# Writing > General Writing >  Inside the Writer's Mind

## Countess

Incomplete first draft

CHARACTERS:

Victoria

Boss

Janine

Mother

Father

The Council:

Voice One:	Emo teen

Voice Two:	Sophisticated woman

Voice Three: Cynical, vampy goth

Voice Four: Innocent girl

Dorian

Tristan

Marcus

Queen

Matthew




















ACT I	

SCENE I

(A split stage. To the right, Victoria works in a very small office space. To the left, four people sit at a roundtable aptly labeled The Council.) 

(Enter Boss Stage Right)

BOSS
Did you finish those 500 cases last night?

VICTORIA
No, I only managed to make it through 43 of them.

BOSS
Well you need to get on the ball then; come end of month youre going to be in real trouble. So, how about Howard Devitos case? What did you do with him? 

VICTORIA
I called him but his number was no longer in service.

BOSS
Did he have a work number listed?

VICTORIA
I...

BOSS
How about family and friends? Did you look them up? Did you do a web search?  Did you drive by his house to see if he was home?

VICTORIA
No.

BOSS
Well there you go. You need to use all your resources and play detective to track down a client. I think a house visit is in order at this time. 

VICTORIA
Yes mam.

BOSS
You know Monica managed to get her cases closed. I dont know why youre having such trouble.

VOICE ONE
Because Im a stupid idiot; thats why.

VOICE TWO
I am *not* dim-witted my friend. Ill have you know I can read Shakespeare, Kierkegaard, Dostoevsky and Sartre with equal if not superior comprehension. *You* may be obtuse, but I am quite intelligent.

VOICE THREE
Oh darling, dont you understand, no one gives a damn about your superior reading skills or if youre a competent scribe or a lyrical bard. In short, your talents are utterly futile. Superfluous. Extraneous. Perhaps if youd been born back in Socrates day or during the Renaissance youd have a raison detre, but as it stands, youre simply immaterial. Id point to those illiterate ratiocinators known as engineers as supporting evidence for my case.

VOICE FOUR
Oh just leave me alone! Shut up!
(Clasps hands over ears).

(Another woman walks into the office and sits down.)

JANINE
Oh girl, I was scared out of my mind just now! Some creepy old man was staring at my booty and then he followed me upstairs and asked for my number! 

(Victoria stares at her butt but is sadly disappointed.)

VOICE THREE
I dont have a butt. I dont have breasts either. I think I might be a man.

VOICE ONE
No, because youve got the whole thunder thigh thing going on. Im gonna nickname you T-Rex cos you look like Godzilla.

VOICE TWO
Might I remind you that Im 34-26-34 and I average around 18% bodyfat? 

VOICE ONE
Yeah, but that 18% is all on your thighs.


VOICE FOUR
I am okay. I am okay for a 36 year old.

(Another woman walks in the door.)

DELILAH
Why wasnt Howard Devito on the list this morning?

VICTORIA
Oh, I forgot to add him. Im sorry.

DELILAH
This really isnt acceptable, Victoria. Ive escalated you to the Vice-President and he wants to know that this situation wont occur again.

VOICE ONE
Stupid Idiot! I told you.

VOICE TWO
Everyone makes mistakes and Im new. Unfortunately, imperfection is one of my vices but I am working on it. 

VOICE THREE
We could kill her and hide her body in the river. No one would ever know.

VOICE TWO
No ones killing anyone, but if you want to beat her up, I promise not to look.

VOICE FOUR
Shut-up! (Clasps hands over ears). Im not very good with numbers. Sometimes I see them backwards. Maybe I have dyscalculia or numeric dyslexia or something.

VOICE THREE
You stand as a woman condemned if you dont grasp numbers. The world is based on math, science and physics; there is no room in the inn for anyone else, including philosophers and poets.

(FADE OUT)






SCENE II

( To the right Victoria sits in a chair opposite both her parents. The Council remains on stage left.)

FATHER
You really must find a better job. If you havent found one in two months, were going to file to adopt your son.

VICTORIA
I know.

FATHER
And what are you doing to look for another position?

VICTORIA
Ive been to several company websites, but theyre only hiring engineers or certified project managers.

FATHER
Well, I saw on the news the other day where a guy was laid off and wanted another job, and so he put a sign on his back and walked up and down the highway and he was hired right off the street.

VICTORIA
Im happy for him. The fact is, no one wants me.

MOTHER
Well we told you to go back to school when you had the chance, but you didnt do it, and now youre suffering the consequences of your actions.

FATHER
You could go back to school  if you still had your savings. Where did all that money go?

VOICE THREE
At least half of it went to rent and Cobra so I could still live for the first month.

