# Writing > Personal Poetry >  Favorite poems of yourown

## thefemalemind

I'm new here to the literature network. I like writing poetry and having it cratiqued and I would like to post some poems here and have others do the same. May I start?



*Your Decision*
Late nights.
Raging parties.
Drinking Daiquiri's
And Bacardi's.

Getting drunk
And getting high!
What a way
To spend Friday nights!

Don't you know 
You have a son on the way?
This isn't the path
That teenager's should take.

Is the answer abortion?
Would you take another life?
Did you think about getting pregnant
When you stayed too late that night?

So what are you going to do now?
Have you made up your mind?
Will you keep that child
Or leave him behind? 

By: The Female Mind
Krista

----------


## thefemalemind

Hello again everyone!

Here's another one!:

*Asleep In the Hallway*
She lifts the half empty can
To her lips.
As they part,
The alcohol burns her throat.
She sits down,
Feeling queasy.
She tries to drink it off.
Three crushed cans on the counter,
Endless more to go.
With every heave of her stomach,
With every drop from her lip,
She feels the pain fade.
The smell making her gag,
She pulls the lever to flush the agony away.
Slowly she stands up,
Trying hard to keep her stomach settled.
She walks to her room,
Leaning from one side to the other.
Tripping over her own feet,
She falls.
Too drunk
And unable to get up,
She falls asleep in the hallway.

By: The Female Mind
Krista



Anyone can join in at anytime. You're welcome to. Please and Thank you!!

----------


## Neo_Sephiroth

Poems, huh? Hmm...

Let me pull something from this great mind
Of mine.

Well, what do we have here?
A can of bear?

Nah, that can't be of any use.
It just shows that I'm a little loose.

Whoa, dude...
...I want some food...

And good Lord, man! I'm a poet!
And I didn't even know it!

-Neo_Sephiroth :Angel:

----------


## Pensive

*Love Will find A Way*

Beneath the stars
Beyond the moon
Along the river
Across the sea
On the earth
And in the sky
In any truth
Or in every lie
Sung by birds
Dreamt by trees
Hidden in the books
Blooming in the flowers
In the rainy season, in the shape of rain
Travelling through every track like a train
Here, there; everywhere
In any form or like a storm

LOVE WILL FIND A WAY!

----------


## Dr Eep

To THE FEMALE MIND,

I really thought that your writing brought across vividly, the types of scenarios many go through or are on their way to experiencing. The question posed in your first poem is a powerful emotive arrow all on it's own and I like how, in your second poem, you didn't clutter up the scene with philsophy or judgements or forced irony, you portrayed the scene in a very honest and therefore very powerful way. What I mean is - no one can misunderstand your poems. The ability to simplify magic is the key to poetry I feel - and I think you have that ability. Great job there! :Wave:

----------


## Dr Eep

And now that I look at it - PENSIVE, you also have that gift!! Assuming you wrote that very uplifting poem. :Smile:

----------


## thefemalemind

> Poems, huh? Hmm...
> 
> Let me pull something from this great mind
> Of mine.
> 
> Well, what do we have here?
> A can of bear?
> 
> Nah, that can't be of any use.
> ...


very nice. although, if I may point out, beer is spelled wrong,
unless its supposed to be bear. :Confused:

----------


## thefemalemind

I hope everyone is enjoying this thread, I also hope more people join in! Don't be shy!!!

----------


## thefemalemind

One of mine that I recently wrote:


*Her Sub Conscience Request*
Low dip shirts
And short tight skirts.
She's asking for so
Much more than she knows.
Some boys out there,
And men for that fact,
Don't really care
If it's all an act.
She just wants to fit in
And have a boyfriend,
But she doesn't think about the cause and effect.
She doesn't notice her sub conscience request.
So cover up that cleavage, if you please,
Before the mistake you're making becomes reality.

By: The Female Mind
Krista

----------


## thefemalemind

> To THE FEMALE MIND,
> 
> I really thought that your writing brought across vividly, the types of scenarios many go through or are on their way to experiencing. The question posed in your first poem is a powerful emotive arrow all on it's own and I like how, in your second poem, you didn't clutter up the scene with philsophy or judgements or forced irony, you portrayed the scene in a very honest and therefore very powerful way. What I mean is - no one can misunderstand your poems. The ability to simplify magic is the key to poetry I feel - and I think you have that ability. Great job there!


Thank you again

----------


## Pensive

> And now that I look at it - PENSIVE, you also have that gift!! Assuming you wrote that very uplifting poem.


Thank you very much.  :Smile:

----------


## thefemalemind

One I wrote while I was bored one day:


*The Wind Rocks A Cradle*


The wind rocks a cradle
Holding a sleeping baby girl.
Only a few months old,
She shivers in the depths of her many quilts.
In the middle of October,
The wind rocks a cradle,
Holding a precious life.
The young mother returns with water and bread from town.
She eats and feeds her daughter.
The wind rocks a cradle
Holding the child of Innocence.
She chews on the fragile rattle made with her mothers frail hands.

By: The Female Mind
Krista

----------


## Dr Eep

> One I wrote while I was bored one day:
> 
> 
> *The Wind Rocks A Cradle*
> 
> 
> The wind rocks a cradle
> Holding a sleeping baby girl.
> Only a few months old,
> ...



This beautifully captured scene leaves one with the strangest feeling of recognizing beauty but fearing the fragility of it. For me, it's how I feel about my loved ones - we love them so much it hurts and we are always aware of the fact that at any time, the harsh elements of the world can take them; _An October wind,_how lack of nourishment can take them - the inability to provide _bread and water_ and how tragedy can take them - that _cradle could fall at any time._ Also how _we_ can be taken from them - the rattle made by the _mothers frail hands_. What I truly love about your poetry is that you simply paint the picture and the magic follows - I am very impressed with your style of writing.

----------


## toni

This is slightly embarrasing..it definitely needs some work-esp. the part in the end..Feedbacks and *gulp* criticisms are more than welcome.

*Apocalypse


You will know its getting near
by the symphony of the stars,
once a sleepy cloud of lullaby,
now a rage of dragons breath
against the dying light.


You will know its getting near
when guilt forces its way violently
into conciousness,
numbing every crumb of faith and hope.
It made Him weep of blood and oil.


Bloody wars, subway bombs,
walls of revolted waves and boiling cones.
You will know its getting near.
Horned megalomaniacs slither on our streets.
And the symphony of the stars
charred notes wail close at night.
A thousand hearts beat like ticking clocks.
You know its getting near.*

And another one..

*One Midnight


Dismal skies haunt me at the edge
of a waking dream,
depriving me to plunge into the pool
of make believe,
now all thats left to do is to count
fallen sunshines and august smiles,
while I drown myself in gravity and wrinkled wine.



And after a hundred sunshines, I came to find,
my body swinging under the cold galaxies.
It left me counting seconds, minutes, days and nights,
until someone finds me and bring me back in time.



I froze under an aging tree, one midnight,
and counted the leaves like in old time.
For a heartbeat, stars flew out of my mouth
and kissed the sky,
while I float in letters, numbers and in rhyme.
And then I heard my ghastly voice sang:
I had found art at long last.*

----------


## adboy316

My Country

I stand here in this distant land of freedom
gripping my countrys flag so hard it bleeds.
As my nails violently pierce through its silky fabric,
blood gushes from the star of independence,
and flows down between stripes of sea and purity.

My country. Which I willingly abandoned. 
My country. Whose love I have forgotten
and language can hardly speak.
My Country? How dare I call it mine?
In this mirror theres a traitor laughing at me.

I walked through this door,
I smelled my grandmothers cooking,
I looked into her beautiful eyes,
and I walked out of my country,
my country, my family.

