# Writing > General Writing >  An Owl in a Ruined House

## Sitaram

From out of the shattered ruins of a life, which may be given
person's life, speaks, from time to time, a triumphant voice which
is every person's life, which is Every-man. The wilely Odysseus
escapes the clutches of Cyclops, Polyphemus, by playing the role of
No-man. Each of us wanders somewhere between No-man and Every-man.
We find the heroic at either extreme of this spectrum of Noman and
Everyman. But in the middle ground of the battlefield, the "No-
man's Land", we frequently encounter only what we see as failures
and disappointments and poor decisions. But then, "No-Man's Lands"
are always dramatized by us as a place for inching along, our faces
in the mud, with a hail of bullets just above our heads. The
triumphant voice within these ruined lives we lead exhorts us to
continue in the face of every adversity and to never give up hope.



In the monastery of my youth, a portion of the Psalms was recited
each night in a low, solemn voice. The hundred and fifty
Psalms were read through completely each week in this fashion. I
would always pause and take notice of that verse which says, "I have
become like an owl in a ruined house" in Psalm 102.



The symbolism of birds is popular. America is symbolized by the
proud, fierce eagle. The church is symbolized by a gentle
dove. It is the early bird which gets the worm. The criminal world
speaks of "stool pigeons." Hunters used to use decoy pigeons fixed to
posts (stools) to lure their quarry. The term was later adopted to
describe people who helped the police by luring criminals into police
traps. It later came to mean anyone who helped the police by
informing on others.


Odysseus disguises himself as "No-Man" to escape accusation through
anonymity. When Cyclop's companions hear his groans and asked "Who
is it that has harmed you?" Cyclops answered, "No-man has harmed
me!" Cyclop's companions, falling into the linguistic trap which
Odysseus had set, assumed that no person at all had harmed Cyclops.


But once Odysseus's ship has reached the center of the harbor, with
freedom and safety just barely in his reach, Odysseus cannot resist
the temptation to confess his true identity and his deed of blinding
Polyphemus. The Cyclopes, enraged by the realization of the manner
in which they have been deceived, cast great stones at his ship,
almost sinking it.


The Holy Spirit is a stool pigeon in a way, a bird which decoys us
into confession and capture. Apostle Paul wrote, "All have sinned and
fallen short of the glory of God" (Romans 3:23).


Each of us is a ruined house. Each of us pays the penalty of death.


These strange words echo from somewhere in the depths of my being, and I
quitely listen and write them down.


I often feel overwhelmed by the ruin of my own life.


Just at this moment, I struggle to remember a name and a poem. It is
gone from my mind. All I can remember is "the old poet of the city"
and "Alexandria." Lawrence Durrell wrote of him in "The Alexandrian
Quartet." I search on these shattered fragments of memory, and
there is the name, "Cavafy." Only search engines and technology make
such recollection possible.


And here is the poem of Cavafy that I seek:



*The City*


You said, "I will go to another land, I will go to another sea.
Another city will be found, a better one than this.
Every effort of mine is a condemnation of fate;
and my heart is -- like a corpse -- buried.
How long will my mind remain in this wasteland.
Wherever I turn my eyes, wherever I may look
I see black ruins of my life here,
where I spent so many years destroying and wasting."


You will find no new lands, you will find no other seas.
The city will follow you. You will roam the same
streets. And you will age in the same neighborhoods;
and you will grow gray in these same houses.
Always you will arrive in this city. Do not hope for any other --
There is no ship for you, there is no road.
As you have destroyed your life here
in this little corner, you have ruinded it in the entire world.

- C. P. Cavafy


I am reminded of the line from the song, *Hotel California:*

"You can check out any time you like. But you can never leave."


Someone once conjectured that "checking out" refers to suicide.

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## rachel

dear Sitaram,

I had never thought about how much we use the birds of the air to portray powerful images of life, country and belief. You made me think.
You have a fine mind and a million thoughts about a million things, each thought in itself that could stir another mind somewhere in this world.
I would like to see you tear apart all those things and make an entire story on each one. They would be awesome.

rachel

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## Sitaram

> dear Sitaram,
> 
> I had never thought about how much we use the birds of the air to portray powerful images of life, country and belief. You made me think.
> You have a fine mind and a million thoughts about a million things, each thought in itself that could stir another mind somewhere in this world.
> I would like to see you tear apart all those things and make an entire story on each one. They would be awesome.
> 
> rachel


Thanks so much for you time and interest in reading and your kind words of encouragement.

I try to collect all my writings at http://toosmallforsupernova.org

The greatest challenge is to fit all those pieces into one mosaic, or all the threads into a tapestry.

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## geetanjali

sitaram I feel amazed at your ability to gather & interweave so much of wonderful information. I have read many posts by you & have felt inspired by the potency in your thoughts & words. A person of this callibre only reiterates to my tiny brain that God is not far from me, you are a wonderful masterpiece of creation. I wonder if you have the same 24 hours that poor me has ! About your intellectual capacity I think it is exponentially above normal standards. I wish God graces me with an opportunity of hearing you in real life because asking God to see you would be too much. From the first time I saw your profile I felt over awed. I hope & pray that your writing manages to reach & inspire many. I am not technosavvy & struggle with the computer --reading you has kept me on the internet & this site for quite sometime now--i.e eversince I had asked you a question about who is greater Ram or krishna--which you answered most satisfactorily. Now I think my post is getting a little to personal but then I cannot help it because I do not know the way to send a personal message. Would it be too much asking you to reply soon ...

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## geetanjali

Hey I forgot to say that animal imagery has appealed to the creative eye eversince because men have to be measured in measures that are manifested in this world. Bird imagery in particular is popular because flight symbolises liberation & encagement symbolises suffering--and both these together comprise life. The imagery of angels come with lovely wings in white & holds the attention of the minds eye. By the way is there any halo around you? Well in my imagination you I see you with it. The world needs insightful people like you so go ahead & say all that you have to say because you seem to me as if you have the strenght to transfom the world into a better place of art-culture & peace

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