VOICE FOUR
Dont say anything! Never say anything back; it just makes things worse. Nod your head in agreement and acknowledge what they said but remain silent.




FATHER
You have a child now to support; thats another consequence of your actions. We told you to major in math or computer science, but you had to choose English because youre creative.

MOTHER
Youre where you are now because of all the bad decisions you made in your life.

VOICE ONE/VICTORIA
(together)
Fine. Youre right! Im a complete idiotic loser who no one wants working for them. In two months I will go live in a cardboard box on the street where I belong because Im such a moron! An imbecile! Because I have no redeemable qualities!

FATHER
Thats not true.

MOTHER
You tell us youre smart.

VOICE ONE/VICTORIA
(together)
No, I am not smart because if I was smart, I wouldnt have made all these bad decisions, so thats a lie! Next.

MOTHER
Well you say youre creative, why dont you use some of that creativity to find a job?

VOICE FOUR
Just shut up and say nothing, will you?

VOICE THREE
Oh, the great irony of this entire discussion would make me laugh if laughing were possible for a jaded cynic such as myself. They list in chronological order all my faults and flaws and expect it to motivate me into action, as if knowing I am a hopeless piece of fecal matter would inspire me to not be a hopeless piece of fecal matter. Truth is, their words only confirm what I already know about myself: I am utterly defective.

VOICE TWO
Ive touched souls with my work. Ive understood the misunderstood and helped the silent suffers through my poetry and prose. 

VOICE ONE
But in the end, I am an absurdity. 


VOICE THREE
Truer words were never spoken. My life remains unjustified as I have no means or intelligence by which I can support myself or my child. Do you see the paradoxical vanity of my existence? Perpetuating genetic abnormalities is a crime against humanity. We should allow such corruptions to die off naturally to improve the collective gene pool. Instead, we enable them to live by means of medication and scientific technology.

VOICE TWO
But without these anomalies, there would be no art. . There would be no sculptures, or painted domes, or pictures, or music or great literature, because by its very nature, creativity is an unnatural phenomenon. If everyone was creative, then creativity wouldnt exist, but because a few individuals live outside the parameters of normal thought and experience, we have art and we have beauty.

Imagine life without art. Would it be worth living?

(FADE OUT)

----------


## Countess

SCENE III

(Victoria’s bedroom on right. The council sit 2 on either side of her. Dark set on left.)

VOICE TWO
Do you remember when you were a child, how you used to go up to your room, shut the door, and leave the world behind while you traveled to strange places ?

VOICE FOUR
Yes.

VOICE TWO
Do it once more, for me. Tell me a bedtime story.

VOICE FOUR
I was thinking about Dorian and his Queen.

VOICE ONE
I swear you are such a dork. If anybody knew what went on in your head, they would lock you in a sanitarium.

VOICE THREE
Maudlin sentiment is the stuff of cheesy romance novels, NOT wicked cool, gothic action scripts.

(VOICE TWO stares hard at VOICE FOUR)

VOICE FOUR
I was thinking, after the Noctors rescued the remaining survivors on earth after the vampire’s brutal overthrow, they returned to the ship and set course towards the planet they believed to be the location of their queen.
Meanwhile, the queen is being held in a trance-like state contained by a counter energy field that absorbs her powers, almost like a vacuum. BUT, her subconscious mind – her ba if you will – can transcend the energy field, and while she sleeps it roams the universe looking for her soul mate. 

(STAGE LEFT lightens, revealing numerous sprites dancing to and fro through space. Victoria is one of the sprites, dressed in white.)






VOICE FOUR
On accident she stumbles across a human, who in every shape and form looks like Dorian, and she falls in love with him. 

(Victoria and Gabe meet each other and are smitten. They dance together, gazing into each other’s eyes.)

VOICE FOUR
They dance all night and then she leaves him – a changed man.

(STAGE LEFT FADE OUT).

VOICE TWO
Howso?

VOICE FOUR
Well, the queens Ba still contains Noctor energy, and when it rested upon him, it altered his physiologically. His back, which he had once broken and which had been fused together through modern technology, was replaced by a perfectly new spine. His lungs were cleaned, his scars removed, his skin renewed so it was fresh and flawless as a newborn. 
Problem is, when Dorian awakes he instantly detects an imbalance in energy, and he locates the human, whose name is Gabriel.

(STAGE LEFT lights rise to show Dorian waking, dressing and entering the caf&#233; where Gabe sits eating.)

(Gabe looks up as Dorian approaches.)

DORIAN
What is you name?

GABE
Gabe.

DORIAN
What happened to your neck?