I waited in this dreadful airport ten years ago
holding back my tears of fright,
I felt my mothers tear against my cheeks,
I held my fathers hand.
And we left my country.

Time has stolen faces
and memories.
Theres nothing left but this flag,
twisting around my fragile heart like a snake,
reminding me of my country. My country.

adboy...

----------


## Dr Eep

*Toni wrote;*
_'I froze under an aging tree, one midnight,
and counted the leaves like in old time.
For a heartbeat, stars flew out of my mouth
and kissed the sky,'_

Very beautiful!! It's obvious to see you are a true poet. I enjoyed the themes of your poems as well. Boy, the apocalypse - I dunno, sometimes i dread it, sometimes i wish it were over already :Smile:  

Thanks for that special work you shared - don't doubt your ability - you've got it!!

----------


## thefemalemind

> My Country
> 
> I stand here in this distant land of freedom
> gripping my countrys flag so hard it bleeds.
> As my nails violently pierce through its silky fabric,
> blood gushes from the star of independence,
> and flows down between stripes of sea and purity.
> 
> My country. Which I willingly abandoned. 
> ...


wow... im speachless. great write.

----------


## toni

*Dr Eep wrote:*
Very beautiful!! It's obvious to see you are a true poet. I enjoyed the themes of your poems as well. Boy, the apocalypse - I dunno, sometimes i dread it, sometimes i wish it were over already 

Thanks for that special work you shared - don't doubt your ability - you've got it!!


Oh geez, Dr Eep, I didn't expect that reply at all. 
I'm speechless. 
"It is obvious to see you are a true poet" The sweetest words...
I thought my poems didn't have direction but your statement proved otherwise. Now, I think I'm gonna write some more! Thanks, Dr Eep, you are too kind.. :Wave:  

Please tell me your thoughts on this one:

Ink


Striped sunsets
burst forth from Ink.
Bent rainbows chased silence,
a captured moment in rhapsody
caught on Ink.
Cherry blossoms whisper
intently on old parchment,
forcing life to unfold
like a ribbon
withered in the course of history
laid on Ink.
A hundred battles stolen
from a patch of cosmos.
Bridges of thought rushed in a blink
to find out that
all that I am
is Ink.

----------


## Mary Sue

"Requiem"

wrapp'd in putrid alibi
he entomb'd
has mould upon his lips
& maggot lies devour the very essence of this lazarus

she after twenty years
no sleeping beauty whose poison'd apple
undigested in painted sewn-up mouth
stirs, awakes
and seeing him breathe
rips apart the bridal shroud with
her own hands manacl'd

in the twilight of a hope
they meet their resurrected selves
in painful bittersweet the heart of all obsession but be forewarned:
this fairy tale can have
no happy ending

all unearthed, she now deplores
the cosmetic pretense
why his deathbed vigil?
WHY? she wants to know will he never inter?
he tells her someday soonday whenday? 
NEVER
and his secret smirk stinks of foamaldehyde 

poor princess wak'd too soon
and years too late
consigns him back to worms
like to like
his tender flesh just another sacrifice
among so many and
eaten alive by the paradox



*Isn't this a cheery little thing! I wrote it a few years ago, during what I like to call my "Goth phase". Nothing special but suitable reading, I thought, for Halloween.

----------


## Mary Sue

Hi Toni,
I love "Ink." You have a great mastery of words and imagery; I am in awe of your special abilities. Please, keep up the writing!

----------


## thefemalemind

> *Apocalypse
> 
> 
> You will know its getting near
> by the symphony of the stars,
> once a sleepy cloud of lullaby,
> now a rage of dragons breath
> against the dying light.
> 
> ...





wow. this is amazing!! your choice of words... along with your line breaks... oh my gosh. your poetry has potential(however you spell it) i say: enter them in a contest!

----------


## thefemalemind

> Please tell me your thoughts on this one:
> 
> Ink
> 
> 
> Striped sunsets
> burst forth from Ink.
> Bent rainbows chased silence,
> a captured moment in rhapsody
> ...



enter! enter! enter!!!!! you'll definatly win and if you dont win, ill tell them otherwise...!! you GOT IT!!!!!! never doubt youself

----------


## thefemalemind

> "Requiem"
> 
> wrapp'd in putrid alibi
> he entomb'd
> has mould upon his lips
> & maggot lies devour the very essence of this lazarus
> 
> she after twenty years
> no sleeping beauty whose poison'd apple
> ...




happy or not... a poem is a poem and this one is great! although i'm not an expert on the cratiquing stuff i think this could win a contest too! have you entered it in one? if not i reccomend you do!

----------


## thefemalemind

Another I wrote recently: PLEASE CRATIQUE!! cratiquing helps a poet!! advanced or not!! so please!!! cratique


*Her Sub Conscience Request*

_Low dip shirts
And short tight skirts.
She's asking for so much 
more than she knows.
Some boys out there,
And men for that fact,
Don't really care
If it's all an act.
She just wants to fit in
And have a boyfriend,
But she doesn't think about the cause and effect.
She doesn't notice her sub conscience request.
So cover up that cleavage, if you please,
Before the mistake you're making becomes reality._


By: The Female Mind
Krista

----------


## toni

> Hi Toni,
> I love "Ink." You have a great mastery of words and imagery; I am in awe of your special abilities. Please, keep up the writing!



Thank You guys.. Now, I believe in myself! Thank you!  :Banana:

----------


## jerrybreathfire

Writing is a "sullen art". Like climbing a fifty feet pole and jump. And in jumping, wishing that somehow we might fly. Continue writing toni, i love your delicious music...

----------


## thefemalemind

I just wrote this poem about a half an hour ago, and posted it on another thread here so some of you may recognise it. It may need help, if so please point it out.


*He made a sacrafice*

_He made a sacrafice
On the cross where He lay.
The work of His beauty
Stunned in dismay.
He looks down apon us,
His soul very tired,
A gentle smile
Was all that was required
To mend the bleeding,
The hurt,
The needing.
He floats softly
In vast skies of gray
Because He made a sacrafice
On the cross where He lay._

By The female Mind
Krista

----------


## thefemalemind

> Originally Posted by thefemalemind 
> One I wrote while I was bored one day:
> 
> 
> The Wind Rocks A Cradle
> 
> 
> The wind rocks a cradle
> Holding a sleeping baby girl.
> ...



Thank you. It was just a "bordom" poem, but I guess it turned out ok.

----------


## thefemalemind

And another of mine recently done.
*
Dream*

_Dream me red,
Like the roses that fill my garden.
Dream me blue,
Like the sky on a cloudless day.
Dream me green,
Like the frogs hopping along the bank.
Dream me orange,
Like a pumpkin on Halloween.
Dream me yellow,
Like the sun that fills the east sky.
Dream me white,
Like a light blanket of snow.
Dream me pink,
Like the blushing cheeks of a child.
Dream me purple,
Like the silent Fall leaves.
Dream me a rainbow,
And pretty I will be._


By: The female mind
Krista

----------


## toni

> And another of mine recently done.
> *
> Dream*
> 
> _Dream me red,
> Like the roses that fill my garden.
> Dream me blue,
> Like the sky on a cloudless day.
> Dream me green,
> ...




That was good!!!

----------


## toni

> wow. this is amazing!! your choice of words... along with your line breaks... oh my gosh. your poetry has potential(however you spell it) i say: enter them in a contest!



 :Banana:  To the Femalemind, Jerrybreathfire and Mary Sue, THANK YOU!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! :Banana:

----------


## toni

Parallel


Scraps of empty logic
Create a barren wasteland,
feeble speeches and borrowed sympathies
release poor judgement,
producing molds in the human mind.


Look into my eyes and see your idle brain,
its running in oblique circles,
trapped in wild isolation,
dodging science and philosophy,
paralyzed by your self-created disease.


