to a woman than a man who shows her a good time and then, in the midst of all that happiness, dumps her for another woman


Yes, I used the fact that women love the bad blokes most of all to my advantage for many years!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I wonder if men are more spontaneous than women; perhaps we are smelling the phermones cooking before they rise to the occasion...:


If by spontaneous you mean unorganised, then I am a very spontaneous kind a guy.






> Actually, that is another brilliant device by men: they throw out the occasional hot female for all of us to attack so that we become distracted by the matter at hand.


Now of that we really are innocent, We need no ulterior motive to look at a beautiful woman - its hard wired, like a woman looking at shoes.

----------


## jocky

> I always wonder why men ask us to prove our suspicions; we have tried and convicted you already Besides, I have never known a man to admit to anything even when the evidence is staring him in the face


As Mrs J always says to me " Why can't you be more like that nice Mr Ewan, he treats his wife like a real lady. " I never have the heart to tell her that Mrs Ewan's nickname is the Floosie of the Glen. The moral being that women do not like their men to be shining paragons. As Atheist points out they are quite comfortable with our little quirks, which can be ruthlessly exposed when their mood takes.

Sorry to hear about the second Mr Sounds.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, I used the fact that women love the bad blokes most of all to my advantage for many years!


Did you wear a leather outfit and spin out on a motorcycle...you must fill us in on the details :Arf: 




> If by spontaneous you mean unorganised, then I am a very spontaneous kind a guy.
> 
> Now of that we really are innocent, We need no ulterior motive to look at a beautiful woman - its hard wired, like a woman looking at shoes.


Well, actually,  :Reddevil:  I kind of meant those acts that bypass the brain entirely; goes right from the hormone firing to the organs involved...

It's not the looking that makes us ladies bare our fangs; it's usually after the young lady has literally been "thrown to the curb". When she is still the object of our mens fancy, we spend all of our time trying to figure what witchcraft she possesses :Cuss: 




> As Mrs J always says to me " Why can't you be more like that nice Mr Ewan, he treats his wife like a real lady. " I never have the heart to tell her that Mrs Ewan's nickname is the Floosie of the Glen. The moral being that women do not like their men to be shining paragons. As Atheist points out they are quite comfortable with our little quirks, which can be ruthlessly exposed when their mood takes.
> 
> Sorry to hear about the second Mr Sounds.


That is the problem with women, while men understand the concept of the "girl you marry" and the "girl you kick up your heels with"; women are always trying to make one man cover all of her bases :Biggrin: 

Thank you Jocky.

----------


## jocky

> That is the problem with women, while men understand the concept of the "girl you marry" and the "girl you kick up your heels with"; women are always trying to make one man cover all of her bases


Which brings us neatly to the ' Forsyte Saga ' by Galsworthy. Soames and Irene were doomed from the start as the chemistry was never there. Now Irene was a strong individual as opposed to a rich no mark and she realised that a relationship based on puppy love would never work. At least in our new reality women do have a choice ' use em and abuse em ' For goodness sake Soundo don't tell anyone I have read a book, they might get the wrong idea.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes, look at Fleur, she married that rich and titled bloke (sensible girl,) but had a fling with young Jon first.

Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.

----------


## The Atheist

> Did you wear a leather outfit and spin out on a motorcycle...you must fill us in on the details


Ooh no, nothing so stereotypical. I always found completely ignoring a chick worked wonders.




> Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.


And the gold ring on the finger is like a pound of Spanish Fly behind the ears.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.





> Ooh no, nothing so stereotypical. I always found completely ignoring a chick worked wonders...


For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".

.

----------


## The Atheist

> For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".
> 
> .


I had an interesting experience in a 1963 VW. The back seat springs were a bit worn and one day, during a workout more strenuous than the car was used to, smoke suddenly started filling the car.

Two naked people jump out, followed by the billowing smoke.

After 10 seconds or so, it was apparent that nothing was actually on fire, so, having thrown on enough clothes for decency, I investigated.

The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.

----------


## Paulclem

> I had an interesting experience in a 1963 VW. The back seat springs were a bit worn and one day, during a workout more strenuous than the car was used to, smoke suddenly started filling the car.
> 
> Two naked people jump out, followed by the billowing smoke.
> 
> After 10 seconds or so, it was apparent that nothing was actually on fire, so, having thrown on enough clothes for decency, I investigated.
> 
> The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.


Or were you just hot! ....sorry...

----------


## jocky

> Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.


 :Biggrin5: 

" Ey up, Elsie there is that young Mick, He just looks like Warren Beatty in his green wellies and blue boiler suit. "

----------


## jocky

> For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".
> 
> .


Or the Dallas Police does Gilliatt.  :Skep:

----------


## jocky

> I had an interesting experience in a 1963 VW. The back seat springs were a bit worn and one day, during a workout more strenuous than the car was used to, smoke suddenly started filling the car.
> 
> Two naked people jump out, followed by the billowing smoke.
> 
> After 10 seconds or so, it was apparent that nothing was actually on fire, so, having thrown on enough clothes for decency, I investigated.
> 
> The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.


Good job it wasn't a Mini, the two of you would have never got out. :Nod:

----------


## The Atheist

> Good job it wasn't a Mini, the two of you would have never got out.


Nah, Minis were no problem. I had a girlfriend with a Mini 850. More room than you'd expect.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.


HA...yes, I remember the battery under the back seat. 
The '66 was the last year that used a 6 volt system. It was always difficult to start on cold days, so you learned to park on hills (so you could roll start it) or have your gal push the car for you.
My father and I converted the electrical system to 12 volt except the horn. Imagine a 6 volt horn powered by a 12 volt battery!





> Or the Dallas Police does Gilliatt.


Yeah, they pretty much had their way with me; you couldn't get too far on 1300cc's.

.

----------


## jocky

Guys and Gal, you are never going to believe this! This morning I had an appointment with my Bank Manager, regarding what was termed in the red typed letter as a rather big overdraught. What a humiliation, I sat in a leather seat which was considerably lower than his and had to endure a multitude of adjectives, such as profligate, spendthrift, impecunious ( That one really stung ) and so on. I was about to leave in high dudgeon and tell him what I really thought, when his tone softened considerably, he put his arm round my shoulder and declared, " Now, now Mr Jocky I have been authorised to offer you a position on the board as you have the precise qualities any banking institution would die for. " What could I do but accept ? I gave him a warm handshake and just as I was leaving he winked and said " Oh! tell Mrs Jocky we want her on board as well, as she has your qualities in spades. "  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

I suspect not even Mrs J can shift money like HBOS could.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Which brings us neatly to the ' Forsyte Saga ' by Galsworthy. Soames and Irene were doomed from the start as the chemistry was never there. Now Irene was a strong individual as opposed to a rich no mark and she realised that a relationship based on puppy love would never work. At least in our new reality women do have a choice ' use em and abuse em ' For goodness sake Soundo don't tell anyone I have read a book, they might get the wrong idea.


 :CoolgleamA:  Everybody knows you're the Blokes thread intellectual; the rest of us are here for the booze and the girls...uh, oops...I'm here for the booze...where's Parker when I need him.




> Yes, look at Fleur, she married that rich and titled bloke (sensible girl,) but had a fling with young Jon first.
> 
> Recalling my days in the mix, it was noticeable that when I was "seeing" someone, other girls would suddenly be interested, and when I was engaged, I became the Yorkshire Warren Beatty.


It's contagious...two readers in the mix :Eek: 
Yes, that is how it works; wierd how we women spend more time trying to impress each other than the men we are with.




> Ooh no, nothing so stereotypical. I always found completely ignoring a chick worked wonders.
> 
> And the gold ring on the finger is like a pound of Spanish Fly behind the ears.


I think ignoring them after paying a good bit of attention works even better; and I'm not sure, I think now, acting gay may work better than wearing a wedding band...
I'd ask...where are all the gay guys when I have a question :Incazzato: 




> For me, it all started with my first fox cart; a pearl white 1966 Volkswagon Beetle with 1300cc engine. From that point on it was "Gilliatt Does Dallas".
> 
> .


I didn't know that any german car could be considered a love machine; let alone one that looks like a mouse :Skep: 




> I had an interesting experience in a 1963 VW. The back seat springs were a bit worn and one day, during a workout more strenuous than the car was used to, smoke suddenly started filling the car.
> 
> Two naked people jump out, followed by the billowing smoke.
> 
> After 10 seconds or so, it was apparent that nothing was actually on fire, so, having thrown on enough clothes for decency, I investigated.
> 
> The seat had been bouncing so that the metal spring was shorting out the battery (which was under the back seat) and the straw ticking in the seat had started to smoulder.


God, who were you riding man, Big Bertha?

----------


## The Atheist

> HA...yes, I remember the battery under the back seat. 
> The '66 was the last year that used a 6 volt system. It was always difficult to start on cold days, so you learned to park on hills (so you could roll start it) or have your gal push the car for you.
> My father and I converted the electrical system to 12 volt except the horn. Imagine a 6 volt horn powered by a 12 volt battery!


Well, it'd be an improvement on what it sounded like with the 6v - a sick frog was about the most I ever coaxed from mine!




> Guys and Gal, you are never going to believe this! This morning I had an appointment with my Bank Manager, regarding what was termed in the red typed letter as a rather big overdraught. What a humiliation, I sat in a leather seat which was considerably lower than his and had to endure a multitude of adjectives, such as profligate, spendthrift, impecunious ( That one really stung ) and so on. I was about to leave in high dudgeon and tell him what I really thought, when his tone softened considerably, he put his arm round my shoulder and declared, " Now, now Mr Jocky I have been authorised to offer you a position on the board as you have the precise qualities any banking institution would die for. " What could I do but accept ? I gave him a warm handshake and just as I was leaving he winked and said " Oh! tell Mrs Jocky we want her on board as well, as she has your qualities in spades. "


Man, that must be one big OD!




> Everybody knows you're the Blokes thread intellectual;


Yeah - worst bushel-hiding in history.

 :Wink: 




> I think ignoring them after paying a good bit of attention works even better; and I'm not sure, I think now, acting gay may work better than wearing a wedding band...
> I'd ask...where are all the gay guys when I have a question


Actually, that's a very good question - how often gay blokes get propositioned by women. I suspect there may be a quota of women who think "If he only knew how good it can be..." Men claim that kind of thing about lesbians, but then the request for them to bring their girlfriend gives the game away.

(we are going to get in trouble in this direction!)




> God, who were you riding man, Big Bertha?


Nah, the springs were had it. It was a 1963 car, and the *trouble* was in about 1981. She ended up being my ex-wife, that one.

Funny coincidence, though. I used to go around with an actual Big Bertha. She was 6' and a women's rugby forward, so built to match. Gotta say, we made an impressive pair walking down the street - she was taller than most blokes and I'm 6' 3. Most people were smart enough to dodge!

----------


## jocky

> Actually, that's a very good question - how often gay blokes get propositioned by women. I suspect there may be a quota of women who think "If he only knew how good it can be..." Men claim that kind of thing about lesbians, but then the request for them to bring their girlfriend gives the game away.
> 
> (we are going to get in trouble in this direction!)


On that delicate topic I am getting a wee bit concerned about my faithfull dog Turncoat. We were out for our constitutional the other morning when we passed a beautifully coiffured pink poodle attached by a lead to an equally stunning female owner. As they passed my head did a 360 degree revolution but Turncoat did not bat an eyelid and walked Imperiously on. Och maybe I am reading too much into it, he could have just been playing it cool. Still I hope the powers that be do not take offence at this post. Turncoat likes all kinds of posts.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## The Atheist

Maybe the poodle was a poof?

Maybe Mrs Jocky has been quietly training the dog to ignore dogs with female owners?

(I'd be betting #2)

----------


## jocky

> Maybe the poodle was a poof?
> 
> Maybe Mrs Jocky has been quietly training the dog to ignore dogs with female owners?
> 
> (I'd be betting #2)


Damn, I never thought of that. I wouldn't put it past her. I'm going to my bed. Goodnight.  :Frown5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> On that delicate topic I am getting a wee bit concerned about my faithfull dog Turncoat. We were out for our constitutional the other morning when we passed a beautifully coiffured pink poodle attached by a lead to an equally stunning female owner...


Haha, sounds like your dog may be from the same lineage as Prendrelemick's pink Tup.

Here's something to listen to while you count sheep...goodnight.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6AZN...eature=related

.

----------


## The Atheist

Crikey!

After weeks of fine weather, we've got two former cyclones over the country. Neither appear to be likely to cause damage, but it's presently 26 degrees with 99% humidity. Even the flies are walking...

Life in a fridge looks pretty desirable right now!

----------


## Paulclem

Still raining here - and cloudy - getting a bit colder than late ....

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Cold with blowing snow here in northern Illinois,
About 15 cm deep as of Monday evening.
The Wild Turkey is keeping me warm.


.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Guys and Gal, you are never going to believe this! This morning I had an appointment with my Bank Manager, regarding what was termed in the red typed letter as a rather big overdraught. What a humiliation, I sat in a leather seat which was considerably lower than his and had to endure a multitude of adjectives, such as profligate, spendthrift, impecunious ( That one really stung ) and so on. I was about to leave in high dudgeon and tell him what I really thought, when his tone softened considerably, he put his arm round my shoulder and declared, " Now, now Mr Jocky I have been authorised to offer you a position on the board as you have the precise qualities any banking institution would die for. " What could I do but accept ? I gave him a warm handshake and just as I was leaving he winked and said " Oh! tell Mrs Jocky we want her on board as well, as she has your qualities in spades. "


I would really be popular with your bank manager; I seldom pass the month without one overdraft. For a while I was calling and complaining that they were just sorting the checks wrong and all the nice foreign fellows, who never argue with a lady, put the charges back in my account. Last time I ran into a New York lass who told me it was the 21st century and to deal with it :Incazzato: 




> Actually, that's a very good question - how often gay blokes get propositioned by women. I suspect there may be a quota of women who think "If he only knew how good it can be..." Men claim that kind of thing about lesbians, but then the request for them to bring their girlfriend gives the game away.
> 
> (we are going to get in trouble in this direction!)
> 
> 
> Funny coincidence, though. I used to go around with an actual Big Bertha. She was 6' and a women's rugby forward, so built to match. Gotta say, we made an impressive pair walking down the street - she was taller than most blokes and I'm 6' 3. Most people were smart enough to dodge!


I must admit, gay women have me perplexed. It seems to me that if I had no interest in a particular gender, I woud not want to buy a prosthesis that does basically the same thing :Skep: 

That would have been a site....Does anyone remember the song about big bertha...come on Gilliatt..




> On that delicate topic I am getting a wee bit concerned about my faithfull dog Turncoat. We were out for our constitutional the other morning when we passed a beautifully coiffured pink poodle attached by a lead to an equally stunning female owner. As they passed my head did a 360 degree revolution but Turncoat did not bat an eyelid and walked Imperiously on. Och maybe I am reading too much into it, he could have just been playing it cool. Still I hope the powers that be do not take offence at this post. Turncoat likes all kinds of posts.


I imagine Turncoat just got a lesbian or snob vibe from the poodle...did the owner give a bit of a smile and a turn of the head :Nod: 




> Maybe the poodle was a poof?
> 
> Maybe Mrs Jocky has been quietly training the dog to ignore dogs with female owners?
> 
> (I'd be betting #2)


I hadn't thought of that; Mrs J has always been one step ahead of the average female plotting. 




> Haha, sounds like your dog may be from the same lineage as Prendrelemick's pink Tup.
> 
> Here's something to listen to while you count sheep...goodnight.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6AZN...eature=related
> 
> .


Isn't there a dance with that...? 




> Still raining here - and cloudy - getting a bit colder than late ....


Rained and cloudy all day today; I couldn't get at all motivated. I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a place with months of cloud cover... :Cold:

----------


## The Atheist

> I can't imagine what it would be like to be in a place with [strike]months[/strike] years of cloud cover...


Just fixed that for you!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## OrphanPip

> Actually, that's a very good question - how often gay blokes get propositioned by women. I suspect there may be a quota of women who think "If he only knew how good it can be..." Men claim that kind of thing about lesbians, but then the request for them to bring their girlfriend gives the game away.


I think I've only ever been propositioned directly for sex by a straight woman once, and I'm reasonably sure she was a hooker. I have been groped, patted on the ***, and asked to go for coffee numerous times. One of my former co-workers guilty of all those things on several occasions, if I were a woman I would have filed a sexual harassment complaint.

----------


## The Atheist

> One of my former co-workers guilty of all those things on several occasions, if I were a woman I would have filed a sexual harassment complaint.


Yes, I suspect it's not all that rare, either.

There's some irony in it somewhere.

----------


## prendrelemick

> That would have been a site....Does anyone remember the song about big bertha...come on Gilliatt..
> ...



Puts me in mind of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtOrd4XbzfE

----------


## gbrekken

> Puts me in mind of this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtOrd4XbzfE


bertha-bertha butt.

sunny 60sF here-until tomorrow that is. happy to not be in australia, brazil, or nw minnesota right now

----------


## The Atheist

> Puts me in mind of this.


Ah,The Goodies!

I used to watch that religiously. I thought the Goodies radio station was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen.




> bertha-bertha butt.
> 
> sunny 60sF here-until tomorrow that is. happy to not be in australia, brazil, or nw minnesota right now


I'm happy not to be in Australia, Brazil or Minnesota all the time!

----------


## gbrekken

> Ah,The Goodies!
> 
> I used to watch that religiously. I thought the Goodies radio station was one of the funniest things I'd ever seen.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm happy not to be in Australia, Brazil or Minnesota all the time!


'cept for mosquitos, you and your family would love a winter vacation in the long days summer land of 10,000 plus lakes. in the nw, you'd have a new definition of flat!

----------


## The Atheist

> 'cept for mosquitos, you and your family would love a winter vacation in the long days summer land of 10,000 plus lakes. in the nw, you'd have a new definition of flat!


That's probably good news! Mosquitoes don't bother me at all - I never get bitten, but my kids & Mrs Atheist get eaten alive by the little suckers, so they'd have to stay home!

10,000 lakes? I'll bring my rods!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Just fixed that for you!


Thank you, I guess I'll stay in sunny, hot, humid florida...




> I think I've only ever been propositioned directly for sex by a straight woman once, and I'm reasonably sure she was a hooker. I have been groped, patted on the ***, and asked to go for coffee numerous times. One of my former co-workers guilty of all those things on several occasions, if I were a woman I would have filed a sexual harassment complaint.


I must admit, it is really difficult to pass a raised flag without saluting...I guess I spend too much time in military hospitals...

I think one of the problems with the sexual harassment of men is that there are too many guys out there promoting the idea that guys, particularly between 18 and 35, are happy to jump on anybody who offer. In my experience, men are just as selective as women and even, occasionally, feign a headache :Nod: 



> Puts me in mind of this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtOrd4XbzfE


I never heard that one....



> bertha-bertha butt.
> 
> sunny 60sF here-until tomorrow that is. happy to not be in australia, brazil, or nw minnesota right now


Yeah, Bertha butt...she's part of the butt sisters....
I just found it: Troglodyte by Jim CAstor bunch...I don't know how to do address thingies... :Frown5:

----------


## jocky

How's this for Sabbatarianism gone wild ? Stornoway Golf Club in the Western Isles of Scotland have been granted a licence to sell alcohol on a Sunday after years of unsuccessful applications. Progress one might think, until it is pointed out that the members are not allowed to play golf on a Sunday. That should do wonders for the Hebridean tourist trade. Honestly, you couldn't make it up.

----------


## Paulclem

> How's this for Sabbatarianism gone wild ? Stornoway Golf Club in the Western Isles of Scotland have been granted a licence to sell alcohol on a Sunday after years of unsuccessful applications. Progress one might think, until it is pointed out that the members are not allowed to play golf on a Sunday. That should do wonders for the Hebridean tourist trade. Honestly, you couldn't make it up.


Will the local chaps be telling their wives that they are off to the local course to "get a round in". 

It's so much more civilised than it used to be generally though. Just remember what it used to be like - no telly after 10.30, pubs shut all hours instead of open - everywhere shut on a sunday - bloody hell it was difficult to get a pint of milk until the Asian open all hours traders came and saved our hides - you couldn't get your money unless it was bank opening - frustration at every turn unless you happened to know a local for lock-ins.

----------


## gbrekken

> How's this for Sabbatarianism gone wild ? Stornoway Golf Club in the Western Isles of Scotland have been granted a licence to sell alcohol on a Sunday after years of unsuccessful applications. Progress one might think, until it is pointed out that the members are not allowed to play golf on a Sunday. That should do wonders for the Hebridean tourist trade. Honestly, you couldn't make it up.


and here i thought being Scot meant better. geez

----------


## The Atheist

> How's this for Sabbatarianism gone wild ? Stornoway Golf Club in the Western Isles of Scotland have been granted a licence to sell alcohol on a Sunday after years of unsuccessful applications. Progress one might think, until it is pointed out that the members are not allowed to play golf on a Sunday. That should do wonders for the Hebridean tourist trade. Honestly, you couldn't make it up.


That is priceless!




> It's so much more civilised than it used to be generally though. Just remember what it used to be like - no telly after 10.30, pubs shut all hours instead of open - everywhere shut on a sunday - bloody hell it was difficult to get a pint of milk until the Asian open all hours traders came and saved our hides - you couldn't get your money unless it was bank opening - frustration at every turn unless you happened to know a local for lock-ins.


Yes, it's funny how fast things change and how quickly we forget.

We used to actually have to think ahead more than six minutes and make sure we had enough bread, milk, booze and petrol to last until Monday morning.

Just don't get me started on mobile phones!

----------


## Paulclem

> Just don't get me started on mobile phones!


That's right. I can remember Mrs P saying that she didn't want one on the grounds that she didn't want to be reachable if she didn't feel like it. 

Yet now she texts like teen, and has conversations with a friend she hasn't seen yet for 20 years. 

Yes it used to be "meet by the clock at four".

Now it's an instantaneous "where r u?"

----------


## jocky

> That's right. I can remember Mrs P saying that she didn't want one on the grounds that she didn't want to be reachable if she didn't feel like it. 
> 
> Yet now she texts like teen, and has conversations with a friend she hasn't seen yet for 20 years. 
> 
> Yes it used to be "meet by the clock at four".
> 
> Now it's an instantaneous "where r u?"


Yep, where are the new Luddites when you need em ?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Yes, it's funny how fast things change and how quickly we forget.
> Just don't get me started on mobile phones!...





> ...That's right. I can remember Mrs P saying that she didn't want one on the grounds that she didn't want to be reachable if she didn't feel like it. 
> ...


Remember the rotary dial phones?
There was nothing quite like the soothing sound produced by the rotating dial as it returned to the neutral position.

Here, take a listen to this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ddcf...x=0&playnext=1

I've often wondered if they could equip these fancy mobile phones with a rotary dial for us old timers.


.

----------


## The Atheist

> Remember the rotary dial phones?


Rotary dial phones? You young whippersnapper.

The first phone I can remember using was a party line with different rings in morse for different people. You could dial other people on your party line by creating the right ring with a crank handle on the side of the phone. No dial, no numbers. Anyone not on the party line, you had to give three long cranks for three long rings - "O" for operator.

Our number was M, so the operator used to send two long rings when we had a call. Phone calls to UK and overseas had to be booked, and I can recall at about age 7 or 8 being staggered by a phone call to UK costing three pounds ($6) for three minutes. Three pounds was a fortune to a kid, with one penny being enough to buy lollies for a football team. Taking inflation since then, it means that call now would cost around $200 for the same 3 minutes.

----------


## Paulclem

We've been left with the legacy of those old phones in the language.Dialling a number makes no common sense given the design of phones now. Nor does givind you a ring with the multitudes of ringtones now.

----------


## Big Dante

Back in my day if you wanted to talk to someone you had to type it into a machine and it sends it via satellite to someone where it reaches them instantly.
It's not my fault I'm only 16....

----------


## prendrelemick

> We've been left with the legacy of those old phones in the language.Dialling a number makes no common sense given the design of phones now. Nor does givind you a ring with the multitudes of ringtones now.



Wasn't the popularity of "Hello" as a greeting, a telephone thing?


I remember having a telephone without a dialer. We were told we were never to touch it - so of course we did, lifting the receiver and annoying the operator. She used to dob us in, that meant straight to bed and no pobbies (bread and milk) for supper.

----------


## The Atheist

> Back in my day if you wanted to talk to someone you had to type it into a machine and it sends it via satellite to someone where it reaches them instantly.
> It's not my fault I'm only 16....


 :Smilielol5: 

My kids are the same. Like you, they will never know a time without instant communication.




> I remember having a telephone without a dialer.


Did you used to steal the phone batteries? Those old crankers and even dial phones for a few years had no power supply, so the phone people used to put this huge battery hidden away inside the wall where kids with evil intent couldn't get to them?

The batteries were huge and would power a torch, a radio and scientific experiements for years! Then, when they finally died, you could open them up and use the carbon rods for black chalk.

Huh, nostalgia. That got me thinking about the weird stuff we used to play with as kids - the OSH people would have heart failure nowadays.

Mercury was a good one. I used to carry around quicksilver in a matchbox in my pocket so I could show it off, then run it around my hands, then eat lunch.

Nowadays they'd have a full biohazard team in airtight suits to confiscate it.

----------


## prendrelemick

> My kids are the same. Like you, they will never know a time without instant communication.
> 
> 
> 
> Did you used to steal the phone batteries? Those old crankers and even dial phones for a few years had no power supply, so the phone people used to put this huge battery hidden away inside the wall where kids with evil intent couldn't get to them?
> 
> The batteries were huge and would power a torch, a radio and scientific experiements for years! Then, when they finally died, you could open them up and use the carbon rods for black chalk.
> 
> Huh, nostalgia. That got me thinking about the weird stuff we used to play with as kids - the OSH people would have heart failure nowadays.
> ...


I used to get my batteries from Dad's electric fencer. Those cows were always getting out.

----------


## Paulclem

> I used to get my batteries from Dad's electric fencer. Those cows were always getting out.


I remember playing dare with an electric fence when I was 10-ish. An unpleasant feeling.

----------


## gbrekken

> I remember playing dare with an electric fence when I was 10-ish. An unpleasant feeling.


never piss a solid stream on an electric fence. never be the last person holding hands in line when the fist in line decides to grab the wire.

----------


## gbrekken

before we hit 2-1-11, i have some wishes for the new year:

more close-ups in lingerie football on mtv2

playing golf, and drinking at the same time on a public course in Scotland

an ex-wife who doesn't need to be told to shut her pie-hole

we're all holding our breath now eh?

----------


## Big Dante

> before we hit 2-1-11, i have some wishes for the new year:
> 
> more close-ups in lingerie football on mtv2
> 
> playing golf, and drinking at the same time on a public course in Scotland
> 
> an ex-wife who doesn't need to be told to shut her pie-hole
> 
> we're all holding our breath now eh?



I have a suggestion. 
Enrol the ex-wife into lingerie football. She is now away from you and does not need to shut her pie-hole. Also get a season ticket to it and sit front row, can't get much closer than that. 

Build a mini-golf course in your backyard and you can do all the  :Party:  ing you want

----------


## prendrelemick

Lingerie football? Sounds interesting. They ought to start a sunday league in the Hebrides.

----------


## jocky

> Lingerie football? Sounds interesting. They ought to start a sunday league in the Hebrides.


They already have my old pineapple, you want to see Bella MacCutcheon steaming down the touchline in her whalebone corset and Harris Tweed stockings. It is enough to make your eyes water.  :Eek6:

----------


## The Atheist

> before we hit 2-1-11, i have some wishes for the new year:


Eh? It's 23/1/11 already. You're 21 days late.




> more close-ups in lingerie football on mtv2


And introduce lingerie netball. Sharelle McMahon.




> Lingerie football? Sounds interesting. They ought to start a sunday league in the Hebrides.


 :Smilielol5: 

I know what you're thinking.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I have a suggestion. 
> Enrol the ex-wife into lingerie football.





> Lingerie football? Sounds interesting. They ought to start a sunday league in the Hebrides.


Gives a whole new meaning to "Bare...oops Bear Down Chicago Bears"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqFf-...eature=related

Good luck to the Bears tomorrow. 
(My Cowboys are out so I may as well support my brother in law)

g

----------


## prendrelemick

Now, Heaven forbid that I should seem a little Cricket obsessed. But recent events in Australia have restored my sense that all is well with the world .To see the England boys steadfastly clutching defeat from the hands of victory agin the Aussies is so comforting,- Unlike all that winning malawkey that went on before.

----------


## The Atheist

> Now, Heaven forbid that I should seem a little Cricket obsessed. But recent events in Australia have restored my sense that all is well with the world .To see the England boys steadfastly clutching defeat from the hands of victory agin the Aussies is so comforting,- Unlike all that winning malawkey that went on before.


Looking ok in the third so far.

I think it's great, because they really don't care about the ODIs at all, which is a giant slap in the face for "modern cricket".

In 20, 30 and 100 years' time, nobody will even know an ODI series was played this year, but the Ashes win will be engraved in history.

And T20? What's that?

----------


## prendrelemick

Never the less, a good win for your chaps against Pakistan.

----------


## Big Dante

I'm Australian but I still think the Bangladesh cricket team is where it's at.
Sure they are hit and miss but they have a ton of potential and some exciting young players.
Australia winning the third ODI, sure it was okay but the ashes is what matters. I admire Cook's series, he is one of my favourite players.

----------


## prendrelemick

I must own up to complete ignorance of the state of Bangladeshi cricket, but I hope what you say is true. Anything that shakes up the status quo is good.

That first Ashes match was the key to the series, you blokes should've won that one - and then who knows?

----------


## gbrekken

[QUOTE=The Atheist;1001325]Eh? It's 23/1/11 already. You're 21 days late.


the states haven't caught on to international habits. perhaps arrogance, but ignorance for sure. 1/2/11 would've been proper here

----------


## The Atheist

> Never the less, a good win for your chaps against Pakistan.


A rare win, even.

Touching on the 'Deshis - they beat us 5 -zip, but that's not much of a recommendation since St Swithins' Girls XI beat us 3 - nothing.




> the states haven't caught on to international habits. perhaps arrogance, but ignorance for sure. 1/2/11 would've been proper here


I know - I just like to get my little digs in about dates, distances and spellings from that odd place you live in!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Big Dante

> A rare win, even.
> 
> Touching on the 'Deshis - they beat us 5 -zip, but that's not much of a recommendation since St Swithins' Girls XI beat us 3 - nothing.


Oh dear....

World Cup soon, who do you think will win it?
I think South Africa have the team to go all the way this year.

----------


## gbrekken

> A rare win, even.
> 
> Touching on the 'Deshis - they beat us 5 -zip, but that's not much of a recommendation since St Swithins' Girls XI beat us 3 - nothing.
> 
> 
> 
> I know - I just like to get my little digs in about dates, distances and spellings from that odd place you live in!


like either of us had choice.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Oh dear....
> 
> World Cup soon, who do you think will win it?
> I think South Africa have the team to go all the way this year.




I really want a "third world" team to do it this time. We Brits love the under-dog. But I have to agree that South Africa are looking good. Don't discount your lot (the Aussies), if Brett Lee can get it together for one more year, who knows.

----------


## Big Dante

> I really want a "third world" team to do it this time. We Brits love the under-dog. But I have to agree that South Africa are looking good. Don't discount your lot (the Aussies), if Brett Lee can get it together for one more year, who knows.


Unlike most Aussie driven Australian supporters I'm also a fan of the underdog and it would be great to see that happen. 
The media over cricket in Australia is one of the worst things I've seen during my short time on this Earth. After a non stop assault on every cricketer apart from Mike Hussey during the entire Ashes series after winning the first ODI they couldn't talk enough about how great the team is and how it is redemption for the Ashes. Lately I've gotten a little over the Aussie cricket team and prefer to watch younger more exciting teams play. Or just Chris Gayle.

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh dear....
> 
> World Cup soon, who do you think will win it?
> I think South Africa have the team to go all the way this year.


Definitely. They are in good form at the right time, have a complete side and travel well, which is pretty essential.

Sri Lanka will be enormously hard to beat and I can easily see RSA/SL final - if the draw is worked that way; I haven't even looked! 




> like either of us had choice.


Yeah, damn on that. Parents should consult their kids about where they want to be born. Bloody inconsiderate, really. Not that I'd swap - being dual British/NZ citizen, I can go anywhere I feel like!




> I really want a "third world" team to do it this time. We Brits love the under-dog. But I have to agree that South Africa are looking good. Don't discount your lot (the Aussies), if Brett Lee can get it together for one more year, who knows.


You can't discount them entirely, but I think Brett Lee is one of those straws drowning people grasp at. I will definitely discount England, though. Like us, you have no chance.

----------


## prendrelemick

I haven't even considered England, they can't handle the slightest pressure. Sri Lanka, and India and to some extent Bangladesh (being home the sides)will have bucket loads of pressure on them, plus all those illegal betting syndicates buzzing around them like flies on a dunghill..

The West Indies are second string at the moment, and who knows what the Pakistanis are going to do.

----------


## Big Dante

> I haven't even considered England, they can't handle the slightest pressure. Sri Lanka, and India and to some extent Bangladesh (being home the sides)will have bucket loads of pressure on them, plus all those illegal betting syndicates buzzing around them like flies on a dunghill..
> 
> The West Indies are second string at the moment, and who knows what the Pakistanis are going to do.


All of that is true. Out of the three home sides I think Sri Lanka will do the best. They will most likely prove me wrong but I think India will struggle this campaign.

The West Indies are having a rough patch but they do have some talented players like Gayle and Pollard. They are just missing their fast bowling attack that took them to the top.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Gives a whole new meaning to "Bare...oops Bear Down Chicago Bears"
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqFf-...eature=related
> 
> Good luck to the Bears tomorrow. 
> (My Cowboys are out so I may as well support my brother in law)
> 
> g



How did that go Gilliat? Is it the superthingy soon?

----------


## The Atheist

> The West Indies are having a rough patch ...


I think it's moved past "patch" as it's now about 20 years long.

----------


## jocky

Anybody up for a game of fitba ? Cricket! zzzzzzzzzzz. The offside rule will not apply due to current controversy over gender interpretations of the laws.

There was an old pundit called Gray
Who considered female refs easy pray
He never turned off his Mike
And was told to get on his bike
The result, he is now left with no pay.

----------


## Paulclem

> Anybody up for a game of fitba ? Cricket! zzzzzzzzzzz. The offside rule will not apply due to current controversy over gender interpretations of the laws.
> 
> There was an old pundit called Gray
> Who considered female refs easy pray
> He never turned off his Mike
> And was told to get on his bike
> The result, he is now left with no pay.


The Lady in question is a teacher in a Coventry school. She did well running the line on saturday in the Premiership. There was a question over one decision for offside, but the replay showed she'd got it right. 

It's just a matter of time before the dinosaurs are flushed out. 

I too find cricket to be ... zzzzzzzzzz.....zzzzzzz.....zzzzzzzz

----------


## The Atheist

Sacrilege!

I see there has been some fallout over comments made about a female referee. I'm guessing her offside interpretation differs from what the commentators [think they] saw?

----------


## Paulclem

They were commenting before the game. They didn't give the lassie a chance - foul I call it. Andy Grey may have been a good footballer, but he's an old git now.

I like most sports...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> How did that go Gilliat? Is it the superthingy soon?


Not good.
The Bears appeared drowsy having just emerged from hibernation as they entered the forzen steppe of hallowed ground known as "Soldier Field."
Cutler's Achilles knee played a key role in the slaughter of Bear meat by the meat packers from Green Bay.
Atlas in the form of Urlacher can only carry a team on his shoulders for so long, but as the slaughter wore on, he too succombed to fetid stench of rotted "cheese heads".

Oh yeah, the "superthingy" (Super Bowl), will be played soon next month.





> Anybody up for a game of fitba ? ...
> 
> There was an old pundit called Gray
> Who considered female refs easy pray
> He never turned off his Mike
> And was told to get on his bike
> The result, he is now left with no pay.


Sounds like the makings of another play...? 
Just kidding


.

----------


## Paulclem

> Not good.
> 
> 
> Sounds like the makings of another play...? 
> Just kidding
> 
> 
> .


Nay - a sporting play would be good.

----------


## jocky

> Sacrilege!
> 
> I see there has been some fallout over comments made about a female referee. I'm guessing her offside interpretation differs from what the commentators [think they] saw?


Thank goodness for that. I had visions of a cricket commentary going on till the end of time. You are right about the controversy. Andy Gray the top commentator and analysist of English football made a right ricket, basically saying that a female official was incapable of interpreting the offside law. Well join the club as I don't understand it, referees don't understand it and I guess the majority of football fans don't understand it. Mrs Jocky, however, has no problems with it at all.

----------


## jocky

> Not good.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds like the makings of another play...? 
> Just kidding
> 
> ...


Nah, my next project is a remake of ' The Creature From The Black Lagoon ' in colour.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

> Nay - a sporting play would be good.


a play on "sporting" women?

----------


## Paulclem

> a play on "sporting" women?


I have the perfect one.

http://www.poetseers.org/poets/john_betjeman/love_song/

----------


## The Atheist

> Thank goodness for that. I had visions of a cricket commentary going on till the end of time. You are right about the controversy. Andy Gray the top commentator and analysist of English football made a right ricket, basically saying that a female official was incapable of interpreting the offside law. Well join the club as I don't understand it, referees don't understand it and I guess the majority of football fans don't understand it. Mrs Jocky, however, has no problems with it at all.


Why don't men like women officials?

I remember the only time I got close to a fight playing soccer was when my first wife was referee and pinged the opponents for offside and they started giving her a very hard time about it.

They quietened down a touch when I pointed out that if it continued, someone would be needing a stretcher.




> a play on "sporting" women?


Yeah, most women are good sports!

----------


## prendrelemick

> I have the perfect one.
> 
> http://www.poetseers.org/poets/john_betjeman/love_song/



Without looking, I bet that's J.Hunter-Dunn.


Here's the lines*persons* song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7K4jH7NqUw

----------


## jocky

> Here's the lines*persons* song.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7K4jH7NqUw


That is right and proper as he is the man in black, named Sue.

----------


## Paulclem

> Without looking, I bet that's J.Hunter-Dunn.
> 
> 
> Here's the lines*persons* song.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7K4jH7NqUw


You're right.

----------


## Paulclem

> Why don't men like women officials?
> 
> I remember the only time I got close to a fight playing soccer was when my first wife was referee and pinged the opponents for offside and they started giving her a very hard time about it.
> 
> They quietened down a touch when I pointed out that if it continued, someone would be needing a stretcher.
> 
> Yeah, most women are good sports!


It's something to do with the general inner attitude to women that comes out in irrational and embarassing outbursts. I've met a lot of blokes who just can't see women being beyond their own limited views. It's an odd kind of arrogance that's based on too many outmoded and false assumptions that they've never questioned and which turn out to be highly embarrassing when they surface. They give us good blokes a bad name - and we all know that we carry the cans for the sins of our fathers, uncles, brothers etc etc

----------


## The Atheist

> It's something to do with the general inner attitude to women that comes out in irrational and embarassing outbursts. I've met a lot of blokes who just can't see women being beyond their own limited views. It's an odd kind of arrogance that's based on too many outmoded and false assumptions that they've never questioned and which turn out to be highly embarrassing when they surface. They give us good blokes a bad name - and we all know that we carry the cans for the sins of our fathers, uncles, brothers etc etc


You're dead right!

Problem is, as we said a couple of weeks ago, thanks to women going for the bad guys, Darwin ain't going to get rid of them anytime soon.

God, the sins of our fathers and brothers, the tax burden of our children and grandfathers, my shoulders are getting more rounded daily!

----------


## prendrelemick

I works both ways though.

I'm a Man therefore I can't multitask, I don't do the washing up correctly, I even somehow manage to open the curtains in an unsuitable manner, and of course my flu is is just an excuse to lay in bed.

----------


## Paulclem

> I works both ways though.
> 
> I'm a Man therefore I can't multitask, I don't do the washing up correctly, I even somehow manage to open the curtains in an unsuitable manner, and of course my flu is is just an excuse to lay in bed.


It's the sins of our species mate congealing into the everyday harassments that we have to put up with. 

Now the multi-tasking myth is our revenge -they assume our lack of co-ordination/ aplomb at completing tasks/ laziness/ low IQ/ complete disregard for what the neighbours think/ neglect of family near and far/ lack of psychic ability and intuition etc etc means we can't multi-task - so we don't and thus have an easier time of it. 

Just think if they believed that we could!!! We'd be getting double doses of work

----------


## gbrekken

even talk of cricket beats the latest rounds of self-flagellation, etc. sorry for the pervasive, subversive nature of such influenza. in the old wild American West a "sporting" woman helped a man fulfill his natural (e)mission in life. :-))

----------


## jocky

Good God guys, are we on a collective downer ? Financial woes, women troubles, manflu, (e)missions (or the lack thereof) and Soundos went awol. The only good news is Charlie Sheen has been admitted to hospital after falling headfirst into a case full of cocaine. This state of affairs must cease forthwith and good news must be the order of the day.

p.s The price of Glenmorangie has just went up again.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

Oh god, now we really are doomed!

Does anyone else find it ironic that the price of illegal drugs goes down, while the legal ones are ever-increasingly taxed?

----------


## jocky

> Oh god, now we really are doomed!
> 
> Does anyone else find it ironic that the price of illegal drugs goes down, while the legal ones are ever-increasingly taxed?


Yes, It is time you spoke your mind Gbrekken. In English would be helpful.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

Well it is January. The fun and frolics of Christmas are over, and the bills are now coming home to roost, whilst we trudge wearily uphill to Spring. It's still cold, prices are going up, the sales are ending, and the daily grind keeps on grinding. 

I though - (due to me being simple according to my wife) - am incorrigibly cheerful. I was grinning when i wrote the last paragraph. Who says misery in't funny...at times...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Good God guys, are we on a collective downer ? 
> ...This state of affairs must cease forthwith and good news must be the order of the day.





> Oh god, now we really are doomed!





> Yes, It is time you spoke your mind Gbrekken. In English would be helpful.





> .. The fun and frolics of Christmas are over, and the bills are now coming home to roost, whilst we trudge wearily uphill to Spring. It's still cold, prices are going up, the sales are ending, and the daily grind keeps on grinding.


About the only positive bit of news I can offer is to tell you that I am sipping on some Wild Turkey with Ginger Ale on the rocks.
Jocky's right; where is Sounds?

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Jocky's right; where is Sounds?
> 
> .


My guess is shacked up with a nice man!

Hope that's the case.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well it is January. The fun and frolics of Christmas are over, and the bills are now coming home to roost, whilst we trudge wearily uphill to Spring. It's still cold, prices are going up, the sales are ending, and the daily grind keeps on grinding. 
> 
> I though - (due to me being simple according to my wife) - am incorrigibly cheerful. I was grinning when i wrote the last paragraph. Who says misery in't funny...at times...



For heavens sake Paul! Think of your roots. We Yorkshiremen are supposed to be dour and grim. Where would we be if everyone was cheerful all the time?

----------


## Paulclem

> For heavens sake Paul! Think of your roots. We Yorkshiremen are supposed to be dour and grim. Where would we be if everyone was cheerful all the time?


Haha  :Frown5: It's inverted cheerfulness - cheerful when it's grim, grim when it's cheerful by reminding people of the inevitable grimness to come..

----------


## gbrekken

> Good God guys, are we on a collective downer ? Financial woes, women troubles, manflu, (e)missions (or the lack thereof) and Soundos went awol. The only good news is Charlie Sheen has been admitted to hospital after falling headfirst into a case full of cocaine. This state of affairs must cease forthwith and good news must be the order of the day.
> 
> p.s The price of Glenmorangie has just went up again.


You translated me perfectly Jocky. Even American (English) can sometimes be understandable. Poor Charlie Sheen/Harper--who's playing which? Is this a case of life imitating art? Sheen thinking he's Harper, who can do no wrong, nor suffer consequences if he did? I guess 2+ million per tv episode might mess up my thinking. Maybe Two-and a Half Men can start having Charlie's tv character go into rehab.

An Englishman wins the Australian Open tomorrow for the first time in decades--YEAH!!

----------


## prendrelemick

> An Englishman wins the Australian Open tomorrow for the first time in decades--YEAH!!




Oo-er! where's Jocky

----------


## jocky

> An Englishman wins the Australian Open tomorrow for the first time in decades--YEAH!!


Oh dear.......

If you look out your kitchen window you will see an unmarked van with black tinted windows. Step slowly back fom the window, make no sudden moves and under no circumstances answer your phone.  :Smile:

----------


## gbrekken

> Oh dear.......
> 
> If you look out your kitchen window you will see an unmarked van with black tinted windows. Step slowly back fom the window, make no sudden moves and under no circumstances answer your phone.


is that before or after his vicTORY?  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> You translated me perfectly Jocky. Even American (English) can sometimes be understandable. Poor Charlie Sheen/Harper--who's playing which? Is this a case of life imitating art? Sheen thinking he's Harper, who can do no wrong, nor suffer consequences if he did? I guess 2+ million per tv episode might mess up my thinking. Maybe Two-and a Half Men can start having Charlie's tv character go into rehab.


Just goes to show that insanity is a valuable commodity in Hollywood.

----------


## jocky

> Just goes to show that insanity is a valuable commodity in Hollywood.


I have booked the tickets on block. The whole cast of the Blokes Thread are on our way to L.A in the morning.  :Party:

----------


## Paulclem

> I have booked the tickets on block. The whole cast of the Blokes Thread are on our way to L.A in the morning.


Fantastic. The Ga Ga Crew go to LA on an away day.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I'm all for leaving the frozen steppe of the north, but do we have to go as far as L.A.? How bout stopping just east of LA at Death Valley National Park. I need a moment to thaw out. -



From Wiki -
"Death Valley is the hottest and driest place in North America because of its lack of surface water and its low relief. It is so frequently the hottest spot in the United States that many tabulations of the highest daily temperatures in the country omit Death Valley as a matter of course. On July 10, 1913, a record 134 °F (56.7 °C) was measured at the Weather Bureau's observation station at Greenland Ranch (now the site for the Furnace Creek Inn)"


.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm all for leaving the frozen steppe of the north, but do we have to go as far as L.A.? How bout stopping just east of LA at Death Valley National Park. I need a moment to thaw out. -
> 
> 
> 
> From Wiki -
> "Death Valley is the hottest and driest place in North America because of its lack of surface water and its low relief. It is so frequently the hottest spot in the United States that many tabulations of the highest daily temperatures in the country omit Death Valley as a matter of course. On July 10, 1913, a record 134 °F (56.7 °C) was measured at the Weather Bureau's observation station at Greenland Ranch (now the site for the Furnace Creek Inn)"
> 
> 
> .


I'd much prefer cooler. I get sunburnt if I stand for too long after opening the curtains in summer.

----------


## jocky

> I'm all for leaving the frozen steppe of the north, but do we have to go as far as L.A.? How bout stopping just east of LA at Death Valley National Park. I need a moment to thaw out. -
> 
> 
> 
> From Wiki -
> "Death Valley is the hottest and driest place in North America because of its lack of surface water and its low relief. It is so frequently the hottest spot in the United States that many tabulations of the highest daily temperatures in the country omit Death Valley as a matter of course. On July 10, 1913, a record 134 °F (56.7 °C) was measured at the Weather Bureau's observation station at Greenland Ranch (now the site for the Furnace Creek Inn)"
> 
> 
> .


We have had a whip round in Scotland for Andy Murray and we have bought him a one way ticket to Death Valley. Thanks for the idea Gilliatt. Our national humiliation continues.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'd much prefer cooler. I get sunburnt if I stand for too long after opening the curtains in summer.


I'm exactly the opposite. 

At the height of summer, Indians come up to meand say "Namaste".




> We have had a whip round in Scotland for Andy Murray and we have bought him a won way ticket to Death Valley. Thanks for the idea Gilliatt. Our national humiliation continues.


I think we might have to start appling the choker tag to Andy Pandy. Three finals, three straight-sets defeats.

I feel for you, mate - I thought he had a good show and placed my money accordingly.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have booked the tickets on block. The whole cast of the Blokes Thread are on our way to L.A in the morning.


 :Party:  Just got back from partying with the fellows at Chippendales...am I too late to hitch a ride with the Blokes?

----------


## jocky

> Just got back from partying with the fellows at Chippendales...am I too late to hitch a ride with the Blokes?


About time too. I have booked your ticket first-class, the champagne is on ice and the Chippendales have agreed to act as cabin crew, they owed me a favour as I have some compromising info on them. Sorry guys, I have splashed out so much cash on Soundos flight you will have to travel economy.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Chippendale?

http://www.rubylane.com/item/261424-...mchair-painted

----------


## jocky

> Chippendale?
> 
> http://www.rubylane.com/item/261424-...mchair-painted


Nothing so refined. The Chippendales were a group of male strippers extremely popular with the British females in the 80s and 90s. I believe they may still be on the go. Mick or Paul might be able to download a video of them as I have yet to learn that skill.

----------


## Paulclem

Chip n' Dale's?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAqOvbjF7mo

----------


## Paulclem

I tell you what - I just found that link in 3.52100003 seconds - or something like that. 

When I think of how we used to crave those 5 minute - hell three minute - cartoon features like Popeye, Road runner, Speedy Gonzales and the best of all Tom and Jerry, that would come on the telly in tantalising seconds of delight as children, and how if we got two in a row how brilliant it was - before going back out to play with a hoop and stick (if we were lucky) because Coro - bleedin' - nation Street was infinitely, (it seemed) on rolling out its drab and embittered northern boredom - I tell you - kids today - they don't know they're born...... 

Have you got the tickets Jocky? I'm ready!!!!!

----------


## The Atheist

> Nothing so refined. The Chippendales were a group of male strippers extremely popular with the British females in the 80s and 90s. I believe they may still be on the go. Mick or Paul might be able to download a video of them as I have yet to learn that skill.


 :Smilielol5: 

I think we can do without video!

(I did know who they were; they tour NZ occasionally as well)

----------


## Paulclem

They always looked a bit greasy to me.

----------


## The Atheist

Greasy...

Or oiled?

----------


## Paulclem

> Greasy...
> 
> Or oiled?


Oiled...bit I prefer to describe them as greasy.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> About time too. I have booked your ticket first-class, the champagne is on ice and the Chippendales have agreed to act as cabin crew, they owed me a favour as I have some compromising info on them. Sorry guys, I have splashed out so much cash on Soundos flight you will have to travel economy.


Thank you Jocky, I've boarded a bit early so I and the boys could enjoy the champagne in the hot tub...they give one heck of a shoulder rub :Ihih: 




> Chippendale?
> 
> http://www.rubylane.com/item/261424-...mchair-painted


Not quite that old...




> Chip n' Dale's?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAqOvbjF7mo


A few have the same teeth...and are, a, partners also :Shocked: 





> They always looked a bit greasy to me.


That's the Crisco, they want to make sure they can get away when someone without a wallet grabs them...

----------


## Paulclem

Hi Sounds. The Chippendales were really popular here. Never saw them myself. They filled a niche at the time - several probably...

Carroll to Liverpool. Torres to Chelsea. I wonder if it will turn out good for them. Good players, but expensive...

----------


## OrphanPip

You wouldn't believe the cost of a male stripper in Montreal, it can cost you upwards of 20 dollars per song for a lap dance. That's twice the price of a female stripper here, outrageous!

----------


## The Atheist

> You wouldn't believe the cost of a male stripper in Montreal, it can cost you upwards of 20 dollars per song for a lap dance. That's twice the price of a female stripper here, outrageous!


That is quite odd. I guess supply & demand is the issue, so more men must be shy compared to women.

Get some Kiwi blokes up there - as rugby players we're used to undressing in front of other guys and cuddling up to them!

----------


## prendrelemick

Perhaps a career change is in order, 20 dollars is 20 dollars. I know all the moves to the Macarena. Though my "alternative" body shape may be an issue.



I didn't expect Carroll to leave Newcastle, but I suppose he had millions of reasons.

----------


## Paulclem

There's nothing wrong with a wise old interesting alternative body shape. You could be like the Chippendales living memento mori muttering "I was once like you...you will be like me" at inopportune and compromising moments during the routines. They'll be singing along "Hey...Macarena" with a refrain of "Hey...there's me back gone". 

It'd be a laugh.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Nothing so refined. The Chippendales were a group of male strippers extremely popular with the British females in the 80s and 90s. I believe they may still be on the go. Mick or Paul might be able to download a video of them as I have yet to learn that skill.


I'll get the video for you Jocky.
Let me see if I can get this queued up:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai9IEkYrZQk


(RIP Patrick and Chris)


.

----------


## Big Dante

> Hi Sounds. The Chippendales were really popular here. Never saw them myself. They filled a niche at the time - several probably...
> 
> Carroll to Liverpool. Torres to Chelsea. I wonder if it will turn out good for them. Good players, but expensive...


Carroll is a good player but I don't know if he can fill the boots of Torres at this stage of his career. Liverpool are having an off season for their standards so they would be looking to rebuild but I would have thought Torres would play a role in that.

Ah well, good luck to both players and lets see what happens.

----------


## prendrelemick

> There's nothing wrong with a wise old interesting alternative body shape. You could be like the Chippendales living memento mori muttering "I was once like you...you will be like me" at inopportune and compromising moments during the routines. They'll be singing along "Hey...Macarena" with a refrain of "Hey...there's me back gone". 
> 
> It'd be a laugh.





> I'll get the video for you Jocky.
> Let me see if I can get this queued up:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai9IEkYrZQk
> 
> 
> (RIP Patrick and Chris).





 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 


Eh, you need cheering up on days like this. Turmoil in Egypt, storms in Australia. And worse, Heidi the cross eyed Opossum has fallen into the clutches of the nutritionists - she's been put on a low fat diet.
http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en...+opossum&meta=

----------


## Paulclem

To continue with this theme of showing up our aged physical inadequacies, and how time has bent and wearied us -it's the 6 nations start tomorrow!! :Rolleyes5: 

Will you chaps be watching?

----------


## The Atheist

I'll be keeping a friendly eye on things, with a view to the RWC which now only months away!

Not that I think any NH team has a dog's show of taking the cup for only its second trip north. They should've made the trophy upside down.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> I'll be keeping a friendly eye on things, with a view to the RWC which now only months away!
> 
> Not that I think any NH team has a dog's show of taking the cup for only its second trip north. They should've made the trophy upside down.


My impression is that Scotland and Wales are improving. Perhaps it'll be closer this time.

----------


## jocky

> My impression is that Scotland and Wales are improving. Perhaps it'll be closer this time.


I am so glad that it wisnae me that downloaded the Chippendales video. What an embarassment !  :Smile:  Mrs Jocky went to see them and I enquired how it went? She said "I had to put a pound coin between my teeth and drop it down the front of one of their shorts" So are they cracked up as good as their reputation ? She looked at me with a flushed face and quietly replied "I don't know I never opened my eyes" You bloody liar, and that's a pound your owe me.

All will become clearer in a few days in France, or maybe not.

King Kenny knows his fitba and if he thinks Andy Carroll is a Liverpool centre forward then that is good enough for me.

----------


## jocky

> You wouldn't believe the cost of a male stripper in Montreal, it can cost you upwards of 20 dollars per song for a lap dance. That's twice the price of a female stripper here, outrageous!


Pip, old chap, my Auntie Helen who emigrated to Canada seventy years ago phones me with exactly the same complaint. Of course she comes from Ottowa, which might explain a lot.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I am so glad that it wisnae me that downloaded the Chippendales video. What an embarassment !  Mrs Jocky went to see them and I enquired how it went? She said "I had to put a pound coin between my teeth and drop it down the front of one of their shorts" So are they cracked up as good as their reputation ? She looked at me with a flushed face and quietly replied "I don't know I never opened my eyes" You bloody liar, and that's a pound your owe me.
> 
> All will become clearer in a few days in France, or maybe not.
> 
> King Kenny knows his fitba and if he thinks Andy Carroll is a Liverpool centre forward then that is good enough for me.



I've often wondered where a scotsman keeps his loose change.

----------


## jocky

In anticipation of tonights match between Wales and England, here is a reminder of Phil Bennetts inspirational pep talk to his Welsh team mates in 1977;

"Look what the b######s have done to Wales. They've taken our coal, our water, our steel. They buy our houses and they only live in them for a fortnight every 12 months. What have they given us ? Absolutely nothing. We've been exploited, raped, controlled and punished by the English - and that's who you are playing this afternoon. "

Personally speaking I have no preference for who triumphs.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

Come on England!!!!

A few warm up matches before the world cup.....I wish...

----------


## prendrelemick

I suppose I ought to support England, but I am almost overcome with apathy.


And my Granny was welsh.

----------


## jocky

Well done England. Great match.

----------


## The Atheist

> In anticipation of tonights match between Wales and England, here is a reminder of Phil Bennetts inspirational pep talk to his Welsh team mates in 1977;
> 
> "Look what the b######s have done to Wales. They've taken our coal, our water, our steel. They buy our houses and they only live in them for a fortnight every 12 months. What have they given us ? Absolutely nothing. We've been exploited, raped, controlled and punished by the English - and that's who you are playing this afternoon. "
> 
> Personally speaking I have no preference for who triumphs.


That is a thing of beauty! Mercurial on his feet and also verbally, our Philip.

Your boys up tonight. Is it snowing in Paris?

----------


## Paulclem

> I suppose I ought to support England, but I am almost overcome with apathy.
> 
> 
> And my Granny was welsh.



Everybody's granny was Welsh, or Irish - no hedging now. 

Thanks Jocky - it was a good match. They ran it close towards the end for. It was good to see Toby having a good game, and Wilkinson's kicking is still spot on. He also made some good solid tackles. 

I wonder how the French will do?

----------


## prendrelemick

Ok no hedging, I'm pleased England won with a goodish performance. I remember young Chris Ashton in his Wigan days, he was always a bit special.

I shall be supporting the brave (though ultimately doomed) Scots in Paris.

----------


## jocky

> I shall be supporting the brave (though ultimately doomed) Scots in Paris.


You called it right, but I don't mind losing in that fashion. The game was terrific and the French magnifique. The standard of this Six Nations so far is fantastic.

----------


## prendrelemick

That's exactly it, Jocky. If England would "have a go" more often I wouldn't mind them losing. In fact I'd prefer it to a boring win.

----------


## Paulclem

> That's exactly it, Jocky. If England would "have a go" more often I wouldn't mind them losing. In fact I'd prefer it to a boring win.


Me too. Unfortunately missed the Scots match.

----------


## The Atheist

> You called it right, but I don't mind losing in that fashion. The game was terrific and the French magnifique. The standard of this Six Nations so far is fantastic.


Certainly the closest!

Have Italy got good or are Ireland more hopeless than usual?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

By the way, what sport are you blokes going on about?
Is this cricket or badmitten?

In the meantime, I've had my fill of cold and snow and it isn't any better back home!
I'm ready to go trippin on the beach:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li0sM...eature=related


Gg

----------


## jocky

> Certainly the closest!
> 
> Have Italy got good or are Ireland more hopeless than usual?


Italy are defenitely getting better. The Scottish scrum were approximately one stone heavier than the French but their technique completely nullified our weight advantage. The French expansive game should light up the World Cup.

----------


## jocky

> By the way, what sport are you blokes going on about?
> Is this cricket or badmitten?
> 
> In the meantime, I've had my fill of cold and snow and it isn't any better back home!
> I'm ready to go trippin on the beach:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li0sM...eature=related
> 
> 
> Gg


Never mind Gilliatt Superbowl tomorrow. Last year was a disaster as Soundo stole my snakeskin boots and ten gallon hat. 

Enjoyed the video, it is a bit worrying to think all that girls are grannies now. All we need now is a Carmen Miranda download.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The Scottish scrum


Ahhh...I believe I figured it out; rugby. 

Say Jocky, what ever became of Helmet, your pigeon?
I was reminded of him as I watched hordes of his kin beginning to roost on our new building under construction.

.

----------


## The Atheist

> By the way, what sport are you blokes going on about?
> Is this cricket or badmitten?


Croquet. The sport of gentlemen.




> Italy are defenitely getting better. The Scottish scrum were approximately one stone heavier than the French but their technique completely nullified our weight advantage. The French expansive game should light up the World Cup.


As long as they don't light it up by beating us, that will be fine. Just as they did in 1987, beating Aussie then losing to us in the final will be fine.

We're drawn to meet them again this time.

 :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hi Sounds. The Chippendales were really popular here. Never saw them myself. They filled a niche at the time - several probably...


Unfortunately, alot of the lads from Chippendales played for the wrong team, and, no doubt, filled the wrong niches...I mean, from a ladies point of view :Svengo: 




> You wouldn't believe the cost of a male stripper in Montreal, it can cost you upwards of 20 dollars per song for a lap dance. That's twice the price of a female stripper here, outrageous!


I think it's time to bring out the Lady Gaga outfit and run to the girls stripclub, Pip. I think both you and the dancer may be pleasantly surprised :FRlol: 




> That is quite odd. I guess supply & demand is the issue, so more men must be shy compared to women.
> 
> Get some Kiwi blokes up there - as rugby players we're used to undressing in front of other guys and cuddling up to them!


It might be a nice change to get some Kiwis up here anyway; I've noticed that most of the male strippers I've seen are shorter than I am and look as if they haven't seen water in a while... :Nonod: 




> Perhaps a career change is in order, 20 dollars is 20 dollars. I know all the moves to the Macarena. Though my "alternative" body shape may be an issue.


Yeah, 20 dollars for 5 minutes work; if it wasn't for having to put up with the drooling customers :Drool5: 




> There's nothing wrong with a wise old interesting alternative body shape. You could be like the Chippendales living memento mori muttering "I was once like you...you will be like me" at inopportune and compromising moments during the routines. They'll be singing along "Hey...Macarena" with a refrain of "Hey...there's me back gone". 
> 
> It'd be a laugh.


 :FRlol: 



> I'll get the video for you Jocky.
> Let me see if I can get this queued up:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ai9IEkYrZQk
> 
> 
> (RIP Patrick and Chris)
> 
> .


Thanks Gilliatt, I loved that SNL




> I am so glad that it wisnae me that downloaded the Chippendales video. What an embarassment !  Mrs Jocky went to see them and I enquired how it went? She said "I had to put a pound coin between my teeth and drop it down the front of one of their shorts" So are they cracked up as good as their reputation ? She looked at me with a flushed face and quietly replied "I don't know I never opened my eyes" You bloody liar, and that's a pound your owe me.


What a clever woman...did she tell you what happened after the shorts dropped from the excess weight of the coins :Eek2:

----------


## jocky

> Say Jocky, what ever became of Helmet, your pigeon?
> 
> 
> .


Unfortunately Old Helmet has departed this vale of tears for the great pigeon loft in the sky. Not to worry, I have created a new breed by crossing a Hungarian Giant with a German Nun ( believe me it took a lot of doing ) The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour. He will only eat his maize if it is mixed in goulash and his water has to be consecrated by a priest before he will drink it. I really must see about a bigger loft.  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour...


Haha !! funny.

Please keep the species over there!
I shudder to think of the mess Bartok and his progeny will leave behind!
City budgets will be depleted in no time!

.

----------


## Big Dante

> Unfortunately Old Helmet has departed this vale of tears for the great pigeon loft in the sky. Not to worry, I have created a new breed by crossing a Hungarian Giant with a German Nun ( believe me it took a lot of doing ) The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour. He will only eat his maize if it is mixed in goulash and his water has to be consecrated by a priest before he will drink it. I really must see about a bigger loft.


You should breed more. 
I would pay good money to own one of these.

----------


## The Atheist

> Haha !! funny.
> 
> Please keep the species over there!
> I shudder to think of the mess Bartok and his progeny will leave behind!
> City budgets will be depleted in no time!
> 
> .


Racing pigeons, I can understand, but what I don't get are towns that allow - and even encourage - huge flocks of pigeons to live and defecate all over the place.

Keeps car groomers in business, I guess, but I think I'm going to have to wait for a global outbreak of H1N1 avian 'flu to take hold before someone realises that pigeons are not our friends.




> You should breed more. 
> I would pay good money to own one of these.


You have a great line in hulking male avatars!

----------


## jocky

> Racing pigeons, I can understand, but what I don't get are towns that allow - and even encourage - huge flocks of pigeons to live and defecate all over the place.
> 
> Keeps car groomers in business, I guess, but I think I'm going to have to wait for a global outbreak of H1N1 avian 'flu to take hold before someone realises that pigeons are not our friends.


I suppose I had better make some sort of defence of pigeons.

All wild pigeons, apart from ring necked doves and wood pigeons, are descended from domesticated birds. In medieval times they were a vital resource hence the vast amount of dovecots. The birds were used for food and the feathers for bedding. The eggs were not only used for food but also a vital ingredient in mortar. Most of our magnificent Cathederals and Castles are held together with pigeon eggs. Technology eventually replaced the use of their eggs and improving food resources made their consumption redundant.
The result, they were released and became feral.

The principal reason they live in cities is the propensity of a large percentage of the population to feed them. That is why ring necked doves and wood pigeons are descending on the towns in increasing numbers. When advocating a mass cull it would be well to remember that with food resources coming under pressure, the ' rat with wings ' may become a vital staple once more.

Any more carping and I will set Bartok on you.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Alas, The Lord of the Manor would have the dovecote and the peasants were not allowed to catch them. It was the original steath tax, the pigeons would feed on the peasants corn, and his Lordship would feed on the pigeons.

----------


## jocky

> Alas, The Lord of the Manor would have the dovecote and the peasants were not allowed to catch them. It was the original steath tax, the pigeons would feed on the peasants corn, and his Lordship would feed on the pigeons.


Which kind of reinforces my point. Breeding pigeons is an aristocratic pastime and not for the serfs and villeins.

----------


## The Atheist

:Smilielol5: 

I like the idea of them being used as food thanks to rising prices. Bloody easy to catch!

 :Idea: 

Cheaper than chicken! Get your roast pigeon here.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Unfortunately Old Helmet has departed this vale of tears for the great pigeon loft in the sky. Not to worry, I have created a new breed by crossing a Hungarian Giant with a German Nun ( believe me it took a lot of doing ) The result is a male who I have named Bartok. He has an eight foot wing span and a thoroughly nasty demeanour. He will only eat his maize if it is mixed in goulash and his water has to be consecrated by a priest before he will drink it. I really must see about a bigger loft.


Leave it to Jocky to raise a stoic religious group of pigeons; the ones around here have no appreciation for sensibilities, make love in flight...in traffic. We all start watching the birds...forget the car in front of us :Eek: 




> Haha !! funny.
> 
> Please keep the species over there!
> I shudder to think of the mess Bartok and his progeny will leave behind!
> City budgets will be depleted in no time!
> 
> .


I had one blind pigeon nest in my roof a few years ago...the smell was around for two years during the summer...ghastly. I don't know if healthy pigeons like the roof, though...I have a few screens down and they don't seem to bother other than to dare each other to try to make it in one jump.




> Alas, The Lord of the Manor would have the dovecote and the peasants were not allowed to catch them. It was the original steath tax, the pigeons would feed on the peasants corn, and his Lordship would feed on the pigeons.


In America, we've trained our pigeons to hang out on the steps of government buildings and dive at the bald heads of unpopular officials :Cornut: 



> I like the idea of them being used as food thanks to rising prices. Bloody easy to catch!
> 
> 
> 
> Cheaper than chicken! Get your roast pigeon here.


I'm always taking pity on the poor creatures, throw cat food to them; unfortunately, the cats are willing to share if it means a bit of bird meat later :Arf:

----------


## soundofmusic

By the way Jocky, did your snakeskin boots ever arrive; I mailed them express...still on one of the Chippendales, I'm afraid..... :Banana:  :Banana:

----------


## prendrelemick

You sent them by male then.

----------


## jocky

> Cheaper than chicken! Get your roast pigeon here.


Old Helmet went down very nicely accompanied by a red Burgundy.




> By the way Jocky, did your snakeskin boots ever arrive; I mailed them express...still on one of the Chippendales, I'm afraid.....


Due to our National psyche I could not accept the package as it was c.o.d. The collection plate has the same deliterious effect on me.




> You sent them by male then.


I'll just get your coat.

----------


## The Atheist

> Old Helmet went down very nicely accompanied by a red Burgundy.


Lovely! Does it taste much like quail? 

Reminds me of Speckled Jim.

----------


## Paulclem

> Lovely! Does it taste much like quail? 
> 
> Reminds me of Speckled Jim.


seeing as we're onto drinking - how's this for a good game to play in the club?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA

----------


## jocky

> seeing as we're onto drinking - how's this for a good game to play in the club?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA


 :FRlol: 

CARROT on AUBERGINE that TURNIP note ASPARAGUS i POTATO am LEEK going CAULIFLOWER to CUCUMBER my ONION bed.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> CARROT on AUBERGINE that TURNIP note ASPARAGUS i POTATO am LEEK going CAULIFLOWER to CUCUMBER my ONION bed.


CARROT I AUBERGINE will TURNIP be ASPARAGUS going POTATO up LEEK the CAULIFLOWER apples CUCUMBER and ONION pears COURGETTE too CARROT soon!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.
Funny clip Paul and great idea for a drinking game,

TURNIP green OLIVE oil LEEKS on PUMPKIN my CABBAGE head.


.

----------


## Paulclem

Anyway - I want some of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT5kI...eature=related

In't the fast Show Brilliant.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Anyway - I want some of these.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT5kI...eature=related
> 
> In't the fast Show Brilliant.



This week, I shall be mostly eating those.

----------


## Paulclem

> This week, I shall be mostly eating those.


They suit you Sir.

----------


## jocky

Cheesy peas, made with Gorgonzola and Birds Eye peas, garnished with the remains of Speckled Jim. A feast fit for a king. What to drink with it ?

----------


## The Atheist

> Cheesy peas, made with Gorgonzola and Birds Eye peas, garnished with the remains of Speckled Jim. A feast fit for a king. What to drink with it ?


Ipecac?

----------


## Paulclem

> Ipecac?


 :FRlol: 

Interesting results if you combine it with the drinking game above.

----------


## prendrelemick

Although I fear I am repeating myself, I think a glass of Newkie Brown would be the perfect accompaniment. It'd certainly wash down the feathers.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I too am experiencing a bit of Déjà vu. Was it not last year that we were talking about the new menu item from MacDonald's; The MacSquab sandwich?
Regardless, they are flying off the griddle here in Texas. That Cheesy Peas pate would go great on the Mac Squab.

Oh, here's something the blokes might find interesting; something I found under the "on this day" entry from wikipedia: 

"...1938  The BBC aired an adaptation of Karel Čapek's play R.U.R., the first science fiction television programme ever broadcast..."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/R.U.R.


G

----------


## jocky

Gilliatt, Atheist saw the original. Now for some spiritual joy.  :Smile: 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSDaNIdmV-Y

----------


## Paulclem

> Gilliatt, Atheist saw the original. Now for some spiritual joy. 
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSDaNIdmV-Y


 :FRlol: 

Superb. What a face.

----------


## jocky

The dark day when I blew my chances of a Knighthood.  :Frown: 

http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-co...ldier-Fail.jpg

----------


## The Atheist

> The dark day when I blew my chances of a Knighthood. 
> 
> http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-co...ldier-Fail.jpg


Ah, was that you?

I thought you were the famous soldier in the photograph, with Her Divine Majesty in it, whose kilt had ridden up a little, exposing various bits to the wind.

I won't link it though.

----------


## jocky

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaJSGky4F4U

This one is just for you Atheist. Soundo look away now.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Haha!

Isn't that the wrong way around?

----------


## soundofmusic

> You sent them by male then.


 :Smilielol5:  :Thumbsup:  Excellent!
I'm working on getting the little fellow back now, I just have to fill out this missing package form for the airline; but, I haven't quite figured out how to describe his package :Frown: 




> Due to our National psyche I could not accept the package as it was c.o.d. The collection plate has the same deliterious effect on me.


I had no idea security was so tight at your airports; though apparently, they failed to notice the stewardess who had stowed away inside my package. You would think they would have noticed all the bouncing and wailing... :Dupe: 
Did Mrs Jocky find a suitable substitute for her garden parties entertainment? 

Yes, collection plates affect me the same way; I usually make a quick exit to powder my nose when they pass...Do your ministers collect tithes?



> Reminds me of Speckled Jim.


Great clip!




> seeing as we're onto drinking - how's this for a good game to play in the club?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGBTrCZObyA


 :Banghead:  Tomato...no...cumquat....the hell with it :FRlol: 





> In the meantime, I've had my fill of cold and snow and it isn't any better back home!
> I'm ready to go trippin on the beach:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li0sM...eature=related
> 
> 
> Gg


Look at those tiny waists...must be all that twisting and hola hoops...Now we have tight abs; but no waists :Frown:

----------


## soundofmusic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LBC7pilGoPc

Ah Jocky, I looked around and found some great last minute entertainment for the Mrs.

----------


## gbrekken

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaJSGky4F4U
> 
> This one is just for you Atheist. Soundo look away now.


awesome show! unintimidated.

----------


## soundofmusic

> The dark day when I blew my chances of a Knighthood. 
> 
> http://www.dailyfunnystuff.net/wp-co...ldier-Fail.jpg


Ah, that didn't fool me; that was when the young queen was a lovely lass and the jocky found a unique way to see a bit more of the lady...I hear the Royals fancy Scottsmen.




> Ah, was that you?
> 
> I thought you were the famous soldier in the photograph, with Her Divine Majesty in it, whose kilt had ridden up a little, exposing various bits to the wind.
> I won't link it though.


...so it isn't his fine grasp of literature that keeps her ladyship in Scottland?




> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NaJSGky4F4U
> 
> This one is just for you Atheist. Soundo look away now.


Do you think you could find the other clip that shows the vantage point from the New Zealand team?

----------


## soundofmusic

Oops, read on....

----------


## soundofmusic

> awesome show! unintimidated.


Obviously, you are hiding something from us :FRlol:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAJhR...eature=related

----------


## Paulclem

> Obviously, you are hiding something from us http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zAJhR...eature=related


I like South park - it feeds my uncultured side, as does Jackass. I have to laugh. I'm glad Jackass wasn't around when I was a lad - I had some mad mates!

----------


## The Atheist

> I like South park - it feeds my uncultured side,...


Amazing how such brilliant writing is married to such low production values.

----------


## Paulclem

> Amazing how such brilliant writing is married to such low production values.


It is. I gives it a raw edge. I particularly liked the episodes on terrorists invading imaginationland. Great satire. Then again I liked Mr Hankey.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I like South park - it feeds my uncultured side, as does Jackass. I have to laugh. I'm glad Jackass wasn't around when I was a lad - I had some mad mates!


It's funny, I would know nothing about local fads without watching south park. I had no idea people thought John Travolta was gay, or the world was going to end in 2012, what scientology was or the new dance crazes until I watched the episodes :FRlol:

----------


## Paulclem

I was never on the nail with fads or fashion or music or anything. I distinctly remember never really knowing what to wear. My mates did and so I copied them. I cope now by wearing a series of "kits" as I did when I played sports. I have my, being in the house kit, my cycling kit, my allotment kit, my dog walking kit, my working kit and my smarter going up the town kit.
I like to keep my kits seperate - not from any autistic fuelled mania, but just because it's a lot less hassle.

----------


## The Atheist

> I was never on the nail with fads or fashion or music or anything. I distinctly remember never really knowing what to wear. My mates did and so I copied them. I cope now by wearing a series of "kits" as I did when I played sports. I have my, being in the house kit, my cycling kit, my allotment kit, my dog walking kit, my working kit and my smarter going up the town kit.
> I like to keep my kits seperate - not from any autistic fuelled mania, but just because it's a lot less hassle.


My wardrobe is so much easier. Whatever I'm wearing, it will be with a t-shirt. Black to go with the suits and pastel colours for everything else.

----------


## Paulclem

> My wardrobe is so much easier. Whatever I'm wearing, it will be with a t-shirt. Black to go with the suits and pastel colours for everything else.


That's good. The weather here, as you know, dictates the kit to an extent. October to the end of April - potentially cold wet weather. Nov to Feb - potentially freezing! Frost this morning - brrrrr

Most of the rest of the time - shorts.

----------


## prendrelemick

I tend to have a rummage round my side of the bed to see what I threw there last week and put that on. There is no point wearing anything nice when dealing with nervous livestock.

----------


## Paulclem

> I tend to have a rummage round my side of the bed to see what I threw there last week and put that on. There is no point wearing anything nice when dealing with nervous livestock.


 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Mrs P came home with a letter today, (she has part time job with the co-op.) Apparently she's been "mapped" into the role of "Customer Team Member." I wouldn't mind a glimpse of this map myself.

----------


## The Atheist

> Mrs P came home with a letter today, (she has part time job with the co-op.) Apparently she's been "mapped" into the role of "Customer Team Member." I wouldn't mind a glimpse of this map myself.


Jesus. Few things piss me off more than corporate gobbledegook. I'm sure some inmate in a lunatic asylum thinks them up while wearing a tie-at-the-back shirt.

Changing paradigms, my backside.

----------


## Paulclem

I wonder what the corresponding terminology is for losing a job? Excavated from the working environment perhaps, or deleted from the office interface or expunged from the system?

----------


## prendrelemick

Mapped into a negative employment role.

----------


## Paulclem

In the 80's it was being a dolie, or a dole-queue-Johnny.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I recall while working at my prior company, you knew you would be getting the axe if the Principal of the firm asked you to go to lunch at Chili's restaurant on a Friday, but only that combination.
You were safe if it was on any other day or other restaurant.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Looks like the Coronal mass ejections are going to be a bit of a damp squib after all. Not that it matters here in Yorkshire, where if its not raining, its going to rain, and if its not going to rain its foggy. My nieghbour saw the Northern Lights in 1943 in Bradford (no doubt helped by the blackout) but nothing since.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I was never on the nail with fads or fashion or music or anything. I distinctly remember never really knowing what to wear. My mates did and so I copied them. I cope now by wearing a series of "kits" as I did when I played sports. I have my, being in the house kit, my cycling kit, my allotment kit, my dog walking kit, my working kit and my smarter going up the town kit.
> I like to keep my kits seperate - not from any autistic fuelled mania, but just because it's a lot less hassle.


 :Idea:  That's an neat idea; for a while I had shoes and purses that were color coordinated with each outfit...the last few years though, it's tee shirts, flannel slacks and nikes :Nonod: 




> My wardrobe is so much easier. Whatever I'm wearing, it will be with a t-shirt. Black to go with the suits and pastel colours for everything else.


It must be great not to have a bossom; my tees advertise pizza night, chocolate ice cream night and trips to the laundry where the bleach splashed :FRlol: 




> I tend to have a rummage round my side of the bed to see what I threw there last week and put that on. There is no point wearing anything nice when dealing with nervous livestock.


What sort of shoes do you wear?




> I recall while working at my prior company, you knew you would be getting the axe if the Principal of the firm asked you to go to lunch at Chili's restaurant on a Friday, but only that combination.
> You were safe if it was on any other day or other restaurant.
> 
> .


Wow, they took you to dinner? I've only been fired once; it was horribly traumatic. I had told the boss that some schematics seemed to have been "lifted" from my office. Next day, I walked in, no one said good morning, I was called to HR and they talked about those extra 3 minutes I took for lunch and the time I left for an emergency, called 2 security guards who walked me to my car.... :Alien:

----------


## jocky

The twin horror of lifts and modern technology.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ

----------


## Paulclem

I've never been fired, but I've had some terrible interviews. You know the ones - where you're convinced that the boss doesn't like you - and you don't like him back. Probably just as well I bombed. He was a flash ******* anyway in a ten years out of date kind of way. It wouldn't have worked well. 

The other boss I didn't like was a head. Some jobs you just don't want. 

Another job I went for, i couldn't work out what the job was about. It was all too woolly. Half way through the interview for this job wth the LSC - funding body for grant funded educational organisations - which I wasn't fantastically keen on getting - I'd just come along to see - I realised I didn't want the job. I should have come clean, held up my hands and said - lets not waste any more of our time now shall we, and gone. It would have been a great story, but sadly I stuck it out knowing I wouldn't bother with it. I didn't get the job, and the LSC has now gone down the pan with the cuts. Lucky old me.

----------


## Paulclem

> The twin horror of lifts and modern technology.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ


That was great. 

I used to work with a guy from Glasgae in the slaughterhouse. He was a bit further down the line and had anger management issues which the labourers used to take advantage of. I always thought that was a bit off because he, as a slaughterman, had the very sharp knife. 

Anyway, it was very noisy in there with the saw for cutting cattle in half. I spent 2 and a half years nodding, smiling and sticking my thumb up at him without ever really catching a word he said. I have the ear for it now, and can watch Rab C Nesbit with nae problem. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ABrDV...351E669DE054C9

They do great drunks.

----------


## jocky

> That was great. 
> 
> I used to work with a guy from Glasgae in the slaughterhouse. He was a bit further down the line and had anger management issues which the labourers used to take advantage of. I always thought that was a bit off because he, as a slaughterman, had the very sharp knife. 
> 
> Anyway, it was very noisy in there with the saw for cutting cattle in half. I spent 2 and a half years nodding, smiling and sticking my thumb up at him without ever really catching a word he said.


Just a pity more teachers don't have experience of the real world. You certainly have grasped the idea of the Scottish stereotype and I am so glad I am living up to your expectations. Any man who had a hoop and a stick as a kid was wealthy beyond dreams. Now when I were a lad.......

----------


## Paulclem

> Just a pity more teachers don't have experience of the real world. You certainly have grasped the idea of the Scottish stereotype and I am so glad I am living up to your expectations. Any man who had a hoop and a stick as a kid was wealthy beyond dreams. Now when I were a lad.......


Hoop and stick. Those were the days. 

We all have our stereotypes to live up to. Mick and I can easily regress into the rock ape personas that really characterise the Yorkshire tyke type. The knuckles drag a bit more, the accent thickens, and a proud sneer at the rest of the un-Yorkshire world develops upon our top lips.  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Hoop and stick. Those were the days. 
> 
> We all have our stereotypes to live up to. Mick and I can easily regress into the rock ape personas that really characterise the Yorkshire tyke type. The knuckles drag a bit more, the accent thickens, and a proud sneer at the rest of the un-Yorkshire world develops upon our top lips.


The last time me and Mrs J visited Yorkshire to see our daughter and two grandchildren we spent a couple of days in York. My other half suggested ( somewhat slyly ) " Jocky why don't you go and visit Yorkminster, you know you have always wanted to see it ." I thought, how unusually generous a gesture. Just in time I remembered it is still legal to murder a Scotsman in the grounds of the Cathederal. Instead I went to the racetrack and lost all our holiday money. It was well worth the row.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

This just keeps being the best thread in the entire universe.

I am  :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hoop and stick. Those were the days. 
> 
> We all have our stereotypes to live up to. Mick and I can easily regress into the rock ape personas that really characterise the Yorkshire tyke type. The knuckles drag a bit more, the accent thickens, and a proud sneer at the rest of the un-Yorkshire world develops upon our top lips.



Regress?

----------


## Paulclem

Well - let me present my credentials.

[IMG][/IMG]

My flat cap on my flat screen. 

Yet when I left Yorkshire and discovered lands far and wide - Sunderland to be precise - I found they were ok. 

I also had an inner conflict going on - I remember reading Doris Lessing's The Golden Notebook, (beacause I had to for my uni course), in the cabin on a building site in Rubery - Birmingham - surrounded by copies of The Sun and builder blokes for whom admitting an interest in things other than beer, women and gambling was tantamout to an attack on the manhood of the male species. 

I did feel like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ghIoPLyJ-k

----------


## jocky

> Well - let me present my credentials.
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]
> 
> My flat cap on my flat screen. 
> 
> Yet when I left Yorkshire and discovered lands far and wide - Sunderland to be precise - I found they were ok. 
> 
> I also had an inner conflict going on - I remember reading Doris Lessing's The Golden Notebook, (beacause I had to for my uni course), in the cabin on a building site in Rubery - Birmingham - surrounded by copies of The Sun and builder blokes for whom admitting an interest in things other than beer, women and gambling was tantamout to an attack on the manhood of the male species. 
> ...


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

Right enough, Thomas Hobbes is far more interesting than women and gambling. Did I ever tell you about the time I caught the biggest pike known to mankind, unfortunately the camera broke, I named it Leviathan but no one believed me. Philosophy and fish what a combination.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...My flat cap on my flat screen. 
> 
> ...I did feel like this guy:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ghIoPLyJ-k


Nice looking flat cap and funny video Paul!
"...Kant"
"What you say?!!"





> ...Did I ever tell you about the time I caught the biggest pike known to mankind, unfortunately the camera broke, I named it Leviathan but no one believed me. Philosophy and fish what a combination.


From big pigeons to big fish, when does it end Jocky?

Gentlemen, I'm having the blokiest of blokey evenings; Just finished two pints of ale at Carlyle Brewing company in Rockford and now I'm setlled in my hotel with a Jack Daniels and ginger ale watching Clint Eastwood in "A Fistfull of Dollars". 
Next up is "For a Few Dollars More" and "The Good the Bad and the Ugly".
It doesn't get much better than this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JeFpM2OEWPs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XETCBf4m5g

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awskKWzjlhk


.

----------


## jocky

> From big pigeons to big fish, when does it end Jocky?
> 
> 
> .


In a big coffin.  :Smile:  Sounds like you are having a good night. Enjoyed the clips, you would love it over here on the glorious twelfth. You can shoot anything that moves, even the beaters, they come a lot cheaper than the grouse. I was thinking of wrestling an octopus next but a character named Gilliatt beat me to it. Are you on the wild turkey again ? Time to egress.

----------


## Paulclem

Great clips Gilliatt. I want to go and watch a film now. I've got some whiskey in the cupboard too. No-ones about and so it won't matter if I flake out on ther sofa. 

I tried to read Leviathon once. I think I went for the philosophy - beer philosophy at the local that is.

 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Great clips Gilliatt. I want to go and watch a film now. I've got some whiskey in the cupboard too. No-ones about and so it won't matter if I flake out on ther sofa. 
> 
> I tried to read Leviathon once. I think I went for the philosophy - beer philosophy at the local that is.


In my experience of these things there is always someone about.

What a pity you would have really enjoyed the chapter where he compares the human condition to the workings of a watch. Timepieces were the in thing in the seventeenth century. It was just about the end of that passage I started drinking as well.

----------


## The Atheist

> Did I ever tell you about the time I caught the biggest pike known to mankind, unfortunately the camera broke, I named it Leviathan but no one believed me. Philosophy and fish what a combination.


All fishermen are philosophers at heart. Well, at head, anyway. 

Any bloke that spends hours holding his rod has to have the odd existential moment.




> Nice looking flat cap and funny video Paul!
> "...Kant"
> "What you say?!!"


I love that guy!




> watching Clint Eastwood in "A Fistfull of Dollars".


That's funny. I've just finished watching Randolph Scott in _The Texans_. Nothing like a good cowboy film, although the Amercian SPCA's absence in those days is pretty noticeable.

----------


## gbrekken

been sitting and reading in the wings for months and will comment someday on any all things, but I'm here to ask for advice about quitting smoking. I will not do hypnosis but anything else is possible. I can't drive 55, and it's also too young to die. RSVP

----------


## jocky

> been sitting and reading in the wings for months and will comment someday on any all things, but I'm here to ask for advice about quitting smoking. I will not do hypnosis but anything else is possible. I can't drive 55, and it's also too young to die. RSVP


Quitting the cancer sticks depends on a number of factors. If you drink, I assume you do as you are a paid up memer of the Blokes Thread, this makes the task doubly harder. Do you regularly exercise ? Giving up the cigs can mean a dramatic weight increase and obesity brings its own problems. Have you got a short fuse as this can be problematic for your nearest and dearest ? Just throw the pack in the bin and let will power do the rest.

Since you mentioned the rock anthem...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdfPER5Cgm8

----------


## The Atheist

> been sitting and reading in the wings for months and will comment someday on any all things, but I'm here to ask for advice about quitting smoking. I will not do hypnosis but anything else is possible. I can't drive 55, and it's also too young to die. RSVP


There are some pretty useful prescription drugs that have had good success with smokers giving up. First step, talk to your doctor!

----------


## OrphanPip

Atheist is right, nicotine replacement as gum, patch, or pill are a good first step. They're healthier than the cigs, although still come with problems like heart and blood pressure risk. They're also costly, but the idea is to wean yourself off them eventually.

----------


## prendrelemick

Your mind set is the most important thing, you must really, really want to give up. There can be no equivication or doubt.

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist is right, nicotine replacement as gum, patch, or pill are a good first step. They're healthier than the cigs, although still come with problems like heart and blood pressure risk.


That's why a visit to the Dr should be the first step.

The side-effects from replacement therapy is infinitely smaller than that of tobacco and the best results by far are with people who use replacement therapy.

There is also a drug which acts like nicotine, but it has some potentially fatal psychological effects. (Varenicline)

Sorry, I should have expanded on the earlier comment, but I was in a bit of a hurry.




> They're also costly, but the idea is to wean yourself off them eventually.


They're heavily subsidised here, but either way, they cost a fraction of cigarettes.

One other thing which may be worth trying - for some idiotic reason they are banned here - Swedish snus.

While they are by no means "safe", they are much, much safer than smoking.

----------


## jocky

> That's why a visit to the Dr should be the first step.
> 
> The side-effects from replacement therapy is infinitely smaller than that of tobacco and the best results by far are with people who use replacement therapy.
> 
> There is also a drug which acts like nicotine, but it has some potentially fatal psychological effects. (Varenicline)
> 
> Sorry, I should have expanded on the earlier comment, but I was in a bit of a hurry.
> 
> 
> ...


It is ironic that we have to resort to another drug to help resolve our original drug addiction. In my community the devestation of heroin addiction is highly visible. The skeletor like mother pushing her buggy, carrying her skeletor like bairn to the chemist in order to get her methadone alternative. Then the dealers standing outside the door to collect her benefit money. Happy days.

----------


## The Atheist

> It is ironic that we have to resort to another drug to help resolve our original drug addiction. In my community the devestation of heroin addiction is highly visible. The skeletor like mother pushing her buggy, carrying her skeletor like bairn to the chemist in order to get her methadone alternative. Then the dealers standing outside the door to collect her benefit money. Happy days.


Same thing happens here in the poor areas - half the population are starving their kids to pay for crystal methamphetamine while the other half drives around in late model BMWs on the proceeds of selling it.

Why is heroin such a problem in Scotland? It seems to be the last bastion of shooting drugs; just about everywhere else has moved on to coke or meth.

----------


## Paulclem

The problems are the same here in certain areas. They're easy to spot.

----------


## jocky

> Why is heroin such a problem in Scotland? It seems to be the last bastion of shooting drugs; just about everywhere else has moved on to coke or meth.


Rather than read my tortuous attempt at an explanation I will let the brilliantly droll Jonathon Meades offer an insight.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATc6d7vv29M

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> been sitting and reading in the wings for months and will comment someday on any all things, but I'm here to ask for advice about quitting smoking. I will not do hypnosis but anything else is possible. I can't drive 55, and it's also too young to die. RSVP


Good to hear that you are starting down the path to quitting! 
I never picked up the habit myself, but my wife has been on and off that wagon many times over the years so I can relate, to some degree, how tough it is to break the habit.
The patches seem to offer the best results in my wife's case. However, you must have the discipline to stick to the regimen. Job stress is her Achiiles heel. 
Good luck and we're pulling for you.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Jocky.

Brilliant! I love his dead pan delivery, dryer than a kangeroos armpit.

What ever happened to the traditional saturday night out in Glasgie eh? When after a long shift all the welders and platers would get together to unwind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odEHDf_pJ4M

----------


## The Atheist

Crikey. Horror earthquake in Christchurch. 65 dead, expected to at least double.

Unbelievably, it's an aftershock from the non-fatal earthquake last year.

The world's falling to bits!

----------


## Paulclem

> Jocky.
> 
> Brilliant! I love his dead pan delivery, dryer than a kangeroos armpit.
> 
> What ever happened to the traditional saturday night out in Glasgie eh? When after a long shift all the welders and platers would get together to unwind.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odEHDf_pJ4M


Agreed. Brilliant clip.

As for Andy Stewart - New Year's eve was the only time we ever heard or saw him in Yorkshire. I'd have preferred a good film.

----------


## Paulclem

Just seen the reports of the earthquake in NZ. It looks pretty bad this time.

----------


## jocky

> Jocky.
> 
> Brilliant! I love his dead pan delivery, dryer than a kangeroos armpit.
> 
> What ever happened to the traditional saturday night out in Glasgie eh? When after a long shift all the welders and platers would get together to unwind.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odEHDf_pJ4M



I knew you would like that.

When my kids used to misbehave I threatened them with having to watch re-runs of the White Heather Club. It always had the desired effect.

----------


## jocky

> Crikey. Horror earthquake in Christchurch. 65 dead, expected to at least double.
> 
> Unbelievably, it's an aftershock from the non-fatal earthquake last year.
> 
> The world's falling to bits!


My thoughts are with you and the resilient people of South Island.

----------


## prendrelemick

My little brother and all his family were in various parts of Christchurch when it struck. Thankfully all are safe and I was able to ring them this morning. They were unable to ring out though.

----------


## The Atheist

Things are pretty grim this morning.

Just goes to show how nature works and how random stuff can happen. The earthquake last September happened at the very best time of day for it and nobody was killed. This one, at the very worst time of day and they're expecting 300+ deaths and there are thousands injured.

The great wheel of fate.

Magnificent to see the whole world pulling in behind us, though! Go Earth!

----------


## jocky

> Things are pretty grim this morning.
> 
> Just goes to show how nature works and how random stuff can happen. The earthquake last September happened at the very best time of day for it and nobody was killed. This one, at the very worst time of day and they're expecting 300+ deaths and there are thousands injured.
> 
> The great wheel of fate.
> 
> Magnificent to see the whole world pulling in behind us, though! Go Earth!


An experienced team of rescuers are on their way from my city.

http://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/Article.aspx/2148187

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Crikey. Horror earthquake in Christchurch. 65 dead, expected to at least double.
> 
> Unbelievably, it's an aftershock from the non-fatal earthquake last year.
> 
> The world's falling to bits!


Been in the news quite a bit here. 
How did you and the family and/or property make out?
You guys have been getting hammered down there!





> Rather than read my tortuous attempt at an explanation I will let the brilliantly droll Jonathon Meades offer an insight.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ATc6d7vv29M


Jocky, I overlooked your video, brilliant. 
I remember Mad Dod 20/20, Night Train and Thunderbird.

I remember bringing a bottle of Thunderbird to a posh company Christmas dinner and had the waiter deliver it to the boss's table on ice.

.

----------


## jocky

> I remember bringing a bottle of Thunderbird to a posh company Christmas dinner and had the waiter deliver it to the boss's table on ice.
> 
> .


 :Biggrin5: 

I hope it had the desired effect, severe brain damage followed by a massive increase of your salary in the morning. The things we have to do to get on in this world.

----------


## soundofmusic

> The twin horror of lifts and modern technology.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FFRoYhTJQQ


I'm trying to imagine what that would be like in Miami; I've actually been in elevators that understand creole and spanish...I don't think they do accents though...




> I've never been fired, but I've had some terrible interviews. You know the ones - where you're convinced that the boss doesn't like you - and you don't like him back. Probably just as well I bombed. He was a flash ******* anyway in a ten years out of date kind of way. It wouldn't have worked well. 
> 
> The other boss I didn't like was a head. Some jobs you just don't want. 
> 
> Another job I went for, i couldn't work out what the job was about. It was all too woolly. Half way through the interview for this job wth the LSC - funding body for grant funded educational organisations - which I wasn't fantastically keen on getting - I'd just come along to see - I realised I didn't want the job. I should have come clean, held up my hands and said - lets not waste any more of our time now shall we, and gone. It would have been a great story, but sadly I stuck it out knowing I wouldn't bother with it. I didn't get the job, and the LSC has now gone down the pan with the cuts. Lucky old me.


You were probably much more savy than I was. I got that job after my old boss was brought up on extortion and racketeering charges; my new boss was a former associate of the old boss.




> This just keeps being the best thread in the entire universe.
> 
> I am


And we are the greatest blokes in the universe :Nod: 




> Regress?


Nah, that's our blokey side...we're not ashamed to show our manly feelings :Ihih: 




> Nice looking flat cap and funny video Paul!
> "...Kant"
> "What you say?!!"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> From big pigeons to big fish, when does it end Jocky?
> 
> ...


Love the dogs driving....

----------


## The Atheist

> Been in the news quite a bit here. 
> How did you and the family and/or property make out?
> You guys have been getting hammered down there!


No problems here, different island entirely, but things are pretty grim around Christchurch.

How it's going to affect the economy is the next question - apparently we're about $10B short.

----------


## Paulclem

> You were probably much more savy than I was. I got that job after my old boss was brought up on extortion and racketeering charges; my new boss was a former associate of the old boss.


Definitely not - just lucky, just as you were unlucky. There's no accounting for the boss.

----------


## Paulclem

> No problems here, different island entirely, but things are pretty grim around Christchurch.
> 
> How it's going to affect the economy is the next question - apparently we're about $10B short.


It's a bad show. Glad you're not affected, or Mick's brother and family.

----------


## soundofmusic

:Frown2: I think I just had too much faith in successful people; I assumed that if a person made alot of money, it must be legit. :FRlol:

----------


## soundofmusic

http://www.fanpix.net/picture-galler...e-10503845.htm

I forgot to give my blokey friends a valentines card...late; but the thought still counts  :Ladysman:

----------


## prendrelemick

Happy Valentines Sounds. From - An Admirer. :Ihih: 

Course the mysterious effect is spoiled by my name and avatar appearing alongside.

----------


## The Atheist

No way.

http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/4703...milk-ice-cream

This is apparently real.

What next? Placenta burgers?

----------


## jocky

> No way.
> 
> http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/4703...milk-ice-cream
> 
> This is apparently real.
> 
> What next? Placenta burgers?


 :FRlol: 

"What's the harm in using my assets for an extra bit of cash?"

Looks like I will be popping over to New Zealand for my ice-cream, straight from source. The Placenta burgers I will reserve for Turncoat.

----------


## Paulclem

> "What's the harm in using my assets for an extra bit of cash?"
> 
> Looks like I will be popping over to New Zealand for my ice-cream, straight from source. The Placenta burgers I will reserve for Turncoat.


Perhaps we'll end up growing our own protein from our cells - mixed in with a bit of veg of course. What would you call that - It doesn't really count as cannibalism. Or maybe if there's a problem with only consuming self produced protein - perhaps we could swap each other's - in a stir fry - never tell the difference. 

Perhaps some people's protein would be more tasty than others - it could add a whole new aspect to gourmet cooking.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## prendrelemick

Looks like Tendulkar is going to set about the England bowling (72 and looking good.) 



Meanwhile England are looking favourites for the Six Nations in the wuggar

----------


## Paulclem

Gah - missed the game!!! (Draws steadying breath)

Couldn't be helped.

Impressive so far.

----------


## Madhuri

What a match it was..... till the very last over.... ended in a tie...

----------


## prendrelemick

That was absolutely brilliant !
Did you watch it Madhuri ? I've been attached to the radio all day, will catch the highlights tonight.

----------


## jocky

Here's hoping you all missed the Scotland-Ireland match, what a debacle. The Scottish front row proved conclusively that they haven't got a single braincell between them.  :Frown: 

It is coming close to that time of the year again, so let the banter begin.


england v SCOTLAND


I have invoked the Gods of rugby union to infuse the Scottish team with the spirit of 1990. Let it work.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA6cnXFiE6I

----------


## soundofmusic

> The last time me and Mrs J visited Yorkshire to see our daughter and two grandchildren we spent a couple of days in York. My other half suggested ( somewhat slyly ) " Jocky why don't you go and visit Yorkminster, you know you have always wanted to see it ." I thought, how unusually generous a gesture. Just in time I remembered it is still legal to murder a Scotsman in the grounds of the Cathederal. Instead I went to the racetrack and lost all our holiday money. It was well worth the row.


What a sly and great lady; I don't think any of Shakespeares brilliant ladies were a match for her :CoolgleamA: 




> Well - let me present my credentials.
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]
> 
> My flat cap on my flat screen.


I'm so jealous of your laptop Paul...I'm managing with 400 dollar emachines desk top, 4 channels on my analog tv and no messaging on my phone :Incazzato: 




> Nice looking flat cap and funny video Paul!
> "...Kant"
> "What you say?!!"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> From big pigeons to big fish, when does it end Jocky?
> 
> ...


Good for you; My daughter and I are having a great chick evening: we got japanese take out, bought 40 dollars worth of candy at the card store and watched a scary flick with the young Johnny Depp showing his boyish abs and crunching his gluts for the camera :Eek: 




> been sitting and reading in the wings for months and will comment someday on any all things, but I'm here to ask for advice about quitting smoking. I will not do hypnosis but anything else is possible. I can't drive 55, and it's also too young to die. RSVP


I have always found that the only way to get rid of one bad habit is too take up another....Have you tried gambling or wild women. 




> Things are pretty grim this morning.
> 
> Just goes to show how nature works and how random stuff can happen. The earthquake last September happened at the very best time of day for it and nobody was killed. This one, at the very worst time of day and they're expecting 300+ deaths and there are thousands injured.
> 
> The great wheel of fate.
> 
> Magnificent to see the whole world pulling in behind us, though! Go Earth!


Are you sure this isn't a good time to become religious; my pious friends are having a great time deciding what all of these places have done to call gods rath on them...It'll be interesting to see what will happen if we get a bad hurricane this year :Frown2: 




> Definitely not - just lucky, just as you were unlucky. There's no accounting for the boss.


Thanks Paul; How do you feel about adopting an extra inlaw :Biggrin5: 




> Happy Valentines Sounds. From - An Admirer.
> 
> Course the mysterious effect is spoiled by my name and avatar appearing alongside.


You'll always be a mystery to me; well, until next week when Mrs P has invited me down for the weekend :Wave: 




> No way.
> 
> http://www.stuff.co.nz/oddstuff/4703...milk-ice-cream
> 
> This is apparently real.
> 
> What next? Placenta burgers?


Disgusting! I wonder how that would fit in a vegetarian diet? :Skep:

----------


## The Atheist

> What a match it was..... till the very last over.... ended in a tie...


Yes, an amazing result after scoring 339?




> I have invoked the Gods of rugby union to infuse the Scottish team with the spirit of 1990. Let it work.


If all else fails, call Suzie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5iQB...layer_embedded




> Disgusting! I wonder how that would fit in a vegetarian diet?


That would be fine if the mother's a vegan!

----------


## prendrelemick

It's not the winning, its the taking part that counts Jocky  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:

----------


## Madhuri

> That was absolutely brilliant !
> Did you watch it Madhuri ? I've been attached to the radio all day, will catch the highlights tonight.


I didn't watch the entire match, but I did watch the most interesting parts of the game. I am glad that it was a tie, otherwise, it would have been a huge disappointment for the losing team. Both the teams played really well, towards the end especially. Though, I have to admit that at one point I thought India was going to lose.

----------


## prendrelemick

We were losing, then winning, then losing, then winning, then losing, then that six in the last over, then a tie.

I'm glad it was a tie too.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm so jealous of your laptop Paul...I'm managing with 400 dollar emachines desk top, 4 channels on my analog tv and no messaging on my phone
> 
> Thanks Paul; How do you feel about adopting an extra inlaw


It's amazing what we can't do without these days. I don't know what I used to do with myself 15 years ago before I plunged into the world of computing and lost myself in digitality. I'm an e-head, and now I work a lot on the computer too. 

We do have an old Uncle and an old Auntie to sort. (The old Auntie is 89, but claims she is 82 for reasons we cannot fathom. (We know because her DOB is on the medication we pick up for her). With the old Uncle it's just a case of going to the hospital with him every now and then. The Old Auntie requires taking shopping, appointments, prescriptions, odd jobs, bins etc etc. So we would but... :Frown2:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

There's no place like home!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Vozk...eature=related

My Illinois assignment is finished !!!
The project manager sent me home with a bottle of Wild Turkey 101. 
After two days driving, I am back in the saddle getting re acquainted with my dog. 
Oh yeah; and my wife, son and cat too.

Gg

----------


## Paulclem

Good for you Gilliatt. I bet it's nice coming home after hotels. :Thumbs Up:

----------


## jocky

> There's no place like home!!


One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> After two days driving, I am back in the saddle getting re acquainted with my dog.


Mate, they are bad metaphors to mix!




> That woman is going to be the death of me.


That's why women live longer than men.

----------


## Paulclem

> One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me.



 :FRlol: 
And she might turn a profit. There's no faulting a woman's logic. That's why us men are prone to irrational behaviour in protest.




> Mate, they are bad metaphors to mix!
> 
> 
> 
> That's why women live longer than men.


 :FRlol: 

I missed that.

----------


## prendrelemick

> One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me.


 :FRlol: 
I've never known anyone more in need of a shed than you jocky.

----------


## Paulclem

Ah a shed - that feted refuge for maleness - too shabby for female sensibilities, but good enough for the male used to roughing it a little. I have a little something in a squash bottle in my shed.

----------


## jocky

Hey guys, does anyone know the result of the ODI between England and Ireland ? I assume England won. I mean could you imagine the utter humiliation if the holders of the Ashes were to be thumped by a bunch of part-time duffers? Mick and Paul would never be able to live it down.  :Smilielol5:

----------


## prendrelemick

They may be part time duffers, but our boys are full time duffers.

----------


## Paulclem

> Hey guys, does anyone know the result of the ODI between England and Ireland ? I assume England won. I mean could you imagine the utter humiliation if the holders of the Ashes were to be thumped by a bunch of part-time duffers? Mick and Paul would never be able to live it down.


That would be yet another thing I couldn't live down. It all began in 1979 when the Aussies, featuring Mal Meninga, completely thrashed us at Hull. I never liked Hull. Depressing place.

----------


## The Atheist

> Hey guys, does anyone know the result of the ODI between England and Ireland ? I assume England won. I mean could you imagine the utter humiliation if the holders of the Ashes were to be thumped by a bunch of part-time duffers? Mick and Paul would never be able to live it down.


Hahaha!

You were the very first person I thought of when I saw that result! I said to myself, I bet even the Scots are happy today; England being vanquished by Celtic cousins!

Unbelievable result, but it probably won't be enough to knock them out of contention.

----------


## prendrelemick

To progress we probably only need another win in 4 games. But one "Test status" side is going out - why not England

----------


## jocky

> That would be yet another thing I couldn't live down. It all began in 1979 when the Aussies, featuring Mal Meninga, completely thrashed us at Hull. I never liked Hull. Depressing place.



Hull depressing ! Never.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEXEekmhUts

----------


## prendrelemick

The slogan used to promote that city used to be "It's Never Dull in Hull"


This was certainly true in some of the dockside pubs.

----------


## Paulclem

> Hull depressing ! Never.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEXEekmhUts


Brilliant video.

I remember the power station we had in wakefield, and the pit round the back of the houses where we lived, and the horrible council estate we lived on and used to walk through to get to school - (it's even worse now. I once heard a commotion outside my brother's house and watched - stunned as a bloke in a wheelchair threatened to kill two young lads who were taking the mickey out of him... at three in the morning). 

But it was better than Hull.

----------


## The Atheist

Well, all that explains why so many of you want to move over here!

The odd part is, no sooner do most of ;em get here than they want to go "back 'ome".

----------


## jocky

> Well, all that explains why so many of you want to move over here!
> 
> The odd part is, no sooner do most of ;em get here than they want to go "back 'ome".


I am quite happy where I am.  :Smile5:

----------


## jocky

Mick and Paul at the pub using pseudonyms, naturally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvQq_tqB0jA

 :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> I am quite happy where I am.


I don't blame you!

I'd be happy to hang my sporran under her pillow.




> Mick and Paul at the pub using pseudonyms, naturally.



 :Smilielol5: 

The good old cloth cap. Does anyone still wear them?

----------


## Cunninglinguist

> Hull depressing ! Never.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vEXEekmhUts


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZXpG-izMA&NR=1

----------


## prendrelemick

> I am quite happy where I am.


Hoots mon!




> I don't blame you!
> 
> 
> 
> The good old cloth cap. Does anyone still wear them?



I have several  :Sosp:  And a yorkshire man would not foul his lips with beer as flat as that!




> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZXpG-izMA&NR=1


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XV86...eature=related

As the that old song says "From Hull, and Halifax and Hell, may the Lord deliver me." I've lived in two of the three, - I wonder where I'm going next. :Reddevil:

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, an amazing result after scoring 339?
> 
> 
> 
> If all else fails, call Suzie.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D5iQB...layer_embedded
> 
> 
> ...


That didn't quite occur to me. It's funny, in the states, they use road kill as fertilizer; I wonder how many vegans are getting a bit of extra protein in their spinach from 2 week old deer....




> It's amazing what we can't do without these days. I don't know what I used to do with myself 15 years ago before I plunged into the world of computing and lost myself in digitality. I'm an e-head, and now I work a lot on the computer too. 
> 
> We do have an old Uncle and an old Auntie to sort. (The old Auntie is 89, but claims she is 82 for reasons we cannot fathom. (We know because her DOB is on the medication we pick up for her). With the old Uncle it's just a case of going to the hospital with him every now and then. The Old Auntie requires taking shopping, appointments, prescriptions, odd jobs, bins etc etc. So we would but...


You're right, I sometimes wonder how I used to get a whole house cleaned in one day; oddly enough, in those days, we had no vhs, dvds or computers.
Well, I think I would be a much better adopted relative, I remember my age and would sit in the corner at dinner and tell dirty jokes :Reddevil: 




> There's no place like home!!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Vozk...eature=related
> 
> My Illinois assignment is finished !!!
> The project manager sent me home with a bottle of Wild Turkey 101. 
> After two days driving, I am back in the saddle getting re acquainted with my dog. 
> Oh yeah; and my wife, son and cat too.
> 
> Gg


Well, those girls look like they could make a fair breakfast; but I think I'd go elsewhere for cuddling. 



> Good for you Gilliatt. I bet it's nice coming home after hotels.


I love hotels; particularly when the angels come down when I'm out and make my bed and vacuum my floor...well, now that I've realized I don't have to do it for them 




> One man's heaven is another man's hell. Mrs Jocky has comprehensively outsmarted me again. She announced that " given the nation's financial situation, I am starting a domestic economic savings programme ". The first manifestation of the new fiscal reality became clear when Turncoat gave out a long low piteous howl. On investigation I discovered his Pedigree Chum had been replaced by the particularly cheap, Mongrels Delight. The next shock came when my Mr Kipling cakes were substituted by Jammy Dodgers. The last straw was when I went to my hidey hole, which no one knows about, to have a dram, only to discover my Glenmorangie was gone and in its place a cheap and nasty blend. Well a man can just take so much and I went to confront her only to find her heading for the front door. Where are you going I enquired ? " Och Jocky I am going to the bingo. As a result of my thrift I can now go seven nights a week instead of five. " That woman is going to be the death of me.


I'm crying for your plight over here, poor Jocky. I'd come over to comfort you; but my tears seems to have put an ocean between us :Bawling:  :Bawling:  :Bawling:

----------


## jocky

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AsZXpG-izMA&NR=1


 :Smile: 

Just when you think things are getting better.

----------


## jocky

> I don't blame you!
> 
> I'd be happy to hang my sporran under her pillow.


Aye, but just make sure you don't leave your credit card in it.

----------


## jocky

> I wonder where I'm going next.


Nae worries, everyone from the Cold Ale Thread will be there. Just think, booze, women, money worries, sheep.....Not much difference really.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> I'm crying for your plight over here, poor Jocky. I'd come over to comfort you; but my tears seems to have put an ocean between us



If you really cared a small obstacle like the Atlantic Ocean should be no barrier. " Frailty, thy name be woman."  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> The good old cloth cap. Does anyone still wear them?


Here is mine - waterproof and a Christmas present. I've needed it this year!!

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## jocky

> I'm crying for your plight over here, poor Jocky. I'd come over to comfort you; but my tears seems to have put an ocean between us



If you really cared a small obstacle like the Atlantic Ocean should be no barrier. " Frailty, thy name is woman."  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> That didn't quite occur to me. It's funny, in the states, they use road kill as fertilizer; I wonder how many vegans are getting a bit of extra protein in their spinach from 2 week old deer....
> 
> You're right, I sometimes wonder how I used to get a whole house cleaned in one day; oddly enough, in those days, we had no vhs, dvds or computers.
> Well, I think I would be a much better adopted relative, I remember my age and would sit in the corner at dinner and tell dirty jokes
> 
> I love hotels; particularly when the angels come down when I'm out and make my bed and vacuum my floor...well, now that I've realized I don't have to do it for them


Try as we might, we vegetarians can't succeed. There are measures set by the food regulators in each country as to how many insect parts are permissible in rice etc. Perhaps we get plenty of protein that way.  :FRlol: 

I can slip from the TV to a DVD to the computer in three easy movements. There's just so much to do these days. 

I also like hotels - for the same reasons - and I have lived in a few when we were travelling. Superb. It's finally nice to go home and cook in your own time though.

----------


## The Atheist

> Aye, but just make sure you don't leave your credit card in it.


No worries with me. If it isn't over its limit, the available balance will be about $2-98.

It's part of an ongoing thesis of mine: Avoiding Credit Card Fraud; keep your card at its limit!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Mate, they are bad metaphors to mix!


 :Nod: 




> And she might turn a profit. There's no faulting a woman's logic. That's why us men are prone to irrational behaviour in protest.


I don't know, I've begun to notice that since men have been trying to become sensitive for their women folk; they have also increased the irrational behavior.




> I've never known anyone more in need of a shed than you jocky.


Maybe jocky should get some sheep too; or an old jalopy. My dad spent hours tuning up his old cars. I remeber when he ruined 2 tires on the new family car driving through junk yards to find a piece on his old 51 ford. 





> I am quite happy where I am.


Wow, where did you find her; is she one of Jocky Jrs little playmates? 




> If you really cared a small obstacle like the Atlantic Ocean should be no barrier. " Frailty, thy name be woman."


You're right Jocky, how could I be so cold when my friend is in need...I'll steal an airboat and be right over.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Try as we might, we vegetarians can't succeed. There are measures set by the food regulators in each country as to how many insect parts are permissible in rice etc. Perhaps we get plenty of protein that way. 
> 
> I can slip from the TV to a DVD to the computer in three easy movements. There's just so much to do these days. 
> 
> I also like hotels - for the same reasons - and I have lived in a few when we were travelling. Superb. It's finally nice to go home and cook in your own time though.


[URL="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr"]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr[/UR

I'm not terribly fond of meat; but I try to do my part to keep the food chain balanced... :Willy Nilly:

----------


## soundofmusic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr

....once, all of man were vegetarians...and then..... :Nod:  Just kidding; loved this movie, all blood and breasts....actually, more breasts than blood... :Frown2:

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't know, I've begun to notice that since men have been trying to become sensitive for their women folk; they have also increased the irrational behavior.


That has just got to stop.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Just popping in for a quick one (drink that is) and to let you blokes know I'm still around.

Atheist, 
What's the latest out of Christchurch?

Jocky, 
I'll have you know that Bartok left his calling card on my windshield a couple days ago.
It took muriatic acid, a putty knife and half an hour to clear it off !!

Gg

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist, 
> What's the latest out of Christchurch?


About 200 dead and 10-20,000 out of their homes, which will likely need to be pulled down.

All seems to be ok now, as the biggest story is the lack of chemical toilets. It appears that nobody in Christchurch owns a spade.

The real trouble will come when we have to pay for fixing it up as we're broke!

----------


## prendrelemick

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mW5_4gZ0Jn4&feature=fvsr
> 
> ....once, all of man were vegetarians...and then..... Just kidding; loved this movie, all blood and breasts....actually, more breasts than blood...




Not even a single Oscar nomination! They should have a catogory for best gratuitous scene involving bikini clad actresses .

----------


## The Atheist

This is the movie for you, mick:

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi177473049/

----------


## prendrelemick

:Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5: 

I'm lost for words.


Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.


http://www.allvoices.com/contributed...fe-competition

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm lost for words.
> 
> 
> Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.
> 
> 
> http://www.allvoices.com/contributed...fe-competition


I'm all for freedom of speech and expression. I think it is the crowning glory of Western Civilisations and should be encouraged.  :Hurray:

----------


## soundofmusic

> That has just got to stop.


My friend is dating a sensitive man; he talks about babies and diapers for 2 hours at friday barbe, followed by a *****ing session of what his 2 wives did to him over 20 years  :Bawling:  :Bawling: 



> Just popping in for a quick one (drink that is) and to let you blokes know I'm still around
> 
> Jocky, 
> I'll have you know that Bartok left his calling card on my windshield a couple days ago.
> It took muriatic acid, a putty knife and half an hour to clear it off !!
> 
> Gg


 Good to see you; which reminds me, I have to put a new screen up before the buggers take over my roof. It used to be terrible listening to them make love all night :Nonod: 




> Not even a single Oscar nomination! They should have a catogory for best gratuitous scene involving bikini clad actresses .


Yeah, and they were class A breasts too, had a good deal of bounce, all on a front angle, none of that jumping to the side stuff...




> This is the movie for you, mick:
> 
> http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi177473049/


I see I'm going to have to break my rule about not eating anything fuzzy with soft eyes...those creatures numbers have to be taken down haha.




> I'm lost for words.
> 
> 
> Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.
> 
> 
> http://www.allvoices.com/contributed...fe-competition


Wow, why don't they protests like that in the states...of course, our females are mostly heavy weights...




> I'm all for freedom of speech and expression. I think it is the crowning glory of Western Civilisations and should be encouraged.


Here, Here...The only thing I can add to that is that men should be equal opportunity protestors....

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm lost for words.


Thought you might like that one!




> Meanwhile you kiwis have been upsetting those nice Ukrainian feminists I see.


I find myself agreeing fully with those brave women - the contest is sexist and disgraceful.

It is merely coincidence that I'm flying to Ukraine to join the protest tonight!




> I'm all for freedom of speech and expression. I think it is the crowning glory of Western Civilisations and should be encouraged.


Haha! I've been discussing it lately and I said much the same to a couple of rabid feminists as I just said to Mick and it was not well received.

Those chicks are the best thing to happen to feminism since Germaine Greer finally achieved orgasm.




> My friend is dating a sensitive man; he talks about babies and diapers for 2 hours at friday barbe, followed by a *****ing session of what his 2 wives did to him over 20 years


Oh, that's sickening. I'd put a link, but it is so NFSW - or anywhere else - that I thought I'd best not.

Just search YouTube for Ronnie Johns Chopper and it'll be the first video.

Get that bloke to watch it. His name's not Stefan is it?

 :Wink:

----------


## Paulclem

Do you chaps and Ladies think that the person who filled up the shelves in the Poundshop a few weeks ago did this on purpose?


[IMG][/IMG]


The next time I went in had been changed, or perhaps the Pope had sold well.

----------


## The Atheist

Hahaa! Classic.

That's certainly how I'd have had them.

----------


## OrphanPip

I'm curious about the "arse angling" dvd on the left.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'm curious about the "arse angling" dvd on the left.


 :Smilielol5:  Good spot Pip. (what he does with his rod and tackle should be no one's buisness but his own.)

----------


## prendrelemick

Here's a blast from the past.


The year is 1983.

Breakfast TV started on the BBC. :Sleep: 
The Austin Maestro was launched. :Driving: 
The One pound coin was introduced
Ronald Raygun announced his "star Wars" initiative. :Idea: 
Maggie Thatcher won the Election in june - and announced swingeing cuts in July. :Rolleyes5: 

Cheryl Cole was born.

And for the last time, Scotland beat England at Rugby. :Tongue:

----------


## Paulclem

I remember it well. BBC's Breakfast TV - was that the Good Morning one? No I've just watched the BBC's sober affair Breakfast Time with Frank "Where's my whip" Bough and Selina Scott. It was a blast from the past with the news though - the Falklands war is mentioned, Reagan and Andropov, andwe still had Hong Kong then too!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC1k_i_uUbg&NR=1

A bit diffeent to Channel 4's 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHoMbexGNRg

----------


## The Atheist

> Here's a blast from the past....
> 
> And for the last time, Scotland beat England at Rugby.


Could be worse. You have to be a pensioner to have been alive last time Wales beat the All Blacks, while Scotland are still waiting for their first win after 105 barren years. (Freudian typo, that came out "tears" at first!  :Wink:  )

How's the cricket going?

----------


## prendrelemick

We beat the South Africans, then lose to Bangladesh.

The suprises of the tournament are your good selves and the West Indians - who England play next.

----------


## Madhuri

That match against SA could have been in our favour but the last over by Nehra gave it away  :Frown:  .

----------


## prendrelemick

Sounds like it was a cracker. I thought India was going to do it. It was the last over against England too I recall. 

It looks like England will be very lucky to qualify for the last 8, and quite right too, after getting into a winning position against Ireland and Bangledesh, they relaxed and lost. Its a kind of arrogance and they don't deserve to be there.

----------


## The Atheist

Scotland should be up in arms to the extent of war this morning - how can they possibly win a rugby game in these circumstances?




> Flood then put England back in front with the ensuing penalty, while Scotland made their way back for the restart 14 men down.


14 men sin-binned! I call foul!

(You got close, jocky - pity it was played in London)

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh, that's sickening. I'd put a link, but it is so NFSW - or anywhere else - that I thought I'd best not.
> 
> Just search YouTube for Ronnie Johns Chopper and it'll be the first video.
> 
> Get that bloke to watch it. His name's not Stefan is it?


I love this guy, thanks Atheist.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unkIVvjZc9Y

----------


## jocky

It was the ref's fault. Imagine sin binning Barclay for gobbing off ! Then to compound it he fakes a calf injury when Scotland were in a certain try scoring position. The irony was just as we sorted out the scrum we reverted to poor handling , will we ever learn ? Great match though and well done England, cough, splutter.

----------


## Paulclem

> It was the ref's fault. Imagine sin binning Barclay for gobbing off ! Then to compound it he fakes a calf injury when Scotland were in a certain try scoring position. The irony was just as we sorted out the scrum we reverted to poor handling , will we ever learn ? Great match though and well done England, cough, splutter.


It was a good match. And what about Italy beating the French! It's getting so that any game is up for grabs - much better!

----------


## jocky

Agreed mate, and here was me hyping up the French for the World cup. Still I have got Scotland's prize in the following image. At least we are going to win something.  :Smile: 





IMAG0016.jpg

----------


## prendrelemick

I hate it when England win undeservedly. I don't mind losing undeservedly though, funny that.

----------


## The Atheist

> It was the ref's fault. Imagine sin binning Barclay for gobbing off ! Then to compound it he fakes a calf injury when Scotland were in a certain try scoring position. The irony was just as we sorted out the scrum we reverted to poor handling , will we ever learn ? Great match though and well done England, cough, splutter.


Next year....




> It was a good match. And what about Italy beating the French! It's getting so that any game is up for grabs - much better!


That's a French thing. They're capable of losing to anyone on a given day, just as they can beat anyone if they really want to. (or when the ABs choke)

----------


## jocky

The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE

----------


## soundofmusic

> The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school. 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE


I've become a fan of this; it's a blast! What is that speech anyway, Scottish ebonics?

----------


## The Atheist

> The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school.


Brilliant! And great ending.

----------


## Paulclem

> The problematic nature of explaining the immaculate conception in a Scottish primary school. 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6xIthYHZKjE


Superb. It's a great thing being able to pull good faces. 

Here's a bit of Yorkshire. It were allus like that up our way...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzn3KaO2Vyk

----------


## prendrelemick

Ahh my favorite episode of my favorite programme.


Though that theer nostalga i'nt like it used t'be.

----------


## The Atheist

That was a funny series - I'd forgotten all about it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Say what you like about the England cricket team, but they give value for money- another nail biter agin the West Indies. All was lost and then we won!

----------


## jocky

> Say what you like about the England cricket team, but they give value for money- another nail biter agin the West Indies. All was lost and then we won!


The late recovery totally ruined my post.  :Frown:

----------


## prendrelemick

Don't worry Jocky they can't keep riding their luck for much longer. Class (or lack of it) will tell.

----------


## jocky

> Don't worry Jocky they can't keep riding their luck for much longer. Class (or lack of it) will tell.


You are wrong. The script is written and they are going to win. I feel it in my bones.

----------


## Emil Miller

I just popped in to post this interesting news item from my home page.


British woman 'bites off' boyfriend's testicles.

----------


## jocky

> I just popped in to post this interesting news item from my home page.
> 
> 
> British woman 'bites off' boyfriend's testicles.


I just read the article, but it gives no expanation as to why. I suppose she just went nuts. Mind you there may have been mitigating circumstances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=daEocG2dKCU

----------


## soundofmusic

Gracious, you don't mess with a British girl, do you...she'll rip them off :Sick:

----------


## jocky

> Gracious, you don't mess with a British girl, do you...she'll rip them off


Och they are not all bad. I don't know about Mick and Paul but this put my testerone levels through the roof. ( Headphones please ) 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l5ETBRqFU

----------


## The Atheist

> You are wrong. The script is written and they are going to win. I feel it in my bones.


You have no worries on that score. They may even meet some easybeat - like us - in the next round, but they will not beat RSA, India or Australia.

I promise they will not be another wicked barb.




> I just popped in to post this interesting news item from my home page.
> 
> 
> British woman 'bites off' boyfriend's testicles.


That is distinctly crazy.

And nasty!




> Douglas had to call emergency services himself after the incident, but was in so much pain operators could not understand what he was saying.


No kidding.

----------


## prendrelemick

OK I'll say it.

Sounds like a load of bo11ocks to me.

There thats got that over with. I wonder if they can stich them back on. If they're not to chewed.

----------


## Paulclem

> Och they are not all bad. I don't know about Mick and Paul but this put my testerone levels through the roof. ( Headphones please ) 
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l5ETBRqFU


A fine Sheffield band.

----------


## jocky

> That is distinctly crazy.
> 
> And nasty!


The mere thought of it put me right off my Lobster Thermidore and Menetou-Salon. The name Maria Georgina Topp will long be remembered in the annals of crime. It is speculation time again, what drove her to this monsterous act? For what it is worth here is my theory. They came home from the pub at four in the morning anticipating a night of passion when the ridiculously unlucky Mr Douglas in a state of ecstacy moaned "Oh Melanie" by accident, thus setting off the dreadful chain of events. Either that or she was a werewolf. Any better ideas ?

----------


## The Atheist

Yep, going by the evidence of Lorena Bobbit, I think most likely the former.

Certainly more emphatic than boiling the rabbit.

----------


## prendrelemick

However, every cloud has a silver lining.

According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry

----------


## jocky

> However, every cloud has a silver lining.
> 
> According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry


Right enough Mick, it is always darkest before dawn. The aforesaid Mr Douglas could have a glittering career ahead as the lead Coloraturo soprano with the Newcastle Ladies Operatic Society.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> However, every cloud has a silver lining.
> 
> According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry


That is true, although how well it performed under pressure, I couldn't say, not watching American adult comedies.

In the current case, I suspect jocky's a lot closer to the mark:




> The aforesaid Mr Douglas could have a glittering career ahead as the lead Coloraturo soprano with the Newcastle Ladies Operatic Society.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Och they are not all bad. I don't know about Mick and Paul but this put my testerone levels through the roof. ( Headphones please ) 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_l5ETBRqFU


I'm crestfallen, or do we Americans need more to make our testosterone rise...the girl didn't even take off her clothes :Nonod: 






> OK I'll say it.
> 
> Sounds like a load of bo11ocks to me.
> 
> There thats got that over with. I wonder if they can stich them back on. If they're not to chewed.


Haha,  :Iagree:  They claimed they sewed them right back; now whether they do their job properly may be another thing.





> Yep, going by the evidence of Lorena Bobbit, I think most likely the former.
> 
> Certainly more emphatic than boiling the rabbit.


I would have loved to see all those police hunting for Johns willie in the middle of the street... :Rolleyes5: 




> However, every cloud has a silver lining.
> 
> According to some lads I was discussing this with yesterday, John Wayne Bobbit's apendage was so enhanced by the reattaching procedure he was able to pursue a career in the adult entertainment industry


Did you ever see pictures of that thing after they fixed it...hideous; looked like badly packed link sausage. The only women who would want to see that are the sort that would sleep with quasimoto :Sick:

----------


## prendrelemick

Speaking of women of easy virtue. The other day I was replenishing my veterinary supplies, and did a google search for Plaster of Paris Bandages. Up popped an article entitled- "Paris Hilton, Bondage." Marvellous thing this Internet .

----------


## jocky

How not to explain the birds and bees to your son

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E

----------


## The Atheist

> Speaking of women of easy virtue. The other day I was replenishing my veterinary supplies, and did a google search for Plaster of Paris Bandages. Up popped an article entitled- "Paris Hilton, Bondage." Marvellous thing this Internet .


Haha!

That is exactly why my kids don't do searches unaided. 




> How not to explain the birds and bees to your son
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E


It's funny because it's how most parents approach the subject - badly, and too late. My kids have caused many old-fashioned looks to be directed at me thanks to something one of my little ones has said in public.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Speaking of women of easy virtue. The other day I was replenishing my veterinary supplies, and did a google search for Plaster of Paris Bandages. Up popped an article entitled- "Paris Hilton, Bondage." Marvellous thing this Internet .


It's always a nice surprise to be looking up something mundane and have a naked woman pop up. A couple of times, though, wierd stuff popped up: children in bathtubs or S&M with hairy, obese people :Sick:  I was imagining what would happen if the FBI seized my hard drive; I was looking up hairstyles and childhood diseases...this just happened. Right, lady :Nonod: 



> It's funny because it's how most parents approach the subject - badly, and too late. My kids have caused many old-fashioned looks to be directed at me thanks to something one of my little ones has said in public.


I remember when I found out at 10 where babies come from. My mother told me to keep it to myself; ARe you kidding...everybody has to know this :Driving: 
Blabbed it to my little friend at church, "My mother wouldn't do that!" Mom got a call from the pastor the next day and I couldn't play with my best friend anymore.  :Bawling:

----------


## The Atheist

:Smilielol5: 

Times were tough all over.

----------


## soundofmusic

> How not to explain the birds and bees to your son
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9_kTOgjT3E


Wonderful clip, Jocky. It does amaze me sometimes how oblivious people are to the impossibility of them being a childs father. One fellow in my neighborhood is a pale blond who was out of the area until his girlfriend was 4 months pregnant, she is very religious however; so he thought nothing out of the ordinary when she presented him with a black baby :Reddevil:

----------


## Emil Miller

Just been looking at some PC jokes, don't you just love 'em, and here's one which the PC brigade might find ageist. ( is there really such a word?)

An 80 year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. A week later, the doctor sees him walking down the High Street with a stunning blonde on his arm. She can't be a day over 25. The old boy sees the doctor and walks over. "Hello, doc," he says. "I did what you told me: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " "But that's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I told you: 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'"

----------


## The Atheist

Nice!

And in the sad news department, we're sending the sun up your way for the next six months.

Jocky will no doubt appreciate the change!

<<<< hates southern autumnal equinox

----------


## prendrelemick

> Just been looking at some PC jokes, don't you just love 'em, and here's one which the PC brigade might find ageist. ( is there really such a word?)
> 
> An 80 year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. A week later, the doctor sees him walking down the High Street with a stunning blonde on his arm. She can't be a day over 25. The old boy sees the doctor and walks over. "Hello, doc," he says. "I did what you told me: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " "But that's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I told you: 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'"



About a year later he's back at the doctors with his new wife- the very same stunning blonde. 

"Doctor, we are planning to have a baby, can you give us some advice." 

" At your age" says the Doctor, "Your best bet is to take in a lodger"

Eight months later the doctor sees him in the High Street with his very pregnant wife.

The doctor congratulated them, and asked "Did you get a lodger in then?"

"Ah did doctor." the man winked, "and she's pregnant too."


Bernard Manning would be so proud.

----------


## MarkBastable

I'm not sure that this should be on the Bloke's Thread, because it's from a women's comedy sketchshow... 

However....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PfhFM7aRQw

----------


## Emil Miller

> About a year later he's back at the doctors with his new wife- the very same stunning blonde. 
> 
> "Doctor, we are planning to have a baby, can you give us some advice." 
> 
> " At your age" says the Doctor, "Your best bet is to take in a lodger"
> 
> Eight months later the doctor sees him in the High Street with his very pregnant wife.
> 
> The doctor congratulated them, and asked "Did you get a lodger in then?"
> ...


 :FRlol:  I wish I knew the secret of his success.

----------


## Paulclem

A woman's comedy sketch show... they do say women are perceptive...

it was a good series.

----------


## MarkBastable

Edited ...replied to comment that disappeared.

----------


## Paulclem

Ah - that explains it then. 

Too much insight is a bad thing..

----------


## MarkBastable

Wait, wait. 

Can one of us just type something and stick to it?

----------


## Paulclem

> Wait, wait. 
> 
> Can one of us just type something and stick to it?


My fault.  :FRlol: 

The moon's in Tagetes or something, and I'm dithering.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm not sure that this should be on the Bloke's Thread, because it's from a women's comedy sketchshow...


Very good! I'd never heard of them, but Im watching more now.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Just been looking at some PC jokes, don't you just love 'em, and here's one which the PC brigade might find ageist. ( is there really such a word?)
> 
> An 80 year-old man goes to his doctor for his annual check-up. A week later, the doctor sees him walking down the High Street with a stunning blonde on his arm. She can't be a day over 25. The old boy sees the doctor and walks over. "Hello, doc," he says. "I did what you told me: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " "But that's not what I said," replies the doctor. "I told you: 'You've got a heart murmur, be careful.'"


Brilliant  :FRlol: 



> Nice!
> 
> And in the sad news department, we're sending the sun up your way for the next six months.
> 
> Jocky will no doubt appreciate the change!
> 
> <<<< hates southern autumnal equinox


So you must tell us of your weather, ours is cool and mild at night with just a tinge of heat in the daytime. 




> About a year later he's back at the doctors with his new wife- the very same stunning blonde. 
> 
> "Doctor, we are planning to have a baby, can you give us some advice." 
> 
> " At your age" says the Doctor, "Your best bet is to take in a lodger"
> 
> Eight months later the doctor sees him in the High Street with his very pregnant wife.
> 
> The doctor congratulated them, and asked "Did you get a lodger in then?"
> ...


VEry good, did you make that up?




> I'm not sure that this should be on the Bloke's Thread, because it's from a women's comedy sketchshow... 
> 
> However....
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PfhFM7aRQw


Brilliant, Mark 




> Very good! I'd never heard of them, but Im watching more now.


Which brings me to a question. One of my young friends told me that women are always trying to trick men into impregnating them; the boys mother agreed. I told him I think that would be ridiculous now, since men don't feel the obligation to marry a woman anymore or even support the child. What is the blokes opinion?

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ah - that explains it then. 
> 
> Too much insight is a bad thing..


I wish someone would enlighten me; this sounds like a heck of a topic...What could possibly be in the blokes thread that was removed?

----------


## Emil Miller

I was going to post this in the Tell Me a Joke thread but discretion is the better part of valour.

A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."

----------


## MarkBastable

I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."

----------


## Paulclem

> I wish someone would enlighten me; this sounds like a heck of a topic...What could possibly be in the blokes thread that was removed?


It was me dithering Sounds. i watched Mark's clip and posted and edited and changed my mind. I wish it had been something scandalous now. Reality is such a let down at times.

----------


## prendrelemick

:


> Brilliant 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> VEry good, did you make that up?
> 
> 
> ...


Not me, its a very old joke.

It happens, I'm sure, but I'd say rarely rather than "always".




> I was going to post this in the Tell Me a Joke thread but discretion is the better part of valour.
> 
> A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 




> I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."


You have created Everyman.  :Thumbsup: 


Atheist: Just to let you know, the sun has arrived safe and well. :CoolgleamA:

----------


## The Atheist

> So you must tell us of your weather, ours is cool and mild at night with just a tinge of heat in the daytime.


Longest, hottest summer in history. Still 25 degrees here in the daytime, which is 3 or 4 above the usual for late March.

We might not bother with winter this year.

(Wait till the weather gods see that!)




> Which brings me to a question. One of my young friends told me that women are always trying to trick men into impregnating them; the boys mother agreed. I told him I think that would be ridiculous now, since men don't feel the obligation to marry a woman anymore or even support the child. What is the blokes opinion?


I agree with you - nobody sees pregnancy as a reason for marriage any more.




> He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."


:smililol5:




> I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."


Worked! Very funny.




> Atheist: Just to let you know, the sun has arrived safe and well.


Goodo! Mind the sheep don't get sunburned if your summer is anything like ours.

----------


## Paulclem

Should I start a new thread on "things they've got today, that we never had when we were kids", or should I just keep in in the curmudgeon's thread? 

It'd be like an anti-Monty Python Yorkshire Blokes thread...if you see what I mean.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1by0-nkKOTs&feature=fvst

I mean, I was passing a kids playground today with slides and a climbing frame, and all kinds of stuff - in a school! We were lucky if we got a concrete pipe to play in. (I wasn't). Most of the time we had to make do with a muddy embankment.

----------


## prendrelemick

Muddy embankment!...Luxury. 

(why do I always revert to my cultural stereotype when "The Old Days" are mentioned. )


Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.

----------


## Paulclem

> Muddy embankment!...Luxury. 
> 
> (why do I always revert to my cultural stereotype when "The Old Days" are mentioned. )
> 
> 
> Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.


Aye. The fun that can be had in weed choked beck.

----------


## Madhuri

> Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.


That was a really good match. I never thought India would even come this far, and beating Australia was next to impossible. They did well.

The next match with Pak will be even more interesting  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

> Muddy embankment!...Luxury.


 :FRlol: 

Was it more a case that there was so much more spare land that we used to amuse ourselves doing things without ever needing to go to a playground?

Want a swing? Find a tree.

Want a see-saw? Cut the tree down. 




> Congratulations to the Indian Cricket team for putting out the Aussies. That's India and Pakistan through. Next up is New zealand vs South Africa.


And a brilliant win!

Most Kiwis waking up very surprised [and happy] this morning.

----------


## prendrelemick

> That was a really good match. I never thought India would even come this far, and beating Australia was next to impossible. They did well.
> 
> The next match with Pak will be even more interesting


Can't wait for that one. Sorry Madhuri, I think Pakistan are going to win the whole thing. That betting scandal has made them close ranks and become more determined.




> And a brilliant win!
> 
> Most Kiwis waking up very surprised [and happy] this morning.


Definitely the suprise team of the tournament you lot.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I was going to post this in the Tell Me a Joke thread but discretion is the better part of valour.
> 
> A woman arrived at a party. While scanning the guests, she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him, smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose "Carmen". "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."


I'm glad you brought it here, Emil; we blokes know how to do a belly laugh :Cheers2:  :Rofl: 




> I'm glad people liked that sketch, because I've had a crap week, and I posted the clip in the nakedly desperate hope that it'd get a good reaction so that I could cheer myself up by saying, "I wrote it..."


Hope the end of the week is a bit more pleasant; you certainly brightened our day :Aureola: 




> It was me dithering Sounds. i watched Mark's clip and posted and edited and changed my mind. I wish it had been something scandalous now. Reality is such a let down at times.


Dither...Paul doesn't dither...But yes, a nice scandal would be nice; but it would have to be about someone we could all disapprove of and not feel guilty about gossiping about; which reminds me, where has Gbrekken gone? 




> :
> 
> 
> It happens, I'm sure, but I'd say rarely rather than "always".
> 
> 
> 
> Atheist: Just to let you know, the sun has arrived safe and well.


Yes, I would think it is the occasional; though, here in America, we do give people positive reinforcement for getting pregnant; a person can get a job, food stamps, education, child care and a huge tax bonus at the end of the year.
Is it spring again already; I'm just beginning to nail the celcius/farenheit math.




> Longest, hottest summer in history. Still 25 degrees here in the daytime, which is 3 or 4 above the usual for late March.
> 
> We might not bother with winter this year.
> 
> (Wait till the weather gods see that!)
> 
> I agree with you - nobody sees pregnancy as a reason for marriage any more.
> 
> 
> Goodo! Mind the sheep don't get sunburned if your summer is anything like ours.


I don't think I'd mind you keeping the sun a while longer; I would love the winter if it wasn't for the allergies and colds. 




> Should I start a new thread on "things they've got today, that we never had when we were kids", or should I just keep in in the curmudgeon's thread? 
> 
> It'd be like an anti-Monty Python Yorkshire Blokes thread...if you see what I mean.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1by0-nkKOTs&feature=fvst
> 
> I mean, I was passing a kids playground today with slides and a climbing frame, and all kinds of stuff - in a school! We were lucky if we got a concrete pipe to play in. (I wasn't). Most of the time we had to make do with a muddy embankment.


Great link, Paul. Oh, and....playground, we had a broken rusty pipe and several beer cans, we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot...Johnny didn't make it...

----------


## Paulclem

> Dither...Paul doesn't dither...But yes, a nice scandal would be nice; but it would have to be about someone we could all disapprove of and not feel guilty about gossiping about; which reminds me, where has Gbrekken gone? 
> 
> 
> I don't think I'd mind you keeping the sun a while longer; I would love the winter if it wasn't for the allergies and colds. 
> 
> Great link, Paul. Oh, and....playground, we had a broken rusty pipe and several beer cans, we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot...Johnny didn't make it...


I can see how dithering doesn't go with the avatar, but once I've made up my mind, i can still consider other options...

I like the cooler climate, but yes the colds do com frequently. But with hot weather comes the sweating and the rashes. We're neither geared up for hot weather with air con here, or cold weather with great insulating clothing. We're jacks of all weathers. 

we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot

And Miami looks such a nice place on CSI. Even the criminals are tanned and muscular - and that's just the ladies.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Should I start a new thread on "things they've got today, that we never had when we were kids", or should I just keep in in the curmudgeon's thread?... 
> 
> ...I mean, I was passing a kids playground today with slides and a climbing frame, and all kinds of stuff - in a school! We were lucky if we got a concrete pipe to play in. (I wasn't). Most of the time we had to make do with a muddy embankment.





> ...Great link, Paul. Oh, and....playground, we had a broken rusty pipe and several beer cans, we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot...Johnny didn't make it...


You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........

We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.

Good times me lads...good times!


Gg

----------


## prendrelemick

Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.

----------


## prendrelemick

> That was a really good match. I never thought India would even come this far, and beating Australia was next to impossible. They did well.
> 
> The next match with Pak will be even more interesting


This quote just about sums up Cricket in India. (For the Australia match)

Before last night's game one of our Indian liaison officers said: "The ground's capacity is 50,000 but 70,000 tickets have been sold and we will fit them all in."

----------


## Madhuri

For some, the next match is even more important than the WC. Here, many are planning to take an off that day, just for the match.

Pak has never won against Indian in a WC, but they are really doing good. They were the first one's to beat Australia after so many years, so you never know. They do stand a good chance.

----------


## Paulclem

> You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
> Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........
> 
> We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
> Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.
> 
> Good times me lads...good times!
> 
> 
> Gg



Yeah - perhaps a combo thread - things we had, things they have. 

We had measles, they get repetitive strain injury. 

We had problems, they have issues.

We had matchbox cars and racing tracks to send them down, they have Grand Theft Auto. 

I think it'll be a winner.

----------


## Paulclem

> Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.


I was later. In those days I was too poor to dress fashionably ie as a punk. It was back to drainpipes when I was about. We didn't have embarrassing photos with flaired hair and dandelion trousers, (or should that be the other way round?), but there were chafing problems.

----------


## Big Dante

Sri Lanka were pretty impressive over England. They're my new pick now South Africa is out.

----------


## prendrelemick

It's hard to say how good teams are that beat England, but they have to be favourites to get to the final, they will have home advantage against New Zealand.

----------


## Emil Miller

Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.


A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.

After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.

The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.

Finally, he drops his underpants, and after a quick glance, she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door.

He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"

She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"

----------


## DocHeart

Once, after trying the back door with a girl I don't remember, I went for a pee the next morning and noticed (with horror) two black dots on the tip of Mr. Mustang. Upon closer inspection, I discovered (with some relief) that they were watermellon pips.

----------


## The Atheist

> ... irridescent platform shoes ...


I wasn't quite as colourful, but did wear platforms all the time. At 6'3" to start, with 3 inch platforms and a girlfriend at 4'11" in flat shoes, I used to get a lot of looks of all kinds.




> For some, the next match is even more important than the WC. Here, many are planning to take an off that day, just for the match.


If we can somehow beat the 'Lankans, both India & Pakistan might be too tired to get up again!




> They were the first one's to beat Australia...


I'm arranging for the entire team to be knighted as we speak.

 :Biggrin: 




> ...that they were watermellon pips.


I'd be more disturbed to find watermelon pips!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.
> 
> A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress...
> 
> ...He catches her before she is able to leave and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to go?"
> 
> She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"


Haha...great one Brian / Emil !!
btw, May I still address you as Brian?

Speaking of watermelon seeds, we typically have quite a few on the stoop just outside our back door during summer. We attempt to spit them over the backyard fence. Not sure if the Doc is referring to that type of back door. 
Regardless, I thought I'd share that with you.

.

----------


## OrphanPip

The joke is that the girl was a watermelon.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I was later. In those days I was too poor to dress fashionably ie as a punk. It was back to drainpipes when I was about. We didn't have embarrassing photos with flaired hair and dandelion trousers, (or should that be the other way round?), but there were chafing problems.




You know many fashonistas and social commentators have written many words and articles on the moment when the 70's male stopped dressing like a peacock. They all have it wrong, I know, I was there. For us, living in Hull, it was Clint Eastwood in _Every Which Way But Loose._ The week after it was on at the local cinema it was denim drainpipes and market boots all round. Most of us still resembled the Orang utan rather than Clint.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Haha...great one Brian / Emil !!
> btw, May I still address you as Brian?



You can if you prefer it Gilliatt. I had it changed to my pen name because it seems more appropriate for a literature site. I should have used it in the first instance but I saw the name box and automatically entered my name. It was only when I took a closer look that I saw that virtually anything could be used.

----------


## Paulclem

> You know many fashonistas and social commentators have written many words and articles on the moment when the 70's male stopped dressing like a peacock. They all have it wrong, I know, I was there. For us, living in Hull, it was Clint Eastwood in _Every Which Way But Loose._ The week after it was on at the local cinema it was denim drainpipes and market boots all round. Most of us still resembled the Orang utan rather than Clint.


 :FRlol: 

I was laughing in the office at this. They're used to me now...

I have notoriously bandy legs - couldn't stop a pig in a passage - and also have been referred to as a simian type. Not hairy though - more... transclucent.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

A few relics I sported in my prime:

Earth Shoes



Chukka Boots



Bell Bottom jeans



I remember modifying a pair by cutting the seams up to the knee and inserting a triangular piece of colorful fabric to increase the bell diameter at the foot. They were tough to run in especially when the pants became saturated with beer or rain.


Bell Bottom anthem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKAYGVIkbok


.

----------


## Paulclem

Haha. I dd the opposite. Opened the seams up the leg and sewed them in. By this time they were selling off flairs in the cheapo shops. If you didn't get it right though, you ended up with unsightly lumps at the knees. Yes, that was me.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Wow! 
If the knock-knees were showing, you must have really taken the slack out!
Yeah, I caught the tail end of the bell bottom phase, I'm certain my mother was breathing a sigh of relief when the straight legs came into vogue. 
One wash load could accomplish what used to take three!

.

----------


## The Atheist

> For us, living in Hull, it was Clint Eastwood in _Every Which Way But Loose._ The week after it was on at the local cinema it was denim drainpipes and market boots all round. Most of us still resembled the Orang utan rather than Clint.


 :FRlol: 




> You can if you prefer it Gilliatt. I had it changed to my pen name because it seems more appropriate for a literature site. I should have used it in the first instance but I saw the name box and automatically entered my name. It was only when I took a closer look that I saw that virtually anything could be used.


You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!




> I remember modifying a pair by cutting the seams up to the knee and inserting a triangular piece of colorful fabric to increase the bell diameter at the foot. They were tough to run in especially when the pants became saturated with beer or rain.


Ah, but bell-bottoms had a huge advantage - which may not have been apparent to you.

To attend rugby games, one has to submit to searches of baggage and person to ensure no booze is carried into the ground.

Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!




 :FRlol: 


My Afro hairstyle could could do the same.

----------


## Paulclem

I used a catheter bag on the inside of my denim jacket, with a little hole for the pipe and tap with which to fill up my pot in pubs. I was a bit short of cash in those days.

----------


## Madhuri

In the finals  :Banana:

----------


## prendrelemick

^ Congratulations. You are now almost there. Can't wait for Muri vs Tendulkar.

----------


## Paulclem

Here's two great jokes by Bill Bailey.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNEWatD0viw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTU_R...eature=related

Superb.

----------


## Emil Miller

> You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!


I'm sorry for any confusion and admit that I should have used the pen name in the first instance. The trouble with these sites is that people don't want to be known; some are paranoid that the NWO will target them because they like a big Mac rather than an organically modified meal.
However, on reflection, I can see where the NWO are coming from.

----------


## Big Dante

> ^ Congratulations. You are now almost there. Can't wait for Muri vs Tendulkar.


Should be a good battle and a good match. I'll be happy with whoever wins it.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Here's two great jokes by Bill Bailey.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNEWatD0viw
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTU_R...eature=related
> 
> Superb.




 :FRlol: 

Have you seen his tribute to Kraftwerk? Nearly laughed me socks off!

----------


## Paulclem

I have and did. He's brilliant.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Should be a good battle and a good match. I'll be happy with whoever wins it.


So will I, but India must be huge favourites, all they need to do is bowl straight, their batting should see them home.

----------


## Big Dante

> So will I, but India must be huge favourites, all they need to do is bowl straight, their batting should see them home.


True but the form of Dilshan, (other openers name has slipped me) and Sangakarra could prove a surprise. It starts in half an hour. Looks like my plans for the night are sorted.

----------


## prendrelemick

With Tendulkar on 99 international centuries, and in his home town, in the final of the world cup. the script is half written. (Just like it was for Bradman's 100 batting average all those years ago.)

----------


## Madhuri

We won!!  :Banana:

----------


## prendrelemick

Congratulations! They handled the pressure so well. Party time for a billion Indians.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I'll second that; congratulations to India.


.

----------


## The Atheist

> We won!!





> Congratulations! They handled the pressure so well. Party time for a billion Indians.


Absolutely!

It'd be worth being there just to see a billion people partying.

----------


## Big Dante

Pretty good win for India.
The six from Dhoni to finish it too, they have a pretty good reason to party.

----------


## Madhuri

It was crazy here last night....people started celebrating when there were 11 runs remaining. I could hear people rejoicing at every 4 and 6 and the moment we won they started bursting firecrackers. It was amazing! No one slept the entire night..