(Gabe places his hand over the bandage.)

GABE
Nothing. I cut myself while shaving.

----------


## Countess

DORIAN
Is that also why you ripped the bathroom door right off its hinges?

(Dorian reaches down and tears off the bandage, which reveals two deep bite wounds in his neck.)

DORIAN
She came to you last night, didn’t she?

GABE
I don’t know what you’re talking about.

DORIAN
She visited you while you slept – and it changed you; whether that is for the better remains to be seen.

(STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.)

VOICE FOUR
The Queen had left Gabe as strong as a Level 3 Noctor, but still human.

VOICE THREE
:So did Dorian cut off his head and hold a party?

VOICE FOUR
Noooooh, but there is action coming up; you just have to be patient.

Anyway, Dorian figures out exactly what has happened, so the next night he, Tristan and Marcus...

VOICE ONE
Who is this Marcus dork?

VOICE TWO
Marcus is the Queen’s third-born and last in line to inherit the empire. Let me explain something to you; Noctor society is based on a Matriarchal system, not unlike Honeybees. The Queen holds absolute power and authority, but her first-born is always the commander and leader of the people. It is he who rules the council, develops and implements martial strategies, and is otherwise the head of the empire.

VOICE THREE
Not unlike the trinity relationship either, which is where she got the idea. She likes to create new religions for her imaginary friends.



VOICE FOUR
Anyway, so they wait until Gabe falls asleep and watch him throughout the night. As expected, the Queen’s ba returns to rest upon Gabe, and then Dorian projects himself his mind....

(STAGE LEFT lightens, revealing Gabe lying in bed, with the Queen bent over him, stroking his hair and kissing him. Dorian enters STAGE LEFT and pulls the queen off Gabe. They both embrace each other happily.)

VOICE FOUR
... but the energy produced by both of them is too much for Gabe’s body, and he begins mutating rapidly....

VOICE THREE
This is by far the best part. His body attempts to sprout wings and almost hemorrhages to death. Very grotesque and horrific. 

(As Voice Three speaks, Gabe sprouts raven black wings on his back and screams as his body contorts in pain.)

VOICE FOUR
So Tristan is forced to enter....

(Tristan enters stage left.)

TRISTAN
Dorian! Dorian we have to leave now!

(Dorian does not move.)

TRISTAN
You’re going to kill him!

(Tristan grabs Dorian’s arm and yanks him away from the Queen, but Dorian resists.)

DORIAN
(to Queen): 
Tell me where you are! 


(The Queen attempts to speak but she is mute.) 



DORIAN
Tell me, please!

TRISTAN
NOW Dorian!

TRISTAN
(to Queen)
You have to leave now or you’re going to kill him!

(Tristan looks at Gabe’s writhing body. In horror over what has happened, the Queen flees. All exit stage left.)

(Enter Marcus. He runs over to Gabe’s body and tries to stop the mutation.)

VOICE FOUR
Meanwhile, Marcus is doing everything possible to treat poor Gabe’s worsening condition. He manages to get the mutation under control and cease the hemorrhaging but Gabe still remains a royal mess of half sprouted wings and abnormal physiology.

(Marcus frantically bandages Gabe’s body and exerts pressure to stop the bleeding.)

VOICE TWO
Ewh.

(STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.)

VOICE FOUR
Dorian is tragically unstable, having seen his Queen and then forcefully been ripped from her arms. Their marriage goes back millenniums, and he loves her with a love greater of that of any human, with a love that is more divine than animal. So, he abdicates his position to Tristan....

VOICE ONE
The volatile vampire guy? Oh, that’s just brilliant.

VOICE TWO
He’s not a vampire any longer. Tristan’s situation is similar to one suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder, except the point of treatment for DID is to integrate the various personalities, while with Tristan the point of treatment is to suppress the weaker or evil ones.
.


VOICE FOUR
After some deliberation, they all agree that allowing Gabe to remain inside his body is risky, for if the Queen’s ba finds him again, she’ll accidentally kill him, so Dorian agrees to accept Gabe’s soul into his own body, mostly because he feels ashamed for losing control of himself and guilty about Gabe’s situation.

(STAGE LEFT lightens, revealing a drawing room adorned with Greco-Roman inspired sculptures, a painted ceiling and other art. Pictures of glorious blazing battlefields hang from the walls as well as various paintings of the queen, not in her royal garb or her warrior dress however, but as a soft, feminine Noctor female. Dorian sits in his chair reading a book but looks up when Gabe enters.)

GABE
Why have you done this to me?

(Dorian closes the book.)

DORIAN
It wasn’t intentional, I assure you.

GABE
Where am I?