Dont you know that your naked canvass
Is in dire thirst to be under an artists
exquisite eye and hand?
Dont you know how they formed
tongues in books and complex theories on paper?
Look me in the eye and you will see,
Id rather be slained than swim
in a sea of equanimity.

----------


## thefemalemind

> Parallel
> 
> 
> Scraps of empty logic
> Create a barren wasteland,
> feeble speeches and borrowed sympathies
> release poor judgement,
> producing molds in the human mind.
> 
> ...





 :Thumbs Up:   :Thumbs Up:   :Thumbs Up:   :Thumbs Up:   :Thumbs Up:

----------


## thefemalemind

> That was good!!!


thank you!

----------


## thefemalemind

another new poem 11-3-06

*They Walk On the Clouds*

_Hand in hand, 
Glowing with love, 
They walk on the clouds.

They walk on the clouds,
Wings spread wide;
Their together at last.

Their together at last, 
Watching the sun and the moon, 
As they walk on the clouds.

As they walk on the clouds, 
They talk of old times, 
When the earth was their home.

When the earth was their home, 
They wondered about 
The love they would share.

The love they would share, 
Was fresh and unexpected,
When they found each other that day.

When they found each other that day, 
They were shy, 
But destiny took over.

But destiny took over, 
When the gates of heaven opened,
And the souls of the lost flowed in,

And the souls of the lost flowed in, 
The lonely weeped in sorrow,
On the earth that used to be their home.

On the earth that used to be their home, 
Many died all alone, But
They found their own when the gates opened;

They found their own when the gates opened;
Their own special person who cared, 
And they'd watch the sun and the moon._ 

By: The Female Mind
Krista

----------


## thefemalemind

*Who Is This Girl In Front Of Me?*

Looking into the darkness,
I see a girl staring into my eyes.
Her face is full of confusion
As she tries to speak
And no words move her lips.
_Who is this girl in front of me?
She looks so familiar._
No...
She can't...
She can't be me.
I'm not lost...
I know who I am...
_Don't I_..?
I'm _not forgotten_ in a black sea.
I _can speak_ with words
Not just my eyes.
Who is this girl in front of me?
_No_...
She _can't_...
She _can't_ be me.
I'm _not_ forgotten...
I _can_ speak...
I'm _not_ lost...
_Am I_..?

----------


## Neo_Sephiroth

*Old Geezer*

Old Shoes! Old Shoes!
My dear, old, ugly shoes!

Look at you, man!
So old and so ugly!

Your white skin...Darkened from years of traversing the wild frontiers!
Your beautiful laces...Worn and torn from the many dangers that we have encounter!

And...Ugh! Your stench!
Ugh! Your stench is like that of a feline's pile of fresh dung!

But altough we have been through many tough times and trials...
I will not abandon you!

Oh, no! I will surely not!
We will continue to stick together and live life!

I will hold me head up high!
You will hold my foot steady as we move forward!

Yes! Yes! We will continue along road!
And will never abandon you, my dear friend!

Muwahahahaha!!!
Never!!!

_Well...maybe not "never"...you know? Maybe if find myself a fresh new looking pair of Lugz..._

----------


## thefemalemind

> *Old Geezer*
> 
> Old Shoes! Old Shoes!
> My dear, old, ugly shoes!
> 
> Look at you, man!
> So old and so ugly!
> 
> Your white skin...Darkened from years of traversing the wild frontiers!
> ...




very creative... :Thumbs Up:  
 :Biggrin: 

thank you for sharing!

----------


## Countess

Wow. Everyone's work is quite poignant. Well, mine are quite long, but suffer them as you will...

BREATHE
Why do I still breathe?
It appears to me to be 
a waste of my time,
another moment in mind 
clinging to life by a string,
or by precious oxygen suffering
additional bits of sentience -
it tries - oh how it tries!
and tires my patience.

I have spent the greater part
of my life repenting that grievous insolence - 
when at the tenderest age of sixteen - 
I feel from grace and sold my soul 
for some **** and bull murmurings .

Then it seemed to be worthwhile,
to exchange soundness of brain 
for fevered eloquence or strategic
rearrangement of words to bring pleasure
to the ear, or succor the sweet stirrings
from one I called "dear"..

But tis yet, tis yet another lie, I fear,
another artifice constructed to 
make sense of non-sensible things
and give me hope, and by my hope,
endured sufferings.

----------


## Riesa

hey countess! I like. haven't seen you around for ages, where ya been?  :Wave:

----------


## Countess

Riesa,
I've been - what do they call it? - oh yes, lurking. Lurking and reading, but remaining silent.

I hope you are still writing as talented as you are. Do post here.

----------


## Riesa

hey, I lurk and read on occasion, too. and as far as talent, bleh.  :Biggrin:  I hope you stick around for a while this time.

----------


## thefemalemind

*Live My Life*

_My thoughts
Are suicidal
As I lay awake
Not even attempting to fake
That I hold this knife
Three inches from my heart.
This voice inside my head
Telling me I'm supposed to be dead.
"Just a stab," it says.
"It'll be over quick."
Beat me with a stick
Over and over until I bleed.
Please do, I plead.
Please do, I beg of you.
Take a gun to my temple,
But if you're too scared to,
I dare you to live my life
Without one single breath of depression
Or desperation
As you get tortured
And tormented.
You'll understand, then
Why I lie awake
Because I know I'm fake
And I need to die.
You believe me too,
Don't lie.
So now I say my final goodbye._ 

by: thefemalemind
~krista~

----------


## Dr Eep

*Toni wrote;*
_Scraps of empty logic
Create a barren wasteland,
feeble speeches and borrowed sympathies
release poor judgement,
producing molds in the human mind._
 
That is brilliant!! Not only good imagery but good philosophy too!

*Thefemalemind wrote;*
_I dare you to live my life
Without one single breath of depression
Or desperation
As you get tortured
And tormented.
You'll understand, then
Why I lie awake
Because I know I'm fake_

I love your honesty here- ironic that the subject written about refers to himself or herself as a fake!
Do you also feel like me,betrayed by your inability to live up to your own standards?

Another example of your honesty - I liked but in saying that, regardless of how a woman is dressed does not give men the right to behave like animals. 
_Her Sub Conscience Request

Low dip shirts
And short tight skirts.
She's asking for so much 
more than she knows.
Some boys out there,
And men for that fact,
Don't really care
If it's all an act.
She just wants to fit in
And have a boyfriend,
But she doesn't think about the cause and effect.
She doesn't notice her sub conscience request.
So cover up that cleavage, if you please,
Before the mistake you're making becomes reality._

The picture of an imperfect tainted girl is a recurring theme I notice. It's a good theme because your poems, through their straightforwardness and honesty, can be identified by many people - you can use your thoughts to help others. You, thefemalemind, are NOT fake! :Wink:

----------


## thefemalemind

> *Toni wrote;*
> _Scraps of empty logic
> Create a barren wasteland,
> feeble speeches and borrowed sympathies
> release poor judgement,
> producing molds in the human mind._
> 
> That is brilliant!! Not only good imagery but good philosophy too!
> 
> ...




well, thank you for your honesty. :Biggrin:

----------


## thefemalemind

Good afternoon everyone,
I got an offer for my poem "Nothing but Soft Waves" to be published with the JMW Publishing Co. today. So far I have gotten offers for my poems: 

1.Your Decision 
2.Nothing but Soft Waves
3.His Bandana 
4.The Darkness
5.Dream

1. www.jmwpublishing.com 2. " " 3. www.poetryamerica.com 4. www.poetry.com/ 5. www.blogcentral.thereporter.com/planet/

Thank you all of those!


