# Writing > Short Story Sharing >  Thoughts

## animaluvr

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Thoughts are dangerous things. You can lie to everyone, but you can’t lie to yourself. Lyra is fifteen years old and already a freshman in high school. She is pretty normal except for the fact she can hear thoughts and her power seems to be growing. What will happen when someone’s thoughts can’t just be ignored?_ 

Thoughts

Thoughts are the most dangerous things. Everyone can lie to someone else, but no one can lie to themselves. Lyra can do something no one else can. She can hear people’s thoughts. It is not something she enjoys and she has tried to learn to ignore it, but sometimes thoughts are just too bad to ignore. 

The air is cool. All around amber, orange, and burgundy fall to the ground in a rainbow of color. The wind swirls all around her, blowing strands of chestnut hair. The sky is a crisp blue with only a few small wispy clouds. She can hear the crunch under her shoe with every step. This is her favorite time of year, but deep inside something is bothering her. She just can’t shake the feeling lurking inside. Lost in a deep train of thought she finally notices that her best friend, Ethan, is rounding the corner to greet her. She hears his thoughts first as she focuses in on him. 
“Stop, cut that out! You know I should feel violated, having you poke around up there,” he says as his face lightens up. 
‘Whatever …” 
Ethan has been her friend since before she was born. Her mom and his mom were best friends in high school. They got along wonderfully and she told him everything. So she ended up telling him her biggest secret. He was shocked at first, but he ended up not calling her crazy and never talking to her again, so she was grateful to have him around. 

They walked the same way every day, up the gray streets and through a few alleys to school. Something came over her and her heart sped up and she suddenly stopped where she was. 
“Lyra, why did you stop?” 
“I … I don’t know” 
Then right where she was, she came crashing down. The thing was, she knew it was about to happen before she fell. 

When she looked up she noticed who pushed her down. It was a boy a few years older than she was, maybe seventeen. He was dressed all in black, black jeans with a black hoodie. She had a bad feeling, not from the way he was dressed or the fact he was covered in tattoos, but from his thoughts. The more she concentrated, the further she reached into his mind. She never pushed that far before, but she had a feeling she had to do this. His thoughts were focused on a man. The man was in a lab coat in a cold stuffy science lab. His goggles covered his eyes with thick black square glasses underneath. Then the same boy was there with a long metal pole…
“Bang!”
She snapped back into her own mind and heard voices.
“Lyra! Lyra, stop it! What’s wrong! Lyra…”
As she focused on her surroundings she realized she was still lying on a pile of leaves. 
“I’m fine…”
She got up slowly and looked around.
“Where did that guy go?” she looked around and she didn’t see a trace that he had been there. 
“You mean that jerk that knocked you over?”
She nodded slightly. 
“Ran away, loser, just was plain rude!” 
She tried to focus, but she couldn’t believe what had happened. She didn’t believe she actually saw what she thought she saw. It couldn’t be possible. Maybe she had imagined it, but it felt too real, as if she had thought of it herself or was watching a 3D movie. Never before had she seen someone’s thoughts, only had ever heard them. Bits and pieces of random thoughts, most of the time she could even ignore them. 
“Lyra! We are going to be late, come on,” Ethan was already walking up the leaf covered road. She silently followed, still haunted by what happened. 

All through the school day her mind wondered. She replayed what she had seen in his mind. Maybe he was just crazy and wanted to do something stupid. Or maybe it was from a movie and he just put himself into it. It made more sense to convince herself it was nothing. But why did she have a feeling it was not just something she could ignore. Could she report a crime that didn’t happen yet? As the day went on more and more theories wandered through her head. 
“I have to stay after school for history day. Catch you later?” Ethan came up behind her. 
“Yep, see ya…”
She walked home, but without knowing why she went up the street that led to the science facility and before she realized where she was, she had her hand on the cold door handle. What was she thinking, she couldn’t just barge in like this and ask for a directory of all the scientists working there. 

The secretary’s desk was scattered with papers and files. The room was cold and she could smell strong cleaning products. 
“Can I help you? Sorry it’s cleaning day,” the secretary asked. Her round glasses slide down her nose and she pushed them back up.
“Yeah, I’m looking for a friend of my parents. He works here. Um… I forgot his last name. Do you know him?” 
“Excuse me, I’m sorry, I can’t help you, there is only one scientist working today and he is in the middle of his newest project. I’m sure your parents will understand if he is busy. But I’ll give him a message.” She gave a skeptical smile 
“You know what, that’s okay, thanks anyway,” Lyra said with a quick smile. She walked toward the door, puzzling over what to do. Outside the air had gotten a lot colder. She shivered in her jacket as a burst of cold air swept through her. As she was rounding the corner toward the exit, she saw the boy that pushed her down quickly walking up toward the garage. Her heart caught in her chest. She didn’t know what to do next. Instinctively, she hid behind the nearest car. Once the boy had passed and entered the back of the building she quietly followed. 
“What am I thinking,” she quietly said to herself as she rounded the next corner of the basement. She would have never have known there was even an entrance there unless she had snuck in behind him. She saw empty lab room after lab room. Each one was cold and creepy. They looked like something that came out of a creepy horror movie. A loud bang startled her as she looked to keep up. 
“Oh no, I’m too late,” 
She ran down the hall to she came to the only room with people in it. Through the window on the door she could see a white lab coat lying on the floor. Then scanning the room she saw the boy behind the table. Confusion and panic overtook her, but her mind quickly ticked off the option for her next move. She finally decided to call the police. As she went for her phone the boy looked over at her. He caught her eye. His eyes were mixed with confusion and anger. Then he started toward the door. She turned around and ran down the hall. Soon he was following behind her. Not knowing where she was going she saw a dead end ahead and ran into the nearest room. 