Initially, when Sehwag and Tendulkar got out, I lost all hope. Then there was Gambhir (poor guy got out at 97) and Dhoni and his last six was fabulous.  :Smile:  After 28 years, we won again  :Biggrin:   :Banana:

----------


## Emil Miller

Here's another fit for the blokes.

A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts....... 

Mum are you still awake!!!!

----------


## Paulclem

> It was crazy here last night....people started celebrating when there were 11 runs remaining. I could hear people rejoicing at every 4 and 6 and the moment we won they started bursting firecrackers. It was amazing! No one slept the entire night..
> 
> Initially, when Sehwag and Tendulkar got out, I lost all hope. Then there was Gambhir (poor guy got out at 97) and Dhoni and his last six was fabulous.  After 28 years, we won again


Well done India. I like the place and the people, and i can imagine the celebrations.

----------


## Emil Miller

If it wasn't for this thread little gems like this would go to waste.

Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwomans apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself Im faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening. So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said What was that? And the Invisible Man said, I dont know but my ******* hurts like hell!

----------


## Big Dante

> If it wasn't for this thread little gems like this would go to waste.
> 
> Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club & pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill & he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwomans apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself Im faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex & out again before she knew what was happening. So Superman did his super thing in a split second & flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonder woman said What was that? And the Invisible Man said, I dont know but my ******* hurts like hell!


Some of these are frightful.

Yet very enjoyable, me wants more  :Lurk5:

----------


## Emil Miller

So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies"
"Sure" the bartender replies, "do you want them both now or one at a time?"
"Oh, both now" replies the guy, "one's for me and one's for my little friend here" and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket. 
The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked, "Can he drink?"
"Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey.
"That's amazing" replied the bartender, "what else can he do? Can he walk?" 
With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it. Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy. 
"That really is amazing" replied the bartender, "Can he talk?"
"Of course" says the guy, "Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a w***er

----------


## Emil Miller

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. 
Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. 
The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away.
Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.
The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop.
My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. 
"Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'

----------


## The Atheist

After all the beautiful weather, we're finally having our first cold snap today.

Still 16 degrees here, though, but lots of single numbers down south - and that's the day's high.

Next up, the winter viruses...

Tropical island needed, apply here!

----------


## prendrelemick

Why is the world ordered the way it is?

Particularly the world of sport. You have the fans - rowdy and enthusiastic, who are the life blood. The participants, varying in skill, but all dedicated and imbued with a love of the game, they are the focus and the interest around who the whole industry revolves. 

Then you have the administrators. The idiots in charge, (famously named as "Old farts") who constantly make stupid decisions, like restricting the next Cricket world championship to the 10 test nations.


Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same

----------


## Big Dante

> Why is the world ordered the way it is?
> 
> Particularly the world of sport. You have the fans - rowdy and enthusiastic, who are the life blood. The participants, varying in skill, but all dedicated and imbued with a love of the game, they are the focus and the interest around who the whole industry revolves. 
> 
> Then you have the administrators. The idiots in charge, (famously named as "Old farts") who constantly make stupid decisions, like restricting the next Cricket world championship to the 10 test nations.
> 
> 
> Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same



So they did change it. It really makes no sense, it gives more excitement to the competition to watch the minows get their chance and they always pull off upsets.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. ..... 
> ...Mum are you still awake!!!!





> ...Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting & wanted to go out & party so he called Batman 
> ...but my ******* hurts like hell!





> So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies"
> ...you called that witch-doctor a w***er





> Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. 
> ... 'From all of us at the Fire Station, We'll never forget you!'



haha
I'm beginning to see a pattern:
First a bottle of Cote du Rhone then a joke
A Brooklyn lager - joke
Theakstons old Peculiar - joke
Duvel - joke

I'd like to see what you come up with following a bottle of Night Train!


.

----------


## Emil Miller

Here's an item far more worthy than sport to adorn a bloke's thread.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worl...e-too-big.html

I don't know what he's complaining about, it might have been modelled on these.




P.S. Gilliatt, I've got another lined up for the Night Train.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Here's another fit for the blokes.
> 
> A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts....... 
> 
> Mum are you still awake!!!!




Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago. I went to the then newly opened Beer Kellar in Hull, where they served Stien lager by the litre. I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."

"Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...

I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago. I went to the then newly opened Beer Kellar in Hull, where they served Stien lager by the litre. I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."
> 
> "Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...
> 
> I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.


Yes it's easy to get carried away (no pun intended) at such locations; I've been pretty much the same at the Munich Oktoberfest a few times but if someone gets too rowdy they have black uniformed guards to deal with it and that's where one is likely to end up with hospitalisation.
I was once in a beer hall with some German friends and some Scotsmen started throwing chairs about, there was only one guard on duty and he told us to get out. When I asked why, he said that the police were on their way and when they arrived they would deal with anyone who was there in no small measure. Having on a previous occasion shared a table with a group of off duty policemen I would have hated to be around when their colleagues turned up. Unlike our boy scouts they do things properly there.

----------


## DocHeart

> I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."



God, that keeps happening to me. I mean, I've laid some good-looking women along the way, but there are more than a few occasions on which alcohol has - how does one put it - distorted my judgement. Such occasions include the incident with a waitress who was missing so many teeth she could have come out of a Bukowski novel and a short, round but stout, dumpy but muscular thing with outrageous acne and huge ears who (I later found) was in the olympic women's weight-lifting team.

----------


## Paulclem

> Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago. I went to the then newly opened Beer Kellar in Hull, where they served Stien lager by the litre. I spent the evening dancing on the tables to the laden hosen clad Ooompa Band with this large 45 year old mustachio'd woman who was built and dressed like a lumberjack. (She claimed she was a nusery teacher.) By the end of the evening, due to a great number of lagers, she began to look attractive, so I invited her to "come outside for a bit."
> 
> "Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...
> 
> I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.


You didn't ever knock about with the Kinks did you? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ixqbc7X2NQY

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Reminds me of my naive self 30 odd years ago...
> ..."Eee you cheeky oss!" she cried, and slapped me playfully on the chest. Unfortunetly I was standing on a table wearing 3 inch platforms ...
> 
> I dont remember the ambulance ride, but I remember having my head stitched in Hull Royal Infirmary. A lucky escape I'd say.





> You didn't ever knock about with the Kinks did you?


Great story and fitting song.

Did someone mention Adrienne and her attributes?






.

----------


## The Atheist

> Rugby, Football, Cricket, Athletics, Bowls, Darts, its all the same


I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.




> I mean, I've laid some good-looking women along the way, but there are more than a few occasions on which alcohol has - how does one put it - distorted my judgement.


I'm too scared to even try to recall a couple, but I remember one vividly. After the dozen or so pints, she was another Twiggy or Bardot and I built her up to my mates that I'd made this amazing catch at the pub on Saturday night.

We had planned a major outing to the lake for water skiing the next day, so I dutifully arrived in the minibus to pick her up, having primed the lads along the way to expect a goddess.

The laughs that started when the boys saw my face as I caught a look at her in daylight continued until after we'd got back on the bus.

Oh my word. The most embarrassed I've been in my life - it would have been mild if she'd only been a weightlifter!

----------


## Big Dante

> I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.
> 
> 
> 
> I'm too scared to even try to recall a couple, but I remember one vividly. After the dozen or so pints, she was another Twiggy or Bardot and I built her up to my mates that I'd made this amazing catch at the pub on Saturday night.
> 
> We had planned a major outing to the lake for water skiing the next day, so I dutifully arrived in the minibus to pick her up, having primed the lads along the way to expect a goddess.
> 
> The laughs that started when the boys saw my face as I caught a look at her in daylight continued until after we'd got back on the bus.
> ...



 :Smilielol5:  Haha some interesting stories here. At 16 all of these are still ahead of me  :Brow:

----------


## Emil Miller

> Great story and fitting song.
> 
> Did someone mention Adrienne and her attributes?



Adreienne's attributes do not weigh heavily in the balance compared to this lady. She appears to be having some difficulty doing sit-ups but it would be interesting to see her doing press-ups.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I can see how dithering doesn't go with the avatar, but once I've made up my mind, i can still consider other options...
> 
> I like the cooler climate, but yes the colds do com frequently. But with hot weather comes the sweating and the rashes. We're neither geared up for hot weather with air con here, or cold weather with great insulating clothing. We're jacks of all weathers. 
> 
> we had to hide behind rubber inner tubes to keep from getting shot
> 
> And Miami looks such a nice place on CSI. Even the criminals are tanned and muscular - and that's just the ladies.


You sound like you have sensitive skin like I do; a person pays a price for all these recessive genes :Cryin: 
What kills me with the Miami shows is that they take shots from 20 years ago and often, all over Florida. Some are taken in Orlando, some in the evergades, some on the west coast. I think most of our criminals are greasy, tatooed and overly thin from too much cocaine.




> You know Paul, I was thinking you should turn that around and start a thread on the things we had back in the day that they don't have now.
> Things like vacuum tubes, trees to climb, lead based paint, model electric trains and planes, stamp and coin collecting, hide and seek, tether ball, cut off jean shorts and bell bottoms, match box cars, ........
> 
> We used to crawl inside sections of storm sewer piping and roll down hills.
> Now days I just roll down hill with a bottle of Wild Turkey.
> 
> Good times me lads...good times!
> 
> Gg


Nowadays, rolling in sewer piping might get you into toxic waste...




> Bright purple velvet suit, (with Flares) pink shirt, wide purple satin tie, irridescent platform shoes and plenty of hair. That was me in the early seventies out on the pull. It's a mystery how so many girls managed to resist such sartorial splendor.


Ah, the old days when a man could wear pink and no one called him a sissie :Boxing Smiley: 




> Here's another one tailor made for the Bloke's thread.
> 
> 
> A large, powerfully-built guy meets a woman at a bar. After a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, he stands up and starts to undress.
> 
> After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See that, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She begins to drool.
> 
> The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging thighs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point.
> 
> ...


I think that may be the best one yet. They do say that working out will shrink the goodies...




> Once, after trying the back door with a girl I don't remember, I went for a pee the next morning and noticed (with horror) two black dots on the tip of Mr. Mustang. Upon closer inspection, I discovered (with some relief) that they were watermellon pips.


I've always said mixing food and sex is a bad idea!




> The joke is that the girl was a watermelon.


Yeah, it did sound that way, didn't it :Smilielol5: 



> A few relics I sported in my prime:
> 
> Earth Shoes
> 
> 
> 
> Chukka Boots
> 
> 
> ...


I wish they would make proper square toed shoes now; I was walking around in these little sandal heels the other day...haven't been able to walk since :Mad5: 
Did you ever try to bicycle in bell bottoms...




> You know, it's taken me this long to figure it out. We need to have a system like the old banns before marriage - have it announced every Sunday for a month so people know who's who!
> 
> 
> 
> Ah, but bell-bottoms had a huge advantage - which may not have been apparent to you.
> 
> To attend rugby games, one has to submit to searches of baggage and person to ensure no booze is carried into the ground.
> 
> Bell-bottoms and rugby socks; I could get a six-pack into the ground and nobody ever noticed. Those and hip-flask of scotch thrust deep in my undies and I was always set!


Oh, so that was what they were for. Remember how long we used to wear them and they'd drag the ground.




> My Afro hairstyle could could do the same.


I think Cher was the only Caucasian that ever managed to pull off an Afro..

Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?

----------


## The Atheist

> Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?


No, it isn't your imagination. Every time you're gone we do a big PM around to organise a party that you miss out on!

We feel you'd be a bad example to the younger women.

 :Party:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Is it my imagination; or do you guys have a huge party everytime I take off for a few days?


It is nice to have you back!
Us curmudgeons were getting restless for some eye candy. 


Something I heard on the news this morning.
"Historians to exhume remains of Mona Lisa"

http://www.news.com.au/technology/ar...-1226035106237




.

----------


## prendrelemick

I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.



Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.

----------


## The Atheist

> I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.







> Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.


That's easy - just look where her eyes are. She's checking out the naked male model in the next studio.

----------


## Paulclem

When I visited the Louvre a few years ago there was a crowd of people around the Mona Lisa, and you couldn't get near. I was disappointed until I noticed behind us that the Wedding Feast at Cana by Veronese was on the wall. We had it all to ourselves. In my opinion it's a much more impressive picture.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_at_Cana

----------


## prendrelemick

I reckon her face is too big for her head.

----------


## soundofmusic

> No, it isn't your imagination. Every time you're gone we do a big PM around to organise a party that you miss out on!
> 
> We feel you'd be a bad example to the younger women.


 :Hand:  I guess I'm going to have to start warning all the strippers on litnet before I leave...and maybe some women too :Smilielol5: 




> It is nice to have you back!
> Us curmudgeons were getting restless for some eye candy. 
> 
> 
> .


Thank you Gilliatt, it's good to still be considered eye candy. I went to a party this week, someone took some pictures of me and it's done some real damage to my self esteem...I swear the chair I was sitting on disappeared when I was sitting on it :Blush5: 




> I think they'll find she's still dead, and the picture is still the same.
> 
> Now I don't know what it is, but I always think he hasn't got the face quite right.


Wouldn't it be interesting if it was a missed brush stroke that caused all the excitement over the years. I was looking at one famous painter a while back and noticed that all of his women have 2 left legs. 




> Here's another fit for the blokes.
> 
> A young bloke pulls an older woman at a night club. She`s 61 but looks good for her age. On the way back to her house he thinks to himself hmm, I bet her daughter is hot. Then of the blue she asks him if he would like a sportsman's double. Whats that? he asks. Its a mother and daughter threesome she says. Wow yes please he says. So as they go thro` front door, she puts the hall light on and shouts....... 
> 
> Mum are you still awake!!!!


I love that one :Smilielol5:  Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?



[QUOTE=The Atheist;1022500]I'm sure it's just that political thing. As soon as people enter even the politics of sport, they lose their brains. Just as MPs do.





> Haha some interesting stories here. At 16 all of these are still ahead of me


Wow, Dante, here you are hanging out with these blokes and your mom is thinkng, "Such a nice boy; spending his time talking literature"  :Brow: 




> Adreienne's attributes do not weigh heavily in the balance compared to this lady. She appears to be having some difficulty doing sit-ups but it would be interesting to see her doing press-ups.


Is this for real? What does a person do with those?




> That's easy - just look where her eyes are. She's checking out the naked male model in the next studio.


Atheist, where did you find a site like this? I don't think we have anything like it in America :Yikes: 




> When I visited the Louvre a few years ago there was a crowd of people around the Mona Lisa, and you couldn't get near. I was disappointed until I noticed behind us that the Wedding Feast at Cana by Veronese was on the wall. We had it all to ourselves. In my opinion it's a much more impressive picture.
> 
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_at_Cana



That is a spectacular painting! There always seems to be those few pics that everyone is blocking in the museums...very annoying.

----------


## Emil Miller

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;1023111]:

I love that one :Smilielol5:  Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?
Well it beats buy one get one free in the supermarket. 



Is this for real? What does a person do with those? 

I could imagine a number of things most guys would do with them.

----------


## The Atheist

> Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?


It's an odd one; I know it's quite popular.

I also know a lot of men have a thing for their mother-in-law, which is genetically probable, I imagine. Heck, Sigmund Frood made a whole career out of that stuff.


Now twins....

(This thread's going to get into trouble if we keep this tack up!)

----------


## prendrelemick

Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.


Ah well, somebody had to do it. :Biggrin5: 

http://youtu.be/R_l2WEOqA1g

----------


## soundofmusic

[QUOTE=Emil Miller;1023114]


> :
> 
> I love that one Is the mother/daughter thing something alot of men go for?
> Well it beats buy one get one free in the supermarket. 
> 
> 
> Is this for real? What does a person do with those? 
> 
> I could imagine a number of things most guys would do with them.


Maybe mother/daughter teams are alittle better of a deal than father/son...the last fellow I spent time with had a father who was rather amusing, and somewhat good looking...when he wasn't walking backward :Shocked: 
I guess you could hook them up to one of those constant movement contraptions and put them on your desk.




> It's an odd one; I know it's quite popular.
> 
> I also know a lot of men have a thing for their mother-in-law, which is genetically probable, I imagine. Heck, Sigmund Frood made a whole career out of that stuff.
> 
> 
> Now twins....
> 
> (This thread's going to get into trouble if we keep this tack up!)


Ah yes, twins might be better; Hefner really seems to be into that. What freaks me out is that the twins seem to often be more into each other :Ihih: 




> Daughter number three brought home her new boyfriend t'other day. He's a lumberjack - seems like a decent feller.


So is he a big fellow or small and wiry? Don't think I'd like those rough hands on my soft skin...




> Ah well, somebody had to do it.
> 
> http://youtu.be/R_l2WEOqA1g


Love that one...

Hey, has JOcky ran off again?

----------


## Paulclem

I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Paulclem

My other new shed is... not so new either.

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Paulclem

I don't want to give you lads and ladies the impression that I'm becoming an allotment magnate, gradually taking over the "real estate" in order to gain huge sell off profits. No, I've just moved from my original allotment piece to one nearest my newest on my side of the lane. I still only have one allotment. it's just one that is in two halves separated by Fred's allotment in the middle. 

Here's the newest acquisition. 

[IMG][/IMG]

As you can see, there's a bit of work to do on it. 

Also, on Thursday, I'm off to the Annual AGM of the allotment site in a club not too far from here, (The Standard Triumph Club no less - a relic of the once booming car industry here in coventry, though the last time I was there it did smell a bit damp - and not a nice beery damp either). 

I'm expecting an uprorious night with the old geezers moaning and complaining at the committee. I should have a tale or two when I get back - especially as I suggested to a couple of committee members that I propose a vote of thanks for the committee. I might have been tarred and feathered by the time i get back.

----------


## prendrelemick

Now those are what I call Real Sheds, rat's nests underneath, swallows in the rafters, Ivy inside and out, unlabelled bottles of long banned pesticides on the shelves, rusty implements for wattaling up yer brindles and spliceing yer corms. Marvellous!


I'm quite jealous.

----------


## Paulclem

> Now those are what I call Real Sheds, rat's nests underneath, swallows in the rafters, Ivy inside and out, unlabelled bottles of long banned pesticides on the shelves, rusty implements for wattaling up yer brindles and spliceing yer corms. Marvellous!
> 
> 
> I'm quite jealous.


 :FRlol: 

All I need is an old armchair and a radio and I'm away. 

I like the effort to spruce up the second shed - gives it a bit of artistic zing with the flower on the side.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Hey, has JOcky ran off again?


Looks like it, but now I have a good hunch where he's hold up!




> I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.


Paul,
Be cautious when opening that door, you're likely to find a drunken Scotsman inside.

.

----------


## Big Dante

I think I saw that first shed in Rambo. The only problem with that is that things in Rambo last 10 seconds before exploding so it must be a different shed.

----------


## Paulclem

> Looks like it, but now I have a good hunch where he's hold up!
> 
> 
> 
> Paul,
> Be cautious when opening that door, you're likely to find a drunken Scotsman inside.
> 
> .


 :FRlol: 

You're right. I'll take a pointy stick with me and jab it in a few times.

----------


## Paulclem

> I think I saw that first shed in Rambo. The only problem with that is that things in Rambo last 10 seconds before exploding so it must be a different shed.



It does have a previously exploded look about it. 

What a thread this is where a man can comfortably come and talk about his sheds without fear of ridicule.

 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

I love the external cladding held on by string. (shed 2) Very innovative.

I'm sure Gilliat has already spotted it and is pitching it to a client right now.

----------


## Emil Miller

The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.

----------


## Paulclem

> The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.


Agreed. There is an air of desperation about the second shed. I'll have to give it a proper name.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]


That looks exactly like my yard and laundry room; how do doors wind up 2 inchs below your soil line? That land looks like a good bit of work; what are you planning to do with it? 




> Now those are what I call Real Sheds, rat's nests underneath, swallows in the rafters, Ivy inside and out, unlabelled bottles of long banned pesticides on the shelves, rusty implements for wattaling up yer brindles and spliceing yer corms. Marvellous!
> 
> 
> I'm quite jealous.


Yep, exactly like my laundry room...do you have that unique smell you get when there's a bit of water and the occasional small animal hauls up inside?




> Looks like it, but now I have a good hunch where he's hold up!
> 
> 
> 
> Paul,
> Be cautious when opening that door, you're likely to find a drunken Scotsman inside.
> 
> .


Ah ha...you know, I think this time Parker and he are both there...Atheist, have you seen Parker in a while? 




> I think I saw that first shed in Rambo. The only problem with that is that things in Rambo last 10 seconds before exploding so it must be a different shed.


No doubt, Parker has probably brought his entire cache of liquor in there. 






> The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.


This is an exhibit? It looks like something from Liberaces girl scout days.

----------


## prendrelemick

> The second one could be entered for the Turner Prize. It would look great at the Tate Modern and is certainly more interesting than this exhibit.





(Talk among yourselves while I make an arty joke)


Hang on a minute, Brian, isn't that your name in the top left hand corner?

----------


## The Atheist

> Here's the newest acquisition.


Mate, you have got potential plus there!

I see rows of potatoes to make Ireland jealous.

----------


## Paulclem

> That looks exactly like my yard and laundry room; how do doors wind up 2 inchs below your soil line? That land looks like a good bit of work; what are you planning to do with it?


I've got some stuff growing in our small platic greenhouses at home to put in. Beetroot, courgettes/zuchini, cabbages, lettuces, carrots and parsnips. 

A bit of digging is required again this year. I hope the old back holds out.

----------


## Paulclem

> Mate, you have got potential plus there!
> 
> I see rows of potatoes to make Ireland jealous.


Yes, I've got my first and second earlies in already in the other plot with the shed from last year. My maincrop is chitting at the moment, but should be ready by the weekend. It was an Irish guy who had my other plot last. He left a home made spade with a really long handle to reach into the potato rows. Superb.

----------


## The Atheist

> It was an Irish guy who had my other plot last. He left a home made spade with a really long handle to reach into the potato rows. Superb.


It would be unreasonable not to raise a Guinness or two in his honour!

----------


## Emil Miller

> (Talk among yourselves while I make an arty joke)
> 
> 
> Hang on a minute, Brian, isn't that your name in the top left hand corner?


  :FRlol: I suspect that all the names are wishful thinking. There has probably been more hanky panky going on in Paul's sheds than in Ms Emin's tent.

----------


## Paulclem

> I suspect that all the names are wishful thinking. There has probably been more hanky panky going on in Paul's sheds than in Ms Emin's tent.


That must be what the smell is....sorry....

----------


## soundofmusic

> (Talk among yourselves while I make an arty joke)
> 
> Hang on a minute, Brian, isn't that your name in the top left hand corner?


I think I see the tail of that pink tup of yours...how is he anyway?



> Mate, you have got potential plus there!
> 
> I see rows of potatoes to make Ireland jealous.


This year, Paul is going to have them grow with the sour cream and chives already one them. 




> I've got some stuff growing in our small platic greenhouses at home to put in. Beetroot, courgettes/zuchini, cabbages, lettuces, carrots and parsnips. 
> 
> A bit of digging is required again this year. I hope the old back holds out.


I hope so, that land looks mean!




> I suspect that all the names are wishful thinking. There has probably been more hanky panky going on in Paul's sheds than in Ms Emin's tent.


Really, that woman put a blood soaked bed in the Tate and wondered why Americans aren't dying to see her "art"; in America we just think that's skank...otherwise we'd have Bill Clintons girls dress in the Museum of Art haha



> That must be what the smell is....sorry....


Yeah, but I hear that the tent has been taken over by the gay mens league...

----------


## prendrelemick

> I think I see the tail of that pink tup of yours...how is he anyway?



Resting.

----------


## The Atheist

What a life.

If I become a Buddhist, can I get reincarnated as a prize thoroughbred stallion or bull? (Not too sure about bulls, though - they do a lot of AI, which is banned in thoroughbreds.)

----------


## prendrelemick

Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.

I was feeding the flock in all that snow, and he decided to jump the fence to get to the silage rather than use the gate, which was only a few feet away. He managed to get half over but his leg got caught between the barbed wire and the fence and he was left hanging
there. I found him frozen solid next morning. He never even made it to Pappa's Kebab Shop.

So if you were to come back as a breeding Ram you'd have lots of sex once a year but the brain of a guinea pig (Apology to all guinea pigs.)

----------


## Paulclem

> What a life.
> 
> If I become a Buddhist, can I get reincarnated as a prize thoroughbred stallion or bull? (Not too sure about bulls, though - they do a lot of AI, which is banned in thoroughbreds.)


You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.

That's only the Buddhist's view of course.  :Biggrin:

----------


## jlb4tlb

> Ah well, somebody had to do it.
> 
> http://youtu.be/R_l2WEOqA1g


Great Skit, always loved Montey Python. 

The penguin on your telly will now explode. :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> I hope so, that land looks mean!
> 
> 
> Yeah, but I hear that the tent has been taken over by the gay mens league...


It's not so bad close up - lots of bare earth to be seen, and not just turf - which is a bugger to dig. 

I've been busy this week, but come Sunday, I'll be there testing the spade, and having a snifter in the coffee. I'm going to dig a few long thin beds near the hedges to give the lettuces and courgettes/ zuchinis and rhubarb a bit of shade. I'll also be doing a raised bed for the parsnips and carrots. I probably won't get all that done on Sunday. I'll be taking my book down though for a bit of rest and relaxation whilst the coffee does its bit. Ha Ha!

As for the Gay Men's league - I hope they've got air beds in there.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Resting.


Hopefully not on his back...




> What a life.
> 
> If I become a Buddhist, can I get reincarnated as a prize thoroughbred stallion or bull? (Not too sure about bulls, though - they do a lot of AI, which is banned in thoroughbreds.)


So basically you want to come back as an animal so that you can have a large appendage...seems like a rather bad tradeoff to me. 




> Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.
> 
> I was feeding the flock in all that snow, and he decided to jump the fence to get to the silage rather than use the gate, which was only a few feet away. He managed to get half over but his leg got caught between the barbed wire and the fence and he was left hanging
> there. I found him frozen solid next morning. He never even made it to Pappa's Kebab Shop.
> 
> So if you were to come back as a breeding Ram you'd have lots of sex once a year but the brain of a guinea pig (Apology to all guinea pigs.)


Hum, I'm still weighing that one...lots of sex is winning out so far...




> You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.
> 
> That's only the Buddhist's view of course.


So if there is an Ateist in the forest and he lets off gas; God still hears it. But if there is a god in the forest; ATheist remains unaware...interesting...





> Great Skit, always loved Montey Python. 
> 
> The penguin on your telly will now explode.


Well, hello, where have you been?




> It's not so bad close up - lots of bare earth to be seen, and not just turf - which is a bugger to dig. 
> 
> I've been busy this week, but come Sunday, I'll be there testing the spade, and having a snifter in the coffee. I'm going to dig a few long thin beds near the hedges to give the lettuces and courgettes/ zuchinis and rhubarb a bit of shade. I'll also be doing a raised bed for the parsnips and carrots. I probably won't get all that done on Sunday. I'll be taking my book down though for a bit of rest and relaxation whilst the coffee does its bit. Ha Ha!
> 
> As for the Gay Men's league - I hope they've got air beds in there.


I go mad in our yard, 35 foot trees and all of the ground is a series of roots. We buried the cat 13 years ago and she came up on a root this year...it wasn't pretty....
I saw the fellows naked with a bunch of mops...I didn't ask...

----------


## The Atheist

> Hang on a minute Atheist, while I relate the sad fate of Once-Gay-But-Turned-Tup.


That guy was jinxed.




> So basically you want to come back as an animal so that you can have a large appendage...seems like a rather bad tradeoff to me.


No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## DocHeart

> That guy was jinxed.
> 
> 
> 
> No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.



You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day. 

As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I have acquired a new half of an allotment and with it two - that's TWO new sheds. Well when I say shed, one of them is called Ivy cottage. It has a certain period charm.
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]





> My other new shed is... not so new either.
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]





> I love the external cladding held on by string. (shed 2) Very innovative.
> 
> I'm sure Gilliat has already spotted it and is pitching it to a client right now.


.


Sanford & Son Architects (S&S) meets with the Coventry Reclaims Allotments Party (CRAP), to present two design schemes for the proposed Ivy League Estates 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE

*Mr. Sanford:* Dear esteemed members of CRAP, let me first begin by expressing our appreciation for selecting Sanford & Son Architects to design the new high rise cottages for Ivy League Estates.

At this time, we would like to present two schemes for the proposed cottage.

Scheme 1 
For the first scheme, we pursued a de constructivist style in the form of a truncated pyramid partially embedded into this tree. On this façade, we sought inspiration from Europes magnificent Gothic cathedrals, by adding a flying buttress in the form of a wood pallet. 
The buttress springs forth from a rusted, steel framed wire mesh haunch that not only serves as the buttress foundation, but also supplies rich iron to the allotment soil. Understanding your tenants desire to live in a safe and secure facility, we ve employed the latest in building security systems technology with this heavy chain and padlock.
The walls are constructed of reclaimed planks of Royal Oak and there is no structural foundation resulting in significant cost savings for CRAP.

*CRAP member:* Is there a roof?

*S&S:* Yes; but not in the traditional sense, for scheme 1, we will take advantage of the dense canopy from the adjacent tree. Some rain water entering the building is anticipated and in fact intended, as it will serve as evaporative cooling during the summer.

*CRAP* member: What about winter?

*S&S:* In that case, the CRAP will be required to issue gortex lined parkas or plastic macs to all tenants.

For scheme no. 2 we developed an orthogonal approach to the overall massing. Elements of De constructivism interlaced with postmodern applique, such as the wire flower, rope façade restraint and blue plastic, define the hybrid clash of architectural styles in this design. Beyond the generous amounts of reclaimed fence planks that make up these three sides, we opted to go with screen and corrugated metal on this one façade. The screen will provide wonderful views of the allotment.

Both schemes incorporate sustainable, green features such as the use of reclaimed materials, natural ventilation which saves on energy costs, green (vegetation) roof technology used on Scheme 1. 
Scheme 2 takes advantage of natural light by employing this magnificent translucent green skylight.
Additional savings will be realized since neither scheme will have running water, no power and no air conditioning. 

That concludes our presentation. We now yield the floor to questions.

*CRAP member:* Mr. Sanford, are you familiar with that horrible incident coming out of Yorkshire involving a bi sexual Pink Tup and a barbed wire fence?

*S&S:* Oh my, yes I am. Dreadful, dreadful!

*CRAP member:* Is barbed wire fencing intended for Ivy League Estates? 

*S&S:* No fencing will be required, since your own CRAP statutes requires that all Ivy League Estate tenants be vegetarian and allergic to wool.

*CRAP member:* Without plumbing, how is one tohmmhow shall I say?...relieve themselves?

*S&S:* Our Civil engineer and landscape architect have stepped into a fantastic idea that coincides with the sustainable goals of the project. The allotment property will serve aswell, a crapper. Get it? CRAP per? Think of it as a large cat box, yet in this case the landscape crews will not have to bother with removal. The tenants deposits will fertilize the allotment crops.

*CRAP members:* Thank you Mr. Sanford. Well be in touch.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

:FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

It's in the bag I'd say. This:-

"_Think of it as a large cat box,_ "

is the clincher

----------


## The Atheist

> You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day. 
> 
> As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"


What's scarier - the dog or the kid?

 :Biggrin: 




> *CRAP members:* Thank you Mr. Sanford. Well be in touch.
> 
> .


Brilliant!

----------


## prendrelemick

> You don't need to be a Buddhist. It's the law of Karma that applies to everyone. Atheism doesn't give you a "get out of Samsara free" card. If it did, there'd be a lot of Buddhists in the queue for oblivion.
> 
> That's only the Buddhist's view of course.



'Course it works both ways.

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...eginnguidetone

----------


## Paulclem

Fantastic Gilliatt. And to think I lease two such desirable residences. I'll never look at buttresses in the same way again. :FRlol:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ..





> ...I'll never look at buttresses in the same way again.


Glad you enjoyed it. 
All kidding aside, I do envy you and the challenge ahead. Keep us posted on the progress.




> http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...eginnguidetone


Hehe.
Did you happen to notice the table of contents? (come to think of it, I bet you have this book)

"1. Living
2. Foolish Thinking
3. Enlightenment
4. Reality"

.

----------


## Paulclem

Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.

----------


## DocHeart

> Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.


Somebody get this man a beer.

----------


## The Atheist

> Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.


By gum!

How's the soil? Have you had it tested? I imagine it would be an interesting mix, if nothing else!

----------


## soundofmusic

> That guy was jinxed.
> 
> No, the size doesn't matter - it's the life of sex and relaxation that appeals.


Has anyone asked their ladies, when they are sober that is, if size matters...I can assure you gents, as an honest lady...Size Definitely Matters :Cool: 




> You know, a friend of mine once had that sad-looking floppy-eared sad excuse for a dog who always looked like he was moping around. We visited them with my 5-year-old-niece one day. 
> 
> As my mate was affectionately stroking little Eva's head, she looked at me and asked: "Uncle, why is the doggie sad? Is his dick too small?"


I get the idea uncle has been babysitting too often for little Eva :Smilewinkgrin: 



> .
> 
> 
> Sanford & Son Architects (S&S) meets with the Coventry Reclaims Allotments Party (CRAP), to present two design schemes for the proposed Ivy League Estates 
> 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WqazleR3FE
> 
> *Mr. Sanford:* Dear esteemed members of CRAP, let me first begin by expressing our appreciation for selecting Sanford & Son Architects to design the new high rise cottages for Ivy League Estates.
> ...





> It's in the bag I'd say. This:-
> 
> "_Think of it as a large cat box,_ "
> 
> is the clincher


I think your friends designed my house; I also detect a sort of savory smell outside my front door in the evening which cannot entirely be obscured by the nightblooming jasmine.

----------


## soundofmusic

> 'Course it works both ways.
> 
> http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/AS...eginnguidetone


I wonder what our dear pink tup will come back as? 




> Went down today and found the allotment committee had ordered a skip. You have to be quick otherwise it's full and gone. I had mount Doom to move - two 4 and a half feet high piles of rotting stinking carpet pulled off the allotment last year - and it took me an hour or so to barow it down. That left me only a couple of hours to get on. I got half of my maincrop tatties in, and a few parsnips, and that was it. I'm going again tomorrow. More tatties, onions, carrots and more parsnips to plant.


How much of a return do you get on all that work...I mean in vegetables? Do you and the misses put it all up or sell it at market?

----------


## prendrelemick

its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.

----------


## The Atheist

> its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.


Hope it stays warm for you! Good luck mate.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.


Well, at least you have the full "grass" moon to keep you company. Hope you have clear skies. It is a amazing.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Hope it stays warm for you! Good luck mate.


The weather is perfect, fresh spring breeze and plenty of sun. Makes you glad to up and at it.




> Well, at least you have the full "grass" moon to keep you company. Hope you have clear skies. It is a amazing.
> 
> .


Is a "Grass" Moon a big yellow one? Thats what we got last night.

(by the way she lambed twins - at 2.30am )

----------


## Paulclem

> The weather is perfect, fresh spring breeze and plenty of sun. Makes you glad to up and at it.
> 
> 
> 
> Is a "Grass" Moon a big yellow one? Thats what we got last night.
> 
> (by the way she lambed twins - at 2.30am )


It's a tough job you do Mick. I notice you usually post early on a morning.

----------


## Paulclem

> How much of a return do you get on all that work...I mean in vegetables? Do you and the misses put it all up or sell it at market?


We don't get any spare, and we'd share with the Mother-in-law if we did. I'm not that accomplished yet. I'm hoping to do better this year. 

I think when you start, it makes the vegetables expensive, but as you improve and don't have to buy more tools etc, it becomes more economical. I got about 3 months worth of potatoes last year from 6 bags of compost and a 3x2 metre bed. That was worth it. I'm now harvesting my purple sprounting broccolli and I think this is worth growing, as the broccolli we buy here is quite expensive. It grew over winter, and hasn't needed much input. 

I didn't get to the alotment. Mrs Paulclem wanted to go shopping - which is fine as she hasn't been out much recently. Perhaps tonight, or tomorrow.

----------


## prendrelemick

> It's a tough job you do Mick. I notice you usually post early on a morning.



Lets be honest, this is the only time of year that is hard, and not so much physically-just long hours.

----------


## The Atheist

> Lets be honest, this is the only time of year that is hard, and not so much physically-just long hours.


Farmer? Honesty?

Alert the mod team, someone's hacked Mick's account!

----------


## Paulclem

> Lets be honest, this is the only time of year that is hard, and not so much physically-just long hours.


I bet it's harder than office-wallah-ing. 9-5 - or thereabouts, in a snug office in an ambient temperature.

----------


## Paulclem

Humiliated again!

I don't know if you chaps, and Sounds, remember my last escapade with the cistern - which by the way has been working perfectly with the new fittings that I now cannot fix myself should the need arise? 

Well last Friday, Mrs Paulclem put her foot down and insisted that I change the filter on the "Big Fridge" we have had for a few years now. The cold water feature now doesn't work, and we though it likely that the filter - which hadn't been changed in 2 years - was probably blocked. So I dutifully - yet a little stressfully - found the few tools I needed for this job, and eased the "Big Fridge" out. I turned off the stopcock for the mains, which is situated helpfully next to the said "Big Fridge", and proceeded to change the filter. 

Having done this, I tested the water - which still didn't work, sighed and turned to pick up my tools. It was then I noticed a stain in the wall where the stopcock was. Yes, it had begun leaking. So in failing to fix the "Big Fridge" water, I had discovered the mains stop **** had gone a rusting too far. 

So - and it was 5.30 on Friday - about the same as last time - I called the plumber. He was very helpful abnd called after he had done his other jobs at 9.30pm! He was even uncomplaining, and fixed the stopcock in about 3 minutes. I gave him a cup of tea, he charged me £40 quid, and everyone was happy - (it could have been £70!). 

But as a parting shot I promised not to do any plumbing jobs at 5 o'clock in the evening again, and he said - "Yes, better leave it to the wife". 

Humiliated again!

----------


## jemiesranova

> Humiliated again!
> 
> I don't know if you chaps, and Sounds, remember my last escapade with the cistern - which by the way has been working perfectly with the new fittings that I now cannot fix myself should the need arise? 
> 
> Well last Friday, Mrs Paulclem put her foot down and insisted that I change the filter on the "Big Fridge" we have had for a few years now. The cold water feature now doesn't work, and we though it likely that the filter - which hadn't been changed in 2 years - was probably blocked. So I dutifully - yet a little stressfully - found the few tools I needed for this job, and eased the "Big Fridge" out. I turned off the stopcock for the mains, which is situated helpfully next to the said "Big Fridge", and proceeded to change the filter. 
> 
> Having done this, I tested the water - which still didn't work, sighed and turned to pick up my tools. It was then I noticed a stain in the wall where the stopcock was. Yes, it had begun leaking. So in failing to fix the "Big Fridge" water, I had discovered the mains stop **** had gone a rusting too far. 
> 
> So - and it was 5.30 on Friday - about the same as last time - I called the plumber. He was very helpful abnd called after he had done his other jobs at 9.30pm! He was even uncomplaining, and fixed the stopcock in about 3 minutes. I gave him a cup of tea, he charged me £40 quid, and everyone was happy - (it could have been £70!). 
> ...


why do you say that, in my opinion is different from what you say....

----------


## The Atheist

> But as a parting shot I promised not to do any plumbing jobs at 5 o'clock in the evening again, and he said - "Yes, better leave it to the wife". 
> 
> Humiliated again!




God, you'd have been debagged for that only a couple of decades ago.

Nailed!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Farmer? Honesty?
> 
> Alert the mod team, someone's hacked Mick's account!



Relax, I'm just not myself - sleep deprivation.

----------


## soundofmusic

> its very late and I can't go to bed until this bloody sheep has lambed. Then I have a dawn patrol, at dawn, to do - a typical lambing day so far. I've passed the tired and the short tempered stages, and have entered the zombification phase.


Can anyone explain to me why blokes stay up when their livestock deliver and go out with their mates when their wives do? :Cool: 




> We don't get any spare, and we'd share with the Mother-in-law if we did. I'm not that accomplished yet. I'm hoping to do better this year. 
> 
> I think when you start, it makes the vegetables expensive, but as you improve and don't have to buy more tools etc, it becomes more economical. I got about 3 months worth of potatoes last year from 6 bags of compost and a 3x2 metre bed. That was worth it. I'm now harvesting my purple sprounting broccolli and I think this is worth growing, as the broccolli we buy here is quite expensive. It grew over winter, and hasn't needed much input. 
> 
> I didn't get to the alotment. Mrs Paulclem wanted to go shopping - which is fine as she hasn't been out much recently. Perhaps tonight, or tomorrow.


3 months of potatos sounds good; where do you keep them? When I buy large quantities of potatos and onions I'm always stuck as to where to put them; nothing worse than the smell of rotting potatos and onions...of course, it's hot down here. 




> Humiliated again!
> 
> I don't know if you chaps, and Sounds, remember my last escapade with the cistern - which by the way has been working perfectly with the new fittings that I now cannot fix myself should the need arise? 
> 
> Well last Friday, Mrs Paulclem put her foot down and insisted that I change the filter on the "Big Fridge" we have had for a few years now. The cold water feature now doesn't work, and we though it likely that the filter - which hadn't been changed in 2 years - was probably blocked. So I dutifully - yet a little stressfully - found the few tools I needed for this job, and eased the "Big Fridge" out. I turned off the stopcock for the mains, which is situated helpfully next to the said "Big Fridge", and proceeded to change the filter. 
> 
> Having done this, I tested the water - which still didn't work, sighed and turned to pick up my tools. It was then I noticed a stain in the wall where the stopcock was. Yes, it had begun leaking. So in failing to fix the "Big Fridge" water, I had discovered the mains stop **** had gone a rusting too far. 
> 
> So - and it was 5.30 on Friday - about the same as last time - I called the plumber. He was very helpful abnd called after he had done his other jobs at 9.30pm! He was even uncomplaining, and fixed the stopcock in about 3 minutes. I gave him a cup of tea, he charged me £40 quid, and everyone was happy - (it could have been £70!). 
> ...


I think I'd pour your tea all over that plumbers head for that wisecrack...




> God, you'd have been debagged for that only a couple of decades ago.
> 
> Nailed!


Do you have the laughing Elmo Atheist...I love that guy!

----------


## The Atheist

> Can anyone explain to me why blokes stay up when their livestock deliver and go out with their mates when their wives do?


Animals can't talk.

 :Wink: 




> Do you have the laughing Elmo Atheist...I love that guy!


No, only the .gif. Sesame Street rocks!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Animals can't talk.
> 
> 
> 
> No, only the .gif. Sesame Street rocks!


I must admit, the few times I had to do nursing in a maternity ward; I couldn't wait to get out. NOthing like impending delivery to turn a woman into some horrible creature from the depths of hell...I seem to remember I was quite pleasant and chatty; they tell me it was a bit different after they "put me under"...I apparently cursed like a sailor....

It takes a real man to admit he likes Sesame Street; my hat is off to you...I love Sesame Street...I never quite got Barney and Pee Wee Herman.

----------


## Paulclem

> I must admit, the few times I had to do nursing in a maternity ward; I couldn't wait to get out. NOthing like impending delivery to turn a woman into some horrible creature from the depths of hell...I seem to remember I was quite pleasant and chatty; they tell me it was a bit different after they "put me under"...I apparently cursed like a sailor....
> 
> It takes a real man to admit he likes Sesame Street; my hat is off to you...I love Sesame Street...I never quite got Barney and Pee Wee Herman.


It's because of Barney that I had to wipe over the TV a few times in the 90's when the kids were young. It used to get attacks of spontaneous vomiting when it came on with that awful song. :Puke: 

Anyway I'm behind with the new half of the allotment. I've dug a 12 x 3 foot bed for the Kale, but it took me an hour to dig and double rake it to get most of the grass and stuff out of it. Still it was pleasant work. 

Fred, the old guy next to me was there, and he gave me a few leeks which was good of him. He still wants to use "Ivy cottage" to store his tools, which is fine. 

"Red-Neck Graeme", who has an allotment nearby, but fortunately seperated by a couple of hedges, was talking to me at the weekend. He goes down every day and tipples in his shed. By the end of the morning you can tell he's been supping because every other word is an eff. He couldn't get his effing rotivator going apparently. 

We call him "Red Neck Graeme" because of cetain vague racist comments he made to my wife and I in general conversation. He's one of those people who assumes that you think as they do about race, which is annoying, but pointless to follow up because he's been tippling. Having said that, he lends Fred - my allotment neighbour who is an old Afro-Carribean Guy- his hedge trimmer. 

I had to laugh a couple of years ago at him. Our neighbours on the old allotment are churchy people - nice but a bit fussy. "Red Neck Graeme" had befriended them, and they though he was wonderful. He is generous, and he had given them some seedlings. He then came onto their allotment later in the morning fairly well tanked up - shouting in a good humured but embarrasing way with all the effing and blinding that goes with it. My wife and I kept our heads down as we sniggered through the scene.  :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> I must admit, the few times I had to do nursing in a maternity ward; I couldn't wait to get out. NOthing like impending delivery to turn a woman into some horrible creature from the depths of hell...I seem to remember I was quite pleasant and chatty; they tell me it was a bit different after they "put me under"...I apparently cursed like a sailor....


I'd love to see a study done of women during childbirth - they all seem to go through identical patterns of lucidity, abuse and crying. There must be some evolutionary reason for it, but I'm damned if I can figure it. No wonder blokes used to stay out of the way!




> It takes a real man to admit he likes Sesame Street; my hat is off to you...I love Sesame Street...I never quite got Barney and Pee Wee Herman.


Yeah, that Barney is disturbing. Peewee never really made it to screen much here.

----------


## prendrelemick

^I was never quite sure what kind of relationship there was between Ernie and Bert.

----------


## The Atheist

> ^I was never quite sure what kind of relationship there was between Ernie and Bert.


Compared to Noddy & Big Ears, nothing to worry about.

----------


## Calidore

I disagree that one must be a "real man" to admit liking Sesame Street. Quality is quality. Sesame Street had (has) creativity, humor, and Muppets. It teaches without teaching, to paraphrase Bruce Lee.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I disagree that one must be a "real man" to admit liking Sesame Street.



Quite right. The lovely Maria was reason enough to tune in.


yet another fantasy figure to ease me through those teenage years, together with Daisy Duke , Emma Peel, the Dr Who assistants, Pans People, Suzi Quattro, Jaqueline Bisset, Jenny Agutter, Paa-ym off Dallas... I,ll stop now.

----------


## The Atheist

> ...Jenny Agutter...


I see you and I went to the same school of rating women.

If you haven't seen [all of] her in _Walkabout_, get a copy.

----------


## prendrelemick

Oh I've seen it/her/them.

----------


## soundofmusic

> It's because of Barney that I had to wipe over the TV a few times in the 90's when the kids were young. It used to get attacks of spontaneous vomiting when it came on with that awful song.
> 
> Anyway I'm behind with the new half of the allotment. I've dug a 12 x 3 foot bed for the Kale, but it took me an hour to dig and double rake it to get most of the grass and stuff out of it. Still it was pleasant work. 
> 
> Fred, the old guy next to me was there, and he gave me a few leeks which was good of him. He still wants to use "Ivy cottage" to store his tools, which is fine. 
> 
> "Red-Neck Graeme", who has an allotment nearby, but fortunately seperated by a couple of hedges, was talking to me at the weekend. He goes down every day and tipples in his shed. By the end of the morning you can tell he's been supping because every other word is an eff. He couldn't get his effing rotivator going apparently. 
> 
> We call him "Red Neck Graeme" because of cetain vague racist comments he made to my wife and I in general conversation. He's one of those people who assumes that you think as they do about race, which is annoying, but pointless to follow up because he's been tippling. Having said that, he lends Fred - my allotment neighbour who is an old Afro-Carribean Guy- his hedge trimmer. 
> ...


Red neck sounds like my kind of neighbor haha; exactly what is he prejudiced against? We don't really have finer prejudices over here; It's a thing between different groups of spanish and different groups of blacks and everyone else is considered white...we think we have differences; but the blacks and spanish claim that the difference between irish white and jewish white is not enough to make the curve :Grouphug: 




> I'd love to see a study done of women during childbirth - they all seem to go through identical patterns of lucidity, abuse and crying. There must be some evolutionary reason for it, but I'm damned if I can figure it. No wonder blokes used to stay out of the way!
> 
> 
> Yeah, that Barney is disturbing. Peewee never really made it to screen much here.


Okay, another thing...how about women biting dentists. Yeah, I was under during mouth surgery and my dentist claimed there was something about oversexed women biting dentists...did he make that up...Oh, by the way, he still has teeth marks :Rolleyes: 
Yeah, I don't think Peewee would travel well :Smile5: 




> ^I was never quite sure what kind of relationship there was between Ernie and Bert.


They started out as just friends who shared the same bed; later, they had twin beds and fought alot more. 




> I disagree that one must be a "real man" to admit liking Sesame Street. Quality is quality. Sesame Street had (has) creativity, humor, and Muppets. It teaches without teaching, to paraphrase Bruce Lee.


Bruce liked Sesame Street; god, I would have loved to see him teaching big bird some moves...and that bird sound. 




> Quite right. The lovely Maria was reason enough to tune in.
> 
> 
> yet another fantasy figure to ease me through those teenage years, together with Daisy Duke , Emma Peel, the Dr Who assistants, Pans People, Suzi Quattro, Jaqueline Bisset, Jenny Agutter, Paa-ym off Dallas... I,ll stop now.


What is it with Maria; all of my men and lesbian friends have the hots for her... :Confused: 




> I see you and I went to the same school of rating women.
> 
> If you haven't seen [all of] her in _Walkabout_, get a copy.


Still confused, I understand the big boobed blond tennis players; but Maria...got to see this movie.  :Gnorsi:

----------


## Paulclem

> Red neck sounds like my kind of neighbor haha; exactly what is he prejudiced against? We don't really have finer prejudices over here; It's a thing between different groups of spanish and different groups of blacks and everyone else is considered white...we think we have differences; but the blacks and spanish claim that the difference between irish white and jewish white is not enough to make the curve


I don't know what he's prejudiced against. He's one of the "them coming over here and taking our jobs" types who don't really say anything intelligent or specific, but have a general feeling for racism. My parents were the same. I think they get these kinds of thoughts from certain newspapers and perhaps their peers hearking back to some perceived pre-immigration heaven, (which never existed of course).

----------


## The Atheist

> I think they get these kinds of thoughts from certain newspapers and perhaps their peers hearking back to some perceived pre-immigration heaven, (which never existed of course).


Oh indeed.

If only the great British rose-tinted memories existed.

This has to be an argument in favour of time travel - let the whingers travel back to London, Liverpool and Newcastle in the 1920s and see what paradise was left behind.

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh indeed.
> 
> If only the great British rose-tinted memories existed.
> 
> This has to be an argument in favour of time travel - let the whingers travel back to London, Liverpool and Newcastle in the 1920s and see what paradise was left behind.


Too right. It's forgotten that the post war years were full of rationing and austerity, and we didn't really begin to prosper until the 70s. Pre-war years were full of hardship for working folk. Those early fights for better pay and conditions really set us up for lter on - and contributed to the economic booms due to the redistribution of wealth.

----------


## Llä RËmØ MÅðçÂ

:Angelsad2: EHHH

----------


## soundofmusic

> I don't know what he's prejudiced against. He's one of the "them coming over here and taking our jobs" types who don't really say anything intelligent or specific, but have a general feeling for racism. My parents were the same. I think they get these kinds of thoughts from certain newspapers and perhaps their peers hearking back to some perceived pre-immigration heaven, (which never existed of course).


"They took our jobs; let's go to the county square and go make love...love that South Park. Really, though, here in South Florida, people are starting to all be a sort of yellowish color and speak a sort of mixed language and I'm not sure, they might be taking our jobs... :FRlol: 




> Oh indeed.
> 
> If only the great British rose-tinted memories existed.
> 
> This has to be an argument in favour of time travel - let the whingers travel back to London, Liverpool and Newcastle in the 1920s and see what paradise was left behind.


I thought things were pretty good in Europe in the late 20s; before WW2...wasn't that the jazz age, money, money everywhere? I seem to recall we lived pretty good in the 50s and 60s, the 70s got alittle lean; but this is the leanest time I've ever seen. 




> EHHH


Hi, is that your name...it must have been tough in first grade spelling that one :Confused:

----------


## The Atheist

> Too right. It's forgotten that the post war years were full of rationing and austerity, and we didn't really begin to prosper until the 70s. Pre-war years were full of hardship for working folk. Those early fights for better pay and conditions really set us up for lter on - and contributed to the economic booms due to the redistribution of wealth.


I think the yearning for an unreal past happens to us all at some stage. It's why humans don't remember pain very well - we've evolved to block the bad bits out to some degree and people will remember the war spirit but not the rotting corpses.




> I thought things were pretty good in Europe in the late 20s; before WW2...wasn't that the jazz age, money, money everywhere?


The Great Depression not ringing any bells? Mile-long queues at soup kitchens?

It didn't seem as bad in UK & Europe because they hadn't had the boom USA had, but conditions were pretty inferior across most of the continent and UK.




> I seem to recall we lived pretty good in the 50s and 60s, the 70s got alittle lean; but this is the leanest time I've ever seen.


In UK, the 1950s were still quite deprived, with rationing only being phased out, but replaced with super taxes which meant that 90% of every pound earned over an arbitrary figure was taken in tax. That's why most British rock and movie stars moved to USA at that stage - it wasn't worth earning it in Sterling because you'd give it all to the government.

I think the 1980s through to 2000 was reasonably prosperous all round, but we're seeing the fruits of that false economy now.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I think the yearning for an unreal past happens to us all at some stage. It's why humans don't remember pain very well - we've evolved to block the bad bits out to some degree and people will remember the war spirit but not the rotting corpses.
> 
> 
> 
> The Great Depression not ringing any bells? Mile-long queues at soup kitchens?
> 
> It didn't seem as bad in UK & Europe because they hadn't had the boom USA had, but conditions were pretty inferior across most of the continent and UK.
> 
> 
> ...


Wasn't the time after WW1 and before the stock market crash in '29...it least, it seemed that way when I'm reading my little books of Hemingway, Fitzgerald and stories of the ballet troupes...

What I remember of the 50's was that my parents lived on 1 salary, that of a welder, with 4 children, bought a new home and fairly new car, ate really well and had decent clothing on 75 dollars a week...The '80s to about '99 were also pretty good in the US; it's been all downhill since then economically

----------


## The Atheist

> Wasn't the time after WW1 and before the stock market crash in '29...it least, it seemed that way when I'm reading my little books of Hemingway, Fitzgerald and stories of the ballet troupes...


That's true, and even in Europe the upper-class found plenty of money, but for the majority, the deprivations of war - which largely left USA intouched - were still apparent in the 1920s.




> What I remember of the 50's was that my parents lived on 1 salary, that of a welder, with 4 children, bought a new home and fairly new car, ate really well and had decent clothing on 75 dollars a week...The '80s to about '99 were also pretty good in the US; it's been all downhill since then economically


Give it another six months and house prices will be back where they were in 1950s!

----------


## soundofmusic

> That's true, and even in Europe the upper-class found plenty of money, but for the majority, the deprivations of war - which largely left USA intouched - were still apparent in the 1920s.
> 
> 
> Give it another six months and house prices will be back where they were in 1950s!


Alot of times, I seem to notice what is going on in the literary world and forget the life at home...I seem to recall that my father, who was born in 1923, complained of wearing flour sack pants to school and eating beans 3 times a day at home. 

My house, which I bought 32 years ago, is only going for about 15,000 more than I paid for it then at the moment. I'm okay because I never borrowed against it; but my friends all borrowed against there homes after the 2005 hurricane when the houses went to 5 times there value; now they owe all that and are stuck, they can't sell, they can't rent and get enough to pay the mortgage.

----------


## The Atheist

> Alot of times, I seem to notice what is going on in the literary world and forget the life at home...I seem to recall that my father, who was born in 1923, complained of wearing flour sack pants to school and eating beans 3 times a day at home. 
> 
> My house, which I bought 32 years ago, is only going for about 15,000 more than I paid for it then at the moment. I'm okay because I never borrowed against it; but my friends all borrowed against there homes after the 2005 hurricane when the houses went to 5 times there value; now they owe all that and are stuck, they can't sell, they can't rent and get enough to pay the mortgage.


A lot of people just walking away from their properties.

I scan the for sale columns for Detroit & places and look at a whole house and section being sold for $1000. Ok, these are not nice places, but they're probably still a lot nicer than a shed in Bangalore.

The world's a strange place.

----------


## SilentMute

> A lot of people just walking away from their properties.
> 
> I scan the for sale columns for Detroit & places and look at a whole house and section being sold for $1000. Ok, these are not nice places, but they're probably still a lot nicer than a shed in Bangalore.
> 
> The world's a strange place.


You could live cheap now, are you practicing your American accent haha

----------


## soundofmusic

> A lot of people just walking away from their properties.
> 
> I scan the for sale columns for Detroit & places and look at a whole house and section being sold for $1000. Ok, these are not nice places, but they're probably still a lot nicer than a shed in Bangalore.
> 
> The world's a strange place.





> You could live cheap now, are you practicing your American accent haha


Sorry guys, I accidently jumped in while Jessica was still on the computer; that's my post...So Atheist, are you planning to move from sunny NZ anytime soon?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I seem to recall that my father, who was born in 1923, complained of wearing flour sack pants to school and eating beans 3 times a day at home.


Interesting conversation you have going. Both of my parents were born in 1924, God rest their souls. I remember similar "burlap" stories, such as my mother claiming to chew balls of pine pitch because they couldn't afford chewing gum. My father was born on an oil town in northern Oklahoma.




> A lot of people just walking away from their properties...
> ...The world's a strange place.


It is crazy. the interest rate on mortgage are at all time lows. I could swear I heard 3 to 4% recently on the news. We had re financed our home a few years ago when the rates were at 5.25% thinking that it would certainly not go lower than that.




> You could live cheap now, are you practicing your American accent haha


Atheist, you should consider settling in the Bible Belt. It might do you some good! ha

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Interesting conversation you have going. Both of my parents were born in 1924, God rest their souls. I remember similar "burlap" stories, such as my mother claiming to chew balls of pine pitch because they couldn't afford chewing gum. My father was born on an oil town in northern Oklahoma.
> 
> It is crazy. the interest rate on mortgage are at all time lows. I could swear I heard 3 to 4% recently on the news. We had re financed our home a few years ago when the rates were at 5.25% thinking that it would certainly not go lower than that.
> 
> 
> Atheist, you should consider settling in the Bible Belt. It might do you some good! ha
> 
> .


I loved those stories! Dad said he didn't mind as long as his mom had enough fabric that he didn't get the writing on his bottom; but as his bottom widened, the words were always across his seat. 
EVeryone was telling me to refinance, do you believe I just paid the house off last year; I thought I was paying 11.5; I was actually paying 12.75% :Ack2: 
I don't know about the bible belt, they have those long narrow roads where people drive their truck 100 mph from church to the country corn liquor still every sunday and one of his kids would probably be pogo sticking or skateboarding...Atheist, if you move over here you have to start getting those kids on microwave food and games that will put fat on them and deprive them of light and vitamin d :Yawn:

----------


## The Atheist

> ...So Atheist, are you planning to move from sunny NZ anytime soon?


No.

 :Biggrin: 

First off, I really doubt I'd be allowed in. 




> It is crazy. the interest rate on mortgage are at all time lows. I could swear I heard 3 to 4% recently on the news. We had re financed our home a few years ago when the rates were at 5.25% thinking that it would certainly not go lower than that.


You could have the same interest rates as Japan - about 0.1%. Imagine the mortgage payments on that sucker?




> Atheist, you should consider settling in the Bible Belt. It might do you some good! ha
> 
> .


Getting shot is good?




> Atheist, if you move over here you have to start getting those kids on microwave food and games that will put fat on them and deprive them of light and vitamin d


Oh god, they'll never fit in then. They have fast food about twice a year, live outside and we don't even own a microwave! (horrible, taste-destroying machines)

----------


## OrphanPip

My brother was considering buying property in Rochester because they're going at something like 20,000 a year, says they'd pay for themselves in 5 years of rents. Seems like a pain to manage property across the border though. Some connections have got him an offer for an office building downtown for only 1.2 million, which might be a good buy. You need to make 60% down payment on commercial though because banks don't like to take on risk.

----------


## The Atheist

> My brother was considering buying property in Rochester because they're going at something like 20,000 a year, says they'd pay for themselves in 5 years of rents. Seems like a pain to manage property across the border though. Some connections have got him an offer for an office building downtown for only 1.2 million, which might be a good buy. You need to make 60% down payment on commercial though because banks don't like to take on risk.


Given the prices, I think residential rentals in USA must be pretty attractive.

If we were a lot closer to it it's certainly where I'd be heading for investment.

----------


## The Atheist

Paul:

What's this I see about councils wanting to sell allotment land? I see a large group of angry men with pitchforks confronting councillors!

----------


## soundofmusic

> No.
> 
> 
> 
> First off, I really doubt I'd be allowed in. 
> 
> Getting shot is good?
> 
> Oh god, they'll never fit in then. They have fast food about twice a year, live outside and we don't even own a microwave! (horrible, taste-destroying machines)


I doubt if any of the bible belt blokes would want to tangle with a rough, tough, NZ bloke like you; remember, our folks get their brawn from potatos and beer. 
Not own a microwave, oh my god, what do they eat when they come home from school...no microwave pizzas, little microwave potato skins... :Confused: 




> My brother was considering buying property in Rochester because they're going at something like 20,000 a year, says they'd pay for themselves in 5 years of rents. Seems like a pain to manage property across the border though. Some connections have got him an offer for an office building downtown for only 1.2 million, which might be a good buy. You need to make 60% down payment on commercial though because banks don't like to take on risk.


Now, at least down here, there seems like there is more property than renters; I don't know about the rest of the country. Most of the buyers a few years ago were from out of the country and then they have a management person or company to run the day to day operations. I don't know how much they clear after paying a middle man though.

----------


## DocHeart

I've had one of the worst Mondays of my career. 

Last one this bad was when I was 18. During a summer job cleaning swimming pools on Corfu, a waiter thought it would be funny if he substituted the big plastic bottle of pool detergent with a similar one that contained diesel. Then I broke his face with a punch, but also my own finger. After being treated by a fat guy who seemed to take pleasure in resetting bones and causing his patients unspeakable pain, I got arrested for assault and was sued by the hotel owner for losing him revenue (he had to close the pool for two days). My parents flew out to get me out of a cell and back home.

That was 20 years ago. Today was a little worse than that.

Hey Jack. Get me a double Teacher's. Not too many rocks.

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul:
> 
> What's this I see about councils wanting to sell allotment land? I see a large group of angry men with pitchforks confronting councillors!


I haven't heard about this. But fear not - I and my compadres will be standing firm, tools at the ready...

----------


## Paulclem

> I've had one of the worst Mondays of my career. 
> 
> Last one this bad was when I was 18. During a summer job cleaning swimming pools on Corfu, a waiter thought it would be funny if he substituted the big plastic bottle of pool detergent with a similar one that contained diesel. Then I broke his face with a punch, but also my own finger. After being treated by a fat guy who seemed to take pleasure in resetting bones and causing his patients unspeakable pain, I got arrested for assault and was sued by the hotel owner for losing him revenue (he had to close the pool for two days). My parents flew out to get me out of a cell and back home.
> 
> That was 20 years ago. Today was a little worse than that.
> 
> Hey Jack. Get me a double Teacher's. Not too many rocks.


Parker will always supply the drinks you need in this thread - no problem. 

I hope the problems turn out ok,

----------


## The Atheist

> I doubt if any of the bible belt blokes would want to tangle with a rough, tough, NZ bloke like you; remember, our folks get their brawn from potatos and beer.


And guns.  :Wink: 

Rule #1 of blokedom is "Don't do a Peter Blake and take a pop-gun to a machine-gun fight." The bigger you are, the bigger target you are!

and many other cliches...




> Not own a microwave, oh my god, what do they eat when they come home from school...no microwave pizzas, little microwave potato skins...


Usually fruit plus a sandwich or crackers. I would be the first to admit that our children are somewhat weird. They are one set of very few kids that don't take pre-packaged lunches to school _and_ then have them after school as well. ("She" is taking one of daddy's home-made meat and vegetable pies to school today.)

They had some chocolate at Easter.




> Now, at least down here, there seems like there is more property than renters; I don't know about the rest of the country. Most of the buyers a few years ago were from out of the country and then they have a management person or company to run the day to day operations. I don't know how much they clear after paying a middle man though.


That's the story everywhere. It raises the question to me: where the hell did everyone go?

I have to assume that these properties were occupied at some time, so where are all the people displaced from all the hundreds of thousands of vacant properties? Moved in with other family members?




> I've had one of the worst Mondays of my career.


Mate, that doesn't sound good. 

I'll get Parker to fix you a stiff one. 




> Last one this bad was when I was 18. During a summer job cleaning swimming pools on Corfu, a waiter thought it would be funny if he substituted the big plastic bottle of pool detergent with a similar one that contained diesel. Then I broke his face with a punch, but also my own finger. After being treated by a fat guy who seemed to take pleasure in resetting bones and causing his patients unspeakable pain, I got arrested for assault and was sued by the hotel owner for losing him revenue (he had to close the pool for two days). My parents flew out to get me out of a cell and back home.
> 
> That was 20 years ago. Today was a little worse than that.
> 
> Hey Jack. Get me a double Teacher's. Not too many rocks.


Please, "Parker", not Jack. We have a few standards to uphold!

 :Biggrin: 

And going by that now being the second-worst day, this one must have been a doozy.

Good luck with it!

----------


## DocHeart

> Please, "Parker", not Jack. We have a few standards to uphold!



That's what I meant. Parker. He's a good man.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

Glad to see you're still.....

here!

 :Biggrin:  

Post more! Someone from where the sun shines more than not's always a good thing - the rest of us, apart from Sound, live in cold, damp places. Bring the sunshine!

That pic works, I imagine Sound will be on her way shortly.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Post more! Someone from where the sun shines more than not's always a good thing...





.

----------


## prendrelemick

^How things have changed for Marlboro Man.



Hang on Atheist we're having a drought here in sunny Britain.

----------


## Janine

> .


Gilliatt, really funny! This post card reminds me of the 'Rabbit Proof Fence' story in Australia - ever see how many rabbits they now have? I heard all of them were imports. Now we have stink bugs - also an import - from China - and very undesirable.  :Ack2:  Seems there are no natural predadors for the 'stinky' bugs here in the US...yuk! I collect old post cards like this one - love that old painted photo look!

----------


## The Atheist

> Hang on Atheist we're having a drought here in sunny Britain.


Yes, I see you guys have found the sun.

Bad time to have drought conditions, but I bet you already knew that. Spring was much the same here with many farmers struggling to make hay.




> Gilliatt, really funny! This post card reminds me of the 'Rabbit Proof Fence' story in Australia - ever see how many rabbits they now have? I heard all of them were imports.


You can keep those stink bugs!

Yes, rabbits are a huge problem in NZ and Australia and yep, they all came by boat. Early settlers thought "Wouldn't it be nice to be able to go and shoot a rabbit every now and then?"

Alas, the rabbits liked our weather a bit too much and there are now billions of the damned things.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've had one of the worst Mondays of my career. 
> 
> Last one this bad was when I was 18. During a summer job cleaning swimming pools on Corfu, a waiter thought it would be funny if he substituted the big plastic bottle of pool detergent with a similar one that contained diesel. Then I broke his face with a punch, but also my own finger. After being treated by a fat guy who seemed to take pleasure in resetting bones and causing his patients unspeakable pain, I got arrested for assault and was sued by the hotel owner for losing him revenue (he had to close the pool for two days). My parents flew out to get me out of a cell and back home.
> 
> That was 20 years ago. Today was a little worse than that.
> 
> Hey Jack. Get me a double Teacher's. Not too many rocks.


Sounds awful, so what happened today...tell us before Parker mixes one of his special memory obscuring specials...




> Parker will always supply the drinks you need in this thread - no problem. 
> 
> I hope the problems turn out ok,


Actually, I have a bone to pick with Parker; he hasn't been returning my phone calls and recently, I heard he's setting up housekeeping in Pauls shed with some young wench from up Jockys way...might be Mrs J's cousin...




> And guns. 
> 
> Rule #1 of blokedom is "Don't do a Peter Blake and take a pop-gun to a machine-gun fight." The bigger you are, the bigger target you are!
> 
> and many other cliches...
> 
> 
> 
> Usually fruit plus a sandwich or crackers. I would be the first to admit that our children are somewhat weird. They are one set of very few kids that don't take pre-packaged lunches to school _and_ then have them after school as well. ("She" is taking one of daddy's home-made meat and vegetable pies to school today.)
> ...


That's why your children have such wonderful skin and bright eyes; do the kids ever crave junk food?
What seems to be happening here is that multiple families are moving into single family dwellings or single family dwellings are being cut into small apartments. 




> .


Now that is my kind of cowboy...



> ^How things have changed for Marlboro Man.
> 
> 
> 
> Hang on Atheist we're having a drought here in sunny Britain.


Well, in my head, the 50's still rein supreme...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ^How things have changed for Marlboro Man.


Yes, times have changed for Marlboro man. Now he smokes electronic cigarettes and keeps his USB battery charger in the saddle bag.




> Gilliatt, really funny! This post card reminds me of the 'Rabbit Proof Fence' story in Australia - ever see how many rabbits they now have? I heard all of them were imports. Now we have stink bugs


Glad you enjoyed it, there's plenty more from where that came from.




> Yes, I see you guys have found the sun.
> 
> Yes, rabbits are a huge problem in NZ and Australia and yep, they all came by boat. Alas, the rabbits liked our weather a bit too much and there are now billions of the damned things.


We have several cotton tails that roam our neighborhood and creek, but up to now, they haven't been too much of a bother.




> ...I heard he's setting up housekeeping in Pauls shed with some young wench from up Jockys way...
> 
> Now that is my kind of cowboy...
> Well, in my head, the 50's still rein supreme...


Where is Jocky by the way?
Paul...was he in fact hanging out in your shed? 
Have you even dared to open it?

If you like that kind of Cowboy, you should see my Uncle who lives out west. He rides a Jackalope.

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, times have changed for Marlboro man. Now he smokes electronic cigarettes and keeps his USB battery charger in the saddle bag.
> 
> 
> 
> Glad you enjoyed it, there's plenty more from where that came from.
> 
> 
> 
> We have several cotton tails that roam our neighborhood and creek, but up to now, they haven't been too much of a bother.
> ...


Up until the rumors of Jocky in Pauls shed, I'd heard nothing of him. Aye, it must have been your uncle I was hollering at one night, there was a horrendous lightening storm and the jackalopes were all drinking whiskey and making love; I saw a feller in the saddle and I yelled out "Come inside you dade burn fool; but he paid me no mind; next thing I saw was his hair lighting up....

----------


## Paulclem

> Up until the rumors of Jocky in Pauls shed, I'd heard nothing of him. Aye, it must have been your uncle I was hollering at one night, there was a horrendous lightening storm and the jackalopes were all drinking whiskey and making love; I saw a feller in the saddle and I yelled out "Come inside you dade burn fool; but he paid me no mind; next thing I saw was his hair lighting up....


In my shed?!! I hope he brought his own bed. The floor is a little... earthen. 

I also hope he hasn't been into my spiced rum. A bloke's got to have a nip in his coffee on a busy day.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ey up Paul, if you tune into the Challenge Cup match this afternoon, you may see me in the crowd. Look for a, burly, bearded, balding, bloke in a Halifax shirt... only problem is, that just about discribes everyone who'll be there.

----------


## The Atheist

> Ey up Paul, if you tune into the Challenge Cup match this afternoon, you may see me in the crowd. Look for a, burly, bearded, balding, bloke in a Halifax shirt... only problem is, that just about discribes everyone who'll be there.


I thought everybody had dressed like you because it was a special occasion!

----------


## Paulclem

> Ey up Paul, if you tune into the Challenge Cup match this afternoon, you may see me in the crowd. Look for a, burly, bearded, balding, bloke in a Halifax shirt... only problem is, that just about discribes everyone who'll be there.


Ey up. Missed it. The daytime hours are when the TV is a no-go. I get it post 9pm when Mrs Paulclem and my daughter have retired to their boudoirs. Just read that they lost to Bradford. Pity that.

----------


## Paulclem

I discovered a new tool today - or rather I began to appreciate its fine design. It has a long shaft - rough for a firm grip, with a rounded end that bends at the end. Yes - it's a potato spade. I'd never heard of one before, and wondered what it was bequeathed in the shed. I suspected that the fellow had been of giant proportions, but no I was wrong. Vic - in the allotment shop - informed me that it was a potato spade and very useful. 

So I tried it today, and he was right. The bend in the shovel end ploughs the earth over the potato leaves to earth them up in a very easy motion. The length means that I can reach right into the middle of my rows. Brilliant.

----------


## prendrelemick

That's a French shovel. Unlike us hard working British shovellers, the french preferred to put a bend in their shovel rather than in their backs. Also popular in Cornwall.


You know, I have no idea how I know this stuff.

----------


## Paulclem

> That's a French shovel. Unlike us hard working British shovellers, the french preferred to put a bend in their shovel rather than in their backs. Also popular in Cornwall.
> 
> 
> You know, I have no idea how I know this stuff.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzn3KaO2Vyk

Shared heritage - shovels. 

Well I'm glad of the bend in it. My back was killing me after digging another bed for my taties. I put another 3K of charlottes in today. 

The ground in the new half of the allotment has a lot of couch grass. Apparently the old guys call it twitch, though there's no indication as to why. Perhaps it makes them twitch.

----------


## prendrelemick

Oh God, I think I know that as well. I have become Eric.

A twitch is a short lengh of rough twisted home made rope, usually made of straw, coiled up round your hand and used to rub down horses. It has other ropey/stringy conotations too.

The roots (rhyzome) of couch grass resemble a hairy rope, or indeed are strong enough to be used as string

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh God, I think I know that as well. I have become Eric.
> 
> A twitch is a short lengh of rough twisted home made rope, usually made of straw, coiled up round your hand and used to rub down horses. It has other ropey/stringy conotations too.
> 
> The roots (rhyzome) of couch grass resemble a hairy rope, or indeed are strong enough to be used as string


That's brilliant. I'll be able to tell the woman on the committee who was wondering about it. They do resemble hairy rope. I've got piles of it where I've dug out the beds. 

Thanks Mick. 

By the way, have you heard the expression:

"Tha'll go to mass" as a kind of threat? My Dad used to use it, and in the book club we've come across "By the mass" as a mild cuss.

----------


## The Atheist

> I discovered a new tool today - or rather I began to appreciate its fine design.


I can taste those spuds already!

Can you use glyphosate on the allotment? A bit of that around the edges will make your life a lot easier!




> They do resemble hairy rope.


Crikey, I'd be careful who I said that to!

----------


## DocHeart

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.

_Anonymous_

----------


## Paulclem

> I can taste those spuds already!
> 
> Can you use glyphosate on the allotment? A bit of that around the edges will make your life a lot easier!
> 
> 
> 
> Crikey, I'd be careful who I said that to!


I could, although I don't want to. It's hard work keeping the grass and weeds down - and I'm still digging the second bit, so I haven't done that much. I'll get the strimmer on it next week hopefully. 

In the long term, I hope to put down that black weed suppressant material with gravel perhaps on the paths. I think we're a way away from that though. 

The maincrop is just coming through too. I was chuffed with last year's crop.

----------


## The Atheist

> Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
> 
> _Anonymous_


Always liked that one!

----------


## The Atheist

> The maincrop is just coming through too. I was chuffed with last year's crop.


So, we should be ready in about 10 weeks?

Send my dinner invite; I'll get flights organised now!

----------


## prendrelemick

> "Yes" is the answer.
> 
> _Anonymous_




Not tonight dear, is often the answer I get.

----------


## Paulclem

> So, we should be ready in about 10 weeks?
> 
> Send my dinner invite; I'll get flights organised now!


It'll be barbie time in England - unless we've had summer already. A few baked potatoes and whatever you want. We'll get Parker to buy a few barrels in.

----------


## soundofmusic

> In my shed?!! I hope he brought his own bed. The floor is a little... earthen. 
> 
> I also hope he hasn't been into my spiced rum. A bloke's got to have a nip in his coffee on a busy day.


No doubt he's laying on his little wool kilt, finishing off that spiced rum right now; what say we take our shovels and hoes and storm the shed :Reddevil: 




> Ey up Paul, if you tune into the Challenge 
> Cup match this afternoon, you may see me in the crowd. Look for a, burly, bearded, balding, bloke in a Halifax shirt... only problem is, that just about discribes everyone who'll be there.


Aye, I saw you, you were the furry bloke mooning the cameras :Nono:  :Blush:  :Cheers2: 




> I thought everybody had dressed like you because it was a special occasion!


That's why he had his initials shaved on his...ar..... :Sosp: 




> I discovered a new tool today - or rather I began to appreciate its fine design. It has a long shaft - rough for a firm grip, with a rounded end that bends at the end. Yes - it's a potato spade. I'd never heard of one before, and wondered what it was bequeathed in the shed. I suspected that the fellow had been of giant proportions, but no I was wrong. Vic - in the allotment shop - informed me that it was a potato spade and very useful. 
> 
> So I tried it today, and he was right. The bend in the shovel end ploughs the earth over the potato leaves to earth them up in a very easy motion. The length means that I can reach right into the middle of my rows. Brilliant.


That beautiful patch of raw earth brings tears to me eyes...




> Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
> 
> _Anonymous_


Somebody give this man 20 lashes, don't you know you never put "sex" as a question...the earth would still not be peopled :Yikes:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Aye, I saw you, you were the furry bloke mooning the cameras
> 
> 
> 
> That's why he had his initials shaved on his...ar.....
> 
> 
> 
> :



No that_ was_ my face

----------


## Paulclem

> No that_ was_ my face


 :FRlol: 

Would that self-assfacement?

----------


## jocky

> I've had one of the worst Mondays of my career. 
> 
> Last one this bad was when I was 18. During a summer job cleaning swimming pools on Corfu, a waiter thought it would be funny if he substituted the big plastic bottle of pool detergent with a similar one that contained diesel. Then I broke his face with a punch, but also my own finger. After being treated by a fat guy who seemed to take pleasure in resetting bones and causing his patients unspeakable pain, I got arrested for assault and was sued by the hotel owner for losing him revenue (he had to close the pool for two days). My parents flew out to get me out of a cell and back home.
> 
> That was 20 years ago. Today was a little worse than that.
> 
> Hey Jack. Get me a double Teacher's. Not too many rocks.


Punching a waiter in the face is never good even if he did try to poison you, and getting bailed out by your Ma and Da is reprehensible. Perhaps the poor guy was simply trying to point out your youthful errors i.e. drinking Jack Daniels. Atheist, standards are slipping. Am I still in purdah, the Teachers reference was badly misunderstood and I am a PALE shadow of my former self? We are not a bad bunch to have on your side.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyiLfSHSqds

----------


## soundofmusic

> No that_ was_ my face


 :Smilielol5:  ooh, ah, there must have been a large verticle crack on the camera lens  :Smilielol5: 



> Would that self-assfacement?


 :Smilielol5:  :Yesnod: 



> Punching a waiter in the face is never good even if he did try to poison you, and getting bailed out by your Ma and Da is reprehensible. Perhaps the poor guy was simply trying to point out your youthful errors i.e. drinking Jack Daniels. Atheist, standards are slipping. Am I still in purdah, the Teachers reference was badly misunderstood and I am a PALE shadow of my former self? We are not a bad bunch to have on your side.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UyiLfSHSqds


So that wasn't you in Pauls shed, nor your kilt on his floor? Then I guess this isn't your wallet full of bills I found next to the kilt either :Smilielol5:

----------


## jocky

> So that wasn't you in Pauls shed, nor your kilt on his floor? Then I guess this isn't your wallet full of bills I found next to the kilt either


No way, I believe it may have been Mick's he is worn out by the sheep and all that lambing. As to the wallet it could be mine, you never know there is a lot goes on in sheds that is never mentioned. What Paul gets up to with fallen kilts is none of my business, I just hope he is teaching rich thickos how to wangle there way to Oxbridge. Duh  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

A yorkshireman and his wallet are rarely separated.
So thats where you've been. A man in a kilt, in purdah, I can see how that could happen. I hope you will still have time for us in your struggle for independence Jocky - couldn't you at least wait till we've nicked all the oil! :Smilewinkgrin: 




On second thoughts, sod the oil, just keep sending the whisky.

----------


## jocky

> I hope you will still have time for us in your struggle for independence Jocky - couldn't you at least wait till we've nicked all the oil!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> On second thoughts, sod the oil, just keep sending the whisky.


I think the Scottish election result reflected the good work done by Alex Salmond and the S.N.P. rather than any popular desire for independence. I am afraid divorce is not on the cards just yet.  :Cheers2: 

The mere thought of exporting our whisky sends a shiver down my spine but unlike oil it will never run out.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> No way, I believe it may have been Mick's he is worn out by the sheep and all that lambing. As to the wallet it could be mine, you never know there is a lot goes on in sheds that is never mentioned. What Paul gets up to with fallen kilts is none of my business, I just hope he is teaching rich thickos how to wangle there way to Oxbridge. Duh


Alas the rich thickos won't have me. i didn't go to the right school. Thornes House comprehensive in Wakefield was having strikes/ riots by the kids in my first year there. We in the top band were in the classroom murdering French with our thick accents and refusal to pronounce ou properly, whilst the other classes were running around the school, avoiding teachers, giving raucous interviews to the press and having fun.

----------


## The Atheist

> We in the top band were in the classroom murdering French with our thick accents ...


Thanks to my ability to mimic voices, I ended up with what I'm assured is an upper-class French accent.

Which goes nicely with my lower-class English one!

 :Biggrin: 




> We are not a bad bunch to have on your side.


Is that if the sport is boat-races with whisky?

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah wee paul, je connais exactement quelle vous est ditting.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah wee paul, je connais exactement quelle vous est ditting.


Wee. ( I can hear Eric Ostlethwaite's Dad in that pronunciation). Je suis Monsieur Pomme-de-Terre. 

My French now is from the Eddie Izzard Book of French.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x1sQkEfAdfY

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...The mere thought of exporting our whisky sends a shiver down my spine but unlike oil it will never run out.


Welcome back Jocky!
I'm not complaining about your exports.




> Wee. ( I can hear Eric Ostlethwaite's Dad in that pronunciation). Je suis Monsieur Pomme-de-Terre. 
> 
> My French now is from the Eddie Izzard Book of French.


I am familiar with some Cajun French. Here's a sampling:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3wuS...eature=related

.

----------


## jocky

> Welcome back Jocky!
> I'm not complaining about your exports.
> 
> 
> 
> I am familiar with some Cajun French. Here's a sampling:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3wuS...eature=related
> 
> .


Cheers Gilliatt, here is some Cajun from one of my favourite films, enjoy.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sP5RJHuUBg

----------


## Paulclem

> Welcome back Jocky!
> I'm not complaining about your exports.
> 
> 
> 
> I am familiar with some Cajun French. Here's a sampling:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3wuS...eature=related
> 
> .


About as discernible as our Yorkshire French.

----------


## soundofmusic

> A yorkshireman and his wallet are rarely separated.
> So thats where you've been. A man in a kilt, in purdah, I can see how that could happen. I hope you will still have time for us in your struggle for independence Jocky - couldn't you at least wait till we've nicked all the oil!
> 
> On second thoughts, sod the oil, just keep sending the whisky.


I don't know whether it is just bad luck; but I haven't ever met a man who was easily separated from his wallet. I find the only way is too ply them with liquor, put them to bed, promise them a night of wild antics, then make off with their trunks when they are snoring away the next morning, though usually, the belt buckle clinking gives you away.... :Frown: 




> I think the Scottish election result reflected the good work done by Alex Salmond and the S.N.P. rather than any popular desire for independence. I am afraid divorce is not on the cards just yet. 
> 
> The mere thought of exporting our whisky sends a shiver down my spine but unlike oil it will never run out.


Which reminds me, where does a man keep his wallet when he wears a kilt?




> Alas the rich thickos won't have me. i didn't go to the right school. Thornes House comprehensive in Wakefield was having strikes/ riots by the kids in my first year there. We in the top band were in the classroom murdering French with our thick accents and refusal to pronounce ou properly, whilst the other classes were running around the school, avoiding teachers, giving raucous interviews to the press and having fun.


Then come to america, we say ou ...owww....and all we want is a fellow who knows how to use a french spade.




> Thanks to my ability to mimic voices, I ended up with what I'm assured is an upper-class French accent.
> 
> Which goes nicely with my lower-class English one!
> 
> 
> 
> Is that if the sport is boat-races with whisky?


What do we use the whiskey for, to drink or to start the engines?




> Welcome back Jocky!
> I'm not complaining about your exports.
> 
> 
> 
> I am familiar with some Cajun French. Here's a sampling:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3wuS...eature=related
> 
> .


Haha, Did you ever see that Cajun chef on television, I loved him.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Haha, Did you ever see that Cajun chef on television, I loved him.


You talkin bout Jussin Wilsuhn? ..."Hi yall are?"

My mother and used to watch this guy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX3Y27LXFYw

.

----------


## The Atheist

> What do we use the whiskey for, to drink or to start the engines?


Haha! Different sort of boat races.

The guys line up sitting cross-legged on the floor, behind each other, just like a rowing eight.

The first one drinks his glass dry, slamming it down when empty, which is the start for #2, and so on.

Great fun when you're about 18.

----------


## Paulclem

> Haha! Different sort of boat races.
> 
> The guys line up sitting cross-legged on the floor, behind each other, just like a rowing eight.
> 
> The first one drinks his glass dry, slamming it down when empty, which is the start for #2, and so on.
> 
> Great fun when you're about 18.


Did you ever do that rowing dance with the Gap Band? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N19NmO3NP4

----------


## The Atheist

> Did you ever do that rowing dance with the Gap Band?


No, never heard it before. We never really listened to any US music.

Apart from Meatloaf.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## DocHeart

I knew a guy who never cut his toenails unless he was going on a first date.

----------


## jocky

> I knew a guy who never cut his toenails unless he was going on a first date.


 :FRlol: 

That is a concession too far, " this was some time known as a paradox " as our female counterparts would never dream of cutting their toenails on any date. I'm a toe-man deh deh deh deh, deh deh deh deh.

----------


## jocky

> Which reminds me, where does a man keep his wallet when he wears his kilt


In our right hand sock under our sgian-dhub.  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

[QUOTE=soundofmusic;1034446]I don't know whether it is just bad luck; but I haven't ever met a man who was easily separated from his wallet. I find the only way is too ply them with liquor, put them to bed, promise them a night of wild antics, then make off with their trunks when they are snoring away the next morning, though usually, the belt buckle clinking gives you away.... :Frown: 



[QUOTE]

 :FRlol: 

And they say romance is dead. :Ladysman:

----------


## Paulclem

> I knew a guy who never cut his toenails unless he was going on a first date.


On the first date??!!

----------


## DocHeart

> On the first date??!!


No, no. Before it. In the bathroom. While rehearsing his lines.

Parker, will you do a round for the gentlemen, please. And whatever ladies may have, how to put it, strayed in. On my tab. Hey, don't give me that look. I've owed you more in the past and I did pay it back, didn't I? Start pouring. Chop-chop.

----------


## jocky

> Parker, will you do a round for the gentlemen, please. And whatever ladies may have, how to put it, strayed in. On my tab. Hey, don't give me that look. I've owed you more in the past and I did pay it back, didn't I? Start pouring. Chop-chop.


Why that is very kind of you Doc, I don't mind if I do, make mine a double Glenmorangie on the rocks. Aaah! that was good. Er, are you sure you have cleared this with Parker ? I have heard from a very reliable source that the last fellow who tried to rip him off was found bound and decapitated on the outskirts of Aukland. Cheers  :Smile: 

The weather has been very strange in Jockland of late, the sun has actually been shining. I have been able to relax in the recliner in the back garden , with a cold beer, watching Mrs Jocky mowing the lawn. She is very good at it and I always encourage her by shouting the immortal phrase, Darling, you've missed a bit. Ouch! what was that for ?

----------


## The Atheist

> No, no. Before it. In the bathroom. While rehearsing his lines.


That sounds too personal to be a "my friend" story!

 :Biggrin: 




> Parker, will you do a round for the gentlemen, please.


Jolly decent of you!




> Why that is very kind of you Doc, I don't mind if I do, make mine a double Glenmorangie on the rocks. Aaah! that was good.


I'm having the same, good choice. I hope Doc knows how much this all costs!




> Er, are you sure you have cleared this with Parker ? I have heard from a very reliable source that the last fellow who tried to rip him off was found bound and decapitated on the outskirts of Aukland. Cheers


That is nothing but malicious rumour! The fact his will had just been changed to the benefit of The Blokes' Club was entirely coincidental.




> The weather has been very strange in Jockland of late, the sun has actually been shining. I have been able to relax in the recliner in the back garden , with a cold beer, watching Mrs Jocky mowing the lawn. She is very good at it and I always encourage her by shouting the immortal phrase, Darling, you've missed a bit. Ouch! what was that for ?


Sun in Scotland?

It's giving you respite before the Gulf Stream dies off and Scotland reverts to glaciation.

Mrs Jocky will cope - she can pull the wood on a sled.

----------


## Paulclem

:FRlol: 

I'll have the same too seeing as we haven't used up the bequests fund.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Checking in.

That last round Doc ordered up was mighty good, but it has me seeing double...no make that seeing deca's. Have you blokes noticed all the Fahrenheit 451 entries under general Literature?

What's the latest coming out of the allotments Paul?

I reckon I better sign off for tonight.

.

----------


## DocHeart

> Checking in.
> 
> That last round Doc ordered up was mighty good, but it has me seeing double...no make that seeing deca's. Have you blokes noticed all the Fahrenheit 451 entries under general Literature?



Yea, what is up with that? Someone must tell Ray Bradbury, he'd be chuffed to bits.

----------


## Paulclem

> Checking in.
> 
> That last round Doc ordered up was mighty good, but it has me seeing double...no make that seeing deca's. Have you blokes noticed all the Fahrenheit 451 entries under general Literature?
> 
> What's the latest coming out of the allotments Paul?
> 
> I reckon I better sign off for tonight.
> 
> .


The broad beans haven't done well - put in too late with all the hot wearther we've been having here. The driest for 100 years or so. 

The potatoes, on the other hand are doing great. 

I've still got quite a bit to dig in the new half, but I've got lettuce, kale, beetroot and cabbage in there now. 

It is looking very untidy, as the grass has grown quite big, but I'll be strimming it this weekend hopefully.

----------


## DocHeart

> The broad beans haven't done well - put in too late with all the hot wearther we've been having here. The driest for 100 years or so. 
> 
> The potatoes, on the other hand are doing great. 
> 
> I've still got quite a bit to dig in the new half, but I've got lettuce, kale, beetroot and cabbage in there now. 
> 
> It is looking very untidy, as the grass has grown quite big, but I'll be strimming it this weekend hopefully.



So, what do you do?

 :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> So, what do you do?


My wife's brought on the aubergines and courgettes. We've also got cabbage and lettuce to go in, so we've got lots nstead. Pity about the broad beans. They're great young and tender in a salad.

----------


## soundofmusic

> You talkin bout Jussin Wilsuhn? ..."Hi yall are?"
> 
> My mother and used to watch this guy.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZX3Y27LXFYw
> 
> .


Thank you, Gilliatt, I love Justin! I've put him in my recipe file now...I never noticed he had that scar up the side of his head. I'm going to use a few of his recipes, though, I'm going to cut out about a pound of grease out of each...




> Haha! Different sort of boat races.
> 
> The guys line up sitting cross-legged on the floor, behind each other, just like a rowing eight.
> 
> The first one drinks his glass dry, slamming it down when empty, which is the start for #2, and so on.
> 
> Great fun when you're about 18.


I learn something new every day on this thread. I should think your boat might get a bit wet inside by the 6th or 7th glass, since I'm not at al confident that the fellows can uncross their legs and take a run by then.




> Did you ever do that rowing dance with the Gap Band? 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-N19NmO3NP4


I'm waiting to see you do that dance, Paul




> I knew a guy who never cut his toenails unless he was going on a first date.


I guess he was hoping to get lucky on the first date. I think it must be quite a common habit, I noticed my young men were usually reluctant to take off their socks...they claimed it was cold feet or ugly feet. I often wished they would take off their socks since alot of fellows don't seem to realize that they need to change their socks everytime they change their shorts. 




> That is a concession too far, " this was some time known as a paradox " as our female counterparts would never dream of cutting their toenails on any date. I'm a toe-man deh deh deh deh, deh deh deh deh.


I always did my nails and toenails; but I only shaved my legs if the fellow was special  :Brow: 




> In our right hand sock under our sgian-dhub.


I think I might need you to draw a diagram...don't think I've seen that part in grays anatomy haha

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;1034791][QUOTE=soundofmusic;1034446]I don't know whether it is just bad luck; but I haven't ever met a man who was easily separated from his wallet. I find the only way is too ply them with liquor, put them to bed, promise them a night of wild antics, then make off with their trunks when they are snoring away the next morning, though usually, the belt buckle clinking gives you away.... :Frown: 






> And they say romance is dead.


Yes, unfortunately a lady has to keep her head about her, check for phone numbers and pictures before you give your heart; men are just far too clever and unlike women, they stick together. 




> On the first date??!!


See, great minds do think alike. 




> No, no. Before it. In the bathroom. While rehearsing his lines.
> 
> Parker, will you do a round for the gentlemen, please. And whatever ladies may have, how to put it, strayed in. On my tab. Hey, don't give me that look. I've owed you more in the past and I did pay it back, didn't I? Start pouring. Chop-chop.


Ah ha...so you are the reason Parker couldn't take me to Hawaii this weekend; he took me to a hot dog stand and I said, no sir, I am not cutting my toenails for this. 




> Why that is very kind of you Doc, I don't mind if I do, make mine a double Glenmorangie on the rocks. Aaah! that was good. Er, are you sure you have cleared this with Parker ? I have heard from a very reliable source that the last fellow who tried to rip him off was found bound and decapitated on the outskirts of Aukland. Cheers 
> 
> The weather has been very strange in Jockland of late, the sun has actually been shining. I have been able to relax in the recliner in the back garden , with a cold beer, watching Mrs Jocky mowing the lawn. She is very good at it and I always encourage her by shouting the immortal phrase, Darling, you've missed a bit. Ouch! what was that for ?


I was wondering where my third husband got off too; ah well, good thing I and Parker got him to fill out that million dollar life insurance policy...

I see Mrs J gave your beautiful long locks a bit of a trim while she was mowing too...the Scottish lasses are so clever. 




> The broad beans haven't done well - put in too late with all the hot wearther we've been having here. The driest for 100 years or so. 
> 
> The potatoes, on the other hand are doing great. 
> 
> I've still got quite a bit to dig in the new half, but I've got lettuce, kale, beetroot and cabbage in there now. 
> 
> It is looking very untidy, as the grass has grown quite big, but I'll be strimming it this weekend hopefully.


What sort of weather is good for potatos; I thought you needed plenty of water.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The broad beans haven't done well - put in too late with all the hot wearther we've been having here....
> ...It is looking very untidy, as the grass has grown quite big, but I'll be strimming it this weekend hopefully.


Forgive me if I missed an update somewhere along the way, but what about the cottages? Are they still standing? or were you in fact planning to use thenm or at least one?





> Thank you, Gilliatt, I love Justin! I've put him in my recipe file now...I never noticed he had that scar up the side of his head. I'm going to use a few of his recipes, though, I'm going to cut out about a pound of grease out of each...



I could feel my arteries seizing up just watching that episode!! The scar was probably from wrangling an alligator or a Capybara.

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Have you blokes noticed all the Fahrenheit 451 entries under general Literature?


I don't know where it started, but for years, every summer one class at least will be told by the teacher to come here and discuss some aspect of _1984_ or _Animal Farm_.

Saves the teachers thinking.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I had a hunch it may be related to a school assignment. 
Hows the weather down NZ way?...oh and how's the playhouse holding up?

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Forgive me if I missed an update somewhere along the way, but what about the cottages? Are they still standing? or were you in fact planning to use thenm or at least one?
> 
> 
> 
> I could feel my arteries seizing up just watching that episode!! The scar was probably from wrangling an alligator or a Capybara.
> 
> .


I am always surprised when I see the creole ladies down our way boiling down all these nasty animal parts, putting tons of hot sauce in a pot and then, would you believe it, by the end of the day a glorious smell and glaze at the bottom of the pot and meat that falls off the bone.
Oh my god, a Capybara, never heard of such a thing...how frightening, a stone age looking rat..akkk




> I don't know where it started, but for years, every summer one class at least will be told by the teacher to come here and discuss some aspect of _1984_ or _Animal Farm_.
> 
> Saves the teachers thinking.


I have to get over there and check all this out; I must admit, I am quite ashamed of myself, I never even look at literature now that I am on a literature forum. 




> I had a hunch it may be related to a school assignment. 
> Hows the weather down NZ way?...oh and how's the playhouse holding up?
> 
> .


Oh yes, the playhouse...I am curious. Atheists children look like Angels who dropped out of heaven; but if the son hasn't decided to take his tools to it; Baje is probably using it as a skateboard ramp haha

----------


## The Atheist

> Hows the weather down NZ way?...oh and how's the playhouse holding up?
> 
> .


The weather, for the start of winter, has been amazing. The few bad days we've had have been really bad, but most of the time, it's still more autumnal than winter.

Great to ask, because yesterday was a stunner, so we went to the beach, with this result:



All her own work, on a 6-lb test line, the fish weighing about 4 pounds. It's a kahawai by its local name, but internationally, it'd be called a sea trout, because they fight just like a trout, leaping out of the water and going on huge runs.

Her arms were a bit tired at the end of it, but a superb catch, eaten for dinner in a kahawai and spinach quiche!

The playhouse has been taken down as we're going to move. Just waiting for the right house.




> Oh yes, the playhouse...I am curious. Atheists children look like Angels who dropped out of heaven; but if the son hasn't decided to take his tools to it; Baje is probably using it as a skateboard ramp haha


 :FRlol: 

Her skateboarding has a little way to go before she's doing jumps. Ollie is still an unattainable target at the moment.

She can half fish though! You shoulda seen her - reeling in, letting it run; just like an old pro. She got a bigger fish as well, and that's a very small set she's using. A+

----------


## prendrelemick

Fantastic!

----------


## Paulclem

> Forgive me if I missed an update somewhere along the way, but what about the cottages? Are they still standing? or were you in fact planning to use thenm or at least one?
> 
> .


Ivy cottage is being used by the old Guy next to me. He asked me if he could keep his tools there, and that's no problem. THE Shed is way big enough for our needs. 

The fallout bunker is still there too. I'll take it down eventually, but I'm still digging patches for whatever's got to go in. I'm behind with the work, but we're getting there. The runner beans my wife has grown are big and healthy. The next job is to fill a raised bed for some rather nice aubergine pants my wife has raised. 

I strimmed the plot today with the association's petrol mower. It leaves your hands popping inside with the vibrations. It makes it look neater though. 

I'm off work for the week after next, so hopefully I'll be able to catch up then.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm waiting to see you do that dance, Paul
> 
> 
> What sort of weather is good for potatos; I thought you needed plenty of water.


That's a dance I can do - sitting in a row on the floor and swaying back and forth. The only problem in the old days was the spilt beer and broken glass on the dancefloor. 

Not too wet I gather. The tubers might rot in the ground. It's been very warm and dry here this spring, but the taties are doing well.

----------


## Paulclem

> All her own work, on a 6-lb test line, the fish weighing about 4 pounds. It's a kahawai by its local name, but internationally, it'd be called a sea trout, because they fight just like a trout, leaping out of the water and going on huge runs.


Nice photo.

----------


## prendrelemick

Can anyone explain the connection between volcanoes in Iceland and Doncaster Borough Council? Google ads seems to have found one.


These are puzzleing times.

----------


## The Atheist

> Can anyone explain the connection between volcanoes in Iceland and Doncaster Borough Council? Google ads seems to have found one.


The Council spends so much money on Google Adsense that their ads appear on every UK browser when it gets to an Adsense site?

Bit like ads for seek.co.nz, NZ's employment site appearing on LitNet in my browser, even though nothing here is connected to job searches.

----------


## Paulclem

I've got an ad for fungal nails and Tatton garden show. One makes sense whilst the other...perhaps Google's psychic. Are you taking an unexpected trip to Doncaster Mick? It would be unexpected as no-one would plan to go there.

----------


## prendrelemick

Nope! nor Iceland. It's not an advert for anything though, just the words "Doncaster Borough Council" and a crest, nothing else.

The only thing I can think of, is that they are one of those authorities who put their (our) money in a high intrest account in a certain Icelandic bank, and lost it all. Google remembers all!

----------


## Paulclem

> Nope! nor Iceland. It's not an advert for anything though, just the words "Doncaster Borough Council" and a crest, nothing else.
> 
> The only thing I can think of, is that they are one of those authorities who put their (our) money in a high intrest account in a certain Icelandic bank, and lost it all. Google remembers all!


Or perhaps they wanted to advertise, but had nothing to show off in it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The weather, for the start of winter, has been amazing. The few bad days we've had have been really bad, but most of the time, it's still more autumnal than winter.
> 
> Great to ask, because yesterday was a stunner, so we went to the beach, with this result:
> 
> 
> 
> All her own work, on a 6-lb test line, the fish weighing about 4 pounds. It's a kahawai by its local name, but internationally, it'd be called a sea trout, because they fight just like a trout, leaping out of the water and going on huge runs.
> 
> Her arms were a bit tired at the end of it, but a superb catch, eaten for dinner in a kahawai and spinach quiche!


A lifetime memory. I would say the arm has healed quite well if she was able to bring that one in.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

I dreamt about Kate Middleton last night in what was probably a treasonable way. Mrs P says it's not my head that needs chopping off! These menages a trois are so difficult at times.

----------


## The Atheist

> A lifetime memory. I would say the arm has healed quite well if she was able to bring that one in.
> 
> .


Yep, just like new!




> I dreamt about Kate Middleton last night in what was probably a treasonable way. Mrs P says it's not my head that needs chopping off! These menages a trois are so difficult at times.


 :Smilielol5: 

It's gone a little quiet around here - that bloody jocky, slopes back after months with the French Foreign legion, scares off our new members, then slopes back off again.

Parker's setting up rounds all round!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I dreamt about Kate Middleton last night in what was probably a treasonable way. Mrs P says it's not my head that needs chopping off! These menages a trois are so difficult at times.


A worthy dream. I just had a vino vision of Claudette Colbert. Gibbon's had it all wrong, I tell you it was Claudette that brought down the Empire! (see below)





> It's gone a little quiet around here - that bloody jocky, slopes back after months with the French Foreign legion, scares off our new members, then slopes back off again.
> 
> Parker's setting up rounds all round!


"Your a butterfly with the sting of a wasp. Take off your clothes and get in here and tell me all about it"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pNNE_U8GOw


.

----------


## prendrelemick

Gilliat, I don't know how you find these clips. Ms. Colbert certainly had it in spades - before "it" had been invented. 

Meanwhile, the imaginary afair with the Dutchess Of Cambridge is not going well. My dreams have returned to the usual- walking down the Highstreet without any trousers on- sort of thing.

----------


## Paulclem

> I tell you it was Claudette that brought down the Empire! (see below)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> "Your a butterfly with the sting of a wasp. Take off your clothes and get in here and tell me all about it"
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pNNE_U8GOw
> 
> ...


That clip had a lot of passing Yorkshiremen in it - you could hear them all passing going, "ey up, ey up". I always suspected that we had an integral part in the Empire and Hollywood.

----------


## soundofmusic

> All her own work, on a 6-lb test line, the fish weighing about 4 pounds. It's a kahawai by its local name, but internationally, it'd be called a sea trout, because they fight just like a trout, leaping out of the water and going on huge runs.
> 
> Her arms were a bit tired at the end of it, but a superb catch, eaten for dinner in a kahawai and spinach quiche!
> 
> The playhouse has been taken down as we're going to move. Just waiting for the right house.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Wow, she's incredible, and still looks like she's been locked away in a castle, with never a broken fingernail.  :Thumbsup: 



> Fantastic!


I think we should have Parker put Atheist under, I could use some of that DNA for a cloning experiment I have going. 




> Ivy cottage is being used by the old Guy next to me. He asked me if he could keep his tools there, and that's no problem. THE Shed is way big enough for our needs. 
> 
> The fallout bunker is still there too. I'll take it down eventually, but I'm still digging patches for whatever's got to go in. I'm behind with the work, but we're getting there. The runner beans my wife has grown are big and healthy. The next job is to fill a raised bed for some rather nice aubergine pants my wife has raised. 
> 
> I strimmed the plot today with the association's petrol mower. It leaves your hands popping inside with the vibrations. It makes it look neater though. 
> 
> I'm off work for the week after next, so hopefully I'll be able to catch up then.


Fallout bunker, no kidding, when was it built? I don't know, maybe you should keep it, if WWIII doesn't happen, we can always hide away our retirement cash. 




> That's a dance I can do - sitting in a row on the floor and swaying back and forth. The only problem in the old days was the spilt beer and broken glass on the dancefloor. 
> 
> Not too wet I gather. The tubers might rot in the ground. It's been very warm and dry here this spring, but the taties are doing well.


Ooh, I certainly wouldn't want to be pulling glass from my ar** and wondering how I got it the next morning. 
I'm trying to decide what the best size for a baking potato is. I bought some wonderful ones from Costco, about half a foot, they barely had any flavor and were tough as the dickens...took about 3 hours to bake. 




> I dreamt about Kate Middleton last night in what was probably a treasonable way. Mrs P says it's not my head that needs chopping off! These menages a trois are so difficult at times.


Ah, the princess. I think you should tell Mrs P that you were dreaming about Kate and it was just terrible, she wasn't air brushed in the dream and all of her old acne scars and white heads were showing; so you looked down the isle and a beautiful creature came walking toward you and when you woke up...there she was. 




> A worthy dream. I just had a vino vision of Claudette Colbert. Gibbon's had it all wrong, I tell you it was Claudette that brought down the Empire! (see below)
> 
> "Your a butterfly with the sting of a wasp. Take off your clothes and get in here and tell me all about it"
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pNNE_U8GOw
> 
> 
> .


Okay, have to check this out again; that is a wonderful quote.




> "Your a butterfly with the sting of a wasp. Take off your clothes and get in here and tell me all about it"
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8pNNE_U8GOw
> 
> 
> .


Take off your clothes and tell me all about it; meanwhile, we'll work on that stinger....hum, I wonder if we missed alittle girl action :Banghead:

----------


## DocHeart

> Take off your clothes and tell me all about it; meanwhile, we'll work on that stinger....hum, I wonder if we missed alittle girl action


Girl action?!

Parker, another one of what the lady's having, when you get a chance.

----------


## The Atheist

I'll get him to double up all round - seems to be working quite well!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Girl action?!
> 
> Parker, another one of what the lady's having, when you get a chance.





> I'll get him to double up all round - seems to be working quite well!


Yeah, I think I'm going to need a double tonight gents and a little girl action would be a welcome relief. My daughter checked out Mel Gibsons "The Passion" tonight for our movie night...I didn't get past the part where they hang him over a cliff..... :Cold:  :Eek6:  :Shocked:  :Ack2: 

So, if Claudette Colbert will lose some of that makeup when she goes down in that milk again, I think I could get into this stuff... :FRlol:

----------


## DocHeart

Crikey. I've just calculated I've smoked 209,875 cigarettes in my life.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...So, if Claudette Colbert will lose some of that makeup when she goes down in that milk again, I think I could get into this stuff...


Or you might consider becoming a "Baller Girl" : 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLpS4Phe0Wc

btw - is anyone familiar with the tune in the video? I need to get my hands on that.





> Crikey. I've just calculated I've smoked 209,875 cigarettes in my life.


Marlboro is looking for a new "man" !! Can you ride a horse?

------
Thought I'd share a pic of Gilliatt junior as he was helping clear off the stage following his HS Orchestra concert. photo quality's not the best, it was taken from the back of the auditorium w/ no flash:

----------


## Paulclem

Or you might consider becoming a "Baller Girl" :

btw - is anyone familiar with the tune in the video? I need to get my hands on that.


I'm completely bewildered by that video. I like the tune too, though I've never heard it before. 

Keep the wierd vids coming Gilliatt.

Nice picture of your boy. It's a great thing to be able to make music.

By the way, the "Serious Discussions" thread is becoming a little serious. I see you chaps are keeping out of it. I had a little tinker, but it's a bit pointless I realise. I'd not dipped into the Mozart thread, and so I didn't know what to expect. I'll be joining you chaps in the members only bar later.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Crikey. I've just calculated I've smoked 209,875 cigarettes in my life.


I'll bet you never catch colds, do you? My husband smoked 5 packs a day, never caught a cold. Viruses hate smoky breath, or maybe the lining along the throat is all callouses...




> Or you might consider becoming a "Baller Girl" : 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLpS4Phe0Wc
> 
> btw - is anyone familiar with the tune in the video? I need to get my hands on that.
> 
> 
> Marlboro is looking for a new "man" !! Can you ride a horse?
> 
> ...



I think I like the little mermaid girls swimming around in the fish tanks in bars better. 

Yes, young Gilliatt is quite adorable...talent too, take some of Gilliatts dna too Parker...






> By the way, the "Serious Discussions" thread is becoming a little serious. I see you chaps are keeping out of it. I had a little tinker, but it's a bit pointless I realise. I'd not dipped into the Mozart thread, and so I didn't know what to expect. I'll be joining you chaps in the members only bar later.


You don't say...I have to get over there! Every time I've been they're discussing the same stuff they were 3 years ago. Speking of profound discussions, where is our Jocky....and why hasn't Mark come back to tell us a joke?

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fb...type=1&theater Somebody said Jocky was spending the day at South Beach in Miami :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

> Crikey. I've just calculated I've smoked 209,875 cigarettes in my life.


Enough to make a trail from New York to Beijing.

Less after they've been smoked.




> Thought I'd share a pic of Gilliatt junior as he was helping clear off the stage following his HS Orchestra concert. photo quality's not the best, it was taken from the back of the auditorium w/ no flash:


Good grief - I'm guessing he takes after mom!

 :Biggrin: 




> I'll bet you never catch colds, do you? My husband smoked 5 packs a day, never caught a cold. Viruses hate smoky breath, or maybe the lining along the throat is all callouses...


He must've just been lucky, as any nurse on a non-surgical ward will tell you. 




> I think I like the little mermaid girls swimming around in the fish tanks in bars better.


There's just something about mermaids... 




> Somebody said Jocky was spending the day at South Beach in Miami







> By the way, the "Serious Discussions" thread is becoming a little serious.


Why do I get the impression that those threads pop up in droves around the time the loony-bin has a few day-release passes being handed out?

----------


## DocHeart

> He must've just been lucky, as any nurse on a non-surgical ward will tell you.



I don't care what a nurse on a non-surgical ward will tell me. It won't matter to me. I'll find her sexy anyway. It's a fetish thing.

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't care what a nurse on a non-surgical ward will tell me. It won't matter to me. I'll find her sexy anyway. It's a fetish thing.


 :Smilielol5: 

I've never got into the uniform fetish, but I used to get into some nice nurses in my youth.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> By the way, the "Serious Discussions" thread is becoming a little serious. I see you chaps are keeping out of it. I had a little tinker, but it's a bit pointless I realise. I'd not dipped into the Mozart thread, and so I didn't know what to expect. I'll be joining you chaps in the members only bar later.


Every so often I'll drop a response on the porch light it on fire then run. When it comes to M****t (I can't even bring myself to say the name), I'm quite satisfied that I settled that issue two years ago back in Dumas at the "Dreary Beery"




> ...Yes, young Gilliatt is quite adorable...talent too, take some of Gilliatts dna too Parker...


You would want my parents, any positive aspects you are implying skip a generation.





> ... Somebody said Jocky was spending the day at South Beach in Miami


Mine require suspenders too, but at least I have the decency to wear a shirt and breeches!




> ...Good grief - I'm guessing he takes after mom!


Ha! yes thankfully he picked up her Belgian qualities rather than father's "Slobic" ones.

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Ha! yes thankfully he picked up her Belgian qualities rather than father's "Slobic" ones.
> 
> .


How about that - we share ethnicity!

----------


## Mutatis-Mutandis

Are yanks welcome here? I've had many a fantasy about Kate Middleton, and her sister, if that helps.  :Nod: 



Nice.

----------


## The Atheist

> Are yanks welcome here? I've had many a fantasy about Kate Middleton, and her sister, if that helps.


Indeed, they are a lovely pair.

We already have several members from the former colony of USA, if that's what you mean, so certainly, pull up a chair, tell Parker what you're drinking, and come on in!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Are yanks welcome here? I've had many a fantasy about Kate Middleton, and her sister, if that helps. 
> 
> 
> 
> Nice.





So! That's where kate's gone. She left my fantasy about two weeks ago and I haven't seen her since. 

( Ask her where she put the pot of yoghurt and the bycycle pump when you next see her.)

----------


## The Atheist

> ( Ask her where she put the pot of yoghurt and the bycycle pump when you next see her.)


 :Eek2: 

I need a strong one after that!




> By the way, the "Serious Discussions" thread is becoming a little serious.


That seems to have been taken care of! A few whacks with the big stick by Scher and it quietened down nicely.

I'll get Parker to set her up a..

Scher, what would you like? Something long and refreshing after that workout!

 :Biggrin: 

____________________________________


I've had Parker lay in a few cases of Corgi Pale Ale in honour of Her Majesty's birthday observation in New Zealand.

To celebrate the occasion, I've put out a few anti-monarchists rants.

 :Cheers2:

----------


## Paulclem

> That seems to have been taken care of! A few whacks with the big stick by Scher and it quietened down nicely.
> 
> I'll get Parker to set her up a..
> 
> Scher, what would you like? Something long and refreshing after that workout!
> 
> 
> 
> ____________________________________
> ...


Whoa - that is some stick. 

I'd be wary of the Corgi "Pale Ale". 

The monarchy's arms are empire length.

----------


## prendrelemick

> That seems to have been taken care of! A few whacks with the big stick by Scher and it quietened down nicely.
> 
> I'll get Parker to set her up a..
> 
> Scher, what would you like? Something long and refreshing after that workout!
> 
> 
> 
> ____________________________________
> ...



She reminds me of a headmistress we used to have (Sher that is, not the Queen,) a few whacks across the back of the leg with two rulers would soon bring us into line. 

I realize now she used two rulers held together for sound effect purposes, they made a very loud THWACK! instantly cowering any dissent from the watching 6 year olds.

----------


## Paulclem

> She reminds me of a headmistress we used to have (Sher that is, not the Queen,) a few whacks across the back of the leg with two rulers would soon bring us into line. 
> 
> I realize now she used two rulers held together for sound effect purposes, they made a very loud THWACK! instantly cowering any dissent from the watching 6 year olds.


We used to get THE STRAP which, thinking back, was like a belt with no buckle, and not particularly painful. i think it was the anticipation of THE STRAP that caused the pain. 

We also used to get rules and slippers - or pumps across the backside. I've also been and seen kids get slapped - sometimes across the face. The Middle school i went to had the cane - which I never had the pleasure of. 

Ahh the good old days...

All the same, it was nothing to what you got at home anyway. My parents would say that it never did them any harm. They were nuts though, so I'm not too sure.

----------


## The Atheist

> She reminds me of a headmistress we used to have (Sher that is, not the Queen,) a few whacks across the back of the leg with two rulers would soon bring us into line.


That sounds a lot like wishful thinking! 




> I realize now she used two rulers held together for sound effect purposes, they made a very loud THWACK! instantly cowering any dissent from the watching 6 year olds.


I know what kept us in line - one day when I was about 8, the teacher beat the living crap out of my mate. She was in a fury, punctuating every second word she shouted at him with a very hard slap on the leg. After a couple of minutes, his leg was purple and he was crying hysterically.

We kept pretty quiet after that!




> The Middle school i went to had the cane - which I never had the pleasure of.


Oh yeah, lots of that at my high. When I was in the sixth form I was mostly in love with my English teacher and I can vividly remember her going white one day when the deputy head was giving some kid six of the absolute best right outside the room. You could tell from the sounds that he really stepping into them hard.

Nasty business, that. 

One of our teachers was a Maori All Black prop PE teacher. His classes were pretty well-behaved. 




> Ahh the good old days...
> 
> All the same, it was nothing to what you got at home anyway. My parents would say that it never did them any harm. They were nuts though, so I'm not too sure.


Well, it didn't always cause bad, but I do go along with laws that prohibit that kind of behaviour nowadays.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, it didn't always cause bad, but I do go along with laws that prohibit that kind of behaviour nowadays.


It's the thought that teachers would be able to do it to your kids. Most teachers are fine enouh, but some I wouldn't trust with the power.




> One of our teachers was a Maori All Black prop PE teacher. His classes were pretty well-behaved.


 :FRlol: 

Yes, physical prescence is alays respected by boys. It was a factor - the unspoken elephant in the room - when I was teaching - not that I was a bully teacher or anything like that. It was just the awareness that you got respect for physical prescence.

----------


## The Atheist

> It's the thought that teachers would be able to do it to your kids. Most teachers are fine enouh, but some I wouldn't trust with the power.


I am certain one of the teachers at my high used to cane on an inordinate number of third formers and have very strong suspicion that had a lot more to do with his sexual fantasies than behaviour, which is what put me off the idea of letting teachers do it.

As the youngest and youngest-looking boy at high when I started, I am eternally thankful I never got closer than 10m to him the entire time I was there.




> Yes, physical prescence is alays respected by boys. It was a factor - the unspoken elephant in the room - when I was teaching - not that I was a bully teacher or anything like that. It was just the awareness that you got respect for physical prescence.


Yeah, it's funny like that. Another teacher was also a 1st Class rugby player and I know for a fact he never touched a cane, let alone used one.

His classes, while often a bit noisy, were always well-behaved, but because he was a top bloke and we didn't want to piss him off. (I had him as a teacher all the way through.  :Wink: )

I notice one of my kid's school's teachers as having a really well-behaved class every year, and I'm sure it's because he is strict but without being a dick. That old R-E-S-P-E-C-T works.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I don't care what a nurse on a non-surgical ward will tell me. It won't matter to me. I'll find her sexy anyway. It's a fetish thing.


I don't know, maybe I'm looking at it from gender bias; but nurses have all the sex appeal of an 80 year old nun to me; which reminds me, any of you guys into nuns :FRlol: 




> I've never got into the uniform fetish, but I used to get into some nice nurses in my youth.


Do you have any idea where there hands have been, if so, you would never let them touch you! That's why I go after all doctors except gynecologists. 




> You would want my parents, any positive aspects you are implying skip a generation.
> 
> Mine require suspenders too, but at least I have the decency to wear a shirt and breeches!
> 
> Ha! yes thankfully he picked up her Belgian qualities rather than father's "Slobic" ones.
> 
> .


Well, I hope he has his dads witty personality. 
Thank you for sharing that; some of my endowments also require suspenders; but I've given up wearing them.  :FRlol: 




> Are yanks welcome here? I've had many a fantasy about Kate Middleton, and her sister, if that helps. 
> 
> 
> 
> Nice.


Theres just something wrong about women who wear dangling earrings and a bikini. 




> So! That's where kate's gone. She left my fantasy about two weeks ago and I haven't seen her since. 
> 
> ( Ask her where she put the pot of yoghurt and the bycycle pump when you next see her.)


You're probably getting interference from the fetal monitor :Idea:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ....We also used to get rules and slippers - or pumps across the backside. I've also been and seen kids get slapped - sometimes across the face. The Middle school i went to had the cane - which I never had the pleasure of. 
> 
> Ahh the good old days...





> ...I know what kept us in line - one day when I was about 8, the teacher beat the living crap out of my mate. She was in a fury,... 
> 
> ...One of our teachers was a Maori All Black prop PE teacher. His classes were pretty well-behaved...


I attended Catholic school for the first few years of grade school. I still have vivid memories of Sister Cecilia and her 12 inch Maple rule. She whacked your palms or wrists so hard, you could measure from the imprint left behind. My parents pulled me out and sent me to public school. I had the baseball coach for a history class in Junior High. He used a board, about the same proportions as a cricket bat. You don't want a baseball coach dolling out corporal "licks".




> ...some of my endowments also require suspenders; but I've given up wearing them....


Very funny !!

.

----------


## DocHeart

Only a few days after winning their sixth European Champion title in Barcelona, Spain, Panathinaikos of Athens clinched their 13th Greek Championship title in 14 years last night.

Panathinaikos went into the finals against Olympiakos Pireaus (also known as the scum of the earth) with a home-court disadvantage, but won the series 3-1 anyway - 'cause, you know. It's just the way it is. They have been the greatest club in Europe for so long that any aspiring challengers know they are just that, aspiring challengers. 

The six-time European champions won the fourth game in the series 101 - 94 in front of their home crowd who once again packed the OAKA Arena to capacity, even though they lost their captain (and European player of the year) Dimitris Diamantidis a few seconds into the game due to injury. Youngster John Kalathis took over at point guard and dominated the key with 16 points and 5 assists. Antonis Fotsis hit 6/6 three-pointers in his 28-point rampage, and Mike Batist (pictured below) kept crashing the boards scooping up 11 offensive rebounds and 22 points. 

For one night, we forgot our worries about the state our economy is in and had a chance to bring out the retsina and the bouzouki. Well, Panathinaikos fans did. Olympiakos fans didn't. Go on, ask me if I feel sorry for them...

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't know, maybe I'm looking at it from gender bias; but nurses have all the sex appeal of an 80 year old nun to me; which reminds me, any of you guys into nuns


No way! They become a hard habit to break, so I hear.




> Do you have any idea where there hands have been, if so, you would never let them touch you! That's why I go after all doctors except gynecologists.


I'd be more concerned about the proctologist! 





> I attended Catholic school for the first few years of grade school. I still have vivid memories of Sister Cecilia and her 12 inch Maple rule. She whacked your palms or wrists so hard, you could measure from the imprint left behind. My parents pulled me out and sent me to public school. I had the baseball coach for a history class in Junior High. He used a board, about the same proportions as a cricket bat. You don't want a baseball coach dolling out corporal "licks".


Ow!

Nuns have a horrible history of child abuse while teaching. Luckily for them, the behaviour of the priests allowed the nuns to hide away quietly.




> Only a few days after winning their sixth European Champion title in Barcelona, Spain, Panathinaikos of Athens clinched their 13th Greek Championship title in 14 years last night.


Congrats to you and your team!

I'm betting you're not too upset for the Olympiakos fans. Something about your post just gives me that impression:

_Olympiakos Pireaus (also known as the scum of the earth)_

 :Smilielol5: 

Basketball's going ok here at the moment as well, with our team having just taken out the Australian Champs.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I attended Catholic school for the first few years of grade school. I still have vivid memories of Sister Cecilia and her 12 inch Maple rule. She whacked your palms or wrists so hard, you could measure from the imprint left behind. My parents pulled me out and sent me to public school. I had the baseball coach for a history class in Junior High. He used a board, about the same proportions as a cricket bat. You don't want a baseball coach dolling out corporal "licks".
> 
> Very funny !!
> 
> .


I'm sure you wouldn't have minded your lashings if the nuns would have looked like Kate Middleton.
Thank you, it's good to be appreciated.




> No way! They become a hard habit to break, so I hear.
> 
> 
> I'd be more concerned about the proctologist! 
> 
> 
> Ow!
> 
> Nuns have a horrible history of child abuse while teaching. Luckily for them, the behaviour of the priests allowed the nuns to hide away quietly.


I don't know any women who go to proctologist...do we? hum, I don't know any proctologists that admit to being proctologists... :Idea: 

Really, well, I did meet a few gentlemen who found me irresistible in my white dresses, one later confided, though, that is was because my panty line showed through in the light. 

Did we used to hear much about the sins of priests? I don't recall it until the 80s; though my mother being a protestant had all sorts of stories about Catholics.

So, is Kate with child or not, Star says yes, Buckingham says no.

----------


## Paulclem

> I don't know any women who go to proctologist...do we? hum, I don't know any proctologists that admit to being proctologists...


Here in the UK the NHS calls us men up when we're 55 for a visit to the friendly local proctologist - not sure what they're called - well officially called - here. 

A friend of mine used to describe the visits. He said the chap usually looked a large ruddy faced giant who was of a genetic lineage of bale hauling agriculturalists whose usual hobbies included wrestling bulls or bending iron bars with their huge strapping hams. 

I don't know whether it just looked that way as he adopted the position...

Anyway - to the utter delight of our wives - the birthday party will be in full swing when the letter - like an uninvited bad fairy - will drop through the letter box with the euphemism - screening - typed in jagged black letters across the top.  :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

I shall be taking my own jar of vasaline.

----------


## DocHeart

Things a proctologist might say:


"Don't have a seat, I'll be right with you."

"Yes, I see a family resemblance."

"Out of K-Y Jelly? Oh well, let's do a dry run."

"I'm putting you on a low-bean diet."

"Nurse, give me a number 2 sandpaper glove."

"If you think that was a pain in the ***, wait till you get my bill."

"Nurse! Who let this ******* in my office?"

----------


## The Atheist

> I don't know any women who go to proctologist...do we? hum, I don't know any proctologists that admit to being proctologists...


Yeah, women don't feature high on the rectal disease list. Where's your equal rights there, eh?




> Here in the UK the NHS calls us men up when we're 55 for a visit to the friendly local proctologist - not sure what they're called - well officially called - here.


Do they have national prostate screening in UK?

There are signs of them wanting to do it here. Waste of time and money, and adverse medical results says it shouldn't happen, but some blokes get a bit of size envy at the girls' health budgets every so often... 




> A friend of mine used to describe the visits. He said the chap usually looked a large ruddy faced giant who was of a genetic lineage of bale hauling agriculturalists whose usual hobbies included wrestling bulls or bending iron bars with their huge strapping hams. 
> 
> I don't know whether it just looked that way as he adopted the position...


I think you'll find he means the hand size.

I always tell mates that if you're having anything done in that region, find a Chinese female doctor.  :Wink:  (I once had a Dutch bargee.  :Eek2: )




> Things a proctologist might say:
> 
> 
> "Don't have a seat, I'll be right with you."
> 
> "Yes, I see a family resemblance."
> 
> "Out of K-Y Jelly? Oh well, let's do a dry run."
> 
> ...

----------


## Paulclem

Yes I think they do prostate screening too. Either that or they're thinking about it.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Here in the UK the NHS calls us men up when we're 55 for a visit to the friendly local proctologist - not sure what they're called - well officially called - here. 
> 
> A friend of mine used to describe the visits. He said the chap usually looked a large ruddy faced giant who was of a genetic lineage of bale hauling agriculturalists whose usual hobbies included wrestling bulls or bending iron bars with their huge strapping hams. 
> 
> I don't know whether it just looked that way as he adopted the position...
> 
> Anyway - to the utter delight of our wives - the birthday party will be in full swing when the letter - like an uninvited bad fairy - will drop through the letter box with the euphemism - screening - typed in jagged black letters across the top.


Isn't it strange how fellows with wide, heavy hands always go into jobs like glass blowing, proctology and gynecology. I had a doctor with huge hands who thought I had some sort of post traumatic stess because he said I bit him when his hands were in my mouth; the doctor was so huge that my teeth grazed his hands and his private parts always grazed the patients leg when he was doing an examination.  :FRlol: 




> I shall be taking my own jar of vasaline.





> Things a proctologist might say:
> 
> 
> "Don't have a seat, I'll be right with you."
> 
> "Yes, I see a family resemblance."
> 
> "Out of K-Y Jelly? Oh well, let's do a dry run."
> 
> ...


Aren't their any female proctologists...of course, ones who don't wear glue on nails. 




> Yeah, women don't feature high on the rectal disease list. Where's your equal rights there, eh?
> 
> 
> 
> Do they have national prostate screening in UK?
> 
> There are signs of them wanting to do it here. Waste of time and money, and adverse medical results says it shouldn't happen, but some blokes get a bit of size envy at the girls' health budgets every so often... 
> 
> 
> ...


I've avoided colonoscopies even though I'm a few years past 50. I had never met a woman with colon cancer except ladies of the night; but recently I talked with my ex's sister and she got colon cancer in her early 30's.


That reminds me Atheist, do any of you fellows remember when "trolling" met prostituting? Apparently, it means something else now

----------


## The Atheist

> Yes I think they do prostate screening too. Either that or they're thinking about it.


Against the sound findings of the BMJ, no less.




> That reminds me Atheist, do any of you fellows remember when "trolling" met prostituting? Apparently, it means something else now


Yes!

Although I've always used it in fishing rather than that kind of hooking. I guess you could troll for hookers on the internet!

----------


## The Atheist

Looks like winter might be finally starting here and we haven't been back to our beach yet.

Lizzie's birthday was taken up with more civilised pursuits:



(the winner of the Open Hurdle at Ellerslie racecourse on Monday)

----------


## prendrelemick

Ah a day at the races, that photo could have been taken this spring at Haydock - doesn't New Zealand do Autumn?

The daughter went to York races last month. She put £5 on a horse and it won, so she put £10 on a horse in the next, that won too. She went to put £20 on one in the next, but couldn't get to her lucky bookie in time, and the horse won. She had chosen horses she liked the look of, nothing to do with form.

Her boyfriend then got her to put all his remaining stake money on a horse she fancied in the next, and he lost it all.

That lady luck, fickle as ever.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ah a day at the races, that photo could have been taken this spring at Haydock - doesn't New Zealand do Autumn?
> 
> The daughter went to York races last month. She put £5 on a horse and it won, so she put £10 on a horse in the next, that won too. She went to put £20 on one in the next, but couldn't get to her lucky bookie in time, and the horse won. She had chosen horses she liked the look of, nothing to do with form.
> 
> Her boyfriend then got her to put all his remaining stake money on a horse she fancied in the next, and he lost it all.
> 
> That lady luck, fickle as ever.


I once played a rugby game in the middle of York racecourse. It was a saturda morning, but no races were going on at the time.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Isn't it strange how fellows with wide, heavy hands always go into jobs like glass blowing, proctology and gynecology...
> 
> ...Aren't their any female proctologists...of course, ones who don't wear glue on nails. 
> 
> ....That reminds me Atheist, do any of you fellows remember when "trolling" met prostituting? Apparently, it means something else now


I received the white glove treatment a couple of years ago. 
My Dr. is from India, *she* has big hands.




> Looks like winter might be finally starting here and we haven't been back to our beach yet.
> 
> Lizzie's birthday was taken up with more civilised pursuits:
> 
> 
> 
> (the winner of the Open Hurdle at Ellerslie racecourse on Monday)



Hold your Jackalopes!!...is Lizzie one of yours? 
Great job and/or happy birthday.


--------
Entirely random; a fresh layer of chemtrail dust just settled on my property last night and it got me to thinking about other wordly phenomenon. I found this postcard I picked up the last time I passed through Roswell New Mexico:



The caption on the back reads: 
"Major Jesse Marcel inspects material as "Mac" Brazel discusses finding the debris field on the ranch near Corona, New Mexico, July 7, 1947"

Looks like we have an anniversary coming up!


.

----------


## The Atheist

> The caption on the back reads: 
> "Major Jesse Marcel inspects material as "Mac" Brazel discusses finding the debris field on the ranch near Corona, New Mexico, July 7, 1947"
> 
> Looks like we have an anniversary coming up!


God, if only that had happened in the days when people had cameras with films in them and not just aeroplanes, TV, radio, computers, atomic bombs, Lucky Strike cigarettes and Willy's Jeeps. What a pic that would have made!

Anyway, it's now all clear on Roswell, had you not caught up with that?

It wasn't aliens, but Russian mutant midget dwarfs, courtesy of the Angel of Death himself, direct from Auschwitz, Herr Doktor Mengele. 

And I know that's true, because it was written by an investigative journalist and it was in a real newspaper!

[/frantically searches for nose-thumbing emoticon....]

----------


## soundofmusic

> Looks like winter might be finally starting here and we haven't been back to our beach yet.
> 
> Lizzie's birthday was taken up with more civilised pursuits:
> 
> 
> 
> (the winner of the Open Hurdle at Ellerslie racecourse on Monday)


Isn't the horse supposed to jump the hurdle? 




> Ah a day at the races, that photo could have been taken this spring at Haydock - doesn't New Zealand do Autumn?
> 
> The daughter went to York races last month. She put £5 on a horse and it won, so she put £10 on a horse in the next, that won too. She went to put £20 on one in the next, but couldn't get to her lucky bookie in time, and the horse won. She had chosen horses she liked the look of, nothing to do with form.
> 
> Her boyfriend then got her to put all his remaining stake money on a horse she fancied in the next, and he lost it all.
> 
> That lady luck, fickle as ever.


Haha  :Cool: 



> I received the white glove treatment a couple of years ago. 
> My Dr. is from India, *she* has big hands.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hold your Jackalopes!!...is Lizzie one of yours? 
> Great job and/or happy birthday.
> 
> ...


Is the doctor big everywhere else? My gosh, how far did you have to go to find a big indian woman? You know, I never quite trust people that tell me to drop my pants and look the other way...are you sure it was a doctor...

And talking of getting taken...how about those air ballons.... :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fb...type=1&theater Somebody said Jocky was spending the day at South Beach in Miami


That is my brother Hamish he works full time as a male stripper, apparently the Women's Institute were most impressed by his last performance. Just between us he has a few shortcomings if you get my drift.  :Yesnod:

----------


## jocky

I note with great interest that surgical procedures seem to be the hot topic of the day. It was on this very subject that Mrs Jocky and I came very close to divorce. Those of you with a squeamish disposition should look away now. It all started five minutes after young Jocky was born, I was sitting with my tea and toast watching the medical team repairing the carnage when I asked the midwife if there was any chance of them inserting a few extra stitches. Well for some reason beyond my limited comprehension Mrs J leapt out of the bed and tried to strangle me, encouraged by several members of the female maternity staff. After all I had been through you would have thought a little sympathy and compassion would have been forthcoming.  :Smile:

----------


## stlukesguild

School is out for the summer and I finally go around to ordaining the grill for the first time with some marvelous brats and the thickest New York Strip cut steaks. Young's Double Chocolate goes to wonderfully with this. I've got 4 pints sitting ready in the 'fridge with an Ommegang ale to wrap things up. I've got the evening's listening also lined up: Thelonius Monk, The Louvin Brothers, Johnny Cash, the Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan. Should be a wonderful evening... although whether I'm able to get up and get into the studio tomorrow morning is another story.

Right now listening to:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HISecnfIFU

----------


## jocky

> School is out for the summer and I finally go around to ordaining the grill for the first time with some marvelous brats and the thickest New York Strip cut steaks. Young's Double Chocolate goes to wonderfully with this. I've got 4 pints sitting ready in the 'fridge with an Ommegang ale to wrap things up. I've got the evening's listening also lined up: Thelonius Monk, The Louvin Brothers, Johnny Cash, the Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan. Should be a wonderful evening... although whether I'm able to get up and get into the studio tomorrow morning is another story.
> 
> Right now listening to:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HISecnfIFU


Enjoyed the Monk piece, shades of Acker Bilk or perhaps the other way round, your taste in music is first class. I got your subliminal message and take on board your observations. Perhaps we should just learn to live with each other. Have a good vacation as you thoroughly deserve it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> School is out for the summer and I finally go around to ordaining the grill for the first time with some marvelous brats and the thickest New York Strip cut steaks. Young's Double Chocolate goes to wonderfully with this. I've got 4 pints sitting ready in the 'fridge with an Ommegang ale to wrap things up. I've got the evening's listening also lined up: Thelonius Monk, The Louvin Brothers, Johnny Cash, the Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan. Should be a wonderful evening... although whether I'm able to get up and get into the studio tomorrow morning is another story.
> 
> Right now listening to:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HISecnfIFU





> Enjoyed the Monk piece, shades of Acker Bilk or perhaps the other way round, your taste in music is first class. I got your subliminal message and take on board your observations. Perhaps we should just learn to live with each other. Have a good vacation as you thoroughly deserve it.


Two of the Blokes finest return for some home brew :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvKb...eature=related

St. Lukes, sounds like you have a great evening lined up. Congratulations on your freedom.
ordaining the grill? Either youve already been tipping the bottle and missing keys, orcome to think of it, that makes perfect sense; ordaining the grill.

You can take care of Dylan and Cash in one shot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PEVK66jsEM


.

----------


## jocky

Gilliatt, it is fairly obvious that Stukes has been draining the bottle, sorry I mean the drain, no I meant derailing the girl. Well you know what I mean. Cue Atheist.

----------


## stlukesguild

Actually the beer hasn't done it's work yet. I haven't even needed to rely on spell check so far. So let's break out this stuff:



8.5% alcohol... that ought to get things warmed up.

Current listening:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kizPITXG9Ag

 :Smash:

----------


## stlukesguild

Perhaps I should move on to Hank Williams next... but then it almost seems blasphemy to be drinking Belgian ale to Hank. Nothing but some good Kentucky whiskey or bourbon for Hank!  :Smilewinkgrin:  :Smash:

----------


## The Atheist

Mate! Great to see you back again.

Broken the shackles for another week?




> ... I asked the midwife if there was any chance of them inserting a few extra stitches...


Yes, women make such a fuss during childbirth. I've been present at all four and it didn't look all that difficult!

The Real Blokes' [TM] trick to talking about episiotomy stitches is actually to tell the surgeon to leave a couple _out_.

 :Wink:

----------


## jocky

Since we are all in a joyous mood of alcohol induced stupefaction how about this for a half decent song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QE8YLPHZImw

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Perhaps I should move on to Hank Williams next... but then it almost seems blasphemy to be drinking Belgian ale to Hank. Nothing but some good Kentucky whiskey or bourbon for Hank!


Funny you should mention Kentucky, I'm working on some Maker's Mark as we type.




> ...Mrs J leapt out of the bed and tried to strangle me,


By the way Jocky, where the hell do you go on these extended sabbaticals?
Rumor has it, you've been held up in Paul's Ivy League cottage tormenting the residents of his allotment.


.

----------


## stlukesguild

Joyous drinking songs? I prefer the dark stuff. Of course I can't help it. I'm listening to Johnny Cash right now... and wouldn't you know he'd sing the same song that was on the Louvin Brothers disc:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rct5EEt1VfA

Of course Johnny hits you like an Old Testament prophet... 

hell, he even looked one... 



That's a face that Michelangelo would have loved. I can just imagine it on a sculpture of Isaiah or Abraham.  :Biggrin:  

although this might be my favorite photo of Johnny:



Expressing his thoughts, perhaps, on commercial Nashville "country" music.

 :Smash:

----------


## jocky

> By the way Jocky, where the hell do you go on these extended sabbaticals?
> Rumor has it, you've been held up in Paul's Ivy League cottage tormenting the residents of his allotment.
> 
> 
> .


I have been worrying myself sick over Atheist's assertion that the Gulf stream is going to shift and Scotland will revert to an ice-age glacier. Then I got to thinking about the upside, as there always is, and the horror of our southern neighbours dealing with a mass invasion of six million Jocks. Farms and allotments in England look a very inviting prospect for us homeless supplicants. Mick and Paul had better pray that the weather forecast changes as mutton and aubergines will go down very nicely. In fact some of my fellow compatriots are planning to invade Halifax, nothing to do with survival you understand, for the specific pleasure of stringing up Brian Moore.

----------


## jocky

> Joyous drinking songs? I prefer the dark stuff. Of course I can't help it. I'm listening to Johnny Cash right now... and wouldn't you know he'd sing the same song that was on the Louvin Brothers disc:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rct5EEt1VfA
> 
> Of course Johnny hits you like an Old Testament prophet... 
> 
> hell, he even looked one... 
> 
> 
> ...


Right enough Johnny has always been what we term in Scotland ' A looker '  :Smile:

----------


## stlukesguild

You can take care of Dylan and Cash in one shot:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PEVK66jsEM

Great... but the Dylan I have lined up is the ultimate Dylan classic:



As for Johnny Cash duets... you can't beat this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3YFmpSFJ40

Johnny virtually condenses Cormac McCarthy's bleak view of America into a few brilliant lines:

I went out searching
looking for one good man
a spirit who would not bend or break
who would sit at his father's right hand.
*I went out walking
with a Bible and a gun (!!!!)*
the word of God lay heavy on my heart
I was sure I was the one...

Scarily, this is the core American culture for many:

*I went out walking
with a Bible and a gun*

----------


## stlukesguild

Right enough Johnny has always been what we term in Scotland ' A looker 

Ummm.... I'm not certain that translates into American English all that well. A "looker" here is usually someone about whom you might have fantasies involving getting naked. I'm just not sure Johnny fits that bill...

 :Shocked:  :Yikes: 

Of course you might just have intended irony (something we don't get in the States... especially after a couple pints of beer). 

But we do know how to smash things:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0HuToOuc9cA

 :Smash:  :Smash:  :Smash:  :Crazy: 

By the way... I'm currently taking a break with some Australian piss-water. I found an oil can of Fosters in the back of the 'fridge and thought it best to finish that before returning to the Young's Chocolate stout.

----------


## stlukesguild

Closing in on mid-night... time for:



 :Smash:  :Smash:  :Smash:  :Smash:

----------


## The Atheist

> I have been worrying myself sick over Atheist's assertion that the Gulf stream is going to shift and Scotland will revert to an ice-age glacier. Then I got to thinking about the upside, as there always is, and the horror of our southern neighbours dealing with a mass invasion of six million Jocks. Farms and allotments in England look a very inviting prospect for us homeless supplicants. Mick and Paul had better pray that the weather forecast changes as mutton and aubergines will go down very nicely. In fact some of my fellow compatriots are planning to invade Halifax, nothing to do with survival you understand, for the specific pleasure of stringing up Brian Moore.




The timing of that post as I read Tom Sharpe's _The Throwback_ is almost too much!

----------


## Paulclem

There'll always be a place in the shed for you Jocky. no need to invade. You'll even have a choice of fallout Bunker and Ivy cottage, though you'll have to vacate Ivy cottage on a Wed afternoon as that's when old Fred goes in for a sit down. 

I know what you mean about Johnny being a looker. His nose is pretty straight compared to us Northern types.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I have been worrying myself sick over Atheist's assertion that the Gulf stream is going to shift and Scotland will revert to an ice-age glacier. Then I got to thinking about the upside, as there always is, and the horror of our southern neighbours dealing with a mass invasion of six million Jocks. Farms and allotments in England look a very inviting prospect for us homeless supplicants. Mick and Paul had better pray that the weather forecast changes as mutton and aubergines will go down very nicely. In fact some of my fellow compatriots are planning to invade Halifax, nothing to do with survival you understand, for the specific pleasure of stringing up Brian Moore.



In that case I have a barn with a beam, and I'm sure there will be a bit of old rope lying around somewhere...

----------


## jocky

> There'll always be a place in the shed for you Jocky. no need to invade.


That is a most generous offer Paul. According to the latest intelligence reports I have already visited your shed. Strange thing is I have no recollection of being there, I must have been on a bender.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> In that case I have a barn with a beam, and I'm sure there will be a bit of old rope lying around somewhere...


SO old potato head Moore is not loved in his own country either, what a surprise !

----------


## Paulclem

> That is a most generous offer Paul. According to the latest intelligence reports I have already visited your shed. Strange thing is I have no recollection of being there, I must have been on a bender.


Did you find the plastic bottle with my stash of spiced rum?

----------


## soundofmusic

> That is my brother Hamish he works full time as a male stripper, apparently the Women's Institute were most impressed by his last performance. Just between us he has a few shortcomings if you get my drift.


Ah, poor Hamish, with such shortcomings I think the Womens institute has the wrong brother dancing :Wink5: 




> I note with great interest that surgical procedures seem to be the hot topic of the day. It was on this very subject that Mrs Jocky and I came very close to divorce. Those of you with a squeamish disposition should look away now. It all started five minutes after young Jocky was born, I was sitting with my tea and toast watching the medical team repairing the carnage when I asked the midwife if there was any chance of them inserting a few extra stitches. Well for some reason beyond my limited comprehension Mrs J leapt out of the bed and tried to strangle me, encouraged by several members of the female maternity staff. After all I had been through you would have thought a little sympathy and compassion would have been forthcoming.


I would have thought she would have thanked you :Angelsad2: ; though I'm not sure that making something smaller really helps. Reminds me of a friend of mine who was walking like a duck for a week in horrible pain, I asked him what was wrong and he confided that while his lady was away, he attended a party where the drinking prize was a coffee mug in the shape of a ladies....
which doubled as a.....Well, apparently my friend didn't realize that it was a joke mug, not meant for use and tried it on for size... :Blush2: 




> School is out for the summer and I finally go around to ordaining the grill for the first time with some marvelous brats and the thickest New York Strip cut steaks. Young's Double Chocolate goes to wonderfully with this. I've got 4 pints sitting ready in the 'fridge with an Ommegang ale to wrap things up. I've got the evening's listening also lined up: Thelonius Monk, The Louvin Brothers, Johnny Cash, the Rolling Stones, and Bob Dylan. Should be a wonderful evening... although whether I'm able to get up and get into the studio tomorrow morning is another story.
> 
> Right now listening to:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1HISecnfIFU


Steaks and Chocolate, what woman could resist this party...after a few drinks I might even dance to a boy named Sue.




> Two of the Blokes finest return for some home brew :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVvKb...eature=related
> 
> St. Lukes, sounds like you have a great evening lined up. Congratulations on your freedom.
> “ordaining” the grill? Either you’ve already been tipping the bottle and missing keys, or…come to think of it, that makes perfect sense; “ordaining the grill”.
> 
> You can take care of Dylan and Cash in one shot:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PEVK66jsEM
> ...


That's not a pretty sight, Dylan and Cash together...let me take another drink.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Mate! Great to see you back again.
> 
> Broken the shackles for another week?
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, women make such a fuss during childbirth. I've been present at all four and it didn't look all that difficult!
> 
> The Real Blokes' [TM] trick to talking about episiotomy stitches is actually to tell the surgeon to leave a couple _out_.


God, I can still feel a twinge where they had those stitches...
I think if I were a man, though, I would wimp out when it came to standing next to the delivery table or I'd take a few hits of something first :Puke: 




> Did you find the plastic bottle with my stash of spiced rum?


Did we ever decide if you can put liquor in a plastic bottle?

----------


## Paulclem

I've never had a problem, but then my taste buds are not very discerning.

When I was a poor pre-student i used to put a little something into a handy catheter bag - you know the ones with the little tap. Great for top ups. 

You will tell me if I start repeating myself won't you? That's twice now tonight I've had the feeling I'm repeating myself. I don't want to be one of those old guys who regales you with the same stories every time he sees you. 

Occaisionally I have to stop myself from telling the kids the same things - now they just pull that stretchy lip teen face. I do that one well too.

----------


## jocky

> Did you find the plastic bottle with my stash of spiced rum?


No, but I seem to remember seeing a poster of Leopold Von Ranke, a stash of Playboy Magazines from the 1980's , a copy of Samuel Smile's ' Self Help ' and a pamphlet on the ' The Glory Of Allotments '. Either that or I may have been in my own shed.  :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Ah, poor Hamish


 Soundo, how long have you been on the Cold Ale Thread ? You would think by now you could get it right ! It is ' Alas, poor Hamish ' This is getting tiresome having to correct everyones use of the Engerlish language. On that note I am going to my berd.

----------


## The Atheist

> God, I can still feel a twinge where they had those stitches...


I think of the three episiotomies I've watched every time I'm slicing fillet steak.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> No, but I seem to remember seeing a poster of Leopold Von Ranke, a stash of Playboy Magazines from the 1980's , a copy of Samuel Smile's ' Self Help ' and a pamphlet on the ' The Glory Of Allotments '. Either that or I may have been in my own shed.


 :FRlol: 

Under the netting in the corner? No definately not my shed. I shall be down there tomorrow morning confirming that too.

----------


## jocky

I wonder what Vasari and Ruskin would have made of this,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRJxafiqHvw

----------


## prendrelemick

Ruskin would understand.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I wonder what Vasari and Ruskin would have made of this,
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QRJxafiqHvw





> Ruskin would understand.


The reemergence of the Hudson River School.

--------------------

Heading home this past Friday, I cranked the wheel toward my usual haunt to pick up some spirits. The initial goal was to treat myself to a bottle of fine Belgian Ale to celebrate Father's Day, but as I pulled up in front of the spirit house, I noticed the reflection of my truck in the storefront glazing. Suddenly, I was drawn back to my youth visiting my maternal Grandmother down in Houston. She, being of solid Moravian stock, had a natural proclivity to Drambuie. I recall the empty bottles under her bed and the sweet Drambuie aroma blending with that time honored smell typically associated with Grandmothers and their Depression era homes. 

It is fathers day and as it turns out mine claimed he had some traces of Scotch in his veins; a claim backed up on Audio Fidelity vinyl in the form of the 9th Regiment Bagpipe Band.

So, it all makes sense nowbuying that Drambuie.

A *wood* (pre cardboard) Drambuie crate from my Grandmothers house, my fathers LP and my bottle of Drambuie:










For the Bloke dadsHappy Fathers Day
(For Sundoffa belated Happy Mothers day)


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33iJp...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=amKyA2PrSu4



.

----------


## Paulclem

> The reemergence of the Hudson River School.
> 
> --------------------
> 
> Heading home this past Friday, I cranked the wheel toward my usual haunt to pick up some spirits. The initial goal was to treat myself to a bottle of fine Belgian Ale to celebrate Father's Day, but as I pulled up in front of the spirit house, I noticed the reflection of my truck in the storefront glazing. Suddenly, I was drawn back to my youth visiting my maternal Grandmother down in Houston. She, being of solid Moravian stock, had a natural proclivity to Drambuie. I recall the empty bottles under her bed and the sweet Drambuie aroma blending with that time honored smell typically associated with Grandmother’s and their Depression era homes. 
> 
> It is father’s day and as it turns out mine claimed he had some traces of Scotch in his veins; a claim backed up on Audio Fidelity vinyl in the form of the “9th Regiment Bagpipe Band”.
> 
> So, it all makes sense now…buying that Drambuie.
> ...


What a fine picture with a fine provenance that is Gilliat. It's a picture and story that should go on the Blokes Club Wall at the back of the bar. 

Happy Fathers day too.

This morning I was given a copy of Boccaccio's Decameron and Rob Roy by Walter Scott. What fine children to get me what I asked for. 

I had a nip of whiskey in the coffee down at the allotment, and I bought a couple of bottles of pear cider to try. very nice. 

Note to Jocky:

I've put a few bottles of "home brew" in the shed, though the brewery is our wormery. I've named it "Codger's Old Fart" due to it's singular bouquet. 