Love, 
The Female Mind

----------


## thefemalemind

*Beauty*

_I open the door
To find beauty unfolding;
An innocent child
Sleeping tenderly.
One creek of the floor;
One drop of a pin
Could wake the sleeping child;
Wake the beauty within.

An innocent child; she is holding
In her arms so light;
This sleeping baby girl
Brings beauty to life.
The mother of one,
One adored child,
Cries softly;
This bundle of blankets
Is her whole world.

This two month old infant;
This newcomer of earth
Was never a burden;
To mother she has worth.
Worth in love and in care.
She tells her daughter
She will always be there.
She will always be there
Through thick and through thin
She will love this unfolding beauty
Day out and day in._

----------


## Dr Eep

> *Beauty*
> 
> _I open the door
> To find beauty unfolding;
> An innocent child
> Sleeping tenderly.
> One creek of the floor;
> One drop of a pin
> Could wake the sleeping child;
> ...


That is beautiful!!

And referring to the poem, _dear the concerned_ 
just know that sharing those sorts of experiences, however dark and traumatic, can be very uplifting to others because it's as if, through you, they find someone else who has been through something similar!

----------


## Janine

Toni, wonderful stuff! Don't be shy. 
I love this thread. I've been reading the ones on the contest thread. Excellent as well. I like this idea very much, no pressure here to win...a more free expression! Thanks to the first poster who thought it up! Good work from all so far. To: Thefemalemind - nice work and simple poems, but well thought out. To Pensive - nice stuff, too...lovely. If I missed anyone sorry.

----------


## thefemalemind

> That is beautiful!!
> 
> And referring to the poem, _dear the concerned_ 
> just know that sharing those sorts of experiences, however dark and traumatic, can be very uplifting to others because it's as if, through you, they find someone else who has been through something similar!


thank you for your comment! I love getting feedback.  :Smile:

----------


## jayrose

Hey everyone, forgive my intrusion, but i thought this was too good of an idea to pass up, femalemind. I hope you don't mind me joining in. I tried to post a poem on here and see what everyone thought, but no one seemed to care, so I figure I'll try here, as you are all very good poets and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've really enjoyed everyone's work here, thanks for sharing.

it is nights like this 
that i imagine your 
tongue slippery
catching a fools whisky exhale
when the veins in your toes throb
the nicotine pulse from cigarettes gone stale
in little pools to gather upon
the cavity the blood found to flow.
You bit his lip and gave half a giggle
and kept the liquid under your tongue
so i would never taste;
from the bowels of your indiscretion 
i kept
the minutes and motions
of each hand up your dress,
falling just short an inch
in fear fingers regress.

It is eleven pm and i am writhing
the effects of withdrawal,
there is a lunar phase long overdue 
that i can't recall, i am outside
listening to such beautiful lies 
feigning a smile with april by my side -

jesus
it is just now i have noticed
there are lilacs in my yard

filling their tiny arms 
with rain
like little cups of god
or a boatswain beneath the bridge
in a storm

or like you when you love me.

----------


## kheldar

Hello everyone,
I hope u all dont mind if I contribute something. Im calling it something cause after reading the poems here I wouldnt dare call this a poem, well here goes.

You who come to stand before me
Will you dare to show your face?
Do you hide behind your mask?
Do you see what I can see?

You who come to stand behind me
Did you come to trip my feet?
Did you come to stab my back?
Did you come to make me fall?

You who come to stand beside me
Will you stand with me tomorrow?
Did you come to guide my feet?
Did you come to make me whole?

-----End-----

Oh and someone please say something. Even if the only thing you have to say is that I cant write.

----------


## thefemalemind

> Hey everyone, forgive my intrusion, but i thought this was too good of an idea to pass up, femalemind. I hope you don't mind me joining in. I tried to post a poem on here and see what everyone thought, but no one seemed to care, so I figure I'll try here, as you are all very good poets and I'd love to hear your thoughts. I've really enjoyed everyone's work here, thanks for sharing.
> 
> it is nights like this 
> that i imagine your 
> tongue slippery
> catching a fools whisky exhale
> when the veins in your toes throb
> the nicotine pulse from cigarettes gone stale
> in little pools to gather upon
> ...


you're not intruding, don't worry about that. I encourage members to post their poems here. That was very good. i'm a punctuation freak(sorry)so if you could add a little of that, it would be great. nice write. thank you for sharing.

----------


## thefemalemind

> Hello everyone,
> I hope u all dont mind if I contribute something. Im calling it something cause after reading the poems here I wouldnt dare call this a poem, well here goes.
> 
> You who come to stand before me
> Will you dare to show your face?
> Do you hide behind your mask?
> Do you see what I can see?
> 
> You who come to stand behind me
> ...


yes... that is a poem. don't be afraid to post your poems here. that's really good. you even have punctuation! :Wink:  (i'm a freak about punctuation, don't know why..i just am) but as I was saying, it's really good. i hope you post more!

----------


## thefemalemind

*Gone*

_You said you wanted me gone.
You said for so long
That you didn't care
When I told you I'd always be there.
Now I'm walking out the door
And you're on your knees, begging the lord
That I don't leave you,
But I'm through.
I've had enough of your lies
Because when I looked into your eyes
I always gave in
But I remember now what you've been
To me in the past.
Your promises never did last
And when I found out about the affair
I just couldn't dare
To look at you anymore
So I'm walking out the door.
I'm gone,
Just like you wanted.
I'm long gone._

----------


## kheldar

> *Gone*
> 
> _You said you wanted me gone.
> You said for so long
> That you didn't care
> When I told you I'd always be there.
> Now I'm walking out the door
> And you're on your knees, begging the lord
> That I don't leave you,
> ...



Just wanted you to know that I like this one. I think its because i can relate to it. Thanks for your comments on mine. And I'll try to post more. And congratulations on getting offers for your poems. :Biggrin:  
See ya.

----------


## Avalive

I'm impressed by many works you all posted here. Thanks for sharing them.





A walk along the Seine


Seine senses December's tang 
Faint faint is the sun 
Farewell Mayan travellers 
A thousand face 
Each becomes a song 

Take a picture of a ripple 
Cloud invades the flows 
Grandfather waits for a son 
A lady coughs in smoke 
Drops the dog-end 
Seine hurts 

A fish without a home 
Orphan sobs 
A warm window is too high above 
Is there a heaven in it 
Orphan weeps Seine's tears 
Motherhood in need 

A door in between 
Two lovers' itchy hearts 
9 pm 5 hundred yard 
A date at The Seine's bank 

A silver wedding in snow 
Seine's miracle on show 
Snow flakes fall fall in frenzy 
Bury Norman's lonely sails 

I am up and snow is down 
Fly fly wings spread 
Embrace dark embrace the dawn 
Paramour's smile 
Shy shy, Seine turns to be gone 

Where is Paris 
A garden for Cupid's nap 
the Seine leads the way 




If heart holds my heart

If heart holds my life and the life unhooked from life 
What's left in the pot of quenchless fire is fire 
To burn and bring down everything to nothing 
My last letter to the unloved world penned in those words unread 
If words are only words, which belong to quill and papyrus 
I have the skin of silk and a mouth of ink for you to take 
Empty all I have like sweep the dust on the old shelf 
Love me by a book with blank pages that wait for my woo 
If breath holds my heart and the heart shrinked into a seed 
What's growing in the earth of lifeless life are bleeding vows 
To slaughter and forget nothing but everything 







Narcissi

Her head is a loaf of pink sponge 
Tremendous hallucinations 
The liquid makes her drunk 
Conquers her self-contemptuous cells 
Completely she's addicted 
To the tiny greatness in her 
A self centred circle she's gliding on 
The trace signs her name 
Narcissi is the absinthe in her palms 
Her reflection is perfection 
She loves her 
The alt of her solo 
The book of her heart


What's the revolution


I want to fight with real fighter 
Break the walls to bury you in angry bricks 
Twist your tongue by my sonnets 
I pen the naked soul in vermilion ink 
Crave for the seed of fire 
Push the fame in the pool of flame 
The torch of hope burns on the stone 

The ceaseless battle for a new era 
Break your drowsy quill 
If nothing can be reinvented by your will 
No Buddha's chant will save our duel 
The death of poetry shall not be suicide 
My raging loin fights with your rotten guts 
Poetry is the 25th rib of the last Sage 
Never cease to be alive in God's woo 


[these are some old poems. I feel weird reading them now, maybe I never knew how to write.]