There on the floor was the scientist she had seen. Before she could wonder why she had come back to this room the boy burst into the room. 
“No!” he yelled.
She looked behind her as the scientist got to his feet and brought the metal pole down with all of his strength. She could feel the hot pain on lower back as she jumped away from him. The pain shot through her body. She slowly rolled over and tried to focus on what had happened. The scientist had the metal pole and was swinging it at the boy. She saw the pole connect with his stomach. Another wave of pain filled her. She got up slowly and crawled around the table. Something red caught her eye. She went toward it and grabbed it. The pole came down on the boy again and he went down. He lay still for a while. She came up behind the scientist and whacked him on the head and he went down in a loud thump. 

The boy got up and walked toward her. 
“Pretty strong swing you have there,”
“Stay away from me! I don’t know what happened, but you leave me alone!” 
“If you feel so strongly about it why did you save me instead of the scientist?” a devious smile crept on his face. 
“I… it doesn’t matter why,” she grow impatient and now she really needed to get away. She went toward the door but he was standing in front of it.
“Move! I want out of here,” she growled
“We need to talk. You have made it easy to find you,” 
“I said move! I want to go,” a twinge of fear crept over her. 
“You have to trust me,” he said as his expression changed to something less intense. 
“I don’t care, you’re crazy and I’m leaving,” she kept a brave front as she looked him down. 
“You think you know what’s going on, but you don’t know anything.”
“I know enough. I can report you to the police,” she said as she kept up a defiantly confident air 
“You wouldn’t do that,” he said it as if it was a fact of life, “you know nothing of what or who you really are,” he scoffed. 
She felt her whole body warm, as her checks darkened and she tried to reach into his mind. She saw herself looking up at him then she felt the anger and annoyance he was feeling.
“You know it is not nice to peak into someone’s mind without their approval?” something spoke softly in her mind. 
“What? What is going on?” 
“You thought you were the only one who could read minds.” 
She stared at him in shock.
“You don’t believe me?” he said sounding amused. “You are not as alone as you think,” his voice softened up until it sounded almost concerned.
“Get away from me,” she screamed.
“I’m sorry. I was sent to find you,” his hand went up toward her forehead. 
She felt tired and only closed her eyes for a second. 

To be continued...

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## animaluvr

Please tell me if you like the beginning of my story!  :Smile:

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## hillwalker

Welllllll - after reading that opening line I was not expecting to enjoy this very much. *Thoughts* are not * a dangerous thing* - they are plural not singular so they are *dangerous things*. Not the best way to start a story - especially as you make the same mistake twice.

But once the story gets under way you reveal a skill with words - the descriptions of the leaves for example. It's also an interesting plot that I think you can do a lot with if you put your mind to it. You seem to have a vivid imagination which is a good starting place.

As far as what we have here is concerned, you might want to smooth some of the corners that have the reader struggling to work out what's happening.

*Lyra, why did you stop? 
I  I dont know 
Then right where she was, she came crashing down. The thing was, she knew it was about to happen before she fell.* 

Unless Ethan was having this conversation sometime much later, asking what had happened when they were on their way to school, he would be more likely to ask _'Why have you stopped?'_ than _'Why did you stop?'_.
And the last two lines are a little clumsy as well.
Something along the lines of

_'And as she struggled to reply she felt herself falling - crashing to the ground exactly the way she knew she would even before Ethan asked his question.'_ 

might be better.

There's also some careless repetition that could be tidied up - the two rooms in

_Before she could wonder why she had come back to this room the boy burst into the room._

for example. Most readers will spot things like this and wonder why you didn't express yourself a little carefully.

Finally, you have given away the game far too early in my opinion. Telling the reader that Lyra can read minds takes away the element of surprise that you could utilise to keep your readers guessing a little longer.
You can still describe her strange feelings - premonitions and visions - but letting the reader try to work out for themselves why she suffers these episodes will make them less likely to give up on the story and feel part of the plot. Curiosity is a great motivation for reading on...

Good luck

H

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## animaluvr

Thanks for those tips, I know the story needs more work and this just a draft. I wanted to see if I could create a story people would enjoy.

Thanks for any comments

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