I wouldn't recommend it as it may induce spontaneous vomiting, and if it doesn't, then it may well be a trip down to casualty for the old stomach pumping. 

Just thought I'd mention it before you decided to have a swig of the black stuff.

----------


## jocky

> Heading home this past Friday, I cranked the wheel toward my usual haunt to pick up some spirits. The initial goal was to treat myself to a bottle of fine Belgian Ale to celebrate Father's Day, but as I pulled up in front of the spirit house, I noticed the reflection of my truck in the storefront glazing. Suddenly, I was drawn back to my youth visiting my maternal Grandmother down in Houston. She, being of solid Moravian stock, had a natural proclivity to Drambuie. I recall the empty bottles under her bed and the sweet Drambuie aroma blending with that time honored smell typically associated with Grandmothers and their Depression era homes. 
> 
> It is fathers day and as it turns out mine claimed he had some traces of Scotch in his veins; a claim backed up on Audio Fidelity vinyl in the form of the 9th Regiment Bagpipe Band.
> 
> So, it all makes sense nowbuying that Drambuie.
> 
> A *wood* (pre cardboard) Drambuie crate from my Grandmothers house, my fathers LP and my bottle of Drambuie:
> 
> 
> ...


Ah, the Drambuie made famous by Prince Charles Edward Louis Casimir Sylvester Maria Stewart. Unfortunately for him it finally done for him in a tenement in Rome where he died a drunk and wife-beater. There used to be a drinking game in Scotland where after much imbibing of Drambuie the guests were invited to raise a toast to the said Prince, reciting his full name.
Needless to say the results were always a hoot.

I recall once being awakened early in the morning by the Pipes and Drums playing Amazing Grace. I thought to myself that is the best I have heard our Regimental P&D playing. I opened the cutains only to find that it was the Irish Rangers. It pains me to say it but they put our lot to shame.




> Note to Jocky:
> 
> I've put a few bottles of "home brew" in the shed, though the brewery is our wormery. I've named it "Codger's Old Fart" due to it's singular bouquet. 
> 
> I wouldn't recommend it as it may induce spontaneous vomiting, and if it doesn't, then it may well be a trip down to casualty for the old stomach pumping. 
> 
> Just thought I'd mention it before you decided to have a swig of the black stuff.


It is a good job I tried it out on Turncoat first, you will be receiving the hefty vets bill very shortly. Still I found your Spicy Rum and very tasty it was too.

----------


## prendrelemick

I once tried to distill some bitter dandilion wine my father had laid down in the 60's. Out of one whole demijohn of wine I got a small ketchup bottle of clear liquid. After sampling it we decided it would be best kept with the other cleaning products under the sink.

----------


## Paulclem

> I once tried to distill some bitter dandilion wine my father had laid down in the 60's. Out of one whole demijohn of wine I got a small ketchup bottle of clear liquid. After sampling it we decided it would be best kept with the other cleaning products under the sink.


I once made some elderflower wine. unfortunately I neglected to remove the stalks from the flowers. So the wine smelled and tasted of the green stalks. 

it was strong though, and I managed to get it down with dashes of lemonade. Times were hard.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ah, the Drambuie made famous by Prince Charles Edward Louis Casimir Sylvester Maria Stewart...
> ...the guests were invited to raise a toast to the said Prince, reciting his full name...


So Jocky, do you have any suggestions on how I should drink this stuff? I've had it straight in a shot glass, mixed with a little Dr. Pepper. 

The label mentions a "Rusty Nail". Sure I could look it up, but I would rather learn of it from a veteran whose been hammered a few times. 




> I once tried to distill some bitter dandilion wine my father had laid down in the 60's. Out of one whole demijohn of wine I got a small ketchup bottle of clear liquid. After sampling it we decided it would be best kept with the other cleaning products under the sink.


Haha. You know that might make a good accelerant for getting the charcoal briquettes fired up. Heck, it could serve double duty as a marinade!




> I once made some elderflower wine...
> ..Times were hard.


Haha
Speaking of hard times, legend has it that the Drambuie Grandmother made beer in her bathtub during Prohibition.

Paul I just realized...have you considered turning those potatoes into vodka?

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've never had a problem, but then my taste buds are not very discerning.
> 
> When I was a poor pre-student i used to put a little something into a handy catheter bag - you know the ones with the little tap. Great for top ups. 
> 
> You will tell me if I start repeating myself won't you? That's twice now tonight I've had the feeling I'm repeating myself. I don't want to be one of those old guys who regales you with the same stories every time he sees you. 
> 
> Occaisionally I have to stop myself from telling the kids the same things - now they just pull that stretchy lip teen face. I do that one well too.


No, I'm sure you haven't told that one...I'd remember...that is alittle scary.  :Smilielol5: 




> Soundo, how long have you been on the Cold Ale Thread ? You would think by now you could get it right ! It is ' Alas, poor Hamish ' This is getting tiresome having to correct everyones use of the Engerlish language. On that note I am going to my berd.


I might have had it right by now Jocky; but I really need constant reinforcement an you keep going off for your hiatuses in Pauls shed. 




> I think of the three episiotomies I've watched every time I'm slicing fillet steak.


Don't tell me they have you do the cut too...ewww; I'm never reincarnating as a man; though, the idea of the endowments do fascinate me...if only I could come back as one who has lots of hair on his head and none on his ar**... :Smilielol5:

----------


## jocky

> So Jocky, do you have any suggestions on how I should drink this stuff? I've had it straight in a shot glass, mixed with a little Dr. Pepper. 
> 
> The label mentions a "Rusty Nail". Sure I could look it up, but I would rather learn of it from a veteran whose been hammered a few times. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .


In my experience those who ask the right questions usually think they know all the answers. You are so far ahead of yourself you should be careful you don't bump into yourself on the way back, this usually results in an unneccessary headache. I only tasted the stuff once and it was disgusting.




> I might have had it right by now Jocky; but I really need constant reinforcement an you keep going off for your hiatuses in Pauls shed.


Yes, it is clearly an unfortunate repercussion of the herd mentality, I will do my utmost to stop it from happening again. Let us raise our glasses and drink a toast to individuality and the poor suckers that have kept it a reality for the West, not Drambuie, Cheers!

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul I just realized...have you considered turning those potatoes into vodka?
> 
> .


Well... I do have 5 beds of potatoes going and a tub in the garden... have you heard of the Irish version - pocine?




> It is a good job I tried it out on Turncoat first, you will be receiving the hefty vets bill very shortly. Still I found your Spicy Rum and very tasty it was too.


I should have called our dog something like that. He's Mrs Paulclem's dog, and makes it patently obvious every time he bites me. I had to chase over the green after him today as he was chasing a car - (should have left him to it, but Mrs Paulclem's wrath would see us meeting at the shed). 

The rum is good - and on offer in Sainsbury's at the moment. The bill's not so tasty though...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> In my experience those who ask the right questions usually think they know all the answers. You are so far ahead of yourself you should be careful you don't bump into yourself on the way back, this usually results in an unneccessary headache. I only tasted the stuff once and it was disgusting.


Ha, yes I've always had a problem with thinking before I act and walking too fast !

As for the "Rusty Nail", here's what I found: 1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky, 1/2 oz Drambuie and 1 twist lemon peel. Unfortunately I don't have Scotch Whiskey, but I do have some Makers Mark and Chianti.




> Well... I do have 5 beds of potatoes going and a tub in the garden... have you heard of the Irish version - pocine?


I can't say that I have. Google is swaying me to "poRcine"...
"...or pork terrine made out of pig trotters and other, supplementary meats. Pig trotter terrine, vodka and pickles.. 
and some think Drambuie is disgusting.

.

----------


## Calidore

> As for the "Rusty Nail", here's what I found: 1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky, 1/2 oz Drambuie and 1 twist lemon peel. Unfortunately I don't have Scotch Whiskey, but I do have some Makers Mark and Chianti.
> 
> [snip]
> 
> and some think Drambuie is disgusting.
> 
> .


If you like scotch, as I do, you'll probably like Drambuie, as it's a scotch-based liqueur. I love Rusty Nails.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Ha, yes I've always had a problem with thinking before I act and walking too fast !
> 
> As for the "Rusty Nail", here's what I found: 1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky, 1/2 oz Drambuie and 1 twist lemon peel. Unfortunately I don't have Scotch Whiskey, but I do have some Makers Mark and Chianti.
> 
> 
> 
> I can't say that I have. Google is swaying me to "poRcine"...
> "...or pork terrine made out of pig trotters and other, supplementary meats. Pig trotter terrine, vodka and pickles.. 
> and some think Drambuie is disgusting.
> ...


Try "Potcheen".

And now here is a warning if you dont want to make your own still.

DO NOT take a 2 gallon pan with a conical shaped lid.

DO NOT half fill with fermented friut (or potato)juice.

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES float a small bowl in the juice .

NEVER put the lid on upside down and fill with ice cubes.

Should you accidently do all this DON'T then place over a gentle heat.

----------


## Paulclem

> Try "Potcheen".
> 
> And now here is a warning if you dont want to make your own still.
> 
> DO NOT take a 2 gallon pan with a conical shaped lid.
> 
> DO NOT half fill with fermented friut (or potato)juice.
> 
> UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES float a small bowl in the juice .
> ...


Cheers. That's the one.

Any ankle cures chaps? I've got a thrumming ligament on the outside of my ankle that is givng me a bit of gyp.

----------


## prendrelemick

R&R unfortunately Paul, but if that is not an option I find those neoprene ankle/knee/elbow supports quite good, you can carry on while it slowly gets better. 

If not, I've got an old ketchup bottle of something under the sink...



By the way chaps is anyone watching Wimbers this year? Still no one to hold a candle to the lovely Steffi. The onetime contender Maria Sharapova was looking a bit ropey this afternoon, and Hantucwhatever has gone out early. Only the Tutonic Lisicki has impressed me this year, the way she thrashed those balls around was quite magnificent.

----------


## DocHeart

> Any ankle cures chaps? I've got a thrumming ligament on the outside of my ankle that is givng me a bit of gyp.



If you've got a good woman to bring you a can of beer while you rest it, ice it, compress it and elevate it (RICE), you'll be apples.

----------


## The Atheist

> Any ankle cures chaps? I've got a thrumming ligament on the outside of my ankle that is givng me a bit of gyp.


Yep, RICE is the key, but if you can't get the rest, a tight crepe bandage. A standard brace probably won't give you enough support.

I'm an expert on ankles - the last time a doc saw an x-ray of my left ankle, he laughed; he said it reminded him of a bowl of spaghetti.

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks all. I just wondered. I've got a support from previous sprains. I had a weak left one for a few years. The found the painkiller expletive-a-mol to be most effective. 

It's difficult to rest it completely. It's the busy time at work. The bike's better than stumbling around though. 

I've had a pear cider tonight, and I shall put my feet up to watch the rest of Inception.




> I'm an expert on ankles - the last time a doc saw an x-ray of my left ankle, he laughed; he said it reminded him of a bowl of spaghetti.


The pain is sublime - just for a couple of nanoseconds. I bet we've all had it as well. I used to laugh at my mate who would go over on his every now and then. He'd get so angry and aggressive. I'm getting the karma for that now. 

I was speculating with Mrs Paulclem that they might get me one of those braces and a big boot. I don't think they do them though these days. She was rubbing her hands in glee at the thought of the Boot catching on the mudguards as I cycle to work next week.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Try "Potcheen".
> 
> And now here is a warning if you dont want to make your own still.
> 
> DO NOT take a 2 gallon pan with a conical shaped lid.
> 
> DO NOT half fill with fermented friut (or potato)juice.
> 
> UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES float a small bowl in the juice .
> ...


Let me guess, either you ended up with something that was relegated to an empty ketchup bottle or the inverted ice filled lid was sucked into the pan once the heated brew cooled down.




> Thanks all. I just wondered. I've got a support from previous sprains. I had a weak left one for a few years. The found the painkiller expletive-a-mol to be most effective. 
> 
> It's difficult to rest it completely. It's the busy time at work. The bike's better than stumbling around though. 
> 
> I've had a pear cider tonight, and I shall put my feet up to watch the rest of Inception.


Something that might take your mind off the ankle; I see that the "featured article" on Wikipedia, concerns Coenred was king of Mercia. (Midlands)
"... He was a son of the Mercian king Wulfhere, whose brother Æthelred succeeded to the throne in 675 on Wulfhere's death. In 704 Æthelred abdicated in favour of Coenred to become a monk. Coenred's reign is poorly documented, but a contemporary source records that he faced attacks from the Welsh. The same threat may later have led Æthelbald to build Wat's Dyke, a defensive earthwork on the northern Welsh frontier..."

Let's not forget Custer's Last stand (June 25th)...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcWevSHrbiA

.

----------


## The Atheist

> I've had a pear cider tonight...


Nectar of the gods.

Parker has a case of New Zealand's finest. 




> The pain is sublime - just for a couple of nanoseconds.


I'd always had trouble with mine and I made it a lot worse by playing on after rolling it on numerous occasions. Then I completely wrecked it running into a rabbit-hole while wearing tramping boots.

The weirdest thing is, due to all the damage, all the toes on my left foot are numb. Apparently the nerves were damaged as well as all the cartilege.

Lesson: stay off it until it's right!




> Let's not forget Custer's Last stand...


One of my favourite events in all history, that. For a different view of it, try Frederick Forsyth's _Whispering Wind_.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'd always had trouble with mine and I made it a lot worse by playing on after rolling it on numerous occasions. Then I completely wrecked it running into a rabbit-hole while wearing tramping boots.
> 
> The weirdest thing is, due to all the damage, all the toes on my left foot are numb. Apparently the nerves were damaged as well as all the cartilege.
> 
> Lesson: stay off it until it's right!
> 
> .


Nasty. I've rolled mine a few times, but not as badly as that, so I can sympathise. The most embarrassing time was outside the Salvation Army Hostel - where it is usual to see people rolling around on the floor swearing...




> Something that might take your mind off the ankle; I see that the "featured article" on Wikipedia, concerns Coenred was king of Mercia. (Midlands)
> "... He was a son of the Mercian king Wulfhere, whose brother Æthelred succeeded to the throne in 675 on Wulfhere's death. In 704 Æthelred abdicated in favour of Coenred to become a monk. Coenred's reign is poorly documented, but a contemporary source records that he faced attacks from the Welsh. The same threat may later have led Æthelbald to build Wat's Dyke, a defensive earthwork on the northern Welsh frontier..."
> 
> 
> .


Thanks Gilliatt. It's a time I - and perhaps not many - know much about. That period seems to have been eclipsed by the later monarchs' histories. 

There are still battles with the Welsh, but they tend to take place on the Rugby pitch these days.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...One of my favourite events in all history, that. For a different view of it, try Frederick Forsyth's _Whispering Wind_.


Thanks for the recommendation, I'll make note of it.

.

----------


## jocky

> If you like scotch, as I do, you'll probably like Drambuie, as it's a scotch-based liqueur. I love Rusty Nails.


Good to hear from you Calidore. Whisky is the main ingredient of Drambuie, unfortunately it is totally ruined by the addition of honey. Scotch should only be drank with water, anything else is an abomination and should be avoided at all costs. Sorry to be so picky but one can speak rubbish about every subject imaginable on the Cold Ale thread but we take our booze very seriously. Shee you later, hic.

----------


## The Atheist

> There are still battles with the Welsh, but they tend to take place on the Rugby pitch these days.


I'll just say 1953.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Good to hear from you Calidore. Whisky is the main ingredient of Drambuie, unfortunately it is totally ruined by the addition of honey. Scotch should only be drank with water, anything else is an abomination and should be avoided at all costs. Sorry to be so picky but one can speak rubbish about every subject imaginable on the Cold Ale thread but we take our booze very seriously. Shee you later, hic.


Honey!, so that's why my my hand sticks to the bottle neck. Jocky, I'm inclined to agree with you; the Drambuie, on it's own, is rough going. I'm about half way through the bottle and I'm still searching for something to make it a little more palatable. 
Is does make a good elixir against mosquitoes.
I tried some in my coffee this morning and that isn't too bad. How my Grandmother managed to knock down bottles of this stuff is beyond me.

.

----------


## The Atheist

> ... the Drambuie, on it's own, is rough going. I'm about half way through the bottle and I'm still searching for something to make it a little more palatable.


Believe it or not: beer.

Drop one shot in a half pint. Thank Tom Sharpe.

----------


## DocHeart

> Good to hear from you Calidore. Whisky is the main ingredient of Drambuie, unfortunately it is totally ruined by the addition of honey. Scotch should only be drank with water, anything else is an abomination and should be avoided at all costs. Sorry to be so picky but one can speak rubbish about every subject imaginable on the Cold Ale thread but we take our booze very seriously. Shee you later, hic.


The man speaks the truth. Parker, a double for my friend here please. What car keys? I ain't got no car, sold it. Oh alright, here, take the bloody car keys.

----------


## jocky

Has anyone seen Turncoat ? I sent him to collect my copy of The Times three days ago, he knows how much I like the crossword, and he has not been seen since. I am devestated I have left a huge bone outside the kitchen door and have even filled his favourite hole in the driveway with muddy water, he likes to sneak into the kitchen and shake his coat while we are having a dinner party. Mrs Jocky has as usual been no help, she said " It is all your own fault you should have never gave him that twenty pound note in the first place. " Mans best friend my eye.

----------


## The Atheist

Twenty poounds! Why a dog could travel to Cornwall on that!

Has he maybe gone to visit HRH Prince Charles' Jack Russells?

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm a bit worried about Paul, apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards there is a satanic message about sheds! And Paul has two of them.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwiba...eature=related

----------


## The Atheist

> ... apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards ...


... it sounds a lot better.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm a bit worried about Paul, apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards there is a satanic message about sheds! And Paul has two of them.
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwiba...eature=related


But I have three....bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
But in the long run
It still pays to get a third one on

dum dum dum di di dum dum di di dum dum dum...

----------


## jocky

> But I have three....bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
> 
> Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
> But in the long run
> It still pays to get a third one on
> 
> dum dum dum di di dum dum di di dum dum dum...


I might have known you would have three sheds whereas I , being a mere mortal, can only boast two. However, it is the quality of the sheds and not the quantity that counts.

For example, completely ignore this post as I messed up downloading pictures.

----------


## Paulclem

> I might have known you would have three sheds whereas I , being a mere mortal, can only boast two. However, it is the quality of the sheds and not the quantity that counts.


That's right. Two are good for demolition being virtually derelict. My best shed is not in the best of conditions, though it is sturdy. 

In fact my former allotment neighbour is referred to by the committee as "Two Sheds" as an homage to John Prescott. His sheds are of fine and pristine quality. He had the allotment side with the shed the day before we moved in, and never offered to share the space for out tools. He then built another one just to mock us. "Two Sheds" ...given time I would have come up with something more...direct....

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'm a bit worried about Paul, apparently if you play Stairway to Heaven backwards there is a satanic message about sheds! And Paul has two of them.
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwiba...eature=related


Haha. I recall during high school, a local chucrh sponsored an album burning one night. The buzz at school the next day claimed that a Led Zepplin album refused to burn and that it levitated in the flames.




> But I have three....bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!
> 
> Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
> But in the long run
> It still pays to get a third one on
> 
> dum dum dum di di dum dum di di dum dum dum...


Be careful Paul, it's not too early to begin thinking of this year's play!.........bwahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

----------


## soundofmusic

> In my experience those who ask the right questions usually think they know all the answers. You are so far ahead of yourself you should be careful you don't bump into yourself on the way back, this usually results in an unneccessary headache. I only tasted the stuff once and it was disgusting.
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, it is clearly an unfortunate repercussion of the herd mentality, I will do my utmost to stop it from happening again. Let us raise our glasses and drink a toast to individuality and the poor suckers that have kept it a reality for the West, not Drambuie, Cheers!


It's one am, I will raise my glass to anything right now...though, I don't think I'll do it with scotch, maybe a bit of rum or some chick drink. 




> Well... I do have 5 beds of potatoes going and a tub in the garden... have you heard of the Irish version - pocine?
> 
> 
> 
> I should have called our dog something like that. He's Mrs Paulclem's dog, and makes it patently obvious every time he bites me. I had to chase over the green after him today as he was chasing a car - (should have left him to it, but Mrs Paulclem's wrath would see us meeting at the shed). 
> 
> The rum is good - and on offer in Sainsbury's at the moment. The bill's not so tasty though...


What sort of potatoes are they; I've just discovered I really like those tiny red fellows...made a smashing cheese dish with them the other night. 
Is the dog the reason for the bad ankle? 




> Ha, yes I've always had a problem with thinking before I act and walking too fast !
> 
> As for the "Rusty Nail", here's what I found: 1 1/2 oz Scotch whisky, 1/2 oz Drambuie and 1 twist lemon peel. Unfortunately I don't have Scotch Whiskey, but I do have some Makers Mark and Chianti.
> 
> 
> 
> I can't say that I have. Google is swaying me to "poRcine"...
> "...or pork terrine made out of pig trotters and other, supplementary meats. Pig trotter terrine, vodka and pickles.. 
> and some think Drambuie is disgusting.
> ...


Ah, ever since the first Mr Sounds spent every night of the last year of our marriage with a gallon of Chianti, I have had rather a prejudice against it...of course, it smelled a bit worse after spending a night on the floor with my sounds :Puke: 




> If you like scotch, as I do, you'll probably like Drambuie, as it's a scotch-based liqueur. I love Rusty Nails.


Hello Calidore...welcome...




> Try "Potcheen".
> 
> And now here is a warning if you dont want to make your own still.
> 
> DO NOT take a 2 gallon pan with a conical shaped lid.
> 
> DO NOT half fill with fermented friut (or potato)juice.
> 
> UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES float a small bowl in the juice .
> ...


I want a video of this...or maybe you can tell us what happened....




> If you've got a good woman to bring you a can of beer while you rest it, ice it, compress it and elevate it (RICE), you'll be apples.


Or perhaps he could train Mrs. P's dog to bring him a beer; the dogs nature might change if he shared it with him. We have a large red neck population in our area and a good many beer lapping/weed smoking pitbulls. 




> Yep, RICE is the key, but if you can't get the rest, a tight crepe bandage. A standard brace probably won't give you enough support.
> 
> I'm an expert on ankles - the last time a doc saw an x-ray of my left ankle, he laughed; he said it reminded him of a bowl of spaghetti.


I think you missed your calling Atheist, you should have become a doctor; after 4 children, you have probably seen and dealt with it all.

----------


## Paulclem

> What sort of potatoes are they; I've just discovered I really like those tiny red fellows...made a smashing cheese dish with them the other night. 
> Is the dog the reason for the bad ankle?


I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot. The guys were joshing me and said I bet you can't run. I said I can and jogged up to my plot with them. The upshot was that I strained the ligament on the outside of my ankle. It wasn't too bad though, but worsened after I had to go chasing after the dog - who was running after a van up onto a busy road. I did curse. Mrs Paulclem is eagerly awaiting our next visit in order to relate my misfortune to the guys at the Allotment shop. Joshings are coming.  :FRlol: 

By the way - the Potcheen, (Mick put me right there), is a potato based spirit brewed by the Irish. I've tasted some from a former landlord. Suffice to say, you don't get to drink it; you just absorb it through your mouth.

----------


## The Atheist

> I think you missed your calling Atheist, you should have become a doctor; after 4 children, you have probably seen and dealt with it all.


My bedside manner would have ruined it.




> I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot.


 :Smilielol5: 

The karma of hubris.

----------


## prendrelemick

In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."

"Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.

----------


## DocHeart

> Or perhaps he could train Mrs. P's dog to bring him a beer; the dogs nature might change if he shared it with him. We have a large red neck population in our area and a good many beer lapping/weed smoking pitbulls.



Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.

DH

P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:

chick
broad
tomato
Her indoors
my old woman
the wee wifie
She Who Shall Never Parallel-park


P.P.S. You know I love you, right?  :Wink: 




> Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.
> 
> DH
> 
> P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:
> 
> chick
> broad
> tomato
> ...



Actually I just re-read the whole thing and it doesn't look like I was told off, after all. I just misunderstood the first time and rushed to answer. Damn. And it was the funniest thing I've written in weeks.

Good health to all.  :Smile:

----------


## jocky

> Or perhaps he could train Mrs. P's dog to bring him a beer; the dogs nature might change if he shared it with him. We have a large red neck population in our area and a good many beer lapping/weed smoking pitbulls.


You are a dark one, you never once mentioned you had relocated to Scotland.  :Smile: 




> In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."
> 
> "Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

What would we do without our wives ?

----------


## Paulclem

Testicle tape...lots of potential in the pub there for joshing the blokes. Just get rid of the vet reference. Some geezer is bound to end up with the nickname "ramsbollocks". It has a certain ring to it.

Thieving dogs
Prince Charles' Jack Russels
Satanic Sheds - Led Zeppellin's original name
A case of Highland envy - shedwise
An annoying neighbour
Mystical levitating albums
A proposal for this year's Blokes Thread Play
Sounds drinking habits/ potato cheese dishes/ the trouble with chianti/ a welcome/ a request for an illicit substance's recipe/ the Miami demographic/ careers advice
Testicle Tape - Ill never forget
A telling off/ un-PC ness/ a realisation
Specualtion about a relocation/ praise for the qualities of wives
A tip for using Testicle tape

All this on one page? That's what I call value for money.

----------


## The Atheist

> All this on one page? That's what I call value for money.


Like I keep saying, best thread on the entire internet.

You couldn't buy this stuff.

Although anyone wanting to pay us should certainly post details!

----------


## prendrelemick

Today is the day. The battle of the blondes over at Wimbers. Can that pinnicle of agressive German womanhood -Sabine Lisicki, beat the willowy strength of Russian Maria Sharapova.

O, and some other women are in the other semi final too.

----------


## jocky

> Today is the day. The battle of the blondes over at Wimbers. Can that pinnicle of agressive German womanhood -Sabine Lisicki, beat the willowy strength of Russian Maria Sharapova.
> 
> O, and some other women are in the other semi final too.


I will grant you they are a lovely pair, but who can forget the beauties of Yesteryear who graced the centre-court, Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, Yvonne Goolagong and the sensuous Virginia Wade? They were enough to bring tears to a man's eyes, quite literally !

----------


## The Atheist

> I will grant you they are a lovely pair, but who can forget the beauties of Yesteryear who graced the centre-court, Billie Jean King, Martina Navratilova, Yvonne Goolagong and the sensuous Virginia Wade? They were enough to bring tears to a man's eyes, quite literally !


I can remember all of them. BJK and MN were a bit on the butch side, although Martina has reinvented herself as many times as Madonna.

Even when they were playing, we had Chris Evert, Gabriella Sabatini and a few others to look at. And Bjorn Borg.

----------


## Paulclem

The Tour De France starts tomorrow. I shall be up late - the time when control of the TV is within my grasp - watching the thrills and spills around the scenic countryside of France. Well the highlights anyway.

----------


## jocky

> The Tour De France starts tomorrow. I shall be up late - the time when control of the TV is within my grasp - watching the thrills and spills around the scenic countryside of France. Well the highlights anyway.


Aye, it is exciting watching a front wheel touching a rear wheel on the mountain stages and watching the cyclists tumbling down the Alps or Pyrenees. Then to see the sprint to the finish knowing damn well that the winner is full of masked steroids. It does kind of take the shine off the forthcoming olympics.

I always thought the TV control was in my grasp when Mrs Jocky was working nights until I accidentally pressed Sexcetera only to be informed that this channel is not available. After much deliberation I realised she who must be obeyed had configured the parental controls. It did not help in the morning when she came home and enquired, with a wicked smile,

"Was the telly good Jocky, what did you watch ?"

The Magic Roundabout.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

:Biggrin: 

Oh, the joys of Scotland in the summer!

Unlike NZ, where although the winter has been ridiculously mild, the viruses have tried to make up for it by coming up with the most-virulent and violent influenza I've seen to date. The Great Piggy 'Flu Scare was but a cold compared to this year's event.

For the past ten days I have had the two sickest kids you've ever seen outside a hospital! Temperatures >39/103, coughing like terminal TB patients, throats burning like acid.....

Thankfully, I was vaccinated against it. This bug will be mowing them down like a combine harvester in the old folks' homes of the country.

You northern hemisphere types, let me advise you right now to make sure you get vaccinated this year!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...For the past ten days I have had the two sickest kids you've ever seen outside a hospital! Temperatures >39/103, coughing like terminal TB patients, throats burning like acid.....


Everyone around here (Texas) is running a 100F + fever, due to the fact that it is 100+ outside! As the saying goes; "It's hotter than hell's half acre"
Hope the kids get well soon.


Oh, by the way *Jocky*, I believe I saw Turncoat and Bartok heading west to Roswell. I figur they plan to take part in the upcoming July 8th celebrations.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> Aye, it is exciting watching a front wheel touching a rear wheel on the mountain stages and watching the cyclists tumbling down the Alps or Pyrenees. Then to see the sprint to the finish knowing damn well that the winner is full of masked steroids. It does kind of take the shine off the forthcoming olympics.
> 
> I always thought the TV control was in my grasp when Mrs Jocky was working nights until I accidentally pressed Sexcetera only to be informed that this channel is not available. After much deliberation I realised she who must be obeyed had configured the parental controls. It did not help in the morning when she came home and enquired, with a wicked smile,
> 
> "Was the telly good Jocky, what did you watch ?"
> 
> The Magic Roundabout.


Day one and there was a forty bike pile up that reconfigured the ending. Dramatic stuff. 

I hpe the kids get well too Atheist. My wife usually gets the flu jab along with the elderlies.

----------


## prendrelemick

Been reading the blurb that came with my testicle tape, it is printed on a card the shape of a Ram's scrotal sac and comes with several dire warnings for the Mature Ram including this one:-

"The scrotum is rich in sweat glands that cool the testicles if it is allowed to hang in the breeze. However, sheep will pant and lie down when the are hot. By doing this, rams are lying on their testicles and cooking them." 

A warning I think all chaps should take heed of - especially in Texas!

----------


## Paulclem

> Been reading the blurb that came with my testicle tape, it is printed on a card the shape of a Ram's scrotal sac and comes with several dire warnings for the Mature Ram including this one:-
> 
> "The scrotum is rich in sweat glands that cool the testicles if it is allowed to hang in the breeze. However, sheep will pant and lie down when the are hot. By doing this, rams are lying on their testicles and cooking them." 
> 
> A warning I think all chaps should take heed of - especially in Texas!


There you go Gilliatt. You'd better hang them out...just to be sure...

Actually it's been a bit warm here today...

----------


## The Atheist

:Smilielol5: 

When the gold runs out in Jo'burg, they will start mining the comedy in this thread!

Mick's testicle tapes are about 25 Troy ounces on their own.

(Kids are improving now, thanks!)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...However, sheep will pant and lie down when the are hot. By doing this, rams are lying on their testicles and cooking them." 
> 
> A warning I think all chaps should take heed of - especially in Texas!





> There you go Gilliatt. You'd better hang them out...just to be sure...


Not to worry gentlemen, in Texas the men and Rams begin sleeping on their backs at the turn of the summer solstice.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> Not to worry gentlemen, in Texas the men and Rams begin sleeping on their backs at the turn of the summer solstice.
> 
> .


I can't do that unfortunately. I snore like a ram on the rampage, or rather I'm told i do. I have seen no evidence of the truth of the statement just the results of the claim which is sore ribs and back of a morning. (Mrs Paulclem is intolerant of snoring. Either that or she needs an excuse for prone, small hours boxercise).

----------


## jocky

> I can't do that unfortunately. I snore like a ram on the rampage, or rather I'm told i do. I have seen no evidence of the truth of the statement just the results of the claim which is sore ribs and back of a morning. (Mrs Paulclem is intolerant of snoring. Either that or she needs an excuse for prone, small hours boxercise).


Have you ever considered the possibility she may be telling whoppers and using your sinus problems as a smokescreen giving her the justification to beat you up during the night ?  :Smile: 

I believe that my phone may have been hacked by News International and that Rebekah Brooks has ordered her private investigators to get me. It is one thing to reveal all my grubby secrets on the Cold Ale thread but quite another to have me and Mrs Jockys telephone rows splashed all over the News of the World. I am just relieved that Bartok and Turncoat have fled the country for the sanctuary of Roswell.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I can't do that unfortunately. I snore like a ram on the rampage, or rather I'm told i do. I have seen no evidence of the truth of the statement just the results of the claim which is sore ribs and back of a morning. (Mrs Paulclem is intolerant of snoring. Either that or she needs an excuse for prone, small hours boxercise).


Funny!
I've had a few of those night time assaults as well some due to snoring, but the worst beatings result from unintended "dutch ovens".




> ...I believe that my phone may have been hacked by News International and that Rebekah Brooks has ordered her private investigators to get me. It is one thing to reveal all my grubby secrets on the Cold Ale thread but quite another to have me and Mrs Jockys telephone rows splashed all over the News of the World. I am just relieved that Bartok and Turncoat have fled the country for the sanctuary of Roswell.


Haha!
Not to worry Jocky. Just hold on a few more days until the 8th and all will be revealed in Roswell. Cell signals will be scrambled, genetically altered pigeons and unfaithful dogs will stand together as one, in awe of extra terrestrial manifestations. 
That's it, I've had too much...good night.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Have you ever considered the possibility she may be telling whoppers and using your sinus problems as a smokescreen giving her the justification to beat you up during the night ? 
> 
> I believe that my phone may have been hacked by News International and that Rebekah Brooks has ordered her private investigators to get me. It is one thing to reveal all my grubby secrets on the Cold Ale thread but quite another to have me and Mrs Jockys telephone rows splashed all over the News of the World. I am just relieved that Bartok and Turncoat have fled the country for the sanctuary of Roswell.



In a way you are fortunate to have a life worth splashing jocky. Ms. Brooks was very disappointed with my intimate text conversations with Mrs P :-

16.30: wots 4 T

16.32: dunno

16.36: ok c u L8r.


Needles to say the Paps have been recalled.

----------


## The Atheist

> I believe that my phone may have been hacked by News International and that Rebekah Brooks has ordered her private investigators to get me. It is one thing to reveal all my grubby secrets on the Cold Ale thread but quite another to have me and Mrs Jockys telephone rows splashed all over the News of the World. I am just relieved that Bartok and Turncoat have fled the country for the sanctuary of Roswell.


Whoa! That is turning into the ugliest thing since Joseph Merrick.

Can we bring back the death penalty just for this crowd? And their readers.

----------


## MarkBastable

I have a new car.

This is not the sort of thing that I usually talk about, but I felt left out of the thread, and I reckon that this is the kind of news that a real man would mention.

It's black and it has a friendly face.

----------


## prendrelemick

You were doing great untill you mentioned the friendly face. We men have a stereotype to live up to you know. 

What's its max talk...or tourque.. or how many kilometers to the mile do you get and other manly things?

----------


## MarkBastable

> You were doing great untill you mentioned the friendly face. We men have a stereotype to live up to you know. 
> 
> What's its max talk...or tourque.. or how many kilometers to the mile do you get and other manly things?


Well, the family car is my wife's really - it's black and big and apparently German. I've never driven it - just paid for it. My own previous car was written off by a teenager who ran into it in the snow just before Christmas.

"Dad, someone just crashed into the tree outside! Or maybe your car! It made a big noise!"

That one was my midlife crisis car - an Alfa Romeo 166. I'm past that now, but I still like Alfas, all of which have friendly faces - and that's about all I care about in a car. 

So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ups the torque, whatever the hell that is. I'm not very interested in speed, but I do enjoy acceleration. I tend to go 'wheeeeeeeeeee!' like a girlie. The lights on the dashboard are all red and they glow like a goth computer game. The sound system can play music from my phone without it even being plugged into anything. It's a little car, but comfortable even though I'm 6'4.

----------


## DocHeart

> how many kilometers to the mile do you get


 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> In a way you are fortunate to have a life worth splashing jocky. Ms. Brooks was very disappointed with my intimate text conversations with Mrs P :-
> 
> 16.30: wots 4 T
> 
> 16.32: dunno
> 
> 16.36: ok c u L8r.
> 
> 
> Needles to say the Paps have been recalled.


Hmmm! This is a wondrous strange transformation to a prosaic lifestyle. You know very well that if your ram's testicles story ever got leaked into the public domain our beloved Cold Ale Thread would be, to paraphrase JFK ' shredded and scattered to the four winds'.

----------


## The Atheist

> This is not the sort of thing that I usually talk about, but I felt left out of the thread, and I reckon that this is the kind of news that a real man would mention.
> 
> It's black and it has a friendly face.


Well, it would be.

Unless you'd bought one of those girly little cars...




> You were doing great untill you mentioned the friendly face. We men have a stereotype to live up to you know. 
> 
> What's its max talk...or tourque.. or how many kilometers to the mile do you get and other manly things?


Yeah, that stuff!




> So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ....


makes it go faster than buses?

Yeah, one of those "cars".

 :Biggrin: 

This is a car:


(not mine, but identical although my windows are tinted black as well to match the black paint and leather)

Here are the specifications.

This is how quickly it does 0-100 kph:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pujOs8UykAs

6 and a bit seconds.

Not quite as good on the acceleration as a jet aircraft, but it certainly hits you hard in the back under full throttle, which alas, I can't use very often thanks to those killjoy traffic cops.

Top speed of 210 kmh, but I've only had it up to 200 kmh once. NZ roads are only ever straight for about 800m and it doesn't take long to find a corner at that speed!

----------


## MarkBastable

> 6 and a bit seconds.!



The Mito gets to 100kph in just over seven seconds, apparently. And it has a top speed of 205kph. Which is quite fast enough for me - or would be, if it were legal in the UK.

----------


## Paulclem

Lots of crashes in the Tour today, with one of the top contenders going to hospital. Looked very dazed.

Cavendish is back on form with a first win. 

The more I watch the Tour and see how quick they go, the slower I seem to be traipsing about the town. :FRlol: 

Mind you, you seem to have to be a funny shape to be good at cycling. I'm bandy legged already without further disfigurement.

----------


## The Atheist

> The Mito gets to 100kph in just over seven seconds, apparently. And it has a top speed of 205kph. Which is quite fast enough for me - or would be, if it were legal in the UK.


Christ, I imagine it would be a bit floaty at that speed on such a light car.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Christ, I imagine it would be a bit floaty at that speed on such a light car.


I have no idea what that means, but it sounds quite fun.

----------


## The Atheist

> I have no idea what that means, but it sounds quite fun.


I can assure you it isn't!

No matter how good your car is, air is going to get underneath it, and the faster you go, the more air you get doing it. Eventually, that air lifts the car and you reach a point where the front wheels lose contact and you lose steering.

Since this only happens at quite high speeds, it tends to more terrifying than exciting, although you can soon fix it by touching the brakes. When it's windy as well, you can get shifted quite a distance before you get to the brake pedal.

Light cars tend to do that more easily than heavy ones, for obvious reasons!

----------


## MystyrMystyry

I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.

Here's a photo of the MystyryMobile



Top speed: Very Fast Indeed

----------


## prendrelemick

Great cars chaps.

I'm going to let the CAC down now, I drive one of these.




I don't think aerodynamics are a factor here, It will never get floaty, I doubt it will ever get to 100kph.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Lots of crashes in the Tour today, with one of the top contenders going to hospital. Looked very dazed.
> 
> Cavendish is back on form with a first win. 
> 
> The more I watch the Tour and see how quick they go, the slower I seem to be traipsing about the town.
> 
> Mind you, you seem to have to be a funny shape to be good at cycling. I'm bandy legged already without further disfigurement.




As well as being physically odd, I reckon you need to be a headcase as well. 
When the tour of Britain passed through here the police moterbike riders who were supposed to be infront could not go fast enough on one notorious twisty downhill stretch and were overtaken by the cyclists.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have to confess to showing off down at the allotment by carrying two bags of compost on my shoulder up to my plot. The guys were joshing me and said I bet you can't run. I said I can and jogged up to my plot with them. The upshot was that I strained the ligament on the outside of my ankle. It wasn't too bad though, but worsened after I had to go chasing after the dog - who was running after a van up onto a busy road. I did curse. Mrs Paulclem is eagerly awaiting our next visit in order to relate my misfortune to the guys at the Allotment shop. Joshings are coming. 
> 
> By the way - the Potcheen, (Mick put me right there), is a potato based spirit brewed by the Irish. I've tasted some from a former landlord. Suffice to say, you don't get to drink it; you just absorb it through your mouth.


 :Nopity:  Well, at least you got your licks in a manly way, how is the ankle now. I just took a terrible tumble yesterday. My little 73 year old neighbor asks me for some help every day, yesterday I was rushed and trying to get away, talking to him in one direction and walking in another, hit something on the cement sidewalk, couldn't break my fall and belly flopped hitting my forehead and tearing all the skin off my nose. I felt a bit dizzy and today my eyes look a bit closer together. Everyone is looking at me as if I'm an abused woman or an alcoholic. :Frown: 




> My bedside manner would have ruined it.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The karma of hubris.


Really, I spoke with Mrs Atheist, she said you have a wonderful bedside manner which even improves once you're in bed. 
 :Thumbsup: 




> In for breakfast this morning, and found Mrs P grinning mischievously waving aloft a 2 ft long tape. "Look" she said, "you've been sent a testicle tape." She began to read the instructions, "Measure widest circumference of testicles-" The tape was colour coded, red amber and green, to get in the green zone one would've required testicles 34 to 50 cm in circumference. I began to feel inadequate. She read on "- feel to check tone,-" No problem there, I am a bloke after all and do so several times a day, "- ensure there are no lumps.-" I was about to check again when she read the last part. "- Consult vet for thorough check."
> 
> "Ha ha very funny" I replied as she removed her thumb from the "Mature Ram testicle tape" label.


 :Thumbsup:  :FRlol:  Your lady is brillant! I have always wondered why people value testicles so, I think they just get in the way and drag down the treasure chest...I've rather noticed, in my hospital adventures, that the testicles elongate as the other genitalia shrinks...




> Sorry -- have I just been told off for being politically incorrect in the Bloke's Thread? I do apologize. I have total respect for women and their personalities and all that jazz. Parker, another of what the lady is having, if you please.
> 
> DH
> 
> P.S. Oh, I almost forgot, here's a list of malicious nouns, adjectives and transcendental modifiers (?) that men often maliciously use to refer to women:
> 
> chick
> broad
> tomato
> ...


Oh, my, no. I'm afraid I would never even notice if you were politically incorrect, just think of me as a bloke with breasts...ummm... :FRlol: 
I don't know...how do you suggest doc heart regard me fellows  :FRlol: 

I can sort of parallel park; but I've never quite got the 3 point turn....




> You are a dark one, you never once mentioned you had relocated to Scotland. 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What would we do without our wives ?


Really, I've got to come visit you and Mrs J then. 




> Everyone around here (Texas) is running a 100F + fever, due to the fact that it is 100+ outside! As the saying goes; "It's hotter than hell's half acre"
> Hope the kids get well soon.
> 
> 
> Oh, by the way *Jocky*, I believe I saw Turncoat and Bartok heading west to Roswell. I figur they plan to take part in the upcoming July 8th celebrations.
> 
> .


I've been glued to the tube down here, all the rage on Casey Anthony down here. Is anyone talking about it in Texas?




> Well, the family car is my wife's really - it's black and big and apparently German. I've never driven it - just paid for it. My own previous car was written off by a teenager who ran into it in the snow just before Christmas.
> 
> "Dad, someone just crashed into the tree outside! Or maybe your car! It made a big noise!"
> 
> That one was my midlife crisis car - an Alfa Romeo 166. I'm past that now, but I still like Alfas, all of which have friendly faces - and that's about all I care about in a car. 
> 
> So I got a Mito. It has a go-faster button - which apparently ups the torque, whatever the hell that is. I'm not very interested in speed, but I do enjoy acceleration. I tend to go 'wheeeeeeeeeee!' like a girlie. The lights on the dashboard are all red and they glow like a goth computer game. The sound system can play music from my phone without it even being plugged into anything. It's a little car, but comfortable even though I'm 6'4.


Mark, good to see you and congrats. I saw some fellow in a neat black car last week testing his torque in the midst of traffic...it was beautiful, the car turned almost 360 degrees without sliding.... :Auto: 




> I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.
> 
> Here's a photo of the MystyryMobile
> 
> 
> 
> Top speed: Very Fast Indeed


I want it.... :Drool5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I don't know...how do you suggest doc heart regard me fellows 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 5:


 In the highest regards of course.

----------


## MarkBastable

> I can assure you it isn't!
> 
> No matter how good your car is, air is going to get underneath it, and the faster you go, the more air you get doing it. Eventually, that air lifts the car and you reach a point where the front wheels lose contact and you lose steering.
> 
> Since this only happens at quite high speeds, it tends to more terrifying than exciting, although you can soon fix it by touching the brakes. When it's windy as well, you can get shifted quite a distance before you get to the brake pedal.
> 
> Light cars tend to do that more easily than heavy ones, for obvious reasons!


It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.

----------


## The Atheist

> I caught a programme recently concerning Lotus and a discovery enabling better traction. Under a conventional car there are loads of bumps and indents which somehow serve to 'hook' the rushing air. Lotus decided to cover these crannies and nooks with sheet metal - something that had been considered before to be simply a bad idea - but the result was better than all the spoilers, aerofoils ever devised. Works like an upsidedown wing. And the faster you go the more grip you get.
> 
> Top speed: Very Fast Indeed


That's so obvious I'm amazed nobody had ever thought about it. It would obviously make it stick like **** to a blanket.

I could get used to the front for the speed and handling.




> Great cars chaps.
> 
> I'm going to let the CAC down now, I drive one of these.
> 
> I don't think aerodynamics are a factor here, It will never get floaty, I doubt it will ever get to 100kph.


No mate, that's a Real Bloke's car!

Those horror 4WD things that housewives drop their kids off to school from don't count, but a Landrover with mud underneath definitely qualifies.

Speed isn't everything.




> It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.


 :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I've been glued to the tube down here, all the rage on Casey Anthony down here. Is anyone talking about it in Texas?


It was getting quite a bit of play here as well. The missus was paying much more attention to the trial than I was. Not sure where you stand on the case, but my wife was very frustrated with the outcome.




> I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.


Still riding the Vespa with the Hoover strapped to the bars. 
That brings a tear of joy to my eye.

Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos! 



.

----------


## Vonny

Jocky, I know you told me to stay away from this thread  :FRlol:  but I just noticed that you've made *666* posts! You had better hurry and post again! 

Actually, what I really want to say is you gave me some really good advice a while back. Thanks, it's helped me a lot.

Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I just noticed that you've made *666* posts! You had better hurry and post again! 
> 
> ...Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!


Good catch on that 666, but why stay away?...come to think of it, your probably better off steering clear of this lot.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, at least you got your licks in a manly way, how is the ankle now. I just took a terrible tumble yesterday. My little 73 year old neighbor asks me for some help every day, yesterday I was rushed and trying to get away, talking to him in one direction and walking in another, hit something on the cement sidewalk, couldn't break my fall and belly flopped hitting my forehead and tearing all the skin off my nose. I felt a bit dizzy and today my eyes look a bit closer together. Everyone is looking at me as if I'm an abused woman or an alcoholic.
> 
>  Your lady is brillant! I have always wondered why people value testicles so, I think they just get in the way and drag down the treasure chest...I've rather noticed, in my hospital adventures, that the testicles elongate as the other genitalia shrinks...


It's ok but it seems to have left me with a stretchy tendon. It seems to get caught on something, if I move in a particular way, and then snaps back into place. An odd sensation. 

Elongated testicles? I wonder if it will affect the cycling in time...

And, as Mick has said already, you should be regarded highly for putting up with us chaps. 

By the way I ride.. sorry drive, a sleek black number...

----------


## prendrelemick

Liking the flag Paul.

I have a mental image of a Scotsman on a scooter at vespers

If you do pop in from time to time Vonny, make sure you check the doc's qualifications before he shows you his bedside manner.

Looks like your 1000th is about to come up as well Gilliatt.
How about a free bar to celebrate - Parker?..Parker.....PARKER. Where's he gone?

----------


## Paulclem

> Liking the flag Paul.
> 
> I have a mental image of a Scotsman on a scooter at vespers
> 
> If you do pop in from time to time Vonny, make sure you check the doc's qualifications before he shows you his bedside manner.
> 
> Looks like your 1000th is about to come up as well Gilliatt.
> How about a free bar to celebrate - Parker?..Parker.....PARKER. Where's he gone?


I had it on the back of the bike for the last world cup. 

6 - now 5 to 3000. I have no friends... :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

> Jocky, I know you told me to stay away from this thread  but I just noticed that you've made *666* posts! You had better hurry and post again! 
> 
> Actually, what I really want to say is you gave me some really good advice a while back. Thanks, it's helped me a lot.
> 
> Okay, I'll stay off this thread in the future!


Glad to be of assistance Vonny. Pop in and see us regularly we are not a bad bunch and every now and again someone says something sensible, not me I might add.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos! 
> 
> 
> 
> .


Your picture reminded me of No Country for Old Men. We know the US countryside quite qwell through the images we have from films and stuff.

----------


## Paulclem

I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg

It's pretty easy to use.

----------


## jocky

> I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg
> 
> It's pretty easy to use.


 :FRlol:  :FRlol:  :FRlol: 
I was just about to post a video but it pales into insignificance compared with that. I will see you down at the Curmudgeons later on.

----------


## prendrelemick

:Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5: That is brilliant Paul. But technology will never replace Gilliat.

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks chaps. I'll be in curmudgens. You're right - Gilliatt is irreplaceable.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg
> 
> It's pretty easy to use.


My 1000 post, and I couldn't imagine a better place to spend it.

Paul, that is priceless !!
after all, at their age theyre not getting too much else
We must have that displayed prominently on the bar wall of shame! 

Well chaps, it is July 8th






http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQlpACCcq4Y



I spent the night on the roof searching the heavens for the annual return and all I got were mosquito bites and a couple of chemtrails. 
Maybe next year.

In honor of Pauls creativity, my 1000th post and extra-terrestrials, all drinks are on me for the duration of the weekend.


.

----------


## MarkBastable

Alright - enough petrolheadedness. That's probably the longest conversation about cars I've ever had.

Last Monday, the Yank and I went to the Preview Evening of the Hampton Court Flower Show. Say what you like about the monarchy - and I'm very ambivalent myself - but if it weren't for the avaricious unreasonableness of Henry VIII, we wouldn't have this to play with today.

The Preview Evening - in fact the whole week-long event - is an incredibly civilised and polite occasion, attendance at which undermines any subsequent claims one might make to still being working-class at heart. The Yank and I found a spot for our picnic blanket, dumped our wine and stuff on it in full view of the passing throng, and wandered off, confident that the bourgeois honesty rife at the show would ensure that it'd all still be there when we got back two hours later. Which it was.

The weather was putting on one of those balmy, golden evenings that contrives to make you feel that everything's really jolly pleasant in a way that only the English can manage, and that, gosh, isn't the BBC a good idea, and strawberries too, and also Pimm's and big fat sausages. This is a feeling that can carry you right through to the ill-organised and bad-tempered Destruction Derby which results from trying to get eight thousand cars out of a nine foot gate onto a main road, which, frankly, is a typical British screw-up, just like the smug bloody BBC, tasteless supermarket strawberries, poncey bloody Pimm's and God knows what goes into sausages, but whatever it is, it'll take you down before you hit fifty-five.

We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.

So, blokes - we've done pictures of our cars. Now let's do pictures of our flowers.

This week round at Bastable Towers, we're keen on this one...

----------


## The Atheist

Just when you think this is the best thread the entire internet has ever seen, it gets better!

More win than Manchester United.

----------


## prendrelemick

Gilliat I'm sure those aliens meant to put in an appearence, but got held up in a cosmological version of mark's 8000 cars through a 9 ft gate.

Talking of gardens, I have discovered a great new wheeze this year re mowing the lawn. In the past I,ve "accidently" let in a few sheep, but Mrs P will no longer put up with that as they rampage over her soft friuts as well.

So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.

----------


## The Atheist

> Gilliat I'm sure those aliens meant to put in an appearence, but got held up in a cosmological version of mark's 8000 cars through a 9 ft gate.


Here's one that amazed the hell out of me the other day; I was playing around at Paddy Power, Bookmakers, looking for odds on US Republican nominee for 2012 when I saw odds for "Aliens"! I had to look.

This comes up:



These are lifetime bets that die with you, but if you take a bet at age 18 and collect at age 90, the bet will stand if that's the day it is confirmed that alien life has made contact/been contacted.

To me, simple use of maths and physics dictates that the odds are short by a factor of millions. Not to mention, even interest at a lousy 6 or 7 % will compound to double your money in 7 years, so after the ~10 years of holding the bet, all US bets have already been paid for, and even the longer shots like Wales have been paid off by the time the bet ~25 years old.

The maths on this one tells me that a lot of people are taking it. And a big lot at that, especially given the compound interest angle.

Fascinating.




> Talking of gardens, I have discovered a great new wheeze this year re mowing the lawn. In the past I,ve "accidently" let in a few sheep, but Mrs P will no longer put up with that as they rampage over her soft friuts as well.
> 
> So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.


That is true genius, mate.

Parker! Bring Mick the "A" drinks list, please. (Mick, do NOT let jocky* see the list!)




*or Sounds, for that matter - I've just seen some of the cocktails.

 :Biggrinjester:

----------


## prendrelemick

I'll have a" Little Green Man over Scotland" 25 parts Drambuie to one Creme de menthe.

----------


## MarkBastable

This flower thing ain't catching on, is it?

See, I _knew_ I wasn't a real bloke.

----------


## jocky

The strangest thing happened tonight. I chanced to look out the kitchen window, just to see how my pansies were coming along, and lo and behold sillouheted on my shed roof by the huge yellow moon was none other than Turncoat and Bartok, staring intently at the stars. I rushed out with a big bone grasped in my hand and shaking my maize can only to be greeted with what I can only describe as a silent indifference. I returned to the house in a state of utter bewilderment and explained my experience to Mrs Jocky and was totally ignored in the same manner. The eighth of July may be more significant than some cynics might appreciate. Where is that bloody Parker with the " B " drinks list when you need him ?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.
> 
> So, blokes - we've done pictures of our cars. Now let's do pictures of our flowers.
> 
> This week round at Bastable Towers, we're keen on this one...





> This flower thing ain't catching on, is it?
> 
> See, I _knew_ I wasn't a real bloke.



That is an amazing flower! It looks quite large.
Unfortunately I don't have much of a green thumb and besides, it would be nearly impossible to keep something that fragile alive in our scorching heat, so I must rely on hardy types such as cacti.
Here's a re posting of one of my cactus blooms:










> ,,,So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.



Brilliant idea. You could alter the pattern periodically so that any given part of the lawn never exceeds a foot and yet you never have to mow the entire lawn at one time!





> 


Ok, so much for July 1947. If that wasn't first contact, then I lay my bets on December 21st, 2012.

*Edit* Oh...and that would be Scotland.
.

----------


## prendrelemick

> We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.
> 
> ]


 :Smilielol5:  Thats funny 'cos its true. It's the same as looking in the Damart catalogue and thinking "Mmm nice Cardigan."


Meanwhile our Garden is lacking flowers at this time of year, but this feverfew has poked its head above the confusion.

----------


## Emil Miller

Someone has opened the Tell Me a Joke thread and as this is the only place where best ones can be safely told, I thought I would post this which I found rather amusing. 

A man walks into a bar and orders a double whisky, the barman serves him and he drinks it and imediately and asks for another. The bar tender asks : 

Are you alright sir ? You look upset.

No Im not alright and I am upset.

Whats wrong then.

I met this bird on the train today and we went back to hers for some fun, we were just about to get to it when her husband got home so I jumped out of the window and held onto the ledge 

That would ruin my day. 

Thats not the worst of it, her husband saw she was naked took a piss out the of window on me and I hung there for three hours listening to them having sex. 

Thats rough indeed.

Thats not the worst thing though, when he was done he threw the condom out of the window and it landed on my forehead, and as I looked down to get it off I realised I was only 6 inches off the ground.

----------


## Paulclem

I took pictures of our roses a couple of weeks ago, but the micro sd sticky in the computer thingy has gone walkies - probably into someone's computer. 

Tour De France update - Wiggins the great Brit hope is out with a collarbone fracture, and cavendish took a second stage on the same day. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tWT8yeHGA0U

Spectacular crash today. They were lucky to get away with - thirty stitches! They both carried on, but Fletcher wasn't in too good a shape. The fence Hoogaland landed on was barbed wire - hence the stitches. Tough guys!

I laughed Emil.

----------


## MarkBastable

I'm fond of feverfew, even if it is often regarded as a weed.

Currently we're trying to revive one of these.....




It's a rather old-fashioned rose, which I like, and pink, which I don't - but the whole thing is just so Miss Haversham that I've been rather seduced by it. Also it smells fantastic.

----------


## soundofmusic

> In the highest regards of course.


 :Blush5:  Oh, you're so sweet, thanks. 




> It's an Alfa, which means, as I understand it, that the conventional rules of physics don't apply.


I'm so jealous, I have an 11 year old mitsubushi with a caroded hood :Cryin: 




> That's so obvious I'm amazed nobody had ever thought about it. It would obviously make it stick like **** to a blanket.
> 
> I could get used to the front for the speed and handling.
> 
> 
> No mate, that's a Real Bloke's car!
> 
> Those horror 4WD things that housewives drop their kids off to school from don't count, but a Landrover with mud underneath definitely qualifies.
> 
> Speed isn't everything.


The problem with cars with speed is that they are really low, I just about got rug burned buns when I used to ride in my sisters corvette. :Yikes: 



> I have got a Vespa 50 cc if anyone is interested.


I have to look that one up, it has to be better than my car though...




> It was getting quite a bit of play here as well. The missus was paying much more attention to the trial than I was. Not sure where you stand on the case, but my wife was very frustrated with the outcome.
> 
> 
> 
> Still riding the Vespa with the Hoover strapped to the bars. 
> That brings a tear of joy to my eye.
> 
> Here's a pic of my Ford Ranger, the smaller gray truck, in front of the El Comedor restaurant in Moriarty New Mexico along old Route 66; the greatest Huevos Rancheros west of the Pecos! 
> 
> ...


I'm with Mrs G, actually, I haven't heard one person who approves of the verdict. 
Wow, it looks like you live in the old west; I'm coming out to see Gene Autry and John Wayne, and Wyatt Earp...ye..how...




> It's ok but it seems to have left me with a stretchy tendon. It seems to get caught on something, if I move in a particular way, and then snaps back into place. An odd sensation. 
> 
> Elongated testicles? I wonder if it will affect the cycling in time...
> 
> And, as Mick has said already, you should be regarded highly for putting up with us chaps. 
> 
> By the way I ride.. sorry drive, a sleek black number...


I think the old fellws tie their man parts to the front handles in South Florida when they go bike riding :Smilielol5:  Like that ride of yours...and a gas saver too!
Thank you Paul, I think it's more that you fellows put up with me.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I'm fond of feverfew, even if it is often regarded as a weed.
> 
> Currently we're trying to revive one of these.....
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's a rather old-fashioned rose, which I like, and pink, which I don't - but the whole thing is just so Miss Haversham that I've been rather seduced by it. Also it smells fantastic.



Looks like the roses My Mum used to have in her garden, I still remember the extravagant smell when they were slightly decaying. She used to make rose water out of them, explaining "it was something we did during the war"

----------


## Paulclem

> :
> 
> I think the old fellws tie their man parts to the front handles in South Florida when they go bike riding Like that ride of yours...and a gas saver too!
> Thank you Paul, I think it's more that you fellows put up with me.


It's to be hoped they don't come off..............of the bike I mean. I'd better rephrase...It's to be hoped they don't fall off and give themselves a nasty pull.........no it's not working. The hole I'm digging is getting bigger...

----------


## The Atheist

I see jocky's been showing his philanthropic side:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-14152092

----------


## jocky

> I see jocky's been showing his philanthropic side:
> 
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-14152092


Have we done with the flower thing, apart from Mark's groovy Andrew Marvel reference it died a thoroughly deserved death. Don't get me started on Jane Austen you know it is not good for my blood pressure, when it comes to her I can turn misanthropic in an instant. Imagine her sitting in your garden under the shade of the connifer tree privately sniggering because you poured the tea incorrectly. Thank God her unfinished novel remained unfinished as the literary critics would have agonised over the verbiage forever. Now I am retiring upstairs to read my DC Action Comic from 1938 which was well worth the $1.5, and it has pictures.  :Smile:

----------


## The Atheist

I thought that might drag you out of the woodwork!




> Don't get me started on Jane Austen you know it is not good for my blood pressure, when it comes to her I can turn misanthropic in an instant. Imagine her sitting in your garden under the shade of the connifer tree privately sniggering because you poured the tea incorrectly. Thank God her unfinished novel remained unfinished as the literary critics would have agonised over the verbiage forever. Now I am retiring upstairs to read my DC Action Comic from 1938 which was well worth the $1.5, and it has pictures.


I'm with you - I'd certainly rather read comics than Jane A, but preferably Commando comics!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've discovered a text to speech animation tool on Youtube, so I though I'd make a video about our thread. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bI3xBB513Bg
> 
> It's pretty easy to use.


Brilliant, Paul, I went over and subscribed...




> I was just about to post a video but it pales into insignificance compared with that. I will see you down at the Curmudgeons later on.


Well you know no one but you could do a video on bagpipe playing...maybe you'll even do a lovely dance with mrs J on the table!




> That is brilliant Paul. But technology will never replace Gilliat.


Did you post that cacti, it was gorgeous. 




> My 1000 post, and I couldn't imagine a better place to spend it.
> 
> Paul, that is priceless !!
> “…after all, at their age they’re not getting too much else”
> We must have that displayed prominently on the bar wall of shame! 
> 
> Well chaps, it is July 8th…
> 
> 
> ...


I heard it was the Southern Comfort that killed those little green men...




> Alright - enough petrolheadedness. That's probably the longest conversation about cars I've ever had.
> 
> Last Monday, the Yank and I went to the Preview Evening of the Hampton Court Flower Show. Say what you like about the monarchy - and I'm very ambivalent myself - but if it weren't for the avaricious unreasonableness of Henry VIII, we wouldn't have this to play with today.
> 
> The Preview Evening - in fact the whole week-long event - is an incredibly civilised and polite occasion, attendance at which undermines any subsequent claims one might make to still being working-class at heart. The Yank and I found a spot for our picnic blanket, dumped our wine and stuff on it in full view of the passing throng, and wandered off, confident that the bourgeois honesty rife at the show would ensure that it'd all still be there when we got back two hours later. Which it was.
> 
> The weather was putting on one of those balmy, golden evenings that contrives to make you feel that everything's really jolly pleasant in a way that only the English can manage, and that, gosh, isn't the BBC a good idea, and strawberries too, and also Pimm's and big fat sausages. This is a feeling that can carry you right through to the ill-organised and bad-tempered Destruction Derby which results from trying to get eight thousand cars out of a nine foot gate onto a main road, which, frankly, is a typical British screw-up, just like the smug bloody BBC, tasteless supermarket strawberries, poncey bloody Pimm's and God knows what goes into sausages, but whatever it is, it'll take you down before you hit fifty-five.
> 
> We bought a lot of dahlias. Buying dahlias is pretty much tantamount to wearing a t-shirt that reads, "At my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near. And I'm not getting my leg over that often either." It's like designing your own wreath.
> ...


I'm more of a rose person myself, I was particularly fond of a rather fuzzy burgundy colored rose I was growing called "The Don Juan Rose". Some nasty black mold started attacking his petals though. 




> Just when you think this is the best thread the entire internet has ever seen, it gets better!
> 
> More win than Manchester United.


Hats off to the bloke who started it...what was his name again? 



> Gilliat I'm sure those aliens meant to put in an appearence, but got held up in a cosmological version of mark's 8000 cars through a 9 ft gate.
> 
> Talking of gardens, I have discovered a great new wheeze this year re mowing the lawn. In the past I,ve "accidently" let in a few sheep, but Mrs P will no longer put up with that as they rampage over her soft friuts as well.
> 
> So this year somewhere around the beginning of june, as I approached the foot high grass with a coughing lawnmower I had a brainwave, I just cut a few paths through this jungle, and created a maze for the Grandchildren ! I was done in minutes, and they love it. All I have to do is shove the mower round the paths once a week and job done. Proving that necessity isn't the mother of invention, indolence is.


Oh god, yes, we have some wonderful night blooming jasmine that are thankfully covering the bits of chipping paint at the bottom, they smell divine and have such lovely waxy dark green leaves and little white blooms; but I itch all over when I get anywhere near them. 




> I'll have a" Little Green Man over Scotland" 25 parts Drambuie to one Creme de menthe.


What do you suggest for a blond, blue eyed, 30 year old chap in south florida...preferably, in sounds bedroom haha




> Thats funny 'cos its true. It's the same as looking in the Damart catalogue and thinking "Mmm nice Cardigan."
> 
> 
> Meanwhile our Garden is lacking flowers at this time of year, but this feverfew has poked its head above the confusion.


They grow wild in my yard, they can be very pretty; but the bees love them.

----------


## The Atheist

You've just encouraged me to go floral again!

NZ's flora and fauna are both unique, due to our desire to break off from the rest of the planet early on. 

We have the most amazing diversity of plants, and the entire country was more or less dense foliage until man arrived only a few centuries ago, but very few of the plants are the flowering kind.

Lots of shades of green, but natural floral shows here are few and far between.

When I was a lot younger, I used to spend hours making sure our garden was both a riot of colour and a fridge full of vegetables.]

Ah, the misspent hours of youth.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Been away from the saloon for too long, but I see you boys and gal are keeping the stools warm.

Thanks to whoever posted the Fast Johnny painter clip a few pages back. My son has been cycling through the videos on that and getting a good laugh.

The Feverfew is beautiful, would love to have some of that growing around here. 

Paul, what's the latest on the Tour? or is it finished? Shows you how out of touch I've been lately.
What am I saying?...I've been out of touch most of my life!





> You've just encouraged me to go floral again!
> 
> NZ's flora and fauna are both unique, due to our desire to break off from the rest of the planet early on. 
> 
> We have the most amazing diversity of plants, and the entire country was more or less dense foliage until man arrived only a few centuries ago, but very few of the plants are the flowering kind....


Maybe we can see some of that flora?

.

----------


## jocky

Since there appears to be a form of faunaticism taking root I might as well join in;

There was a young lady from Croatia
who planted all types of Herbacea
They grew gigantically vast
and spread blindingly fast
In no time they had invaded Dalmatia.

----------


## The Atheist

> Been away from the saloon for too long, but I see you boys and gal are keeping the stools warm....
> 
> Maybe we can see some of that flora?
> 
> .


I'm not sure making comments about warm stools is a good thing around here, but I'll search out some photos of the scenery by all means!





> Since there appears to be a form of faunaticism taking root I might as well join in....


That is brilliant!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'm not sure making comments about warm stools is a good thing around here...


Hehe. I figured it wouldn't take long for a Bloke to scoop that one up.

Speaking of roses:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ


.

----------


## jocky

> Hehe. I figured it wouldn't take long for a Bloke to scoop that one up.
> 
> Speaking of roses:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ
> 
> 
> .


You have been barrel scraping in that lab of yours again Gilliatt. 

Now this is more like it:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HcBh9IgMz5U.

----------


## prendrelemick

Or this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=royW0LZspXs

----------


## jocky

And this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdmjbxMs7hg

----------


## Paulclem

Or this by these

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wL4DSLd3KZU

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> And this
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdmjbxMs7hg


Ahh, you beat me to it.

What have we started?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4n0y8vmAfM


.

----------


## jocky

Oh! So it is a flower free for all, in that case:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skU-jBFzXl0

----------


## jocky

Atheist it is becoming apparent our female side is coming through. Don't be surprised if there is a mass desertion to the Coffee Thread. I have made my feelings known to Mrs Jocky in no uncertain terms:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F47BUz5wJc

 :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

What a video that was. Freddie's mouchtache made it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1hWoB18LwI

By the way Gilliatt, I've missed the last two nights on the Tour. Last night we were at my first voluntary Barn Dance. (We used to do barn dancing at primary school but it was in no way voluntary). 

I say voluntary because I voluntarily went there. Mrs Paulclem made sure I was volunteered whenever possible to join in, which has a non-voluntary aspect, but a few shandies kept the dehydration at bay, and there was a nice cool rugby pitch outside to lie on if necessary. 

Tonight I missed it because the family were watching the final of The Apprentice. It was 2 to 1, and anyway Mrs Paulclem vetoed my use of the control. 

I'll have to catch up tomorrow.

----------


## Paulclem

... yeah barn dancing. I couldn't believe it either. Thing is we had a good night. I'm officially middle aged...

Roll on the next one.

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist it is becoming apparent our female side is coming through. Don't be surprised if there is a mass desertion to the Coffee Thread. I have made my feelings known to Mrs Jocky in no uncertain terms:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_F47BUz5wJc
> 
> Ah, Freddie.
> 
> You know what? Of all of the dead rock stars, he's the one I miss the most. I've seen 'em all live at one time or another, but a night out with Queen and Freddie Mercury pretty much put all other live shows in permanent shade forever.
> 
> Coffee thread? Does that still exist?
> ...





> ... yeah barn dancing. I couldn't believe it either. Thing is we had a good night. I'm officially middle aged...
> 
> Roll on the next one.


I remember barn dances.

Hay gets itchy.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... yeah barn dancing. I couldn't believe it either. Thing is we had a good night. I'm officially middle aged...
> 
> Roll on the next one.


You never cease to amaze me. I'd give my left boot to see how they do it in the West Midlands!
Was it something like this? (give it to 2:10 at least) 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWma9...eature=related

Or possible this like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JHLxs...eature=related

Back to floratunes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ir3gAak9LkY


Parker's gonna blow a gasket when he sees what we've done to this place.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ok I think we need to calm down and look at this.

----------


## MarkBastable

Who's that?

Whoever it is, I think that that's too abrupt a transition from flora to fauna, so here's a picture to get us there more smoothly.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ahh back on track.


That is the lovely Steffi Graff, I think you'll find her hanging on the wall behind the bar.

----------


## jocky

Sanity has been restored at last by farmer Mick and the man who started it all in the first place Mark Bastable.

If you look very closely at Steffi's breasts with the aid of a damn fine magnifying glass you will clearly see a minute imbalance between the left and right breast. It is well for a chap to notice these details.

----------


## MarkBastable

Ohhh, _right_. Steffi. I knew I knew her from somewhere. I've had her.

----------


## prendrelemick

In your dreams Bastable! (mine too)






Jocky: Could be, but its all about the legs with Steffi.

----------


## jocky

> In your dreams Bastable! (mine too)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jocky: Could be, but its all about the legs with Steffi.


You are right. I will just get my magnifying glass out again. I may be gone some time.

----------


## MarkBastable

> You are right. I will just get my magnifying glass out again.


First time I've heard it called that. Is this an example of nicknaming by association?

----------


## The Atheist

> That is the lovely Steffi Graff, I think you'll find her hanging on the wall behind the bar.


What a woman! 

She is one of the reasons I hate Andre Agassi so much, Imagine a bloke who married her _and_ Brooke Shields. Ok, she's crazy, but....

----------


## jocky

> First time I've heard it called that. Is this an example of nicknaming by association?


I can see you are going to fit in here nae problem.

----------


## MarkBastable

Alright - I have another idea for a thread. Like the flowers thing, it has a slightly non-hairy-arsed element, but I think there's enough swinging dickery about it to be worth a shot. 

So - women in representational art whom you would oblige. 

Nudes are obviously allowed, but I'll start off with an ethereal floaty hippy one.



The model for this was Jane Morris. She and the other great pre-Raphaelite muse - Lizzie Siddall - were both total knockouts, if the pictures they sat for - and contemporary accounts - are anything to go by. They certainly appeal to the adolescent bit of me that will forever regret having been born a bit too late for Woodstock and the Stones in Hyde Park.

And while I'm at it...

Heineken don't make late Victorian outdoor jacuzzis, but if they did, they'd probably be the best late Victorian outdoor jacuzzis in the world...

----------


## prendrelemick

A king's mistress posing as the Madonna. I have never seen a woman with breasts quite that far apart, very intriguing.

----------


## jocky

> A king's mistress posing as the Madonna. I have never seen a woman with breasts quite that far apart, very intriguing.


A certain Bishop used to take a great interest in a Madonna's breasts according to Browning:

"Bedded in store of rotten fig-leaves soft,
And corded up in a tight olive frail,
Some lump, ah God, of lapis lazuli
Big as a a Jew's head cut off at the nape,
Blue as a vein o'er the Madonna's breast..."

I wonder if the Bishop had a magnifying glass! Hmm!

----------


## Paulclem

...and what was a Bishop doing at a Madonna concert?...

----------


## MarkBastable

Well, they attracted a pretty militant secular crowd, those concerts, so it's possible the bishop was getting bashed.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, they attracted a pretty militant secular crowd, those concerts, so it's possible the bishop was getting bashed.


 :FRlol: 

A veritable Bishop's convention.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> In your dreams Bastable! (mine too)



The new Colassus?
Imagine the bumper to bumper (bow to stern) traffic getting into Rhodes!








> You are right. I will just get my magnifying glass out again. I may be gone some time.


By the way Jocky, that poem you slipped in a few pages back did not go unnoticed. It went into my bag of tricks.




> Alright - I have another idea for a thread. Like the flowers thing, it has a slightly non-hairy-arsed element, but I think there's enough swinging dickery about it to be worth a shot. 
> 
> So - women in representational art whom you would oblige.


At the moment I'm thinking something along these lines (The same thing Mr. Rosa was thinking):




.

----------


## jocky

Class will out

http://www.flickr.com/photos/bigstim...n/photostream/

----------


## Paulclem

> Class will out
> 
> http://www.flickr.com/photos/bigstim...n/photostream/



Was that the picture that was supposed to be in houses where there were fires? A cursed picture? Or perhaps it was so common that it was frequently found in houses that had fires. 

Even I remember that painting as a kid. Maybe it was an urban myth - being the cause of fires, not me remembering...

Or maybe it's the wrong picture...what day is it today?....

----------


## MarkBastable

That's the best selling painting of all time, or something. Or possibly the second best, after the dogs playing pool.

As this entire fanciable-women-in-proper-art thing has been rendered a low-class joke by Brian 'jocky' Sewell over there, I shall be forced to seek out a Web page of that chick on a tennis court scratching her bum.

----------


## The Atheist

> Or possibly the second best, after the dogs playing pool.


I have actually been in houses where that is framed and hanging on the wall.

----------


## Paulclem

> I have actually been in houses where that is framed and hanging on the wall.


Me too. And my ex landlord left me the tennis girl scratching her bum in 1983.

----------


## jocky

> That's the best selling painting of all time, or something. Or possibly the second best, after the dogs playing pool.
> 
> As this entire fanciable-women-in-proper-art thing has been rendered a low-class joke by Brian 'jocky' Sewell over there, I shall be forced to seek out a Web page of that chick on a tennis court scratching her bum.


Aye, no chance of that hanging in the rarified atmosphere of Bastable Hall. Sorry if I did not go into raptures over the Rosetti and am totally ignorant on the merits of the Pre Raphaelites and their antipathy toward Josh the Slosh.

My point being that art is judged by individuals regardless of social status and just because that paticular work hung in the homes of millions of people worldwide, much the same as Andy Warhol's creations, it has as much merit as anything that is hung in a few Town Halls and Art Galleries.

Right enough I am a dummy, enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBt0ER43trc

Now might be the time to post some paintings of women by Lucien Freud.

----------


## jocky

> By the way Jocky, that poem you slipped in a few pages back did not go unnoticed. It went into my bag of tricks.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .


This reply should be read aloud in the slow drawl of John Wayne:

Well hell Gurgle I'm a figurin we otta settle this in the old way,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKThgLq21Rc

Anyone for a corn dodger ?

----------


## jocky

And if you think I am annoying you have obviously never met my late Uncle John:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgsPzydgzxE 

He could spin a yarn  :Smile:

----------


## MarkBastable

> Aye, no chance of that hanging in the rarified atmosphere of Bastable Hall. Sorry if I did not go into raptures over the Rosetti and am totally ignorant on the merits of the Pre Raphaelites and their antipathy toward Josh the Slosh.
> 
> My point being that art is judged by individuals regardless of social status and just because that paticular work hung in the homes of millions of people worldwide, much the same as Andy Warhol's creations, it has as much merit as anything that is hung in a few Town Halls and Art Galleries.
> 
> Right enough I am a dummy, enjoy:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBt0ER43trc
> 
> Now might be the time to post some paintings of women by Lucien Freud.


I rather like Freud's stuff - but the stuff at Bastable Halls isn't exclusively rarefied. From where I'm sitting I can see framed posters of this:




and this



and this



(Also, a stuffed owl, a pewter Snoopy moneybox and a large plaster statue of Captain Hook.)

I disagree with you about merit by numbers though. I think there are completely objective qualities by which it's possible to say that the Picasso above is a better painting than the dogs playing pool. Which is not to say that people should _like_ it more.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mmm.. Anyway back to the girl scratching her bum.

That poster was on the wall in many male student's bedroom in my student days.

The students of the fairer sex had that "Wings of Love" on theirs' depicting a miserable looking naked man being delivered on the underside of a swans wing to a naked girl sat on a damp floor. Very romantic.

In fact here it is.


I always thought that swan was about to give the poor bloke a "Bobbiting"

----------


## prendrelemick

Mark an' Gilliatt elevate the tone,
With pics of Jane and Perse-phone,

----------


## The Atheist

> My point being that art is judged by individuals regardless of social status and just because that paticular work hung in the homes of millions of people worldwide, much the same as Andy Warhol's creations, it has as much merit as anything that is hung in a few Town Halls and Art Galleries.


And often, quite a lot more!

I wish more people knew that.

----------


## DocHeart

Parker, can you fix me a very mild one? And a glass of water, if you can, yes, I think I'll water it down a bit tonight, I'm driving. What are you staring at me like this, you daft lump, you still can't tell when I'm kidding? Get me a double, neat.

Guys, I wanna share something with you. This gave me the horn:

http://www.online-literature.com/for...ad.php?t=63061

You think I should apologise to my shrink for deliberately burning a hole in his sofa with my cigarette and start having sessions with him again?

Cheers  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

^Noooo, this is the kind of thing women talk about - _to their own kind_ - I'll have one of those too please Parker!

----------


## jocky

That Doc, he does not pop in very often but he always leaves me feeling uneasy. I can just picture him standing at the bottom of my hospital bed:

"Jocky I have good news and bad news for you"

O.K Doc give me the bad news.

"You have only got two weeks to live"

Long silence , so what is the good news?.

"The guy in the bed opposite you wants to buy your slippers."

----------


## jocky

Guys and gal Jocky has got some breaking news which could have life changing repercussions. Scientists have announced without equivocation that the Hadron Collider may or may not have picked up elements of the God particle:

http://www.thepeninsulaqatar.com/int...ggs-boson.html

Remember you heard it in the Cold Ale Thread first. I can't wait to tell Mrs Jocky when she comes home from her work in the morning.  :Smile:

----------


## Big Dante

> That Doc, he does not pop in very often but he always leaves me feeling uneasy. I can just picture him standing at the bottom of my hospital bed:
> 
> "Jocky I have good news and bad news for you"
> 
> O.K Doc give me the bad news.
> 
> "You have only got two weeks to live"
> 
> Long silence , so what is the good news?.
> ...





> Guys and gal Jocky has got some breaking news which could have life changing repercussions. Scientists have announced without equivocation that the Hadron Collider may or may not have picked up elements of the God particle:
> 
> http://www.thepeninsulaqatar.com/int...ggs-boson.html
> 
> Remember you heard it in the Cold Ale Thread first. I can't wait to tell Mrs Jocky when she comes home from her work in the morning.



How much for the slippers?
Wait no... How much for the God or possibly not God particle?

----------


## prendrelemick

I bet the God particle cost a bit more than the slippers.

----------


## MarkBastable

On his way back from a race meeting in the Scotland, a London bookie walks into a tiny, remote pub in the Highlands. There are a few old locals in there, a jolly fat lady at the bar and a scottie dog lying under a table.

The guy gets his pint, turns to the locals at the few tables and raises his glass. "Cheers." 

"Aye, good health," they all murmur.

"Down the hatch," says the dog.

The bookie pauses. He looks at the dog. He takes another sip.

"Nice day," he says, to the general assembly.

"Aye, no' bad at all," a couple of the locals agree.

"Rain tomorrow, though," remarks the dog.

Again, the guy looks at the dog - and then at the locals. 

"Did that dog just speak?" he asks.

The locals shrug. "Oh, aye. Ye cannae shut him up."

"Huh," the dog mutters.

The guy gets out his wallet. "Who owns the dog?"

A wizened old Highlander raises his hand. "That'll be me."

"I'll give you a hundred pounds for him."

"Whish! For tha' aul' dog? Put ye money awa', man."

"Two hundred."

"I cannae take yer money. Yer crazy! Sit yeself doon an' have a drink. Ferget it."

"Three hundred!"

Eventually the guy buys the dog for five hundred pounds. 

"I cannae see what you like so much about tha' dog," the old Scot says, grinning broadly as he pockets the cash.

"He just took my fancy, for some reason," the guy says. 

He puts the dog in the back of the car and hits the road. The dog sleeps all the way to London. 

The bookie doesn't even go home - he drives straight to his local pub, and rushes in with the dog under his arm. "Don't say a word till I tell you," he whispers to the dog. The dog blinks.

The guys mates all hello him, ask him about his trip.

"Quite eventful actually," he says. "I bought a talking dog."

This throwaway snippet is received with dismissive hilarity.

"No," says the guy. "Straight up. This dog can talk." He puts the dog on a table, and it sits there looking at the blokes gathering round. "Who'll put a fiver on it?"

"Give me two-to-one, I'll put a tenner on it," says a bloke at the back.

"Fair enough," says our man. "Two-to-one."

"Make it five-to-one, I'll go twenty nicker," says another.

"Fine - I'll cover all bets at five-to-one," says the bookie.

Following a flurry of wagering activity, there's a little over a grand on the table in front of the dog.

"Right," says the bookie, turning to the scottie, "perhaps you'd like to say a few words."

The dog blinks.

"Off you go," says the bookie. "Just tell them how we met, or something."

The dog tips his head to one side, staring back at the bookie.

"Pay up," says one of the guys crowded round the table.

The bookie leans down to the dog. "Look, a simple hello will do," he hisses.

The dog licks his face.

The crowd begin to stir. "Come on - I've got fifty quid on at five-to-one. Let's see it."

"Say something, you stupid little furball!"

At which point a poodle is brought in to the pub, and the scottie dog stands up on the table and starts to bark like mad, scrabbling to get down.

Red-faced and steaming, the bookie pays the punters - completely wiping out his takings from the Scottish race meeting, and a lot more - and then he grabs the scottie dog by the collar and storms out to the pub. He heads straight for the canal. He swings the dog by its collar, aiming for the centre of the water.

"Bloody useless stupid dog. I've never been so embarrassed. Best of six grand down the tubes. Well, that's it - that's your lot..."

The dog is choking, strangled by being swung from his collar, but as he's swung out over the canal he manages to croak, "Don't be a bloody idiot! Think of the odds you'll be able to offer next time..."

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Bastable, for the sake of your integrity, I sincerely hope you didn't come up with that punch-line yourself, but it was in the original telling.

Or is that what they call a shaggy dog story? I've only heard of such things, not actually experienced them...

----------


## MarkBastable

> Bastable, for the sake of your integrity, I sincerely hope you didn't come up with that punch-line yourself, but it was in the original telling.
> 
> Or is that what they call a shaggy dog story? I've only heard of such things, not actually experienced them...


I think it was a Barry Cryer joke I heard on a daytime panelgame show called _Jokers Wild_, probably in the very early seventies, when I was about twelve. I have embellished the telling. 

I have a sort of total-recall memory for jokes. Which means that it's about twenty years since I heard a new one - though that kind of 'there's a nun, a priest and a tightrope walker' joke is a bit unfashionable now. Probably just as well.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Sometimes I get the feeling you're actually Douglas Adams in disguise

----------


## MarkBastable

Meanwhile, back in the Grumpy Old Men part of the thread....


_Ring-ring, ring-ring..._


"Hello?"

"Hello. This is Angel from Virgin Media. Can I speak to Mr Base...Basty..."

"Bastable. This is he."

"Hello. This is Angel from VirginMedia. I'm calling with some good news today about your telephone account. We're looking at your records here for the last few months and we can right now save you money with our good news for you today."

"Ah."

"Can you tell me the first and last letters of your password, so we can talk about this good news?"

"No. I've no idea what my password is."

"So you have forgotten your password, Mr Base....Basty.."

"Bastable. Yes."

"Okay. We can send you a new password. Can you give me the full address on your account so we can send you a new password."

"I don't want a new password."

"Yes, if you tell me the full address on your account, we can send you a new password."

"No - I don't want you to do that. I don't want you to change my password."

"But you need to protect your account."

"If even I don't know what the password is, it's pretty damn protected, isn't it?"

<five second silence>

"So you don't want us to send you a new password?"

"That's broadly the thrust of my argument, yes."

<five second silence>

"Okay. So, if you can give me the full address on your account, I can then talk to you about this good news."

"You've lost me."

"If you can give me the full address on your account, we can talk about this good news."

"Why do I need to give you my address?"

"For security. Because you don't know your password."

"But, _you_ called _me_ at the phone number that you installed at this address. If I'm picking up the phone, I'm likely to know the address of the house I'm in, even if I'm _not_ Mr Basebastybastable."

"Yes, if you can give me the full address on your account, then we can talk about this good news."

"Could you please give the full address of Virgin Media's registered office?"

<five second silence>

"Sorry?"

"Could you please give the full address of Virgin Media's registered office? For security. If you can give me the full address of Virgin Media's registered office, I can talk to you about the good news."

"This is Angel calling from Virgin Media."

"Well, that's what you claim. But Virgin Media already _know_ my full address."

"Yes, if you can give me the full address on your account, then we can talk about this good news."

"Angel, I'm starting to feel a little mean, to be honest. Thing is, I don't really want to have a conversation about the good news."

<five second silence>

"This is Angel calling from Virgin Media. Thank you for taking my call today."

<click>

----------


## Big Dante

You forgot to ask for his password Bastable, I'm sure he Angel would have happily obliged.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Mark an' Gilliatt elevate the tone,
> With pics of Jane and Perse-phone,


Perse-phone is close...

Scylla and Glaucus were causing a raucous
Hammered on Circes rum
With his tail upturned he knew hed been spurned
After grabbing her porcelain bum :





> 





> Anyone for a corn dodger ?


No, but Im up for a corn doggerFletchers that is.





> Guys and gal Jocky has got some breaking news which could have life changing repercussions. Scientists have announced without equivocation that the Hadron Collider may or may not have picked up elements of the God particle:
> 
> http://www.thepeninsulaqatar.com/int...ggs-boson.html
> 
> Remember you heard it in the Cold Ale Thread first. I can't wait to tell Mrs Jocky when she comes home from her work in the morning.


The bumps in the data are a result of the God particle passing through the French side of the collider loop.




> On his way back from a race meeting in the Scotland, a London bookie walks into a tiny, remote pub in the Highlands. There are a few old locals in there, a jolly fat lady at the bar and a scottie dog lying under a table...
> 
> ..."Don't be a bloody idiot! Think of the odds you'll be able to offer next time..."


Looks like we have additional playwright support for this year's play.




> You forgot to ask for his password Bastable, I'm sure he Angel would have happily obliged.


Something for Big Dante:



.

----------


## Paulclem

> You forgot to ask for his password Bastable, I'm sure he Angel would have happily obliged.


I thought we were on first name terms here on the cold ale thread? We've got Gilliatt, Jocky, Mick, Big Dante and Atheist, (which like a title, admittedly, such as Antichrist or Venerable according to who it is who's viewing). Why then Bastable? I've never been near a Public School, and so this habit never ingrained itself. What about you other chaps? Shouldn't it be Mark then?

----------


## prendrelemick

Good point paul, otherwise members might mistake him for staff

----------


## MarkBastable

> Good point paul, otherwise members might mistake him for staff


I knows my place, Mr Michael, and that's a fact. I wouldn't expect to mix with the likes of you sirs. Wunt be right, that. Unlike some around here as I could mention, I knows better than to be sucking up to big nobs.

----------


## DocHeart

> I thought we were on first name terms here on the cold ale thread? We've got Gilliatt, Jocky, Mick, Big Dante and Atheist, (which like a title, admittedly, such as Antichrist or Venerable according to who it is who's viewing). Why then Bastable? I've never been near a Public School, and so this habit never ingrained itself. What about you other chaps? Shouldn't it be Mark then?


It's just that he's got the kind of surname one wants to utter. You know? "Bastable." Feels good when one says it.

----------


## jocky

I have sent him an invite to our next function in the Curmudgeon's Arms. If he buys a round he will be forever known as Mark if not it will be plain old Bastable.

----------


## The Atheist

> Guys, I wanna share something with you.




You're a great man - I've told Parker to put those on my tab!

Cheers.

----------


## The Atheist

> I thought we were on first name terms here on the cold ale thread? We've got Gilliatt, Jocky, Mick, Big Dante and Atheist, (which like a title, admittedly, such as Antichrist or Venerable according to who it is who's viewing). Why then Bastable? I've never been near a Public School, and so this habit never ingrained itself. What about you other chaps? Shouldn't it be Mark then?


Definitely Mark. I've always loved the way those schools are "public".




> Guys and gal Jocky has got some breaking news which could have life changing repercussions. Scientists have announced without equivocation that the Hadron Collider may or may not have picked up elements of the God particle:
> 
> http://www.thepeninsulaqatar.com/int...ggs-boson.html
> 
> Remember you heard it in the Cold Ale Thread first. I can't wait to tell Mrs Jocky when she comes home from her work in the morning.


Brilliant news!

This is the first time ever that scientists have speculated on the possibility that they might have some evidence - a huge leap forward.

On the strength of that, I might have another drink.

----------


## DocHeart

> Brilliant news!
> 
> This is the first time ever that scientists have speculated on the possibility that they might have some evidence - a huge leap forward.
> 
> On the strength of that, I might have another drink.


My round, Parker. If God particles exist, does that mean he is actually made of matter? That would be so très banal. Next thing he's gonna float down the stock exchange.

Happy Saturday night to all  :Smile:

----------


## MarkBastable

> Definitely Mark. I've always loved the way those schools are "public".


Ah, well, there's a very reasonable reason for that obviously confusing term....

_Re_ how I should be addressed, let's not get hung up on this 'Mark' or 'Bastable' thing. Just kick back and refer to me as 'Your Awesomeness'.

----------


## jocky

> Ah, well, there's a very reasonable reason for that obviously confusing term....
> 
> _Re_ how I should be addressed, let's not get hung up on this 'Mark' or 'Bastable' thing. Just kick back and refer to me as 'Your Awesomeness'.


A word to the wise 'Your Awsomeness' Soundo will not take kindly to pouring your tea and cleaning Bastable Hall.  :Smile:

----------


## MarkBastable

> A word to the wise 'Your Awsomeness' Soundo will not take kindly to pouring your tea and cleaning Bastable Hall.


Huh? I would _never_ expect that kind of subservience from a woman. That's why God gave us the Scots.

----------


## The Atheist

> My round, Parker. If God particles exist, does that mean he is actually made of matter? That would be so très banal. Next thing he's gonna float down the stock exchange.
> 
> Happy Saturday night to all


 :FRlol: 

Damn right.

I bet the shares go through the roof!




> Ah, well, there's a very reasonable reason for that obviously confusing term....


Yep, and I understand it perfectly. Doesn't stop it being funny, especially when our similar schools are referred to as "private" despite being completely available to all people, and hence "public" as well.




> _Re_ how I should be addressed, let's not get hung up on this 'Mark' or 'Bastable' thing. Just kick back and refer to me as 'Your Awesomeness'.


Careful - we Southern Hemisphereans have a wide range of colloquialisms for English.

You may even find some of your fellow Northern Hemisphereans have a few as well, but you'd best check with jocky.

 :Wink:

----------


## jocky

> Huh? I would _never_ expect that kind of subservience from a woman. That's why God gave us the Scots.


That was a cheap shot Mark. I have spent more than half my life wearing out boots in defence of Great Britain. If you meant to have a go at me personally I can live with that but slagging my countrymen off in general is unworthy goodnight mate .

----------


## Big Dante

> Something for Big Dante:
> 
> 
> 
> .



Thankyou very much  :Smile: 




> I thought we were on first name terms here on the cold ale thread? We've got Gilliatt, Jocky, Mick, Big Dante and Atheist, (which like a title, admittedly, such as Antichrist or Venerable according to who it is who's viewing). Why then Bastable? I've never been near a Public School, and so this habit never ingrained itself. What about you other chaps? Shouldn't it be Mark then?



Well the current trend is to add Y onto the end of the name so it should become Marky, Marky boy etc. The only exception is when 'dawg' is added and the Y is dropped to become just Mark Dawg.

----------


## The Atheist

> The only exception is when 'dawg' is added and the Y is dropped to become just Mark Dawg.


What happens to the big, tough guy whose nickname is Dog? Doggy sounds a bit poofy, and Dog Dawg doesn't work...

----------


## MarkBastable

> That was a cheap shot Mark. I have spent more than half my life wearing out boots in defence of Great Britain. If you meant to have a go at me personally I can live with that but slagging my countrymen off in general is unworthy goodnight mate .



It was a response to the post about SoM. If you were from Wales, I'd've said Welsh. If you were from France, I'd've said French. If you were from Nigeria, I'd've said Nigerian. 

I have nothing against the Scots. And I have nothing _for_ them, either. None of my best friends are Scots; but neither can I think of a Scot I dislike - at least, not for their Scottishness. 

So - y'know - let's not fall out over my perceived attitude to Scottish people, because I haven't really got one.

On the other hand, I find your landscapes profoundly and unremittingly depressing. I've never got that 'sweeping grandeur' thing. Scottish vistas always look to me like headaches made geological.

I was in Fochabers last week. I liked it. Rather than adjust my attitude to the whole of Scotland, I've decided to regard Fochabers as an independent village state, and therefore not Scotland at all.

----------


## jocky

> It was a response to the post about SoM. If you were from Wales, I'd've said Welsh. If you were from France, I'd've said French. If you were from Nigeria, I'd've said Nigerian. 
> 
> I have nothing against the Scots. And I have nothing _for_ them, either. None of my best friends are Scots; but neither can I think of a Scot I dislike - at least, not for their Scottishness. 
> 
> So - y'know - let's not fall out over my perceived attitude to Scottish people, because I haven't really got one.
> 
> On the other hand, I find your landscapes profoundly and unremittingly depressing. I've never got that 'sweeping grandeur' thing. Scottish vistas always look to me like headaches made geological.
> 
> I was in Fochabers last week. I liked it. Rather than adjust my attitude to the whole of Scotland, I've decided to regard Fochabers as an independent village state, and therefore not Scotland at all.


 :Smile: 

Aye, well at least admit you like our whisky. Cheers!

----------


## Big Dante

> What happens to the big, tough guy whose nickname is Dog? Doggy sounds a bit poofy, and Dog Dawg doesn't work...


Then Big is added in front of the name. Hence Big Dante. Dantey and Dante Dawg did not work therefore it became Big Dante.  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Then Big is added in front of the name. Hence Big Dante. Dantey and Dante Dawg did not work therefore it became Big Dante.


How about Deputy Dawg surely we can all relate to that. I am getting too old for this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F85BCzo1F_8

----------


## Big Dante

> How about Deputy Dawg surely we can all relate to that. I am getting too old for this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F85BCzo1F_8


You can never be too old for Deputy Dawg  :Hand: 

This show single handedly pioneered half the lyrics of rap music.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Thankyou very much 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Well the current trend is to add Y onto the end of the name so it should become Marky, Marky boy etc. The only exception is when 'dawg' is added and the Y is dropped to become just Mark Dawg.




Then there is that endearing Aussie tradition of adding 'o' on the end of a name, like Thomo and Billo. Course it would make Mark sound Mediterranean. but anything is better than Marky.

----------


## prendrelemick

> You can never be too old for Deputy Dawg 
> 
> This show single handedly pioneered half the lyrics of rap music.



 :Smilielol5:  :Smilielol5:

----------


## MarkBastable

The gopher in _Deputy Dawg_ has the second best cartoon-character name ever - the first being the crazy inventor in _Wacky Racers_.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Who's that?
> 
> Whoever it is, I think that that's too abrupt a transition from flora to fauna, so here's a picture to get us there more smoothly.


Looks like you just rescued her from the 7 dwarfs, Mark. I've always wondered if the prince carried mouth wash, I really wouldn't want to kiss someone who had been sleeping that long.




> Sanity has been restored at last by farmer Mick and the man who started it all in the first place Mark Bastable.
> 
> If you look very closely at Steffi's breasts with the aid of a damn fine magnifying glass you will clearly see a minute imbalance between the left and right breast. It is well for a chap to notice these details.


Now you see, it's comments like this and Jockeys incredible literature range tht has sometimes had me thinking Mrs. J has taken over his identity. 




> In your dreams Bastable! (mine too)
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Jocky: Could be, but its all about the legs with Steffi.


Oh, my poor lads, I see I've left you too long and you are again fantasizing about the boobless wonder...I must admit, those are great stilts though.




> What a woman! 
> 
> She is one of the reasons I hate Andre Agassi so much, Imagine a bloke who married her _and_ Brooke Shields. Ok, she's crazy, but....


Okay, what is the attraction of Agassi, money or a long tongue  :Hand: 

[QUOTE=MarkBastable;1053536]Alright - I have another idea for a thread. Like the flowers thing, it has a slightly non-hairy-arsed element, but I think there's enough swinging dickery about it to be worth a shot. 

So - women in representational art whom you would oblige. 

Nudes are obviously allowed, but I'll start off with an ethereal floaty hippy one.



The model for this was Jane Morris. She and the other great pre-Raphaelite muse - Lizzie Siddall - were both total knockouts, if the pictures they sat for - and contemporary accounts - are anything to go by. They certainly appeal to the adolescent bit of me that will forever regret having been born a bit too late for Woodstock and the Stones in Hyde Park.

And while I'm at it...

Heineken don't make late Victorian outdoor jacuzzis, but if they did, they'd probably be the best late Victorian outdoor jacuzzis in the world...

[/QUOTE}

Love the nymphs, never noticed Sidal had such a big neck, I wonder if she had an adams apple too

----------


## MarkBastable

If I were to list those who had the greatest influence on my childhood, and therefore my entire life, I guess my Mum and Dad would take the top two slots, but vying for the number three position would be, amongst very few others, Fred Quimby.

However, it's not going to be much of a thread if I suggest we all put forward our favourite producer of short cartoons, so instead we'll go for our favourite cartoon characters.

It's a tough choice, actually. But, until I change my mind, I'll nominate this one ...




A metal image of Daffy hangs from my keyring, in just this pose. I really ought to be embarrassed about that, I suppose.

----------


## Big Dante

I think as far as cartoon movies go....

----------


## Paulclem

> If I were to list those who had the greatest influence on my childhood, and therefore my entire life, I guess my Mum and Dad would take the top two slots, but vying for the number three position would be, amongst very few others, Fred Quimby.
> 
> However, it's not going to be much of a thread if I suggest we all put forward our favourite producer of short cartoons, so instead we'll go for our favourite cartoon characters.
> 
> It's a tough choice, actually. But, until I change my mind, I'll nominate this one ...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A metal image of Daffy hangs from my keyring, in just this pose. I really ought to be embarrassed about that, I suppose.



I've just bought a DVD of Porky Pig cartoons to watch woth the niece who''s coming next week. I hope to be able to master Porky's stutter in that time. th eh-th-th-eh-th-th-eh that's all folks.

What a fantastic opportunity to annoy the family - especially if it's an inadequate version- which it will be.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well you see, its difficult, I think Daffy is one of the greatest ever characters in any discipline in the entire history of The Arts.

However, I grew up with these two - who just make me laugh.




They were a Fred Quimby I think.

----------


## jocky

These are all impressive but this guy was the daddy:

----------


## DocHeart

So cool. So collected.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Well you see, its difficult, I think Daffy is one of the greatest ever characters in any discipline in the entire history of The Arts.
> 
> However, I grew up with these two - who just make me laugh.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They were a Fred Quimby I think.


The best ones were, yes. The later ones were Hanna-Barbera, and they were crap, and the early ones hadn't found the right balance.

I have to say I never found Popeye in the least funny. Same goes for the Disney stable. My feeling it is that, at a push, I could separate the people I like from the people I dislike along a Daffy-Donald axis.

I may have mentioned this before but it's written into my will that as my body is committed to the flames, the accompanying music must be the sting from Warner Brother cartoons, timed so that as the furnace doors close on my coffin the mourners are advised that 'Tha-tha-der-der-that's all, folks!"

----------


## prendrelemick

Here's where I start (or should that be continue) boring everyone on here by mentioning the test series against India. Great win for England today, but I would like the little God to get another 100.

----------


## Paulclem

Tom and Jerry were brill - you're right Mark. The later ones were crap. 

Do you remember Arthur The King of Camelot? I always got a profound sense of disappointment watching it. 



But I did like the Hair Bear Bunch.



I also thought you'd like to know that i got the kids a little treat tday. We're a long way from Christmas, and so I thought I'd bring a little cheer into their lives.



They are just like the chicken ones except you do get a flavour of stuffing... and then noodles in an indeterminate sauce, but hey - they were only £1.20 for 3.

----------


## Paulclem

I also wanted to upload some flowers from ages ago. Yes - I bought a micro SD card converter from the pound shop again. I'm sorry they're late. they were good this year though - the roses.

----------


## The Atheist

> If I were to list those who had the greatest influence on my childhood, and therefore my entire life, I guess my Mum and Dad would take the top two slots, but vying for the number three position would be, amongst very few others, Fred Quimby.


That's an interesting question - who was the greatest influence - and you started me trying to figure out who it was. My parents were old alcoholics by the time I came along and the last of my siblings had left home by the time I was 9.

I always tell people I brought myself up, which isn't far from the truth. 




> Here's where I start (or should that be continue) boring everyone on here by mentioning the test series against India. Great win for England today, but I would like the little God to get another 100.


Yes, great win! Even better to see England actually holding form.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Tom and Jerry were brill - you're right Mark. The later ones were crap. 
> 
> 
> 
> I also thought you'd like to know that i got the kids a little treat tday. We're a long way from Christmas, and so I thought I'd bring a little cheer into their lives.
> 
> 
> 
> They are just like the chicken ones except you do get a flavour of stuffing... and then noodles in an indeterminate sauce, but hey - they were only £1.20 for 3.


You spoil them kids Paul.

By the way, I was in your old stamping ground yesterday. We went dahn t'pit at the National Coal Mining Museum. Thank god daddy was a farmer!

----------


## Paulclem

> You spoil them kids Paul.
> 
> By the way, I was in your old stamping ground yesterday. We went dahn t'pit at the National Coal Mining Museum. Thank god daddy was a farmer!


I know - there were no Pot Noodles when I were a lad. It were a vesta meal. 

Yeah - nightmare job. the thing was you couldn't get a job down there even if you were mad enough to want one. You had to have family in the "business" to get a look in. Talk about inverted snobbery. 

My relatives were - amongst others - cow herders from County Durham. My Grandad left and became a shepherd. My other Grandad was a sailor from WW1 to just before WW2. My Great Great Grandad was a miner.

----------


## jocky

Time for something completely different. I wonder what Machiavelli, Hobbes and the rest of the gang would have made of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xd_zkMEgkI

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Time for something completely different. I wonder what Machiavelli, Hobbes and the rest of the gang would have made of this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xd_zkMEgkI


"Just beacuse some watery tart threw a sword at you..." - I use that line around the pool side or when I'm taking a bath.

Something along the same lines (?) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pP3VA...eature=related

That blonde in the front is starting to set my trip wire.


I'm getting caught up:

Looney Tunes were the among the best and to think that one person, Mel Blanc, was the voice behind so many of those characters. Fog Horn Leg Horn was perhaps my favorite.

Here is another favorite of mine:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6WT-fxBNKs8

My paternal grandfather worked in the oil fields of norther Oklahoma. Here is a picture of the connecting crew taken in the early 1920's. He is the one directly above the "C" in "Connecting":



.

----------


## soundofmusic

> If I were to list those who had the greatest influence on my childhood, and therefore my entire life, I guess my Mum and Dad would take the top two slots, but vying for the number three position would be, amongst very few others, Fred Quimby.
> 
> However, it's not going to be much of a thread if I suggest we all put forward our favourite producer of short cartoons, so instead we'll go for our favourite cartoon characters.
> 
> It's a tough choice, actually. But, until I change my mind, I'll nominate this one ...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A metal image of Daffy hangs from my keyring, in just this pose. I really ought to be embarrassed about that, I suppose.


Great idea, Mark. I learned my first concepts of the dating world from Popeye, Olive and Brutis...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CXcm...eature=related





> I've just bought a DVD of Porky Pig cartoons to watch woth the niece who''s coming next week. I hope to be able to master Porky's stutter in that time. th eh-th-th-eh-th-th-eh that's all folks.
> 
> What a fantastic opportunity to annoy the family - especially if it's an inadequate version- which it will be.


Oh, can you get someone to record that, I want to see it haha

I loved Marvin the Martian too:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7A4He...eature=related




> Well you see, its difficult, I think Daffy is one of the greatest ever characters in any discipline in the entire history of The Arts.
> 
> However, I grew up with these two - who just make me laugh.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They were a Fred Quimby I think.


Yeah, Daffy was the greatest; particularly, when he was put with Bugs. I don't remember much with Tom and Jerry; they were a bit after my cartoon days. 

[QUOTE=jocky;1055682]These are all impressive but this guy was the daddy:

[/QUOTE}

I remember mom bringing this slimy canned spinach out of the can and trying to tell me that Popeye got his stregnth from that; I always thought popeye was a bit scrawny though. 






> I also wanted to upload some flowers from ages ago. Yes - I bought a micro SD card converter from the pound shop again. I'm sorry they're late. they were good this year though - the roses.


Your flowers are gorgeous, I never had any full blooms like that. 




> That's an interesting question - who was the greatest influence - and you started me trying to figure out who it was. My parents were old alcoholics by the time I came along and the last of my siblings had left home by the time I was 9.
> 
> I always tell people I brought myself up, which isn't far from the truth. 
> 
> Yes, great win! Even better to see England actually holding form.


Nothing like bad role models to haunt our dreams for the rest of our lives, make us change all of our parenting concepts only to later make the same mistakes our parents did.

----------


## prendrelemick

That line, "Help! Help! I'm being repressed", became our school day mantra in the 5th form. 

Also when asked any question at all by the repressive regime we would answer with the same question eg, "Is that the African value of PI or the European one? We were dithspicable, as Daffy might've said.

----------


## jocky

> "Just beacuse some watery tart threw a sword at you..." - I use that line around the pool side or when I'm taking a bath.
> 
> Something along the same lines (?) :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pP3VA...eature=related
> 
> That blonde in the front is starting to set my trip wire.
> 
> 
> ...


Loved the Three Stoogies vid which I have never seen before and the photo of your Grandad's rig outfit, he looks a man of character. Given the heatwave you are experiencing I thought you and Soundo might appreciate this from the Captain and given Mark's Zappa poster he might enjoy this as well:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqRHr5pEIFU

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> That line, "Help! Help! I'm being repressed", became our school day mantra in the 5th form. 
> 
> Also when asked any question at all by the repressive regime we would answer with the same question eg, "Is that the African value of PI or the European one? We were dithspicable, as Daffy might've said.


Delightful!

----------


## Paulclem

That's a great picture Gilliatt. 

We're rather bereft of pics in our family. There are some of when we were kids, but hardly any of the family other than my parents. I don't suppose they were'nt great photo takers.

----------


## The Atheist

> We're rather bereft of pics in our family. There are some of when we were kids, but hardly any of the family other than my parents. I don't suppose they were'nt great photo takers.


Sounds like me - there are few photos of me anywhere, and I'm pretty sure none at all from the ages of 12-17.

People valued cameras in those days.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... I thought you and Soundo might appreciate this from the Captain and given Mark's Zappa poster he might enjoy this as well:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqRHr5pEIFU


Jocky, I bow in your general direction.
That is one for the wall of shame and to think of the time and energy wasted on pondering the question of whether Lennon was a genius or who was the better poet; Morrison or Dylan? We know who the genius is!





> Delightful!


Don't look now fellas, but looks like someone may have gotten lost on their way to the coffee shop.
Welcome Varenne ! 
Parker will get you fixed up in short order.




> That's a great picture Gilliatt. 
> 
> We're rather bereft of pics in our family. There are some of when we were kids, but hardly any of the family other than my parents. I don't suppose they were'nt great photo takers.





> Sounds like me - there are few photos of me anywhere, and I'm pretty sure none at all from the ages of 12-17.
> 
> People valued cameras in those days.


Thanks Paul and you're right Atheist, we have hoards of photographs from the family past.
I'll see if I can get a couple more to share, perhaps my maternal grandfather. He's the one who inspired my fetish for the smell of old books ...and reading.

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Time for something completely different. I wonder what Machiavelli, Hobbes and the rest of the gang would have made of this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Xd_zkMEgkI


Feels like the 60s or a interview with John Lennon :FRlol: 




> "Just beacuse some watery tart threw a sword at you..." - I use that line around the pool side or when I'm taking a bath.
> 
> Something along the same lines (?) :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pP3VA...eature=related
> 
> That blonde in the front is starting to set my trip wire.
> 
> 
> ...


Did the little broad with the glasses pull at her bloomers, or was I imagining things. I seem to recall building up alot of static when I was a young thing. 




> That line, "Help! Help! I'm being repressed", became our school day mantra in the 5th form. 
> 
> Also when asked any question at all by the repressive regime we would answer with the same question eg, "Is that the African value of PI or the European one? We were dithspicable, as Daffy might've said.


Okay gents, speaking of Daffy, I am confused about something, Why don't Shakespearean actors spit anymore. Remember, they used to spit all the way through King Lear and Hamlet 




> Delightful!


Who's the hot broad...welcome, fellow sexy woman...




> Sounds like me - there are few photos of me anywhere, and I'm pretty sure none at all from the ages of 12-17.
> 
> People valued cameras in those days.


I'm sure there were alot of pictures taken of you, it's just that like mums eyes at the time, they were out of focus. I think my mom took alot of pictures of her thumb about that time :Out:

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> Who's the hot broad...welcome, fellow sexy woman...


Well, aren't you a peach? Thanks, dollface.

----------


## Buh4Bee

Well, there is nothing wrong with being a strong confident woman. You go Sugardoll!

----------


## prendrelemick

What's happening? we're knee deep in women! Have you been auditioning pole dancers again Parker?

----------


## MarkBastable

> What's happening? we're knee deep in women! Have you been auditioning pole dancers again Parker?


Intriguingly specific estimation of depth, that.

----------


## DocHeart

How many Greeks does it take to customize a software application?

None. They all go for default.

 :Party:

----------


## DocHeart

> What's happening? we're knee deep in women! Have you been auditioning pole dancers again Parker?


Nah, he's just interviewing them. He wants private lessons.  :Smile:

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> Well, there is nothing wrong with being a strong confident woman. You go Sugardoll!


Thank you, Jersea. I swear I'm not a pole dancer.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well that's a relief, some of our older members turn puce at the sight of a shapely ankle. Anything more risque would finish them off.

----------


## Big Dante

As ZZ Top wisely said. "It's a planet of women."

----------


## jocky

To our new lady, the official song for the Cold Ale Thread sang by Atheist himself:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy1ueZf1WMQ

----------


## The Atheist

> Why don't Shakespearean actors spit anymore.


Ah, you've just explained something for me. Obviously, all Indian people are aspiring Shakespearean actors. Well, all the ones in NZ, anyway.




> What's happening? we're knee deep in women! Have you been auditioning pole dancers again Parker?


Only knee deep? That's not going to be much good.




> How many Greeks does it take to customize a software application?
> 
> None. They all go for default.


Stolen! That's very good.




> To our new lady, the official song for the Cold Ale Thread sang by Atheist himself:


 :Smilielol5: 

There are wedding pictures of me at my first wedding that look quite a lot like that.

----------


## jocky

Mrs Jocky is being difficult again. It all began late on Sunday evening as I walked unsteadily up our front path belting out the Halleluja Chorus from Handel's Messiah. There she was silhouetted in the front doorway in what I can only describe as a warlike
pose.

"Where the hell have you been?"

I have been at Evensong.

"Evensong! You have never seen the inside of a church since the day we got married, you even refused to have our kids Christened."

Aye, but this was different they had a free communion wine tasting.

"If I find out you have been down at the Curmudgeons with that bunch of wasters from the Cold Ale Thread it will be the sofa for you for the forseeable future."

Let me past darling I think I am going to throw up.

----------


## Paulclem

> Mrs Jocky is being difficult again. It all began late on Sunday evening as I walked unsteadily up our front path belting out the Halleluja Chorus from Handel's Messiah. There she was silhouetted in the front doorway in what I can only describe as a warlike
> pose.
> 
> "Where the hell have you been?"
> 
> I have been at Evensong.
> 
> "Evensong! You have never seen the inside of a church since the day we got married, you even refused to have our kids Christened."
> 
> ...


 :FRlol: 
We'll have to get a super extra large sofa for the club. At worst case we'll be like Charlie Bucket's grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> Don't look now fellas, but looks like someone may have gotten lost on their way to the coffee shop.
> Welcome Varenne ! 
> Parker will get you fixed up in short order.


Thanks a million. Which one is Parker?

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> To our new lady, the official song for the Cold Ale Thread sang by Atheist himself:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vy1ueZf1WMQ


 :FRlol: 

Of all the Youtube videos I've seen today, this one is easily my favorite! The imagery is burned on my retinas like a solar imprint. Kids in the Hall fed them brain candy.

Thanks, Jocky!

----------


## Paulclem

> Thanks a million. Which one is Parker?


Parker runs the Cold Ale Club where we all retire of an evening, or when our Missuses get tired of us and order us out of the house. He can procure you every liquid whim.

You'd better get your order in for your favourite drink with a brief description. If he's in any doubt, then he gets whiskey.

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> Parker runs the Cold Ale Club where we all retire of an evening, or when our Missuses get tired of us and order us out of the house. He can procure you every liquid whim.
> 
> You'd better get your order in for your favourite drink with a brief description. If he's in any doubt, then he gets whiskey.


Whiskey is far too cheap and trifling for someone of my stately sophistication. I'll have Merlot.  :Wink:

----------


## Paulclem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwKLgTUb-EQ

This was Parker in his previous job. He can be formidable, even though he looks a bit rough - as though he's had a few.

----------


## jocky

Right I am going to my shakkie doon but I will leave our fella Americanos with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UPJ-euBzSM


Now I know politicking is frowned upon in our Shangri La but I am getting slightly concerned about my pension, and the state of the world economy. How do I lobby the Whitehouse? :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JvHroG3u5E

----------


## prendrelemick

> Whiskey is far too cheap and trifling for someone of my stately sophistication. I'll have Merlot.



I think he has some of the '84 left in a dark corner of his [strike]dungeon [/strike]cellar.
Crickey Jocky what are you doing up at this hour? I hope you're not sleeping on the couch again.

----------


## jocky

> I think he has some of the '84 left in a dark corner of his [strike]dungeon [/strike]cellar.
> Crickey Jocky what are you doing up at this hour? I hope you're not sleeping on the couch again.



Aye. you have got it easy you have still got to work for a living and you do not to have Mrs J checking on your hoovering skills and pointig out that your dishwashing qualities leave a lot to be desired.:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC2LYxdupRw

If only  :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Apparently my achilles heel is an inability to open curtains correctly.

----------


## jocky

How to balance a budget. Mrs Jocky show me the books:

" And what books would that might be?"

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> What's happening? we're knee deep in women! Have you been auditioning pole dancers again Parker?


Now I know what's going on. Earnest T just told me there was a coup at the coffee shop. Turns out they were serving instant coffee:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELvRW...eature=related





> How many Greeks does it take to customize a software application?
> 
> None. They all go for default.


Haha. By the way Doc you looked spiffy in that wedding photo.




> Thanks a million. Which one is Parker?





> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwKLgTUb-EQ
> 
> This was Parker in his previous job. He can be formidable, even though he looks a bit rough - as though he's had a few.


*Who is this Parker?*

The wife performed her nightly tucking, the dog fetched my nightcap of Wild Turkey with marjoram and the son played a sonata as the dock ropes were cast off, allowing me to drift into that nether world once again seeking the answer to Parker. 
Last night the synaptic currents revealed yet another scene from Parkers past

Before the days when Parker had settled in West Midlands spraying Rolls Royce with his Thompson, he was a bar tender in the small scratch of town nestled in the cleavage of the Grand Teetoops make that Tetons of Wyoming. 
Heres how Parker appeared during those dark ages at the Blokes Bar. Youll notice in my vision that he is called Will (Billy Parker), but now he goes by Parker in an effort to forget that part of his past.

Parker makes his appearance at 1:05 to about 4:50 (for those who live an abridged life) 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iuPNe...eature=related


Hey sodbusteryeah Im talking to you Paul. Did you catch the potato picker line?






> Aye. you have got it easy you have still got to work for a living and you do not to have Mrs J checking on your hoovering skills and pointig out that your dishwashing qualities leave a lot to be desired.:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JC2LYxdupRw
> 
> If only



There's the cue to bring back Prendrelemick's classic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I8CTscW3dpI


.
.

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwKLgTUb-EQ
> 
> This was Parker in his previous job. He can be formidable, even though he looks a bit rough - as though he's had a few.


Hahaha. Why does the Parker puppet remind me so much of David Lynch? I love Thunderbirds.

----------


## Varenne Rodin

After some diligent research, I am astonished that I never knew Parker existed. This fellow knew, and he does a bang up impression.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exIKi8kfkB8

----------


## Paulclem

> N
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Hey sodbusteryeah Im talking to you Paul. Did you catch the potato picker line?
> 
> .
> .


You talkin' to me? Oh. there's no-one else standing here so I guess it must be me. Yes. Yes I did. 

Sodbuster - I've been called many things things, but that has a ring to it.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## Paulclem

> After some diligent research, I am astonished that I never knew Parker existed. This fellow knew, and he does a bang up impression.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exIKi8kfkB8


Yes....m'Lady...

----------


## The Atheist

Parker, as always, brings to mind Lady Penelope.

If you've seen the Thunderbirds film using real people, you'll know what I mean.

I think a round of drinks on jocky's bill about now should see Mrs J in apoplexy-land.

So go ahead, be creative - the more expensive, the merrier!

----------


## jocky

Has anyone seen my mojo?

----------


## Alexander III

Wow! I cant believe I only discovered about this thread now, geez I have missed out.

Anyways will be popping by the club on occasion

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Has anyone seen my mojo?


Yeah, it's down in Louisiana in a mojo hand.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgp74...eature=related





> Wow! I cant believe I only discovered about this thread now, geez I have missed out.
> 
> Anyways will be popping by the club on occasion


Parker needs to expand the bar. I'll draft up some ideas.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Has anyone seen my mojo?




Does anyone else remember those little black chewy sweets (four for a penny) called mojos?


Meanwhile, I'm sorry but I have to mention the cricket, (again) Stuart Broad had 5 wickets for 0 runs including a hattrick and a dropped catch in 16 balls at one stage yesterday!

Thats quite good, I should add, (for our international members.)

But India are a champion team and still have the upper hand, claiming a wicket late last night. I hope the rumours of them smearing vaseline on their hotspots is untrue!

----------


## The Atheist

> Has anyone seen my mojo?


I had one of those once but put it in cold storage. You're welcome to that one if you like.




> Wow! I cant believe I only discovered about this thread now, geez I have missed out.
> 
> Anyways will be popping by the club on occasion


Welcome aboard!

There's always room for one more, and it's not like you can be late or anything - this place never closes.

----------


## Varenne Rodin

Cricket sounds like magic. I wish I could get British TV here.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Does anyone else remember those little black chewy sweets (four for a penny) called mojos?


Yeah - also Fruit Salads. And sherbet dips. And Jamboree Bags. And limeade. And Wanted Posters Bubble Gum.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

> Cricket sounds like magic. I wish I could get British TV here.


No it isn't - certain people can make it seem like THE thing to do, but it's just baseball on valium

As for Brit TV - there're some shows you should download off the WWW (cricket not being one of them!) that have actual actors and writers involved, and even win deserving awards

Catweazle's my latest indulgence

----------


## The Atheist

> Cricket sounds like magic. I wish I could get British TV here.


Go here to cricket fixes and lots of video of the highlights.

Great time at the moment, with England putting up a very solid second-test effort to go with their first test win.




> No it isn't - certain people can make it seem like THE thing to do, but it's just baseball on valium


Cor blimey, I wouldn't order the special from Parker anytime soon.




> As for Brit TV - there're some shows you should download off the WWW (cricket not being one of them!) that have actual actors and writers involved, and even win deserving awards


Hey, reality shows win awards.

Just like the shows, they make 'em up. Fair's fair.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Cricket sounds like magic.


It's more like valium. Cricket manages to be simultaneously boring and dangerous - a combination you wouldn't have thought possible in a sport.

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> No it isn't - certain people can make it seem like THE thing to do, but it's just baseball on valium
> 
> As for Brit TV - there're some shows you should download off the WWW (cricket not being one of them!) that have actual actors and writers involved, and even win deserving awards
> 
> Catweazle's my latest indulgence


Catweazle. Hilarious title. Thank you, you little darling.




> Great time at the moment, with England putting up a very solid second-test effort to go with their first test win.


I'll give it a look. I can't resist.




> It's more like valium. Cricket manages to be simultaneously boring and dangerous - a combination you wouldn't have thought possible in a sport.


Ha. I sometimes find American football to be that combination.  :Rolleyes5:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Cricket sounds like magic.



Yes it is! You are obviously very astute and intelligent. It is a game you don't have to concentrate on, you can lay back and slowly absorb it, it seeps into you like a warm feeling. Often nothing happens for an hour or two - it doesn't matter. Its a 5 day narrative, full of plots and sub-plots, cameos and clashes, its a team game thats all about individuals.

or as Athiest said a game played by Gentlemen and Australians.

----------


## Paulclem

> Does anyone else remember those little black chewy sweets (four for a penny) called mojos?


I certainly do - and 4 for a penny. They came in a wierd and forever unrepeatable flavour - something between cherry and raspberry, but smooth. 

Black Jacks and Bazooka Joes. Candy Tobacco that was made from coconut. Pineapple chunks. Chocolate logs and those sherbert flyng saucers. The variety was great, and a bit strange.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well that's a relief, some of our older members turn puce at the sight of a shapely ankle. Anything more risque would finish them off.


I hope you're sitting down...yes? alone?
OK now jump ahead to about 1:40:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNtNxhQmkt4

Did you catch Jocky at 4:13?





> Does anyone else remember those little black chewy sweets (four for a penny) called mojos?...


I don't recall seeing those over here. I do recall the candy cigarettes and the chewing tobacco bubble gum in a pouch.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

Oh I say!

----------


## MystyrMystyry

I don't recall seeing those over here. I do recall the candy cigarettes and the chewing tobacco bubble gum in a pouch

Nopt sure about that but did you get Scanlen's gum? It was usually dried out and virtually worthless to get a bubble, but it contained collector swap cards, which was its real appeal

Anyway there's a show over here about Collecting and someone had held on not to the cards but the wrapper - it fetched a grand at auction

----------


## prendrelemick

> Yes it is! You are obviously very astute and intelligent. It is a game you don't have to concentrate on, you can lay back and slowly absorb it, it seeps into you like a warm feeling. Often nothing happens for an hour or two - it doesn't matter. Its a 5 day narrative, full of plots and sub-plots, cameos and clashes, its a team game thats all about individuals.
> 
> or as Athiest said a game played by Gentlemen and Australians.




Talking of Gentlemen, what about Indian Captain Dhoni withdrawing that appeal yesterday after Bell had been given out. Send him a bottle of Champagne, Parker - and make sure its the good stuff!

----------


## jocky

> Talking of Gentlemen, what about Indian Captain Dhoni withdrawing that appeal yesterday after Bell had been given out. Send him a bottle of Champagne, Parker - and make sure its the good stuff!


He was oot end of story.

----------


## prendrelemick

He was out, no doubt about it, and he hadn't the grace to thank the Indians afterwards

----------


## jocky

> He was out, no doubt about it, and he hadn't the grace to thank the Indians afterwards


The idea of the gentleman does seem to be losing ground apart from our very own Parker who would have choked over his broadsheet, which he would have been ironing to place in the Cold Ale lounge, if he had seen that unsportsmanship like behaviour. Despicable.

----------


## jocky

> Yeah, it's down in Louisiana in a mojo hand.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgp74...eature=related
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


It is in safe hands with ole Lightning hopkins, I could not think of a better man to look after my mojo. If only I had caught the 3.10 to Yuma I would never have been humiliated at 4.13. This should explain everything:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYRggv-OGSI

----------


## jocky

To Soundo and Suggery this is for you, who says the age of chivalry is gone:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKvB3g3HEPQ

Who said us Jocks are not romantic, apart from Mrs Jocky.  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> It is in safe hands with ole Lightning hopkins, I could not think of a better man to look after my mojo. If only I had caught the 3.10 to Yuma I would never have been humiliated at 4.13. This should explain everything:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYRggv-OGSI


Seasick Steve is excellent. 

How about catching the next tour by flying Yorkshire Airlines.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm6VC5gdaFA

----------


## jocky

> Seasick Steve is excellent. 
> 
> How about catching the next tour by flying Yorkshire Airlines.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm6VC5gdaFA


 :FRlol: 

Ryanair could not serve mushy peas of that quality.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> To Soundo and Suggery this is for you, who says the age of chivalry is gone:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKvB3g3HEPQ
> 
> Who said us Jocks are not romantic, apart from Mrs Jocky.


Be careful with that Corries tune, you'll find that I'm an ole romantic too. Sounds nice.
Oh and that Ian Anderson tune you posted a while back is a hit with the missus.




> Seasick Steve is excellent. 
> 
> How about catching the next tour by flying Yorkshire Airlines.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm6VC5gdaFA


Five green laugh'n smilies fer ya !

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Meanwhile, in Scotland...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuPP-2Noy-c&NR=1

----------


## jocky

> Meanwhile, in Scotland...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuPP-2Noy-c&NR=1


 :FRlol: 

I had a feeling you might dig that one out.

Gilliat I am glad your Missus liked the Anderson song she is obviously a lady of great taste.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Seasick Steve is excellent. 
> 
> How about catching the next tour by flying Yorkshire Airlines.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm6VC5gdaFA



Actually, we're quite proud of being like that. :FRlol:

----------


## The Atheist

"Wipe thy bluddy feet"

 :FRlol:

----------


## prendrelemick

Course every region has something a little bit odd.

----------


## The Atheist

> Course every region has something a little bit odd.


Odd doesn't beging to describe that - what the hell is it? My guess is art that the artist was paid thousands of punds for.

----------


## Paulclem

> Odd doesn't beging to describe that - what the hell is it? My guess is art that the artist was paid thousands of punds for.


The piece is called Non-Handed Piss. It depicts the end of the piss and the technique of the non-handed shake.

----------


## Paulclem

> Actually, we're quite proud of being like that.


We are.  :Iagree:

----------


## The Atheist

> The piece is called Non-Handed Piss. It depicts the end of the piss and the technique of the non-handed shake.


I'd be telling him to get his prostate checked very soon!

----------


## Paulclem

> I'd be telling him to get his prostate checked very soon!


 :FRlol: 
If he pays his dues in the club then we can all get a minibus up together come the time.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Odd doesn't beging to describe that - what the hell is it? My guess is art that the artist was paid thousands of punds for.





> The piece is called Non-Handed Piss. It depicts the end of the piss and the technique of the non-handed shake.


Close Paul, my son tells me it is titled "Voldemort's Non Handed Piss" aka "Voldemort Shakes Dew off Lily" among southerners.



.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Well, aren't you a peach? Thanks, dollface.


Anytime :Wink: 



> Well, there is nothing wrong with being a strong confident woman. You go Sugardoll!


 :Idea: I'm an insecure woman in a confident womans body; but as no one looks more than skin deep  :FRlol: 




> What's happening? we're knee deep in women! Have you been auditioning pole dancers again Parker?


Did Parker trick us again, I, Mrs J, the two Mrs P's, and Mrs G all received invitations saying that there was going to be a mens wet tea shirt and tighty whitey contest... :Drool5: 




> Intriguingly specific estimation of depth, that.


 :Iagree:  :FRlol: 




> Only knee deep? That's not going to be much good.


Obviously it works for Mark, I guess he has more going for him than a cool car. :Auto: 




> Mrs Jocky is being difficult again. It all began late on Sunday evening as I walked unsteadily up our front path belting out the Halleluja Chorus from Handel's Messiah. There she was silhouetted in the front doorway in what I can only describe as a warlike
> pose.
> 
> "Where the hell have you been?"
> 
> I have been at Evensong.
> 
> "Evensong! You have never seen the inside of a church since the day we got married, you even refused to have our kids Christened."
> 
> ...


I hope you didn't tell her that there are more women on the thread; Mrs J is a force to be dealt with...particularly when she starts quoting shakespeare 




> We'll have to get a super extra large sofa for the club. At worst case we'll be like Charlie Bucket's grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.


 :Nopity:

----------


## prendrelemick

> Close Paul, my son tells me it is titled "Voldemort's Non Handed Piss" aka "Voldemort Shakes Dew off Lily" among southerners.
> 
> 
> 
> .


 :FRlol:  :FRlol: 

Its called Solace in the Wind. Perhaps that's a Kiwi euphenism like, "hang on a minute I'm just going for a solace in the harbour."

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm an insecure woman in a confident womans body; but as no one looks more than skin deep


I should borrow you for the does love exist thread!

 :Biggrin: 





> Its called Solace in the Wind.


:facepalm:

I never even picked that that was Wellington. My original thought when you posted it was, "What the hell is Ghandi doing in bluddy Yorkshire?"

Now, I understand. Wellington likes to sell itself as the arts capital of NZ. It has to, since there absolutely nothing else going for it.

Last time I was down there, I reckon I was fishing with the kids from that very spot. Great place to catch stingrays.

It was, however, made by a Pommy!




> Perhaps that's a Kiwi euphenism like, "hang on a minute I'm just going for a solace in the harbour."


If you know Wellington, even that's explained. The wind is usally blowing a gale from the direction it's facing, which is why Wellington residents develop a list after a few years there.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mrs P's only comment was "Has he got a willy?"

I wonder how many Wellingtonian maidens are going fall in to the harbour trying to answer that very question.

----------


## Paulclem

> Mrs P's only comment was "Has he got a willy?"
> 
> I wonder how many Wellingtonian maidens are going fall in to the harbour trying to answer that very question.


That depends upon whether there is anything to hang on to.

----------


## The Atheist

> That depends upon whether there is anything to hang on to.


 :Smilielol5: 

Convenient hand-hold?

Funnily enough, that is exactly the piece of wharf Wellington Girls' College sixth-formers jump off into the harbour on the last day of term before final exams.

It's the last day they have to wear uniform and a hundred or so of them dive in every year in full school uniform. Being summer and all in white blouses....

Popular event, that!

Lucky he's made of bronze.

----------


## prendrelemick

Seems that the world economic situation has penetrated the fastness of W. Yorks. I'm allowed only one Hobnob with my tea tonight. Have I lost my AAA credit rating at the post office? Or is Mrs P on one of her diets that always seems to include me in its privations? Cold Comfort Farm it is.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm supposed to be observing one - no chocolate cake biscuit etc etc. I often just forget though and end up absentmindedly stuffing something in.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm supposed to be observing one - no chocolate cake biscuit etc etc.


Diets are a tool of Satan.

That's why women like them so much.

----------


## MarkBastable

> It's the last day they have to wear uniform and a hundred or so of them dive in every year in full school uniform. Being summer and all in white blouses....
> 
> Popular event, that!
> 
> Lucky he's made of bronze.



Who wouldn't be?

----------


## MarkBastable

> I'm supposed to be observing one - no chocolate cake biscuit etc etc...


Nothing wrong with observing a diet. I often observe one. "Ah, darling, I observe that you're avoiding your roast potatoes. May I?"

Actually, I have been losing weight, which I needed to do. I have an app for it. You tell it what you've eaten - or what you're considering eating - and it tells you how many calories are in it. It also gives helpful advice. ("The Pret-a-Manger All Day Breakfast? Are you out of your blubbery mind?") 

I've lost well over a stone in about four months, which is a sensible rate of shed, I think. Needless to say, this is all without any kind of exercise at all. I even get someone at the office to walk over to the Wharf at lunchtime to bring back my hoi sin duck sushi ("187 calories. Fill yer boots, sunshine.")

----------


## Varenne Rodin

> Diets are a tool of Satan.
> 
> That's why women like them so much.


We do love Satan.

----------


## Paulclem

I found last year that if I just have fruit in between meals, then I do lose the fat. I get lots of exercise, but no have a more sedentary sitty downy job than I did before. That coupled with a later forties change has grown my gut. 

Harder to lose these days.

----------


## prendrelemick

> We do love Satan.



Mrs P loves satin too.

----------


## Paulclem

> Mrs P loves satin too.


 :FRlol: 

How many blokes have been tempted by satin?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Mrs P loves satin too.





> How many blokes have been tempted by satin?


Not here, we like things hot and rough, so we prefer burlap.


.

----------


## Paulclem

> Not here, we like things hot and rough, so we prefer burlap.
> 
> 
> .


 :FRlol: 

Some people look good in anything.

----------


## DocHeart

> Nothing wrong with observing a diet. I often observe one. "Ah, darling, I observe that you're avoiding your roast potatoes. May I?"
> 
> Actually, I have been losing weight, which I needed to do. I have an app for it. You tell it what you've eaten - or what you're considering eating - and it tells you how many calories are in it. It also gives helpful advice. ("The Pret-a-Manger All Day Breakfast? Are you out of your blubbery mind?") 
> 
> I've lost well over a stone in about four months, which is a sensible rate of shed, I think. Needless to say, this is all without any kind of exercise at all. I even get someone at the office to walk over to the Wharf at lunchtime to bring back my hoi sin duck sushi ("187 calories. Fill yer boots, sunshine.")



 :FRlol:

----------


## DocHeart

> How many blokes have been tempted by satin?



Satin Doll -- by the Duke

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDDCzb3dv_Y

----------


## Paulclem

Satin has dolls? I bet I know which kind. :FRlol:

----------


## jocky

" Now the youth of England are afire and silken dalliance in the wardrobe lies " Geez.

----------


## soundofmusic

Gracious, what is happening to my blokes, is Mark turning you into dapper gentlemen who discuss cheese, art, music and what is it now...silk :Svengo: 

Okay, Gails viewpoint of silk: Silk makes wonderful bedsheets, only if you don't plan any recreational activity, otherwise, you slip off...
I like men in silk boxers, buy them a size larger because they don't give when you do... Silk looks lovely on geishas and very skinny women, for a meaty woman like myself, we look like a flesh clothesrack...

----------


## jocky

> Gracious, what is happening to my blokes, is Mark turning you into dapper gentlemen who discuss cheese, art, music and what is it now...silk
> 
> Okay, Gails viewpoint of silk: Silk makes wonderful bedsheets, only if you don't plan any recreational activity, otherwise, you slip off...
> I like men in silk boxers, buy them a size larger because they don't give when you do... Silk looks lovely on geishas and very skinny women, for a meaty woman like myself, we look like a flesh clothesrack...


 :FRlol: 

No Soundo I was referring to the terrible riots which took place in London and other areas of England last night.

----------


## The Atheist

> No Soundo I was referring to the terrible riots which took place in London and other areas of England last night.


Yeah, that's not a good thing, and I doubt they can blame all of it of drunken Irishmen.

From afar, it looks like too many feckless teenagers who communicated the bright idea that is they all do breaking and entering at the same time, the cops will only catch some of them.

----------


## The Atheist

> Silk looks lovely on geishas and very skinny women, for a meaty woman like myself, we look like a flesh clothesrack...


Nah, the more fulsome woman is what gossamer layers were made for.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Nah, the more fulsome woman is what gossamer layers were made for.


I take it you're going for usage 5, rather than, say, 2.


Me, I've never seen the erotic appeal of silk. Or indeed any fabric, specifically. For me, clothes are all about content rather than style.

----------


## prendrelemick

All five really!

I do like the half revealed, half hidden look - with promises beneath and all that, intrinsic in a bit of satin. 

However this is a bloke's thread, we should be singing about Four and Twenty Scottish Virgins and supping few Newkie Browns instead of all this intimate revelation.

----------


## jocky

> However this is a bloke's thread, we should be singing about Four and Twenty Scottish Virgins and supping few Newkie Browns instead of all this intimate revelation.


That was a work of pure fiction, at no point in history were there ever Twenty Four Virgins in Inverness. We need cheering up and here is just the thing to help the Newkie Broons be a bit more more palatable:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mZ2SEdnn_II&NR=1

Pass me the screwdriver.

----------


## Paulclem

Yes - I had a light fitting taped up for 2 years because I'd blown it. I just never got round to it.

----------


## MarkBastable

> That was a work of pure fiction, at no point in history were there ever Twenty Four Virgins in Inverness.


What most irks me about that song is the erroneous use of 'less' at the end of the second line. In a grammatically-correct universe, they would come from Stenhousemuir.

----------


## prendrelemick

:Biggrin: 

It aint not right isnt it.

----------


## Paulclem

We've even had riots in Coventry!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0x9WM_Xu9Y

----------


## jocky

> We've even had riots in Coventry!!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0x9WM_Xu9Y


 :Smile: 

Disgraceful behaviour, he should have been kettled, soaked through with the water cannon, hit in the private parts with a baton round and set upon by the dogs.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.

Have we moved past "fulsome"?








> We've even had riots in Coventry!!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0x9WM_Xu9Y


Conventry is the training ground. They start with baby steps.

.

----------


## MarkBastable

> .


What the hell is that waiter doing?

----------


## prendrelemick

Here is her greatest performance.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dL9xnAsR9YU



A very clever lady I reckon.



Feeling a bit bolshy this morning, so would like to point out that the most sucessful looters use fountain pens and lawyers, rather than bricks and sledge hammers.


.

----------


## The Atheist

> However this is a bloke's thread, we should be singing about Four and Twenty Scottish Virgins and supping few Newkie Browns instead of all this intimate revelation.


Oh boy; it's a while since I've sung that one!




> .
> 
> Have we moved past "fulsome"?


Only when the human race is extinct.

Everything quiet in the streets now? Poor old Parker's been waiting to go out for his annual day off.

----------


## jocky

One very good reason why cricket has never caught on in Scotland :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jdJG9I1HWw

----------


## prendrelemick

Now I don't begrudge Parker his annual day trip to Eastbourne, especially after the way he faced down that 11 year old looter (she was big for her age,) but I hope he is not on full pay. 

Meanwhile, what has happened to the Indian cricket team? I don't think England are THAT good. The Boy reckons there has been some dodgy spread betting going on in the Sub-Continent.

----------


## The Atheist

> Now I don't begrudge Parker his annual day trip to Eastbourne, especially after the way he faced down that 11 year old looter (she was big for her age,) but I hope he is not on full pay.


Pay for a day off? What century are you living in?

We let him have an hour's paid leave for his mother's funeral in 1978, that is quite enough. 




> Meanwhile, what has happened to the Indian cricket team? I don't think England are THAT good. The Boy reckons there has been some dodgy spread betting going on in the Sub-Continent.


That's a possibility - it isn't as though cheating for betting purposes is unknown on the sub-continent - but I suspect it's more that they are worn out and at the end of the era that made them #1 for so long.

----------


## DocHeart

> Pay for a day off? What century are you living in?
> 
> We let him have an hour's paid leave for his mother's funeral in 1978, that is quite enough.



You mean he's not here? Craperoonie. Who am I gonna leave my car keys with now?

Incidentally, I've just decided that women are lovely but unbearable and I'm NEVER going to bother with another one EVER. Suggestions on what to do with my penis until I die are most welcome.

EDIT: And if anyone says "masturbation", thank you -- I've already thought of that. Be creative. I'm looking for some "out-of-the-box" kind of thinking here.

----------


## The Atheist

> You mean he's not here? Craperoonie. Who am I gonna leave my car keys with now?


That's no problem; Parker's nephew is covering his duties for the day.

I imagine it was simple coincidence that 38 cars wer stolen last time he worked here when Parker had a day off for his quadruple heart by-pass.




> Incidentally, I've just decided that women are lovely but unbearable and I'm NEVER going to bother with another one EVER. Suggestions on what to do with my penis until I die are most welcome.


Have you tried swinging the other way?

Gay is Ok, so they say.

I have to agree it has some attractions. No arguments over whether to watch sport or Desperate Housewives; no arguments over toilet seats; both are capable of starting a lawnmower, NO KIDS!

Christ, why did nobody ever tell me this when I was a teenager?

----------


## DocHeart

> That's no problem; Parker's nephew is covering his duties for the day.
> 
> I imagine it was simple coincidence that 38 cars wer stolen last time he worked here when Parker had a day off for his quadruple heart by-pass.


Sod it, it'll be cheaper to crash it and get it repaired than have it sold for parts by that good-for-nothing cheap Parker substitute. It's a company car.






> Have you tried swinging the other way?
> 
> Gay is Ok, so they say.
> 
> I have to agree it has some attractions. No arguments over whether to watch sport or Desperate Housewives; no arguments over toilet seats; both are capable of starting a lawnmower, NO KIDS!
> 
> Christ, why did nobody ever tell me this when I was a teenager?


Now, that doesn't help me. I'm nearly 40. You're 25 years late. You know what, maybe I'll just leave it with Parker's nephew instead of the car keys. He could embalm it and hang it on the wall next to Art Pepper.

----------


## jocky

> Now, that doesn't help me. I'm nearly 40. You're 25 years late. You know what, maybe I'll just leave it with Parker's nephew instead of the car keys. He could embalm it and hang it on the wall next to Art Pepper.


Doc you are in need of a lift and I have just the thing, if you don't mind the swing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UokNG1hBvzY&feature=fvsr

 :Cheers2:

----------


## MarkBastable

> both are capable of starting a lawnmower.....



Do what to a what?

----------


## prendrelemick

> You mean he's not here? Craperoonie. Who am I gonna leave my car keys with now?
> 
> Incidentally, I've just decided that women are lovely but unbearable and I'm NEVER going to bother with another one EVER. Suggestions on what to do with my penis until I die are most welcome.
> 
> EDIT: And if anyone says "masturbation", thank you -- I've already thought of that. Be creative. I'm looking for some "out-of-the-box" kind of thinking here.



You could take Holy Orders. That way you ignore your penis and think only of higher things.

----------


## DocHeart

> Doc you are in need of a lift and I have just the thing, if you don't mind the swing:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UokNG1hBvzY&feature=fvsr



That's brilliant!!

 :Cheers2: 




> You could take Holy Orders. That way you ignore your penis and think only of higher things.


Nah, that wouldn't work either. I got this fetish for nuns.

----------


## Paulclem

> Nah, that wouldn't work either. I got this fetish for nuns.


What about meditation? You could contemplate your navel ...or whatever comes up...

----------


## jocky

Guys and gals I have booked your flights to Scotland for my upcoming birthday bash. Pay no heed to the ugly rumours circulating about the parlous state of our air traffic control:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeI154gaWL4

----------


## DocHeart

> What about meditation? You could contemplate your navel ...or whatever comes up...


Meditation, eh? I'll think about it.

(boom-boom!)

 :Cheers2:

----------


## Paulclem

> Guys and gals I have booked your flights to Scotland for my upcoming birthday bash. Pay no heed to the ugly rumours circulating about the parlous state of our air traffic control:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeI154gaWL4


 :FRlol: 

Watching that link I found this one.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY8YeLErbEg&NR=1

I'm sure I've seen her before - with Parker...

----------


## Paulclem

I heard some real wisdom today, and i thought i'd share it with you guys. 

If you let your heart walk away, you might find that your head grows legs and follows it. 

Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants

----------


## The Atheist

> Do what to a what?


I'm beginning to worry about you.

Parker tells me someone ordered a shandy last week....




> Nah, that wouldn't work either. I got this fetish for nuns.


Hard habit to break.




> Guys and gals I have booked your flights to Scotland for my upcoming birthday bash.


 :Party: 

Alright then!






> I heard some real wisdom today, and i thought i'd share it with you guys. 
> 
> If you let your heart walk away, you might find that your head grows legs and follows it. 
> 
> Patrick from Spongebob Squarepants


SBSP is one of the better kids' programs, but that's priceless!

----------


## soundofmusic

> Guys and gals I have booked your flights to Scotland for my upcoming birthday bash. Pay no heed to the ugly rumours circulating about the parlous state of our air traffic control:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MeI154gaWL4


Woooo...Party at Jockys...or maybe in Pauls shed...

----------


## The Atheist

> Woooo...Party at Jockys...or maybe in Pauls shed...


That's a great idea - party in Paul's sheds for jocky's birthday!

Once the first one's destroyed, we can move onto #2.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

By the way Atheist, that white stuff that has been falling on Wellington is called SNOW, its what we get in Britain anytime between September and June.

----------


## The Atheist

> By the way Atheist, that white stuff that has been falling on Wellington is called SNOW, its what we get in Britain anytime between September and June.


Quite amazing - there's been snow in all sorts of places that never usually get it. Wellington's had its biggest snowfall in half a century and there has been snow right up to the winterless north.

Particularly bloody cold; it only got to 9C in Auckland yesterday.

Spring storms always seem to be the coldest.

Back to normal today, although the cold snap has blown all the warm air away, so probably another week before we get those 20-degree days back.

BRRRR! Makes me appreciate the weather we [usually] don't get.

----------


## jocky

It is with great regret that I have to inform you all that my birthday bash has been cancelled and you all know who is to blame. Mrs Jocky began by announcing that the shed would need to be cleaned, don't laugh Paul she meant yours as well, and that lace screens would be the order of the day. She went on to discuss pots of tea and barn cakes for Mick and Paul. Then she went on about a sherry for the nice doctor and a warm blanket for Atheist. It got worse :

" Should I hang the Kandinski on the sheddy wall for Mark, and do you think Soundo and Sugar would appreciate my home made non alcaholic soup? As for that Gilliat should I shoot and pluck Bartock as I know them Texans appreciate big birds."

See you in the morning guys.  :Frown:

----------


## The Atheist

> " Should I hang the Kandinski on the sheddy wall for Mark, and do you think Soundo and Sugar would appreciate my home made non alcaholic soup? As for that Gilliat should I shoot and pluck Bartock as I know them Texans appreciate big birds."


Looks like commiserations are due instead of congratulations.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It is with great regret that I have to inform you all that my birthday bash has been cancelled and you all know who is to blame. Mrs Jocky began by announcing that the shed would need to be cleaned, don't laugh Paul she meant yours as well, and that lace screens would be the order of the day. She went on to discuss pots of tea and barn cakes for Mick and Paul. Then she went on about a sherry for the nice doctor and a warm blanket for Atheist. It got worse :
> 
> " Should I hang the Kandinski on the sheddy wall for Mark, and do you think Soundo and Sugar would appreciate my home made non alcaholic soup? As for that Gilliat should I shoot and pluck Bartock as I know them Texans appreciate big birds."
> 
> See you in the morning guys.


Jocky, a little music for your party:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l31MS...eature=related


I hate the thought of putting ole Bartok down but if you feel you must, I have a 1943 Springfield that'l do the job. 
There will be anough squab to feed the tennants at Paul's Ivy League Estates.

Tell Mrs J that Paul's neighbor Fred is happy to do the shed cleanin so you can enjoy the party.

.

----------


## jocky

One of these days Mrs Jocky you will push me to far  :Smile: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0fT9BHpImI

----------


## Paulclem

> Tell Mrs J that Paul's neighbor Fred is happy to do the shed cleanin so you can enjoy the party.
> 
> .


He'll be more than happy to. He's a Jamaican guy, and so will no doubt respond to a little rum offering. (Or beer for that matter given the number of cans that were in the fallout bunker). If we're not careful he might make a bid to be Parker's understudy. 

You'll be pleased to know that Mrs P has decided on a nice yellow paint for the shed. I thought we could then have a few flowers painted on it too. I might then christen it the hippy shack. I don't look much like a hippy myself, but the colur scheme might keep evil spirits away. I'll post a photo when I've finished.

----------


## The Atheist

> You'll be pleased to know that Mrs P has decided on a nice yellow paint for the shed. I thought we could then have a few flowers painted on it too. I might then christen it the hippy shack. I don't look much like a hippy myself, but the colur scheme might keep evil spirits away. I'll post a photo when I've finished.


Luckily, with sheds, it's all about the inside.

----------


## prendrelemick

Why do we laugh when Carol the weather girl tells us "Its chilly in the Trussochs"?

----------


## MarkBastable

> Why do we laugh when Carol the weather girl tells us "Its chilly in the Trussochs"?



For this reason, I suspect....



And for non-Brits who have no idea what this is all about - the Wikifnarr.

Apparently, _fnarr-fnarr_ has made it into the OED - which information has completely made my day.

----------


## Paulclem

> For this reason, I suspect....
> 
> 
> 
> And for non-Brits who have no idea what this is all about - the Wikifnarr.
> 
> Apparently, _fnarr-fnarr_ has made it into the OED - which information has completely made my day.


 :FRlol: 

Fantastic - the OED. I'm chuffed. 

I wonder what our US friends would make of it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I wonder what our US friends would make of it.


Can't speak for the U.S. but as a neighboring Republic, I can say that I picked on on the box and flaps, but it was the bloke on the stairs that had wondering. 
At first I thought he had just vented himself, hence the "fnarr" sound, but now I understand having read Mark's link.

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Apparently, _fnarr-fnarr_ has made it into the OED - which information has completely made my day.


And now it's made mine!

Priceless!

I must tell James Randi immediately. He's been failing to get "woo-woo" and it's smaller brother "woo" into the OED for 30 years, yet here's one that is just a snigger in a cartoon strip already there!

I must question the writers of OED, though:




> Origin:
> 
> 1980s: perhaps imitative of the sound of suppressed laughter


You don't think it has anything to do with *F*i*n*b*arr*?

----------


## jocky

For all of you non believers check out 1:06. I think this will prove the existense of extra-terrestrial life and alien interplanetary travel beyond doubt. Look to the skies in the upper left corner of your screens and behold, and it is in broad daylight. Smug grin:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UOwe...DAE1F75149B858

----------


## soundofmusic

> That's a great idea - party in Paul's sheds for jocky's birthday!
> 
> Once the first one's destroyed, we can move onto #2.


I think I'll set up my table in shed number 2, point the fan so it's blowing up my bloomers :CoolgleamA: 




> By the way Atheist, that white stuff that has been falling on Wellington is called SNOW, its what we get in Britain anytime between September and June.