----------


## Mary Sue

Avalive,
Congratulations, 'cause you are a real poet and damned good one. You make me see pictures and feel things, and that's what it's all about...

----------


## jayrose

Hey femalemind, thanks for the comments. Whatever you do, don't give anything to poetry.com, that site is bs. Just wanted to warn you. Avalive, love the thoughts on the Seine. I've got one about the splendor of France as well, the bridges in particular. 

While she sleeps, the worlds eyes grow heavy.
Deeply I take in her scent, kiss her head goodnight: goodbye.
It is six oclock in Paris and I fear I have missed 
sunset again, drunk on the bridge meandering circuitously
to the Pont des Arts and Auden is with me
trading lines of Keats To My Brother George, in this
moment I metamorphose. I may bear Czech blood. The
tower is a bit off in the distance I would kiss you
here, born of the wrong land I proclaim a new
mother, misanthropic and loathing my presence:
I am of you in heart, bone. Do not judge my blood,
geared of those kings of america, land that I loved.
Erudite, translucent heaven stained stars astral heavy 
heaven upon my face, I do not deserve this. I pray it 
not we may die tonight sliding off the Pont Neuf, I 
cannot go home, I do not deserve this. Starlight painted
my incontinence, labeled my assumptions asinine. Even 
in my dreams I cannot transcend. The Royal Court of the Northeast,
those painted eyelids, comatose the day haunts my
nightly sleepmind I cannot transcend. Anon, my heart
beats my city as I escape, for I love her so but somewhere 
on the Seine my soul aches for, beneath the lights of 
the Iéna, where my blood courses, ebbs and flows, 
waxes and wanes, circular/whole. Goodnight starlight,
the Seine and I sleep alone no more.

----------


## Dr Eep

> Hello everyone,
> I hope u all dont mind if I contribute something. Im calling it something cause after reading the poems here I wouldnt dare call this a poem, well here goes.
> 
> You who come to stand before me
> Will you dare to show your face?
> Do you hide behind your mask?
> Do you see what I can see?
> 
> You who come to stand behind me
> ...


In your face followed by backstabbing compared to support and love!!

I like the way you think Kheldar and I enjoyed the questions asked in your poem - thanks for sharing!! Keep writing.

----------


## kheldar

> In your face followed by backstabbing compared to support and love!!
> 
> I like the way you think Kheldar and I enjoyed the questions asked in your poem - thanks for sharing!! Keep writing.


Thats about the nicest thing anyone has ever said abt my writing. :Smile:  
I've had the opportunity to read some of the poems you've posted. And they were terrefic. So your comment means much to me. Hope you like this one too, though this one is only half done. Maybe you can give some ideas about it. :Biggrin:  

For I have seen, what few have seen
The darkest of, all my needs
The thoughts of such, hateful deeds
That fills my mind all day and night

For I cant do, what you can do
Just cannot seem, to quench my thirst
Just cannot seem, to feel content
Everyday feels so incomplete

----------


## Ubiquitous Prat

Local Comp
_The local free for all,
****'all books or attention for the needy_

Palermu
_We'll dance in the sun,
eat cherries of darkness and blood cut from the tree
Contemplate Balzacian characters on the foot of miss Pellegrino_

----------


## the appletree

An orchard full of peaches to some
is easily the best,
A market filled with people could be
called the worst in jest,
A barnyard full of animals
is better than the rest,
But my favorite is my home, alone
without a single guest.

----------


## Dr Eep

*kheldar wrote;*
"_For I have seen, what few have seen
The darkest of, all my needs
The thoughts of such, hateful deeds
That fills my mind all day and night

For I cant do, what you can do
Just cannot seem, to quench my thirst
Just cannot seem, to feel content
Everyday feels so incomplete"_

This is already very intriguing. It seems to be heading somewhere dark and dangerous! That's the great thing about poetry - we are allowed to explore these caves in our minds :Wink:  Or I might be wrong and it leads us to a beautiful garden filled with soft pure white little bunny rabbits!! :FRlol:  

Don't think so though - keep on writing and thank you for your compliment as well - I appreciate it

----------


## Dr Eep

> An orchard full of peaches to some
> is easily the best,
> A market filled with people could be
> called the worst in jest,
> A barnyard full of animals
> is better than the rest,
> But my favorite is my home, alone
> without a single guest.


LOL - I enjoyed that. Especially the last part - love the honesty there!! :Biggrin:

----------


## kheldar

Well no one seems to be posting. Heres one.

Broken down weeping alone,
Shedding tears of blood,
Feeling around this piercing blade,
I managed to cut my wrist,

Looking beyond these empty tombs,
Of all that has been lost,
Wandering around these ancient ruins,
I witnessed my own demise,

----------


## thefemalemind

> Well no one seems to be posting. Heres one.
> 
> Broken down weeping alone,
> Shedding tears of blood,
> Feeling around this piercing blade,
> I managed to cut my wrist,
> 
> Looking beyond these empty tombs,
> Of all that has been lost,
> ...


wow....I really like that. great great imagery. i havent posted here for a while because I got grounded  :Sick:  but im back. i would love to see more of your poems!

----------


## kheldar

> wow....I really like that. great great imagery. i havent posted here for a while because I got grounded  but im back. i would love to see more of your poems!


Hey thanks, :Blush:  
Means much to me. hope to see more of yours in the near furure too. :Smile:

----------


## thefemalemind

Rest In Peace
_In Memory of my father Michael Botten 02/18/1975 -01/09/2007


Rest in peace,
My dearly departed.
Even though you're an angel now,
You're still my loving father.
Wind flows through your hair,
As you soar high and free.
I love you, Daddy,
R.I.P.

Rest in peace,
My guardian who's always watching.
I hear you whisper in my ear.
I feel your wings shielding me.
Clouds are your pillows
And the sky is your blanket.
I love you Daddy,
R.I.P.

Rest in peace,
My father and best friend.
I love you with all my heart
And I'm sorry I wasn't there in the end.
Heaven is your home now,
Listen to God carefully.
I love you, Daddy,
R.I.P._

----------


## SnámhDáÉan

Rest

_a stone
hours kicked
some lost strand
thoughts barking
at the ocean
drowned out
like a wretched mutt

hours kicked
then picked up
some lost strand
pocketed.

lying
in a drawer
some lost strand
often visited
thoughts growling
at life
drowned out_

----------


## dumwitliteratur

Hi I just love poety and I love all of the poems on this forum. I literally read them all and I liked them all. I've always wanted to write a poem that meant something but I try and it always comes out to be something really stupid and that does't make sence. Can anyone please tell me how they learned to write so well and how they get their inspiration? I would really appreciate any information that you can give me that might help. Thanks in advance and thank you for creating this forum TheFemaleMind. And once more I love ALL the word that has been posted on this site.  :Wink:

----------


## Triskele

> Hi I just love poety and I love all of the poems on this forum. I literally read them all and I liked them all. I've always wanted to write a poem that meant something but I try and it always comes out to be something really stupid and that does't make sence. Can anyone please tell me how they learned to write so well and how they get their inspiration? I would really appreciate any information that you can give me that might help. Thanks in advance and thank you for creating this forum TheFemaleMind. And once more I love ALL the word that has been posted on this site.



question... the problem with your querie is that if anyone actually answers it, arrogance is sort of inferred b/c that assumes that they think that they are a great writer... as far as the underlying question, were i to seek similarities b/w various great poets (many found on this very website, oh joy!) i would have to say that they generally take inpiration from life expiriences, whether it be a memory of a beautiful sight, or a deeply emotional expirience in their past or present. and as to how those select few go to be good, my guess would be practice.