DORIAN
Inside my mind. Please, have a seat. Have you seen your body?

GABE
What’s left of it.

DORIAN
Yes, well, it is an unfortunate situation and we are working very hard to rectify it; in the meantime, you will be – how shall I say this? – co-habitating with me. A couple of rules you should know: you will be allowed two hours a day to roam about as you please, but if at any time you’re out of order I will assume command. Secondly, I am married. Do you understand?

GABE
Yes.

DORIAN
Good. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some studying to do in the archives. (Quietly to self) I must find a way to amend my mistake or else the poor lad will be with me always.


(Dorian exits stage left. STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.)

VOICE FOUR
But alas, the unfortunate boy was ill-prepared for the predicament in which he found himself. 

(Stage left lights up. “Dorian” walks into a recreational room onboard the ship and sits down. Soon a female Noctor approaches him from behind, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him. Quickly other females approach and cling to him, waiting their turn. Suddenly “Dorian” jumps up, and runs out of the room. The women follow.)

VOICE FOUR
Poor Gabe had underestimated Dorian’s charismatic appeal with the opposite sex. Truth was, Dorian was the pinnacle of virility for his species, and like in the animal kingdom, he was logically the best candidate for mating – although, ironically enough, it was the Queen who, by choosing him, bequeathed him with such status.

(Dorian runs onstage followed by a mass of females all screaming for him. He dodges one or two of them and then manages to flee back offstage.)

(STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.)

VOICE FOUR
He spent the better part of his two hours hiding from all the females. They chased him everywhere, into the kitchen...

(In the background, running is heard, then the falling of pots and pans, some shouting, then more running.)

VOICE FOUR
Into the bathroom....

(In the background, a commode flushes, then a female screams “Dorian”...)

VOICE FOUR
Even into the shower...

(In the background, Dorian hums to himself in the shower until a female voice begins to hum along with him.)


VOICE FOUR
Till at last he took refuge in Dorian’s personal quarters, but even there a female found him...

[(STAGE LEFT lights up. Dorian enters stage left and lies down on his bed. Suddenly a woman’s head pops up from behind the bed.)

(“Dorian” looks at her.)

DORIAN
If you touch me, then I swear by all the powers in heaven and earth I will call Dorian.

(The female frowns, pouts, then walks off. STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.)


VOICE THREE
And then suddenly Gabe realizes the painful truth about himself: he is gay. 

VOICE FOUR
Gabe is not gay!

VOICE THREE
It had all started back in third grade when he first tried on his mother’s spiked patent-leather heels. They had looked so delicate on his tiny little feet. Soon he was donning mascara and by the time he arrived in high school, he was pulling all-nighters at diva drag events on Sunset Strip.

VOICE FOUR
He is not gay!

VOICE THREE
Well then your story is preposterous. What man is a man who would turn down a bunch of excited women?

VOICE FOUR
A man who respects Dorian’s marriage, for one, and a man who is both cautious and uncertain about the state of his affairs. Remember, his body makes the Elephant Man look sexy.
ANYWAY, Straight Gabe had no sooner rid himself of said females when he found himself thrust back into the drawing room. While in the archives Dorian had discerned an approaching vampire fleet and commandeered himself, ordering all crew to their positions. 

VOICE THREE
Naturally, because all Noctors are all connected via a telepathic web.

VOICE FOUR
They launch a counter-attack.  

(War sounds echo from backstage. VOICE FOUR moves to chalkboard. War sounds continue but at a lower volume. She draws the strategy on the board as Dorian speaks.)

----------


## Countess

DORIAN
Tristan, Marcus, maintain the defensive energy field till you see the blood in their eyes. Squad one take the offensive position; squad two, defensive. Squeeze em. We’ll fly through to cover the rear.

VOICE TWO
(pouts)
I want to know about Dorian and the Queen, not Noctor aerial warfare.

VOICE THREE
Shut-up! (to VOICE FOUR) Please continue.

TRISTAN
Dorian, there is something wrong with this scenario. I feel it.

MARCUS
Why would they attack the fleet from behind? To destroy our supply ships?

DORIAN
That’s what they would have us believe. We need to withdraw. This onslaught is a ruse for another attack – Cirrus.

VOICE FOUR
Cirrus is a small moon that revolves around Alexis...and the closest entity to the Battleship.

MARCUS
Oh my God...

TRISTAN
Dorian?

DORIAN
We have to protect our supply ships and refugee vessels. Squad One and Two, hold the line. Tristan, Marcus and I will intercept oncoming enemy at the asteroid. Black Angels follow me. Battleship Attila, Code Cocoon.