Ah, well, might have to point a heater at the bloomers then :Cold: 




> It is with great regret that I have to inform you all that my birthday bash has been cancelled and you all know who is to blame. Mrs Jocky began by announcing that the shed would need to be cleaned, don't laugh Paul she meant yours as well, and that lace screens would be the order of the day. She went on to discuss pots of tea and barn cakes for Mick and Paul. Then she went on about a sherry for the nice doctor and a warm blanket for Atheist. It got worse :
> 
> " Should I hang the Kandinski on the sheddy wall for Mark, and do you think Soundo and Sugar would appreciate my home made non alcaholic soup? As for that Gilliat should I shoot and pluck Bartock as I know them Texans appreciate big birds."
> 
> See you in the morning guys.


Well, I might fancy a nice little tea party with little cakes, a bit of non alcoholic soup, while hanging with my favorite alcoholics...




> Jocky, a little music for your party:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l31MS...eature=related
> 
> 
> I hate the thought of putting ole Bartok down but if you feel you must, I have a 1943 Springfield that'l do the job. 
> There will be anough squab to feed the tennants at Paul's Ivy League Estates.
> 
> Tell Mrs J that Paul's neighbor Fred is happy to do the shed cleanin so you can enjoy the party.
> ...


I didn't know Steve could really play that thing; I hope he'll do a bit of his King Tut act for the party.




> He'll be more than happy to. He's a Jamaican guy, and so will no doubt respond to a little rum offering. (Or beer for that matter given the number of cans that were in the fallout bunker). If we're not careful he might make a bid to be Parker's understudy. 
> 
> You'll be pleased to know that Mrs P has decided on a nice yellow paint for the shed. I thought we could then have a few flowers painted on it too. I might then christen it the hippy shack. I don't look much like a hippy myself, but the colur scheme might keep evil spirits away. I'll post a photo when I've finished.


Oh my gosh, I fell asleep and someone painted a big sunflower on my bloomers... :Incazzato: 




> For this reason, I suspect....
> 
> 
> 
> And for non-Brits who have no idea what this is all about - the Wikifnarr.
> 
> Apparently, _fnarr-fnarr_ has made it into the OED - which information has completely made my day.


 :Nod:  :Wave:

----------


## Shalot

I'm not a bloke but I'm having a cold ale. It's Abita Restoration (New Orleans). It's all right.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> For all of you non believers check out 1:06. I think this will prove the existense of extra-terrestrial life and alien interplanetary travel beyond doubt. Look to the skies in the upper left corner of your screens and behold, and it is in broad daylight. Smug grin:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UOwe...DAE1F75149B858


Good eye Jocky, you would do well in Marfa Texas.
Funny thing, I'm wearing my "Roswell Mystery Coverup" T-shirt tonight. 
Keep up the Beefheart. nice





> I'm not a bloke but I'm having a cold ale. It's Abita Restoration (New Orleans). It's all right.


Welcome. I'll have to look into that Abita Restoration.

.

----------


## Paulclem

I tried a Toffee Apple flavoured Pear Cider the other night and it was rather nice. It's perhaps a good job I stopped going out so much to the pub when they brought out alcopops. 

The Tutti-Frutti isn't up to much though. The Pear Cider itself is currently my favourite ale - Southern Comfort is my long standing favourite spirit.

----------


## The Atheist

> For all of you non believers check out 1:06. I think this will prove the existense of extra-terrestrial life and alien interplanetary travel beyond doubt. Look to the skies in the upper left corner of your screens and behold, and it is in broad daylight. Smug grin:


That's it, I'm convinced.

Although "seagulls" springs to mind for some reason.




> I think I'll set up my table in shed number 2, point the fan so it's blowing up my bloomers


Parker's getting out the portable blower as we type!




> I'm not a bloke but I'm having a cold ale. It's Abita Restoration (New Orleans). It's all right.


Don't tell anyone, but it isn't necessary to be either male or drink ale to be in here when the fire's going.

Make yourself comfortable and ask Parker for anything you need.




> The Tutti-Frutti isn't up to much though. The Pear Cider itself is currently my favourite ale - Southern Comfort is my long standing favourite spirit.


I like pear cider, but Southern Comfort?  :Eek6: 

Prepare yourself for some Man lessons!

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Make yourself comfortable and ask Parker for anything you need.


Apart from the ten year old Glemorangie that is reserved for you know who. Best to start off on the right foot Shalot.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'm not a bloke but I'm having a cold ale. It's Abita Restoration (New Orleans). It's all right.


Welcome, we've got a nice little group of ladies here at the blokes table now, Shalot. I've been looking at your avatar, it sort of has an O'keefe feel about it; but when I look at it a second time, I see a cross with Humpty Dumpty on it :Willy Nilly: 




> Good eye Jocky, you would do well in Marfa Texas. 
> Funny thing, I'm wearing my "Roswell Mystery Coverup" T-shirt tonight. 
> Keep up the Beefheart. nice
> 
> Welcome. I'll have to look into that Abita Restoration.
> 
> .


I hope you have your red silk boxers on too; I think those Marfa lights are actually Mrs G's "Red Hat" ladies over for a bit of tea. 




> I tried a Toffee Apple flavoured Pear Cider the other night and it was rather nice. It's perhaps a good job I stopped going out so much to the pub when they brought out alcopops. 
> 
> The Tutti-Frutti isn't up to much though. The Pear Cider itself is currently my favourite ale - Southern Comfort is my long standing favourite spirit.


That sounds quite good; I only had Southern Comfort once. I wasn't sure, from the taste, whether it was going in or coming out. 




> That's it, I'm convinced.
> 
> Although "seagulls" springs to mind for some reason.
> 
> 
> 
> Parker's getting out the portable blower as we type!


Ooh, I feel like Marilyn...
 :Cold: 



> Apart from the ten year old Glemorangie that is reserved for you know who. Best to start off on the right foot Shalot.


Here, Here, only the best for Shalot :Wave:

----------


## Paulclem

> That sounds quite good; I only had Southern Comfort once. I wasn't sure, from the taste, whether it was going in or coming out.


 :Biggrin5: 

It's sweet. I have a sweet tooth hence the pear cider and the toffee apple version. 

In truth in the past, when I did drink rather a lot more than I do now, I could get anything down. I never really developed a discerning palate, and I'm probably a vulgar supper.

----------


## The Atheist

> Apart from the ten year old Glemorangie that is reserved for you know who.


It's ok, I'm getting that one broken out tonight!

Ten days ago, we shifted house, and since then, it has been a litany of one disaster after another. Three days without internet or telephone, so I was reduced to leaving my PC at the old house while Telecom tried to figure out why it didn't work, boxes for miles, tripping down the stairs in an unexpected power cut and today, finally starting to see the light.

I think I deserve one.

Or two.

Or three.... so get in quick, jocky!

----------


## jocky

> It's ok, I'm getting that one broken out tonight!
> 
> Ten days ago, we shifted house, and since then, it has been a litany of one disaster after another. Three days without internet or telephone, so I was reduced to leaving my PC at the old house while Telecom tried to figure out why it didn't work, boxes for miles, tripping down the stairs in an unexpected power cut and today, finally starting to see the light.
> 
> I think I deserve one.
> 
> Or two.
> 
> Or three.... so get in quick, jocky!


Your need is greater than mine as I am familiar with the stress of moving house. As long as you did not forget to bring Parker all will be well. I hope you and yours enjoy your new home. Slangevar.




> I'm not a bloke but I'm having a cold ale. It's Abita Restoration (New Orleans). It's all right.


Is this what you were referring to ? 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hRjl7Bvnkzw




> I think I'll set up my table in shed number 2, point the fan so it's blowing up my bloomers


It is your decision Soundo but if you and Paul get together sparks might fly:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a4gyJsY0mc

Sorry I couldn't help it  :Biggrin5:

----------


## Paulclem

> It is your decision Soundo but if you and Paul get together sparks might fly:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a4gyJsY0mc
> 
> Sorry I couldn't help it


Phew! I'm off for a swill down.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I think I'll set up my table in shed number 2, point the fan so it's blowing up my bloomers
> 
> Ah, well, might have to point a heater at the bloomers then


Paul's fan is pretty strong...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hbHH6Cb4dc&NR=1

.

----------


## jocky

> Paul's fan is pretty strong...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hbHH6Cb4dc&NR=1
> 
> .


Hey, hold on Gurgle we give you the Beatles and the Stones and the best you can return is Old Grannie Faye, The world is out of joint and thank the stars that it is not my responsibility to put it right.

Now this might not be PC but it is a hoot, either that or I am barred again:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jBVTjEjyifQ

----------


## prendrelemick

I think the time has come to check Paul's sheds for a certain missing Libyan dictator.

----------


## The Atheist

> Slangevar.


Cheers!




> I think the time has come to check Paul's sheds for a certain missing Libyan dictator.


I think he'd more likely be at the Ritz.

----------


## jocky

> I think the time has come to check Paul's sheds for a certain missing Libyan dictator.


Pointless exercise Mick I saw him in the Curmudgeons last night, he was sitting in the snug with Lord Lucan.

----------


## Paulclem

> I think the time has come to check Paul's sheds for a certain missing Libyan dictator.


He could well have been in the fallut bunker. The mess he's left in there...

----------


## prendrelemick

> Pointless exercise Mick I saw him in the Curmudgeons last night, he was sitting in the snug with Lord Lucan.



Might've known it. That snug clique never stand their round.

----------


## The Atheist

Just an absolutely glorious spring day here.

About to take the day off and go to the park with the little bloke and the RC helicopter.

 :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Just an absolutely glorious spring day here.
> 
> About to take the day off and go to the park with the little bloke and the RC helicopter.


That sounds like a fun day.

I have just had a bit of a nightmare thank goodness it was just a dream:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOiMqm1JgYU

 :Eek: 

Mrs Jocky and I had a day out watching the puffins, it was a glorious day as we walked on the clifftop path and the strangest thought crossed my mind. One little accidental shove and I could be single again, just in time I remembered, who would wash my socks and butter my scones in the morning ?

Bye the way Atheist, remember and give the wee man a shot of the model helicopter remote.

----------


## soundofmusic

> It's sweet. I have a sweet tooth hence the pear cider and the toffee apple version. 
> 
> In truth in the past, when I did drink rather a lot more than I do now, I could get anything down. I never really developed a discerning palate, and I'm probably a vulgar supper.


Well, I've only had southern comfort once and it never even made it to my stomach, just about half way down it exploded and came back...




> It's ok, I'm getting that one broken out tonight!
> 
> Ten days ago, we shifted house, and since then, it has been a litany of one disaster after another. Three days without internet or telephone, so I was reduced to leaving my PC at the old house while Telecom tried to figure out why it didn't work, boxes for miles, tripping down the stairs in an unexpected power cut and today, finally starting to see the light.
> 
> I think I deserve one.
> 
> Or two.
> 
> Or three.... so get in quick, jocky!


Poor man, sounds nightmarish! I think you and Parker should join I and Paul for a party in the shed...mind you, we aren't having any hankypanky, just a booze mixing contest. 




> Your need is greater than mine as I am familiar with the stress of moving house. As long as you did not forget to bring Parker all will be well. I hope you and yours enjoy your new home. Slangevar.


After moving so many times in my youth, I determined I would stay put from now on. I didn't quite realize that around their 30th year, here in America, the houses start tumbling down. 




> It is your decision Soundo but if you and Paul get together sparks might fly:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a4gyJsY0mc
> 
> Sorry I couldn't help it


Wow, I have always held that I would respect the wives of my bloke friends and keep my relationships platonic; but I must admit, that block in your video has quite an impressive light source  :Ladysman: 




> Phew! I'm off for a swill down.


Haha...




> Paul's fan is pretty strong...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6hbHH6Cb4dc&NR=1
> 
> .


I don't think I have ever seen such an impressive fan...I wonder if we can get granny to guest at our next litnet poetry reading contest. 




> I think the time has come to check Paul's sheds for a certain missing Libyan dictator.


Remember when we used to call him pinapple face? He seems a bit smoother lately. 




> Mrs Jocky and I had a day out watching the puffins, it was a glorious day as we walked on the clifftop path and the strangest thought crossed my mind. One little accidental shove and I could be single again, just in time I remembered, who would wash my socks and butter my scones in the morning ?
> 
> Bye the way Atheist, remember and give the wee man a shot of the model helicopter remote.


I guess that is the difference with blokes; here in America, we've had a good number of ladies who have pushed their intendeds and hubbies off the mountain tops.

----------


## Paulclem

> After moving so many times in my youth, I determined I would stay put from now on. I didn't quite realize that around their 30th year, here in America, the houses start tumbling down.


Can't you get those people from the makeover show to give you a new house. What's the bloke's name - Cy. You work in a very creditable job - I think you've got a good case. 

By the way what do you think of this version of Take 5? I think it's great. I heard of it on the world service. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLF46JKkCNg

----------


## jocky

> By the way what do you think of this version of Take 5? I think it's great. I heard of it on the world service. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLF46JKkCNg


What are you doing up at this time ? I really enjoyed that and it goes to show that there is more than one Eric Clapton. So let us keep the mood and enjoy:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sjSHazjrWg

We are a happy family.




> I don't think I have ever seen such an impressive fan...I wonder if we can get granny to guest at our next litnet poetry reading contest.


Nooooo! I was enjoying myself until you brought up the Xmas play. A certain person who I will not mention by name, but he comes from the Lone Star State enjoys gettin me during the Yuletide Season. Rule Brittania, Brittania rules the waves, Er:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6h8i8wrajA

----------


## Paulclem

> What are you doing up at this time ? I really enjoyed that and it goes to show that there is more than one Eric Clapton. So let us keep the mood and enjoy:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sjSHazjrWg
> 
> We are a happy family.


The onset of age and the onset of insomnia - and a bout of the scratches. It makes me very restless, and doesn't go down well with Mrs P.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Just an absolutely glorious spring day here.
> 
> About to take the day off and go to the park with the little bloke and the RC helicopter.


So how was the day off?
Flying RC planes was a hobby of mine. 




> ...By the way what do you think of this version of Take 5? I think it's great. I heard of it on the world service. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLF46JKkCNg


Fantastic Paul. I enjoyed that.




> Nooooo! I was enjoying myself until you brought up the Xmas play. A certain person who I will not mention by name, but he comes from the Lone Star State enjoys gettin me during the Yuletide Season. Rule Brittania, Brittania rules the waves, Er:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6h8i8wrajA


mwah..ha..ha
You can rest assured I have been collecting material over these past few fortnights.
Speaking of, I suppose it isn't too soon for you sage blokes to begin the beguine...sorry, I suddenly thought of Artie Shaw...to begin offering up those "thread bare rags" we call poetry.





> The onset of age and the onset of insomnia - and a bout of the scratches. It makes me very restless, and doesn't go down well with Mrs P.


Own up Paul, Mrs. P cast you out of her chambers and into the shed.

I leave you with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6csc...eature=related


.

----------


## The Atheist

> Mrs Jocky and I had a day out watching the puffins, it was a glorious day as we walked on the clifftop path and the strangest thought crossed my mind. One little accidental shove and I could be single again, just in time I remembered, who would wash my socks and butter my scones in the morning ?


That thought has occurred to every married man at least 100 times.




> Bye the way Atheist, remember and give the wee man a shot of the model helicopter remote.


Not a chance!

I let him "drive" into the garage the other day, sitting on my knee.

The next day, I asked if he wanted to go out in the car, so mum and he come out... he proceeds to get in the driver's seat and screamed "NO! DRIVE!" every time we suggested he get into the baby seat.

Never giving him the controls of anything until he's at least 25 or so.




> Well, I've only had southern comfort once and it never even made it to my stomach, just about half way down it exploded and came back...


 :FRlol: 




> ... just a booze mixing contest.


Best kind.




> So how was the day off?
> Flying RC planes was a hobby of mine.


Yeah, I flown a few of them, but a chopper is a whole new ball game.

It's only a cheap model, so it has a little left-hand torque that is easy enough to control, but the combination of holding the torque and flying forwards is very, very complicated.

Getting there, though!

----------


## Paulclem

> Own up Paul, Mrs. P cast you out of her chambers and into the shed.
> 
> I leave you with this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6csc...eature=related
> 
> .


God old Burl.

Yes....again. I prefer it on the club couch. There are aids to sleepfulness nearby - supplied by the ever hospitable Parker. Though i do suspect that whoever had had him in theri bed had also give him the boot. Hence his 3.30 sympathy shot that he supplied me with.

----------


## prendrelemick

^Crickey Paul, It's a good job double entendres are passe. 


Can't sleep? Try this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM4c2...eature=related

By the way:-

I was asked to set up a password to recieve my Email - It had to have at least 8 characters, so I chose Snow White and the seven dwarves.

The above was chosen as the best joke of this year's Edinburgh Festival.

----------


## Paulclem

> ^Crickey Paul, It's a good job double entendres are passe. 
> 
> 
> Can't sleep? Try this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM4c2...eature=related
> 
> By the way:-
> 
> ...


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzz........ ...............

----------


## MarkBastable

Last year's joke of the Festival was Tim Vine...

"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what - never again."



Though I might have gone for Jack Whitehall... 

"I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."

----------


## jocky

> mwah..ha..ha
> You can rest assured I have been collecting material over these past few fortnights.
> I suddenly thought of Artie Shaw...to begin offering up those "thread bare rags" we call poetry.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


In that case I hope you will include this. There is no references to that rubbish poem ' The Lake Isle of Innisfree ' and no mention at all of childish references to fat gingers:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPsM-XDxH4Y

It would have went down a treat at the Edinburgh Festival. Not with The Scots you understand as none of us can afford the entrance fee.

----------


## prendrelemick

If you can't sleep, you can try,
The curmudgeon's lullaby,
Thats gin and orange and whisky rye,
Soon golden slumbers close your eye.

And golden dreams can then begin,
Of you and Steffi, and her twin?
And Parker comes and tucks you in,
And wipes the gin from off your chin,

----------


## Paulclem

:FRlol: 

Superb.

----------


## MarkBastable

> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPsM-XDxH4Y
> 
> .


I've always liked that. He wrote it in the Seventies, when he was in Kilburn and the High Roads, and it was recorded by - believe it or not - Max Wall.

While we're doing touchingly funny songs by Mr Dury...probably got help from their mum..

----------


## Paulclem

I always liked Clever Trevor

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiulgP9kR7c

----------


## prendrelemick

I know its not one of his biting social commentries, but "Hit Me With Your Rythm stick" has such powerful associations for me of my first serious girlfriend, that- 35 years later- whenever I hear the opening bars, I swear I can smell her fragrance as clearly as if she had just walked into the room. 


Panache and tobbacco smoke.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> In that case I hope you will include this. There is no references to that rubbish poem ' The Lake Isle of Innisfree ' and no mention at all of childish references to fat gingers:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPsM-XDxH4Y





> I've always liked that. He wrote it in the Seventies, when he was in Kilburn and the High Roads, and it was recorded by - believe it or not - Max Wall.
> 
> While we're doing touchingly funny songs by Mr Dury...probably got help from their mum..





> I always liked Clever Trevor
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiulgP9kR7c


Haha. 
Thanks for the Dury introduction. 
Some new material I can use to annoy Mrs. G and G Jr.





> If you can't sleep, you can try,
> The curmudgeon's lullaby,
> Thats gin and orange and whisky rye,
> Soon golden slumbers close your eye.
> 
> And golden dreams can then begin,
> Of you and Steffi, and her twin?
> And Parker comes and tucks you in,
> And wipes the gin from off your chin,


Very nice. That one is going into the burlap bag.


.

----------


## Paulclem

> I know its not one of his biting social commentries, but "Hit Me With Your Rythm stick" has such powerful associations for me of my first serious girlfriend, that- 35 years later- whenever I hear the opening bars, I swear I can smell her fragrance as clearly as if she had just walked into the room. 
> 
> 
> Panache and tobbacco smoke.


I get taken straight back to a manky nightclub in Wakefield were the DJ played this most weeks when I hear it. I've just bought Mrs P a 70s compilation with it on. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_b2F-XX0Ol0

It's funny how abstractions can take you to particulars.




> Haha. 
> Thanks for the Dury introduction. 
> Some new material I can use to annoy Mrs. G and G Jr.
> 
> Very nice. That one is going into the burlap bag.
> .


You must have a good collection in that old bag. 

I'm finally getting on top of the new half of the allotment. I've got under a third to clear, but now I'm planning for next year.

----------


## jocky

It is marvelous to us how a little reminder of the late, great Ian Dury down the intertubes can set off a fuse within the Anglo Saxon community. Well at least we can all agree on this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aizzH_JMU3c

There was a farmer who drank horlicks
who kept measuring his prized rams b......s
Till his missus said to he
you are not seeing to me
but Old Seth the farm hand makes me rollicks. Boom Boom.

----------


## Paulclem

Just found this video after looking at Jocky's vid. 

Never heard this one before - I nearly fell off my cheap argos computer chair...

Warning - lots of swearing.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xblXy...eature=related

----------


## jocky

Are you getting annoyed? The odds look pretty familiar three to one but that is the way we like it. This whole thread is beginning to smell a bit English. Catch you later Atheist, Gilliat and Soundo, enjoyed your company.

----------


## Paulclem

Annoyed - me? Never mate.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Are you getting annoyed? The odds look pretty familiar three to one but that is the way we like it. This whole thread is beginning to smell a bit English. Catch you later Atheist, Gilliat and Soundo, enjoyed your company.


Jocky there's nothing English about Bootsy Collins and a cheap bottle of French table wine:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmNeg...eature=related

or Blue Grass:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cs2j8...feature=relmfu

Oh..and your horlicks has been bagged for safe keeping.

.

----------


## The Atheist

> It is marvelous to us how a little reminder of the late, great Ian Dury down the intertubes can set off a fuse within the Anglo Saxon community.


There ain't 'alf been some clever bastards, and Dury was definitely one of them.




> This whole thread is beginning to smell a bit English.


Eh? We can't have that. I'll get Parker to cook up a curry and give it a more cosmopolitan smell for a few days.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mmm curry, Britains favourite dish.


By the way what are rollicks?

----------


## The Atheist

Lot of thread-closing going on around here.

I've told Parker to be extra-careful on the doors, but I worry he might be keeping everyone out!

 :Biggrin: 

Remember, only ten days until the Rugby World Cup starts.

----------


## prendrelemick

Perhaps this is the year your lot remember they are the best, and play like it.

----------


## Paulclem

Just got a new - bigger 32 inch - telly, so I might be able to see who's playing. I have a particular seat on the edge of the settee which affords me the best view. I'll also benefit for Match of the Day on saturday and Sunday. Haha!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Perhaps this is the year your lot remember they are the best, and play like it.


Sounds like rugby time again.





> Just got a new - bigger 32 inch - telly, so I might be able to see who's playing. I have a particular seat on the edge of the settee which affords me the best view. I'll also benefit for Match of the Day on saturday and Sunday. Haha!


Congatulations. I suggest you break in that new idiot box with this Gurgle family favorite:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgWoPFX1Sz0

Get a load of all the great one liners.


I was checking out Wikipedia's; "On this day" and discivered that "A Trip to the Moon" was released on this day in in France 1902.



.

----------


## The Atheist

> Perhaps this is the year your lot remember they are the best, and play like it.


We're living in hope!

Actually, having gone into the last 3 RWCs as Tri-nations champs, going in this time after losing has taken some of the pressure off.

The country's just starting to fizz now - should be a great show.

As long as the weather holds!




> Just got a new - bigger 32 inch - telly, so I might be able to see who's playing. I have a particular seat on the edge of the settee which affords me the best view. I'll also benefit for Match of the Day on saturday and Sunday. Haha!


Nice times for the games for you lot - I'd rather watch it at 8 am than 8 pm.




> Sounds like rugby time again.


Sure is! Catch some action on ESPN.

If we don't win, there will be a national month of mourning after the event.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Can't you get those people from the makeover show to give you a new house. What's the bloke's name - Cy. You work in a very creditable job - I think you've got a good case. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLF46JKkCNg


My sister had given me a phone number, seems several years ago one of those makeover shows were going to be in my area. Of course, they usually choose mansions so that the place looks a bit better after the makeover than it did before. But after seeing one show where the woman plastered hay on the walls, I thought I might be better off waiting for my cash flow to come in :Frown2: 




> Nooooo! I was enjoying myself until you brought up the Xmas play. A certain person who I will not mention by name, but he comes from the Lone Star State enjoys gettin me during the Yuletide Season. Rule Brittania, Brittania rules the waves, Er:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6h8i8wrajA


Oh, we have to invite those two blokes also...I think I will come over to Britain this time in the HRM Camilla Bowles... :Bigear: , oh, the fellow with the ears in Charles; though now that he has wrinkles, his ears don't seem quite so big. 




> That thought has occurred to every married man at least 100 times.
> 
> 
> 
> Not a chance!
> 
> I let him "drive" into the garage the other day, sitting on my knee.
> 
> Well, teach all of your children to drive before you reach your mid-50s; I'l tell you, my nerves are a mess now when there is anyone behind the wheel except me, even if I keep mistaking the neighbors for a cat waving at me and the garbadge cans as an extra bit of rode.





> ^Crickey Paul, It's a good job double entendres are passe. 
> 
> 
> Can't sleep? Try this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TM4c2...eature=related
> 
> By the way:-
> 
> ...


Oh, god, that woke me up for good; I like counting sheep in pink tutoos...by the way, do you have any more gay tups? 




> "I bought one of those anti-bullying wristbands when they first came out. I say 'bought', I actually stole it off a short, fat ginger kid."


 :Skep:  :Thumbsup: 



> If you can't sleep, you can try,
> The curmudgeon's lullaby,
> Thats gin and orange and whisky rye,
> Soon golden slumbers close your eye.
> 
> And golden dreams can then begin,
> Of you and Steffi, and her twin?
> And Parker comes and tucks you in,
> And wipes the gin from off your chin,


God man, that is so beautiful it almost made me cry.

----------


## The Atheist

Something happened to your avatar, Sound - it's turned into a small alien thingy.

----------


## Paulclem

> My sister had given me a phone number, seems several years ago one of those makeover shows were going to be in my area. Of course, they usually choose mansions so that the place looks a bit better after the makeover than it did before. But after seeing one show where the woman plastered hay on the walls, I thought I might be better off waiting for my cash flow to come in


Yes - I don't like them anymore. I watched our first ones in the 90's, but I quicky got bored with them. 

It's the same with cooking shows and quizzes. I would never watch any of them except as a social thing with Mrs P. 

I've never lied soaps and I,m not keen on lots of detectives. My favourite one - Dalzial and Pascoe is the one Mrs P doesn't like. I like it because the two detectives are very miserable and it's set in Yorkshire. 

We often have "Murder She Wrote" on and I marvel at the new clothes everyone wears... and the wigs...I don't like it though.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Oh, god, that woke me up for good; I like counting sheep in pink tutoos...by the way, do you have any more gay tups? 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> God man, that is so beautiful it almost made me cry.



I only have one tup to buy this year, a Derbyshire Gritstone, to service my maiden gimmers. I shall flourishing my testicle tape in markets up and down the north of England (or at least I will until I'm invited to leave.) I just hope may Gaydar is in better working order than it was last year.

----------


## MarkBastable

In our house, we like 'which of these people is the least likeable?' shows, such as _Come Dine With Me_ and _Four Weddings_, and we watch them _en famille_, eating shish kebabs with our fingers while criticising the participants' tableware.

About the only show I'd watch on my own, apart from _Match of the Day_, is _University Challenge_. Sometimes my eight-year-old daughter sits with me and keeps my score.




> I only have one tup to buy this year, a Derbyshire Gritstone, to service my maiden gimmers.


Please can I have that sentence to use as the opening line of a novel?

----------


## prendrelemick

of course you can, sounds like the kind of novel I would buy.

I do the score keeping on University Challenge too, (usually mid-teens,) but what I really like doing, is pouring scorn on today's students when they don't know something I do.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm crap at Uni Challenge. I like it better than other quiz shows though as it remains an aspiration to get more than two right. I'm too uncultured at most of it. No MOTD ths week. Bah.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Something happened to your avatar, Sound - it's turned into a small alien thingy.


Ah yes, Jessica snapped a photo of me when I first got out of bed; I never comb my hair until I've had my kahluan coffee and I've found clothes that work well as both pajamas and day cloths. 




> Yes - I don't like them anymore. I watched our first ones in the 90's, but I quicky got bored with them. 
> 
> It's the same with cooking shows and quizzes. I would never watch any of them except as a social thing with Mrs P. 
> 
> I've never lied soaps and I,m not keen on lots of detectives. My favourite one - Dalzial and Pascoe is the one Mrs P doesn't like. I like it because the two detectives are very miserable and it's set in Yorkshire. 
> 
> We often have "Murder She Wrote" on and I marvel at the new clothes everyone wears... and the wigs...I don't like it though.


I miss all the BBC shows we had when I had cable and public broadcasting: loved Sherlock Holmes with Jeremy Brett, The Miss Marple series, and when they ran the plays on the classics. I and mr sounds used to watch this old house; I began to realize that the home design shows were actually showing sets. Nowadays, I tend to like 48 hours mystery, South Park and I check out the newer movies at the library.




> I only have one tup to buy this year, a Derbyshire Gritstone, to service my maiden gimmers. I shall flourishing my testicle tape in markets up and down the north of England (or at least I will until I'm invited to leave.) I just hope may Gaydar is in better working order than it was last year.


They have testicle tape :Ihih: ; I think I might start carrying that with me when I go out of the occasional date.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

This weekend we are entertaining my 7 year old Niece and Nephew (twins). Man I forgot how much work that can be.
I woke up at 5:30 am this morning thinking I was going to have a couple of hours of solitude. No chance!
They came down about 0600 asking to watch TV, play video games, etc. 
Not in this house I told them, unless it's something like "Earth vs the Flying Saucers"
I managed to remedy the situation; no sooner than you could say SpongeBob, my Niece was watercolor painting and my Nephew broke out the "army box" full of my son's plastic militarys toys.
I played Dvorak in the background.
It's amazing when you give your imagination a chance.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> This weekend we are entertaining my 7 year old Niece and Nephew (twins). Man I forgot how much work that can be.
> I woke up at 5:30 am this morning thinking I was going to have a couple of hours of solitude. No chance!
> They came down about 0600 asking to watch TV, play video games, etc. 
> Not in this house I told them, unless it's something like "Earth vs the Flying Saucers"
> I managed to remedy the situation; no sooner than you could say SpongeBob, my Niece was watercolor painting and my Nephew broke out the "army box" full of my son's plastic militarys toys.
> I played Dvorak in the background.
> It's amazing when you give your imagination a chance.
> 
> .


 :Biggrin5: 

I know what you mean.We had our 3 year old niece over the summer holidays. When my wife said - Is it ok ? I said yes of course - foolishly thinking it would be a two or perhaps three nights. I turned out to be six nights!! We were completely exhausted at the end of it - even though she was as good as gold and slept for a solid 12 hours a night virtually as soon as her head hit the pillow. The 12 hours went from 6 until 6 of course, and so it was an early start. 

I'll be writing a blog about it later when I get round to it.




> I miss all the BBC shows we had when I had cable and public broadcasting: loved Sherlock Holmes with Jeremy Brett, The Miss Marple series, and when they ran the plays on the classics. I and mr sounds used to watch this old house; I began to realize that the home design shows were actually showing sets. Nowadays, I tend to like 48 hours mystery, South Park and I check out the newer movies at the library.


The show Mark mentioned - Come Dine with Me is interesting. A group of four or five people have the group round to their place in turn. The others mark them on food, entertainment and ambience. It can be quite funny

----------


## The Atheist

> They have testicle tape; I think I might start carrying that with me when I go out of the occasional date.


Oh god, please put it on YouTube when you whip out the tape!

Speaking of TV; does anyone else watch "Balls of Steel"? Some of it's a bit droll, but the Bunny Boiler is comedy gold.

Cor blimey.

You want to know the worst thing about being in business?

When people don't pay their damned bills.

We have enough money owing to buy a couple of third world countries.

Lucky Parker runs a tab! 

Drinks all round then. (Make mine a triple)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Cor blimey.
> 
> You want to know the worst thing about being in business?
> 
> When people don't pay their damned bills.
> 
> We have enough money owing to buy a couple of third world countries.
> 
> Lucky Parker runs a tab! 
> ...



Parker, if you would hold mine at a single; I need to get these bills out.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Back from visiting the daughter in Devon. (It rained alot.) Had intended to collect photos for a book idea I've had, entitled "The Sheds of Devon", however the whole county has been so gentrified, restored and done-up, I only found gazebos, garden lodges and wendy houses.

----------


## The Atheist

> Back from visiting the daughter in Devon. (It rained alot.)


Drought over then?

 :Biggrin: 




> Had intended to collect photos for a book idea I've had, entitled "The Sheds of Devon", however the whole county has been so gentrified, restored and done-up, I only found gazebos, garden lodges and wendy houses.


 :Smilielol5: 

England, oh England, wherefore art thou?

(Oop north, lud!)

----------


## Paulclem

> Back from visiting the daughter in Devon. (It rained alot.) Had intended to collect photos for a book idea I've had, entitled "The Sheds of Devon", however the whole county has been so gentrified, restored and done-up, I only found gazebos, garden lodges and wendy houses.


 :Biggrin5: 
Was "Shed of Devon" going to be a pamphlet? Fascinating subject I bet. A bloke who knew a friend had turned his garage into a shed. He had a suite in there with a telly and his homebrew wine and beer. 

He was a shed God.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I only have one tup to buy this year, a Derbyshire Gritstone, to service my maiden gimmers....





> ...Please can I have that sentence to use as the opening line of a novel?





> Back from visiting the daughter in Devon. (It rained alot.) Had intended to collect photos for a book idea I've had, entitled "The Sheds of Devon", however the whole county has been so gentrified, restored and done-up, I only found gazebos, garden lodges and wendy houses.


That is a brilliant idea and wonderful title and you already have the opening line, unless of course Mark beats you to it.

Are gnomes common among sheds and allotments? 

.

----------


## Paulclem

Not common, though there may be some. They are not common in gardens either, but there are people who have them. They tend to be people who have lots rather than just one - odd in other words. :Biggrin5:

----------


## prendrelemick

After the so called performance of our representative rugby teams yesterday, I'm feeling a unusual kinship and empathy with Jocky this morning. (I even had porridge.)

----------


## The Atheist

> After the so called performance of our representative rugby teams yesterday, I'm feeling a unusual kinship and empathy with Jocky this morning. (I even had porridge.)


Did you see the Wales game?

They won 19-17, but the scoreboard had them losing 16-19.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes but thats Wales for you. Play well, deserve to win, should have won, yet they are unlucky enough to lose by a thousand to one chance. Its why the Welsh are all tragic poets at heart, they know that for them life is unfair.

----------


## MarkBastable

On the sheds idea, we have a book in our downstairs cloakroom called 'Privies of the Cotswolds', which is a book of pictures of, er, privies in the Cotswolds. So there's obviously a market for this sort of thing.

As for gnomes, I have heard that they are making an ironic post-modern comeback. We had a couple of plastic gnomes in our front garden when I was a kid, and I was very fond of them. Of course, now that I'm grown-up I'm way above such things. Which is why we have a concrete gargoyle in our back garden.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

70 days of 100+ deg F this summer surpassing 1980's record of 69 days. 
That's why I've had gnomes on my mind. 
Folks around here say gnomes can bring bring rain.
I'm willin to try anything.





.

----------


## The Atheist

> Folks around here say gnomes can bring bring rain.
> I'm willin to try anything.


We have plenty - I'll send you some of ours.

----------


## jocky

> After the so called performance of our representative rugby teams yesterday, I'm feeling a unusual kinship and empathy with Jocky this morning. (I even had porridge.)


Aye, well at least you beat Argentina. Just for once I am praying that we can get to the point where we can meet your lot to reach the next round. Can you imagine it? Computers thrown out of the window, loads of wailing and gnashing of teeth, and the last minute penalty taken by none other than Johnny Wilkinson to decide who goes through.

After all of the armchair excitement where the only time that any of us has broken sweat is when we asked the missus to open a tin and make us a salmon sandwich, the winners will wait with baited breath for who we are drawn against in the next round.

Oh no, TONGA ! Well we will clear up our empty cans, or in some cases empty Newcastle Brown bottles, and troop off to our beds with the consolation of knowing that the Kiwis have been drawn against the Aussies.  :Nopity:

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh no, TONGA ! Well we will clear up our empty cans, or in some cases empty Newcastle Brown bottles, and troop off to our beds with the consolation of knowing that the Kiwis have been drawn against the Aussies.


I'm not too worried about Australia - our bogey team looks like being the same old suspect: France.

----------


## prendrelemick

Bradford council have set a new standard in ineptitude by failing to organise the Annual Bradford Curry festival in time .


Piss up in a brewery doesn't come close.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We have plenty - I'll send you some of ours.


Its raining!!

By God they were right, yes; the people were rightGnomes can bring rain!
I applied the principles of gnomen necromancy starting with a bottle of Moinette Belgian Ale, followed by three shakes of a divining stick above the gnomes head while chanting; Agua fria my little friend, agua fria my little friend. Before you could say Travelocity, the heavens let fly a fair fusillade of a frog strangler.

And some credit goes to the Atheist. Thanks for your part in sending that rain.







> Bradford council have set a new standard in ineptitude by failing to organise the Annual Bradford Curry festival in time .
> 
> 
> Piss up in a brewery doesn't come close.



Is this what you are referring to?:

http://www.thetelegraphandargus.co.u...urry_Festival/


Makes you want to sing the blues:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9g30nwCpyaA

.

----------


## Shalot

Again, I'm not a bloke but I am having a Hitachino Ginger Beer. I got it because it had an owl on the label. It's pretty good. My ego says that drinking beer with a good logo design is always better than drinking lousy skanky alcohol products that come in a plastic jug so that you don't break it when you crash into the card table it was sitting on and waste tomorrow's buzz as well. Family Dollar sells mouthwash in plastic containers. Just FYI.

----------


## The Atheist

What a damned shame we don't have any Irish members!

(Did we ban the micks at the start?)

They certainly owed Aussie that one. While it wasn't the greatest spectacle, it's great to see old-fashioned guts and determination win.

----------


## MarkBastable

> What a damned shame we don't have any Irish members!
> 
> (Did we ban the micks at the start?)
> 
> They certainly owed Aussie that one. While it wasn't the greatest spectacle, it's great to see old-fashioned guts and determination win.


I have no idea what's being discussed here. Has there been some sort of televised drinking contest?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Again, I'm not a bloke but I am having a Hitachino Ginger Beer. I got it because it had an owl on the label. It's pretty good. My ego says that drinking beer with a good logo design is always better than drinking lousy skanky alcohol products that come in a plastic jug so that you don't break it when you crash into the card table it was sitting on and waste tomorrow's buzz as well. Family Dollar sells mouthwash in plastic containers. Just FYI.




Can I recommend the Listerine, a delicate bouquet, clean taste and a sparkle on the tongue.

----------


## Paulclem

> What a damned shame we don't have any Irish members!


We may have Irish members. It depends upon the genetic distribution - allegedly - if we have part Irish ancestry.  :Biggrin:

----------


## jocky

> Again, I'm not a bloke


I believed you the first time but now I am beginning to think that you are not too sure. So what do you think of this one ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1zsRRt1FWE

Continuing on the Irish theme how about this ?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYYbK2sDaJ4

----------


## The Atheist

> I have no idea what's being discussed here. Has there been some sort of televised drinking contest?


Don't be silly, nobody beats Australia at drinking games.

Rugby.

----------


## prendrelemick

Glorious Albion has once more stretched her mighty arm to the ruin and confusion of her less fortunate opponents, and beaten Georgia :Rolleyes5:

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have no idea what's being discussed here. Has there been some sort of televised drinking contest?


You or me either one, Mark; but I am sure the blokes have been up to no good without one of us keeping an eye on them. As for me, it is a very sad story, a lightening storm hit a tree and took out, in one lick, my phone and computer lines....I have been lost. I have been talking everyday with wonderfully articulate and polite people who tell me how sorry they are for my loss and even sorrier for their impotence...Now the average American is very happy when he can talk to another American about his technical problems; me, I don't care what nationality or religion they are, just send me someone who can fix my phone. I would have tipped Osama if he could give me phone service :Idea:  :FRlol:  Well, today, an adorable little fellow with big blue eyes, long eyelashes and a beer belly...he would have gotten on great with all of us, I'm sure, fixed my stuff and I fell in love...he even gave me his phone number :Drool5:

----------


## Paulclem

> You or me either one, Mark; but I am sure the blokes have been up to no good without one of us keeping an eye on them. As for me, it is a very sad story, a lightening storm hit a tree and took out, in one lick, my phone and computer lines....I have been lost. I have been talking everyday with wonderfully articulate and polite people who tell me how sorry they are for my loss and even sorrier for their impotence...Now the average American is very happy when he can talk to another American about his technical problems; me, I don't care what nationality or religion they are, just send me someone who can fix my phone. I would have tipped Osama if he could give me phone service Well, today, an adorable little fellow with big blue eyes, long eyelashes and a beer belly...he would have gotten on great with all of us, I'm sure, fixed my stuff and I fell in love...he even gave me his phone number


Ib was beginning to think we hadn't seen you for a while. Glad to have you back. 

Tis the season for the Rugby world cup, which I am not catching much due to the screening in the UK in the morning, and the tyranny of the remote control - i get it late when everyone's in bed.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ib was beginning to think we hadn't seen you for a while. Glad to have you back. 
> 
> Tis the season for the Rugby world cup, which I am not catching much due to the screening in the UK in the morning, and the tyranny of the remote control - i get it late when everyone's in bed.


Thank you Paul, I missed you guys too.

----------


## Paulclem

> Thank you Paul, I missed you guys too.


By the way - I meant to post that the US had beaten Russia in the Rugby World Cup.

----------


## The Atheist

> Glorious Albion has once more stretched her mighty arm to the ruin and confusion of her less fortunate opponents, and beaten Georgia


Yes, another mighty win against mighty opponents!




> I have been lost.


but now you're found again!

Yay.




> Tis the season for the Rugby world cup, which I am not catching much due to the screening in the UK in the morning, and the tyranny of the remote control - i get it late when everyone's in bed.


You need to man up and take ownership of those things rightfully the domain of men.

At least you won't miss much [of England] in the knockout stages. 

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> You need to man up and take ownership of those things rightfully the domain of men.
> 
> At least you won't miss much [of England] in the knockout stages.


 :FRlol: 

Yes I must man up... I will...definately...

----------


## jocky

> Thank you Paul, I missed you guys too.


Since no one is talking to me due to my latest inexcusable faux pas I might as well entertain the ladies. Mrs Jocky enjoys this but I am not so keen on it myself, for obvious reasons. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Pu0Fn1oRN4

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Glorious Albion...


I have no clue who that is, but what a great character name.
She'll make a great addition to the caste for this year's play.





> Thank you Paul, I missed you guys too.


Welcome back, we missed you!
How goes it with you and "eyelashes"?




> Since no one is talking to me due to my latest inexcusable faux pas I might as well entertain the ladies. Mrs Jocky enjoys this but I am not so keen on it myself, for obvious reasons.


Jocky, if you like, you're more than welcome to hang out with me and the Baller Girls...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLpS4Phe0Wc

.

----------


## Paulclem

> Since no one is talking to me due to my latest inexcusable faux pas I might as well entertain the ladies. Mrs Jocky enjoys this but I am not so keen on it myself, for obvious reasons. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Pu0Fn1oRN4


I'll see you down the club and we'll have a dram or two - if Mrs Jocky/Paulclem will allow.  :Biggrin: 

Mick and the Atheist are watching the rugby re-runs in the TV room, and Mark, Gilliatt and sounds are joining us later. 

I don't know where the Doc has got to.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I believed you the first time but now I am beginning to think that you are not too sure. So what do you think of this one ?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1zsRRt1FWE
> 
> Continuing on the Irish theme how about this ?


I like the way that bloke plays the guitar, sorry, I got stuck staring at those powerful thighs and forgot to listen to him singing....the only men in our country who have that nice of hair and thighs are wearing dresses.




> By the way - I meant to post that the US had beaten Russia in the Rugby World Cup.


Thank you, Paul, I take full credit for that. 




> Yes, another mighty win against mighty opponents!
> 
> but now you're found again!
>  
> Yay.
> 
> You need to man up and take ownership of those things rightfully the domain of men.
> 
> At least you won't miss much [of England] in the knockout stages.


Thank you, Atheist, how goes the moving? 




> Since no one is talking to me due to my latest inexcusable faux pas I might as well entertain the ladies. Mrs Jocky enjoys this but I am not so keen on it myself, for obvious reasons. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Pu0Fn1oRN4


Did I miss a Jocky faux pas, darn...Well, thank you for the entertainment, I don't think I've ever seen Annie and Aretha together. 




> I have no clue who that is, but what a great character name.
> She'll make a great addition to the caste for this year's play.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Welcome back, we missed you!
> How goes it with you and "eyelashes"?
> 
> ...


Thank you, Gilliatt, ah, sadly, eyelashes is gone for good I'm afraid. I looked at the card he gave me and realized it only has a first name; so I can't even stalk him properly :Auto:  :FRlol: 




> I'll see you down the club and we'll have a dram or two - if Mrs Jocky/Paulclem will allow. 
> 
> Mick and the Atheist are watching the rugby re-runs in the TV room, and Mark, Gilliatt and sounds are joining us later. 
> 
> I don't know where the Doc has got to.


Where have you been Paul, me and Mrs Paul have already given the chippendales most of our change and are short on beer money.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'll see you down the club and we'll have a dram or two - if Mrs Jocky/Paulclem will allow. 
> 
> Mick and the Atheist are watching the rugby re-runs in the TV room, and Mark, Gilliatt and sounds are joining us later. 
> 
> I don't know where the Doc has got to.



Paul, would you be so kind as to read to us while we drink?...








.

----------


## Paulclem

My pleasure

----------


## prendrelemick

To paraphrase Terry Pratchett, That book is not only slightly foxed, but has been badgered and moosed as well.

Reading Sounds' latest adventure reminded me of this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v24Qdvij_zM

----------


## The Atheist

> Since no one is talking to me due to my latest inexcusable faux pas I might as well entertain the ladies.


No, mate. I haven't been talking to anyone.

All five of us went to the Dr on Tuesday, we are all crook, but I think we're recovering.

There is a viral tracheitis going around and it is not your friend.

You should be fine up there where it's too cold for them.  :Wink: 




> I have no clue who that is, but what a great character name.


You'll find a lot of agreement in that!

Although it is more often heard in this sense.





> Thank you, Atheist, how goes the moving?


The move was fine, went like clockwork.

Now, if we can just shift this bloody virus...




> Paul, would you be so kind as to read to us while we drink?...


Zane Grey is one of those people I love and hate.

Love his writing.

Hate his fishing. Once I catch a bigger marlin than him, I'll just love him. 

(I'll discount that his monsters were caught off a rowboat with a bamboo pole, though)

 :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

> To paraphrase Terry Pratchett, That book is not only slightly foxed, but has been badgered and moosed as well.
> 
> Reading Sounds' latest adventure reminded me of this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v24Qdvij_zM


That is one great song. I'm afraid all I got from the blue eyed stranger is a plug with a splitter :Frown: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtzoU...eature=related but, speaking of great songs...I think. 




> No, mate. I haven't been talking to anyone.
> 
> All five of us went to the Dr on Tuesday, we are all crook, but I think we're recovering.
> 
> There is a viral tracheitis going around and it is not your friend.
> 
> You should be fine up there where it's too cold for them. 
> 
> 
> ...


Hope you feel better soon. This illness is in every country; I've got something over here too.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...You'll find a lot of agreement in that!
> 
> Although it is more often heard in this sense.
> 
> ...Zane Grey is one of those people I love and hate.
> 
> Love his writing.
> 
> Hate his fishing. Once I catch a bigger marlin than him, I'll just love him. 
> ...


"Glorious Albion" - Thanks, now I understand Prendrelemick's posting; Britain destroyed the mighty "Peach State" in rugby. Makes perfect sense now.




> To paraphrase Terry Pratchett, That book is not only slightly foxed, but has been badgered and moosed as well.
> 
> Reading Sounds' latest adventure reminded me of this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v24Qdvij_zM


Honestly, I haven't read it myself, another from my Grandfather's library.
Great song choice.




> ...I'm afraid all I got from the blue eyed stranger is a plug with a splitter
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtzoU...eature=related but, speaking of great songs...I think.


Who can forget "The Streak"? 
Say, your blue eyed, plug and splitter beau reminded of that old saying; "The postman always knocks twice". Is that how it goes?

.

----------


## The Atheist

> Hope you feel better soon. This illness is in every country; I've got something over here too.


It's the worst virus I've ever had. Not the most violent, maybe - some kinds of 'flu make you sicker - but this one just won't give up.

I've noticed an improvement over the last couple of days, but a 2-3% improvement is all.

The baby has been sick with it for 16 days now, and again, while he's getting better, it's sooo slooooooow.

We'll get there!

Hope yours doesn't turn out this bad.

----------


## Paulclem

Sorry to hear about the virus. 16 days is a long time for the kiddy.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It's the worst virus I've ever had. Not the most violent, maybe - some kinds of 'flu make you sicker - but this one just won't give up.
> 
> I've noticed an improvement over the last couple of days, but a 2-3% improvement is all.
> 
> The baby has been sick with it for 16 days now, and again, while he's getting better, it's sooo slooooooow.
> 
> We'll get there!
> 
> Hope yours doesn't turn out this bad.


Hope all get well soon.
So far we're doing fine here, other than a brief mild cold for me.

.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Who can forget "The Streak"? 
> Say, your blue eyed, plug and splitter beau reminded of that old saying; "The postman always knocks twice". Is that how it goes?
> 
> .


I never watched that movie; but sounds intriguing. Anyway, blue eyes is gone until the next phone outage and I am in the midst of helping daughter to clear out and find new homes for 20 years worth of trend shopping. Last night I was up until 4am, pulling apart a hogwarts castle that would not make all of its screams and open doors, found that Professor Snape had somehow fallen down into the wiring and was bent over in the whole mess looking very distressed and keeping the thing from closing properly. All fixed, checked ebay and the day before, this was going for 369 dollars, the following day there were so many on it that it had dropped to 40.  :Mad5: 
 :Yikes: 



> It's the worst virus I've ever had. Not the most violent, maybe - some kinds of 'flu make you sicker - but this one just won't give up.
> 
> I've noticed an improvement over the last couple of days, but a 2-3% improvement is all.
> 
> The baby has been sick with it for 16 days now, and again, while he's getting better, it's sooo slooooooow.
> 
> We'll get there!
> 
> Hope yours doesn't turn out this bad.


Poor you, poor baby! I had a virus like that several months ago, went on for 2 months...Well, I like blaming it on the government trying to get rid of us oldsters and unwanted illegal aliens :Sosp:  :Hat:  The doctor told me mine was chronic sinusitis :Out:  



> Sorry to hear about the virus. 16 days is a long time for the kiddy.


I don't remember ever bein sick for more than 3 days when I was a child; though, it was often really bad in those days. Nowadays, it tends to hit the immune system and just half hit and half linger. 




> Hope all get well soon.
> So far we're doing fine here, other than a brief mild cold for me.
> 
> .


I'm sniffing, today I was cooking and the nose started running...then washing dishes...and the nose started running...it stops as soon as my hands are free.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...We'll get there!
> 
> Hope yours doesn't turn out this bad.


I just recalled one of our sure fire home remedies. Keep a pinch of this between your cheek and gum and rub a little under your nose each night and you will soon forget about your ailments!



.





> ... Last night I was up until 4am, pulling apart a hogwarts castle that would not make all of its screams and open doors, found that Professor Snape had somehow fallen down into the wiring and was bent over in the whole mess looking very distressed and keeping the thing from closing properly...


Great story. Sometimes it's hard letting go of those things. My son still has his version of Hogwarts castle constructed of legos, on his dresser. At least there are no wires to contend with. Dismantling shouldn't be a problem either...perhaps an "accidental" drop on the floor?

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Namibia may not be a contender in the Rugby, but that National Anthem will take alot of beating.

Meanwhile its High noon for the Scots, who will have to beat the auld enemy to progress.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I just recalled one of our sure fire home remedies. Keep a pinch of this between your cheek and gum and rub a little under your nose each night and you will soon forget about your ailments!
> 
> 
> 
> .
> 
> Great story. Sometimes it's hard letting go of those things. My son still has his version of Hogwarts castle constructed of legos, on his dresser. At least there are no wires to contend with. Dismantling shouldn't be a problem either...perhaps an "accidental" drop on the floor?
> 
> .


Wow, hot peppers, they are certainly popular down this way. I've noticed though that all the folks run around coughing; but the cold never gets them down. I can barely handle the heat, so I do a little red pepper sprinkle in my food. 
Yeah, we had stopped buying the hogwarts by the time lego was out; we have the really old stuff. I was tempted to buy the Star Wars Lego AtAT...

----------


## Paulclem

> Wow, hot peppers, they are certainly popular down this way. I've noticed though that all the folks run around coughing; but the cold never gets them down. I can barely handle the heat, so I do a little red pepper sprinkle in my food. 
> Yeah, we had stopped buying the hogwarts by the time lego was out; we have the really old stuff. I was tempted to buy the Star Wars Lego AtAT...


My brother had the Millennium Falcon and a Han Solo action figure - plus others. Later he got into trading figures on e bay.

----------


## The Atheist

> Sorry to hear about the virus. 16 days is a long time for the kiddy.


I can finally say that we're getting better here!

We all had some sleep last night for the first time since in over a fortnight and the baby slept in his own bed all night!

You know that day when you know you're actually going to get all the way better, and not linger on forever in a haze of fever, viruses, medicines and vapours?

Today is that day!




> Hope all get well soon.
> So far we're doing fine here, other than a brief mild cold for me.
> 
> .


The scary part is, that's how it started. I had a slight cold for a couple of days, skited about how healthy I was only having a little runny nose...


...then WHAMMO!

I sure hope you miss that!

 :Biggrin: 




> Poor you, poor baby! I had a virus like that several months ago, went on for 2 months...Well, I like blaming it on the government trying to get rid of us oldsters and unwanted illegal aliens The doctor told me mine was chronic sinusitis


I'm hiring you as nurse next time.

That was one of the hardest parts - all of us sick as parrots, but the kids still gotta eat and they don't feed themselves.

Why the hell didn't I just have cats?




> Namibia may not be a contender in the Rugby, but that National Anthem will take alot of beating.
> 
> Meanwhile its High noon for the Scots, who will have to beat the auld enemy to progress.


That was disappointing.

Losing to Argentina is poor work - they are so one dimensional that any original test nation should just bury them

I think we'd better get jocky on a scouting mission for rugby coaches or something. There is no good reason why Scotland should be crap at a game that's made for them. Despite the fact that they've never beaten us, they were always looked at as classier and more dangerous (and more physical) opponents than any other home union.

On the basis of losing to Argentina, I can't imagine them troubling England.

----------


## prendrelemick

HRT. Three little letters that strike fear into the heart of any chap hoping for a quiet passage into his dotage.  :Tongue:

----------


## Paulclem

A bloke I used to know went on about that, and the sudden energy. Is that why viagra's become so popular?

----------


## prendrelemick

Could be, It's probably the same drug company selling both.




Sacre Bleu!! I bet The French weren't expecting that.

----------


## prendrelemick

OK, so now we know England arn't going to win the rugby world cup. So why not relax and play with a bit of flair. Win a few friends instead.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> HRT. Three little letters that strike fear into the heart of any chap hoping for a quiet passage into his dotage.


I'm right there with you, we entered those turbulent waters nearly a year ago. I'm passing my quiet dotage and dodging pans by retreating here...

(Note: The ladder is the back way out in case she discovers my whereabouts)




.

----------


## prendrelemick

A good plan there G, take and hold the high ground!

----------


## Paulclem

That's a great refuge. I ike refuges with an alternative exit for just the reasons you've cited. I can still run a bit too, so I'd have a head start. The only problem is that on your dash away you'll hear those immortal and universal words - "you've got to come back some time!"

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That's a great refuge. I ike refuges with an alternative exit for just the reasons you've cited. I can still run a bit too, so I'd have a head start. The only problem is that on your dash away you'll hear those immortal and universal words - "you've got to come back some time!"


Yeah, but you've got two refuges and a field full of potatos to sustain you while on the lam. I'd imagine you could hold out for some time.

.

----------


## Paulclem

Anyone going down the club? Parker - my good fellow - would you pour me a double.

Cheers!

----------


## jocky

> Anyone going down the club? Parker - my good fellow - would you pour me a double.
> 
> Cheers!


I will be there Paul you will recognize me straight away by the tears streaming 
down my kilt. I have finally came to terms with my country's humiliating exit from the rugby union world cup. Thank God Mrs jocky was there to comfort me in my hour of need;

" Get over it you daft git "

I have heard an ugly rumour that the French front row is going to be be beefed up by Kiwi waitresses who apparently have a few scores to settle.  :Smilewinkgrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> I will be there Paul you will recognize me straight away by the tears streaming 
> down my kilt. I have finally came to terms with my country's humiliating exit from the rugby union world cup. Thank God Mrs jocky was there to comfort me in my hour of need;
> 
> " Get over it you daft git "
> 
> I have heard an ugly rumour that the French front row is going to be be beefed up by Kiwi waitresses who apparently have a few scores to settle.


I know the feeling well from the footie. 

She's not playing hooker is she?

----------


## prendrelemick

Even England's off pitch scandals are boring.


I shall be watching the Rugby League Grand Final at Old Trafford on Saturday as an antidote.

----------


## MarkBastable

I used to play Rugby Union at school - and pretty much despised it, even though our Games Master was Mervyn Davies. But I found myself watching some Rugby League game on telly a couple of months ago and I thought, "Hang on - this is a _much_ better game than the other one..."

----------


## Paulclem

> I used to play Rugby Union at school - and pretty much despised it, even though our Games Master was Mervyn Davies. But I found myself watching some Rugby League game on telly a couple of months ago and I thought, "Hang on - this is a _much_ better game than the other one..."


I remember Mervyn Davies and when he had the brain problem and had to quit the game. I used to like the internationals, but I was brought up on league. 

When I first began it was a slower game with more scrums and less kicking than now. They changed the rules in my late teens so that there was no scrum after 6 tackles, but it went automatically to the other side. So the kicking game developed much more and the game got faster. Now you don't get the big fat forwards you used to get, but these really quick athletes who are also built like the proverbial small room. 

It made it a much better game.

----------


## jocky

The talk of rugby league is interesting in the intellectual sense. In Scotland we can appreciate the merit of knocking seven bells out of our opponenents until the sixth tackle when one gets the relief of a two second breather and one never has to think for five seconds on the point of the game.

Eddie Waring may have influenced our attitude :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zYXsroqcVqA

Give me good old kick and clap anyday. To Mick, I can see why you are getting weary of the game but I think this is more to do with teams closing down the opposition out of fear of losing , rather than playing the expansive offensive game which we all love. If England, and it is a big if, lose the fear and play as they can they have the talent to go all the way.

----------


## prendrelemick

The trouble with kick and clap is that there is no room, you can't see the ball, you can't see what's going on, you can't tell why a penalty is given, or why a scrum is re-set 4 times. The whistle blower IS the man.

England's tactics are to have pile-ons laterally across the pitch untill they are awarded a penalty, when the sainted Johnnie can step up and collect the points. The wingers are practically redundant, just trotting up and down the touchline for an hour and a half. 

Do they have the talent to go all the way? They have yet to show it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Now paul, I know you're a little worried about the procedures of prostate cancer screening, so here's a short film that may help with any issues you may have.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...ries_10_Broke/

----------


## Paulclem

> Now paul, I know you're a little worried about the procedures of prostate cancer screening, so here's a short film that may help with any issues you may have.
> 
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...ries_10_Broke/


Excellent. I bet they use it as a training video when the cuts begin to bite.

That line: 

"I've got an a*se like a screaming skull. 

Is brilliant.

----------


## Paulclem

Just seen England lose. Bah. You were right about the French Atheist. Perhaps we should get you a line to Martin Johnson - or the next coach if he gets the boot.

----------


## prendrelemick

I know you will not see or hear much about it beyond the M62 corridor, but try and watch the Rugby League Grand Final if you can. It was quite good.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Now paul, I know you're a little worried about the procedures of prostate cancer screening, so here's a short film that may help with any issues you may have.
> 
> http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode...ries_10_Broke/





> Excellent. I bet they use it as a training video when the cuts begin to bite.
> 
> That line: 
> 
> "I've got an a*se like a screaming skull. 
> 
> Is brilliant.


The BBC signal fell short of Texas, so I looked up A*se like a screaming skull and found this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXBVkYB2Kio

.

----------


## Paulclem

> The BBC signal fell short of Texas, so I looked up A*se like a screaming skull and found this:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXBVkYB2Kio
> 
> .


I saw that film when I was a lad. I laughed at the insurance policy to cover anyone who died of fright. Brilliant.




> I know you will not see or hear much about it beyond the M62 corridor, but try and watch the Rugby League Grand Final if you can. It was quite good.


What a try from Rob Burrow. Fantastic. I'm glad Leeds won. St Helens were always our big rivals when I was playing, and I had mates who played for Leeds.

----------


## jocky

The perfect remedy for prostrate problems and those nightmares about nasty Scotsmen :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LdVbOlkMlU

Anyone for a dip the waters fine ?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011...martin-johnson

----------


## Paulclem

> The perfect remedy for prostrate problems and those nightmares about nasty Scotsmen :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LdVbOlkMlU
> 
> Anyone for a dip the waters fine ?
> 
> http://www.guardian.co.uk/sport/2011...martin-johnson


Only one slice?

The article says he has been disciplined internally. I wonder what they stuck where? 

Oh well. They won the - Most fun team=cup.

----------


## jocky

> No, mate. I haven't been talking to anyone.
> 
> All five of us went to the Dr on Tuesday, we are all crook, but I think we're recovering.
> 
> There is a viral tracheitis going around and it is not your friend.
> 
> You should be fine up there where it's too cold for them.


I hope all is well with you and your family and that the viral tracheitis has run its course. Dont worry about us as our cold climate kills most viruses stone dead, unfortunately it has the same effect on our people. I have prepared Mrs Jocky for the coming winter by hiding her hat, gloves and ear warmers.

Paul  :Biggrin5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The perfect remedy for prostrate problems and those nightmares about nasty Scotsmen :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_LdVbOlkMlU


Another brilliant entry Jocky.

My Texas Rangers took care of business tonight with a grand slam in the 11th.
This could be the year fellas.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

I hope Athiest hasn't been paddling in the Bay of Plenty and become oil -logged.

----------


## jocky

By all accounts it appears the Captain of the Rena is about to be transferred to a new post much more commensurate to his maritime abilities. Henceforth he is to be known as 42, serves the hapless git right.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WXh1tW16V-8

Old Beefheart knew the feeling well, he should have stuck to selling hoovers.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=21voUGVzym4

----------


## prendrelemick

> I hope all is well with you and your family and that the viral tracheitis has run its course. Dont worry about us as our cold climate kills most viruses stone dead, unfortunately it has the same effect on our people. I have prepared Mrs Jocky for the coming winter by hiding her hat, gloves and ear warmers.
> 
> Paul





Before you do anything rash Jocky make a careful assessment of her worth in thermal units. Mrs P was at her mothers last night, and I was bloody freezing . Can you afford to run the central heating all night?

----------


## Paulclem

It's still unseasonably warm down here, though it was chillier out this morning with the dog. 

I'm expecting a cold shock any day, and I've just noticed the seagulls on the green, which haven't been there for quite a while.

----------


## MarkBastable

Seagulls in Coventry? What next - albatrosses in Nottingham?

For those who might not know where Coventry is...




What you will notice is a total absence of what Fozzie Bear refers to as 'the big wet blue thing'.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is that old Brummie weather-lore?


When gulls do croi above the green,
A frost will next be seen.

When they return unto the cowst,
Cast your clout or yow will rowst.



Have you noticed that there are some sounds that can't be written down using the English alphabet?

----------


## Paulclem

:FRlol: 

Yes - beats me but it's true. 

Coventry is just about in the middle of England - Meriden, just outside Coventry, is the actual spot. 

It's a little local lore I've pickd up myself. Apparently the term "seagulls"is a misnomer in that they are not exclsively seaside dwellers.

----------


## jocky

I suppose I will be in a minority of one, nothing unusual there , in pointing out that young Sam Warburton's tackle was deserving of the red card he got. It was a spear tackle, despite all the contrary reports by the so called experts, which could have resulted in the French player being paralysed for the rest of his life. I feel gutted for the Welsh and thought they were the better team even with fourteen men but the rule book applies regardless of the match being a World Cup semi final.

In the interests of fairness here is the majority contrary opinion:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/rug...=feeds-newsxml

----------


## Abookinthebath

> I suppose I will be in a minority of one, nothing unusual there , in pointing out that young Sam Warburton's tackle was deserving of the red card he got. It was a spear tackle, despite all the contrary reports by the so called experts, which could have resulted in the French player being paralysed for the rest of his life. I feel gutted for the Welsh and thought they were the better team even with fourteen men but the rule book applies regardless of the match being a World Cup semi final.
> 
> In the interests of fairness here is the majority contrary opinion:
> 
> http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/rug...=feeds-newsxml



Fraid so, Jocky. Looked to me like a yellow card offence - he did let go of the French bloke instead of slamming him into the ground.

Thought the ref was poor anyway - The Welsh should never have had the penalty (which they just missed late on) - maybe he was just 'evening things out'!

----------


## jocky

> Fraid so, Jocky. Looked to me like a yellow card offence - he did let go of the French bloke instead of slamming him into the ground.


Technically you are correct, he threw him headfirst to the ground from a great height but had the good manners to release him about six inches from impact. This would have done much to console the Frenchman if he had broken his neck. I stand by my original view.

----------


## Abookinthebath

> Technically you are correct, he threw him headfirst to the ground from a great height but had the good manners to release him about six inches from impact. This would have done much to console the Frenchman if he had broken his neck. I stand by my original view.


LOL! I appreciate good manners!

He did land with a thump to be fair! Possibly borderline red, but a pity, cos the Welsh were immense (or the French rubbish), and It would have been a great game with even sides....

----------


## prendrelemick

A definite red card. Remember that O'Driscoll tackle, and what a wave of outrage there was from the Northern Hemisphere (including the Welsh) when the All Blacks weren't sent off. You can't have it both ways, spear tackles are outlawed.

What cost them the game was no one stepping up for a drop goal at the end.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Speaking of sports, the Rangers are World Series bound...again.
Hopefully they will clinch it this time around.

When I read "spear tackle", I think of the tackler lunging in head first as in NFL foortball. I realize now that Rugby spear is akin to a "Pile Driver" in wrasslin.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'll have to keep an eye on how they do, are you going to any of the games?

----------


## jocky

> Speaking of sports, the Rangers are World Series bound...again.
> 
> 
> 
> .


I have been doing a little research into this and contrary to my original surmise found out they are a baseball team and not a football one. The nearest thing we have to that over here is 'Rounders'. Let us hope that you hear this many times in the upcoming World Series :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUHhT...eature=related

Ra Ra Rangers, Yeehaa !

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'll have to keep an eye on how they do, are you going to any of the games?


I'm afraid not, the cost coupled with traffic and parking hassles, makes the tele and wild turkey so inviting.





> I have been doing a little research into this and contrary to my original surmise found out they are a baseball team and not a football one. The nearest thing we have to that over here is 'Rounders'. Let us hope that you hear this many times in the upcoming World Series :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUHhT...eature=related
> 
> Ra Ra Rangers, Yeehaa !


Thanks Jocky. First game is this Wednesday.

This was something special:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hStrt...eature=related


.

----------


## jocky

Whatever has happenned to Soundo? Perhaps she has become weary of us blokes.  :Wink: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6-pmpgrYQgs

----------


## Paulclem

Yes, I wonder how she is. 

I've been really busy over the past half term. I've got a day at Uni tomorrow for my Maths course, and then I'm off for a week. Lovely. 

My daughter is in Japan at the moment on a school exchange. 10 days in Japan. When I was a lad I managed 4 days in Northumberland with the school. Northumberland is nice - don't get me wrong - but Japan would have been amazing.

It's quiet in the house, as the lad's at uni as well. Still, there's the dog. He's loud.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Lilly Von Schtupp as Soundo...yeah, I can see that.

and where has the New Zealand contingent been?

Paul, 
Sounds like you got the run of the place for a while. 
Enjoy it while you can.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

There's a turn up. The Welsh have lost and it's nothing to do with the match officials!



There is no way New Zealand can lose in the final. :Devil:

----------


## jocky

One would never dream of putting the mockers on New Zealand before a match of this magnitude but :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4LNjNXt1yM&feature=fvst

----------


## prendrelemick

Le 'aka de Nouvelle Zealand est un peu comme see comme ca. Mais pour le chanson magnifique regardez cet.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTuR7...eature=related

----------


## jocky

Jamies l'espirit, Athee, ma famillie Ecossais et Chinois sont juste derriere vous.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ta shur tai how la, Lou Jocky

----------


## jocky

> Ta shur tai how la, Lou Jocky


You have lost me there Mick so I phoned my grandson who knows everything and repeated your words, he fell silent for a moment and said ;

"Granda that sounds like Mandarin to me and you should know by now we speak Cantonese. "

A translation would be greatly appreciated.

----------


## prendrelemick

My boy who worked in China for two years is entirely to blame. Before he went he was warned not to try and speak the lingo to the natives, as a mere wrong inflection could be an unforgivable insult and result in a phalanx of ninjas creeping over his rooftop in the dead of night. (or is that a Japanese thing?)

Anyway, I asked him what the Chinese for "nice pic Jocky" was and the closest he could do was "It be wonderful Mr Jocky". However the spelling is my own, and is at best a rough approximation of the sounds that eminated from his contorted mouth.

----------


## jocky

:FRlol: 

Thanks for that. Ta Shur, apart from being a district in Afghanistan, approximates to he said or she said. Ta is one of these strange Mandarin pronouns which does not recognise gender. The phrase Tae hao le in the main equates to wonderful but can mean nice or good. As to Lou I have not got a scooby but you did get jocky right.

In the interests of clarity I think we should leave the Chinese translations to Parker from now on.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> There's a turn up. The Welsh have lost and it's nothing to do with the match officials!
> 
> There is no way New Zealand can lose in the final.





> One would never dream of putting the mockers on New Zealand before a match of this magnitude but :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z4LNjNXt1yM&feature=fvst


Geez, I must have inadvertantly sideswiped into rugby, I was just wonderin' where ole Atheist took off too?





> Le 'aka de Nouvelle Zealand est un peu comme see comme ca. Mais pour le chanson magnifique regardez cet.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mTuR7...eature=related





> Jamies l'espirit, Athee, ma famillie Ecossais et Chinois sont juste derriere vous.
> 
> http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6106/...20eb3c47_b.jpg





> Ta shur tai how la, Lou Jocky


I thought it was some form of Gaulish...I was reminded of this (the relative part is at the end...does it really matter on this thread?):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVI_nZrK3Uo


.

----------


## jocky

> I thought it was some form of Gaulish...I was reminded of this (the relative part is at the end...does it really matter on this thread?):
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TVI_nZrK3Uo
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .


"She didn't even say goodbye".  :Smile:  That defeat by the Saint Louis Cardinals, apt name, has hit you harder than I thought. Never mind there is always the next game against them at home in Texas.This thread is getting absurd Au Revoir Gilliatt.

As for Atheist he is maybe waiting until after the final against France to make his triumphal return. He might think that any contact with us will jinx the Kiwis chances.

----------


## Paulclem

> "She didn't even say goodbye".  That defeat by the Saint Louis Cardinals, apt name, has hit you harder than I thought. Never mind there is always the next game against them at home in Texas.This thread is getting absurd Au Revoir Gilliatt.
> 
> As for Atheist he is maybe waiting until after the final against France to make his triumphal return. He might think that any contact with us will jinx the Kiwis chances.


I bet he'll be in the crowd - behind the posts even.

----------


## jocky

> I bet he'll be in the crowd - behind the posts even.


I am impressed by the new clobber Paul only a class act would dress suitably for the Superhero weekend.

I hope you are right about Atheist.

----------


## Paulclem

> I am impressed by the new clobber Paul only a class act would dress suitably for the Superhero weekend.
> 
> I hope you are right about Atheist.


It's the Superhero Weekend attire. I'm Nerdman!! I think I'd look good in purple and yellow.

----------


## prendrelemick

That was closer than anyone thought, but congratulations to New Zealand.

I would say the best team of the tournament won the World Cup. But the best team in the final lost.




It's all down to the referee anyway.

----------


## Abookinthebath

> That was closer than anyone thought, but congratulations to New Zealand.
> 
> I would say the best team of the tournament won the World Cup. But the best team in the final lost.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's all down to the referee anyway.



I'll second that, loads of unpunished high tackles.....

----------


## jocky

Well it was a long wait but we finally did it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That was closer than anyone thought, but congratulations to New Zealand.
> 
> I would say the best team of the tournament won the World Cup. But the best team in the final lost.
> 
> It's all down to the referee anyway.


Just watched the highlights video. 
Congrats to New Zealand.

Not so for the Rangers, they took a thumping last night.
There's more baseball to play though.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

A long way to go yet GG .

----------


## jocky

If this doesn't tempt Soundo back then I am afraid we are lost guys :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SjxY9...eature=related

----------


## Paulclem

I'm on a week off - fantastic. It's been an exceptionally busy half term for me as I've become the Manager of the building I work in. So we have the usual gripes - the car park is full, the computer's not working, there's not enough space in the Tutor room etc etc. 

To cope with this I have adopted a Mafia attitude - "It's not personal - it's just business"". (Except of course on those occaisions when I employ the services of the "council assassin". (We also have a penal island somewhere in the Hebrides). 

So, by a combination of hard work, negotiation and fantastical imaginings - I've got through term 2.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I envy and congratulate you Paul; a week off and wrapping up term 2.
Looks like you've gone back to the old look. How's the beard? 
(I seem to recall a discussion about the beard as a means to hide certain anomolies. Am I right?) 

Well, the Rangers managed to pull off a win last night (Monday) thanks to Mike Naploli, so we are up 3 games to 2 in the series. Just one more and we win the whole ball of wax.

.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.

"Thou source of all my bliss and all my woe,
That found'st me poor at first, and keep'st me so" *

The Rangers lost.


*Oliver Goldsmith - The Deserted Village

----------


## Paulclem

> I envy and congratulate you Paul; a week off and wrapping up term 2.
> Looks like you've gone back to the old look. How's the beard? 
> (I seem to recall a discussion about the beard as a means to hide certain anomolies. Am I right?) 
> 
> Well, the Rangers managed to pull off a win last night (Monday) thanks to Mike Naploli, so we are up 3 games to 2 in the series. Just one more and we win the whole ball of wax.
> 
> .


You're right. The beard has recently been trimmed. I don't like it long - just a chinbeard. I asked my wife a couple of years ago whether I should shave it off. She said no, as I have no chin. That provoked a number of posts from our disgruntled fellows with similar experiences. I recently asked her again, and she gave me that - "Do I really have to repeat myself" look. I think she has a practical view of me. When asked by my friend once why I was so cheerful, she attributed it to me being simple. I think I'll have something like that on my memorial plaque down at the crematorium. 

I am lucky.I get a week off, but it's the half term holiday of term 1 - Autumn term here. 7 weeks to xmas hols now.

----------


## prendrelemick

> .
> 
> "Thou source of all my bliss and all my woe,
> That found'st me poor at first, and keep'st me so" *
> 
> The Rangers lost.
> 
> 
> *Oliver Goldsmith - The Deserted Village



So, is that all square and one game to go? That's so much better than an easy ride.


Ah no, thats the whole ball game and the series. Commiserations my friend.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> So, is that all square and one game to go? That's so much better than an easy ride.
> 
> Ah no, thats the whole ball game and the series. Commiserations my friend.


That's right, they lost the whole kit and caboddle in game 7. 
The series was squared up at game six with the Rangers loss (you could say they lost game six 3 times!) 

"Messala: Mistrust of good success hath done this deed.
O hateful error, melancholy's child'
Why dost thou show to the apt thoughts of men
the things that are not? O error, soon conceiv'd,
Thou never com'st unto happy birth,
but kill'st the mother that engender'd thee!"




> ...I asked my wife ago whether I should shave it off. She said no, as I have no chin...
> 
> I am lucky.I get a week off, but it's the half term holiday of term 1 - Autumn term here. 7 weeks to xmas hols now.


I suffer a similar malady along with a large forehead. The wife refers to it as the "Hillary Step"



.

----------


## prendrelemick

The dangers of following the Rangers
Cannot be known by strangers.
Your hair you'll pull out 
At the Umpire's shout
You'll boo and you'll hiss
At a swing and a miss
you'll shout and cheer 
And drink too much beer
And your hopes, they be fecund
Then you finish second.

Tis the basest of ball
That has you in thrall.
A game that so confounds us,
I think I'll stick to Rounders.

----------


## jocky

Gilliatt, a little something to go with Mick's poem:



Und eine kleine nachtmusik to help ease your suffering :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U078jX6Z6fo

We Scots know the pain of defeat. Not to worry there is always next season.

----------


## Abookinthebath

Is Tom Hicks still the owner of the Rangers?

----------


## jocky

> Is Tom Hicks still the owner of the Rangers?


Yes he is.

----------


## Paulclem

I suffer a similar malady along with a large forehead. The wife refers to it as the "Hillary Step"

 :FRlol: 
Our wives would get on. 

With all the talent about, we should do an Anthology of Cold Ale Wit and Wisdom. 

We could dust off a few anecdotes I'll bet.

Or, reading Gilliat's comment, and remembering the trials of Jocky, we could call it:

The Blokes' Lament.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The dangers of following the Rangers
> Cannot be known by strangers.
> Your hair you'll pull out 
> At the Umpire's shout
> You'll boo and you'll hiss
> At a swing and a miss
> you'll shout and cheer 
> And drink too much beer
> And your hopes, they be fecund
> ...


Magnificent! 
You know, Christmas is not too far off and the recent surge of poetry(?) has givin me the Christmas Play itch.
I went back through some of my notes trying to determine if a theme has been established for this year. We are somewhere in the realm of Teste tape, Allotments, sheds, burning or back masking Led Zeppelin albums, gnomes, Captain Beefheart, etc., etc.




> Gilliatt, a little something to go with Mick's poem:
> 
> Und eine kleine nachtmusik to help ease your suffering :
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U078jX6Z6fo
> 
> We Scots know the pain of defeat. Not to worry there is always next season.


Thank you Jocky, your elixir cured me. I'm am ready to move on to the Dallas Cowboys...never mind, they lost 34 to 7.





> Is Tom Hicks still the owner of the Rangers?


Wasn't he trying to buy a football team somewhere across the Atlantic?




> [COLOR="DarkRed"]
> Our wives would get on. 
> 
> With all the talent about, we should do an Anthology of Cold Ale Wit and Wisdom. 
> 
> We could dust off a few anecdotes I'll bet.
> 
> Or, reading Gilliat's comment, and remembering the trials of Jocky, we could call it:
> 
> The Blokes' Lament.


Great idea Paul. We certainly have accumulated a wealth of material.

.

----------


## Abookinthebath

Mr Hicks did indeed 'buy' a team (or should that be a 'sports franchise') across the Atlantic. Lets just say he suits his cowboy hat.....

----------


## jocky

A poor excuse of a Shakespearian sonnet for the xmas play.

Ahem! :

The wind doth blast up in the north
where yon Scot sits all of a quiver.
The Yuletide play draws quickly forth
shouldst he throw himself into the river.
Quills are sharp and the wits are keen
forsooth he must anon hie hence
O'er the festive days he must not be seen
and must o'erleap the snow clad fence.
The wits do gnaw and worry at his bones
and yon sands of time they do ship faster
Winter storms doth drowneth out his groans
of his own self he is no longer master.

Alas poor Jocky accepts his sure fate
to end up like Feste outside the gate.

----------


## prendrelemick

Merry Christmas Jocky :Biggrin5:

----------


## LostPrincess13

Enjoy the boo-ooze gentlemen! Happy Halloween!  :Biggrin:

----------


## soundofmusic

Oh my, I see I have been replaced by a beautiful young princess...Men. I had just come by to see if I was missed :Leaving:

----------


## jocky

> Oh my, I see I have been replaced by a beautiful young princess...Men. I had just come by to see if I was missed


It goes without saying, welcome back Soundo.  :Banana:

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh my, I see I have been replaced by a beautiful young princess...Men. I had just come by to see if I was missed


Of course you were missed. We were all concerned.  :Biggrin5: 

You're just in time to see the germination of the Blokes Xmas anthology which has been startedalready by the looks of things.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Enjoy the boo-ooze gentlemen! Happy Halloween!





> Oh my, I see I have been replaced by a beautiful young princess...Men. I had just come by to see if I was missed


Welcome back...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYFwkpNQbxU





> Is Tom Hicks still the owner of the Rangers?


Were you given a proper welcome? 
Parker will fix you up with something to ease your pain.





> A poor excuse of a Shakespearian sonnet for the xmas play.
> 
> Ahem! :
> 
> The wind doth blast up in the north
> where yon Scot sits all of a quiver.
> The Yuletide play draws quickly forth
> shouldst he throw himself into the river.
> Quills are sharp and the wits are keen
> ...


I'm speechless. That's brilliant. That overrated bard from Tuscany couldn't hold a candle up to you.

Here's what we have so far leading up to Jocky's gem above:

Yes there are two sheds you can go buy
But in the long run
It still pays to get a third one on PC

------

Thieving dogs
Prince Charles' Jack Russels
Satanic Sheds - Led Zeppellin's original name
A case of Highland envy - shedwise
An annoying neighbour
Mystical levitating albums
A proposal for this year's Blokes Thread Play
Sounds drinking habits/ potato cheese dishes/ the trouble with chianti/ a welcome/ a request for an illicit substance's recipe/ the Miami demographic/ careers advice
Testicle Tape - Ill never forget
A telling off/ un-PC ness/ a realisation
Specualtion about a relocation/ praise for the qualities of wives
A tip for using Testicle tape...PC
------
If you can't sleep, you can try,
The curmudgeon's lullaby, 
Thats gin and orange and whisky rye,
Soon golden slumbers close your eye.

And golden dreams can then begin,
Of you and Steffi, and her twin?
And Parker comes and tucks you in,
And wipes the gin from off your chin, P

----

There was a farmer who drank horlicks
who kept measuring his prized rams b......s
Till his missus said to he
you are not seeing to me
but Old Seth the farm hand makes me rollicks. Boom Boom J

-----

Is that old Brummie weather-lore?

When gulls do croi above the green,
A frost will next be seen.

When they return unto the cowst,
Cast your clout or yow will rowst.P

-------

The dangers of following the Rangers
Cannot be known by strangers.
Your hair you'll pull out 
At the Umpire's shout
You'll boo and you'll hiss
At a swing and a miss
you'll shout and cheer 
And drink too much beer
And your hopes, they be fecund
Then you finish second.

Tis the basest of ball
That has you in thrall.
A game that so confounds us,
I think I'll stick to Rounders. .P

----

----------


## prendrelemick

> Oh my, I see I have been replaced by a beautiful young princess...Men. I had just come by to see if I was missed



And you are...?


Only kidding, we've missed your wit, your insight, and your fragrant presence.




> Welcome back...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mYFwkpNQbxU
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Were you given a proper welcome? 
> Parker will fix you up with something to ease your pain.
> ...



Hmm.. please feel free to to cut, edit or generally improve anything of mine in there.

----------


## jocky

> Were you given a proper welcome? 
> Parker will fix you up with something to ease your pain.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ----


Welcome aboard Abookinthebath, we can't keep calling you that , I will end up with repetitive strain syndrome on my typing finger. A word of friendly advice, when you enter the Cold Ale Lounge keep your paws off the Doritos and the bottle of Glenmorangie on the shelf next to the dartboard, they are mine.

Gilliatt once you have touched up Mick's parts we are on our way to Broadway, or should that be Broadmoor ? :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1ZYhVpdXbQ

----------


## Abookinthebath

> Welcome aboard Abookinthebath, we can't keep calling you that , I will end up with repetitive strain syndrome on my typing finger. A word of friendly advice, when you enter the Cold Ale Lounge keep your paws off the Doritos and the bottle of Glenmorangie on the shelf next to the dartboard, they are mine.


Cheers Jocky. Bath will do, should avoid the RSI! Yes, I will give the whisky a wide berth (well, until all the beer is gone, in any case!).

----------


## Big Dante

> Cheers Jocky. Bath will do, should avoid the RSI! Yes, I will give the whisky a wide berth (well, until all the beer is gone, in any case!).


Need to spice things up a bit. Bath may not cut it. Possibly The Bath Lord? Or the common add a 'y' rule when making a nickname. Bathy.

----------


## MarkBastable

'Tub'? Or, better yet, 'Tubbs'?

----------


## prendrelemick

Or initally, A bit B

----------


## RobinHood3000

Still don't drink, but I'll raise a glass of cranberry juice to everyone anyways. =)

----------


## Big Dante

> 'Tub'? Or, better yet, 'Tubbs'?


Tubbs it is.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Still don't drink, but I'll raise a glass of cranberry juice to everyone anyways. =)




Splutter!! What next? Smoothies in the snug! 

Parker has gone for a lie down.

----------


## Abookinthebath

> Tubbs it is.



I kinda like it! Although it does give me images of 'The league of gentlemen' TV series.....

----------


## prendrelemick

Wasn't there a Tubbs on Miami Vice? He was cool wasn't he?

----------


## Abookinthebath

I think so, but it was a bit before my time! I don't think the parents would let me stay up and watch it!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I kinda like it! Although it does give me images of 'The league of gentlemen' TV series.....


"Tubbs"; a splendid nickname.

Here's another by your namesake:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT0xZ...eature=related

In case "Charmin" didn't make it's way across the Atlantic water closet...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFIYO...eature=related


.

----------


## jocky

> "Tubbs"; a splendid nickname.
> 
> Here's another by your namesake:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lT0xZ...eature=related
> 
> In case "Charmin" didn't make it's way across the Atlantic water closet...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFIYO...eature=related
> ...


Your on a roll Gilliatt.

----------


## prendrelemick

Just a notice that I shall be selling poppies in the lounge - all proceeds to those downtrodden victims of tyranny - the England Football Team.

----------


## Big Dante

> Just a notice that I shall be selling poppies in the lounge - all proceeds to those downtrodden victims of tyranny - the England Football Team.


I think some of that money also needs to go to the Australian cricket team....  :Blush2:

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm sure the England Rugby League team will display all their traditional charitable impulses towards the Aussies next week in the world cup final.

Meanwhile its tupping time again here at Cold Comfort farm. The boys have started strongly, but Old Faithfull twisted his back leg (probably while attempting some exotic sheepish position.) The new tup is a bit of a bad boy and tends to attack me when my back is turned. He's become a firm favourite with mrs P - I wonder why.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I cherish the Tupping Time updates from Cold Comfort Farm. 
Please keep us posted.

.

----------


## Big Dante

That's right gentleman, exams are over which means only one thing. Two and a half months of holidays. I'd like to think that some serious domination took place in that exam room, hopefully all A's.

----------


## prendrelemick

Domination! I think Parker is into that sort of thing too.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Domination! I think Parker is into that sort of thing too.


He doesn't refer to Lady Penelope as 'Madam' and 'Mistress' for nothing.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

I was thinking of buying a new watch, because a bloke just can't have enough reminders of what the time is. I would appreciate your valued considered second opinions on this technological wonder:

http://www.amazon.com/Zenith-96-0529...514854&sr=8-12

----------


## prendrelemick

errm does it actually tell the time?

----------


## Big Dante

That watch looks like it does more than tell time. It probably has a setting to change time to your wish.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes, I'd buy that watch MM we blokes like our toys.
Now, when it is delivered you will need to sign for it. you could do worse than to use one of these.-


http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/MONTBLANC-...item1e687c6662

It was good enough for Rameses the Second AND Mozart.

----------


## Paulclem

I've got a £20 watch from Argos. Now we have phones , they seem to do everything else including telling the time, but I wouldn't give up my wristwatch. I forever be raising it unecessarily and gazing bemusedly at my freckled wrist.

----------


## prendrelemick

Hmm watches are very useful for glancing at and sighing when Mrs P is shopping/getting changed/getting her coat on/getting tea ready/brushing her hair/being in the bathroom/on the phone and driving to an appointment.

----------


## AjaxAscendant

Heh, for me, watching the watch ranks right up there with 'breathing' and all that other stuff.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

That's looks like an exclusive biro Pren!

As you may know I have a thing about pens and watches and their prices, and my honest rule is never to lay out more than ten for the former or a hundred for the latter. Trouble is I've also got a thing about technology (and steam punk) and it means I miss out on a lot of automatics (Seiko have re-issued their old Rolex-copy auto lines which are about the closest thing to actual Rolex autos dependability-wise as you can get), and I owe myself a full black Citizen eco drive, but it's over my limit by a mere five. Maybe I'll make the stretch for Christmas...

My wrist usually sports a five buck Casio imitation, just because it's ultra light and easy to read the full day and date at a glance (elements of which I seem to keep forgetting).

I like a heavy stainless steel analog chronograph for exercising (practical), and a good auto skeleton watch is a marvel for loose moments and just turning the brain off for precisely three minutes, though they require regular professional cleaning - the price tag should include a further hidden couple of grand to cover future dusting unless you learn to do it yourself.

But probably the most potentially useful watch I've stumbled across features a television remote (no I haven't bought one - [yet], but what a time saving idea! You'd save the time you'd normally waste searching for the proper remote)

I might go overboard with a diver sometime in the distance - not an Omega, I'd be happy with an El Cheapo provided it looks good - I wonder what Parker would have to say about that?

----------


## MarkBastable

I got a watch for Christmas when I was about twelve. I wore it for six or seven weeks.

I just can't see the point. Very rarely does anyone look at their watch to find out the time - it's a sort of nervous tic, really (or possibly a nervous toc) - and even when they do want to know what the time is, in almost all cases knowing the time will make no difference. People on delayed trains look at their watch constantly. I, having no watch, will get to London Bridge at exactly as late as them, at whatever time it is. When I get there, like them, I'll look at the clock on the platform. I, however, won't look at my watch before looking at the clock on the platform, and then again straight afterwards. If I'm meeting someone outside the station, I'll say, "Sorry I'm late - train was delayed." I won't ostentatiously look at my watch as I hurry towards them, explain about the train, show them my watch, sigh, look at my watch again and ask whether they think we have time for a drink before the show, expecting them to look at their watch in order to decide.

However, I _can_ see a use for watches - which you might enjoy considering here.

As to pens, I toss them across desks, I leave them places, I chew them - I get through about four biros a day. It'd be pointless me having a nice pen and I can't really see what the advantage is. If it improves your handwriting, that seems to me an admission that one favours style over content. My feeling towards pens, really, is that - like cats, umbrellas and cigarettes - they don't really belong to anyone, and you should just use whichever one you find lying around.

----------


## prendrelemick

Good story Mark.

I like those free pens charities send you with their mail drops. 

I only ever had one watch that survived the rigours of my trade, that was a £5.99 ten year gauranteed battery sealed up plastic digital thing. However the strap wore out after a year or two and a replacement was more than the watch was worth. Anyway I bought a metre of 12mm black knicker elastic for £1.99 and used that to make straps for the next for the next 12 years. Best watch I ever had. I like the price of prestige, rather than the prestige of price.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Right with ya there. I'm an incorrigable shoe fixer-upper - if they've been comfortable and look like they can be fixed, if only for another day, I'll have a go with nails, staples, twine and pvc.

And sometimes paint and varnish make 'em look good as new.

----------


## Big Dante

Using a watch in my opinion is cheating. The real talented people can work out the time by reading the sun's position in the sky. It proves even more rewarding when you get it right as well.

----------


## Paulclem

My first watch was the first adult gadget I owned on the road to independance. I was ten and got it for my birthday. It was one of those timex watches that kids had, and a wind up one. I thought it was great, and got real pleasure being able to tell the time at any time without reference to anyone else. 

Of course you're quite right Mark about the ostentatious wrist gazing, and it making no difference to arrivals. For me it has become a gesture of irritation, and is also the source of the game "Surreptitious" where you are listening to a powerful bore and try to glance at it without them noticing.

----------


## cafolini

> Using a watch in my opinion is cheating. The real talented people can work out the time by reading the sun's position in the sky. It proves even more rewarding when you get it right as well.


That one was one of the funniest I ever heard.

I have a leather jacket of which I have become fond. I think I adore it, and to me it gets better with age. It's really a rag, according to everyone else, but I take it anywhere. People say that in winter, I wouldn't take it off to go to the bathroom. It's about 20 years old, and I have two brand new ones that I received as birthday presents. They are useless.

----------


## Paulclem

> That one was one of the funniest I ever heard.
> 
> I have a leather jacket of which I have become fond. I think I adore it, and to me it gets better with age. It's really a rag, according to everyone else, but I take it anywhere. People say that in winter, I wouldn't take it off to go to the bathroom. It's about 20 years old, and I have two brand new ones that I received as birthday presents. They are useless.


I used to have an old jacket that was given to me by a mate. I really liked it too, but it looked like it had belonged to a former, and unsuccessful, lion tamer.

----------


## DocHeart

> I used to have an old jacket that was given to me by a mate. I really liked it too, but it looked like it had belonged to a former, and unsuccessful, lion tamer.


My business partner loaned me a brown leather jacket during a trip to Poland a few years ago because I had packed carelessly. It's still with me. He doesn't mind. Before that, he had loaned it to his brother, who eventually returned it but only after purchasing one that looks and feels exactly the same (I've tried that on, too). 

The inside lining is torn in places and there is a cigarette burn on the collar, obtained while queuing for Iron Maiden tickets. 

I don't think I'm returning it any time soon.

----------


## prendrelemick

There is something about wearing a leather jacket that makes a chap feel a bit James Deanish. I had one that Mrs P thought ever so attractive - until we were married - then it was deemed too scruffy and replaced by knitwear.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That's right gentleman, exams are over which means only one thing. Two and a half months of holidays. I'd like to think that some serious domination took place in that exam room, hopefully all A's.


Hope all went well. Enjoy the break




> I was thinking of buying a new watch, because a bloke just can't have enough reminders of what the time is. I would appreciate your valued considered second opinions on this technological wonder:


Looks like something the Borg might use.




> Heh, for me, watching the watch ranks right up there with 'breathing' and all that other stuff.


Which raises the question; why is a watch called a "watch"? 
Because we watch it?




> I got a watch for Christmas when I was about twelve. I wore it for six or seven weeks.
> 
> I just can't see the point. Very rarely does anyone look at their watch to find out the time - it's a sort of nervous tic, really (or possibly a nervous toc)... 
> 
> ...My feeling towards pens, really, is that - like cats, umbrellas and cigarettes - they don't really belong to anyone, and you should just use whichever one you find lying around.


Funny, and a brilliant story. You could have given Rod Serling a run for his money.

....................

There was a time when I had to rely on duct tape to keep the sole of a shoe from clapping at each step. Duct tape is amazing stuff. My coworkers were impressed with the longevity of the repair, though I was asked not to attend functions outside the office.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> There is something about wearing a leather jacket that makes a chap feel a bit James Deanish. I had one that Mrs P thought ever so attractive - until we were married - then it was deemed too scruffy and replaced by knitwear.


Yes. My wife has often told me how unfashionable, scruffy and tasteless I was with the clothes I wore when we met, though she didn't mention it at the time.

----------


## RobinHood3000

I feel like "scruffy" is an adjective that we blokes should reclaim. Han Solo was once called scruffy-looking, and he didn't come off too terribly at all.

----------


## Paulclem

> I feel like "scruffy" is an adjective that we blokes should reclaim. Han Solo was once called scruffy-looking, and he didn't come off too terribly at all.


Don't worry - I'm holding the flag for male scruffiness. It is my default state.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Don't worry - I'm holding the flag for male scruffiness. It is my default state.


Mine too. A two-word phrase I despise even more than 'crafte fayre' is 'smart casual'. I can't do them separately, let alone simultaneously.

----------


## prendrelemick

Living at the top of a hill in popular walking country has its sartorial benefits. People tend to overheat and sit down to remove coats hats gloves scarfs etc. I call the last stretch my personal savile row. This year's haul is one bright purple coat (that smells of old lady) one blue hoody, one grey hat, three odd gloves and a sock. All will be put to good use. I no longer even bother to pick up cyclist's drinking bottles. .

----------


## Paulclem

I've been so busy lately that I've missed having a laugh on here. 

I can do smart - I've got a funeral/ wedding/ going out suit - which is the last order of use.

Mick's savile Row. Have you got a saturday stall in Halifax?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...three odd gloves and a sock. All will be put to good use. I no longer even bother to pick up cyclist's drinking bottles. .


Haha - I had a good laughafter looking up Savile Row.
Your three odd gloves and single sock, brought to mind a curious phenomenon over here, common in Kenya as well, that being the mystery of the sole shoe on the road.

http://www.straightdope.com/columns/...de-of-the-road





> I've been so busy lately that I've missed having a laugh on here...


Parker is worried about you my friend. You've been banging your head against the Forum wall these past few days. Step on in here and have a bottle on the house.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TXyvCJlPgME

.

----------


## Paulclem

Ha ha. I see you've been watching the fun. I jumped straight in the deep end. I think I'll take you up on that.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Gentleman,

I had the day off and I spent a good part of it admiring Raquel Welch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqWTXeNKiyw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n25xw...eature=related

There's nothing more I can add.
Perhaps it's just a phase I'm going through. 
Is this mid life crisis?

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Just heard on the news. A wagon load of Marmite has over turned in Sheffield. I feel there ought to be a punchline somewhere.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Marmite was originally devised (inasmuchas an industrial accident can be devised) as an organic alternative to axle grease. The deviser, having burnt off his taste buds in a previous 'experiment' thought it was quite palatable and not being one to miss a business opportunity decided to market it as edible alternative to food.

----------


## Paulclem

I say, I say, I say.

What do you call a wagon load of Marmite that has over turned in Sheffield?

A nice change from dripping.

----------


## prendrelemick

Rather than clean it up, the Highways authority have used it to resurface that section of the M1.

----------


## Paulclem

> Rather than clean it up, the Highways authority have used it to resurface that section of the M1.


Aye - well we did af't lick road clean when we were kids...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo

----------


## MarkBastable

> Gentleman,
> 
> I had the day off and I spent a good part of it admiring Raquel Welch.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UqWTXeNKiyw
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n25xw...eature=related
> 
> There's nothing more I can add.
> ...



I'm not being intentionally provocative here but - really - she's utterly devoid of personality, talent, wit and depth, isn't she? You may say that with a body like that, any suspicion of personality, talent, wit or depth would be not merely unnecessary but practically obstructive. Maybe - I mean, I'm as fond of a dumb looker as the next part-time ogler. But, what?

Somehow her contrived status as the Sixties' answer to Helen of Troy makes her _less_ attractive to me. Her reputation for allure _defeats_ itself. To use an expression from the pubs around South London, I wouldn't - not even with yours.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I say, I say, I say.
> 
> What do you call a wagon load of Marmite that has over turned in Sheffield?
> 
> A nice change from dripping.





> Rather than clean it up, the Highways authority have used it to resurface that section of the M1.





> Aye - well we did af't lick road clean when we were kids...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xe1a1wHxTyo


Funny and I caught your lick in the video.

I understand Marmite is being considered for use as a heat shield on reentry spacecraft. 





> I'm not being intentionally provocative here but - really - she's utterly devoid of personality, talent, wit and depth, isn't she? You may say that with a body like that, any suspicion of personality, talent, wit or depth would be not merely unnecessary but practically obstructive. Maybe - I mean, I'm as fond of a dumb looker as the next part-time ogler. But, what?
> 
> Somehow her contrived status as the Sixties' answer to Helen of Troy makes her _less_ attractive to me. Her reputation for allure _defeats_ itself. To use an expression from the pubs around South London, I wouldn't - not even with yours.


Hehe!, no provocation taken. It all started with that divine _One Million Years B.C._ poster  http://www.cryptomundo.com/cryptozoo-news/pgbf-1mbc/

A friend had the poster blazoned across the wall of his room. Ever since I laid eyes on that loin cloth, Raquel had done for me what Farrahs poster would do for so many other young blokes a few years later. Personality, talent, wit and depth are overrated when you have a pair of...uhlegs like those. 
Giving the first video a second look, she does exhibit some talent with her dexterous, fluid motion from 1:14 to 1:24. 

A couple others that got me lathered up during that time (early to mid 70s): Adrienne Barbeau and Barbara Eden.

.

----------


## MarkBastable

Reports are coming in that a Marmite tanker has collided with a bread van in Towcester. Motorists are advised to treat it as a filling station.


(If only I had been old enough to write for _The Two Ronnies_.)

----------


## prendrelemick

Although I was too pre-pubescent to realize why, One Million Years BC fascinated me . I told my mum it was because of the dinosaurs and went to see it more than once.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JzE3...eature=related

----------


## MarkBastable

Actually, it would be funnier if the second line were, "Approaching motorists are expected to brake fast."

Yes, I get very bored on the train.


(As an aside to non-Brits, 'Towcester' is not pronounced 'Tow-sesster'.)

----------


## JuniperWoolf

> Actually, it would be funnier if the second line were, "Approaching motorists are expected to brake fast."


Haha, good one.

----------


## Paulclem

> (As an aside to non-Brits, 'Towcester' is not pronounced 'Tow-sesster'.)


Same as Bicester and Alcester, the latter which I'd heard of but never seen written. For a long time I thought it began with an H due to the brummie pronunciation of it, and thus could not place the name and pronunciation together. 

In Coventry we have two areas called Cheylesmore - which sounds like "childs moor"
and Styvechal pronounced "sty-chal". 

These stumped me for a while, as did Cudworth in Yorkshire which is pronounced Cud - uth.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Beer ad done quite well I reckon

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0D38...feature=relmfu

----------


## prendrelemick

Found a good beer last night - An old fashioned stout, like guiness but quenching. Made by Little Valley Brewery, a local bloke who has set up a brewery in an old turkey shed. It is good, but not internationally available yet .


Meanwhile Channel 4 are showing MALE beach volleyball this morning! What's the point of that?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Beer ad done quite well I reckon
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0D38...feature=relmfu


That is a good one. I don't watch much TV, unless it's GIRLS beach volleyball, but from what I've seen that commercial is more entertaining than most of the garbage TV shows.





> Found a good beer last night - An old fashioned stout, like guiness but quenching. Made by Little Valley Brewery, a local bloke who has set up a brewery in an old turkey shed. It is good, but not internationally available yet .
> 
> Meanwhile Channel 4 are showing MALE beach volleyball this morning! What's the point of that?


I like the idea of the turkey shed.

What's the point?...to get you off the couch and back to your hoovering. 

.

----------


## Paulclem

I had a night out in York yesterday with my two brother. A fine time was had by all.It's the first time we've met since the old man's funeral, and so it was about time. We're planning to go out more regularly now. February will be next.

----------


## Teritus

Did anyone see Man Utd get beaten by Crystal Palace? LOL.

I have a feeling they won't win any trophies this season.

----------


## Paulclem

> Did anyone see Man Utd get beaten by Crystal Palace? LOL.
> 
> I have a feeling they won't win any trophies this season.


I'll be watching MOTD tonight - though a little disgruntledly since I read the score you posted. Do you know the efforts i go to to avoid hearing it on the news? I'll accept a snifter in compensation down at the cold ale club.  :Biggrin5:

----------


## prendrelemick

SNOW!!! and I don't like it.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Meanwhile Rebel Members of the Japanese Arm of The International Matchbox Collectors Association decided to splinter off this weekend and form a Transformers Collectors Club...

----------


## prendrelemick

Splitters!

----------


## Paulclem

Yeah the TCC - splitters. 

How's the snow doing? None down here yet, but it's a bit raw.

----------


## Teritus

You guys be thankful you have any snow at all. Where I live there's none ever, and only rarely frosts.

----------


## prendrelemick

What, in Baker street?


The snow is as mushy as a yorkshire man's peas.

----------


## Big Dante

It last snowed here quite lightly 6 years and a half years ago. I was sitting in my Grade 5 classroom looking out the window at the rest of the school playing in the snow. Our teacher gets up and closes the curtain and says that we can play in the snow at recess time. Recess comes and our excited class races outside to see the snow has not only stopped but is mostly gone. We were thrilled.

----------


## Paulclem

> What, in Baker street?
> 
> 
> The snow is as mushy as a yorkshire man's peas.


The London-centricity of the weather really annoys me. With a sweep of the hand over the great swathe of the North and Scotland, they'll just declare that there may be snow on higher ground. If we get a couple of millimetres in the southern counties, then it's wall to wall coverage. 

Don't worry dante. Snow is one of those things that looks nice and you might even wish for once in a while. When its here you don't want it anymore though. (Though the prospect of a few days off, and being holed up at home for a week, or just a weekend, is alluring. I do like snow but many don't.)

----------


## prendrelemick

My BBC home page weather forcast location keeps reverting from Halifax to London. I was caught out the other day, expecting sunshine but getting thoroughly rained on.

(sorry, the weather is a subject of endless fascination to us Brits.)

----------


## Teritus

> What, in Baker street?
> 
>  
> The snow is as mushy as a yorkshire man's peas.


Yeah, that's not my real address. LOL. It's just a reference to my avatar.
I really live in Australia though.

----------


## MarkBastable

> The London-centricity of the weather really annoys me. With a sweep of the hand over the great swathe of the North and Scotland, they'll just declare that there may be snow on higher ground. If we get a couple of millimetres in the southern counties, then it's wall to wall coverage.


I was in Birmingham the last few days, and it was bloody cold. Every time I'm in Birmingham, it's bloody cold. And whenever I'm in Scotland, it's cold and miserable. I've been about four times this year, and it's been cold and miserable every time. I was in the North East at least three times during 2011, and the weather was unfailingly overcast and grey. Overcast and grey the first time, with very little variation on the overcast-and-grey theme during subsequent visits.

So maybe the weather forecasters on telly are just trying to avoid patronising us - and especially those north of Euston - by telling us something bleeding obvious.

----------


## Paulclem

That's quite possible. I would like them to let me know when the wind is up, and not just strong enough to blow over high-sided vehicles on the A1. 

Another thing is the constantly unaddmitted updating of the story. They mention warm weather, and omit it from the next forecast when it doesn't turn out that way. At least I get a good picture of what's happening south...

----------


## prendrelemick

This is endlessly fascinating to me.

----------


## prendrelemick

While the chaps are away ruining the dignity and decorum of the serious board, I fear Parker has been running Karioke nights in the snug.

----------


## Taliesin

With a six-month winter last year (snow came down at Late October and melted at the end of April), I was rather happy to see that there is yet none here even in mid-December. They predict a snowstorm for this evening though, so it might be that, concerning snow, my luck is running out.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That's quite possible. I would like them to let me know when the wind is up, and not just strong enough to blow over high-sided vehicles on the A1.





> With a six-month winter last year (snow came down at Late October and melted at the end of April), I was rather happy to see that there is yet none here even in mid-December. They predict a snowstorm for this evening though, so it might be that, concerning snow, my luck is running out.


Your bluster made the news here, hi-liting the number of uplifted kilts in Scotland.
btw - where's Jocky? we have a Christmas play to wrap up.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvmeUStFvz8


Taliesin,
This past summer was brutal for us; 41 consecutive days of 100 + deg F and 70 some odd total days of 100+ F. We'll take the snow please.




> While the chaps are away ruining the dignity and decorum of the serious board, I fear Parker has been running Karioke nights in the snug.


Thank God for google - I'm forever looking up your terms and phrases.
"In the snug" = Pub, Public House , or here!. This equates to "watering hole" for me.
from the serious board - "Piles" = "Grapes" to me

and Mark's "sit in" I equate to a "doughnut" (takes the pressure off the grapes)

.

----------


## qimissung

So, this is what you guys are up too, talking about your hemorrhoids?

 :Leaving:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

What!?, why, that's disgusting. 
No, I'm referring to Sangiovese and the proper means for transporting them down the treacherous hills of Tuscany.

.

----------


## Teritus

> The London-centricity of the weather really annoys me. With a sweep of the hand over the great swathe of the North and Scotland, they'll just declare that there may be snow on higher ground. If we get a couple of millimetres in the southern counties, then it's wall to wall coverage. 
> 
> Don't worry dante. Snow is one of those things that looks nice and you might even wish for once in a while. When its here you don't want it anymore though. (Though the prospect of a few days off, and being holed up at home for a week, or just a weekend, is alluring. I do like snow but many don't.)



I would certainly like some snow. The last summer wasn't too bad for where I live, but the ones before that were absolutely horrible! Most days were over 35 or 40 degrees C (not sure in farenheit). I think the highest was about 46C. I hope this one coming up isn't that bad.

----------


## prendrelemick

Suddenly picking grapes in the hills of Tuscany seems a little less romantic.


Snow is great as a concept, or upon Christmas cards, or for skiing holidays or for looking at through a triple glazed picture window. But not when its blowing down your neck as you,re going about your daily graft. My purple old lady coat cannot repel it.

----------


## Paulclem

Does the purple old lady coat have a fur collar? 

Men's health is a hot topic on here. If Quimi's on to us, we'll have to use cyphers. Gapes is now out.

----------


## prendrelemick

Should we refer to them as coals upon the ring of fire? Or Higgs Bosuns? ( fundament-al particles.)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...If Quimi's on to us, we'll have to use cyphers. Gapes is now out.


"Gapes" is definately a contender. I like the subtle drop of the "r".




> Should we refer to them as coals upon the ring of fire? Or Higgs Bosuns? ( fundament-al particles.)


Suddenly, listening to Johnny Cash in the hills of Tuscany seems a little less romantic.

What about a cypher for ulcers?....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dYEzW8jEAjU

.

----------


## Paulclem

> "Gapes" is definately a contender. I like the subtle drop of the "r".
> 
> 
> 
> Suddenly, listening to Johnny Cash in the hills of Tuscany seems a little less romantic.
> .


 :FRlol: 

I like that subtle touch too. I wonder how I thought of it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Fellas, the script is looking pretty thin for this year's play.
You got anymore rhymes left in you?
Otherwise, we'll have to rely on Captain Beefheart's narration to fill in the gaps.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iqRHr5pEIFU ....Jocky where are you?

.

----------


## soundofmusic

So, I've been off trying to become rich and famous; but I had to come back to see what Parker has on the Christmas menu and how the Christmas Play is coming.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Watch out for the Hugs Basins, which may spontaneously happen after too much Christmas cheer (doesn't hold anythng together though). The Hogs Bisons are another matter. I'm not sure what the Hags Besons are, but The Hergs B side song is here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVcJ6FKzYZ0

----------


## Paulclem

> So, I've been off trying to become rich and famous; but I had to come back to see what Parker has on the Christmas menu and how the Christmas Play is coming.


Hi Sounds. I was wondering the other day how you were getting on. How's the rich and famous project progressing? 

We are thin on the ground for material Gilliatt. We'll have to plunder the other threads for stuff, or write about absent friends. Or perhaps we could do a year long roundup.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sounds! so you're not dead.  :Party:  Have you been brushing with fame?

 :Santasmile:  I've hugged many a bason in my Christmas' past.

GG. As its tea break..

A hunting we will go
A hunting we will go
Quark and Nutrin-ee-o
A hunting we will go

we stalk the wounded Lepton
and trap the cunning Muon
up spin or down spin its all the same to us

So weave your webs like spiders
aim your Hadron colliders,
Fermions or Tau its all the same to us .

But one thing you must know son.
Don't mess with a Higgs- Boson.
If you're going to con Cern its all the same to us.

----------


## MarkBastable

Bob Calvert, the man whom I shall always hold in high esteem for writing the lyrics to _I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper_, has already written the song with which we close the show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFPLg...eature=related

----------


## prendrelemick

Gawd! I went to see them in 1978.

----------


## Paulclem

Hawkwind are great.

I've been listening to them over the past 2 years, and I've just bought the lad their Eclipse album for xmas. He'll like them too. (He's into prog rock at the moment). 

I remember a friend telling me that he - big disco buffoon that he was - once queued up to buy I Fell In Love With A Starship Trooper and had to ask for it after the chap in front had asked for Slaughterhouse Death Ray by The Manglers (or some such punky thing).

----------


## prendrelemick

The most significant thing I remember about "I lost my heart to a star ship trooper" was that it was sung by women in their underwear.

----------


## MarkBastable

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wwilCs4Jqg

I was going to quote a lyric or two, but every line is a work of cheesy genius.


Sarah Brightman's punishment for doing this was later to be married to Andrew Lloyd Webber, which really is out of all proportion to the offence.

----------


## Paulclem

I remember them wielding some fibre optic batons in the video.

Looks like we'll have to heavily reference the Christmas Play with this classic.

----------


## MarkBastable

Just to get back to Hawkwind for a moment, and in order to immediately focus the nostalgic attention of men of a certain age, I will say one word: Stacia.

----------


## Paulclem

There was a documentary on TV about Hawkwind last year or so. I had no idea. The only gigs I ever went to were to see my mates play in a pub.

----------


## prendrelemick

I saw them in Bridlington. I think they had just broken up and reformed (no Lemmy, no stacia). It was not a classy venue, there were about 300 fairly greasy unwashed fans all waiting for Silver Machine. I rememer the smell of burning sweaty socks from all the dope being smoked. After about an hour the lead singer (Dave Brock?) informed us the Drug Squad was backstage, and half the audience bolted for the doors. The concert ended there.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Parker has on the Christmas menu and how the Christmas Play is coming.


Parker says he would love to give you a private screening.




> ...We are thin on the ground for material Gilliatt. We'll have to plunder the other threads for stuff, or write about absent friends. Or perhaps we could do a year long roundup.


We're set on characters. The stage sets are nearly complete, we're only lacking those two sheds of yours. I'll go back a few pages and see if I can track them down.




> ...GG. As its tea break..
> 
> A hunting we will go
> A hunting we will go
> Quark and Nutrin-ee-o
> A hunting we will go
> 
> we stalk the wounded Lepton
> and trap the cunning Muon
> ...


Brilliant...only I'm struggling with who should get those lines; Old Seth or Padre Martini?




> Bob Calvert, the man whom I shall always hold in high esteem for writing the lyrics to _I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper_, has already written the song with which we close the show.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFPLg...eature=related


Great choice for a closer, we'll work that in. I recognized the T-Rex front man at the intro.

Were you blokes part of the revolution?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xgcxd9wtXUE

Is that Mick at 0:50 with the pork chops and lavender shirt?

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes, I can understand the performers fighting over who gets those lines!

That can't be me, I was a pretty boy in them days. Although Jeepster by T rex was the first record I ever bought.

----------


## Paulclem

I always think fondly of those mark Bolan lines:

Oh Deborah
You look like a Zeborah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yX4bmlOuDEM

----------


## MarkBastable

When I compile 'best of' albums on my phone, I give them names that I feel should have been used by the artist in question. For instance, my Springsteen collection is called _The Swamps of Jersey_. My Elton faves are filed under _Queen's Greatest Hits_. 

The T. Rex section is titled _Over-rated Elf_.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Hi Sounds. I was wondering the other day how you were getting on. How's the rich and famous project progressing? 
> 
> We are thin on the ground for material Gilliatt. We'll have to plunder the other threads for stuff, or write about absent friends. Or perhaps we could do a year long roundup.


Actually, it isn't going that bad; I may actually pay last years taxes before they take back the house :Biggrinjester: 




> Sounds! so you're not dead.  Have you been brushing with fame?
> 
>  I've hugged many a bason in my Christmas' past.
> 
> GG. As its tea break..
> 
> A hunting we will go
> A hunting we will go
> Quark and Nutrin-ee-o
> ...


Yes, I think I have one of fames tire marks on my fanny...otherwise. Love the poem; where's Jocky and Atheist off too? 




> Bob Calvert, the man whom I shall always hold in high esteem for writing the lyrics to _I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper_, has already written the song with which we close the show.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lFPLg...eature=related


I don't know, it seems to me that David Bowie carried off the drag act a bit better :Wink5: 




> Parker says he would love to give you a private screening.
> 
> 
> 
> We're set on characters. The stage sets are nearly complete, we're only lacking those two sheds of yours. I'll go back a few pages and see if I can track them down.
> 
> 
> 
> Brilliant...only I'm struggling with who should get those lines; Old Seth or Padre Martini?
> ...


After the last few years, Parker will not get the chance to drag me behind another screen. Last time, I found myself next morning in Pauls shed with Prens pink tup, Jockys wallet and gator boots and a tarred and feathered life sized Prince Charles doll...

----------


## prendrelemick

> After the last few years, Parker will not get the chance to drag me behind another screen. Last time, I found myself next morning in Pauls shed with Prens pink tup, Jockys wallet and gator boots and a tarred and feathered life sized Prince Charles doll...



Ah yes, that can happen.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Prince Charles! That's the Hag's Beson! The parasite that lives in Camilla Parker's Bowels!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Prince Charles! That's the Hag's Beson! The parasite that lives in Camilla Parker's Bowels!


Oh boy, I'm not touching that one.




> ...After the last few years, Parker will not get the chance to drag me behind another screen. Last time, I found myself next morning in Pauls shed with Prens pink tup, Jockys wallet and gator boots and a tarred and feathered life sized Prince Charles doll...


Sounds...by god, you just made the script with that morsel. It will fit in well. Parker is one of the actors. The blokes names will have to be altered, if you (and they) don't mind, to protect the innocent.

I'll be heading to the east Texas pines this weekend to visit my sister and nieces. 
Have a great weekend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=audxGqo5AkQ

.

----------


## Paulclem

> Actually, it isn't going that bad; I may actually pay last years taxes before they take back the house
> 
> 
> 
> Yes, I think I have one of fames tire marks on my fanny...otherwise. Love the poem; where's Jocky and Atheist off too? 
> 
> 
> After the last few years, Parker will not get the chance to drag me behind another screen. Last time, I found myself next morning in Pauls shed with Prens pink tup, Jockys wallet and gator boots and a tarred and feathered life sized Prince Charles doll...


 :Biggrin5: 

The play is coming on well. 

By the way, I know what fanny means in the US, but do you know what it refers to in the UK?

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh boy, I'm not touching that one.
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds...by god, you just made the script with that morsel. It will fit in well. Parker is one of the actors. The blokes names will have to be altered, if you (and they) don't mind, to protect the innocent.
> 
> I'll be heading to the east Texas pines this weekend to visit my sister and nieces. 
> Have a great weekend.
> 
> ...


Have a good time. My wife really likes that song.

----------


## Taliesin

A propos "I Lost My Heart To A Starship Trooper"- around five or six years ago there was a series of space larps around here, mainly inspired by the style of Douglas Adams, I think. (not certain, for some strange reason I managed not to make it to any of those larps) 

I'm not really sure what this is (a trailer? a compilation of material? something?), but it was made out of some images and videos made during those games plus some other stuff and it's set to the music of "I Lost My Heart To The Starship Trooper".

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ah yes, that can happen.


I wouldn't have been half as upset if the blow up doll was Brad Pitt :Leaving: 




> Prince Charles! That's the Hag's Beson! The parasite that lives in Camilla Parker's Bowels!


Ah, so that's why Camilla always turns her heels in when she walks :Wink5: 



> Oh boy, I'm not touching that one
> 
> 
> 
> Sounds...by god, you just made the script with that morsel. It will fit in well. Parker is one of the actors. The blokes names will have to be altered, if you (and they) don't mind, to protect the innocent.
> 
> I'll be heading to the east Texas pines this weekend to visit my sister and nieces. 
> Have a great weekend.
> 
> ...


Glad I could help; it sounds like a doosey.




> The play is coming on well. 
> 
> By the way, I know what fanny means in the US, but do you know what it refers to in the UK?


No, what does fanny mean in the uk?

----------


## Paulclem

> No, what does fanny mean in the uk?


Well, fanny in the US means bum. In the UK it's a similar region on a woman. 

Delicate or what.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Well, fanny in the US means bum. In the UK it's a similar region on a woman. 
> 
> Delicate or what.


That's a good topic...in the states, fag means homosexual, in the UK it means a ciagarette  :Eek6:

----------


## Paulclem

We've got that over here now. It's good to see that the cultural exchange continues apace.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I'm not really sure what this is (a trailer? a compilation of material? something?), but it was made out of some images and videos made during those games plus some other stuff and it's set to the music of "I Lost My Heart To The Starship Trooper".


The central charater sandwiched in polyeurethane foam is reminiscent of Han Solo frozen in the carbonite slab by order of Jaba the Hut 




> ...Glad I could help; it sounds like a doosey.
> 
> ...No, what does fanny mean in the uk?


 Sounds you delivered your line in the play with perfection. 



> Well, fanny in the US means bum. In the UK it's a similar region on a woman. 
> 
> Delicate or what.


"Baby's got back" or "Junk in the trunk" 
Every time I hear "junk in the trunk", visions of excessive cellulite comes to mind.

----------


## prendrelemick

My mate was always having a crafty fag round the back, in the days when smoking wasn't punishable by death that is.

----------


## soundofmusic

> We've got that over here now. It's good to see that the cultural exchange continues apace.


Well, hopefully Britain won't alter too much; I've always appreciated the difference. 




> The central charater sandwiched in polyeurethane foam is reminiscent of Han Solo frozen in the carbonite slab by order of Jaba the Hut 
> 
> Sounds you delivered your line in the play with perfection. 
> 
> "Baby's got back" or "Junk in the trunk" 
> Every time I hear "junk in the trunk", visions of excessive cellulite comes to mind.


Thank you Gilliatt, I have to compliment my director. 
You don't see alot of cellulite over here; just tons of fat :Eek2: 




> My mate was always having a crafty fag round the back, in the days when smoking wasn't punishable by death that is.


I've never minded the crafty fags; but the more I work with dykes, the more annoying I find them...

----------


## prendrelemick

I've cleaned out many a dyke in my younger days

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've cleaned out many a dyke in my younger days


It's a rough job; but someone has to do it. :Goof: 

Hey, where is Atheist and Jocky?

----------


## Paulclem

A quick summary of what has been discussed recently on The Cold Ale Thread. 

Gird your loins before watching. Also you might need to get the "ear" for the voices.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrPGlRWcmuA

----------


## soundofmusic

> A quick summary of what has been discussed recently on The Cold Ale Thread. 
> 
> Gird your loins before watching. Also you might need to get the "ear" for the voices.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrPGlRWcmuA


Good stuff, Paul

----------


## prendrelemick

Happy Christmas Everyone! I'm just about to gird my loins and go out into the driving rain to see to cows, sheep, dog, ponies. But its Christmas so I don't care.



And thanks for the Christmas stamp GG, I can't seem to reply on your profile so I'll do it here.

----------


## Paulclem

How was your Christmas day? They've all disappeared and so I've got the computer out to have a play. It has been rather exhausting today - I'm not sure why. It's always busy, but both Mrs Paulclem and myself are completely knackered. Mrs Paulclem is working tomorrow too for a four hour shift, and so she's away in the land of nod. (I appreciate Mick, that yours is a 365 day year).

----------


## prendrelemick

We had a nice calm day. Highlights - dinner with "all the trimmings." The planned cosy singing round the piano, ended up just me and Mrs P belting out carols while the offspring hid in the other room and watched telly. Then we played a Lord of the Rings boardgame till bedtime (We all fell into darkness, I blame the Merlot .)

Today is the big family party knackering day.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Happy Christmas Everyone! I'm just about to gird my loins and go out into the driving rain to see to cows, sheep, dog, ponies. But its Christmas so I don't care.
> And thanks for the Christmas stamp GG, I can't seem to reply on your profile so I'll do it here.


No bother on the reply. Sounds like it was a soggy Chritmas in your part of the world. We had off and on mist with some brief sleet showers. I'm about to post photo of that knapping kit on the "interesting" thread.




> How was your Christmas day? They've all disappeared and so I've got the computer out to have a play. It has been rather exhausting today - I'm not sure why. It's always busy, but both Mrs Paulclem and myself are completely knackered. Mrs Paulclem is working tomorrow too for a four hour shift, and so she's away in the land of nod. (I appreciate Mick, that yours is a 365 day year).


All went well. Spent the past two days at my brother in law's home with their nine year old twins, keeping all in the spirit of the occasion. Like Mick, we had a wonderful dinner with all the trimmings. We had the traditional viewing of "Scrooge" with Albert Finney, including my brother in law's rendition of "December 25th" including a few of Fezziwig's dance moves. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmjvAJS0_V4

Santa was generous this year. It is amazing how well he understands us...



.

----------


## MarkBastable

Nah. Alistair Sim - unimprovable.

----------


## Paulclem

> Nah. Alistair Sim - unimprovable.


Agreed. We watched this version twice. We had the colourised one which is not as atmospheric in my view as the black and white version.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I vaguely recall hearing about and seeing perhaps portions of the Sim version in the past. Having seen the clip, I'll have to give it a shot for comparison.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Agreed. We watched this version twice. We had the colourised one which is not as atmospheric in my view as the black and white version.


Yeah, the colourised one totally misses the point.

----------


## soundofmusic

:Wink5: 


> Happy Christmas Everyone! I'm just about to gird my loins and go out into the driving rain to see to cows, sheep, dog, ponies. But its Christmas so I don't care.
> 
> And thanks for the Christmas stamp GG, I can't seem to reply on your profile so I'll do it here.


Yeah, that pretty much describes my extended family too :Rolleyes: 




> How was your Christmas day? They've all disappeared and so I've got the computer out to have a play. It has been rather exhausting today - I'm not sure why. It's always busy, but both Mrs Paulclem and myself are completely knackered. Mrs Paulclem is working tomorrow too for a four hour shift, and so she's away in the land of nod. (I appreciate Mick, that yours is a 365 day year).


I had intended to work...the time and a half appealed to me and we had already bought our new toy; but I reconsidered that it wouldn't be very jolly for Jess, so we stayed home, watched a movie, took out some Thanksgiving turkey out of the freezer and made some side dishes and rewatched Star Wars Phantom Menace. I have sworn off the Christmas movies this year. 
Late night, I went to my Spanish friends and had some rather indigestible pork with rice, beans and yuka followed by melting fudge, crying sick babies with fever and several disappointed wives and children who thought Santa had screwed up again this year. 



> We had a nice calm day. Highlights - dinner with "all the trimmings." The planned cosy singing round the piano, ended up just me and Mrs P belting out carols while the offspring hid in the other room and watched telly. Then we played a Lord of the Rings boardgame till bedtime (We all fell into darkness, I blame the Merlot .)
> 
> Today is the big family party knackering day.


That does sound lovely, I wish I could have been a fly on your wall...I would have left when you fell into darkness though.




> No bother on the reply. Sounds like it was a soggy Chritmas in your part of the world. We had off and on mist with some brief sleet showers. I'm about to post photo of that knapping kit on the "interesting" thread.
> 
> 
> 
> All went well. Spent the past two days at my brother in law's home with their nine year old twins, keeping all in the spirit of the occasion. Like Mick, we had a wonderful dinner with all the trimmings. We had the traditional viewing of "Scrooge" with Albert Finney, including my brother in law's rendition of "December 25th" including a few of Fezziwig's dance moves. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmjvAJS0_V4
> 
> Santa was generous this year. It is amazing how well he understands us...
> ...


It was warm and muggy here, the mosquitos were eating us alive. I love the Albert Finney version...particularly where he is making his speech and they are bringing out the coffin and singing thank you very much behind him. 



> Nah. Alistair Sim - unimprovable.


Yes, the Sims is my favorite of the non musical; I go between the colorized and black and white, they both have their points. 




> Agreed. We watched this version twice. We had the colourised one which is not as atmospheric in my view as the black and white version.





> Yeah, the colourised one totally misses the point.





> I vaguely recall hearing about and seeing perhaps portions of the Sim version in the past. Having seen the clip, I'll have to give it a shot for comparison.

----------


## jocky

Just saw the Xmas play, what can I say..... It is right up there with Springtime for Hitler. Minstrel in the Gallery was a nice touch and thanks for the wine G.G it was greatly appreciated. Mrs Jocky sends her warmest regards but if were you I would not open the envelope. Good to see you back Soundo you know this is where you belong. I see we are still light of one. Here is a bit of entertainment for the three stoogies:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcKZoFRpZCI

 :Smile:

----------


## prendrelemick

Braw Hogmanay, Jocky.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Just saw the Xmas play, what can I say..... It is right up there with Springtime for Hitler. Minstrel in the Gallery was a nice touch and thanks for the wine G.G it was greatly appreciated. Mrs Jocky sends her warmest regards but if were you I would not open the envelope. Good to see you back Soundo you know this is where you belong. I see we are still light of one. Here is a bit of entertainment for the three stoogies:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcKZoFRpZCI





> Braw Hogmanay, Jocky.


Jocky, tis good to see you back and boy, what a prologue!
Ah, I'm happy to see the wine and Marmite delivery made it, a little care package I initially put together for Country Doctor to aid in his revolution...




The Blokes were recently discussing the attributes of marmite, so I figured I should sample some. The local Kroger grocery store carries it. 
I can't begin to describe how disgusting it was, so I won't. I will say, it took some effort clearing it from the roof of my mouth.

I'll second the Braw Hogmanay (now that I know its meaning)

.

----------


## Paulclem

> The Blokes were recently discussing the attributes of marmite, so I figured I should sample some. The local Kroger grocery store carries it. 
> I can't begin to describe how disgusting it was, so I won't. I will say, it took some effort clearing it from the roof of my mouth.
> 
> .


The ad campaigns here play on the love it hate it aspect of marmite. I've always liked it, but on hot buttered toast the smell reminds me of pig pens.

Welcome back Jocky

----------


## prendrelemick

> Jocky, tis good to see you back and boy, what a prologue!
> Ah, I'm happy to see the wine and Marmite delivery made it, a little care package I initially put together for Country Doctor to aid in his revolution...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> The Blokes were recently discussing the attributes of marmite, so I figured I should sample some. The local Kroger grocery store carries it. 
> I can't begin to describe how disgusting it was, so I won't. I will say, it took some effort clearing it from the roof of my mouth.
> 
> ...


I can see where you went wrong on the Marmite front, there is enough on that one cracker for a whole platefull of them. I don't say less is more, but with Marmite more can be too much.

----------


## jocky

See I leave you five minutes alone with my southern collleagues and they give you Marmite poisoning. You might think they are nice, farmers,teachers, Art historians what could possibly go wrong? Next thing you know they will offer you Smiths Crisps, is there no end to their depravity? Best to stick with the devil you know than the devils you know even worse.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qcPS-J0HTg

Merry Solctice guys and gal  :Smile:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I can see where you went wrong on the Marmite front, there is enough on that one cracker for a whole platefull of them. I don't say less is more, but with Marmite more can be too much.


I believe it was Mies van der Rohe who said "less is more" and it turns out he was not referring to his architectural philosphy. Gropius was visiting Mies and dropped a blob of marmite on his T-sqaure. Mies scooped it up and took a taste and voilà you get a popular quote. 

btw I made a second attempt, this time spreading a very thin glaze over a saltine cracker.
The result proved more palatable. The key is finding a proper volumetric ratio of marmite to the host food item it is applied to.




> See I leave you five minutes alone with my southern collleagues and they give you Marmite poisoning. You might think they are nice, farmers,teachers, Art historians what could possibly go wrong? Next thing you know they will offer you Smiths Crisps, is there no end to their depravity? Best to stick with the devil you know than the devils you know even worse.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qcPS-J0HTg
> 
> Merry Solctice guys and gal


I looked up Smith's and see that they carry a line of pretzles under the "Parker's" brand name. Now we know who has a hand in furnishing the bar pretzles.

Another great by Jethro Tull that I wasn't aware of. I'll keep that one flagged.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I believe it was Mies van der Rohe who said "less is more" and it turns out he was not referring to his architectural philosphy. Gropius was visiting Mies and dropped a blob of marmite on his T-sqaure. Mies scooped it up and took a taste and voilà you get a popular quote. 
> 
> btw I made a second attempt, this time spreading a very thin glaze over a saltine cracker.
> The result proved more palatable. The key is finding a proper volumetric ratio of marmite to the host food item it is applied to.
> 
> 
> 
> I looked up Smith's and see that they carry a line of pretzles under the "Parker's" brand name. Now we know who has a hand in furnishing the bar pretzles.
> 
> ...


That Gropius - such a messy eater - some of the greatest triumphs of the Bauhaus school was the result of a blob of jam or smear of chutney being dropped onto the blueprints. The iconic quad at the university of Baghdad was a carelessly dropped crumpet that landed jam side down and was accidentally re-created in concrete. Residents of Brasilia still rue the day he slapped the bottom of his ketchup bottle too hard and too near Oscar Neimeyer's desk - resulting in the traffic snarl ups of today. Good table manners are so important.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That Gropius - such a messy eater - some of the greatest triumphs of the Bauhaus school was the result of a blob of jam or smear of chutney being dropped onto the blueprints. The iconic quad at the university of Baghdad was a carelessly dropped crumpet that landed jam side down and was accidentally re-created in concrete. Residents of Brasilia still rue the day he slapped the bottom of his ketchup bottle too hard and too near Oscar Neimeyer's desk - resulting in the traffic snarl ups of today. Good table manners are so important.


haha! brilliant!

Oh!, don't get me started. I suppose you've heard of the Gropius fortune cookie incident involving Le Corbusier and his model of the Ronchamp chapel.





Speaking of that marmite; does it require refridgeration after opening, or can it stay at room temperature?
I have been keeping it in the fridge.

.

----------


## Paulclem

It'll be fine in the cupboard. I think it's virtually indestructible. If it's at room temp, it spreads easier too.

----------


## prendrelemick

It still goes on, look at Foster's Gherkin.

----------


## MarkBastable

> It still goes on, look at Foster's Gherkin.


And Spaghetti Junction.

----------


## prendrelemick

Exactly. The influence of the Comestible School of Architecture is everywhere.

----------


## MarkBastable

And Spongebob's house. No - hang on. That actually _is_ a pineapple.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Just saw the Xmas play, what can I say..... It is right up there with Springtime for Hitler. Minstrel in the Gallery was a nice touch and thanks for the wine G.G it was greatly appreciated. Mrs Jocky sends her warmest regards but if were you I would not open the envelope. Good to see you back Soundo you know this is where you belong. I see we are still light of one. Here is a bit of entertainment for the three stoogies:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wcKZoFRpZCI


Thanks Jocky, I missed the blokes...out trying to earn a poor old hags wages...tough crowd on this side of the pond. Saw Atheist over on Facebook with some of the other crowd that is starting to booze it up over there.




> And Spongebob's house. No - hang on. That actually _is_ a pineapple.


Now I'm glad you all have left the elevated conversation for a while and hit on something I know about..
You blokes never cease to amaze me, from the arts, theatre...did I spell that right...literature, modern music and spongebob...good show... :Hat:

----------


## Paulclem

> Thanks Jocky, I missed the blokes...out trying to earn a poor old hags wages...tough crowd on this side of the pond. Saw Atheist over on Facebook with some of the other crowd that is starting to booze it up over there.
> 
> 
> 
> Now I'm glad you all have left the elevated conversation for a while and hit on something I know about..
> You blokes never cease to amaze me, from the arts, theatre...did I spell that right...literature, modern music and spongebob...good show...


Spongebob - what a great cartoon. They don't really go with the underwater thing though do they. 

I'm thinking of starting a "Look what they did to my thread" thread.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Spongebob - what a great cartoon. They don't really go with the underwater thing though do they. 
> 
> I'm thinking of starting a "Look what they did to my thread" thread.


Sponge Bob and my first husband could be twins, and they both are named Bob...of course, Sponge bob is much more likable. 
Yes, I think that would be a great idea Paul.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Spongebob - what a great cartoon. They don't really go with the underwater thing though do they.


So we're looking at a hyperactive sponge in short trousers who lives in a pineapple next door to an Easter Island statue that's home to a misanthropic squid, and both of them work for an entrepreneurial crab whose daughter is a hammerhead shark and who runs a burger joint which is the envy of a Machiavellian monocular plankton married to a computer.

And your concern is that the submarine aspect of this otherwise coherent set-up isn't fully recognised in the execution of the show?

----------


## Paulclem

> So we're looking at a hyperactive sponge in short trousers who lives in a pineapple next door to an Easter Island statue that's home to a misanthropic squid, and both of them work for an entrepreneurial crab whose daughter is a hammerhead shark and who runs a burger joint which is the envy of a Machiavellian monocular plankton married to a computer.
> 
> And your concern is that the submarine aspect of this otherwise coherent set-up isn't fully recognised in the execution of the show?


 :Biggrin5:  You hit the nail on the head. 

I like the show, the jokes are brilliant - a bit like the adults and the kids I heard laughing at different times in the cinema during the untouchables -, the plots are varied and interesting and the characterisation is strong. But I can't help noticing the odd underwater inconsistency. 

Related to this is The Wind in the Willows. A fine book for children, but with unresolved problems of scale - particularly with the original drawings. It just doesn't quite fit. I would always recommend both though, and probably not mention my idiosyncratic contextual irritation.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It'll be fine in the cupboard. I think it's virtually indestructible. If it's at room temp, it spreads easier too.


Thanks.
Earlier this week I placed the jar on the counter. Tonight I tried some on a corn tortilla chip and a french fry. The viscosity was much lower at room temp. When kept in the fridge, the viscosity was such that I was trailing a meter long string behind the knife.





> So we're looking at a hyperactive sponge in short trousers who lives in a pineapple next door to an Easter Island statue that's home to a misanthropic squid, and both of them work for an entrepreneurial crab whose daughter is a hammerhead shark and who runs a burger joint which is the envy of a Machiavellian monocular plankton married to a computer.
> 
> And your concern is that the submarine aspect of this otherwise coherent set-up isn't fully recognised in the execution of the show?



Dont forget the dimwitted deuteragonist, but loyal friend Patrick Star and the spunky Sandy Cheeks, a land lubbing squirrel from Texas 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxHB3...eature=related

.

----------


## MarkBastable

I do like Spongebob, but if you're looking for a really funny, intelligent and unfailingly entertaining kids' cartoon, I'd suggest _Phineas and Ferb_.

----------


## prendrelemick

I prefer the more direct humour of Tom and Jerry. Although it is clever in its rejection of the interllectual in favour of braining Tom with a frying pan.

----------


## Paulclem

> I do like Spongebob, but if you're looking for a really funny, intelligent and unfailingly entertaining kids' cartoon, I'd suggest _Phineas and Ferb_.


Have you seen the Regular Show? It's for kids apparently.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k4AC0uvU0jQ

----------


## Paulclem

Of course there's always the cartoons for grownups - (I didn't want to put adult cartoons).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dp2CkuhkqXQ

----------


## MarkBastable

> I prefer the more direct humour of Tom and Jerry. Although it is clever in its rejection of the interllectual in favour of braining Tom with a frying pan.


Yeah, I'm with you on _Tom and Jerry_ - though there's a golden period, following the prototypical experiments with animations of skanky-looking Tom and rotund, childish Jerry, and before the thing was hijacked by Hanna-Barbera and you got to see the humans' faces. 

The best _Tom and Jerry_ cartoons are produced by Fred Quimby, as the intro credits'll tell you about fifteen seconds in. But I'm such a geek, I don't need to see that. I can tell whether it's a good one even if I'm in the next room, just from the recording quality of the signature tune.

If you're talking about grown-up cartoons, I'd recommend _Drawn Together_ - the premise is that cartoon characters from different genres and eras are thrown together in a kinda Big Brother House. It's relentlessly tasteless.

----------


## soundofmusic

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akAEIW3rmvQThis was my favorite cartoon when I was a kid.

----------


## soundofmusic

I loved Bugs too, learned all my show tunes from him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc2L_7m_4mI

----------


## MarkBastable

> I like the show, the jokes are brilliant - a bit like the adults and the kids I heard laughing at different times in the cinema during the untouchables...


I have to assume that the kids around your way have a dark and rather twisted sense of humour that the adults completely miss. But I'd still like to know what the grown-ups found funny in this....

----------


## soundofmusic

> I have to assume that the kids around your way have a dark and rather twisted sense of humour that the adults completely miss. But I'd still like to know what the grown-ups found funny in this....


I have got to get that movie: all the greats are in it...it's not funny though...well, maybe that Robert Deniro smile you always expect.

----------


## Paulclem

> I have to assume that the kids around your way have a dark and rather twisted sense of humour that the adults completely miss. But I'd still like to know what the grown-ups found funny in this....


 :FRlol: 

I'm never far from foolishness.

I mean of course the Incredibles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2DjN...eature=related

The kids have become rather dark and twisted now - being 20 and 16. I bought then Don't Look Now in recognition of this for xmas. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TYICwstBwnM

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I loved Bugs too, learned all my show tunes from him. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc2L_7m_4mI


Can't beat the WB Loonie Tunes. Whenever I hear the opening theme I recall a "Revenge of the Nerds" moment in high school. The football jocks had a lousy season one year and the band geeks decided to get even by playing the looney tunes, toon as the football team ran out onto the field at the start of a game.
I believe it was this version... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0S77...eature=related

"King of the Hill" re runs are the regular fare at 8:00 pm. In fact I'm catching the second episode now. 
Paul you might appreciate this one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kK4DBoGAxA

{edit}

Being the considerate bloke that I am, I shall by preserve the purity of the author thread and post this here...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChGxwRq3YcI

.

----------


## Paulclem

> Can't beat the WB Loonie Tunes. Whenever I hear the opening theme I recall a "Revenge of the Nerds" moment in high school. The football jocks had a lousy season one year and the band geeks decided to get even by playing the looney tunes, toon as the football team ran out onto the field at the start of a game.
> I believe it was this version... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0S77...eature=related
> 
> "King of the Hill" re runs are the regular fare at 8:00 pm. In fact I'm catching the second episode now. 
> Paul you might appreciate this one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kK4DBoGAxA
> 
> {edit}
> 
> Being the considerate bloke that I am, I shall by preserve the purity of the author thread and post this here...
> ...


Good King of the Hill clip. I wonder what the Monk's view of propane is.

----------


## prendrelemick

Just sat through an episode of Teletubbies. Seems to me they've burnt out, the plot was boring and predictable the acting was second rate (apart from the rabbits.) They've definitely lost their edge.

Bring back Andy Pandy I say.

----------


## Paulclem

> Just sat through an episode of Teletubbies. Seems to me they've burnt out, the plot was boring and predictable the acting was second rate (apart from the rabbits.) They've definitely lost their edge.
> 
> Bring back Andy Pandy I say.


Teletubbies always had it over Boobah.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfFLj149EEo

When I first saw this, when my kids were young - honest, I thought I was having a flashback. 

Andy Pandy was good - the first kiddies programme I remember sseeing. I did like The Herbs though. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gb1JClFvfo

----------


## soundofmusic

> Can't beat the WB Loonie Tunes. Whenever I hear the opening theme I recall a "Revenge of the Nerds" moment in high school. The football jocks had a lousy season one year and the band geeks decided to get even by playing the looney tunes, toon as the football team ran out onto the field at the start of a game.
> I believe it was this version... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0S77...eature=related
> 
> "King of the Hill" re runs are the regular fare at 8:00 pm. In fact I'm catching the second episode now. 
> Paul you might appreciate this one... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kK4DBoGAxA
> 
> {edit}
> 
> Being the considerate bloke that I am, I shall by preserve the purity of the author thread and post this here...
> ...


I say, nothing like foghorn leghorn...I love when he teaches Prissys son or nephew or whatever...
What is ann margaret doing there...I can't make up my mind if it's sexy or gross.




> Just sat through an episode of Teletubbies. Seems to me they've burnt out, the plot was boring and predictable the acting was second rate (apart from the rabbits.) They've definitely lost their edge.
> 
> Bring back Andy Pandy I say.


I think they started taking drugs, happens to all the actors after a while :Sosp: 



> Teletubbies always had it over Boobah.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfFLj149EEo
> 
> When I first saw this, when my kids were young - honest, I thought I was having a flashback. 
> 
> Andy Pandy was good - the first kiddies programme I remember sseeing. I did like The Herbs though. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gb1JClFvfo


Oh my god, a japanese telletubie...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Teletubbies always had it over Boobah.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfFLj149EEo
> 
> ...honest, I thought I was having a flashback. ...


Flashback!?...I thought I was on mushrooms! 
Talk about sensory overload.




> ...What is ann margaret doing there...I can't make up my mind if it's sexy or gross...


I don't know, but seeing the baked beans, chocolate and satin sheets brought this song to mind... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-ee8...eature=related


.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Flashback!?...I thought I was on mushrooms! 
> Talk about sensory overload.
> 
> 
> 
> I don't know, but seeing the baked beans, chocolate and satin sheets brought this song to mind... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-ee8...eature=related
> 
> 
> .


That is one kinky woman, have you ever been in bed after someone eats crackers....of course, that's not quite as bad as when they eat chocolate on the couch.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That is one kinky woman, have you ever been in bed after someone eats crackers...


Sadly, I face this dilemma each night. Slepping on cracker crumbs and salt crystals is like sleeping on a bed of nails. Eventually, I learned to keep one of those small hand held vacuums next to the bed. Unfortunaltely the aperatue of the vacuum is so small, it was taking too long to clear up the crumbs, so now I lay down "shield" blanket on my side of the bed.

.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Sadly, I face this dilemma each night. Slepping on cracker crumbs and salt crystals is like sleeping on a bed of nails. Eventually, I learned to keep one of those small hand held vacuums next to the bed. Unfortunaltely the aperatue of the vacuum is so small...


I had to stop reading at that point. I didn't want to know what happens next.

----------


## Paulclem

> I had to stop reading at that point. I didn't want to know what happens next.


 :FRlol: 

Bed crumbs - 'tis the very devil's work. It's like a somnambulist's scourging is what it is.

----------


## prendrelemick

Stiff upper lips to the fore, as England get spanked by Pakistan in the cricket.

I rememer some japery that went wrong by the then young and frolicsome Mrs P involving a vacuum cleaner and my left testicle - I still pale at the sound of a Goblin starting up!

----------


## Paulclem

> Stiff upper lips to the fore, as England get spanked by Pakistan in the cricket.
> 
> I rememer some japery that went wrong by the then young and frolicsome Mrs P involving a vacuum cleaner and my left testicle - I still pale at the sound of a Goblin starting up!


Good job it wasn't a Dyson with root cyclone technology. I'd choose the goblin if it ever came to it. 

Not that it would - we have a very functional but effective Henry. The turbo head might prove to be a problem with the spinning brushes.

----------


## prendrelemick

It is now 14 hours since our beloved TV remote went missing. I last saw it in Grandchild Number Two's hands, it seemed happy enough, flicking randomly through channels and menus, there was no indication anything was wrong. Then last night we couldn't find it inspite of an intensive search. Admittedly it has done this before - gone missing for an hour or two but it had always turned up. We have recently been working hard to show that it is loved and appreciated, given it it's own special place on the mantle shelf and have just provided it with a new set of Duracells! 

So if anyone knows anything of its whereabouts please get in touch, At the veryleast me and my family need closure, we need to know what has happened , so that we can get on with our lives.

----------


## Paulclem

Commiserations. I know how you feel. It will turn up again. Do you have an old video player? We used to find things stuffed in there by our small children. 

We recently lost the DVD remote which I found after I had dropped the TV remote down the back of the bookcase. We also have a Freesat remote, which sits next to the remote for the gas fire. What would be good would be a remote built into the settee or armchair.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Do you have an old video player? We used to find things stuffed in there by our small children.


So did we. Jam sandwiches, mostly.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Couldn't resist

[EDIT: Actually on a bit of a cross thread, it's tunable - meaning that it can be worn into any pub with a television which can then be remotely turned off]

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...picture of watch...
> 
> Couldn't resist
> 
> [EDIT: Actually on a bit of a cross thread, it's tunable - meaning that it can be worn into any pub with a television which can then be remotely turned off]


Haha !! except what happens when you take it off and the rug rats get their greasy paws on that?
A tried and true, incapable of being lost remote, that my late father invented, consists of one 10 ft long bamboo pole with a notch cut in one end. The pole remains on the floor next to the Lazy Boy recliner. One simply lifts the pole, lines up the notches on the thumb blade knob channel adjuster and twists. 
Of course that was back when we had the 1972 Zenith.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

We had a similar device to work the Grundig in the bedroom. ( a long piece of half inch dowel ) I had to steady it between my toes to operate it.

----------


## Paulclem

> We had a similar device to work the Grundig in the bedroom. ( a long piece of half inch dowel ) I had to steady it between my toes to operate it.


My cousin used pliars on the end of a stick in the early 1980's. You had to be resourceful then - well in Fitzwilliam South Yorkshire you did. (Ever heard of it Mick? It was like the mining equivalent of hillbilly country - cept there weren't never no geetars playin'). 

.....so I'm going into the Library toilets in the town centre yesterday...and a Lady cleaner - must have a strong stomach - was walking down the steps into the bowels of the place in front of me. She had placed a sign which said "Female Cleaner in attendance" - (which does make it sound like some up town dressing room) - to warn the users that she would be in there. As she gets to the bottom of the steps she calls out a warning - Lady Cleaner coming in, and with that she plunged into what is very often a fetid pit. 

The place is kept reasonably clean, but the users are often not reasonably clean themselves. I did feel sorry for this poor woman. Anyway, she goes off to see to the cubicles, past the rows of geezers swilling out the urinals. 

So I set myself up at one, in the usual fashion - leaving a space between myself and the next user - who happened to be a big fat bloke with his jeans rucked delightfully around his voluminous backside. 

I glanced over at the this poor cleaning Lady, and proceeded with the business in hand, when up pipes the geezer near to me as he's hauling up his massive jeans who says: "Huh a woman cleaner. I bet she thinks all her Chrismases have come at once."

I burst out laughng at the sheer ludicrous audacity of the guy. I go in there quite a bit, and I have to say I've never seen anyone in there who remotely looks like a bronzed Adonis or who is not way past their shelf life. 

Tis the rich tapestry - which needs moving from there lest it become too noisome for further use.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We had a similar device to work the Grundig in the bedroom. ( a long piece of half inch dowel ) I had to steady it between my toes to operate it.


Haha!
I had to look up the Grundig. Now I'm in tune.
Was that a Birch or Poplar dowel by the way?




> ...as he's hauling up his massive jeans who says: "Huh a woman cleaner. I bet she thinks all her Chrismases have come at once."
> 
> I burst out laughng at the sheer ludicrous audacity of the guy. I go in there quite a bit, and I have to say I've never seen anyone in there who remotely looks like a bronzed Adonis or who is not way past their shelf life. 
> 
> Tis the rich tapestry - which needs moving from there lest it become too noisome for further use.