----------


## dramasnot6

> Hi I just love poety and I love all of the poems on this forum. I literally read them all and I liked them all. I've always wanted to write a poem that meant something but I try and it always comes out to be something really stupid and that does't make sence. Can anyone please tell me how they learned to write so well and how they get their inspiration? I would really appreciate any information that you can give me that might help. Thanks in advance and thank you for creating this forum TheFemaleMind. And once more I love ALL the word that has been posted on this site.


Aww you are so sweet! I am far from being an expert or anything, but I find the key to any type of writing is lots of practice and observation. You are already doing a wonderful thing by studying other's poetry, try to observe some poetic devices they use(language,structure,character, mtaphor,etc.) and think about which ones you would like to use. Inspiration can be from anything, it's all about what suits you. but dont get frustrated from writer's block or lack of inspiration, it usually comes when you least expect it. Just try out a poem for fun, write out whatever feels good for some practice. I am sure you will be happily suprised with the results  :Smile:  Good luck! :Thumbs Up:

----------


## Triskele

oh, and since this is an awesome thread... i might as well post an over-romantic poem that i wrote a while back, i think the imagery is decent if the content is a bit hyper-emotional

Kiss

Red gyrations of flame
Radiate violently to darkness
The silent motion of love 
Carries the soul past sanity
To fields, together

Flares dim, breath falters
As the thought of emotion
Catches impetuous eyes 
Liquid adoration pours
Slowly dripping to passion red 

The instinctual idiocy
Seems genius after moments
Ticking noisily until done
When senses recover actions
Never to be regretted

----------


## LadyArmand

I’m new here and I thought there would be no better way to introduce myself than a baptism by fire. Enjoy.


*Visitation*

I slept 
And was visited by weary dreamless dreams 
My bones pressed themselves painfully up against
One another in an effort to escape my body
I felt the lilting touch of feather soft 
Fingers trace themselves across my face
Leaving in their wake angelic fingerprints
Embossed in quicksilver droplets of blood

I wept
And streaming from my eyes were salt less tears
Of forgotten pain and imagined insults to delicate 
Feelings I no longer have or never had to begin with
And across my back came the cracking whip of 
Self imposed slavery that lasted a lifetime 
And by whose stripes am I now healed

I pleaded
With no success, no one heard and no one came
My defense was in my plea and my plea fell on hopelessly
Deaf ears made of diamond encrusted stone
Justice is blind they say but she has scales 
So the whore can hear the money and feel the
Full weight of her compliance in any given matter

I broke
And the pieces filled the Coliseum of Rome
As the blood hungry crowd came to devour 
What remained of civilization or at least 
Their vaunted perception of it 

I died 
The funeral was held in the middle of death row
Where lonely fingers and repressed anger reached
For my form through razor reinforced steel
And on my face dripped the blood of innocent 
Men and women because we all know there is
No such thing as a guilty man in prison
The system, the system
There is a glitch in the system because 
We’re all guilty of something and something is
Guilty of us and we’re all waiting in line for
Our appointment with the needle
The gas chamber
The electric chair
The hangman’s noose
The firing squad
The mob coming to tar and feather us
Our friends waiting in line to betray us
Our families sitting on back porches denying us
Our lives standing in stark contradiction to our death

I awoke
And the dream of my life became the reality of my life
And the shadows on the wall became solid fixtures
In the room and laid out before me a feast of
Knowledge
I gorged myself on the verbs, nouns, similes,’ adjectives, homilies
And dangling participles
I rearranged them so that all that had been said 
Was said by a different voice giving 
Different meaning and becoming uniquely 
My own

I danced 
And glorified in the presumption of 
My own genius
I broke down stereotypes of stereotypes
And became a stereotype
I became scholar and buffoon
I became visionary and mocking
Acknowledgement of the absence of self
I became you and you became me 
And nothing was exchanged except the 
Nagging feeling of having known and been known
And doing and having done
Of being there and being replaced
Not by sound and fury
But by silence and resignation

----------


## thefemalemind

I havent read the new poems posted yet, but i will soon enouph.
as for you, dimwitliteratur, i write from my experience, as well as things ive never experienced. imagery is a very important "ingredient" in poetry. if you read it and it feels like your ther, then the reader will too. post some of your poems, please, i could give you adivice to help you get better or something if you'd like...

tfm

----------


## Arania

concealment in faux wigs



cultivate,
extrapolate
communicate to me
from the depths
of your warm
sided ringlets
that hang so
preposterously
around the face
of concealed futures.

there are dreams hidden in the curls of your hair
and I think you can feel them.

----------


## downing

Wind in a peerless plain


I am running through the plain,
throwing glances at the edges,
where the oaks are forming a morning line
and make a bow to the sun
which is shinning in the sky.
Every morning the oaks do a bow
to the sun or to the wind
It seems it doesn’t bother them anymore
if it’s gloomy or if it’s sunny.
The wind of change does come to us
every minute of our lives 
and throws a glance to our previous humour 
afterwards leaving once more,
because it will come again
when we do not expect.
I changed, too. Maybe many times an hour
but I know that I will never change
in love. I'll love as long as I will breath
and as long as I wil have a heart to beat.
Love would be peerless if not altered
by indifference;
and changes if we permit that wind
to come.
Sometimes it does have to come,
to save us from unusefulness.
I am still staying in the plain,
the sun has gone and the stars
have rose overhead.
I am still waiting.
If it doesn't come,
I'll be gone

----------


## dramasnot6

> concealment in faux wigs
> 
> 
> 
> cultivate,
> extrapolate
> communicate to me
> from the depths
> of your warm
> ...


i love it! :Thumbs Up:

----------


## dumwitliteratur

Thanks Triskele and Dramasnot6 for your advice and I will try to see what I can come up with. I will post my next poem on this very forum to see what people think of it but I truely want to know the truth. I can take criticism. Thanks again.  :Biggrin:

----------


## dumwitliteratur

Well here it is...

Confusion never stops for me
I never know what to do
And I never understand my feelings
Why does this happen to me
Is it because I don't know what I want
Or maybe because I feel that I don't deserve what I want
So I go looking for something else
My thoughts always go from one thing to the other
Always wondering but never being able to figure things out
I wish this confusion would just go away
My life is not worth living if I can never make up my mind
So why is it that I am still alive
Maybe I am confused now but in the future this cinfusion will finally leave me alone
I cannot even dream about what that will feel like
But I will just have to wait and see what happens
Hoping that my confusion will stop and that for once in my life I will know what I want

I don't consider this a poem, I just think of it as my feelings on paper.

----------


## Triskele

> Well here it is...
> 
> Confusion never stops for me
> I never know what to do
> And I never understand my feelings
> Why does this happen to me
> Is it because I don't know what I want
> Or maybe because I feel that I don't deserve what I want
> So I go looking for something else
> ...


but isn't that often all a poem is... feelings translated into words, i consider this to be a poem, and one of good caliber.

----------


## thefemalemind

You laugh when youre afraid,
Because you try to hide it.
But I can see,
Deep in your eyes,
Its there,
And you cant fight it.

You laugh when youre alone,
Even though you try to fight it.
But I can see,
Deep in your heart,
No ones there,
And you cant hide it.