VOICE FOUR 
Black Angels was a special operations force of 12 fighters, the best of breed, and cocooning is a last-resort defensive maneuver for the battleship. The crew strategically positions itself throughout the ship and generates an energy field that forms a temporary, protective cocoon.

Anyway, Dorian and his fighters meet the second front head-on and eliminate half the enemy, but in the process they lose all their pilots, till only Dorian, Tristan and Marcus remain.

MARCUS
Dorian, they’ve penetrated the left line defense. Three fighters made it through and are heading to the battleship. I’m sorry.

DORIAN
Don’t be sorry, Marcus. It reflects weakness in a leader. 

TRISTAN
Right line has been breached....what are you doing, Dorian?

DORIAN
I’m leaving.

MARCUS
What?!

DORIAN
They came for me, and I am going to give them what they want. Both of you return to the ship. I want remaining forces re-allocated to the four quadrants and a reconnaissance crew monitoring the outer perimeter at all times.

TRISTAN
Have you lost your senses?! You can’t leave!

DORIAN
Don’t follow me Tristan. Disobeying a direct order is a form of mutiny and will be punished accordingly.

TRISTAN
The dead can’t punish the dead.



VOICE FOUR
Of course Tristan disobeys Dorian and follows him to the planet Alexis, where Dorian hopes to land and make an escape. But Marcus realizes with Dorian and Tristan gone, the entire fleet depends on him, so he returns to the Battleship Attila and assumes command.
 
(STAGE LEFT lights up, revealing the ship’s main control center. Marcus enters stage left.)

MARCUS
Navigation, set a course for the Andromeda region.

NAVIGATOR 
But what about Dorian and Tristan?

MARCUS
What about them?

CHIEF
Shouldn’t we orbit the dark side of the Orion moon, sir, and wait for contact?

MARCUS
Don’t you know that is exactly what they expect us to do?! They want us to do?! They probably have legions of fighters ready and waiting. No, we’re leaving the area, NOW.

And while I’m at it...

(Marcus strides across the room to the Communication Commander and unsheathes his sword)

MARCUS
You won’t be giving information to the enemy anymore.

(Marcus slits his throat. Commander dies.)

MARCUS
If anybody needs me, I’ll be in decontamination.

(STAGE LEFT FADES OUT).

VOICE FOUR
Marcus strides down to the decontamination room, stopping momentarily at the door before proceeding forward. He takes off his clothes and enters a booth.



(STAGE LEFT lights up with Marcus “showering” in the decontamination booth. Suddenly vampires jump out from sundry hiding places and shoot at said booth, which instantly disintegrates.

The vampires look at each other and smile. To their surprise, however, Marcus jumps out from behind another booth. A fight ensues and Marcus kills them all.) 

MARCUS
Amateurs.

(STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.)

VOICE THREE
Alright Space-Queen, exactly how did vampires infiltrate a ship that was supposedly “cocooned”.


VOICE FOUR
Spies. Dorian, Tristan and Marcus were aware of the spies on their ship; they used them to give misleading information to the vampire government. Unfortunately, these spies united to form a weak energy field in the cocoon that could be easily penetrated, and then the enemy sent in low-level vampires that wouldn’t really “register” with powerful Noctors like Dorian. They were easy to kill, sure, but harder to detect.

But all that really doesn’t matter because Marcus kills them all. After the incident in the decontamination booth, he went on a rampage and slaughtered all the spies on the ship.

(STAGE LEFT lights up, revealing the room that contains Gabe’s body. Marcus, holding a bloody sword, stands on one side of the body, powerful warrior Noctor named Cassius on the other side.)

CASSIUS
Come near me, and I’ll kill him.

MARCUS
I never figured you for a coward, Cassius, but go ahead. Murder him. Know first, though, that if you do I will bleed you dry, cut off your wings and drag your half-decapitated corpse through the halls of this ship while streaming the images to known enemy channels. And then, once you have been thoroughly humiliated and disgraced, I will put your body in a pod with a pre-set course for Vampira.

Or you can fight me now and perhaps die with honor.


VOICE FOUR
Cassius was a terrible traitor, but he did not wish to die in such a cowardly fashion.

(They fight. Cassius falls. STAGE LEFT FADE OUT..)

VOICE FOUR
Still, posthumously Marcus cut off the wings and decapitated the head and put all in a pod set for Vampira with a message that spies will no longer be tolerated on his ship.

He then held a communal assembly. The Great Hall was lined with the first swords of accomplished Noctor commanders, and Dorian’s was among them. Marcus opened the case, removed Dorian’s sword and held it against his breast as he wept openly.