Haha! great story Paul.
I just might borrow that last line of yours, has a nice quotable ring to it.

.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Did any of you blokes wear "Chukka Boots" aka "Turf Boots" during the Golden Age (mid 60's to the end of the Disco era) ?
How about you Sounds?

I stumbled across this video and noticed the striped shirt Mod wearing a pair. 
If you pause at 1:47 you'll get a good shot of the shoes:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uFcPjILC7k

My pair had the soles that looked like the same material as gum erasers.

----------


## Paulclem

I mostly wore trainers, but then I wasn't out and about until the late 70's eighties. 

Do you chaps feel self conscious about having stuff like colds and not wanting the label of man-flu to be bandied about? I consider myself to be fairly tough, and am insulted when anyone suggests it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Me too, I am of the seventies, it was iridescent leather and platform soles for me.

(Does a double-take) You have a remote for the fire!

If we had one of those it would have to be a device that could carry a bucket across the yard, open the coal shed door, shovel coal into bucket, bring it back (wiping it's feet-or wheels,) chuck some on the Rayburn, give the bottom grate a riddle and park up in the corner. 

Mrs P is the nearest thing I have to that at the moment. I hope she doesn't go down with man flu.

----------


## MarkBastable

I too went for the seriously thick soles and stacked heels (I looked like Herman Munster's undernourished cousin) up until about 1977, when punk toppled platforms - and then I went for something like this...



..though in leather rather than suede. I don't take sufficient care of shoes to be trusted with suede.

I was wearing those until...oooh...practically last Thursday.

----------


## Paulclem

> Me too, I am of the seventies, it was iridescent leather and platform soles for me.
> 
> (Does a double-take) You have a remote for the fire!
> 
> If we had one of those it would have to be a device that could carry a bucket across the yard, open the coal shed door, shovel coal into bucket, bring it back (wiping it's feet-or wheels,) chuck some on the Rayburn, give the bottom grate a riddle and park up in the corner. 
> 
> Mrs P is the nearest thing I have to that at the moment. I hope she doesn't go down with man flu.


I don't know where Mrs Paulclem got the gas fire with remote from. I'd have been happy with a button, particularly since a replacement cost me 70 quid! I was sure I was being ripped off, but what can you do?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I mostly wore trainers, but then I wasn't out and about until the late 70's eighties. 
> 
> Do you chaps feel self conscious about having stuff like colds and not wanting the label of man-flu to be bandied about? I consider myself to be fairly tough, and am insulted when anyone suggests it.


Same here, referring to "out and about", the chukka boots got me past the platforms.

Just man-up and tell 'em it's "walking Pneumonia" or the consumption and go about your manly duties. They'll back away.




> Me too, I am of the seventies, it was iridescent leather and platform soles for me.
> 
> (Does a double-take) You have a remote for the fire!
> 
> If we had one of those it would have to be a device that could carry a bucket across the yard, open the coal shed door, shovel coal into bucket, bring it back (wiping it's feet-or wheels,) chuck some on the Rayburn, give the bottom grate a riddle and park up in the corner. 
> 
> Mrs P is the nearest thing I have to that at the moment. I hope she doesn't go down with man flu.


Haha! Yes; Paul's remote comment caught my eye as well.
Don't forget to have Mrs. P grab a few of those "fire frisbees", while she's at it.

How high were those platforms? I'm picturing you in something like this (pause at 2:32):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UypeE3zTwBs




> I too went for the seriously thick soles and stacked heels (I looked like Herman Munster's undernourished cousin) up until about 1977, when punk toppled platforms - and then I went for something like this...
> 
> 
> 
> ..though in leather rather than suede. I don't take sufficient care of shoes to be trusted with suede.
> 
> I was wearing those until...oooh...practically last Thursday.


They compliment the face.



Gotta run, I'm missing the second King of the Hill episode.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

Nice platforms!

During the day I was mucking out pigs, but come the night I was a Yorkshire Jason King. Purple suit, flares, waistcoat, big ties, pink shirt and platform shoes. (and Moped naturally) They'd never seen anything like it down at the Dog and Gun.

I still don't understand how those village maidens could resist me.

----------


## Paulclem

> Nice platforms!
> 
> During the day I was mucking out pigs, but come the night I was a Yorkshire Jason King. Purple suit, flares, waistcoat, big ties, pink shirt and platform shoes. (and Moped naturally) They'd never seen anything like it down at the Dog and Gun.
> 
> I still don't understand how those village maidens could resist me.


By the time I came along it was skin tight drainpipes again. I remember buying some flairs from an ex-catalogue shop for a quid or something and taking them in myself. Unfortunatley I ended up with lumps bulging out at the knees. I think my Ma did something to them to save the shame of me being pointed and laughed at on the street.

----------


## MarkBastable

> By the time I came along it was skin tight drainpipes again. I remember buying some flairs from an ex-catalogue shop for a quid or something and taking them in myself. Unfortunatley I ended up with lumps bulging out at the knees. I think my Ma did something to them to save the shame of me being pointed and laughed at on the street.


I remember drainpipe jeans so tight that they cut off the blood supply, leading to the very weird and disconcerting experience of getting pins'n'needles in your dick.

----------


## Paulclem

> I remember drainpipe jeans so tight that they cut off the blood supply, leading to the very weird and diconcerting experience of getting pins'n'needles in your dick.




That's put lump in my throat in the same way the jeans did.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I remember drainpipe jeans...


Well...what's the story on the guitars?
We know your position on hobbies, surely this isn't a collection of yours!

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Eh? Axes aren't a hobby Gilliatt - they're a fundamental vitamin as important as food and shelter. Each has subtle nuances in its design and manufacture and the way they make you feel when playing that make them a uniquely individual work of art, like the difference between a Canaletto and a Titian.

Ringo has about twenty guitars, Ozzy Osborne about thirty - and neither of them are renowned for this passionate facet (it's a personal thing).

----------


## MarkBastable

> Well...what's the story on the guitars?
> We know your position on hobbies, surely this isn't a collection of yours!


Hobby? _Hobby_?! Have you taken leave of your senses? _Hobby_, for Christ's sake? 

Were it not so obvious that you are in some way mentally ill, I'd demand satisfaction, sir.

----------


## Paulclem

This is looking good.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hobby? _Hobby_?! Have you taken leave of your senses? _Hobby_, for Christ's sake? 
> 
> Were it not so obvious that you are in some way mentally ill, I'd demand satisfaction, sir.


Haha...Yes, I left my cents in a pair of jeans at the laundromat, but honestly I thought those were miniatures for Mark's Troll doll collection. 
However, my original question still stands. I'm curious.

.

----------


## MarkBastable

Well, they're my guitars. Except there's one missing from the pic because I've just bought this....



...which, if it were any blacker, would just look like a guitar-shaped hole in the space-time continuum.

----------


## prendrelemick

Nice collection, so... phallic.

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, they're my guitars. Except there's one missing from the pic because I've just bought this....
> 
> 
> 
> ...which, if it were any blacker, would just look like a guitar-shaped hole in the space-time continuum.


What a resonance that would have - a guitar made out of a black hole and strung with the rings of Saturn... though the black hole would suck in any vibrations made by those celestial strings wouldn't it? 

I'm sorry, I've just been on the Legalise Cannabis thread. 

Anyway I have had to give it up. I used to do it until the small hours perched on my computer chair and gazing intently at the screen. I could only do it when the rest of the family was abed due the frequent jerking and cursing, and I had to give it up because my wrist started swelling up with the effort, causing weakness and pain. Yes - I've given up Quake Online. My keyboard hand - left - was under great strain with the left right/ forward /back movement. I now have more time.

----------


## Paulclem

My physics is way out. Of course:

In space, no-one can hear your guitar scream...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well, they're my guitars. Except there's one missing from the pic because I've just bought this....
> 
> ...which, if it were any blacker, would just look like a guitar-shaped hole in the space-time continuum.


and a fine collection it is Mark!
Now for my feeble attempt at that satisfaction you demanded...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1C1N...eature=related





> What a resonance that would have - a guitar made out of a black hole and strung with the rings of Saturn... though the black hole would suck in any vibrations made by those celestial strings wouldn't it?


Perhaps these guys could shed some light on music of the cosmos...


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dc6Re...eature=related





> I'm sorry, I've just been on the Legalise Cannabis thread. 
> 
> Anyway I have had to give it up. I used to do it until the small hours perched on my computer chair and gazing intently at the screen. I could only do it when the rest of the family was abed due the frequent jerking and cursing, and I had to give it up because my wrist started swelling up with the effort, causing weakness and pain. Yes - I've given up Quake Online. My keyboard hand - left - was under great strain with the left right/ forward /back movement. I now have more time.


I'm glad you gave it up Paul. After all it is known as the gateway dr..., hold on, Quake Online?

Anyhow, I'm still proud of you. Stay strong...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHyDp0dGdyc


.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

bump

I couldn't bear the thought of us falling off the front page.

How bout some Nash to keep the barstools warm...

"The Purist "
by Ogden Nash 

"I give you now Professor Twist,
A conscientious scientist,
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
'You mean,' he said, 'a crocodile.' "

----------


## soundofmusic

I was watching a little clip from a Brian May interview, he said he made his guitar and used one of his moms knitting needles...Oh well, on the side somewhere... :Crazy:

----------


## prendrelemick

It was on the end of the tremelo handle thing that was made out of a bit of moterbike engine, a saddle bag and a carving knife.

Brian's homemade guitar is not a thing of beauty - nor does it have a pure sound, but it is distinctive and he knows how to use its sound to great effect.

----------


## Paulclem

Seasick Steve also makes his own guitars.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-vSZ...eature=related

Great tunes too.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...





> ...





> Seasick Steve


Thank God, it was getting lonely around here and a special welcome back to Sounds.

Happy Valentines Soundofmusic... 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8fyk...eature=related 


Paul,

I had run across Seasick Steve awhile back. 
Not bad considering the make up of the guitars(?)

----------


## Paulclem

My wife bought his album after seeing him on the TV. He's very good. 

Soooo it was back to work today, and those manliest of occupations - meetings. I've got meetings tomorrow too, though I will be getting down and dirty with the learners when I cover a class in the afternoon. It's good fun covering other people's classes - you get to use your best stuff, and then leave after a couple of hours. 

Finlly got the computer fixed up on Saturday. it's now back to it's factory standard, and is working a treat, though it is 3 years old. It's funny: I was talking to an IT bloke the other day, and he told me to clear off my PC every now and then, and it should run fine. So, one virus later, that's what I've done - or paid to be done. (The recovery disks didn't work).

----------


## Jerrybaldy

Bummmp. thats the sound of me landing here. two years of personal poetry. I need a beer. I know of seasick steve in fact music even at 47 fills much of my time. I have never been stuck in the past, silly thing to do but done by so many. I listen to new music every day. I am a beer fan (no lager ta), I fail on sport, have no interest, better get that out the way. two mariages two lost houses about to rent for life. No complaints, I am the twat who brought it on myself. HELLO  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

Sounds like you've come to the right place Jerry. I saw your picture on the picture thread the other week. You were in a bar I believe. You should be at home here, as there are drinks whenever one needs the club. 

My wife discovered seasick Steve last year, and bought his album. Great stuff. I like his homemade guitars.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Bummmp. thats the sound of me landing here. two years of personal poetry. I need a beer. I know of seasick steve in fact music even at 47 fills much of my time. I have never been stuck in the past, silly thing to do but done by so many. I listen to new music every day. I am a beer fan (no lager ta), I fail on sport, have no interest, better get that out the way. two mariages two lost houses about to rent for life. No complaints, I am the twat who brought it on myself. HELLO


Welcome Jerrybaldy.
Nice to have a new face in here. Parker will fix you up with that beer.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxfgkDzL5Po

.

----------


## prendrelemick

You could do worse than trying some of this

----------


## prendrelemick

That there Coronal Mass Ejection was a bit of a damp squib. All electrical systems seem to be ok,- although the toaster slightly overdid my toast this morning.

----------


## Paulclem

> That there Coronal Mass Ejection was a bit of a damp squib. All electrical systems seem to be ok,- although the toaster slightly overdid my toast this morning.


I heard about it yesterday morning from a colleague, wondered about it for a bit, and then forgot about the whole thing until just now. I'm not sure it happened at all as it hasn't been on the all-seeing BBC.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

In islands like Guernsey, the population is composed of men who have passed their lives circling their field, and of men who have passed their lives circling the world. They constitute two sorts of laborers, the tillers of the soil and the toilers of the sea. Victor Hugo  _ Toilers of the Sea_

Gentlemen I must take leave of this bar; my second home, for a fortnight on the open sea.

The tillers rigged, 
gunwales are polished 
jibs are full 
and her stern is firm.

Visions of the Mariners Albatross along with Barbara Eden, a result of the recent solar smack down, will accompany me on my journey across the Gulf. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nABM1...eature=related

(At least hold on long enough to see her moves from 1:06 to 1:23)

Parker, thanks for the farewell Turkey shot, Ill have the ships hold laden with rum upon my return. 

I believe you chaps refer to it as a holiday.

----------


## Paulclem

> In islands like Guernsey, the population is composed of men who have passed their lives circling their field, and of men who have passed their lives circling the world. They constitute two sorts of laborers, the tillers of the soil and the toilers of the sea. Victor Hugo  _ Toilers of the Sea_
> 
> Gentlemen I must take leave of this bar; my second home, for a fortnight on the open sea.
> 
> The tillers rigged, 
> gunwales are polished 
> jibs are full 
> and her stern is firm.
> 
> ...


Fair sailing Gilliatt.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is your wife going? did jamaica?

(a very old joke) Happy sailings!

----------


## Paulclem

Well what a ding dong there was down the old allotment yesterday. There have been a spate of break - ins with doors to sheds vandalised. Apparently there was a party in one of the sheds with quavers being eaten, booze being drunk and probably - according to the lady on the committee - drugs being smoked. To top it all off, they then vomited into the middle of the shed and left. (It wasn't specified whether one or all the miscreants vomited. I suppose a comparative test vomit would establish the likely number of persons contributing to the pile).

So the Community Police Officers came to meet the plotholders yesterday, and were subjected to a barrage of complaints by one or two of the fifteen or so people present. 

The site was declared a crime blackspot - by one irate plotholder, who suggested that it starts with vandalism and ends with plotholders being attacked with knives and axes. (I think he forgot that he probably has a shed full of long hard tools that would make a mere knife wielder think). 

In effect the whole of civilised society was seen as going to pot, and that we should form an Allotment Watch of men patrolling the area at night. (I suggested we call it an Allotment Militia). 

Yes, blood pressures have been running high for a couple of days now. Even as I was cycling out and stopped to chat with a bloke near me, he declared that he woulod "Get the buggers with a brick hammer!" He then wandered off with his limp and stick and violent intentions. 

The Annual Allotment Committee Meeting is going to be fun this year.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Well what a ding dong there was down the old allotment yesterday. There have been a spate of break - ins with doors to sheds vandalised. Apparently there was a party in one of the sheds with quavers being eaten, booze being drunk and probably - according to the lady on the committee - drugs being smoked. To top it all off, they then vomited into the middle of the shed and left. (It wasn't specified whether one or all the miscreants vomited. I suppose a comparative test vomit would establish the likely number of persons contributing to the pile).
> 
> So the Community Police Officers came to meet the plotholders yesterday, and were subjected to a barrage of complaints by one or two of the fifteen or so people present. 
> 
> The site was declared a crime blackspot - by one irate plotholder, who suggested that it starts with vandalism and ends with plotholders being attacked with knives and axes. (I think he forgot that he probably has a shed full of long hard tools that would make a mere knife wielder think). 
> 
> In effect the whole of civilised society was seen as going to pot, and that we should form an Allotment Watch of men patrolling the area at night. (I suggested we call it an Allotment Militia). 
> 
> Yes, blood pressures have been running high for a couple of days now. Even as I was cycling out and stopped to chat with a bloke near me, he declared that he woulod "Get the buggers with a brick hammer!" He then wandered off with his limp and stick and violent intentions. 
> ...


Your life is an Alan Bennett BAFTA nomination waiting to happen, isn't it?

----------


## Paulclem

I thought the whole allotment thing would be a tedious affair, and had confined myself to the growing, and it is tedious, on the whole. But you get these amusing gems pop up every now and then. I don't want to be on the committee, just sniggering on the periphery.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Fair sailing Gilliatt.





> Is your wife going? did jamaica?
> 
> (a very old joke) Happy sailings!





> I thought the whole allotment thing would be a tedious affair, and had confined myself to the growing, and it is tedious, on the whole. But you get these amusing gems pop up every now and then. I don't want to be on the committee, just sniggering on the periphery.


Thanks for the send off well wishes. The Albatross yielded to Seagulls and Pelicans and the visions of big hair and Barabara Eden immediately vanished upon the sight of 21st century bikini clad deck hands milling about. The Rum cache had been devoured so I ended up with a bottle Vodka and a bottle of Spanish wine, both of which ended up in the hands of my neighbor for his role in collecting mail and taking care of the dog.

Paul I hope you continue to persue the allotment affair, I/we look forward to each installment of the Allotment Tales. 


Are you blokes sitting down?....







Gilliatt in front of Ernest Hemingway's home in Key West

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm liking the shorts there Gilliat.

Paul: Any man who eats Quavers in another man's shed is beyond the pale.

Sorry, I'm now having visions of the crew of the Black Pearl clad in 21st century bikinis.


_Leans back in chair clutching single malt in a heavy glass, light from roaring fire flickering on oak beamed ceiling, wind and rain hammering on window._


Reminds me of the time my neighbour, Fred, thought his diesel was being pinched. A tidy man, Fred, never seen without a brush or shovel in his hand. He'd noticed a few drips of diesel on the floor by his tank. He had never split a drop of the stuff -ever- so theft was suspected.

Let me explain how tidy fred is. A few years ago he bought 5 gallons of green paint, to do his barn doors and guttering. To his dismay he only used half of it, meaning he was left with a half full plastic container of paint - or clutter - as he saw it. His solution was to bury it for a year or two, until the the doors were due another coat, when he dug it up and finished it off. Another time he was caught trimming his stack of hay bales with a pair of sheep shears, because he thought it looked a bit untidy.

One night the thief returned. He brought a ladder and climbed up to the "burden hole" - that is a door high up on the barn wall that was for forking 
hay through in the old days. He pulled his ladder through and let it down on the inside, he carried two 5 gallon drums and a lengh of hose down the ladder and approached the tank.

At such times I suppose one's senses are heightened, because to Kevin (a local nere-do-well) the sound of a 12 bore closing somewhere in the deep shadows of the barn sounded like a knell of doom. The lights came on and there was Fred with manic grin and gleaming eye, and a shot gun definitely but nonchalantly pointing at Kevin's midriff. Fred said afterwards that he didn't know why Kevin had brought a ladder because he hardly seemed to use it as he left.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ..._Leans back in chair clutching single malt in a heavy glass, light from roaring fire flickering on oak beamed ceiling, wind and rain hammering on window._
> 
> 
> ...my neighbour, Fred, 
> ..being pinched. 
> ...the "burden hole"... 
> ...12 bore...


Great story and I especially like the scene you painted with the "flickering fire...rain hammering..." 

Is "Fred" a common name for neighbors over there? 
I was recalling Paul's allotment neighbor.

"Being pinched", "Burden hole" and "12 bore" 

Sounds like names to...never mind. 
Perhaps it's best not to pull them out of context.

.

----------


## Paulclem

Glad you had a good trip Gilliatt - great photo, and the shorts are of a very worthy standard for the club ie. a deterrent.

An evocative image you've painted there Mick. ....buried his paint... hilarious. 

I know two local Freds. One lives opposite. He's the one whose Dad - old Fred - had the two spaniels we were charged to look after - one of which died. He's a recluse who likes musical theatre, and who, a few years ago due to his washer not being plumbed in, used to buy new clothes every week or so. I don't know whether he's had it done since. 

The other Fred is my allotment neighbour Fred. He's a nice carribean guy who drinks his beer in Rose Cottage.

----------


## Sancho

Great story, Mick.

I feel like I know Fred.

I knew a Fred in the army. He was a sergeant of the field artillery and he had somewhat of a contrary personality. So everybody called him "Derf" (Fred spelled backwards). There was never a dull moment around Derf.

----------


## Paulclem

I was out with the dog last night lurking on the green. I came to the bridge over our local brook and waited for the bloke with the small dog on the other side of the bridge- probably an irascible Jack Russel like mine, to put on its lead. Once done I crossed over and hailed the bloke with a cheery evenin'. He didn't respond, and so, in thanks for securing his dog I said it again. 

He gave a reluctant alright and proceeded to mutter something that ended up with f**k o**. Perhaps he was peed off about something, but immediately my hackles rose and from my Yorkshire roots an "Eh!" (hard short vowel sound),sounded acrooss the green. 

He responded with a weak sounding alright and disappeared off into the gloom, leaving me wondering where this "Eh!" had come from. 

It was an indicator of my roots of course. Thinking back, it was the kind of aggressive exclamation you made when someone annoyed you - as this chap had. I've come out with it before if I've had a comment from someone I didn't like and who I felt needed an aggressive response. it's not something I'd use at work - there the professional negotiator is in charge, but out in the streets with people I don't know, there is this more basic, aggressive persona that can manifest should the need arise. 

I mulled over the nature of the "Eh!" It is a question - despite me putting the exclamation mark there, which is more implied than stated. It's an agressive sound, and with the hard e it is effective in conveying that intent. It demands a response, but seems - or feels - uncompromising. It would never come out in polite conversation anywhere, but just seems ready primed for the right moment. I wonder if it's triggered by a situation or particular feeling?

----------


## prendrelemick

It's like that time Robin Hood and Little John met on a narrow bridge and they fought with staves. 
As to that "Eh!" You can shake off your leaves, but never your roots.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I came to the bridge over our local brook and waited for the bloke with the small dog on the other side of the bridge-
> 
> ...I mulled over the nature of the "Eh!" It is a question - despite me putting the exclamation mark there, which is more implied than stated. It's an agressive sound, and with the hard e it is effective in conveying that intent. It demands a response, but seems - or feels - uncompromising. It would never come out in polite conversation anywhere, but just seems ready primed for the right moment. I wonder if it's triggered by a situation or particular feeling?


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doeJS...eature=related


Perhaps you should look further into the _EH_ tymology of the "Eh!"


I just posted the following in the 3rd sentence 21st page thread and thought it had some relevance here:

"It is one thing to make use of the language and sentiments which are common to ourselves and our forefathers, and it is another to invest them with the sentiments and dialect exclusively proper to their dialects"

(My son left his copy of Scott's Ivanhoe beside my left hand.) 

Speaking of Scott, I wonder how ole Jocky is doing?

.

----------


## Paulclem

It's been a while since he posted. It'd be good to hear how old turncoat is doing. 

I got lucky down the allotment today. I stepped on a nail which went right through my boot and up between my toes. Lucky lucky. 

Thus I was able to get in afew rows of Broad beans. My first early potatoes are in, and my second earlies are chitting in the shed. More broad beans will be going in on the morrow.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

A scarf, a cup of coffee and Monty Python, it's enough to make a grown man weep.
I too fell victim to the aroma, but Parker's cousneling brought me back and I'm a stronger bloke for it. 


Paul, did you make it back out to the allotments?

----------


## Paulclem

I was there today. I put more broad beans in and a few small rows of peas under cloches in case of frost. There's still loads to do, but I've got a better start this year. Mrs Paulclem has started off quite a lot of stuff. She wasn't well last year and so we didn't get going for ages. 

As for the perfumed scarf, I've been in there too. They are talking about Monty Python which is a legit Blokes topic, so I didn't mind.

----------


## Big Dante

I hope he didn't leave his front door open like that during the war...

----------


## Paulclem

I have been posting on the ladies thread again. I've hit them with the shed. Do you think it'll take off as a topic?

Had to walk in to work today - bad valves on my inner tubes. Not sure whether it's my pump or the rubbish tubes I buy from Halfords. I was sorely dischuffed today. I grumbled about what i was going to say to the person who served me the substandard tubes in Halfords and found myself formulating complex reasons why he was going to give me a refund and not just exchange them. After that though, it was a nice walk in. Sunny. 

The mind is a rumbling landscape of virtue and non.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I hope he didn't leave his front door open like that during the war...


Welcome back Big Dante.
I had to do a double take, did I leave my barn door open ?
whew...looks like I was secure that day.


A few more shots around Hemingway's home:

(click on thumbnails)














> I have been posting on the ladies thread again. I've hit them with the shed. Do you think it'll take off as a topic?...


Yes, I noticed that with some dissapointment. Allotments and associated sheds are considered sacred ground, reserved only for blokes.


.

----------


## prendrelemick

I see Hemingway wasn't the impoverished artist scratching away on his manuscript by the light of a candle in a freezing garrett.

In these last few days I've noticed I'm only wanted - on the phone or to catch a spider or to do something that needs doing immediately - when I'm laid on the ground with my hand up a sheep. It's uncanny how often that happens.

----------


## Paulclem

Apparently the long range forecast my wife told me about has mentioned snow over Easter. Now we'll have to put up with all the, "That'll be the end of summer then," comments that weather reversals invariably generate. I want it to rain so my peas and broad beans come up.

I met a bloke who talked like Fred Elliot off Coronation St yesterday. Fred Elliot is famous for repeating what he says ah say repeating what he says. (See the link at around 20 seconds). 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_kLz...eature=related

This bloke was waiting for the bus and we strck up conversation about the weather. I was a little surprised when he said things like

"It's been hot, ah say it's been hot" and

"The bus is coming, ah say the bus is coming". 

It's like a self echolalia. Just tell me if I ever start anything like that ah say anything like that.

----------


## Paulclem

> Apparently the long range forecast my wife told me about has mentioned snow over Easter. Now we'll have to put up with all the, "That'll be the end of summer then," comments that weather reversals invariably generate. I want it to rain so my peas and broad beans come up.
> 
> I met a bloke who talked like Fred Elliot off Coronation St yesterday. Fred Elliot is famous for repeating what he says ah say repeating what he says. (See the link at around 20 seconds). 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_kLz...eature=related
> 
> This bloke was waiting for the bus and we strck up conversation about the weather. I was a little surprised when he said things like
> 
> "It's been hot, ah say it's been hot" and
> ...


Well I've just learnt that what he's expressing is palilalia - repeating his own words. I've just increased my own language register, but realise that it's 9.35 on a Friday night and I'm looking up obscure names for human behaviour. I wonder if there's a word for reluctant reclusiveness...

----------


## Scheherazade

> A few more shots around Hemingway's home:
> .


Where is the booze cabinet?

Or maybe they never lasted long enough to require a cabinet...

----------


## MarkBastable

> Where is the booze cabinet?
> 
> Or maybe they never lasted long enough to require a cabinet...


Someone bought me a stopper that can go back in an opened wine bottle to keep the wine fresh overnight. I can't imagine what one is supposed to do with such a thing.

----------


## prendrelemick

Stuff like that go in "the drawer"

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...In these last few days I've noticed I'm only wanted - on the phone or to catch a spider or to do something that needs doing immediately - when I'm laid on the ground with my hand up a sheep. It's uncanny how often that happens.


Ha yes, or just as you've settled your weary bones down by the fire with a book following a days worth of surfing the remote. 




> I met a bloke who talked like Fred Elliot off Coronation St yesterday. Fred Elliot is famous for repeating what he says ah say repeating what he says. (See the link at around 20 seconds). 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_kLz...eature=related


There's that name again; "Fred"! 
The look on his face at about 1:16 is priceless.

Oh..and I see you're back from across the street.
Sancho is still over there with his ball.




> Where is the booze cabinet?
> 
> Or maybe they never lasted long enough to require a cabinet...


Now they're coming over here




> Someone bought me a stopper that can go back in an opened wine bottle to keep the wine fresh overnight. I can't imagine what one is supposed to do with such a thing.


"Yesterday's Wine" doesn't apply here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YG1qrT4gxI





> Stuff like that go in "the drawer"


Ahh, the kitchen "junk drawer" another blokey topic.

btw - I made an effort to get out a few nights ago to see your planets and crescent moon.
(that didn't come out right) anyhow, it was an amazing sight.

.

----------


## Paulclem

We have "the drawer" in the kitchen. It's not my drawer, and is a real pain because whatever goes in there seems to b e lost forever unless my wife wants it. 

Those imortal words: "It's in the drawer" makes me cringe as it means getting out an inordinate amount of stuff just to find that it's not there. I even have to morph my arm into a dog leg shape in order to feel down the back. I have a theory that stuff that is actually useful goes into a wormhole that inhabits "the drawer", which in itself distorts spacial reality so that all the stuff can be put in.

----------


## prendrelemick

Oh ho, Paul - if only it was so simple.

Its all to do with lay lines, ethnic pathways, higher levels of consciousness and Quantum Entanglement. The ancients of the Far East tried to explain the phenomina through the theory of Feng shui. The Aboriginal Austrailians had their dreamtime, but it is all to do with the effect of consciousness upon the physical. 

If you go to _the drawer_ often enough, it is entirely possbile Mark's wine stopper will be in there (without ever leaving Mark's drawer, as it does not need to be in one place, but is everywhere along it's probability curve simultaneously ). Your wife is unknowingly manipulating the space time continuum (Women can do this easily) and the thing she is looking for pops into existance (or passes into our perception of existance) under her hand, when you _know_ it was not there in that place before, as you have been rumageing about looking for it for the last half an hour. Your male logic works against you here, you _Know_ its not there and so it isn't.

At least these "The drawer" portals are fixed and regular but there is some overspill of the affect. Socks are particularly and universally susceptible. Local to our house, the horseradish sauce pops in and out of existance from the fridge all the time.

----------


## Paulclem

> Oh ho, Paul - if only it was so simple.
> 
> Its all to do with lay lines, ethnic pathways, higher levels of consciousness and Quantum Entanglement. The ancients of the Far East tried to explain the phenomina through the theory of Feng shui. The Aboriginal Austrailians had their dreamtime, but it is all to do with the effect of consciousness upon the physical. 
> 
> If you go to _the drawer_ often enough, it is entirely possbile Mark's wine stopper will be in there (without ever leaving Mark's drawer, as it does not need to be in one place, but is everywhere along it's probability curve simultaneously ). Your wife is unknowingly manipulating the space time continuum (Women can do this easily) and the thing she is looking for pops into existance (or passes into our perception of existance) under her hand, when you _know_ it was not there in that place before, as you have been rumageing about looking for it for the last half an hour. Your male logic works against you here, you _Know_ its not there and so it isn't.
> 
> At least these "The drawer" portals are fixed and regular but there is some overspill of the affect. Socks are particularly and universally susceptible. Local to our house, the horseradish sauce pops in and out of existance from the fridge all the time.


 :FRlol: 

Yes you're right. I bet my wife could delve into the drawer and come out with a purring cat. I'd come up with a dead one no doubt.

----------


## Paulclem

I've had a good idea today for monitoring waistline expansion. Let me just define a term or two:

inny - a bellybutton that goes in
outy - a bellybutton that buges out

So today i noticed that my outy belly button - which had been transformed into an inny due to some expansion of my waistline, is now showing signs of becoming an outy again. 

I thus formulated the idea of the 

inny to outy waistline monitoring idea.

Basically if your outy becomes and inny, then you're getting bigger. if your outy, which has been manifesting as an inny changes to an outy, then you are losing weight. Clear?

For all those innys I recommend a small stick with notches on to check the depth. 

Inspired.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We have "the drawer" in the kitchen...





> Oh ho, Paul - if only it was so simple.
> 
> Its all to do with lay lines, ethnic pathways, higher levels of consciousness and Quantum Entanglement. The ancients of the Far East tried to explain the phenomina through the theory of Feng shui. The Aboriginal Austrailians had their dreamtime, but it is all to do with the effect of consciousness upon the physical. 
> 
> At least these "The drawer" portals are fixed and regular but there is some overspill of the affect. Socks are particularly and universally susceptible. Local to our house, the horseradish sauce pops in and out of existance from the fridge all the time.


I just completed a brief inventory of the drawer and prepared a list:
5 corks
4 pocket knives
45 cal. Casing
A pair of pliers
5 die (dice)
2 Screwdrivers
A small bag of cat nip
A zipper bag containing batteries
A pair of scissors
Approximately 20 pens and pencils
2 expired drivers licenses
A compass
Book of matches from Crab House at Pier 39 San Francisco
3 rolls of tape
3 pin on buttons (One is Bob Dylan The Times They are a Changin, another is Smokey the Bear and the third indicates: Well behaved women rarely make history)
A St. Christopher medal offering protection to those who enter the drawer nether world.
And a can of Tibet Almond Stick for blending out scratches in stain/ varnish.

The above list comprises about 30% of whats in the drawer.




> I've had a good idea today for monitoring waistline expansion. Let me just define a term or two:
> ....
> For all those innys I recommend a small stick with notches on to check the depth. 
> 
> Inspired.


hehe. I haven't considered that method though it sounds like a good one.
Another method is the ratio of hem line to waist line. The object is to keep the hemline number larger than the waistline. My newly acquired spare tire caused me to break the tie.

----------


## prendrelemick

GG: What! No string??? So much for Universal String Theory. 

Futher to Pauls belly button theory:- If you can't see it, you really need to lose weight.

----------


## MarkBastable

> We have "the drawer" in the kitchen.


Our "drawer in the kitchen" is a room in the East Wing. Back in the old days it used to be the scene of jolly birthday bashes and impromptu games of cricket, but now my wife uses it to store items that she has bought at boot fairs with a view to, er, selling them at boot fairs. Her stock control policy is a bit like a one-way valve, and now it's not actually possible to get the door open, so we may have to have a new door put in, leading from the knot garden, in order to get the stuff out.

----------


## Paulclem

> Our "drawer in the kitchen" is a room in the East Wing. Back in the old days it used to be the scene of jolly birthday bashes and impromptu games of cricket, but now my wife uses it to store items that she has bought at boot fairs with a view to, er, selling them at boot fairs. Her stock control policy is a bit like a one-way valve, and now it's not actually possible to get the door open, so we may have to have a new door put in, leading from the knot garden, in order to get the stuff out.


You have a walk in "drawer"?

Given the physics of these things, it could be quite dangerous/ exciting.

----------


## Sancho

I keeping with Gills literary travels post, heres Pablo Nerudas house in Santiago:



I have no idea who those people are, but it was a warm day on Sunday so lots of folks were out and about  but nobody had shorts as fancy as Gills.

Anyhow, this restaurant is a few blocks away and is named for the poet:

 

Good food, friendly staff, and Live jazz downstairs - Jiggy, baby.

On another note, is life even possible without a junk drawer?

----------


## prendrelemick

Life would be harder than a hammer's dream - as Neruda may have once said.


I don't even want to approach our drawer, never mind listing the contents (which would be alot less classy than GG's stuff.)

----------


## Paulclem

> Life would be harder than a hammer's dream - as Neruda may have once said.
> 
> 
> I don't even want to approach our drawer, never mind listing the contents (which would be alot less classy than GG's stuff.)


I decided to venture into the "drawer". Here's a small amount of it's contents - I didn't delve too much.

1 rolling pin
1 bag of raffia
1 top from a thermos cup
Innumerable plastic money bags (empty)
1 big pair of scissors
1 pack of paintbrushes (1 missing)
innumerble packs of cellophane wrapped tissues
1 tape measure (that won't be there the next time I need it)
1 hair dryer
A pedicure set - open (whatever that is)
cellotape
1 xmas tree pastry cutter
1 spool of garden wire (I won't find that again either)
1 single green jelly mould
1 roll of wide brown tape for parcels
Half of a Bosch instruction manual (I don't know what for - the German bit is left)
several wooden pegs
1 tupperware lid
1 handheld fan

I hardly peeped below the surface. I know there were binoculars in there last week.

----------


## kiki1982

:FRlol:  I decided to pop into the blokes' thread because they all popped into the girls' thread and what do I find? They are discussing the man drawer (go to 1:30).  :FRlol: 

oo, what is in our man drawer?

passports
Oyster cards (for when we go to london)
at least three old mobile phones
several cables
one old silver cigarette box
anti-stomach acid fluid
1 UK Nokia phone charger
1 China card set
1 naked ladies card set
oh, a set of international plug adapters
several unidentified objects
1 match box with one match in it
1 old discman
1 set of headphones for my old Sony Ericsson mobile
1 red bike light (still works)
1 old square battery
1 old wallet (full)
passport photos
spare keys to our present lock
1 empty bag


It's only a small drawer...

And now the girl will vanish into the girls' thread again  :Biggrin:

----------


## Paulclem

> I decided to pop into the blokes' thread because they all popped into the girls' thread and what do I find? They are discussing the man drawer (go to 1:30). 
> 
> oo, what is in our man drawer?
> 
> passports
> Oyster cards (for when we go to london)
> at least three old mobile phones
> several cables
> one old silver cigarette box
> ...


I've suggested a new Superhero - Drawer Man!!

Might be confusing given the number of outside trouser pant wearers there are in the superhero fraternity.

----------


## Sancho

Drawer Man, played by Slim Pickens:

Junk drawer contents check, in it you will find:

~ 1 forty-five caliber automatic
~ 2 boxes of ammunition
~ 4 days concentrated emergency rations
~ 1 drug issue containing: antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills
~ 1 miniature combination Roossian phrase book and bible
~ One hundred dollars in Rubles
~ One hundred dollars in gold
~ 9 packs of chewing gum
~ 1 issue of prophylactics
~ 3 lipsticks
~ 3 pair of nylon stockings

Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.

Major Kong from Dr. Strangelove:

http://youtu.be/F5qqfsQGYus

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I don't even want to approach our drawer, never mind listing the contents (which would be alot less classy than GG's stuff.)


I'll loan you my St. Christpher before you head in, probably more appropriate for Mark's walk in.




> I decided to venture into the "drawer". Here's a small amount of it's contents - I didn't delve too much.
> 
> 1 rolling pin
> ...
> 1 hair dryer
> ...
> 1 spool of garden wire (I won't find that again either)
> ...
> Half of a Bosch instruction manual (I don't know what for - the German bit is left)
> ...


How big is that drawer ?! and why would you need a manual for a Bosch spark plug? Just check the spark gap and screw the damn thing in and attach the wire.




> 1 naked ladies card set


Don't let the door slam on your way out, but please leave the cards behind.




> Drawer Man, played by Slim Pickens:
> 
> ...
> 
> Major Kong from Dr. Strangelove:
> 
> http://youtu.be/F5qqfsQGYus


Brilliant. We found our hero.
Thanks for the Neruda photos btw.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sancho: I may have to disqualify your drawer as there are too many useful things in it and they are not random enough. It is a drawer you could tip into a hold-all and set off on an adventure.

Kiki: Having keys to your *present* lock in there is fairly impressive. There are about 20 keys in ours and I don't know what they are for.


I opened my drawer this morning, thinking of doing a list - then shut it again with that immortal phrase " I really must sort this lot out."


Is there a ubiqitous man drawer object? I really thought it would be string - but not so.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Is there a ubiqitous man drawer object? I really thought it would be string - but not so.


A large square battery of undetermined vivacity.

----------


## prendrelemick

> A large square battery of undetermined vivacity.



Present!


err.. not large though.

----------


## Sancho

Got one – vivacity unknown, but it tingles if I lick it.

I think if there’s one item common to all junk drawers, it’s that ubiquitous “chunk of unknown substance.” It could be animal, mineral, or vegetable. It might have hair. It might not. Possibly it moves of its own volition.

----------


## MarkBastable

The _sine qua non_ of The Drawer


A large square battery of undetermined vivacity. 

An almost-finished roll of gaffer tape (duct tape) that's so old that it's stuck to itself.

A pack of Rizlas with only two papers in it, and the cover torn off.

A novelty keyring that you can't remember ever using, but to which, for some forgotten reason, you're sentimentally attached.

A small plastic 1990 World Cup mascot figure.

One of those pencil erasers that's green and sort of gritty, and which has toothmarks on it.

A bank paying-in book.

A cardboard beermat.

Four of a set of five poker dice.

----------


## prendrelemick

Peered into mine, and saw;-

Batteries
keys
String (tangled)
Leads (tangled with string)
12 bore cartridges
Coins
Multi head screwdriver with magnetic probe
Metalic ephemera stuck to magnet
incomplete set of tiny screwdrivers
Instruction manuals going back to the 1990's.
Red rubber bands (from the postman)(also tangled with string)
packet of cable clips

Then I shut the draw.

----------


## smerdyakov

> Peered into mine, and saw;-
> 
> Batteries
> keys
> String (tangled)
> Leads (tangled with string)
> 12 bore cartridges
> Coins
> Multi head screwdriver with magnetic probe
> ...


thought u were a man of letters prendlemick?

----------


## kiki1982

> Kiki: Having keys to your *present* lock in there is fairly impressive. There are about 20 keys in ours and I don't know what they are for.


Oh, we do have other keys, most of which we can identify and an old lock (two actually, one from the 1920s with three keys), but those are in the utility drawer/cupboard so we know where they are when we need them. I'm still looking for a use for that 1920s lock... It used to be delivered with the house we bought from an old lady... Her father bought it back then 'in case the other one ever breaks'.  :FRlol:  Needless to say, the good lock was still there when we changed the door...




> Don't let the door slam on your way out, but please leave the cards behind.


I will do  :Biggrin: .




> A novelty keyring that you can't remember ever using, but to which, for some forgotten reason, you're sentimentally attached.


Yup, we have that one... It'll get used one day when there is a need for an extra keyring...

----------


## Paulclem

today I told Mrs Paulclem about our theories about "the drawer".

She rather poo-pooed them, and said instead that we blokes suffer from "drawer blindness". She claims it is a condition that manifests only in men and is a psychological condition brought about by "finder panic". What happens is - she said - is that men will open a drawer in the expectation of not being able to find the big sticky out thing that is there sticking out at them. They automatically go into panic mode and cause a self induced "drawer blindness". 

I'm still bearing in mind the female propensity for the manipulation of the laws of physics as another likely explanation though.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

"Drawer blindness" or perhaps the "forest for the trees" concept or in our case we could say "couldn't see the catnip for the batteries"

It appears that batteries are certainly common among all "drawers". We've seen some form of tape, gun cartridges, screwdrivers and dice in more than one drawer.

Paul, the ladies have more experience at blind rummaging and location since their drawers go with them, hung over the shoulder.

----------


## prendrelemick

> today I told Mrs Paulclem about our theories about "the drawer".
> 
> She rather poo-pooed them, and said instead that we blokes suffer from "drawer blindness". She claims it is a condition that manifests only in men and is a psychological condition brought about by "finder panic". What happens is - she said - is that men will open a drawer in the expectation of not being able to find the big sticky out thing that is there sticking out at them. They automatically go into panic mode and cause a self induced "drawer blindness". 
> 
> I'm still bearing in mind the female propensity for the manipulation of the laws of physics as another likely explanation though.



Your Mrs P may have a point, only don't bring her down to the club I'm not sure we chaps could cope with such painfull truths being so forthrightly expressed.

Obviously if she is right it could be a throwback to Hunter-Gatherer days when we chaps were the hunters, and they were the gatherers. Women are/were conditioned to spot inanimate objects like fruit and edible grasses. Whereas we are fullfilled by tracking down our prey and bringing it home after a long chase.

----------


## Paulclem

> Your Mrs P may have a point, only don't bring her down to the club I'm not sure we chaps could cope with such painfull truths being so forthrightly expressed.
> 
> Obviously if she is right it could be a throwback to Hunter-Gatherer days when we chaps were the hunters, and they were the gatherers. Women are/were conditioned to spot inanimate objects like fruit and edible grasses. Whereas we are fullfilled by tracking down our prey and bringing it home after a long chase.


Yes she is forthright - you may remember her referring to my steady cheerfulness as due to me being a simpleton, and encouraging me to keep a beard as I am otherwise chinless. She is generally scornful of my activities, and won't be logging in I think. 

I'm satisfied by your explanation for drawer blindness. Further delving into the drawer of explanations may well bring forth those painful truths.

----------


## Paulclem

> "Drawer blindness" or perhaps the "forest for the trees" concept or in our case we could say "couldn't see the catnip for the batteries"
> 
> It appears that batteries are certainly common among all "drawers". We've seen some form of tape, gun cartridges, screwdrivers and dice in more than one drawer.
> 
> Paul, the ladies have more experience at blind rummaging and location since their drawers go with them, hung over the shoulder.


Yes - coached at a young age to understand the related handbag physics, that must give them the edge.

----------


## MarkBastable

> today I told Mrs Paulclem about our theories about "the drawer".
> 
> She rather poo-pooed them, and said instead that we blokes suffer from "drawer blindness". She claims it is a condition that manifests only in men and is a psychological condition brought about by "finder panic". What happens is - she said - is that men will open a drawer in the expectation of not being able to find the big sticky out thing that is there sticking out at them. They automatically go into panic mode and cause a self induced "drawer blindness". 
> 
> I'm still bearing in mind the female propensity for the manipulation of the laws of physics as another likely explanation though.



A corollary of this is the exclusively female strategy 'post-eventum contextual location adjustment'.

"Mark, while you're in there can you get me the paper scissors?"

"Sure - where are they?"

"They're on the first shelf of the Welsh dresser."

".....er...can't see them there."

"They're there."

"Nope."

"They are." 

"Well, hang on - is the first shelf the bottom one or the top one?"

"What? Obviously it's the top one..."

"What's obvious about it?"

"Stop being such a dick, and bring me the scissors."

"They're not on any of the shelves of the Welsh dresser."

"Try moving something and looking properly."

"I'm telling you, they're not on any of the shelves of the Welsh dresser."

"Oh for...."

Enter wife, who scans shelves of Welsh dresser, tuts, turns and opens the drawer next to the sink.

"Here they are - where they always are."

"That's not the first shelf of...."

"Really, for a supposedly intelligent person, you can be so stupid sometimes." 

"But..."

"How long have we lived here?"

"You said..."

"I mean, obviously the first place any sensible person would look is where they're supposed to be."

"Actually, in this house, the _last_ place you'd look for anything is where it's supposed to be..."

"Now you're just arguing for the sake of it, you dick. This tea's cold."

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ....Obviously if she is right it could be a throwback to Hunter-Gatherer days when we chaps were the hunters, and they were the gatherers. Women are/were conditioned to spot inanimate objects like fruit and edible grasses. Whereas we are fullfilled by tracking down our prey and bringing it home after a long chase.


That is great!! 
(five green laughing smilies pounding fists)

----------


## prendrelemick

> A corollary of this is the exclusively female strategy 'post-eventum contextual location adjustment'.
> 
> "Mark, while you're in there can you get me the paper scissors?"
> 
> "Sure - where are they?"
> 
> "They're on the first shelf of the Welsh dresser."
> 
> ".....er...can't see them there."
> ...


 :FRlol: 


Mark, Paul. Being called a dick or a simpleton or even "supposedly intelligent" is nothing compared with my Mrs P's infinitely eloquent sigh and under her breath "honestly" as she produces the scissors from the void.

----------


## Paulclem

> Mark, Paul. Being called a dick or a simpleton or even "supposedly intelligent" is nothing compared with my Mrs P's infinitely eloquent sigh and under her breath "honestly" as she produces the scissors from the void.


I know the look, and Mark's conversation is .... recogniseable. Is it me, or is the finding of things one of the most stressful everyday occurences? 

Whilst we're on a domestic tack, another thing that has begun to assail my senses are those fragrance machines that have begun to appear in plug sockets around the house. Do you have these? They squirt me every time I go past, and I have developed the paranoid notion that Mrs Paulclem has programmed them to respond to my footfall, or odour...

Some of them are ok, but the really annoying one is in the living room next to the TV, which always seems to send out its lemon fragrances when I've sat down with a cuppa or my dinner in front of the TV. (In my favourite part of the settee - nearest the telly so I can see who has the ball when the football is on).

----------


## Paulclem

I'd also like to report that the taties are all now in - I got an extra batch of second earlies, so i now have 12 rows. I was also given some shallots and onion sets, which have also been planted. I harvested some purple sprouting broccoli today, and I have leeks in their beds ready. All three sheds are still standing, and I've dug over most of the new allotment, but the grass and weeds are now abundently growing where I have previously dug. I hope to get more stuff in next week.

----------


## prendrelemick

Wow! Paul, it's shed of the year time. (BBC Breakfast) 

Get your entry in and clear a space on your mantlepiece.

----------


## Paulclem

> Wow! Paul, it's shed of the year time. (BBC Breakfast) 
> 
> Get your entry in and clear a space on your mantlepiece.


Absolutely. I could enter all three and get a sympathy shed from the sponsors cuprinol. All three have got a certain savoir faire - I reckon I've got a good chance. 

Speaking of sheds, I've not long ince got back from the Allotment AGM - doesn't time fly!

The same people were there, and the 5% rule - 5% of the people cause 100% of the problems came true again. I recognised the faces. 

We devolved into farce again over a dispute over those who had not read the new proposed constitution. It ended with a vote on whether to hold a vote on adopting the new constitution. The vote was passed, and then there was a vote on the new constitution - which also passed. So the grumblers and disputers lost that one. In our corner I assured the gathered crew that Eric in the corner had read and agreed with it, and so our corner voted for it. 

It's a fascinating process.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Absolutely. I could enter all three and get a sympathy shed from the sponsors cuprinol. All three have got a certain savoir faire - I reckon I've got a good chance. 
> 
> Speaking of sheds, I've not long ince got back from the Allotment AGM - doesn't time fly!
> 
> The same people were there, and the 5% rule - 5% of the people cause 100% of the problems came true again. I recognised the faces. 
> 
> We devolved into farce again over a dispute over those who had not read the new proposed constitution. It ended with a vote on whether to hold a vote on adopting the new constitution. The vote was passed, and then there was a vote on the new constitution - which also passed. So the grumblers and disputers lost that one. In our corner I assured the gathered crew that Eric in the corner had read and agreed with it, and so our corner voted for it.


Or possibly David Nobbs.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is there a more edifying sight than democracy in action?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I know the look, and Mark's conversation is .... recogniseable. Is it me, or is the finding of things one of the most stressful everyday occurences? 
> 
> Whilst we're on a domestic tack, another thing that has begun to assail my senses are those fragrance machines that have begun to appear in plug sockets around the house. Do you have these? They squirt me every time I go past, and I have developed the paranoid notion that Mrs Paulclem has programmed them to respond to my footfall, or odour...
> ...


hehe. Our squirt machine is named Lily. 
Clay litter can only absorb so much.




> ... All three sheds are still standing, and I've dug over most of the new allotment, but the grass and weeds are now abundently growing where I have previously dug. I hope to get more stuff in next week.





> Wow! Paul, it's shed of the year time. (BBC Breakfast) 
> 
> Get your entry in and clear a space on your mantlepiece.





> Absolutely. I could enter all three and get a sympathy shed from the sponsors cuprinol. All three have got a certain savoir faire - I reckon I've got a good chance. 
> 
> ....


Paul, I'm confident you would win on the merit of the sheds alone, but in order to seal the deal I would suggest attaching last year's play to the application.

BTW...I must have slept through a few posts, I wasn't aware of a third shed. I remember "Ivy League Estates" and "Post Modern Villa".

.

----------


## Paulclem

> BTW...I must have slept through a few posts, I wasn't aware of a third shed. I remember "Ivy League Estates" and "Post Modern Villa".
> 
> .


Here are the three sheds

[IMG][/IMG]

The Leaning Shed of the Allotment

----------


## Paulclem

[IMG][/IMG]

The Fallout Shelter

----------


## Paulclem

[IMG][/IMG]

Ivy Cottage

This is the shed that Fred wanted to keep using. He sits in there when he has his beer, or tea, and also when it rains - though I'm not sure it does much good in that case. I'm happy for him to use it. I am. 

The pictures were taken a year or so ago - maybe more. Not much has changed with them, though I have finally fitted a bit of guttering to two of them.

----------


## prendrelemick

Great pictures and so thoughtfully arranged, its like a progression of characterfulness. The first one is still recognisable as a standard garden shed, the next is beginning to morph into something abstract, and the last is nature reclaiming its own from the insolence of man,s creation.

I think Cuprinol could use them as a cautionary tale. - Use our product, or....

----------


## Paulclem

> Great pictures and so thoughtfully arranged, its like a progression of characterfulness. The first one is still recognisable as a standard garden shed, the next is beginning to morph into something abstract, and the last is nature reclaiming its own from the insolence of man,s creation.
> 
> I think Cuprinol could use them as a cautionary tale. - Use our product, or....


 :FRlol: 

Yes - good for before and after photos. 

Fred - my allotment neighbour who uses Ivy Cottage above - has another normal and ordinary shed, but he insists on using that one. I've no idea why, although he does have a filing cabinet of stuff in there with his tools. Perhaps they are secret files he's filched.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...
> 
> [IMG][/IMG]
> ...





Villa Paul_ladio_

From Andrea Palladios _The Four Books of Architecture_:




Of Timber






Of Foundations





Of Furniture

Furnishings shall compliment the design of the structure for which they serve. Plastic has become a popular choice of material in recent years. Cheap, able to be mass produced, brittle in winter, legs capable of buckling at the first attempt to lean back, plastic is the material of choice at the Villa.


Note the use of the chair as a platform to place your flask and copy of Sir Bannister Fletcher.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Or in the case of Pauls shed. Nail on piecef of interior grade hardboard to the eavef. 

We bodgers know it is a perfectly acceptable material, that co-operates with the weather rather than resists it. It is a sign that the architect was an optimist. Provided you don't push your finger through when it's wet it will last for years.

----------


## Paulclem

I must acquaint you chaps with the secret of the construction of this shed. It is my belief that whoever constructed this fine edifice intended it for a much more grand purpose than a mere allotment shed. I can only surmise that the original purpose was lost in events of the past. I'm sure the robust nature of the construction - as you will see, will convince you fellows of its worthiness for extraordinary duties.

I'll get some interior pictures on my next trip down - perhaps Saturday.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Villa Paul_ladio_
> 
> From Andrea Palladios _The Four Books of Architecture_:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Of Timber
> 
> ...


It was very remis of Chippendale, Sheraton and Adam not to include examples of the above in their pattern books.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It was very remis of Chippendale, Sheraton and Adam not to include examples of the above in their pattern books.


haha!
I am curious to know whose furniture Paul is featuring there in his photo, perhaps a derivative of Breuer or Eames.
I wonder if Paul made it down to the allotments for the interior shots?

btw - My apologies to Mr. Fletcher, that should be one "n" in Banister.

.

----------


## Paulclem

> haha!
> I am curious to know whose furniture Paul is featuring there in his photo, perhaps a derivative of Breuer or Eames.
> I wonder if Paul made it down to the allotments for the interior shots?
> 
> btw - My apologies to Mr. Fletcher, that should be one "n" in Banister.
> 
> .


I did. 

Just look at the thickness of those beams. I reckon they are railway sleepers. There are a couple more over the page. Apologies - the picture quality is not so good. The syle of chair in the picture is most likely B&Q or Wilkinsons. You probably don't have those mass outlets in Texas. 

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Paulclem

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Paulclem

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Paulclem

I picked some lovely purple sprouting broccoli today. 

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Paulclem

[IMG][/IMG]

The green mesh you can see is scaffolding mesh which we bought a couple of years ago. It's great for keeping off the leaf chompers.

----------


## prendrelemick

That shed is built on the sound Victorian Principle of over-engineering, when things were built to last and then a bit more was added just in case. Brunel and Vitruvius would've approved.

Meanwhile Mrs P has introduced a Throw to go over the Throw on my half of the settee. I know my trousers can be a little fragrant at times, especially after mucking out the cows, but a quick squirt of fabreeze would've been more discreet.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That shed is built on the sound Victorian Principle of over-engineering, when things were built to last and then a bit more was added just in case. Brunel and Vitruvius would've approved...


Prendrelemick, I'm not so sure about those sound Victorian principals.

God is in the details
And the devil is in the shed.

Just look at the tenuous moment connection in the photo below. The beam end is cut at an angle thus preventing a tight flush fit and see how the nails reach out in a futile attempt to grip the air. 
The beam entering to the left may as well be skipping down the road as my structural class professor would say.
The fact that Villa Paulladio still stands, is a testament to the composite diaphragm action of the exterior panels compensating for a moment connection performing at about 50%. 

From the beast to the beauty. 
Your Brocolli is looking mighty fine there!

.






> [IMG][/IMG]

----------


## prendrelemick

I think you have just named an important branch of shed architecture _"The Paulladian style"_ 

The ill fitting joint could be an abandoned attempt at a dovetail. It is true that in conventional structures the frame supports the cladding and not the other way round. perhaps what we have here is evidence of the first tottering steps towards today's Monocoque technology.

----------


## prendrelemick

Speaking of Victorian Principles...

----------


## MarkBastable

Never fancied her. Looking at her now, I think perhaps it was the weirdly long thumbs.

However, if she serves to move us on from the subject of sheds, I'm all for her.

So - women we fancied when we were teenagers.... Here we go....

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes
No
who?
Perhaps. ( if Jane Fonda's unavailable.)

----------


## Paulclem

Isn't the third one Jerry Hall?

----------


## DocHeart

It's got to be Kim Wilde. I think she still holds my personal record, if you know what I mean.

Parker... seriously... WHAT'S in this whisky?

----------


## MarkBastable

> Isn't the third one Jerry Hall?


Yeah. As it happens, I ended up marrying a very tall American with blonde waterfall hair and - by now - a weirdly Anglicised Yank accent. Though she doesn't have Jerry's talent for leg-wrestling.

----------


## Paulclem

> Yeah. As it happens, I ended up marrying a very tall American with blonde waterfall hair and - by now - a weirdly Anglicised Yank accent. Though she doesn't have Jerry's talent for leg-wrestling.


I remember you saying you went on a road trip on motorbikes recently. How goes it?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Speaking of Victorian Principles...
> [IMG]Victoria-Principal[/IMG]



Now theres a couple of principals we can all set our sights on.
A brilliant way to dovetail into a new topic. Come to think of it I believe weve covered this ground a few times in the past. It feels like home to a bloke.

A few that got me in a lather during the formative years

Barbara Eden in her role as Jeannie





Raquel Welch





Nichell Nichols as Lt. Uhura from Star Trek




.

----------


## prendrelemick

As a teenager I fancied every presentable female that hove into view. Top of the Pops was the most fertile ground with Suzy Quattro, The Three Degrees and the petite dark one in Pans People deserving special mention. 

Kim Wilde was exceptionally gorgeous - but I was happily married by then - so obviously she had no affect. :Drool5: 


T'other night on't telly Sally Carr was on again, who was a goddess to my 13 year old self.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZjTrBkBIqw

----------


## MarkBastable

> As a teenager I fancied every presentable female that hove into view. Top of the Pops was the most fertile ground


....so many Biblical and cultural allusions there, waiting to be transmuted into off-colour gags, that I'm paralysed by the extent of the possibilities.






> T'other night on't telly Sally Carr was on again, who was a goddess to my 13 year old self.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZjTrBkBIqw


Even at 13, there's no excuse for that. 

Sally _James_, on the other hand....

----------


## prendrelemick

^Mmm, proving that Sallys are a little thin on the ground when it comes to glamour.

Does anyone remember the classy Shirley

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Does anyone remember the classy Shirley


*edit* - Mick, which Shirley is that? I had a second thought and googled images of MacLain and don't see the ones you posted. The hair is different but the eys and eyebrows looked similar. Either way, she would have done fine by me.

original post...
My first and lasting association with Shirley MacLain is from her role in Alred Hitchcock's _The Trouble With Harry_, a humorous piece of dark comedy, however, she was not among the cast of my youthful fantasies. Had I seen the images above, she would have been given the part... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F3eWgbVvqNY

If you would indulge me for a brief sidestep from the current train of thought, what are your impressions regarding "Boddington's Pub Ale"?. I recently made an entirely random purchase of Boddington's consisting of a four pack in cans. Very smooth, nice color and plenty of head. Thanks in advance, now back to the ladies of our youth.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

My Shirley is Shirley Anne Field - a minor starlet who was probably too gorgeous to be taken seriously. Shirley Maclain on the other hand, like most hurricanes, was always taken seriously.


More importantly a cold "Boddie" at the end of the hard, hot day hits the spot as well as anything else.
It used to be known as "The Cream of Manchester, but it's multi-national owner moved production and for what ever reason the flavour of the beer altered (probably something in the water.) It's still a half decent beer, but tastes more watery that it used to.

----------


## MarkBastable

> My Shirley is Shirley Anne Field - a minor starlet who was probably too gorgeous to be taken seriously. Shirley Maclain on the other hand, like most hurricanes, was always taken seriously.


One of my favourite Hollywood quotes, from Shirley MacLaine...

"I've played a hooker so often that they don't pay my agent any more. They just leave the money on the dresser."

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Old Boddie's sounds yum!

Has anyone tried the William Stones Bitter Draught Sheffield [this is what's emblazoned on the replacement pint glass] (and I'm sure a few of you have!). A google took me to the Wikipaedia, but apart from discovering it was once the most popular brew in Britain I couldn't find an actual review. I've yet to check whether they export.


Incidentally I pegged you both as Shirley MacLean blokes...

----------


## prendrelemick

Boddies, Stones and John Smiths are very similar apart from their signature coloured cans (Yellow Orange and Green respectively.) Tetley's (blue can) is slightly superior. Bitter of any sort is becoming scarce on the supermarket shelves these days - even here in the beer swilling north. Lager now accounts for about 80% of shelf space, and cider is the latest fad. Where once they dominated, the mass produced bitters are now tucked away with the specialist stuff like Black Sheep and Hobgoblin. 

Shirley MacLean is more admirable than fanciable for me.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

So only as good as new Boddies? I was thinking of ordering some, but maybe I'll stick to local. Actually I've gone off bitter myself lately, because Cooper's Vintage is just about the best I've ever tasted ever - it's got the creamy aspect, but you could almost start comparing it to wine with it's slight sarsparilla bouquet and chocolatey nose.

I can taste the wonderment. I can taste the excitement. I can taste your jealousy.

----------


## prendrelemick

I cannot be jealous of a Newcastle Brown virgin.

I may have mentioned before that I do enjoy the odd glass of Newcastle Brown Ale. However sometimes you just need something to quench your thirst, and those bottled beers are a pit pricey and not as slakey. That's where your cans of Stones, Boddies and John Smiths come in. OK they might not be wine-like in their subtleties but they are good beers, not as gassy as lager and a lot better than the really cheap stuff. I like to chop and change between them, but I can't say which is best. Boddington's used to be best, but it aint what it was. Tetley's is better, it is very smooth and creamy, it goes down easily, the flavour is deep rather than strong. After your first one you'll want another. For a high volume mass produced beer it is exceptional.

The specialist and small brewery ales are ok, they have their own distictive flavours much like wine, but in that price range I prefer my superior Newkie Brown every time.

----------


## Paulclem

Newkie Brown. I haven't had one in years. Distinctive flavour. I used to drink Tetleys quite a lot in my youth, but, as Mick says, the others are fine. 

I tend to have a spiced rum in the coffee down the allotment more than anything else exept in summer when there's nothing like a cool pint.

----------


## prendrelemick

Is your local Tetleys as good as that of your youth Paul? I only ask because some beers don't travel well. I was in Leamington Spa a while ago and went to a pub across from the municiple bowling greens. The landlord recognised my accent - to within about 10 miles - because they got alot of bowlers in from "up north". "I've just the thing for you" he said, then pointed out the Timothy Taylor's Landlord he had on tap, which is brewed in Keighley and usually very nice. He proudly pulled me a lovely looking pint and with several locals looking on I took a sip. It was disgusting. However I looked into the landlord's eager face and felt that telling him so would be like kicking a puppy. "Mmmm that's grand." I said.

----------


## Paulclem

Now you've set me a task. I'll have to invest a little time to answer. I can still taste the first sup of Tetleys I used to have in good old Wakey. Very distinctive.

----------


## MystyrMystyry

_Slake_'s the operative there actually - Vintage creates a thirst. I defy anyone, boozer or no, to stop at just one. So Newc's and Coop's are probably similar - going by a few boutique ales I've tasted - but again I'm not really a drunk (though I've certainly had my moments of glory), a pint usually lasts me half an hour to an hour (unless we're talking party, in which event who tracks time?)

I've discovered a pub that serves only imported beer, with a huge ornately chalked blackboard displaying their offerings. Newc's on there and Boddies too, though don't remember seeing a Tetley's, but perhaps they do.

Unfortunately it's a city hotel with no garden, and that generally means I'm not likely going to hang around, and also it has the air of an up-market bistro rather than a place you'd want to spend the day in - with a view to tasting everything in one sitting - but it could be fun to try

(After about the third I'd guess)

----------


## Paulclem

I haven't had that Tetley's yet. There's a festival over in Earlsdon on Monday - (Earlsdon is a part of Coventry which has been referred to as the muesli belt). I think they put a lot into the street party - it's the kind of place that has committees for everything. Perhaps I'll get to have the Tetley's there. 

By the way, did I tell you that I've been invited onto the allotment committee? Out of seven, there were three, and so they're just making up the numbers. Now I get to help out in the shop. I think I'll be carrying compost bags out of the store as a start.

----------


## prendrelemick

^ With power comes privilege.


Earlsdon sounds the kind of place where you're more likely to get a pint of Evian than a Tetleys.

----------


## Paulclem

> ^ With power comes privilege.
> 
> 
> Earlsdon sounds the kind of place where you're more likely to get a pint of Evian than a Tetleys.


It certainly does. I'll have a gander tomorrow during the festival. It might provide entertainment of one kind or another.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

The missus and I finished the "Boddies" and she followed up with a purchase of Becks last week.
Today we swung by the grocer to get some hamburger buns for our grill night. As fate would have it, the bread aisle is adjacent to the beer and wine section and what to my wandering eye do I spot? Newcastle Brown Ale, right next to the Boddington's. I'm on my second bottle. Quite good.
Bass Ale was on the shelf as well. - How does Bass Ale stack up with you blokes?

Paul - A character from one of those bizarre tales of mine was named "The Dungloader" 

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Quite good! Well I suppose it could be an aquired taste. I think it is akin to a food, its a nourishing drink designed for these cold damp cilmes, to be had in front of a warm fire of a winter evening, rather than with a barbie. Course I drink it all the time.

It sounds as though your grocer is better stocked with good beer than our supermarkets are these days. I like the Bass Premium Ale - that's a black can with a big red triangle on the front, it comes in at around the Tetleys mark, so not bad at all, a bit over priced though.

We have Becks Coors and Buds over here, I find them flavoursome though a bit gassy for my taste.

----------


## Paulclem

I didn't make it to Earlsdon for the festival. A bloke at the gate barred my way with a spear and called me a knave and a wastrel. I took umbrage at being called a wastrel, but he wouldn't let me in, and, as he was backed up by a big bloke with a large axe, we went on into ye olde Coventry and had a pubbe Lunch instead. 

Instead we saw a Hurricane, a Spitfire and a Messcherschmidt109 in the newly paved centre, and I had a burger whilst Mrs Paulclem had a curry. They didn't have Tetleys on tap either. We had a pleasant time of it though.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Instead we saw a Hurricane, a Spitfire and a Messcherschmidt109 in the newly paved centre...


Wish I were there to see three of the greatest fighters of the time. The local air museum has a Spitfire and a Messerschmidt 109 fitted with a British Rolls Royce Merlin engine. (you can tell by the position of the exhaust ports) oh the shame!
Regardless, both are beautifully restored aircraft.

I just finished the last of the "Newkies" and now I'm starting on a Warsteiner.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I just finished the last of the "Newkies" and now I'm starting on a Warsteiner.


As Hamlet put it.-

Could'st thou on this fair mountain leave to feed, 
And batten on this Moor?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Wish I were there to see three of the greatest fighters of the time. The local air museum has a Spitfire and a Messerschmidt 109 fitted with a British Rolls Royce Merlin engine. (you can tell by the position of the exhaust ports) oh the shame!
> Regardless, both are beautifully restored aircraft.
> 
> I just finished the last of the "Newkies" and now I'm starting on a Warsteiner.






As a matter of intrest GG, what would the American equivalent of those three aircraft be? Iconic dog fighter, that is.

----------


## prendrelemick

Here's a joke from my school days.

After the war Douglas Bader goes to a girls convent school to give a talk about his wartime experiences.

"I was on patrol over the Kent coast, when suddenly two Fokkers came diving out of the sun towards me -" 

Noticing some giggleing on the front row, the Mother Superior stepped in. "I should tell you girls that a Fokker was a type of German aircraft. Isn't that right Mr Bader?"

"That's right Mother Superior, but these Fokkers were in Messerschmidts!"

Ahh how we laughed.

----------


## MarkBastable

> . A bloke at the gate barred my way with a spear and called me a knave and a wastrel.


Was this one of these Mediaeval Crafte Fayre things, which involves unconvincing broadsword jousting between a portly greengrocer and sallow History postgrad, and some pale hippy chick attempting to make a loom interesting and a bell-hatted wanker on stilts scaring children while discomfited parents look on murmuring, "It's alright, Jocasta. He's funny."?

Or not?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> As a matter of intrest GG, what would the American equivalent of those three aircraft be? Iconic dog fighter, that is.


Ill give the top three to:
Lockheed P-38 Lightning (J and L models), 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLKiQ06z7_g

*North American P-51 Mustang

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEpzG...eature=related

and the Vought F4U Corsair.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQxb-...eature=related

*Mustangs were eventually fitted with the Rolls Royce -Packard Merlin V-12

Now most folks would give the Mustang the nod for top U.S. fighter but I must go with the Lightning for reason of personal pride. My father flew the Lightning in the Pacific theatre. Here he is on the wing of Blood & Guts assigned the Captain Elliott Summer somewhere in the Phillipines. They were in the same squadron:






Ill see about rounding up a few more shots I found among the rolls of film from my fathers Leica.


"LIGHTNINGS IN THE SKY"
George A. Evans
Oh, Hedy Lamar is a beautiful gal, Madeline Carroll is too.
But youll find if you query a much different theory amongst any bomber crew
That the loveliest thing of which one can sing This side of the heavenly gates
Is no blonde or brunette of the Hollywood set
But an escort of P-38s

In all the days past when the tables were massed with glasses of scotch and champagne
Its quite true that that sight was a thing to delight us intent on feeling no pain
But no longer the same nowadays in this game as we sail onto the missing state
Take your sparkling wine but always make mine
An escort of P-38s.

Byron, Shelley and Keats ran each other dead heats describing the views from the hills
Of the valleys in May where the winds gently sway an army of bright daffodils
Take your daffodils Byron, the wild flowers Shelley, yours is the myrtle, friend Keats
Just preserve me those cuties, all-American beauties
An escort of P-38s.

Sure were braver than hell on the ground all is well, in the air its a much different story
As we sweat out our track through the fighters and flak were willing to split up the glory
Well, they wouldnt reject us so heaven protect us until all this shootin abates
Give us courage to fight em and another small item
An escort of P-38s.





> Here's a joke from my school days.
> 
> After the war Douglas Bader goes to a girls convent school to give a talk about his wartime experiences.
> 
> "I was on patrol over the Kent coast, when suddenly two Fokkers came diving out of the sun towards me -" 
> 
> Noticing some giggleing on the front row, the Mother Superior stepped in. "I should tell you girls that a Fokker was a type of German aircraft. Isn't that right Mr Bader?"
> 
> "That's right Mother Superior, but these Fokkers were in Messerschmidts!"
> ...


Brilliant !!




> Was this one of these Mediaeval Crafte Fayre things, which involves unconvincing broadsword jousting between a portly greengrocer and sallow History postgrad, and some pale hippy chick attempting to make a loom interesting and a bell-hatted wanker on stilts scaring children while discomfited parents look on murmuring, "It's alright, Jocasta. He's funny."?
> 
> Or not?


We have Scarborough Rennaisance festival http://www.srfestival.com/
One year we attended with our son, about 8 years old at the time. A wench with clevage was flirting with our son. Suddenly from acroos the green we hear a ragged knave pushing a cart of rags yell "Leave him alone, he has not yet known woman"

.

----------


## prendrelemick

^Thanks for thar Gilliatt, I had a feeling you'd choose the Lightning.

The sound of those supercharged merlins (in the Mustang) with that doppler effect as they fly past makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up. 



Madeline Caroll, a prototype Hitchcock blonde who gave it all up when her sister was killed in an air raid. 

Who can forget this . 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5tmP...eature=related

----------


## MarkBastable

> A wench with clevage...
> .


Yes, fair enough. Bloodye Irrytating Crafte Fayres do have that going for them - women with cleavage. Though most of them tend to be of the sturdy English oak rather than the slender green willow variety. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

And I do have a sneaking suspicion that all this Mediaeval festival stuff and the Sealed Knot palaver and anything that involves bustles and bonnets and top hats and twirled moustaches at neighbourhood Christmas Fairs - all that - is actually no more than extended Method-acting foreplay in anticipation of sepia-tinted oh-Sir-Jasper owzyerfather when the participants get home.

----------


## Sancho

Strange times. 

Great photo, Gill. I may be projecting, but your dad looks like a man who is ready to take on whatever life is going to throw at him. At any rate, its a great photo.

I agree. The P-38 was the king of the Pacific. Everything in aviation is a tradeoff  speed for maneuverability  fuel for weapons load  etc. But with the P-38, the sacrifices made for the extra engine were more than paid back by getting the plane back home, over long stretches of ocean, with one feathered.

The Cats did fairly well against the Mitsubishi Zero. The Navy has always liked Grumman as an air-framer. The U.S. got ahold of its first A6M Zero in the Aleutian Islands. Japanese Petty Officer Koga took a .50 cal round to an oil line, but rather than scuttle the plane in the ocean and wait for a submarine rescue (as were his instructions), he decided to land the plane in a meadow and then, presumably, planned to torch it and walk down to the beach and wait for rescue. I suppose he figured that Alaskan water was awfully cold and the meadow looked so inviting, but the meadow turned out to be muskeg (tundra) and a really poor landing surface. The plane flipped and Koga was killed  he had a broken neck, but he also had water in his lungs indicating he may have drowned as water filled the cockpit. Anyway, the plane was recovered by the Navy and taken to San Diego where it was repaired and flown against everything we had. Those tests strongly influenced the design of the F6F Hellcat, which turned out to be very effective against the Zero. The F8F Bearcat was probably an even better plane against the Zero, but it came along so late that it didnt see much action.




If the Cats did well in the Pacific, there was a junkyard dog of a fighter plane that did well over Germany  the P-47 Thunderbolt. The _Jug_ had a reputation for making it back across the channel with an obscene amount of battle damage  even with cylinders shot off. The P-51 Mustang, by contrast, was more of a finely tuned racehorse; one shot to its pressurized liquid-cooling system and it was out of commission.

The P-47 wasnt pretty, or particularly lovable, but was effective, like a junkyard dog:

----------


## prendrelemick

How does the Corsair measure up? A plane that looks menacing even when it's on the ground (or carrier.)

Our junk yard dog was the Hurricane. Though out performed and out graced by the Spitfire, it could be patched up with a bit of cloth and a slap of glue, and be ready for the next scramble, it was also alot cheaper and quicker to make. these were pretty important factors during those desperate times.

I've just been reading about the De Havilland Mosquito, the World's fastest plane of its day, it was built of balsa wood which meant its airframe parts could be produced in small workshops all over the country and not take up stratigic resources and materials. In fact it was only because of this, the Air Ministry approved its development.

----------


## MarkBastable

Do you know how many minutes' _ratta-tatta-tatta_ the Spitfire could deliver before the pilot had to go home for more bullets?

None.

It was sixteen _seconds_.

That's not how it comes across in the movies, I'm telling you.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Strange times. 
> 
> Great photo, Gill. I may be projecting, but your dad looks like a man who is ready to take on whatever life is going to throw at him. At any rate, it’s a great photo.
> 
> ....If the Cats did well in the Pacific, there was a junkyard dog of a fighter plane that did well over Germany – the P-47 Thunderbolt. The _Jug_ had a reputation for making it back across the channel with an obscene amount of battle damage – even with cylinders shot off. The P-51 Mustang, by contrast, was more of a finely tuned racehorse; one shot to its pressurized liquid-cooling system and it was out of commission.
> 
> The P-47 wasn’t pretty, or particularly lovable, but was effective, like a junkyard dog:



Thanks Sancho. My father did quite well for himself after the war, through the remainder of his life.
(Quick correction: That's MAJOR Elliott Summer referring to my earlier post)

The P-47 is a beast. 
A humorous excerpt from _Famous Fighters of the Second World War_ by William Green:

“When in January 1943, the U.S.A.A.F.’s 56th Fighter Group arrived in the United Kingdom with its massive Republic P-47 Thunderbolts, R.A.F. fighter pilots banteringly suggested that their American colleagues would be able to take evasive action when attacked by undoing their harness and dodging about the fuselage of their huge mounts.”





> How does the Corsair measure up? A plane that looks menacing even when it's on the ground (or carrier.)
> 
> ...I've just been reading about the De Havilland Mosquito, the World's fastest plane of its day, it was built of balsa wood which meant its airframe parts could be produced in small workshops all over the country and not take up stratigic resources and materials. In fact it was only because of this, the Air Ministry approved its development.


The Corsair was quite intimidating with an impressive performance under the Navy and Marines. It was the longest production piston fighter continuing service into the Korean War. The Corsair’s fame was due in part to the accomplishments and antics of the “Black sheep Squadron” led by “Pappy” Boyington. 

With only balsa and plywood wrapped around two Merlins, high speed was not difficult to achieve in the Mosquito!

I spent some time on a sentimental journey digging through old photos and found a few you might appreciate. 

First some background music - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot_1M...eature=related

Father during Primary Training (“PT”) phase along with the rest of the class. He is standing at far right. The tubes coming out of the ears received a flexible communication hose, given that you can tell who the instructor is!
The plane is a Ryan PT-22




Next phase was Basic Training (“BT”). The plane is Vultee BT-13 “Vibrator”





Final phase was Advanced Training (“AT”) using the North American AT-6 “Texan”.


Father and a nightclub blonde bombshell. Somewhere in California, probably LA, during fighter training before heading off to the Phillipines.





Good looks must skip a generation, cause I sure as hell don’t look like this:






Finally, some P-38 nose art plus one from a C-47 photos taken by my father C’mon, they’re no worse than some of those images St. Lukes posts:

----------


## Sancho

> Do you know how many minutes' _ratta-tatta-tatta_ the Spitfire could deliver before the pilot had to go home for more bullets?
> 
> None.
> 
> It was sixteen _seconds_.
> 
> That's not how it comes across in the movies, I'm telling you.


Its counterintuitive but 16 seconds is an eternity in Air Fighting, and more than twice the trigger time of modern Fighters. So if it seems like a very long time when that the movie pilot is firing away  it is in real life too. What Hollywood doesnt get at very well is trigger discipline, which is a technicality and doesnt really matter to the plot or to movie goers anyway, so  who cares? Suffice it to say, in Air-to-Air or Air-to-Mud whether you run out of fuel or bullets first (Bingo Out or Go Winchester) is a crap shoot. 




> The P-47 is a beast. 
> A humorous excerpt from _Famous Fighters of the Second World War_ by William Green:
> 
> When in January 1943, the U.S.A.A.F.s 56th Fighter Group arrived in the United Kingdom with its massive Republic P-47 Thunderbolts, R.A.F. fighter pilots banteringly suggested that their American colleagues would be able to take evasive action when attacked by undoing their harness and dodging about the fuselage of their huge mounts.


Nice photos, Gill! I havent heard that story, but I suppose at that point in time, having survived the Battle of Britain, the RAF Blokes certainly had bragging rights over their Yankee brothers. The always quotable Winston Churchill said of the RAFs performance during - the most intense air battle of all time: _Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few._ Another well-known quote (or at least sentiment) from the time prior to D-Day, when much of the US Army was in England, was about the only problems with the Yanks_was that they were overpaid, over-sexed, and over here._ But I reckon John Bull preferred Uncle Sam to Herman the German.




> ...Madeline Caroll, a prototype Hitchcock blonde who gave it all up when her sister was killed in an air raid. 
> 
> Who can forget this . 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5tmP...eature=related


Ive gotta tell ya, Mick, Ive met more Aviation buffs in the UK than any other place Ive been. I suspect the Battle of Britain left a mark on the national consciousness aviation-wise, but I dont know. At airports like Manchester Intl they still have viewing stands by the runway where people hang out and write down the tail numbers of airliners in their logbooks as they land. Speaking of Manchester, the Manchester Museum of Science and Industry has a very good aviation hall. Theres no Hurricane but they do have a Submarine Spitfire and a Hawker Hunter. I was disappointed that there wasnt an Avro Lancaster Bomber, but there was an Avro Shackleton Maritime plane. And more importantly there were a bunch of old guys hanging around there who knew absolutely everything about all of the exhibits. I got a personalized tour  Hey mates, its a Yank, lets show him aroundhe needs to know about the aspect ratio of the wing on the Hawker Siddeley Tridentoh yes, and we need to tell him about the engineering history behind the pitot-static system of the de Havilland Vampireand so on. I stayed there until closing time, and then the old guys let me buy them a few pints at an off-license pub. It was a great day. And this is sort of weird, but somehow symmetrical, considering you mentioned Madeline Caroll, I ate at an excellent restaurant in Manchester on that trip  a little pricey but worth it  called _39 Steps_. Freaky,eh?

----------


## MarkBastable

> Sancho wrote: _I suspect the Battle of Britain left a mark on the national consciousness aviation-wise, but I dont know_


I'm sure it did, everywise. I think that the fact that the war came to the towns and countryside has made it an immediate part of British understanding of the world in a way that until recently was impossible for Americans to understand.

In the winter of 2001, my wife - who'd by then lived in London about eight months - and I went to an exhibition at the Barbican of photographs of the City during the Blitz. All those images of London in flames were familiar to me, of course. But she said, "God - I never realised what it was like. It was 9/11 every night."

While we're talking about the Second World War, by the way, I highly recommend this: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Double-Cross...6891897&sr=1-1

----------


## prendrelemick

Those are great photo's GG, your father was a real hero. 


I suppose the Battle of Britain is stamped upon the consciousness of the Nation. Or should I say the Legends are. Churchill, The Few, the Spitfire, our finest hour and all that. Perhaps it is because it was fought overhead in full view of the population, or the fact that we were the underdog. Whatever the strategic implications, it was a glorious episode in our history. 


I would recommend reading Adolph Galland's biography for a German view on the Battle of Britain. Fascinating stuff. 

I know the MMSI well, though I like to go and look at all those huge mill engines next door.


I couldn't remember the lovely Jean Creamer who's image appears on that plane so I looked her up! :Blush:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Thanks Sancho and Mark for the book suggestion. Coincidentally, I am currently reading volume one of Anthony Cave Browns _Bodyguard of Lies_ from my fathers library. 
The extraordinary true story of the clandestine war of intricate deceptions that hid the secrets of D-Day from Hitler and sealed the Allied victory.

Richard Hough and Dennis Richards _The Battle of Britain_ is another weve had in the family library. 
Theres a humorous sketch in the book, exemplifying how near to home the battle truly was. The sketch shows a couple blokes out in the countryside, one of which is offering directions to the other:

Eglantine cottage? Go down the lanes past the Messerschmitt, bear left and keep on past the two Dorniers, then turn right and its just past the first Junkers. _Punch, 4 September 1940_

I stumbled on this video back during those glorious chemtrail thread days. On a serious note, it still brings brings a tear to my eye:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUx3MU9iM6c

Thanks Mick and also for the book suggestion. Galland and Rommel seemed to be of similar stripes regarding their personal feelings about the war and attitude toward Hitler, Nazism.

Im pretty sure Jean was a fictional character whose role was to cream the enemy with four .50 caliber guns and one 20 mm cannon. Note the one gun port that is taped over.

If you will indulge me one more time with a family photo, it is Mothers Day here. Mom in uniform as WW II Army nurse:

----------


## Paulclem

The pictures and discussion has taken an interesting turn. I've been a bit busy recently, though I've dropped in to take a look at what's happening. 

Fantastic pictures Gilliatt - thanks for sharing. You must be proud of your parents. They look great in the uniforms. 

I have little knowledge of planes, but a few of our relatives have told us of the effects of the bombing in Coventry during WW2.

My Mother-in-Law was evacuated to Wales when she was a kid during the Blitz. She didn't like the schools there as they did too much singing, but she had fun working on the farms. 

The old Uncle and his family was bombed out of their home. They lived near a huge ordanance warehouse, which was not the best place to live during total war. They had just spent their first night in a house in a village - Fillongley - a few miles away, and when the old Uncle and his Dad returned to the house the next day after the big raid, they found that a slab of masonry had gone through the roof and smashed his parent's bed through the living room ceiling. 

They didn't return to the house, as it had been rendered uninhabitable, but eventually got their own place in the village. 

One of the learners in my class a few years ago told me that she had been a schoolgirl during the war, and, upon going home for dinner one day, she was fired at by a German plane. She said she told her Mum, who told her off for exaggerating, and sent her back to school for the afternoon.

----------


## Sancho

I agree. Those are fabulous pictures, Gill. And you’re a good son – Happy mother’s Day to your Mom. While I was browsing those photos I had to keep reminding myself that for all those people, with all those smiling faces, the future was uncertain. We all have the benefit of knowing what happened, but at that time the outcome of the war was far from guaranteed. 

Also, that's an amazing schoolgirl story, Paul. The Nazis did some horrible things, but strafing schoolgirls is below dastardly.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The pictures and discussion has taken an interesting turn. I've been a bit busy recently, though I've dropped in to take a look at what's happening. 
> 
> Fantastic pictures Gilliatt - thanks for sharing. You must be proud of your parents. They look great in the uniforms. 
> 
> I have little knowledge of planes, but a few of our relatives have told us of the effects of the bombing in Coventry during WW2...


Very proud indeed. 
Well Paul, you only have yourself to blame with your mentioning on the planes you saw during your recent to ye olde Coventry. One mention of a WW II fighter plane and youve suddenly opened up the throttle to a classic blokey subject.

The mention of Conventry and the Blitz, brought to mind a gesture of peace I learned of a few weeks ago when I was trying to recall the name of the ruined church in Berlin. Inside Kaiser Wilhelm Memorial Church there is a cross made from large nails once used in the wood structure from Coventry Cathedral that was destroyed during the Blitz. 

From Wikipedia:






> I agree. Those are fabulous pictures, Gill. And youre a good son  Happy mothers Day to your Mom. While I was browsing those photos I had to keep reminding myself that for all those people, with all those smiling faces, the future was uncertain. We all have the benefit of knowing what happened, but at that time the outcome of the war was far from guaranteed...


Thanks and interesting observation Sancho. In the case of the photos above, the smiles were a little easier to come by among those you see and among the Allies in general, since they were taken toward the latter half of 1944 and into 1945. The Allies had, by that time, gained air superiority and it was clear that we were advancing on the ground in Europe and island by island in the Pacific.

One serious threat to that air superiority came with the advent of jet power and the Messerschmitt ME 262. Fortunately Hitlers coked up mind (see Theodor Morell) convinced him that the jet should be used primarily as a ground attack weapon instead of a pursuit fighter against the waves of allied bombers. And it was those bombers that included ME 262 factories among their top priority targets thus stymieing production.

Back to planes and engines. Another British workhorse that Id always admired, is the Hawker Tempest. The subtle gull wing and curvature of the trailing edge of the Tempest is beautiful, not quite as pronounced as the Corsair. A 24 cylinder Napier Sabre engine hauled the Tempest over 400 mph.

Listen to the pass at 4:23 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BKq51LdJ-ZU

(what is happening to this thread?)

.

----------


## prendrelemick

I had a Sancho like experience in Coventry Cathederal, I was taken in hand and given a three hour tour by an old bloke who remembered the bombing.

Coventry Cathederal sent many of those crosses out all over the world. Strangely for a symbol of peace, the original one that was fashioned immediately after the fire cooled was given to the warship HMS Coventry and was passed on to Ships bearing that name untill The Falklands conflict, when the last Coventry was sunk. 

Navy divers salvaged the cross and it is now on another ship with Coventry connections. (I can't remember the name.)

----------


## Paulclem

Yes - they've got a cross of nails in the ruins of the old cathedral too. It's a powerful symbol of regeneration for the city. There was a lot of reconciliation work done after the war. 

I'm going to post those pictures of the Spitfire and Messcherschmidt. I would have done it just now but the converters for the micro SDs have gone!! Grrrrrrr

Just as an aside to the current topic, I watched the last Match of the Day last night which showed the last games for this season played in the football premiership. 

I have to say it was brilliant. 

It was between Manchester United and Manchester City - reds and blues respectively.

The went into their final games on equal points, but with Man City ahead on goal difference - the amount of goals scored minus the amount conceded. Manchester United needed to win to have a hope of winning the title again. 

If Manchester United won, then Manchester City needed to win to stay on top with the better goal difference. 

Man United were playing Sunderland away. They had quite a few chances, but Wayne Rooney scored to make it 1:0 to Man U. Sunderland came close, but didn't look like winning. 

Man City took and early lead against Queens Park Rangers to make it 1:0, but QPR came back with two goals to make it QPR 2, Man City 0. 

Both games were drawing to a close, and the situation remained the same. It looked like Man U had snatched it from Man City. 

Then extra time was added - 3 mins for the Man U game and 5 mins for the Man City game. As a consequence Man U's game ended, with them winning their game and waiting for the final whistle in the other. They were in front, and it looked like they had won.

Then, in the extra time, Man City scored two gaols within a minute, and took the lead 3:2 over QPR, won the game and won the title. 

It was a brilliant end to a brilliant season. I'm glad Man City won, as Man U have won the title loads of times. Roll on the next one in August - after the European Cup. Yippee!

----------


## prendrelemick

Yup, Football is Drama. That's its appeal to me, and Sunday had it in bucketfulls. The whole season came down to the very last minute.

Afterwards the joy of those Man City fans was brilliant, it reminded me of the first time Man United won it under Fergie - before they became used to winning all the time.

As one City fan said, they have been waiting 44 years for a bit of luck and on Sunday it all arrived in one two minute dollop.

----------


## optimisticnad

Tsk tsk tsk...I return after a long time and decide to take a sneap peak at the enemy camp and lo and behold! we have pornographic content in the blokes' thread! :P Stereotypical much?  :Biggrin:   :Biggrin:  xx

----------


## prendrelemick

No no, Our historical and cultural discussions are wide ranging and unbridled.

eg. compare this with the WW II art

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I'm going to post those pictures of the Spitfire and Messcherschmidt. I would have done it just now but the converters for the micro SDs have gone!! Grrrrrrr
> 
> ....It was a brilliant end to a brilliant season. I'm glad Man City won, as Man U have won the title loads of times. Roll on the next one in August - after the European Cup. Yippee!


Don't forget those pictures Paul.

Yes, I noticed the headline a few days ago about Man City winning. Congratulations.
The Dallas Mavericks (pro basketball) were swept in the first round of playoffs after winning it all last year.
The Texas Rangers (baseball) are starting out pretty well. Maybe third time's a charm after losing the World Series two years in a row.





> No no, Our historical and cultural discussions are wide ranging and unbridled.
> 
> eg. compare this with the WW II art


Haha! brilliant.

I can picture it now; the Mona Lisa on the nose of a B-17.
Who knows there may have been one.

.

----------


## Paulclem

I won't forget. I'll pop them up as soon as I find the micro-sd converter.

----------


## prendrelemick

More footballing drama last night. Chelsea are European Champions. They were 1-0 down to Bayern Munich with 2 minutes to go, ( they should've been about 5-0 down on balance of play,) then Didier Drogba pops up and scores. It's still all square after extra time, (Robben failing to score with a penalty) and in the penalty shoot-out it's Drogba who gets the winning goal, with what could be his very last kick as a Chealsea player. 

I'm not a big footie fan anymore, but you can't beat it for drama. It has all the classical elements - Tragedy, Hubris, Pathos, it's Heros and villians its Gods and Titans. A match has a narrative too, a story with twists and sub-plots. Chelsea last night were out played and out classed, they were down and out, but somehow managed to win in the end.

Even Halifax Town vs Torquay on a sleet riven wednesday night will have a moment of artistry that makes the spectators (20 cold men and a dog) gasp and remember why they turned out.

----------


## Paulclem

The manager has done a great job after Villas-Boas made a hash of his time there. It was a good game, and would have been even better if they had not flashed the result onto 5 news, which took me by surprise.

The BBC did that on the last day as well announcing Man City as the winners at the beginning of the news before Match of the Day. I swore.

----------


## Sancho

I dont know anything about soccer. 

But I did get to go a match a few years ago in Manchester  what a gas. We knew something was going on in town as soon as we hit the ground. The whole place was nervous, on edge. It was in the air. The concierge at the hotel filled us in: England was playing Wales in the elimination for the World Cup, which was a matchup that hadnt happened in quite some time. I said, Oh hell yeah! We gotta go. The hotel man said, Its sold out, but I know a bloke who 

So we called the guy, who probably figured we were alright on account of our Yankee accents, and he told us to meet him under a certain sign in front of the stadium and he would contact us  Oh yes, and have the money ready, in small unmarked bills. I guess theyre weird about ticket scalping in Manchester.

Anyway, it all worked out and we got in (for around £100 apiece). And so were sitting there, watching the game, getting comfortably numb, and chatting it up with our section mates. They filled us in on the finer points of the game  I think  Im not really sure, because between the many pints involved and those crazy accents, I was only getting about half of what they were saying.

What impressed me most was the coordinated abuse heaped on the Welsh by the English fans, the Welsh being ensconced in a tightly knotted defensive position in a small section of the stadium. The English had one cheer in particular that everyone seemed to know. Theyd all start chanting something unintelligible (to my Yankee ears anyway), and then, on cue, and in unison, theyd all turn towards the Welsh section and  flip them off. It was hilarious. I was dying.

David Beckham was playing for England, and I surmised it was somewhat of a homecoming for him (hed already left Man-United). The Fans certainly loved the man. At one point in the game he took a hard hit and was down on the field. Again, I dont know anything about soccer, but I know a cheap shot when I see one. I also sensed it was probably a vendetta. Anyway the whole stadium fell into a stunned silence for a few moments until one guy, not too far from us, jumps up, with veins popping in his neck and spittle flying from his mouth, he screams at the Welch section: YEW F*CKING BASTARDS!

And so it went.

After the game we walked back to town, which was a sport in itself. Everybody was going in the same direction, but the battle line ran down the center of the street. Unwittingly we found ourselves on the side of Wales for this skirmish. My buddy (a former field artillery man) yelled, Incoming! and then we dodged a salvo of beer bottles from the other side of the street. We then watched while the Welsh returned fire and the English reloaded. We figured it wasnt our fight, so we wound up taking refuge in a pub (they didnt want to let us in until they figured out we were Yanks  This way, mates.).

Anyhow, next chance I get, Im going to another soccer match.

----------


## prendrelemick

Was it "Are you Scotland in disguise?" A popular chant around that time.

----------


## Sancho

In all honesty, Mick, I have no idea what they were chanting, but that sounds about right. It says something, though Im not sure what. If Im remembering my history, the word for the Welsh evolved out one of the invaders words for _outsider_ or _foreigner_. Which is a crackup since they were invaders and they were naming an indigenous people as foreigners. And Im drawing on a pretty thin education here  my knowledge of history in that area is  spotty. I dont know if the invaders in question were the Romans, or the Angles/Saxons/Jutes/Frisians, Vikings, Normans, or what have you.

----------


## prendrelemick

You know as much as any "expert" in the field Sancho. The Tudor kings of England claimed descent from Troy through their Welsh roots. " Welsh "is an outsiders name for the natives - they call themselves Cymry nowadays.

----------


## ClaesGefvenberg

> With only balsa and plywood wrapped around two Merlins, high speed was not difficult to achieve in the Mosquito!


...and here is one of the wooden Wonders (I think I snapped those back in the 80's):



As a bonus: An unusual formation:



/Claes

----------


## prendrelemick

The Mosquito looks fast when it's stood still.

----------


## ClaesGefvenberg

> The Mosquito looks fast when it's stood still.


Yes, it does, and I suppose that proves the old saying that an aircraft that looks right usually also flies right. It even sounds right: You should listen to the sound of those two Merlins crackling in idle, and then opening up with really throaty roars. 

I actually had the great opportunity to listen to one Merlin during the weekend: A P-51D, in Västerås, Sweden. Magic...

/Claes

----------


## Sancho

> Yes, it does, and I suppose that proves the old saying that an aircraft that looks right usually also flies right...


And I suppose theres an exception to every rule:

----------


## prendrelemick

Those Tank Busters used to practice over our valley, you always knew one was coming by the whistling noise the engines made.


Saw a TV documentry t'other night about the Japanese military build up before WW2. The narrator mentioned - in a throwaway line kind of way - that the Zero would out perform anything the west had at the time of Pearl Harbour.

----------


## Paulclem

> Those Tank Busters used to practice over our valley, you always knew one was coming by the whistling noise the engines made.
> 
> 
> Saw a TV documentry t'other night about the Japanese military build up before WW2. The narrator mentioned - in a throwaway line kind of way - that the Zero would out perform anything the west had at the time of Pearl Harbour.


Was that the one about Singaspore, and the traitor Lord Sempill? 

Disgraceful. They wouldn't charge him due to revealing that MI5 had broken the secret of the codes, which is understandable, but when they exiled him to Scotland in some dead end job, the wouldn't force him out of his commission. He then goes on to be a celebrated member of the armed forces with honours and awards. 

On 9 October 1941, a signed note from Churchill says: "Clear him out while time remains." The following week the Admiralty confronted Sempill and told him he could either resign or be fired. Sempill protested, and Churchill - unhappy at the action - wrote to the Admiralty: "I had not contemplated Lord Sempill being required to resign his commission, but only to be employed elsewhere in the Admiralty

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/William...h_Lord_Sempill

In 1956 the Swedish government awarded him the Order of the Polar Star.

Anthony Blunt and his mates all over again.

----------


## Paulclem

I've seen A-10s in action at a big display by the army and air force down in Warminster. The groaning sound they made when they fired those depleted uranium ammunition from gatling guns(?) was unbelievable.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yup. The Peer of the realm gets away with spying for the enemy. It was a good programme that, though I doubt if the entire Far East debacle was entirely down to him - as it tried to make out .

----------


## Paulclem

> Yup. The Peer of the realm gets away with spying for the enemy. It was a good programme that, though I doubt if the entire Far East debacle was entirely down to him - as it tried to make out .


No doubt you're right. 

There was some scandal about Edward who married Mrs Simpson conniving with the Nazis too. Reward - Carribean Island life. 

Lord Lucan, that marvellous evader of justice who single handedly escaped to South Afrca comes to mind too. I'm surprised the inventor of Where's Wally didn't merge the two characters together in the 90's to produce his darker alter ego books- Where's Lucan?

----------


## Sancho

Oddly enough, I just started reading John LeCarre's, _The Spy Who Came in from the Cold_. Rereading actually, but the first time I was a teenager and was just looking for a thriller. Now I'm able to recognize the depth.

----------


## Sancho

I just thought of a great Blokes-type topic:

_Suck, Squeeze, Bang, and Blow_

The four-stroke internal combustion engine:

 

And you can _still_ take a small-block Chevy apart with a screwdriver and a 9/16 wrench (Spanner if youre working under the bonnet, box-end wrench if youre working under the hood), but youll probably need a torque wrench to put it back together again.

----------


## MarkBastable

Is that Duchamp?

----------


## prendrelemick

We've lost that in Europe. The Grey Fergie tractors used to come with a tool kit that had one _spanner_ in it. 

The Daughter number two's car was occasionally miss-fireing so I got my tackle looked under the _bonnet_ - there was nothing I could adjust or tinker with, I could hardly even see the engine. Worse still, they took it to a garage and they said they couldn't investigate which sensor or micro-chip was acting up without specialist Ford software. So they took it to a Ford Garage who said they'd look at it, but they had recently upgraded their diagnostic equipment and the old Mondeo might not be compatable. ( The car was 10 years old.) :Frown2: 


To be fair, modern cars hardly ever go wrong, but I liked tinkering with the old Minis and Escorts.

----------


## Sancho

> Is that Duchamp?


Nope, not a Duchamp, its a Chevrolet. Wait, hmm, were you talking to me?

Anyway, I know what you mean, Mick. Nowadays, I think, tinkering with automobile engines is strictly for hobbyists. I had a similar experience with my wifes Honda. I lifted the hood (bonnet) and noticed the engine had a huge dont-even-think-about-touching-me plastic shield over it. Ah well, I dont miss adjusting the points every few hundred miles (kilometers).

You know, it was you British who gave us our standards for weights and measures, and then abandoned us for the metric system. Which king was it who had a 12 inch foot?

----------


## ClaesGefvenberg

> To be fair, modern cars hardly ever go wrong, but I liked tinkering with the old Minis and Escorts.


I can't say that I miss the tinkering, as I used to work on an assembly line for Wheel Loaders when I was younger. I want a car to transport my bottom from A to B in a comfortable and safe way, and that's about it.  :Biggrin5: 

/Claes

----------


## MarkBastable

> Nope, not a Duchamp, its a Chevrolet. Wait, hmm, were you talking to me?


Oh, okay. I'm not that well-versed in the French Dadaists, so I don't know Chevrolet. I just thought it might be the follow-up to these:








> You know, it was you British who gave us our standards for weights and measures, and then abandoned us for the metric system. Which king was it who had a 12 inch foot?


By tradition, one of the Tudor Henrys. Unlikely though. We had that measure way before them.

Wiki: _The Roman foot was introduced to Britain in the 1st century AD. The length of the Roman foot has been estimated at 296 mm or 11.65 inches. In the 5th century, the Anglo-Saxons introduced the North German foot of 335 mm (13.2 inches). The new foot was used for land measurement, while the Roman foot continued to be used in the construction crafts. Some time between 1266 and 1303 the weights and measures of England were radically revised by a law known as the Composition of Yards and Perches (Compositio ulnarum et perticarum)[38] often known as the Compositio for short. This law, attributed to either Henry III or his successor Edward I, instituted a new foot that was exactly 10/11 the length of the old foot, with corresponding reductions in the size of the yard, ell, inch, and barleycorn. Furlongs and rods, however, remained the same. The furlong remained an eighth of a mile, but changed from 600 old feet to 660 new feet. The rod remained the same length, but changed from 15 old feet to 16 1/2 new feet_.

----------


## Sancho

Haha! Me neither. I looked at that 1st picture and thought, _cool truing stand_, and speaking of whom, wasn’t Peugeot was a Dadaist as well? I had a bike made by him with British tubing (Reynolds 531) all around, and Italian components (Campy). It was a sweet ride. I broke the bottom bracket on it about ten years ago, which was a tragedy; If I’d’a had a pistol, I’d’a shot it right there on the side of the road and taken it out of its misery. 

They don’t make many steel bikes anymore, so I bought one of these:

 

It’s a sweet ride too. It was made by a company in Ohio (Airborne) from reclaimed aircraft titanium. This one has Japanese components (Shimano). The front fork and pedals are French (Look). The saddle is British (I doubt I’ll ever be able to ride on anything but a Brooks Saddle). And there’s got to be something on there that’s Italian…Oh yes, the handlebar tape is cork, by Cinelli.

And, unlike a car, you can still tinker with a bike. You can still tinker with one of these too:

 

Little airplane engines haven’t much changed since the 30s. It’s more cost than it’s worth to certify new innovation through the FAA. I like the simplicity of an airplane engine. Note the split crankcase, the bolt-on cylinders, upper and lower spark plugs - each set with their own magneto. 

Thanks for the run-down on weights and measures, Mark. My intuition told me it was probably a Tudor – I was banking on Henry VIII, gout and all. We also like an archaic temperature scale over here, but I think Mr. Fahrenheit was Dutch.

----------


## prendrelemick

[QUOTE=Sancho;1143845]
You know, it was you British who gave us our standards for weights and measures, and then abandoned us for the metric system. [QUOTE]


Only after you'd bowdlerized the good olde gallon.

----------


## Sancho

Imperial Gallons still show up around here from time to time, but only about as often as nautical miles show up on our highway signs. The question I have is: why didnt we coordinate with each other on which side of the road we were planning to drive on. I mean it seems like itdve been an easy thing to do. A phone call between our two Transportation Secretaries wouldve solved the dilemma: 

Hey Nigel, what side of the road yous planning to drive on over there? 
Well, Ted, our boys prefer the left side. 
Uh-huh, well we want to drive on the right. 
Bloody good then, what say we flip a coin. 
I call heads.

Problem solved. 

I did all right driving in England, and it only took me a couple of laps around the round-a-bout to figure it out. But the mistake I kept making was a simple one. At a standard four-way intersection, when I wanted to turn right, and there was a car waiting at the Stop Sign there, I kept trying to make a space for myself between that car and the curb.

I had the same problem in Japan.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ha! A recent visitor to our shores (a fellow litnetter) said she kept doing double takes at all the moving cars with no one in the driving seat.

----------


## Paulclem

I've never tinkered with an engine, and I have driven a car five times with five lessons. I maintain my bike rather than tinker. At the moment I have a disintegrated pedal that I can't change myself because I can't get the old pedals off my oldest bike because they are inset with a nut and don't have a long socket to get in and undo it. That's because I don't tinker and have never had a car. Oh well...

----------


## prendrelemick

Then you won't understand this. I've just bought a Halfords Professional tool kit. It's a thing I've long admired and was on very special offer. The spanners have a satisfying heaviness to them, they are tactile and smooth I like to just run my fingers over them. The ratchets of the socket set have a smooth competent chatter. The whole set is a thing of beauty (to me) Best of all is the ring the spanners make when you tap them together, a test I always use when buying tools, the pure bright note sings of quality.

----------


## MarkBastable

What's a ratchet?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Growing up as my pops tool runner, I became ambidextrous with the dual measurement system; the left hand was metric and the right hand American. Volkswagen flat fours and Chevy Corvair flat sixes (Thats Corvair mind you, not Corvette) were in perpetual need of tinkering or complete overhaul. 
My father was like a doctor waiting for the nurse to slap the correct sized wrench in hand at a moments notice. It was easy enough to spot the 17mm socket in the tool box by our side, but when asked to fetch the torque wrench or timing kit meant I had to run back and enter the manliest of all manly drawers; the garage!!

Our garage was a hoarders delight, a labyrinth that evolved from the lingering effects of the Depression

Wheres the timing kit?
Its under the table saw between the box of vacuum tubes and the stack of National Geographicsand dont break any of those tubes, they came out of our old Zenith.
Hey Pops why do you have a can full of bent nails down here?
I plan to straighten them out some day and re use them.

In time I ended up driving one of those flat fours in the form of a 1966 VW Beatle powered by a 1300cc engine. It chirped like a charm. 





> What's a ratchet?

----------


## prendrelemick

Mark asks a good question. Is it the pawl or the gear?



My Dad always had something that needed mending, a muckspreader or forage harvester or something, but he was happiest working in wood and used to leave mechanics to me and my brother. To be honest my brother was the brains of the outfit, he was a natural tinkerer. I used to hand the spanners to him, even though he was 3 years younger than me.

----------


## Sancho

‘Cepting Mick and Gill, perhaps I should explain the earlier sexual innuendo I used concerning the 4-stroke internal-combustion engine.

*Suck Squeeze Bang and Blow*

- was the mantra used to teach hundreds of thousands of hyper-hormonal teenaged boys the rudiments of an automobile engine. It’s how I learned it. It’s how everybody learned it. There was a guy in my neighborhood who worked on cars. He was an easy-going chap, and didn’t mind us kids hanging around. We were all drawn to his garage, like a crack whore to a slow-rolling Cadillac. 

First, some definitions:

Cylinder: The vault in which the piston rides: up and down, in and out
Piston: See cylinder
Rod: Connects the piston to the Crankshaft
Crankshaft: A spinner. Goes round and round, and delivers thrust 
Valves: Open and close orifices on the cylinder head to let gases in and out
Sparkplug: C’mon, baby, light my fire

The 4 Strokes of an Internal Combustion Engine:

Intake: Valve opens, Piston slides down the cylinder, *SUCKING* in a fuel/air mixture 
Compression: Valves close, Piston rides up, *SQUEEZING* the mixture into volatility 
Power: Sparkplug fires igniting the mix, and driving the piston down with a climactic *BANG*
Exhaust: Valve opens, piston rides up, *BLOWING* out the spent mixture 

Next week, class, we’ll discuss the dual-overhead camshaft, and the importance of top-end cylinder head lubrication.

I need a cigarette.

----------


## MarkBastable

Lemon meringue pie is not as easy as it looks, you know.

----------


## Sancho

Also a good bouillabaisse is hard to come by. And would you please be quite out there in the garage! You’re going to make my soufflé fall.

Can somebody explain to me why the French need so many freaking vowels to represent just one sound?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Mark asks a good question. Is it the pawl or the gear?
> 
> My Dad...but he was happiest working in wood...


Likewise with mine. What types of wood projects did your father favor?
Wood makes a fine blokey subject. 
At some point I'll share a couple examples of my handiwork, but for the time being it would seem Mark and Sancho are transitioning into French cuisine.


Let's see how they are doing...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7mtEoMFJ60

.

----------


## MarkBastable

My dad can fix, make, DIY anything - and he does it all conscientiously and to a professional standard. He reconstructs hand tools. He works with wood. He restores furniture and brings new life to antique clocks.

He was round our house the other day, putting in some electric points, and I was sitting there with a cup of tea watching him - if only for five minutes before it became uncomfortable for both of us.

And I said, "Given that we moved house about every three years as the family grew, and given that you spent my entire childhood plumbing, or laying floorboards, or rewiring, or knocking walls down, or taking the engine of your BSA to bits, or building fireplaces, or filling them in - given that my memory of you from when I was small is always a man covered in brick dust or wood shavings or Swarfega - how come I've managed to grow up with absolutely no skill in this kind of domestic DIY, and less interest?"

And he said, "I dunno."

"I do. It's because whenever I stuck my head round the door to see what you were up to, you looked up just long enough to say, 'Bugger off - I'm working.' And that's why you're going to be round here next weekend putting a radiator in the downstairs bathroom. It's your own fault, really. Ginger nut?"

----------


## Sancho

Sounds like it worked out for the both of you.

I don’t want to go all touchy-feely psycho-babble here, but absentee fathers were the impetus behind a lot of great men. Bernardo O’Higgins comes to mind. 

Ack! More psycho-babble. Out of curiosity, Mark, how was your relationship with your grandpa? In my family, personality and general disposition seems to skip a generation.

----------


## MarkBastable

Sancho wrote: _I dont want to go all touchy-feely psycho-babble here, but absentee fathers were the impetus behind a lot of great men. Bernardo OHiggins comes to mind. 

Ack! More psycho-babble. Out of curiosity, Mark, how was your relationship with your grandpa? In my family, personality and general disposition seems to skip a generation._ 

----------------------------------------------------------
Wait, wait. My dad wasn't _absent_. He was there constantly -well, as constantly as a cop on shiftwork can be. He's a moral and noble bloke who with my mother's help has overcome an inauspicious start to make a successful and happy life for himself and his family. He and I are completely different personality types with utterly different talents. But we get on great, thanks.

My paternal grandfather, on the other hand, was a callous, vindictive, bitter, damaged bastard who did his malicious best to ruin my father's life, and whose lingering and painful death was much too short and painless for my liking.

----------


## Sancho

Ouch!

I have very pleasant memories of both of my Grandfathers, even though I didnt get much time with either of them. The two men couldnt have been more different. One grew roots, one roamed. One was a farmer/school teacher, one was a sea captain. I think they both led more interesting lives than I have so far. The sea captain told me he signed onto a ship in San Diego when he was fourteen-years-old and stayed on that ship for ten years. I dont think he actually stayed on board for ten straight years; Im pretty sure he ran the ville with the rest of the sailors when they were in port. He had a colorful way saying things  Hey, you kids smell like a buncha Bombay hookers. Why dont yous go and shower off?

I read a book awhile back on the recommendation of a Litnetter that may be applicable here: _All Families are Psychotic_, by Douglas Coupland.

----------


## MarkBastable

> I read a book awhile back on the recommendation of a Litnetter that may be applicable here: _All Families are Psychotic_, by Douglas Coupland.


Applicable to whom?

Also, I wouldn't take too seriously any proposition put forward by Douglas Coupland.

----------


## Sancho

Well, me, I guess.

It wasn't a serious book, but it was fun.

----------


## prendrelemick

That's the good thing about psycho-babble, you can choose your own and apply it however you want.




> Likewise with mine. What types of wood projects did your father favor?
> Wood makes a fine blokey subject. 
> At some point I'll share a couple examples of my handiwork, but for the time being it would seem Mark and Sancho are transitioning into French cuisine.
> 
> 
> Let's see how they are doing...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H7mtEoMFJ60
> 
> .


He was more Carpenter than Cabinet maker, though he could turn his hand to anything. He sounds very similar to Mark's dad. His most famous project was a cattle barn he built out of railway sleepers for about £12.10s.4d.

----------


## Sancho

> He was more Carpenter than Cabinet maker, though he could turn his hand to anything. He sounds very similar to Mark's dad. His most famous project was a cattle barn he built out of railway sleepers for about £12.10s.4d.


That is graduate-level work. Bravo!

----------


## Paulclem

My Dad was a first class bodger. I remember he put his foot through the ceiling once, and managed to "fill" it with quite a lot of polystyrene tile and a bit of polyfilla. 

I'm a third class bodger, but aspiring. My most impressive construction has been a set of cupboards in our living room which cover the fuse boxes and meters. I built it onto the wall, which was less than level, which had an unfortunate effect upon the hang of my doors. I managed to square it up with strips of that thin wooden edging stuff from B&Q.

----------


## Scheherazade

What is a bodger?




> Can somebody explain to me why the French need so many freaking vowels to represent just one sound?


Same reason as the English has so many different "sounds" for the same letters probably:

cough

dough

plough

enough

ought

through

 :Biggrin:

----------


## Sancho

Good point, Scher. Ya gotta like a language with a sense of humor, eh? Or is it Humour? I dont know, but it gives the language a certain flavor, eh? Or is it flavour? It can also make for some colorful expressions. Doh! Or perhaps its all just a shade of gr*a*y. I reali*z*e this could be cause for confusion. 

Also, I'm glad you asked because Ive got no clue what a bodger is either, but contextually Im going to guess its a handyman. BTW, 6 months ago El Sancho stepped through his ceiling too, and La Senora was pissed (not drunk - angry).

----------


## prendrelemick

Well, some say bodger, some say practical genius.

The original bodger would make a wood turning laithe in the forest using a bit of string and a bendy sapling. Nowadays it's about mending stuff with what's to hand.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Well, some say bodger, some say practical genius.
> 
> The original bodger would make a wood turning laithe in the forest using a bit of string and a bendy sapling. Nowadays it's about mending stuff with what's to hand.


I think 'bodger' has a perjorative overtone - and a 'bodged job' is improvised, ugly and, whether intended to be or not, temporary. 

So a third-class bodger - such as yourself, Mick - might either be not very good even at bodging (which which would mean very very crap at DIY), or might be unable to countenance bodging (which would mean very very good at DIY).

I am proud to say I have never bodged any DIY task in any of the houses I've lived in. Not one. Ever.

----------


## prendrelemick

I tend to bodge things for a temporary fix, then do it properly when Mrs P threatens to get a professional in. The one thing I cannot do is plastering - the harder I try the worse it gets. I leave that to the Father-in-law.

----------


## Sancho

Nice explanation, guys.




> Well, some say bodger, some say practical genius.


Im going to put the Sancho clan squarely in the bodger camp. On a road trip, my dad was one of those guys who wouldnt stop for anything, no way, no how. He was focused. But the kids in the back of the station wagon had other ideas:

Hey, Dad, we gotta go pee.
You can hold it.
No we cant
Yes you can. Just think of something else.
Hmm, it aint working. WE GOTTA GO.
Oh, Christ.

So, after the trip, Pop was out in the garage with a power drill, a couple of feet of surgical tubing, and one of moms funnels from the kitchen. Our family wagon became the first one on the block to have a relief tube.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Good point, Scher. Ya gotta like a language with a sense of humor, eh? Or is it Humour? I dont know, but it gives the language a certain flavor, eh? Or is it flavour? It can also make for some colorful expressions. Doh! Or perhaps its all just a shade of gr*a*y. I reali*z*e this could be cause for confusion.


Oh, don't start me on _that_. 

Some teachers had a good chuckle at my expense because when I started to learn English, I thought you could Americanise any "-ou-" word by simply removing the "-u-" from them.

Seriosly.




> I am proud to say I have never bodged any DIY task in any of the houses I've lived in. Not one. Ever.


Could that be because you have never any DIY tasks? Not one. Ever.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Could that be because you have never any DIY tasks? Not one. Ever.


Well, yeah. 

My mate says DIY stands for _Don't Involve Yourself_.

My attitude here is that there are people who make a living doing this stuff well, and it would be misguided and arrogant to think I can do it to a professional standard with no training, no experience and no interest. Of course, some non-professionals _can_ do this stuff - my dad, for one. But, me, I've never completely mastered the use of scissors, and I assume that if you don't put a light bulb in, electricity will leak out all over the floor.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I think 'bodger' has a perjorative overtone - and a 'bodged job' is improvised, ugly and, whether intended to be or not, temporary....





> I tend to bodge things for a temporary fix,...


Ahh, you mean botcher, botched as in "That's a botched job".
By the way how is "garage" pronounced?





> ...So, after the trip, Pop was out in the garage with a power drill, a couple of feet of surgical tubing, and one of moms funnels from the kitchen. Our family wagon became the first one on the block to have a relief tube.


Haha, I like that.
Since we had the one son, all we required was an empty Gatorade bottle and a marker to label the contents.

.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

At this juncture, might I introduce other Lit Netters to the word "tosher."

----------


## MarkBastable

> Ahh, you mean botcher, botched as in "That's a botched job".


Yeah, in my part of England, we use that variant too. 

The variations of accent and dialect in England (never mind the rest of the UK) are so many and so fine, that you can actually map the use of some words geographically, like strains of DNA.

http://www.bl.uk/learning/langlit/so...cal-variation/

You can also, I've noticed, map these lexical variations to areas of the US, which'll give you some idea which part of the UK the early British settlers of different bits of the US came from. 




> By the way how is "garage" pronounced?



Interesting one - I think that in British English, the convention on this has shifted in my lifetime. When I was a kid, the more acceptable pronunciation - at least in the south of England - was 'guh-RARZH', with a soft g, in imitation of the French. These days that sounds a bit pretentious and practically everyone I know says 'GA-ridge'.


An American pretension that drives me absolutely nuckin futs is the use of the French word 'homage', pronounced 'om-ARZH' or 'om-ARGE'. There's a perfectly good English word for that, and it's been part of the English language for a thousand years, and it's 'homage', pronounced 'HOM - idge'.

----------


## prendrelemick

^ I love this sort of stuff.

How would you describe your accents? Mine is Yorkshire, but not deep Yorkshire like they speak round Barnsley. Think Ted Hughes with a hint of Coronation Street. I certianly use 'appen for "perhaps" but "praps" is acceptable too.

----------


## MarkBastable

My accent's variable, sometime within a sentence. It comes from being working-class by birth - Sarf Londen boy; Wansworf, to be precise - and middle-class by education - Emanuel Grammar School, prefects, quadrangles, Latin, the whole bit.

So I can sound like this, or I can sound like this - but generally I sound like both at once.

----------


## Paulclem

I was more like Keith Lemon - he comes from Morley near Wakefield. I must have spoken like this though I don't remember the oo sounds being so prtracted when I said them. I think I was a bit gruffer - less perky - if you see what I mean. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F3LnQckyDo

Now I'm more muted. I work in the Midlands with second language speakers, and the accent - while still there - is more muted... unless I'm with my brothers.

----------


## Sancho

> At this juncture, might I introduce other Lit Netters to the word "tosher."


I give up. Whats a tosher?




> The variations of accent and dialect in England (never mind the rest of the UK) are so many and so fine, that you can actually map the use of some words geographically, like strains of DNA.
> 
> http://www.bl.uk/learning/langlit/so...cal-variation/
> 
> You can also, I've noticed, map these lexical variations to areas of the US, which'll give you some idea which part of the UK the early British settlers of different bits of the US came from.


Somebody told me the pronunciation of the word "four" will closely nail down where in the U.S. the speaker grew up. In NYC its _foa_; up in Boston it morphs into _fo-wah_; out in the middle west its _far_, which is funny to me because Interstate _Farty-Far_ runs through St. Louis. Down south we just say _four_.

And thats cutting it with a broad axe. There are a lot finer distinctions, say between Brooklyn and The Bronx in NYC or between The North End and Southie in Boston.




> An American pretension that drives me absolutely nuckin futs is the use of the French word 'homage', pronounced 'om-ARZH' or 'om-ARGE'. There's a perfectly good English word for that, and it's been part of the English language for a thousand years, and it's 'homage', pronounced 'HOM - idge'.


Not sure why thatd drive you nuts. Languages live and breathe and evolve. Besides Im pretty sure if that word entered the English language a thousand years ago, it probably came across the channel with The Normans. Two thirds of modern English comes from Norman French. And Im willing to bet that even around the year 1066, Parisians thought the Normans were butchering _their_ language - The Normans, or _North-Men_, having arrived in Normandy a couple of hundred years earlier from Scandinavia.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Besides I’m pretty sure if that word entered the English language a thousand years ago, it probably came across the channel with The Normans.


Er, yeah. I know. That's my point. The word has already made the trip once, and the new trip is adding absolutely nothing to the language. Using it as if it had just arrived from French is cringingly pretentious. My suggestion is that any attempt to justify such oo-SARZH will probably be gar-BARZH.

----------


## Sancho

Well, I’m not sure where the pronunciation over here came from. I don’t know if it floated across on the Mayflower and then got changed back by pretentious Francophiles, or if it was always here as a result of all those Frenchys in the huge swath of land in the Mississippi River Valley - which we bought from Napoleon at a bargain-basement price, I might add. 

I just don’t know. And I don’t care. It is what it is. But the fact that you assume it’s pretentious probably says more about you than it does about us. 

I also don’t care that certain Americans like pronounce “ask”- “axe”. It is what it is. In fact, I think “ask” _was_ pronounced “axe” in Middle English. And I don’t think that going back its original pronunciation is pretentious.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Well, Im not sure where the pronunciation over here came from. I dont know if it floated across on the Mayflower and then got changed back by pretentious Francophiles, or if it was always here as a result of all those Frenchys in the huge swath of land in the Mississippi River Valley - which we bought from Napoleon at a bargain-basement price, I might add.


If Americans had always pronounced it that way, you'd have a point. But I believe that the Mayflower folk would have pronounced it HOM-idge.

I'd say the new usage is a twentieth century phenomenon, and my guess is that the hipness of French arts - especially cinema - mid-century led to the use of the French pronunciation amongst the chattering classes. 'Of course, the scene with the dove is an om-ARZH to Truffaut'. And it caught on from there.

And if I'm right, then pretension is precisely what it is.

----------


## Sancho

Could be. But it would surprise me that such a small group of Americans could hijack the pronunciation of a perfectly good English word and force down everybody else’s throats. I mean, French films don’t have a lot of car crashes, and Americans generally don’t like to watch movies without car crashes.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Could be. But it would surprise me that such a small group of Americans could hijack the pronunciation of a perfectly good English word and force down everybody elses throats. I mean, French films dont have a lot of car crashes, and Americans generally dont like to watch movies without car crashes.


Nobody would have to _watch the movies_ to pick up on the use of the word. All it requires is for people in the media to use it that way. This is how fashion works. These days, people are coached and _paid_ to use certain words in interviews, precisely because viewers do pick up on these things.

----------


## Sancho

All pretentions aside, I notice that place names, particularly in the South West, are starting to be pronounced in fully inflected Spanish rather than in Gringo-ese. I kind of like it. We’ve got an avenue in Atlanta called "Ponce de León" that so far it’s retained its Southern White Cracker pronunciation: Pons-DUH-lee-on. At any rate, this shifting of pronunciation is just the nature of language, I think. Also, I suppose, there’s a certain pretension in human nature. Did you think it was pretentious when Linda McCartney all of a sudden wound up with a British accent? And did it sound true to your ear? I read a Nick Hornby book a year or so ago that had an American character in it. I enjoyed the book, but I thought I could hear Hornby’s British peeking around the corner of the character’s dialog.

----------


## MarkBastable

I don't think it was pretentious of Linda. Most people tend to pick up the accent of the people they are with.

In the nineties, when my wife was a radio broadcaster doing a drivetime show in Columbia NC, she used to mock Madonna mercilessly for having adopted an English accent and for using so many British idioms - on precisely that principle - that it was a pretension.

Eleven years later, having lived in London for all that time, my wife has developed what to all her friends in the US sounds like a British accent, and she says 'telly' and 'pavement' simply because that's what everyone around her says.

----------


## Sancho

Interesting.

Was that Columbia in North Carolina or South Carolina? My H.S. Spanish Teacher (A woman on whom I had a blazing crush) insisted we pronounce it Co-Loom-bia as opposed to Co-Loam-bia, which she reserved for the country next to Ecuador –Colombia. Both places were named for the same guy, but spelled differently and pronounced slightly differently. Speaking of Columbia (the one in S.C.) there is a street there named Huger Street. It’s a French name and everybody used to pronounce it _U-gee_ street, but that’s more-or-less fallen by the wayside now, and most folks just call it _Hugh-ger_ street. 

Ah well, speaking of place names, during WWI there was a vicious battle (several actually) around the town of Ypres in Flanders. As you probably know, the British insisted on calling it The Battle of Wipers. I love that kind of stuff.

I hate to go all mooshy-whooshy here, but Paul and Linda had to have had one of the great loves of all time, I think.

----------


## MarkBastable

Yeah - sorry. SC.

----------


## OrphanPip

Back in the 70s the Separatists went on a translation spree with the street names in Montreal, Pine became Avenue des Pins, Mountain became de la Montaigne, Church became De l'eglise and so on.

This causes a lot of confusion between old Montreal Anglos, like my family, and newer arrivals who often look at us with blank stares of incomprehension when we use the older English names for the streets.

----------


## prendrelemick

There is official Big History and there is a sneaky, unwritten sub-history that still lurks in places like pronounciation and accents. 

During WWII, some American GIs stationed in Norfolk walked into a village pub and found themselves surrounded by locals who spoke as they did. It turned out their Ancestors had emigrated from there and settled in the Appalachian Mountains, where the thrust of American History had passed them by, leaving their accents and idioms almost pristine.

I don't know how much of a backwater the Appalachians were, but in a similar story from there, Mike Harding (The Rochdale Cowboy) was making a documentary about American Folk Music. He was filming some good ol' boys playing together on their porch when they started playing a song he'd last heard played years before in a room above a pub in Manchester. 

Nearer to home, that Yorkshire Anthem "Ilkley Moor Baht 'at" is adapted from a Cornish song and was brought North by Cornish tin miners in search of work.

I wonder if GG has ever heard "Shoals of Herring" played in Texas.

----------


## MarkBastable

That Mike Harding documentary tracing the journey of British folk music across America was great.

I recently came across a British folk song that was obviously the ancestor of the quintessential cowboy ballad _Streets of Laredo_. Can't remember what the hell it was now...*

However, here's a Welshman doing an excellent Euro-rock version of an American folksong derived three hundred years ago from an ancient British root.


*Aha. Found it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I really enjoy the fluidity of this thread, it flows seamlessly from one topic into another.




> Back in the 70s the Separatists went on a translation spree with the street names in Montreal, Pine became Avenue des Pins, Mountain became de la Montaigne, Church became De l'eglise and so on.
> 
> This causes a lot of confusion between old Montreal Anglos, like my family, and newer arrivals who often look at us with blank stares of incomprehension when we use the older English names for the streets.


One can't imagine how thems foreign words get butchered down here; "fill it - mig non" for example. I'm planning to head over to the Kimbell Art Museum this weekend to see an Impressionist exhibit along with a touring Poussin. I will not attempt to sound out the Texas version of Poussin.
As for street signs here, the recent trend among activists in the larger metropolitan areas is to force the renaming of long established street names in honor of a particular cultural icon. The solution seems to be the naming of new streets in their honor.




> ...I wonder if GG has ever heard "Shoals of Herring" played in Texas.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ov81aogaxg

I have now! followed by a wipe of the eye. Very nice. Thanks




> That Mike Harding documentary tracing the journey of British folk music across America was great.
> 
> I recently came across a British folk song that was obviously the ancestor of the quintessential cowboy ballad _Streets of Laredo_. Can't remember what the hell it was now...*
> 
> However, here's a Welshman doing an excellent Euro-rock version of an American folksong derived three hundred years ago from an ancient British root.
> 
> 
> *Aha. Found it.


Interesting history and variations on the tune. Having finished some brief research, I see the tune is also referred to as "Cowboy's Lament". The performance I am most familiar with is by the great folk singer Burl Ives... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61XaTltS8E4

Speaking of Folk music, I learned that Neil Young and Crazy Horse are about to release _Americana_, a collection of American folk songs. Among the tunes from the album, is _The Gallows Pole_

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Mai...om_the_Gallows

Here is Leadbelly's take on it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QsgGNWlNAfA

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Me and Mrs P went (once) to a folk (or Put yer Finger in yer Ear )night in the village hall. It's not really my kind of stuff but we went with friends. Happily there were indeed many earnest vocalists singing with their finger jammed in their ear (probably trying to block the accompaning hurdy-gurdy.) Then a young girl got up and sang "Matty Groves" and I was transported back to my college days when there was a pirated reel to reel tape of Sandy Denny singing it live going round. Took me right back. I bet if I went to another one I'd hear the same songs, sung in the same way.

----------


## Paulclem

When I was at school, we had a series of music teachers who - I'm sure - adpated what they liked and made us sing them. The first music teacher we had - a sadistic fellow who looked like a big Milky bar Kid whose way of compelling you to be quiet was to pull the hair by your ear - (oddly painful) - had us singing modern versions of bible stories. The next - a lady whose name I forget but who had an unusually long stride - (odd the things you remember) - had us singing The Streets of Laredo with the words printed in nice smelling banda copies. Our next music teacher had us singing The Beatles, which I thought was a great improvement in terms of if you had to sing something, sing something good. 

Incidentally, my Mum and Dad loved country music, and would often sing El Paso as we drove back from visiting relatives. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn3JB51NH_M

It was touchingly romantic in what was often a dfficult relationship. 

When I was about 16, my dad would sometimes take me out with him to the local pub - The Whinney Moor. They would have Country and Western bands on, and you would get the old guys whooping along to Don William's songs.

----------


## Paulclem

Finally - the pics of the Messerschmidt 109 and 2 Spitfires.

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG]

[IMG][/IMG]

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Finally - the pics of the Messerschmidt 109 and 2 Spitfires.


Thanks Paul !!!
Nice photos and we can easily discern that the BF-109 has the real McCoy engine; a Daimler-Benz 12 cylinder vee INVERTED, thus placing the exhaust ports toward the bottom of the front cowling. As I mentioned earlier, the 109 restorations I've seen were fitted with the RR Merlin which you can tell by the ports toward the top of the cowling like the Spitfire or Hurricane.

RE: Sandy Denny
I had discovered her and Fairport Convention a couple years ago. It was sad to read of her life cut short by a freak accident. Here's a wonderful song by FPC, perfect for an early Sunday morning or a gray wintry day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2xODjbfYw8


.

----------


## prendrelemick

^ That was beautiful. A perfect combination of voice, mood and lyrics.


Paul: Are those planes the real thing, or replicas? They look a bit on the small side. One of the Spitfires is a Hurricane, you can tell by the greenhouse they used for a cockpit cover.

----------


## Paulclem

> ^ That was beautiful. A perfect combination of voice, mood and lyrics.
> 
> 
> Paul: Are those planes the real thing, or replicas? I only ask because if I had a wartime Spitfire or a 109 I wouldn't want people clambering all over them.


http://www.battleofbritainexperience.co.uk/

It says on the website that they are replicas. The website is on the banner in one of the photos.

----------


## ClaesGefvenberg

> Finally - the pics of the Messerschmidt 109 and 2 Spitfires.


I could not help noticing the serial no of the Hurricane replica: The original was flown by RAF ace R. Stanford Tuck. More info here and here.

/Claes

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks Claes - fascinating stuff.

I've just been down the allotment. We have been clearing rubbish and fixing boundary fences around the site for the past couple of weeks, but this week it is chucking it down. 

Our "Boundary Task Force" comprises of 5 blokes and one woman, and is akin to something out of Last of the Summer Wine seeing as I'm the youngest at 48. . 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YZr_...feature=relmfu

Having said that, we had to traverse a fence, using two ladders and "yomp" upriver to where a load of rubbish had gathered on the bank, and remove it. We were, I felt, moving from Last of the Summer Wine closer to Where Eagles Dare.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XKGhG0W0LQ

----------


## Paulclem

Here's a link to the Last of the Summer Wine and aviation. Wally also contributes an interesting twist to our linguistics discussion. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bit3wkgHtVc

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Having said that, we had to traverse a fence, using two ladders and "yomp" upriver to where a load of rubbish had gathered on the bank, and remove it. We were, I felt, moving from Last of the Summer Wine closer to Where Eagles Dare.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XKGhG0W0LQ





> Here's a link to the Last of the Summer Wine and aviation. Wally also contributes an interesting twist to our linguistics discussion. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bit3wkgHtVc


Thanks for the allotment updates.
Where Eagles Dare or perhaps the The Eiger Sanction...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lEc1aEYmiA8

Summer Wine was funny, there's a nice detail shot of a Mick style wall at 6:51 

.

----------


## Sancho

I think I may be a Dadaist.

 

I love the sound of air-wrench in the morning.

----------


## prendrelemick

I am pheeling a bit patriotic aphter all those jubilee shinanigans. (apologies - grandchild sprinkled tea on keyboard.) 





I wonder i Mrs P... No phorget that.

----------


## Sancho

Haha, spice it up.

That looked like quite the shin-dig over there.

By the way, on my last post I was thinking of pneumatic tools; now, for some strange reason, my thinking has come around to hydraulic tools.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I am pheeling a bit patriotic aphter all those jubilee shinanigans. (apologies - grandchild sprinkled tea on keyboard.) 
> 
> [/IMG]
> 
> I wonder i Mrs P... No phorget that.



Ahh, Glorious Albion from last year's play. 

RE: missing letters -I too thought you may have tipped the Jubilee bottle one too many times.




> ...my thinking has come around to hydraulic tools.


Which is consistent with the _fluid_ nature of this thread.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes, the Jee and the phirst letter o the type o creature Dracula is, won't work. I could'e used them as substitutions phor each other i either one was ok. I hawe tried warious other substitutions and ommissions but am wery weary oph it now. So iph you chaps hae any suggestions on what to use as a tea solent, I would be grateul, beore I need to spell aour or ga or some such.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Have you tried popping the keys off and do some hoovering?
That "V" sound is a challenge to spell out.

In case you miss it on the Everyday is Interesting thread, I know you would be interested in my son's knapping progress, so I'll post here as well...







.

----------


## Scheherazade

*Mick>* Try doing some vacuuming (at lowest setting) over the keyboard or use the hairdryer to get rid of any unwanted dust or crumbs hiding under the keys. Also, running the tip of a safety pin around and under the troublesome keys helps at times.

If not, you might use < as a substitution for "v" maybe.

*Gilliat>* What is "knapping"? I get the feeling it is not same same as "napping".

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> *Gilliat>* What is "knapping"? I get the feeling it is not same same as "napping".


Not quite. While you gals are napping in the cave, the blokes are knapping by the fire preparing to bring home the bacon in the morning.

The term refers to the art of shaping stone into various implements, primarily "points" attached to shafts used for hunting, commonly referred to as arrow heads, altough larger ones were used on spears or hand held daggers. 
Search Clovis and Folsom point.

Here's one of many videos on the topic. Pretty exciting stuff huh!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znm9S...feature=relmfu

.

----------


## Paulclem

In Yorkshire my Dad used to the word knap to mean hit - usually in the context of hitting someone on the head. (The hitting someone on the head bit was probably just my Dad. Interesting how words are used).

----------


## prendrelemick

A knap on the noggin, or a clout or a clump round the ear. Them were the days.

----------


## Scheherazade

> A knap on the noggin, or a clout or a clump round the ear. Them were the days.


And not a single "v" or "f" in those sentences!

Thanks for the explanation and the youtube link, Gillead.

I think I will ask for a knapping kit from Santa next Christmas! Some of those stoney thingies would make lovely necklaces...

----------


## Paulclem

Aye. It made us the blokes we are today - slightly brain damaged. 

Down the allotment we've been looking for some new gear. Thieves nicked two of our strimmers from the container which was padlocked up. 

So this Honda strimmer with a changeable head which gives you a hedge trimmer on a long pole. I'm reviving my Jedi Lightsaber skills in order to use it. Could be good.

http://www.justlawnmowers.co.uk/stri...a_UMK425LE.htm

----------


## Sancho

Ha! Got it. Strimmer = String+Trimmer, aka Weed Whacker

----------


## prendrelemick

> And not a single "v" or "f" in those sentences!
> 
> .




^That's like dancing a jig in ront o a one legged man!

----------


## prendrelemick

Right, it's WD-40 time!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ^That's like dancing a jig in ront o a one legged man!


I'm rediscovering Spirit including this mesmerizing tune and video that goes well with the dancing jig topic. In this case her _arse_ nal of moves are limited but no less hypnotic.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5GqfPikK28




> Right, it's WD-40 time!


and duct tape, WD-40 must be accompanied with duct tape and vice-versa - the universal repair kit. Although, I'm not sure how the duct tape will help your keyboard dilemma.

----------


## prendrelemick

^Interesting and yet phrustrating at the same time.^

I was thinking more o this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W22gpBv00gg


My laptop already has duct tape holding a corner together, but the WD-40 wery unphortunatly phailed to ephphect a recowery.

----------


## Sancho

Well, as the joke goes: If it moves and it's not supposed to - Duck Tape it. If it doesn't move and it is supposed to - WD-40.

So...I guess you'll have to take it apart. And for that a ball-peen hammer may come in handy.

----------


## Paulclem

I used to think it was duck tape too, though I've never used it on ducks or ducts. 

Have chaps tried Glayva? The old Uncle used to drink it neat from the bottle when the fancy took him. He'd have a swig and offer it round. My wife wouldn't partake because she couldn't get the idea of the old uncle's saliva "backwashing" into the bottle. I was more philospphical about it though and would swig readily. It is sweet and smooth. I might get myself one.

http://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/P-5237.aspx

----------


## MarkBastable

Lots of Americans say 'duck' rather than 'duct'. It's so common I think it's pretty much an accepted variant in the US, though it does raise a smile over here.

----------


## Sancho

It’s a brand name over here:



Nobody uses that stuff on ducts anymore. But there are many other clever usages:

----------


## prendrelemick

> I used to think it was duck tape too, though I've never used it on ducks or ducts. 
> 
> Have chaps tried Glayva? The old Uncle used to drink it neat from the bottle when the fancy took him. He'd have a swig and offer it round. My wife wouldn't partake because she couldn't get the idea of the old uncle's saliva "backwashing" into the bottle. I was more philospphical about it though and would swig readily. It is sweet and smooth. I might get myself one.
> 
> http://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/P-5237.aspx


Neer heard o that Paul. I shall look out or it.

We'e been trying to sit in the garden and sip Pymm's and lemonade this summer. We'e managed at least hal an hour beore wind, rain, midges or hyperthermia sent us inside.

----------


## Paulclem

Pardon me Sancho. I thought my DIY knowledge had doubled when I discovered it was duct tape, but now no. My wife will be pleased. She thought it was duck tape - and so it is!

Pimms is it? I like Pimms - we've got some in the cupboard. Last week wasn't too bad. I was able to do a bit of gardening down the allotment that currently has a distinctly wild look to it. The weeds are prospering this year.

----------


## Sancho

No worries, Paul.

***Sancho goes into his Cliffy Claven routine***

Now what you want for your basic ductwork:



Is not duct tape, but hundred-mile-an-hour tape, aka aluminum tape:



Of course, back in the Air Force, its official name was: _Heat Resistant Aluminum Reinforcement Adhesive Tape_, but everybody just called it _100mph tape_. Speaking of naming conventions, those little stickys that are applied to the holes of loose-leaf paper to keep them from tearing out of the ring binder were officially known as _vinyl reinforcement tabs_, but everybody just called them_ paper a**holes_.

Also, Pimms  good cookies.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Have chaps tried Glayva? The old Uncle used to drink it neat from the bottle when the fancy took him. He'd have a swig and offer it round. My wife wouldn't partake because she couldn't get the idea of the old uncle's saliva "backwashing" into the bottle. I was more philospphical about it though and would swig readily. It is sweet and smooth. I might get myself one.
> 
> http://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/P-5237.aspx


 
Aye, that Glayva ul geeya a roll in the heather, but doos she stake up weel again me grandmothers Drambuie?





I havent tried Glayva. Ill see if its sold at my local spirit shop.


EDIT...

Happy Father's Day


.

----------


## Paulclem

Happy Father's day - belated. Did you have a good time chaps? 

I was in Manchester listening to HH The Dalai Lama. 4 hours there. 4 hours back. We went by coach, which wasn't too bad. I had the old kindle to rustle up some books. 

We were sitting a long time, but it was worth it.

----------


## Sancho

Well. Happy Pappy's day to you Paul. I have no children - wife and I figured our gene pool was inappropriate for having children.

And, Gill, be careful with that Drambuie. I've watched more that one of my friends light himself on fire doing 'Flaming Hooker' shots.

As for the LP, well done! That's manly - kilt wearing, bagpiping, haggis eating - stuff.

I've always liked this tune: Paul McCartney and Wings, Mull of Kintyre http://youtu.be/GFRcMYjut4o

----------


## prendrelemick

I was at a wedding the other day, when towards the end of the evening a chap in a kilt was goaded by a gaggle of mature ladies to prove he was a real Scot. It made their night.

----------


## Sancho

Hah!

That seems to hold some fascination for the ladies, eh? I was at a funeral a couple of years ago where, similarly, a group of women were harassing the bagpiper.

He said, Are you asking me whats worn under me kilt, ladies?

They said, in unison, Yes!

He said, Nothing is worn; its all in good working order.

It was a lighter moment in an otherwise bummer of a day.

----------


## Paulclem

Never worn a kilt. The closest thing I've ever worn to one was a grass skirt at a fancy dress pary. I prefer to be fastened in. Not keen on all the slip slopping about - shoes or anything.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Never worn a kilt. The closest thing I've ever worn to one was a grass skirt at a fancy dress pary. I prefer to be fastened in. Not keen on all the slip slopping about - shoes or anything.


Well, thanks for that. I was going to go to bed, but now I've got to stay up until that thought fades.

----------


## Mutatis-Mutandis

You know, it seems like a lot of my favorite posters post in this forum. If anyone's interested in "friending" me, here's my Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/matthew.schneider

Theere's only one poster whose request I wouldn't except, and he/she shall go unnamed.

----------


## Sancho

> You know, it seems like a lot of my favorite posters post in this forum. If anyone's interested in "friending" me, here's my Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/matthew.schneider
> 
> Theere's only one poster whose request I wouldn't except, and he/she shall go unnamed.


M.M. Id be happy to, but Im afraid Im one of those Nuevo-Luddites who hasnt opened a Facebook account. Also I took a pass on the IPO.

But welcome to the Blokes threat. Weve been discussing going commando in a kilt lately. 

Heres a new manly topic: percussion instruments. And heres the manliest drum set ever assembled:

Keith Moon

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> You know, it seems like a lot of my favorite posters post in this forum. If anyone's interested in "friending" me, here's my Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/matthew.schneider
> 
> Theere's only one poster whose request I wouldn't except, and he/she shall go unnamed.


MM, like Sancho, I don't touch the stuff. This Forum is the only social network site I participate in, otherwise it's either face to face, maybe a phone call (phones are a nuisance) or I'll lick a stamp.
In the meantime, welcome. Parker will set you up, he's currently serving Glayva and Drambuie.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Heres a new manly topic: percussion instruments. And heres the manliest drum set ever assembled:
> 
> Keith Moon



Have you read Tony Fletcher's biography of Moon, _Dear Boy_?

The author does a sterling job of trying to paint Moon as the wild, lovable, amusing, roguish figure of pop legend, but it becomes increasingly obvious that the bloke was mostly just an objectionable hole.

Bit over-rated as a drummer too, if you ask me.

----------


## Paulclem

> You know, it seems like a lot of my favorite posters post in this forum. If anyone's interested in "friending" me, here's my Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/matthew.schneider
> 
> Theere's only one poster whose request I wouldn't except, and he/she shall go unnamed.


Sorted - though I don't post on Facebook much. If I comment on my son's stuff he deletes them.  :FRlol:

----------


## Paulclem

> Well, thanks for that. I was going to go to bed, but now I've got to stay up until that thought fades.


Job done.  :Biggrinjester:

----------


## Paulclem

I used to drum with my mates - I wasn't very good, but it was a laugh. My very basic kit had a Pink Panther on the front. We once got a knock at the door at 3 in the morning from a woman who lived across the street asking us to be quiet as her husband was working early. They must have been tolerant- or scared. We were a bit rowdy, though we never caused bother for the neighbours. We didn't carry on if we were asked.

----------


## Sancho

My only experience drumming is on my desk at school with a couple of pencils, which generations from now be known as Van Haling and nobody will remember why they call it that. (I also was asked to stop it)

Van Halen, Hot for Teacher:
http://youtu.be/-4GZFbCqx18 

Ill keep an eye out for the Tony Fletcher book. Thanks for the recommendation, Mark. Id like to read it. My completion percentage on biographies is low, though. I tend to bog down. Im still trying to get through Slashs book.

My ear has always preferred John Bonhams drumming to Keith Moons. But then, Ive always preferred Led Zeppelin to The Who. I dont know why - a matter of taste I suppose.

For Sanchos money, the best drum solo ever:

Zep, Bonzos Montreux:
http://youtu.be/Sal1nVhYPiY
(I understand the electronic effects were added by Page after Bonhams death)

----------


## prendrelemick

I sort of rate Kieth Moon on the drums. He had a distinctive sound, as though he thought the drums should play the lead all the time. 

I once played the drum in the Boys' Brigade Church parade. They took it off me after that. My mate who was a drummer, told me Buddy Rich was the best ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWrxHP36N1Q


Of course its a different genre to Led Zep and The Who.

----------


## Sancho

Uh-huh. Read on-line somewhere that he had borderline personality disorder, which would explain a lot. World-class drummer, no matter how you look at it, though.

Righteous Buddy Rich link, Mick.

Anybody know whatever happened to these guys:

Animals, House of the Rising Sun
http://youtu.be/bwAw9ThDQmk

----------


## MarkBastable

> Uh-huh. Read on-line somewhere that he had borderline personality disorder, which would explain a lot. World-class drummer, no matter how you look at it, though.
> 
> Righteous Buddy Rich link, Mick.
> 
> Anybody know whatever happened to these guys:
> 
> Animals, House of the Rising Sun
> http://youtu.be/bwAw9ThDQmk



The bass player ended up managing Jimi Hendrix, and the drummer worked for that management team too - as well as securing the copyright to the name of the band. The organ player had a few hits in the Randy Newman mould and wrote some noted film music. The guitar player didn't do much after the Animals split. The singer joined the California band War and also had a pretty good career as a solo artist. He was ranked 57th in Rolling Stone's _100 Greatest Singers of All Time_.

----------


## Sancho

Ah-hah, thanks Mark. That kid had a voice. I’ve heard that song probably a thousand times, but I never realized those guys were so young.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Ah-hah, thanks Mark. That kid had a voice. Ive heard that song probably a thousand times, but I never realized those guys were so young.


Yeah - he was about twenty-two when he recorded that, I believe.

----------


## Sancho

Well then, Electric guitar, drums, or keyboard?

Dave Chappelle (with the help of John Mayer) gets to the root of our musical leanings.

White People Cant Dance? http://youtu.be/_9DcihpNYds

----------


## prendrelemick

Guitar every time for me.

I just love Brian May mucking about with Brighton Rock.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHxqx...feature=fvwrel

ps. I am white and can't dance.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Two brothers who was / is pretty good at their trade...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSjRg...eature=related

----------


## Sancho

Truer words have not been spoken, my friend. I used to catch Stevie Ray down on 6th Street during my undergrad years. Then I saw him for the last time in (of all places) Fairbanks, Alaska a few months before his death.

Little Wing

Stevie: http://youtu.be/k0zy0lqpOyc 

Jimi: http://youtu.be/c_DTdFppN9c

----------


## prendrelemick

Little wing! Suddenly I'm 16 again - round at a neighbours with my mate and neighbour's two daughters lying on the living room floor listening to Ron Wood playing it on his (only?) solo album. 


Music and memories, a potent mix.

----------


## Paulclem

> Little wing! Suddenly I'm 16 again - round at a neighbours with my mate and neighbour's two daughters lying on the living room floor listening to Ron Wood playing it on his (only?) solo album. 
> 
> 
> Music and memories, a potent mix.


I've recently posted some pop from my days at the slaughterhouse. The radio was always blasting out radio 1, and thememories are inextricably mixed with the music. They're not ones I particularly like, but they are like the gaudy wallpaper in a house you didn't decorate, imposed but indelible.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Music and memories, a potent mix.


Fills one with an urge to acquire a bandana, a pair of tight jeans, leather jacket and some boots, doesn't it?

Oh, not to mention a Harley.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Fills one with an urge to acquire a bandana, a pair of tight jeans, leather jacket and some boots, doesn't it?
> 
> .


Especially if you're in Dire Straits.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Especially if you're in Dire Straits.


Oh, Dire Straits!

For a minute, I thought you said, "...if you're in a dire state".

 :Tongue:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7iZ4...eature=related

.

----------


## Paulclem

> .
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7iZ4...eature=related
> 
> .


Catchy tune, the ladies reminded me of that Robert Palmer video for some reason - I think it was the dancing with instruments - , but what I didn't get was the bruiser they seemed to be taken with.

----------


## prendrelemick

OK, now the footie has finished I've been assessing the form at Wimbledon this year. Miss Sharapova has just been thrashed by that Blonde Teutonic Goddess, Sabine Lisicki. I'm so pleased about this, I was getting fed up with the lovely Maria's sulky face. Other highlights are Ana Ivanovic's Long-legged grace and Serena's magnificent thighs. But I remain loyal to Sabine, I sure she'll go all the way!

Oh, and some blokes have been playing too.

----------


## Paulclem

> OK, now the footie has finished I've been assessing the form at Wimbledon this year. Miss Sharapova has just been thrashed by that Blonde Teutonic Goddess, Sabine Lisicki. I'm so pleased about this, I was getting fed up with the lovely Maria's sulky face. Other highlights are Ana Ivanovic's Long-legged grace and Serena's magnificent thighs. But I remain loyal to Sabine, I sure she'll go all the way!
> 
> Oh, and some blokes have been playing too.