You laugh when youre angry,
Because you try to hide it.
But I can see,
Behind that smile,
Its there,
And you cant fight it.

----------


## brokenheartpoet

Broken Friendship never to be repaired Have you ever had a friend you told the world too. Next time you see this friend;they broken your back. Because they feel popularity was more important than a friendship of three years. Well, for this one friend three years of friendship went out the door. When, she hit her first year of high school . She felt she was better than me. Well, now the friendship that we once had is like s broken rope that has no way of being repaired. But, friendship is kind of like a fire burning in the forest . It needed something to burn on. But, some firendships are like dead leaves their no way to revive them

----------


## thefemalemind

_If this was my last breath
Would you still love me?
Would you hold me close and never let me go?
Would you turn and walk away from me
If suddenly, 
My heart stopped beating?

This is our last kiss.
Will you still kiss me?
Will you close those soft blue eyes?
Will you walk away, without saying good-bye
While, so sadly,
My pulse is slowing?

If this was my last breath
Would you still love me?
Would you hold me close and never let me go?
Would you turn and walk away from me
If suddenly, 
My heart stopped beating?

This is our last memory.
Will you try to remember this night?
Will you make it last forever?
Will you erase me 
While, woefully,
My vision is dimming completely?

If this was my last breath
Would you still love me?
Would you hold me close and never let me go?
Would you turn and walk away from me
If suddenly, 
My heart stopped beating?

If this was my last breath
Would you still love me?
Would you hold me close and never let me go?
Would you turn and walk away from me
If suddenly, 
My heart stopped beating?_

----------


## Triskele

i love it, the air of a desperate longing coupled with an excellent sense of intimacy, it was a pleasure to read.

----------


## thefemalemind

thank you  :Smile:

----------


## Triskele

good, because criticism is the only way to get better, in fact, to me, the worst thing is when someone reads your poem, and gives off a bland "its good" as a response. to me, i want to hear just how bad it sucked so i can improve, but maybe that is just me.

----------


## thefemalemind

yea, same here. if they don't like it, then they don't like it. just tell me! 
but yea, i totally agree with you

----------


## thefemalemind

_Shes Silent Suicide.
That quiet girl
Always so shy.
That lonely girl
You denied.
That sad girl
Always trying to hide.
Shes slowly dieing inside.
Silent Suicide.

Shes Silent Suicide.
That vulnerable girl
You walked on that day.
That different girl
You turn away.
That invisible girl
Always so afraid.
Shes slowly dieing inside.
Silent Suicide. 

Slowly dieing 
Dieing inside 
Shes Silent Suicide._

----------


## Neo_Sephiroth

> Poems, huh? Hmm...
> 
> Let me pull something from this great mind
> Of mine.
> 
> Well, what do we have here?
> A can of bear?
> 
> Nah, that can't be of any use.
> ...





> very nice. although, if I may point out, beer is spelled wrong,
> unless its supposed to be bear.





> _Shes Silent Suicide.
> That quiet girl
> Always so shy.
> That lonely girl
> You denied.
> That sad girl
> Always trying to hide.
> Shes slowly dieing inside.
> Silent Suicide.
> ...


*We're Even*
You want to surpass me?
Why?

There's no point to it.
Why?

Because I want to surpass you.
Why?

Because you want to surpass me.
Why?

I don't know.
You tell me.

But there's one thing I do know.
We're even.

_-Neo_Sephiroth_  :Angel:  

_P.S. Very nice. Although, if I may point out, "dying" is spelled wrong. Unless, it's supposed to be "dieing".

Double P.S. We're even.

Triple P.S. Your poem...It's great...As always. *Sigh* This poem of yours...It reminds me of...Well, lets just say...The past._

----------


## dumwitliteratur

wow great poems...I agree with both of you Triskele and TheFemaleMind. I like it when people tell me exactly what they think and i hate it when they say "It was good." I like people to tell me if it was bad so that way I know that I need to work on it a little bit more or a lot more.

----------


## dumwitliteratur

What is friendship without true friends
Without someone to talk to or trust
Or even someone who will always be there for you
To talk to when you need advice
Or to help you get on the right track
And even to know that you have a friend in this horrifying world
Without a friend like you I would truly be lost and alone
There is no other person that I would rather be around that you
If I had to give up our friendship I really don't know what I would do
I would have no one to talk to even if it is about random ****
No one to hang around with even though we don't now
Not even someone to help me when I feel bumby and depressed
I will never give up on our friendship no matter what hardships we face
I will be a true friend to you through thick and thin
Until the day we meet again I wish you the best beacuse a friendship like the one we have truly deserves the best

Please give my your true thoughts about this poem. I know it needs a little more work but I want to know how much more work. Thanks.

----------


## thefemalemind

> Triple P.S. Your poem...It's great...As always. *Sigh* This poem of yours...It reminds me of...Well, lets just say...The past.[/I]



ok. thx for the correction. and not all my poems are great... some of them suck. 
...really bad. but i try and rewrite and make corrections. i guess that's what makes them good.
revise revise revise


-tfm

----------


## Neo_Sephiroth

> ok. thx for the correction. and not all my poems are great... some of them suck. 
> ...really bad. but i try and rewrite and make corrections. i guess that's what makes them good.
> revise revise revise
> 
> 
> -tfm


Really? Hmm...Well, all the poems that I read so far from you seems pretty good. Than there are the ones that are just amazing.

I've been reading some of your work on PostPoems.com...Now, I enjoyed every single one...Why? Well, because I can feel that there's always some truth in each poem. I can't name all of them but I did read one just recently called "Do You...?" I have some experience with that one...Two young "lovers" that are unsure of what they're feeling.

Anyway, I'm not as good as a poet as you are. Here is poem that I came up with after an incident that I had *The details are in my blog...*

*Sudden Death*

An attempt to rest
Ended in a cry for help

Gasping for air
Reaching for help

He reached for life
But grasp nothing

Breathe, breathe, breathe...
...Breathe...

Sudden Death...

-Neo Sephiroth A.K.A. Andy V. Khamsa

----------


## thefemalemind

This is a song that I wrote yesterday. I don't usually write songs so it might sound wierd or wrong in some parts. Just tell me what you think!  :Smile: 
__________________________________________________ ___________
*Throw Away This Broken Clock*

_Tell me what I should do.
I cry every time I think about you.
I want you to be proud of me,
And I try to be all I can be,
But its hard to concentrate now that youre gone.
Without you everything seems wrong.

Chorus:
The minute hand moves slower and slower.
Sometimes I just want my life to be over.
Little Sis isnt doing much better than me
She doesnt understand why you had to leave.
Ill give her a hug and a kiss for you
Because I know thats what you would tell me to do.

She asks sometimes if you look down 
And I tell her youll always be around.
I know you watch over me as I sleep at night.
Just to make sure everythings all right.
Its just sometimes, now that youre gone,
I dont know if I can go on.

Chorus:
The minute hand moves slower and slower.
Sometimes I just want my life to be over.
Little Sis isnt doing much better than me
She doesnt understand why you had to leave.
Ill give her a hug and a kiss for you
Because I know thats what you would tell me to do.

Everything seems wrong now without you,
Like I shouldnt be here if youre not too.
But just like you, Im going to fight.
Ill stay at it, all day and night.
And like you did yours, Ill fulfill this life of mine,
Im going over the edgeIm going to cross that line._

written by: thefemalemind
02-24-07

----------


## me_07

hey thre!!its really gr8 tht u could write poems ..so can u help mecreatin' a poem usin' few specific words..if u can plz. reply me back n i would appreciate it!

----------


## thefemalemind

> hey thre!!its really gr8 tht u could write poems ..so can u help mecreatin' a poem usin' few specific words..if u can plz. reply me back n i would appreciate it!


yea i could help you. whatcha need?