VOICE THREE
Missing Dorian’s sword, is he now? Apparently Gabe isn’t the only gay man on this ship.

VOICE FOUR
He’s not gay but Marcus does miss Dorian. Tristan and Marcus had always been close but the same could not be said about Dorian and Marcus. When Marcus was chosen by the Queen for the position, Dorian balked at the idea, saying the lad was a poor choice and didn’t have the potential to become a prince. For that reason Marcus was certain Dorian despised him completely, at least until the day of his last test.

(STAGE LEFT lights up with Marcus standing in a room with a sword before him, Dorian and Tristan on either side.)

DORIAN
One of us must die. Choose now whether that will be Tristan or me.


MARCUS 
I choose myself, then.

DORIAN
That is not an option. One of us must die, who will that be? Tristan or me?

MARCUS
Neither of you. Myself. I don’t know.

DORIAN
In ten seconds, if you do not choose one of us to kill, all three of us will perish. Who will you choose, Marcus? Will it be Tristan or me? Or would you prefer all of us die together?

(Marcus picks up the sword. He is sweating. He looks first to Tristan, then to Dorian. He gazes at Dorian for a brief second, then returns his gaze to Tristan and brings the blade down, although Dorian cuts short the stroke, removing the blade from his hand.

Dorian embraces Marcus passionately and kisses him on the cheek.)

DORIAN
You are truly my brother.

VOICE FOUR
It was then Marcus realized Dorian never hated him, but in fact, loved him. All of his harsh discipline and criticism had been intended to protect Marcus from assuming a position he couldn’t handle, and to protect the fleet from the possible disastrous consequences. 

VOICE THREE
Ah, man-love is such a beautiful thing. I always say the only thing better than one beautiful man is two beautiful men together. 

[STAGE LEFT FADE OUT.]

VOICE FOUR
You’re a wicked, wicked pervert! I don’t have such thoughts.

VOICE THREE
I know, that’s why I have them for you. Without me, you’d be terribly boring and tiresome. You never have any fun; do you realize that? So I have to amuse myself somehow.

VOICE FOUR
There are moments at night when I gaze up at the full moon or watching the heat lightning in the sky or listen to the waves crash against the shore when I feel a communion with God that you can never know.

VOICE THREE
Yes, I’m aware of that, but you can’t sustain it. Even if you were in church 24 hours a day or lived underneath the full moon forever you wouldn’t be able to sustain it. What about the rest of your monotonous, weary, pointless existence?

(Suddenly a little boy, humming to himself, enters Stage Right and begins to walk around the room. Victoria stands in front of the chalkboard, embarrassed by her drawing.)

BOY
Hi mom. What’cha doing?

VICTORIA
Nothing sweety.

VOICE ONE
I just want to be left alone.

VOICE THREE
Make him go away, please?

BOY
What kind of stuff do you find in a first aid kit?

VOICE ONE
I don’t care.

VOICE THREE
Why does it matter?

----------


## Countess

VOICE TWO
(Thinks)
It’s that gauze stuff – oh, what’s it called? Gauze?

VICTORIA
Gauze stuff. It’s in that thingy, that thingy under the sink where all the other stuff is...

The boy leaves to search for gauze.

(VOICE ONE rises and smashes a vase against the floor.)

VOICE ONE
ARRRGH! I can’t stand it anymore! Every time I try to write I get interrupted by people who want to talk; people at work, people at home, family, friends, the guy in the grocery store – you name it...our entire world is filled with talking people. They talk on their cell phones, through their I-PODs, over the internet. Can’t the entire world be quiet for just one FREAKING minute? 

VOICE THREE
No.

VOICE ONE
Well why not?


VOICE THREE
Because if people ceased talking, they would be forced to think, and the majority of the world does not wish to do that. 

VOICE TWO
The problem is freedom is a collective illusion. In truth, we are shackled by the machinations of our culture; we work to live, and live to work because most people – those lovely extroverts on their cell phones – are driven by greed and acquisition. These individuals created and now perpetuate the vicious cycle of mass consumerism that enslaves you to your much despised lifestyle, and there is no escaping it. You will never have time to write, for time is money, and money buys food and a roof over your head. In sum, you are stuck on the lower rung of Maslow’s hierarchy forever. But don’t feel too bad; the higher rungs are hypothetical possibilities, because if one can afford to self-actualize, chances are one is a sold-out slave to greed who cannot fathom anything else beyond the material world.

VOICE THREE
There is a solution to all of this.

[All the voices look at him.]

VOICE THREE
Refuse to participate any longer. Quit.

(to VOICE ONE) 
You feel alienated and ostracized by society.

(Points to self)
I personally loathe it beyond measure.