I did hear tell that the blokes games are more boring than the ladies as they score so many aces. I don't watch, so I can only ask you chaps for verification.

I myself am about to log into ITV player in an attempt to watch the highlights of todays Tour De France. Our oqwn Bradley Wiggins is favourite this year after he's had some success on other tours. Last year he fell off and broke a collar bone. He's come back strongly though.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Are those tennis gals still grunt'n like stuck hogs when they serve?

----------


## prendrelemick

They are to some extent, though number one seed and Grunter-in-chief Maria Sharapova was knocked out by my personal J Hunter-Dunn, Sabine Lisicki - who was then knocked out herself by the grumpily silent Angelique Kerber.

That leaves That All-American doyen of the Grunters Serena Williams to rule the decibels on Centre Court.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sooo, it's the impressively developed Serena Williams agin the slight and girlish Agnieszka Radwanska in the final. I hope those Anti-bullying campaigners don't try and intervene - the diminutive Polish girl is tougher than she looks.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Fellas, I just discovered a new approach to delivering the evening news.
I'm sure Mr. Cronkite would have approved.
I call it "Headline Poetry"
Take a snort of this...

Pianos glass did shatter
a Shard of which stands tall.
Tallest in Europe for that matter
casts a shadow on St. Paul.

Grunts were heard round the world
when serving a fuzzy ball.
Serena pounds a stubborn Pole
now Krakows covered in a pall

Coming round to the Hadron Collider,
we discover a new particle.
All proclaim; thats one helluva divider!
proving Higgs theory wasnt farcical.

On this day in Missouri
a light went off in a bakers head.
I found a way to wrap the turkey,
the greatest thing since sliced bread.

By God, I'm proud of that and you won't sway me; that's right right, I'm posting this somewhere under the poetry heading.

----------


## prendrelemick

I think you've hit on something there GG.

And now the Sports News

Andy's fairly handy,
But Federer is Betterer.

----------


## Paulclem

And from The Tour...

Yesterday in the Tour De France
Things didn't go by luck or chance,
The leaders avoided all the crashes
And the resultant red road rashes.
Cancellara, lost the front
On a mountain stage that made them grunt.
Bradley Wiggins is in pole position
And keeping it up is his mission.

Back to you Gill ...

(Excellent idea)

----------


## prendrelemick

And from The British Grand Prix.

Waters lapped
Drivers lapped
Organisers Flapped
Cars got Trapped

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...And now the Sports News...





> ...Back to you Gill ...
> 
> (Excellent idea)


Thank you Paul and thank you Mick,
Now I know what makes you tick.
Headline sports holds you in thrall,
So lets turn to the dimpled white ball.

Greenbriar can be thorny place
Too much for Tiger, hes cut from the race.
With time on his hands and a decent salary
Hes free to prowl for a lassie in the gallery.

Im signing off,
Youre on the air.
Paul, a little more rouge.
Mick, straighten your hair.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Hair?

----------


## Darcy88

I just saw this show last night and it had me laughing harder than I've laughed in some time. You Brits have comedy down. lol.

http://www.ctvolympics.ca/news/artic...-olympics.html

----------


## prendrelemick

They're re-showing it over here as well, starting this week. I can't help thinking it is very close to what really goes on.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hair?


Speaking of hair and the current discussions and associated poles on what attracts us, I recall someone commenting on running the fingers through hair.

Have you stopped to wonder what it must have been like for the '70s guy trying to break through the V05 iron curtain?
It's no wonder that the ozone looks like Swiss cheese!
For example, where would a bloke even begin to rake through these examples:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqM2pewRv_U

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DK-km...eature=related





> I just saw this show last night and it had me laughing harder than I've laughed in some time. You Brits have comedy down. lol.
> 
> http://www.ctvolympics.ca/news/artic...-olympics.html


Darcy, look out for those four bears...we'd hate to lose a musical genius!
I got a kick out of your music.

.

----------


## Darcy88

> Speaking of hair and the current discussions and associated poles on what attracts us, I recall someone commenting on running the fingers through hair.
> 
> Have you stopped to wonder what it must have been like for the '70s guy trying to break through the V05 iron curtain?
> It's no wonder that the ozone looks like Swiss cheese!
> For example, where would a bloke even begin to rake through these examples:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqM2pewRv_U
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ
> ...


Thank you Gilliat. That means a lot to me. Thank you.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Speaking of hair and the current discussions and associated poles on what attracts us, I recall someone commenting on running the fingers through hair.
> 
> Have you stopped to wonder what it must have been like for the '70s guy trying to break through the V05 iron curtain?
> It's no wonder that the ozone looks like Swiss cheese!
> For example, where would a bloke even begin to rake through these examples:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqM2pewRv_U
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WO4wcNVbYOQ
> ...


Mmm. Alternatively...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7bnX...eature=related

----------


## prendrelemick

Bad news about the Olympics today. The Beach Volly Ball Ladies may have to wear clothes if the weather doesn't improve in time. 

This time British weather, you've gone too far!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

haha!
I was about to throw in the Olympic towel upon reading your sad forecast, but wait...not all is lost my friend!
We still have women's wrestling, syncronised swimming and...trampoline!

Aye, we've much better chance at a wardrobe malfunction with these events.

----------


## Emil Miller

> Speaking of hair and the current discussions and associated poles on what attracts us, I recall someone commenting on running the fingers through hair.
> 
> Have you stopped to wonder what it must have been like for the '70s guy trying to break through the V05 iron curtain?
> It's no wonder that the ozone looks like Swiss cheese!
> For example, where would a bloke even begin to rake through these examples:
> 
> .


Hi Gilliatt,

I posted about running fingers through hair and this is the kind that I was thinking of. No V05 here and get that kid's smile at the end.

http://youtu.be/Vn7UnQWkcjY

----------


## Sancho

What kind of miscreant throws carpet tacks on the road during a bicycle race? Hats off to Bradley Wiggins for recognizing the unfairness of the situation and slowing the pace. That’s a true sportsman right there.

----------


## ClaesGefvenberg

> What kind of miscreant throws carpet tacks on the road during a bicycle race?


I'm afraid that this is not something new: I know from first hand experience how royally peeved you get when you suddenly find yourselves with tacks in both tires... Just when a lot of other riders start hollering about the same thing. Anyone trying that stunt is in line for a proper arse warming if the cyclists manage to catch him, that's for sure.  :Flare: 




> Hats off to Bradley Wiggins for recognizing the unfairness of the situation and slowing the pace. Thats a true sportsman right there.


Indeed.  :Hurray: 

/Claes

----------


## Emil Miller

I hope he wins because with a name like Bradley Wiggins there has to be some compensation in life.

----------


## Paulclem

The Tour has been good so far. Wiggins and the Sky team seem to have a good grip on it. Did you see the man in the duck suit on the hill on Saturday? And the flare wielders on Friday? They do get a bit excited.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hi Gilliatt,
> 
> I posted about running fingers through hair and this is the kind that I was thinking of. No V05 here and get that kid's smile at the end.
> 
> http://youtu.be/Vn7UnQWkcjY


Hello Emil, I now recall that being your remark.
That smile is priceless and those fingers, I'd rather they run through my hair!


I haven't been following the tour. 
I'll check up on the current status.

.

----------


## Revolte

> What kind of miscreant throws carpet tacks on the road during a bicycle race?


I have to admit I laughed when reading that. I wouldn't do it of course, but somehow it gave me a giggle.

----------


## Paulclem

Is anyone going to any of the events? I'll be an armchair spectator. 

The rain is very much halting the growing process at the moment - except for the weeds! This is the wettest summer on record so far. All the gardeners down the allotment are complaining about the slow growth - except for the potatoes. 

There's also going to be ructions in the allotment society soon. Our site wants to break away from the other two whom we see as unproductive and less committed. We anticipate an extraordinary meeting being called. I'll keep you chaps informed of developments. (I never knew the Allotment Committee would be so - I was going to say exciting, but I'll go with interesting).

----------


## MarkBastable

> Is anyone going to any of the events? I'll be an armchair spectator. 
> 
> The rain is very much halting the growing process at the moment - except for the weeds! This is the wettest summer on record so far. All the gardeners down the allotment are complaining about the slow growth - except for the potatoes. 
> 
> There's also going to be ructions in the allotment society soon. Our site wants to break away from the other two whom we see as unproductive and less committed. We anticipate an extraordinary meeting being called. I'll keep you chaps informed of developments. (I never knew the Allotment Committee would be so - I was going to say exciting, but I'll go with interesting).


There's a movie in this: _The Milton Street Secession._

I see Rushdie writing the screenplay. I'm thinking Scorsese for director, to really get us in there amongst the runner beans. I have Timothy Spall in mind to play you, Paul. I have no idea if there's any physical resemblance, but I feel he could express your spade-wielding insouciance.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'd get Croft and Perry if I was you.

----------


## Paulclem

> There's a movie in this: _The Milton Street Secession._
> 
> I see Rushdie writing the screenplay. I'm thinking Scorsese for director, to really get us in there amongst the runner beans. I have Timothy Spall in mind to play you, Paul. I have no idea if there's any physical resemblance, but I feel he could express your spade-wielding insouciance.


Excellent idea. Timothy Spall would be good - he's got an allotmenteer's stature. We might have to import the runner beans this year depending on the shooting schedule, as they're rather late.

----------


## prendrelemick

How about "50 Sheds of Grey" for a title?

----------


## MarkBastable

> How about "50 Sheds of Grey" for a title?


Not bad, actually. 

Or _Midnight in the Garden Shed of Good and Evil_. 

Or _Blade Runner Bean_

Or _Westward Hoe!_

Or _Salem's Allotment_.

----------


## prendrelemick

Not bad.

Citizen Kale?

Peas Please Me? for opening credits song.

Should be a 24 carrot hit.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Brilliant, we're on a good runner with ideas.

Perhaps 
_No Allotment For Old Men_
_Spade Runner_
_The Spuds of Wrath_


Something I just realized as I was adding fabric softener to the wash, I'm an "Alfalfa Male".

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8fyk...eature=related

.

----------


## Sancho

How about, _Insouciance_. Thatd be a good title. Its a ten-dollar word and appropriately pretentious.

----------


## Calidore

_The Corn Supremacy_

----------


## prendrelemick

A Cubby Broccoli production.

----------


## Paulclem

Marvellous

The Once and Future King Edward

----------


## MarkBastable

> How about, _Insouciance_. That’d be a good title. It’s a ten-dollar word and appropriately pretentious.



This is very odd. On another forum, an American made exactly this point about exactly this word - that it was pretentious - though I think they valued it at five bucks. Other Americans agreed. And all the Brits went, "Huh? I mean, not a word that's going to turn up in a Justin Bieber song, admittedly - but certanly not unusual."

As the Yanks were well-read and the Brits were unpretentious, and all of them were in love with the English language, I sort of concluded that the word just isn't used much in the States.

But then the question became, "Why does this word provoke such a scornful reaction when so many other little-used words don't?"

And I think it might be because it sounds a bit French. And I have actually heard an American pronounce it as if it were _very_ _recently_ French, with a nasal '-ance'. 

Now _that's_ pretentious.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I had to look it up and listen to a recorded pronunciation.
The voice sounded like a pretentious Yank and I'm guessing he was paid about ten bucks by M Webster.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mbk81X6WHA4

.

----------


## Sancho

> This is very odd. On another forum, an American made exactly this point about exactly this word - that it was pretentious - though I think they valued it at five bucks. Other Americans agreed. And all the Brits went, "Huh? I mean, not a word that's going to turn up in a Justin Bieber song, admittedly - but certanly not unusual."
> 
> As the Yanks were well-read and the Brits were unpretentious, and all of them were in love with the English language, I sort of concluded that the word just isn't used much in the States.
> 
> But then the question became, "Why does this word provoke such a scornful reaction when so many other little-used words don't?"
> 
> And I think it might be because it sounds a bit French. And I have actually heard an American pronounce it as if it were _very_ _recently_ French, with a nasal '-ance'. 
> 
> Now _that's_ pretentious.


_InsoucianceInsoucianceInsouciance_, Just the sound of it, the way it rolls off my tongue, makes me want to tilt my head slightly back, put my eyelids at half-mast, swirl my snifter of cognac, and look right down the ridge of my nose at whoever it is Im talking to. Ah-hem, pah-don moi, _whomever_.

I have no idea why that word evokes such a sharply negative reaction when it falls on American ears, and I cant speak for all of them, but when it enters one of the two attached to my head, my first reaction is usually: Insouciance!? Who the hellre you trying to impress?

Ah well, I may have been hasty in my judgment. Ill try harder to like the word. And youre probably right: its only a 5-dollar word. Im willing to take my change in shillings. I have always thought of it as a fun word if artfully delivered by a precocious youth. Speaking of which, Im not all that familiar with his music, but Im sure The Bieb made a wise business decision by not using it in a lyric. Besides, I think hes Canadian, and while Canada is in North America, Ive found that the people there prefer to be called Canadians rather than North Americans. I mean, back in 1776 we did give them the option to throw in with us and bail on the crown, but they had a loyalty streak a mile wide. Also the cooler clime up there doesnt lend itself to the hot-headedness we have down south, I think.

Whoa, veered off track there.

You and I have chatted before about tacking on an overly French pronunciation to an Anglicized French word (_homage_, I think), and I know your feelings on the subject. I tried to tune in to how much that happens around here, and Ive concluded: not much. I have noticed more and more people pronouncing croissant _qua-son_ rather than _cra-sant_. But around my house, given half a chance, well cut that sucker in two and slap some meat and cheese between the slices, and call it a _Cra-sand-wich_, not a _Qua-son-wotch_. 

Anyway, I think I tend to lean away from French pronunciation. A couple of months ago I was standing in a customs line (queue) behind an Air France Flight Crew. So naturally Im trying to chat up the Stews. They would visibly cringe every time I said 'Air France' (rhymes with _their pants_). They, of course, said 'Air Fronce' (rhymes with _bare schwance_). What fun. I think the girls kind of liked me.

But lately I am hearing more people using Latin American Spanish pronunciation for names and places. I know a woman named: Maria Cecilia Flavianna Garcia de la Rosa. Go ahead, try it. Its fun to say. Roll those Rs.

----------


## MarkBastable

It's fine. I suspect your attitude to the use of words is much the same as mine and everyone else's. To wit....


_Anyone who uses a word I don't like is a pretentious arse.
And anyone who doesn't like a word I use is an illiterate pig._

----------


## prendrelemick

Here's one Justin might like to cover .


Girl with your insouciance
Girl you got such confidence
(You say that with a french nuance)
Let us go upon Vacance
we can fly upon Air Fronce.
You'll get to laugh at my bare schwance.
So au revoir et bon, bon chance.

----------


## Sancho

Mick, I actually laughed out loud when I read your song lyric. Not the throw-away electronic lol but the real deal. Also I may have sprayed a little coffee on my keyboard.




> It's fine. I suspect your attitude to the use of words is much the same as mine and everyone else's. To wit....
> 
> 
> _Anyone who uses a word I don't like is a pretentious arse.
> And anyone who doesn't like a word I use is an illiterate pig._


Ha Ha. Its all perspectival, eh? It reminded me of this quip by George Carlin:




> Have you ever noticed that when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an *idiot*? And anyone goin' faster than you is a _maniac_?


Since Im on it, heres more Carlin on driving:




> Here's one of those things you have to do every time you drive, especially if you're in a hurry. It happens at you approach a red light, and you find several lanes of cars ahead of you. As you roll up to the pack, you have to decide which lane to get into. You have to guess which looks like a good bet to take off quickly, so you can move out fast when the light turns green. With half a block to go you have to decide who's going to be the really fast ***hole in this group up ahead.
> 
> Forget the Volvo, she's listening to public radio, and drives the way she lives - with fear and caution. You'll want to avoid that Toyota with the fish symbol; Christians drive as though Jesus himself was a traffic cop. And, by all means, ignore the Lexus with the heavily made-up, bejeweled pig woman. She has the reflexes of an aging panda.
> Ahhhhh! Here's the correct machine to get behind: a Camaro with four different shades of primer paint and a bumper sticker that says "I date my sister." This guy's a real risk-taker; full of crank, and on his way to an AC/DC concert. You'll be home before you know it.

----------


## prendrelemick

You're preaching to the faithful. Queueing and the shrewd assesment of queues is what we Brits do best.

----------


## Paulclem

I heard a really interesting story yesterday down at the allotment. There's an old lady who comes in each week for 6 eggs - we get them from a nearby farm. We also sell honey produced by an apiarist who keeps the bees on the allotment. As she saw the honey she said her Grandad had been a beekeeper, and had lived for over 100 years. She then went on to tell me how he made the wicker hives himself, and kept to the country tradition of telling the bees if anyone had died, got married etc. I'd never heard of this, and so I just looked it up.

http://tribes.tribe.net/b9b544af-89e...a-12c9767accfe

http://www.dailygrail.com/blogs/shad...7/Telling-Bees

Anyway, she went on to tell me that on the day her Grandfather died, all the bees left the hives and went onto the thatch. They returned to the hives after he had died. 

Oddly enough, I saw my first ever swarm today. My mate on the committee showed me where they were, and then went off to phone the beekeeper.

----------


## Paulclem

Last couple of days at work before the summer hols. 

So I've got my list... from the missus... of the things that need doing. I might also be able to get on top of the weeds for the first time this ... ever. Top of the list is the paintwork - not too bad. Then there's filling in the holes made by the old uncle's extra heavy shelving that came down last week. Good job it was in the night. It was right over where she sits. I might need re-papering...gah.

Then there's the painting the conservatory, and getting more gravel for the teeny garden we have out front. Gravelling is ok, but getting it back from B&Q is the hardest work. I have a sack truck, but still. 

Then there'll be the weeds that will have sprung up again. And the grass out the back of course.

And then there's that little list of not quite jobs that need doing - fixing a handle, or clearing a cupboard, or emptying the drawer so that you can get more stuff into it again....

I might go for a summer job if there are any...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Ha Ha. Its all perspectival, eh? It reminded me of this quip by George Carlin...
> 
> Since Im on it, heres more Carlin on driving...





> You're preaching to the faithful. Queueing and the shrewd assesment of queues is what we Brits do best.


The queue subject brought to mind the Public Nudity thread and this video courtesy of Emil...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0A9-oUoMug





> I heard a really interesting story yesterday down at the allotment. There's an old lady who comes in each week for 6 eggs - we get them from a nearby farm. We also sell honey produced by an apiarist who keeps the bees on the allotment. As she saw the honey she said her Grandad had been a beekeeper, and had lived for over 100 years. She then went on to tell me how he made the wicker hives himself, and kept to the country tradition of telling the bees if anyone had died, got married etc. I'd never heard of this, and so I just looked it up.
> ...





> ...summer hols. 
> 
> ...Then there's filling in the holes made by the old uncle's extra heavy shelving that came down last week. Good job it was in the night. It was right over where she sits. I might need re-papering...gah....


Summers *hols ?*

anyhow, the bee articles were interesting. The Swiss milk story was quite strange and I enjoyed the part where the hive rotated.

Thanks for the allotment updates.

Here we are under the typical high pressure dome that settles in each summer, allowing temps to rise and lawns to die.

----------


## prendrelemick

The juggernaut of the English Cricket team, that has been rolling along sweeping all aside and crushing those who stood in its way, an unstoppable force, charged with momentum and potential - Hurtled down upon the South Africans where the wheels fell off, the head lights cracked and the engine stalled.

----------


## Paulclem

> Summers *hols ?*
> 
> Here we are under the typical high pressure dome that settles in each summer, allowing temps to rise and lawns to die.


Summer hols - summer holidays. Today might be my last day at work for this academic year - huzzah. 

Our lawns are growing like the clappers due to the wettest June and July on record. My weeds are also doing well, though the veg is not so good as the cloud has obscured the rain for a lot of the time.

At the moment it's very hot, but rain is again forecast for the weekend. I do prefer it cooler.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The juggernaut of the English Cricket team, that has been rolling along sweeping all aside and crushing those who stood in its way, an unstoppable force, charged with momentum and potential - Hurtled down upon the South Africans where the wheels fell off, the head lights cracked and the engine stalled.


The South African's must be riding on Ernie Els coat tails following his win at the British Open.




> Summer hols - summer holidays. Today might be my last day at work for this academic year - huzzah. 
> 
> Our lawns are growing like the clappers due to the wettest June and July on record. My weeds are also doing well, though the veg is not so good as the cloud has obscured the rain for a lot of the time.
> 
> At the moment it's very hot, but rain is again forecast for the weekend. I do prefer it cooler.


Wish we could get some of that wet over here. I'm guessing the cooler weather is good for the broccoli. Are you growing broccoli at this time?


random closing video...

Mae West singing a Doors song - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RGNOwCzpq3E

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Thanks for the video. Mae was in some ways a female version of Jim.

The most unlikely cover I ever heard was The Swingle Singers doing Led Zep's Whole Lotta Love. Unfortunately it seems no one has put it on Utube.


Meanwhile the Olympics have started with a bit of flag swapping japery. I bet the North Koreans are still laughing.

----------


## soundofmusic

Okay, I see the whole world has went mad since I've been here...where are all the women? Where's the booze? 

I see Mark's finally posted his own face...good show, Mark; I always say if you look good, you should show it...me on the other hand, I think I'll keep my double chins to myself. ...

----------


## prendrelemick

Of all the bars in all the world...

How ya doin Sounds?


Yes, things have changed around here. Carrot juice?

----------


## Paulclem

> Okay, I see the whole world has went mad since I've been here...where are all the women? Where's the booze? 
> 
> I see Mark's finally posted his own face...good show, Mark; I always say if you look good, you should show it...me on the other hand, I think I'll keep my double chins to myself. ...


Hi Sounds, how's it going?

I was looking for Griff and Jones version of Purple Haze done with a synthesizer.

----------


## MarkBastable

> I see Mark's finally posted his own face...good show, Mark


Actually, the previous one was my own face too. I've always looked good in make-up.

----------


## prendrelemick

Rolf Harris - Stairway to Heaven.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot8KBcPzAsw

----------


## soundofmusic

> Of all the bars in all the world...
> 
> How ya doin Sounds?
> 
> 
> Yes, things have changed around here. Carrot juice?


Ah, but you knew I would have to come back here; all the other bars meant nothing to me....Of course, Carrot juice? Forgive them Lord, they know not what they do :Cryin: 



> Hi Sounds, how's it going?
> 
> I was looking for Griff and Jones version of Purple Haze done with a synthesizer.


Hey Paul, I've been in a bit of a haze myself; don't know if I ran into a griff; though it is likely there was a Jones or two. 




> Actually, the previous one was my own face too. I've always looked good in make-up.


Well, you look great out of makeup too, Mark. 




> Rolf Harris - Stairway to Heaven.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ot8KBcPzAsw


Gracious, I dont quite remember Stairway to Heaven sounding like that...and that is the biggest gourd I've seen in a while; you could feed the whole neighborhood with that :Smilielol5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Okay, I see the whole world has went mad since I've been here...where are all the women? Where's the booze? 
> 
> I see Mark's finally posted his own face...good show, Mark; I always say if you look good, you should show it...me on the other hand, I think I'll keep my double chins to myself. ...


Welcome back Sounds! You're a sight for sore eyes. We're still nursing the bottle, but the women have all gone no thanks to the Blue Hair ladies guild that meets next door. 
We sure had us some good times during the pre code years didn't we...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4_R5...feature=relmfu

.

----------


## prendrelemick

In order to celebrate our reputed male shallowness whilst following the Olympics, I thought the Turkish flag bearer was tres gorgeous.

----------


## Paulclem

I want one of these for the bike.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFoUL_bIotw

And one of these.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRUX9Ouqfss

----------


## soundofmusic

> Welcome back Sounds! You're a sight for sore eyes. We're still nursing the bottle, but the women have all gone no thanks to the Blue Hair ladies guild that meets next door. 
> We sure had us some good times during the pre code years didn't we...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4_R5...feature=relmfu
> 
> .


Thanks Gilliatt...ah, those were the days; I'll have to check out the blue haired ladies guild, I wonder if they sponser trips to Chippendales. 
Wow, where did you find that video...Harlow right? Of course, I might be tempted to call Jimmy Cagney in to put a grapefruit in her mug if she sang that song to me haha




> In order to celebrate our reputed male shallowness whilst following the Olympics, I thought the Turkish flag bearer was tres gorgeous.


I liked your little Samoan dude...though I would have liked him better in bicycle shorts. 




> I want one of these for the bike.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFoUL_bIotw
> 
> And one of these.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRUX9Ouqfss


I want this one: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DbOS1J6kFM

----------


## Paulclem

That's a good one.

I'm enjotying the Olympics. Some great competition, and here in Coventry we're hosting some of the footbal. The town centre has been buzzing in a very pleasant way today. Lots of tourists, and the local council has made a good effort to clean up and improve the centre, and get some markets in to fill the squares. 

I was just passing the women's rowing today on the big TV in town, and westopped to watch them win it. The crowd was really good and applauded the team. It was very nice.

----------


## prendrelemick

My fear that the rain would spoil the spectacle of the beach volleyball was quite unfounded.


http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k7...abes-09834.jpg

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I'm happy for you, I knew you were frettin over that for some time.

Rechecking the schedule, we have women's trampoline on the 4th and team synchronised swimming starting on the 9th.

----------


## prendrelemick

Course, it's Jess Ennis I'm really looking forwards to seeing, that girl's stomach is a wonder to behold.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Course, it's Jess Ennis I'm really looking forwards to seeing, that girl's stomach is a wonder to behold.



Nice six pack she's got there!







btw-sounds like Jess has a great start


.

----------


## prendrelemick

It seems that the Dutch have selected a full squad of supermodels for their womens hockey team. It's indecent how attractive they are.


Just as pleasingly they can play a bit too. I only wonder where they find the time to practice between all those FHM photoshoots .


Mrs P disagrees and reckons the best looking team are the these obviously miss-named coxless fours.

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

Damn, did I miss those beach volleyball and the Dutch Hockey games?

----------


## Mutatis-Mutandis

I rarely find Olympic women attractive (those field hockey Dutch women being an exception). They're too muscle-y, it erases all curves. That chick,s stomach above just looks weird to me. The gymnasts all have these weird Hulk-like necks. Most of the track and field and the ever popular beach volleyball players look too mannish.

----------


## Paulclem

[QUOTE=prendrelemick;1160283]


Mrs P disagrees and reckons the best looking team are the these obviously miss-named coxless fours. 


Misnamed coxless fours - classic line.

I spent four hours in the bank today ... I know,,,, and there wasn't even a hold up! Still I have some new lifecover...

I did notice in the wall upstairs a big red neon "RAID" sign which I've never noticed before. It does set the imagination going when you're waiting around. Do they still say "OK this is a stickup", or "Everybody on the floor... move!" anymore? I didn't like to ask the nice assistant in case she thought I was preparing a script for future use. I wonder what the current "bandit etiquette" is?

----------


## prendrelemick

The bandits have been welcomed in, given jobs and are now running the banks.

----------


## Paulclem

So bandit etiquette woud now go something like:

"What can I do for you today Sir?"

I was in there again today - the bank, (I'm not suddenly hooked, I was returning signatures). I asked whether they thought my wife would be suspicious if I suggested her going on the life policy at a later date. I think the answer was an unverbalised:

"Wha' choo talkin' 'bout, fool?"

----------


## Silas Thorne

> I rarely find Olympic women attractive (those field hockey Dutch women being an exception). They're too muscle-y, it erases all curves. That chick,s stomach above just looks weird to me. The gymnasts all have these weird Hulk-like necks. Most of the track and field and the ever popular beach volleyball players look too mannish.


Really? I'm attracted to fine-boned beauties, but also to solid 'I can snap you over these smooth legs' women.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

You could become an MP with suchlike peccadilloes.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

bump - We were about to fall off the front page.




> Really? I'm attracted to fine-boned beauties, but also to solid 'I can snap you over these smooth legs' women.


D**n, your leg snapping comment just made me realize I missed the women's wrestling!
Did anyone catch that? any wardrobe malfunctions?
I was able to watch a bit of women's tarmpoline and synchronised swimming though -I'd like to be tossed in the middle of that.

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

Oh I can't tell you how good my Golden Hen is. :Cheers2:  That's after a few days flirting with other birds and 3 sets of tennis followed by a bike up the hill, smashing!

----------


## prendrelemick

I had a pint of Terrier last night, I hadn't done owt to deserve it - I hadn't been flirting with a dog or anything- but it still slpped down well.

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

Good man. I’ve not had much experience in the dog department, but I wish you luck – I prefer the golden birds if I can get my hands on them.

I certainly feel I deserve it though, as yesterday I was sat on Devonshire Green eating raspberries in the sun. Today I laboured in my deckchair finishing off my delightful Three Men in a Boat. Life is a bastard.

Now I am conversing with a Mr Wainwright having just finished off two small pizzas, don't worry I'm biking in the Peaks tomorrow so I'll burn it off up the hills. :Smile:  (And down them into Castleton for a pint of course.)

----------


## Paulclem

> I had a pint of Terrier last night, I hadn't done owt to deserve it - I hadn't been flirting with a dog or anything- but it still slpped down well.


I tried a local Tetleys last week, as you asked. It tasted as I remember, but the body of it was quite flat, unlike a hand pumped version.

----------


## prendrelemick

NOooo a flat Tetleys that's terrible ! I had a proper one at Odsal on sunday, it was lovely, downwards bubbles and everything.

Neely. Is that the famous Mr Wainwright? Are you planning a sojourn in The Lakes?

----------


## MarkBastable

> I was able to watch a bit of women's tarmpoline and synchronised swimming though -I'd like to be tossed in the middle of that.


If any Brit takes advantage of this to make a smutty gag, I shall be very, very disappointed.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

They wont and I must say Im proud of them for it. Oh sure, they noticed it left there on the bar like a page torn from 50 Shades of Grey stained with the tears of an old golden hen, but they only gave it a brief glance, shrugged their shoulders and immediately returned to that which is appropriate for a Brit; the discussion of ale.

----------


## prendrelemick

I saw a perseid tonight.

----------


## Paulclem

> I saw a perseid tonight.


A what?

I saw a Kingfisher yesterday. Fantastic blue. We have a brook near to us which runs through green belt land with trees and undergrowth. It's fantastic to see one here.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> A what?
> 
> I saw a Kingfisher yesterday. Fantastic blue. We have a brook near to us which runs through green belt land with trees and undergrowth. It's fantastic to see one here.



Here you go Paul..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseids

The next few nights are peak viewing if you have clear skies.
Grab a lawn chair, blanket and flask, lay back and enjoy the show.

.

----------


## prendrelemick

> If any Brit takes advantage of this to make a smutty gag, I shall be very, very disappointed.




It did put me in mind of spawning salmon.

----------


## Paulclem

> Here you go Paul..
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseids
> 
> The next few nights are peak viewing if you have clear skies.
> Grab a lawn chair, blanket and flask, lay back and enjoy the show.
> 
> .


Thanks Gil. My knowledge has increased.  :Biggrin: 

New washer came today. The door on the old one packed up, which is annoying as the engine etc has worked brilliantly for the six years we've had it. I originally ordered one from Argos, but they could have taken up to *35*! days to deliver. Mrs Paulclem nearly had a fit at the prospect of going down to the brook every day and slapping the whites on the stones. 

So we cancelled that one and ordered one online on Friday. It came today - free delivery. Brilliant.

----------


## MarkBastable

> New washer came today. The door on the old one packed up, which is annoying as the engine etc has worked brilliantly for the six years we've had it. I originally ordered one from Argos, but they could have taken up to *35*! days to deliver. Mrs Paulclem nearly had a fit at the prospect of going down to the brook every day and slapping the whites on the stones. 
> 
> So we cancelled that one and ordered one online on Friday. It came today - free delivery. Brilliant.



It's a roller-$^$*ing-coaster, your life, isn't it? Honestly, you and MrsP pack more thrills into a lifetime than most people are fortunate enough to experience in a fortnight.

(Incidentally, I have never seen a kingfisher. I wasn't entirely sure that they weren't mythical, like unicorns and Joan the Wad and Judas Priest fans.)

----------


## Paulclem

> It's a roller-$^$*ing-coaster, your life, isn't it? Honestly, you and MrsP pack more thrills into a lifetime than most people are fortunate enough to experience in a fortnight.
> 
> (Incidentally, I have never seen a kingfisher. I wasn't entirely sure that they weren't mythical, like unicorns and Joan the Wad and Judas Priest fans.)


 :Biggrin: 

I know. It's been a slow week. Next week - painting the conservatory and digging the allotment - again.

----------


## Paulclem

There's been a lot of of snobbery on the Olympic Mania thread. I suppose Emil's initial tone set the pace, but there's no end of posters who want to have a go at the lower end of the cultural spectrum. 

I was going to give a long, frank and detailed explanation of what educational opportunities existed in Yorkshire in the 60s and 70s - pointing out where any of us could have caught the royal Ballet and opera - if we could have afforded it.

Mick said it all when he comented "What education?".

So I've come down to the club for a quiet pear cider and to declare that I've never liked ballet or opera, and I don't feel left out by the fact.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

I'll get that Paul, and the same for myself, (or should that be me or I - I was never taught grammer) please Parker. 

The thing that annoys me is the assumption that I don't like "high" art because I'm ignorant of it, rather than because it is not to my taste. 

The mantra "I know what I like" is always ridiculed by cultural highbrows and called ignorance simply because they have no answer to it.




> Here you go Paul..
> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perseids
> 
> The next few nights are peak viewing if you have clear skies.
> Grab a lawn chair, blanket and flask, lay back and enjoy the show.
> 
> .


Excellent - A Gibbous Moon - sounds so poetical.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'll get that Paul, and the same for myself, (or should that be me or I - I was never taught grammer) please Parker. 
> 
> The thing that annoys me is the assumption that I don't like "high" art because I'm ignorant of it, rather than because it is not to my taste. 
> 
> The mantra "I know what I like" is always ridiculed by cultural highbrows and called ignorance simply because they have no answer to it.


Cheers. Most welcome.

I agree. Annoying it is. At least I don't have to pretend to appreciate anything. 

I wasn't taught grammar either. I learnt it on the job as a teacher.

----------


## MarkBastable

I think that in order to appreciate any art form, you have to understand its conventions and forms - the context in which it works - because all art is created in the tension between inspiration and form. 

And to understand that stuff, you have to put the work in. So to 'get' ballet, you have to know enough about what all those moves 'mean' and how they ought to be done, and whether they are being done well. 

And you're only going to put that work in if there's something that grabs you when you first encounter it. Me, I've never been in the least grabbed by ballet - or, actually, by any kind of dance. So I'm not prepared to put the work in - there are other things I'd rather do with my time. This is not to say that ballet is pointless or - actually - that it's more 'highbrow' than any other artform. It just means that there's nothing in it that appeals intrinsically to me.

The problem with Emil's position is that if, as he suggests, all rock music is rubbish, he has to come up with an explanation as to why a lot of highly-intelligent, articulate and art-savvy people like it so much and find value in it. His usual explanation is that we've all been brainwashed by the mass media and we're gullible victims of a huge scam. I don't think that's so - but then, if I were a brainwashed dupe, I would say that, wouldn't I?

I thought of Emil, actually, while I was watching the closing ceremony, and I thought, "The likes of Emil won't understand this at all - and given the purpose of the thing, I'm not sure that's fair. It ought to be easily accessible to him, and me, and my kids, and my mum, and Mo Farah's gran in Somalia." 

Even within its own terms I thought it was pretty patchy, I have to say. So I'm not even going to defend it as a celebration of British popular music of the last fifty years.

----------


## prendrelemick

^You've hit so many nails on the head you could've re-roofed pauls shed!


There is also the content to consider as well as the artform. I went to the ballet when The Northern Ballet was based in Halifax, It was fantastic. I went again to see something else and fell asleep. I love rock music - but not The Doors. I hate jazz - but like.. err..No, I hate Jazz. 

But where does taste come from? why does something grab you in the first place.

----------


## Sancho

I read somewhere that your brain is particularly open to music from around age 15 to around age 25, much as it is particularly receptive to language from toddlerhood to around age 12. (is toddlerhood a real word? El Sancho was dropped on his noggin more than once when he was a toddler.) At any rate, the theory was: most people tend prefer the music they listened to during their late teens - for the rest of their lives.

My dad still listens to Harry James and I'm still cranking Led Zeppelin. He still hates Zep, and hearing Harry James' trumpet makes me want to punt small animals.

----------


## Paulclem

I agree Mark. I looked into a bit of abstract art in a very patchy way, and came to see what Mondrian, for example, was trying to do. I like it more because of this, but still prefer representational art. 

I have no problem with people who like what they like - ballet, opera, rock - it's really none of my business. I applaud people who go with what they like. What I don't like is the "my likes are better than your likes" attitude, particularly when it is well educated and sometimes priviledged people looking down on what they refer to as low culture. I'm afraid it does make my hackles rise somewhat. I shouldn't really as they are ridiculous in their prejudices, but I am aware that certain aspects of culture is really only open to a few. Sure anyone can go to an opera, but, as you said, there's the schooling in the forms and conventions needed. We didn't get that in school in Yorkshire in the 60s and 70s, and I doubt whether many do now.

----------


## Paulclem

> I read somewhere that your brain is particularly open to music from around age 15 to around age 25, much as it is particularly receptive to language from toddlerhood to around age 12. (is toddlerhood a real word? El Sancho was dropped on his noggin more than once when he was a toddler.) At any rate, the theory was: most people tend prefer the music they listened to during their late teens - for the rest of their lives.
> 
> My dad still listens to Harry James and I'm still cranking Led Zeppelin. He still hates Zep, and hearing Harry James' trumpet makes me want to punt small animals.


It sounds plausible. Perhaps it's because at those ages we have strong life experiences which are imprinted with the msic at the time. I know as we raised the kids, we didn't have the music on so much.

----------


## Sancho

> It sounds plausible. Perhaps it's because at those ages we have strong life experiences which are imprinted with the msic at the time. I know as we raised the kids, we didn't have the music on so much.


Imprinted is a good word, but I think there's more to it than an association with important life events.* If I'm remembering the article correctly, it had to do with the developing brain, and the brain sort of wiring itself for a certain type of music during those years. Since the age range is fairly well along in brain growth, I'm thinking it's probably the prefrontal cortex that is being imprinted.

I'm sorry I don't remember all the particulars, but I'm willing to bet it was a Discovery Magazine piece by neurologist Dr. Oliver Sacks. He's also got a very readable book out entitled, Musicophilia, all about music and the brain.

*events like finding yourself parked by a lake in 1972 Oldsmobile Delta 88 (her car), late on a Saturday night, both of you in the back seat, both of you mostly naked, Rod Stewart's Maggie May playing on the radio (her station), and wondering how can one guy be so lucky. I still like that song. A couple of years ago, my wife (La Roja) and I went to see Rod Stewart in Vegas, and voila, got lucky again. I'm thinking Mr. Stewart is a freaking aphrodisiac for women of a certain age. Also I've always felt a little guilty about the California Potato Chip I left on the vinyl upholstery of the Olds.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ahh, the old guilt thing - pleasure must be followed by guilt! That potato chip (metaphor?) is your scourge. 

I went to see Rod with a mate and two girls in the early seventies. The rejection afterwards has not put me off him.

----------


## Sancho

I was trying to stay with the nostalgic flavor of the post by using 70s slang. I first heard a California Potato Chip described in Peter Benchleys novel, _Jaws_. Its kind of gross, but it goes something like this: when you and your special lady friend are swapping genetic material in the back seat of a car, some of it will inevitably drip onto the upholstery. If left unattended and if the seat happens to be vinyl, the next day as the car bakes in the hot sun, it will dry out and curl up into something resembling a potato chip. Thats where the slang falls apart across the pond. How about a _Brighton Beach Crisp_? 

Also, Mick, what were you thinking, taking a girl with scruples to a Rod Stewart show?

----------


## prendrelemick

^ That is everything I feared it would be. A Brighton Beach one would soon become fungal rather than crispy. 


Worst of it was my mate was not disappointed ... and we could hear them!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Next week - painting the conservatory and digging the allotment - again.


I'm a bit behind.
Was it the painting comment that led to high art?
Who knows, now that youll be painting the Conservatory you may develop an appreciation for the high arts being around all those dancers and musicians.
Perhaps you can draw inspiration from Paolo Veronese frescoes.
A couple I think would go well with the allotment:

_Prudence and Manly Virtue_




_Nobleman in Hunting Attire_

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm a bit behind.
> Was it the painting comment that led to high art?
> Who knows, now that youll be painting the Conservatory you may develop an appreciation for the high arts being around all those dancers and musicians.
> Perhaps you can draw inspiration from Paolo Veronese frescoes.
> A couple I think would go well with the allotment:
> 
> _Prudence and Manly Virtue_
> 
> 
> ...


We went for green again. 

It took a few hours - most of those shifting stuff around and painting the edges you can't get with the roller. I'm ahead with the jobs.

----------


## Paulclem

Alas, the old Auntie's cat has expired. Henry - my wife had begun to call him skeletor as he looked so old and rough - was about 17. He'd had a good life, fed mainly on chicken and tuna with the free run of the Old Auntie's house. 

I got a call yesterday from my wife to go over. my duties were to dig the grave in the flower border whilst my wife and son took him to the vet. Apparently, the vet didn't even examine him, but just decided on the look of him. 

So I've painted the conservatory and put up the new blind - twice, (you know the story - she didn't want it there). 

I'm currently digging up my potato crop. it's been all putting in the ground and taking out over the last couple of days.  :Biggrin:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We went for green again.


Ahh, Neo Minimalism. 
Good call.




> Alas, the old Auntie's cat has expired. Henry - my wife had begun to call him skeletor as he looked so old and rough...
> 
> ...I'm currently digging up my potato crop. it's been all putting in the ground and taking out over the last couple of days.


Sorry to hear the news about Henry, I suppose a fitting marker with proper epitaph is next on the list.
How's the potato yield this year?

----------


## MarkBastable

> So I've painted the conservatory and put up the new blind - twice, (you know the story - she didn't want it there).


_I was reminded of this. From a book..._

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Looking through the kitchen window I could see the shed that Dad had built. The Condesa had been nagging for months about the bikes rusting in the side-return and the wheelbarrow being unsightly parked at the edge of the patio, so one day when she was out, Dad put the shed up as a surprise for her. When she got home he took her out to the garden, proud of his efforts. For a man who never really mastered scissors the successful erection of a shed was a remarkable and unprecedented achievement.

“It’s close outside the kitchen window, that ugly thing!” my mother said. “I don’t want to look at that all day!”

Dad bit his lip. “Well, it’s there now. I’m not going to move it.”

“Why not at the end of the garden where trees hide it?

“Look, you said you wanted a shed. You’ve got a bloody shed.”

“And the colour! So orange!”

“It’s new wood! That’s the colour new wood is! It’ll fade.”

This went on for about an hour. Actually, it went on for years. Whenever Dad mentioned how nice the garden was looking, the Condesa would say, “Yes, except your bloody ugly shed.”

I used to worry that my parents didn’t really like each other – they argued like this constantly. I didn’t know then that the terms of a relationship are a secret hex incomprehensible to any outsider.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mmm mine was one of those cup and toothbrush holders. I put it above the middle of the sink when it _obviously_ should've been on the right.

And another thing! When there is a job that needs doing why does she keep reminding me about it every six months?

----------


## Paulclem

In the Old Aunties garden are buried Henry, Blackie, Blanc, Lassie and Sacha to my knowledge. There's probably more from the mists of time. My wife buried Blackie - a cat - but I had to re-bury him after he either:

1) Became undead and rose from the grave... but had left it a bit long and was in a bit of a state.

or:

2) A fox got him up as he was buried too shallow. 

I kept the fox off/ kept him in his grave with a slab after his reburial.

The taties are doing great thanks. I've just got two rows to dig up. The rest are stored in bags in a cupboard. I'm pleased this year. 

Well today was floor laying day. I decided to go cheap and put down vinyl tiles that are shaped like laminate flooring. They look good, keep the dust floating about for the vac, and can't be torn up by the dog. They are also very cheap. 

Unfortunately, I ran out of a discontinued line, and, having checked with Mrs Paulclem, went ahead - alone - and got a different colour. Our lounge is now two tone. Mrs Paulclem has already informed me that she'll be ordering a more suitable colour off the internet to replace the contrasting light Maple tone. 

So floor day will return sometime in the future. (My only consolation is that they were relatively cheap, but, being knackered, I was in no condition for the news). There's a pear cider in the cupboard.

----------


## prendrelemick

:Smilielol5: 

My Dad did our front room floor with free off cuts of industrial lino he picked up from a building site. The result was an interesting fusion of different shapes and colours - sort of Mondrain meets Picasso.

----------


## Paulclem

I bet that was brilliant. Style and taste is overrated. I'm hoping the contrast will grow on Mrs Paulclem. I don't hold out much hope though.

----------


## Paulclem

No, my hopes were dashed. It has been floor day 2, and the floor of the lounge is now a maple monochrome.It looks good - clean lines - but I preferred the two tone. 

I had to rip up half the vinyl I laid ysterday, and then re-lay it in one colour. I'm knackered again. 

On another note, Mrs Paulclem has instituted a sticker chart for the dog. The primary aim of this is to wind up our two children, but I have pointed out that todays eccentric behaviour may result in pushing the dog around town in a pram and calling it "my baby". If it gets to that stage though, there won't be any point wearing a "I told you so" badge.

----------


## Sancho

If you are lucky enough to have lived in Vegas as a young man, and been royally naked in the high-roller's suite with a bunch of babes, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Vegas is a movable feast.

Ah-hem, I may have borrowed some of that.

----------


## Delta40

Paulclem you should check out Michael Leunig's cartoon Awful aspects of spring - the new dog digs up the old dog.

----------


## prendrelemick

:FRlol: ^

Our front field has 30 years worth of unmarked graves of beloved animals. I get very nervous when the latest is to be interred in case I dig up Don or Pod or Ginger. I don't mark the graves to discourage Mrs P from getting maudlin over a long dead guinea pig or cat.

----------


## prendrelemick

> If you are lucky enough to have lived in Vegas as a young man, and been royally naked in the high-roller's suite with a bunch of babes, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Vegas is a movable feast.
> 
> Ah-hem, I may have borrowed some of that.


So that's why they say what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. 

It seems alot of fuss about nothing, I mean who hasn't played naked billiards with a couple of chicks in a Vegas penthouse.?

----------


## Sancho

Agreed.

Perhaps E.H. wouldn't mind too much if I add one more clause to his sentence.

... because whatever happens Vegas never stays in Vegas.

----------


## Paulclem

> Paulclem you should check out Michael Leunig's cartoon Awful aspects of spring - the new dog digs up the old dog.


Excellent. 

Nothing can convey the smell though.

Edit: just corrected my small to smell. Don't you just hate it when your off the cuff typed witticism is ruined by keyboard ineptness.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...It seems alot of fuss about nothing, I mean who hasn't played naked billiards with a couple of chicks in a Vegas penthouse.?


I have a hard time believing Sammy did, but Dino and the rest of the Pack likely participated.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=38GV-...eature=related

----------


## MystyrMystyry

Indeed Gilliatt!

As for Harry, who's to say it's even him? I mean look at the disguise - look at the _disguise_, the _disguise_, I say - that could be anyone under the hat and shades.

----------


## prendrelemick

That's the best disguise I've ever seen! - Who's that in the hat stood behind him?

----------


## prendrelemick

Another cloud burst yesterday, and this time it washed away our road because of a blocked culvert. The only comfort is I now have the oppotunity to burst into the National Trust office (It's their road to maintain) full of rightous indignation and declare,"I told you so". 

This is very important to a curmudgeonly old git like me

Two years ago they re-did the road and replaced the large square stone slab culvert with a plastic pipe - that was a constriction - then they managed to put it in in such a way that it only took half its full capacity. When the first downpour happened a few weeks later, I noticed this and TOLD them. They said they'd keep an eye on it. I told them again the next time, then I gave up. 

So anyway I've spent this morning clearing rubble from the mouth of the pipe and filling in the gullies and removing the boulders that have appeared in the road. 

The trouble is I've made it passable for the moment, so nothing will be done.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Two years ago they re-did the road and replaced the large square stone slab culvert with a plastic pipe - that was a constriction...


Pie aren't squared!!


Bake 'em one of these to drive the point home:

http://www.seriouseats.com/2007/10/p...ay-pi-pie.html

.

----------


## prendrelemick

:FRlol: 

A half-baked one would be more fitting.

----------


## Paulclem

The rain finally came - just as I was planning to pop down to the allotment. Not the road destroying type, but just rain unsuitable for working the ground. 

Just a week to go before I am thrust into the maelstrom that is Enrolment week. Anything can happen in Enrolment week, though the rule:

1% of the students caused 99% of the problems

generally holds true.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The rain finally came...
> 
> ...before I am thrust into the maelstrom that is Enrolment week...


Send some of the rain our way. "Maelstrom" such a great word.

There's a thread out there about crossing the Rubicon.
This past weekend I took my son out to get some new duds for the upcoming school year.
I figured why not grab a couple pair of breeches for myself. 
There was a time when my inseam number was greater than the waist line. 
The Rubicon is met when they equal. I crossed the river a few years ago, but kept my distance within view of the banks, now I can't even hear the water.

----------


## prendrelemick

As a lad I paddled in the Rubicon at 32/32
Then came marriage, and that pulled me through, (In the wrong direction) 
Now alas my legs to waist do show a deficit,
I think they must've gone an' shrunk a bit.

----------


## Paulclem

Just got back from Heathrow. The lad's on his way to Japan. After waiting and travelling on the coach, the lad was already over the Urals by the time I got back.

----------


## prendrelemick

A small world indeed, (as long as you're not on the M6.) Mine came back from China last night. He rang up from Schiphol at 8 and was home before midnight. Fortunately his Company will no longer allow him to have a private lift (me) to and from the airport. This is because they were sued in America by someone who crashed while running one of their employees to JFK. :Rolleyes:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> As a lad I paddled in the Rubicon at 32/32
> Then came marriage, and that pulled me through, (In the wrong direction) 
> Now alas my legs to waist do show a deficit,
> I think they must've gone an' shrunk a bit.


Glorious.
We'll add it to the wall of shame behind the bar.





> Just got back from Heathrow. The lad's on his way to Japan. After waiting and travelling on the coach, the lad was already over the Urals by the time I got back.


Good luck to him, in his edeavours.

..........

Another typical saturday night at the Blokes Bar...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlNZF...eature=related


.

----------


## Paulclem

That was an amazing clip. That's never happened in any bar I've been in except the Bloke's bar.

The dancing, as I remember it, was more jiggy with a bit of posturing.

----------


## Paulclem

Whew. Just finished enrolling hundreds of people at my building and others around the city. Pretty tired now, but it's over for another year. I presume you chaps are also very busy. 

Good news - England beat Moldova 5-0, and looked good on it. It doesn'tmake them worldbeaters by a long chalk, but we can qualify for the next world cup.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Good news - England beat Moldova 5-0, and looked good on it. It doesn'tmake them worldbeaters by a long chalk, but we can qualify for the next world cup.


It comes to something when it's worth noting that we can qualify for the World Cup.

----------


## Paulclem

> It comes to something when it's worth noting that we can qualify for the World Cup.


Looking at the quality players in the premiership, you can understand my concern. We've got good players, but not much morqe.

----------


## prendrelemick

> It comes to something when it's worth noting that we can qualify for the World Cup.



We'll take whatever we can get.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Were experiencing a nice gentle rain this morning, perfect for reading outside among the trees by the creek. 
While pausing to 

Soak up the sound of flowing water, 
the dripping flipping of leaves, 
a chorus of Wrens 
and black caps on Chickadees

My mind returned, like clockwork 
(on days like these)
to that big footed beast 
and his coat full of fleas.

Okay, enough of that. 
Ive been remiss in keeping you up to date on the TBRC.
So, lets see whats happening in the piney woods out east.

Excerpt from article; The Valley of the Apes http://texasbigfoot.com/index.php/news/news/48-news/223 :

Over the last three years, the Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy has intensified its efforts in an area it refers to as Area X, located in the heart of the sparsely populated and rugged, 7-million-acre Ouachita Uplift region....


Something relevant to the Forums; a book review on _The Beast of Boggy Creek_

http://texasbigfoot.com/index.php/ne...s/48-news/218:

Im adding this to my book list after I finish Solzhenytsin (naturally).


Your Feets Too Big
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=in1eK3x1PBI

.

----------


## Paulclem

Will you be going on any research expeditions yourself? It sounds like fun. 

I was down the allotment again this weekend. Me and the chaps have been repairing the road into the allotment with a tarmac you can buy in a bag. It's good stuff you can get from the local DIY - we have B&Q over here. I may use it to repair the Mother-In-Law's drive. It's amazing what you can learn. 

I planted 150+ onions - Red Electric and White Shakespeare. I had to snigger as the white Shakespeare are "globe" onions. Some horticultural joker no doubt. I also planted some Mooli seeds. They are white radishes that grow quite long. Good for stir fries apparently. I haven't had mch luck this year, but I'll let you chaps know what they're like if they're any good.

----------


## prendrelemick

Did any of your fruit ripen paul, ours were a dead loss. Even the wild stuff like blackberries and bilberries haven't done much. Lack of sun I suppose.

In the old days my mum used to organise us kids to go black berrying and we'd pick a tin bath full. she'd make about 40 lbs of jam and a load of pies. The rest would be turned into wine and stored in gallon plastic containers.

It all sounds wonderful, but we were sick of them by Christmas.

----------


## Paulclem

> Did any of your fruit ripen paul, ours were a dead loss. Even the wild stuff like blackberries and bilberries haven't done much. Lack of sun I suppose.
> 
> In the old days my mum used to organise us kids to go black berrying and we'd pick a tin bath full. she'd make about 40 lbs of jam and a load of pies. The rest would be turned into wine and stored in gallon plastic containers.
> 
> It all sounds wonderful, but we were sick of them by Christmas.


I got a few strawberries early on, but the rest has been a dead loss. Lots of people with pears and plums have said it's been a bad year. Even the blackberries haven't been too good. 

I made some blackberry wine when I was student. It was really nice - the nicest wine I made.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yup, blackberries make the best wine. Ours was stored on the top shelf in the pantry. Me and my mate used to climb up with armed with a rubber tube and suck a bit out of each container, it was delicious.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Quote Paulclem - Bigfoot expeditions
As you likely gathered, I was being facetious, but the more I joke about bigfoot and reference the TBRC, it does begin to sound like fun.
Of course, I'd likely be the one wedging bits of brown fur in tree bark, staying toward the back of the march throwing rocks into the woods at night - what was that?!


We get blackberries here as well. I haven't had them in the form of wine, but I do recall picking them and eating them with my Fruit Loops cereal and cold milk. Also good in Luck Charms.

Elderberry wine was mentioned a few times in the Hitchcock movie we watched recently. Have any of you tried the Elderberry?

----------


## prendrelemick

I made some elderberry wine once, it was ok. There isnt much else you can do with elderberries - they are one of those things that look nicer than they taste.

We used to use the unripe hard green berries as ammo for pea shooters. You'd bite into the cluster and pull them off with your teeth, then shoot them down the hollow stem of a Himalayan Balsam plant. It was a sophisticated way of spitting at each other, as more gob than berry would be delivered..

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

haha. nice story.
I'm reminded of the slingshot wars we had using acorns. You can imagine the welts.

Right now, I'm pokishing off the second glass of a Chilean Cab Sawv.
pretty good

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm more of a Merlot man, Had a nice glass or two of Australian the other day, Half went in the beef casserole so I had to drink the rest.

----------


## MarkBastable

> I'm more of a Merlot man, Had a nice glass or two of Australian the other day, Half went in the beef casserole so I had to drink the rest....



....of the case.

----------


## Paulclem

I made some elderflower wine once. I left the stalks on though, and so the taste left something to be desired. I always managed to get it down in the end. 

I'm afraid I'm a wine pleb. I know nothing, though I recognise the names. It might be because I invest in the cheapest if I buy any. I've taken the pearls and swine analogy to heart.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I always managed to get it down in the end...


As a good bloke should-leave nothing to waste.

It has been a rough week, one deserving of a treat. 

Two six packs and a bottle of Jim Beam
(click on pic for larger)

----------


## prendrelemick

Your books are looking a bit "foxed" there GG.


Talking of rough weeks, its holiday time for us. We're heading for The Lakes and should arrive there at the same time as a large Atlantic depression. I mean there's rain and then there's Cumbrian Fell rain. At least we'll be getting the authentic Lakes experience.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

"The Lakes" - I was curious.
Assuming this is what you are referring to http://www.lakedistrict.gov.uk/

Beautiful !

Yes, the books are quite worn or "foxed" as you put it.
The 1916 _Manual of Chemistry_ (the taller book to the right of the Spaten) looks like a lab experiment gone awry.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes it is lovely - here's what the tourist sites don't mention.

http://www.alexanderspagesonanything...---for-sue.php

----------


## Sancho

That website is oddly addictive, Mick, and found myself trying to think of a question for Alexander and also looking around for my checkbook.

----------


## Paulclem

Have a nice time in the Lakes Mick. It certainly is a fantastic area.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I wonder how the weather's doing for Prendrelemick.
Here it's still very warm and dry. Wish we could get some of the Lakes "Cumbrian Fell" rain. A cool front is supposed to arrive this weekend with 50% chance of rain. Hope we're under the 50% cloud.
Well it's been lonely round here, that sucking sound you hear are all the folks heading out to the great art debates. It's just me, swingin doors, a juke box and a bar stool.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxfgkDzL5Po

.

----------


## Sydneysider

Hi guys.

I am having a rare day off. Later I may head down to the harbour to a waterside bar where they make killer bloody Mary's. It is a nice sunny day here in Sydney.

----------


## MarkBastable

> I am having a rare day off. Later I may head down to the harbour to a waterside bar where they make killer bloody Mary's. It is a nice sunny day here in Sydney.



...don't drag us into your private hell....

----------


## Sydneysider

Ha! The wind really picked up so I walked up the road and visited a very nice Greek restaurant. Nice meal and some good wine. I live in inner Sydney surrounded by fine restaurants and cafes selling great coffee.

Hell on Earth! My booking for tomorrow also fell through. If the weather is good I am going to play golf on a course over looking the Pacific ocean. 

Chances are I will stay in and practice all day. Gigs all weekend though...

----------


## Scheherazade

> Ha! The wind really picked up so I walked up the road and visited a very nice Greek restaurant. Nice meal and some good wine. I live in inner Sydney surrounded by fine restaurants and cafes selling great coffee.
> 
> Hell on Earth! My booking for tomorrow also fell through. If the weather is good I am going to play golf on a course over looking the Pacific ocean. 
> 
> Chances are I will stay in and practice all day. Gigs all weekend though...


Oh, Sydney... How you must suffer!

Meanwhile, back in the UK...

Cloudy with intermittent rain. 15 C max. (noon)

----------


## Sydneysider

It is 8.56 pm and 17 degrees C here in Sydney.


My only concern is the state of Aussie cricket!

This is why I am a happy user.

:-) :-D ;-)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hi guys.
> 
> I am having a rare day off. Later I may head down to the harbour to a waterside bar where they make killer bloody Mary's. It is a nice sunny day here in Sydney.


Howdy Sydneysider, nice to see a fresh mug around here.
Ale, sports, poetry, females, music, allotments, plays, you name we cover it. 

Welcome.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Ale, sports, poetry, females, music, allotments, plays, you name we cover it.



This is not entirely true. I mean, I tried to promote a conversation about the thematic allusion to classical myth in nineteenth century European art and it got absolutely nowhere, despite my pitching it as 'clock the hooters on that allegorical preRaphaelite....'

----------


## Sydneysider

> Howdy Sydneysider, nice to see a fresh mug around here.
> Ale, sports, poetry, females, music, allotments, plays, you name we cover it. 
> 
> Welcome.



Thanks mate.

Am not great with poetry, but the rest is fine with me. Cricket season is approaching. All smiles here. Music of course is my lover. So all good there. 
Females are becoming more beautiful with each of my passing years. Sadly time has the opposite effect upon me. Ale never goes out of style. 

Nice to be here. :-)

----------


## prendrelemick

> This is not entirely true. I mean, I tried to promote a conversation about the thematic alluson to classical myth in nineteenth century European art and it got absolutely nowhere, despite my pitching it as 'clock the hooters on that allegorical preRaphaelite....'


Nice try, should've tied it in to Twilight.




Coming home tonight, if the floods have cleared.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> This is not entirely true. I mean, I tried to promote a conversation about the thematic allusion to classical myth in nineteenth century European art and it got absolutely nowhere, despite my pitching it as 'clock the hooters on that allegorical preRaphaelite....'


In fact that's a perfect example of "...you name it we cover it" Given the cyclical nature of our subjects, I'm sure this, or some variant, will be coming back around.




> Nice try, should've tied it in to Twilight.
> ...


or Fifty Shades of Gray - aka The Ashcan School




> Thanks mate.
> 
> Am not great with poetry... 
> 
> Nice to be here. :-)



Poetry courses through Blokes blood. Youre wise with that modest positioning at the outset.
I mean, just look at this brilliance:

(excerpts from the Blokes 2010 Christmas play)

_Bigfoot: 
No use crying over spilt milk,
But lethal weapons of that ilk,
Those blunt, milk-jugg-knockers,
Should be kept firmly in their lockers.
Or handled with the utmost care,
Lest they ruin all your breakfast fare. courtesy Premdrelemick

(The lockers clasp fails. A tidal wave of mammantous flesh and fur sweeps breakfast vittles to the floor)

Madam: 
Thou furry knave go sweep the floor 
The Lucky Charms and grits du jour
Spotless I expect the floor to be
Or contents of my locker youll never see. 

Go now and empty the chamber pot,
a loathsome task for thy male lot.
Let not foul drop escape the rim
Ill have you scrub the floor with your gin. .courtesy Gilliatt

Bigfoot: (Soliloquy  delivered while sitting on a chamber pot thumbing through Vanity Fair)
For Madam thinks she always rules the roost,
And so her ego I shall give a boost.
But as I scrub the dishes, wipe the plates,
And let her off to nightclubs with her mates,
I snigger to myself for I still know,
That even as I clean I rule the show. 
To other's eye it seems my claim's a sham, 
With all the work I have to sweat and cram.
And as you toast your friends and glasses clink
I know my place, it's she who only thinks. courtesy Paulclem

(Scene ends with Bigfoot tidying up, but forgetting to empty the chamber pot)_

----------


## Paulclem

Ahh - past poetic glories.

Good to read again. Have you got much material for this year Gilliat? 

How were the lakes Mick? It was the worst September rain in thiry years wasn't it? A bit unlucky. 

Welcome Sydneysider. We'll be in the bar later for a jar.

----------


## prendrelemick

Not bad really, we did have two days of continuous heavy rain, and some intense showers, that gave MrsP the chance to shop for a cardigan
Then we had three drier days for me to go wandering off over the hills. 



Before it rained



While it rained



After it rained






In Cumbria they understand rain, they know how to handle cloud bursts - or a bit o' drizzle as the locals would say. So 8 inches falling in 48 hours was no problem, it all ran off down well defined routes into Morcambe Bay. There's none of this building on flood plains up there.

.

----------


## Paulclem

Nice pictures Mick.

Went to Birmingham today for the anniversary. We looked round their art gallery, which had a theme of Love and Death and featured Rossetti's pictures amongst others. The one that stood out for me though was Lowry's picture of Trafford in Manchester. Of course I can't find that particular one, so I've posted a link to one of Huddersfield. Brilliant. 

http://www.l-s-lowry.co.uk/llowry-huddersfield.html

There was also an exhibition of the recently found Staffordshire Hoard - a collection of what appears to be scrapped gold and silver from jewelley and swords. Some of it dates back to the 5-6th Century. The gold filligree work was really impressive, and was inlaid with garnets. 

http://www.staffordshirehoard.org.uk/

Unfortunately, the collection is scattered around the Midlands, and so it was just enough to give us a taste of the whole thing. 

We then went for lunch at the Trocadero Bar on Temple Street, which turned out to be an F&F - food and football. They did have a quieter room at the back where we could eat though, and it was very nice.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ahh - past poetic glories.
> 
> Good to read again. Have you got much material for this year Gilliat? 
> 
> How were the lakes Mick? It was the worst September rain in thiry years wasn't it? A bit unlucky. 
> 
> Welcome Sydneysider. We'll be in the bar later for a jar.


Yes; It brought a tear to my eye reading those again. 
For this year's play we have a title, a theme, but not much of a script, that is to say, we are woefully lacking in poems.

I'm afraid I scared Sydneysider off. 
That was too much too soon.





> Not bad really, we did have two days of continuous heavy rain, and some intense showers, that gave MrsP the chance to shop for a cardigan
> Then we had three drier days for me to go wandering off over the hills. 
> 
> ......
> 
> After it rained
> 
> 
> 
> In Cumbria they understand rain, they know how to handle cloud bursts - or a bit o' drizzle as the locals would say. So 8 inches falling in 48 hours was no problem, it all ran off down well defined routes into Morcambe Bay. There's none of this building on flood plains up there.


Beautiful.
I'm still keeping an eye out for Tetley's over here. No luck so far.
btw- you brought some of that Cumbrian Rain back with you. We had a nice rain all day Saturday. 




> ....There was also an exhibition of the recently found Staffordshire Hoard - a collection of what appears to be scrapped gold and silver from jewelley and swords. Some of it dates back to the 5-6th Century. The gold filligree work was really impressive, and was inlaid with garnets. 
> 
> http://www.staffordshirehoard.org.uk/
> 
> Unfortunately, the collection is scattered around the Midlands, and so it was just enough to give us a taste of the whole thing. ...


Fascinating. 
The level of detail is amazing.
Thanks

----------


## prendrelemick

I wish they'd straighten that hoard stuff out.

It was probably squashed by a modern tractor anyway so it wouldn't harm the historical narrative.

I could soon knock them back into shape if they're afraid to.

----------


## Paulclem

> I wish they'd straighten that hoard stuff out.
> 
> It was probably squashed by a modern tractor anyway so it wouldn't harm the historical narrative.
> 
> I could soon knock them back into shape if they're afraid to.


Yes - we were a bit disappointed as there were only a few pieces - more of a Staffordshire Sample than hoard. What's there is nice stuff.

----------


## MarkBastable

_Alfred had me made from Albion's everglade
And I made him to lie with me whence all my troubles fade.
You may have read the signs - beware of strange designs.
For though the victors write the books, the loser speaks the lines.
So let's now both be gone. 'Tis far to Avalon
And though we go our different ways, I'll see you there anon._



Slowly slipping into history feel us go
With these times another age could never know.
See the photos - black and white, and quaintly dressed,
Stood in queues of people smiling, sorely pressed.

Your silent room is the collection of your ways.
Every shelf is built of all those different days.
And those much younger cannot understand by half
The wireless, living room, the faces round the hearth,
The ration books, and Matthews out there on the wing,
The corner shop that sold us almost anything,
The farthing in the change, the sirens and the planes,
Puffing Billies shunting eras down the lane, down the lane.

You know we'll soon be gone from here, year upon light year.
We'll take the stories with us there - the memories are dear.

One of those days in England: mum was rustling up the grub
And dad was off out propping up the pub.
One of those days in England that you just could not forget.
From the mists of secret morning to the golden red sunset.

And though the time fast slips away, it's long enough to laugh and play
Around the fireside making hay, dreaming of tomorrow...
Oh, you know...there's no today.


_Roy Harper_ Excerpt from *One of Those Days in England*

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I had something silly to say about Paul's Man Booker comment on the poop art thread being likened to the Hoard run over by a tractor, but Mark's post put me in a different frame of mind.

That was nice Mark, gave me pause. 
I raise my glass to Glorious Albion.

----------


## prendrelemick

Slowly slipping into history, that's me. 

The past is surer than the future.


I remember a catchy little love song by Roy Harper called One of those days in England. I don't think it was the one above though.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm contemplating your posts from a Whetherspoon's pub before I go in to work. They do a fine coffee and toast and jam which the lady just brought me by announcing " toast and preservatives". Then glancing out of the window a funeral cortege passed. Humour and poetry and poignancy and history. And it's just an ordinary day... or perhaps no day is ordinary. There, I've added philosophy.

----------


## Paulclem

> I had something silly to say about Paul's Man Booker comment on the poop art thread being likened to the Hoard run over by a tractor, but Mark's post put me in a different frame of mind.


Yes - tractored would be a good description. No to worry.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Slowly slipping into history, that's me. 
> 
> The past is surer than the future.
> 
> 
> I remember a catchy little love song by Roy Harper called One of those days in England. I don't think it was the one above though.



You probably remember the single - but if it's a lovesong, it's a lovesong to a nostalgic past - of a relationship, and of a country. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOPC8O4ne-E

On the album (*Bullinamingvase*), the single is the opening track, and the second side is _One of Those Days in England (Parts 2 - 10)._

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Slowly slipping into history, that's me. 
> 
> The past is surer than the future...


^ How fitting as I reached the big 5-0 today!
Fifty shades of gray falls from the comb. 
Any pointers you 50 somethings would like to pass on?

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Happy Birthday GG

The big 5-0 is really not much different from the puny and unremarkable 4-9 Apart from it being an excuse for a bigger party.

Meanwhile, it's time to choose your pipe and slippers.




> You probably remember the single - but if it's a lovesong, it's a lovesong to a nostalgic past - of a relationship, and of a country. 
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOPC8O4ne-E
> 
> On the album (*Bullinamingvase*), the single is the opening track, and the second side is _One of Those Days in England (Parts 2 - 10)._



OK here's what's happened; In my head I start humming "One of Those Days in England" and it morphs into "Too Good To Be Forgotten" by the Chi-lites An easy mistake to make .

----------


## prendrelemick

Read it and weep (or should that be wince) boys!

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/959...l-of-Pain.html

----------


## Paulclem

> Read it and weep (or should that be wince) boys!
> 
> http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/959...l-of-Pain.html


I heard about that the next day. It's a tough game. I noticed when I used to play that players who came into the game late seemed to suffer much more than we did. I think the game got harder as you grew older into later teens, but you grew with the pain.

----------


## soundofmusic

For Shame, I leave you guys alone for a while and you become profound! Ah well, what is a girl to do?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> For Shame, I leave you guys alone for a while and you become profound! Ah well, what is a girl to do?


That's why we need you to stick around.
Don't be a stranger. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UZ5sc...8eBuGt3Ew3NB-8

----------


## gbrekken

> ^ How fitting as I reached the big 5-0 today!
> Fifty shades of gray falls from the comb. 
> Any pointers you 50 somethings would like to pass on?
> 
> .


Keep breathing and kicking!

----------


## Paulclem

So the Mother -in-Law falls over outside Saisburys the other day and grazes her lip - you know the injury - the sensitive - I've just had a cold sore graze that develops into an ugly red scab.

The lady at the checkout asks if she's ok, and when she tells her what's happened, the nice assistant makes her go to the cafe and have a coffee whilst they fetch a first aider. The Mother - in - Law, a determined soul who has an inflated sense of embarrassment - does a runner from the cafe and goes home, thinking that they will send for an ambulance and make her go into hospital. (This happened a couple of years ago when she fainted at the bus stop). Then - worried that they will start a nationwide hunt for her - phones them up and apologises for doing the runner. 

So my wife went to see her as soon as she heard to make sure he was ok, which she is. She refused to go out yesterday though. My wife wondered why - thinking that perhaps she wasn't feeling as well as she might and was worried about falling again. But no, it wasn't that. The Mother - in - Law, who is 81 and four foot nine, was worried that people might think she'd been fighting. Of course it was the first thing I asked her when I saw her today.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Keep breathing and kicking!


Thanks for the pointer gbrekken!
It's good to know your out there and checking in.





> So the Mother -in-Law falls over outside Saisburys...
> ...But no, it wasn't that. The Mother - in - Law, who is 81 and four foot nine, was worried that people might think she'd been fighting. Of course it was the first thing I asked her when I saw her today.


haha, you're ruthless, never let an opportunity go to waste.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Excuse the double posting.
Last weekend I took part in some blokey activities.
My sister had a couple of old, large trees that died and had to be cut down. One was a 62 year old oak (counted the rings) and the other was a Hickory about the same age. The weekend was spent reducing the canopy branches down to trunk, cutting the trunks into rounds and then splitting. Branches thatwere too small for fire wood were taken to the burn pile. My brother operated the 30 inch chain saw, I worked with the 16 inch and my son worked the hydraulic log splitter and dragged branch bundles to the fire.


Son working the splitter:



A load of firewood for home
All I need now is some of that "superb Dumas dung":



Saturday night fire:




A "Walking Stick":

----------


## prendrelemick

I on the other hand have been breaking up melomine and chip board cupboards for our fire, it's just not the same. We're all backwoodsmen at heart.

----------


## Paulclem

And I've been clearing the lad's room for the arrival of our Japanese exchange student. (I needed the strength and perseverence of a woodsman for that). The student is very nice, and has just had supper with us. My 17 year old daughter paid my wife and I the ultimate compliment when she said:
" Can you please pretend to be normal".

I call that a result.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ha ha! A slice of life right there Paul. I remember the eldest daughter pleading with her mother to act normal when she was bringing her young man home to meet us. 
"Of course I've already warned him about you" she said.

----------


## Paulclem

It's a laugh isn't it. My wife and daughter have both blocked me from their accounts on Facebook because of my "silly" comments. And all the time I thought they were comments filled with wit and invention.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I on the other hand have been breaking up melomine and chip board cupboards for our fire, it's just not the same. We're all backwoodsmen at heart.


I had a good laugh from that.
As long as your not using to smoke your meat. Imagine the taste of mellamine smoked London broil!
btw- you might want to check the flue for glue deposits.




> It's a laugh isn't it. My wife and daughter have both blocked me from their accounts on Facebook because of my "silly" comments. And all the time I thought they were comments filled with wit and invention.


...and intelligence.

----------


## Paulclem

> ...and intelligence.


Thanks Gilliatt. I don't question the blocking. Thy'd probably come up with a raft of reasons. 

It's been a harassing half term this year - lots of work, and the feeling that you're just keeping the head up out of the water. Anyway, one of the things that keeps cropping up is parking. At work we have a small 38 - car car park, which the owner has decreed is for staff only. We have 10 classrooms with a potential of 100 to 150 learners for each session. There are occasional flare ups and complaints naturally. Yesterday someone left their car running right in the middle of the car park for about 10 minutes, so no-one could get in and no-one could get out. It raised a bit of blood pressure I can tell you. 

I'm also on a local facebook group where we are in contact with our local councillor who will investigate local problems which are largely related to - yes - parking. I don't know what you chaps think, but it seems that it is a constant problem - perhaps there's no problem in Texas, and maybe there's more space for you in Yorkshire. Here, though, it looks as though we'll have to re-design the road system around small estates like ours and/ or have parking permits. They predict that car ownership in the UK will cintinue to rise by millions. I don't think the job's going to get any better.

----------


## prendrelemick

We have local permits for residents round here and everyone else is pay and display. Parking IS the main issue for town centres, everything else is just rearranging the deckchairs on the Titanic. Mrs P used to try and use the bus - it was difficult and inconvenient - and then the service was cut. She works in town and can't park anywhere near her work as the places are all for one or two hours only. I haven't a clue what the answer is though. I suspect we will have to just keep muddleing through.

----------


## RicMisc

Thankfully, parking is not a problem I have to deal with in my city. My city was built around thirty years ago and therefore we have a very modern infrastructure. Enough parking space everywhere, even in the city centre. We have separate bus lanes so the buses don't interfere with regular traffic, which results in very efficient public transport. So infrastructure-wise I'm very happy with my city. However, we do have a lot of cities like Amsterdam and Utrecht where parking is a problem. We therefore usually go by public transport in to the city centre because that saves us a lot of money and time. Since The Netherlands is quite a small country and our big cities are located very near to each other most intercity public transport is very doable and in-city public transport is usually very good as well. I don't have much to complain about except for the rush hour traffic around the big cities, that's a pain.

----------


## prendrelemick

I spent a few days in Holland, and the public transport is brilliant. Having trains and buses, all integrated and on time, regular and cheap, shows what can be done. And those bike lanes that are actually respected and used.

----------


## Paulclem

> I spent a few days in Holland, and the public transport is brilliant. Having trains and buses, all integrated and on time, regular and cheap, shows what can be done. And those bike lanes that are actually respected and used.


Yes. The coverage here is patchy. Birmingham has a good service, but it is big enough to sustain the levels of service. I bet it's not so good up your way. The trouble is it would also take a major shift in attitudes from car drivers to do it. I know people who would never contemplate travellingby bus.

----------


## Paulclem

Speaking of public transport, we took our Japanese exchange student to London for the day yesterday. We got cheap train tickets, but the journey was 2 hours, and pretty busy. The trip back was really hot, with the place crammed up with people with luggage - there's nowhere to put cases. Luckily we had none. The London bit was good, but as usual we has far too little time to get round. 

We spent quite a lot of time around Parliament, Westminster Abbey and the monuments. Great stuff.

----------


## RicMisc

> I spent a few days in Holland, and the public transport is brilliant. Having trains and buses, all integrated and on time, regular and cheap, shows what can be done. And those bike lanes that are actually respected and used.


Hahaha, opinions differ on that subject. I can tell you that. The NS (the national railway company) is criticized a lot over here. But I'm glad someone has something good to say about them, finally  :Smile: . I do agree that Dutch public transport is quite good, but us Dutchies tend to nag about the slightest things xD. The bike lanes are the best thing. My city has separate bike lanes everywhere and we also have separate bus lanes so regular traffic and public transport don't interfere.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Here, it is all about the car. 
Transportation infrastructure has been centered around the automobile for so long it is difficult, at least here in the DFW area, to develope mass transit systems that can follow logical, efficient patterns, not to mention the efforts in changing the public mindset.
Nevertheless, efforts are being made to develope transit train systems. Dallas has had the DART system for some time that includes buses and trains. New lines are reaching out to suburbs. Denton County, to the north of Dallas/Ft. Worth, has developed a transit train system refered to as the "A Train" that links up to the DART system south. 
I live in Denton County and plan to give the "A Train" a try at some point.

----------


## Paulclem

The Japanese Student leaves tomorrow on an 11 o'clock plane from Birmingham. She has, of course, been extremely polite, nice and no trouble whatsoever. 

It has, though, been like living in a guest house for three weeks. Up at 6, table set with napkins, and a choice of stuff for breakfast - croissants, toast, cereal... no more slumping in front of the telly watching the BBC News with my porridge, putting off the moment I venture out with the dog. 

She leaves tomorrow, as i said, but my wife has grown to rather like the Georgian Tea Room formality, and, though it is nice to have a conversation on a morning with my wife and daughter, I think the daughter will revert to her 15 minute toast grab and rush out of the door. The other thing is that we have to listen to local radio and not Planet Rock, or anything lively. They have these tedious - used to do it on Radio One 30 years ago - competitions, where everyone is ever so slightly wacky which is not what I want on a bleary, not yet sun up morning. Ho hum.

----------


## E.A Rumfield

I just got back from Mexico. Those Mayans can really bring down a discotheque.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> The Japanese Student leaves tomorrow on an 11 o'clock plane from Birmingham. She has, of course, been extremely polite, nice and no trouble whatsoever.... 
> ... where everyone is ever so slightly wacky which is not what I want on a bleary, not yet sun up morning. Ho hum.


Is this your first exchange student venture? Seems like it would be a rewarding experience.
It is the everyone or everything so slightly wacky, that has forced me to set the alarm to wake me at a time that many would think uncivilized, but it allows me the calm I crave before the sun rises.

Coincidentally, my son and a friend had an all night gaming party. They are still sleeping, or attempting to, here in the den with me. 
I enjoy these rare occasions, blessings from God if you will, when I'm provided with a captive audience being forced to listen to the likes of Spike Jones...

"Chloe"... 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y02l0...eature=related

-----
Mayan disco

A charactersitic they picked up from the Ancient Aliens

----------


## prendrelemick

Course the Aztecs were more into jazz.

----------


## Sancho

And nowadays the sons and daughters of the Mayans and the Aztecs seem to be into the accordion.

----------


## Paulclem

> Is this your first exchange student venture? Seems like it would be a rewarding experience.
> It is the everyone or everything so slightly wacky, that has forced me to set the alarm to wake me at a time that many would think uncivilized, but it allows me the calm I crave before the sun rises.
> 
> Coincidentally, my son and a friend had an all night gaming party. They are still sleeping, or attempting to, here in the den with me. 
> I enjoy these rare occasions, blessings from God if you will, when I'm provided with a captive audience being forced to listen to the likes of Spike Jones...
> 
> -----
> ]


No, we had an exchange student last year too as part of my daughter's exchange visit. We ran as a guest house then too.

I'm still feeling the fallout, as my wife often doesn't have breakfast, and my daughter grabs her as she rushes out. That leaves me in the conservatory listening to the blah on the radio - though I do tend to put Planet Rock on.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

We were about to fall off the front page again.
Nothing much to offer.
Let's see... I just got back from a two day Thanksgiving celebration at my sister's home.
My son backed a tractor into our car, fortunately he was able to slow it down just before impact, but we still ended up with a 4 inch split in the bumper.
"split"...Did you Blokes ever imagine we would have plastic bumpers?

----------


## prendrelemick

> ...Did you Blokes ever imagine we would have plastic bumpers?

----------


## Sancho

Ha ha

Ur, I'd kinda like to bumper.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> .





> Ha ha
> 
> Ur, I'd kinda like to bumper.


Haha!

I can't top that, unless I play off the concept of "bumping" the Blokes thread...nah that's too soft.

----------


## Sancho

Alright then, as previously promised, during our discussion of the four-stroke internal combustion engine (which Bastable tried to hijack into a discussion about Duchamps art, but was quickly reigned back in), a quick post about the importance of top-end lubrication.

 

Need I say more? Its a toolbox in a can. It lubes valves, frees up sticky lifters, helps seat piston rings, unclogs carburetors and fuel injectors, and does oh so much more. You can put it in gas (petrol as you blokes say). You can put in oil. You can put it on your morning oatmeal. Marvel Mystery Oil works in mysterious ways. I just used a capful of the stuff to coax the reluctant engine on my wood chipper back to life.

----------


## prendrelemick

We used to have something called Red-X to keep our Minis and Hilman Hunters in tip top condition. I remember getting some for my moped (Puch MS 50D) It still only did 26mph flat out.

----------


## Sancho

There's probably not as much need for Marvel now that we're burning unleaded. Although it still comes in handy for a small engine that's been sitting in the barn a while and has a gummed up carburetor. Or in a small airplane engine that burns 100 low lead, which despite its name has a lot of lead in it compared to car gas.

As for speed, I've always thought it to be relative. In aviation, it's relative to altitude: things happen a lot faster at 100 knots in the treetops than at Mach 2 up at 40,000 feet. 26mph ain't bad on a Moped, and I'll bet you'd be somewhere inside of an hour over there on a scooter. Over here, by contrast, I could drive a '67 GTO with a 455cu V-8 flat out for 4 days on Interstate 20 from Georgia and I still wouldn't be to the West Coast. I might not even be out of Texas. The only exciting road feature happens somewhere between Abilene and El Paso where I-20 merges with and becomes I-10. Woo-Hoo.

----------


## Paulclem

> There's probably not as much need for Marvel now that we're burning unleaded. Although it still comes in handy for a small engine that's been sitting in the barn a while and has a gummed up carburetor. Or in a small airplane engine that burns 100 low lead, which despite its name has a lot of lead in it compared to car gas.
> 
> As for speed, I've always thought it to be relative. In aviation, it's relative to altitude: things happen a lot faster at 100 knots in the treetops than at Mach 2 up at 40,000 feet. 26mph ain't bad on a Moped, and I'll bet you'd be somewhere inside of an hour over there on a scooter. Over here, by contrast, I could drive a '67 GTO with a 455cu V-8 flat out for 4 days on Interstate 20 from Georgia and I still wouldn't be to the West Coast. I might not even be out of Texas. The only exciting road feature happens somewhere between Abilene and El Paso where I-20 merges with and becomes I-10. Woo-Hoo.


The size of your place is difficult to comprehend being from such a small country. 15 minutes one way brings me to Warwick - on a Sunday morning without the traffic anyway. 30 minutes the other way and I've passed the international airport and arrived in our third largest city - (the second, Manchester, and the first, London, are 2 and 1 hours drive away respectively). It's 45 minutes to Stratford, and probably, as we're slap in the middle of the country here, 2 and a half to three hours will get you to a coast in two directions, four hours to the south, but considerably more to the North through Scotland. If someone drove for four days from here, they would be deep into Europe - (as i'm no driver, then I've reached the end of my speculations). 

I may have told you this before, but anyway. A teacher friend of mine once went to Florida on holiday, and before she went I asked if she was going to "pop" up to see her sister in LA. She laughed - she may have even scoffed - and informed me that the distance to Florida from the UK was about the same as the distance from Florida to LA. I'm from a small town in a small country. What can I say?

----------


## Sancho

Haha. Yep, the scale of this place can throw you off. Florida to L.A. is a fur piece. And even Americans who are accustomed to driving in the East, are thrown off when driving out West. When you're used to crossing a State line every couple of hours, the Western States can seem absurdly big.

Here's a regionalism: There is another L.A. that's a lot closer to Florida than Los Angeles; in fact, it's part of Florida. The panhandle of that state is sometimes affectionately referred to (by a certain set of folks) as L.A. - Lower Alabama - also known as The Redneck Riviera. There, you can feel comfortable fashioning a pair of swim trunks out of an old pair of camouflage army trousers. High fashion on Fort Walton Beach.

----------


## prendrelemick

> There's probably not as much need for Marvel now that we're burning unleaded. Although it still comes in handy for a small engine that's been sitting in the barn a while and has a gummed up carburetor. Or in a small airplane engine that burns 100 low lead, which despite its name has a lot of lead in it compared to car gas.
> 
> As for speed, I've always thought it to be relative. In aviation, it's relative to altitude: things happen a lot faster at 100 knots in the treetops than at Mach 2 up at 40,000 feet. 26mph ain't bad on a Moped, and I'll bet you'd be somewhere inside of an hour over there on a scooter. Over here, by contrast, I could drive a '67 GTO with a 455cu V-8 flat out for 4 days on Interstate 20 from Georgia and I still wouldn't be to the West Coast. I might not even be out of Texas. The only exciting road feature happens somewhere between Abilene and El Paso where I-20 merges with and becomes I-10. Woo-Hoo.


You are quite right Sancho, that 26mph Puch represented freedom to me in a way nothing before or since has. Instead of being trapped on a remote farm, the world was my oyster thanks to my Hog.

----------


## Sancho

That's a good-looking machine, Mick. And I think we're in agreement and have had similar youth experiences - going mobile meant pure freedom. 

Oh great, now I've got that tune by The Who stuck in my head:

I don't care about pollution
I'm an air conditioned gypsy
That's my solution
Watch the police and the taxman miss me
I'm mobile

Sheesh, I can't seem to remember to buy my wife flowers on our anniversary, but I can remember thousands of lyrics from the 70s. So let's tilt a cold one to all the miles we've traveled as "air conditioned gypsies."

----------


## MarkBastable

> The size of your place is difficult to comprehend being from such a small country. 15 minutes one way brings me to Warwick - on a Sunday morning without the traffic anyway. 30 minutes the other way and I've passed the international airport and arrived in our third largest city - (the second, Manchester, and the first, London, are 2 and 1 hours drive away respectively). It's 45 minutes to Stratford, and probably, as we're slap in the middle of the country here, 2 and a half to three hours will get you to a coast in two directions, four hours to the south, but considerably more to the North through Scotland. If someone drove for four days from here, they would be deep into Europe - (as i'm no driver, then I've reached the end of my speculations). 
> 
> I may have told you this before, but anyway. A teacher friend of mine once went to Florida on holiday, and before she went I asked if she was going to "pop" up to see her sister in LA. She laughed - she may have even scoffed - and informed me that the distance to Florida from the UK was about the same as the distance from Florida to LA. I'm from a small town in a small country. What can I say?


Old Brit gag about Americans....

American in Somerset: So, this your place, bud?

West Country Farmer: Yerrs, that it be. Arl of it, from the tree down there boy the riverr, roight up to the cattage on the hill o'er yonder.

American: Man, my spread back home, you can step outta the house after breakfast, get in the truck and drive west - come lunch, you'll still be on my property.

Farmer: Aye - we used to have a truck like that.


--------------------------------------------

America, yeah - it's huge. When you fly over it, looking down for hours at the huge expanse of the place, you realise that, in statistical terms, the entire country is unpopulated. There's near as dammit no one there. 

A couple of years ago we drove - or rather my American wife drove - from New York to South Florida. There's one long road that goes all the way. (I48? 68? I dunno...) Because the highway's so straight, and because there are so few other cars on it, Anne flicks on the cruise control and then sits with one leg bent underneath her, and the other bare foot on the dash, and a single finger hooked over the bottom of the steering wheel. It drove me nuts, it looked so casually dangerous.

And that road, apparently, is a really busy one compared with those that cross the mid-West.

However, for a real comparison of big, check this out....

http://0.tqn.com/d/goafrica/1/0/b/Q/...-of-africa.jpg

----------


## Sancho

> Old Brit gag about Americans....
> 
> American in Somerset: So, this your place, bud?
> 
> West Country Farmer: Yerrs, that it be. Arl of it, from the tree down there boy the riverr, roight up to the cattage on the hill o'er yonder.
> 
> American: Man, my spread back home, you can step outta the house after breakfast, get in the truck and drive west - come lunch, you'll still be on my property.
> 
> Farmer: Aye - we used to have a truck like that.


I've still got a truck like that, which brings us full circle back around to the importance of top-end lubrication...

You guys probably took I-95. It runs down the East Coast. It's also a cash cow for Southern States whose state troopers make it a habit to harvest speeding tickets from folks with New York or Connecticut tags. Anyway, the interstate highway system goes like this: even numbers run east-west and odd numbers run north-south. The long ones are counted in tens from west to east and from south to north. So I-5 runs up the West Coast (California, Oregon, Washington) and I-95 runs the Eastern Seaboard. I-10 runs through the Southern states out to Los Angeles and I-80 runs across the Northern Tier. Loops around cities take their name from the through route and add a 2 onto it: I-85 runs through Atlanta and Loop 285 goes around the city. Spurs are numbered like Loops except they start with a 5 or a 6.

I know, that's more than you ever wanted to know about the U.S. Interstate Highway System. But just in case you ever get a hankering to take the most boring road in the world, try I-40 between Oklahoma City and Amarillo. It's straight as an arrow and it's as boring as watching the grass grow. In fact, it's exactly like watching the grass grow. The road builders were kind enough to put buzz strips on the shoulders though. That way you can sleep the whole way - when the road buzzes, you snap awake and straighten out the car. No problem.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... the world was my oyster thanks to my Hog.


This is how I'm imagining Mick back in the day... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E4Siszu8rxc




> ....Farmer: Aye - we used to have a truck like that.
> 
> However, for a real comparison of big, check this out....
> 
> http://0.tqn.com/d/goafrica/1/0/b/Q/...-of-africa.jpg


Great story and Africa...well I can't even begin to imagine how long that Puch would take from top to bottom.




> ...But just in case you ever get a hankering to take the most boring road in the world, try I-40 between Oklahoma City and Amarillo. It's straight as an arrow and it's as boring as watching the grass grow. In fact, it's exactly like watching the grass grow. The road builders were kind enough to put buzz strips on the shoulders though. That way you can sleep the whole way - when the road buzzes, you snap awake and straighten out the car. No problem.


Thats is a pretty long stretch. The occasional thud from a Jack Rabbit or Armadillo, will shake you awake as well.

For the history buffs, Sanchos stretch of Interstate 40 generally follows historic Route 66. 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.S._Route_66 (Scroll down and youll see the leaning water tower at Groom - I honked at the tower once when passing by)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tg2EbJy-9dc

As you approach a town, the Interstate bypasses the town, but the side road to go into town is typically the original Route 66. A perfect example is found in Shamrock Texas. 
Sancho next time you make that run, be sure to drive into Shamrock and feast your eyes on a Route 66 architectural wonder; the U -Drop Inn at the corner of Route 66 and Hwy 83

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U-Drop_Inn






Our firm, along with another architect that specializes in historic preservation, was involved in the restoration. I was fortunate enough to be involved in the project and made several trips out there.

I remember trips out west took even longer in my 1966 VW Beetle. When driving in Colorado, I was forced to stay on the shoulder going up the mountain. Downhill was no problem.

----------


## prendrelemick

More like this to be honest. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKnoffPV8m0

And no sign of Karen Black either.


Ah, Get your Kicks on Route 66. Probably the most famous road in the world.


Talking about wide open spaces, I read in a National Geographic about a reporter in Australia who pulled up at a gas station/local store and asked for the Smith's place. The owner told him to go down the road a way, take the first right and you can't miss it. A hundred miles further on he saw an oil drum at the side of the road with "SMITH" painted on it next to a rough track. Two Hundred miles later he arrived.

----------


## Paulclem

> Old Brit gag about Americans....
> 
> American in Somerset: So, this your place, bud?
> 
> West Country Farmer: Yerrs, that it be. Arl of it, from the tree down there boy the riverr, roight up to the cattage on the hill o'er yonder.
> 
> American: Man, my spread back home, you can step outta the house after breakfast, get in the truck and drive west - come lunch, you'll still be on my property.
> 
> Farmer: Aye - we used to have a truck like that.
> ...


I was watching some news report last night and the minister for houses - or something - was saying that less than 10% of the landmass in England has any kind of development upon it. To listen to people here you'd think that we were in danger of squeezing each other into the sea. You can see it when you go by train - fields- fields -fields - fields - fields - town. 

I think what they're really referring to is available resources. We're supposed to be very densely packed as a country as well. You get this figure of 80 people per square mile or something - which is a misleading figure which sounds like a lot but takes up a tiny amount of a square mile.

When I have time I will be relating the tale of Mr Orifice.

----------


## Paulclem

So, my wife told me a few weeks ago about Mr Orifice. He's a bloke who gets on the local bus and sits near the front. My wife is not one of those women who are cleaning nuts - though she does of course like a clean house. Nor is she naturally squeamish by nature, having worked as a staff nurse fo a number of years. She is, though, particularly offended by the antics of Mr Orifice, and tries to either get a different bus or try to sit at the front so as not to view his particular ... eccentricities. 

She has described, in rather graphic detail, what it is that Mr Orifice gets up to, and he basically sits at the front of the bus and picks at his head. He starts, relates Mrs Paulclem, with his scalp, fastidiously picking any bits off, rolling them between his fingers and dropping them into the aisle. He then progressese to each ear, picking and gouging out any loose ends and similarly rolling, dropping and flicking the detritus into the gangway.

Mrs paulclem has begun pointing out this unsociable behaviour to people she knows on the bus, (for which they are really grateful). I wonder, though, whether you blokes would notice? I probably wouldn't, as I usually have my nose up against the screen of my Kindle. I wouldn't notice, and I think I could barely raise a care about this obsessive picker who runs the risk of being lynched by irate ladies on a particular bus.

----------


## Sancho

Yuk. Another argument in favor of automobile ownership. Here's my contribution to the strange-but-true real-life-public-transportation tales: About ten years ago I was riding the A-Train through Brooklyn, bound for JFK Airport, and I wound up sitting across from a mentally retarded guy with turrets syndrome. At least that was my nonprofessional opinion of his condition. Anyway, every once in a while he'd stare off in the distance and yell, "COKE," and the woman he was traveling with would reach into her bag and give him a can of Coca-Cola. It was good entertainment for a long ride on a local train. Well, somewhere along the line a gal with a huge set of fake knockers climbs on board and this guy zeros in on her chest like a laser. Everybody in the car is watching the show now. And it doesn't take long before the guy's pants start to grow. He was a big fella, I'm here to tell you. The woman he was traveling with wasn't a bit phased; she simply put her shopping bag on his lap and said, "hold this for me, Melvin."




> Talking about wide open spaces, I read in a National Geographic about a reporter in Australia who pulled up at a gas station/local store and asked for the Smith's place. The owner told him to go down the road a way, take the first right and you can't miss it. A hundred miles further on he saw an oil drum at the side of the road with "SMITH" painted on it next to a rough track. Two Hundred miles later he arrived.


I've never been to Australia, but I've heard similar tales of the Outback. Here are a couple of book recommendations, since this is, at least nominally, a website about literature.

_The Songlines_, by Bruce Chatwin

_One for the Road_, by Tony Horwitz

Both authors wrote about their travels in the Australian Outback, and although published 10 years apart, their trips nearly coincided (if I'm remembering correctly). They wrote about some of the exact same places. They've may have met some of the same people along the way. In fact, as I was reading along, I kept expecting them to bump into each other. 

Anyway, it was an interesting contrast in perspective. Chatwin, British, mid-forties, was an established writer, probably already sick, and only a couple of years from death. Horwitz, American, mid-twenties, and just getting started in the writing business. Horwitz hitchhiked it (YGTBSM).

So there's an American and a British take on the Outback. The only other book I've read about Australia (also a recommendation) is by a guy who's sort of in between the two countries:

_In a Sunburned Country_, by Bill Bryson

----------


## prendrelemick

It was only because of a train journey I took about 10 years ago that I discovered the true identity of the writer of all those Beatle's hits. It was a bloke called John from Castleford who sat next to me travelling from Blackpool to Halifax. After penning such hits as Love Me Do and She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah and then going on to more experimental stuff like Lucy (John's wife)In The Sky With Diamond (John's cat ) Paul MaCartney promised him he would see him right by leaving him the Island of Mull in his will. It was probably the most entertaining train journey I had ever been on. The last thing John mentioned was a trip he'd taken to London in the 60's where he'd seen a tramp in a cafe. "And that's how I came to write Streets of London by Ralph MacTell"he said.

----------


## Paulclem

> It was only because of a train journey I took about 10 years ago that I discovered the true identity of the writer of all those Beatle's hits. It was a bloke called John from Castleford who sat next to me travelling from Blackpool to Halifax. After penning such hits as Love Me Do and She Loves You Yeah Yeah Yeah and then going on to more experimental stuff like Lucy (John's wife)In The Sky With Diamond (John's cat ) Paul MaCartney promised him he would see him right by leaving him the Island of Mull in his will. It was probably the most entertaining train journey I had ever been on. The last thing John mentioned was a trip he'd taken to London in the 60's where he'd seen a tramp in a cafe. "And that's how I came to write Streets of London by Ralph MacTell"he said.


Haha. I made it a rule never to completely trust anyone from Castleford, though at that time I used to mainly know miners. (An unruly lot at the best of times). 

The bus and train - unless you're on a crammed one - is quite relaxing. That is until some person starts with the inconsequential phone call at full volume. On our way to Manchester last year there was a guy on the coach who kept phoning different people up and telling them the same thing. Those with head-phones donned them, whilst the rest of us spent the trip looking round and and raising our eyebrows at each other in that resigned "there's always one" kind of way. I had to snigger when he kept telling people of him ringing Sharon, but that she never answered.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

After reading about Mr. Orifice, I couldn't help but think of Goldmember and his dead skin.
Anyhow, I was on a bus trip a couple years back during which two audible tween 4-H girls were carrying on about animal husbandry, spending the better part of that conversation on methods for studding goats and pigs.

----------


## prendrelemick

> Haha. I made it a rule never to completely trust anyone from Castleford, though at that time I used to mainly know miners. (An unruly lot at the best of times).


I remember walking up Wheldon Road on match days, swapping jewels of wit and subtle repartee with residents of that fair borough.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Been listening to the Flying Burrito Brothers
Here's a Blokes theme song for the day...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bmcT4qieI4

.

----------


## Paulclem

> I remember walking up Wheldon Road on match days, swapping jewels of wit and subtle repartee with residents of that fair borough.


I can easily imagine. 

Quite a few of the team we played for - Wakefield Trinity Colts - came from Castleford, and I think they had no end of trouble with their local peers. They regularly told us about fights in their nightclub - The Kiosk, (a fine place which I visited once). I think they were regarded as traitors. Worse still, one went on to play for Leeds and another one Bradford. They were a bit handy though, and you could expect a saloon bar brawl if you went out with them - which we did in Blackpool. (Missed the brawl though).

Never heard of the Burrito Brothers Gilliatt, but watching the vid led me on to read about Gram Parsons - fascinating if tragic stuff.

----------


## Paulclem

So I've suddenly acquired a greenhouse. At 10.15 this morning I had no greenhouse. At 10.45 I had one. A neighbour saw me on the street and asked if I still had the allotment to which I replied I had. He then asked if i would like a greenhouse. The vision of an aluminium frame with panes of glass was gradually modified to a plastic put together frame with plastic glass. "Ok" I thought. "Glass is bad on an allotment as it often gets broken in high winds." I said I'd call round and take a look sometime and went happily off with the dog. Just after getting home the doorbell went and the neighbour had brought round the instructions and some small parts and announced that it was ready to take. 

So I went round and gathered up the very numerous parts of the put together greenhouse, which, without a good diagram, would be a nightmare to put up. Luckily I have the instructions. The reason for his sudden keen ness to divest himself of the greenhouse then became apparent. His wife had been nagging him to get rid of it. 

So it is now stuffed down the side of our house waiting for action. I wonder if I'll get round to it this year?

----------


## MarkBastable

> So I've suddenly acquired a greenhouse. At 10.15 this morning I had no greenhouse. At 10.45 I had one. A neighbour saw me on the street and asked if I still had the allotment to which I replied I had. He then asked if i would like a greenhouse. The vision of an aluminium frame with panes of glass was gradually modified to a plastic put together frame with plastic glass. "Ok" I thought. "Glass is bad on an allotment as it often gets broken in high winds." I said I'd call round and take a look sometime and went happily off with the dog. Just after getting home the doorbell went and the neighbour had brought round the instructions and some small parts and announced that it was ready to take. 
> 
> So I went round and gathered up the very numerous parts of the put together greenhouse, which, without a good diagram, would be a nightmare to put up. Luckily I have the instructions. The reason for his sudden keen ness to divest himself of the greenhouse then became apparent. His wife had been nagging him to get rid of it. 
> 
> So it is now stuffed down the side of our house waiting for action. I wonder if I'll get round to it this year?


I'm holding a fiver that says it'll still be stacked in the side return come Easter.

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm holding a fiver that says it'll still be stacked in the side return come Easter.


Yes. As I was stuffing it away I was thinking - "Oh no! What have I done?". He did rush away grinning and rubbing his hands.

----------


## Scheherazade

> I'm holding a fiver that says it'll still be stacked in the side return come Easter.


I have a great faith in Mrs Clem's persuasion powers. I'll put a tenner that she will make sure they are not stacked there by Easter.

----------


## prendrelemick

I think it'll be gone by tomato planting time.

----------


## Sancho

El Sancho wants in on some of this action. Ive got a Jackson (a twenty) that says the greenhouse is up by the next equinox.

My advice: throw away the instructions (theyre confusing and evil) and get yourself a couple of rolls of this stuff:

If you cant fix it  Duck it.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...So it is now stuffed down the side of our house waiting for action. I wonder if I'll get round to it this year?


Ill bet my copy of the Old Farmers Almanac hell have it up by the next harvest moon.
It will make a nice addition to Pauls field of follys complimenting the Ivy League sheds.

Remember this: (post 4728)

http://www.online-literature.com/for...hread!/page316

.





> El Sancho wants in on some of this action. Ive got a Jackson (a twenty) that says the greenhouse is up by the next equinox.
> 
> My advice: throw away the instructions (theyre confusing and evil) and get yourself a couple of rolls of this stuff:
> [img]
> If you cant fix it  Duck it.


Leave it to Sancho to bring us back around to the Duct vs Duck contrivesy.

----------


## Sancho

Yep. You know, since that controversy, Ive learned the etymology behind Duck Tape: it is so called because it is a Cloth Tape, and the type of cloth that the gooey stuff is infused into is  Ta Da  Duck Cloth.

Anyway, once again, aluminum tape is better for duct work. Duck Tape leaves behind a messy residue thatll require another fine product remove it from the ductwork: Goof Off. (gasoline works too, but be sure to snuff out your cigarette first.)

So then, concerning Pauls construction project, and considering that its an unnatural act for a man to use a set of instructions, El Sancho has a solution. In fact, Ive recently tossed all the shop manuals in my garage and replaced them with this simple yet effective wall chart:

----------


## Scheherazade

> I think it'll be gone by tomato planting time.


I will take that but just to be clear when does one plant tomatoes?




> Remember this: (post 4728)
> 
> http://www.online-literature.com/for...hread!/page316


Also, Gilliatt should get a special mention for remembering what Paul mentioned 1500 posts ago (more than 1.5 years ago).

Sancho ~ We follow a similar action plan in my household as well... Only that WD-40 and the Duck Tape are replaced with this:

----------


## Sancho

Ah yes, Scher, weve got one of those too.

Also we have one of these, which is where my furniture building projects usually wind up:

----------


## MarkBastable

> You are right, like good wine good beer should be savored, not guzzled ...



Oh, crap. All these years I've been guzzling wine, good or otherwise. I'm never been much of a one for savoring anything, really. 'Get it down yer neck' is pretty much my watchword.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Oh, crap. All these years I've been guzzling wine, good or otherwise. I'm never been much of a one for savoring anything, really. 'Get it down yer neck' is pretty much my watchword.


Hear, here!, and to think, Tom "Stonewall" Jackson's words of wisdom from 6212 posts back, still rain true to this day.
We haven't seen him around these parts in while.
btw- I was talked into test flying a new Kentucky bourbon by a Parker type at local spirits store, it is Wathens Kentucky Bourbon- single barrel.
Pretty good with RC Cola.

----------


## prendrelemick

Quiz night last night, We came second and won a tube of smarties, but that's besides the point. NEVER MIX YOUR DRINKS even if you are in a celebratory mood after getting a Spice Girls question right. It's not worth the hangover.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Do you remember the Spice Girls question?
Blokes are wise to keep their drink in one genre once started.
I would have to say, Mad Dog 20/20 creates the most lethal mix if you were to venture outside of your drink of choice for a given occasion.

----------


## prendrelemick

It was along the lines of "Which group had three consequtive Christmas number ones" and he gave the years in question. 

Many would be ashamed of knowing such girlie trivia, but when a tube of Smarties are at stake one must swallow one's pride.

Any way, we were out again last night, at Harry's 80th birthday party. His son is married to a Russian, who had brought some of her Russian girlfriends from Huddersfield, and some Russian wodka from Irkutsk. I think a quiet day is in order today

----------


## Sancho

It's all in the pacing. That said, pacing is easier with beer, unless there's Belgian beer involved - that stuff is lethal.

Spice Girls, huh?

Sancho and his old lady went to a Christmas show last night at the Cobb Energy Performing Arts Center in Atlanta. The Spice Girls weren't there, but the opening act was the band, Totsy. Oh man. Santa likes Bad Girls Too.

They opened for The Brian Setzer Orchestra. There's no way I'm going to miss that guy when he comes to town. I think he's got more fingers on his fret-board hand than most people. And I've gotta tell ya, the man truly seemed to be enjoying himself up there. I've been to too many shows where the band is just going through the motions. Not these guys. They rocked the house.

----------


## prendrelemick

Totsy! They turned out to be exactly what their name suggested they'd be.

----------


## Paulclem

Allotment update. 

I'm now the chairman - the most interesting part of that being running meetings, (including the casting vote clause), and accepting prizes on behalf of the association. Otherwise I'm the "young guy" helping the Site Manager shovel stuff. 

We won third prize in the Coventry and District Allotments Society's 2012 Best kept allotment site category. (There were three entrants, and we came third, but we won £100, and it is this I will be accepting in June at a buffet lunch. Apparently the food is nice). 

We have split from the other two sites and are about to set up our bank accounts next week, and mulled wine and mice pies will be in the offing in the shed the week after next. Mmmmmm

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Congratulations Paul it is good to be King.
I cant' help but imagine the elder members were "grinning and rubbing their hands" like the greenhouse guy.

----------


## Sancho

> Totsy! They turned out to be exactly what their name suggested they'd be.


Yep, Mick, of all the guys who regularly post on the Blokes Thread, I think youdve appreciated their show the most. Id never heard of them, but I genuinely enjoyed their set (enjoyed it a little too much, according to my Señora). Ah-hem.


Totsy, Dope on a Rope:

http://youtu.be/DESTk4YKpx8

----------


## Paulclem

> Congratulations Paul it is good to be King.
> I cant' help but imagine the elder members were "grinning and rubbing their hands" like the greenhouse guy.


Yep. That, and they have the real jobs. To be fair, they have more time than I do, but perhaps they wanted to include me. :Biggrin: 

.Busy week coming up, but the tinselled end is in sight. Christmas ties on tomorrow.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mrs P arrived home from her Womens Institute jamboree last night claiming the highlight of the evening was the Sex on the Beach! Whatever happened to jam and Jeruselem?

----------


## Paulclem

Waiting for the bus last night in town - I was working a little late and I've bust my front wheel - I was treated to "My Way" by two drunken old geezers who were on the street smoking outside The Coventry Cross pub. They were awful but enthusiastic, but they did have trouble singing it together. I had to laugh.

The illustrious street that houses The Coventry Cross also has another rough pub a few doors down. This one is opposite my bus stop and often has karaoke. Marvellous entertainment after a Saturday shopping trip. It also amuses me that there are invalid scooters parked outside, often with their drunk owners leaning on them smoking. Haha.

----------


## prendrelemick

BBC Sports personality of the year tonight. And for once there was plenty of sport shown on the Beeb.

The overseas winner is nailed on for Ussain Bolt. After that I don't know, we've had a year of unimagined riches. Laura Trott who won 2 golds didn't even make the short list. I think it is between Mo Farrah and Bradly Wiggins, but there are plenty of other contenders - Jess Ennis, Andy Murray, Ellie Simmonds.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Looking back, it is amazing the success you guys had in the Olympics.
Was it the alignment of planets?, playing on home turf?
Keep us posted on the results.

------

Happy birthday Mark!




-------

Mick,
as mentioned on your other thread, I thought I'd share a little on the "Type Writer", assuming you're interested.

It is essentially the M1903 Springfield rifle 30.06 caliber. 
The rifle type was used extensively in WW I in fact my Grandfather carried one with the 143rd fighting in France in 1918.
When WW II broke out we were just beginning to manufacture the M1 Garand, but production couldn't keep up.
So the Army supplemented by producing upgraded version of the M1903.
In order to further the production of the M1903, Springfield contracted with other companies with similar tooling as rifle manufacturers.
Smith Corona was one of those companies. 

Yours truly with the "typewriter" shooting at target from about 3 years ago:
...

Son:
He barely weighs more than the rifle, hence the severe arch posture trying to counter balance the weight.
Note the ear protection and finger off trigger until he is set.

...

----------


## prendrelemick

I recognise the "junior" stance, my boy and daughters used to shoot clays (skeet?) exactly like that, they still managed to hit more than me.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I recognise the "junior" stance, my boy and daughters used to shoot clays (skeet?) exactly like that, they still managed to hit more than me.


"junior stance" I like that description.
Yes; "skeet" , though I have no clue of the etymology.

----------


## prendrelemick

Skeet could be Norwegian for shoot, or it could be a misheard exclaimation by by a Louisianian backwoodsman - sheet I meeessed!


Meanwhile Bradley Wiggins won sports personality of the year and is in danger of becoming a style icon. The Cricket went well in India - England taking the series against all expectations. I've given up on the footie where petulence and cheating is overshadowing our beautiful game.

----------


## Sancho

But den when Boudreaux missed dat 'gator wit his gun, he hit Thibodeaux instead. Keeled him dead. So he had to go tell Madam Thibodeaux dat her man was shot dead down in da bayou. Boudreaux weren't no good at dat kinda stuff, so he try and think hard 'bout what to say. He been thinkin' da whole way over to Thibodeaux's cabin. Finally he work hisself up and go knock on da door. Mrs. Thibodeaux opened it:

Madam Thibodeaux: Hep ya?
Boudreaux: Is you da widow Thibodeaux?
Madam Thibodeaux: Why no. I'm not a widow.
Boudreaux: Da hell you ain't!

...and so it goes down in Cajun country.


Also, I'm thinking Lance Armstrong won't be short listed for any Sportsman-of-the-Year honors this go around.

----------


## prendrelemick

It probably went down better than "bereavement councilling" yu-heah


Curses! The World didn't end. Now I have to go Christmas shopping.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Skeet could be Norwegian for shoot, or it could be a misheard exclaimation by by a Louisianian backwoodsman - sheet I meeessed!
> 
> 
> Meanwhile Bradley Wiggins won sports personality of the year and is in danger of becoming a style icon. The Cricket went well in India - England taking the series against all expectations. I've given up on the footie where petulence and cheating is overshadowing our beautiful game.


also referred to as "clay pigeons".




> But den when Boudreaux missed dat 'gator wit his gun, he hit Thibodeaux instead. Keeled him dead. So he had to go tell Madam Thibodeaux dat her man was shot dead down in da bayou. Boudreaux weren't no good at dat kinda stuff, so he try and think hard 'bout what to say. He been thinkin' da whole way over to Thibodeaux's cabin. Finally he work hisself up and go knock on da door. Mrs. Thibodeaux opened it:
> 
> Madam Thibodeaux: Hep ya?
> Boudreaux: Is you da widow Thibodeaux?
> Madam Thibodeaux: Why no. I'm not a widow.
> Boudreaux: Da hell you ain't!
> 
> ...and so it goes down in Cajun country....


haha brilliant ! 




> It probably went down better than "bereavement councilling" yu-heah
> 
> 
> Curses! The World didn't end. Now I have to go Christmas shopping.


There's still a few hours left here. 
So far it's relatively calm, smattering of alto stratus clouds, a group of Chickadees and Juncos are foraging for a few morsels in the Oaks and Elms.
UPS delivery just pulled up with a package, The old lady quickly ran out to intercept it. (I bet it's my Keats - better be hardbound)
The pets aren't showing any signs of impending doom.

It's 4:00 pm CDT, let's see how the evening hours turn out.



 Happy Birthday Paulclem!


Green Allotments...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I-xwenJ-Cw0

----------


## prendrelemick

Happy Birthday Chairman Paulclem.


Now, real pigeons used to be used for practice. You'd get your butler to release them from the battlements, and blast away with your black powder firing muzzle loader. This was fine while the supply of pigeons - and the butler's nerve - held up. Later, some bright spark invented a hollow glass sphere and a catapult to launch them. For realism, the spheres were stuffed with pigeon feathers so you,d get a satisfying feathery puff when you hit one. Later, expensive glass was replaced with rough fired clay and the clay pidgeon was born.

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks Gilliat and Mick. I had a good day.

My wife also bought me a bottle of Jim Beam with honey. I don't know whether this is breaking a rule of the club, but I really like it. I like Southern Comfort too as i have a sweet tooth. 

Chairman Paul has a ring to it. certainly the Allotment Association is not a democracy, though this is more by way of inertia rather than despotism.

----------


## prendrelemick

The Pope has been going mad Christmas shopping on Ebay this year. Fortunately his credit is good........











.....He has Paypal infallibility

----------


## Paulclem

How was your Christmas Day chaps? I'm rather thinking that I'd like to do things differently next year - a buffet instead of dinner, even go out. Our dinner was great as usual, but it just dominates the whole day with the usual catering stress that goes with it. It probably won't change. 

We were talking to the lad in Japan on Skype before we ate yesterday. His Grandma and the old Auntie were able to chat to him and see that he's alright. (At the moment he looks like Jesus with long hair - which is probably due to hair cutting inertia rather than deign). I regularly send him messageson Facebook and we have conversations if he's up or available. He doesn't seem so far away. The tech is great.

----------


## prendrelemick

Excellent Christmas thankyou paul, got my morning jobs done, then cooked the dinner, I really enjoy it. This year there were only five of us so it was very relaxing.

Today there are 13 or 14 coming.

At the moment I am on here to avoid watching The Railway Children, which always gets me.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

That rain and snow pulled through !
We recorded about 1.6 inches of rain followed by approximately 2 inch snow.
Another white Christmas in three years.

Santa is losing his touch though. The Keats I wished for turned out to be a critical analysis of his Odes.
All I wanted was a collection of his greatest hits as long as it included "To Autumn".





> The Pope has been going mad Christmas shopping on Ebay this year. Fortunately his credit is good........
> 
> .....He has Paypal infallibility




That's a keeper. Hope you don't mind if I borrow it from time to time.

----------


## Paulclem

I had an interesting time today mooching around a very wet Coventry centre. I seem to get better ideas if I'm out and about - the TV rarely stimulates me - and so I went up town on the pretext of getting some necessities, but spent most of the time wandering around and drinking coffee in a Costa cafe. I wrote a few Haiku, and finished reading a book on Russia in WW2 by Richard Overy on the handy kindle. 

Anyway whilst i was up there I remembered we'd got a Vologograd Place near the City Centre. Volgograd used to be Stalingrad before the de-Stalinisation of the Soviet Union took place under Khruschev. I decided to pop down there and take a few photos. (I'll post them when I find the micro SD adapter). 

Volgograd Place is a bit strange. It seems a funny place to have as a tribute to the city Coventry is twinned with. (Coventry actually twinned with Stalingrad during the battle - the first city ever to twin with any city). It's beneath the concrete monstrosity that is the ring road around the city centre. It used to lie in the path to the Coventry and Warwickshire hospital before they closed it a couple of years ago, but it has always been a place leading to the rougher part of town, with a local homeless hostel and an alcoholics' treatment centre nearby. I used to meet my wife when she worked in the casualty and various wards, as at night it is barely better than a subway, as you can imagine the types of blokes you would see - and still do see - hanging around there. 

This is to do the original tribute a bit of a disservice though, as, when it was first developed, the ring road was a source of pride to the city and formed part of the post war regeneration of WW2 damage. It was opened by the then Mayor of Volgograd, and includes a kind of art installation in concrete. I used to walk past - or rather through - this installation and wonder how anyone could think it was at all appealing, and what was the artist thinking of. 

Since I saw the plaque and name though, the whole thing seems to make a brutal sense. What you have is the usual pathway underneath the ring road made with flagstones which is flanked by mounds of concrete with blocks sticking out at various angles. It was after I read the plaque that i realised that the smooth flagstones represent the river Volga, and the rubble like concrete at the edges represents the ruins of the city that was then Stalingrad. 

I see the place differently now, though I still tend not to frequent the place at night. 

I've found a picture on the internet. The lady walking with the push chair is walking through the river. You can see the rubble on the other side of the river. Interestingly, when it was opened it had water features, and no doubt will have looked a lot better. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/iancvt55/6619073339/

Here's another set of 4 - scroll down to the third set of four pics.

http://www.talkingbirds.co.uk/master...8_mission.html

----------


## prendrelemick

A memorial made of concrete somehow suits Coventry.

I don't know why but I always think of concrete when I think of Coventry. I mean that in a good 1960's way, when optimism and confidence and concrete came together and rebuilt war ravaged cities in the pristine white stuff. When enthusiastic publicly funded Architects were sweeping their drawing boards clear of clutter, and shuttering and pouring out the future. When ancient Vitruvian proportions were replaced by the ubiquitous 1:2:3 of readymix . 
Heady times and short lived.

----------


## Paulclem

> A memorial made of concrete somehow suits Coventry.
> 
> I don't know why but I always think of concrete when I think of Coventry. I mean that in a good 1960's way, when optimism and confidence and concrete came together and rebuilt war ravaged cities in the pristine white stuff. When enthusiastic publicly funded Architects were sweeping their drawing boards clear of clutter, and shuttering and pouring out the future. When ancient Vitruvian proportions were replaced by the ubiquitous 1:2:3 of readymix . 
> Heady times and short lived.


Yes. I think it's taken a long time to improve the city centre and recover from the 50's/60s planners. 

The concrete necklace of the ring road doesn't help. It is very ugly, and has gone that dirty grey.

----------


## Paulclem

Happy New Year chaps.

----------


## DocHeart

Happy New Year Paul, and everyone!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Happy New Year Paul, Doc and all.


Gin by the pailfulls, wine in rivers,
Dash the window glass to shivers!
For three wild lads were we, brave boys. 
And three wild lads were we.
Thou on the land, and I on the sand, 
and Jack on the gallows tree!


Found in Scott's _Guy Mannering_

----------


## qimissung

Happy New Year, guys!  :Cheers2: 

 :Leaving:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Office life can be interesting at times. 
The social committee decided to hold a cookie competition today (Friday). Contestants could either make their own cookies or purchase their favorite type of cookie for judging, I opted for a little of both.
Why not take an ordinary orange colored Voortam Vanilla Wafer and modify it?
While deciding what to do with the wafer, I had the Spotnicks playing "Orange Blossom Special" in the background (it's about a train) then it hit me!

I present "The Orange Blossom Special" ...



Recipe:
Voortman orange wafer cookies, 
spread a bed of melted chocolate on top
Press small marshmallows into chocolate bed.
Line cookies up in the form of a train on pizza box lid.


Then play this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0DhLn...endscreen&NR=1




btw- I came in at about 6th place, but my presentation along with being the only contestant to incorporate a theme...





got a few laughs

----------


## prendrelemick

That thar was some fancy finger pickin!

On the theme of confectionary that looks like something else, Mrs P introduced Mushroom Buns from darkest Lincolnshire into this household many years ago. Thats a mini bakewell tart with chocolate butter icing on top that has grooves in it radiating outwards from the centre - to look like mushroom glans- and a marzipan stalk on top.

A quick image search on google shows they are unknown in the wider world.

----------


## MarkBastable

> That thar was some fancy finger pickin!
> 
> On the theme of confectionary that looks like something else, Mrs P introduced Mushroom Buns from darkest Lincolnshire into this household many years ago. Thats a mini bakewell tart with chocolate butter icing on top that has grooves in it radiating outwards from the centre - to look like mushroom glans- and a marzipan stalk on top.
> 
> A quick image search on google shows they are unknown in the wider world.


I'm not an expert in the field of marketing cakes - or even promoting the idea for a new type of cake - but I would suggest that if Mrs P is explaining this confectionery innovation to the ladies at the Women's Institute in the same terms as you have used here, what might be killing the thing stone dead is the use, in a butter icing context, of the word 'glans'. 

Just a thought.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'll admit "Chocolate Glans" are underused in the field of confectionary decoration. I don't know what I was thinking about - but GILLS are what I meant to type.

----------


## Paulclem

Perhaps not...

Warning - naughty cake!

http://www.thecakegallerysf.com/x1ra...dcakes&UID=111


Sorry...

----------


## stlukesguild

Should have stuck with the beers and ales. hell the wife even bought me a box of fabulous beer for Christmas (I knew I married her for some reason) including four bottles of Avinger Celebrator:



Ballast Point Imperial Porter (virtually like stout meets espresso!):



and half a dozen others that I can't wait to delve into.

Unfortunately (or otherwise) tonight was Mexican night... Cazuelada, Enchilladas, Tamales, Queso and Chorizo... and Tequila!!!

Tequila in Margaritas and Tequila shots!!!  :Eek6:  :Shocked:  :Eek2: 

Now I'm finishing off the evening the only way possible...


With the Stones blasting:



And a big glass of Bourbon!!!

Hahhahahahahahhahhahahhahahahhahhahahhahhaha!


If I get up tomorrow I'll let you know. :Cheers2:

----------


## prendrelemick

I don't think I'd want a slice of that cake.


Just a single solitary bottle of Newkie Brown of the Christmas beer remains at our house. Were I to go on a bender (or "strike t'rant" as its called locally) it would have to be on Mrs P's Baileys Irish Cream.

----------


## cacian

Happy New Year guys and may I just ask about a member:
Anyone knows where Mutatis is? I just thought I ask.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I don't know what I was thinking about - but GILLS are what I meant to type.


I cant say that chocolate gills sounds any more appetizing.





> ...Sorry...


It was only a matter of time, could have been anyone of us.




> Should have stuck with the beers and ales. hell the wife even bought me a box of fabulous beer for Christmas (I knew I married her for some reason) including four bottles of Avinger Celebrator:
> 
> ...Ballast Point Imperial Porter (virtually like stout meets espresso!):
> Hahhahahahahahhahhahahhahahahhahhahahhahhaha!
> 
> ...If I get up tomorrow I'll let you know.


My God man, what were you [not] thinking? Ale, tequila and bourbon!
Ballast is appropriate, that stuff looks like it could keep a Zeppelin down.

I chuckled at the label, imagining the battle raging in your gut between the three belligerents. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sto3p3eozg8





> Happy New Year guys and may I just ask about a member:
> Anyone knows where Mutatis is? I just thought I ask.


Ehem, nice weather were having wouldnt you say? 
Hows the Thames flowing these days?

[aside quietly]-
Oklets discreetly duck around the corner of the bar.
All I can tell you is he is banned

[They emrge from behind the bar tipping hats at passersby]-

Well then, how bout we head back in the bar, I hear Parker is serving up some wonderful rum cake.

.

----------


## LostPrincess13

Hullo! Just happened to pass by. Glad to see this thread is still alive and kickin'! Oh the wonders of booze!  :Biggrin:

----------


## Sancho

> ...
> 
> Hahhahahahahahhahhahahhahahahhahhahahhahhaha!
> 
> 
> If I get up tomorrow I'll let you know.


Let It Bleed. Yeah baby.

That right there is one of the greatest rock-n-roll albums to ever spin at thirty three and a third, IESHO (in El Sancho's humble opinion).

Not too sure about the coffee beer though. Being wired and drunk at the same time might have consequences. The last time I found myself in that condition, I stated, to no one in particular, "I'm going to do something!" 

And I did.

Anyway, how about this one:



I just like live music. The Midnight Rambler track gets me going every time - a bluesy rock-n-roll fandango, or something like that. Wish I would've been there, but I was only around 8 at the time.

----------


## prendrelemick

Lost Princess! Welcome back your madge. Remember that scene in Hello Dolly where Barbara Striesland is welcomed back by Louis Armstrong and all those waiters? - That.

----------


## NikolaiI

New word... Smokeaholic. Anybody know someone it fits?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> New word... Smokeaholic. Anybody know someone it fits?


You came out of left field with that one.
Maybe the Marlboro Man? 
Not sure where you were headed with that but it brought this one to mind:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIN8MmMloZE

----------


## Paulclem

The Tale if the Vomiting Dog or Man vom Dog

Our dog is a typical Jack Russel. Aggressive, possessive, vindictive and quick to anger. 

So yesterday, upon vomting up his tea, I left him to take back possession of the pile. Normally this arrangement works ok, with just a sticky bit to wipe up from the tiles.

Yesterday was a little different though, as he went in to vomit thrice more. I felt that this cycle of scoff and vomit needed to be broken, and so the contest began. Between him trying to bite me and protect his pile, I managed to snap on his lead and get him in the kitchen. I then cleared up, and I felt that he was relieved that he didn't have to scoff it again. 

But, alas, he vomited up the rest of his tea, and we were back to a slimy square one. This time, like any good general, I varied my tactics and forced him back with the wilkinson's plastic step into the kitchen again - for all the world looking like a lion tamer. I just needed the whip. So I successfully cleared up the rest of the vom, and I think there was relief all round. 

Now I am considering getting that whip, but I feel my life has a rather absurd edge to it. Does this kind of thing happen to you chaps?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

"his tea"
"take back possession of the pile"
"a sticky bit"
"vomit thrice more'
"scoff it "
"wilkinson's plastic step "

I'm nearly in tears from laughing. Great story.
For us, well me, it's fur balls.
The cat mangages to launch them along well travelled pathways in the house.
Nothing like the feel of warm ooze on the sole when making your way toward the kitchen.

Unfortunately with cats there's no going back for seconds, they lurch and move on leaving us, well me, to clean up the mess.

----------


## Paulclem

Ha!

Cats vomiting is much more horrible - as is their vom. 


A cat we had used to leave the innards of eviscerated mice on our carpets as presents. It was a very odd squelchy crunch that would greet my invariably stockinged feet. Most unpleasant.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.

Speaking of cats, how about Julie Newmar....meeowww!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1U_6R8TjQ_c

----------


## islandclimber

Taking the afternoon off work to watch The Old Lady thrash those silly twisted Celtic Bhoys yesterday was rather fantastic. Neil Lennon's delusional complaints about the referee left me quite bemused. On a side note, Juventus goal-scorer Alessandro Matri's girlfriend is quite the looker...

----------


## prendrelemick

Definite penalty! Your man was playing rugby! However if they had got a penalty they would've tapped it gently straight at Buffon, like every other shot they had.

----------


## islandclimber

I don't necessarily agree. That type of penalty is never awarded in any of the European leagues. Only on the British Isles. Hooper was certainly jostling just as much. I think the yellow to both was acceptable. If that was a penalty though, then the Commons studs up challenge on Pirlo should have been a straight red, as with the Brown studs up on Pirlo. THey basically mauled the man all match to limit his influence with overaggressive tackles that certainly were bookable. I think the ref did well to allow the game to be played. It was exciting. 

Today's ManU-Real match was nowhere near it in terms of excitement.

----------


## Paulclem

Finished work at eight tonight and wandered down into the town to get the bus.

The place was deserted, gloomy, and everywhere was soaked with the latest snow and rain. 

Then I washed up on the opposite side of the street to Impulse - a rough pub/ club which happened to be playing a selection of 80s muic. 

Haircut 100 was ringing out with a juvenile pop that took me back to discos I had frequented

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASQfJkzK544

Depeche Mode's first song that I was aware of in the early 80s

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bhg8D8MVYxQ


Chain Reation - which reminds me of a pub I used to work in when I lived in Wakefield.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaYHRx9-v2M


There was no-one about and I could have jigged about much as i used to at that time. I stuck to singing along though. Perhaps a Butlins Themed weekend is in order.

http://www.bigweekends.com/your-break/91307

----------


## prendrelemick

> I don't necessarily agree. That type of penalty is never awarded in any of the European leagues. Only on the British Isles. Hooper was certainly jostling just as much. I think the yellow to both was acceptable. If that was a penalty though, then the Commons studs up challenge on Pirlo should have been a straight red, as with the Brown studs up on Pirlo. THey basically mauled the man all match to limit his influence with overaggressive tackles that certainly were bookable. I think the ref did well to allow the game to be played. It was exciting.



Fair comment, It was a good match that early goal meant Celtic had to go all out. I missed the Man U match




> Finished work at eight tonight and wandered down into the town to get the bus.
> 
> The place was deserted, gloomy, and everywhere was soaked with the latest snow and rain. 
> 
> Then I washed up on the opposite side of the street to Impulse - a rough pub/ club which happened to be playing a selection of 80s muic. 
> 
> Haircut 100 was ringing out with a juvenile pop that took me back to discos I had frequented
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ASQfJkzK544
> ...


Carefull Paul, nostalgia can strike at any time and there is no known cure.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Then I washed up on the opposite side of the street to Impulse - a rough pub/ club which happened to be playing a selection of 80s muic. 
> 
> ...There was no-one about and I could have jigged about much as i used to at that time....


Sounds like a wonderful flashback moment.

Paul, were you a Kraftwerk fan?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OJYyA34dtI




> ...Carefull Paul, nostalgia can strike at any time and there is no known cure.



Yes, it is a dreadful malady that rears it's ugly head from time to time...why at this this very moment I'm experiencing a nostalgic interlude with my vacuum tube collection

----------


## Sancho

Whoa. I'm having flashbacks to my misspent youth. Our crappy old TV set seemed to always be on the fritz, so my dad and I would pull a bunch of the tubes out of the back and take them down to hardware store where they had a tube tester.

My childhood was tragically marred by a set with a lousy vertical hold. The picture regularly cycled across the screen, but I'd sit and watch Johnny Quest anyway.

----------


## prendrelemick

All we could get was a fuzzy BBC 1 from an ariel that looked like a bedstead on a pole. Every so often my mother would have to climb onto the coal shed roof and rotate the pole with Dad shouting directions (relayed by 4 kids) through the living room window. The ariel and pole were quite heavy and required her whole body effort. So not only did she retune the telly, she was also a forerunner in the art of pole dancing.

----------


## Sancho

Shake it to the left
Shake it to the right
Shake it, shake it with all of your might
C'mon, Ma, show's about to start

----------


## Paulclem

I saw my first colour TV in about 1970. The next door neighbour let us have a look at theirs. I remember the red being very red. 

Was down the allotment today. It's all starting up again. I popped in some garlic and dug some trenches for beans. We will be having the Annual General Meeting in April where we will detail how we managed to escape the clutches of the other two allotment associations. It shoud be a laugh.

----------


## prendrelemick

You say they were for beans, but reading between the lines I wonder if those trenches weren't defensive, to repel East Coventry Allotment Assoc Storm Troopers.


Remember Paul, the book is still running on the greenhouse erection.

----------


## Paulclem

> You say they were for beans, but reading between the lines I wonder if those trenches weren't defensive, to repel East Coventry Allotment Assoc Storm Troopers.
> 
> 
> Remember Paul, the book is still running on the greenhouse erection.


Yes - we've managed to repel them and have got away with our half of the cash. Huzzah!

As for the greenhouse - I have taken some of it down the allotment. The thing is, he's still findin bits of it at the back of his shed. It's a good juob I didn't try to erect it before. I've got to pick up two more bits soon!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> You say they were for beans, but reading between the lines I wonder if those trenches weren't defensive, to repel East Coventry Allotment Assoc Storm Troopers....


"ECAAST"...has a nice ring to it.




> Yes - we've managed to repel them and have got away with our half of the cash. Huzzah!
> 
> As for the greenhouse - I have taken some of it down the allotment. The thing is, he's still findin bits of it at the back of his shed. It's a good juob I didn't try to erect it before. I've got to pick up two more bits soon!


Will it be placed near the sheds?
Sounds like you're still in the Allotment Master planning phase, perhaps I can be of some assistance.

----------


## Paulclem

> "ECAAST"...has a nice ring to it.
> 
> 
> 
> Will it be placed near the sheds?
> Sounds like you're still in the Allotment Master planning phase, perhaps I can be of some assistance.


It will be placed near the original shed on a bit of rough ground. It's fairly level, so it souldn't be much of a problem to site it there. 

I went into the local pub last night to book the side room for the AGM. Nice room - large enough for those likely to turn up. The landlady did tell me that it was karaoke night on the same evening. we start at 7.30, and the karaoke night starts at 8.30. i think it will be good to have some post- meeting entertainment. I'm not going to mention it to the other committee members - it'll be a nice surprise.... :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Thats how the Palace of Versalles started , a couple of sheds and a glasshouse.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.
^ That's what we were taught over here.

Paul, I've been putting some thought to your allotment masterplan.
Given the potential for invasions from other allotment associations, I believe the Roman Camp concept is the way to go:

----------


## prendrelemick

How did the AGM go paul, i imagine it a bit like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97dBfdNrf9A

Only with Karaoke

----------


## Paulclem

> How did the AGM go paul, i imagine it a bit like this.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=97dBfdNrf9A
> 
> Only with Karaoke



These things move slowly apparently. There are the notices to be given out, and then an opportunity for the plotholders to add any other business to the agenda - which in my view is just asking for trouble. 

12th of April is AGM night. I'm hoping my faithful committee members will form a redoubt around me when I do the Chairman's report. I'll be blathering on to shouts of, "Get a move on! We want to be the first to get up and do My Way!"

----------


## Paulclem

> .
> ^ That's what we were taught over here.
> 
> Paul, I've been putting some thought to your allotment masterplan.
> Given the potential for invasions from other allotment associations, I believe the Roman Camp concept is the way to go:


Good idea - if I can co-opt old Fred to the cause, we already have a hedge topped ditch to the southern side of our bit. That just leaves the exposed northern edge, which has been let to a new bloke, and a partially defended western hedge. The eastern hedge is an impenetrable tangle of fences, hedges, brambles and nettles. Mind you, that's what the French said about the Black Forest.

----------


## prendrelemick

Anybody watch the footie last night? Barcelona were another level, and the atmosphere was amazing. And Messi - he barely swings his leg and the ball flies into the net! How does he do that?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Good idea - if I can co-opt old Fred to the cause, we already have a hedge topped ditch to the southern side of our bit. That just leaves the exposed northern edge, which has been let to a new bloke, and a partially defended western hedge. The eastern hedge is an impenetrable tangle of fences, hedges, brambles and nettles. Mind you, that's what the French said about the Black Forest.


Ahh yes the bocage approach for defense. 
The hedgerows were hell on the Allies in Normandy until they came up with the Rhino tanks.

A Rhino tank and French distraction:



You better get the northern edge buttoned up.




> Anybody watch the footie last night? Barcelona were another level, and the atmosphere was amazing. And Messi - he barely swings his leg and the ball flies into the net! How does he do that?


No luck here, football season is over for now.

----------


## Paulclem

Yes - the northern edge is vulnerable. The previous occupant did line the border with car windscreens, (presumably he worked at a scrapyard or a car factory), which are still there. (Yes a car windscreen border! He is perhaps the one who covered the whole of my first half with carpet, which jars your back every time you try to stick a fork into it). Anyway. all i have to do is take the mattock to them to jag them up a bit. That'll help. (Not knowing the technical term for this tool - mattock, I used to call it a shovel on a stick).

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Fellas it's time for another Bigfoot update.
A few weeks back I made my periodic visit to the TBRC website to see what's stompin. 
(strange - looks like they just changed their name to "North American Wood Ape Conservancy)

http://www.texasbigfoot.com/

Wonder of wonders, the annual Bigfoot Conference is in Fort Worth this year! 
Fort Worth is a little closer than Tyler, where it has been held in the past.


Don't waste your time asking...hell yes I'm going! 
My son and I will be heading out shortly. I'll report back.

enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oAjBZqhxuOs

----------


## prendrelemick

> Yes - the northern edge is vulnerable. The previous occupant did line the border with car windscreens, (presumably he worked at a scrapyard or a car factory), which are still there. (Yes a car windscreen border! He is perhaps the one who covered the whole of my first half with carpet, which jars your back every time you try to stick a fork into it). Anyway. all i have to do is take the mattock to them to jag them up a bit. That'll help. (Not knowing the technical term for this tool - mattock, I used to call it a shovel on a stick).



Geniuses abound in what ever walk of life you care to view. A car windscreen fence, simple and brilliant! it has the sheltering properties of a victorian walled garden without the problems of shade. I think I saw something similar (Obviously plagerised) winning a gold medal at Chelsea.




> Fellas it's time for another Bigfoot update.
> A few weeks back I made my periodic visit to the TBRC website to see what's stompin. 
> (strange - looks like they just changed their name to "North American Wood Ape Conservancy)
> 
> http://www.texasbigfoot.com/
> 
> Wonder of wonders, the annual Bigfoot Conference is in Fort Worth this year! 
> Fort Worth is a little closer than Tyler, where it has been held in the past.
> 
> ...


Bigfoot-"Silly patina!" Grace with panache I'd say! "Wood Ape" sounds so limp. 

Could be time to form a splinter group.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... I think I saw something similar (Obviously plagerised) winning a gold medal at Chelsea.
> 
> Haha !
> 
> Bigfoot-"Silly patina!" Grace with panache I'd say! "Wood Ape" sounds so limp. 
> 
> Could be time to form a splinter group.


Agreed, but I must admit I do like their wording; "silly patina".
I'm about to post a separate thread regarding my adventure, so keep an eye out.

----------


## LitNetIsGreat

Drinking a lot of Cumberland Ale recently, last couple of month or so, very nice, highly recommended. Just thought I'd let you know, if you come across some like.

----------


## prendrelemick

Should be good for washing down those Cumberland sausages. I'm chiefly drinking a guiness lookalike from a local micro-brewery these days.

Our fencing exploits take us past various pie-shops, so naturally we tend to stop and compare products. This is probably not so healthy but we put the interests of research above our petty personal concerns. 

so..

*In the catagory of Meat and potato:-* 
Waites of Mytholmroyd - Tender chunks of slow cooked beef in a rich gravy, the potatoes are also of a satisfying chunky size allowing a potatoey"bite" . No two pies have exactly the same proportion of meat and potato, there is no herby or spicey faffing about, just good honest quality ingredients perfectly cooked. The Pastry is delicious, crusty yet soft as well- quite rich. They've usually sold out by mid morning.

*In the catagory of Pork pie.*
Bolster Moor Farm Shop. - A close one this, until last week Stanforth's of Skipton had it in the bag. But then we found Bolster and I think the seasoning of the meat is slightly better. Stanforth's pastry is slightly richer and there is more liquer in theirs, but it should be about the meat - so Bolster has it.

*In the catagory of Cornish Pasty.*
I don't partake of these as I dont like onion. But my fellow judge Ade assures me those from Waites are "f*****g beautiful!" That's good enough for me.

----------


## The Atheist

What cheer, chaps!

It does a man's heart the power of good to not just see the Gentlemen's Club on the front page, but also still with the same posters hanging in there.

Long time no....

I must check and see how long it's been.

And no, I haven't been in jail or anything - just spending a year dead for tax reasons.

The next several rounds are on me!

----------


## Paulclem

> What cheer, chaps!
> 
> It does a man's heart the power of good to not just see the Gentlemen's Club on the front page, but also still with the same posters hanging in there.
> 
> Long time no....
> 
> I must check and see how long it's been.
> 
> And no, I haven't been in jail or anything - just spending a year dead for tax reasons.
> ...


Hi Atheist - glad to see you back. I'll take you up on a round. Things are much the same here as you can see. Parker has not been as busy as usual, in fact i think he's been pining.

----------


## The Atheist

I'll get him a kick in the pants first thing - I thought I could see some dust on the mantelpiece.

I hear you're having some weather down your end right now.

Hope it clears off shortly, the geese have already left this morning.

----------


## Paulclem

We have - have you seen Mick's photo on the what's the weather like thread? 

Usually, snow is long gone by now. I'd have had the broad beans in and be contemplating sticking the first earlies in by next Friday. It's been snowing again today, and it has frozen, with the temperature set to stay below freezing at night this week and beyond. Coldest March for 50 years apparently.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> What cheer, chaps!
> 
> It does a man's heart the power of good to not just see the Gentlemen's Club on the front page, but also still with the same posters hanging in there.
> 
> Long time no....
> 
> I must check and see how long it's been.
> 
> And no, I haven't been in jail or anything - just spending a year dead for tax reasons.
> ...


Well, well...look what the cat drug in!
Welcome back. We've been doing the best we could to keep our stools warm.
I'll swing by the spirit shop this week and get another bottle of "gobble juice" for the occasion.
Don't mention taxes; April 15th is just around the corner.




> We have - have you seen Mick's photo on the what's the weather like thread? ...


Thanks for the heads up, I'll jump over there and take a look.

----------


## The Atheist

> We have - have you seen Mick's photo on the what's the weather like thread? 
> 
> Usually, snow is long gone by now. I'd have had the broad beans in and be contemplating sticking the first earlies in by next Friday. It's been snowing again today, and it has frozen, with the temperature set to stay below freezing at night this week and beyond. Coldest March for 50 years apparently.


Of course, the allotment! Hopefully summer will make up for the bad March.

Exactly the opposite over here, with the driest, hottest February & March ever.

----------


## The Atheist

> Well, well...look what the cat drug in!
> Welcome back. We've been doing the best we could to keep our stools warm.
> I'll swing by the spirit shop this week and get another bottle of "gobble juice" for the occasion.
> Don't mention taxes; April 15th is just around the corner.


It's a conspiracy! We have to pay tax on 15/4 here as well.

Betcha the stock market has a lousy day that day.

----------


## prendrelemick

It's good to hear from you again. Especially in light of recent cricketing events!

----------


## The Atheist

Indeed!

Love the new avatar, by the way.

Hope the lambing's going ok up your way - do you still have an old coal range to pop the cold ones in?

----------


## The Atheist

Oh, and is it just me or is this forum reeeeeaaaaaaalllllllyyyyy slow?

And if so, does anyone know why? It's the slowest site I've visited since dial-up. It's a board that's always had speed trouble, but I don't recall this kind slow.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I reckon we've grown accustomed to it,
As far as I'm concerned, I've learned to embrace it as it affords me time to root through the fridge, knock down a beer or visit the chamber pot while the computer churns away.

----------


## The Atheist

I just have to modify my behaviour to switch pages. Oddly, the post function is quicker than usual.

For your amusement, I present the latest bigfoot evidences!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

^He does get around.

A couple of great quotes from the article:

_"This woman, Lillya Zelenkova, said Bigfoot woke her up in her tent, and wanted to have sex with her. She didnt go for it because, I dont like hairy men, though I was tempted"_

_"Valdmir Putin himself joined several of the hunts. I will find the Yeti and I will kill the Yeti, Putin said."_

.....

Tonight I'm finishing off some old Chianti, more like vinegar.

----------


## stlukesguild

After two grande margaritas I'm finishing the evening off with a Southern Tier Imperial Chocolat Stout. They make one of my favorite dessert beers: Creme brule. Check back tomorrow morning to see if I'm still functioning. I'm supposed to get up early and make a ham and eggs breakfast then head into the studio. Yeah... right.

----------


## The Atheist

> _"Valdmir Putin himself joined several of the hunts. “I will find the Yeti and I will kill the Yeti,” Putin said."_


He'd be quite amusing if he didn't kill so many of his opponents.





> After two grande margaritas I'm finishing the evening off with a Southern Tier Imperial Chocolat Stout. They make one of my favorite dessert beers: Creme brule.


Heaven!

----------


## prendrelemick

Dessert Beers?!! Should those two words even appear together on the same page?

----------


## The Atheist

The term could probably do with a touch-up, but in practice it's great!

Let's go with after-dinner beer. Different from the before-dinner beer.

----------


## The Atheist

And coming right on the back of that, I happen to see this.

Not sure about that one, but I'd try it to find out!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> After two grande margaritas I'm finishing the evening off with a Southern Tier Imperial Chocolat Stout. They make one of my favorite dessert beers: Creme brule. Check back tomorrow morning to see if I'm still functioning. I'm supposed to get up early and make a ham and eggs breakfast then head into the studio. Yeah... right.


It is now going on 24 hours are you still functioning?




> And coming right on the back of that, I happen to see this.
> 
> Not sure about that one, but I'd try it to find out!


The Texas summer is around the corner.
"...and SnoBar sells alcohol-infused ice pops in select liquor stores throughout Arizona, with flavors that include margarita and Cosmopolitans..."

----------


## The Atheist

> The Texas summer is around the corner.
> "...and SnoBar sells alcohol-infused ice pops in select liquor stores throughout Arizona, with flavors that include margarita and Cosmopolitans..."


Oh yeah. I've tried and enjoyed many desserts with liqueurs in them, so I'd be eating those!

----------


## The Atheist

Ok, chaps - an important mission.

Soundofmusic has gone walkabout and isn't posting here nowadays. I've invited her back and have placed a double Shirley Temple on the bar for her.

All together, "Come back Soundo!"

----------


## Paulclem

Sounds posts dropped off after you wnent on sabbatical Atheist. Parker suggested she was pining.

----------


## The Atheist

Either way, she can get her backside down in this freshly-polished leather recliner Parker's "friends" in Leicester restored.

Edward VII, when PoW, is reputed to have seduced at least two maids on/across/under it. I thought the history might appeal to her!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

^That along with Parker's private screenings, she loved those.

----------


## soundofmusic

Gracious, Big Foot and Atheist has returned...be still my beating heart; Hello Boys....thought I'd drop in for a drink and a bit of amusement; what's on the agenda.

----------


## The Atheist

Yay! Welcome back. Parker has been inconsolable, I'm told.

The agenda?

Same as usual. Eat, drink & be merry! I hear the sun turned up in England, so no doubt even Mick & Paul will be smiling.

Jynnan Tonnyx all round.

----------


## Paulclem

I've just got the first ealy potatoes in, along with some broad beans. Most of the greenhouse is now down the allotment, but I have to dig the foundation into a trench. I will get it built, but it will take a bit of time. 

We have our Annual General Meeting this Friday too. I've got to deliver the chairman's report to the assembled crew. Should be ...er.. good.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yay! Welcome back. Parker has been inconsolable, I'm told.
> 
> The agenda?
> 
> Same as usual. Eat, drink & be merry! I hear the sun turned up in England, so no doubt even Mick & Paul will be smiling.
> 
> Jynnan Tonnyx all round.


Poor Parker, I hope he still looks good in that pink thong I sent him...If it isn't sunny enough where you all are, you can come share our clouds in South Florida. It's cloudy, but hot as the devil here.

----------


## soundofmusic

So sweet, how could I resist.

----------


## soundofmusic

Yeah, I guess we all started our walk abouts at the same time. Glad you're back Atheist, where the devil is Jockey? Good to see things are back to normal around here. You'll love this Paul, I have a leak in my kitchen drain pipe and one day, mowing the lawn, I noticed I had some gorgeous tomatos growing out of it. So I transplanted them...of course, now they are dead.

----------


## Paulclem

> Yeah, I guess we all started our walk abouts at the same time. Glad you're back Atheist, where the devil is Jockey? Good to see things are back to normal around here. You'll love this Paul, I have a leak in my kitchen drain pipe and one day, mowing the lawn, I noticed I had some gorgeous tomatos growing out of it. So I transplanted them...of course, now they are dead.


 :FRlol: 

I know what you mean. Though I have the allotment, I only grow stuff that is easy - potatoes being one. Carrots just won't go for me.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Most of the greenhouse is now down the allotment, but I have to dig the foundation into a trench. I will get it built, but it will take a bit of time. 
> 
> ...I've got to deliver the chairman's report to the assembled crew. Should be ...er.. good.


Didn't us blokes put down some wagers on when you'd have that thing built a few posts back? 

Will your report delivery go something like this?: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzbhbetwYFU




> Yeah, I guess we all started our walk abouts at the same time. Glad you're back Atheist, where the devil is Jockey? Good to see things are back to normal around here. You'll love this Paul, I have a leak in my kitchen drain pipe and one day, mowing the lawn, I noticed I had some gorgeous tomatos growing out of it. So I transplanted them...of course, now they are dead.


Nice to see you grace the floors of this hallowed place once again. 
I just finished the first Spring mowing.

----------


## prendrelemick

Spring ! What's that then ? there isn't a blade of grass anywhere on the farm.

----------


## The Atheist

> Yeah, I guess we all started our walk abouts at the same time. Glad you're back Atheist, where the devil is Jockey?


That's a good thought. Anyone know where the old Scotty is?





> I know what you mean. Though I have the allotment, I only grow stuff that is easy - potatoes being one. Carrots just won't go for me.


Got to be something in your soil - carrots are normally a piece of cake.




> Spring ! What's that then ? there isn't a blade of grass anywhere on the farm.


The result of spending three months under snow?

----------


## prendrelemick

we've had the wind stuck in the east for many a week as well. The sheep are eating soil. Or as my octogenarian neighbour is fond of saying - "Their belly thinks their throat's bin cut."