----------


## dumwitliteratur

All my worries just disappear, protected by this with you so near.
Sitting silent with you by my side, worried you'd find out how hard I tried.
Caring that maybe by being all that I could be, you didn't want to be with someone like me.
Trying to make you like me isn't working, so what is the point of even trying.
Knowing that our feelings aren't the same doesn't mean that I think you are to blame.
Maybe in the future my feelings will change and I will happily move on to another stage.
So happen what may; time will soon pay.

Plz tell me wut u think of this poem. Thanks!

----------


## downing

I'm curious what do you think about this. Please read it.


Frozen Flames of My Heart




“Love is nothing else than an endless pain”,
thought I while walking on the provincial street.
My head was empty,
my heart was frozen,
but my feet were still heading for 
the unknown, 
annoying me because they didn’t understand
the message from my brain which starkly uttered
that I was useless.
I had been wandering for hours…
Rain pouring on my umbrella,
I-peering for the horizon
where from the raindrops came,
falling in my heart like thorns, 
making me bleed…
I did never understand
how could poets compare love with a clear water from the woods
or with a delicate red sunset which appeared 
after a summer like rain…
To me, it was like the flames of hell,
consuming my soul for years,
destroying all what was pure and devoted;
it had destroyed my passion for life 
and had made the flames of my heart
freeze.
It freezed my entire being-I didn’t feel anymore 
my hands; and the single thing which came from reality 
was Prokofiev’s “Romeo and Julliet”
which resounded in my mind.
“Soon that will be gone , too.”, I muttered
and people turned their heads looking at me 
curiously.
My appearance was still appealing,
but, within, I felt
decomposed.

----------


## thefemalemind

> All my worries just disappear, protected by this with you so near.
> Sitting silent with you by my side, worried you'd find out how hard I tried.
> Caring that maybe by being all that I could be, you didn't want to be with someone like me.
> Trying to make you like me isn't working, so what is the point of even trying.
> Knowing that our feelings aren't the same doesn't mean that I think you are to blame.
> Maybe in the future my feelings will change and I will happily move on to another stage.
> So happen what may; time will soon pay.
> 
> Plz tell me wut u think of this poem. Thanks!



this is interesting. you could seperate it into more lines though like this:

All my worries just disappear, 
Protected by this with you so near.
Sitting silent with you by my side, 
Worried you'd find out how hard I tried.
Caring that maybe by being all that I could be, 
You didn't want to be with someone like me.
Trying to make you like me isn't working, 
So what is the point of even trying.
Knowing that our feelings aren't the same 
Doesn't mean that I think you are to blame.
Maybe in the future my feelings will change, (and isn't an important word 
I will happily move on to another stage. in most poems)
So happen what may.
Time will soon pay.

it makes it easier to read. you could seperate it into stanzas too.

----------


## thefemalemind

> I'm curious what do you think about this. Please read it.
> 
> 
> Frozen Flames of My Heart
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Love is nothing else than an endless pain,
> ...



wow... that was really good. i like the frozen heart and the rain.
i like how the speaker takes everything and twists it around sortof.
i love it. i cant even pull out a fav line for you. :P

really good. 
enter it in a contest 


......but wow

----------


## downing

well, thefemalemind, thank you so much! That was very encouraging for me! You're very nice, I'm glad you liked my poem  :Smile: . Perhaps I will obey your advice and enter it in a contest if I wil have the opportunity.
I also read your poem-very original, I liked the way you expressed your feelings. I still have to read it a few times more for understanding everything. Neat way of writing. Keep writing, you're good! 
And thank you so much again!

----------


## thefemalemind

drowning,
which don't you understand ?
Throw Away This Broken Clock? 
If you need me to I can explain it.

ne ways here's another from me:

*Puppet*

_Strings attached to my hands and feet,
You are my puppet master.
You tell me where to go, what to do.
You control me puppet master.
You limit every step; every breath,
Holding my hostage with lethal strings,
You are my puppet master.
Playing my like a guitar, you are.
Pulling strings every which way.
This distorted tune of my life rings out 
While pain and confusion runs through my veins.
You control me, puppet master.

Strings attached to my heart and mind,
You control me, puppet master.
You tell me what to feel, what to think.
You are my puppet master.
You limit every pulse; every sense.
Lying tangled in this box called life, or so you say.
You control me puppet master.
You've been given the power of God,
The decision of life or death.
Torturing my emotions, my life with fear
...For you're my puppet master.
_

----------


## dumwitliteratur

Thanx to TheFemaleMind! It really helps when someone really tells me what they think of my work! TY again!

----------


## thefemalemind

oh no prob.

----------


## downing

This is my latest poem. What do you think about it?


Lilac Flowers in Half-Dark


Lilac flowers in half-dark
lighted just by the moon…
Italian opera playing in the distance
fire crackling in the chimney,
an old hand moving a globe,
revealing a dead spider.
Lilac flowers in half-dark,
sniffed by old nostrils-
ending like the spider.
Bells tolling in the wet churchyard;
no more nostrils to smell
lilac flowers in half-dark…

----------


## thefemalemind

*Oh yes, I guess...*

_Some people think
Rain is just like snow,
But oh, 
No, no, no. 
Rain is so much different than snow.
Snow makes you cold, achy, and numb
When rain is warm, soft, and incredibly fun!
Oh yes, I guess
Snow can be fun too
With snowmen and angels and tipsy igloos.
But then comes colds, pneumonia and uh ohthe flu!
And oh yes, I guess
Playing in the rain, you can get that too
But which would you rather choose?
Getting soaked head to toe by a warm blanket of rain,
Or by an Evil Frosty yelling, "I'm going to freeze your brain."_ 

by TheFemaleMind

----------


## thefemalemind

*A Picture Perfect Mountianside*

_She giggles in the face of Innocence,
His full, rosy lips gently kissing her neck.
Nervous hands explore unknown, forbidden territory,
As both hearts race and question.

A warm wave of discovery washes over her body.
Bittersweet pleasure numbing all feeling.
A piece of her heart is set free,
To trot in a canvas pasture 
Of rememberance, 
Romance, 
And regret. 
_

by TheFemaleMind

----------


## thefemalemind

*No one knows*

_Silent rain came falling 
Like soft tears of regret.
I looked up to the sky
As mascara ran down my face,
And I cried over you.

Because no one knows 
I cry in the rain.
No one knows 
My heart is still breaking.
No one knows 
I smile to hide the pain.
No one knows...
No one knows...

Silent tears came falling
Like raindrops of regret.
I looked down at the ground
As fake concerned faces passed,
And I cried over you.

Because no one knows
I cry when I'm alone.
No one knows
I pray you'll come back.
No one knows
everytime I see you my heart breaks again.
No one knows...
No one knows..._

----------


## thefemalemind

*Blue Feelings And Violet Emotions*_

There's a beauty in those eyes,
I just can't say goodbye.
Things gone unsaid,
Left just thoughts in my head.
Words touch my lips, but never excape.
Running from what you call, "fate."
One push of a button causes explosions
Of blue feelings and violet emotions.
Vivid colors paint my heart.
Piecing together what has fallen apart.
Missing parts here and there.
Memories lost...who knows where?_

----------


## poet3296e

I remember the never ending search
for what is without and for what is within
how it left me counting raindrops 
kissing petals and weighing sins
wishing well wish me well
take this arrow i have sent
make it a lullaby thats sung to oceans and sung to streams
so when...the snow lay on the ground
the sun has lit its every beam 
resing that song that knows no bounds 
and melt away her every doubt
what worth if this murmuring sound 
A fountain of spring...if not to be heard
The feilds and all the hills have known
mermaids whispered long ago that we would meet 
quiver and bow supreme let arrows fly that carry dreams.

----------