(to VOICE FOUR)
and you, you don’t even live here. You’re continuously stuck in some self-contrived fantasy world of your own design, completely dissociated from reality. The only one who has any desire to remain here is you (points to VOICE TWO).

VOICE TWO
That’s because I have no choice.

VOICE THREE
You have no choice? You have no choice? You have plenty of choices. You could jump off a bridge, slit your wrists, down medication, walk off a tall building, run your car into a tree, shoot yourself (although you’d have to find a gun first), or my personal favorite, nail your 99 grievances to the White House fence and then set yourself on fire.

VOICE TWO
The boy needs his mother.

VOICE THREE
There are others better suited to that task and you know it.

VOICE TWO
Do you know what would happen to him if I died? It would destroy him. He dreamed about it for years.

VOICE THREE
He’d get over it; all of them do.

VOICE FOUR
Suicide is a sin. God alone has power over life and death, and it his He who decides the fate of every man.

VOICE THREE
Some people were not intended for this world. They were born, but without the necessary skills and equipment for survival. Do you think God has no mercy for people of this sort?

VOICE TWO
There is a conditional clause in the Bible. Those God has chosen will persevere; therefore, if one does not persevere, then one was never chosen. I want to be one of the chosen ones.

VOICE THREE
That’s backwards logic; you realize that.

VOICE TWO
First principles necessarily supercede logic. Besides, there are two kinds of logic: the logic of man that leads to belief; and the logic of faith that proceeds from it.

VOICE FOUR
I don’t want to go to Hell because of a final mistake on earth.

VOICE THREE
I am already in Hell. 

VOICE TWO
If you are already in Hell, then imagine an eternity spent here, without the relief which comes from death. Would you like to live here forever, on this insufferable planet?

VOICE THREE
Absolutely not.


VOICE TWO
Then grit your teeth and bear it. Endure it another 40 years or so knowing that relief is coming at the end.

VOICE THREE
But I don’t know why I am here. It’s ridiculous to continue on in such a manner, when I make no impact upon the world.

VOICE FOUR
But you must trust God that there is a reason for your existence, even when you don’t know it.

VOICE TWO:
The logic that proceeds from faith says we all have a purpose. Personally, I suspect the rationale you crave is found in your writing. Never mind the agents and publishers; you have a solid audience that finds value in your work. 

And then there is the child...

(The little boy returns.)

BOY
I found it momma, “non hurt tape”. And I wrote down Benadryl like you said.

VICTORIA
Come over here, sweetie.

(The boy comes over and Victoria embraces him lovingly.)

VICTORIA
I love you, you know that?


BOY
I love you too, momma.

(FADE OUT)



SCENE V

(STAGE RIGHT: Victoria’s bedroom. She stands at her mirror, gazing inquisitively at her own reflection. STAGE LEFT: the council of voices remains seated around the table.)

VOICE ONE
I can’t believe I made it to the weekend. Yay!

VOICE TWO
Oh who cares what day it is, I have zits! Two of them! I’m not supposed to have zits; I’m 36 years old!

VOICE THREE
Hormonal changes are a *****, eh? Listen, you must choose between zits or wrinkles; which do you prefer?

VOICE TWO
Why do I have to choose though? Can’t they both just go away?

VOICE THREE
Well, no. You see, that cream you put on your face to fill out the wrinkles? Well, it clogs your pores, and those acne pads you use to get rid of zits dries out your skin. So, you can either look like a flawless shriveled prune or a plump prune with lots of blemishes.

VOICE TWO
I don’t want to look like a prune at all!

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## Countess

(Victoria strides over to a cabinet, opens the door and begins retrieving various medicines from inside it.)

VOICE TWO
And what do you think you’re doing?

VOICE ONE
I’m gonna get lost for a few hours.


VOICE TWO 
With Nightquil, Dramamine and Benadryl?

VOICE ONE
Yeah, it’s a dream cocktail. Each medication enhances the drowsiness effect of the others without contraindication, and since Matthew is spending the night at a friend’s house, no one has to know.

VOICE THREE
You should’ve been a chemist, or at least a pharmacist.

VOICE TWO
No she shouldn’t. (to VOICE ONE). You’re a drug addict, you realize that?

VOICE ONE
Yeah, I know. So what? It helps me get through life. Sleep is the next best thing to death.

VOICE THREE
I’ve a theory on addiction. There are really two types of addicts: the “life enhancers” and the “life avoiders”. Chris Farley was a life enhancer. He enjoyed reality so much that he wished to remain in it as long as possible, deriving pleasure from all the sensations in the material world. Johnny Depp, on the other hand, was once a life avoider. He used narcotics to transport him out of this repulsive cosmos and into another one, which undoubtedly was more pleasant.