----------


## Sancho

Send 'em my way. All-you-eat pine pollen here. Ah-choo.

----------


## Paulclem

> Got to be something in your soil - carrots are normally a piece of cake.


I don't think so - probably the temperature and when planted. I have to say, lots of the people I speak to report poor yield. I've had more success in pots - but again they were planted later.

----------


## stlukesguild

After a Hellacious week... two weeks before the all-important testing and we can't suspend anyone... we went out for Mexican: big burritos, chimichangas and a picture of margaritas followed by tequila shots.

At this point nothing makes sense except:




 :Cheers2:  :Cheers2:  :Cheers2: 

Thank God for online spell check!!!

----------


## stlukesguild

Finishing the evening off with:





Set my alarm clock for noon! :Cheers2:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...and a *picture* of margaritas followed by tequila shots.
> 
> Thank God for online spell check!!!


^Looks like the spellcheck had a few too many as well. hehe

Enjoy the evening !


For me, not quite as exotic as your Celebrator, nevertheless, I happened to see this new addition to the beer aisle, so I grabbed a six pack earlier today:

----------


## stlukesguild

The Celebrator was the last of the beers the wife bought me for Christmas... now you know one reason why I married her.

Yes Spell=check sucks at recognizing the wrong word: pitcher/picture or their/there/they're.

Nothing wrong with Newcastle... never noticed the pin-ups before. 

I first had Celebrator in New York... bought by friends as I was leaving to move back to Cleveland. A fabulous beer.

----------


## The Atheist

> we've had the wind stuck in the east for many a week as well. The sheep are eating soil. Or as my octogenarian neighbour is fond of saying - "Their belly thinks their throat's bin cut."


We have the same problem, but for different reasons here. It's only rained three days since Xmas, instead of the average 30-odd. About 80% of the country has been declared an official drought zone.




> Send 'em my way. All-you-eat pine pollen here. Ah-choo.


I have two boys that get hay fever so badly they BOTH contracted pneumonia during the summer.




> I don't think so - probably the temperature and when planted. I have to say, lots of the people I speak to report poor yield. I've had more success in pots - but again they were planted later.


You see, I never think of the temperature - it's never too cold to plant here.

I've been watching the weather up your end of the planet - you have had it bad.




> The Celebrator was the last of the beers the wife bought me for Christmas... now you know one reason why I married her.


Nice!

Have you read Keef's book? One of the funniest things I've ever read.

----------


## prendrelemick

> ^Looks like the spellcheck had a few too many as well. hehe
> 
> Enjoy the evening !
> 
> 
> For me, not quite as exotic as your Celebrator, nevertheless, I happened to see this new addition to the beer aisle, so I grabbed a six pack earlier today:



Wha...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> we've had the wind stuck in the east for many a week as well. The sheep are eating soil. Or as my octogenarian neighbour is fond of saying - "Their belly thinks their throat's bin cut."


Soon their diets will be transitioning to tundra mosses and lichens. 
How deep's the permafrost these days?




> ....Nothing wrong with Newcastle... never noticed the pin-ups before....


Actually, I should clarify, it was the "Bombshell" variant of Newcastle that is new to me and to the beer aisle. The Newcastle Brown Ale I've had a few times in the past having been introduced to it by the Blokes, in fact see Mick's avatar.




> Wha...


Yeah...it puzzled me too, nevertheless, I was smitten with the blond on the label.
She is quite smooth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4_R5cQVU1o



.

----------


## Sancho

> I have two boys that get hay fever so badly they BOTH contracted pneumonia during the summer.


Ouch!

Yep, every spring around about tax time, pine pollen covers everything and everybody in the southeastern US. Great clouds of yellow dust meander across the road with the breeze. My backyard pool looks like a huge cauldron of East Indian curry. My car looses around half its power until I replace the air filter. And my black-and-white Springer Spaniel, well, we've just taken to calling him 'Ole Yeller'.

Allergy-wise, though, it's really not too bad. The particles are a lot bigger than hardwood pollens and hence don't cause most folks to sneeze all that much, at least not the people who grew up here. My mom moved here from Chicago when she was in her twenties and she never got used to it. It just makes my eyes water a little bit.

----------


## SilentMute

Okay, Athiest. Where is my Shirley Temple? And nobody better steal my cherry.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ouch!
> 
> Yep, every spring around about tax time, pine pollen covers everything and everybody in the southeastern US. Great clouds of yellow dust meander across the road with the breeze. My backyard pool looks like a huge cauldron of East Indian curry. My car looses around half its power until I replace the air filter. And my black-and-white Springer Spaniel, well, we've just taken to calling him 'Ole Yeller'.
> 
> Allergy-wise, though, it's really not too bad. The particles are a lot bigger than hardwood pollens and hence don't cause most folks to sneeze all that much, at least not the people who grew up here. My mom moved here from Chicago when she was in her twenties and she never got used to it. It just makes my eyes water a little bit.
> 
> ...


Haha "Ole Yeller"
Here it's the Cedar pollen that casts a yellow blanket on everything.




> Okay, Athiest. Where is my Shirley Temple? And nobody better steal my cherry.


I see you found the bar. Parker... a round of "Shirley Temples" for the gals and "Roy Rogers" for the boys.

----------


## SilentMute

My mom's car is always being covered by insect spooge. I suppose we have pollen, since my allergies flare up. However, this stuff seems like the same stuff that covers our plants, and this seems to be due to insects. It is really annoying now, because I'm in the middle of painting the car. I'm putting on the clear coat, which is a real pain to apply. Sometimes the stuff attaches itself while the coat is still wet.

The birds approve of the car's new paint job. They've started to bomb the car again. When she had no paint (we call the car Selena--after Catwoman), they never touched her. I don't know whether they felt sorry for her because she had no paint and had rust holes in her, or whether birds are snobs and only want attractive canvases to display their poop. However, despite my many mistakes--the streaks, the less than perfectly applied bondo and such--they have condescended to poop on her. I supposed I should take it as a compliment.

----------


## The Atheist

Haha! That is brilliant!

I believe that's Parker bringing the ST right now.

Sancho - great pics. I'd be buying gas masks.

----------


## soundofmusic

Where the devil is my comment; I wrote like 2 pages...ah well, I'll try again.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I've just got the first ealy potatoes in, along with some broad beans. Most of the greenhouse is now down the allotment, but I have to dig the foundation into a trench. I will get it built, but it will take a bit of time. 
> 
> We have our Annual General Meeting this Friday too. I've got to deliver the chairman's report to the assembled crew. Should be ...er.. good.


I hope you'll put your speech on youtube; do you do any you tube videos anymore Paul?



> I know what you mean. Though I have the allotment, I only grow stuff that is easy - potatoes being one. Carrots just won't go for me.


I'll have to get some tips on potatos; the ones in the market lately stink. I like these little purple potatos...taste sort of like a cabbage, ever seen them? 




> Nice to see you grace the floors of this hallowed place once again. 
> .


Thank you, good to be with the coolest guys on the web. 




> We have the same problem, but for different reasons here. It's only rained three days since Xmas, instead of the average 30-odd. About 80% of the country has been declared an official drought zone.
> 
> 
> 
> I have two boys that get hay fever so badly they BOTH contracted pneumonia during the summer.
> 
> 
> 
> You see, I never think of the temperature - it's never too cold to plant here.
> ...


sorry to hear about the boys Atheist; I sometimes think we would all be alittle healthier with a bit of cold to kill the trees and the germs. 




> Okay, Athiest. Where is my Shirley Temple? And nobody better steal my cherry.


Gentlemen, meet my daughter...I wouldn't bother with the Shirley Temple though, she's legal, ask Parker to bring out the real stuff. 




> Haha "Ole Yeller"
> Here it's the Cedar pollen that casts a yellow blanket on everything.
> 
> 
> 
> I see you found the bar. Parker... a round of "Shirley Temples" for the gals and "Roy Rogers" for the boys.


Throw in some Dale Evans and I'll sing along...Happy trails........to you....




> Haha! That is brilliant!
> 
> I believe that's Parker bringing the ST right now.
> 
> .


Well, I guess we better plan another barbeque....

----------


## The Atheist

> sorry to hear about the boys Atheist; I sometimes think we would all be alittle healthier with a bit of cold to kill the trees and the germs.


Yes, unfortunately, we live in one of those damned green belts, so there are trees everywhere. My suggestion that we cut 'em all down for carparks hasn't been well received.

A barbeque? Good idea.

And I believe Parker's found the Drambuie.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ....And I believe Parker's found the Drambuie.


I'll take that as my cue.
Remember this one posted sometime in the past in an effort to lure Jocky back ?... 





^My maternal Czech Grandmother's Drambuie crate and dad's (he was mostly Scottish) bagpipe album
I'm telling you the two familiy's were meant for each other!

(the bottle was a more recent purchase by me in honor of Grandma)

----------


## SilentMute

A little hot for a barbeque, I think. Can't we stay indoors with the AC?

As for bringing out the good stuff, I may stick to non-alcoholic drinks. I hope this doesn't detract points from me being an honorary dude, but like Hop Frog...I get a little nutty with drinking. Remember what happened at Terry's wedding, mum? Take a sip of champagne, and the next minute I'm out on the dance floor with the bride--dancing backwards in high heels that I was wobbling in. :Willy Nilly:  It is amazing I didn't break my ankle.

Besides, someone probably should be the designated driver. Of course, I don't drive...maybe it shouldn't be me. However, I can at least tell you all who peed themselves and why you woke up with a swear word shaved in your head and a Tinkerbell tattoo. :Biggrin5:

----------


## Paulclem

> I hope you'll put your speech on youtube; do you do any you tube videos anymore Paul?
> 
> 
> I'll have to get some tips on potatos; the ones in the market lately stink. I like these little purple potatos...taste sort of like a cabbage, ever seen them?


I'd quite forgotten about that. I'll have to do another sometime. 

Not sure about the taties. There are loads of varieties though. I'm trying Pink Fir (not fur, which doesn't sound as appealing) Apple this year too. They are a very knobbly salad potato. 

I've just finished my application for my boss' job. It took a lot of time. I've got that post application feeling now - y'know, the one where you don't care if you get an interview anymore. I'm going to have a cognac tonight with the footie. Yippee.

Scratch that. I'll have a Drambuie.

----------


## prendrelemick

During all that cold weather, I was walking through snow drifts to feed Fred-the-octogenarian's sheep and he would ply me with his home made sloe gin. That's gin, sugar and the friut of the blackthorn steeped together and matured for a year or so. I'd stagger home infused with a rosy glow, it's a very warming concoction.

----------


## The Atheist

> I hope this doesn't detract points from me being an honorary dude, but like Hop Frog...I get a little nutty with drinking.


Not drinking alcohol is perfectly acceptable - gentlemen would never look down on someone who prefers their drinks alcohol-free. 

Now, about that Tinkerbell tattoo - who's been telling tales??????

----------


## The Atheist

> During all that cold weather, I was walking through snow drifts to feed Fred-the-octogenarian's sheep and he would ply me with his home made sloe gin. That's gin, sugar and the friut of the blackthorn steeped together and matured for a year or so. I'd stagger home infused with a rosy glow, it's a very warming concoction.


Ee by gum, you have the best sig line I've ever seen!

----------


## SilentMute

I hear in prisons that they do some mixture with Sunny Delight, which they allow to ferment under the toilet. I don't know if they have to add sugar or not. Anyway, I guess liquor is liquor to them.

Now, I am curious. Do people drink to get drunk...or do they actually like the taste of liquor? Now myself, I don't tend to drink liquor very much, but I do enjoy using it in my cooking. To many of the neighbors around my parts, what I do is perfectly criminal. However, liquor can transform an ordinary sauce into something quite divine.

Of course, I don't really expect someone who drinks fermented Sunny Delight, particularly that has been sitting under a prison toilet, to understand.

----------


## Paulclem

> I hear in prisons that they do some mixture with Sunny Delight, which they allow to ferment under the toilet. I don't know if they have to add sugar or not. Anyway, I guess liquor is liquor to them.
> 
> Now, I am curious. Do people drink to get drunk...or do they actually like the taste of liquor? Now myself, I don't tend to drink liquor very much, but I do enjoy using it in my cooking. To many of the neighbors around my parts, what I do is perfectly criminal. However, liquor can transform an ordinary sauce into something quite divine.
> 
> Of course, I don't really expect someone who drinks fermented Sunny Delight, particularly that has been sitting under a prison toilet, to understand.


I used to drink for the effects - and taste was secondary. Now I drink little except in my coffee down the allotment and watching the football. I did have a great bottle of Jim Beam Bourbon with honey for Christmas, which I really liked, and I drank for the flavour. I'll ask for that again. I like spiced rum in coffee. Superb. 

My Mother in Law once made a brilliant hot trifle with loads of sherry in it. It was great, and I like alcohol in cooking. My Grandma used to make really nice sherry trifles, and wine is great in gravy.

----------


## prendrelemick

It's for the effects - which are by no means all bad. We brits are a bit uptight, we use it for a social lubricant.

----------


## The Atheist

> Now, I am curious. Do people drink to get drunk...or do they actually like the taste of liquor?


There's no hard & fast rule, although I think it's fair to say more young people drink to get drunk and don't care what does the trick.

From my own perspective, I don't drink any alcohol that isn't worth drinking in its own right: champagne, single-malt scotch, the occasional liqueur, a top-line brandy, an award-winning dark ale or a martini made by someone who knows how to make them. (like me) I haven't been drunk for close to 30 years, though.

I class booze as another sensual pleasure and special treat. 

As Mick says, drinking a little to loosen up is fine, but there's a line most of us learn to stay inside when we get older. Some people never learn and I have alcoholic mates that drink 2 litres of wine a day.




> Now myself, I don't tend to drink liquor very much, but I do enjoy using it in my cooking. To many of the neighbors around my parts, what I do is perfectly criminal. However, liquor can transform an ordinary sauce into something quite divine.


Hear hear!

I use a lot more alcohol in cooking than I do in drinking; there are few meals I cook that don't require at least a good splosh of wine.




> Of course, I don't really expect someone who drinks fermented Sunny Delight, particularly that has been sitting under a prison toilet, to understand.


Pretty sure I could pass on that!

After the swine 'flu panic, our prisons introduced antiseptic handwash. The prison authorities forgot that it is made up of about 60% alcohol, but the prisoners didn't!

They don't use it now.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Yes, unfortunately, we live in one of those damned green belts, so there are trees everywhere. My suggestion that we cut 'em all down for carparks hasn't been well received.
> 
> A barbeque? Good idea.
> 
> And I believe Parker's found the Drambuie.


I must admit, after trying to remove tons of vines and dead leaves from under several overgrown trees in our yard and having one which likes to drop a few branches on the roof each hurricane; I am all for cutting them all down. I'm just trying to decide whether to take the affordable route with the half blind Jamaican fellow that drinks a few cups of rum, waits until after dark and goes up side the tree with a chain saw in a cherry picker, or check out the fellows with insurance who want so much money I will have to put a lean against all Silent's future income...

Now, where to have the picnic...We could have a real southern picnic at Sanchos next to his pool, or...near Pauls shed; I think we might even find Jockey still in there. Drambuie, everyone is raving about it. I'm pretty sure any liquor I get over on your side of the pond would have me dancing on tables for days.




> I'll take that as my cue.
> Remember this one posted sometime in the past in an effort to lure Jocky back ?... 
> 
> 
> 
> ^My maternal Czech Grandmother's Drambuie crate and dad's (he was mostly Scottish) bagpipe album
> I'm telling you the two familiy's were meant for each other!
> 
> (the bottle was a more recent purchase by me in honor of Grandma)


I think Jockey did come back for a bit didn't he? I think some of us just fall asleep at the computer keys after we come home from a days work or, in my case, loafing. I still can't quite get the appreciation of bagpipes and men in kilts. I saw a pic of Prince Charles and his dad in kilts...gracious, what a hideous site, it even overwhelmed my curiosity about what happens in Scotland with a bit of a wind storm. 




> A little hot for a barbeque, I think. Can't we stay indoors with the AC?
> 
> As for bringing out the good stuff, I may stick to non-alcoholic drinks. I hope this doesn't detract points from me being an honorary dude, but like Hop Frog...I get a little nutty with drinking. Remember what happened at Terry's wedding, mum? Take a sip of champagne, and the next minute I'm out on the dance floor with the bride--dancing backwards in high heels that I was wobbling in. It is amazing I didn't break my ankle.
> 
> Besides, someone probably should be the designated driver. Of course, I don't drive...maybe it shouldn't be me. However, I can at least tell you all who peed themselves and why you woke up with a swear word shaved in your head and a Tinkerbell tattoo.


Yes, in those days, Silent needed a bit of Champagne to come out of her shell. Now, like her mother, she leaves the shell off and throws caution to the wind....
Hum, I don't think it was my head....any body know where my lady shick razor is; I need to check a blast from the past....



> I'd quite forgotten about that. I'll have to do another sometime. 
> 
> 
> Not sure about the taties. There are loads of varieties though. I'm trying Pink Fir (not fur, which doesn't sound as appealing) Apple this year too. They are a very knobbly salad potato. 
> 
> I've just finished my application for my boss' job. It took a lot of time. I've got that post application feeling now - y'know, the one where you don't care if you get an interview anymore. I'm going to have a cognac tonight with the footie. Yippee.
> 
> Scratch that. I'll have a Drambuie.


Yes, I thought your youtube skit was brilliant. Good luck with your application. I don't know why job interviews are such a process now; I can remember when you used to go into a place with a pair of short shorts and a itty bitty top, flirt with a manager and bang...you had a job...uh, don't try that fellows...Uh, you either Silent. 

What's a footie? 




> During all that cold weather, I was walking through snow drifts to feed Fred-the-octogenarian's sheep and he would ply me with his home made sloe gin. That's gin, sugar and the friut of the blackthorn steeped together and matured for a year or so. I'd stagger home infused with a rosy glow, it's a very warming concoction.


I don't think after that, you'd notice if your toes were frozen; sounds devine. 




> Not drinking alcohol is perfectly acceptable - gentlemen would never look down on someone who prefers their drinks alcohol-free. 
> 
> Now, about that Tinkerbell tattoo - who's been telling tales??????


I must admit, Silent's tales are always so inventive that I never mind hearing them, even when they are about me. Of course, in a few years, when I have Dementia...or more than I have now, it might be a little worrisome as I will believe them.





> I hear in prisons that they do some mixture with Sunny Delight, which they allow to ferment under the toilet. I don't know if they have to add sugar or not. Anyway, I guess liquor is liquor to them.
> 
> Now, I am curious. Do people drink to get drunk...or do they actually like the taste of liquor? Now myself, I don't tend to drink liquor very much, but I do enjoy using it in my cooking. To many of the neighbors around my parts, what I do is perfectly criminal. However, liquor can transform an ordinary sauce into something quite divine.
> 
> Of course, I don't really expect someone who drinks fermented Sunny Delight, particularly that has been sitting under a prison toilet, to understand.


Silent is a fantastic cook for sure...I think she could out do Martha Stewart, even if she were in prison and only had Sunny Delight on hand. 




> I used to drink for the effects - and taste was secondary. Now I drink little except in my coffee down the allotment and watching the football. I did have a great bottle of Jim Beam Bourbon with honey for Christmas, which I really liked, and I drank for the flavour. I'll ask for that again. I like spiced rum in coffee. Superb. 
> 
> My Mother in Law once made a brilliant hot trifle with loads of sherry in it. It was great, and I like alcohol in cooking. My Grandma used to make really nice sherry trifles, and wine is great in gravy.


Nothing is better than a bit of liquor in coffee...I like Kahlua in mine. 




> It's for the effects - which are by no means all bad. We brits are a bit uptight, we use it for a social lubricant.


Funny thing about the Brits and alcohol is that it never seems to dull the senses. Three hours after they're tipsy, they are still discussing politics. 




> Hear hear!
> 
> I use a lot more alcohol in cooking than I do in drinking; there are few meals I cook that don't require at least a good splosh of wine.
> 
> 
> 
> Pretty sure I could pass on that!
> 
> After the swine 'flu panic, our prisons introduced antiseptic handwash. The prison authorities forgot that it is made up of about 60% alcohol, but the prisoners didn't!
> ...


Atheist is a heck of a cook too; I think maybe we should have a cook off with Silent and Atheist...and whoever else cooks...all the local meals...

Really, antiseptic in the prisons?

----------


## SilentMute

Oh, yes! A cook-off! That would be fun! How about it, Athiest? We could even put it on Youtube! Nothing people love more than a reality show, particularly if someone has a foreign accent! Brits wouldn't need liquor if they watched more reality shows. Reality shows have been dumbing down America over the years that now people don't need to drink anymore to act like total idiots! They are already that way!

Here is my contribution--a real crowd-pleasing dish. And I don't need to cook it!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Ipr...FDC4BA&index=4

It is amazing how people can get to the point where they aren't particular where their alcohol comes from. I think I recall mom telling me about how her mother used to have to hide the shaving lotion and rubbing alcoholic when another relative came to visit because he used to try to drink it.

----------


## Sancho

> ...Now, where to have the picnic...We could have a real southern picnic at Sanchos next to his pool, or...near Pauls shed; I think we might even find Jockey still in there. Drambuie, everyone is raving about it. I'm pretty sure any liquor I get over on your side of the pond would have me dancing on tables for days...



Well then,

Come one - Come all
Big and Small
Short and Tall
Them and Y'all

- to the 1st annual Barn Dance, Barbecue, and Book-Club Shin-dig at El Sancho's Backyard Pool and Frog Pond. 

It's gonna be a hoity-toity, high-class affair so dress appropriately - flip-flops and cut-offs for the gentlemen, tube tops and sweat pants for the ladies.

Bring the kiddies. There'll be free rides (aka El Sancho's tractor - psst, I've got a pasture that needs Bush-hogging). If your kids are small, bring two of 'em. One can steer and operate the PTO while the other one can work the pedals.

Mick can bring Fred-the-Octogenarian and Fred can bring a couple of jugs of his hooch.

Silent can bring the Sunny-D.

Paul is in charge of the salad bar.

And Gill is in charge of the Flaming Hookers and the bagpipes (hey-hey-hey, minds out of the gutter, one is a reeded instrument and the other is a drink made with Drambuie that just happens to be on fire).

Speaking of music, since it'll be such a high-class gathering there'll be a string quartet, which as you all know consists of a banjo, a fiddle, a guitar, and a one-string washtub-and-broomstick bass. Perhaps we should invite Emil.

I'll set up a couple of tables so's Sound-O can dance.

Atheist, we'll have it on Sunday. That way all the Evangelicals will be safely ensconced in their churches and we can sneak you out here without any nasty hullabaloo with the locals.

Well, that should do it. 

Wait! Directions:
From the city of Atlanta, take U.S. 19/41 (Tara Blvd.) and go south. When you pass Scarlet O'Horror 's place you'll come a fork in the road - take it. Go past Roy-Gene's Pig Emporium and turn right, which is where you will depart the paved surface. You'll see a mobile-home park on your left and a Meth Lab on your right - keep going straight (don't slow down). My place will be another 10 miles down the way. You can't miss it. If it has just rained or something, 4WD may come in handy.

See you-all there.

----------


## The Atheist

> Now, where to have the picnic...We could have a real southern picnic at Sanchos next to his pool, or...near Pauls shed; I think we might even find Jockey still in there. Drambuie, everyone is raving about it. I'm pretty sure any liquor I get over on your side of the pond would have me dancing on tables for days.


I think we've gone with Sancho's place. That hut smells!





> I saw a pic of Prince Charles and his dad in kilts...gracious, what a hideous site, it even overwhelmed my curiosity about what happens in Scotland with a bit of a wind storm.


Thanks!

Now I need to bleach my brain!




> I must admit, Silent's tales are always so inventive that I never mind hearing them, even when they are about me. Of course, in a few years, when I have Dementia...or more than I have now, it might be a little worrisome as I will believe them.


Nah, you'll forget about 2 minutes later.





> Really, antiseptic in the prisons?


Stupid eh?

It's not as though prisoners are the cleanest people and needed it.

----------


## The Atheist

> See you-all there.


I'm on my way!

----------


## The Atheist

> Oh, yes! A cook-off! That would be fun! How about it, Athiest?


Sure, I'll be a starter!

As it happens, I've been posting recipes lately for people who can't afford to spend a lot of money. Tasty, nutritious food that people seem to be too stupid to figure out for themselves.

Have a look around - there are still more to come, but remember, this is the cheap stuff. When I'm in cooking mode, it's fillet steak all the way!

----------


## prendrelemick

Here's a dish I made last night. (Mrs P is at her Mother's)

Take one lump of dead sheep, put in a pot with potatoes.

Put it in Aga at bed time.

Take it out in the morning.

Eat throughout the day, until wife returns.

----------


## SilentMute

@Athiest--the fish cakes sound good! We are always looking for new ways to cook salmon.

Okay, I need to ask...the Flaming Hookers. Are they as interesting as their name implies...or is this another case where the Brits have used a term for an ordinary object that has a totally different meaning in America? You know...fags are cigarettes and a pussy is a sweet old lady (I think)...two terms that have totally different meanings in America. You cannot imagine what I was thinking when I heard that Robbie Williams song where he croons, "My breath smells like a thousand fags" (I didn't realize he meant cigarettes).

Anyway, I don't want to make an arse of myself, so I hope you gents will be good enough to enlighten me. Don't want to go to Sancho's place with a bunch of kiddies around with a certain expectation of what a Flaming Hooker is, and then find out it is the name of your lawnmower or something.

----------


## cafolini

> @Athiest--the fish cakes sound good! We are always looking for new ways to cook salmon.
> 
> Okay, I need to ask...the Flaming Hookers. Are they as interesting as their name implies...or is this another case where the Brits have used a term for an ordinary object that has a totally different meaning in America? You know...fags are cigarettes and a pussy is a sweet old lady (I think)...two terms that have totally different meanings in America. You cannot imagine what I was thinking when I heard that Robbie Williams song where he croons, "My breath smells like a thousand fags" (I didn't realize he meant cigarettes).
> 
> Anyway, I don't want to make an arse of myself, so I hope you gents will be good enough to enlighten me. Don't want to go to Sancho's place with a bunch of kiddies around with a certain expectation of what a Flaming Hooker is, and then find out it is the name of your lawnmower or something.


Some good points for rolling on floor. LMAO!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well then,
> 
> Come one - Come all
> Big and Small
> Short and Tall
> Them and Y'all
> 
> - to the 1st annual Barn Dance, Barbecue, and Book-Club Shin-dig at El Sancho's Backyard Pool and Frog Pond. 
> 
> ...


Don't forget the guns, diesel fuel and fireworks, I'll bring that along with the Drambuie, pipes and my son's fiddle.

----------


## Sancho

> ...Okay, I need to ask...the Flaming Hookers. Are they as interesting as their name implies...Don't want to go to Sancho's place with a bunch of kiddies around with a certain expectation of what a Flaming Hooker is, and then find out it is the name of your lawnmower or something.


Well, a Flaming Hooker is totally on the up and up. It's not a lawn machine or even a major kitchen appliance (both of which are considered high art when used as yard decorations in my area).

A Flaming Hooker is simply a shooter of Drambuie that some clever soul decided to light on fire. So you have to overcome your instinct that it's wrong to drink something that's ablaze. It's not really a good sippin' drink. The trick is to toss it back quickly. Also it's not a bad idea to have somebody who's pretty handy with a halon extinguisher near by.

I was introduced to the concept when I was a much younger man and was drinking in a bar with a bunch of other military aviators. I proved that poor technique could actually lead to lighting one's self on fire. I also demonstrated that Nomex is not nearly as flame resistant as they told us it was.

'Tis a silly drink.

----------


## Sancho

> Don't forget the guns, diesel fuel and fireworks, I'll bring that along with the Drambuie, pipes and my son's fiddle.


Good thinking, Gill. Plenty of guns and chainsaws here already, but I'll need to drive across the state line for the fireworks. I know a guy named 'Lefty' over in Alabama who can hook us up.

----------


## Calidore

> Good thinking, Gill. Plenty of guns and chainsaws here already, but I'll need to drive across the state line for the fireworks. I know a guy named 'Lefty' over in Alabama who can hook us up.


Sounds like "Lefty" needs to be more careful with the fireworks.

----------


## The Atheist

Ok, this is some party we have going here!

When are we doing this? Is there such a thing as a convenient time for everyone?

I can see how we could have a party with pics.

Work on GMT and put in convenient times - I'm the sole GMT + 12 guy and I can do anytime at all. I'm guessing afternoon for the UK residents would work out as evening or night in USA.

----------


## SilentMute

> Well, a Flaming Hooker is totally on the up and up. It's not a lawn machine or even a major kitchen appliance (both of which are considered high art when used as yard decorations in my area).
> 
> A Flaming Hooker is simply a shooter of Drambuie that some clever soul decided to light on fire. So you have to overcome your instinct that it's wrong to drink something that's ablaze. It's not really a good sippin' drink. The trick is to toss it back quickly. Also it's not a bad idea to have somebody who's pretty handy with a halon extinguisher near by.
> 
> I was introduced to the concept when I was a much younger man and was drinking in a bar with a bunch of other military aviators. I proved that poor technique could actually lead to lighting one's self on fire. I also demonstrated that Nomex is not nearly as flame resistant as they told us it was.
> 
> 'Tis a silly drink.


Oh, its like Bananas Jubilee...except you drink it. Wow! Totally not what I was thinking it was...thanks for explaining, Sancho. You saved me loads of embarrassment.

I guess I'm going to have to get over my fear of fireworks if I'm going to hang out with guys. They always like things that explode. Me, I suffered from too many of those school...er...things (I forgot the name--it is on the tip of my tongue). Anyway, they always had Mr. Policeman or Mr. Fire Fighter come in and tell us about how little Timmy blew off his hand or his dog's jaw by not handling fireworks properly.

Do they do this in other countries? Schools were always obsessed with telling us how we could die--perverts, lightening, fire, fire crackers, household cleaners, drugs, sex, etc. They also seemed to indicate you are more likely to die if you are a blonde, blue-eyed Caucasian girl.

As for the party time...my schedule is pretty free.

----------


## Sancho

There's gonna be some singin' and some dancin'.

----------


## Paulclem

What about live music? I can keep a passable beat on the drums if someone can play guitar.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mariarchi !

----------


## Sancho

Now your talking!

Did somebody say Tequila?

----------


## The Atheist

[QUOTE=SilentMute;1214397Do they do this in other countries? Schools were always obsessed with telling us how we could die--perverts, lightening, fire, fire crackers, household cleaners, drugs, sex, etc. They also seemed to indicate you are more likely to die if you are a blonde, blue-eyed Caucasian girl.[/QUOTE]

Just the same here. 





> What about live music? I can keep a passable beat on the drums if someone can play guitar.


If Twinkle, Twinkle's ok, I can play that on a xylophone. Will that do, or should we stick to the stereo?

We need a music theme so I can download appropriate music.

Barbeque, Flaming Hookers & Shirley Temples... this is going to take some figuring. Old country? Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash style?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Did somebody say Tequila?





> We need a music theme so I can download appropriate music.
> 
> Barbeque, Flaming Hookers & Shirley Temples... this is going to take some figuring. Old country? Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash style?


Tequila = Tijuana Brass...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPalYwLyEvw

When the clock strikes 2 (AM) I suggest this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99iilHIn0GA

----------


## prendrelemick

Perhaps a Bagpipe Mariarchi band; -

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7EZoaKO17lE




I love the internet.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Oh, yes! A cook-off! That would be fun! How about it, Athiest? We could even put it on Youtube! Nothing people love more than a reality show, particularly if someone has a foreign accent! Brits wouldn't need liquor if they watched more reality shows. Reality shows have been dumbing down America over the years that now people don't need to drink anymore to act like total idiots! They are already that way!
> 
> Here is my contribution--a real crowd-pleasing dish. And I don't need to cook it!
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-Ipr...FDC4BA&index=4


It was delicious; but don't eat it just before Sunday morning on the wooden pews.




> Well then,
> 
> Come one - Come all
> Big and Small
> Short and Tall
> Them and Y'all
> 
> - to the 1st annual Barn Dance, Barbecue, and Book-Club Shin-dig at El Sancho's Backyard Pool and Frog Pond. 
> 
> ...


I think I made the wrong turn past Scarletts, last sign said Oakfenokee swamp...next thing I know, the car is shoulder deep in orange water...I guess I knocked over Silents SunnyD still, anyway, she just rowed by with a smiling alligator in tow, playing her violin...I think she was singing "If the log rolls over....




> It's not as though prisoners are the cleanest people and needed it.


I guess there is something about a 5X6 cell and using ones toilet as a stove that plays havoc on hygiene haha




> Here's a dish I made last night. (Mrs P is at her Mother's)
> 
> Take one lump of dead sheep, put in a pot with potatoes.
> 
> Put it in Aga at bed time.
> 
> Take it out in the morning.
> 
> Eat throughout the day, until wife returns.


Mrs P come home.....

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ok, this is some party we have going here!
> 
> When are we doing this? Is there such a thing as a convenient time for everyone?
> 
> I can see how we could have a party with pics.
> 
> Work on GMT and put in convenient times - I'm the sole GMT + 12 guy and I can do anytime at all. I'm guessing afternoon for the UK residents would work out as evening or night in USA.


I guess time shouldn't matter, any party worth having should go on for a week. How about it Sancho, can "your ma and them" put us up for a spell?




> Don't forget the guns, diesel fuel and fireworks, I'll bring that along with the Drambuie, pipes and my son's fiddle.


I'll bring daddies German Mauser....ah, brings a tear to my eye




> What about live music? I can keep a passable beat on the drums if someone can play guitar.


We'll have to practice together a bit Paul so that I can get my dance routine going with your drum beat....




> Tequila = Tijuana Brass...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DPalYwLyEvw
> 
> When the clock strikes 2 (AM) I suggest this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=99iilHIn0GA


I had such a crush on Herb...

----------


## SilentMute

@mom--I think you drank some of that Sunny D, mum. I do not recall rowing by, playing a violin, with a grinning alligator, and singing...unless I drank it and don't remember.

As for a live band, I recommend this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYj42...E0AFC8&index=1

And his pal comes with a keyboard, drums, and tambourine! Of course, the red furry one may have some difficulty in attending. He is embroiled in some legal trouble at the moment. :/

----------


## SilentMute

Okay, after sampling the proposed music, I have decided I better start becoming a drinker. There is no way I am going to do the Tijuana Tequila dance sober, and bagpipes are something that are just hard to appreciate to someone who didn't grow up with them.

----------


## cafolini

In Mexico, near Guadalajara, there is a town, Tequila, from where Tequila, the drink, got its name. There they do a demostration of how the best Tequila is suppose to behave. They dip a tsp in it and throw the contents up in the air. The best Tequila evaporates and not a drop hits the ground.

----------


## Sancho

So here's the musical ensemble we've assembled so far. Say, is that Sounds dancing on the table up top?



For anybody still undecided about whether or not to come to 1st Annual Barn Dance Barbecue and Book Club Shebang, did I mention there will be beer?

----------


## islandclimber

Beer. What sort of beer? Something good? Yes? No?

----------


## The Atheist

> I guess time shouldn't matter, any party worth having should go on for a week.


Sounds good to me, let's start now then!

----------


## The Atheist

> Beer. What sort of beer? Something good? Yes? No?


Definitely good beer. Microbrewery only from me.

----------


## islandclimber

> Definitely good beer. Microbrewery only from me.


This sounds good. No theistic beers though, right? I'll bring along some of Vancouver Island's finest. Yes, somehow we have some decent microbreweries on Vancouver Island. Also, maybe a few from Unibroue. I've always adored La Fin Du Monde, Trois Pistoles, Maudite, Raftman, etc.

----------


## Sancho

Splendid! Western Canada is represented.

For the beer drinkers, weird old Uncle Ned will be holding a puke-through-the-nose-for-volume-and-distance contest around about midnight Eastern Daylight Time (GMT-4).

----------


## prendrelemick

I'll run the weeing contest out the back - points for distance, accuracy AND duration.

----------


## islandclimber

> I'll run the weeing contest out the back - points for distance, accuracy AND duration.


How about points for colour? Yellows, greens, reds, browns?

----------


## prendrelemick

In my Ex-spurt opinion, good Idea

----------


## Sancho

^Ha!

There'll be a relief map depicting where the outhouse is.

Also, we're looking for volunteers to do a stage presentation about puns, or maybe it'll just be a play on words.

----------


## prendrelemick

yo_ur inal_ienably correct sancho.





Right I'll stop now.

----------


## SilentMute

Not to change the topic, but one of my mom's friends sent this to her--and I thought it was too funny not to share.

*RETIRED HUSBAND*
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to TESCO.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.

Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

_Dear Mrs. Harris,
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'..
This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layby

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out._

----------


## soundofmusic

> @mom--I think you drank some of that Sunny D, mum. I do not recall rowing by, playing a violin, with a grinning alligator, and singing...unless I drank it and don't remember.
> 
> As for a live band, I recommend this guy:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYj42...E0AFC8&index=1
> 
> And his pal comes with a keyboard, drums, and tambourine! Of course, the red furry one may have some difficulty in attending. He is embroiled in some legal trouble at the moment. :/


Didn't I tell you, dementia is hereditary...

Have you noticed all the best American singers wind up in sex scandals....now it's Elmo. 




> Sounds good to me, let's start now then!


Well, I'm about to run to work; but I will definitely be needing a week long party afterwards. 




> I'll run the weeing contest out the back - points for distance, accuracy AND duration.


I don't quite have the equipment, so can I be one of the judges. Can I take off points for how long it takes to get started.




> How about points for colour? Yellows, greens, reds, browns?


Ha ha, In my vast experience, I've seen yellow, orange and red...I don't think I even want to widen my horizens.





> In my Ex-spurt opinion, good Idea



Haha.



> Not to change the topic, but one of my mom's friends sent this to her--and I thought it was too funny not to share.
> 
> *RETIRED HUSBAND*
> After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to TESCO.
> 
> Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.
> 
> Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.
> 
> ...


Loved it....I am thinking that fellow would be a blast at home, never boring.

Five characters (I got a message this was too short)

----------


## The Atheist

> Not to change the topic, but one of my mom's friends sent this to her--and I thought it was too funny not to share.


Brilliant! Stolen.




> Well, I'm about to run to work; but I will definitely be needing a week long party afterwards.


I'll keep the men warm and the wine cold for ya!




> I don't quite have the equipment, so can I be one of the judges. Can I take off points for how long it takes to get started.


Ouch.

Having a lovely case of hyperprostatism, I will be failing on all counts.

I think we'd better try watermelon seed-spitting.

----------


## Hawkman

Can I crash your party? I can bring a friend!



and I can supply a novelty act. If you don't like it we can put in the burgers.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Can I crash your party? I can bring a friend!
> 
> ...and I can supply a novelty act. If you don't like it we can put in the burgers.
> 
> ...


Haha!
I wonder which head calls the shots when a hungry lion is hot on your hoofs?

.....

Now this next item is truly worthy of its own thread, but I figured it would fit in fine here and besides, it gives us even more reason to celebrate...

According to Wikipedia under "On This Day" in history category we have three events we must bring attention to:

*753 BC  Romulus and Remus founded Rome, according to the calculations by Roman scholar Varro Reatinus.*


*1509  Henry VIII (pictured) became King of England, following the death of his father Henry VII, eventually becoming a significant figure in the history of the English monarchy.*

The 3rd and most important event in history:

*1836  Texan forces led by Sam Houston defeated General Antonio López de Santa Anna and his Mexican troops in the Battle of San Jacinto near La Porte, the decisive battle in the Texas Revolution.*



^Santa Anna is standing in the white breeches, Sam Houston is on blanket due to injury and Deaf Smith is on one knee straining to hear with hand cupped at ear.

----------


## Sancho

Hawkman's in! (with friends) Bienvendidos amigo.

Silent, we've gotta get Harris on board for the hoedown. It just won't be the same without him.

Update: We've had a minor setback in the preparations. Lefty was on his way from Alabama in his truck when:



First let me say that Lefty's okay. He's complaining about a ringing in his ears, but otherwise he didn't get a scratch. He says it'll be a while before he gets his truck running again, and it looks like we'll to have to find our fireworks for the shindig elsewhere. 

^maybe in the Republic of Texas

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...it looks like we'll to have to find our fireworks for the shindig elsewhere. 
> 
> ^maybe in the Republic of Texas


As a matter of fact your pic may be from Texas. The Czech settlement town of "West" recently experienced a massive ammonium nitrate (fertilizer) factory explosion. Tragically, several people died with much destrcution of property. I just read that some residents are only now being allowed to return to their homes (or what's left of them). 

http://www.latimes.com/news/nation/n...,3395326.story

West, by the way, is the home of the great Czech Stop adjacent to Hwy 35. Nearly every time I pass that way, I must stop to get a dozen Kolaches.
I hope West is still able to hold the annual "West Fest" Czech festival this year (Labor Day weekend). It would be a great opportunity for the community to bond, have fun -respite from the tragedy and great fund raising opportunity through donations from the thousands who typically join in the celebration.

Anyway, we're here to party.
Lefty...better let me handle the fireworks...

----------


## SilentMute

Alas, I too lack the equipment for the peeing contest...which is a pity, for my large bladder does have a long duration. Now, if there is an event of how often you have to go, my mom and I--I am certain--will leave you fellows in the dust. I think we have an advantage there being girls, who for some reason, were designed to constantly have to run to the bathroom. Maybe the powers that be believed we needed an excuse to powder our noses.

I used to be quite good at drinking liquids and blowing them out my nose, which earned me some fame in my grade school days. However, I once tried to do it with a Coca-cola, and that was painful.

I should mention that my invisible friend has decided to crash the party. If you guys see me talking to myself, I assure you I am not having a psychotic break...I'm just talking to my invisible friend. However, for the other guests who don't quite know me, can you just tell them I have Bluetooth so I don't get a reputation.

----------


## Hawkman

Seeing as some people seem to be careless with matches, Silent Mute's bladder might come in handy if the local fire department aren't on hand!

----------


## Sancho

> Seeing as some people seem to be careless with matches...


Indeed, Gill has always had a dubious relationship with fire.




> ...Anyway, we're here to party.
> Lefty...better let me handle the fireworks...


That'd be like putting a junkie in charge of the stash...Perfect! It's all yours, amigo. Easy on the ammonium nitrate and diesel mix - that crazy concoction has an unholy history in your region.




> ...I should mention that my invisible friend has decided to crash the party. If you guys see me talking to myself, I assure you I am not having a psychotic break...I'm just talking to my invisible friend. However, for the other guests who don't quite know me, can you just tell them I have Bluetooth so I don't get a reputation.


No worries, Silent, we'll just tell everybody you're speaking in tongues. That way you'll fit right it around here. I'll tell Weird Ole Uncle Ned to bring his serpents. 




> ...Maybe the powers that be believed we needed an excuse to powder our noses...



'Fraid the only power that be around here is serendipity. We's a total democracy.

So, when shall we throw this shebang-a-bang? I was thinking Independence Day Weekend would work well with the fireworks and all, but then it occurred to me that the Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. I'm not sure why. 

So how about the first weekend in May? We all shared a common struggle commemorated by VE Day.

----------


## cafolini

SilentMute. Do you realize that you could teach classes on how to pour Marrocan tea from a height of two yards?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Indeed, Gill has always had a dubious relationship with fire.
> 
> That'd be like putting a junkie in charge of the stash...Perfect! It's all yours, amigo. Easy on the ammonium nitrate and diesel mix - that crazy concoction has an unholy history in your region.
> 
> ...


A sampling of my credentials...

Step 1



Step 2 (Mozartgeist was pre soaked with diesel)



Step 3



Speaking of Westfest and music for the gathering, how about something to remember our suffering neighbors just to the south of DFW:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=520DMStnK4I


.

----------


## SilentMute

I never thought that my bladder could come in handy. Well, it is totally at the service of the fire department, anyone wanting Moraccan tea, or lemon slushies.  :Biggrin: 

I'm a bit ticked! We got a new computer, and our scanner has never worked properly since. It turns out it isn't compatible with Windows 8, and it doesn't work on the old computer ( which is now in my room)...I guess maybe there is an electricity problem there. God, sometimes I really wonder if technology really improves our lives. How much time every year am I spending over technical issues, I ask you?

----------


## cafolini

Your bladder has all kinds of uses. You can lend to a fascist Spaniard (not difficult to find). He takes a bath in the desert by standing on his two arms and peeing toward the sky.

----------


## The Atheist

Crikey, if the preparations are anything to go by, this will be the biggest bang since the big one!




> So, when shall we throw this shebang-a-bang? I was thinking Independence Day Weekend would work well with the fireworks and all, but then it occurred to me that the Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. I'm not sure why.


It is quite strange, especially given that the day Brits do do fireworks is the anniversary of the day Guy Fawkes failed to blow up Parliament.

Imagine how big the celebrations would be if he'd succeeded.

Silent - I'm glad you'll be there on hand with this load of firebugs on hand - if it was good enough for Gulliver to put out the palace fire, you can definitely handle a couple of fireworks.

Timing?

How about good old 1st of May - the start of summer for you northerners, and the start of winter for me and any other antipodeans. It's not as if winter's all that bad down here, so quite happy to celebrate the coming of summer!

If we start 1 May, we can kick off by watching some real fireworks parade through the streets of Pyongyang and Moscow. Finish in time for mother's day.

----------


## Sancho

Perfect! May Day it is. This thing could well run until the Summer Solstice, or in your case, A', the Winter Solstice. May Day may also come in handy as a general warning for when Gill torches off the fireworks - "MAYDAY MAYDAY MAYDAY, I appear to be on fire." Silent, we'd better keep you close to Gill at all times whenever he has a box of matches in his hands.

Anyhow, for the whippersnappers, I've got volley-ball and soft-ball games set up followed by lunch, which runs concurrent with the watermelon-seed spitting contest. Directly after lunch, I figure we can let them go swimming down at the lake. There's a great game of my own devising we like to play down there. It's called Lake Idiot. Here's how it works: you get one kid (usually the dimmest one) to tread water in the lake while the other kids line up on the cliff and try to cannon-ball the kid in the water (the lake idiot). It's simple and yet fun to play. Only occasionally does one of 'em sink.

When the youngsters go down to the lake, it'll leave the ball diamond free for the adults. This is a throw-down, a mash-up, a smack-down whatever you want to call it. Us Base-ballers (The Americas and Japan) challenge you Cricketeers (The Commonwealth) to a game of Bean Ball. Gird your loins. Helmets not required. 

BTW, this is Bean (that's really her name), and that is Bean's Ball:


Live music update: The Rolling Stones cancelled on me (as did Odie and Odious Oompa band), so if you own a musical instrument - bring it. We'll make our own music. It's more fun like that anyway.

Good Food, Good Music, Good Friends, and Great Fun.

----------


## SilentMute

How come I get the idea that Lake Idiot was developed by someone who was really into belated Planned Parenthood?

----------


## soundofmusic

> I'll keep the men warm and the wine cold for ya!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Having a lovely case of hyperprostatism, I will be failing on all counts.
> 
> I think we'd better try watermelon seed-spitting.


So good to see the men are all warmed with Drambouie. Ah yes, watermelon seed spitting does sound a bit more equal opportunity; though, I'm not sure we grow watermelons with seeds anymore. 
Oh guys, it was tough at work, yet another group of people with no chairs, silverware, plates or toilet paper....




> Can I crash your party? I can bring a friend!
> 
> 
> 
> and I can supply a novelty act. If you don't like it we can put in the burgers.


Wow Hawkman, where did you did up my mother in law from, I thought she had passed. 




> Haha!
> I wonder which head calls the shots when a hungry lion is hot on your hoofs?
> 
> .....
> 
> Now this next item is truly worthy of its own thread, but I figured it would fit in fine here and besides, it gives us even more reason to celebrate...
> 
> According to Wikipedia under "On This Day" in history category we have three events we must bring attention to:
> 
> ...


Well, in my experience, with most big things, the head is never calling the shots. Ah let's celebrate Dear Henry and the Twins...kind of lost in American history. 



> Hawkman's in! (with friends) Bienvendidos amigo.
> 
> Silent, we've gotta get Harris on board for the hoedown. It just won't be the same without him.
> 
> Update: We've had a minor setback in the preparations. Lefty was on his way from Alabama in his truck when:
> 
> 
> 
> First let me say that Lefty's okay. He's complaining about a ringing in his ears, but otherwise he didn't get a scratch. He says it'll be a while before he gets his truck running again, and it looks like we'll to have to find our fireworks for the shindig elsewhere. 
> ...


Was it lefty that got that pole blown into the top of his head, has plenty of fire power, just can't remember where he left it.




> Alas, I too lack the equipment for the peeing contest...which is a pity, for my large bladder does have a long duration. Now, if there is an event of how often you have to go, my mom and I--I am certain--will leave you fellows in the dust. I think we have an advantage there being girls, who for some reason, were designed to constantly have to run to the bathroom. Maybe the powers that be believed we needed an excuse to powder our noses.
> 
> I used to be quite good at drinking liquids and blowing them out my nose, which earned me some fame in my grade school days. However, I once tried to do it with a Coca-cola, and that was painful.
> 
> I should mention that my invisible friend has decided to crash the party. If you guys see me talking to myself, I assure you I am not having a psychotic break...I'm just talking to my invisible friend. However, for the other guests who don't quite know me, can you just tell them I have Bluetooth so I don't get a reputation.


I don't know if I'd let her invisible friend come to the party, he's totally out of control. He is always telling jokes when I walk naked from the shower to my room.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Seeing as some people seem to be careless with matches, Silent Mute's bladder might come in handy if the local fire department aren't on hand!


I always say, there is a South park for every occasion. 
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clip...-their-teacher

----------


## prendrelemick

Ok, ok enough is enough. I don't want to be a wet blanket but this party is beginning to sound a little dangerous - fire, guns, explosives, alcohol,high velocity melon seeds.

I think we are going to need the emergency services in attendance.

----------


## Hawkman

I'm all for the dancing girls, but don't let the Hoff sing!  :Biggrin: 

*Sound:* Well the idea was ok, the kids just didn't have big enough bladders  :Biggrin: 

and by the way, which one is your Mother in law? If we're dealing with reincarnation here it could be hard to tell, but I can tell you that the giraffe is a bull, cause I checked. Can't say for certain about the two-headed zebra.  :Wink: 

Is there any chance we can book ZZ Top? the way they spin their instruments is soooo cooool!

----------


## SilentMute

Tell David Hasselhoff to come in his cool car Kitt...oh, wait, wrong series. And absolutely under no circumstances do we allow him to sing. He was cute in his day and had a neat car, but not a great singer.

----------


## Hawkman

We could just invite the car  :Biggrin:

----------


## Sancho

> How come I get the idea that Lake Idiot was developed by someone who was really into belated Planned Parenthood?


I watched a game of Lake Idiot once where the tables were turned. The idiot donned a football helmet (hard plastic, American-style Football helmet) and started aiming his head at the cannonballers. It never occurred to me until that moment that somebody could actually change their trajectory in flight. Those who couldn't suffered a few of broken ribs. What a game.




> ...Was it lefty that got that pole blown into the top of his head, has plenty of fire power, just can't remember where he left it...


That was Phineas Gage, Lefty's great grandpappy. Phineas was a demolitions expert for the railroad. One day he was basting rock when a charge went off prematurely, driving a metal rod through his cheek and out the top of his head, taking his left eye and much of his frontal lobe with it. He survived. In fact, I don't think he even lost consciousness. He did have dramatic personality change afterwards though. < That's a true story (except for the Lefty part)




> Ok, ok enough is enough. I don't want to be a wet blanket but this party is beginning to sound a little dangerous - fire, guns, explosives, alcohol,high velocity melon seeds.
> 
> I think we are going to need the emergency services in attendance.


Safety's for sissies. Unless, of course,the first responders are wearing a red spandex one-piece.

Help! Help! I'm in need of assistance!

----------


## islandclimber

> I'm all for the dancing girls, but don't let the Hoff sing!


You mean no Hooked On a Feeling? If we could get a reenactment of this video it might be worth it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

----------


## prendrelemick

> That was Phineas Gage, Lefty's great grandpappy. Phineas was a demolitions expert for the railroad. One day he was basting rock when a charge went off prematurely, driving a metal rod through his cheek and out the top of his head, taking his left eye and much of his frontal lobe with it. He survived. In fact, I don't think he even lost consciousness. He did have dramatic personality change afterwards though. < That's a true story (except for the Lefty part)



Then there was his maternal Uncle ol' Hop-along-one-eyed-stumpy-the-eunuch.

----------


## prendrelemick

> You mean no Hooked On a Feeling? If we could get a reenactment of this video it might be worth it?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8


Respect to The Hoff! That could be the greatest music vid I've ever seen

----------


## Sancho

> Then there was his maternal Uncle ol' Hop-along-one-eyed-stumpy-the-eunuch.


"Lucky," for short.

As for Hoff's video, I can do the Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-Shakas

----------


## The Atheist

This party's going to be so good I think even Hoff singing couldn't dampen it. We can always use him as the first target at Lake Idiot anyway. With all the alcohol about, he'll be drunk after the first half hour anyway.




> Oh guys, it was tough at work, yet another group of people with no chairs, silverware, plates or toilet paper....


You can stay for whole duration; you sound like you could do with a week of relaxation, debauchery & booze.

And gentlemen.





> Is there any chance we can book ZZ Top? the way they spin their instruments is soooo cooool!


Now we're talking!

The watermelon-seed spitting will get them along for sure.

I've booked Muse for the last night. 

(I'm not sure buying copious fireworks is a good idea right now!)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Ok, ok enough is enough. I don't want to be a wet blanket but this party is beginning to sound a little dangerous - fire, guns, explosives, alcohol,high velocity melon seeds.
> 
> I think we are going to need the emergency services in attendance.


"Help, help, my leg is cramping up.
Please hurry...oh and send one of the girls"
...

"Are you OK?"
"No, my leg is cramped, I can't swim."
"Your going to be OK, can you still use your hands?"
"Oh yessss"
"Good, just grab on to me, anywhere your able to hold on tight"
"Anywhere?...yes ma'am!

(aside) - tomorrow, I'll feign jelly fish attack hehe

----------


## prendrelemick

> "Help, help, my leg is cramping up.
> Please hurry...oh and send one of the girls"
> ...
> 
> 
> (aside) - tomorrow, I'll feign jelly fish attack hehe




Yup, dangerous place, the hot-tub.

----------


## prendrelemick

> This party's going to be so good I think even Hoff singing couldn't dampen it. We can always use him as the first target at Lake Idiot anyway. With all the alcohol about, he'll be drunk after the first half hour anyway.
> 
> 
> 
> You can stay for whole duration; you sound like you could do with a week of relaxation, debauchery & booze.
> 
> And gentlemen.
> 
> 
> ...


ZZ Top, The Hoff's car and Muse are all fine, But for heavens sake nobody book Coldplay! It's a party not a funeral.

----------


## SilentMute

Oh, it never occurred to me to just invite the cars!

As for all the guys who are already in need of CPR...remember, there were guys on Baywatch too (like the Hoff). They might wind up coming to your aide first. :Tongue:

----------


## Sancho

Well then, if we're inviting cars, I'm inviting Hunter S. Thompson's Shark - a candy-apple red, 1971 Chevy Impala Convertible.



Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
---H.S.T.

----------


## MarkBastable

Hello chaps,

I've not been about much, and here's why....

http://www.online-literature.com/for...42#post1215442

I shall do my best to come in for a pint a little more frequently now that I've got that out there - but these days it's necessary to go on a virtual tour of the webverse to promote these things, so I'm all over the place, kissing babies and opening supermarkets.

I'll have a lager top and egg'n'chips though, please, while I'm here.

MB

----------


## prendrelemick

You never ring, you don't call, then out of the blue..


Once I get over my pointless and half-hearted boycott of Amazon, Google and Starbucks (as a protest agin their aggressive tax avoidance) I shall be downloading a copy. 

( I only boycott them when I don't want coffee, books or info.)

----------


## prendrelemick

> Well then, if we're inviting cars, I'm inviting Hunter S. Thompson's Shark - a candy-apple red, 1971 Chevy Impala Convertible.
> 
> 
> 
> Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
> ---H.S.T.


Does it talk? Can it do turbo boost jumps?

----------


## Sancho

Who needs a turbo charger when you've got 402 cubic inches? And who needs a car that can talk when you've got one that makes you see things?

"Jesus, bad waves of paranoia, madness, fear and loathing - intolerable vibrations in this place. Get out. The weasels were closing in. I could smell the ugly brutes."
--Raoul Duke

----------


## SilentMute

Nice to see you again, Mark. Congrats on the book!

Sancho...as for the car making you see things...I hope you mean scenery--and it isn't that you are getting smashed on car fumes.

Some of the horrible smells one smells on the road. I swear sometimes people are using cooking oil for gasoline. I believe that you can do this...but I get the idea they are using USED cooking oil, which I don't think you are supposed to do.

----------


## soundofmusic

[


> Ok, ok enough is enough. I don't want to be a wet blanket but this party is beginning to sound a little dangerous - fire, guns, explosives, alcohol,high velocity melon seeds.
> 
> I think we are going to need the emergency services in attendance.


Wow, I didn't realize how pretty the other girls were...I wonder why we got so distracted by Pams assessories...I didn't know the guys from "Jersey Shore" were on Bay Watch...



> I'm all for the dancing girls, but don't let the Hoff sing! 
> 
> *Sound:* Well the idea was ok, the kids just didn't have big enough bladders 
> 
> and by the way, which one is your Mother in law? If we're dealing with reincarnation here it could be hard to tell, but I can tell you that the giraffe is a bull, cause I checked. Can't say for certain about the two-headed zebra. 
> 
> Is there any chance we can book ZZ Top? the way they spin their instruments is soooo cooool!


NO, I'm pretty sure that was my mother-in-law, exactly the way she looked, mouth and everything...and yes, pretty sure she was a bull.




> Tell David Hasselhoff to come in his cool car Kitt...oh, wait, wrong series. And absolutely under no circumstances do we allow him to sing. He was cute in his day and had a neat car, but not a great singer.


I'm still trying to figure if he talks with a lisp...By all means, bring Kit; but I think his voice died a while back




> We could just invite the car


Better...




> I watched a game of Lake Idiot once where the tables were turned. The idiot donned a football helmet (hard plastic, American-style Football helmet) and started aiming his head at the cannonballers. It never occurred to me until that moment that somebody could actually change their trajectory in flight. Those who couldn't suffered a few of broken ribs. What a game.
> 
> 
> 
> That was Phineas Gage, Lefty's great grandpappy. Phineas was a demolitions expert for the railroad. One day he was basting rock when a charge went off prematurely, driving a metal rod through his cheek and out the top of his head, taking his left eye and much of his frontal lobe with it. He survived. In fact, I don't think he even lost consciousness. He did have dramatic personality change afterwards though. < That's a true story (except for the Lefty part)
> 
> 
> 
> Safety's for sissies. Unless, of course,the first responders are wearing a red spandex one-piece.
> ...


Ah, the first lobotomy... No please, don't want to see Hass in red spandex; see enough of that on Florida beaches...





> You mean no Hooked On a Feeling? If we could get a reenactment of this video it might be worth it?
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8


Liked BJ better on this...cool video thoughhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dbg0Y638TKg




> Then there was his maternal Uncle ol' Hop-along-one-eyed-stumpy-the-eunuch.


Poor Mrs Stumpy...




> "Lucky," for short.
> 
> As for Hoff's video, I can do the Ooga-Ooga-Ooga-Shakas


I recommend Sancho, I've heard his Oogas...didn't you work with Tarzan for a while




> This party's going to be so good I think even Hoff singing couldn't dampen it. We can always use him as the first target at Lake Idiot anyway. With all the alcohol about, he'll be drunk after the first half hour anyway.
> 
> 
> 
> You can stay for whole duration; you sound like you could do with a week of relaxation, debauchery & booze.
> 
> And gentlemen.
> 
> 
> ...


For sure, and I'm about to go back in this weekend...somebody hand me a drink....




> Well then, if we're inviting cars, I'm inviting Hunter S. Thompson's Shark - a candy-apple red, 1971 Chevy Impala Convertible.
> 
> 
> 
> Buy the ticket. Take the ride.
> ---H.S.T.


Pretty car...Reminds me of the day




> Hello chaps,
> 
> I've not been about much, and here's why....
> 
> http://www.online-literature.com/for...42#post1215442
> 
> I shall do my best to come in for a pint a little more frequently now that I've got that out there - but these days it's necessary to go on a virtual tour of the webverse to promote these things, so I'm all over the place, kissing babies and opening supermarkets.
> 
> I'll have a lager top and egg'n'chips though, please, while I'm here.
> ...


Just in time for the picnic Mark, can't wait to read the book.

----------


## The Atheist

> Wow, I didn't realize how pretty the other girls were...I wonder why we got so distracted by Pams assessories...


You know, I never rated her and still don't.

I can think of a thousand better-looking women immediately. If she comes, she can sit with Hoff in the corner bar.

In fact, I think I'll get Parker to screen the place off a wee bit, so all the unwelcome guests can sit way out in the back garden room. The place has been over-run by geraniums in the last couple of years, so is about right for a bunch of blow-hard, no-talent bums.

You, my dear, have any damn table you like! I'm getting it all set up for you ready for when you finish the Weekend shift. I can arrange for tightly-clad young men to serve you..... drinks, if you like.

----------


## The Atheist

> ZZ Top, The Hoff's car and Muse are all fine, But for heavens sake nobody book Coldplay! It's a party not a funeral.


No chance.

I'm going to start a music list below.




> Oh, it never occurred to me to just invite the cars!



There's another great idea! We've got the music coming, I'll start a list of cars as well.




> Hello chaps,
> 
> I've not been about much, and here's why....


Good luck with that!

How are sales so far?

----------


## The Atheist

Music.

Open to suggestions here, and as Mick has banned Coldplay, I'll add in U2*, any singer under 25, aside from Adele as people that may not be invited.

Other than that, I will add in both The Pogues - if MacGowan is ablt to be sobered up enough to sing, and Mumford & Sons, to whom I've wanted to drink beer for some time. They've got an amazing sound.

We've got about 299 hours of mujsic to fill, so bring them on!

----------


## The Atheist

Cars.

So far, we have KITT, and Hunter S Thompson's Shark.

I'll add in Bumblebee from Transformers and the Dodge from Vanishing Point. The original movie, that is.

Anything under V8 will be suspect, and Italian cars highly suspect.

Oh, and the Vanquish from the latest Bond film - that one's definitely in. Sterling Moss' Jag? I'll take votes on that.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Music.
> 
> Open to suggestions here, and as Mick has banned Coldplay, I'll add in U2*, any singer under 25, aside from Adele as people that may not be invited.
> 
> Other than that, I will add in both The Pogues - if MacGowan is ablt to be sobered up enough to sing, and Mumford & Sons, to whom I've wanted to drink beer for some time. They've got an amazing sound.
> 
> We've got about 299 hours of mujsic to fill, so bring them on!


Here's a few we can toss in:

"No Show Jones" (RIP George - passed away today)... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onfce-UNmmE

Bowie and Bauhaus:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQ-S6njQQw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoE_HcpzrBI





> Cars.
> 
> So far, we have KITT, and Hunter S Thompson's Shark.
> 
> I'll add in Bumblebee from Transformers and the Dodge from Vanishing Point. The original movie, that is.
> 
> Anything under V8 will be suspect, and Italian cars highly suspect.
> 
> Oh, and the Vanquish from the latest Bond film - that one's definitely in. Sterling Moss' Jag? I'll take votes on that.


Don't forget Herbie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unXUq2xWT8c

.

----------


## The Atheist

Yes to both Bowie & Bauhaus, and I'll add in OMD as well. I've been to many concerts in my time, and they're still the best.

And yes to Herbie! (Especially if he can bring that Lindsay Lohan girl along - I could take her under my wing or something.)

----------


## MarkBastable

I'm going to have to veto OMD. If you look at the fine print of the constitution - which is written on a beermat now preserved in marrowjelly in a jar beside the pickled eggs - you'll see that I am entitled to do so under the provision by which profoundly considered critical assessment ("...what a couple of talentless Scouse wankers...") trumps 80s nostalgia ("....I got laid because I had a shirt like the one with the curly hair...").

However, I'll second the blackballing of U2, and I'll raise you Simple Minds. 

I'd like this lot to be there...




Apart from that being just about the best dumb popsong ever written, it was always considered, as you can tell from the video, a "blokes' song" - hence that dance with the shoulders, where we lads could have an unselfconscious relaxed time in a manly, all-chaps-together sort of way, enjoying masculine fellowship and goodhearted, healthy rough-and-tumble, with absolutely no implication of anything untoward, and certainly without the slightest sense that if any of us had even a slim chance of pulling a bird there's no way we'd be wasting time dancing with each other like that.

As for cars, I'd nominate this one....



..and this one...



..and this one...



...but mostly this one....

----------


## prendrelemick

> Music.
> 
> Open to suggestions here, and as Mick has banned Coldplay, I'll add in U2*, any singer under 25, aside from Adele as people that may not be invited.
> 
> Other than that, I will add in both The Pogues - if MacGowan is ablt to be sobered up enough to sing, and Mumford & Sons, to whom I've wanted to drink beer for some time. They've got an amazing sound.
> 
> We've got about 299 hours of mujsic to fill, so bring them on!


I was hoping we could book Paloma Faith, I mean, I've never seen her sing or anything, but my unhealthy obsession with her is coming along nicely.

----------


## islandclimber

> Music.
> 
> Open to suggestions here, and as Mick has banned Coldplay, I'll add in U2*, any singer under 25, aside from Adele as people that may not be invited.
> 
> Other than that, I will add in both The Pogues - if MacGowan is ablt to be sobered up enough to sing, and Mumford & Sons, to whom I've wanted to drink beer for some time. They've got an amazing sound.
> 
> We've got about 299 hours of mujsic to fill, so bring them on!


I think The Pogues jamming with Gogol Bordello might be rather fantastic. Imagine, Shane MacGowan and Eugene Hutz on stage together. Wild, crazy, drunken, magic. 

This: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kfVsGapy5vQ

with this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYE8Vjih2cs

Yes. This. We need it.

----------


## Hawkman

*Mark:* Oh dear! I've spent nearly my whole life trying to forget 70's fashion! I think I'll probably have to agree with you when it comes to OMD though. Very dreary and angst ridden. Not in the least appropriate to a Hoe Down  :Biggrin:  What we need is the Soggy Bottom Boys! We might regret it if we invite these guys though.

Now about those cars...

I'm definitely inviting 



Although the characters in it are definitely on the list to play Lake Idiot. I mean, it's such a poignant image, the last few bubbles coming up around the soggy masks floating on the surface and then the slow submergence of those capes...

This one's definitely got something  :Biggrin: 



As indeed does this one



Ok, So this may not actually be a car, but it has a certain charm...  :Wink:

----------


## Sancho

Just in case we need to take this shebang mobile, I've rounded up Ken Kesey's _Further_ Bus:



Now we just need a few psychoactive supplements.




> ...I've spent nearly my whole life trying to forget 70's fashion! I think I'll probably have to agree with you when it comes to OMD though. Very dreary and angst ridden. Not in the least appropriate to a Hoe Down  What we need is the Soggy Bottom Boys! We might regret it if we invite these guys though...


Concerning the 70s, I agree, Hawk - tackiest decade in human history.

As for the Deliverance clip - "Paddle faster. I hear banjo music." Or as Jeff Foxworthy quipped during the '96 Olympics in Atlanta, "Better not have the bicycling competition up on the Chattahoochee. I mean, Burt Reynolds couldn't even make it up there. How'd'ya expect a Frenchman in tights to do?" (something along those lines, anyway)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

This is turning into some kind of hootenanny!
Fellas dancin shoulder to shoulder, bordellos, 70's kitsch...


Thirty coats of lacquer black as the night
How about one that comes with its own song... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EboexI0JbiQ






The Family Truckster:
Im not tired, are you kidding? I could go another hundred miles... http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=...0&feature=fvwp





Acme Pool Service ...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSiqYWsFXoM

----------


## MarkBastable

I take it all back. The Munster car is a shoo-in, as long as I never again have to hear that truly appalling, too-crap-even-to-be-funny song.

----------


## Calidore

I vote for the Mad Max Interceptor (a.k.a. a 1973 XB GT Ford Falcon Coupe):



...which has recently received a truly badass update:

----------


## The Atheist

The Mad Max car - you bet! (My current car is a late-model, close relative of that car.)

I am disappointed by the Philistines who don't like OMD. Enola Gay and Maid of Orleans are recognised almost universally as two of the great pieces of music to come out of Britain. On the other hand, some of their pop is the best party music ever. If there are any more complaints about OMD, I have Spandau Ballet, ABC and ABBA waiting for an invite. (that they most certainly will not otherwise get!)

Luckily, I will just ignore the deniers and OMD will be playing. People who don't like them may utilise that time to attend to meetings with David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson in the Outer Garden Room.

Also, we're getting too many cars and not enough music.

I'm going to add in Keef - not the rest of the Stones, just him. He can play guitar for us late one night. I'm getting Parker to lay in an extra crate or three of Johnny Walker Black Label for him. 

I've also booked Hunters & Collectors for the buffet on May 3rd.

----------


## SilentMute

I need to protest inviting Lindsey Lohan! Do not tell me that people find her attractive! I think you guys are already starting early on the drinking!

As for music, what about Shakira? She can bellydance! I don't always like her songs, but the bellydancing can be hypnotic!

As for the cars, I'd say we have a fine list being drawn up. Heck, I might even dress up a little more than I was planning to--a shirt that doesn't have spaghetti stains and clothes that actually match!

----------


## Calidore

> I need to protest inviting Lindsey Lohan! Do not tell me that people find her attractive! I think you guys are already starting early on the drinking!


I have to agree here. Why go to the trouble of assembling cool cars and cool music and then bring embarrassing guests? 




> Heck, I might even dress up a little more than I was planning to--a shirt that doesn't have spaghetti stains and clothes that actually match!


Well, no need for overkill.

----------


## MarkBastable

> Enola Gay and Maid of Orleans are recognised almost universally as two of the great pieces of music to come out of Britain.


This serves to confirm me in my conviction that we each live in a universe of our own devising.




> I'm going to add in Keef - not the rest of the Stones, just him. He can play guitar for us late one night. I'm getting Parker to lay in an extra crate or three of Johnny Walker Black Label for him.


I think he's more for Jack than Johnnie. Then again, I don't think he cares that much.

----------


## The Atheist

> I need to protest inviting Lindsey Lohan! Do not tell me that people find her attractive! I think you guys are already starting early on the drinking!


Shhhhh!

I was hoping to sneak her in the back door without anyone noticing.

I have a thing for bad girls.




> As for music, what about Shakira? She can bellydance! I don't always like her songs, but the bellydancing can be hypnotic!


Shakira's fine & the bellydancing will be a nice change from the Morris Dance group Parker has coming along.

----------


## The Atheist

> This serves to confirm me in my conviction that we each live in a universe of our own devising.


I'll admit to being biased thanks to a great night out with McCluskey once upon an age ago.




> I think he's more for Jack than Johnnie. Then again, I don't think he cares that much.


You're right of course - shocking error. I never think of bourbon because I can't stand the stuff. Maybe we can convince Keef to change his ways. He gave up blow after 30 years, he can change booze after 50.

----------


## SilentMute

Ah, well, it turns out all my clothes have stains on them...some of them are rather embarrassing, and I have no idea what they are. :Ack2: 

Well, do you think the cars would like a shirt that has Rustoleum paint stains on it? I got them from painting my mom's car. Or do you think such chique cars are going to look their nose down at Rustoleum stains?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ....BTW, this is Bean (that's really her name), and that is Bean's Ball:
> ...
> 
> Good Food, Good Music, Good Friends, and Great Fun.





> ...Well, do you think the cars would like a shirt that has Rustoleum paint stains on it? I got them from painting my mom's car. Or do you think such chique cars are going to look their nose down at Rustoleum stains?


Stained shirts won't hurt the Beverly Hillbillie's car- see album cover below.

I was in the mood to write a short story...

*Sancho’s Shindig - a short story with southern seasonings and Pa; a man blessed with an accent somewhere north of Hadrian’s Wall*

“Jethro, bettuh com’n din from an loft witchuh clawhammer . Granny’s uh comin from La La land out there on the left coast an she bring’n her pot!”
“Umm doggies Pa we’re gunna be float’n on clouds agin?”
“Not that kind of pot you worthless pile of chaff, I aim to be talk’n uhbowter vittles pot.”
“We’re all going down to Sancho’s farm….

(Pa pauses for a moment, looks out the barn door toward the crick, his mind takes him to another time and place and quietly but involuntarily recites the following) 

I'm going on down to Yasgur's Farm, 
I'm gonna join in a rock and roll band. 
I'm gonna camp out on the land.
I'm gonna try and get my soul free. 
(Joni Mitchell)

“Whus tha Pa?”

“I don’t’t rightly know boy, I’m supposen my noggin took a stroll through old fields of Heather – right then, now come on down from an loft weedyuh 5 string - we have a heap ‘o eat’n an clawhammering to get at!”

The End

Granny's Vittles:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A7YxC6tpHI






Some fine claw hammerin by Steve Martin:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l31MSpojWTA

Wonderful tune for a Sunday morning (starts about 2:30)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bcO1svqh_Q

.

----------


## Paulclem

It's going to be a great party. 

How about Clapton and Cale for some live music? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5WUeOEkl270

Have we talked novelty acts before things liven up later on? 


Got a clown phobia? 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrGjwnH6nbY

Or we could go with something more conventional.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FBF2zJxpPY

Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------


## Sancho

Excellent story, Gill. I've always liked the clawhammer style. In fact I own an old open-back banjo that's got a chunky old-timey sound. It sounds better if you pick it with two fingers, Don Reno style. Mostly I use it to scare the cat.

The best way to listen to that kind of music is with a bare-foot hippie chick and a jug of sweet red wine at a music festival up in the Blue Ridge Mountains. I gar-un-tee.

I'm thinking this shebang-a-bang is getting big enough to run from Mayday through Cinco de Mayo. Aiy Chihuahua!

As for the Circ de Soleil acrobats, Paul, that clip was pretty cool, but can they play Lake Idiot?

----------


## prendrelemick

> Stained shirts won't hurt the Beverly Hillbillie's car- see album cover below.
> 
> I was in the mood to write a short story...
> 
> *Sanchos Shindig - a short story with southern seasonings and Pa; a man blessed with an accent somewhere north of Hadrians Wall*
> 
> Jethro, bettuh comn din from an loft witchuh clawhammer . Grannys uh comin from La La land out there on the left coast an she bringn her pot!
> Umm doggies Pa were gunna be floatn on clouds agin?
> Not that kind of pot you worthless pile of chaff, I aim to be talkn uhbowter vittles pot.
> ...



Whadaya mean The End!

That's a post in the fine liter-ity tradition of this thread.

----------


## The Atheist

> Ah, well, it turns out all my clothes have stains on them...some of them are rather embarrassing, and I have no idea what they are.
> 
> Well, do you think the cars would like a shirt that has Rustoleum paint stains on it? I got them from painting my mom's car. Or do you think such chique cars are going to look their nose down at Rustoleum stains?


No self-respecting car is going to look down its bumper at Rustoleum. Rust never sleeps. Shall we get Neil Young along? Not enough stoners, I'd have thought.




> It's going to be a great party. 
> 
> How about Clapton and Cale for some live music?


We can squeeze them in, I guess. Can't leave God out, can we? 




> Have we talked novelty acts before things liven up later on?


Hell yeah! We've already got Silent and the Belly Dancers - bring it on!

Starts in 28 hours, and I get first drinks. In fact. given the time difference, I'll be under the table before you start.

----------


## Hawkman

*Paul:* Well I'm all for Live music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_2njtHamIM

Bags I Alison Kraus though  :Biggrin:  I can't help wondering why NASA spent all that money on the Vomit Comet when all they needed for weightlessness training was a big see-saw with a couple of rings on the ends....

That clown is definitely the spawn of Satan!  :Devil: 

*Sancho:* Yeah, I got a banjo too. Clawhammer's a style I haven't mastered yet, but I can get by just pickin' (provided it isn't too complicated.) Wish I could find the tab for Ron Block's version of the above song.

----------


## SilentMute

I think we need some comedians definitely. After all, parties inevitably produce some tense situations when somebody--usually drunk--says something awkward. It might be nice if a comedian can diffuse the situation...and this one likes her booze.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1_wWJ-_4uSY

Of course, I don't know what we'll do if it is her that causes the situation, but....

----------


## Sancho

Haha, Wanda cracks me up.

So if we're bringing comedians, we gotta have Bill Burr. Here's Bill dissing Oprah and Lance:

http://youtu.be/O9YL04v-J5U

And since El Sancho's farm is in the South, here's Bill on Southern People:

http://youtu.be/HE3CHLx9Jdw 

Also, for music in the wee hours, I'm thinking we need to get Norah. Norah Jones, Easy Living:

http://youtu.be/u3S5rXpo47w

----------


## Sancho

> ...Yeah, I got a banjo too. Clawhammer's a style I haven't mastered yet, but I can get by just pickin' (provided it isn't too complicated.) Wish I could find the tab for Ron Block's version of the above song.


Hawk! Splendid! I knew there was at least one other person on this forum with the recessive banjo-gene. Bring your instrument. We're puttin' a band together.

----------


## MarkBastable

I can contribute guitar or, at a push, ukelele.



Also vocals, though in my experience what you need at the mike on these occasions is a groovy chick.

----------


## SilentMute

This girl may come cheaper than Cirque du Soleil and is just as entertaining:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1OcmeFb1bs

Of course, if you guys decide to play that game where you carry a cherry in your butt cheeks and try to plop it in a glass of beer...I hope you understand if I bet on her being better at it than you.

----------


## Hawkman

Now she's a fine bendy girl.  :Biggrin:  Do you think she'd be susceptible to the influence of a couple of bottles of the family's premier label meths? But hey, that's one hell of a cherry! 

Sancho: sure, I can bring it along. Always up for a jam...

----------


## soundofmusic

> You know, I never rated her and still don't.
> 
> I can think of a thousand better-looking women immediately. If she comes, she can sit with Hoff in the corner bar.
> 
> In fact, I think I'll get Parker to screen the place off a wee bit, so all the unwelcome guests can sit way out in the back garden room. The place has been over-run by geraniums in the last couple of years, so is about right for a bunch of blow-hard, no-talent bums.
> 
> You, my dear, have any damn table you like! I'm getting it all set up for you ready for when you finish the Weekend shift. I can arrange for tightly-clad young men to serve you..... drinks, if you like.


Thank you, Atheist, I think Pam will look perfect somewhere with Geraniums around her. I hear she plans to invite Tommy Lee, they'll probably be smoking the geraniums and drinking all the poor grade hooch with Lindsey Loohan...wait, did she break out of the clinic again? I will take that little blond bloke Mark put up with the snow falling on him...if he hasn't aged, that is. 




> Music.
> 
> Open to suggestions here, and as Mick has banned Coldplay, I'll add in U2*, any singer under 25, aside from Adele as people that may not be invited.
> 
> Other than that, I will add in both The Pogues - if MacGowan is ablt to be sobered up enough to sing, and Mumford & Sons, to whom I've wanted to drink beer for some time. They've got an amazing sound.
> 
> We've got about 299 hours of mujsic to fill, so bring them on!


I love coldplay! Oh and Gweneth Paltrows little bloke...what's his name? 




> Here's a few we can toss in:
> 
> "No Show Jones" (RIP George - passed away today)... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Onfce-UNmmE
> 
> Bowie and Bauhaus:
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBQ-S6njQQw
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoE_HcpzrBI
> ...


You mean George only just died, I'm always amazed how long these folks lived. I just saw Maggie Smith in some soap one of the lit ladies turned me on to...I thought sure she had passed along after the HP series. 




> I'm going to have to veto OMD. If you look at the fine print of the constitution - which is written on a beermat now preserved in marrowjelly in a jar beside the pickled eggs - you'll see that I am entitled to do so under the provision by which profoundly considered critical assessment ("...what a couple of talentless Scouse wankers...") trumps 80s nostalgia ("....I got laid because I had a shirt like the one with the curly hair...").
> 
> However, I'll second the blackballing of U2, and I'll raise you Simple Minds. 
> 
> I'd like this lot to be there...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I'm surprised Lennons car didn't break down in rebellion for that wild paint job. 




> *Mark:* Oh dear! I've spent nearly my whole life trying to forget 70's fashion! I think I'll probably have to agree with you when it comes to OMD though. Very dreary and angst ridden. Not in the least appropriate to a Hoe Down  What we need is the Soggy Bottom Boys! We might regret it if we invite these guys though.
> 
> Now about those cars...
> 
> I'm definitely inviting 
> 
> 
> 
> Although the characters in it are definitely on the list to play Lake Idiot. I mean, it's such a poignant image, the last few bubbles coming up around the soggy masks floating on the surface and then the slow submergence of those capes...
> ...


Love the batmobile, but leave anne home, I don't need any ingénue competition. 




> Just in case we need to take this shebang mobile, I've rounded up Ken Kesey's _Further_ Bus:
> 
> 
> 
> Now we just need a few psychoactive supplements.
> 
> 
> 
> Concerning the 70s, I agree, Hawk - tackiest decade in human history.
> ...


[

----------


## Sancho

> I can contribute guitar or, at a push, ukelele.
> 
> 
> 
> Also vocals, though in my experience what you need at the mike on these occasions is a groovy chick.


The band is really coming together now. As we speak, Sancho's old lady is feverishly setting up the sound stage (actually what she's doing is sweeping out the hay loft). I've gassed up the generator so's we can power up a couple of Marshall Stacks (I figure there's no reason the whole county shouldn't enjoy the music). And the warm-up band is out there right now testing the equipment:

http://youtu.be/eZ7W9yG7InQ 

^ they try so hard

Anyway, with what we've got so far, we're gonna need somebody to play the low stuff. Does anybody here have a big bass fiddle, or a baritone sax, or a tuba, or something. That reminds me: a horn section would be good. As it stands right now, all I've got is my neighbor Duane who says he'll bring his kazoo. Also, does anyone here play piano? I've got an old upright that I won with a straight-flush in a cathouse near Reno a while back, but I don't know how to play it. < Okay, that's a fib. I just thought it sounded good. I do own an electronic Yamaha Keyboard, though, but the only regular use it gets is by the cat, who likes to walk across keys every morning around 3am. (She's probably getting me back for chasing her around the house with my banjo.)

Hawk, some of most fun I've ever had in my life is during impromptu jam sessions with total strangers. Something will click and it all seems to work, regardless of the odd mix of regular and improvised musical instruments. Alcohol helps.

----------


## The Atheist

> I love coldplay! Oh and Gweneth Paltrows little bloke...what's his name?


Oh, we can do a deal there! You have him and I'll have her.




> I've got an old upright that I won with a straight-flush in a cathouse near Reno a while back, but I don't know how to play it....
> 
> Hawk, some of most fun I've ever had in my life is during impromptu jam sessions with total strangers. Something will click and it all seems to work, regardless of the odd mix of regular and improvised musical instruments. Alcohol helps.


Gold!

I'm tired and it's only been the first night.

A jam session sounds just right for later.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Paul, the clown is quite unsettling.
For a novelty act, I suggest we run back to the bar and get Evelyn Dall and her act to come on out.
Parker's had her billed for roughly 70 years now and still brings the house down.

Here she is performing at the bar a few years back.
Note: you can spot Parker at exactly 2:30 with Sounds and ?? standing in front of the bar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlNZF...eature=related

Sancho

I'll have my son join us with his violin, the only problem being, he's classically trained and this hoe down sounds like it requires a fiddle.



I'll grab the Yma Sumac and Arthur Lyman albums.
They are best at 3:33 AM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fdK-9NNSqME




.

----------


## MarkBastable

As an aside, I have never seen the attraction of any aspect of a circus. Just don't get it.

----------


## prendrelemick

At a distance, or as an abstract concept, I don't like circuses much either. But when I took the Grand kids to the Moscow State Circus, It was fantastic, I was ooing and ahhing all the way through, The Strongman act was this old geezer who gave a master class in how to work an audience, he was brilliant, and the clowns, who decided they were creepy? I haven't laughed so hard for years.

----------


## Hawkman

*Sancho:* So, you think we need a Bassist? No Problem, I can fill in after I've finished pickin' Fireball Mail. Of course, if you want me to entertain you with Foggy Mountain Breakdown or Man of Constant Sorrow I'll have to put it down again.  :Biggrin:  

The Hawk's string section...



As for the six-string; I hope you like The Irish Rover lol.

I've also got a complete set of penny whistles so if you need a little trilling I can pipe a jig or two.

*Atheist:* Yup, the wheels of a good jam are definitely better for a little oiling. I'll bring a crate of meths.  :Wink:

----------


## Sancho

^Sweet. So far we've got a couple of banjos, an electric bass, a uke', a fiddle (with a classically trained violinist), some guitars, a keyboard (with fur balls), and Duane's kazoo. I can bring a gourd-shaped mandolin that I acquired somewhere along the line. 

Hmmm, what to do about the rhythm section. By the way, Hawk, what is that thing on your bookshelf? It looks kinda like a hand grenade - and we could use a few percussion instruments.

Now all we need is a name for the band. Something badass, but in a clever sort of way. Not too clever though, or people will figure we're just a bunch of wise guys.

Ideas?

----------


## Hawkman

Yes, it is indeed a hand grenade. Unfortunately I've only got the one so if we wish to use it musically we'll have to save it for the big finale  :Biggrin:  as for the band name, how about The Frag 'em Boys? Kind of goes with the ornament  :Wink:

----------


## SilentMute

@soundsofmusic--We should keep the picture of Lennon's car. We can show it to Selena. No matter how bad of a job I do on her clear coat, she is not going to look like that.

@MarkBastable and prendelmick--Well, I can only speak from personal experience as to why I like circuses like Cirque de Soleil. As a kid, I was always sickly and not very physically graceful. I always liked to imagine I could do these physical feats. I'm also scared of heights, and so I was impressed by trapeze artists--and I liked to imagine myself fearlessly swinging like they did.

----------


## Calidore

> Yes, it is indeed a hand grenade. Unfortunately I've only got the one so if we wish to use it musically we'll have to save it for the big finale  as for the band name, how about The Frag 'em Boys? Kind of goes with the ornament


A hand grenade? I thought this was supposed to be a manly party. Tchaikovsky used cannons.

----------


## Sancho

Good point, Calidore. But you forget, we've got Gill coming in from Texas with truckload of high-grade fireworks that'll make Tchaikovsky's cannon fire sound like a cap gun. 

The Frag 'Em Boys. I like it. Here are a couple other ideas:

Grenades-N-Roses

It's getting warm around here and Duane (the kazoo player) is a big ole, sweaty fella. How about**:

The Sweat Grenades

----------


## Sancho

Sergeant Slaughter and the Frag-Time Fellows

Fragmentation Nation

>>We may not be on key, but we're close, and with hand grenades - close counts.

----------


## Hawkman

> A hand grenade? I thought this was supposed to be a manly party. Tchaikovsky used cannons.


Here's a little factoid for you, Just after the war, that'd be WWII, a British recording of the 1812 overture actually forsook cannon in favour of a .303 rifle fired into a dustbin and slowed down to 16 RPM. Sad but true  :Biggrin: 

Great suggestions there *Sancho*, I'm rather taken with Fragmentation Nation  :Biggrin:  Can't use Slaughter as it's perilously close to breach of copyright, on account of one of the characters in my latest short being called Slaughterman. 'Hatchet' Harry Slaughterman, aka Barnabus, Dean of Sleazeby Cathedral.  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

Can you tune handgrenades?

----------


## Hawkman

Yes, but only once!

----------


## MarkBastable

> Here's a little factoid for you, Just after the war, that'd be WWII, a British recording of the 1812 overture actually forsook cannon in favour of a .303 rifle fired into a dustbin and slowed down to 16 RPM. Sad but true.


What's sad about that?

----------


## Hawkman

Cheap + Artificial = Sad

QED

I'm all for heavy artillery.

----------


## The Atheist

Going great guns so far!

I can get the NZ Artillery to come along with blank rounds if the fireworks don't do the job.

They're not allowed to fire their heavy guns in the normal course of armying, and the only time they get to pull the lever is at events, so they're always available.

----------


## Sancho

^Perfect. I know a guy who can get us an MLRS battery:



Yeah, baby!

----------


## prendrelemick

Uncle Joe Stalin's organ pipes for some of that snappy syncopation.

----------


## prendrelemick

Uncle Joe Stalin's organ pipes for some of that snappy syncopation.


http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=ea7_1285696273

----------


## SilentMute

Okay, I have to ask since I am hearing so much about heavy artillery...you boys aren't buying these from terrorists are you? If that is the case, I don't think I should be hanging out with you.

Besides, I was too heavily influenced by the school assemblies (that was the word I was looking for earlier!) about how little kids blew off their appendages or their dog's mouth by playing with explosives.

----------


## Calidore

> ^Perfect. I know a guy who can get us an MLRS battery:
> 
> 
> 
> Yeah, baby!


Now that's more like it. You'll get bonus points if you launch them from the organ pipes.

----------


## Hawkman

> Okay, I have to ask since I am hearing so much about heavy artillery...you boys aren't buying these from terrorists are you? If that is the case, I don't think I should be hanging out with you.
> 
> Besides, I was too heavily influenced by the school assemblies (that was the word I was looking for earlier!) about how little kids blew off their appendages or their dog's mouth by playing with explosives.


Only the stupid ones. It's just Darwinian natural selection in progress. Actually I'd be happy just to watch a meteor shower, but it's always so cloudy down my way that I never get to see them. Now with half a dozen of ^those things I wouldn't have to worry about the weather.  :Biggrin:

----------


## MarkBastable

> Cheap + Artificial = Sad


No, no.

Inventive and pragmatic = Excellent.


Any idiot can record heavy artillery if they have a mike and some heavy artillery. 

It takes real genius to record heavy artillery if you have a mike and no heavy artillery.

----------


## Sancho

So then, day-1 of the 1st Annual Barn Dance, Barbecue, and Book Club SheBang-a-Bang went off without a hitch. What a gas! What a hoot!

Well okay, it was a little rainy. Oh yes, and in retrospect, it may have been a poor idea to set up the barbecue pit right next to the fireworks cache. But hey, now we have a mosh pit.

Woo-hoo, strike up the band!

----------


## Hawkman

> No, no.
> 
> Inventive and pragmatic = Excellent.
> 
> 
> Any idiot can record heavy artillery if they have a mike and some heavy artillery. 
> 
> It takes real genius to record heavy artillery if you have a mike and no heavy artillery.


Yes, but when you have a stockpile of munitions left over from a world war, and a whole battery of 25 pounder field guns at your disposal, electing to use a .303 rifle and a dustbin is definitely cheap and nasty! 

Sancho: well done comrade, a grand hootenanny enjoyed by one and all. I hope there'll be time tomorrow for some mock, or even real executions. Is there any chance you can lay on some gladiators? We could revive celebrity death match with real celebrities. I quite fancy seeing Jennifer Anniston taking on Mike Tyson  :Biggrin:

----------


## The Atheist

> Okay, I have to ask since I am hearing so much about heavy artillery...you boys aren't buying these from terrorists are you? If that is the case, I don't think I should be hanging out with you.


No, no, no.

We only source weaponry from 100% reputable arms salespeople - like the US Army!




> Actually I'd be happy just to watch a meteor shower, but it's always so cloudy down my way that I never get to see them.


We had the best meteor shower of all times during the summer. None quite the size of the Russian one recently, but a genuine shower of amazingly bright, long-lasting meteors. Thanks to the direction they were coming from, they appeared to be moving in slow motion.




> So then, day-1 of the 1st Annual Barn Dance, Barbecue, and Book Club SheBang-a-Bang went off without a hitch. What a gas! What a hoot!


This is why we're having a hangi tomorrow. A hangi is a Maori earth oven, pretty much the same as a luau. 

I've had a couple of mates get a couple of wild pigs for us to cook. Takes all day to prepare and cook. 

Got any decent river stones around your way? It's going to be hell to pay excess baggage on 500 lb of rocks!

----------


## MarkBastable

Cross-ref to thread concerning a thing I wrote for the Telegraph.


http://www.online-literature.com/for...t-e-publishing

----------


## soundofmusic

Found a good deal of catering and entertainment...she's not Shakira, but.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjTpe...ture=endscreen.

----------


## soundofmusic

Never quite get the Cirque De Sole...well, whatever they are called; I guess it's a bit too sophisticated for me. I took Silent to the Circus when she was a child, I found myself noticing the flies around the elephants and wondering when the costumes had last been laundered...oh, and the sexy horse riding lady had a thick bit of hair under her arm...

On a different note: 
Paul, did you do the job interview yet? 

Silent: I was thinking of putting a nice red bird on Selenas hood...

----------


## The Atheist

> Found a good deal of catering and entertainment...she's not Shakira, but.....


...there's plenty of her to go around!

----------


## Sancho

> ...This is why we're having a hangi tomorrow. A hangi is a Maori earth oven, pretty much the same as a luau. 
> 
> I've had a couple of mates get a couple of wild pigs for us to cook. Takes all day to prepare and cook. 
> 
> Got any decent river stones around your way? It's going to be hell to pay excess baggage on 500 lb of rocks!


We do indeed have river rocks here, A'.

And so, as pieces of pigs pleasantly popped and sizzled in the Polynesian cooker, the band took the stage. Guns, grenades, hi-grade fireworks, and heavy artillery bristled in the crowd and mood was turning ugly. The home-grown crooners were still deciding on what to call themselves, so the band taking the stage, naturally, was:

THE BLASTERS

The singer leaned his mic-stand in close to a Marshall stack, strictly for the electronic-feedback squeal it gave, strictly for attention-grabbing effect it produced. And then, as a hush fell over the crowd, the band absolutely massacred the key of G with an old Sonny Burgess tune:

http://youtu.be/acqtCttrBX8

And the crowd went wild - Sadie was definitely back in town.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Can you tune handgrenades?


You can tuna piano but you can't tuna fish.




> ...electing to use a .303 rifle and a dustbin is definitely cheap and nasty!


No worries, I'll grab my 1943 Smith Corona (30.06) she'll blow the bin out of the dust.




> Cross-ref to thread concerning a thing I wrote for the Telegraph....


I spotted your other thread, I'll take a gander. About to start chapter 7 btw.




> Found a good deal of catering and entertainment...she's not Shakira, but.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yjTpe...ture=endscreen.


Ha!
Sounds, remember Justin Wilson?
Now that guy could whip up a mess of fine vittles and tall tale to boot...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK4umRMJlrs

----------


## Paulclem

> Never quite get the Cirque De Sole...well, whatever they are called; I guess it's a bit too sophisticated for me. I took Silent to the Circus when she was a child, I found myself noticing the flies around the elephants and wondering when the costumes had last been laundered...oh, and the sexy horse riding lady had a thick bit of hair under her arm...
> 
> On a different note: 
> Paul, did you do the job interview yet? 
> 
> Silent: I was thinking of putting a nice red bird on Selenas hood...


Never liked circuses with animals - not that I'd been to many. 

Those Cirque De Soleil people- entertaining and disturbing and awesome. A fine combination without the tackiness of the circuses of old. 

No news about the job yet. They buggered up the online advert, and had to re-advertise it again. I've had mine submitted for three weeks now. We'll see. The longer it goes on, the less confident you feel.

----------


## Paulclem

The artillery looks fantastic. I used to fire pack howitzers in the Uni TA. Fantastic fun. You feel the pressure of it in the bridge of your nose, and you can watch the shell as it arcs away into the blue yonder.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We do indeed have river rocks here, A'.
> 
> And so, as pieces of pigs pleasantly popped and sizzled in the Polynesian cooker, the band took the stage.....


River rocks and "pigs pleasantly popping" led my mind to The Neanderthals with the world famous Pontani Sisters

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgHM98rfE28

Now I'm all worked up in a lather over the Pontani Sisters - I'm booking these gals for party.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpnmwTZUU7A

----------


## Sancho

Good Lord, what a party!

I'm not fully recovered yet. I think somebody used my head as a bongo drum. I'm not quite sure what was real and what wasn't. Life was but a dream, yada-yada-yada....

Sorry 'bout the weather. Last weekend we had more thunder showers at Sancho's Farm than we've had in a long-long time. But hey, like they say in the army: if it ain't raining - we ain't training. (Also, Sancho's Farm isn't really a farm - it's just a few acres on which Sancho and his old lady planted a some pecan trees, strictly for tax purposes.)

At any rate, the rain didn't stop the Lit-Net's garage band. _Fragmentation Nation_ brought down the house (or in this particular case, the barn). The final make-up of the band was: 3 guitars, a bass guitar, 2 banjos, a fiddle, a bull-bass fiddle, a trombone, a snare drum, some hand grenades, and a battery of 105mm Howitzers. 

Of course the rain didn't stop the Pontani Sisters from perfectly pulsating their pectorals and giving El Sancho a partial panic attack. 

The bean-ball challenge was a real hit. The North American team claimed victory, but then again, so did the British team. It was so muddy, it was hard to tell who was who. 

Speaking of The Bean -



She seemed to be saying, "Uh, I wouldn't do that if I were you, Sancho." You see, the mosh pit was so muddy that we didn't need to go down to the lake to play Lake Idiot - we played Mosh-Pit Idiot instead. We modified the original game by leaping into the mosh pit from the hay loft. It went okay. I think.

What a weekend. So where is the next Annual Barn-Dance Barbecue and Book Club Party going to be?

----------


## The Atheist

Good idea - once I recover from this one.

We must have more parties - I've been the busiest I've been in months the last couple of weeks!

Next time, a different theme is called for.

----------


## Sancho

Haha 

Good point, A', and I agree - More parties.

If this party had a theme, I think it must've been - being irresponsible.

----------


## The Atheist

Irresponsible?

Rock music at 5 am...... illegal, home-made fireworks.... firing live howitzers?

How's that irresponsible?

----------


## Paulclem

Agreed. So long as you point them the other way, then they'll probably be ok...

After "THE PARTY TO INCULCATE FURTHER FANTASTICAL PARTIES", this is somewhat tame, but it has a whimsical charm. 

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandsty...ars-experience

I thought I'd try to get my work colleagues to take it up, and we have developed a version clown tag, that is getting lumbered with a toy clown surreptitiously placedon your desk by the end of the day. We now have to try to spread the joy across our offices over the city. More strategic fun.

----------


## prendrelemick

Our cat plays a version of that - with dead things.

----------


## Paulclem

> Our cat plays a version of that - with dead things.


It's on a par with that intellectually.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I thought I'd try to get my work colleagues to take it up, and we have developed a version clown tag, that is getting lumbered with a toy clown surreptitiously placedon your desk by the end of the day. We now have to try to spread the joy across our offices over the city. More strategic fun.





> Our cat plays a version of that - with dead things.


Sounds like clowns have become a current trend in your life Paul. 
Over here it's those gotdang Gnomes popping up everywhere.




> ...Next time, a different theme is called for.


Actually, I was already toying with a Beatnik idea a couple of weeks ago.

“Crazy...hey big daddy”
“How are you Wilbur?”
“Like it don’t ever change Pete. I just keep swingin, creates a wild draft and I stay cool.”
“You remember Capri ?”

“…but this is the real chic all of it not just the crazy façade dig? :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g8W4wZVGnu4

.

----------


## prendrelemick

Straight from the fridge Daddy-o.

----------


## Hawkman

Now that sounds like a happening thing. I'm a rebel, but I don't yell, I just get up front and purr portentously into the mike... Cool  :Wink:

----------


## Paulclem

> Sounds like clowns have become a current trend in your life Paul. 
> Over here it's those gotdang Gnomes popping up everywhere.
> 
> 
> 
> .


Yeah - those crazy clowns. The clown tag thing was just coincidence.......or was it?.........

We, (the committee), went on an inspection of the allotment site today and noted the plots that needed tidying up, weren't cultivating 60% etc etc. 

I have to send myself a letter now, as mine needs some tidying.

----------


## The Atheist

All that partying - see where it gets you.

Degenerate!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Now that sounds like a happening thing. I'm a rebel, but I don't yell, I just get up front and purr portentously into the mike... Cool


Your "Rebel" is the grease that'll make the wheels roll 
when we all collect to free our soul 
and swing on Frankenstein's furrowed field, dig? 
(get it?- dig -furrowed field)





> Yeah - those crazy clowns. The clown tag thing was just coincidence.......or was it?.........
> 
> We, (the committee), went on an inspection of the allotment site today and noted the plots that needed tidying up, weren't cultivating 60% etc etc. 
> 
> I have to send myself a letter now, as mine needs some tidying.


As I alluded to above, I say we help our brother increase his yield by beating a path to Coventry and have an allotment party.
I'm bringing Phillpa Fallon (note Uncle Fester tickling the ivory) :

http://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=...ture=endscreen

----------


## soundofmusic

Sorry I was away for awhile guys, my dad died and I was feeling .... hum, sorry I had to visit my relatives...yep, that was it. He was an ornery old cuss who lived until he was 90, worked every day of his live, beat our tails even on Christmas until we were smart enough to move out.....good life....
Now, visiting the relatives....that is painful...Do you all have your daddies or crazy relatives? 




> Ha!
> Sounds, remember Justin Wilson?
> Now that guy could whip up a mess of fine vittles and tall tale to boot...
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK4umRMJlrs


I loved Justin, one time I made the mistake of following his recipe for Shrimp Gumbo...never had such a hot, greasy mess in my life...
one sip...it sure was a wonderfully flavorful hot greasy mess...heaven until the pain hit my stomach. 




> Never liked circuses with animals - not that I'd been to many. 
> 
> Those Cirque De Soleil people- entertaining and disturbing and awesome. A fine combination without the tackiness of the circuses of old. 
> 
> No news about the job yet. They buggered up the online advert, and had to re-advertise it again. I've had mine submitted for three weeks now. We'll see. The longer it goes on, the less confident you feel.


Yes, what is so disturbing about those people. 
I hate the way jobs do that now. What ever happened to the days when you went in and they hired you on the spot. 





> Good Lord, what a party!
> 
> I'm not fully recovered yet. I think somebody used my head as a bongo drum. I'm not quite sure what was real and what wasn't. Life was but a dream, yada-yada-yada....
> 
> Sorry 'bout the weather. Last weekend we had more thunder showers at Sancho's Farm than we've had in a long-long time. But hey, like they say in the army: if it ain't raining - we ain't training. (Also, Sancho's Farm isn't really a farm - it's just a few acres on which Sancho and his old lady planted a some pecan trees, strictly for tax purposes.)
> 
> At any rate, the rain didn't stop the Lit-Net's garage band. _Fragmentation Nation_ brought down the house (or in this particular case, the barn). The final make-up of the band was: 3 guitars, a bass guitar, 2 banjos, a fiddle, a bull-bass fiddle, a trombone, a snare drum, some hand grenades, and a battery of 105mm Howitzers. 
> 
> Of course the rain didn't stop the Pontani Sisters from perfectly pulsating their pectorals and giving El Sancho a partial panic attack. 
> ...


I'll tell you Sancho, I always wondered why I decided to stay down here and sweat 3/4 of the year and then get blown away by hurricanes the other 1/4; but our weather is starting to look pretty good compared to the rest of the US lately....
We are having some nice rain and winds. Maybe we should catch one of those cheap summer flights and stay with one of the blokes in the UK.

----------


## The Atheist

> Sorry I was away for awhile guys, my dad died and I was feeling .... hum, sorry I had to visit my relatives...yep, that was it. He was an ornery old cuss who lived until he was 90, worked every day of his live, beat our tails even on Christmas until we were smart enough to move out.....good life....
> Now, visiting the relatives....that is painful...Do you all have your daddies or crazy relatives?


Lost mine over 30 years ago.

But all my living relatives are crazy!

Good to see you back.

----------


## Sancho

Sorry to hear about your dad, Sounds.

Did ya ever see the movie, _No Time For Sergeants_? It's an old black-and-white film from the 50s. A very young Andy Griffith plays a country bumpkin who gets drafted into the Air Force - and has adventures. Anyway at one point he's taking a psychological test to see if he's mentally fit for the service (oddly enough the guy giving him the interview is played by Don Knotts)

Don - Your father...
Andy - Yes?
Don - Did he ever beat you?
Andy (grinning) - And how! Ain't nobody can beat like my Pa.
Don - So you hate your father.
Andy - No, of course not.

You know, not so long ago I was down in your neck of the woods visiting an uncle who was dying. He'd had an explosive heart attack out on a boat dock, but somebody did CPR on him and the EMTs got there quickly, so he wound up lasting a week or so at a hospital up in Stuart. It was just long enough for most of the family to get there to say goodby. So we're running around and squaring things away, picking up people down at the PBI airport, shuttling cars around, getting hotel rooms, making sure everybody knows what happened - the usual stuff. I remember thinking, hey, Sounds lives around here; I oughtta PM her and see if she wants to meet for coffee. Then I thought, nah, probably better to keep on-line personalities on-line.

By the way, I can sympathize with 3/4 year sweatiness. It's sweaty around Hot-lanta too. Everybody sweats. I'm looking at a glass of iced tea right now that's sweating on a coaster. You know, out west, cold drinks don't sweat. Strange but true. I didn't believe it myself until I saw it with my own eyes.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Lost mine over 30 years ago.
> 
> But all my living relatives are crazy!
> 
> Good to see you back.


Thanks, Atheist, It's good to be back. Yeah, a while back I decided to meet some of the relatives I hadn't seen since I was a kid to see if they grew up all right...wow, after meeting the rest of my family, I was surprised I turned out half sane. Wow, you lost your dad when you were a kid. Who was around to give you beatings haha. 




> Sorry to hear about your dad, Sounds.
> 
> Did ya ever see the movie, _No Time For Sergeants_? It's an old black-and-white film from the 50s. A very young Andy Griffith plays a country bumpkin who gets drafted into the Air Force - and has adventures. Anyway at one point he's taking a psychological test to see if he's mentally fit for the service (oddly enough the guy giving him the interview is played by Don Knotts)
> 
> Don - Your father...
> Andy - Yes?
> Don - Did he ever beat you?
> Andy (grinning) - And how! Ain't nobody can beat like my Pa.
> Don - So you hate your father.
> ...


It's funny, my dad really liked that movie and really liked Andy. I'll have to watch it again.
Well if you ever get down the Ft Lauderdale area, you be sure to give us a holler. Me and Silent would both love to meet you....
It's too bad we can't meet all the fellows around here. I think we are all a pretty nice group and I'm sure we would be the same in person. Well, as long as they aren't expecting me to look as sexy as my picture....I'm still sexy; but I've gained about 70 pounds and a lot of gray hair.

----------


## soundofmusic

> By the way, I can sympathize with 3/4 year sweatiness. It's sweaty around Hot-lanta too. Everybody sweats. I'm looking at a glass of iced tea right now that's sweating on a coaster. You know, out west, cold drinks don't sweat. Strange but true. I didn't believe it myself until I saw it with my own eyes.


It's been a bit better here lately, raining every day. Of course, I don't feel like doing anything when it rains.. Cold drinks don't sweat huh...I wonder if they do in England...how about it guys. I remember when I visited England, I was surprised how dry it was. I always feel sticky in South Florida, like I need to shower every time I wash dishes or sweep; there, I could walk a mile and feel fresh. 

Oh, Stuart is about 3 hours north of me, nice area though.

----------


## Sancho

Ah hah! For some reason I thought you were up near Palm Beach.

Anyway, I'm willing to bet that a glass of iced tea would sweat in England (that is, of course, if the English had the sense to ice their tea). It's got to do with temperature/dew-point spread. So if there's only a couple of degrees of difference between the air temp and the saturation point of the air, the glass will sweat. Out in the Mohave Desert where the temp can be 100 degrees Fahrenheit while the dew point is around 20 degrees, the glass won't sweat. I thought it was odd the first time I saw it. I assumed the drink wasn't cold because the glass didn't have dew on it. Weird. Around here when it's 85 degrees the dew point can be 82 - icky-sticky. "Good Lowered and Sweet Jaysus, Ah need a Mint Julep, Ah buleve Ah am gettin' tha vapors."

----------


## prendrelemick

Mad dogs and Englishmen drink their tea piping hot in summer and then THEY sweat.

----------


## soundofmusic

> Ah hah! For some reason I thought you were up near Palm Beach.
> 
> Anyway, I'm willing to bet that a glass of iced tea would sweat in England (that is, of course, if the English had the sense to ice their tea). It's got to do with temperature/dew-point spread. So if there's only a couple of degrees of difference between the air temp and the saturation point of the air, the glass will sweat. Out in the Mohave Desert where the temp can be 100 degrees Fahrenheit while the dew point is around 20 degrees, the glass won't sweat. I thought it was odd the first time I saw it. I assumed the drink wasn't cold because the glass didn't have dew on it. Weird. Around here when it's 85 degrees the dew point can be 82 - icky-sticky. "Good Lowered and Sweet Jaysus, Ah need a Mint Julep, Ah buleve Ah am gettin' tha vapors."


Laudy, I'm a bringin that Julep as fas as ah can....Well, don't understand a thing about dew points. All I know is that today, when I visited the laundry, my pants were stickin to my waist and other places I wont mention. Why do we have to have parts of our body that hang down and stick to other parts. Then, as we get older, even our eyelids and chins start hanging down....
Silent says we should move to a cold climate. 

You know, come to think of it, Stuart may only be an hour and a half...that's the Kennedys that live in Palm Beach, I live near the BeeGees...or where they used to live....on the wrong side of the railroad tracks from them. 
Between Miami and Ft Lauderdale....a stones throw from where the liquor store used to be where uncle Jimmy John shot himself...




> Mad dogs and Englishmen drink their tea piping hot in summer and then THEY sweat.


I hear hot tea keeps you cool; wouldn't know, I drink my tea in the a/c. 
Do you all drink anything cold? 

Well, I've just rented the downtown Abbey series and I've got my tissues next to me...ready to cry some more...You English have some great tv...

----------


## The Atheist

> Silent says we should move to a cold climate.


Brrrr. Whatever you do, don't do that.

One thing I have noticed is that tolerance for cold decreases with age. What you need to lose is the humidity.

That Mojave Desert sounds like the place!

----------


## Sancho

In my opinion, the deserts of the Southwestern United States are wonderful and beautiful places, also they are vicious and hazardous places. I've lived in the Mojave Desert in Southern California and in the Sonoran Desert in Arizona. 

The Mojave (Mo-HAH-vee) is mostly high-desert (3000 feet elevation, plus or minus) and consequently it tends to have cool evenings, even after blistering-hot days. For me it has a distinctive smell, particularly early in the morning. Once you experience it, you will never forget it. It's sort of tangy and sage-like and I think it comes from the creosote plants. I love the smell of the Mojave in the morning. Every once in a while the climate will hit a sweet spot and an entire hillside will cover itself in a carpet of desert flowers for a few days, yellow, blue, shades of purple, usually just one color at a time. The seeds may have been lying dormant for years, waiting for that magic combination of moisture and temperature to germinate, and then - voila - it's party-time.

The Mojave also is home to these little fellers:



The Mojave-Green Rattlesnake has a particularly potent venom, and as I understand it, their venom has a neurotoxin _and_ a hemotoxin. But what makes them especially dangerous is their aggressiveness. An Air Force Survival Instructor told me that the Mojave Green displays unusual behavior for a snake - it's territorial. So the hapless desert wanderer (or unfortunate downed pilot, crawling away from the wreckage) who happens to violate the Green's territory - will be attacked. 

I like a critter with gumption.

The Sonoran Desert by contrast is mostly low desert. I remember days in Tucson where it'd hit 120 degrees Fahrenheit in the afternoon and by midnight it'd only cooled down to a 100 or so. But as they say - "it's a dry heat." Even on the hottest days there, I never got sweaty. I sweated, but I was never sweaty; it evaporated too quickly. To me it felt prickly all over. Every pore of my body would perspire, but then would immediately evaporate, and a thousand tiny beads of sweat became a thousand tiny evaporative coolers and felt like a thousand little pin-pricks. 

At any rate, a good book about the Desert Southwest is: _Desert Solitaire_ by Ed Abbey. I'd go so far as to say it's a great book, one of El Sancho's favorites.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> l...Do you all have your daddies or crazy relatives?


Sorry to hear of your loss Sounds.
I lost both parents when somewhat young-mother in 1988 and dad in '91, but I still have my four older siblings and yes they/ we are crazy as evidenced by what I've shared over the past few years on here.





> ....You know, out west, cold drinks don't sweat. Strange but true. I didn't believe it myself until I saw it with my own eyes.


I've travelled west enough to confirm, except for that one time in Gallup New Mexico.
It was sometime back in the '70's we were eating at a diner off of Old Route 66 when a bus pulled up outside.
Sophia Loren walks in, my adolescent shorts started to dance, but what's more amazing was to see ice water glasses slipping from the patrons hands.

----------


## Sancho

> Sorry to hear of your loss Sounds.
> I lost both parents when somewhat young-mother in 1988 and dad in '91, but I still have my four older siblings and yes they/ we are crazy as evidenced by what I've shared over the past few years on here.
> 
> Kinda looks like she's trying to shmoosh 'em together to make one great big one. 
> 
> 
> I've travelled west enough to confirm, except for that one time in Gallup New Mexico.
> It was sometime back in the '70's we were eating at a diner off of Old Route 66 when a bus pulled up outside.
> Sophia Loren walks in, my adolescent shorts started to dance, but what's more amazing was to see ice water glasses slipping from the patrons hands.


Kinda looks like she's trying to shmoosh 'em together to make one great big one.

----------


## soundofmusic

QUOTE=The Atheist;1221577]Brrrr. Whatever you do, don't do that.

One thing I have noticed is that tolerance for cold decreases with age. What you need to lose is the humidity.

That Mojave Desert sounds like the place![/QUOTE]

The one nice thing about the cold is you can always put on more clothes....you can't get naked enough on a hot day. I wonder if a bit of cold might pick up some of the parts of me that gravity has dropped...I know my stomach used to be a bit higher. 
don't think I would like scooping snow off the roof though. 




> In my opinion, the deserts of the Southwestern United States are wonderful and beautiful places, also they are vicious and hazardous places. I've lived in the Mojave Desert in Southern California and in the Sonoran Desert in Arizona. 
> 
> The Mojave (Mo-HAH-vee) is mostly high-desert (3000 feet elevation, plus or minus) and consequently it tends to have cool evenings, even after blistering-hot days. For me it has a distinctive smell, particularly early in the morning. Once you experience it, you will never forget it. It's sort of tangy and sage-like and I think it comes from the creosote plants. I love the smell of the Mojave in the morning. Every once in a while the climate will hit a sweet spot and an entire hillside will cover itself in a carpet of desert flowers for a few days, yellow, blue, shades of purple, usually just one color at a time. The seeds may have been lying dormant for years, waiting for that magic combination of moisture and temperature to germinate, and then - voila - it's party-time.
> 
> The Mojave also is home to these little fellers:
> 
> 
> 
> The Mojave-Green Rattlesnake has a particularly potent venom, and as I understand it, their venom has a neurotoxin _and_ a hemotoxin. But what makes them especially dangerous is their aggressiveness. An Air Force Survival Instructor told me that the Mojave Green displays unusual behavior for a snake - it's territorial. So the hapless desert wanderer (or unfortunate downed pilot, crawling away from the wreckage) who happens to violate the Green's territory - will be attacked. 
> ...


Ah Sancho, where were you in my high school days...I can just imagine sitting in the back seat of my dads old Studebaker and you telling me about snakes and flowers....I think I would fall in love right then...
I seem to recall the smell of Creosote...what was that used for? 

Oh, by the way, the thing with the purple tongue...my older sister...yep, happened when I was looking over some of the family heirlooms...I didn't go back, even though I hear she gave big brother bubba a pair of daddies used shorts and little brother a broken timex....




> Sorry to hear of your loss Sounds.
> I lost both parents when somewhat young-mother in 1988 and dad in '91, but I still have my four older siblings and yes they/ we are crazy as evidenced by what I've shared over the past few years on here.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I've travelled west enough to confirm, except for that one time in Gallup New Mexico.
> It was sometime back in the '70's we were eating at a diner off of Old Route 66 when a bus pulled up outside.
> Sophia Loren walks in, my adolescent shorts started to dance, but what's more amazing was to see ice water glasses slipping from the patrons hands.


Sorry to hear you lost your parents early. I think it is hard to lose loved ones at any age; though hopefully, Silent will lose me before I start wearing diapers again...

Wow, are you putting us on, or did you really see Sophia? Hum, I wonder what gravity has done to her....has anyone seen Raquel Welch lately? 




> Kinda looks like she's trying to shmoosh 'em together to make one great big one.


You guys had any experience with the push up bras? I remember when I was a youngster, you could make anything look 3 times its size by putting a wire under it and pushing it together...trick was to buy it one size smaller.

----------


## Sancho

> Ah Sancho, where were you in my high school days...I can just imagine sitting in the back seat of my dads old Studebaker and you telling me about snakes and flowers....I think I would fall in love right then...


Mmm-hmm, what could'a been. Eh, Sounds? 'Cepting I think we should leave old Pappy's Studebaker in the garage and unleash the 360 very spirited ponies under the hood of El Sancho's ride:



You and me in a Candy-Apple Red, 1965 Rag-Top Pontiac GTO, and the whole town would'a been saying, "Uh-Oh, here comes trouble."

Aiy-aiy-aiy. Okay, so, now back to the discussion of the mechanical apparatus known as the push-up bra...

----------


## prendrelemick

I remember those front fastening ones.


Probably designed by a man who had a frustrating time as a hamfisted teenager.

----------


## Sancho

I had a sweetie in high school whose father, claiming to portend the future, would pinch the clasps of her bra together with a pair of needle nosed pliers. Adapt and overcome, thought I. This paranoid parental procedure was of small consequence to somebody with intestinal fortitude, like myself. However, a certain finesse was lost in the operation, as I recall. I seem to remember her saying, "Don't mess my hair up!"

----------


## soundofmusic

> Mmm-hmm, what could'a been. Eh, Sounds? 'Cepting I think we should leave old Pappy's Studebaker in the garage and unleash the 360 very spirited ponies under the hood of El Sancho's ride:
> 
> 
> 
> You and me in a Candy-Apple Red, 1965 Rag-Top Pontiac GTO, and the whole town would'a been saying, "Uh-Oh, here comes trouble."
> 
> Aiy-aiy-aiy. Okay, so, now back to the discussion of the mechanical apparatus known as the push-up bra...


I knew you were the man for me...look at all that seat room. I don't suppose you would let me take that honey for a ride? I guess that was 8 cylinders...how fast is it? 




> I remember those front fastening ones.
> 
> 
> Probably designed by a man who had a frustrating time as a hamfisted teenager.


Ah, we ladies love the front fastening ones also. Most of the women liked to take those octopus arms and open the back hook, as for me, I just pulled down the shoulder straps, turned the hook to the front and undid it. 
Of course, the fellows from the 70s sort of missed out because by then, we didn't bother with bras at all.

----------


## soundofmusic

> I had a sweetie in high school whose father, claiming to portend the future, would pinch the clasps of her bra together with a pair of needle nosed pliers. Adapt and overcome, thought I. This paranoid parental procedure was of small consequence to somebody with intestinal fortitude, like myself. However, a certain finesse was lost in the operation, as I recall. I seem to remember her saying, "Don't mess my hair up!"


Yeah, what is it with guys and hair, I almost hung a few fellows in my locks during back seat tango.

----------


## soundofmusic

Did you check to see if he put on a chastity belt too? My dad used to get guys addresses and phone numbers before they took me out...
then they would drive up at night and practically push me out so they didn't have to see dad again. 
How do you fellows feel about women with hair...a lot of the the ladies from the islands down here don't shave. How do you feel about men shaving their chests. A few of my boyfriends did it; though it was a little unnerving when I would find 5 oclock shadow on their chests....or worse.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ahh The Wonder Bra years. I wouldn't bother shaving anything - unless it becomes a health and safty issue - You don't want to get anything caught in heavy machinery!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ....unleash the 360 very spirited ponies under the hood of El Sancho's ride:
> 
> 
> 
> You and me in a Candy-Apple Red, 1965 Rag-Top Pontiac GTO, and the whole town would'a been saying, "Uh-Oh, here comes trouble."
> 
> ...



I'm going to put Sounds question to me on you..."wow, are you putting us on?" ^that is a nice ride and convertable (looks like) to boot!




> Wow, are you putting us on, or did you really see Sophia? Hum, I wonder what gravity has done to her....has anyone seen Raquel Welch lately? 
> ...


Well, maybe a little.
Gallup, diner, Route 66-yes. The Sophia part was a stretch, but it's how I imagined it would go.

The discussion of wire frame support, led me to Constructivism and Tatlin's Tower:



.

----------


## Paulclem

Back again - been really busy with the job and elderlies. 

Gil asked about an allotment update - to date I've got in potatoes, sweetcorn, beans, leeks, courgettes, calabrese, cabbage and broad beans. Also I failed in my determination to get the greenhouse up. It's down at the allotment, but not up yet. Boo

Last week I managed to get sunburnt across the bottom of my back. I looked like a red a**ed baboon by the end of the day. 

As for the job, I didn't get it. I failed in the cage fighting section of the interview, and gave away a submission at 1:1 when the big guy splashed me. 

I did go to St Mary's Guildhall this week for the annual prizegiving for the allotment society. It's a very old building where Mary Queen of Scots was reputed to have been imprisoned for a short while. It has marvellous panelling and sturdy wooden furniture. 

When you click on the links, scroll down to view the intended image which is larger. 

This is the entrance to the hall

https://www.google.co.uk/search?safe...hp%3B344%3B377

The back of the hall looking towards the gallery.

https://www.google.co.uk/search?safe...ml%3B550%3B365

The front of the hall which has a stage where the prizes were given out. 

https://www.google.co.uk/search?safe...2F%3B450%3B450

The stained glass windows are pretty impressive too. 

https://www.google.co.uk/search?safe...2F%3B394%3B320

----------


## prendrelemick

You should've tried some moves of the recently deceased and much lamented Mick MacManus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_PFJMRn72I


I've been to the guildhall, that's an epic setting for a prize giving.

----------


## Paulclem

> You should've tried some moves of the recently deceased and much lamented Mick MacManus.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_PFJMRn72I
> 
> 
> I've been to the guildhall, that's an epic setting for a prize giving.


I used to watch him when i was a kid. My mum and dad watched the wrestling every saturday afternoon, and were devastated when it all came out that it was fixed. Looking at it now I can't see why they ever thought it wasn't. The ladies with the handbags at the front used to crack me up. 

The guildhall is an epic setting. While I was sitting there, I was reflecting on a photo of my wife's dad and uncle sitting in there with the machine tool guild 50 years ago. Very nice. 

I had some good news last week. My youngest brother has got me and my other brother tickets to see England RL play the Irish in Huddersfield in November. I'm dead chuffed. I haven't been to a professional match since the 80s.

----------


## Sancho

^Luchadors! Sweet!




> I'm going to put Sounds question to me on you..."wow, are you putting us on?" ^that is a nice ride and convertable (looks like) to boot!


Nah, I found that photo on the web.

I found this photo on the web too, and it's a little more accurate depiction of El Sancho's high school ride. Come to think of it, it ain't all that far from El Sancho's current ride.






> I knew you were the man for me...look at all that seat room. I don't suppose you would let me take that honey for a ride? I guess that was 8 cylinders...how fast is it?


Of course. I'll pick you up at 8; I won't be late. Sounds, I do believe that car - the nice one not the jalopy - came standard with 389 V-8, which would develop around about 360 horse power when it hit top end. It'd go 0 - 60 in under 6 seconds. El Sancho's car, by contrast, would only hit 60 while in Mexican Overdrive (going down a very steep hill with clutch mashed in and praying to La Virgencia de Guadalupe).




> Did you check to see if he put on a chastity belt too?


It wouldn't have mattered. They could've locked her in a bank vault and we'd've still found a way. High School hormones are super-charged.

----------


## The Atheist

Ok, time to plan for the next party - a midsummer/midwinter solstice bash!

June 21st.

Barbeque for the northerners, mulled wine down south.

Traditional orgies of feasting and earthly delights, I think.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Back again - been really busy with the job and elderlies. 
> 
> Gil asked about an allotment update - to date I've got in potatoes, sweetcorn, beans, leeks, courgettes, calabrese, cabbage and broad beans. Also I failed in my determination to get the greenhouse up. It's down at the allotment, but not up yet. Boo...
> 
> ...I did go to St Mary's Guildhall this week for the annual prizegiving for the allotment society. It's a very old building where Mary Queen of Scots was reputed to have been imprisoned for a short while. It has marvellous panelling and sturdy wooden furniture....


Nice piece of historical architecture, did you happen to spot the Ghost lady and Monk?

http://theghostlady.com/st-marys-gui...ghost-lady.php




> You should've tried some moves of the recently deceased and much lamented Mick MacManus.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_PFJMRn72I
> 
> I've been to the guildhall, that's an epic setting for a prize giving.


Blokes have a tendency to recirculate topics here, such as ale, orbs, cars, etc., but I can't recall a time that we've discussed authentic Greco-Roman wrestling.

My mother and I watched Staurday night wrestling on TV filmed live from the Dallas Sportatorium, now long since gone. This was followed by roller derby.
Fritz Von Erich was the local hero back in the day. He was known for the "Iron claw" sleeper hold. 

The claw move comes in at 4:26... 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HoZefj7osyc




> Ok, time to plan for the next party - a midsummer/midwinter solstice bash!
> 
> June 21st.
> 
> Barbeque for the northerners, mulled wine down south.
> 
> Traditional orgies of feasting and earthly delights, I think.



I'll bring the meat for the barbie...

----------


## Calidore

> My mother and I watched Staurday night wrestling on TV filmed live from the Dallas Sportatorium, now long since gone. This was followed by roller derby.
> Fritz Von Erich was the local hero back in the day. He was known for the "Iron claw" sleeper hold.


I used to watch his World Class promotion back in the '80s. It was a great conference in its glory days. Never saw Fritz wrestle, but his kids (the oldest three anyway) and their friends, who made up the bulk of the cards, were lots of fun to watch. What a horrific and sad crash and burn that family did, though.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I had some good news last week. My youngest brother has got me and my other brother tickets to see England RL play the Irish in Huddersfield in November. I'm dead chuffed. I haven't been to a professional match since the 80s.


Not sure yet, but there is a good chance I'll be there too.



I'd like to go and see England vs Australia, but the RFL in their wisdom are holding it in Wales! a 10 hour round trip from their fan base.

----------


## The Atheist

> Blokes have a tendency to recirculate topics here, such as ale, orbs, cars, etc., but I can't recall a time that we've discussed authentic Greco-Roman wrestling.


That is one disturbing sport. From what I've seen of it at the Olympics, the only hold you can get involves some fairly personal areas. I hope they wash their hands after the bout!




> I'll bring the meat for the barbie...


Brilliant! Should keep us going for a night.

----------


## prendrelemick

Road Kill themed refreshments. Good start.

----------


## Paulclem

> Not sure yet, but there is a good chance I'll be there too.
> 
> 
> 
> I'd like to go and see England vs Australia, but the RFL in their wisdom are holding it in Wales! a 10 hour round trip from their fan base.


We could meet up for a pint. 

The Australia game would be good - apart from the Wales bit. I saw Australia thrash us at Hull in the 80s when Mal Meninga played. We were awed. We'd just played Hull U-17s and they took us to the match.

----------


## Sancho

Gill, I actually own a T-shirt like this:



I bought it a few years ago at DFW Airport. Later I wore it to a Dickey's Barbecue Restaurant and got a very negative reaction from the cook. She said, "No! Uh-uh! Get out!" So I went to Taco Bell instead. They didn't care.

----------


## prendrelemick

> We could meet up for a pint. 
> 
> The Australia game would be good - apart from the Wales bit. I saw Australia thrash us at Hull in the 80s when Mal Meninga played. We were awed. We'd just played Hull U-17s and they took us to the match.


A pint would be good. Our old-meeting-up-before-a-match-in-Hudds pub has closed this year, The Somerset Arms, possibly the worst dive in Hudderfield, I'll never forget that carpet, it was probably once cheerfully patterned but had become a sticky brown morass smeared across the floor with the adhesive qualities of those post-it notes. When you walked on it your shoes made a tacky noise. The beer was crap the music was too loud, don't know why we went.

----------


## Paulclem

> A pint would be good. Our old-meeting-up-before-a-match-in-Hudds pub has closed this year, The Somerset Arms, possibly the worst dive in Hudderfield, I'll never forget that carpet, it was probably once cheerfully patterned but had become a sticky brown morass smeared across the floor with the adhesive qualities of those post-it notes. When you walked on it your shoes made a tacky noise. The beer was crap the music was too loud, don't know why we went.


It sounds so familiar. Pity it's shut down. I walked many a tacky carpet. The decor in places like that all seemed to begin to merge into browns. 

I don't know Huddersfield so I'll leave the pre-match pub to you. I'm sure my brothers will be wanting some refreshments beforehand.

----------


## prendrelemick

Your brothers might be more clued up than me. There're a couple of pubs by the railway station, but I'm getting ahead of myself, I'll have to see if I'm allowed out to play first

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Gill, I actually own a T-shirt like this:
> 
> 
> 
> I bought it a few years ago at DFW Airport. Later I wore it to a Dickey's Barbecue Restaurant and got a very negative reaction from the cook. She said, "No! Uh-uh! Get out!" So I went to Taco Bell instead. They didn't care.


Haha!
I'd imagine thare's a little road kill in Taco Bell "beef", still tastes pretty good after a hangover.

How 'bout sundried Jack Rabbit wafers, tenderized by a thousand Firestones freshly peeled from I-20 west of Abilene? 
In the words of Jed Clampett: "Mmmmmm dogies!"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3Y65_aEpxo





> A pint would be good. Our old-meeting-up-before-a-match-in-Hudds pub has closed this year, The Somerset Arms, possibly the worst dive in Hudderfield, I'll never forget that carpet, it was probably once cheerfully patterned but had become a sticky brown morass smeared across the floor with the adhesive qualities of those post-it notes. When you walked on it your shoes made a tacky noise. The beer was crap the music was too loud, don't know why we went.


Hey, that'd be real nice if you two could hook up.
If not we'll have a pint anyhow.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Happy Father's Day to the Bloke dad's or to your father's or father's father.

----------


## Paulclem

> Your brothers might be more clued up than me. There're a couple of pubs by the railway station, but I'm getting ahead of myself, I'll have to see if I'm allowed out to play first


I understand. I don't go out enough to need to ask - yet. My other brother has been talking about us going to watch some cage fighting, or boxing.

Perhaps we'll realise a blokes international get together some day.

Nice pics Gil.

----------


## prendrelemick

It's looking good so far, I'm getting up a small party (trying to find a volunteer driver really) for the match, but most people don't know what they're doing next week, never mind November.

According to the Son in law "The Head Of Steam" is actually part of the railway station and has a decent pint- Tetleys and real ales. It may be good for our meet up though its been crowded when I've been there on a match day before. There's another pub close by though, both are on St Georges Square, as is The George Hotel where Rugby League was invented.

----------


## The Atheist

Here we are on the shortest day of the year, blasted by a southern storm, but there's still a light at the end of the tunnel - the days get longer from now on!

I'm having a hot Irish coffee to help me warm up.

Working well!

----------


## Paulclem

> It's looking good so far, I'm getting up a small party (trying to find a volunteer driver really) for the match, but most people don't know what they're doing next week, never mind November.
> 
> According to the Son in law "The Head Of Steam" is actually part of the railway station and has a decent pint- Tetleys and real ales. It may be good for our meet up though its been crowded when I've been there on a match day before. There's another pub close by though, both are on St Georges Square, as is The George Hotel where Rugby League was invented.


I'll consult the brothers and see if they know Huddersfield. One lives near York, and the other lives in Wakefield. I'm not sure whether they get over that way. Those pubs sound good though.

----------


## Paulclem

> Here we are on the shortest day of the year, blasted by a southern storm, but there's still a light at the end of the tunnel - the days get longer from now on!
> 
> I'm having a hot Irish coffee to help me warm up.
> 
> Working well!


Here, on the longest day, I always make a point of mentioning that it's downhill to winter and the nights are now drawing in again.

----------


## Ecurb

> Here, on the longest day, I always make a point of mentioning that it's downhill to winter and the nights are now drawing in again.


"Lhude sing Goddamn, -- Ezra Pound

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I'm on the top half with Paul, 
over the hump on the downhill run.
The days are getting shorter. 
Get a hot cuppa schnapps for the shortening sun.

----------


## The Atheist

And just like that, it's almost a week past the shortest day - summer here we come!

Luckily - and completely unlike the northern half of the world - the weather is being kind to us thus far.

I could still use that schnapps, Gill!

----------


## Paulclem

Roll on the restive weekend. Things are hotting up horribly at work wih the frantic, feverish and frustrating chase for exams and results. I've also got an intensely itchy case of alliteritis.

----------


## The Atheist

There's a cream for that.

----------


## prendrelemick

Cold cream can control the condition !

----------


## Sancho

Antihistamines always help with allergies, but rarely relieve rashes.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Down here we refer to any type of cream as salve. 
Typically one salve serves all purposes whether it be for that little ladies face or where a chunk of ear was torn from your Tabby in a tussle with a Tomcat.

----------


## prendrelemick

It's Wimbers again and The Teutonic Goddess, Sabine Lisicki has just mercilessly thrashed tournament favourite, Gruntin' Serena Williams. Can anyone stop her now? No one thrashes balls quite like the magnificent Sabine.

That smooth legged and pleasingly pert, pint-sized English rose, Laura Robson, succumbed in the usual lady-like fashion - there were tears.

Also, some men played some tennis too.

----------


## The Atheist

Gosh, I thought all UK would be a lather by now on the Scotty left in the draw with the two big men MIA.

----------


## prendrelemick

No no. The womens game is where it's at. It's loads better than the blokes' . Just watched the chubby Bartoli get through to the semi's. She has an unusual body shape for a top player- shall we say rotund- It's great to see her wiping the floor with the model clone contenders.

----------


## The Atheist

Have they banned grunting yet?

I think it was Sharapova ruined women's tennis for me. I used to enjoy watching Steffi Graf run around, but this constant grunting like a pig at a trough gives me the screaming ****s.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well I think it is a dream final, much better than the same old, same old. Teutonic Goddess Sabine against the portly Marianne Bartoli, who is one of "those" players who can beat anyone on her day. I think Sabine will win, the way she smacks those balls is made for wimbledon. But Bartoli keeps suprising us.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I haven't been following the tennis, but I just might pay attention to this match since, as you say, it's not the same ole same ole.
I'll second the question; are either of the two of the grunting banshee types?

----------


## prendrelemick

You may chance to hear the odd unguarded exclaimation of effort on Centre Court today it's true. But the two contending Queens of the Grunt are out. I think the Sour faced Sharapova's confident squeal beats the masculine Serena's more breathy girly effort by a couple of decibels. But to be honest when their tennis years are over, either one of them could walk into a job dubbing soundtracks for the adult film industry.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well the nerves have got Sabine big time, Bartoli is looking like a playground bully at the moment. Cruel.

The crowd are trying to lift her but she's gone, She's looking for a place to hide.

Hang on whats this! A late late revival?


Too late. Bartoli wins and deserves it. It was her aggression that caused Lisicki to crumble. I thought for a moment she was going to burst into tears in the middle of the match there. She never managed to hit those balls in her usual Teutonic Goddess way.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I just now turned it on.
The camera panned in on each of them eating during a break.
The full figured one seems to be in control at the moment.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Sabine started to make it interesting in the second set.
I was just starting to get into it, forgetting that the women's matches are shorter, that's too bad, it was a nice change from the wailing and grunting.

----------


## prendrelemick

It was a soap opera out there!

----------


## The Atheist

The tennis is not on at the friendliest time for those of us up this end, so I didn't see any of that.

No mention of the magnificent Lions?

Storming victory!

----------


## prendrelemick

It was, you are right. But Sky have the rights so the vast majority don't get a glimpse over here.

I never saw that coming. Gattling? was being lined up for shooting down in the Britpress for dropping some old Irish codger. But well done to him for making 6 changes, it goes to show he knows the game better than some reporters do. 

How are the AllBlacks? Can they give us a game?

----------


## The Atheist

> It was, you are right. But Sky have the rights so the vast majority don't get a glimpse over here.
> 
> I never saw that coming. Gattling? was being lined up for shooting down in the Britpress for dropping some old Irish codger. But well done to him for making 6 changes, it goes to show he knows the game better than some reporters do. 
> 
> How are the AllBlacks? Can they give us a game?


I see Gatland said he didn't even feel like celebrating, the abuse over O'Driscoll had been so bad.

I wish the ABs could have a game against them. In that form, it would be a great game.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Random bits for a Friday night.
First, an overdue congrats to Andy Murray. I'm out of Drambuie, so I'll raise my Stout.

We managed to get my son through University orientation and registration. A new era begins. He plans to study physics and master in Industrial Engineering. It will be a tough row to hoe, but if it's true that smarts skip a generation, then hopefully he inherited some of my dad's brains, cause he sure ain't getting it from me!

Where's Paul? 

I recently discovered Charo can play the guitar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_McDOa6TOfg

----------


## Melanie

Knock, knock. Cigar? Cigarettes? Tiparillos? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDGzd2HcEpo

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Knock, knock. Cigar? Cigarettes? Tiparillos? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDGzd2HcEpo


Welcome to the camp I guess...sorry I was suddenly reciting uncle Ernie. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42JIf-ntJkM

I preferred Swisher Sweets myself after transitioning from smoking Grapevine stems in the woods with my buddies.

----------


## Melanie

Thank you for the welcome but I was but I was just passing through to offer some titillating bloke treats..."Cigars, Cigarettes, Tiparillos?". Afterall, what's a bloke gathering without a girly visit. So here's your Swisher Sweet cigar in blueberry. Pardon my manners if I licked it a little, yum. I wouldn't think of lingering in this closed gathering of blokes, and wouldn't want to tassle, I mean hassle anyone. So I'll just keep abreast of the conversation from outside the room. Cheers!

----------


## prendrelemick

Cheeky!

----------


## stlukesguild

Just got back from my older daughter's wedding on the beach in the Outer Banks, North Carolina:













After a good 600-700 mile drive back home we decided to stretch the vacation out to one more day... heading out to our favorite Mexican restaurant and two or three Margaritas each. Now I'm sitting with a glass of Tequilla listening to Hank Williams! :Cheers2:

----------


## The Atheist

Whoa, that's going back a ways.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Cheeky!


and frisky!




> Just got back from my older daughter's wedding on the beach in the Outer Banks, North Carolina:...
> 
> ....After a good 600-700 mile drive back home


Congratulations dad!




> Whoa, that's going back a ways.


Nah, for us 600 to 700 miles is just a jaunt down to McGrady's trad'n post to grab some flower and a stick of licorice for the yung'ns.

----------


## stlukesguild

Indeed. New York City's 550 miles and I try to visit at least once a year.

----------


## Paulclem

> Random bits for a Friday night.
> First, an overdue congrats to Andy Murray. I'm out of Drambuie, so I'll raise my Stout.
> 
> We managed to get my son through University orientation and registration. A new era begins. He plans to study physics and master in Industrial Engineering. It will be a tough row to hoe, but if it's true that smarts skip a generation, then hopefully he inherited some of my dad's brains, cause he sure ain't getting it from me!
> 
> Where's Paul? 
> 
> I recently discovered Charo can play the guitar http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_McDOa6TOfg


Hi Gil - just been busy busy. I'm measuring my time off in hours rather than days. We've had trouble with the elderlies - one in hospital and one freshly into a nursing home - the third feeling neglected. 

On the positive side, the lad got back from Japan after 9 months away. He seems cooler than he did - perhaps it was the friends he made from the US. He currently looks like Jesus, with the long hair and beard, and so my wife obliged by writing it on a piece of card at the airport when she went to meet him. 

Good news about your lad Gil. It sounds as though he'll be set up if he likes he course.

----------


## The Atheist

That got screwed up; I was on a different page! The long way back I meant was the cigar ad.

In terms of driving down here, if you drive 600 miles from anywhere in New Zealand, you'd better be driving a Sea-legs.

Parky down here today at -1C. Lovely day ahead, though, as it's fine & frosty.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...He currently looks like Jesus, with the long hair and beard, and so my wife obliged by writing it on a piece of card at the airport when she went to meet him.


Haha took me a moment to pick up on the card - a ride for Jesus.




> ...In terms of driving down here, if you drive 600 miles from anywhere in New Zealand, you'd better be driving a Sea-legs.
> 
> Parky down here today at -1C. Lovely day ahead, though, as it's fine & frosty.


Sea Legs looks like fun, not at -1C though.

----------


## Paulclem

Just a few days to the hols. I can't wait. We have nothing planned - which is great. I hope to do my allotment - it's a bit weedy at the moment, read more and hopefully check out a cycle path to Kenilworth from Coventry. 

Also next term I'm located in a different office, which has far fewer classrooms and is much quieter. The job will be very different.

----------


## The Atheist

Sounds excellent!

I must try to have a holiday myself this year.

----------


## Paulclem

Well, the holiday has begun, and so has a downpour. The veggies need it, but it is somewhat heavy. 

I had a couple of pear ciders with the lad last night whilst he told me about what he got up to in Japan. I'm glad he's loosened up a bit. He's discovered the joys of listening to music whilst imbibing. We share quite a few tastes, which is nice. We were watching a compilation of The Old Grey Whistle Test, and he was particularly taken with Captain Beefheart. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dq6fCOGyVJg

----------


## The Atheist

I hear the best thing for the summer hols is an ark, this year.

Hope it comes right for you!

----------


## cafolini

Noahle is coming for its sake?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Noah drank sake?

----

Paul, where did we leave off with the greenhouse?
Is it completed?
Sounds like a nice moment in time; imbibing with Beefheart.

----------


## Paulclem

Yes - we'll see about the summer. 

As for the greenhouse - there lies a tale. 

I now have a greenhouse on my plot near the shed, but it isn't the one I lugged down there. It's a pop up one, which has tomatoes growing in it. 

The reason for this is I'm moving plots. Yes, I'm leaving the shed for another - though I am also keeping the plot with the fallout shelter on it. The other committee members offered me a very well kept plot which will mean that I can easily manage it whilst fulfilling my committee duties. This new plot has forty or so raised beds which are easy to maintain. I also wanted to keep one of the two half plots I have and so I am giving up the one with the fantastic shed so that Steve - my neighbour on the other side to Fred - can have another half. All of which leaves me with an easily moveable pop up greenhouse, and a meccano greenhouse that is still in pieces. As the new, well maintained plot already has a glass greenhouse, then it will mean I have a plastic greenhouse going spare. I think I'll donate it to the committee who can sell it to a willing plotholder... and everyone will be happy.

----------


## The Atheist

Gilliatt!

Have you been up in BC lately?

Bigfoot in Canada

----------


## prendrelemick

Raised beds and shedding sheds!


And now The Cricket.-

Well, The Ashes cricket series comes to Old Trafford today with England only needing a draw to retain them. I thought trouncing the Aussies would be alot more fun than this, but they are not so tough any more. They have decent bowlers but they lack an Alan Border or Steve Waugh in the batting line up and are generous to a fault when it comes to giving away their wickets. OK they gave us a scare at Trent Bridge but that was an individual fluke, with Agar batting at 11 hitting a record 98 runs .

Yorkshire's Joe Root looks the real deal, (we've known about him for some time up here - and we have a couple more like him in the pipeline) and don't be fooled by him looking about 13 he has plenty of grit. At Lords there was a palpable disappointment when he went from 64 to 68 as the barmy army were waiting for a chance to sing Root 66 - next time maybe.

The most talked about aspect has been the appeals that are now allowed against the Umpires' decisions. The Australians have been useing them up too quickly. and nearly always wrongly - they just can't believe they are out! The Umpires can't seem to make a decision anymore, it's a bit of a mess and I don't think it has reduced mistakes at all. Dickie Bird used to get the odd one wrong but he was never afraid to raise his finger or turn down a screaming bowler - he knew his opinion was the only one that counted and that impartiality was the key. There's a story about him telling off a bemused Merv Hughes for swearing at a batsman (Merv hated Batsmen-especially English ones) - after the gentle lecture, Merve said "Dickie, you're a ******* Legend!". That's respect.

----------


## The Atheist

I imagine it will be another easy victory; Australia seem to have come down to our level.

I'm just not a fan of third umpires in cricket - the game isn't perfect, and if some decisions are wrong, they even out over time and the human element adds to the game rather than detracts from it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well, well! Australia looking like a different side today, it was toe to toe stuff for a couple of sessions, but they didn't crumble and then pulled away after tea - just like the old days. Michael Clarke, their captain and best player, scoring a century and wearing out Anderson and Broad, who were hailed as world beating bowlers only last week.
Make no mistake there was some good bowling out there today, the ball flying past the edge again and again, but the batsman rode their luck and got on top. They are set for a big score. England need to believe they can find way to win and show some resolve. But at 300 for 3, Australia shouldn't lose this one.




But the umpiring needs sorting, every appeal they are looking like a rabbit in the headlights - too scared of being seen to be wrong, unable to make a decision.

----------


## The Atheist

It's going to be a pretty daunting total set up. Is the pitch tame, or have the Aussies learnt to bat during the week?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Gilliatt!
> 
> Have you been up in BC lately?
> 
> Bigfoot in Canada


It has been many years since I was in BC, but it's good to know 'ole Squatch is still ambling around up there.
I still keep my Sasquatch field guide handy (signed by Dr. Jeff Meldrum no less) 
Thanks for the heads up! That's some amazing footage.

I ran across this footage of an actual Bigfoot attack... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEFFrvv0b5Q





> ...Make no mistake there was some good bowling out there today, the ball flying past the edge again and again, but the batsman rode their luck and got on top...


I'm still trying to figure this game out.
They must be swingin some mighty big bats to knock a bowling ball around like that!

----------


## The Atheist

> I ran across this footage of an actual Bigfoot attack... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEFFrvv0b5Q


Thanks for that - it is a work of pure genius!

I love the blood spurting at the end. Legendary.

----------


## prendrelemick

> It's going to be a pretty daunting total set up. Is the pitch tame, or have the Aussies learnt to bat during the week?


It looks like they've learnt to bat.

It's a typical test pitch, a bit there for the bowlers in the morning -a noticeable uneven bounce, then it settled down and dried out. The bowling deserved a couple more wickets though. It will crumble, I think, and the footmarks are coming along nicely. England will not relish having to bat last on it - probably to save the game. 





I love cricket it so...... deep.

----------


## The Atheist

Looks like your boys are trying to make it very hard for themselves.

Interesting day in prospect.

----------


## prendrelemick

We aint gonna win. But we aint lost yet!




The whole thing could be decided in the first hour's play. If Australia gets 3 wickets before England get 33 runs, they will probably win this test match.

If not, England avoid the follow on and can "force" a draw and retain the Ashes.

----------


## stlukesguild

My local grocery store has started carrying this... one of the finest from a regional micro-brewery:



It is definitely a dessert beer... tasting like butterscotch and coffee... perfect with a slice of chocolate cake, but a bit too heavy to drink more than one (or perhaps two)... and at nearly 10% alcohol, you won't need to.

----------


## Hawkman

A fitting beverage for a Byzantine emperor; one stop down from Ambrosia  :Biggrin:

----------


## prendrelemick

From my, head-in-the-sand old git all change is wrong even though I've never tried them, perspective NO! Dessert beers are just wrong!

----------


## The Atheist

Haha!

You owe it to yourself to at least try.




> We aint gonna win. But we aint lost yet!


The weather gods are shining on you, but I think getting well past the follow-on showed that they probably could have salvaged it regardless.




> My local grocery store has started carrying this... one of the finest from a regional micro-brewery:


Love the colour! I'd be at that like a robber's dog - it looks delicious, and drinking it while eating chocolate cake is something I definitely have to try.

You might have to send me a bottle.

----------


## prendrelemick

Here we go! England turned up this morning not expecting to have to bat because of rain. And it shows. Australia expected to lose, but the weather gods have handed them a chance - and it shows too, they are grabbing at it like drowning men clutching at straws.

7 more wickets needed to keep the series alive, the pitch damp and unpredictable, some rain probable, the Aussies desperate and in last chance saloon. The pressure, the pressure. I wish I was there.




Afterwards The DRS needs to be dropped. It is just no good, the technology isn't ready and is beset by arbitary rules. Peterson was given out LBW in the first innings when there was a Hot Spot on his bat, and given caught in the second innings when there wasn't! And he isn't the only one who has had a raw deal. I think both sides and the Umpires are sick of it.

----------


## The Atheist

Not much to add to that - I agree with every word.

The next one will be interesting. Will England turn up? 

I think there's more chance of a very angry Aussie side turning up.

----------


## Paulclem

> My local grocery store has started carrying this... one of the finest from a regional micro-brewery:
> 
> 
> 
> It is definitely a dessert beer... tasting like butterscotch and coffee... perfect with a slice of chocolate cake, but a bit too heavy to drink more than one (or perhaps two)... and at nearly 10% alcohol, you won't need to.


I'd give it a go. I have a sweet tooth. I've just bought a bottle of Jim Beam with honey again after my wife got me a bottle last year. I shall sample later.

----------


## The Atheist

And on the subject of dodgy umpiring calls: http://www.stuff.co.nz/sport/cricket...heating-claims

Get rid of it now.

----------


## prendrelemick

I reckon Hotspot is doomed, though the snickometer and hawkeye seem to function ok - and the run out replay. That said, I agree, You can still have all that Hi-tech stuff for the media to witter on about if they like, but leave the real umpiring to the umpires. It is the Umpires honest OPINION that should count, nothing else.

----------


## prendrelemick

The 4th test was the best so far, a close match that swung this way and that. the Austrailians found themselves in the driving seat for most of the game but England managed to hang on and were able to peg them back. Come the last innings The Aussies needed 299 to win and a draw was no good for them - they had to go for it and they were going well, until Stuart Broad took up the ball and had one of the best spells I can ever remember seeing. He stepped up to another level and got 5 wickets for 20 runs in 45 balls - watching the highlights I don't know how they managed to get those 20 runs! 

Then came the final drama. The game was gone but the Ausssies were holding on and had one wicket left, bad light had forced England to play 2 ineffectual spinners, they had also claimed an extra half hour to try to get a result. Then with 15 minutes to go a low shaft of sunlight found its way under the cloud to shine upon Chester le street. Cook immediatly tossed the ball to Broad, and 4 deliveries later it was all over.

Broad has done this sort of thing before He once took 5 wickets including a hat trick in 16 balls for no runs against India. But this was The Ashes!