VOICE TWO
Rationalization doesn’t justify one’s actions.

VOICE FOUR
I could take you somewhere, without the drugs, somewhere beautiful and sublime, another world where you could experience pleasure and a sense of belonging.

VOICE ONE
I know you could but recently you’ve been handicapped by life’s events. Last night was simply a recollection of the previous three weeks work, but truth is, you’ve been striving to access this other universe for months but to no avail.

(All the voices begin to whisper to one another.)

VOICE THREE
How long has this been going on?

VOICE FOUR
Since he left.


VOICE TWO
Oh, this is terrible news. We need to find another source 

VOICE ONE
Good luck with that. I’m dropping out for a bit. See ya on the other side.

(Victoria downs the medication and falls in bed. The voices grow silent and sleepy. FADE OUT)

(FADE IN. Victoria’s bedroom on right. She awakens after a long sleep. On left, the council wakes up with her.)

VOICE THREE
I estimate we have 45 minutes lead time until we return to our normal, panicky self. What shall we do in the interim? I’m up for suggestions.

VOICE ONE
I wanna go back to sleep.

VOICE TWO
Let’s go shopping! Leggings are all the rage now and I simply must have a pair.

VOICE THREE
Only if we pick up a copy of the Doomsday Refreshment Committee CD, or at least put it on order. Then we can dance in the privacy of our bedroom.

VOICE FOUR
I...I want to dream.
(Bursts into tears)

VOICE THREE
Poor child, you knew what would happen long before he so much as said a word. We (points to self and VOICE TWO) did extensive research, read his interviews, examined second party commentary and observed his body language at events. It took some time but we developed a complex psychological profile of your muse, so why the disappointment and surprise?

VOICE TWO
What, did you think by understanding him, you would be the exception to the rule? There are no exceptions to the rule, ever. 



VOICE THREE
He’s simply grown tired of gazing at himself in your mirror, no matter how charming and intriguing a portrait you paint.

VOICE FOUR
But he’s my Dorian and I am his Basil. Without him I am nothing.

VOICE THREE
There will be another Dorian, I promise. There is always another Dorian, though it may take years.

VOICE ONE
Yeah, there’s always another Dorian, but I will be alone forever and there is no cure for that.

VOICE TWO
You could try E-Harmony.

VOICE ONE
Don’t even joke about that. What was it Jules said, (recites from memory in Jules’ voice) “For you dating is a function of the rational mind. You find a woman, run her through your mental program, and if she meets your specifications, then all systems are set to 'go'. It's not like that for me. I'm an artist at heart and have a heightened appreciation for beauty, so I tend to see the world in terms of aesthetic pleasure or offense. When I look at something or someone, I'm searching for beauty in all its myriad forms - in the colors of a rainbow, in the contours and lines of a face, in the love a mother has for her child. Women are the summit of this ideal, and when I gaze at them, I expect to feel the excitement I get when I'm looking at a gorgeous sunset. When they don't inspire me, I get disappointed, and I don't want to feel disappointed, nor do I don't want anyone I date to feel it either."

VOICE FOUR
Jules! My beloved Jules!

VOICE TWO
See what you’ve done? She’s in love with her own portrait. (To VOICE FOUR) There is no Jules, dear. There never was a Jules and there never will be a Jules, save what exists inside your mind. Dorian is the same – he’s the dark facet of your character, the one you love and the one she (points to VOICE ONE) loves.

VOICE THREE
(To VOICE FOUR) And in regards to your muse, the case is hopeless. He’s a man in love with himself. He understands his own beauty, comprehends his own charm and knows his own power. He wields it like a sword, slaying his victims with seduction and then withholding the blade.

I find it a sort of delightful cruelty, but don’t desire it in the least.

(to VOICE ONE) And let me be frank: it’s too late for you to find love. The only men who bother glancing your way are old or desperate or worse yet, old and desperate.

(TO VOICE TWO) And you turn back the clock with your work-outs, facial creams and fashion, but its all vanity, Blanche Dubois. You can no longer maintain the illusion; the truth has manifested itself in the lines of your face. You, sweetie, are old.

VOICE TWO
Maybe so, but I will not go out without a fight. I may succumb to age, but it won’t be because I gave up, sat on the couch and ate bon-bons.

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## unknown_lady

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow

great play honey

i like what you have wrote

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## Countess

Thank you so much. Right now I feel all is chaos and madness, and everything that pours out of my mind reflects that and is thus incoherent ****e.
It's a terrible place to be, so thanks...T

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