----------


## Paulclem

I'm glad England won, but not being of the cricketing mind, I'm glad the premiership starts again on Saturday. I've enjoyed the cycling, watched a bit of rugby and seen some good athletics, but the week in week out drama of the league is really great.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Here's to "wickets" and "spinners", though I've no clue what they are.
Congrats to England and Ashes.

Paul, tell me about this "premiership" are we talking about darts by chance?

----------


## prendrelemick

Cheers GG!

The Boy went to a Giants vs Marlins match a couple of months ago in San Fransisco (that's Baseball) . He reports 4 hours of total bamboozalment.

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul, tell me about this "premiership" are we talking about darts by chance?


My Mum and Dad used to watch darts on TV, which I found as tedious as snooker. Gah.

The Premiership though is the weekly football games played by the top clubs in the Premier Football League. After watching it for a while I got to know the managers and players, noted the annual change of players and clubs, enjoyed the drama of the drop where two clubs are relegated to League one - thus losing all the TV sponsorship money which is a very big deal for them and the fans, and enjoy the skill of the players and the inevitable mistakes and events that all add to the rich tapestry of football life. 

I like it because we have "Match of the Day" on one of our TV channels - BBC 1. It shows highlights of all the Premiership matches that day, with the most interesting one first. It comes on the TV at 10.30pm, which means I usually have control of the tv and can watch at leisure - something I can't do with the rugby as it is on earlier. And it kicks off on Saturday. Woo hoo. 

http://www.premierleague.com/en-gb.html

----------


## Paulclem

> Cheers GG!
> 
> The Boy went to a Giants vs Marlins match a couple of months ago in San Fransisco (that's Baseball) . He reports 4 hours of total bamboozalment.


It bamboozles me too. Cricket less so - because I played it at school and with my mates.

----------


## The Atheist

Yes indeed, a great result!

I still can't believe Australia lost from the position they were in.

Kudos to a great England team.

----------


## prendrelemick

Right, 5th test, The Oval . This time surely Australia cannot lose from this position (307 for 4). Like the last test there has been a lot of unrewarded good bowling, The pitch is a batting pitch if ever there was one and England must have known what was to come when they lost the toss and had to bowl on the first day with only two specialist seamers. They are missing the injured Tim Bresnan who can charge in and bang the ball down on a line and lengh all day long, he would've tied up one end and allowed the superstars do all their "duel in the sun" stuff at the other. The two England debutants Kerrigan and Woakes were ineffectual with the ball, infact Kerrigan had an absolute nightmare as Watson went after him. I'm pleased for Shane Watson, going on and getting his century at last, a great innings, but he does play across the line a little too often.

----------


## The Atheist

Yep, from what I've seen, it looks like a batsman's paradise.

Just how easy it is will no doubt be told in the next innings.

----------


## prendrelemick

The England selectors seem to have outwitted themselves here. The bowling attack looked very thin. The two new boys got only one wicket for 153 between them. Anderson got a fivefor but he looks tired. Anyway perhaps they will be vindicated by the supposed stiffening of the batting line up and the extra spin option later in the match. But the game may have already gone.

----------


## The Atheist

I can't see England being too unhappy about things as they stand - they've blooded a couple of n00bs on what appears to be a batsmen's paradise, and now get the chance to see if England can bat for two days.

Amidst all the hype about the wonderful Australian batting effort, it seems to me that 500 in five sessions on a dolly against a new bowling attack isn't anything to write home about.

Then the silly season starts!

----------


## prendrelemick

The hype over here is about the negativity of England's effort, and I'm afraid they have a point. 3-0 up with one to play and too afraid of losing to try and win. BUT the Aussies did what we couldn't yesterday and kept the pressure on with some good bowling and aggressive field setting. The England team/coach/captain/batsmen forgot it was a good pitch and went right into their shell - which in turn allowed the bowlers to do as they liked. 


Anyway, this morning we have the in form Ian Bell at the crease with new boy Woakes - who was picked as a batsman who can bowl. The selectors have been saying (quite rightly) wait and see. Today we'll see.

----------


## The Atheist

Or you could have the entire day rained out.

I don't think you can read much into this test, other than a reason why dead tests are a bit pointless.

----------


## The Atheist

Crikey!

That was not what I expected to read this morning. What a final day - with England almost managing to destroy every bookie in the land. Surely, the bookies prayed to the cloud gods to extract the draw in this one.

Did you watch, Mick? Must have been an amazing day's play.

----------


## prendrelemick

Noooo! I missed it, we had visitors - I wasn't too bothered it could only be a draw -I thought. The boy shouted me in just in time to see the last two overs. I couldn't believe they stopped it!

----------


## Paulclem

I missed the Challenge Cup Final on Saturday due to responsibilities. I haven't been able to watch one for years. Still - the footie's on again tomorrow night.

----------


## prendrelemick

I'm enjoying the footie as well - the actual games, not the hyper-bollox circus that surrounds it.


Last word on the Cricket. On the last day, it was the Aussies who reminded us what Cricket and sport in general is all about (or should be). England approached the game not wanting to lose but not trying to win. Their slow over rate was a disgrace. and their defensive first innings was too negative. A truly great team would've seen the situation after the first day as a chance to show how good they are, and turn it around. So well done Australia for allowing a chance for a result and giving the spectators and fans something back.

----------


## The Atheist

> Last word on the Cricket. On the last day, it was the Aussies who reminded us what Cricket and sport in general is all about (or should be). England approached the game not wanting to lose but not trying to win. Their slow over rate was a disgrace. and their defensive first innings was too negative. A truly great team would've seen the situation after the first day as a chance to show how good they are, and turn it around. So well done Australia for allowing a chance for a result and giving the spectators and fans something back.


Well said. 

Without the very sporting declaration, the game would have trailed away to nothing. I hadn't noticed they declared on Nelson! Classic Aussie trick.

----------


## prendrelemick

yeah I wondered about that. I think Clark would've liked a few more runs but couldn't resist 111.

----------


## Paulclem

We had our first allotment Barbie last Sunday - I'm amazed that they hadn't had one before. We had about 70-80 people come along. The weather was nice, we had four barbies going and we had lots of food and drink. People took home the food, and the drink - most of it bought with funds - has migrated to the allotment shop. We might do an offer - compost and a free can - but probably not. I think we'll be ok up to Christmas. Woo hoo!

----------


## The Atheist

Well, I'm disgusted:

No invite to the party, no potatoes delivered to my place.

I'm beginning to think you don't love us any more!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We had our first allotment Barbie last Sunday - I'm amazed that they hadn't had one before. We had about 70-80 people come along. The weather was nice, we had four barbies going and we had lots of food and drink...


If only I had known, you could have laid this gem on the allotment committee...
(My contribution to one of the poetry contest threads - recite to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's _Sounds of Silence_)

Hello Weber my old friend
Ive come to grill with you again
Charcoal briquettes are piled high
A gallon of fluid lights the sky 

And the Hickory smoke that is wafting in my face
I embrace

I hold the tongs of power.

Brats are hot and start to swell
New York Strip is medium well
Shrimp on the grill are swimming
Glazed chicken legs are dancing

To the tune of the flashing briquettes light
That sparks the night.

I hold the tongs of power.

http://www.weber.com/grills/series/one-touch

----------


## prendrelemick

Just back from my hols. A weekend in Bristol to visit daughter number three. She felt obliged to keep us entertained for every minute we were there and had set a punishing agenda. So after a five hour drive down (I hate the M6) we had a 10 minute rest in the B&B and then set off through Friday rush hour traffic to the other side of Bristol to meet her and her Handsome Man at Hugh Fearney-Whittingstall's Canteen. That was a 5 mile trip that took 1 and 1/2 hours. Anyway the food was dee-licious, and over fresh caught mackerel and mushrooms stuffed with smoked Pollock and cheese, she outlined her itinery for us.

We managed to avoid the 16 mile bike ride along a disused railway line, and settled for a walk round Bath, a walk up the Avon Gorge and across the Clifton Suspension Bridge, a Barn Dance and a visit to the SS Great Britain. Her Handsome Man was doing the Bristol half marathon on Sunday- At least she hadn't entered us for that.

----------


## The Atheist

What, no pubs?

Sounds like a great time was had!

----------


## prendrelemick

We went to a pub on Sunday and had the roast beef dinner, I think the cow had died of old age.

At the Barn Dance I was on "Barnsley dark bitter" and "The Dark Side", two beers from a local brewery- they were very nice, I was soon Reeling, Stripping the Willow and Promenading like a good un. http://www.bathales.com/our-ales/aid/dark-side/

----------


## The Atheist

What the heck is that thing in your post? I can't make it open.

----------


## prendrelemick

It was a link to some beer. Have your read the message this morning? Pictures that even hint at a shapely ankle are no longer to be tolerated! I think there is a clamp-down going on, and my beer link has fallen victim to the morality police.


In fact I can't see the link either and I posted it! It's so nice to know that that we have a gaurdian angel looking after our moral well being and making the choice for us as to what we can and can't see.

----------


## Scheherazade

The link glitch is something to do with a cache issue. If you edit your post, it should be fixed.

The same thing works with signatures as well. Please edit them and it will go back to normal.

Hopefully.

----------


## Calidore

> It was a link to some beer. Have your read the message this morning? Pictures that even hint at a shapely ankle are no longer to be tolerated! I think there is a clamp-down going on, and my beer link has fallen victim to the morality police.
> 
> 
> In fact I can't see the link either and I posted it! It's so nice to know that that we have a gaurdian angel looking after our moral well being and making the choice for us as to what we can and can't see.


I'm bummed about that as well, because it looks like a LitNet swimsuit calendar will now never happen.

----------


## prendrelemick

How will GG manage without the Cold Ale Club's annual glimpse of Ms Welch in her pomp?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> How will GG manage without the Cold Ale Club's annual glimpse of Ms Welch in her pomp?


This is how...

----------


## The Atheist

> It was a link to some beer. Have your read the message this morning? Pictures that even hint at a shapely ankle are no longer to be tolerated! I think there is a clamp-down going on, and my beer link has fallen victim to the morality police.
> 
> 
> In fact I can't see the link either and I posted it! It's so nice to know that that we have a gaurdian angel looking after our moral well being and making the choice for us as to what we can and can't see.


Yes, looks much better now.

The morality rule might make an appearance below!




> This is how...


I can't even find the announcement now, but from what I saw, the photo will contravene the super-strict, new, no-bare-flesh rule.

I'm not sure why that would be the case, when the kind of photo above is considered safe for children in every other medium on the planet. I'll try to find out.

----------


## prendrelemick

[QUOTE=Gilliatt Gurgle;1238655]This is how...








Let's be clear, we must never look at the image above

----------


## Paulclem

> If only I had known, you could have laid this gem on the allotment committee...
> (My contribution to one of the poetry contest threads - recite to the tune of Simon and Garfunkel's _Sounds of Silence_)
> 
> Hello Weber my old friend
> Ive come to grill with you again
> Charcoal briquettes are piled high
> A gallon of fluid lights the sky 
> 
> And the Hickory smoke that is wafting in my face
> ...


Excellent Gil. I can hear the tune as I'm reading it.

I didn't get this message. Am I exempted from the ruling then? I think it gives the Cold Ale thread a bit of... flavour.




> Just back from my hols. A weekend in Bristol to visit daughter number three. She felt obliged to keep us entertained for every minute we were there and had set a punishing agenda. So after a five hour drive down (I hate the M6) we had a 10 minute rest in the B&B and then set off through Friday rush hour traffic to the other side of Bristol to meet her and her Handsome Man at Hugh Fearney-Whittingstall's Canteen. That was a 5 mile trip that took 1 and 1/2 hours. Anyway the food was dee-licious, and over fresh caught mackerel and mushrooms stuffed with smoked Pollock and cheese, she outlined her itinery for us.
> 
> We managed to avoid the 16 mile bike ride along a disused railway line, and settled for a walk round Bath, a walk up the Avon Gorge and across the Clifton Suspension Bridge, a Barn Dance and a visit to the SS Great Britain. Her Handsome Man was doing the Bristol half marathon on Sunday- At least she hadn't entered us for that.



 :FRlol: 

I was in Bristol on the 14th for the Uni open day with the daughter. It's a nice city - I've never been there before. We had the usual tour of the campus etc, and then my daughter wanted to look round the _extensive_ shopping centre. I was quite impressed - especially with the size of the seagulls. They are much bigger than the ones we get on our field... 

On the Sunday I had to take the lad's other bag down to Oxford for him. We had a nice lunch in the Goat's Head - I forget the exact name but I'll be able to find it again. 

It seems ages since I've been on with the chaps - it's been a bit busy at work.

----------


## The Atheist

> Let's be clear, we must never look at the image above


I kept my eyes shut when I looked, so I'll be ok.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I was in Bristol on the 14th for the Uni open day with the daughter. It's a nice city - I've never been there before. We had the usual tour of the campus etc, and then my daughter wanted to look round the _extensive_ shopping centre. I was quite impressed - especially with the size of the seagulls. They are much bigger than the ones we get on our field... 
> 
> On the Sunday I had to take the lad's other bag down to Oxford for him. We had a nice lunch in the Goat's Head - I forget the exact name but I'll be able to find it again. 
> 
> It seems ages since I've been on with the chaps - it's been a bit busy at work.



Just missed you then, we were being force-marched around Bath on the 14th. It was half marathon weekend, uni open day, and Jane Austin festival weekend all at the same time, no wonder the place was heaving.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Stopped by the re post Ms. Welch above. 
Let's see if it gets past the paranormal screening.

----------


## prendrelemick

Its gone! Help! help! I'm being repressed!

----------


## The Atheist

There's an app for that.

----------


## Paulclem

She's back!

Speaking of She, was it she in She? 

No - just googled it. Ursula Andress.

----------


## Sancho

We're gettin' the band back together, boys!

How about a harvest festival? Or in the case of The Atheist, a planting festival.

Gonna need one of these this time:



Everybody can use a little sax from time to time, eh?




> ...
> No one watches when the ambulance pulls away
> Or as the girl shuts out the bedroom light
> 
> Outside the streets on fire in a real death waltz
> Between flesh and what's fantasy and the poets down here
> Don't write nothing at all, they just stand back and let it all be
> And in the quick of the night they reach for their moment
> And try to make an honest stand but they wind up wounded, not even dead
> ...


http://youtu.be/JR_0nbEzVdY 

^From around 4:00 to 6:00 mins in that tune, Clarence rips into one of rock-n-roll's all-time great sax solos. (IMHO)

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> We're gettin' the band back together, boys!
> 
> How about a harvest festival?...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7jeb_D08XA

----------


## Paulclem

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7jeb_D08XA


Good stuff Gil.

How's the lad doing? My wife was worried when ours first went. We'd dropped him off and there weren't many students around, and she was imagining him stuck in his room on his lonesome - probably weeping into his unconnected ether net cable. After a sleepless night she texted him and he happily told her that the contacts he'd made on the Facebook page had invited him to a club, where he's spent a while getting to know friends. 

I slept like a log convinced that our sociability gene was still strong. So it was.

----------


## prendrelemick

Well, its that time of year when every young shepherd's thoughts turns to tupping his sheep. I think I'm now sitting pretty with 3 top quality tups. I still have that pink tup I bought a couple of years back, and he has gone from strengh to strengh (though his colour is now a conventional mucky grey.) Then Fred my octogenarian neighbour is semi-retiring and I bought two of his tups - one is an absolute belter -AND I got them both for £100!!!!!! Fred is convinced they are both going to die this winter, but I got them home, trimmed their feet, wormed them, fluked them, dagged them out (don't ask,) gave them some antibiotics and multivitamins, then fed them some corn for a couple of weeks and they are looking full of vim and vigour.

That left me needing to buy just one more boy and a good budget as well. So on Saturday I was able to spend £500 pounds on a big strong tup from the same lady breeder my pink boy came from - only this time the pink dye had gone a bright orangey colour. Never-the-less he's a magnificent beast , the only qualm I have is that his testicles are more uneven than is usual in tups, but he is a proven and gauranteed sire. Driving home from market I was grinning like a cheshire cat. I've never done that before after spending 500 smackers.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Good stuff Gil.
> 
> How's the lad doing? ...
> ...I slept like a log convinced that our sociability gene was still strong. So it was.


So far he seems to be doing fine. 
While the Gurgles tend to be a bit more reclusive, Ryan has surprised us by quickly befriending at least three fellas he met during a howdy doody camp for entering freshmen. 
btw Father claims that "Ryan" was his choice based on the Ryan aircraft company (Spirit of St. Louis and the PT-22 primary trainer) Mother claims credit as it refers to Ryan O'Neal - women...go figure.




> Well, its that time of year when every young shepherd's thoughts turns to tupping his sheep.... 
> ...I think I'm now sitting pretty with 3 top quality tups. Driving home from market I was grinning like a cheshire cat. I've never done that before after spending 500 smackers.


Congratulations, sounds like some successful tupping!
Here's to successful siring and all that goes with it.
I remember Pink Tup.

----------


## The Atheist

> Driving home from market I was grinning like a cheshire cat. I've never done that before after spending 500 smackers.


Great story! Brings back some memories - I haven't spent time on a sheep farm for 35 years.

----------


## prendrelemick

> So far he seems to be doing fine. 
> While the Gurgles tend to be a bit more reclusive, Ryan has surprised us by quickly befriending at least three fellas he met during a howdy doody camp for entering freshmen. 
> btw Father claims that "Ryan" was his choice based on the Ryan aircraft company (Spirit of St. Louis and the PT-22 primary trainer) Mother claims credit as it refers to Ryan O'Neal - women...go figure.
> 
> 
> 
> Congratulations, sounds like some successful tupping!
> Here's to successful siring and all that goes with it.
> I remember Pink Tup.


I remember dropping my youngest off, I was all worried and emotional. She took a packet of Chocolate Hobnobs into her neighbour's room, and told us to go home. 




> I haven't spent time on a sheep farm for 35 years.


Very wise!

----------


## The Atheist

Aaah, the sweet sound of morning...

The 4 yo wakes up, singing this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v2AC41dglnM

----------


## Paulclem

Life took over for a while there. Busy busy. 

The Rugby League World Cup begins next week with England v Australia. 

http://www.rlwc2013.com/fixtures

Are you still going to the England Ireland game Mick? We're travelling from York in the morning and stopping off in Wakey to pick up my other brother, and then onto Huddersfield. I'm looking forward to it.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yep, I'm going. Arrangements still to be completed, but I think "The Head of Steam" which is actually in the Station, could be a good meet up venue. I'll PM you my mobile number.

----------


## The Atheist

You could count me in but for the 20,000 km away from the venue.

Go England!

----------


## Paulclem

Great Mick. I'll send you mine. 

The Head of Steam sounds good. 

Yes - 20,000 km - a bit far. If I become wealthy I'll organise a do. We could get Gil in on it then too.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Yes - 20,000 km - a bit far. If I become wealthy I'll organise a do. We could get Gil in on it then too.


Actually, I'm nearly there paddling in on my canoe, just about to pull into the port at Birkenhead.
Save me a seat.

----------


## stlukesguild

As public education in the US implodes as Neo-Cons struggle desperately to maintain control against the increasing power of women, Hispanics, African Americans, Asians... and anyone not falling within the old ruling class of old white Anglo-Saxon Christian males teaching has become increasingly stressful and time consuming. If this were in the service of the learning and success of children perhaps it would not be half as bad... but the current efforts by Education leaders with no education experience, corporations who only see a great source of new revenue, and politicians with their heads firmly inserted in their backsides whose only interest is re-election and money are leading public education in the US into the sewer. 

As a result... rather than spending my weekend in my studio working on my own art... I'm stuck writing learning objectives based upon "rigorous" standards and rubrics... in ART!!! No creativity... let alone critical thinking. One teacher who questioned the current push toward what is termed Common Core by a corporate consultant was told that her "thinking was dangerous". 

Thus I'm slugging back more beers than I have in quite some years. At least its some good stuff. After getting started on a few hard ciders I moved on to Dragon's Milk Stout... some damn good stuff... and at 10% alcohol it really does the stuff:



Waiting in the wings I have a few bottles of Samuel Smith Organic Chocolate Stout:



I'm downing these with a couple chocolate brownies accompanied (as usual) by the Rolling Stones.

----------


## prendrelemick

^You think that's bad, we have Michael Gove.



Meanwhile The Rugby league world cup is up and running. The Big match was England - Australia played in Wales!!!!???? The idiots are well and truly in charge. I missed the match because of sheep. I hate sheep.

ps. We lost.


Those who are canoeing (or railwaying) to Huddersfield for the Ireland match, I hope to be in the Head of Steam in front of a Tetleys around 1.00pm

----------


## Paulclem

> ^You think that's bad, we have Michael Gove.
> 
> 
> 
> Meanwhile The Rugby league world cup is up and running. The Big match was England - Australia played in Wales!!!!???? The idiots are well and truly in charge. I missed the match because of sheep. I hate sheep.
> 
> ps. We lost.
> 
> 
> Those who are canoeing (or railwaying) to Huddersfield for the Ireland match, I hope to be in the Head of Steam in front of a Tetleys around 1.00pm


Yes - the incomparable Mr Gove. He's from the wrong era.

We're now meeting in Leeds at 11.30 in Wetherspoons, and then travelling on to Huddersfield. We will come to the Head of Steam when we arrive.

----------


## prendrelemick

Hmm, just heard it is a sell out - I may be setting off a bit earlier. That traffic over Ainley Top can be a nightmare.


Mine's a pint by the way Paul.

----------


## Paulclem

> Hmm, just heard it is a sell out - I may be setting off a bit earlier. That traffic over Ainley Top can be a nightmare.
> 
> 
> Mine's a pint by the way Paul.


No problem. Tetleys I presume.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm waiting for my brother to pick me up in the next hour or so. It should be good.

I'm coming back overnight on the coach from Leeds - via Manchester on Sunday morning. It'll be interesting.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> As public education in the US implodes as Neo-Cons struggle desperately to maintain control against the increasing power of women, Hispanics, African Americans, Asians... and anyone not falling within the old ruling class of old white Anglo-Saxon Christian males teaching has become increasingly stressful and time consuming. ...
> 
> 
> 
> Waiting in the wings I have a few bottles of Samuel Smith Organic Chocolate Stout:
> 
> 
> 
> I'm downing these with a couple chocolate brownies accompanied (as usual) by the Rolling Stones.



In time you learn it is all futile and find yourself leaning on a decrepit fence over looking a creek staring up into the canopy of trees trying to make out a constellation between leaves, drinking whatever you can get your hands on, in a desperate attempt to ease your bad addled brain.

That stuff looks like it would do well as a cutting oil on my drill press ! 






> ...just about to pull into the port at Birkenhead.
> Save me a seat.





> No problem. Tetleys I presume.


Sorry I missed you last week, I ran aground at the Isle of Man.
I'll make up for my tardiness with 3 gallons of Night Train.

I'm catching the magic bus to Leeds.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p3Y64dpZGnE

----------


## Paulclem

> In time you learn it is all futile and find yourself leaning on a decrepit fence over looking a creek staring up into the canopy of trees trying to make out a constellation between leaves, drinking whatever you can get your hands on, in a desperate attempt to ease your bad addled brain.
> 
> That stuff looks like it would do well as a cutting oil on my drill press ! 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


I had a cracking day on Saturday. I set off with my brother and his mate Steve into York. We were dropped off to catch the train, but managed a jar before we got on. In Leeds we met my other brother and another mate, and we proceeded to Huddersfield after quaffing an appropriate pint. 

We got into The Head of Steam in Huddersfield at about 12.45, and Mick came in later. It was nice to meet him, and we had a bit of a chat. The bar was heaving at this time so his crew got off towards the ground whilst we stayed on for a bit longer. 

The match was good in that we won 42-nil but we scored in the first couple of minutes, and so it looked like it would be a bit of a walkover. 

After we quaffed in Huddersfield and Leeds before I went on to Wakefield with my second brother. We had a Chinese buffet meal, and then I went back to Leeds and caught the bus to Manchester and then Birmingham and finally Coventry. Unfortunately the bus wasn't magic, and I had a 2 hour gap in Manchester, but I did see a the Mancunian revellers squabbling outside the nightclub next to the bus station, which passed 10 minutes. 

I got back at 9 this morning, but had to retire for a few hours. We fancy another do in March next year. Woo hoo.

----------


## The Atheist

> As public education in the US implodes as Neo-Cons struggle desperately to maintain control against the increasing power of women, Hispanics, African Americans, Asians... and anyone not falling within the old ruling class of old white Anglo-Saxon Christian males teaching has become increasingly stressful and time consuming. If this were in the service of the learning and success of children perhaps it would not be half as bad... but the current efforts by Education leaders with no education experience, corporations who only see a great source of new revenue, and politicians with their heads firmly inserted in their backsides whose only interest is re-election and money are leading public education in the US into the sewer.


Did our education department all migrate to USA?

They sound much like our problems.




> I had a cracking day on Saturday.


Sounds like it!

----------


## prendrelemick

> I had a cracking day on Saturday. I set off with my brother and his mate Steve into York. We were dropped off to catch the train, but managed a jar before we got on. In Leeds we met my other brother and another mate, and we proceeded to Huddersfield after quaffing an appropriate pint. 
> 
> We got into The Head of Steam in Huddersfield at about 12.45, and Mick came in later. It was nice to meet him, and we had a bit of a chat. The bar was heaving at this time so his crew got off towards the ground whilst we stayed on for a bit longer. 
> 
> The match was good in that we won 42-nil but we scored in the first couple of minutes, and so it looked like it would be a bit of a walkover. 
> 
> After we quaffed in Huddersfield and Leeds before I went on to Wakefield with my second brother. We had a Chinese buffet meal, and then I went back to Leeds and caught the bus to Manchester and then Birmingham and finally Coventry. Unfortunately the bus wasn't magic, and I had a 2 hour gap in Manchester, but I did see a the Mancunian revellers squabbling outside the nightclub next to the bus station, which passed 10 minutes. 
> 
> I got back at 9 this morning, but had to retire for a few hours. We fancy another do in March next year. Woo hoo.


I had a good day too, nice to meet you and your brothers, Paul. I apologise for being late,(traffic) and leaving early - Our Steve (designated driver and Hudderfield rat run expert) was under the impression that the game started at 2.00 and hussled us out of there a bit quick. The only quaffing I got in was down at the John Smith's Stadium where you couldn't get Tetleys, so we paid twice as much for an inferior pint or three. The game was always going to be one sided but the atmosphere was great, we were shouting for Ireland to score by the end. Then it was home through more traffic and a magnificent thunderstorm in time to feed up.

----------


## Paulclem

> I had a good day too, nice to meet you and your brothers, Paul. I apologise for being late,(traffic) and leaving early - Our Steve (designated driver and Hudderfield rat run expert) was under the impression that the game started at 2.00 and hussled us out of there a bit quick. The only quaffing I got in was down at the John Smith's Stadium where you couldn't get Tetleys, so we paid twice as much for an inferior pint or three. The game was always going to be one sided but the atmosphere was great, we were shouting for Ireland to score by the end. Then it was home through more traffic and a magnificent thunderstorm in time to feed up.


Couldn't be helped Mick. I should have got the beers in, but didn't know you'd be so quick. I've got a very loud younger and a quiet middle brother - you may have noticed.

We stayed on until about 20 past and got there in time for the kick off. I haven't been to a match for 25 years, so it was great for me. We're now planning something for March. We want to meet more regularly and make up for lost time.

----------


## prendrelemick

Are you coming up for Le Tour de Yorkshire/France Paul ?

----------


## Paulclem

> Are you coming up for Le Tour de Yorkshire/France Paul ?


No plans to yet but it's early days. The timing's funny as it's really busy with our end of year rush round at work. We'll see.

----------


## The Atheist

I see the England team has taken the weather with them to Australia.

Carry that through to Sydney!

----------


## prendrelemick

Yup. TOURING POMS DOUSE BUSH FIRES!

I see the Aussies have re-instated Mitchell Johnson, That's a little sub-plot right there, after the way he couldn't handle the pressure last time.



Ok, I promise not to go on and on about the Cricket...Much

----------


## The Atheist

Oh please do; especially if, as I expect, Australia is getting hammered.

----------


## prendrelemick

Y'know, I think I could actually watch an All Blacks match all the way through. They play a very watchable game of union football. Thank goodness they beat our lot, demonstrating that playing to win is better than playing not to lose.

----------


## Paulclem

I watched the England v France RL game last night. A better game than the England Ireland match. I'm looking forward to next week's match against NZ. It'll be a proper test.

----------


## prendrelemick

England will have to step up a bit for that one, should be good.

----------


## The Atheist

NZ/England league games are a bit like the union ones. Every now and then England manages to pull off a rare win.

I have to say that this tournament looks like the perfect time to catch the Kiwis napping. I imagine they will be focusing on Australia and may let their guard down a little against your mob.

----------


## prendrelemick

Blimey! That's the most inept English batting performance for many a long day. You go to bed confident, and as soon as your backs turned they start throwing away wickets like they're going out of fashion. It was like they were flipping the ball to the fielders. It's going to be tough for them now.

----------


## The Atheist

Awful display.

An obviously successful attempt by young Australian women to put the men off their game.

Shame, Australia! Shame!

Not even much chance of the weather helping, sorry.

----------


## The Atheist

Well, that was that, then.

And nice to see the game being played in such good-natured fellowship: http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/c...y-8960984.html

----------


## The Atheist

I hope you northern lads caught up with a little of the "world cup" final.

If ever it needed proving that league is not a game worthy of a world cup, I trust the 34-2 drubbing in the final will dispel any myths on the subject.

What a shambles. 

One of the things I like best about league is that every single time the Kiwis get cocky about their chances of beating Australia, they get slaughtered. Alas, last week, they'd been reading their own press about what a great side they were, and thought that just had to turn up to win.

Australia taught them a valuable lesson that winning must be done on the scoreboard, not in the head.

----------


## Paulclem

I missed it - again!! I have no power over the day. It is at night that freedom is bestowed - in terms of the telly anyway. 

I've seen the score, but will still watch it on the I-player - if I get chance this week.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Auburn pulled off an amazing win over Alabama in final second of the game.
Pretty exciting stuff.

"34 -2" would that be a cricket score or round football?

----------


## prendrelemick

^Was that Rounders GG.

I think the Kiwl's were knackered after the semi final against our lot - the best match I've seen in many a long year - that went down to the last second too. 

To be honest, the aussies were a class above everyone else. Ah well, now for the Cricket...

----------


## The Atheist

<<<Sets up a round before cobwebs shut the bar entirely.

A nice warming stout for the northern hemisphereans, and an ice-cold for us southerners, sweltering under 28-30 degrees.

----------


## prendrelemick

Cheers!


Send a crate to the Waca would you.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I was on my way down to spray some WD 40 on door knob, but I see you managed to open up.
Send a warm Drambuie my way please.

----------


## Paulclem

I'll have a bourbon.

It's been so busy this year - I've hardly had chance to do 'owt. 

My two brothers and I are in the process of arranging a curry in Sheffield after the success of the England Ireland trip. One of us has even mooted the possibility of a continental trip in the future. Bruges was suggested, but I'd be happy with anywhere. It does open the opportunity of sampling some authentic Belgian beer though.

----------


## The Atheist

Unfortunately, you'd be surrounded by authentic Belgians as well!

I see the Ashes are back in safe hands for a while.

On current form, we have a couple of good fast bowlers right now - just cleaned out the Windies - so I wondered if the England chaps might like to pop over for a game or two after they're finished in Australia.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

A round of potato vodka to our fifty year old sod buster.

----------


## The Atheist

:Party:  :Party:  :Party:  :Party:  :Party:  :Party:  :Party: 



Oh yeah! Count me in for another member of the 50+ club!

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks guys - the drinks are on me.

----------


## Paulclem

Christmas Eve. Time rolls on.

So the allotment shop has shut for 1 week. I'll be down there digging once the festivities start to grind on.

Last week I was in the allotment shop - our members are coming in to pay their rent at the moment. So this guy come in and Vic, the secretary says - remind me of your name. This bloke says Steven Hawkin, and I, fool that I am, asked whether his book was selling well. 

He expressed his extreme displeasure and went on to detail:

he gets this everywhere he goes
his name is Steven not Stephen
his surname is Hawkin not Hawkings
he's not an author
he's never nurtured an interest in theoretical physics or mathematics
he's not in a wheelchair
he doesn't need assistance to speak
and he is significantly younger. 

Which - due to his annoyance - was much funnier that my foolish quip. I've made another friend I think.

----------


## sandy14

> Bruges was suggested, but I'd be happy with anywhere. It does open the opportunity of sampling some authentic Belgian beer though.


Bruges is nice. Be sure to visit the (only) brewery in the centre of town. There is a guided tours and it has an ace café attatched to it, which is cheaper than many of the restaurants around it. 

I went there by Eurostar - the Belgians have a system where Eurostar tickets are valid for 24 hours on the local trains to allow you to reach your destination (and return), so you will only need to buy a ticket to Brussels. Flying would mean buying a separate train ticket at the airport which adds to the cost.

----------


## Paulclem

> Bruges is nice. Be sure to visit the (only) brewery in the centre of town. There is a guided tours and it has an ace café attatched to it, which is cheaper than many of the restaurants around it. 
> 
> I went there by Eurostar - the Belgians have a system where Eurostar tickets are valid for 24 hours on the local trains to allow you to reach your destination (and return), so you will only need to buy a ticket to Brussels. Flying would mean buying a separate train ticket at the airport which adds to the cost.


Thanks for that. I'll bear it in mind. I have two brothers and we have only been out twice altogether - we're in our 40s and 50s. We might try a trip ourselves or take our partners along. Either way I'm sure it'd be good.

----------


## stlukesguild

For the first year since the wife and I have been married... nearly 20 years... we don't have a live Christmas Tree. They were all sold out earlier this year than in the past. Having to make do, we set up a sort of Christmas "shrine" with a ceramic tree, candles, and other decorations and lights... and of course a good many of the stuffed Teddy Bears we have collected over the years. We need something of a shrine of lights to help deal with the blues that accompany the long winter days... when its dark in the morning as we head to work... and dark when we get home. Of course the reality is that a live tree might have presented a real problem with two new young puppies in the house. Nevertheless... we got this Christmas "shrine" set up tonight accompanied with candles, incense, and Christmas music on the stereo... just finished with Anne Sophie von Otter's Christmas album (for me) followed by Dean Martin (for the wife...) OK, I have actually come to like some of these sappy songs, but I'll deny it if ever confronted... and claim duress under the effects of alcohol if anyone quotes this post. Celebrating Christmas Eve we broke open a bottle of Chimay...



followed by a Southern Tier Choklat:



In spite of all the predictions... we got 4"+ of snow today... so we will be having a "white Christmas"

"And since we've no place to go... let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..."

Merry Christmas to All... and to all a good night.

 :Santasmile:  :Seeya:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Merry Christmas to you and the rest of the lot around here.
We're over at the brother in laws watching "Scrooge" working on my third dirty Absolute martini.
I brought a bottle of Duvel for tomorrow.
Good night to all.

----------


## The Atheist

> In spite of all the predictions... we got 4"+ of snow today... so we will be having a "white Christmas"


Well, at least your wife will be able to say she got a solid four inches this year!

Merry Xmas all!

(nearly over down here - dinner eaten, kids playing; all is well with our world at least)

----------


## prendrelemick

The turkey's in, carols are playing on the radio, the offspring are wending their way in our direction, It's Christmas! I love it.

----------


## Paulclem

Aye. Dinners in and we're drinking sherry whilst it's cooking. The Mother in Law's here and the dog has settled down finally. The joshing can begin. 

Merry Christmas chaps.

----------


## MarkBastable

> he gets this everywhere he goes
> his name is Steven not Stephen
> his surname is Hawkin not Hawkings


If only to demonstrate that pedantry knows no season, I feel obliged to point out that Stephen Hawking's name isn't Stephen Hawkings either.


Happy Christmas, all.

----------


## dream69

Is this book for free? I love to read story books.

----------


## Paulclem

> If only to demonstrate that pedantry knows no season, I feel obliged to point out that Stephen Hawking's name isn't Stephen Hawkings either.
> 
> .


Oh I shall point this out with pleasure the next time I see him. The apostrophe was definitely not implied.

----------


## The Atheist

Yes, you can read this entire thread from start to finish, all for free!

Although shouting a round at the bar will be viewed very favourably.

----------


## Paulclem

After my last outing with my brothers, we have now settled upon a date for our annual January curry. We've never had it before, but a tradition has to start somewhere. 

We will be in Sheffield this year, and plan to meet at 11am, and leave by 6pm. We will have a few jars, a curry, followed by a few more jars. Marvellous.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Here's to a new year and a new tradition. I'm stumped on Trans Atlantic translation; "curry" - I just now educated myself into lern'n that you aren't going to have a bowl of powder seasoning, but the "jars" still has me wondering. 
When i read jars, my mind leads me to mason jars which can only mean one thing - "moonshine"

Happy new year in advance, we'll be heading out to my sister's for annual hootenanny this weekend.

----------


## Paulclem

Haha - interesting. Jars refers to pints and probably comes from the original receptacles, although I'm guessing. It is a well known term here. 

My wife is from Coventry and moved to Yorkshire where we met. She was bemused by the term Spanish - which in Yorkshire refers to liquorice. She thought it was some salacious term when she was asked if she wanted some once. 

Happy New Year to you Gil and all the chaps. 
We'll be seeing the Mother in Law and Brother in Law on New Year's Eve. We've bought a new game based on British culture so that the Mother-In -Law can join in better. (Pictionary was difficult for her).

----------


## The Atheist

> ... "curry" ....


Clever English invention.

Get rotten meat, cook, adding curry powder to mask the rotten flavour.

Bingo! Ready-made meals.

I think the meat being rotten is optional these days, although some of the restaurants I've seen would make you wonder.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Clever English invention.
> 
> Get rotten meat, cook, adding curry powder to mask the rotten flavour.
> 
> Bingo! Ready-made meals.
> 
> I think the meat being rotten is optional these days, although some of the restaurants I've seen would make you wonder.


Ahh, sounds like a recipe for a syndrome - "IBS"

Good luck wit that Paul.

----------


## stlukesguild

New Years Eve will be our annual holiday get-together. We'll have some friends over for the evening served with the traditional German sauerkraut and pork, an Italian Christmas Chili, various Hors d'oeuvres, a generous selection of truly fine beers, stouts, and ales... complete with Champagne for the midnight toast.

----------


## Paulclem

> Ahh, sounds like a recipe for a syndrome - "IBS"
> 
> Good luck wit that Paul.


Haha. It's no problem for me being a veggie, though my brothers are both meat eaters. With the recent horsemeat scandal here in the UK - where people found out through DNA checks of ready meals etc that they were eating horse rather than beef, lamb and pork - I wonder why they don't just come clean and have "anymeat" as a cheap alternative. They've probably been eating anymeat for years.




> New Years Eve will be our annual holiday get-together. We'll have some friends over for the evening served with the traditional German sauerkraut and pork, an Italian Christmas Chili, various Hors d'oeuvres, a generous selection of truly fine beers, stouts, and ales... complete with Champagne for the midnight toast.


We're having a curry - a take away. The Mother in Law and Brother in Law will be drinking wine probably. I'll have wine/ port/ beer whatever. We often don't make 12 o'clock - everyone else feeling too tired. I usually end up on the computer - though this year I might have a go on GTA5 for my xbox, unless my son decides to have a beer with me. He's had to get up before 10am this morning, so it is uncertain whether he will last the night.

(I don't mind his sleeping habits - he'll be working for the rest of his life and following the rigid working patterns we all follow - unless he's lucky).

----------


## The Atheist

> ... I wonder why they don't just come clean and have "anymeat" as a cheap alternative. They've probably been eating anymeat for years.


Horsemeat is good, healthy, low-fat stuff, too.

I don't understand why it's illegal to eat it. Is it the thought that that bet you lost on last week might be Sunday's roast?

I'd enjoy carving the sucker under those circumstances!

----------


## prendrelemick

We went to the local Greek place for New Years eve. We were glad to see Theo the chef/owner and his wife had mellowed a bit since the last time we went - that's what Grandkids do to a man/psychopath. (Or perhaps he had forgotten the incident with the halloumi) 

Anyway we had the Greek feast, where food just kept arriving, olives, feta, tzatziki, salmon, salad, pitta, meatballs, spicy pork, lamb and potatos, more salad. Being from yorkshire we had to eat everything we'd paid for, we were absolutely stuffed.

When we were leaving me and Theo fell on each other like long lost brothers, hugging, back slapping, hand shaking. I announced that the Salmon was the best I had ever tasted (it was) and he gave the ladies of our party a kiss and a tangerine each. It was as though a breath of warm Greek air had wafted up the Calder Vally and affected us all. A very good night.

----------


## The Atheist

> Being from yorkshire we had to eat everything we'd paid for, we were absolutely stuffed.


The sign of a True Englishman!

----------


## Paulclem

> We went to the local Greek place for New Years eve. We were glad to see Theo the chef/owner and his wife had mellowed a bit since the last time we went - that's what Grandkids do to a man/psychopath. (Or perhaps he had forgotten the incident with the halloumi) 
> 
> .


That sounds intriguing. 

I used to work with some Irainian chefs in a Pizza Restaurant at Newmilledam. They would all be shouting and gesticulating at once at various times during the day - I never knew what the problem was - but they seemed to settle down just as quickly. I got the impression they were a bit highly strung - but it may just have been their way. They were still a laugh.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

So long 2013 


We carried out the annual Gurgle ritual of sending the prior year up in flames.
This year we added a new twist inspired by our Viking brethren, only we were unable to find a Viking horned helmet, so we settled for Roman, not to mention the Levi's were a bit out of place.
I constructed the crematory long boat from found parts laying about in the shop. However the 4 inch diameter PVC pontoons just barely had the buoyancy to stay afloat. My brother is the pyrotechnics expert, he is seen preparing the black powder packets. In addition to black powder, he added a few mortars, about one thousand fire crackers ( see the bandolier ) and several sparklers.
One of the mortar explosions had enough force to blow the helmet off and topple the assembly, thus soaking the clothing. We quickly up righted the assembly before the straw stuffing got wet. Eventually it burned down to the steel skeleton.
The one photo shows my son on left eating some smoked turkey, his friend and my brother on the right.
Here's to a happy, healthy, successful 2014:

(Click on thumbnails for larger image)

----------


## The Atheist

That's a party with class!

----------


## Sancho

Hahaha

Light your hair on fire and be somebody!

----------


## The Kid

Being from California, I rarely say the word "cold". Or "ale". Or "bloke".




> Light your hair on fire and be somebody!


Perhaps this isn't the best place for me to look for some paternal/masculine influence in my life?

----------


## The Atheist

> Being from California, I rarely say the word "cold". Or "ale". Or "bloke".


That's ok, the English drink their beer warm.




> Perhaps this isn't the best place for me to look for some paternal/masculine influence in my life?


And maybe it is!

And I see you live in SF.

You couldn't call it a warm climate.

Samuel Clemens once said: "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".

----------


## Sancho

> Perhaps this isn't the best place for me to look for some paternal/masculine influence in my life?


Haha, Bob's yer uncle!
- I refuse to grow up. I tried it once, but it didn't take.




> And I see you live in SF.
> 
> You couldn't call it a warm climate.
> 
> Samuel Clemens once said: "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".


San Fran is one of a very few US cities that's GREAT for walking. And it warms right up out there going up and down those hills.

----------


## The Kid

> And I see you live in SF.
> 
> You couldn't call it a warm climate.
> 
> Samuel Clemens once said: "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".


Actually I live here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Jose,_California

It's considerably much larger and warmer (!) than San Francisco, despite its proximity. It's also much less famous, and disgustingly more unequal economically.




> Samuel Clemens once said: "The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco".


Samuel Clemens was a genius, and quite witty, though I think his novels are slightly worse than the rest of his writing.

He was spot on here about San Francisco, though. I once met a girl on an airplane from San Francisco to Boston. She was visiting during what happened to be a warm spell, perfect weather where I lived, absolutely beautiful. But when I told her this, she was surprised, and said it was still cold. I mean, a New Englander thinks California is cold? But alas, it was one of those famous San Francisco summers, which does feel like winter. Not where I live, though.

----------


## The Atheist

> Actually I live here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/San_Jose,_California
> 
> It's considerably much larger and warmer (!) than San Francisco, despite its proximity. It's also much less famous, and disgustingly more unequal economically.


Yeah, but everyone knows the way there.

----------


## The Kid

Ahh yes, that  :Smile:  Of course.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> That's a party with class!





> Hahaha
> 
> Light your hair on fire and be somebody!


We were a little disappointed in the results, but again, it was the first time we tried this on water. In previous years we carried out the auto de fe in the bonfire.
I'll guarantee better success at the end of this year.




> ...
> Perhaps this isn't the best place for me to look for some paternal/masculine influence in my life?


Probably not , all you'll find around here is worn out testosterone scattered about.
Look, there's some slouched over the bar.

----------


## prendrelemick

More petrol required I think, and rockets - plenty of rockets!

----------


## Paulclem

Great pics Gil. I agree - more rockets. It looks like a cold day. Did you get hit with the arctic blast recently?

My brothers and I are having a curry in Sheffield at the weekend Mick. We've been anticipating it virtually since we came up to Huddersfield. The trouble is, we're having difficulty finding one open in the afternoon. We may need to settle for a pub curry - which will be ok I'm sure.

----------


## prendrelemick

Sounds good paul, Hope you, the quiet one and the chatty one have a great time.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Great pics Gil. I agree - more rockets. It looks like a cold day. Did you get hit with the arctic blast recently?
> 
> My brothers and I are having a curry in Sheffield at the weekend Mick....



We were hit with the tail of the "polar vortex", however it was nothing as compared to the northern states.
Yes rockets!, I believe both of you are on to something there.

----------


## Sancho

How about White Phosphorus? That'd give floaty-lake man some pizzazz. You could name him Willie Pete. Hmmm, what are the fuzing options? Hmmm, gonna need some type of mechanical delay on an implosive projectile to detonate William Peter. Wait! How about a home-made Piezoelectric shell fired at him from a twelve gauge? That'd be pretty cool.

----------


## prendrelemick

I like the projectile idea - it gives a nod to the Viking way - mourners throwing their flaming torches onto the funeral bark as it drifts up the fjord. Or was that a Kirk Douglas/Tony Curtis film?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... Wait! How about a home-made Piezoelectric shell fired at him from a twelve gauge? That'd be pretty cool.


This activity takes place in East Texas, whereby life and intelligence takes on a less sophisticated approach. I'm afraid that piezo business would go over our heads higher than a Loblolly pine.




> I like the projectile idea - it gives a nod to the Viking way - mourners throwing their flaming torches onto the funeral bark as it drifts up the fjord. Or was that a Kirk Douglas/Tony Curtis film?


I should clarify we do use projectiles to ignite the effigy in the form of "Roman Candles", but I am intrigued by this type of rocket:






This was 2012's effigy -note the Roman Candle fire ball streaks:

----------


## The Atheist

> How about White Phosphorus? That'd give floaty-lake man some pizzazz. You could name him Willie Pete. Hmmm, what are the fuzing options? Hmmm, gonna need some type of mechanical delay on an implosive projectile to detonate William Peter. Wait! How about a home-made Piezoelectric shell fired at him from a twelve gauge? That'd be pretty cool.


You're a very bad man!

I like that in a bloke.




> I like the projectile idea - it gives a nod to the Viking way - mourners throwing their flaming torches onto the funeral bark as it drifts up the fjord. Or was that a Kirk Douglas/Tony Curtis film?


Yes, that was Vikings, although other cultures burnt the boats as well. For Vikings, see also, Mare of Steel:






> I should clarify we do use projectiles to ignite the effigy in the form of "Roman Candles", but I am intrigued by this type of rocket:


I do a bit of rocketry, but re-usable rockets with engines. They look amazing at night, and you can units that will go up to a mile high.

They're a little on the expensive side, but if you want to make a splash, try one. Just accept that a night launch means you're going to lose the rocket - they parachute back down.

----------


## Paulclem

Perhaps one of the space shuttles will be available cheap. 

We had a great time in Sheffield. It's a nice city full of stone buildings. The pubs were good though all the curry houses didn't open until 5.30. I also tried a strawberry and lime cider. Very nice and a pure strawberry flavour.

----------


## The Atheist

> Perhaps one of the space shuttles will be available cheap.


They're cheap enough, but hell to move.




> We had a great time in Sheffield. It's a nice city full of stone buildings. The pubs were good though all the curry houses didn't open until 5.30. I also tried a strawberry and lime cider. Very nice and a pure strawberry flavour.


Off to find some of that immediately.

----------


## Sancho

Okay, I'm thinking a homemade, shotgun delivered, piezoelectric fuze, designed to cook off Willie Pete the floaty-lake man may be a little ambitious for the typical home pyromaniac. So how about a fertilizer-bomb* floaty-lake man? We could call him F-Bomb man. All we'd need is a couple of sacks of ammonium nitrate, a couple of jerrycans of diesel fuel, and maybe a few M-80s with an extra long fuzes. Oh yeah, and a cigarette lighter. Then if everything goes as planned, the people standing on shore, watching F-Bomb man detonate, will start dropping the F-Bomb left and right: "Holy F! Did you see that F-ing F-Bomb man blow up? That was fan F-ing tastic. I'm going to go home right now and build my own F-ing F-Bomb man, uh, just as soon as this F-ing ringing my ears goes away." And so on and so forth.


*Literary tie in: In Ed Abbey's novel, _The Monkey Wrench Gang_, the Gang's plan was to drain Lake Powell and reclaim Glen Canyon by blowing the Glen Canyon dam with a fertilizer bomb. They were going to load a houseboat with ammonium nitrate and diesel fuel and then drive it up the Colorado River and anchor it at the base of the dam. Then it was going to be party-time, ecoterrorist-style.

Paul, a year or so ago I had the chance to eat at a wonderful restaurant in the "Curry Mile" section of Manchester.

----------


## Sancho

Atheist, we're getting reports of seismic activity out there in your neck of the woods. Please tell me you guys aren't working on the F-bomb. We don't want to get into a cold-war style F-bomb race, do we?

Seriously, did you feel the shake?

----------


## Paulclem

> Paul, a year or so ago I had the chance to eat at a wonderful restaurant in the "Curry Mile" section of Manchester.


I've heard of it but not had the pleasure yet. The brothers and I may take a trip up there yet. There's a similar phenomenon in Birmingham called the Balti belt.

----------


## The Kid

Are curries very popular in England? I've never tried one myself, but word spreads fast about good Indian food in this area. There are lots of Indian or Indian-descended people in this area, mostly related to the boom in the tech industry, thus the popularity of Indian cuisine is growing here. Perhaps I simply need to eat out more.

Or is there a non-Indian curry? Excuse my ignorance please.

----------


## prendrelemick

Curries are very popular in Britain, and a whole social popular culture has grown up around "going for a curry". If you get a good one they are delicious, and the best ones are not necessarily the hottest, a good curry has all kinds of subtle flavours. Most people have fast food type curries from supermarkets and takeaways, and to be honest they are not bad - until you try a proper one.

The Boy used to spend alot of his student loan money along the curry mile in Manchester when he was at Uni there. He went with his flatmates at least once a week, The challenge was to eat at every place along it while you were there, I think he managed about half of them in three years. He spent his work experiance year in Bradford, another curry hotbed, so he is quite an expert.

----------


## The Atheist

> Atheist, we're getting reports of seismic activity out there in your neck of the woods. Please tell me you guys aren't working on the F-bomb. We don't want to get into a cold-war style F-bomb race, do we?
> 
> Seriously, did you feel the shake?


Haha! Yeah, quite a good shake that was, but it was down the island a bit from us, so I'll have to check up on my lower North Island associates.

Tragic consequences of the earthquake - one shop lost over 100 bottles of wine!




> Or is there a non-Indian curry? Excuse my ignorance please.


Thai curries, and they're more on flavour and less on heat than a lot of Indian ones. Very popular.

----------


## Calidore

We have the rough equivalent of your curry mile here in Chicago. Not far from me, a roughly mile-long stretch of Devon Avenue and adjoining streets is home to a large Indian population, with lots of restaurants, clothing stores, groceries, etc. Once while looking around in one of the grocery stores, I got to watch (maybe "got to" isn't quite right) one of the staff behind the meat counter divide a goat into its component parts with a table saw.

----------


## Sancho

I'm guessing the goat-on-a-table-saw grocery wasn't run by the Hindus.

----------


## stlukesguild

We've been having a bi*** of a winter. I got today off (teacher) the third time today due to extreme temperatures: -14 to -17 ° F (-25 to -27° C). I spent the day preparing for a predicted blizzard with 40-50 mile per hour wind gusts. We dug out the electric blanket, taped off the windows, did grocery shopping for the week... including a slew of good coffee and good beer. Now I'm several beers (average 10% alcohol by volume) to the wind and sitting back listening to the wind howl... along with Bob Dylan, Hank Williams, Muddy Waters, and the Stones:



Right now I've moved on to Dylan's work of absolute genius: (Thank God for spell check!!!!)



"Because something is happening here... but you don't know what it is... do you... Mr. Jones!!!???

----------


## The Atheist

> We've been having a bi*** of a winter.


Nice & warm in Alaska, though! http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wir...er-48-21627640

Glad to see you're keeping the internal warmth up.

----------


## stlukesguild

Yes... they cancelled the Iditarod dog-sled race in Alaska. Should have moved it to Illinois, Michigan, Ohio. Wisconsin, or Minnesota this year.



I'm about as blitzed as I I want to be. Jack Daniels on top of all the beer I drank. I'll take a hand-full of baby aspirin and lots of coffee tomorrow as the blizzard hits.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Nice & warm in Alaska, though! http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wir...er-48-21627640
> 
> Glad to see you're keeping the internal warmth up.





> ...
> 
> I'm about as blitzed as I I want to be. Jack Daniels on top of all the beer I drank. I'll take a hand-full of baby aspirin and lots of coffee tomorrow as the blizzard hits.


I pulled a few random selections from my morning after, hair of the dog medicine bag that should help sober you up:

Harry Nilsson
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbgv8Pk...%3DTbgv8PkO9eo

George Jones
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Dyns0Fqxg1E

Ernest Tubb
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qnEMOQTh27s


And for those of us looking forward to warmer days:

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W3NU6hUYRo4

----------


## Paulclem

It's been very wet here this January - the wettest since records began apparently. There's been a lot of "since records began" stats for the weather here. 

I've had two punctures this week, so today saw me pushing the old chariot the last half mile to work and then at dinner time, the half mile to the bike shop. (I've been outside there with the upside down bike a few times before). It was nice to roll down into the town then for a coffee.

----------


## Sancho

Weekly recap of life in the city of Atlanta:


Tuesday, January 28:

By 2pm - 2 inches of snow had fallen upon the city of Atlanta

By 3pm - everybody in the city of Atlanta had crashed their car


Friday, January 31:

The sun is up and the roads are dry, and yet the average driving speed in the ATL is 25mph - just to be on the safe side

----------


## qimissung

That was hilarious, Sancho, speaking as someone who lives in a place where we mock ourselves for the same terrible driving if there is the least impediment, weatherwise. I did feel badly for those trapped in their cars overnight due to the inclement weather.

We have currently been feeling a trifle ill-used because the temp has been in the 20's. Ah well, that's what happens when you screw around with mother nature.

----------


## Sancho

My theory is, Mother Nature has it in for the automobile.

Last year I had a windfall, so I bought my wife a new Subaru. She hadn't had it a month when we were sitting in a restaurant, eating tacos and nachos, drinking cervezas mas fria, and watching the sky out front get purpler and purpler. Mother Nature had seen the shiny new red Subaru sitting there in the parking lot, so she directed a surgical band of golf ball-sized hail upon it, giving it a dimpled golf ball-like look.

However the Sube' drives splendidly in the snow.

----------


## The Atheist

> It's been very wet here this January - the wettest since records began apparently. There's been a lot of "since records began" stats for the weather here.


All around the world. Coldest January in USA since 1342, wettest January in England ever, hottest January in Australia since convicts first arrived...




> I did feel badly for those trapped in their cars overnight due to the inclement weather.


Bad?

I'll tell ya how bad it was - the State Troopers were giving out MREs to the people stuck in their cars. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meal,_R...Eat#Criticisms

----------


## Calidore

> Mother Nature had seen the shiny new red Subaru sitting there in the parking lot, so she directed a surgical band of golf ball-sized hail upon it, giving it a dimpled golf ball-like look.


Ouch. And if it's not weather, it's our feathered friends.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nSnUDakNaek

----------


## Sancho

Haha

Aerial Poopers have it in for the occasional jogger too. A few years ago I was running along, daydreaming, when I noticed a bunch of purple splotches on the path in front of me. This particular running path has a thick canopy of tree limbs overhanging the trail and the tree limbs are intertwined with wild grape vines. Here's how my mind processed the info: _Hey! Scuppernongs are getting ripe. Hey! But those things shouldn't be dropping on their own yet. Hey! Those grapes must've been run through a bird first. Hey! Probably one of those birds up there in that tree right now._

And then...ZOT...one of the little bastards got me with a bio-bomb right on the bill of my running cap. It wouldn't have been so bad if there hadn't been two women in tennis outfits walking towards me. They saw the whole thing. Neither of them made much of an effort to hide their amusement.

In case you're wondering, a purple bird-poop stain ain't easy to get out of a white baseball cap.

----------


## The Atheist

The one which makes me laugh is the idea that being pooped on is lucky!?!?

I'll give you lucky.

When I was about 14 years old, I was at the races with my father. I'd got the first leg of a double and was watching the second leg, with my horse in front with 33 yards to go.

Right at that moment, a seagull overhead dropped one on me.

The horse stopped as if it had been shot and finished last.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> It's been very wet here this January - the wettest since records began apparently. There's been a lot of "since records began" stats for the weather here...





> All around the world. Coldest January in USA since 1342, wettest January in England ever, hottest January in Australia since convicts first arrived...


We're still in the midst of a long term drought. It would be nice if you could send some your rain our way.
There is rain in the forecast into next week.




> Ouch. And if it's not weather, it's our feathered friends....


Nothing worse than trying to peer through the wiper smears on the windshield.

----------


## Calidore

> In case you're wondering, a purple bird-poop stain ain't easy to get out of a white baseball cap.


Glass half-full: I'd rather have to clean it from a cap than my eyes or mouth.

----------


## Paulclem

I was bombed by crows from palm trees on a beach in Goa once. I could have sworn they were guffawing at me as well.

----------


## Sancho

^I'll bet they were.

A sea bird in Honolulu made a direct hit on my T-shirt once. It took me a while to figure it out. I went into the loo at Starbucks and as I was washing my hands, I looked in the mirror and saw the big, fish-scalely, white blob on my shoulder. Then I remembered all those people looking at me kinda funny earlier.

Q - Do you know what the white stuff in bird poop is?
A - Well, that's bird poop too.

----------


## Paulclem

Half term beckons and the 6 Nations is off to a good start. I managed to catch the England v Scotland match - the Jocks were sadly lacking last week. No attack.

Later on I was pleased to see Livferpool thrash Arsenal 5-1, which is fantastic as Arsenal were the leaders. I prefer it to be an open competition rather than the usual 2 horse race.

----------


## The Atheist

I should imagine the cricket establishment is very happy there's other sport on to take the spotlight off the unbelievably bad results in Australia.Not to mention the other tour fallout.

Rugby seasons have gone mad in the meantime, with Super Whatevernumberthey'reupto about to kick off at the same time as Six Nations is on.

Looks like France's tournament for the taking at this stage.

----------


## Paulclem

The brothers and I are talking about catching some superleague this Easter. The natural team to watch would be Wakefield Trinity Wildcats, as the quiet brother lives there. Also. I'd be able to see my old house. I could see half the pitch from the toilet.

Nothing sorted yet so we'll see. We might just go for a roll around Sheffield again - it was very convivial last time.

----------


## Sancho

Looks like a good old fashioned southern ice storm out there today. I just stood out on my back porch watching (and listening to) Mother Nature's pruning machine roar through the pines. A half inch of ice, a little wind, and the loblolly pine trees don't stand a chance.

I've got my generator gassed up and ready to kick in for when the tree falls over the power lines, but I'm not at all prepared to lose my internet feed. I think I'd rather have wifi than heat.

Oh yes, also we've laid up a few extra six-packs.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... A half inch of ice, a little wind, and the loblolly pine trees don't stand a chance....
> 
> ...Oh yes, also we've laid up a few extra six-packs.


Them Loblolly's 'bout as brittle as a toads tongue in Death Valley.

I was thinking about you the other day after hearing of the mess that headed your way.
A sure fire means of get'n through sump'n like that is half 'n half Drambuie an Baileys' Irish Cream warmed in the oven just shy of bubblin.

----------


## Sancho

It all worked out. Our power stayed on, which surprised the livin' bejesus out of me. I was ready to fire up the generator and invite all the neighbors over for a jump-naked party. Anyway, we wound up holed up in the house for a couple of days, memorizing jokes out of_ Captain Billy's Whiz Bang._

----------


## prendrelemick

Just watching that board cross from Sochi, those women are completely bonkers! My favourite Winter Olympic sport ever, figure skating it ain't.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Ever since Franz Klammer, it's been downhill for me. 
I'm not current at the moment, are you referring to snow boarding? I agree - bonkers!

----------


## Paulclem

That downhill run a at Sochi is pretty scary. An ex-skier now presenter went down it with a camera to show the slopes. It's really long and very steep. 

I was watching the 2 man Bobsled this afternoon. That looks like fun.

----------


## prendrelemick

I quite fancy a go at that skeleton sledging. I might not be the most aerodynamic shape, but I have plenty of mass for gravity to work with.

----------


## Paulclem

> I quite fancy a go at that skeleton sledging. I might not be the most aerodynamic shape, but I have plenty of mass for gravity to work with.


Yes. Bulky and unaerodynamic is what I'd put on my application form for the skeleton. I'm sure it'd be just like going down the glassy slope that was Cannonball Hill on my plastic bag. (I was sore that day).

----------


## prendrelemick

I think they should hold a parallel Olympics for old fat blokes who should know better. No training or anything, just a delusional belief that you are still 21 would be required.

----------


## Sancho

Top Olympic athlete of all time, IMHO, Eddie The Eagle Edwards.

----------


## Paulclem

Agreed Mick. The middle aged games. Perhaps every competition should have a parallel tournament. 

Eddie is up there with the Jamaican Bobsled team, and represents the pinnacle of what the middle aged games could achieve. At least there'd be plenty of material for those falling over programmes. 

Speaking of which, I went **** over *** down at the allotment today. I was moving lengths of the plastic greenhouse when i got my foot stuck in one end and the other jammed into the ground. I'm pleased to report that I sprang up immediately just in case anyone was looking out of the windows of the houses that overlook the allotment. That's when the psychic sense kicks in and you can _feel_ the guffaws, hoots and neighing.

----------


## The Atheist

**** over *** is a new one on me. I get the ****, but I cannot figure out what the *** is. It was always **** over tip that I know.

Count me in on the middle-aged Olympics!

I could do that curling business.

----------


## Lykren

I'm currently drinking a beer called 'Mondo Blonde' and waiting for my 'Cowboy Burger' to be served up. I'm not much of a macho guy, but I thought I might mention this here  :Smile:

----------


## Paulclem

> I'm currently drinking a beer called 'Mondo Blonde' and waiting for my 'Cowboy Burger' to be served up. I'm not much of a macho guy, but I thought I might mention this here


You're in the right place. I've just had a lime and strawberry flavoured cider. Strawberries in a glass. Mmmm

I've heard of **** over tip but I always thought it was **** over *it. Perhaps it's local usage.

----------


## The Atheist

> I'm currently drinking a beer called 'Mondo Blonde' and waiting for my 'Cowboy Burger' to be served up. I'm not much of a macho guy, but I thought I might mention this here


Highly appropriate!

Although you might want to double-check on the macho-ness around here. We serve Shirley Temples at the bar and there are people around here who drink chocolate stout!

It's more of a refined gentlemen's club.

Except the refined tends to refer to the booze, and the only "gentlemen" in the place is the sign at the toilet.





> You're in the right place. I've just had a lime and strawberry flavoured cider. Strawberries in a glass. Mmmm
> 
> I've heard of **** over tip but I always thought it was **** over *it. Perhaps it's local usage.


I wondered if that was it. I was hoping it was something naughtier, as it didn't occur to me that one would be **ed. What happens in my ornithology thread when we get to ***s? Or even boobies. (waiting to see if it escapes the censor) The blue-footed booby mating dance is one of the wonders of the animal kingdom!

There are quite a lot of variations, all bastardised from the original, which is: ****, being bottom, over tip, being top. Dictionaries generally list both, I see.

Somehow, down this end of the world, it became **** over kip, which I'm sure is due to all the Irish accents early on.

----------


## The Atheist

Phew, the blue-footed boobies are safe.

If you haven't seen it, go and check out their dancing. Harlem shake, my ****.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I'm currently drinking a beer called 'Mondo Blonde' and waiting for my 'Cowboy Burger' to be served up. I'm not much of a macho guy, but I thought I might mention this here





> Highly appropriate!
> 
> Although you might want to double-check on the macho-ness around here. We serve Shirley Temples at the bar and there are people around here who drink chocolate stout!
> 
> It's more of a refined gentlemen's club.
> 
> Except the refined tends to refer to the booze, and the only "gentlemen" in the place is the sign at the toilet.
> 
> ...


We like to play games too...

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DiFEFL6ThRI

I'll offer up my water heater tank for the old geezer Olympics; split it down the middle and you have two bobsleds.

----------


## prendrelemick

Mrs P had a ..... Over... Experience, t'other day. She was holding my young dog Gwen as I was penning some sheep , she was supposed to leap in and shut the gate, but when I shouted, the dog leapt in and pulled her over instead. Face down in mud of an organic origin. My encouraging cries of "get up and shut the gate
for heavens sake" did not go down well.

----------


## Sancho

Probably a good thing you resisted wishing her a happy Valentine's Day at that point.

Middle-age Olympics! Count me in!

I think the first event should be the "****over*** competition," with points awarded for technical difficultly as well as style. (Although I'm still not sure what ****over*** means)

But before the first event, there should be an opening ceremony. I'm not sure what our uniform ought to be, but I'm fairly certain it will include plaid Bermuda shorts, black socks, and leather shoes.

----------


## Paulclem

I'm going to introduce kneesy, earsy, nosey to the office. I'll let you know how they get on. I'll probably need a bit of practice over this week before I do though. 

The **** over *** competition should be very good. The slow motion replays should be worth a programme in themselves. And I like the sound of the uniform. What top though? What about a tuxedo style t-shirt with a dicky-bow print so that we look like sporty bouncers? That would suit us Mick.

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes I think I could pull that off.

----------


## prendrelemick

Hang on a minute. Venessa Mae is doing the skiing round poles event. What next Yehudi Menuin doing the ski jump?

----------


## Sancho

> ... What top though? What about a tuxedo style t-shirt with a dicky-bow print so that we look like sporty bouncers? That would suit us Mick.


Perfect.

As for head gear, I think we should go hatless. In fact, the disposition of our middle-aged noggins could be a competition in and of itself: a medal to the man with nary a hair on his head, or a particularly thin fringe, or the effective use of a single sideburn as a comb-over, or a bad dye job, or maybe for the bloke who can no longer grow a single hair on his pate but seems to have made up for it with the ability to grow great tufts of the stuff out of his ear canals.

We're gonna need an anthem when we enter the stadium. The tune that leaps to mind is: _We Are The Champions_, by Queen

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...I'm not sure what our uniform ought to be, but I'm fairly certain it will include plaid Bermuda shorts, black socks, and leather shoes.


Not bad, but I would suggest that ensemble is better suited for the summer Olympics, synchronized lawn mowing event or possibly the Texas discus toss (dried cow patties)





> I'm going to introduce kneesy, earsy, nosey to the office. I'll let you know how they get on. I'll probably need a bit of practice over this week before I do though. ....


I made a few attempts just before logging on, nothing earsy about it! My finger * * * * over my jolly * * *.

----------


## The Atheist

> Face down in mud of an organic origin. My encouraging cries of "get up and shut the gate
> for heavens sake" did not go down well.


 :Biggrin: 

I hope you didn't laugh!





> The tune that leaps to mind is: _We Are The Champions_, by Queen


Oh yeah, that'll have them chortling when they see the size of the ****s over the ***s!

I think it's high time the Winter Olympics embraced ice fishing. 

It could be run as a biathlon event. Instead of skiing and shooting, we'd have largest fish and fastest downing of a hip-flask of scotch after nightfall.

----------


## prendrelemick

.........

----------


## prendrelemick

Lawn mowing the piste! Sign me up for that! At least it's not as daft as curling. That's the trouble with the winter Olympics all the events happen in cold and slippery conditions. Why they don't,t move them to the summer, I don't know.

----------


## Sancho

Bah-Hahahaha...HAH!

This thread cracks me up every time I come over here. 

The lawn-mowing competition is spot-on. 

Now I'm picturing a bloke, wearing a beige jumpsuit with an embroidered crest on the the chest pocket and a built-in stretchy belt, pushing an electric lawn mower, shaking his fist at a kid on a bicycle. 

"GET OFF MY LAWN"

----------


## prendrelemick

You may have just come up with the games' logo there sancho

----------


## Paulclem

I just can't get excited about curling or "frozen bowls". Nor can I raise any enthusiasm for skating despite the ladies costumes. The ladies costumes are negatively balanced by the men's costumes, and they seem to be as old as my daughter. 

The skiing and skateboarding on snow is much more fun. 

Just a thought. We could sport our short haired pates or we could get a "hairstyle tattoo". The advantage being tbe intial choice is a 2d haircut of dreams which does however have some disadvantages.

----------


## The Atheist

> We could sport our short haired pates or we could get a "hairstyle tattoo".


Retro punk skinhead should suit everyone.

How can it be the Real Blokes' Winter Olympics without mentioning snow-writing?

Surely that is the blue riband of the Games?

I propose a handicap event, with competitors with hyperprostatism being given a 3 point head start.

Extra bonuses for distance of writing from the writer, clarity of the writing, total number of letters, and extra points for difficulty for things like no hands. A second round will be the artistic freestyle session.

----------


## prendrelemick

And no dribbling!

As to the figure skating,I was quite taken with the Russian girl Sotnikova who was wearing a small red dishcloth in the short program. I can imagine her father saying "You're not wearing that!"

----------


## The Atheist

Some of the holds are somewhat intriguing as well. I can see why partners are often very good friends.

Dribbling? Certainly not. Any mark outside the target area will be a points deduction.

----------


## Sancho

Hell yeah! Lemme grab a six pack, and then sign me up for the snow-writing event. I'll be competing in the Big, *BOLD*, Swinging-Richard, Block-Letter division. 

Hey, maybe we should have a braggart's competition too.

----------


## The Atheist

:Smilielol5: 

Maybe a deduction if your game doesn't meet your talk?

----------


## Sancho

Well, the first time I showed up for a group ride wearing a pair of those Spandex cycling shorts, the guys in my bicycling club started calling me, _The Acorn_. I'm not sure why.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well, the first time I showed up for a group ride wearing a pair of those Spandex cycling shorts, the guys in my bicycling club started calling me, _The Acorn_. I'm not sure why.


I'm imagining Jack Black as Nacho Libre or Chris Farley as El Niño http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mkSRUf02gu8


For my snow writing presentation, I will attempt "black letter" as my font style and for extra points I'll attempt an illuminated letter pee.



It'll be kind of like the first attempt at a quadruple axle in skating.

----------


## The Atheist

Heck, I was think of 14-point Arial. I can see this not going well.

And we have to have these!

----------


## Paulclem

Speaking of pee, we could have a subdivision where we attempt to write the longest word our bladders will allow. There could be points for flourishes, style and execution. The rules would have to stipulate a continuous, unbroken line.

On another tack I am increasingly finding myself welcoming the weekend, and anticipating its arrival on Thursday. Is this normal for the ageing bloke? I do have another _18_ years to go. boo

----------


## The Atheist

I'm the exact opposite - everyone goes home on the weekend, so I can't make any money!

Ban weekends and holidays, I say.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Heck, I was think of 14-point Arial. I can see this not going well.
> 
> And we have to have these!


Yes, it could serve as our Zamboni, clearing the yellow snow for the next round.




> ...
> On another tack I am increasingly finding myself welcoming the weekend, and anticipating its arrival on Thursday. Is this normal for the ageing bloke? I do have another _18_ years to go. boo


I'm on the same tack as you, with the arrival of each Thursday comes the sweet fragrance of Saturday beginning to waft through the cubicles.

----------


## prendrelemick

Ahhh.., back on the lappy after two weeks of tableting. Touchscreens are the devil's spawn.

----------


## The Atheist

As long as you have a keyboard they're not too bad, but if you have to have a keyboard, you may as well have a laptop!

----------


## Sancho

> Speaking of pee, we could have a subdivision where we attempt to write the longest word our bladders will allow. There could be points for flourishes, style and execution. The rules would have to stipulate a continuous, unbroken line.


Well, at the risk of being crude (a risk I'm willing to take), will there be any points deductions if my script is in somebody else's handwriting? I'm getting a picture here of El Sancho with his hands in his back pockets, shuffling sideways in the snow, receiving the assistance of a woman of low morals yet good handwriting skills.

----------


## The Atheist

Haha! 

Yes, we could have a team event. I suppose we'd better have mixed doubles and same-sex doubles!

----------


## Calidore

If JBI can do hanzi, I think he'll win.

Sancho: I believe an outside helping hand is considered cheating in pretty much any contest.

----------


## The Atheist

*Brushes the cobwebs out of the corner of the bar, shakes Parker.*

Bit quiet in here, chaps.

Spring is sprung for you northern chappies, and we're basking in a glorious Indian Summer down here, so all is well with the world.

I see there's a push to make Martinis cool again.

I prefer mine made from frozen ingredients. Keeping the gin at -15C seems to be the ideal. So cold you don't notice it setting fire to your oesophagus.

Mmm, martinis.

Parker is mixing them to my precise instructions* and will be delivering one to everyone right away! 

*4:1 gin:vermouth. Gin @ -15C, extra-dry vermouth @ -4C, shaken lightly in small amount of crushed ice and a martini olive, poured into chilled martini glasses. Order sober drivers.

----------


## Paulclem

I'll have one of those - thanks. 

Spring is springing here, but it's still a bit cold. Snow is forecast tonight, though it is not expected to be heavy. 

It might be time for another party.

----------


## The Atheist

Good idea. 

How many fireworks do we have right now?

The bar's stocked, I have an order of fillet steak arriving... anything else we need?

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Lately it's been the "dirty" vodka martini for me 3:1:1(shots) vodka/dry vermouth/olive brine, shaken with crushed ice.
I'm sure there's still quite a bit left in the Gurgle arsenal out at my sisters place. We typically re stock each 4th of July and New Year's.

----------


## The Atheist

Oh yeah! That sounds good.

Apart from the vodka martinis.

Parker is on warning that he is not to allow the vodka bottles anywhere near the vermouth. The threat of cross-contamination cannot be ignored.

I'm going to get some laser lights to accompany the fireworks. Andre Rieu is coming with his orchestra, and most importantly, Mirusia Drunen. 

Nothing but class this time around. 





Tractor-pull starts at 3 pm.

----------


## Paulclem

I'll have to buy a tuxedo then. My funeral/ interview/ wedding/ christening suit won't do. (Perhaps I should call it my rites of passage suit)

----------


## The Atheist

You'll be fine without the tux. Just turn up in your gardening gear and tell any who asks that you're one of the drivers in the tractor pull.

We have all the bases covered.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GvPqsx2GlWs

----------


## Sancho

Oh man, Gill, I think my head just exploded.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Oh man, Gill, I think my head just exploded.


this should take care of what's left of you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5ys7W5IMTw

----------


## Sancho

Oh man, that did not help!

http://youtu.be/GSbigjiKLoU

Mars Attacks!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

haha!

Sancho, I'm hit'n the sack, it's time for me to wind down.
good night
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inpifmOLQfQ&feature=kp,

----------


## Paulclem

Excellent chaps.

I'm half way through the Easter hols and today the wife and I overdid our stint at the allotment. I got a few beds cleared and planted my second early potatoes. The dog - my wife's lovely boy - came with us and is now grouchy and overtired. (The dog and I had a couple of spats tonight but luckily he's given up my football watching seat just in time for tonight's games).

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Excellent chaps.
> 
> I'm half way through the Easter hols and today the wife and I overdid our stint at the allotment. I got a few beds cleared and planted my second early potatoes. The dog - my wife's lovely boy - came with us and is now grouchy and overtired. (The dog and I had a couple of spats tonight but luckily he's given up my football watching seat just in time for tonight's games).


Hope the second half of the hols was enjoyable, restful or productive. Perhaps you might post some evidence of your sod busting efforts. 
If I recall, that's that ornery Jack Russell(?) we've heard tales of, right?

----------


## Whosis

"Behold the rain which descends from heaven upon our vineyards, there it enters the roots of the vines, to be changed into wine, a constant proof that God loves us, and loves to see us happy."--Benjamin Franklin

Which is apparently misquoted as:

"Beer is proof that god loves us and wants us to be happy."

This was alluded to in the first post, so I thought I'd throw it out there. It might have been quoted in the past 456 pages... but hey, I'm a bloke. 'spect me to look through all that, now?  :Tongue:

----------


## prendrelemick

We've been beholding the rain a little too often this winter.

As it's lambing time at the moment I have a creditable excuse for not doing the garden. But it's always there and the weeds are growing day by day. This morning Mrs P is going to put Polly (the pony) in as an interim measure (and as a strong hint to me to get on with it ) I wish those TV gardeners would declare couch grass and docks the new must have.

----------


## The Atheist

> This was alluded to in the first post, so I thought I'd throw it out there. It might have been quoted in the past 456 pages... but hey, I'm a bloke. 'spect me to look through all that, now?


Absolutely!

But you're still welcome to talk to Parker about bringing your favourite tipple over.

Gardening isn't compulsory, but fireworks are.

----------


## Whosis

I hope you don't mind me asking, but what/who is Parker?

----------


## Paulclem

> Hope the second half of the hols was enjoyable, restful or productive. Perhaps you might post some evidence of your sod busting efforts. 
> If I recall, that's that ornery Jack Russell(?) we've heard tales of, right?


I will post some photos, (I'll just need to work out the best way), of the new allotment. The last chap left it in a very organised state which is great. 

Yes - the very same Jack Russell. Everyone who meets him thinks he"s very nice - and so he is. They don't see the "dark side" though.

This week has been productive. Today I was in the old aunties house clearing out the loft ready for the skip tomorrow. Sad really - the old uncle had a workshop up there and was working on some wood project which he never completed. (I'm not sure what it is but it looked like a series of small storage boxes. Perhaps he wanted to resort his numerous screws). 

Parker runs the Cold Ale Bar, Whosis, and will provide you with the tipple of your choice. His former employers include Lady Penelope, and so he brings a plethora of experience and contacts.

----------


## Sancho

We got our plants in one week too early this year. We had a late season frost a few days after my Señora planted all of our stuff. I covered every thing, but most of the tomatoes got burned, and I do like a fresh tomato sandwich. They might pull through. Anyway the division of labor at our place goes like this: Sancho does the tilling, the weeding, and the composting; the Señora does the planting and the picking; the Springer Spaniels do critter patrol. It works out pretty good.

Alright, Gill, fight's on. Let's have a good, old fashioned stereo war, like back in the college dorms, or the army barracks, depending on your background, or really anyplace where you had a bunch of young guys with too much testosterone, too much amplification, and strongly held opinions about what good music is.

How about a little psychobilly:

http://youtu.be/H96XcNWKZVg

The Reverend Horton Heat (I think he's from TEXAS!)

A fine use of metaphor in that piece

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I hope you don't mind me asking, but what/who is Parker?


Welcome Whosis, Paul pretty well summed up Parker. 
Perceptions of this place are as varied as the ales of the world, mine goes something like this; a typical evening at the Cold Ale Blokes Bar:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlNZF1QLrbw

(Freeze the video at 2:30 to see Parker behind the bar)





> ...Alright, Gill, fight's on. Let's have a good, old fashioned stereo war, like back in the college dorms, or the army barracks, depending on your background, or really anyplace where you had a bunch of young guys with too much testosterone, too much amplification, and strongly held opinions about what good music is.
> 
> How about a little psychobilly:
> 
> http://youtu.be/H96XcNWKZVg
> 
> The Reverend Horton Heat (I think he's from TEXAS!)
> 
> A fine use of metaphor in that piece


Coincidentally, I had just pulled my tenderloin from the oven last night. 
Reverend Horton Heat is a new one on me, I'll look into this dude.

I dont know here to begin, when it comes to music my tastes are as varied as an East Texas quilt.
Being the last in line, starting with depression era parents followed by four siblings ahead of me, my ears were subjected to the widest array of music that vinyl could crank out. 
Whether it was mothers Gregorian Chants, Classsical music, Catholic hymns pounded out on the piano, fathers Big Band, Bob Wills, Spike Jones, Arthur Lyman, my brother blasting out the likes of Blue Cheer, The Who, Zeppelin, Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen, Cream, three sisters listening to Hermans Hermits, Neil Young, Leon Russell, Willie Nelson, Buffalo Springfield and on and on, my contributions to the testosterone jam fests were often met with scorn as I pulled out, oh lets saya Glen Miller LP.

As it turned out, my brothers influence brought me into the fold when I dropped something like this on the fellas followed by the common refrain; crank it up dude

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FSZhCKbQZc

----------


## The Atheist

> (Freeze the video at 2:30 to see Parker behind the bar)


What a great spot; that's him alright.

Now all we need is Lady Penelope to pay a visit. http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/...84_468x469.jpg

(Parker again in the background)

----------


## Sancho

Heh heh. That's a lot pink right there.

Hey, Gill, I wiki'ed The Reverend Horton Heat and it turns out he is, in fact, from TEXAS. Yeeehaw! His name is Jim Heath, and he and I went to the same college within a couple of years of each other (that little ole school down in Austin). Go figure. Anyway I don't think I've ever seen him play live, but you never know. The señora and I like to do a Sixth-Street crawl 3 or 4 times a year. We were last there in February on Marathon weekend. 

Pandora Radio turned me on to the Reverend. I like to set it to a Rock-a-Billy station out in the garage when I'm working on cars. That kind of music just seems to work when I'm drinking warm beer and doing the grease-monkey thing. Anyway, Pandora keeps coming up with tunes you might like based on what you've told them you already like. It's amazing. They know what I'll like before I've ever even heard it. The Reverend kept coming up, and I kept hitting the little thumbs-up thingy, so The Reverend kept coming up some more.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> What a great spot; that's him alright.
> 
> Now all we need is Lady Penelope to pay a visit. http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/...84_468x469.jpg
> 
> (Parker again in the background)


I bet Parker and _The Most Interesting Man in the World_ would hit it off pretty well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_9hrV1KIx4






> ....Pandora Radio turned me on to the Reverend. I like to set it to a Rock-a-Billy station out in the garage when I'm working on cars. That kind of music just seems to work when I'm drinking warm beer and doing the grease-monkey thing...


I have a cloudy recollection of 6th street back in mid 80s visiting friends at UT. 
Okay, rockabilly, thanks for narrowing that down. One fella that comes to mind is Eddie Cochran his rockabilly classic http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZZD8ckwLJA 

Here again, had I brought Cochran's version to a stereo war, I would have been run out of town but thankfully we have Blue Cheer http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU5uDozoSSM

Note the drummerremember Cousin It from the Adams Family?

----------


## Sancho

Rockabilly almost died with Eddie Cochran.

Anyway, aside from cars, I had to do tractor maintenance as well: 

This little number works better in the barn.

http://youtu.be/q_9gOjT5qxY

Hoyt Ming, getting down and getting funky.

----------


## Paulclem

The Who - fantastic.

My formative teen years were the late 70s and 80s, but I have been travelling back to 70s rock over the past 10 years. The lad also likes a bit of rock - he got me a great Santana collection for christmas this year.

Anyway, one of my favourite bands from that era is The Allman Brothers Band. I'm sure this will be in keeping with the bar music.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCRS4DRmf_w

I often sing this when I'm cycling along in a wanted fugitive bandit cycling fantasy I have.

----------


## Paulclem

Whoa - I've just found this version as well.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xZBfV5JvLk

----------


## Paulclem

and this 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jv85YFe-lCA

which gives it a great slow time feel.

----------


## Paulclem

and this - which offers something a bit different

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDy7-eq7OGM

Which version do you prefer? I'm a bit stuck.

----------


## Sancho

I had no idea _Midnight Rider_ had so many covers. I gotta tell ya, I kinda like what Patti Smith did with it.

Hey, I know. How's 'bout we goes to Chi-town for a little blues number. Hound Dog Taylor, _Walking The Ceiling_:

http://youtu.be/xEhMwUmV9dk

The man played as though he had an extra finger on his frettin' hand. (He did)

----------


## Paulclem

Bon Jovi have incorporated it into their Wanted Dead or Alive song as well - I've found. 

I liked Patti Smith's version too. Smooth.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> and this - which offers something a bit different
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cDy7-eq7OGM
> 
> Which version do you prefer? I'm a bit stuck.


Paul,
putting the original aside, I have to go with the Paul Davidson variant, maybe it's the Friday night talking, I really like that one.




> I had no idea _Midnight Rider_ had so many covers. I gotta tell ya, I kinda like what Patti Smith did with it.
> 
> Hey, I know. How's 'bout we goes to Chi-town for a little blues number. Hound Dog Taylor, _Walking The Ceiling_:
> 
> http://youtu.be/xEhMwUmV9dk
> 
> The man played as though he had an extra finger on his frettin' hand. (He did)


Hound Dog Taylor isn't bad Sancho, but when I stack him up against Johnny Horton, well...
oh yeah turn it up...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bPYC53wyVq0


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FK42a2wImO8

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Happy Mother's Day gentleman and to anyone else that saunters in.



A little ditty ....

deleted - It's been posted enough already!

----------


## Sancho

Caught this guy live in Austin down on 6th St. - 20 freakin' years ago!

http://youtu.be/fcyszC6fotE

Bats. Bats! Everywhere! And armadillos, Keeee-riest!

----------


## The Atheist

Great find!

Armadillos. Mmmm.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Another one you offered up that I wasn't familiar with and from Texas on top of that. I must have been out west herd'n Jackalope at the time. Duarte has that distinct Stevie RV / Texas blues influence.

This is a bit off the beaten path, so to speak, nevertheless, something I felt was necessary to share with the Blokes.
Most folks here in the States are familiar with the TV show Gunsmoke, and in particular the character Festus played by Ken Curtis, but have you heard the guy sing?..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-tuCJU_1-M8.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_3P53pdqrk

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWR6FLnPack

----------


## Sancho

I've seen SRV and Chris Duarte live several times. Both have (had) an electric-Texas-bluesy sound. As far as I know, Duarte never covered any of SRV's tunes, but they both covered some of the same tunes by other guys (Jimi's Red House, for instance). I'm no professional critic, but if I had to put my finger on it, I'd say Duarte is faster and more nimble, but Stevie played with more power and soul. Just my amateur opinion. Stevie was kind of a little guy, but he had these amazingly strong hands, and he strung his guitar with really fat-gage strings, then he'd bend notes, not just half steps, but full steps. In fact he'd bend full chords. He was truly a freak of nature.

The last time I saw Stevie was in, of all places, Fairbanks, AK. It was only a few months before the helicopter crash. He brought the house down, played Cross-Town Traffic behind his back. During one song he broke a string, and while continuing to play, he restrung his guitar, tuned it, and never missed a note. 

The last time I saw Chris Duarte was in Lubbock, TX. He was so loud that we had to go out to the parking lot - sounded pretty good out there. That night this guy opened for him, had a 3-piece band - himself, a dude with a big bass fiddle, and a guy on drums:

Teddy Morgan and the Sevilles:

http://youtu.be/N17QXUu4Hjs

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

First things first; in recognition of Memorial Day... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S6MjvUrE_K0

********

Some trivial backstory on Stevie; we grew up in the same part of Dallas known as Oak Cliff, not the we ever crossed paths, although he and a brother in law brown bagged it together at the HS cafeteria, before Stevie dropped out in pursuit of the blues.

I saw SRV in concert one time in 1988 at the Cotton Bowl, he (double trouble) along with his brother(fabulous thunderbirds) opened for The Who.

Here's a video I stumbled on some time back with the brothers playing together on a double neck 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iSjRggiSBrU

----------


## The Atheist

Gilliatt: surely you went here on Memorial Day?

http://blog.pennlive.com/wildaboutpa...ield_draw.html

----------


## Sancho

Speaking of epic Texas-size concerts, I was a little young for the granddaddy of them all - Z.Z. Top's 1st Annual Texas Barn Dance and B-B-Q. It was held in Austin at the Univ. of Texas Memorial Stadium on Labor Day in 1974, and evidently it was hotter than hell. Turns out it was also the Last Annual Texas Barn Dance and B-B-Q due to the damage done to the playing field. A friend of mine was there; he was down on the field and he said it was so hot that people started slicing up the astro turf and making tents out of it for the shade.

----------


## Paulclem

A Greek guy we used to know gave me a SRV CD about 15 years ago. Very good it was. 

So the allotment is coming on nicely with my first earliest flowering and the broad beans not far off picking. I've had a good day today as my bike has been fixed by the nice man in the bike shop. The frame broke a few weeks ago so he replaced it for me. This means that my 5 year old bike has had everything changed except the seat and the handlebars. This does pose a philosophical question as to whether it is the same bike although it has been in continuous use. 

I also got my new Kindle Fire from which I am making this post. My former kindle's battery packed up. This is a superb bit of kit.

----------


## Sancho

Haha

Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who claimed he owned the original hatchet that George Washington used to cut down the cherry tree - of course he'd had to replace the handle three times and the head twice, but other than that...

----------


## The Atheist

> A friend of mine was there; he was down on the field and he said it was so hot that people started slicing up the astro turf and making tents out of it for the shade.


Now that's showing some class!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Gilliatt: surely you went here on Memorial Day?
> 
> http://blog.pennlive.com/wildaboutpa...ield_draw.html


Thanks for sharing that, after reading, I realized it's been far too long since I checked up on our boys from east Texas.
Formally known as the TBRC (Texas Bigfoot Research Conservancy) they recently adopted a new name; North American Wood Ape Conservancy (NAWAC)
http://woodape.org/
Bonus! - looks like they still have a link to the Texas Bigfoot Conference my son and I attended in 2013.

----------


## Calidore

Stevie Ray was awesome. My friend Rich and his sister were at the Alpine Valley show, then heard about the crash while driving home.

----------


## Paulclem

I went to an award ceremony last night representing our allotment group. The secretary refused to go - I did wonder why - as there was food, wine and a turn.

Well it's a good job it was held in St Mary's Guildhall - a building around at the time of the Tudors and which housed Mary Queen of Scots on her trip to London for trial. There was lots to look at - the stained glass windows are superb, and the armour and stone statues are great. 

After 5 minutes at the meeting, my wife wrote a note to me asking if we could go to the pub. Unfortunately, I had to be there to receive the 3rd Prize for the best kept site on behalf of the secretary. (It's quite a nice cup, and I've been telling everyone that I got most improved player in the hope that they don't ask me at what). 

The meeting dragged on, the awards moved through briskly, and the turn, a presentation called Know Your Weeds, was actually the best bit of the whole thing - apart from the samosas. 

After eating we quickly left for a local pub - we gave The Golden Cross a miss, despite the distinct possibility that Shakespeare may well have been in there after watching Coventry's mystery plays - and settled on a Wetherspoons. I had a strawberry and lime cider which rounded the night off rather nicely.

I don't think my wife will accompany me next year if I get asked to go again... or ever probably.

----------


## Scheherazade

http://www.online-literature.com/for...World-Cup-2014

----------


## prendrelemick

Hang on, should that be an an S or a Z?

----------


## prendrelemick

> I went to an award ceremony last night representing our allotment group. The secretary refused to go - I did wonder why - as there was food, wine and a turn.
> 
> Well it's a good job it was held in St Mary's Guildhall - a building around at the time of the Tudors and which housed Mary Queen of Scots on her trip to London for trial. There was lots to look at - the stained glass windows are superb, and the armour and stone statues are great. 
> 
> After 5 minutes at the meeting, my wife wrote a note to me asking if we could go to the pub. Unfortunately, I had to be there to receive the 3rd Prize for the best kept site on behalf of the secretary. (It's quite a nice cup, and I've been telling everyone that I got most improved player in the hope that they don't ask me at what). 
> 
> The meeting dragged on, the awards moved through briskly, and the turn, a presentation called Know Your Weeds, was actually the best bit of the whole thing - apart from the samosas. 
> 
> After eating we quickly left for a local pub - we gave The Golden Cross a miss, despite the distinct possibility that *Shakespeare may well have been in there after watching Coventry's mystery plays* - and settled on a Wetherspoons. I had a strawberry and lime cider which rounded the night off rather nicely.
> ...



Or was it after watching Coventry City's FA Cup final win against Spurs.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I went to an award ceremony last night representing our allotment group...
> ...be there to receive the 3rd Prize for the best kept site on behalf of the secretary. (It's quite a nice cup, and I've been telling everyone that I got most improved player in the *hope that they don't ask me at what)*....


"Tales from the Allotment" I do enjoy your updates.
If I were a betting man, I'd put it on the improvements to your sheds. 
You did make those improvements, right?
Congratulations.

----------


## stlukesguild

The budget is a bit tight due to a couple of big bills... including the down-payment on a new car... so we have been forced to cut back. The biggest place to slash the budget is in dining out... which we do far too much. So instead we're eating at home. Tonight was the big meal of the week: New York Strip steaks on the grill accompanied with some very fine beers... and wine for the wife. We spent an hour or so after like an old couple sitting on the front porch... It was a gorgeous day. Now that the sun has dropped down I'm up in the computer room/office/library listening to some bluegrass cranked up loud... followed, no doubt, by my drinking music:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Before logging in, I knew what picture would follow the ":"
We're having a nice well deserved steady rain at the moment, but your steak reference has me hoping for a small break to grill out this afternoon.

----------


## prendrelemick

I've been mowing the lawn with my new Austrian scythe this evening. A flock of Great Tits were feeding on some little grubs that are eating our lilac tree. The grubs are inside the leaves and the birds were hanging upside down tearing them open to get at them - like they were eating a prepacked supermarket meal . The swallows were diving for the midges I was putting up - it was great, much better than using the lawn mower.

----------


## Paulclem

> "Tales from the Allotment" I do enjoy your updates.
> If I were a betting man, I'd put it on the improvements to your sheds. 
> You did make those improvements, right?
> Congratulations.


I made improvements of a sort - I demolished the old fallout shelter which was no use to man or beast. It had been constructed with opaque plastic and very big window frames which were on the side next to the hedge - so no use for light. It made a sizeable pile of glass and wood. Some of the panes were 4 x 4 ft. 
This all went into the skip. 

As it happened, one of the other plotholders - Steve - had to leave as he was moving in with a new girlfriend who lives in Stratford Upon Avon. He had organised his whole plot into 31 raised beds complete with paths and a nice border. It has two sheds and a brilliant greenhouse. He left the lot and my committee compadres suggested that I take it. So I did. 

It has really helped my wife, who has been ill this year, as the beds are easier to work.

We had a Barbie there tonight to celebrate the lad's graduation. We went to the ceremony in Oxford on Friday and had a cracking day. The Chancellor is a famous human rights lawyer here in the UK. She gave a really good speech. We were also supposed to have a speech from Hilary Mantel - the double Booker Prize winner, but she was ill. Pity that. I can't believe it's been 4 years.

----------


## Paulclem

> I've been mowing the lawn with my new Austrian scythe this evening. A flock of Great Tits were feeding on some little grubs that are eating our lilac tree. The grubs are inside the leaves and the birds were hanging upside down tearing them open to get at them - like they were eating a prepacked supermarket meal . The swallows were diving for the midges I was putting up - it was great, much better than using the lawn mower.


Sounds fantastic Mick. I'll have to look up the Austrian scythe.

----------


## stlukesguild

"Great Tits...?!"  :Eek6:  :Shocked:

----------


## The Atheist

> I've been mowing the lawn with my new Austrian scythe this evening.


I'm getting a bit worried about you - first it's being buried to Don Giovanni, now you're out there with a scythe!




> "Great Tits...?!"


Yes; the best-named bird on the planet. Oddly enough, they're quite small.

----------


## prendrelemick

A perfectly legitimate ornithological term, along with Blue Tits and Great Bearded Tits.

----------


## prendrelemick

> I made improvements of a sort - I demolished the old fallout shelter which was no use to man or beast. It had been constructed with opaque plastic and very big window frames which were on the side next to the hedge - so no use for light. It made a sizeable pile of glass and wood. Some of the panes were 4 x 4 ft. 
> This all went into the skip. 
> 
> As it happened, one of the other plotholders - Steve - had to leave as he was moving in with a new girlfriend who lives in Stratford Upon Avon. He had organised his whole plot into 31 raised beds complete with paths and a nice border. It has two sheds and a brilliant greenhouse. He left the lot and my committee compadres suggested that I take it. So I did. 
> 
> It has really helped my wife, who has been ill this year, as the beds are easier to work.
> 
> We had a Barbie there tonight to celebrate the lad's graduation. We went to the ceremony in Oxford on Friday and had a cracking day. The Chancellor is a famous human rights lawyer here in the UK. She gave a really good speech. We were also supposed to have a speech from Hilary Mantel - the double Booker Prize winner, but she was ill. Pity that. I can't believe it's been 4 years.



Another few years and you will be taking over the entire allotment, then another and another and soon....

Our council made some allotments next to a housing estate (We fenced round it). the plots were tiny, about 10x15 ft, and the rent was £100 a year. I was wondering if you could grow £100 of veg on a plot that size. The lady from the council said it was more of a "Community garden" and all about the priceless experience of eating your own produce.

----------


## mal4mac

"The old man, holding himself erect, moved in front, with his feet turned out, taking long, regular strides, and with a precise and regular action which seemed to cost him no more effort than swinging one's arms in walking, as though it were in play, he laid down the high, even row of grass. It was as though it were not he but the sharp scythe of itself swishing through the juicy grass."

http://www.classicreader.com/book/266/74/

----------


## prendrelemick

^That episode is my favorite bit of Tolstoy.

----------


## Paulclem

> Another few years and you will be taking over the entire allotment, then another and another and soon....
> 
> Our council made some allotments next to a housing estate (We fenced round it). the plots were tiny, about 10x15 ft, and the rent was £100 a year. I was wondering if you could grow £100 of veg on a plot that size. The lady from the council said it was more of a "Community garden" and all about the priceless experience of eating your own produce.


That is a ridiculous price. Our rents are £18 a year for a plot that are around 30 x 50 at least. A lot of people rent 2. It sounds like a bit of a money scam from the council. 

For the first time in quite a few years we're full. We have about 170 plots covering 16 acres. We do have the option of reclaiming land that has been let wild should the need arise.

----------


## mal4mac

Another week passed. The oat-harvest began, and all the men were a-field under a monochromatic Lammas sky, amid the trembling air and short shadows of noon. Indoors nothing was to be heard save the droning of blue-bottle flies; out-of-doors the whetting of scythes and the hiss of tressy oat-ears rubbing together as their perpendicular stalks of amber-yellow fell heavily to each swath. Every drop of moisture not in the men’s bottles and flagons in the form of cider was raining as perspiration from their foreheads and cheeks. Drought was everywhere else.
—Thomas Hardy, Far from the Madding Crowd, Chapter XXXIII

Lammas is August 1st, the festival of the first harvest of wheat.

----------


## prendrelemick

This bloke is great. How to do it Albanian style.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RyZCCl3OE0&hd=1

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> This bloke is great. How to do it Albanian style.
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7RyZCCl3OE0&hd=1


Enjoyed the video, particularly the peening and sharpening techniques. I'll be happy to loan you these when the time arises:




Note the WD-40 to wet your stone and the sock to slip it in.

RE: Ornithology

The Red-breasted nuthatch is an absolutely adorable bird. Recently a pair of were making the rounds clasping onto the shaft of sturdy Oak penetrating acorns with their beaks.

Another common bird in my neck of the woods, is the Bridled Titmouse.

----------


## prendrelemick

Just what I need - a decent peening hammer. Not to mention a planisher. I made the mistake of buying a peening jig because the old eyes are a bit dull, but there is no satisfaction using it. Anyway t'other day I had a go with an ordinary claw hammer and polished up a lump hammer for an anvil - and made a fair job of it.

That WD40 idea sounds good. oil tends to clag up the stone.

Do you have Bustards in Texas?

----------


## prendrelemick

.......

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Just what I need - a decent peening hammer. Not to mention a planisher. I made the mistake of buying a peening jig because the old eyes are a bit dull, but there is no satisfaction using it. Anyway t'other day I had a go with an ordinary claw hammer and polished up a lump hammer for an anvil - and made a fair job of it.
> 
> That WD40 idea sounds good. oil tends to clag up the stone.
> 
> Do you have Bustards in Texas?


"Lump hammer"? I'll need help with that one.
What you see in the picture is from my father's sheet metal tools, used on many VW Beetle and Corvair Monza fenders.
The sharpening stone is one I picked up some where along the way. I once tried some 80 weight oil on the stone, normally used as cutting oil on the drill press, that really gummed up the grit.

As requested, here are two pictures of the new lassie, her name is Isis:






I had her sit by some wood I'm splitting with the new 10 lb sledge hammer and the ole family wedge. I figured anyone who cuts grass with a scythe, would appreciate a classical method of splitting wood.

----------


## prendrelemick

How many times have I thought, "If I had a long handle on this wedge it would be a very good thing," and never pursued the idea.

That's a grand looking dog, do I detect a bit of collie in there.



Don't lend me those heirlooms, I'm a terrible loser of hammers.

----------


## The Atheist

A Yorkshire sheep farmer, eh? I'm sure we have one of those around here.....

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/c...n-9582960.html

----------


## prendrelemick

Strange folk them North Yorkshire types.

We have a piece of genuine Tour de France art work in our meadows by a genuine artist. She created it by sowing different coloured grasses into the sward in April, it covers about 10 acres and can be viewed from le route of le Tour. I have no idea what it is supposed to be, when I asked her she said "It's totally abstract". I was jealous of my mate -Miles who has a nice picture of a man and his dog in his field, Miles was on telly the other day talking about it. Anyway mine is supposed to be curves and stripes but by last week no stripes had appeared , my original native grasses have smothered them. So last weekend the stripes were sprayed in with a liquid nitrogen rich fertilizer and a green dye. The dye was useless - green dye on green grass - I only knew it was there because the sheep had green legs after a running through it. The Nitrogen might be kicking in though, I thought I could see something this morning. 

Jo, the artist, is a bit distraught because there is an "Interpretation board " by the viewing point across the valley showing what it is supposed to look like , with her name on it. She was planning to go up one night and obliterate it with spray paint (vandals would be blamed) " don"t worry" sez I " If there's a picture of what it's supposed to be like, people will stare and squint and think they can see it." True art is in the mind of the beholder.

----------


## stlukesguild

Finally! All three of us... myself, my wife, and my brother (who lives with us) are off tomorrow. We had the most fabulous burgers on the grill on Pretzel rolls with some absolutely magnificent Belgian Trappist ale. I'm on my third bottle... all the size of a wine bottle and just as strong (10-11% alcohol). Now we're listening to Willie Nelson full blast... to be followed by Elmore James and the Rolling Stones and finally a magnificent double chocolate stout with a dark chocolate bar and some chocolate cake. If we don't go into a diabetic coma, we'll all get up around 2 PM tomorrow. Thank God for spell check!!

----------


## stlukesguild

Shake Your Money Maker!!!!

----------


## stlukesguild

"Gimme Shelter"

Oh, a storm is threat'ning
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Oh yeah, I'm gonna fade away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our very street today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost your way
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder!
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
The floods is threat'ning
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or I'm gonna fade away
War, children, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
I tell you love, sister, it's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
Kiss away, kiss away

----------


## prendrelemick

For me it's not the words but the WOWOWOWOWOW guitar on that track.

----------


## The Atheist

> True art is in the mind of the beholder.


Yes indeed. As the payment of 2.6 million quid for an unmade bed showed.

----------


## Pope of Eruke

> Shake Your Money Maker!!!!


LOVE Elmore James, that slide is so damn good...

----------


## Sancho

^I gotta gal, she lives up on a hill
Yeah, I gotta gal, she lives up on a hill

Shake it but don't break it, baby.

Yes, well, so anyway, I finally decided to do something about the tremendous pile of broken down junk I have out in the barn. Nope, I did not call Ed the salvage man - I resolved to start fixing stuff. So Monday I bought a mig welder from a guy down the street who needed some cash. Yeah baby, metal-inert-gas, wire feed, 250 volts, 200 amps (or two-oh-one, whatever it takes), arc welder. I inserted a 10 lb spool of wire, hooked up an 80 lb tank of argon/CO2 shielding gas, laid out a half-dozen implements that needed a bead burnt across them, and gassed up my generator, but then the trouble began. When I went to plug in the welder, the plug didn't fit.

No big whoop, sez I, I'll make it fit. 

1st problem: the power receptacle on the generator has 4 holes, but the plug on the welder only has 3 prongs. In the parlance of the American National Electrical Manufacturers Association, I had to plug a NEMA 6-50P into a L14-30R. Hmm, what to do about the spare hole? I found a box of old power cords in the garage and decided to fashion a converter out of a heavy-duty power cord (30 amp) from a now-defunct clothes dryer. Green wire, red wire, white wire, and black wire.

So green is ground, red is hot, black is hot, and white is neutral (whatever that means). After much hemming and hawing, and racking my brain trying to remember a basic circuits course I took years ago, I just clipped that white bastard off. 

Voila! Problem solved.

2nd problem: Feed speed, Dial-a-Volt, and Polarity. Trial and error worked here.

3rd problem: what to do about the sunburn.

As it turns out, I could've saved myself a lot of time if I'd'a visited the welder's forum on the web. It's set up just like this one (only with much more traffic) and all the things I had to figure out on my own were already laid out for me right there in the "general questions" area.

Yep.

Think I'll keep my eyes peeled for a 3-phase Heliarc Welder.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> .. Now we're listening to Willie Nelson full blast...


"Trappist ale take my mind
Don't let her mem'ry torture me..."




> ....1st problem: the power receptacle on the generator has 4 holes, but the plug on the welder only has 3 prongs. In the parlance of the American National Electrical Manufacturers Association, I had to plug a NEMA 6-50P into a L14-30R. Hmm, what to do about the spare hole? I found a box of old power cords in the garage and decided to fashion a converter out of a heavy-duty power cord (30 amp) from a now-defunct clothes dryer. Green wire, red wire, white wire, and black wire.
> 
> So green is ground, red is hot, black is hot, and white is neutral (whatever that means). After much hemming and hawing, and racking my brain trying to remember a basic circuits course I took years ago, I just clipped that white bastard off. 
> 
> Voila! Problem solved.


A pair of jumper cables and electrical tape can sometimes get you around those confounded NEMA problems, but I wouldn't count on a pair of isotoner gloves when operating.





> ....That's a grand looking dog, do I detect a bit of collie in there...


Thanks, her bio from the shelter indicated "Collie mix". Who knows what the rest of her is.




> Strange folk them North Yorkshire types.
> 
> We have a piece of genuine Tour de France art work in our meadows by a genuine artist. She created it by sowing different coloured grasses into the sward in April, it covers about 10 acres and can be viewed from le route of le Tour. I have no idea what it is supposed to be, when I asked her she said "It's totally abstract". I was jealous of my mate -Miles who has a nice picture of a man and his dog in his field, Miles was on telly the other day talking about it. Anyway mine is supposed to be curves and stripes but by last week no stripes had appeared , my original native grasses have smothered them. So last weekend the stripes were sprayed in with a liquid nitrogen rich fertilizer and a green dye. The dye was useless - green dye on green grass - I only knew it was there because the sheep had green legs after a running through it. The Nitrogen might be kicking in though, I thought I could see something this morning. 
> 
> Jo, the artist, is a bit distraught because there is an "Interpretation board " by the viewing point across the valley showing what it is supposed to look like , with her name on it. She was planning to go up one night and obliterate it with spray paint (vandals would be blamed) " don"t worry" sez I " If there's a picture of what it's supposed to be like, people will stare and squint and think they can see it." True art is in the mind of the beholder.


Just right for an Austrian scythe!

----------


## prendrelemick

> Yes, well, so anyway, I finally decided to do something about the tremendous pile of broken down junk I have out in the barn. Nope, I did not call Ed the salvage man - I resolved to start fixing stuff.






I have the same problem. I've decided to build a new barn.

----------


## Sancho

> I have the same problem. I've decided to build a new barn.


Ha ha, sounds like a sound plan. In fact I'm in the early planning phases of a new barn myself. Which is to say, I'm thinking of putting up a new barn. Unfortunately whenever I start to do something around here the lyrics to the children's song, _There's A Hole In My Bucket_, starts ringing through my head.




> There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
> There's a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.
> 
> Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, dear Henry,
> Then mend it, dear Henry, dear Henry, mend it.
> 
> With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, dear Liza?
> With what shall I mend it, dear Liza, with what?
> 
> ...


Sounds like Henry's a bit of a whiner.

----------


## Paulclem

Well - the daughter is off to Thailand to an Elephant park for two weeks. She's done her exams and will be back for the results. I'm off to Seville on the 5th with the lad to try to reinvigorate his interest in Spanish. It looks fantastic. My wife is going to make an Autumn holiday in Florence - though she has time to change her mind. My wife and I are hoping to get away to the coast later in August. It'll be a busy summer.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well - the daughter is off to Thailand to an Elephant park for two weeks. She's done her exams and will be back for the results. I'm off to Seville on the 5th with the lad to try to reinvigorate his interest in Spanish. It looks fantastic. My wife is going to make an Autumn holiday in Florence - though she has time to change her mind. My wife and I are hoping to get away to the coast later in August. It'll be a busy summer.


If you don't mind me asking, how many children do you have, is it the two?
Thailand, Seville and Florence...choices...choices.
I'd have to give the nod to the wife and Florence. Maybe you'll run into Papayahed in Seville.
Elephant Park ?....

----------


## Paulclem

> If you don't mind me asking, how many children do you have, is it the two?
> Thailand, Seville and Florence...choices...choices.
> I'd have to give the nod to the wife and Florence. Maybe you'll run into Papayahed in Seville.
> Elephant Park ?....


I just have 2 children. The lad is now 22 and has finished university. My daughter is 18 and is about to go to university. 

My daughter is asleep as we speak in a hotel in Northern Thailand ( they are 6 hours ahead). She has signed up for a volunteer holiday at an Elephant Sanctuary - I wasn't clear in my last post - for 2 weeks. She'll be looking after rescued elephants, dogs, cats and other animals. 

The lad and I will be going to Seville whilst my wife will be taking an Autumn holiday to try to break the rather poor health she's had in Autumn and winter over the last few years. Last winter she was out for 3 months with chest infection, then pleurisy and finally pneumonia. I'm hoping that a holiday before and one after Christmas will help her this year. 

I'll have to ask Papaya if she'll be around. I met Mick last year which was great to put a face to his internet prescience.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

The Elephant Sanctuary sounds like a worthy and fulfilling endeavor. 
Here's to your wife's health and Florence, I would be hard pressed to imagine a better destination when I consider my bias toward the art and architecture.

----------


## Paulclem

> The Elephant Sanctuary sounds like a worthy and fulfilling endeavor. 
> Here's to your wife's health and Florence, I would be hard pressed to imagine a better destination when I consider my bias toward the art and architecture.


She really loved the elephant. One of the trainers, a woman, had rejected the traditional methods of training elephants and my daughter said they really loved her. She posted a great pic of herself sitting on three elephant's trunks. 

My wife is looking forward to Florence. I'm hoping she'll take a post Christmas break too to break the cycle. 

I'm now on holiday with the lad in Seville. It's pretty hot 36 degrees but it is a very shady city. I'm off downtown to buy The Times ( I think that's what all Brits have to do abroad plus they didn't have the more liberal Guardian). Then I may have coffee and buy souvenirs.

----------


## mal4mac

> My daughter is asleep as we speak in a hotel in Northern Thailand ( they are 6 hours ahead). She has signed up for a volunteer holiday at an Elephant Sanctuary - I wasn't clear in my last post - for 2 weeks. She'll be looking after rescued elephants, dogs, cats and other animals.


Just watched Operation Wild on BBC1. There was a vet trying to get a bullet out of an elephant, but failed as it kept on threatening to stomp him - happily both survived! All very blokish, all very Hemingway, unlike the nursery of baby Panda's...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> My wife is looking forward to Florence. I'm hoping she'll take a post Christmas break too to break the cycle.... 
> 
> ...It's pretty hot 36 degrees but it is a very shady city...


Beyond the myriad of obvious must see's, I'll throw in a quick pop in at the Basilica of Santa Croce. (wife's Florence trip)

36 deg - hot? it's 100 degrees here today in my neck of the woods. 
Yeah, I know that's a lame joke, but a classic.
Never made it to Seville, just Barcelona...perhaps a couple of pics of your favorite haunts.

----------


## Paulclem

> Beyond the myriad of obvious must see's, I'll throw in a quick pop in at the Basilica of Santa Croce. (wife's Florence trip)
> 
> 36 deg - hot? it's 100 degrees here today in my neck of the woods. 
> Yeah, I know that's a lame joke, but a classic.
> Never made it to Seville, just Barcelona...perhaps a couple of pics of your favorite haunts.


Of course. I'm from temperate climes and have no tolerance. I must get photobucket sorted to link some pics.

I'll mention the Basilica of Santa Croce. She's booked 2 weeks so she should have plenty of time. 

I have revealed my lamentable language skills every day this holiday. I'll confidently ask for coffee or beer but am immediately thrown by a further question whereupon the assistant switches to English to help me out of my bluster and I surrender any attempts at Spanish and we end in amicable thank you-s. I suppose you have to start somewhere. It keeps the local population amused.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ... I'll mention the Basilica of Santa Croce. She's booked 2 weeks so she should have plenty of time.


When the time comes, I'd like to hitch a ride vicariously.




> ... I have revealed my lamentable language skills every day this holiday. I'll confidently ask for coffee or beer but am immediately thrown by a further question whereupon the assistant switches to English to help me out of my bluster and I surrender any attempts at Spanish and we end in amicable thank you-s. I suppose you have to start somewhere. It keeps the local population amused.


I read your blog, sounds like a great time.

----------


## Paulclem

> When the time comes, I'd like to hitch a ride vicariously.
> 
> 
> I read your blog, sounds like a great time.


Thanks Gil.

Tomorrow my wife and I will be travelling by train to Margate which is a seaside town in the South east. We're having a few days of doing nothing except perhaps a short trip to Canterbury. We've both wanted to visit Canterbury before and, by all reports, it's a nice, historic place.

So later I will be loading up the kindle for lots of reading and lounging about. We're currently undergoing one of those periodic reviews of the house and so furniture is being changed, and we are having a clear out. The skip outside is full, the small bird cherry and hedge is trimmed and away we will pop.

I will of course give you chaps a full report on Margate.

----------


## Sancho

So, the other day I found another Yellow Jacket nest.

Unfortunate hand:



Regular hand:



Li'l bastards

----------


## Calidore

> So, the other day I found another Yellow Jacket nest.
> 
> Unfortunate hand:
> 
> 
> 
> Regular hand:
> 
> 
> ...


Yeowch!

Since this is the manly thread, can I assume your hand is swollen from punching the yellowjackets so hard?

----------


## Sancho

Yep, that'd'a been an manlier option than the one I chose, which was to scream like a girl and run across the pasture shucking and jiving and whirling my t-shirt over my head like a helicopter. It's what I've always done in that situation. That black and white, spotted fellow in the picture came up with a doggie version of the same thing.

----------


## Scheherazade

> Yep, that'd'a been an manlier option than the one I chose, which was to *scream like a girl* ...


i have stopped reading at this point but I am hoping you also mentioned rushing back home to take pictures of your poor hand and post them on the net for everyone to see!

 :Wink:

----------


## Sancho

> i have stopped reading at this point but I am hoping you also mentioned rushing back home to take pictures of your poor hand and post them on the net for everyone to see!


Hey, who let the innie in? Bloke's have outies. Don't they?

But, good point, Scher. Misogyny lurks around every corner of the language, especially in dusty old cliches.

So how about**: 

Screamed like a banshee - hmm, naw, it changes the whole idea
Screamed like a screaming mimi, uhh, somehow seems redundant

Squealed like piggy - nah, that one gives me a picture of Ned Beatty up on the Chattahoochee <shudder> 

Ran like a river - too artsy-farsty
Ran like a bad dye job - doesn't quite get at it

Shook like a dog sh*ttin peach pits - that one makes me laugh, but it's not really what I was doing

Hey, we should do a simile thread. It'd be fun.

Tossed and turned like a crack baby

Sweated like the crack between a fat man's butt cheeks

Giggled like a...

Shook like a...

Danced like a...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Unfortunate hand:




For some odd reason, this ^ hand reminds me of Glenn Langan in _The Amazing Colossal Man_ 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zgpv7_4uonQ

Catch the line at about 0:57

----------


## Sancho

Haha. 

Don't LOOK at me. I'm hideous. Arrggg!

No biggie really. I get swarmed by 'jackets every couple of years. Goes with the territory. We'd just gotten to talking about yellow jackets on these forums a few years back as part of a discussion of Flannery O'Conner's novel, _Wise Blood,_ so I decided to demonstrate. Anyway, that was a single sting. I got stung by around 25 of the little bastards once when I climbed down into an old junker car that was up on its side out in the woods. It took me a while to extricate myself from the vehicle, and then I ran for miles and miles, until I got to the river. The cool water felt pretty good. There was a guy a few years back in my neighborhood they found lying dead next to his lawn mower. I don't think they ever got a definitive answer on the cause of his death, but the speculation was pretty strong that it was a single yellow jacket sting to the temple.

----------


## The Atheist

Sounds nasty, Sancho!

Just popped in briefly, so Jynnan Tonnyx all round, unless anyone feels like a Ouisghian Zodah.

----------


## Sancho

Haha!

Welcome back, A'

I'll have a Jack...ahem...John Daniels. When you've known him as long as I have, you can call him John, perhaps even Jim...Jimmy...Jimbo.

Okay, I ripped off that idea from Scent of a Woman.

----------


## The Atheist

Y'ever notice that booze always has really "blokey" names?

Johnny, Jack, Beefeater, Gordon's.. oh wait, then there's Canadian Club. Scratch that idea.

----------


## Sancho

Good point, A'. Around here we drink Wayne's Whiskey. You see, Wayne is the bloke who lives next door, and Wayne has a still in his barn. I sh*t you not.

In defense of the manliness of Canadian Club, I seem to remember a little number by Jake and Elwood:

_I Don't Know,_ The Blues Brothers

http://youtu.be/XBUBs4HRcSY




> I said, Baby
> You know when you bend over I see every bit of Christmas
> And when you bend back I'm looking right into the New Year
> 
> She said, Honey
> You know I gave up cigarettes for my new year's resolution
> But I didn't give up smoking
> 
> I said, Woman
> ...



I'm pretty sure I'm getting the metaphor.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Y'ever notice that booze always has really "blokey" names?
> 
> Johnny, Jack, Beefeater, Gordon's.. oh wait, then there's Canadian Club. Scratch that idea.


Or nicknames such as "night train", "mad dog", "thunderbird".
Here's a couple more from my bountiful harvest courtesy of my brother in law:




The corn and pumpkin were added for autumnal effect.

Say, there's a couple more blokey nicknames; "bitburger" and "rare breed"

----------


## Sancho

Here's a manly drink:

You see that huge growth underneath that cow? You squeeze it and I'll drink what comes out of it.

That right there is a manly drink.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

A belated Happy Birthday Gilliatt and I see what you meam about the liquid refreshments.
Never had Wild Turkey Rare Breed with a pumpkin, sweetcorn side dish. Bet your a Southern Boy.
Am hunkered down here now with Knob Creek drinking your health.
Best regards
M.

----------


## qimissung

> Yep, that'd'a been an manlier option than the one I chose, which was to scream like a girl and run across the pasture shucking and jiving and whirling my t-shirt over my head like a helicopter. It's what I've always done in that situation. That black and white, spotted fellow in the picture came up with a doggie version of the same thing.


Ouch, Sancho! Even though this was a while back, may I offer my sincere condolences? And also point out that at least you were living up to your stated whereabouts-running amok, which is, yellow jackets notwithstanding, pretty fabulous.

Gilliatt, happy belated birthday.

Manachaean, I hope you survive this typhoon also!

And Paul, I hope your family had a fine time gallivanting all around the world and that your all back in you're respective homes and healthy soon!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Here's a manly drink:
> 
> You see that huge growth underneath that cow? You squeeze it and I'll drink what comes out of it.
> 
> That right there is a manly drink.


Sancho, 
It seems you were trying to post a picture, for some reason I'm not seeing it here in Texas.
Boy, sometimes this picture posting business can drive folks to udder frustration.




> A belated Happy Birthday Gilliatt...Best regards
> M.





> ...Gilliatt, happy belated birthday....


thanks and thanks

----------


## Sancho

Howdy Gill,

Nah, I was thinking of something udder than posting a picture. 

What I was really doing was ripping off a bit by Bill Dance. Yes, I'm guilty of watching fishing shows on TV from time to time. Anyway, in one episode Bill and some dude were sitting in a boat, fishing, and they got to talking about bravery. The other guy said he thought astronauts were brave. Bill said he supposed astronauts were probably sort of brave, but then they had all of those NASA scientists behind them. Bill said he thought true bravery was the first guy to drink cow's milk - See that huge growth underneath that cow...

Anyway, it went something like that.

----------


## Sancho

Thanks Qimi,

Perhaps I should change it to: "running amok and screaming like a girl"

----------


## Sancho

Man-o-man that dancing banana is getting annoying, eh?

----------


## Paulclem

Hi chaps. 

What happens to the time? I haven't even been away. 

My wife returned impressed by the cultural experience that is Florence - and the very nice hotel she stayed in. 

Speaking of drinks, she brought me and the lad a bottle of limoncino which is a lemon liqueur. I have a notable sweet tooth so it goes down well. Unfortunately, it's not a very manly name. The lad seems to like it too as the half bottle remainder testifies. 

I missed your birthday Gil. A very belated one. I hope you had a fine time.

----------


## The Atheist

> What happens to the time? I haven't even been away.


I remember in the '70s laughing at Pink Floyd's "10 years have got behind you".

Now, I wonder where the last 20 went.

Time speeding up is nothing Einstein prepared me for.

----------


## Scheherazade

That reminds me that it has been 10 years since I joined this Forum... I was a young, starry-eyed whippersnapper back then.

I think we should have a thread dedicated to this... I know there are couple of other people who have been on the Forum as long (if not longer).

----------


## Paulclem

> That reminds me that it has been 10 years since I joined this Forum... I was a young, starry-eyed whippersnapper back then.
> 
> I think we should have a thread dedicated to this... I know there are couple of other people who have been on the Forum as long (if not longer).


What should we call it? 

Litnet Survivor's Thread
The Repository of Aged Wisdom
The Litnet Old Folks Home

: )

----------


## The Atheist

> That reminds me that it has been 10 years since I joined this Forum... I was a young, starry-eyed whippersnapper back then.
> 
> I think we should have a thread dedicated to this... I know there are couple of other people who have been on the Forum as long (if not longer).


And you're still sane.

(ish)

I feel like a n00b in your presence!

----------


## Scheherazade

> And you're still sane.
> 
> (ish)


"-ish" sounds about right. 

I like the sound of "Old Folks' Home", Paul. Or we could call it LitNet Veterans' Club.

While having this conversation, I also realised that it has been 21 years since I started using the internet and the alias "Scheherazade".

Knock me down with a feather.

----------


## The Atheist

Yeah, "The Atheist" goes back about the same length of time, although it started out as "Kiwi Atheist" but everyone in Ummerica thinks "Kiwi" is a fruit, so I went with the definite article instead.

It's funny when my kids, who are much younger than the internet, try to tell me how it works.

How about "internet fossils"?

----------


## Paulclem

I like Litnet Veterans and Internet Fossils. 

I will perhaps be joining some veterans clubs in future, but am an internet fossil coming online around 1998. I have to confess I didn't get the internet much until a few years later.

----------


## Sancho

I still own a slide rule. It's gonna come in handy when the asteroid hits.

----------


## The Atheist

I own one as well, but I'm blowed if I can remember how to use it!

----------


## Sancho

Dig the new avatar, A'. Reminds me of a restroom sign I saw welcoming transgender folks:

----------


## Calidore

> I own one as well, but I'm blowed if I can remember how to use it!


Sounds like a good incentive to me.

----------


## Sancho

^yep

Another thing I liked about the slide rule (and missed when I switched to a calculator) was that I could see the number I wanted and its relationship to the numbers around it. There was a natural flow to it, a rhythm even. It gave the world of numbers an interconnectedness that doesn't outwardly exist in a digital world - the 0-1, if-then-else world. (Yes, I also took FORTRAN) 

Anyway I suppose it's analogous to a watch with hands versus a digital watch. If I were to look at the hands on a traditional wristwatch and see that it is 7:55am and I have to be at an 8 O-clock meeting, I subconsciously visualize the time I have to get there - it's the space between the big hand and the 12. On the other hand, (haha) if I see "7:55" on a digital watch, I think oh I've got all the time in the world, the meeting's not 'till 8.

----------


## The Atheist

> Dig the new avatar, A'.


Thanks.

I figure transgender and intersex discrimination is one of the last walls to break down, so I've become a bit more proactive in the area.

----------


## Calidore

> Thanks.
> 
> I figure transgender and intersex discrimination is one of the last walls to break down, so I've become a bit more proactive in the area.


There will always be more walls as long as there are people who need them. Kind of like the joke about making something foolproof only resulting in a better fool.

----------


## Scheherazade

> I think we should have a thread dedicated to this... I know there are couple of other people who have been on the Forum as long (if not longer).


 Here we are...

PS: I love quoting myself  :Biggrin:

----------


## NikolaiI

I wish it were 4:00 - there's statement that has a different meaning depending on what time zone you think the person is in.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> I still own a slide rule. It's gonna come in handy when the asteroid hits.





> I own one as well, but I'm blowed if I can remember how to use it!





I can slide it...and...that's about it.





> I wish it were 4:00 - there's statement that has a different meaning depending on what time zone you think the person is in.


Right now the next 4:00 for me is AM and hopefully I'll sleep right through it.

----------


## Paulclem

Back to work today. 

I currently teach a class in the City Central Library on a Monday morning which would be great if I was able to chill there after the class. Unfortunately I am having to rush off to support a new tutor, but things will settle down eventually. (They have a cafe and Wi-Fi area which I could spend my dinner break in). 

I do have a pass to get through the back security doors and into the Warren of rooms and offices that are off limits to the public. It used to be a nightclub with a balcony, ( up where I teach), and the maze of corridors does remind me of the Overlook Hotel when the doors open to the lifts and the blood rushes out. (The floors have blood red tiles). I quite like having access to areas previously off limits when I was a member of the public.

----------


## Paulclem

In Nottingham to see my daughter this weekend. It's a nice city with wide spaces in the centre. 

Last night, after visiting her, I popped into Nottinghamshire oldest pub - The Bell Inn established 1437. 

Nice pub - wood panelled - and full of the middle aged and older. Perhaps the older population gravitates towards the more traditional pub. 

I've passed a Punk Pub nearby which also seems to be filled with middle aged but "alternative" people. I might pop in tonight just to have a look.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Fantastic Paul. I took a tour through the Bell Inn’s website; 12th century cave cellars, Abbot Ale, TTT Porter, Trooper and the William Clarke sure look good, but I have to say that pic of the fish and chips on the newsprint has me drooling, a lot of history there. 
Until now, my knowledge of Nottingham was limited to what Roger Miller shared, although Los Lobos take on it isn’t bad either… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIP1-RPzrK8

----------


## Paulclem

Thanks Gil. I've just had a look as well. I didn't know about the cave tours. They sound great. And yes- the fish and chips do look superb. 

On the Saturday night I went into Punk Rock Pub not far from The Bell. It is a tiny place with loud music inhabited by middle aged men - presumably ex-punks. I wasn't too impressed. I did like like The Blue Bell next door which was also inhabited by middle aged people. I haven't yet felt too old for a pub in Nottingham. There's time yet though.

----------


## NikolaiI

> Here we are...
> 
> PS: I love quoting myself


Now we know the source of the popular demand, as well..  :Wink:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

.

Merry Christmas Blokes and to all

----------


## Sancho

^nice, Gill.

Also I never knew Mary was a redhead until right now.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

It is a Russian stamp after all, I tell ya, that Da Vinci always ahead of his time.

Speaking of blondes, we need to recognize the passing of Donna Douglas, who passed form this world on January 1st. 
Boy, the cement pond ain't gonna be the same.






https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1A7YxC6tpHI

----------


## Sancho

Well, I for one will certainly tilt a glass of rheumatiz' medicine in her honor.

Here's to you Ellie-May...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I had a skosh too much cheap vodka last night, the left side of my head is just now feeling better.

Cindy Walker helped me get through... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGnRFirmTkc

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Something I stumbled on earlier this morning that we blokes are all too familiar with.
Even poor old St. Augustine and his posse, 1,631 years ago, realized the futility of their dreams at the moment someone mentioned the wives.

From Augustine's _Confessions_, he and some friends were considering forming a commune away from the throng of humanity.
The year; about 384...

"...We agreed that two officers should be chosen every year to handle the details of our life together, leaving the rest undisturbed. But the we began to wonder whether our wives would agree, for some of us already had wives and I meant to have one. So the whole plan, which we had built up so neatly, fell to pieces in our hands and was simply dropped. We returned to old sighing and groaning and treading of this worlds broad and beaten ways..."

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

A late Mothers Day gift, from the 4th movement of my Sub Urbane Symphony (see the really bad poems thread)
Happy Mothers Day...


*Fourth Movement -A Mothers Day Suite*
Rondo Affectionado
Originally presented on Mothers Day

Please listen as you read: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rmOClcEk124
(Saint-Saëns Introduction and Rondo Capriccioso)

What cacophony hies from yer room Bert?
Turn doon that deavin rock manenough!
Whutsa ma, you want to hear Rachmaninoff?
Nae boy, Id rather not hear any ting atoll.

Unless its the pipes boy

Aye, Ill take the pipes o Pan on the ides of May.
Play them now on yer dear ol mums special day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rjbrqcQ5Sw

An whos this slit skirt lass as got yer kilt in a flutter?
When ul you get uh rondo intruducin yer mudder?
Her name is Camille, shes from Saint Saëns;
a capricious bird, with a bow on her sconce.

She took the low road from the south of France.
If shed taken the high road, shed nae dusted er pants.
You could uh ridden Debussy lassie for nary a pence,
it stops at firth and forth, right next to our fence.

Ach naw! its tha painter of moats token on a missile, 
lookn like a clatty wraith wi uh dose o jumpn fits.
Higher an Abbey Craig from smokn too much thistle, 
your faether would say hes got a bit o the Heifetz

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NeApec5uZMU

----------


## NikolaiI

Smile  :Smile5:

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

The "American Dream", Dusty Rhodes passed on a few days ago. RIP

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcsW8HmFQUw

(I would say the blonde one, so let's go with the one in the black trunks)

----------


## prendrelemick

> A late Mothers Day gift, from the 4th movement of my Sub Urbane Symphony (see the really bad poems thread)
> Happy Mothers Day...
> 
> 
> *Fourth Movement -A Mothers Day Suite*
> Rondo Affectionado
> Originally presented on Mothers Day
> 
> Please listen as you read: 
> ...


Good stuff GG. I've finally managed to get back on this thread, and was greeted by this high quality bit o culture.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Good stuff GG. I've finally managed to get back on this thread, and was greeted by this high quality bit o culture.


Thanks, but more importantly, you found a way back. I noticed you were having trouble, in fact I was planning to offer my services as your surrogate poster.

----------


## Calidore

> The "American Dream", Dusty Rhodes passed on a few days ago. RIP
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcsW8HmFQUw
> 
> (I would say the blonde one, so let's go with the one in the black trunks)


Many people only knew him as a wrestler, but he was hugely influential behind the scenes as well. Definitely Southern wrestling's secret weapon.

Prendrelemick: Glad to see you're able to post in GC again. What did the problem end up being?

----------


## prendrelemick

It was a never-ending advert loading script. The son in law sorted it by putting on an ad blocker and switching to fire fox - seems to be working.

----------


## prendrelemick

RIP, Yvonne Craig. Gilliatt will be in mourning.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> RIP, Yvonne Craig. Gilliatt will be in mourning.


I am indeed.
Her passing did not go unnoticed, one of several CRT divas that fueled the fire of my adolescence.
RIP Yvonne.

Batgirl:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/F...ig_Batgirl.JPG

and who could forget Marta from Star Trek
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Y..._Star_Trek.jpg

----------


## The Atheist

Eh oop! Anyone still here?

The beer's flat, the wine was left uncorked and I can't find Parker anywhere...

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

wha...eh, who's there?
well, well, long time no speak.
It's just me and the jukebox hold'n down the fort... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAIPV_iFJOE

----------


## The Atheist

Hey! Seen and sasquatch lately?

I'll dial you up a beer while I try to figure where the heck Parker got to.

Nice to see you - looks like it's been awful quiet in here.

----------


## prendrelemick

A darkened room. Shrouded funiture. There is a scrabbling noise at the door, slowly the handle turns, reluctantly and with a sound like a screech owl's talons dragging down Cruella DeVille's blackboard, the door is pushed open. A shaft of mote filled light sends shadows and spiders scuttling for the corners. I tell my whippet to sit, adjust my flat cap and enter the room. A shadowy figure rises in front of me like a spirit summoned from ancient darkness by the guadians of silence and decay to block my tresspass. "Good evening sir", it intoned "Your usual ?" " No thankyou Parker" I replied, "but if you would be so good as to send a crate of champagne to The Newlands for Ben Stokes, I would be much obliged."

----------


## The Atheist

Hey there Mick!

Yes, a magnificent innings. Second fastest double ton ever. A record held by a New Zealander, I believe.

Veuve Cliquot on the way.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hey! Seen and sasquatch lately?
> 
> ....


No, but El Sancho ran across one out in Georgia, I believe. Take a look at his photo in the Bigfoot thread, he was able to get pretty close. 




> Hey there Mick!
> 
> Yes, a magnificent innings...


Innings? oh yes, must be that cricket(?) business again.

Parker, in the guise of Santa, left me a bottle of Jack Daniels and some Glenfiddich single malt under the tree.
Happy new year!

----------


## prendrelemick

Yes cricket indeed. Young Ben got 200 runs in 163 balls in a test match, that's like hitting 10 home runs in a major league game (I think). "An increasingly rare reminder of the fearless glory days of test cricket"


Stokes in numbers - the records he broke

Fastest Test double century by an England batsman
Highest score by an England batsman at Newlands, beating Jack Hobbs' 187 in 1910
Most sixes by an England batsman (11), surpassing Wally Hammond in 1933
Most runs scored in a day of Test cricket at Newlands, beating the 450 made by Australia at Wanderers in 1921
Highest score by a number six, bettering the 250 of Doug Walters for Australia against New Zealand in 1977
Stokes and Bairstow set the highest partnership for a sixth wicket in Test cricket
Stokes and Bairstow set the fastest 300 partnership, beating India's Virender Sehwag and Rahul Dravid 

He's New Zealand born by the way.

----------


## prendrelemick

Cricket eh? England might very well lose this after scoring over 600 in the first innings - and then going on to drop about 10 catches! They deserve to lose for their complacency. South Africa deserve to win for their tenacity and a declaration that shows they are not interested in a draw.

----------


## The Atheist

We haven't seen any of that series, cricket coverage being limited to the appallingly inept Sri Lankan side. 

Between them and the Windies, we're running out of good sides.

----------


## prendrelemick

True, but then some thing always happens, a great team emerges and dominates for a decade.


Now, imagine dirge like music being played on here all morning in preparation of a sad announcement...

----------


## prendrelemick

...David Bowie has died. I can't believe how sad I feel about this . I was never a fan as such, but his music is woven into the fabric of many an old git's life - it's like a chunk of us has shrivelled away. Memories of moments when his music rubbed up against me keep coming back -on the bus to school -watching top of the pops - mum and dad's reaction - Band aid - explaining to my own kids who he is - Mick Ronson,s guitar riff on The Jene-Genie - and so on. 
Oh well, we are all dust in the end.

----------


## The Atheist

That sounds remarkably like how I feel.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

This morning I had a craving for some trucker music, this one's for Sancho...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HAyjUVlwDOI
(Dave Dudley "Through Hell and Half of Georgia")

----------


## Sancho

Huzza!

...and eleven long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse microbus...

But hey man, I don't live in Georgia anymore:

http://youtu.be/1tqxzWdKKu8
(Paddle faster!)

I'm now a bona fide Pacific Northwesterner:

http://youtu.be/PbgKEjNBHqM

And this is just my opinion, but I've gotta tell ya - North-Georgia hillbillies ain't got nothin' on these people around here.

----------


## circuit

Second ODI tomorrow in SA. any predictions

----------


## Tyrion Cheddar

> Huzza!
> 
> ...and eleven long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse microbus...
> 
> But hey man, I don't live in Georgia anymore:
> 
> http://youtu.be/1tqxzWdKKu8
> (Paddle faster!)
> 
> ...


 Then we need a name for them, Sancho, my old mate. How about rainbillies? Or Starbillies, as it's the home of that world's most sinister coffee shop chain? And thanks for the Nirvana clip. ;-)

----------


## prendrelemick

> Second ODI tomorrow in SA. any predictions


England to win - of course.

This time Stokes will throw his hat into the air, deflect a certain six, then hold open his back pocket for the ball to drop into. Easy.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Huzza!
> 
> ...and eleven long-haired friends of Jesus in a chartreuse microbus...
> 
> But hey man, I don't live in Georgia anymore...
> ....And this is just my opinion, but I've gotta tell ya - North-Georgia hillbillies ain't got nothin' on these people around here.


Well, I knew it was in the works, so it sounds like you're settled in up there.
I can only go by hearsay regarding the northwestern billies, more reliance on dumpster diving, victory gardens, composting toilets, hydroponics, bicycles and the like. 
Are you using a composting toilet?
Now you're in Sasquatch country, please keep me posted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kCkDqfoz5E

----------


## Sancho

> Then we need a name for them, Sancho, my old mate. How about rainbillies? Or Starbillies, as it's the home of that world's most sinister coffee shop chain? And thanks for the Nirvana clip. ;-)


Bah-hahaha-hah

Lumberbillies? Stevedorks?

I gotta tell ya though, TC, I feel guilty about making fun of these people because they are genuinely nice folks. Back down south if somebody was being nice to me I had to assume they were working an angle. And up in your neck of the woods they don't even bother being nice anymore, unless they're doing it ironically. Around here they seem to be nice for sake of being nice. Weird, huh? It's making me nervous as hell.

Hey, Gill. I like this version: I hear it's by a Texas girl:

http://youtu.be/WXV_QjenbDw

I do have a composting toilet here, just like I had in Georgia, only we call it a septic tank. Also, just like down south I've got an actual compost heap going. The neighbors tell me it'll attract bears, so l'm keeping my fingers crossed. Maybe it'll precipitate a Sasquatch sighting. I thought I'd spotted one a couple of weeks ago, but it turned out to be Dave Grohl.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> ...Hey, Gill. I like this version: I hear it's by a Texas girl:
> 
> http://youtu.be/WXV_QjenbDw...


Oh yes, quite familiar with that one, my Dave Dudley toss up was just a fringe benefit I discovered during a recent trucker music phase I went through.

Some folks raise worms in their composting toilets; a fringe benefit of what they left behind.

----------


## prendrelemick

RIP. Martin Crowe (Cricket again) He was one of the very best

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

From the original author 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-J7mLyD3yc

Figured I should get that established, before heading further down the road of covers.

----------


## Sancho

Live and direct from East 6th Street, city of my alma mater:

The Austin Lounge Lizards

Jesus Loves me (But He Can't Stand You)

http://youtu.be/3hsj3CYVnXo

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I'm in Austin every Thursday for weekly project construction meetings, i'll make it a point to "take the long way home" down 6th street or thereabouts.

Continuing on Bobby McGee cover, how about this one from Jerry Lee Lewis... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-BgqvyMkdw

btw - I took a chance on the Tagalongs a while back due to the Samoa's being depleted, not bad.

----------


## Paulclem

Hi chaps. Been a while with stuff happening. I hope you are all well. We are.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Hi chaps. Been a while with stuff happening. I hope you are all well. We are.


Great to your face again, hope all is well with you.

----------


## Paulclem

It is thanks Gil. Just been very busy. Nice to be back.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Spaten Optimator in a Shlitz goblet, is this sacrilege?
(click on thumbnail)




Here's Waylon's version
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1-_...E&noredirect=1

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Another 100 deg Sunday evening, cooling down with a Hoegaarden, listening to Spirit on vinyl, celebrating the completion of _The Count of Monte Cristo_, and admiring a Red Tail Hawk feather I found along the trail side.

Speaking of Spirit, sounds like the courts sided with Zeppelin. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xd8AVbwB_6E

----------


## prendrelemick

Spent Sunday shearing the last few sheep.

If there are any Presbyterian Elders reading this, don't worry we shepherds have special dispensation for working on the Sabbath. Which is why we are traditionanally buried with a wisp of wool in our hands, to prove to St Peter that we are indeed shepherds and were tending to our flocks rather than attending Church.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I like that.
Did I..hold on, I just walked into cob web..Did I read somewhere along the way you have a new four legged helper?

----------


## prendrelemick

Had one, tried to train her- turns out she was going deaf! Got another, trained her, no interest in sheep- gave her away. Got another, going well so far - but poor old Nelly's retirement keeps getting put back.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I can no longer log into the Forums using my laptop, strange and frustrating.
Having a rough time using the mini I pad.

To all, tonight's the Harvest Moon, hear's to clear skies wherever you find yourself.

----------


## Pompey Bum

> I can no longer log into the Forums using my laptop, strange and frustrating.


You're not alone, GG. We hollered loud enough to get Logos to promise to tell someone, but nothing's happened since then. Adding your voice couldn't hurt.

http://www.online-literature.com/for...Log-In-trouble




> To all, tonight's the Harvest Moon, hear's to clear skies wherever you find yourself.


Also Mooncake holiday across the Far East. And the anniversary of my first date with my wife. Enjoy the moonlight, everyone!  :Wink:

----------


## prendrelemick

We had clear skies, lovely, but the dogs kept barking at it

----------


## Sancho

Ah-ooo - werewolves of London 

Well then, I'm off in search of Trader Vic's, in order to drink a piña colada. Sadly though, my hair ain't perfect.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Geez, now I can't multi quote, see my response on the Litnet login problems thread, the rabbit has the link above.
Oh well, sounds like you fellas found an opportunity to howl.

A moon song from Blaze Foley

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=v7yoO1w-FyM

----------


## stlukesguild

To all, tonight's the Harvest Moon, hear's to clear skies wherever you find yourself.

Ya gotta love a full moon on a Friday with a class full of children.  :Yikes: 

Drinkin' it all away tonight after spending the day painting in the studio. Tequila (my drink of choice) and Mexican accompanied by Country/Western music. Bob Wills followed by Willie and Ray Charles' Seven Spanish Angels. I wanna get a bottle of Tres Quatro y Cinco:



The bottle alone makes me drool.

----------


## Danik 2016

> Geez, now I can't multi quote, see my response on the Litnet login problems thread, the rabbit has the link above.
> Oh well, sounds like you fellas found an opportunity to howl.
> 
> A moon song from Blaze Foley
> 
> https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=v7yoO1w-FyM


If that´s not an authomatic e-mail it may help:
Literature Network Forums <[email protected]
Thanks for the moon song. I enjoyed it.

----------


## Sancho

Ah-oooo...

Hell yeah! moon tunes:

https://youtu.be/uCL5x63OvUY

And here we all are - already in a waning gibbous phase

----------


## Sancho

Unplanned adventures are always the best. El Sancho, quite unexpectedly, found himself at the Hardly-Strictly Bluegrass Festival in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park yesterday. What a gas. It would've only been better if I'd've been there with a barefoot hippy girl and a jug of sweet red wine.



And it was free!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

I bet you had a good time, looks like a nice day too.
Gone are the days when you might have caught Hendrix with his Fender and lighter fluid.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-7toYWFEyk

----------


## tickety

Not sure i agree about ale being cold. I had a delightful pint of Titianic Brewery Plum Porter last night

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

A wayward soul wearing a ginger seersucker suit, enters town after a long absence, his feet recall the way to that one time bastion of flowing nectar and camaraderie, bathed in the aroma of Old Spice and cow patties.
The prodigal traveler produces his trusty can of WD 40, gives the hinges a soaking and steps into the Dreery Beery.

A smart stomp on the floor and the old juke box comes to life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtfXnwi_Njo

Pausing a moment, to inhale the past, he steps toward the Walnut bar; ah yes, this layer of dust is perfect. Now producing a forefinger, he plows a random passage from the Iliad. 

Now the gods were sitting with Zeus in council upon the golden floor while Hebe went round pouring out nectar for them to drink, and as they pledged one another in their cups of gold they looked down upon the town of Troy.

----------


## Wizard272002

https://youtu.be/fnl-jOnoYgg

----------


## The Atheist

Long time, no post...

I've asked Parker to set up the Laphroaig, and he tells me the bar is fully stocked for any tasteless people for whom the holy nectar isn't enough.

Anyone still come here?

Where did we all go?

Why did we all go?

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Good questions.

I remember when this thread first started.

Ah, bliss it was, that very dawn to be alive.

----------


## The Atheist

There were a lot more people around then, too!

Look on the bright side - fewer drinking the good stuff.

Cheers!

----------


## Lev Myshkin

Well, here's some fresh blood. Hello!

----------


## The Atheist

Well, hello!

And from Scotland, too.

Just don't tell me you play the bagpipes. We had a busker playing them in the main street the other day. I did enquire if I could pay him to stop.

----------


## Sancho

Ha!

Thought you were from New Zealand, A'.

Anyway, someone once told me that the finest sound that emanates any musical instrument is the sound a bagpipe makes in a dumpster when someone tosses a banjo on top of it. (There may have been accordion involvement as well)

----------


## soundofmusic

> There were a lot more people around then, too!
> 
> Look on the bright side - fewer drinking the good stuff.
> 
> Cheers!


Look at this, I disappear for a while and all sorts of blokes start drinking at my table...pour me some of the good stuff Atheist!

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

> Well, here's some fresh blood. Hello!





> Good questions.
> 
> I remember when this thread first started.
> 
> Ah, bliss it was, that very dawn to be alive.





> https://youtu.be/fnl-jOnoYgg





> There were a lot more people around then, too!
> 
> Look on the bright side - fewer drinking the good stuff.
> 
> Cheers!





> Ha!
> 
> Thought you were from New Zealand, A'.
> 
> Anyway, someone once told me that the finest sound that emanates any musical instrument is the sound a bagpipe makes in a dumpster when someone tosses a banjo on top of it. (There may have been accordion involvement as well)





> Look at this, I disappear for a while and all sorts of blokes start drinking at my table...pour me some of the good stuff Atheist!


Well, well, look what the cat left on the porch, a few old mice and couple new ones. Sounds, I just finished my second Spaten, Optimator that is, and started feeling warm and nostalgic.

----------


## soundofmusic

Greetings Gilliatt, Yes, I was feeling a mite nostalgic myself; but where are all the blokes...the seats of this pub have started to get dusty...Ah, I see some of our fellows are off debating religion, politics and literature again....pour me a drink, it's going to be a slow night

----------


## soundofmusic

Sorry to hear that, How is the right side of your head?

----------


## The Atheist

Hey there! Long time, no see.

I do pop in occasionally - hope all is well!

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Dear G.G & SOM

Please be reassured. My drinking has not abated. If anything; it has widened in discernment, as opposed to quantity.

Having said that, I am attending the Tawandang Brew House in Bangkok tonight: a rather unique watering hole with steins of German beer, a Thai cabaret, and a boisterous mixture of indigenes, ex-pats, fallen angels and lady-boys.

It certainly is the polar opposite to my English local; where gentlemen of a certain generation sip "real ale," or lovingly nurse a Guinness for two hours in an ambiance reminiscent of God's waiting room.

As for my change in writing habits from earlier days on the forum, I quite simply dried up on short stories and moved on to the religious thread in an attempt to introduce some new perspective into prevailing dogma.

In the meantime, my best wishes to all the old crowd on Lit Net and I shall raise my glass to you tonight; hopefully in the presence of respectable, if not exotic company.

Here's looking at you kid.

M.

----------


## Pompey Bum

> Having said that, I am attending the Tawandang Brew House in Bangkok tonight


Ah, for a Singha! Haven't had one in ages (and can't drink now for health reasons). So have one for me, would you? And when you've finished, have another.  :Smile:

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Yes a nice cold Singa goes down well, but last night it was a combined German brewery / night club, so polished off two large "dunkel " and one "weiss." Lovely clean beer.

Sorry to hear about your health restrictions. It's sinister the way they creep up on you as you get older. I'm not allowed grapefruit which conflicts with my bp medication, and when I had my gall bladder removed, offal became a no no. The latter was the biggest hit as I loved liver & bacon as my favourite meal. If the doctor said, no drinking, then that would be grounds for a mercy killing!!!

----------


## Pompey Bum

> If the doctor said, no drinking, then that would be grounds for a mercy killing!!!


Alas, life for me has become la belle dame sans merci.

----------


## Gilliatt Gurgle

Geez, I was able to knock down a Duvel in the time it took waiting for the Litnet wheel to stop spinning. I gave up trying to quote the man in the bunny suit, opted for the quick reply.
The Duvel is for you PB, good to see you're still around.

----------


## MANICHAEAN

Yep, but I believe he fell down a flight of stairs. Get well soon old fruit and keep us on our toes.

----------


## Pompey Bum

Yeah, how's that for karma? I don't drink and I still manage to take the WC Fields Expressway down the stairs. Anyway, thanks, M. I'm none the worse for wear and tear, I assure you. And hey, GG! Nice to hear from you, bro.

----------


## Wizard272002

10 Greatest Art Forgeries of All Time!

----------


## Sancho

Far Out, Man. 

For some strange reason the direction of this thread has made this song lyric pop into my head:
(Or should I say, for some _long_ strange reason)




> Brown-eyed women and red grenadine
> The bottle was dusty but the liquor was clean
> Sound of the thunder with the rain pourin' down
> And it looks like the old man's gettin' on


https://youtu.be/q6SE4g8yYRA 

I dont drink anymore ... but then I dont drink any less either.

----------

